Is there any way of knowing how Katie is getting on? I feel like I've made an emotional commitment listening to every one of these episodes and now really wondering and hoping she is okay. I can relate to so much of what has happened with the husband and children. I had alarm bells going off in the early episodes about the way Katie was being undermined and disrespected by her husband. It happened to me in the same way. My children are adults now and I'm with someone else, but I went through a similar nightmare. Please can you let us know how she is getting on, bless her so much. Sending Katie lots of good energy, she is going through a spiritual journey to find herself. She has so many lovely qualities.
Hi Katie, I was in a somewhat similar situation to you. I lived with an emotionally abusive husband for 18years, my children became teenagers and went off the rails completely, my husband had an affair, and all I did for about 3 years of this was cling onto our “family unit”, our “family home” & everything I’d known for years. But honestly, the best thing I ever did was leave one day with a suitcase of clothes & start a new life in a tiny flat with nothing, ground zero. Not far away, an open door to my kids being with me, but respecting me in my own space where abuse of any kind is not tolerated. I still loved them & supported them. But I let go of the dream that our family unit was a good thing. I let go of everything. I’m now 2 years in, I have the best relationship with my kids I’ve ever had, my daughter chose to live with me. I hardly own anything (I’m still building up & fighting for a financial settlement) but my freedom, being respected by my kids & just being myself is the best feeling I’ve ever had. I’d recommend letting go & starting something new. Maybe that house in the country you mentioned. Good luck ❤ xxx
Wow. This can’t be easy to do this in front of camera and then share it with the world. Katie thank you for sharing this. It makes people who are in similar situation and mindset not feel alone. Thank you! 🌺
Katie's journey is very like my own i 100 percent am rooting for her . What a beautiful kind lady staying in the family home trying her hardest to keep her family together and doing her best for everyone. I've been looking for episode 14 and praying for Katie to have the strength to keep going. ❤
Alex a wonderful episode showing real life with real problems. This series is so valuable. Katie you are certainly in good company. As a mum myself of two young adult sons I resonate with the love you have given and the anxiety you feel. You are not alone. I wish you all the best. Take care x
They say that in a narcissistic relationship, you come out of it thinking about yourself, whatever the narcissist wants you to think. They train you to abuse yourself and to question your every word and action. The worst thing about coming out of an emotionally abusive relationship for me was the confusion. Replaying, trying to make sense of things that had no reason to cause problems. The reality unfortunately is that to him, it was all just a game to get whatever he wanted. Push the right emotional button and I'll just keep giving. They idealise, devalue and discard. One day it's wonderful and the next it's treading on eggshells and threatening to end the relationship.
Run Katie RUN,,, Your narcissistic husband is grinding you down,, your kids are taking their pew from him,,you are so strong to have put up with so much for so long,,,but this will never work,,you will find your identity and peace,,when you get rid of him from your life,,,a narcissist never changes,,they have no empathy, I hope one day you will have the knowledge and courage to change your life. The only way to do that,,,is WITHOUT HIM. Good luck Katie,,⭐️🙏⭐️🌈
Normally the one who is the most toxic teaches the others the narrative and is usually the narcissistic one because that is a narrative that the narcissist uses to stop the fixer, co-dependent one from setting the boundaries so that they can continue to have everything their way and then take delight in seeing the fixer fall apart so that they can say that that person is crazy. My heart goes out to Katie. I was once in that situation with my own daughter although the one who did the undermining was my mother who had her own childhood issues but never wanted to accept that she wasn't perfect.
Katie.. Thank you for your honest vulnerability.. and sharing your journey.. being the catalyst for change in a family with years of disfunction can be exhausting for sure.. I see you and understand everything you are feeling.. and going thru.. Believe Change IS possible.. .it's not easy but neither is staying the same.. I too am on this same journey... You are braver and stronger than you can maybe see....(I see it) keep going even though the road is difficult.. Your children are blessed with a Mother that loves them and cares for there well being... someday.. (when they have kids of there own.. lol) they will see the truth! On a side note ... It pains me when you say you are not pretty and who would want you... Sister.... you are So Lovely.. inside and out... keep moving forward!! I am cheering for you!! You are not alone... I may be on the other side of the pond... but I am here!! Alex thank you for sharing this platform.... as you assist Katie in changing , I learn too!
What a brave woman to share her struggles like this!!! So raw and heartbreaking! Alex you did a such a great job! I really hope she is out of this situation! From the outside it's clear that it's an extreamly toxic thing going on. Het self-esteem broke down to the point that she actually thought she couldn't get a better relation. Being on your own and treating yourself with love would be a thousand times better than staying in that shit. You seem to be such a loving and caring person and. Don't waste it on anyone who does not deserve it or respect you! Start doing what you enjoy and keep strong boundries. Just be on your own and discover what makes you happy. When you are happy again; open up carefully and let only good persons and good behaviors in. You always have the choise and power to leave. I hope you turned around and left, sold the house and started in a new home were you could build up both your new safe place and yourself. I hope you are in a totally different situation today. ❤ Would be so interesting to hear.
Your teenagers and x husband are not valuing or respecting you, do not believe the horrible things they say. You are a wonderful woman, mum caring, and doing things for them to show your love, They need to consider your perspective, you need to stop doing, until they notice xx
Man, am I on Team Katie! I always cheer for the fighters, not the winners.What a fighter she is! She is sitting there completely battered emotionally, all bruised and bloody, but still not giving in. I am so amazed.
The children are projecting their failures onto YOU. Please don't believe them. Be strong, be fearless and stick to a new plan for them to 100% participate in keeping the home clean and if they don't they'll have to live with their father. :) sending lots of healing love your way.
I can so empathise with this mother - it’s much harder I think than Alex is implying to break the pattern of the learnt behaviours of the kids and put boundaries in place. It’s so hard these days to be a parent especially a single parent .
One day Katie..you’ll have your life back and I pray you will gain strength from here on to know there’s light at the end of this tunnel. It’s like a fight for survival to even exist at the moment..I remember that soul crushing and struggle to be heard and seen. Sending my love and light to you my sister! Xx❤
So sorry Katie for your pain, it is beautiful to witness your love for your children and you only want them to grow up with good values. That is so very evident in how you relate your story and your current difficulties. As Alex said children push boundaries for their psychological development which is completely normal. The children are suffering with the breakdown of the family so that would be extremely difficult for them at present and may explain some of the negative behaviour( parenting is tricky business for us all and a steep learning curve). I think giving yourself as much self love and care with all the resources you have in your emotional tool box will help from Alex's therapy you will navigate these difficult times gracefully. Go easy on yourself Katie, honour your strength you are so brave and an inspiration to us all with how far you have come in your journey. Bless you and your family.
I admire your strength and patience Alex in helping others! I really hope Katie will find some inside peace and power to overcome all the obstacles that right now seem to be so scary and difficult. It is a truly valuable experience to watch the healing in process.
Wow, Katie is so brave and Alex is so skilled. Katie, you can do this, tough as it may be right now, you can do this with the guidance of Alex. Been there and done this with a skilled psychiatrist. Step by step, self hug, by self hug!
I want to pick Katie up, and just give her a big hug. So that she knows she is not mad, and she is not alone. To know that she is loved and valued as a wonderful, caring, loving human being, that she is. The world is a better place with your in it Katie. xxx
Oh my gosh, I am binge-watching Katie’s sessions, and it sounds like she is living my life! I just left my marriage a month ago, after 39 years of marriage. I am so thankful to hear these sessions, both to know that I’m not the only one living this life, but also for the feedback Alex is giving.
