I can empathize with that so much... got my Diagnosis last year at age 47. Some years before that, I was often told to do things I could not do, too. But instead of refusing, I forced myself somehow to comply, destroying myself in the process. I had many nervous breakdowns and ended being in a deep exhaustion with severe depression. Now, years later, I've still not fully recovered. But since I now know a lot more about myself, I can stop making the same mistakes again. Thanks for making your Videos!
The sleepless nights, the worrying, the anxiety, the frantic panic, the not wanting to let people down...and as you say, destroying yourself in the process! The lasting effects we have...I hear you. I know the feeling of not recovering, like you I have lasting effects...it's not good. Hopefully we can keep building to focus on what we need to get through. Sometimes, we need to be selfish too for our sanity!
@@AdultwithAutism Selfish is something I have never been, I know I need to change this, but it is so difficult. I am always trying to make my environment pleasant/safe?, but I have never gotten any benefit from being selfless, just pain. I trick my thinking... because my wife is disabled, she needs me to be healthy, so I can protect her and me. I honestly don't know if this is normal behavior. Is this NT or aspie?
I meditated continuously for the past 6 years on the past, present and future. To figure out how i arrived in the "here" and the "now"....after my nervous breakdown. Karra, Donna Douglas and Heather O'Rourke are of great value. 3.75 - 3.80 - 5.0 spiritual dimensions.
I'm in the middle of getting a diagnosis. Too late to help professionally -- I'm 75 now. I can do cold calls, but I absolutely hate it. I had a job once where I had to do them. I just had to role play -- pretend I was playing a part, not being myself. Then I could do it. But it still made me want to cry. Where I really bombed, though, was in job interviews. I never got the job I wanted and was educated and trained for. Maybe I should have role-played in the job interviews, too. That's not what I wanted to say -- what I wanted to say was that you are really good at these videos. I love to listen to you talk.
I am recently self-diagnosed at age 75. No psychologist ever suggested that I may be autistic. Instead, I was treated for anxiety and depression. I suffered tremendously my whole life, in school, my relationships, jobs, etc. I'm glad that I now know the reason for my struggles, but I'm sad for all the pain I endured.
I NEED it to know why I’m different, as well. I’m almost 79 and have had a relatively successful life, yet there have been parts of my life that haven’t worked, from childhood onward. Thank you for your advice. My well-being has suffered throughout my life. There ARE problems and I’ve always been a “black sheep”. Soon I’ll know, one way or the other. LOVE your “tangents”!!!
@@nryane having been dismissed etc all my life, I need that diagnosis as well. It’s also wanting to know about myself…well being is also there. It’s definitely affected my health. I’ve never been able to discern if people mean well or out to get one on me, hence being involved with narcs etc relationships. lol, I did once have really well trained masks in order for me to “cope with life”, but that went (striving to get them back with therapy) when I got involved with my last relationship. I’m pleased that you were able to be successful and wish you all the best in your diagnosis 🙏☮️
"The way your face can change a room's mood" really hit me. I have tried to tell care providers for years how awful it is, and they completely deny that it happens. I'm glad to hear that others are being taken seriously.
I didn't know it was a thing until it was said about me. Now as stupid as it sounds, I feel my face react to extreme situations. Even though I'm the one making it, it's almost as if it isn't muscles that move it, it's raw emotion!
@@AdultwithAutismThis is over our the reasons that I still keep a mask on at work. There's so the chance I could get Covid frim a patient but the mask helps me because I don't have to "mask" as much behind the mask.
Y'know, I'm a little off topic but you're a wonderful storyteller. You mentioned toward the end that you sometimes think about writing movies, but you seemed to think it was a stupid idea. I actually think you'd be a remarkable writer.
I like your low-key, matter-of-fact delivery style. Some other autism TH-cam presenters I have watched put on a cheesy 'hyper' act like they are daytime TV presenters, which I find awfully annoying and off-putting. I guess your inability to cold call arises from the especially strong sense of honesty, truthfulness, integrity and fairness that is a common trait in people with high-functioning autism. I very much agree with you that if anyone has a sense of being constantly at odds with the rest of the world, then the self-knowledge, self-insight provided by a diagnosis is life-changing. Just for yourself you don't necessarily need a formal, documented diagnosis, but as in your case, if you need to enlighten some significant person in your life, particularly an employer, a formal diagnosis really helps.
Thank you for the positive words. And yes, I absolutely needed the diagnosis...otherwise my employer wouldn't have listened. I also appreciate it now as the older I get, the more I can see I might need it to visit the Doctor about someday, and need them to listen to me.
I hate how autism is defined as partially inflexible thinking and yet neurotypical people aren't felxible either, in that they want you to do it, you have to do it...even when you try to explain that you can't...they can't be bothered to be accomodating, which I feels demands way less on them, than on me, you know what I mean?
I do. It's made out to be a trait of Autism as if it isn't a trait of others too. I rarely meet people willing to compromise over differing opinions. It's either their way or war.
omg yes!!! I used to have meltdowns when I was younger and my mom would force me to pick up the telephone when it rang at our house. Cold calling is THE worst.
I really relate to your frustration of only getting empathy when I say I'm autistic. Why do I have to have a diagnosis in order for you to see that I'm the way I am. Why can't I be seen as a person? Why can't they accept me without it? I get judged so much for the things I do and say. But I there are just some things like you said I'll never be able to do. And I only get empathy and understanding when I say I'm autistic and I hate it.
