I’ve definitely shrunk over the years. Long term interactions with narcissistic abuse and thereby gaslighting has created this reality for me. I am a shadow of the joyful and trusting person I use to be. I’m not angry anymore, it’s been too long. I’ve adapted to giving less of myself and am way more interested in my alone time than being with others. I’m working on trusting God to help me. My faith in Christ is why I’m not destroyed
I too feel like an empty shell of my former self. I don’t want to go out or see most people. I do see a few friends but beyond that I come home from work and enjoy my solitude and introverted hobbies. I feel I have zero tolerance or patience/energy for most people now after running from my narc mom
You perfectly described my ex husband. He was genius level. I really didn’t see it until I filed for divorce and his mask fell off completely. He is a genius at triangulating and is super charming and fake. I thought he was mentally deficient and lived in a fantasy world while we were married - I didn’t realize he KNEW what he was doing and that I was the dummy. I lived in a fog of confusion for 10 years, and my anxiety was off the charts. It’s peaceful out here.
You’re describing my ex-husband. One reason he’s my ex. Everyone who met him saw it. I went to counseling, and he consistently refused to go. I got the strength to get out.
You described my ex-husband exactly! He started this abuse in the wedding night and it continued to escalate. 7 months after the wedding, I came home from work and he had moved out and taken all his stuff. Never even said anything to me. I found out from our counselor. We are now divorced. He said, “God told him to leave.” If He did, it was God protecting me. He claimed to be a righteous, Christian man. He fooled everyone in my family and at Church. I’ve learned a lot in the past 14 months especially why I attracted a narcissist. Thank you for this video! 🙏🏻
My x said that all the time. I was just trying to talk about my feelings or try to get answers because he was always cheating yet never told the truth until I found it. Then he say I was instigating though proof came to me without me.looking. always saying I was exaggerating when proof was there. He always lied and never could just be honest. It was awful
Bingo! The prize is freedom . Do not listen to idle talk. Gaslighting is lies to harm another. Forget about it! Remember who you are and that you are loved.
Nobody else mentions power imbalance dynamics! They minimize and make it sound so easy to ignore slights or critiques from people without power over us but most of us seek therapy for power imbalance dynamics, and this makes it worse since it keeps us stuck in a drama triangle with victim, persecutor, rescuer. Those labels they apply, negative, oversensitive, too much, those are to absolve the abuser of any self responsibility in the equation. Those are the same folks who can't apologize, only offer fauxpologies. You can't heal in the same environments that made you sick. Before you label yourself depressed, first check and make sure you aren't a self reflective person surrounded by gaslighters.
Perfectly stated. Thank you. When at first I feel even a little disturbed emotionally, I play “find the gaslighter.” I usually discover I’ve been allowing someone steamroll my truth
@@santacruzskirts I love that. It’s not looking to blame externally, just looking within and seeing that I need to be present and grounded enough to know when not to stay for steamrolling events. Many of us have been so programmed to accept breadcrumbs and toxic behavior. Delayed processing also, not seeing it initially.
Congratulations! Self-awareness is the 1st step. It's the key to growth! Asking yourself if you're helping or enabling is another good awareness. Ask if you make excuses for others' bad behavior? Learning to set boundaries for yourself will be very important! ❤ Take good care of you! Self care is not selfish! ❤❤❤
I used to say all the time about my ex-husband, he believed his own lies! He was so adamant about something that was not true. I was constantly frustrated and felt stupid as I was second guessing myself all the time! So happy to be free from that!
Well said! My 32 year old daughter has been doing this for years. And once again, she’s in my house, due to her poor choices, gaslighting away 😡 I now have to evict after a whole 2 months of her, her boyfriend, my granddaughter and her sick dog she’s neglected to take care of for 10 years. Disgusting
Dr. Cloud, THANK YOU!!💫 You have hit every single aspect of what my life experience has been with most of the people in my life called “family.” I have wasted decades of time and money on counseling to “fix MY PROBLEMS,” without gaining any knowledge and understanding of the gaslighting narcissists that have prevailed. From Monday Night Solutions, decades ago, to now being able to learn from your God given gifts on TH-cam! I am honored, Thank You
My dad used to lie to me and about me, and then said to my face that he never said that. And then when I started crying he called me crazy. Gave away my cat and my bike (I can go on and on about other things like that). No wonder I got in an abusive relationship with a man with similar behavior. 6 years of freedom, all spent on healing and educating myself. I have hope!
