It's so unfortunate that we look to our parents for healing without realizing that they're broken. A broken person can never help you heal 💔 your own brokenness 😔
Yes! People can only show up for you to the extent they show up for themselves. If they’ve never cared to heal their own hurt, they can’t possibly show you that same empathy.
Blessings All, Thank you much for all your insight about a mother and child trauma…..you have no idea how much it helps to get other’s wisdom about a situation like this, God Bless y’all🙏🙏🙏
This is why becoming a parent is no joke. If you are not ready to emotionally, physiclaly, mentally and spiritually protect your kids... Babies having babies. Women having 6 and 7 kids without any father around is just insane.
"Without any fathet" isn't the issue. The issue is a neglectful and unavailable parent. Having two neglectful parents is worse than having a single parent that us wonderful. Also, one neglectful parents and one wonderful parent is worse will do more damage than a single parent household where the single parent is wonderful. Both parents doesn't automatically equate "better"
@@reggietheman9610 if it wasn’t for government assistance a lot of blk children would have starved. Blk men refuse to care for babies that they create.
@@oliviapopeofallthingsyoutu5505 my point still stands. Absolutely false that *nobody* gives a damn, i didn't even generalize and claim that everyone cared about the issue. You are totally entitled to wether you care or not but the statement made is incorrect.
@@iTurq633 This racist dog pile that you people are doing is disgusting. The show and the show’s host are more than a chopped up episode that included an attention seeking TikTok creator.
@@oliviapopeofallthingsyoutu5505 I have not brought ethnicity into this. Indeed the show and host are more than just one off segment, and perhaps my first comment was made too broad and could be interpreted as if i'm completely invalidating the top comment's point, but that wasn't the intention and I suppose it could have been worded differently. However what i brought up was a specific instance that should still be considered (and i once again repeat that it does not represent the entirety of the host and show) and is valid. And I do not take the racist comment personally, I know though a screen and with limited words proper discussion of a subject will suffer somewhat and indeed, unfortunately there are certain people that will use such arbitrary reasons such as ethnicity to dogpile onto situations when there are POC involved, it doesn't help and sadly discounts very valid arguments.
He's really looking for softness from her and she doesn't have it. It's really sad that her struggle has made her so hard and they can move forward and have a good relationship if he learns that her love is not his love language
This is true. Adult children should understand that single moms that dealt with a lot of trauma are just doing their best. That is not to excuse an outright bad mom but that softness they seek may not be there. Also they don’t have to support them in any new-found inclination or what they fundamentally disagree with. It doesn’t equate not loving them.
Karamo is one of the best hosts I have ever seen. His compassion, his words of wisdom, his empathy towards the people on the show, the tone he uses is everything the world needs to see. He doesn't tear down the person sitting on the opposite side of the chair like many other hosts do, no matter the circumstance. Well done. 👏👏
@@brandnubraids2599 it's definately out of spite. BUT it's hard to call the woman that birthed you " mom" if that person acts the opposite of what a mom is supposed to be... I'm speaking from experience.
My Mama was similar but what I realized after I got grown and had my own children is that she too suffered lack of love and emotion from her own Mother. It's a cycle that CAN be broken by being completely opposite from what you've endured...tell your children you love them tell them their beautiful tell them they will do great things...encourage them protect them! And just love your parents for who they are because sometimes they don't know how to utilize their love and affection...you only get one Mom❤ I miss mine dearly! RIP Mama🙏🏾❤❤❤😘😘😘😘😘😘
@@4265kitty ❤❤❤❤🙏🏾 thank you Sweetie....and keep telling the world because you never really get it until their gone thank God I had the opportunity to patch things up with my Mama but she passed away shortly after. It was like we just had gotten to know each other even though we been together all my life...if I could do it all.over again.......
Yep. Breaking the cycle with my kids. My mom told me about how horrible my grandma was and apparently my great grandmother to my grandmother. And I couldn't help but think well why didn't you do anything different? I love my kids. Never curse st them, never call them names, I never get annoyed at their affection except when my legs fall asleep from their weight lol. And I treat them all fairly unlike her who always treated my brother better despite being the most misbehaved
The homophobic parents always throw away a jewel. He’s such a gem and I’m so proud of and admire him greatly. Thank you for being strong and being a young black inspiration.
She is not homophobic. She just a hard person that really have and show no feelings. She even said she’s always supported him. He never said she called him anything homophobic. She even said she wants to go to his wedding! Y’all just want ppl to openly constantly shout they support gays
@@YummiBlanco your actions can be homophobic other than your words. Idk who y’all are, but I don’t a soul to support anything ain’t none of you regular people God.
For all those bashing Shirley, watch this clip again. When she said “Someone don’t have to be there to be proud of you, I’m proud of you, my mama wasn’t there, but I’m proud of me” she started crying and I felt that. Also, when the host started asking her questions and allowing her to speak her truth, notice how her energy started to calm down. This is what happens when you actually listen to understand and not attack. You can tell the son loves his mom and she loves her son. We’re not always going to have the tools in life but we have to do better at extending grace to people. I can’t judge either of them because we truly make mistakes and we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. God bless Ms. Shirley and her son though.
It's a pity my daughter calls her father by his name because he has not been there for her all her life and she has no respect for him. I tried to convince her otherwise but kids observe parental involvement and they see who is there for them and loves them.
My mom worked the whole time so I could go places, do things at school, be in different activities, and to have some fly clothes to wear to these places and events; however, she wasn't physically there to cheer me on. But her work ethnic and dedication to provide for me was her cheering me on. That was my mom language that how she showed love, not just me or her children but for her grabdchildren, friends, family, etc.
He's is telling the truth about the generational trauma. My dad was 50 when I was born he was born in 1922 and he'd seen some things he was illiterate dropped out of 3rd grade to work for his family. Imagine your 3rd grade aged child or relative having a job to put food on the table. Let that sink in. A lot of our parents suffered and never had childhoods of their own.
I see what you are saying, HOWEVER, my childhood was filled with traumas due to my mother and father,bc they were traumatized by their parents when they were young. BUT I don't treat my children this way so i guess it's possible if you only want to. You need to want it and work on yourself everyday. I CHOOSE to not pass my traumas to my children,bc i want to be the best person i can be for myself and for my family. We all have a choice every day when we wake up wether to treat ppl right or wrong. It's a decision that we are making, there's no gray zone in this matter. My mother should have made better choices,but she didn't,she chose to take the easy road and treat me and my siblings very poorly. If anything,bc our parents had their traumatic childhood,they should have known better than anyone else how hard it is to go through that pain,and they should have tried everything in their power to not let their children go through the same thing as they did. When a person cares about himself and his surrounding he takes care of his mental health,he goes to therapy,talks to ppl who can help him ect. I don't see that in this case,nor in mine or with many other parents. Sometimes Ppl who hurt ppl, just expect everyone to accept them for who they are , as if they are entitled to hurt others bc they were victims themselves,but the only thing they achieve by thinking and behaving that,is creating more victims in the world, starting with the ones they should love must,and that won't contribute to heal the world.
@@baby-xp9dn I agree to disagree with your statement, everybody didn't have the support or knowing how to shall I say break the chain of childhood abuse, because I think everyone who actually got there behind with growing up was abused at least in this day and time but needless to say I'm glad that I got my behind whip I wouldn't be the woman I am today and that's a fact, however my father used to beat my tail because I was really defiant he would beat me waking me up out of my sleep or being funny pouring water down my mouth because I slept with my mouth open and he thought it was funny to put water in my mouth to wake me up for church 😔..... I never pour water down my children's store but I did beat my son when ever he did things wrong and I was 19 when I had him but I still didn't have that understanding of real Parenthood, my mom was the best mom I could ever ask for she did her best with all of us she made sure we had she made sure we ate healthy and she didn't do a lot of beating but when needed she would tell us up make a long story short what my dad did to me I end up doing to my son until I had my second child 10 years later and realized that I wanted to break the chain and I did, my son has the most up respect for me and understand what I went through on the other hand my daughter never experienced anything that my son did and she thinks that I was a bad mother so with that being said it may be a choice when you're mature enough to know what the choices are. 😏
Sounds just like my Dad. He was born in 1918 and he had to drop out in the 3rd grade as well to find work. It was 14 siblings. He became head foreman of a construction company. Imagine that with a 3rd grade education. I don’t feel like my parents owe me anything they did the best they could with what they knew, especially the time frame they grew up in. At some point you have to finish raising yourself.
@@flintlifetail2427 Exactly why he should’ve stayed his young disrespectful tail in his place! How do you think it’s okay to jump on your Momma & things go well 🤷🏽♀️
@@cece5464 at 13 my younger brother unfortunately had to fight our mom. any grown adult can handle a 13 year old, & being that he's very feminine i would assume he was small enough for her to handle. pls stop making excuses for BAD PARENTING.
He comes off a little disrespectful. I believe he had an attitude problem for sure. The mom needs to heal as well she's guarded. Much love to both of them.
@@mayapace6914 Understood. Notice how he went around the fact that his mom had to lay hands on him because he jumped on her. Just going off what I see.
@@uluvyanna common now he is like 5 feet 2 inches and his momma is built like a tank. Even today Brandon can't take down Shirley even if he tried let alone when he was 13.
It’s about time that we start recognizing MOMMY TRAUMA. It’s not always daddy issues. Mothers do ALOT of damage to their kids, her attitude was so telling of how she raised them. No softness or nurturing in her. Painful to watch, hope there is healing & restoration
True because that’s how she came up . A person can only do what they were taught and she was using what she knew . She too was left out there at a young age , not saying it’s right . But I’m saying she did the best with the tools she had .