I’m in the process right now and it’s indescribable how I feel. In 47! I went to search on my brother who was diagnosed as a baby so I can relate to him and reach him only to feel like I’ve been punched in the gut at first? I lost my breath literally! I was reading about my childhood and so much of what my life is like?! I used to go on the playground and pretend to be some other kid to fit in! I ended up usually by myself talking to the adult yard duty?! Adults were better friends. They watched and read the same things I liked and most of my the people my age couldn’t relate! No ones fault! Hahahah I was called an old soul! Always the responsible one to tend to children and my peers rather not anyway so I had fun and made money! LOL I watched children on the spectrum all the time! Never bothered me. So looking back so many dots are being connected and it’s not so scary! It’s empowering! I don’t like labels and we know how ignorant others are (including myself because I knew so little in the beginning) and the stigma is not fun to deal with. But slowly I’ve been telling others about my journey. It’s a slow process and hard work! But now I can find skills to help me not be so anxious. Everything can come at me and my sensitivity level is high! But I am a people watcher and can tell the motives of others! Body language is easy for me! So I assumed because I’m very empathetic and good at reading others that I couldn’t be on the spectrum. Oy! Wrong! You have many of the same attributes as I do! Hey! You sound pretty freaking cool to me! LOL thank you for sharing! You’ve explained things well! Writing I do well! But when I get in front of a camera it’s game over?! Hahaha I am socially awkward and have very few close friends. Lots of friends but not real close. Mostly family! So I don’t connect to many. But it’s funny how I can be drawn to some who end up being on the spectrum throughout my years! They are some of my best friends! I am alone often but never bored or lonely! Misunderstood ? All the time! I hear ya!! Keep this up if you’d like! You’re insightful and empathetic! And brave enough to get past the stigma! That’s a pretty rare combo! 👍🏻💪🏼🙏🏻😁
I can relate to a lot of what you have put down in your comment, I really do. I am not good in front of a camera either, but thought I'd give it a go and see if any sense can be made from the ramblings. The misunderstood should stick together!
You notice the details often that NT’s overlook well I do to a fault anyway.. interaction drains me to utter exhaustion it’s so hard. Thank you for your channel & your experiences :)
Thank you for sharing your experiences with us Paul. You bring up so many good and interesting points, many of which i hadn't noticed or considered. I found it interesting that you brought up things like schizophrenia, sociopathy and psycopathy, because when i was researching for my own diagnosis those were the ones i was looking at. It wasnt until one of my teachers suggested autism that i thought it could be anything other than schizophrenia. Looking back on my own diagnosis journey, the main motivation i had to get it was because i was constantly overwhelmed and burned out with no identifiable reason.
Thanks. Interesting you got there due the burnouts. I didn't know I was burning out, I just assumed that's what happened everyday! It wasn't until I looked into Autism after diagnoses that I realised it doesn't have to be that way 100% of the time...just 99% on my case, but still trying!
I work in fire and security also Paul, I understand being made to do things that some suit thinks is acceptable. I’m NT but can totally empathise with your situation. Great insight mate
Thanks for sharing. I am in the same situation here at work in the USA. Every day I feel threatened by my boss, putting me in a situation that affects my health. I have people counting on me to work and support them. I need to be healthy. Being in the USA, at 50+ years old, I can't just get diagnoses. I feel my days are limited.
I know that feeling well. Unfortunately I don't know the regulations in the US, but diagnosis or not, the employer has a duty of care for your health, safety and welfare for their employees. In England, that is covered under the Health & Safety at Work Act (section 2) and was something I would turn to before a diagnosis when things pushed me too far. When I couldn't reason with them personally, I had no choice but to remind them of their legal duties. I hope your situation improves, I really do.
@@AdultwithAutism There are laws here in the USA, I just don't know if they apply to the fact that I am older. The work I did before, I could do now, but it's not as easy. I could jeopardize my welfare and my family's welfare. There is more to this, but I will leave it like this. Thanks for replying. I will look further into the laws.
It’s called selective mutism and it’s awful. Sorry that happened to you with your boss but at least you now know and he actually accepted your reason in the end. Wish he could have respected you in the beginning.
Dude, right on man! I really appreciated your story and your advice. I definitely plan on getting a diagnosis so I can get reasonable accommodation. The cubical farm was a great example, but now some companies are going to the same desk setup but no more walls so that you don't get any privacy while you're working.
For the workplace, the diagnosis is critical in my opinion. I still feel awkward raising something, but I know it is there if I need it. Especially in a cubicle situation, I wouldn't want to lose the 'enclosure', and that would be something an employer would be required to consider if it hindered my work to remove it.
51 and I've always known something was wildly off with me and being one of the lads I masked and fitted with constant worrying and over thinking. Looking forward to working through your vids but thanks for coming across as normal / like me as far as I can tell. I think the more you seem like the last person to have it the harder and more exhausting it is over time.
@@AdultwithAutism after a long journey, a long wait and your videos helping I've just today at 53 got my diagnosis after 2 years waiting. Written tests and 2 x hour long assessments with consultants but worth it. Won't change anything but you get why 👍
6:39 yep, my spectrum gets me to do a job if I feel I can do it, I will. And I’m similar in regards to the phones. Sometimes I’m ok, but sometimes I don’t like it, especially answer machines
When I look back, at things that happened in old jobs, pre diagnosis, I get overwhelming feelings of sadness, takes me straight back there. I can relate. Thanks for the post
''I just can't.'' YUP !!! No better eplaination and I often realize how strange it must sound to others, but yes, I totally felt that in my soul! I just can't and it isn't about confidence or intelligence or any other number of weird things other people think, it just is not doable. Period.
Exactly. It's a stonewall answer with nothing but benefit for all involved if they listen...but they don't and instead it is detrimental for all instead.