I relate with Katie 100%.. your not mad or a narcissist, you care cause yr a mother and in kids minds that’s just crazy. It’s so hard when you don’t get the proper support from your partner, that’s the biggest problem I think . It’s also very difficult for women during the peri menopause/menopause. I feel I gave up ‘ME’ when I got married and had kids, then they grow up and yr left wondering who the hell you are with no confidence. We have to rebuild ourselves and set boundaries. Thank you for this video, it’s helping me understand things in my life ❤️🙏🏻
Katie, you are not fat and ugly - you have been gaslit for a long time by Simon. Protect yourself from his narcissistic tactics and let him deal with the kids. Sometimes, we can only save ourselves and this is your time. Do what you enjoy and separate from all abuse now and your son will have to suffer the consequences of his behaviour. Praying for you. ❤️🇨🇦🙏
I need to watch this whole series. I relate to a lot of how Katie is feeling now. I went through similar feelings of trying to set boundaries with my teenage daughter after years of my mother constantly undermining my way of caring for my daughter, me trying to please my mother, trying to be a good mother and failing. I came to the radical acceptance when she turned 21 and wanted to get married that I was only too happy for her to go because I couldn't cope with her gas lighting and manipulative ways in addition to my mothers. I am now 67, estranged from my daughter, my mother passed away last August after creating havoc in my life before she died - convincing all of my friends that I was beating her up in addition to trying to convince me that I am mad, crazy, etc and no matter how kind and calm I was trying to be with her and treat her within boundaries. I now have no friends and family because they all bought into the narrative that I am a horrible person who beat an old lady up and treated her badly but none of them even tried to help me. My mom died August 2023, it is now January 2024 and the quiet and calm time that I have had since then - in addition to speaking to the psychologist who owned the home where I eventually got care for my mother for the last 2 months of her life, who told me that I am in a good space after asking me 3 questions. I doubted what he said then but after watching particularly, this episode and hearing Alex's responses, which were the exact same as how I was responding, I now realise that I am not crazy, mad or any of those things that I have been accused of. I do have a couple of things that I need to deal with. 1 I need to stop wanting to fix people. I need to let them live their own lives and make their own mistakes. 2. I need to stop taking responsibility for the actions of others and buying into their narrative that I am responsible for things going wrong when I was not the cause of the problem - it was only my trying to fix things that went haywire. 3. Most important, I need to work on finding a way to deal with situations properly when people overstep decent boundaries and rather just say no and leave it at that instead of trying to be nice about saying no without saying no. And not allow my anger to well up when they say things that are going to trigger me. Unfortunately my neighbours have learnt what my triggers are. Also when I do stand up to someone who has crossed a boundary and when I confront them in a decent way and they walk away. That is also a trigger for me.
Oh Katie …. So many families … the same. You’re not the only family. With your centering yourself , project Katie, huge “tiny baby steps forward” and yes there can be peace but your fantasy is not gonna come true BUT your reality that’s coming IS gonna be real and wonderful. Your healthy new reality will be deeply meaningful and healing. Everyday we discover more about ourselves and care for our minds and souls to become the authentic Katie or Paula Marie we ARE meant to be!!! Sending love !!! I believe in you even when you can’t for yourself but you are gaining steam, slowly but you are ! I’m so proud of you.
Really feel for Katie, I can relate so much to her struggles. I've been called crazy, bad, ugly,fat etc since I was a kid and I'm in trauma therapy now. I feel absolutely do e with it all.
Hi Alex The best way I can start to show up for Myself is by being as consistent as possible with talking to myself showing dignity & respect for my own feelings. Giving myself a break when I fail to act in a way that is in line with my own sound morals. Treating myself with kindness instead of with harshness. I can also disregard the negative comments that others say to me especially when those comments come from a place of tearing down & not from a place of building. I need to always remember that hurt people hurt people.
Same here of everyone she's the person who really resonated with me as I'm going through the same thing. I'm really wishing her the best in life she deserves it.
I would like to give my thanks and appreciation to Katie for sharing her story with all of us. I hope that she is aware that even though it is now 2024, her therapy in this podcast is still helping people navigate through their own similar experiences, so again we/I just want to thank her for her helpful and insightful participation. I like so many others I'm sure truly hope that her journey with Alex continued beyond this series, I hope that she's, okay?
The pain she is in breaks my heart, so sorry, Katie, I hope with time you reclaim yourself and know your value. Your souls beauty is evident in your maternal care x
Yes, They have learned bullying and entitlement to get their way. Some children will really push and find a power in it and begin to think acting abusively is acceptable. I have been guilty of wanting the dream as a mom . My family has been thru this. Get really busy on yourself. Mom’s busy on MOM. You are beautiful and a lovely person!
Katie you are not alone.....Same age bracket and you talk my life.....only difference is I am Bordeline ....Are you sure you are not the same as me?...also have depression and anxiety .....I would love you as a friend right now....Hang in there girlie! love is all
Bravo to Katie… you are an incredibly brave person… your perseverance is an example to us all! I have much in common with early attachment problems due to my mothers I’ll health, then the parenting, sister rivalry etc etc main difference in adult life is that instead of 4 rug rats 🐀 luckily I only managed 2…so difficult to reach the understanding that in many ways the more we do for our kids the more we undermine their self esteem, i too have been learning that hard life lesson! So I do hope things are improving… keep on keeping on as this too will pass… I have the strategy of just letting the mess build up so that they are forced to clean up after themselves! Young adulthood is much the hardest road to hoe for many parents ! sending love ❤️💕❤️
She is 100% doing the things she does in order to try to control. She doesn't see it that way of course, but It's how she operates - putting her worth in the hands of others and then acting in ways that she hopes will make them appreciate her. That's trying to control others. If they do appreciate her, then she feels loved. But, when they don't, she feels resentment. The reason she is not respected is because she does not value herself. It's truly hard for the people around her to feel her need to get their approval (control) and also see how little she values herself. That' is not the way to gain respect.
OMG, thank you. I thought I was going nuts with everyone joining her in her poor baby routine. I haven’t one time heard her take ownership of the way her kids are (without saying‘I just love them too much) I’m not sure she actually wants to change. Every time the guy gives her a strategy she totally poopoos it. She’s holding onto her victim story so hard and she can’t change until she lets it go
@@freescot8035 I heard her talk all about the circumstances, she’s made herself into a victim. Her way of being in the world, likely not even conscious, helps dictate the way she is treated. No one is a victim unless they choose to be, it’s such a disempowering path. Everyone listening to her and taking her side would likely be very enlightened by hearing the other sides in this case.
@@freescot8035 does she want sympathy, in which case complaining to your friends is probably the answer. Or does she want matters to improve? In which case seeing your part in how things play out is very important. When it comes to family dynamics, rarely is someone just a victim and clearly she has had a hand in creating these children. And even if you can’t see that you have to acknowledge that this counsellor has no power to alter anyone else’s behaviour, the only person she has control of and that he can advise, is her. Just telling her she’s a victim simply entrenches everyone’s behaviour
Thanks for trying an alternative viewpoint. I'm uncertain if you, or the masses are correct, but Katie didn't seem any better at the end, so a different approach might have helped.
Katie, I’ve just come across this session a year later. You are so much stronger than you realize, you know at your core that you’re not the weak and crazy one. But, I hope you can see that you are an abuse victim and I don’t see how new choices and strategies are a fix. Alex normalizing that all families have trouble isn’t helpful. The “journey” I’d hope for you would start at a shelter. God bless your goodness, Katie.
