Learn to the difference between Narcissism and Narcissistic Traits | Dr. Henry Cloud

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 ธ.ค. 2024

ความคิดเห็น • 42

  • @liveandlearn3707
    @liveandlearn3707 ปีที่แล้ว +22

    True, God can change anyone's heart if they are willing to admit they have a problem. I've been abused by a narcissistic spouse for years. Tried therapy together multiple times, but through it all the abuse got worse. I'm leaving now. I hoped and prayed for change. Please be careful in videos like this that you don't create false hope for victims of their abuse, its videos like this and pastors who kept me in abuse when I should have left years ago. Wish I truly understood boundaries, which I read years ago. I do now. My spouse doesn't respect them, so I'm stepping away. So many have gone after me for leaving, but after decades of emotion, mental, verbal, physical and spiritual abuse, I'm need healing, I need out. Let God deal with them. Get out and get healing if your story is like mine. Set boundaries, build support, focus on healing and taking care of your mental and physical health. Pursue God, and pursue spiritual health.

    • @NB-2020
      @NB-2020 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      I hear you. May the Lord give you the strength to continue healing away from your abuser. I am a Christian divorced from a born-again narcissist and it took me years to come to terms with the fact that God permits divorce among believers. I also took long to understand He seeks redemption so does not allow re-marriage of divorcees unless in the case of death. I have been divorced for over 35 years and remained single as has my ex. But I do not plan to return to that abusive marriage.

    • @BecauseYoureBlessed
      @BecauseYoureBlessed 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      Leave❤

    • @marieschmidt9416
      @marieschmidt9416 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Yes! So true. My narcissistic oldest sister is 81 yrs old and just gets worse as she ages- so manipulative, gaslights, plays the victim. gets her children to be her flying monkeys, has to be #1 in all things, will do anything to be perceived as the best whether it is lying or conniving, twists things that I have said and uses it against me months later, so untrustable that I can't be in her company anymore.
      Narcissists RARELY change because they don't think anything is wrong with them. It is always the fault of the other person.

  • @dominiquerivero6611
    @dominiquerivero6611 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

    I believe anyone can change, I also believe I don’t want to be their punching bag while they decide if they going to make an apt. with their life changer 😊

    • @Fairyviewroad
      @Fairyviewroad หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Narcissists who are at the level of psychopath cannot change.

  • @bryanfisher8377
    @bryanfisher8377 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    People can change. God is in the business of redeeming the sinner....of which I am the worst. Thank you friend. I am touched.

  • @hannahberlinpetry450
    @hannahberlinpetry450 ปีที่แล้ว +10

    As someone who has had romantic relationships with narcissists and have seen some of my own family with this, I will say that while I totally believe anyone can change their character if they choose to get the help and put in the work, many people don’t, and if they don’t, it is best to steer clear of them.
    As a Christian, I obviously love studying scripture, but I don’t believe we need to wait for a scripture to affirm the idea that staying away from most toxic people is best. However, if you need one, I’m pretty sure it’s one of the Corinthians books that talks about not even dining with certain people. It’s not because Paul wants to be a bully and play Mean Girls, but because there are legitimate wolves out there that don’t want to become sheep and they have the mission of tearing up a sheep or even a whole flock. They are dangerous because they don’t just simply disagree on some things. They want to destroy. That’s like sitting at the table with a serial killer that wants to kill you or your loved one and hoping that you will “pray the slay away”. Obviously God can and does do miraculous things, but we gotta be careful on what situations we are placing our faith in. While He does do miracles on peoples’ characters, it is usually a long time of proven transformation that indicates a change in character. Like you said in your book, trust is not something that should be given, but earned over time. People who are dangerous in these ways are simply not to be trusted.

  • @christineperkins4987
    @christineperkins4987 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Ty for being encouraging! Don’t write them off!!!