I remember doing a small contract job working making floral bouquets (mass produced, that you buy cheap at a corner store or grocery store) and at the end of the 2 weeks the boss made a quip about my mood and work ethic and I had a good mind to holler back that I work extremely well, regardless of my mood, haha! i just hate the added pressures, socially, like let me do my job and go home. Also bosses adding things on the to do list that are clearly not a part of the job description. It is so aggravating and stressful and we're just supposed to comply, why?? I remember getting in trouble at another job, I was hired to work weekdays, since I was older and not in school and the ''kids'' were hired for evenings and weekends...held the job down for 2-3 months before quitting, worked every evening the shop was open and weekends. It's so maddening.
Good for you Paul , you sound like a lovely guy , just trying to get through life , there's an awful lot off people out there with autism just trying to get through life , there's also a lot off people need educated on autism , my grandson has autism and he was lucky enough to be diagnosed when he was 15 , but thankfully he has a great mother who would fight to have his voice heard , I admire people like you , so please keep on the good work with the videos , and thank you ❤
Paul again what an awesome video and again I totally relate to you I’ve struggled in employment also. Organisations and employers just do not understand at all thank you for raising this important points people need to know about
Paul!! Oh my goodness, Paul, I am LOVING this one!! Can you tell? Haha!! Going to bed, is when my mind wakes up...I don't think anyone has ever explained it better!! I've been assessed (partially), twice and dismissed (almost immediately first time and halfway through second time), twice...apparently I am too self-reflective and can name emotions, can maintain eye contact, am in a relationship, have had jobs, can remember my childhood, don't have a niche special interest, etc...seemed like they were trying to diagnosis autism through the lens of a very severe stereotypical form of it...makes you wonder how much the professionals actually know, but it's been shattering. Getting older is definitely the crumbs and makes being adaptive a lot harder. I've found I cope less and less with age.
Haha, I think you've set the record for the different number of comments for one of my videos! There is so much that doesn't fit the box, but what do you expect...the assessment criteria for Autism wasn't put together by Autistic people, so it can only be so far so good. It needs redone!
Coming to terms with my neurodiversity, just listened to the first two episodes. I'm still at the stage of having 'lightbulb' moments as I explore and I think this podcast is really gonna help. Cheers Paul
Hi Paul! Always awesome to see a new video from you. I like your new camera angle and the lighting in this one. Resonating so much with your story, it also brings up much frustration with the medical system where I live (a resort town in Canada). I would LOVE to get a diagnosis, however finding (and paying for) a clinician who is experienced in working with adult females on the Spectrum has proven impossible at this stage. I’ve given up on that route and comfort myself with things like your videos, which help immensely to not feel so alone
Hi Corri, glad my videos can help where they can. I know its tough in some places to get a diagnosis, but if anything I say can help then that's all I do them for. Not sure about the lighting and camera angle though as this was the second video I ever did!
I can appreciate this. I'm scheduled to get assessed for ASD and ADHD next week. It gets harder as I'm getting older. I work in Healthcare and lose a little bit of my soul with every patient interaction every day. There have never been issues with my technical job performance but insinuation about my interactions with patients were brought up because there's always a marketing side to the job.
I once took a job where I was supposed to do cold calling and I couldn’t. Like you say, I COULD NOT. I quit after two days without looking for another job first, because I simply had to leave, I couldn’t be there one more minute. The boss basically told me that I was a loser (it was a sales company, I’m laughing at how I even thought of taking a job like that) and, contrary to how I usually felt if someone misunderstood me, I couldn’t care less what he said because I saw right through him and I was just so relieved walking out of that office. Those two days I was there was anxiety from hell staring at the phone and feeling so out of place and different from my coworkers (which I always do at every job to be fair) who seemingly had no problem making those calls…which in itself is astonishing to me! Thanks for telling about your experiences and your life.
I know the EXACT feeling you're talking about as I've done the same thing, although I lasted a whole 3 weeks. It was a call centre for a homeware supplier, where you basically had to listen to why people needed to cancel an order they had already paid for, and no excuse was allowed unless proof could be given. A lady called and said her husband passed away, and the supervisor (who listened into every call on the table of us) was shaking their head slowly like this poor old lady had made it up her husband had died, so she didn't have to pay the £19.99 cancellation charge. I was already not planning on returning but after that...certainly didn't!
Thank you so much for this video. I just found out myself at age 47, and trying to figure things to work for me at work and lisiting to you really helps me getting the questions on paper i would like to ask my coach.
Lock down made me realise I could be autistic I was worn out as I worked through it and took my kids to school barely slept. Then I got to much responsibilities at work because " I could do it better" I snapped as I couldn't do it anymore I just ended up being the dogs body. 😔 I'm having my assesment on Thursday
@@AdultwithAutism thanks yh I work nights and I can come home either wide awake or stressed and both leave me unable to sleep I think of work even when I'm off I can't cope with all the stress
Me too Emma. I had a week off and still kept my work phone on to keep an eye on my work emails as checking for 5 minutes a day still created anxiety, but not as much as it does if I ignore them and load them all up on my return. The things we do eh!
From the communities I've come across, I wouldn't want to be! Quite happy in my little corner trying to figure it out myself! Hope the diagnosis helped you 👍🏻
I’ve just been diagnosed with ADHD at 42 and now I’m thinking maybe I’m autistic as well, like you say always felt that there was something wrong with me and asking why I’m different. Lost my job during covid and ended up in a call centre taking incoming calls to upgrade mobiles but this was never enough we had to try and upsell everything and I was no good at it. It was just before Christmas so I kinda got away with it for a bit then struggled in January/February before they moved us all onto another team where people were ringing in to top up their phone and being put through to us to try and sell them a monthly contract instead, couldn’t cope at all think I managed a day or two before going off sick with stress. Fast forward a few years and I have a job that’s great for me as it’s flexi hours and working from home 4 days a week. But now I’ve got my ADHD diagnosis and have to talk to my boss about it. I’ve far more confidence in this boss than in previous jobs though so not that worried about it. Anyway gone off a tangent too, maybe I should seek an autism diagnosis? Asides from accommodations at work what benefit is there to seeking an adult diagnosis? With my ADHD at least I can take medication which hopefully will alleviate some of my more problematic symptoms but with autism there’s no such medicine.