It’s time to create new dreams just for you sweet one. I started a whole new life. I lost my dreams, fantasy, family, house, work and sadly my health. If you do not get all the glory of your soul out just for you … you cannot move forward. The children need to be dealt with by Simon and accept the consequences of their behaviours. Katie you have a new little home waiting for you, filled with peace. I swear to god …. A tiny place of peace !!! I finally have it and it can be done but deal with it all before you get sick sweetie !
This is a complicated family situation, and it reminds me of something I watched a friend go through. Her husband was consumed by the idea of a spotlessly clean house. This is how he achieved a feeling of control over life, but it became his main priority, over and above having good relationships and communication with his wife and children. In time, his constant demands that everyone join him on a quest for living in a pristine, spotless environment became a source of great tension in the household. His requests were often presented in a disgruntled, unkind, demanding manner, making everyone around him feel defective. It also make everyone feel tense, and as the children grew up, they began to disconnect from the family. One child started spending a lot of time at a friend’s house, and moved in with them when he was 16. The other child stayed at home, but started behaving in the same ways she had seen modeled her entire childhood. Eventually, she became a complainer, as well. Both children grew up and left home, and have managed to finish school, find jobs, and become self-supporting. But, they have both struggled to find and navigate relationships. My point is, it’s possible this woman’s problems are entirely the fault of her ex-husband’s behavior, and if that’s the case, I am truly sorry for what she has endured. But I suspect there is more to this story, having to do with this woman’s own sense of self-worth and how she achieves a feeling of comfortable control over her life. Children are, by nature, sometimes messy and unpredictable. Sometimes that aspect of raising children can be really challenging if you are a person who needs a tidy house in order for yourself to feel calm and relaxed. Yes, the rude and entitled comments made by her children are wrong and unacceptable. But, how did the family arrive at this dynamic? That is what needs examination. I would love to see a group counseling session where the whole family gets together to present their perspective of the situation. That being said, it’s great to watch Alex and these counseling sessions. Very interesting!
So mush honesty and hard work on both sides I found these last two sessions so helpful. Are there more episode to come as I am getting so much from these conversations? I wish you the best Katie and I am rooting for you. Susan in Dublin
I feel Katie like a lot of us that has been brought up with chaos or abuse are STUCK in victim mentality especially when we are TIRED ( I have done it myself ) I wish Katie would use her determination with work to Give that determination to Herself ..a lot of us did not speak our mind because we were silenced ,by bullying ,violence ,where we stand within the family , youngest /middle /oldest ..I can see Katie is trying so hard with her family and I really hope her children come around and realise all the efforts she has done ...she deserves respect for that alone ...All the Best Katie ..there a lot of people like you and that means you are not crazy ..try and just live in the moment ..and not overthink could of would off should off ...a lot of us have fucked up ..even when we did not know it .x
Katie also look back on some of the video's when you were doing so well and smiling ..you look so Beautiful with that smile ..this is what I dream for you ...sometime all the puzzle pieces in the work you are doing will one day come together and you will suddenly wake up and see the beautiful picture you and with the help from Alex have created .
When you been in abusive relationship and your completely on your own. You cant fight. You either leave, or be cunning and just play along until you are ready to leave. Instead of trying to talk to these people, you slowly take things away without them noticing. For example, If your arguing all day with someone to tidy and they literally won't. Then all you end up with, is tidying up but being really stressed doing it. This slowly builds up and just destroys you until you have to submit because your that exhausted. Better way to deal with it, is accept their not gonna do it, do it yourself and then slowly change your life so you can walk away. The one thing no one understands about narcissists is they isolate you, so you can't do anything to escape. And society isnt their to help you escape so your stuck. Unless you've been in the situation you couldnt understand it, no therapist book could teach it. Its a very unique situation to end up in.
I'm hoping so too. Katie's been in such dark places and has a monumental task ahead after that session I hope she is ok too. I wish her the strength to continue with this journey - the behaviour of her ex and children is abuse!
Truly heartbreaking listening to Katie. She seems to be so broken. She needs to take of her wellbeing. Perhaps the whole family ought to come in to a session with Alex. This is a family problem that needs to be addressed. Wonder how Katie is now.
this is so weird. Ive been watching these session series with Katie which i understand they took many months perhaps close to a year, and i was sure there would be a positive outcome in the end for Katie, otherwise, why would you post the videos? What i can say though, is this: so much rational talk in therapy even with the tools of meditation and self care, simply cannot touch the inner world of negative feelings. Katie is still there at the bottom, still hurt and unhappy, no matter the small ups shes been through. I would say that ive done similar coaching programs for 15 years, and they never got me through on the other side either. Maybe this works for some people, but not for all. What did work for me was somatic psychology, feeling my feelings deeply, healthy nutrition for my body (which is not the mainstream healthy diets), healing arts and walking barefoot in nature for earthing reconnection. What the mind cannot understand rationally, the body can, at a somatic and energetic level, in ways that are irrational. There is a sense of inner knowing when you tap into the positive feelings by releasing the negative ones, a sense that emerges as a new belief, from within, not from the rational mind. Obviously, Katie was not taught to release and find a new state in her heart, not through using her mind. Perhaps these tools work well for logical people with linear minds, but Katie is not such a person. I would say, even though this series had profound nuggets of wisdom, it also proved to be almost useless for Katie in my opinion. Only with self care tools and rationality, emotions simply cannot shift, period. I see this way of coaching as a waste of time, even though the coach is talented and supportive, is just not the right approach for everyone.
Katie is very self pitying. She won’t take responsibility for her part. She catastrophes everything to a degree that she never looks realistically at what her children and husband need to do and what she needs to do and remains stuck - it’s very sad. I don’t know if she’s open for help at this stage.
That the price you pay when you are vulnerable with the wrong people. You get to be called mad and they will never own up to any thing since they now have you as an excuse to not work on themselves
Simon has a lot(!) to answer for. Alex, great job. Katie, stop tollerating the abuse. Many narcissistic traits appear evident in Simon and the kids’ behaviours. Do not allow yourself to be manipulated. Verbally abuse with “you are this/that” statements is unacceptable. Block those. Boundaries.
Argh,.like I have commented in previous sessions, why oh why isn’t the possibility of perimenopause/menopause discussed here? From the way she describes her emotions, it does sound like hormonal imbalances do have a part to play in her lowered resistance to stress. Hope Alex addresses these with her (at least off camera), my heart goes out to Katie and am sad this is the last session.
I only go out of my rural home to walk my dog, due to my sever anxiety. I sold my car, because every time I went out in it, about 10 mins later I started to choke (even though I have always loved driving) and then would have to stop the car to be sick. So I just gave up trying, as it was so destressing. That was in January 2020. I live alone with my rescue greyhound, and she is the only reason I get up in the morning, and go out walking. Sometimes I can go days without talking to another human being. I have a "befriender" from a charity, who rings me every Tuesday, and that has been going on for over a year now. It is great talking to her, but I wish she was nearby, so we could chat in person. I have just had my first therapy session on the telephone, which I had to pay for, and I am on a pension, so this is really hard. But I am hoping she can help me somehow. I feel unheard and unseen, just like the lovely Katie. I have done all of my life. I want to enjoy the wonderful life I have been given, I just do not know how to at the moment. I am so grateful for what I have, and I love walking in nature. I just ache to be loved by someone I suppose. xxx
I am one-third into the video and my heart aches for Katie. What she is describing …how her family talks to her and her husband won’t back her up is devastating. She was the scapegoat in her family of origin and she is the scapegoat to her own family. Once scapegoated you can only try to protect yourself and separate from the abuse as much as possible. She won’t change their minds as it sounds like her husband has thrown her under the bus. Back to the video.