"you have sensitive ears", "what did i do again?", "you are too sensitive", "you don't know how to take criticism", "that's because you're traumatized ", etc. he never said sorry nor apologized. He played the victim everytime, etc. My dad and my ex.
Watch out for the Gaslighting gas lighters & the manipulative Narcissistic people. May i suggest a book called safe people and know your positive identity in Christ my Christian sisters & brothers stand strong take courage and keep listening to Henry cloud and boundaries
I agree! I am also now recognizing that when I ALLOW others to gaslight me it is SELF-ABUSE! Recognizing it, calling it out, standing up against it, & setting boundaries is crutial!
Thank you, Dr. Cloud. Everyone needs to hear this cause the gas lighters also need to know what they are doing, too❤praise God we all can change if willing❤
Interesting how I just prayed a week ago about anything left that I haven’t overcome from my childhood to be addressed and set free from… The majority of my childhood was much of the examples you spoke about. And I’m actually amazed how it’s possible that I am not still under the control of my parents and older sister. God is certainly a miracle worker and I’m grateful for you and all that you share here for us to continue to learn, grow and go further in freedom.
Thank you so much Dr Cloud. I have been married to a gaslighting ambivalent husband for over 43 years. I have survived by turning to my Lord Jesus who sustains me.
My husband of 39 years has gaslit me throughout the entire time that we were together. He claimed to be an amazing Christian, but was narcissistic for most of the marriage. He has not changed up to this day.
What if they actually do rewrite history tho and tell what happened to someone else and it is so far from your reality of what happened…and then they proceed to tell that person what you learned from their unrecognizable version of what happened?
Hang in there hun! ❤ My cousin said something I only began to understand this year, "Sometimes you just have to know that YOU KNOW the truth." Don't cast your pearls before swine AND don't wrestle with a pig were other good references for me. If they are determined to twist & bend reality, you can't untwist them. You caj only control YOU, not them or their flying moneys. You are enough! You deserve the best that life has to offer.
He accused me of being on drugs and told me that I didn’t hear what he said. He told me so much before we got married and then said he didn’t say that. It was terrible
Who is the most vulnerable? The baby coming out of the womb who is gaslighted starting on day one for 18 years. If your so-called parents move a lot it is more difficult to see what's going on in the outside world. Constant abuse and neglect and then denial about what happened until both of them died. They trained me to believe that the outside world was worse. 18 years of abuse, neglect and gaslighting. My younger brother and older sister killed themselves, and I almost killed myself.
Great video. Have a question, my spouse constantly accuses me of "gaslighting" and every other diagnosis you have explained in all of your videos. I'm practicing your concepts and I'm sure I'm guilty of communication errors... however how can one get the other to realize they are now over using such concepts against the other? Example, if I don't like the facts of a conversation and accuse you of gaslighting, that doesn't automatically mean I'm correct on accusation.... but if I say it it must be true, right? How can I humbly "defeat" this one sided view of the other?
Wow, thank you, Dr! However, when considering gaslighting, statements like "you're paranoid" or "you're controlling me" may also stem from a factual perspective. Suppose the individual in question is genuinely paranoid? For instance, I know someone who suffered from a drug-induced schizophrenic episode, and I informed him that "it did not happen," or "you were paranoid at that time." In this case, does it still qualify as gaslighting since he was indeed hearing things during his drug-induced schizophrenic episode? Moreover, when he tells me that "it didn't happen to you! it happened to me," isn't it our duty to tether the person to reality rather than encourage their psychosis?