I was completely struggling,work wise and Socially and at family functions etc..so my GP referred me to a specialist in Basingstoke UK and I underwent a four hour interview with a Psychiatrist and two weeks later was sent a letter confirming that I have ASD level 1 and this explained why I was struggling I was 38 when diagnosed and then hit 40 two years ago and had a stroke like attack and was then diagnosed with MS ! Lucky me eh !!! 🥳👍
I grew up in Basingstoke in the 90s. Wish I'd known I was autistic back then. Was diagnosed as autistic last year aged 41 (and was diagnosed with ADHD a couple of weeks ago).
Hi Emma, sorry for not responding, your messages didn't show in the folder for some reason until now. I have just uploaded a video about the Workplace Autism Assessment and am going through a tough time with it myself!
@@AdultwithAutism I got a call off access to work last week but they told me my manager can refuse. I mentioned it to him months ago for him to say oh Emma I don't think that's necessary.So he will probably refuse he's been so terrible for support throughout this hole process. They have caused me immense stress I will watch your video. I got my report yesterday. I have a meeting with my managers on Monday doubt it will do well.
There isn't a legal obligation to do a workplace autism assessment unfortunately, but it is best practice. It's why conversations are better as emails...for evidence later down the line.
@@AdultwithAutism everything I've done through email 🤣 they hate it but I need the proof of them failing some of the things I asked for were simple I just want to work to the best of my ability
It is rubbish, having been there I know exactly how it all feels! You know what made me feel better? Working for someone else. It didn't at the time, but once I was out I REALLY got to see everything clearly, and I was surprised I stuck in for as long as I did!
I used to work security as well and did the exact same thing. In a room of 500+ people I would spot the handful of people that would cause trouble or create a scene. I was correct more than 3/4 of the time.
I think it makes sense because an autistic person who masks is constantly having to observe, evaluate and re-evaluate "the room". If non autistics do this instinctively for social purposes it means when an objective evaluation is required the autist has the advantage of deep experience in this area.
Personally, I’d like a diagnosis because I’ve been dismissed so much in my life, I’d feel validated. lol, and I go off on tangents like yourself, it must annoy the hell out of those that know me
@@AdultwithAutism yep, I go off on the tangent, get mind block AND forget what I was saying originally. If I wasn’t dismissed, rejected etc, I’d probably wouldn’t feel the need one, but as I mentioned, had it all my life and just need the validation. It’s not for the “I told you so” just for me and if there’s dismissal, say, actually I’m diagnosed. I suppose people have to give a sh*t to care if someone needs validation….then again NT’s won’t know anyway, lol. Sorry for the ramble….hopefully not too incoherent
Having a problem cold calling is like having a problem acting in an amateur dramatic play...it calls for being someone we are not. It feels fake and dirty. It also feels like peeling away the protective mask but not to reveal our authentic persona but what's worse, made up behaviours. Your former boss sounds like a psychopathic bully who fully understood your problem, was fully aware of all the extras you gave to the company, but was only interest interested in getting kicks from bullying. It's a regular thing in the workplace for autistic adults, I think.
We've spoken about it since and he's explained his side, but it doesn't take any of the difficulty I bad to go through away. But couldn't agree more, it is a dirty feeling, and who can live with that? Cold calling is horrid.
I can empathize with that so much... got my Diagnosis last year at age 47. Some years before that, I was often told to do things I could not do, too. But instead of refusing, I forced myself somehow to comply, destroying myself in the process. I had many nervous breakdowns and ended being in a deep exhaustion with severe depression. Now, years later, I've still not fully recovered. But since I now know a lot more about myself, I can stop making the same mistakes again. Thanks for making your Videos!
The sleepless nights, the worrying, the anxiety, the frantic panic, the not wanting to let people down...and as you say, destroying yourself in the process! The lasting effects we have...I hear you. I know the feeling of not recovering, like you I have lasting effects...it's not good. Hopefully we can keep building to focus on what we need to get through. Sometimes, we need to be selfish too for our sanity!
@@AdultwithAutism Selfish is something I have never been, I know I need to change this, but it is so difficult. I am always trying to make my environment pleasant/safe?, but I have never gotten any benefit from being selfless, just pain. I trick my thinking... because my wife is disabled, she needs me to be healthy, so I can protect her and me. I honestly don't know if this is normal behavior. Is this NT or aspie?
I meditated continuously for the past 6 years on the past, present and future. To figure out how i arrived in the "here" and the "now"....after my nervous breakdown. Karra, Donna Douglas and Heather O'Rourke are of great value. 3.75 - 3.80 - 5.0 spiritual dimensions.
I'm in the middle of getting a diagnosis. Too late to help professionally -- I'm 75 now. I can do cold calls, but I absolutely hate it. I had a job once where I had to do them. I just had to role play -- pretend I was playing a part, not being myself. Then I could do it. But it still made me want to cry. Where I really bombed, though, was in job interviews. I never got the job I wanted and was educated and trained for. Maybe I should have role-played in the job interviews, too. That's not what I wanted to say -- what I wanted to say was that you are really good at these videos. I love to listen to you talk.
Job interviews are personality tests more than competency based unfortunately.