When you are a victim for so long you go into reactive abuse, which IS behaving narcissistically. 24:54 thats your narrative too Katie 26:40 you are looking to your children for the emotional connection and being heard, which you didnt experience as a child 30:42 really? 40:28 alex needs to speak about the victim position with Katie I appreciate these 13 sessions being available for people to learn from. I hope Katie has moved forward since. Thank you both of you 😊
Her children should go llive with the Dad. Leaving the house like a pigsty then telling the Dad shes 'crazy' for expecting them to pick up after themselves ( they're all 18+)is abusive & disrespectful.
Are the kids all over 18? I can't believe how entitled they sound. I left school, got a job and then paid my mum monthly keep. When I eventually went to uni I had to work and get student loans. I worked to buy myself driving lessons and a car. I hope Katie started to be firmer with them for her own mental health.
Verbal abuse in the home, “you are this/that”, from anybody, in this instance from children, with a husband/father passively allowing it, is unacceptable. Always.
I was surprised and upset that the Therapist did not put any importance on Katie's relationship with her teenage children in this session. It's almost as if they are written off as 'extras' in her life who can be cast aside when they turn 18. I know Katie is learning to love herself, but her relationship with her children is so important - they may be horrible 'acting out' teenagers at the moment, but they are young vulnerable people with feelings, going through the ups and downs of their parent's break ups and most probably need some support! Parenting does not end when they turn 18: not many 18 year olds could survive without their parents and still need guidance, love, praise and connection with parents. I found 'Aha Parenting' a great resource with my children. It's worth putting the work in. (The main point being that without feeling connection to you, then teenagers are less likely to listen to you or want to help you.) I mean, if you wind up in therapy due to your relationship with your own parents and don't put the work in to stop the repetition cycle then what is the point? Katie wants to be loved, adored, heard and recognition that she is a good person: I just wonder what message her children are getting from her at the moment? Also, if the Therapist has not experienced teenagers then he doesn't have a clue. Pity we can't go back to living in tribes with 'wise elders' to seek out instead of expensive counselling sessions.
Your last sentence is very true. I don’t think one person can be expected to cope with four abusive teenagers with an abusive husband doing the very opposite of what he should be doing.
What happened with Katie? Is there any update? This looked like a really hard session to keep control of. It was hard to watch her dig into her victimhood and the defences go up.
Imagine having a family where every other adult was against you and unable to clear up after themselves - disgusting and cruel. If I was in this position, I think I'd move countries.
The one's that are accusing us of being narcissists are the narcissists. I don't know which way is up at the minute due to all the gaslighting etc the brain fog is awful
Narcissists don't ask the question 'Am I a narcissist'. Katie's limiting beliefs have an origin. Exploring the origin of her beliefs might be helpful for her.
Just because teenagers say things doesn’t mean they are true. What they say hurts her because deep down she believes these things herself. I was widowed young at 46 with four children and settling boundary’s was of paramount importance. So was picking my battles. You cannot be right all the time AND have a great relationship with your children. I would take my daughters dishes and sweet wrappers and clothes she left in the kitchen and place them inside her bedroom door on the floor. My children could keep their rooms as messy as they liked them but not so with the rest of the house. My children all did their own laundry from aged 16 onwards though I would remove their clothes from the washing machine and put them into the dryer if I needed to use it or I would remove their clothes from the dryer and fold them neatly and bring them to their room and they followed suit with my laundry. Because teenagers do what you do not what you say. On other occasions when I couldn’t decipher whose dishes , shoes, clothes and mess was in the tv room I would gather it all together and place it in one corner and tell them that whatever was not removed by Friday would be put in black bags and put in the bin. I never had to do this more than twice ever. If you don’t do what you say you’ll do they won’t believe you EVER. I knew I was a good fair mother so I could stand strong in my convictions. Katie doesn’t think she’s a good mother so she cannot stand strong in her convictions. She has talked previously about losing control and screaming and breaking plates by throwing them on the floor. Kate is all love and no control while her own mother was all control and no love. Now she fears the very thing she never wanted. To be a bad mother like her own mother. Kate needs to learn balance in her mothering skills and that balance will give her a steady footing to stand her ground on how she wants the rules of the house to be adhered to. I’ve found humour to be the best way around this. I would laugh at their stuff I’d pile up in the corner and take photos and add funny captions to the photos then send them to them. I would pile EVERYTHING into the two sinks like two Mount Everests and have the rest of the kitchen sparkling. Humour is a fantastic way to get your point across without losing your children’s respect by losing your cool because the moment you lose your cool you’ve lost the argument and the last laughs on you
Katie does seem often to act out of both passivity and anger by turns. She exhausts herself acting as the resentful servant to her slovenly kids, and then takes on the role of martyr. Martyrs are quite impossible to live with. Alex offers excellent perspective in this interview. Katie says that everything she does comes out of love. I do not believe this is true at all. Katie operates mostly out of resentment, anger, and martyrdom. These are what she has to confront and work on. It begins with boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. That may involve some separation from her family, or just never having all the children home at once.
Anyone making changes in their life sends ripples to those close. It's not in the interest of those close folk to go along with the changes because it means they have to change and they dont want to. They are screaming 'change back!!' Better to be the villain in their eyes as long as you're the hero in your own
This is simply abuse and so painful to watch. I just want to give this wonderful mother a big hug and tell her to book a holiday away with lovely friends and stay as long as you can. Let the kids miss your absence. Take time for you.
Is there any way of knowing how Katie is getting on? I feel like I've made an emotional commitment listening to every one of these episodes and now really wondering and hoping she is okay.
I can relate to so much of what has happened with the husband and children. I had alarm bells going off in the early episodes about the way Katie was being undermined and disrespected by her husband. It happened to me in the same way. My children are adults now and I'm with someone else, but I went through a similar nightmare.
Please can you let us know how she is getting on, bless her so much. Sending Katie lots of good energy, she is going through a spiritual journey to find herself. She has so many lovely qualities.
Hi Katie, I was in a somewhat similar situation to you. I lived with an emotionally abusive husband for 18years, my children became teenagers and went off the rails completely, my husband had an affair, and all I did for about 3 years of this was cling onto our “family unit”, our “family home” & everything I’d known for years.
But honestly, the best thing I ever did was leave one day with a suitcase of clothes & start a new life in a tiny flat with nothing, ground zero. Not far away, an open door to my kids being with me, but respecting me in my own space where abuse of any kind is not tolerated. I still loved them & supported them. But I let go of the dream that our family unit was a good thing. I let go of everything. I’m now 2 years in, I have the best relationship with my kids I’ve ever had, my daughter chose to live with me. I hardly own anything (I’m still building up & fighting for a financial settlement) but my freedom, being respected by my kids & just being myself is the best feeling I’ve ever had.