They may not believe you at the time, but later - when they are more grounded - they will remember that you are that 'safe' person who gave them honest feedback when everyone else was just hanging back! I have been in that position as both the 'crazy' person and as the 'good friend' giving honest feedback... in both situations the truth served a good purpose, even tho' the results were not seen immediately! 😃
Do not argue with a delusional person, redirection is helpful. Be gentle and matter of fact , let the person speak yet remember that they are not feeling well and suggest a different topic or activity.
I have a question..Do the people who are gaslighted, know they are gaslighting you? And what if it is your husband? The hard part is all of the scriptures for wives. My heart is to be fully submitted to God.
Everyone in my life is gaslighting me. Some kind of bizarre intervention. I don't get it. I tell myself it does not matter what they think or say and that my thoughts are more important. I am valid and important but it does wear u down. Not sure how much longer I can hang in for. Sometimes if rather not be on the planet anymore. I'm strong but no one can study in this awful game for very long. No one. Why would a group of people do this to someone? Even Christians are doing it to me.
Solid food is God's word. The Bible is referring to spiritual food and is referring to our faith in Jesus Christ. Jesus is who validates His people. The Bible says, where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom, or liberty depending on the translation. Our identity needs to be in Christ, and He will guide us into all truth, and the truth will set us free! Read the Bible and you will see.
Gaslighters can be very convincing!!! I think mine believed most of what he said & could've argued against my reality which could have potentially convinced our counselor he was right. But by voicing my side long enough & being OPEN TO THE POSSIBILITY that I may be wrong (he argued that he was 💯 right 100% of the time) our counselor began to decipher what was actually going on and started to set me free from the hooks he had in me! Praise Jesus!!! 🤍🤍🤍
I’ve definitely shrunk over the years. Long term interactions with narcissistic abuse and thereby gaslighting has created this reality for me. I am a shadow of the joyful and trusting person I use to be. I’m not angry anymore, it’s been too long. I’ve adapted to giving less of myself and am way more interested in my alone time than being with others. I’m working on trusting God to help me. My faith in Christ is why I’m not destroyed
I too feel like an empty shell of my former self. I don’t want to go out or see most people. I do see a few friends but beyond that I come home from work and enjoy my solitude and introverted hobbies. I feel I have zero tolerance or patience/energy for most people now after running from my narc mom
@@ethanplacella totally hear you on this. It’s very debilitating and tiring. Thanks be to God we can enjoy some aspects of our life still.❤️
Amen 🙏🏼 Thank you Jesus or I'd be crazy
Yes, I understand you completely. Roll over onto the Lord Jesus, underneath are the Everlasting arms.
Pray 🙏🏼 and believe this situation can change
This is one of the most valuable teachings I have ever heard.
You perfectly described my ex husband. He was genius level. I really didn’t see it until I filed for divorce and his mask fell off completely. He is a genius at triangulating and is super charming and fake. I thought he was mentally deficient and lived in a fantasy world while we were married - I didn’t realize he KNEW what he was doing and that I was the dummy. I lived in a fog of confusion for 10 years, and my anxiety was off the charts. It’s peaceful out here.
You’re describing my ex-husband. One reason he’s my ex. Everyone who met him saw it. I went to counseling, and he consistently refused to go. I got the strength to get out.
Me too. Long road back. Sad business.
You helped me too, to change my life. With God,,, all things are possible.
This is excellent! I've never been able to understand gaslighting as clearly as I do after listening to your video. TY.
You just can’t take a joke… when someone cuts you down and says it’s just a joke
Similarly, I was once told that I was just too sensitive.
or, "That's not what I said" when I know good and well that is what was said. Self doubt ensues....
I told them it's not funny.
You described my ex-husband exactly! He started this abuse in the wedding night and it continued to escalate. 7 months after the wedding, I came home from work and he had moved out and taken all his stuff. Never even said anything to me. I found out from our counselor. We are now divorced. He said, “God told him to leave.” If He did, it was God protecting me. He claimed to be a righteous, Christian man. He fooled everyone in my family and at Church. I’ve learned a lot in the past 14 months especially why I attracted a narcissist. Thank you for this video! 🙏🏻
❤👍🏽
My x said that all the time. I was just trying to talk about my feelings or try to get answers because he was always cheating yet never told the truth until I found it. Then he say I was instigating though proof came to me without me.looking. always saying I was exaggerating when proof was there. He always lied and never could just be honest. It was awful
Thank you for all you do, Dr. Cloud! You have helped me to change my life, & I look forward to continued growth & learning more from you.