My mom was a lot like this. But she's gotten a lot better over time. She's even been in therapy for a year. She will even come back and apologize for being wrong now. Never thought I'd see the day. Proud of you mom❤️
@@sabir1208 I can only imagine hey. I really admire your empathy towards her. It can't have been easy for you too. I commend you for doing better than what you experienced. You're a precious blessing🙏✨💝✨😊
I had a similar situation with my mom. Grew up in a not so suitable household, but now growing up, I realized she made a lot of sacrifices and raised me and my brother to be the men we are today.
She loves him, that is obvious. She has had a tough time coming up so I am sure the did the best she knew to do. Prayers for their reconciliation. 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
@@DeGuzman2392 I agree. She showed up because she cares. They're just approaching the topic with a lot of pain and baggage from two different points of view. Therapy would really help a lot.
Felt like I was watching my mama, my god! Living with toxicity like that is terrible and SOOOOOO traumatizing. Shoutout to all the others that can relate. We made it, we here yall & I hope we okay 💛.
Sometimes, parents have their own unresolved trauma and don’t know how to be there the way we think they should be there. These two need to have a one on one conversation and lay it all out on the line.
@@onnie.6815 that’s what I was thinking while still feeling compassion cuz her childhood must’ve been shit for her to be so hard on her kids and then barely accountable.
@@tawnybees9973 exactly what I'm asking. HOW? Because the daughter is playing victim in my eyes a single mother of 8 must show hard love doesn't mean she doesn't love her children and I also believe she tried taking her own life because raising 8 alone is hard
As I get older & see more dynamics of parent-child relationships, the more thankful I am for my parents. They’re literally amazing. Still to this day & I’m in my 30s.
I feel like the son was no walk in the park growing up. When he first came on he mentioned that the mom hit him in the chest but fail to mention that he was trying to fight her. Made it seem she was attacking him.
@@shelbynicole1243 so what was she supposed to do cry nd let him abuse her like every body else if it was his dad he would have waited until he was strong enough but knowing she was a woman he thought I can take u now I work with a nurse who's son tried to hit her with an axe 🪓 she does gentle parenting and sleeps in the closet it's a lot of teens dead cause they tried there parents and it's a lot of parents no longer alive because to there parents didn't take there threats seriously cause they're thinking a hug and a talk will fix the problem
@@lashundamangrum5911 I agree. If you allow some of these kids they’ll become the abusers and there are no laws in place to protect parents from them. He is trying to have a victim story but I feel he has done equal damage to their relationship. Then hiding behind his sexual identity as if it justifies his wrong behaviors.
His mom is in so much pain herself and has been in pain for a long time without help or counseling. People who are hurt, hurt the people who love them. I hope the show offers them counseling.🙏🏾
Family relationships can be emotionally painful. I give both Brandon and Shirley credit for being on this show and talking things out. I hope things work out between them. Brandon and Shirley love you both even though I don't know you.
Let me tell you, you see that hug between mother and son, that was no fake hug at all, she open her hands and said give me a hug and Brandon actually jumped out of his seat to hug his mom, and for sure she wants to be at his wedding, they are going to be ok, I believe Karamo helped explain for them as he saw where they were not understanding what the other one was saying
She was so hardcore when she first came on stage … and then she softened up … once Karambo helped break everything down … this was a good one … had me crying as well … whew!!!
I 🤣 cried too at first I was how Dare this young man do this to His own mama 🤣🤣!! But then I soften 2 .... cause he needs this kind of closure it might not be for everyone but if that helps him heal so he can have a healthy spiritual mind body and soul!
Sometimes, it takes us growing up, to understand our parents. We get the parents we get and we grow from that. I pray they get their relationship on the right path, and fine love in each other.
This show made me cry because Mom has been hurting so long and it’s hard to give love when you have been neglected of love all your life. I take my hat off to his Mom for still accepting her son as he is and being there for him.
They need a counseling session that is private. Sometimes we just have to come to terms that out parents did the best the could with the information and experience they had in their tool box. Raising 8 kids on your own is hard but it's OK to learn what you don't want to be or do from your parents and doing things differently.
But that goes back to what she said, if you wanna be grown go do it. Parents lived the life of a teen, they know it’s not all roses on the other side. Plus these kids hitting their parents that’s too much. Be a child when you’re a child.
The mother said some very telling information that explains why she treated her children the way she did. Her trauma history became her children's trauma history. I wish she and her son as well as her other children get the healing they need so reconciliation can begin.
I’ve met 100 shirleys and I’ve met 100 brandons. I feel his pain and hers all in one. I see my family in them. I feel his hurt and his mom’s hurt. Karamo said it perfectly. She did the best she could with the tools she had. I pray that they both come closer together in love after this. God bless them both ❤
SAME here but he neglects to tell the whole story and it's not fair. He wants all this attention for her being the bad guy but won't take his 50% in the dysfunction. The mom's love language was provision and he wasn't and still isn't mature enough to understand that. Can you image having 8 kids to feed and no man to help? She hustled (sold drugs) and told them where all the money was if she got got or imprisoned. That's LOVE, and he didn't give her credit for any of it. SAD. I also think the mom knew something happened to him (molestation/rape) and feels guilt about it. Who knows...
She just has a nonchalant attitude and that's how she was brought up and he has to realize that hurt people do hurt people because they don't know any other way. Help her break the curse.
@@TK-dv5pq , you gotta look through with a child's eyes...Maturity gives us the understanding that there are different types/levels of love. And how does him as a kid have 50% in the dysfunction? He nor his siblings asked to be brought here.
@@franceswhalen2721 He can have 50% in the dysfunction by disrespecting his mother when he was a child. Being a parent is a position of honor above children, and he violated that position as a child and wouldn't let the mother TELL what he did, despite the mother having her faults. His disrespect of his mother, the one who stayed and tried to keep things together. His disrespect= his 50%. The mother's faults= her 50%. So both need to take their 50% in the situation. Honestly, I was referring to him as an adult and letting things go, and for him to stop blaming her because she can't change things from the past in the present. They can only move forward from here. The siblings nor he asked to be brought here BUT she did make the efforts to take care of them by risking her freedom selling drugs and putting up enough money to take care of them if she got got or went down. She did the best she could in the situation she was in. Maturity is the only thing that can show these things. You can't expect people to do what they can't or aren't willing to do. But it's never 100% one person's fault.
@@TK-dv5pq you sound toxic with that “ She did what she had to do to take care of 8 kids” nonsense, how about don’t have 8 kids when you know you can’t keep their fathers around and no one’s there to help! That’s selfish as heck and we need to stop it - birth control is always an option 🤦🏾♀️
One of the greatest things about therapy is building the emotional intelligence to see your parents as people, not as infallible. You have to acknowledge that the tools they possess were not always the tools you needed. The best thing my therapist told me was wanting someone else to act in a way you want will only lead to more heartache
The mother isn't a bad person. She tried and did not always succeed. I bet she is a great friend, aunt, cousin, etc. She wasn't a great mother for Brandon.
I never clicked so fast because I related so much!my grandma became my first bully after she gained custody of me and I’m still dealing with the trauma today. I’m happy Brandon is speaking up for himself and having a voice ❤️
@@timekabolden5309 being left for dead. Bring treated like you don't deserve to live unless the abuser says so. Being kicked and punched around because someone is trying g to push you to insanity. I'm a black 26 year old who grew up with a covert narc mom who lied and told ppl my father molested me and he never did. She takes my aunts side over mine when the evidence of whatever it is right there. Gaslighting is mental abuse. It makes you question your reality to the point where you have to shut down in order to keep living. Have you ever been in a situation where a person changes into the devil right when the door shuts? Parent or child, it's hell on earth and a serious reason. One show doesn't define what abuse is and my God to women know how to belittle abf minimize other people's experiences because I see it's mainly woman who act like they don't know what abuse is but cry about childhood wounds which is why they did what they did. Nothing is excusable when you abuse someone to the point where they feel like nothing is worth it. NEVER minimize a person's experience when ITS NOT YOURS. its a dumb question to ask what's someone's definition of abuse because I'm sure you know the difference between abuse both seen and unseen verses being strongly entitled. Observe before you pick
I actually like the mother. I think that she is a hurting person who never received love at all. This generational bullying was evident in her and what was put on her. Violence is never the answer but healing can take place for these two. I LOVE Karamo's show and we're seeing why he is so charismatic on Queer Eye. I truly think that he (Karamo) addressing certain issues can bring to light a lot of hidden schisms within the black community.
I'm literally crying b/c I can relate so much to Brandon. I wouldn't say my mom was a bully but she's very similar to Shirley. But I can tell that Shirley loves her son. She wouldn't have come on the show if she didn't. I really hope they can salvage their relationship and let go of the past. Karamo really did a great job mediating and counseling them. I really hope this show sticks around for a long time. I miss these kinda talk shows lol
You don’t have to say your mother was a bully. If she behaved like this woman then she definitely was a bully. Let’s call a thing a thing. You can love your mother and still be 100% honest. All of our parents tried their best I suppose but they weren’t “good” parents .
If you are reading this there’s a reason…No matter how good or bad you have it,wake up each day thankful for your life.Someone else is desperately fighting for theirs ❤️🇧🇸🤞
@@benbenassi2348 Cause they are...having trauma of your own is no excuse to pass the shit down. People need to fix whatever issues they have before having children. That's no excuse to treat your kids like that period.
to think how many people would be so extraordinary in their life if they were just supported by their family and friends that surround them instead of feeling like they have to hide themselves, or prove something to become something in spite of imagine what people could become if they were championed along the way this young man is incredible.