I’d recommend letting go & starting something new. Maybe that house in the country you mentioned. Good luck ❤ xxx
Simply excellent advice! And Bravo to you! 🙏🏻💖
@@createone100 Thank you so much !!😊🙏
I know that these videos are a year ago, and would love to hear how Katie is getting on now, bless her. xxx
As a therapist I can see how hard you were working in this session, Alex! Well done and thank you - so interesting
Wow. This can’t be easy to do this in front of camera and then share it with the world. Katie thank you for sharing this. It makes people who are in similar situation and mindset not feel alone. Thank you! 🌺
Katie's journey is very like my own i 100 percent am rooting for her . What a beautiful kind lady staying in the family home trying her hardest to keep her family together and doing her best for everyone. I've been looking for episode 14 and praying for Katie to have the strength to keep going. ❤
Alex a wonderful episode showing real life with real problems. This series is so valuable. Katie you are certainly in good company. As a mum myself of two young adult sons I resonate with the love you have given and the anxiety you feel. You are not alone. I wish you all the best. Take care x
They say that in a narcissistic relationship, you come out of it thinking about yourself, whatever the narcissist wants you to think. They train you to abuse yourself and to question your every word and action.
The worst thing about coming out of an emotionally abusive relationship for me was the confusion. Replaying, trying to make sense of things that had no reason to cause problems.
The reality unfortunately is that to him, it was all just a game to get whatever he wanted. Push the right emotional button and I'll just keep giving.
They idealise, devalue and discard. One day it's wonderful and the next it's treading on eggshells and threatening to end the relationship.
Run Katie RUN,,, Your narcissistic husband is grinding you down,, your kids are taking their pew from him,,you are so strong to have put up with so much for so long,,,but this will never work,,you will find your identity and peace,,when you get rid of him from your life,,,a narcissist never changes,,they have no empathy, I hope one day you will have the knowledge and courage to change your life. The only way to do that,,,is WITHOUT HIM. Good luck Katie,,⭐️🙏⭐️🌈
Normally the one who is the most toxic teaches the others the narrative and is usually the narcissistic one because that is a narrative that the narcissist uses to stop the fixer, co-dependent one from setting the boundaries so that they can continue to have everything their way and then take delight in seeing the fixer fall apart so that they can say that that person is crazy. My heart goes out to Katie. I was once in that situation with my own daughter although the one who did the undermining was my mother who had her own childhood issues but never wanted to accept that she wasn't perfect.
Katie.. Thank you for your honest vulnerability.. and sharing your journey.. being the catalyst for change in a family with years of disfunction can be exhausting for sure.. I see you and understand everything you are feeling.. and going thru.. Believe Change IS possible.. .it's not easy but neither is staying the same.. I too am on this same journey...
You are braver and stronger than you can maybe see....(I see it) keep going even though the road is difficult.. Your children are blessed with a Mother that loves them and cares for there well being... someday.. (when they have kids of there own.. lol) they will see the truth!
On a side note ... It pains me when you say you are not pretty and who would want you... Sister.... you are So Lovely.. inside and out... keep moving forward!! I am cheering for you!! You are not alone... I may be on the other side of the pond... but I am here!!
Alex thank you for sharing this platform.... as you assist Katie in changing , I learn too!
My heart goes out to Katie so much. There is light ahead Katie; keep going.
What a brave woman to share her struggles like this!!! So raw and heartbreaking! Alex you did a such a great job! I really hope she is out of this situation! From the outside it's clear that it's an extreamly toxic thing going on. Het self-esteem broke down to the point that she actually thought she couldn't get a better relation. Being on your own and treating yourself with love would be a thousand times better than staying in that shit. You seem to be such a loving and caring person and. Don't waste it on anyone who does not deserve it or respect you! Start doing what you enjoy and keep strong boundries. Just be on your own and discover what makes you happy. When you are happy again; open up carefully and let only good persons and good behaviors in. You always have the choise and power to leave. I hope you turned around and left, sold the house and started in a new home were you could build up both your new safe place and yourself. I hope you are in a totally different situation today. ❤ Would be so interesting to hear.
Your teenagers and x husband are not valuing or respecting you, do not believe the horrible things they say. You are a wonderful woman, mum caring, and doing things for them to show your love, They need to consider your perspective, you need to stop doing, until they notice xx
I hope Katie is doing well now. Sending love x
Man, am I on Team Katie! I always cheer for the fighters, not the winners.What a fighter she is! She is sitting there completely battered emotionally, all bruised and bloody, but still not giving in. I am so amazed.
Alex, you pulled every time Katie , when she bought into old way of thinking. Thank you both. I have learned a lot.
The children are projecting their failures onto YOU. Please don't believe them. Be strong, be fearless and stick to a new plan for them to 100% participate in keeping the home clean and if they don't they'll have to live with their father. :) sending lots of healing love your way.
I can so empathise with this mother - it’s much harder I think than Alex is implying to break the pattern of the learnt behaviours of the kids and put boundaries in place. It’s so hard these days to be a parent especially a single parent .
Hang on in there Katie. Courage is of the Heart❤ and you are a very brave lady! Nurture and treasure that little girl within x
One day Katie..you’ll have your life back and I pray you will gain strength from here on to know there’s light at the end of this tunnel. It’s like a fight for survival to even exist at the moment..I remember that soul crushing and struggle to be heard and seen. Sending my love and light to you my sister! Xx❤
So sorry Katie for your pain, it is beautiful to witness your love for your children and you only want them to grow up with good values. That is so very evident in how you relate your story and your current difficulties. As Alex said children push boundaries for their psychological development which is completely normal. The children are suffering with the breakdown of the family so that would be extremely difficult for them at present and may explain some of the negative behaviour( parenting is tricky business for us all and a steep learning curve). I think giving yourself as much self love and care with all the resources you have in your emotional tool box will help from Alex's therapy you will navigate these difficult times gracefully. Go easy on yourself Katie, honour your strength you are so brave and an inspiration to us all with how far you have come in your journey. Bless you and your family.
I admire your strength and patience Alex in helping others! I really hope Katie will find some inside peace and power to overcome all the obstacles that right now seem to be so scary and difficult. It is a truly valuable experience to watch the healing in process.
Wow, Katie is so brave and Alex is so skilled. Katie, you can do this, tough as it may be right now, you can do this with the guidance of Alex. Been there and done this with a skilled psychiatrist. Step by step, self hug, by self hug!
I want to pick Katie up, and just give her a big hug. So that she knows she is not mad, and she is not alone. To know that she is loved and valued as a wonderful, caring, loving human being, that she is. The world is a better place with your in it Katie. xxx
It is really important and emotional episode, thank you Alex, thank you Katie, you're doing amazing job.
Oh my gosh, I am binge-watching Katie’s sessions, and it sounds like she is living my life! I just left my marriage a month ago, after 39 years of marriage. I am so thankful to hear these sessions, both to know that I’m not the only one living this life, but also for the feedback Alex is giving.
Katie… you have not “lost” a thing… G-friend … Thank you for reaching out & sharing… so inspiring you are to me!😊
I relate with Katie 100%.. your not mad or a narcissist, you care cause yr a mother and in kids minds that’s just crazy. It’s so hard when you don’t get the proper support from your partner, that’s the biggest problem I think . It’s also very difficult for women during the peri menopause/menopause. I feel I gave up ‘ME’ when I got married and had kids, then they grow up and yr left wondering who the hell you are with no confidence.
We have to rebuild ourselves and set boundaries. Thank you for this video, it’s helping me understand things in my life ❤️🙏🏻
That was terrible of your daughter to call you a narcissist and she learns that from Simon.
You are a wonderful person. Focus on you and ignore them.
Katie, you are not fat and ugly - you have been gaslit for a long time by Simon. Protect yourself from his narcissistic tactics and let him deal with the kids. Sometimes, we can only save ourselves and this is your time. Do what you enjoy and separate from all abuse now and your son will have to suffer the consequences of his behaviour. Praying for you. ❤️🇨🇦🙏
Simon insulting his wife like that is a no no. Alex, so well done for instructing Katie so truthfully and directly.