Bingo!
The prize is freedom .
Do not listen to idle talk.
Gaslighting is lies to harm another.
Forget about it!
Remember who you are and that you are loved.
Nobody else mentions power imbalance dynamics! They minimize and make it sound so easy to ignore slights or critiques from people without power over us but most of us seek therapy for power imbalance dynamics, and this makes it worse since it keeps us stuck in a drama triangle with victim, persecutor, rescuer. Those labels they apply, negative, oversensitive, too much, those are to absolve the abuser of any self responsibility in the equation. Those are the same folks who can't apologize, only offer fauxpologies. You can't heal in the same environments that made you sick. Before you label yourself depressed, first check and make sure you aren't a self reflective person surrounded by gaslighters.
Perfectly stated. Thank you.
When at first I feel even a little disturbed emotionally, I play “find the gaslighter.” I usually discover I’ve been allowing someone steamroll my truth
@@santacruzskirts I love that. It’s not looking to blame externally, just looking within and seeing that I need to be present and grounded enough to know when not to stay for steamrolling events. Many of us have been so programmed to accept breadcrumbs and toxic behavior. Delayed processing also, not seeing it initially.
I'm having a panicking attack listening to this... my husband & adult step daughter do this to me all the time...
Time to watch Flying Free Natalie Hoffman too🌸🌸🌸
Congratulations! Self-awareness is the 1st step. It's the key to growth! Asking yourself if you're helping or enabling is another good awareness. Ask if you make excuses for others' bad behavior? Learning to set boundaries for yourself will be very important! ❤ Take good care of you! Self care is not selfish! ❤❤❤
🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Power over another person always seems to be involved in abuse.
Exactly.😮😊❤️
That's the first sign that you're with an abuser..they definitely control..that's not ok..
Agreed
You're correct and Amen.❤
I used to say all the time about my ex-husband, he believed his own lies! He was so adamant about something that was not true. I was constantly frustrated and felt stupid as I was second guessing myself all the time! So happy to be free from that!
Well said! My 32 year old daughter has been doing this for years. And once again, she’s in my house, due to her poor choices, gaslighting away 😡 I now have to evict after a whole 2 months of her, her boyfriend, my granddaughter and her sick dog she’s neglected to take care of for 10 years. Disgusting
Dr. Cloud, THANK YOU!!💫
You have hit every single aspect of what my life experience has been with most of the people in my life called “family.”
I have wasted decades of time and money on counseling to “fix MY PROBLEMS,” without gaining any knowledge and understanding of the gaslighting narcissists that have prevailed.
From Monday Night Solutions, decades ago, to now being able to learn from your God given gifts on TH-cam!
I am honored, Thank You
My dad used to lie to me and about me, and then said to my face that he never said that. And then when I started crying he called me crazy. Gave away my cat and my bike (I can go on and on about other things like that). No wonder I got in an abusive relationship with a man with similar behavior. 6 years of freedom, all spent on healing and educating myself. I have hope!
Your book Boundaries saved my life
Definitely a game changer.
Thank you so much for this information. I was gaslighted for 22 years and this helps my recovery or rebuilding.
"you have sensitive ears", "what did i do again?", "you are too sensitive", "you don't know how to take criticism", "that's because you're traumatized ", etc. he never said sorry nor apologized. He played the victim everytime, etc. My dad and my ex.
Excellent explanation and ways to rid yourself of gaslighting/gaslighters. See the truth, recognize gaslighting.
Gaslighting is abuse.