I peep how he tried to talk bad about her at first but once she came out and set things clear you can tell his own childish thoughts are still prevalent and not the full reality.
She's a mom who gives tough love. He want her to be somebody she's not. Regardless of anything she says he's not feeling her. It's just 2 different generations.
I'm definitely going to watch more of this show! I love the way Karamo spoke to the mother and her son and help give clarity on the situation. My mother is the same way with her attitude and always trying one up on conversations when being confronted. I definitely did not like when he spoke about suicide and she pulled that stunt. I would mortified that my child would've died and I wouldn't have known. That would bring me to tears! That bullying mentality is a huge issue in the black community! A cycle that must be broken.
As an adult and a parent I've learned to stop viewing my parents as "entities". I was so caught up in what I wanted and needed and didn't realize that my parents had unresolved childhood trauma. They had wants and needs too and they dealt with their situations and children the best THEY could. As a woman who is a parent, I now understand and view my mother as the woman she is, not just my mom. She's more than a figure who cooked and cleaned and took me took me to school etc.. .My parents went through some shit. I'll likely never know the details but when I look at the woman in this video...she's been on her own since she was 16. 16! A young, black 16 year old with no one in her corner, completely unprotected...there's no telling what type of shit she had to endure. Her son, being a young, black, gay male had a completely different set of struggles than she ever had. She learned early about the dark side of the world. People out here don't give a fuck about your trauma. They'll sense weakness and take advantage. Her way of protecting her kids was to be hard so they wouldnt be weak and vulnerable. Not saying it's right or wrong it's just what it is. They'll be alright. They just need to listen to one another.
She knew that he had to go through some things and that is why she was hard on him, he thought she was bullying him but she figured if she gave him tough skin he could get through anything. This is what we do as a people, I remember being told only the strong survive.
Therapy is needed for both. He needs to accept that his mother will not be the mother he wanted. The past is the past and parents are not perfect. Build on what you have today and move forward.
Regardless of what Shirley has done she got my respect. There ain’t no book on how to be a mother, she did what she could and that’s all that matters. Hopefully these two can get back on track & bond like they should have been. God bless man.
People need to understand yes some parents have their own trauma to heal but that doesn’t excuse being toxic or abusive to your children! This is why a lot of people need to wait to have kids when they aren’t mentally ready! I also hate when Parents wanna say their kids bashing them or making them look bad when they just stating the facts and the truth about their trama
I definitely get what you’re saying but the mom may not have been in a the right head space to be a good mom but if she has apologized and done things to show that she is sincerely sorry what else is she supposed to do? Every time she shows that she’s sorry, he says it’s not real or it’s not sincere. 🤷🏾♀️
Same here , he left out a lot that we needed to know . Especially when she told him she didn’t care that he was gay and that he had an attitude problem before they even parted.
I think she gave him what she could. She was NOT emotionally equipped. He also has to have grace for her . She gave what she had to give. She can't give him what she doesn't have. I actually like her. He is committed to being upset . He has no interest in hearing her story . He wants vindication. She loves him , hence why she is here on the show. Where does he think he get his strength and resilient from . He got it from her.
Still not an excuse she literally gave him away and didn’t raise him parents need to stop using that as a excuse if you are struggling go get mental help so you can be equipped mental health is so over looked in the black community. now what her mother did to her she passed on to her kids stop all these generational curses. yeah I agree give her grace but that mama needs to own what she’s done and acknowledge it too. it’s like she’s brushing it under the rug her son is damaged from that and I understand him because I went through it. that’s a different pain when your mom is not around and I’m not putting all the blame on the mom. I understand her side but she has to understand him too because she’s gone through something similar as well so ik she knows that pain too.
I agree with you... However, if your children do not respect you because they have seen you do something they deem as not motherly like, there are gonna be issues... I for one never ever bucked up to my parents, if I had, I would be wearing false teeth right now.
He didn't understand her ways of showing love. It's tough love but it's there.She loved him the best way she knew how to, in her own trauma. They needed this talk, it took this show but I'm glad they now have a meeting point.
Going through a major identity issue requires counseling. I know so many supportive parents still have children in abusive relationships seeking validation from their community, and accepting whatever as love.
I feel like he’s telling the story his way for sympathy but clearly she was going through some things too, she may have been an unfit mother and seems like she was but he’s old enough to realize she was experiencing just as much pain as him if not more.
I felt bad until he mentioned that she supported him just a year ago..actions speak. If she had an addiction, she absolutely couldn't be what he needed.
Growing up my mom was addicted a d at 43 years old today I still think of all the hardships my sister and I experienced because of her addiction. To Glory Be To God my mother has been sober for 15 years now, my sister and I turned out great far as career goals. We both hold 7 degrees between us and are doing well. My mother was the best mom ever before the addiction. I knew how she could be as a person and I totally agree with you....she couldn't be what we needed. Her addiction meant more than we did! She has apologized and we talk everyday. It's still hard sometimes to get pass those memories but we keep pushing on!!
She was selling drugs trying to take care of 8 kids by herself. She even told them where the money was if ever she went down or got got. That's LOVE, REAL love. The son just didn't and maybe doesn't understand that the mother's love language is/ was financial provision and security. I don't know if she was on drugs or not but I do know she stored up enough money, IN case... that's more than any of their fathers ever did. NOTICE, he NEVER blames his FATHER....
My grandma is like this with my mom & I hated her growing up. My mom made sure to raise us better but, some of my moms past trauma still came up during our childhood. Parents went through things too & we need to start acknowledging that.
Unpopular opinion, I don’t like the narrative against the mother. Even with the example of him saying she punched him in the chest but left out him being buck towards her. She explicitly explained what happened and he seemed to seek a sob story. Even after witnessing his strong mother he decided to add on more, It got so bad that he had to give her credit 😅 cuz you’re altering the truth and hiding behind perception in order to gain to feed your ego, to do what those other men did to her, I will never understand this 🤦🏾♀️ I see it quite often tho
This is exactly what I took from this! I totally understand the mother's perspective once she got to tell her side. That's why u should never be so quick to judge a one sided story!
It's so unfortunate, they're both hurting. 😪 reminds me of my relationship with my parents too. It's sad.. I hope they get passed the trauma they're both hurting so much from. Love is healing and there's so much right there. Be there for one another, be kinder to yourselves. Much love ❤️
My mom separated with my father when I was turning 5 and my brother was a few months old. She went to another province and left us with our grandmother. My older siblings were 10 & 7. Now we are adults in our late 20s and some late 30s and we are still trying to get to know her because ever since she came back into our lives, she came with an entitlement that she deserve to be supported by us because we are her children , emotionally, physically and financially whereas she was never in our lives. It's so difficult to deal with her because we feel she is so manipulative as well and she cries to get what she wants.
Kids stay trying to critique their parents parenting. Rarely do they ever critique themselves, it's not a 1 up, it's her trying to tell you she relates but still has to push through. He won't even stop interrupting her while talking. This lady did all she thought or knew what to do to raise her kids, then they grow up to be ungrateful and entitled.
He understands all that stuff but wants to be validated and be told that he’s right. Everything he said he wants is what she’s done. He just needs therapy and chose a talk show instead. He needed attention
All of this. I’m plenty older now and have learned that we “children” have to see our parents also need attention and consideration for the lack they encountered along the way, be it from a relationship/marriage that went sour or family members. During those times of raising us they may have not been able to enjoy the freedom of just being. Grace on both ends is needed. ✌🏽
I wrote my theory on this but forgot about this generation and the sense of entitlement. You are so right about today's youth, they're very ungrateful and entitled.
I'm a person who also suffered physical and emotional abuse from my mother, and what this young man needs to accept is that his mothers words will never be enough,, in a way he wants her to change the past and that's just not possible. I pray that he forgives her , not for her but for himself, because that kind of weight will most definitely affect his love for others..
@@theprettyblacknomad funny enough he didn't mention that his mother apologized to him or that she expressed love to him. He just went out to bash her, then she comes out & points out yes, I did wrong but, I reached out & apologized & I let him know I was proud of him. Yet here he is coming out to bash his mom in public because he couldn't accept what she gave him there must have not been enough groveling so he's going to publicly shame her. He wants her to humiliate & humble her & of course validation from the host & the audience that he's a victim. All this drama for his need of victimhood validation. Life happens it isn't always pretty but, be grateful for the good in your life & that there were people even if it wasn't blood that cared for you there are people that go their whole lives without such fortune.
This boy is confused. One minute she never apologized the next she said it but he doesn't know if it's real. One minute she's never said she was proud the next she has but he can't believe it. One minute she never supported him the next she did but this or that. One minute she is never there now the next she paid half his rent. One minute it's her treatment of him and the next her old boyfriends. One minute she's never told me she was proud of me and the next how can she be proud of something she didn't help to create. BOY she DID create you. That's why you here and alive. Sounds like he blames her for alot of things that he doesn't understand himself. One minute she jumps on him and the next he admits he jumped on her but this is why. And Ion know bout y'all... But if a child that came outta me tries to jump on me in my house they gone get just what he got.
i was thinking the same thing he said she never apologized but then said when she says it he doesn't know if its real ...im like so that means she said it you just wasn't ready to accept it but don't say she never said it
@@jazzsoapandbubbly maybe it’s confusing and hard to believe because maybe her behavior that’s he’s always know of her has been opposite of what she says she’s sorry for. They say an apology without changed behavior is nothing more than manipulation.