I need to watch this whole series. I relate to a lot of how Katie is feeling now. I went through similar feelings of trying to set boundaries with my teenage daughter after years of my mother constantly undermining my way of caring for my daughter, me trying to please my mother, trying to be a good mother and failing. I came to the radical acceptance when she turned 21 and wanted to get married that I was only too happy for her to go because I couldn't cope with her gas lighting and manipulative ways in addition to my mothers. I am now 67, estranged from my daughter, my mother passed away last August after creating havoc in my life before she died - convincing all of my friends that I was beating her up in addition to trying to convince me that I am mad, crazy, etc and no matter how kind and calm I was trying to be with her and treat her within boundaries. I now have no friends and family because they all bought into the narrative that I am a horrible person who beat an old lady up and treated her badly but none of them even tried to help me. My mom died August 2023, it is now January 2024 and the quiet and calm time that I have had since then - in addition to speaking to the psychologist who owned the home where I eventually got care for my mother for the last 2 months of her life, who told me that I am in a good space after asking me 3 questions. I doubted what he said then but after watching particularly, this episode and hearing Alex's responses, which were the exact same as how I was responding, I now realise that I am not crazy, mad or any of those things that I have been accused of. I do have a couple of things that I need to deal with. 1 I need to stop wanting to fix people. I need to let them live their own lives and make their own mistakes. 2. I need to stop taking responsibility for the actions of others and buying into their narrative that I am responsible for things going wrong when I was not the cause of the problem - it was only my trying to fix things that went haywire. 3. Most important, I need to work on finding a way to deal with situations properly when people overstep decent boundaries and rather just say no and leave it at that instead of trying to be nice about saying no without saying no. And not allow my anger to well up when they say things that are going to trigger me. Unfortunately my neighbours have learnt what my triggers are. Also when I do stand up to someone who has crossed a boundary and when I confront them in a decent way and they walk away. That is also a trigger for me.
Awesome work here Alex.
Thank you both. Really feel for Katie and her selfish children and ex. xx
Oh Katie …. So many families … the same. You’re not the only family.
With your centering yourself , project Katie, huge “tiny baby steps forward” and yes there can be peace but your fantasy is not gonna come true BUT your reality that’s coming IS gonna be real and wonderful.
Your healthy new reality will be deeply meaningful and healing. Everyday we discover more about ourselves and care for our minds and souls to become the authentic Katie or Paula Marie we ARE meant to be!!!
Sending love !!! I believe in you even when you can’t for yourself but you are gaining steam, slowly but you are ! I’m so proud of you.
Really feel for Katie, I can relate so much to her struggles. I've been called crazy, bad, ugly,fat etc since I was a kid and I'm in trauma therapy now. I feel absolutely do e with it all.
I just want to love her up…she deserves so much❣️❣️
Hi Alex
The best way I can start to show up for
Myself is by being as consistent as possible with talking to myself showing dignity & respect for my own feelings. Giving myself a break when I fail to act in a way that is in line with my own sound morals. Treating myself with kindness instead of with harshness. I can also disregard the negative comments that others say to me especially when those comments come from a place of tearing down & not from a place of building. I need to always remember that hurt people hurt people.
Ive just binge watched Katies journey. I hope she is doing ok now cannot see any further updates.
Same here of everyone she's the person who really resonated with me as I'm going through the same thing. I'm really wishing her the best in life she deserves it.
Me too, I really hope she’s okay, I was desperate for another update on how she is doing.
I would like to give my thanks and appreciation to Katie for sharing her story with all of us.
I hope that she is aware that even though it is now 2024, her therapy in this podcast is still helping people navigate through their own similar experiences, so again we/I just want to thank her for her helpful and insightful participation.
I like so many others I'm sure truly hope that her journey with Alex continued beyond this series, I hope that she's, okay?
I relate to this soo much!!!
Sooo much.
Much love to you Katie and thanks for being so open, it's helping me.
The pain she is in breaks my heart, so sorry, Katie, I hope with time you reclaim yourself and know your value. Your souls beauty is evident in your maternal care x
Yes, They have learned bullying and entitlement to get their way. Some children will really push and find a power in it and begin to think acting abusively is acceptable. I have been guilty of wanting the dream as a mom . My family has been thru this. Get really busy on yourself. Mom’s busy on MOM. You are beautiful and a lovely person!
All these sound so familiar to me ... Thank you Katie for sharing and be honest in your words.
Thank you so much for this Alex!...It is really helping me....
Victimhood hidden. Sending love. She is too much busy with herself and how people she her.
I hope Katie is ok. You are amazing Katie ❤❤
Katie you are not alone.....Same age bracket and you talk my life.....only difference is I am Bordeline ....Are you sure you are not the same as me?...also have depression and anxiety .....I would love you as a friend right now....Hang in there girlie! love is all
Bravo to Katie… you are an incredibly brave person… your perseverance is an example to us all! I have much in common with early attachment problems due to my mothers I’ll health, then the parenting, sister rivalry etc etc main difference in adult life is that instead of 4 rug rats 🐀 luckily I only managed 2…so difficult to reach the understanding that in many ways the more we do for our kids the more we undermine their self esteem, i too have been learning that hard life lesson! So I do hope things are improving… keep on keeping on as this too will pass… I have the strategy of just letting the mess build up so that they are forced to clean up after themselves! Young adulthood is much the hardest road to hoe for many parents ! sending love ❤️💕❤️
She is 100% doing the things she does in order to try to control. She doesn't see it that way of course, but It's how she operates - putting her worth in the hands of others and then acting in ways that she hopes will make them appreciate her. That's trying to control others. If they do appreciate her, then she feels loved. But, when they don't, she feels resentment. The reason she is not respected is because she does not value herself. It's truly hard for the people around her to feel her need to get their approval (control) and also see how little she values herself. That' is not the way to gain respect.
OMG, thank you. I thought I was going nuts with everyone joining her in her poor baby routine. I haven’t one time heard her take ownership of the way her kids are (without saying‘I just love them too much)
I’m not sure she actually wants to change. Every time the guy gives her a strategy she totally poopoos it. She’s holding onto her victim story so hard and she can’t change until she lets it go
Victim blaming and not at all understanding these dynamics.
@@freescot8035 I heard her talk all about the circumstances, she’s made herself into a victim. Her way of being in the world, likely not even conscious, helps dictate the way she is treated. No one is a victim unless they choose to be, it’s such a disempowering path. Everyone listening to her and taking her side would likely be very enlightened by hearing the other sides in this case.
@@freescot8035 does she want sympathy, in which case complaining to your friends is probably the answer. Or does she want matters to improve? In which case seeing your part in how things play out is very important. When it comes to family dynamics, rarely is someone just a victim and clearly she has had a hand in creating these children. And even if you can’t see that you have to acknowledge that this counsellor has no power to alter anyone else’s behaviour, the only person she has control of and that he can advise, is her. Just telling her she’s a victim simply entrenches everyone’s behaviour
Thanks for trying an alternative viewpoint. I'm uncertain if you, or the masses are correct, but Katie didn't seem any better at the end, so a different approach might have helped.
Katie, I’ve just come across this session a year later. You are so much stronger than you realize, you know at your core that you’re not the weak and crazy one. But, I hope you can see that you are an abuse victim and I don’t see how new choices and strategies are a fix. Alex normalizing that all families have trouble isn’t helpful. The “journey” I’d hope for you would start at a shelter. God bless your goodness, Katie.