Watch out for the Gaslighting gas lighters & the manipulative Narcissistic people. May i suggest a book called safe people and know your positive identity in Christ my Christian sisters & brothers stand strong take courage and keep listening to Henry cloud and boundaries
I agree! I am also now recognizing that when I ALLOW others to gaslight me it is SELF-ABUSE! Recognizing it, calling it out, standing up against it, & setting boundaries is crutial!
Yes, it is and far from cute. And should never be tolerated, accept period. Your reality, mental health, and well being matters. In the name of Jesus.
Most definitely. Imagine knowing the truth and watching somebody self destruct because you wanna play God and change their reality for your benefit
Absolutely
Was married to one of those. Now divorced, thank God
My ex husband used every one of these phrases.
Just found your channel what a blessing ❤ thank you for your work.
Thank you, Dr. Cloud. Everyone needs to hear this cause the gas lighters also need to know what they are doing, too❤praise God we all can change if willing❤
My favorite invalidation is: " What do you think you did wrong?"
Interesting how I just prayed a week ago about anything left that I haven’t overcome from my childhood to be addressed and set free from…
The majority of my childhood was much of the examples you spoke about. And I’m actually amazed how it’s possible that I am not still under the control of my parents and older sister. God is certainly a miracle worker and I’m grateful for you and all that you share here for us to continue to learn, grow and go further in freedom.
Wow, you're good at this! I've heard all of those! New subscriber! Thank you! ♥️
This is such great information. This happened with my ex and I wish I had known this so much sooner. However, I’m so blessed to be out of it! 🙏🏻✨
Tgis is the best presentation i have heard on gaslighting thank you so helpful
Leaving a covert narcissist now. I always questioned myself the entire relationship whereas before I was call ed a very confident extroverted person.
Yes, nonstop.
Love Dr. Cloud so much and learn so much!!!
Thank you so much for this. Very helpful… May God bless you…
exactly thankyou been thru it n thank GOD rid of it
Thank you so much Dr Cloud. I have been married to a gaslighting ambivalent husband for over 43 years. I have survived by turning to my Lord Jesus who sustains me.
Thank you
Very helpful 💯
Thank you Dr Henry Cloud. This content was enlightening and validating. I wonder if you could address spiritual gaslighting sometime. 🙏
My husband of 39 years has gaslit me throughout the entire time that we were together. He claimed to be an amazing Christian, but was narcissistic for most of the marriage. He has not changed up to this day.
What if they actually do rewrite history tho and tell what happened to someone else and it is so far from your reality of what happened…and then they proceed to tell that person what you learned from their unrecognizable version of what happened?
Hang in there hun! ❤ My cousin said something I only began to understand this year, "Sometimes you just have to know that YOU KNOW the truth." Don't cast your pearls before swine AND don't wrestle with a pig were other good references for me. If they are determined to twist & bend reality, you can't untwist them. You caj only control YOU, not them or their flying moneys. You are enough! You deserve the best that life has to offer.
That is called lies.
Also alienating any support from your family and friends.
Blame and shame, torture.
My husband would constantly look at other women but when I questioned him on it, he would outright lie and tell me that I was too sensitive.
We all ❤ bless 🙏💕 up! Thank ü GENTLE KINGD sir
Take your power back and expand your Being large! Narc are oussys and run away
He accused me of being on drugs and told me that I didn’t hear what he said. He told me so much before we got married and then said he didn’t say that. It was terrible
I'm so sorry that happened hun! I hope he's your x now or soon! ❤
Dr Cloud, I look at it as what is true and what is false.
A great example of this is the Brian Laundry Gabby Pettito case.
How do I know if I am gaslighting someone? We all perceive things differently, I certainly don't want to treat others poorly. 😢
Who is the most vulnerable? The baby coming out of the womb who is gaslighted starting on day one for 18 years. If your so-called parents move a lot it is more difficult to see what's going on in the outside world.
Constant abuse and neglect and then denial about what happened until both of them died. They trained me to believe that the outside world was worse. 18 years of abuse, neglect and gaslighting. My younger brother and older sister killed themselves, and I almost killed myself.
Thank you for this!!!!
Thankyou!!!!