Absolutely 💯...I agree.....he's playing the blame game but isn't taking any responsibility for his actions and he's lying to everyone so that his son story can stick
He's confused because of how much he's gone through and didn't have stability with his own mother. His upbringing was rough he went through w lot and so did she but they need to learn to be there for each other and not against
He's not accepting of her. It's not about the past it's about her presence now. He's not allowing her to be there because he's hurt about things from the past. He needs to let her go and move forward or not have the relationship. It's not fair to either of them to continue to live in the past.
Shirley keeps deflecting and takes no accountability. She does one up him. I can tell she’s still holding onto pain. She definitely need a healing. Brandon does not actively listens. He needs healing too. He seems open to mending their relationship. I wish they the best.
At 39, this is why I don't have kids. I think it is good to be self-aware about ourselves and the world we live in. This is a messed up world with a lot of problems internally and externally. Bringing children into this world is hard enough. Having to raise and protect them with other personal problems on top of that is too overwhelming. I plan to remain child-free.
I feel like there is some resolution in their relationship. I think they showed some progression and I also think that mother is going to tear the dance floor up at his wedding. I LOVE IT❤❤❤
This show has been amazing I am here for focusing on the solutions and not dwelling on the problems for views, likes , and click bait!!!! I am a Karamo supporter honey!!!! lol
She's a tough old school parent. Even tho, we need to listen too and apologize to our children when they let us know we've hurt them. Children although hurt, should still be respectful. We need help. We're all hurting
Magnificent Interview! Karamo, your mediation tools were executed perfectly! You cracked the shell and were the voice of reason! I just hope that they use this open door to keep it real, real! And let the obvious love become evident from here on out!
You all had me in tears cheering both of you through this! Congratulations 🎉 On your Bond of Matrimonyy and newer relationship with your Mom!! Praise God, she really loves you!!!
The comments don't pass the vibe check. She couldn't say a word without being talked over by someone saying SHE disrespected him. It's not a child in my house that would talk to me the way he was speaking to her. Not a single one. I'd let him go right on about the life he wants.
I had to tell my daughter that I will never be the kind of mother she envisioned. I’ve never seen that nor had that experience so I can’t provide that. I gave her more support and experiences. I think she understands better after conversations. Now that she’s spending time with other college students her age she’s finding out she had it Way Better than a lot of people. She was actually a privileged kid in their opinions. She only lacked some of the emotional stuff. I think she had a pretty good life. Parenting is hard and even harder when you’re parenting while lacking.
When Brandon first said "we got into a huge fight and his mother punched him", I knew right away that he was not without fault. Additionally, he said said that words that she said stick with him to this day, yet he doesn't remember if she said I wish I had an abortion, or I wish I didn't have you. If I raised my hands to fight my mother at the age of 13, my mother wouldn't have to punch me, because my siblings would have forked me up. I think Brandon is looking for sympathy and attention. Everything is about Brandon. When he realized that the audience were seeing her side as well, he tried to be nicer. I truly hope that going forward, they spend more time together and share the love. At the end of the day, they are mother and son.
I agree. She didn’t deny whooping his butt. He never mentioned that he jumped up to fight his mom. My mom would’ve beat any of us too for that!!! She said the oldest daughter did that too. It wasn’t about being gay
Grown people shouldn’t have to beat their kids 🤷♀️ or should realize that doing that to someone so young affects them forever!!! He is looking for attention. Attention he never got from his own mother 😢
@@sophiavolak2724 Hmmm, so you're saying that you should allow your child to beat you to prove that you are paying attention? If one of my children ever raise their hands to me, they will get the asswhuppN of their life. If you allow them to treat you that way, they would try to do the same to someone who doesn't love them. That's how we lose our children to the streets. Wake up ma'am.
It's so unfortunate that we look to our parents for healing without realizing that they're broken. A broken person can never help you heal 💔 your own brokenness 😔
Yes! People can only show up for you to the extent they show up for themselves. If they’ve never cared to heal their own hurt, they can’t possibly show you that same empathy.
Ain't that the TRUTH.
Very true
Blessings All, Thank you much for all your insight about a mother and child trauma…..you have no idea how much it helps to get other’s wisdom about a situation like this, God Bless y’all🙏🙏🙏
Facts
This is why becoming a parent is no joke. If you are not ready to emotionally, physiclaly, mentally and spiritually protect your kids... Babies having babies. Women having 6 and 7 kids without any father around is just insane.
It's literally self-inflicted abuse! So crazyyyy!
"Without any fathet" isn't the issue. The issue is a neglectful and unavailable parent. Having two neglectful parents is worse than having a single parent that us wonderful. Also, one neglectful parents and one wonderful parent is worse will do more damage than a single parent household where the single parent is wonderful. Both parents doesn't automatically equate "better"
@@reggietheman9610 And put REPARATIONS in place of government assistance.
@@reggietheman9610 if it wasn’t for government assistance a lot of blk children would have starved. Blk men refuse to care for babies that they create.
hold the fathers accountable not just the women she aint make them dan kids by herself
You can’t discredit how he feels just because she was going through things. Both of their feelings are valid. Both of them are hurt and need healing.
Yessss the truth 💯💯💯😊
Wow. I am impressed with this host. Way better than dr. Phil. His compassion and knowledge of how to speak to people is wonderful.
You obviously missed the now deleted pink sauce video. He brought on a guest with very valid criticism just to gaslight her
@@iTurq633 Nobody gives a damn about the pink sauce or that woman who willingly came on a show for MORE attention.
@@oliviapopeofallthingsyoutu5505 my point still stands. Absolutely false that *nobody* gives a damn, i didn't even generalize and claim that everyone cared about the issue. You are totally entitled to wether you care or not but the statement made is incorrect.
@@iTurq633 This racist dog pile that you people are doing is disgusting. The show and the show’s host are more than a chopped up episode that included an attention seeking TikTok creator.
@@oliviapopeofallthingsyoutu5505 I have not brought ethnicity into this. Indeed the show and host are more than just one off segment, and perhaps my first comment was made too broad and could be interpreted as if i'm completely invalidating the top comment's point, but that wasn't the intention and I suppose it could have been worded differently. However what i brought up was a specific instance that should still be considered (and i once again repeat that it does not represent the entirety of the host and show) and is valid.
And I do not take the racist comment personally, I know though a screen and with limited words proper discussion of a subject will suffer somewhat and indeed, unfortunately there are certain people that will use such arbitrary reasons such as ethnicity to dogpile onto situations when there are POC involved, it doesn't help and sadly discounts very valid arguments.
He's really looking for softness from her and she doesn't have it. It's really sad that her struggle has made her so hard and they can move forward and have a good relationship if he learns that her love is not his love language
Perfectly said 💯
Black People aren't made to show any Love, just Whuppings that's it.
This is way more than al love language issue. This mother is not a nurturer and will take no responsibility. She’s hard as stone!
@@bgipper4109 That's what Down South does to Black People in general, My roots are at Mississippi.
This is true. Adult children should understand that single moms that dealt with a lot of trauma are just doing their best. That is not to excuse an outright bad mom but that softness they seek may not be there. Also they don’t have to support them in any new-found inclination or what they fundamentally disagree with. It doesn’t equate not loving them.
Karamo is one of the best hosts I have ever seen. His compassion, his words of wisdom, his empathy towards the people on the show, the tone he uses is everything the world needs to see. He doesn't tear down the person sitting on the opposite side of the chair like many other hosts do, no matter the circumstance. Well done. 👏👏
He really is wonderful as a person and host😊
The fact that he calls her Sherly speaks volumes!
Not really. It's not that deep.
@@CHAD-fr4hh hush chad
Could be outta spite listen to how he says it
@@brandnubraids2599 it's definately out of spite. BUT it's hard to call the woman that birthed you " mom" if that person acts the opposite of what a mom is supposed to be... I'm speaking from experience.
I said the same thing....I DO AGREE
My Mama was similar but what I realized after I got grown and had my own children is that she too suffered lack of love and emotion from her own Mother. It's a cycle that CAN be broken by being completely opposite from what you've endured...tell your children you love them tell them their beautiful tell them they will do great things...encourage them protect them! And just love your parents for who they are because sometimes they don't know how to utilize their love and affection...you only get one Mom❤ I miss mine dearly! RIP Mama🙏🏾❤❤❤😘😘😘😘😘😘
I wish I could like this a million times because I tell this to everyone
What you said really touched me that is so beautiful
@@4265kitty ❤❤❤❤🙏🏾 thank you Sweetie....and keep telling the world because you never really get it until their gone thank God I had the opportunity to patch things up with my Mama but she passed away shortly after. It was like we just had gotten to know each other even though we been together all my life...if I could do it all.over again.......
@@Amberlovesu541 thank you Luv❤❤🙏🏾🙂
Yep. Breaking the cycle with my kids. My mom told me about how horrible my grandma was and apparently my great grandmother to my grandmother. And I couldn't help but think well why didn't you do anything different? I love my kids. Never curse st them, never call them names, I never get annoyed at their affection except when my legs fall asleep from their weight lol. And I treat them all fairly unlike her who always treated my brother better despite being the most misbehaved
The homophobic parents always throw away a jewel. He’s such a gem and I’m so proud of and admire him greatly. Thank you for being strong and being a young black inspiration.