It’s time to create new dreams just for you sweet one.
I started a whole new life. I lost my dreams, fantasy, family, house, work and sadly my health. If you do not get all the glory of your soul out just for you … you cannot move forward.
The children need to be dealt with by Simon and accept the consequences of their behaviours.
Katie you have a new little home waiting for you, filled with peace. I swear to god …. A tiny place of peace !!! I finally have it and it can be done but deal with it all before you get sick sweetie !
This is a complicated family situation, and it reminds me of something I watched a friend go through. Her husband was consumed by the idea of a spotlessly clean house. This is how he achieved a feeling of control over life, but it became his main priority, over and above having good relationships and communication with his wife and children. In time, his constant demands that everyone join him on a quest for living in a pristine, spotless environment became a source of great tension in the household. His requests were often presented in a disgruntled, unkind, demanding manner, making everyone around him feel defective. It also make everyone feel tense, and as the children grew up, they began to disconnect from the family. One child started spending a lot of time at a friend’s house, and moved in with them when he was 16. The other child stayed at home, but started behaving in the same ways she had seen modeled her entire childhood. Eventually, she became a complainer, as well. Both children grew up and left home, and have managed to finish school, find jobs, and become self-supporting. But, they have both struggled to find and navigate relationships. My point is, it’s possible this woman’s problems are entirely the fault of her ex-husband’s behavior, and if that’s the case, I am truly sorry for what she has endured. But I suspect there is more to this story, having to do with this woman’s own sense of self-worth and how she achieves a feeling of comfortable control over her life. Children are, by nature, sometimes messy and unpredictable. Sometimes that aspect of raising children can be really challenging if you are a person who needs a tidy house in order for yourself to feel calm and relaxed. Yes, the rude and entitled comments made by her children are wrong and unacceptable. But, how did the family arrive at this dynamic? That is what needs examination. I would love to see a group counseling session where the whole family gets together to present their perspective of the situation. That being said, it’s great to watch Alex and these counseling sessions. Very interesting!
Well said 🙏
So mush honesty and hard work on both sides I found these last two sessions so helpful. Are there more episode to come as I am getting so much from these conversations? I wish you the best Katie and I am rooting for you. Susan in Dublin
I feel Katie like a lot of us that has been brought up with chaos or abuse are STUCK in victim mentality especially when we are TIRED ( I have done it myself ) I wish Katie would use her determination with work to Give that determination to Herself ..a lot of us did not speak our mind because we were silenced ,by bullying ,violence ,where we stand within the family , youngest /middle /oldest ..I can see Katie is trying so hard with her family and I really hope her children come around and realise all the efforts she has done ...she deserves respect for that alone ...All the Best Katie ..there a lot of people like you and that means you are not crazy ..try and just live in the moment ..and not overthink could of would off should off ...a lot of us have fucked up ..even when we did not know it .x
Katie also look back on some of the video's when you were doing so well and smiling ..you look so Beautiful with that smile ..this is what I dream for you ...sometime all the puzzle pieces in the work you are doing will one day come together and you will suddenly wake up and see the beautiful picture you and with the help from Alex have created .
Dear katie, YOU are normal....the people round you not so much. Hope your life has improved since this.
You are lovely and deserve so much better than the abuse you are receiving… love yourself x
Omg. When she is explaining doing stuff for her family it sounded very familiar. We do way to much labor
Send them to Simon full time. Period.
When you been in abusive relationship and your completely on your own. You cant fight. You either leave, or be cunning and just play along until you are ready to leave. Instead of trying to talk to these people, you slowly take things away without them noticing. For example, If your arguing all day with someone to tidy and they literally won't. Then all you end up with, is tidying up but being really stressed doing it. This slowly builds up and just destroys you until you have to submit because your that exhausted. Better way to deal with it, is accept their not gonna do it, do it yourself and then slowly change your life so you can walk away. The one thing no one understands about narcissists is they isolate you, so you can't do anything to escape. And society isnt their to help you escape so your stuck. Unless you've been in the situation you couldnt understand it, no therapist book could teach it. Its a very unique situation to end up in.
Echoing all the other comments below! Don't believe your family please! Xxx
So is that it? No more sessions with Katie? Very disappointing and frustrating to leave us hanging after we got invested in her journey
I will stop listening to my own negative selfchatter about what I think people think I am. 🙏
Is there any more sessions for Katie after Session 13? I hope she is doing ok.
I'm hoping so too. Katie's been in such dark places and has a monumental task ahead after that session I hope she is ok too. I wish her the strength to continue with this journey - the behaviour of her ex and children is abuse!
Truly heartbreaking listening to Katie. She seems to be so broken. She needs to take of her wellbeing. Perhaps the whole family ought to come in to a session with Alex. This is a family problem that needs to be addressed. Wonder how Katie is now.
this is so weird. Ive been watching these session series with Katie which i understand they took many months perhaps close to a year, and i was sure there would be a positive outcome in the end for Katie, otherwise, why would you post the videos? What i can say though, is this: so much rational talk in therapy even with the tools of meditation and self care, simply cannot touch the inner world of negative feelings. Katie is still there at the bottom, still hurt and unhappy, no matter the small ups shes been through. I would say that ive done similar coaching programs for 15 years, and they never got me through on the other side either. Maybe this works for some people, but not for all. What did work for me was somatic psychology, feeling my feelings deeply, healthy nutrition for my body (which is not the mainstream healthy diets), healing arts and walking barefoot in nature for earthing reconnection. What the mind cannot understand rationally, the body can, at a somatic and energetic level, in ways that are irrational. There is a sense of inner knowing when you tap into the positive feelings by releasing the negative ones, a sense that emerges as a new belief, from within, not from the rational mind. Obviously, Katie was not taught to release and find a new state in her heart, not through using her mind. Perhaps these tools work well for logical people with linear minds, but Katie is not such a person. I would say, even though this series had profound nuggets of wisdom, it also proved to be almost useless for Katie in my opinion. Only with self care tools and rationality, emotions simply cannot shift, period. I see this way of coaching as a waste of time, even though the coach is talented and supportive, is just not the right approach for everyone.
Katie is very self pitying. She won’t take responsibility for her part. She catastrophes everything to a degree that she never looks realistically at what her children and husband need to do and what she needs to do and remains stuck - it’s very sad. I don’t know if she’s open for help at this stage.
Is this the last one? Is there an update? Talk to me Alex...
It is distressing to see Katie in such a state because of bad treatment by the ones who should be there for her and love her. 😢
Katie should realise she doesn't "need" a new partner - sounds like she'd benefit from lots of alone time to give her the peace she dreams of....
Trying is never enough!
That the price you pay when you are vulnerable with the wrong people. You get to be called mad and they will never own up to any thing since they now have you as an excuse to not work on themselves
Simon has a lot(!) to answer for. Alex, great job. Katie, stop tollerating the abuse. Many narcissistic traits appear evident in Simon and the kids’ behaviours. Do not allow yourself to be manipulated. Verbally abuse with “you are this/that” statements is unacceptable. Block those. Boundaries.
Argh,.like I have commented in previous sessions, why oh why isn’t the possibility of perimenopause/menopause discussed here? From the way she describes her emotions, it does sound like hormonal imbalances do have a part to play in her lowered resistance to stress. Hope Alex addresses these with her (at least off camera), my heart goes out to Katie and am sad this is the last session.