  • @linneasimchah1621
    @linneasimchah1621 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Excellent video. Excellent. I'm very close to someone with strong narcissistic tendencies; we were talking tonight about my recent reading of psychology books and how narcissism is described. This person I'm close to was not hurt in childhood and is not dealing with shame-based narcissism. This person is exceptionally gifted and very capable in their field of expertise, as well as undersatnding life in general. When psychology info says that narcissists do not feel like they are ordinary people, I'm thinking to myself "why should they? They really are not ordinary, in meaningful ways." The person I am close to astounds me in their understanding of things; I (and many other people) feel very understood whenever talking to them. Even though this person's arrogant tendencies do irritate me sometimes, I don't see why they wouldn't encounter legitimate temptation to feel "above" others because in meaningful ways, they simply do not have peers.
    In no way do I condone arrogance because one of the hallmarks of it is always mistreatment of other people. But narcisissm based in a sort of geniusness is something I imagine is pure logic. Why _wouldn't_ they feel they are exceptional, when they truly ARE?!?
    King Nebuchadnezzar in the Bible (book of Daniel) is the easy archetype of how God deals with narcissism/arrogance. God will not have it, and He is able to humble those who walk in pride. But why wouldn't King Nebuchadnezzar feel so highly about himself when he had truly conquered the known world at the time? He had no peer. It was wrong to take his own self-importance too far, but what human-being could've dealt with that much unprecedented success and NOT get the big-head??

    • @NB-2020
      @NB-2020 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      You make a good point -- that to say you are the best when you actually are is to speak the truth. However, as Paul says, what is it we have that we were not given (by God), and if we were given by God, then why boast as though we got it by ourself? This is what the gifted must remind themselves lest God humble them as He did Nebuchadnezzar.

  • @karlenevickers2169
    @karlenevickers2169 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I love that he loves not writing people off!!!

  • @deborahwork9773
    @deborahwork9773 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    I have the same comment/question as David Leonhardt. I told him in many different ways over 52 years and he never realized that there were characteristics that he needed to change in the way he treated me. It finally boiled down to his avoiding eye contact, shunning/avoiding me. No, I didn't nag him (made that promise to myself from the beginning and kept it), and tried every way I could to show him love, but I came out on the short end of the stick, for so long that I no longer loved him and decided I would rather finish my life alone.

    • @vincegrant4714
      @vincegrant4714 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      As men we need to hold our selves accountable and not let our self esteem get hurt when our wives are right about our wrong doings, also as men we become just as stressed out and overwhelmed is women do, unfortunately we don’t like to admit it and if we do we become too vulnerable to lead a woman and children without feeling very low and powerless. The best thing a man can do is build up his self esteem. By building self esteem , once our wife has something to hold us accountable for , we feel less hostility because we see what they see and we’re ok with accepting the accountability even though it does bother us and creeps into our comfort zone. It can really throw a man off balance to be held to a very high standard of accountability.. that’s why it’s best for our wives to be very respectful about things and explain things like Christ would. Explain things in a very understandable and graceful way, let us know the honor the dignity and the respect you do have for us while holding us accountable. Lashing out and critiquing things you see bad in us is not a way to get us to change but a way to create hostility in our lives with each other. We as men want to be the knight in shining armor, we yearn to be the strongest men in the world and conquer everything. It hurts when our wives see the weaknesses in us or overly criticize.
      Ifs might opinon that the wife who is honoring and respectful in her tone, gentle and graceful in her delivery will always move us to be the conquering Joshua’s , David’s, Elijah’s , Christ like men we want to be. Our wives do certainly have power of our self esteem. Once we make that covenant , we have an attachment that has power to build us up or break us apart. You as the wife can choose the path….
      What will you do… build your husband up? Or break him apart?
      You choose.
      May the lord Jesus Christ be with you in all of your marriages.

    • @patriciakubitz1379
      @patriciakubitz1379 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      @@vincegrant4714
      Men need to take responsibility and accountability for their actions and words. God does not hold me accountable for another’s wrongdoing.

  • @That1grI
    @That1grI 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    Ppl change if they want to change and not a second before that. The consequences of their bad behavior have to out weigh the benefits of their bad behavior and only then will they even consider maybe changing a single thing.

  • @edwardwright6875
    @edwardwright6875 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    "People don't change" is the most untrue statement ever. I'm not the same person I was even this morning lol

    • @marvthedog1972
      @marvthedog1972 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      The problem with people is that in order for them to change, they have to come to the truth that what they are doing is either, not working out, or is wrong. Narcissists cannot come to the conclusion that what they are doing is wrong or not working out. They blame others or situations to rationalize why it didn't work out. So while yes, all people can change, the chances of narcissists actually changing is very very slim to none. It would shake their whole existence that says they're not wrong, others are.