Amen ❤
She is not homophobic. She just a hard person that really have and show no feelings. She even said she’s always supported him. He never said she called him anything homophobic. She even said she wants to go to his wedding! Y’all just want ppl to openly constantly shout they support gays
@@YummiBlanco your actions can be homophobic other than your words. Idk who y’all are, but I don’t a soul to support anything ain’t none of you regular people God.
@@priincelegit1336 no we’re not God but we don’t have to support sin period! Just like y’all don’t support things, we don’t have to neither
@@YummiBlanco sounds personal and I’m not here for that. And speaking on my own behalf, I’m not looking for your support. Thanks but no thanks
For all those bashing Shirley, watch this clip again. When she said “Someone don’t have to be there to be proud of you, I’m proud of you, my mama wasn’t there, but I’m proud of me” she started crying and I felt that. Also, when the host started asking her questions and allowing her to speak her truth, notice how her energy started to calm down. This is what happens when you actually listen to understand and not attack. You can tell the son loves his mom and she loves her son. We’re not always going to have the tools in life but we have to do better at extending grace to people. I can’t judge either of them because we truly make mistakes and we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. God bless Ms. Shirley and her son though.
It's a pity my daughter calls her father by his name because he has not been there for her all her life and she has no respect for him. I tried to convince her otherwise but kids observe parental involvement and they see who is there for them and loves them.
Well said 🙏🏾
My mom worked the whole time so I could go places, do things at school, be in different activities, and to have some fly clothes to wear to these places and events; however, she wasn't physically there to cheer me on. But her work ethnic and dedication to provide for me was her cheering me on. That was my mom language that how she showed love, not just me or her children but for her grabdchildren, friends, family, etc.
Perfectly said❤❤❤❤
Wow Well said, God Bless🙏
He's is telling the truth about the generational trauma. My dad was 50 when I was born he was born in 1922 and he'd seen some things he was illiterate dropped out of 3rd grade to work for his family. Imagine your 3rd grade aged child or relative having a job to put food on the table. Let that sink in. A lot of our parents suffered and never had childhoods of their own.
I see what you are saying, HOWEVER, my childhood was filled with traumas due to my mother and father,bc they were traumatized by their parents when they were young. BUT I don't treat my children this way so i guess it's possible if you only want to. You need to want it and work on yourself everyday. I CHOOSE to not pass my traumas to my children,bc i want to be the best person i can be for myself and for my family. We all have a choice every day when we wake up wether to treat ppl right or wrong. It's a decision that we are making, there's no gray zone in this matter. My mother should have made better choices,but she didn't,she chose to take the easy road and treat me and my siblings very poorly.
If anything,bc our parents had their traumatic childhood,they should have known better than anyone else how hard it is to go through that pain,and they should have tried everything in their power to not let their children go through the same thing as they did. When a person cares about himself and his surrounding he takes care of his mental health,he goes to therapy,talks to ppl who can help him ect. I don't see that in this case,nor in mine or with many other parents.
Sometimes Ppl who hurt ppl, just expect everyone to accept them for who they are , as if they are entitled to hurt others bc they were victims themselves,but the only thing they achieve by thinking and behaving that,is creating more victims in the world, starting with the ones they should love must,and that won't contribute to heal the world.
@@baby-xp9dn I agree to disagree with your statement, everybody didn't have the support or knowing how to shall I say break the chain of childhood abuse, because I think everyone who actually got there behind with growing up was abused at least in this day and time but needless to say I'm glad that I got my behind whip I wouldn't be the woman I am today and that's a fact, however my father used to beat my tail because I was really defiant he would beat me waking me up out of my sleep or being funny pouring water down my mouth because I slept with my mouth open and he thought it was funny to put water in my mouth to wake me up for church 😔..... I never pour water down my children's store but I did beat my son when ever he did things wrong and I was 19 when I had him but I still didn't have that understanding of real Parenthood, my mom was the best mom I could ever ask for she did her best with all of us she made sure we had she made sure we ate healthy and she didn't do a lot of beating but when needed she would tell us up make a long story short what my dad did to me I end up doing to my son until I had my second child 10 years later and realized that I wanted to break the chain and I did, my son has the most up respect for me and understand what I went through on the other hand my daughter never experienced anything that my son did and she thinks that I was a bad mother so with that being said it may be a choice when you're mature enough to know what the choices are. 😏
Sounds just like my Dad. He was born in 1918 and he had to drop out in the 3rd grade as well to find work. It was 14 siblings. He became head foreman of a construction company. Imagine that with a 3rd grade education. I don’t feel like my parents owe me anything they did the best they could with what they knew, especially the time frame they grew up in. At some point you have to finish raising yourself.
@@sherijennings769 so true
You still have bo excuse to bully and abuse people. Ever. I've been through stuff but it ain't my kids fault.
She has a tough exterior wall up due to her past, but she shows love the way she knows how. She loves her son.
I believe his mom. He never addressed trying to fight her. He straight skipped over it. They are the same person.
but he was still a child????
@@flintlifetail2427
Exactly why he should’ve stayed his young disrespectful tail in his place!
How do you think it’s okay to jump on your Momma & things go well 🤷🏽♀️
@@flintlifetail2427 he was 13! He didn’t know not to fight his mother??
@@flintlifetail2427 a 13 year old young male who was trying to fight his Mom
@@cece5464 at 13 my younger brother unfortunately had to fight our mom. any grown adult can handle a 13 year old, & being that he's very feminine i would assume he was small enough for her to handle. pls stop making excuses for BAD PARENTING.
He comes off a little disrespectful. I believe he had an attitude problem for sure. The mom needs to heal as well she's guarded. Much love to both of them.
So true.
Everyone handles trauma differently, attitude problems are usually a protection mechanism from growing up with an abuser
@@mayapace6914 Understood. Notice how he went around the fact that his mom had to lay hands on him because he jumped on her. Just going off what I see.
The son looks like he want to dictate Shirley's life just bcz she wronged him bck them mmmh ,ths 2 can't be under the same roof maybe after counseling
@@uluvyanna common now he is like 5 feet 2 inches and his momma is built like a tank. Even today Brandon can't take down Shirley even if he tried let alone when he was 13.
It’s crazy how they’re almost literally the same person🥺 it just takes a conversation and putting in the work!
I thought the same! It’s hard for them to communicate because they are basically talking to themselves 😭
@@erica-5198The way you phrased this statement is absolutely killing me 😂😂
It’s about time that we start recognizing MOMMY TRAUMA. It’s not always daddy issues. Mothers do ALOT of damage to their kids, her attitude was so telling of how she raised them. No softness or nurturing in her. Painful to watch, hope there is healing & restoration
AMEN AMEN AMEN 💯 🙏 🙌 👏 ❤️ ☺️
Therapy. Go there
No softness, nurturing etc. That usually happens when there's no MAN in the house...now BACK to daddy issues...
@@PinkSteel4real No, we are no going back. The hardness of the mothers drive the fathers away.
True because that’s how she came up . A person can only do what they were taught and she was using what she knew . She too was left out there at a young age , not saying it’s right . But I’m saying she did the best with the tools she had .
My mom was a lot like this. But she's gotten a lot better over time. She's even been in therapy for a year. She will even come back and apologize for being wrong now. Never thought I'd see the day. Proud of you mom❤️
So beautiful. Love this for you and her. Wishing you both a kind and gentle recovery and life ❤️👑❤️👑💐💐☀️🙏🙏🤗
Same
@@evezazzle5974 thank you so much. She still has her moments but none of us are perfect and I'm happy for her progress.
@@daidasil4387 hopefully you both continue to grow, and still love one another. God bless
@@sabir1208 I can only imagine hey. I really admire your empathy towards her. It can't have been easy for you too. I commend you for doing better than what you experienced. You're a precious blessing🙏✨💝✨😊
I had a similar situation with my mom. Grew up in a not so suitable household, but now growing up, I realized she made a lot of sacrifices and raised me and my brother to be the men we are today.
She loves him, that is obvious. She has had a tough time coming up so I am sure the did the best she knew to do. Prayers for their reconciliation. 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
You can tell the love is there. Their relationship isn't too far gone!
Nah
@@nicoleraheem1195 she loves him just misunderstanding. If she didn’t she wouldn’t be sitting there with a live audience.
No, that ain't no Love, I'm from Mississippi
@@DeGuzman2392 I agree. She showed up because she cares. They're just approaching the topic with a lot of pain and baggage from two different points of view. Therapy would really help a lot.
They actually the same
Felt like I was watching my mama, my god! Living with toxicity like that is terrible and SOOOOOO traumatizing. Shoutout to all the others that can relate. We made it, we here yall & I hope we okay 💛.
Sometimes, parents have their own unresolved trauma and don’t know how to be there the way we think they should be there. These two need to have a one on one conversation and lay it all out on the line.
I think both son and mom seem genuine in their feelings and words. I hope they are able to really fix and repair their relationship !
Nah bro, she’s a narcissist- nothing is genuine
@@onnie.6815 that’s what I was thinking while still feeling compassion cuz her childhood must’ve been shit for her to be so hard on her kids and then barely accountable.
@@onnie.6815 how
@@tawnybees9973 exactly what I'm asking. HOW? Because the daughter is playing victim in my eyes a single mother of 8 must show hard love doesn't mean she doesn't love her children and I also believe she tried taking her own life because raising 8 alone is hard
@@GodsgirlJ I feel zero compassion for adults who bully kids tbh
As I get older & see more dynamics of parent-child relationships, the more thankful I am for my parents. They’re literally amazing. Still to this day & I’m in my 30s.
Yes.