Great video. Have a question, my spouse constantly accuses me of "gaslighting" and every other diagnosis you have explained in all of your videos. I'm practicing your concepts and I'm sure I'm guilty of communication errors... however how can one get the other to realize they are now over using such concepts against the other? Example, if I don't like the facts of a conversation and accuse you of gaslighting, that doesn't automatically mean I'm correct on accusation.... but if I say it it must be true, right? How can I humbly "defeat" this one sided view of the other?
Here’s one.. “you keep bringing up the past to when the earth shook again”.. when there’s a hundred elephants in the room.. you’ll never resolve.
Wow, thank you, Dr! However, when considering gaslighting, statements like "you're paranoid" or "you're controlling me" may also stem from a factual perspective. Suppose the individual in question is genuinely paranoid? For instance, I know someone who suffered from a drug-induced schizophrenic episode, and I informed him that "it did not happen," or "you were paranoid at that time." In this case, does it still qualify as gaslighting since he was indeed hearing things during his drug-induced schizophrenic episode? Moreover, when he tells me that "it didn't happen to you! it happened to me," isn't it our duty to tether the person to reality rather than encourage their psychosis?
Very doubtful that they will believe you..
They may not believe you at the time, but later - when they are more grounded - they will remember that you are that 'safe' person who gave them honest feedback when everyone else was just hanging back! I have been in that position as both the 'crazy' person and as the 'good friend' giving honest feedback... in both situations the truth served a good purpose, even tho' the results were not seen immediately! 😃
Do not argue with a delusional person, redirection is helpful.
Be gentle and matter of fact , let the person speak yet remember that they are not feeling well and suggest a different topic or activity.
I have a question..Do the people who are gaslighted, know they are gaslighting you? And what if it is your husband? The hard part is all of the scriptures for wives. My heart is to be fully submitted to God.
Worsest abuse, some people dont know what there doing, but i believe its form of controling behavior. No no, yesSuggestive 🤮
All true.
Looking for the co dependent kids study. How to deal with them
Like…..” oh so why is he not in jail if it happened”?
The system is wrong. I was put on the psych ward for this. I was being gaslit to the point of crazy. Then he doesn’t admit it.
Answer: corrupt system.
I think people do this and don't realize what they are doing when they do this. Not always but...
Why do I choose unsafe people for my intimate relationships?
Why do people get Trust problems
Everyone in my life is gaslighting me. Some kind of bizarre intervention. I don't get it. I tell myself it does not matter what they think or say and that my thoughts are more important. I am valid and important but it does wear u down. Not sure how much longer I can hang in for. Sometimes if rather not be on the planet anymore. I'm strong but no one can study in this awful game for very long. No one. Why would a group of people do this to someone? Even Christians are doing it to me.
H
Solid food is God's word. The Bible is referring to spiritual food and is referring to our faith in Jesus Christ. Jesus is who validates His people. The Bible says, where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom, or liberty depending on the translation. Our identity needs to be in Christ, and He will guide us into all truth, and the truth will set us free! Read the Bible and you will see.
When bipolar is involved .....😢
How do you know the "gaslighter" isn't right? Maybe the marriage counselor picked up on what is true, and you're the one that's wrong?
Gaslighters can be very convincing!!! I think mine believed most of what he said & could've argued against my reality which could have potentially convinced our counselor he was right. But by voicing my side long enough & being OPEN TO THE POSSIBILITY that I may be wrong (he argued that he was 💯 right 100% of the time) our counselor began to decipher what was actually going on and started to set me free from the hooks he had in me! Praise Jesus!!! 🤍🤍🤍
Im so confused by this
Like the COVID vaccine lol
Nope.
EXACTLY! 💯 AND all of the boosters!
Thats my mother
👑🦢👑🦢💜 Royal 🎉
Tter 🎋💧drop 💧☔ Knowles In the morning before noon too! 🌅 Yeah!? 👍" Ya-p-p assassin" all afternoon in affirmations with thee?
Was that boundaries.me?
Yes. I subscribed for a year and benefited greatly from his many course offerings! ❤❤❤