I commenced the arduous voyage. I have not seen my offspring or grandchildren in ten years. I prioritized self-improvement and acquired skills. When a child elects to cause you damage, I believe the path to reconciliation is nearly unattainable. I am unfamiliar with my grandchildren, and my children will be tasked with addressing their inquiries at a future time. I’ve decided on acceptance. There is no anger, no angst, no more. I’m accepting what life is handing out right now and the reasons for the estrangement will no longer be dissected. I now choose to energetically send my sons love.
Good advice. I actually found that holding on to hope of reconciliation, in vain, kept me stuck (for decades). I have found it freeing to accept my alienated adult child’s choices, embrace the loss and grief, and get on with my life. I’m allowed to send presents to the grandchildren I’m not allowed to see. I accept that I’m blocked on social media, don’t see photos and don’t receive drawings or thank you letters, as I taught my children to do. I found the book Done With the Crying by Sheri McGregor helpful. I pray for my children and grandchildren every day and entrust them to God and then I focus on whoever is in my life today, instead of dwelling on sad things I have no control over. Peace to all enduring the betrayal of alienation. You are worth loving and you are enough.
It sounds like you’ve found a good path to healing. It also may be good to keep proof of what you have given them. Also perhaps record videos and write letters to keep in a safe place.
@@FamiliesDividedTV I will have a look at the memory journal the speaker mentions. One thing I know, my alienated daughters have been trained to interpret anything I do in the worst possible way. My gifts are called my “small bids for love” (my alienating mother’s words) and they are criticised. I feel that if I put my energy and love into a journal, their poisoned minds will interpret it as manipulation and abuse, or something crazy like that. It’s how they think. But I send gifts in case the children may have a moment of pleasure from them and a tiny good association of their grandparents, even though we are strangers. May God help us all, caught in the devilish game of alienation.
Everything that you are saying is not only true but life saving! Thank You for your expertise on this heartbreaking topic! I have been estranged from my only grandchild for over 2 years now and the depression I’ve experienced did take a physical toll on my health which brought about a 3 day hospital stay. My faith has helped tremendously with the help and support of friends. Please keep up this much needed support for all estranged grandparents.❤
Grandparents really have to be careful how they treat their grandchildren. Sometimes, it's the actions of the grandparents that can lead to estrangement. Years ago, my grandparents started showing favoritism towards their granddaughter. It was subtly done initially. Eventually, when my grandmother died, my grandfather decided to be more obvious with his preference for this grandchild over the rest of his grandchildren by allowing her to make decisions on an inheritance left. My grandfather had told me before this that he would distribute the funds as he promised his wife he would do. Instead of upholding this promise, he took the advice of his granddaughter. He blatantly lied to my grandmother, and to me, and he really stole money from many of his grandchildren. Then, he denied the conversation where his granddaughter told him to shortchange his other grandchildren. Despite being functionally close in earlier years, I knew our relationship would be irrevocably different. He was so irate with me, and I grew to dislike and distrust him. There is no more relationship, just cordiality when we are in situations where we must see one another. This is a continuation of favoritism from the generation before where my grandparents had a certain favoritism between their children. Grandparents do not show favoritism towards the grandchildren. The grandchildren notice, even if they aren't complaining or commenting. If you continue this behavior, it will create a schism that might be irreparable.
@@FamiliesDividedTV Interesting, I woke up yesterday with a strong ‘Impression’ to start Journals for my Granddaughters… And the thought wouldn’t leave, yet, seemed to hound me! Then, some hours later, I clicked into your podcast that had just come up fm. the algorithm. When you talked about Creative Journals, I knew for sure that it had been the Holy Spirit prompting me! I also already have gifts saved, & liked your advice for Family Pictures & Such for ‘The Treasure Box.’ I’m a bit of a Tech Dweeb, but, I’m going to make an effort at e-mailing some on-line Comments to UPS to have them printed out for a journal, as many subjects will allow the Girls to know my Heart! Another Area I have Creative Joy, is Scrapbooking, which there is lots that they sell in the Craft Stores, including Stencils which makes adding a bit of Beauty as easy as Coloring in the Lines. And, I have a Special Recipe Scrapbook for myself that I can have Color Copied for each Girl. I question the Advice to keep Mailing Cards, as certain ‘Chasing Activities’ supply ‘Narcissistic Supply,’ ~ a sort of Vampire Juice to their Ego. Have you seen the Book: “Rules of Estrangement.” I haven’t read the whole book, yet. But, I am greatly interested in Writing a Letter, to my Adult Child, following up… Then Leaving the Ball in Their Court! I’d rather put the Cards in their Treasure Boxes! For one: I don’t want to send cards to the Kids & Not the Parents; because one is so Toxic that I can’t be pretentious to send a Card to the Narcissistic Parent. 🙏🏻Thanks Again! 🌸☀️🕊🍃
Also helpful and along these lines, is The Reconnection Club TH-cam videos, episodes 97, 98 and 99, in which psychotherapist Tina Gilbertson, gives a Roadmap to Recovery.