😊❤️
You’re like saying As i see more ppl with no arms or legs im thankful for mine
@@ceq9365 I said what I said. If you get it, you get it. If you don’t, you don’t.
I feel like the son was no walk in the park growing up. When he first came on he mentioned that the mom hit him in the chest but fail to mention that he was trying to fight her. Made it seem she was attacking him.
exactly......
Yes because that makes it better 😑
@@shelbynicole1243 so what was she supposed to do cry nd let him abuse her like every body else if it was his dad he would have waited until he was strong enough but knowing she was a woman he thought I can take u now I work with a nurse who's son tried to hit her with an axe 🪓 she does gentle parenting and sleeps in the closet it's a lot of teens dead cause they tried there parents and it's a lot of parents no longer alive because to there parents didn't take there threats seriously cause they're thinking a hug and a talk will fix the problem
@@shelbynicole1243 So she’s supposed to let her son beat on her?? He should’ve known better than to hit his MOTHER.
@@lashundamangrum5911 I agree. If you allow some of these kids they’ll become the abusers and there are no laws in place to protect parents from them. He is trying to have a victim story but I feel he has done equal damage to their relationship. Then hiding behind his sexual identity as if it justifies his wrong behaviors.
She doesn't understand that her trauma of abuse was repeated with her own children. This is a cycle in the black community 😕
Truth, I grew up in a Caribbean household. So I definitely understand Brandon's pain and trauma
@@CurtisR1114 You too! Rahtid! Wen dem broken, dem BROKEN pon anaddah level fih troo.
Yeah they did kinda glaze over that from what I saw
I honestly believe that it’s part of the trauma of racism. Not excusing it, just recognizing it.
Facts 💯
His mom is in so much pain herself and has been in pain for a long time without help or counseling. People who are hurt, hurt the people who love them. I hope the show offers them counseling.🙏🏾
Family relationships can be emotionally painful. I give both Brandon and Shirley credit for being on this show and talking things out. I hope things work out between them. Brandon and Shirley love you both even though I don't know you.
This bought tears to my eyes. I’m glad she was able to get that out and he was able to get his closure and invite her to his wedding. Great show !
Let me tell you, you see that hug between mother and son, that was no fake hug at all, she open her hands and said give me a hug and Brandon actually jumped out of his seat to hug his mom, and for sure she wants to be at his wedding, they are going to be ok, I believe Karamo helped explain for them as he saw where they were not understanding what the other one was saying
She was so hardcore when she first came on stage … and then she softened up … once Karambo helped break everything down … this was a good one … had me crying as well … whew!!!
lol @ "karambo"
Felt she was being bashed at first.
She was on 10 ready
I 🤣 cried too at first I was how Dare this young man do this to His own mama 🤣🤣!! But then I soften 2 .... cause he needs this kind of closure it might not be for everyone but if that helps him heal so he can have a healthy spiritual mind body and soul!
Sometimes, it takes us growing up, to understand our parents. We get the parents we get and we grow from that. I pray they get their relationship on the right path, and fine love in each other.
Exactly!!! I learned that myself!!!
AMEN!!
This show made me cry because Mom has been hurting so long and it’s hard to give love when you have been neglected of love all your life. I take my hat off to his Mom for still accepting her son as he is and being there for him.
They need a counseling session that is private. Sometimes we just have to come to terms that out parents did the best the could with the information and experience they had in their tool box. Raising 8 kids on your own is hard but it's OK to learn what you don't want to be or do from your parents and doing things differently.
Yes, but it’s also OK to divorce your parents when they are harmful regardless of what tools they had or didn’t have in their tool box.
They need Iyanla baby 😫
But that goes back to what she said, if you wanna be grown go do it. Parents lived the life of a teen, they know it’s not all roses on the other side. Plus these kids hitting their parents that’s too much. Be a child when you’re a child.
@@lanalang1243 exactly you can't hit your parents even if you are mad.
@@niquebud 👏🏽
I went to college with Brandon. He definitely has a heart of gold 💛.
I don't even know him. I got that Vibe and if you talk to him to send him well wishes 🌹
He doesn't sound like a good person
why he doesnt sound like a good person?
@@evelynejeka7182 he is he didn’t call her out of her name , raise his voice , anything.
Awww 🥰
I can feel where the mother is coming from. I'm literally in tears.
The mother said some very telling information that explains why she treated her children the way she did. Her trauma history became her children's trauma history. I wish she and her son as well as her other children get the healing they need so reconciliation can begin.
I’ve met 100 shirleys and I’ve met 100 brandons. I feel his pain and hers all in one. I see my family in them. I feel his hurt and his mom’s hurt. Karamo said it perfectly. She did the best she could with the tools she had. I pray that they both come closer together in love after this. God bless them both ❤
SAME here but he neglects to tell the whole story and it's not fair. He wants all this attention for her being the bad guy but won't take his 50% in the dysfunction. The mom's love language was provision and he wasn't and still isn't mature enough to understand that. Can you image having 8 kids to feed and no man to help? She hustled (sold drugs) and told them where all the money was if she got got or imprisoned. That's LOVE, and he didn't give her credit for any of it. SAD. I also think the mom knew something happened to him (molestation/rape) and feels guilt about it. Who knows...
She just has a nonchalant attitude and that's how she was brought up and he has to realize that hurt people do hurt people because they don't know any other way. Help her break the curse.
@@TK-dv5pq , you gotta look through with a child's eyes...Maturity gives us the understanding that there are different types/levels of love. And how does him as a kid have 50% in the dysfunction?
He nor his siblings asked to be brought here.
@@franceswhalen2721 He can have 50% in the dysfunction by disrespecting his mother when he was a child. Being a parent is a position of honor above children, and he violated that position as a child and wouldn't let the mother TELL what he did, despite the mother having her faults. His disrespect of his mother, the one who stayed and tried to keep things together. His disrespect= his 50%. The mother's faults= her 50%. So both need to take their 50% in the situation. Honestly, I was referring to him as an adult and letting things go, and for him to stop blaming her because she can't change things from the past in the present. They can only move forward from here. The siblings nor he asked to be brought here BUT she did make the efforts to take care of them by risking her freedom selling drugs and putting up enough money to take care of them if she got got or went down. She did the best she could in the situation she was in. Maturity is the only thing that can show these things. You can't expect people to do what they can't or aren't willing to do. But it's never 100% one person's fault.
@@TK-dv5pq you sound toxic with that “ She did what she had to do to take care of 8 kids” nonsense, how about don’t have 8 kids when you know you can’t keep their fathers around and no one’s there to help! That’s selfish as heck and we need to stop it - birth control is always an option 🤦🏾♀️
One of the greatest things about therapy is building the emotional intelligence to see your parents as people, not as infallible.
You have to acknowledge that the tools they possess were not always the tools you needed.
The best thing my therapist told me was wanting someone else to act in a way you want will only lead to more heartache
The mother isn't a bad person. She tried and did not always succeed. I bet she is a great friend, aunt, cousin, etc. She wasn't a great mother for Brandon.
That's usually the case the bad parent can be good to everyone else except their own children
I'm on the mother side
@@hb2862 yes I agree.
@@kameelstallings5125 me too
How did she try she gave her kids away and didn’t even try to raise him are y’all
crazy
I never clicked so fast because I related so much!my grandma became my first bully after she gained custody of me and I’m still dealing with the trauma today. I’m happy Brandon is speaking up for himself and having a voice ❤️
Describe "Trauma".... I wanna hear what ppl be calling trauma, and abuse? 🤔🙃
AMEN, MY #MOTHER AND MY #GREAT GRANDMOTHER WERE MY #1ST BULLIES AND MY #MIDDLE SISTER 🙏🙏🙏
@@timekabolden5309 being left for dead. Bring treated like you don't deserve to live unless the abuser says so. Being kicked and punched around because someone is trying g to push you to insanity. I'm a black 26 year old who grew up with a covert narc mom who lied and told ppl my father molested me and he never did. She takes my aunts side over mine when the evidence of whatever it is right there. Gaslighting is mental abuse. It makes you question your reality to the point where you have to shut down in order to keep living. Have you ever been in a situation where a person changes into the devil right when the door shuts? Parent or child, it's hell on earth and a serious reason. One show doesn't define what abuse is and my God to women know how to belittle abf minimize other people's experiences because I see it's mainly woman who act like they don't know what abuse is but cry about childhood wounds which is why they did what they did. Nothing is excusable when you abuse someone to the point where they feel like nothing is worth it. NEVER minimize a person's experience when ITS NOT YOURS. its a dumb question to ask what's someone's definition of abuse because I'm sure you know the difference between abuse both seen and unseen verses being strongly entitled. Observe before you pick
Bless this mother she faced her child and gave him what she could. Many Mothers cannot do that. Prayers for the whole family
I actually like the mother. I think that she is a hurting person who never received love at all. This generational bullying was evident in her and what was put on her. Violence is never the answer but healing can take place for these two. I LOVE Karamo's show and we're seeing why he is so charismatic on Queer Eye. I truly think that he (Karamo) addressing certain issues can bring to light a lot of hidden schisms within the black community.
Exactly
Same!! Something bout her I like.
Yeah, the mother seems like the type of mother who don't take no shit from nobody.
Yeah but I see through her clever tounge....sounds good
I'm literally crying b/c I can relate so much to Brandon. I wouldn't say my mom was a bully but she's very similar to Shirley. But I can tell that Shirley loves her son. She wouldn't have come on the show if she didn't. I really hope they can salvage their relationship and let go of the past. Karamo really did a great job mediating and counseling them. I really hope this show sticks around for a long time. I miss these kinda talk shows lol
Im so sorry you went through this but just know it made you the person you are today!!! Keep striving to be great and spread love.