  • @queenofthehousehold
    @queenofthehousehold ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Thank you for reminding us that people can change! ❤

  • @markjayw666
    @markjayw666 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    It is absolutely true! Anyone over 50 on the NPD spectrum WILL NOT change. My wife is > 96%, has been the same for over 30 years. Their limbic areas are damaged and stopped growing during childhood.

    • @KathyPaquette-nb6gz
      @KathyPaquette-nb6gz 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      I agree…..I have never heard they can change unless they totally admit they have troubles. Which they will not do. Maybe a Damascus road experience would help them along. If they are open to that I am sure God would give it. So many children and adult children suffering (myself included) as the hands of NM’s. As you know it’s atrocious.

  • @lwh847
    @lwh847 ปีที่แล้ว

    Most excellent teaching on narcissism I've ever heard!!

  • @EvaCFricke
    @EvaCFricke ปีที่แล้ว +12

    God is a God of miracles. Terrorists have changed and became followers of Christ. He can change anyone from any situation with any background. Hope and pray for the miracles for your loved ones. I am praying for my husband and I believe God will heal him. Amen.

  • @theoutpost1982
    @theoutpost1982 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    So helpful. Thank you so much

  • @davidleonhardt-l2l
    @davidleonhardt-l2l ปีที่แล้ว +6

    What happens when they don't want treatment, or don't get it?

  • @bridgeegibson2790
    @bridgeegibson2790 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Very very helpful thankyou

  • @jazizgutierrez
    @jazizgutierrez ปีที่แล้ว

    I really needed to hear this.

  • @tertiafransman9904
    @tertiafransman9904 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I also don't want to write people off but if they do decide to change don't involve me in your healing process and expect pity...coz on other side is me that needs to recover from your symptoms of your hurt...don't expect praise for your progress...im hurt to the core and trust and respect is gone

  • @Well_Woman_WORD_Woman
    @Well_Woman_WORD_Woman ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Please elaborate on what the title states. Please define more the differences.
    Thanks!

    • @That1grI
      @That1grI 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Oh help me. 🤭🙄did you seriously not just watch the same video as the rest of us? Great info!

  • @Lexiicequeen2013
    @Lexiicequeen2013 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    I believe people can change as I have. Only God can change some people. How do you redirect someone with this behavior, who does not believe anything is wrong with them and refuse to listen to anyone. How can I get this person to get on with their life and leave me alone? It’s been nearly 4 years and I’m still being stalked, attempts to control my narrative.
    Do these people Ever stop being vindictive if they choose not to change or get help? Will their one track minds derail ever?

  • @DaniJenae
    @DaniJenae 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    If they find God, and allow God to do the work and partake in it… oh yea… they changing!!! 🎉🙌🏻

    • @tracyannaleclair9320
      @tracyannaleclair9320 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Mine came to know Jesus Christ and God saved and this only made him better at hiding it the only taught him how to manipulate better and he got himself incorporated into a group that will give him plenty of validation affirmation in a lot of attention. There is no trust I don't believe him and I'm working on telling him I want to go ahead but the divorce

  • @lingud8002
    @lingud8002 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    What about 😢living with a narcissistic and you cannot afford to leave this person. This Narcissistic person is not even aware of his actions are wrong. How can someone know their wrong if they don’t have the ability to be aware of the behavior. I hope this makes sense. I’m so over this adult and want out and financially not in the position to do anything

    • @That1grI
      @That1grI 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      This is such a grimy question I’m sorry to be so “negative” but have you ever heard the saying “with my money comes my mouth “? If the narc is supporting you and you are unable to leave bc you cannot support yourself, you might want to call it a wash and really implement some healthy boundaries for your own peace. And tell them thank you for supporting you : )

    • @lingud8002
      @lingud8002 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@That1grI you’re such a joke, and not a funny joke 💩your opinion is one of a “ Narcissist “

  • @Michelle-om6we
    @Michelle-om6we 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    I live with one one minute he's great then he's awful but he nursed me out if a stroke I'm confused

  • @dominiquerivero6611
    @dominiquerivero6611 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    They are not all the same but they sure do a lot of damages to people.

  • @KellyCastilla-f2q
    @KellyCastilla-f2q 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

    What do you do when the covert narcissistic wife refuses to get help