I am recently self-diagnosed at age 75. No psychologist ever suggested that I may be autistic. Instead, I was treated for anxiety and depression. I suffered tremendously my whole life, in school, my relationships, jobs, etc. I'm glad that I now know the reason for my struggles, but I'm sad for all the pain I endured.
I NEED it to know why I’m different, as well. I’m almost 79 and have had a relatively successful life, yet there have been parts of my life that haven’t worked, from childhood onward.
Thank you for your advice. My well-being has suffered throughout my life. There ARE problems and I’ve always been a “black sheep”. Soon I’ll know, one way or the other.
LOVE your “tangents”!!!
Thank you Nettonya, you're welcome.
I can relate. Hope things are getting a bit easier for you
@@HaakonOdinsson
My AudHd diagnosis helps. Thanks.
@@nryane having been dismissed etc all my life, I need that diagnosis as well. It’s also wanting to know about myself…well being is also there. It’s definitely affected my health. I’ve never been able to discern if people mean well or out to get one on me, hence being involved with narcs etc relationships. lol, I did once have really well trained masks in order for me to “cope with life”, but that went (striving to get them back with therapy) when I got involved with my last relationship. I’m pleased that you were able to be successful and wish you all the best in your diagnosis 🙏☮️
The magnet analogy was perfect.
Thank you 😁
"The way your face can change a room's mood" really hit me. I have tried to tell care providers for years how awful it is, and they completely deny that it happens. I'm glad to hear that others are being taken seriously.
I didn't know it was a thing until it was said about me. Now as stupid as it sounds, I feel my face react to extreme situations. Even though I'm the one making it, it's almost as if it isn't muscles that move it, it's raw emotion!
@@AdultwithAutismThis is over our the reasons that I still keep a mask on at work. There's so the chance I could get Covid frim a patient but the mask helps me because I don't have to "mask" as much behind the mask.
Y'know, I'm a little off topic but you're a wonderful storyteller. You mentioned toward the end that you sometimes think about writing movies, but you seemed to think it was a stupid idea. I actually think you'd be a remarkable writer.
Thank you, I should have had it as my lockdown hobby!
I fully agree with you! I hope Paul is going to assess his storytelling talents! Got that, Paul?...
I like your low-key, matter-of-fact delivery style. Some other autism TH-cam presenters I have watched put on a cheesy 'hyper' act like they are daytime TV presenters, which I find awfully annoying and off-putting.
I guess your inability to cold call arises from the especially strong sense of honesty, truthfulness, integrity and fairness that is a common trait in people with high-functioning autism.
I very much agree with you that if anyone has a sense of being constantly at odds with the rest of the world, then the self-knowledge, self-insight provided by a diagnosis is life-changing. Just for yourself you don't necessarily need a formal, documented diagnosis, but as in your case, if you need to enlighten some significant person in your life, particularly an employer, a formal diagnosis really helps.
Thank you for the positive words. And yes, I absolutely needed the diagnosis...otherwise my employer wouldn't have listened. I also appreciate it now as the older I get, the more I can see I might need it to visit the Doctor about someday, and need them to listen to me.
I hate how autism is defined as partially inflexible thinking and yet neurotypical people aren't felxible either, in that they want you to do it, you have to do it...even when you try to explain that you can't...they can't be bothered to be accomodating, which I feels demands way less on them, than on me, you know what I mean?
I do. It's made out to be a trait of Autism as if it isn't a trait of others too. I rarely meet people willing to compromise over differing opinions. It's either their way or war.
omg yes!!! I used to have meltdowns when I was younger and my mom would force me to pick up the telephone when it rang at our house. Cold calling is THE worst.
It sure is! I was threatened with legal action for swearing at a cold caller once. Don't call, I won't swear, simple!
I really relate to your frustration of only getting empathy when I say I'm autistic.
Why do I have to have a diagnosis in order for you to see that I'm the way I am. Why can't I be seen as a person? Why can't they accept me without it?
I get judged so much for the things I do and say. But I there are just some things like you said I'll never be able to do. And I only get empathy and understanding when I say I'm autistic and I hate it.
It's true. If I say I can't do something, I shouldn't have to quantify it with adding Autism in the mix 👍🏻
I’m in the process right now and it’s indescribable how I feel. In 47! I went to search on my brother who was diagnosed as a baby so I can relate to him and reach him only to feel like I’ve been punched in the gut at first? I lost my breath literally! I was reading about my childhood and so much of what my life is like?! I used to go on the playground and pretend to be some other kid to fit in! I ended up usually by myself talking to the adult yard duty?! Adults were better friends. They watched and read the same things I liked and most of my the people my age couldn’t relate! No ones fault! Hahahah I was called an old soul! Always the responsible one to tend to children and my peers rather not anyway so I had fun and made money! LOL I watched children on the spectrum all the time! Never bothered me. So looking back so many dots are being connected and it’s not so scary! It’s empowering! I don’t like labels and we know how ignorant others are (including myself because I knew so little in the beginning) and the stigma is not fun to deal with. But slowly I’ve been telling others about my journey. It’s a slow process and hard work! But now I can find skills to help me not be so anxious. Everything can come at me and my sensitivity level is high! But I am a people watcher and can tell the motives of others! Body language is easy for me! So I assumed because I’m very empathetic and good at reading others that I couldn’t be on the spectrum. Oy! Wrong! You have many of the same attributes as I do! Hey! You sound pretty freaking cool to me! LOL thank you for sharing! You’ve explained things well! Writing I do well! But when I get in front of a camera it’s game over?! Hahaha I am socially awkward and have very few close friends. Lots of friends but not real close. Mostly family! So I don’t connect to many. But it’s funny how I can be drawn to some who end up being on the spectrum throughout my years! They are some of my best friends! I am alone often but never bored or lonely! Misunderstood ? All the time! I hear ya!! Keep this up if you’d like! You’re insightful and empathetic! And brave enough to get past the stigma! That’s a pretty rare combo! 👍🏻💪🏼🙏🏻😁
I can relate to a lot of what you have put down in your comment, I really do. I am not good in front of a camera either, but thought I'd give it a go and see if any sense can be made from the ramblings. The misunderstood should stick together!