@@eigna8914 TY! 🫶
I Agree! 👍
Sending you love! 💕
You don’t have to say your mother was a bully. If she behaved like this woman then she definitely was a bully. Let’s call a thing a thing. You can love your mother and still be 100% honest. All of our parents tried their best I suppose but they weren’t “good” parents .
There is power in words. Things my dad said to me have never left my mind and heart todate. Let us learn to be mindful of words
If you are reading this there’s a reason…No matter how good or bad you have it,wake up each day thankful for your life.Someone else is desperately fighting for theirs ❤️🇧🇸🤞
I can't believe he has his own show now.. I love it 😭
I know, right?!?! 🤗🙏🏽🙌🏽
She doesn’t seem like a bad parent she just seems like she has her own trama that she needs to get through
True. She trying to be the best parent she can but didn't have a great example herself
True. Most older gen moms will be labeled toxic by today’s standards.
Yes
@@benbenassi2348 Cause they are...having trauma of your own is no excuse to pass the shit down. People need to fix whatever issues they have before having children. That's no excuse to treat your kids like that period.
@@lalawright2324 fr
to think how many people would be so extraordinary in their life if they were just supported by their family and friends that surround them instead of feeling like they have to hide themselves, or prove something to become something in spite of imagine what people could become if they were championed along the way this young man is incredible.
BINGO
Realizing that parents love and take care of you THE BEST they can is the best epiphany I ever had.
Me too. I taught myself to practice Grace and it made my life easier and also changed my mindset
I peep how he tried to talk bad about her at first but once she came out and set things clear you can tell his own childish thoughts are still prevalent and not the full reality.
She's a mom who gives tough love. He want her to be somebody she's not. Regardless of anything she says he's not feeling her. It's just 2 different generations.
Bravo Karamo! Your ability to break through to Shirley, with so much grace and compassion?…I’m in tears!!!
I'm definitely going to watch more of this show! I love the way Karamo spoke to the mother and her son and help give clarity on the situation. My mother is the same way with her attitude and always trying one up on conversations when being confronted. I definitely did not like when he spoke about suicide and she pulled that stunt. I would mortified that my child would've died and I wouldn't have known. That would bring me to tears! That bullying mentality is a huge issue in the black community! A cycle that must be broken.
As an adult and a parent I've learned to stop viewing my parents as "entities". I was so caught up in what I wanted and needed and didn't realize that my parents had unresolved childhood trauma. They had wants and needs too and they dealt with their situations and children the best THEY could. As a woman who is a parent, I now understand and view my mother as the woman she is, not just my mom. She's more than a figure who cooked and cleaned and took me took me to school etc.. .My parents went through some shit. I'll likely never know the details but when I look at the woman in this video...she's been on her own since she was 16. 16! A young, black 16 year old with no one in her corner, completely unprotected...there's no telling what type of shit she had to endure. Her son, being a young, black, gay male had a completely different set of struggles than she ever had. She learned early about the dark side of the world. People out here don't give a fuck about your trauma. They'll sense weakness and take advantage. Her way of protecting her kids was to be hard so they wouldnt be weak and vulnerable. Not saying it's right or wrong it's just what it is. They'll be alright. They just need to listen to one another.
i love this comment
very wise realization
She knew that he had to go through some things and that is why she was hard on him, he thought she was bullying him but she figured if she gave him tough skin he could get through anything. This is what we do as a people, I remember being told only the strong survive.
❤️💯💯💯👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
i am sorry but i cant agree with you your comment makes zero sense
Therapy is needed for both. He needs to accept that his mother will not be the mother he wanted. The past is the past and parents are not perfect. Build on what you have today and move forward.
There’s a difference in imperfection and rejection. The mother is not emotionally intelligent. She needs therapy. Narcissistic person.
He don't need to do shyt!
Thank you for this!❤
Regardless of what Shirley has done she got my respect. There ain’t no book on how to be a mother, she did what she could and that’s all that matters. Hopefully these two can get back on track & bond like they should have been. God bless man.
No matter what his mother does he isn’t satisfied. He needs therapy.
Agreed
I agree.
Yes, I can see that as well. He must forgive and she must learn to listen and accept how her actions affected him.
You peeped that too ………he’s too much; said part is every-time he get upset with her he’s gonna bring up the past I know his kind .
And when I say kind jus to be clear spoiled in his own way
People need to understand yes some parents have their own trauma to heal but that doesn’t excuse being toxic or abusive to your children! This is why a lot of people need to wait to have kids when they aren’t mentally ready!
I also hate when Parents wanna say their kids bashing them or making them look bad when they just stating the facts and the truth about their trama
👏🏽👏🏽
Exactly
I definitely get what you’re saying but the mom may not have been in a the right head space to be a good mom but if she has apologized and done things to show that she is sincerely sorry what else is she supposed to do? Every time she shows that she’s sorry, he says it’s not real or it’s not sincere. 🤷🏾♀️
‼️‼️‼️
@@kimbranch4125 apologizes cant make up for the shit she did to him smh speaking from experience both my parents are narcs
Such an intelligent young man , I love that he continues to reach out to forgive and move on to a brighter future with his mother.
I feel bad for the mom.. I believe her a little more than the son…
Same here , he left out a lot that we needed to know . Especially when she told him she didn’t care that he was gay and that he had an attitude problem before they even parted.
Likewise. Mom went through a lot and did the best she could. The son is a bit ungrateful and has an attitude toward her.
Karamo is so amazing!! He listens, he understands, and his advice is incredibly helpful
I think she gave him what she could. She was NOT emotionally equipped. He also has to have grace for her . She gave what she had to give. She can't give him what she doesn't have. I actually like her. He is committed to being upset . He has no interest in hearing her story . He wants vindication. She loves him , hence why she is here on the show. Where does he think he get his strength and resilient from . He got it from her.
Still not an excuse she literally gave him away and didn’t raise him parents need to stop using that as a excuse if you are struggling go get mental help so you can be equipped mental health is so over looked in the black community. now what her mother did to her she passed on to her kids stop all these generational curses. yeah I agree give her grace but that mama needs to own what she’s done and acknowledge it too. it’s like she’s brushing it under the rug her son is damaged from that and I understand him because I went through it. that’s a different pain when your mom is not around and I’m not putting all the blame on the mom. I understand her side but she has to understand him too because she’s gone through something similar as well so ik she knows that pain too.
He just said that shirlock 😂
So much hurt, so much pain… hope they find healing…
Shoutout to Karamo for facilitating a place that feels free of judgment so these families can start healing
She's right!!! When you think you're more grown than me in my house.... time to go... PERIOD!!
Toxic mother mentality. You don’t get to beat the shit out of your kid, time and time again, and never expect them to fight back
💯💯💯💯
I agree with you... However, if your children do not respect you because they have seen you do something they deem as not motherly like, there are gonna be issues...
I for one never ever bucked up to my parents, if I had, I would be wearing false teeth right now.
No matter the sexuality
@@mamadouaziza2536 do y’all think he would’ve got in his fathers face a father would’ve did the same thing
Oh! I cried and cried! I pray God heal the both of them. Wonderful show! You need daytime and stay TH-cam!
He didn't understand her ways of showing love. It's tough love but it's there.She loved him the best way she knew how to, in her own trauma. They needed this talk, it took this show but I'm glad they now have a meeting point.
Going through a major identity issue requires counseling. I know so many supportive parents still have children in abusive relationships seeking validation from their community, and accepting whatever as love.
I feel like he’s telling the story his way for sympathy but clearly she was going through some things too, she may have been an unfit mother and seems like she was but he’s old enough to realize she was experiencing just as much pain as him if not more.
I felt bad until he mentioned that she supported him just a year ago..actions speak. If she had an addiction, she absolutely couldn't be what he needed.
Growing up my mom was addicted a d at 43 years old today I still think of all the hardships my sister and I experienced because of her addiction. To Glory Be To God my mother has been sober for 15 years now, my sister and I turned out great far as career goals. We both hold 7 degrees between us and are doing well. My mother was the best mom ever before the addiction. I knew how she could be as a person and I totally agree with you....she couldn't be what we needed. Her addiction meant more than we did! She has apologized and we talk everyday. It's still hard sometimes to get pass those memories but we keep pushing on!!
She was selling drugs trying to take care of 8 kids by herself. She even told them where the money was if ever she went down or got got. That's LOVE, REAL love. The son just didn't and maybe doesn't understand that the mother's love language is/ was financial provision and security. I don't know if she was on drugs or not but I do know she stored up enough money, IN case... that's more than any of their fathers ever did. NOTICE, he NEVER blames his FATHER....
My grandma is like this with my mom & I hated her growing up. My mom made sure to raise us better but, some of my moms past trauma still came up during our childhood. Parents went through things too & we need to start acknowledging that.
Unpopular opinion, I don’t like the narrative against the mother. Even with the example of him saying she punched him in the chest but left out him being buck towards her. She explicitly explained what happened and he seemed to seek a sob story. Even after witnessing his strong mother he decided to add on more, It got so bad that he had to give her credit 😅 cuz you’re altering the truth and hiding behind perception in order to gain to feed your ego, to do what those other men did to her, I will never understand this 🤦🏾♀️ I see it quite often tho
Abusers are great at DARVO. They always minimize and defend their actions regardless. They fool everyone.