In our state, only when the parents are divorced that grandparents can get visitation. As long as the couple is still working on their marraige, grandparents don't have rights.
I'm grateful everyday these laws exist. You don't get to disregard the parent and still access THEIR child(ren). Treating people like property, and y'all still confused about the reasons for estrangement.
I'm a parent. I supported my daughter' termination of her relationship with her grandparents because they are narcissistic, and routinely tried to turn my child against me and her father. They called CPS on me (unfounded), they talked to my child about it when she was in first grade, they told her I picked the wrong school for her, they called her father an asshole in front of her, and they repeatedly violated her physical boundaries. They routinely violated my boundaries as well, and I had tried to allow a relationship, but they would never respect my own boundaries. I told them, please don't feed child wheat and dairy, because she's having a digestive issue we're trying to resolve, and then all they would feed her is wheat and dairy. Then, every time I confronted them, they lied to me. But, I caught them in many of their lies through their own contradictions and emails. Yet, they try to convince everyone that they are victims in all of this. Our child stated that due to her continued physical boundary violations, she no longer wanted to see them. She would tell them, and they still didn't listen. So, we stopped the visits. Some people are so toxic and unable to see reality and hear people's perspective, that they push the children away.
The differences and flaws you mention are not insurmountable. Certainly not egregious enough to cause you to stop talking to your parents or to deny your children a relationship with their grandparents. If you don't trust your parents to obey your wishes, you could allow them to visit while you're present. That way, you can supervise what they say and do. But to cut them out completely is wrong! Not just for your parents, but for your children and for you. People are not perfect and you shouldn't expect them to be. To punish them for having flaws is really futile because everybody has flaws. The only reason a grandparent should be cut out of their grandchildren's lives is if they're abusive, or commit some heinous act. Also, sometimes people do say the wrong thing thoughtlessly but not maliciously. That doesn't make them villains. Just my opinion. You are of course at liberty to ignore it if you wish.
@@szendrich We tried supervised visitations. And, they were the father's parents, not mine. And, it was the father who supervised the visits. Regardless, they still grabbed and kissed my daughter on the neck, despite her requests not too. It's clear to me that you parallel the mens rights movement, where you would advocate for child molesters to have a relationship with a child they victimized. You should be ashamed. But maybe you are like them. You need to be exposed for your enabling of abusers.
@@Anon-emouse For your information I am a female. First, you have no right to accuse me of such heinous things. You don't know me! I kiss my grandchildren all the time because I love them. Depends where the kissing happened. If there was mouth to mouth kissing, that's no acceptable. if there was touching in intimate places, that's not acceptable. That goes under the heinous acts that I mentioned in my first comment. But, from the way you responded to my comment, you show a tendency to jump to conclusions about people. I am not ashamed of myself for loving my grandchildren and showing my affection. As long as it's done in the right way, it's a good thing. My grandchildren kiss me all the time, too. And they hug me. If that is your idea of "physical boundaries" then I'm sorry for you, dear.
I commenced the arduous voyage. I have not seen my offspring or grandchildren in ten years. I prioritized self-improvement and acquired skills. When a child elects to cause you damage, I believe the path to reconciliation is nearly unattainable. I am unfamiliar with my grandchildren, and my children will be tasked with addressing their inquiries at a future time. I’ve decided on acceptance. There is no anger, no angst, no more. I’m accepting what life is handing out right now and the reasons for the estrangement will no longer be dissected. I now choose to energetically send my sons love.
It’s good to hear you’re moving forward, focusing on yourself and choosing peace. Stay strong and trust God!