@@AdultwithAutism Right on! Thanks so much! Different isn’t all bad either! Lol ✌🏻😄💪🏼❤️
I live in the US and every time you say "waffling about" I cant help but to start craving actual waffles. Im going to go make some.
I am the same when someone I know calls me a Donut. Need a Donut when that happens.
You notice the details often that NT’s overlook well I do to a fault anyway.. interaction drains me to utter exhaustion it’s so hard. Thank you for your channel & your experiences :)
Thank you for sharing your experiences with us Paul. You bring up so many good and interesting points, many of which i hadn't noticed or considered. I found it interesting that you brought up things like schizophrenia, sociopathy and psycopathy, because when i was researching for my own diagnosis those were the ones i was looking at. It wasnt until one of my teachers suggested autism that i thought it could be anything other than schizophrenia.
Looking back on my own diagnosis journey, the main motivation i had to get it was because i was constantly overwhelmed and burned out with no identifiable reason.
Thanks. Interesting you got there due the burnouts. I didn't know I was burning out, I just assumed that's what happened everyday! It wasn't until I looked into Autism after diagnoses that I realised it doesn't have to be that way 100% of the time...just 99% on my case, but still trying!
I work in fire and security also Paul, I understand being made to do things that some suit thinks is acceptable. I’m NT but can totally empathise with your situation. Great insight mate
Many thanks. Appreciated 👍🏻
Thanks for sharing. I am in the same situation here at work in the USA. Every day I feel threatened by my boss, putting me in a situation that affects my health. I have people counting on me to work and support them. I need to be healthy. Being in the USA, at 50+ years old, I can't just get diagnoses. I feel my days are limited.
I know that feeling well. Unfortunately I don't know the regulations in the US, but diagnosis or not, the employer has a duty of care for your health, safety and welfare for their employees. In England, that is covered under the Health & Safety at Work Act (section 2) and was something I would turn to before a diagnosis when things pushed me too far. When I couldn't reason with them personally, I had no choice but to remind them of their legal duties. I hope your situation improves, I really do.
@@AdultwithAutism There are laws here in the USA, I just don't know if they apply to the fact that I am older. The work I did before, I could do now, but it's not as easy. I could jeopardize my welfare and my family's welfare. There is more to this, but I will leave it like this. Thanks for replying. I will look further into the laws.
I ended up getting diagnosed at 40 because of struggles at work too. Things are much better now. I feel lucky that it worked out for me...for now.
Long may the working out continue!
What others have said. Also, i'm impressed that your video was done in a single take (unspliced).
Thanks Kurt. I'd like to say it is done in one take so I can 'present' my Autism...but it is mainly due to not having time to do editing!
It’s called selective mutism and it’s awful. Sorry that happened to you with your boss but at least you now know and he actually accepted your reason in the end. Wish he could have respected you in the beginning.
Me too!
Dude, right on man! I really appreciated your story and your advice. I definitely plan on getting a diagnosis so I can get reasonable accommodation. The cubical farm was a great example, but now some companies are going to the same desk setup but no more walls so that you don't get any privacy while you're working.
For the workplace, the diagnosis is critical in my opinion. I still feel awkward raising something, but I know it is there if I need it. Especially in a cubicle situation, I wouldn't want to lose the 'enclosure', and that would be something an employer would be required to consider if it hindered my work to remove it.
51 and I've always known something was wildly off with me and being one of the lads I masked and fitted with constant worrying and over thinking. Looking forward to working through your vids but thanks for coming across as normal / like me as far as I can tell. I think the more you seem like the last person to have it the harder and more exhausting it is over time.
No worries. If you've just started, there is a lot of nonsense to go through as I'm still trying ti figure out what I'm doing on here! Happy watching.
@@AdultwithAutism after a long journey, a long wait and your videos helping I've just today at 53 got my diagnosis after 2 years waiting. Written tests and 2 x hour long assessments with consultants but worth it. Won't change anything but you get why 👍
At least that journey is done...now onto the next one! But now you know 👍🏻
6:39 yep, my spectrum gets me to do a job if I feel I can do it, I will. And I’m similar in regards to the phones. Sometimes I’m ok, but sometimes I don’t like it, especially answer machines
I get that 👍🏻
When I look back, at things that happened in old jobs, pre diagnosis, I get overwhelming feelings of sadness, takes me straight back there. I can relate. Thanks for the post
Me too. Time is not a great healer, no matter what others may say 👍🏻
''I just can't.'' YUP !!! No better eplaination and I often realize how strange it must sound to others, but yes, I totally felt that in my soul! I just can't and it isn't about confidence or intelligence or any other number of weird things other people think, it just is not doable. Period.
Exactly. It's a stonewall answer with nothing but benefit for all involved if they listen...but they don't and instead it is detrimental for all instead.
Thank you I’m just sure you understand
No problem 👍🏻
it is odd with all the talk of morality and religion how abrasive it is when some of us can't do things we don't believe in 😕 also...f"*# cold calling
I remember doing a small contract job working making floral bouquets (mass produced, that you buy cheap at a corner store or grocery store) and at the end of the 2 weeks the boss made a quip about my mood and work ethic and I had a good mind to holler back that I work extremely well, regardless of my mood, haha! i just hate the added pressures, socially, like let me do my job and go home. Also bosses adding things on the to do list that are clearly not a part of the job description. It is so aggravating and stressful and we're just supposed to comply, why?? I remember getting in trouble at another job, I was hired to work weekdays, since I was older and not in school and the ''kids'' were hired for evenings and weekends...held the job down for 2-3 months before quitting, worked every evening the shop was open and weekends. It's so maddening.