I said the samething! He a brat and he know it! He just being a dramatic
This is exactly what I took from this! I totally understand the mother's perspective once she got to tell her side. That's why u should never be so quick to judge a one sided story!
Yessssss! This the comment! I think he’s holding on and he and causing the confusion he needs sessions with her to figure things out.
Exactly!!!!! Tried to paint her as mommy dearest until she told the whole TRUTH !
It's so unfortunate, they're both hurting. 😪 reminds me of my relationship with my parents too. It's sad.. I hope they get passed the trauma they're both hurting so much from. Love is healing and there's so much right there. Be there for one another, be kinder to yourselves. Much love ❤️
Same here.
My mom separated with my father when I was turning 5 and my brother was a few months old. She went to another province and left us with our grandmother. My older siblings were 10 & 7. Now we are adults in our late 20s and some late 30s and we are still trying to get to know her because ever since she came back into our lives, she came with an entitlement that she deserve to be supported by us because we are her children , emotionally, physically and financially whereas she was never in our lives. It's so difficult to deal with her because we feel she is so manipulative as well and she cries to get what she wants.
I know how you feel. My mom had a childhood similar to yours
i’m so proud of this young man and his accomplishments
Kids stay trying to critique their parents parenting. Rarely do they ever critique themselves, it's not a 1 up, it's her trying to tell you she relates but still has to push through. He won't even stop interrupting her while talking. This lady did all she thought or knew what to do to raise her kids, then they grow up to be ungrateful and entitled.
🎯🎯🎯
He understands all that stuff but wants to be validated and be told that he’s right. Everything he said he wants is what she’s done. He just needs therapy and chose a talk show instead. He needed attention
All of this. I’m plenty older now and have learned that we “children” have to see our parents also need attention and consideration for the lack they encountered along the way, be it from a relationship/marriage that went sour or family members. During those times of raising us they may have not been able to enjoy the freedom of just being. Grace on both ends is needed. ✌🏽
I wrote my theory on this but forgot about this generation and the sense of entitlement. You are so right about today's youth, they're very ungrateful and entitled.
All of these replies definitely are valid
I pray Karamo is providing these people after care support.
The mom is broken as well!!!! How can a broken person raise someone to be whole???
Love how Karamo wasn’t bias at all; he served as how I feel all talk show host should, that of a mediator.
This host is amazing. Such a great counselor.
Two words: Pink Sauce.
She did the best she could with what she knew to do. He can’t control how she responds and how she relay her feelings. I pray for them both
I'm a person who also suffered physical and emotional abuse from my mother, and what this young man needs to accept is that his mothers words will never be enough,, in a way he wants her to change the past and that's just not possible. I pray that he forgives her , not for her but for himself, because that kind of weight will most definitely affect his love for others..
So she apologized & has told him she's really proud of him what he wants is for her to grovel.
Yes‼️🥴
He probably didn’t accept it, because he knew it wasn’t genuine!
@@theprettyblacknomad Then he needs to move on. All this drama is making him just as bad as he says she is.
@@livelovely4681 Who are you to say when someone should “move on?” I disagree, but you got it.
@@theprettyblacknomad funny enough he didn't mention that his mother apologized to him or that she expressed love to him. He just went out to bash her, then she comes out & points out yes, I did wrong but, I reached out & apologized & I let him know I was proud of him. Yet here he is coming out to bash his mom in public because he couldn't accept what she gave him there must have not been enough groveling so he's going to publicly shame her. He wants her to humiliate & humble her & of course validation from the host & the audience that he's a victim. All this drama for his need of victimhood validation. Life happens it isn't always pretty but, be grateful for the good in your life & that there were people even if it wasn't blood that cared for you there are people that go their whole lives without such fortune.
I am so proud of how He turned out. What a wonderful soul.
This is one of the most objective and supportive mothers i’ve seen on this show
This mother? Really?
Really? I don't think so but OKAY 😅
@@bgipper4109The others are definitely worse yeah, at least Shirley can admit her shortcomings
This boy is confused. One minute she never apologized the next she said it but he doesn't know if it's real. One minute she's never said she was proud the next she has but he can't believe it. One minute she never supported him the next she did but this or that. One minute she is never there now the next she paid half his rent. One minute it's her treatment of him and the next her old boyfriends. One minute she's never told me she was proud of me and the next how can she be proud of something she didn't help to create. BOY she DID create you. That's why you here and alive. Sounds like he blames her for alot of things that he doesn't understand himself. One minute she jumps on him and the next he admits he jumped on her but this is why. And Ion know bout y'all... But if a child that came outta me tries to jump on me in my house they gone get just what he got.
i was thinking the same thing he said she never apologized but then said when she says it he doesn't know if its real ...im like so that means she said it you just wasn't ready to accept it but don't say she never said it
@@jazzsoapandbubbly maybe it’s confusing and hard to believe because maybe her behavior that’s he’s always know of her has been opposite of what she says she’s sorry for. They say an apology without changed behavior is nothing more than manipulation.
Absolutely 💯...I agree.....he's playing the blame game but isn't taking any responsibility for his actions and he's lying to everyone so that his son story can stick
He is a very confused person. Life is hard sometimes and it doesn't give a s_it. He interrupts to much.
He's confused because of how much he's gone through and didn't have stability with his own mother. His upbringing was rough he went through w lot and so did she but they need to learn to be there for each other and not against
He's not accepting of her. It's not about the past it's about her presence now. He's not allowing her to be there because he's hurt about things from the past. He needs to let her go and move forward or not have the relationship. It's not fair to either of them to continue to live in the past.
Shirley keeps deflecting and takes no accountability. She does one up him. I can tell she’s still holding onto pain. She definitely need a healing.
Brandon does not actively listens. He needs healing too. He seems open to mending their relationship.
I wish they the best.
Kids seem to forget how hard it is raising them...she had 8 .....that's just crazy
I don’t see her bullying her child. At all. Bless them both.
Seriously....
?
I didn’t see it either
She definitely is wtf
She hateful acting.
Y'all love to believe what y'all want lol, she literally left her child with the neighbor. Come on now...
Broken people raise broken kids.
At 39, this is why I don't have kids. I think it is good to be self-aware about ourselves and the world we live in. This is a messed up world with a lot of problems internally and externally. Bringing children into this world is hard enough. Having to raise and protect them with other personal problems on top of that is too overwhelming. I plan to remain child-free.
I feel like there is some resolution in their relationship. I think they showed some progression and I also think that mother is going to tear the dance floor up at his wedding. I LOVE IT❤❤❤
I can relate to the fact that even after verbal, mental, and physical abuse he deep down desires that bond/healthy relationship.
This show has been amazing I am here for focusing on the solutions and not dwelling on the problems for views, likes , and click bait!!!! I am a Karamo supporter honey!!!! lol
She's a tough old school parent. Even tho, we need to listen too and apologize to our children when they let us know we've hurt them. Children although hurt, should still be respectful. We need help. We're all hurting
Magnificent Interview! Karamo, your mediation tools were executed perfectly! You cracked the shell and were the voice of reason! I just hope that they use this open door to keep it real, real! And let the obvious love become evident from here on out!
The audience tried to clap for her a few times and they got shutdown😄
You all had me in tears cheering both of you through this! Congratulations 🎉 On your Bond of Matrimonyy and newer relationship with your Mom!! Praise God, she really loves you!!!
The comments don't pass the vibe check. She couldn't say a word without being talked over by someone saying SHE disrespected him. It's not a child in my house that would talk to me the way he was speaking to her. Not a single one. I'd let him go right on about the life he wants.
🎯 he's the issue‼️
He showed his butt because of the cameras. Like she said she ain't it! Brandon know not to try her off camera,
@@brandnubraids2599 and where did he get that from?...
That's the problem 😕
I had to tell my daughter that I will never be the kind of mother she envisioned. I’ve never seen that nor had that experience so I can’t provide that. I gave her more support and experiences. I think she understands better after conversations. Now that she’s spending time with other college students her age she’s finding out she had it Way Better than a lot of people. She was actually a privileged kid in their opinions. She only lacked some of the emotional stuff. I think she had a pretty good life. Parenting is hard and even harder when you’re parenting while lacking.
When Brandon first said "we got into a huge fight and his mother punched him", I knew right away that he was not without fault. Additionally, he said said that words that she said stick with him to this day, yet he doesn't remember if she said I wish I had an abortion, or I wish I didn't have you. If I raised my hands to fight my mother at the age of 13, my mother wouldn't have to punch me, because my siblings would have forked me up. I think Brandon is looking for sympathy and attention. Everything is about Brandon. When he realized that the audience were seeing her side as well, he tried to be nicer. I truly hope that going forward, they spend more time together and share the love. At the end of the day, they are mother and son.
Spot on!
I agree. She didn’t deny whooping his butt. He never mentioned that he jumped up to fight his mom. My mom would’ve beat any of us too for that!!! She said the oldest daughter did that too. It wasn’t about being gay
Grown people shouldn’t have to beat their kids 🤷♀️ or should realize that doing that to someone so young affects them forever!!! He is looking for attention. Attention he never got from his own mother 😢
@@sophiavolak2724 Hmmm, so you're saying that you should allow your child to beat you to prove that you are paying attention? If one of my children ever raise their hands to me, they will get the asswhuppN of their life. If you allow them to treat you that way, they would try to do the same to someone who doesn't love them. That's how we lose our children to the streets. Wake up ma'am.
He doesn't want to own up to his part. He just wants to blame everything on his mother and that's not fair.