Good advice. I actually found that holding on to hope of reconciliation, in vain, kept me stuck (for decades). I have found it freeing to accept my alienated adult child’s choices, embrace the loss and grief, and get on with my life. I’m allowed to send presents to the grandchildren I’m not allowed to see. I accept that I’m blocked on social media, don’t see photos and don’t receive drawings or thank you letters, as I taught my children to do. I found the book Done With the Crying by Sheri McGregor helpful. I pray for my children and grandchildren every day and entrust them to God and then I focus on whoever is in my life today, instead of dwelling on sad things I have no control over. Peace to all enduring the betrayal of alienation. You are worth loving and you are enough.
It sounds like you’ve found a good path to healing. It also may be good to keep proof of what you have given them. Also perhaps record videos and write letters to keep in a safe place.
@@FamiliesDividedTV I will have a look at the memory journal the speaker mentions. One thing I know, my alienated daughters have been trained to interpret anything I do in the worst possible way. My gifts are called my “small bids for love” (my alienating mother’s words) and they are criticised. I feel that if I put my energy and love into a journal, their poisoned minds will interpret it as manipulation and abuse, or something crazy like that. It’s how they think. But I send gifts in case the children may have a moment of pleasure from them and a tiny good association of their grandparents, even though we are strangers. May God help us all, caught in the devilish game of alienation.
Everything that you are saying is not only true but life saving! Thank You for your expertise on this heartbreaking topic! I have been estranged from my only grandchild for over 2 years now and the depression I’ve experienced did take a physical toll on my health which brought about a 3 day hospital stay. My faith has helped tremendously with the help and support of friends. Please keep up this much needed support for all estranged grandparents.❤
I am fighting hard against the depression. I empathize with your situation.
DIL/Son divorced
I truly understand. So sorry for your situation. I do hope our videos help you.
Thank you.
This is very helpful ❣️🙏
I’m glad it was helpful for you! I hope other of our videos help as well.
Hi Aaron. Thank you for this channel ☺
You are very welcome! I hope other videos will help you as well.
Grandparents really have to be careful how they treat their grandchildren. Sometimes, it's the actions of the grandparents that can lead to estrangement. Years ago, my grandparents started showing favoritism towards their granddaughter. It was subtly done initially. Eventually, when my grandmother died, my grandfather decided to be more obvious with his preference for this grandchild over the rest of his grandchildren by allowing her to make decisions on an inheritance left. My grandfather had told me before this that he would distribute the funds as he promised his wife he would do. Instead of upholding this promise, he took the advice of his granddaughter. He blatantly lied to my grandmother, and to me, and he really stole money from many of his grandchildren. Then, he denied the conversation where his granddaughter told him to shortchange his other grandchildren. Despite being functionally close in earlier years, I knew our relationship would be irrevocably different. He was so irate with me, and I grew to dislike and distrust him. There is no more relationship, just cordiality when we are in situations where we must see one another. This is a continuation of favoritism from the generation before where my grandparents had a certain favoritism between their children. Grandparents do not show favoritism towards the grandchildren. The grandchildren notice, even if they aren't complaining or commenting. If you continue this behavior, it will create a schism that might be irreparable.
🙏🏻 My first time listening! Thank You, Kindly for ☀️starting this Podcast!🕊🍃
You're welcome! Glad it was helpful for you. I hope other of our videos are helpful as well.
@@FamiliesDividedTV
Interesting, I woke up yesterday with a strong ‘Impression’ to start Journals for my Granddaughters… And the thought wouldn’t leave, yet, seemed to hound me! Then, some hours later, I clicked into your podcast that had just come up fm. the algorithm. When you talked about Creative Journals, I knew for sure that it had been the Holy Spirit prompting me! I also already have gifts saved, & liked your advice for Family Pictures & Such for ‘The Treasure Box.’ I’m a bit of a Tech Dweeb, but, I’m going to make an effort at e-mailing some on-line Comments to UPS to have them printed out for a journal, as many subjects will allow the Girls to know my Heart!
Another Area I have Creative Joy, is Scrapbooking, which there is lots that they sell in the Craft Stores, including Stencils which makes adding a bit of Beauty as easy as Coloring in the Lines. And, I have a Special Recipe Scrapbook for myself that I can have Color Copied for each Girl.
I question the Advice to keep Mailing Cards, as certain ‘Chasing Activities’ supply ‘Narcissistic Supply,’ ~ a sort of Vampire Juice to their Ego.