I feel the work frustration more than ever, maybe this week I will get a video out to explain why I've resigned.
Thank you
Welcome!
Listening to your work experience brought back similar stressful times I’ve experienced. Thank you for sharing your story.
Good for you Paul , you sound like a lovely guy , just trying to get through life , there's an awful lot off people out there with autism just trying to get through life , there's also a lot off people need educated on autism , my grandson has autism and he was lucky enough to be diagnosed when he was 15 , but thankfully he has a great mother who would fight to have his voice heard , I admire people like you , so please keep on the good work with the videos , and thank you ❤
Thank you for your kind words, they're appreciated 👍🏻
Thanks for sharing your story. You convince me to get a diagnosis.
Awesome video!
Paul again what an awesome video and again I totally relate to you I’ve struggled in employment also. Organisations and employers just do not understand at all thank you for raising this important points people need to know about
They don't, and it is very difficult to change that narrative. Hopefully it'll happen in my lifetime but who knows!
I've just been diagnosed too.
How's it going 2 years in?
Paul!! Oh my goodness, Paul, I am LOVING this one!! Can you tell? Haha!! Going to bed, is when my mind wakes up...I don't think anyone has ever explained it better!! I've been assessed (partially), twice and dismissed (almost immediately first time and halfway through second time), twice...apparently I am too self-reflective and can name emotions, can maintain eye contact, am in a relationship, have had jobs, can remember my childhood, don't have a niche special interest, etc...seemed like they were trying to diagnosis autism through the lens of a very severe stereotypical form of it...makes you wonder how much the professionals actually know, but it's been shattering. Getting older is definitely the crumbs and makes being adaptive a lot harder. I've found I cope less and less with age.
Haha, I think you've set the record for the different number of comments for one of my videos! There is so much that doesn't fit the box, but what do you expect...the assessment criteria for Autism wasn't put together by Autistic people, so it can only be so far so good. It needs redone!
You have a really nice voice 😊
Definitely the first time I have heard that! Usually get told I can talk a glass eye to sleep!
@@AdultwithAutism 😂
Thank you
I laughed when you described it as parasitic..perfect.
I was being as polite as I could...trying not to swear!
Coming to terms with my neurodiversity, just listened to the first two episodes. I'm still at the stage of having 'lightbulb' moments as I explore and I think this podcast is really gonna help. Cheers Paul
No worries, hope there is sense in there somewhere 👍🏻
Hi Paul! Always awesome to see a new video from you. I like your new camera angle and the lighting in this one. Resonating so much with your story, it also brings up much frustration with the medical system where I live (a resort town in Canada). I would LOVE to get a diagnosis, however finding (and paying for) a clinician who is experienced in working with adult females on the Spectrum has proven impossible at this stage. I’ve given up on that route and comfort myself with things like your videos, which help immensely to not feel so alone
Hi Corri, glad my videos can help where they can. I know its tough in some places to get a diagnosis, but if anything I say can help then that's all I do them for.
Not sure about the lighting and camera angle though as this was the second video I ever did!
I can appreciate this. I'm scheduled to get assessed for ASD and ADHD next week. It gets harder as I'm getting older. I work in Healthcare and lose a little bit of my soul with every patient interaction every day. There have never been issues with my technical job performance but insinuation about my interactions with patients were brought up because there's always a marketing side to the job.
Binging alot of your stuff
No worries 👍🏻
I once took a job where I was supposed to do cold calling and I couldn’t. Like you say, I COULD NOT. I quit after two days without looking for another job first, because I simply had to leave, I couldn’t be there one more minute. The boss basically told me that I was a loser (it was a sales company, I’m laughing at how I even thought of taking a job like that) and, contrary to how I usually felt if someone misunderstood me, I couldn’t care less what he said because I saw right through him and I was just so relieved walking out of that office. Those two days I was there was anxiety from hell staring at the phone and feeling so out of place and different from my coworkers (which I always do at every job to be fair) who seemingly had no problem making those calls…which in itself is astonishing to me!
Thanks for telling about your experiences and your life.
I know the EXACT feeling you're talking about as I've done the same thing, although I lasted a whole 3 weeks. It was a call centre for a homeware supplier, where you basically had to listen to why people needed to cancel an order they had already paid for, and no excuse was allowed unless proof could be given. A lady called and said her husband passed away, and the supervisor (who listened into every call on the table of us) was shaking their head slowly like this poor old lady had made it up her husband had died, so she didn't have to pay the £19.99 cancellation charge.
I was already not planning on returning but after that...certainly didn't!
@@AdultwithAutism that’s just awful. Awful. Aaahh the anxiety. Glad you left. Can’t believe you managed to stay for 3 weeks!😳🙈💪🏼
Thank you so much for this video. I just found out myself at age 47, and trying to figure things to work for me at work and lisiting to you really helps me getting the questions on paper i would like to ask my coach.
No worries Pauline, I'm just glad I can help in any way I can 👍🏻
I love the illustration of the magnets! I'm going to use it. I hope you dont mind
17:44 whats waffling? 😅 Sorry
Waffling is talking far too much...
I've never understood the mindset "Our companies in the shitter, lets do everything in our power to make it worse".
Same with countries...