I only go out of my rural home to walk my dog, due to my sever anxiety. I sold my car, because every time I went out in it, about 10 mins later I started to choke (even though I have always loved driving) and then would have to stop the car to be sick. So I just gave up trying, as it was so destressing. That was in January 2020. I live alone with my rescue greyhound, and she is the only reason I get up in the morning, and go out walking. Sometimes I can go days without talking to another human being. I have a "befriender" from a charity, who rings me every Tuesday, and that has been going on for over a year now. It is great talking to her, but I wish she was nearby, so we could chat in person. I have just had my first therapy session on the telephone, which I had to pay for, and I am on a pension, so this is really hard. But I am hoping she can help me somehow. I feel unheard and unseen, just like the lovely Katie. I have done all of my life. I want to enjoy the wonderful life I have been given, I just do not know how to at the moment. I am so grateful for what I have, and I love walking in nature. I just ache to be loved by someone I suppose. xxx
@jillychandler I hope you’re making progress with your counselling. It’s not easy but it’s worth it. Sending big hugs xx
@@rooroo1675 Thanking you so much for your kind words rooroo1675. xxx
Sent this to my mom, she’s still in the dream of resentment and learned not to trust my parents after divorce, I learned at 13.
I am one-third into the video and my heart aches for Katie. What she is describing …how her family talks to her and her husband won’t back her up is devastating. She was the scapegoat in her family of origin and she is the scapegoat to her own family. Once scapegoated you can only try to protect yourself and separate from the abuse as much as possible. She won’t change their minds as it sounds like her husband has thrown her under the bus. Back to the video.
Please let us know what happened to Katie. Her therapy suddenly stopped after a very challenging time. Why?
When you are a victim for so long you go into reactive abuse, which IS behaving narcissistically.
24:54 thats your narrative too Katie
26:40 you are looking to your children for the emotional connection and being heard, which you didnt experience as a child
30:42 really?
40:28 alex needs to speak about the victim position with Katie
I appreciate these 13 sessions being available for people to learn from. I hope Katie has moved forward since. Thank you both of you 😊
Her children should go llive with the Dad. Leaving the house like a pigsty then telling the Dad shes 'crazy' for expecting them to pick up after themselves ( they're all 18+)is abusive & disrespectful.
Time to 'put your self first', Katie ❤
I feel for this lady x She is worn out xx
Are the kids all over 18? I can't believe how entitled they sound. I left school, got a job and then paid my mum monthly keep. When I eventually went to uni I had to work and get student loans. I worked to buy myself driving lessons and a car. I hope Katie started to be firmer with them for her own mental health.
Can we have an episode 14?
This looks like the last episode of Katie, hows it worked out for her now a year later? 🤔
How is Katie doing? I hope she's got her power back
Verbal abuse in the home, “you are this/that”, from anybody, in this instance from children, with a husband/father passively allowing it, is unacceptable. Always.
I was surprised and upset that the Therapist did not put any importance on Katie's relationship with her teenage children in this session. It's almost as if they are written off as 'extras' in her life who can be cast aside when they turn 18. I know Katie is learning to love herself, but her relationship with her children is so important - they may be horrible 'acting out' teenagers at the moment, but they are young vulnerable people with feelings, going through the ups and downs of their parent's break ups and most probably need some support! Parenting does not end when they turn 18: not many 18 year olds could survive without their parents and still need guidance, love, praise and connection with parents.
I found 'Aha Parenting' a great resource with my children. It's worth putting the work in. (The main point being that without feeling connection to you, then teenagers are less likely to listen to you or want to help you.)
I mean, if you wind up in therapy due to your relationship with your own parents and don't put the work in to stop the repetition cycle then what is the point?
Katie wants to be loved, adored, heard and recognition that she is a good person: I just wonder what message her children are getting from her at the moment?
Also, if the Therapist has not experienced teenagers then he doesn't have a clue.
Pity we can't go back to living in tribes with 'wise elders' to seek out instead of expensive counselling sessions.
Your last sentence is very true. I don’t think one person can be expected to cope with four abusive teenagers with an abusive husband doing the very opposite of what he should be doing.
What happened with Katie? Is there any update? This looked like a really hard session to keep control of. It was hard to watch her dig into her victimhood and the defences go up.
Imagine having a family where every other adult was against you and unable to clear up after themselves - disgusting and cruel. If I was in this position, I think I'd move countries.
The one's that are accusing us of being narcissists are the narcissists. I don't know which way is up at the minute due to all the gaslighting etc the brain fog is awful
Narcissists don't ask the question 'Am I a narcissist'. Katie's limiting beliefs have an origin. Exploring the origin of her beliefs might be helpful for her.
What happened to Katie’s therapy process? I can’t find session 14. Did she terminate before completion?
Are there no more sessions?
Get him to bring up the children and go abroad and Do YOU !! XX
Just because teenagers say things doesn’t mean they are true. What they say hurts her because deep down she believes these things herself. I was widowed young at 46 with four children and settling boundary’s was of paramount importance. So was picking my battles. You cannot be right all the time AND have a great relationship with your children. I would take my daughters dishes and sweet wrappers and clothes she left in the kitchen and place them inside her bedroom door on the floor. My children could keep their rooms as messy as they liked them but not so with the rest of the house. My children all did their own laundry from aged 16 onwards though I would remove their clothes from the washing machine and put them into the dryer if I needed to use it or I would remove their clothes from the dryer and fold them neatly and bring them to their room and they followed suit with my laundry. Because teenagers do what you do not what you say. On other occasions when I couldn’t decipher whose dishes , shoes, clothes and mess was in the tv room I would gather it all together and place it in one corner and tell them that whatever was not removed by Friday would be put in black bags and put in the bin. I never had to do this more than twice ever. If you don’t do what you say you’ll do they won’t believe you EVER. I knew I was a good fair mother so I could stand strong in my convictions. Katie doesn’t think she’s a good mother so she cannot stand strong in her convictions. She has talked previously about losing control and screaming and breaking plates by throwing them on the floor. Kate is all love and no control while her own mother was all control and no love. Now she fears the very thing she never wanted. To be a bad mother like her own mother. Kate needs to learn balance in her mothering skills and that balance will give her a steady footing to stand her ground on how she wants the rules of the house to be adhered to. I’ve found humour to be the best way around this. I would laugh at their stuff I’d pile up in the corner and take photos and add funny captions to the photos then send them to them. I would pile EVERYTHING into the two sinks like two Mount Everests and have the rest of the kitchen sparkling. Humour is a fantastic way to get your point across without losing your children’s respect by losing your cool because the moment you lose your cool you’ve lost the argument and the last laughs on you
Katie does seem often to act out of both passivity and anger by turns. She exhausts herself acting as the resentful servant to her slovenly kids, and then takes on the role of martyr. Martyrs are quite impossible to live with. Alex offers excellent perspective in this interview. Katie says that everything she does comes out of love. I do not believe this is true at all. Katie operates mostly out of resentment, anger, and martyrdom. These are what she has to confront and work on. It begins with boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. That may involve some separation from her family, or just never having all the children home at once.
What is Katie doing now?
Anyone making changes in their life sends ripples to those close. It's not in the interest of those close folk to go along with the changes because it means they have to change and they dont want to. They are screaming 'change back!!'
Better to be the villain in their eyes as long as you're the hero in your own
This is simply abuse and so painful to watch. I just want to give this wonderful mother a big hug and tell her to book a holiday away with lovely friends and stay as long as you can. Let the kids miss your absence. Take time for you.