Have you seen the Book: “Rules of Estrangement.” I haven’t read the whole book, yet. But, I am greatly interested in Writing a Letter, to my Adult Child, following up… Then Leaving the Ball in Their Court! I’d rather put the Cards in their Treasure Boxes! For one: I don’t want to send cards to the Kids & Not the Parents; because one is so Toxic that I can’t be pretentious to send a Card to the Narcissistic Parent.
🙏🏻Thanks Again! 🌸☀️🕊🍃
@@janiecepoush1904 so very happy this helped you. Prayers for changes. Never give up!!
Thank you so much for this 💎 I have saved it & will come back to it as there is a ton of valuable information in here💜💙
Glad it was helpful! I hope other of our videos are helpful as well.
Also helpful and along these lines, is The Reconnection Club TH-cam videos, episodes 97, 98 and 99, in which psychotherapist Tina Gilbertson, gives a Roadmap to Recovery.
In our state, only when the parents are divorced that grandparents can get visitation. As long as the couple is still working on their marraige, grandparents don't have rights.
Sadly, that is how most states are.
In New Zealand, grandparents have no legal right to see their grandchildren.
I'm grateful everyday these laws exist.
You don't get to disregard the parent and still access THEIR child(ren).
Treating people like property, and y'all still confused about the reasons for estrangement.
Oh no, Consequences 😮
matters are worse when dealing with children that are bi-polar.. drama and horror...
also i had suggested intervention..refused...
I'm a parent. I supported my daughter' termination of her relationship with her grandparents because they are narcissistic, and routinely tried to turn my child against me and her father. They called CPS on me (unfounded), they talked to my child about it when she was in first grade, they told her I picked the wrong school for her, they called her father an asshole in front of her, and they repeatedly violated her physical boundaries. They routinely violated my boundaries as well, and I had tried to allow a relationship, but they would never respect my own boundaries. I told them, please don't feed child wheat and dairy, because she's having a digestive issue we're trying to resolve, and then all they would feed her is wheat and dairy. Then, every time I confronted them, they lied to me. But, I caught them in many of their lies through their own contradictions and emails.
Yet, they try to convince everyone that they are victims in all of this. Our child stated that due to her continued physical boundary violations, she no longer wanted to see them. She would tell them, and they still didn't listen. So, we stopped the visits.
Some people are so toxic and unable to see reality and hear people's perspective, that they push the children away.
❤
The differences and flaws you mention are not insurmountable. Certainly not egregious enough to cause you to stop talking to your parents or to deny your children a relationship with their grandparents. If you don't trust your parents to obey your wishes, you could allow them to visit while you're present. That way, you can supervise what they say and do. But to cut them out completely is wrong! Not just for your parents, but for your children and for you. People are not perfect and you shouldn't expect them to be. To punish them for having flaws is really futile because everybody has flaws. The only reason a grandparent should be cut out of their grandchildren's lives is if they're abusive, or commit some heinous act. Also, sometimes people do say the wrong thing thoughtlessly but not maliciously. That doesn't make them villains. Just my opinion. You are of course at liberty to ignore it if you wish.
@@szendrich We tried supervised visitations. And, they were the father's parents, not mine. And, it was the father who supervised the visits. Regardless, they still grabbed and kissed my daughter on the neck, despite her requests not too.
It's clear to me that you parallel the mens rights movement, where you would advocate for child molesters to have a relationship with a child they victimized. You should be ashamed. But maybe you are like them. You need to be exposed for your enabling of abusers.
@@Anon-emouse For your information I am a female. First, you have no right to accuse me of such heinous things. You don't know me! I kiss my grandchildren all the time because I love them. Depends where the kissing happened. If there was mouth to mouth kissing, that's no acceptable. if there was touching in intimate places, that's not acceptable. That goes under the heinous acts that I mentioned in my first comment. But, from the way you responded to my comment, you show a tendency to jump to conclusions about people. I am not ashamed of myself for loving my grandchildren and showing my affection. As long as it's done in the right way, it's a good thing. My grandchildren kiss me all the time, too. And they hug me. If that is your idea of "physical boundaries" then I'm sorry for you, dear.
Well said!
We can’t take this another year.
I do understand. I pray that you will stay strong and trust God. I do hope our videos help you.