Lock down made me realise I could be autistic I was worn out as I worked through it and took my kids to school barely slept. Then I got to much responsibilities at work because " I could do it better" I snapped as I couldn't do it anymore I just ended up being the dogs body. 😔 I'm having my assesment on Thursday
Hi Emma, best of luck with your assessment on Thursday. I know the lack of sleep feeling, currently on a 3 day run on about 6 hours combined 😴
@@AdultwithAutism thanks yh I work nights and I can come home either wide awake or stressed and both leave me unable to sleep I think of work even when I'm off I can't cope with all the stress
Me too Emma. I had a week off and still kept my work phone on to keep an eye on my work emails as checking for 5 minutes a day still created anxiety, but not as much as it does if I ignore them and load them all up on my return.
The things we do eh!
@@AdultwithAutism I got diagnosed yesterday with autism and ADHD the combined type so I suppose I'm now part of the community officially
From the communities I've come across, I wouldn't want to be! Quite happy in my little corner trying to figure it out myself! Hope the diagnosis helped you 👍🏻
I’ve just been diagnosed with ADHD at 42 and now I’m thinking maybe I’m autistic as well, like you say always felt that there was something wrong with me and asking why I’m different. Lost my job during covid and ended up in a call centre taking incoming calls to upgrade mobiles but this was never enough we had to try and upsell everything and I was no good at it. It was just before Christmas so I kinda got away with it for a bit then struggled in January/February before they moved us all onto another team where people were ringing in to top up their phone and being put through to us to try and sell them a monthly contract instead, couldn’t cope at all think I managed a day or two before going off sick with stress.
Fast forward a few years and I have a job that’s great for me as it’s flexi hours and working from home 4 days a week. But now I’ve got my ADHD diagnosis and have to talk to my boss about it. I’ve far more confidence in this boss than in previous jobs though so not that worried about it.
Anyway gone off a tangent too, maybe I should seek an autism diagnosis? Asides from accommodations at work what benefit is there to seeking an adult diagnosis? With my ADHD at least I can take medication which hopefully will alleviate some of my more problematic symptoms but with autism there’s no such medicine.
A diagnosis is always worth exploring if you are curious to it 👍🏻
I was completely struggling,work wise and Socially and at family functions etc..so my GP referred me to a specialist in Basingstoke UK and I underwent a four hour interview with a Psychiatrist and two weeks later was sent a letter confirming that I have ASD level 1 and this explained why I was struggling I was 38 when diagnosed and then hit 40 two years ago and had a stroke like attack and was then diagnosed with MS ! Lucky me eh !!! 🥳👍
Sorry to hear that Benjamin! Hopefully a mild form 🤞🏻
I grew up in Basingstoke in the 90s. Wish I'd known I was autistic back then. Was diagnosed as autistic last year aged 41 (and was diagnosed with ADHD a couple of weeks ago).
I started trying to get my adjustments 4 months ago and it's still not all sorted I'm being told to just cope as they are trying there best
Hi Emma, sorry for not responding, your messages didn't show in the folder for some reason until now. I have just uploaded a video about the Workplace Autism Assessment and am going through a tough time with it myself!
@@AdultwithAutism I got a call off access to work last week but they told me my manager can refuse. I mentioned it to him months ago for him to say oh Emma I don't think that's necessary.So he will probably refuse he's been so terrible for support throughout this hole process. They have caused me immense stress I will watch your video. I got my report yesterday. I have a meeting with my managers on Monday doubt it will do well.
There isn't a legal obligation to do a workplace autism assessment unfortunately, but it is best practice. It's why conversations are better as emails...for evidence later down the line.
@@AdultwithAutism everything I've done through email 🤣 they hate it but I need the proof of them failing some of the things I asked for were simple I just want to work to the best of my ability
It is rubbish, having been there I know exactly how it all feels! You know what made me feel better? Working for someone else. It didn't at the time, but once I was out I REALLY got to see everything clearly, and I was surprised I stuck in for as long as I did!
I used to work security as well and did the exact same thing. In a room of 500+ people I would spot the handful of people that would cause trouble or create a scene. I was correct more than 3/4 of the time.
I think it makes sense because an autistic person who masks is constantly having to observe, evaluate and re-evaluate "the room". If non autistics do this instinctively for social purposes it means when an objective evaluation is required the autist has the advantage of deep experience in this area.
Is it possible you would be able to say were you had your private diagnosis?
After a referral from the Doc, I went to Axia ASD in Chester.
Personally, I’d like a diagnosis because I’ve been dismissed so much in my life, I’d feel validated. lol, and I go off on tangents like yourself, it must annoy the hell out of those that know me
Those tangents...wouldn't be so bad if I could ever remember where I was up to 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism yep, I go off on the tangent, get mind block AND forget what I was saying originally. If I wasn’t dismissed, rejected etc, I’d probably wouldn’t feel the need one, but as I mentioned, had it all my life and just need the validation. It’s not for the “I told you so” just for me and if there’s dismissal, say, actually I’m diagnosed. I suppose people have to give a sh*t to care if someone needs validation….then again NT’s won’t know anyway, lol. Sorry for the ramble….hopefully not too incoherent
anybody cant sleep? figure out what dimension your sleeping in!
Love to know what dimension I am in, this one is weird!
Having a problem cold calling is like having a problem acting in an amateur dramatic play...it calls for being someone we are not. It feels fake and dirty. It also feels like peeling away the protective mask but not to reveal our authentic persona but what's worse, made up behaviours. Your former boss sounds like a psychopathic bully who fully understood your problem, was fully aware of all the extras you gave to the company, but was only interest interested in getting kicks from bullying. It's a regular thing in the workplace for autistic adults, I think.
We've spoken about it since and he's explained his side, but it doesn't take any of the difficulty I bad to go through away.
But couldn't agree more, it is a dirty feeling, and who can live with that? Cold calling is horrid.