Rather than calling it self-care, I like to call it maintenance. Its really easy for me to think of self-care as a luxury, but maintenance HAS to be done regularly, done well, and done thoroughly no matter what or the machine (me) will break.
Dang that’s a good thought that I may have to borrow. It’s also interesting to think that is HAS to be done because it rlly sorta does. In order to keep ourselves somewhat stable we can’t go too long without it lol
Interestingly enough thinking of the body of a machine rlly hits me cause that’s how I’ve always thought of my body…I’ve always tried experimenting with actions and emotions and feelings and thinking of it as maintenance makes it sound Just a little bit of extra tinkering to help it run smoother which sounds kinda fun!
I think the hardest thing is to know when it's selfcare to stay in bed for a while, and when it's selfcare to force yourself out of it. Because it's so easy to get stuck and forget how much better it will feel when I'm not stuck in bed.
This right here! That's why the concept of rest and pampering and self care are dangerous for me because I'm caught in the perpetual, "do I really need rest or am I just trying to avoid something?" And that anxiety of "what if I never stop resting" is rampant 😂
For me, self care includes brushing my teeth in the afternoon, because I know I won't have the energy at bedtime. And not bullying myself if I can't manage it every day.
My personal selfcare routine can be best described with one phrase from your earlier videos: parenting myself. When I feel like a bunch of crashed potatoes, I sit myself next to myself in my mind and ask, what's wrong, how do you feel, what do you need and try to figure out with that feedback, how I can treat myself the best. Like good parents listening to their child and try to figure out, how to help them the best. And sometimes, I just need a hug. So I imagine, giving myself a parental hug so I feel seen, respected and taken care of. Doesn't always work but more and more, it does 🙂
Awwwww, I love that! Yeah I've mentioned lately to friends and family that I'm parenting myself... sometimes like a child, sometimes like a dog. Sometimes I need to take the dog for a walk... which sounds a lot more fun than "I need to go for a walk". - Harley, Community Manager
I’ve starting doing this in the past few years. Now that I’m 52, I’m getting better at parenting my “Younger Self” & getting in touch with what I need.💝
one of my favorite metaphors for self care is treating yourself like a garden, because you have different needs on different days. a little more sun one day, a little more water the next, it depends on what your garden needs today.
Yesterday, my depression hit me hard. So I took a day for self-care, which in this case was lying on my sofa in my jammies under a comfy blanket and not making my brain work too much. Which sounds easy but there's so much pressure to always be getting things done, it can be difficult for me to not do anything. At one point, I started thinking about some writing I've been working on and I told myself "Stop, you're making your head hurt! Pretend you threw your back out and you can't push yourself too hard. You can think about this later when you're brain is feeling more up to it."
There was one time my group was doing a communal cook. And the pressure I felt to help was huge but my body had been physically overworked that week. I ended up going and alternating between the couch and helping. The selfcare stepped in when someone tried to pressure me into standing and I needed to explain that I was resting for a reason.
Currently I’m liking the distinction between “self care” and “self work”. Self care: taking a break, being kinder to myself. Self work: things that are hard but are good for me. House work, therapy, admin catch-up etc. Both looking after myself but in different ways.
Thank you for sharing this perspective! Understanding the difference between the two really resonated with me, and I used that motivation to really clean my house this weekend because I knew it would make me feel better in the long run. And it has! I'm trying to channel that feeling into getting back into diet and exercise and prioritizing my self work.
As ADHDers, I also find that self-care can also be allowing ourselves to hobby switch. I used to beat myself up about not maintaining a hobby and getting more advanced at it like my peers, but discovering I had ADHD and accepting my brain for how it is has made me rethink this. I've allowed myself to get into plants recently, but also let myself either start a new hobby or return to my uke, drawing, sustainability research, singing, yoga, etc whenever I get bored of the current hobby. I know it's hard not to judge ourselves for abandoning hobbies faster than most, but having many interests is what makes us so unique. I remind myself that it is because of my neurodivergent brain that I can relate to so many others on a shared interest, bring up fun conversations, and even introduce others to a new experience via said hobby.
I can really relate to this. I still get sad about how others advanced at hobbies, that I dropped. So it is nice of you to point out the value of being able to relate to more people, because of the many hobbies :) Though I'm sad that I never excelled at any hobby, because i switch so much, I try to accept it and appreciate, that I have a lot of hobbies instead. Right now it's piano, programming, investments, how to make a startup, learning about adhd, drawing a bit and starting on singing and training back flexibility are coming up XD
Self care for me is The basic things like eating and taking a shower Trying to keep my kitchen and laundry clean Calling in sick at work if I'm unwell, physically or mentally Therapy Drinking lots of water Going to bed on time Its sooo hard doing the boring self care. But thats the stuff that provides the most benefits.
I like the idea of maintaining. I am doing a lot of decluttering, and cleaning and organizing the space. I decided to use that word and do it first. Otherwise, the home gets so dirty and I feel shame
I have a messy home. I'm 76 now and so I'm making time in my day to set up the household so it's easier to take care of and also I can cook for myself.
This is usually how I trick myself into it. Because it's easier to do things for others than for me a lot of the time, I treat future me as a completely different person who I want to do something nice for. ('something nice' is usually a very small amount of housework, but baby steps, right?)
I've always struggled with the concept of self-care because my executive dysfunction already causes me to spend very little time being productive which makes me feel incredibly guilty and negative about myself, and the image that's always being projected regarding self-care is someone reclining in a fancy face-mask with a bottle of champagne and chocolates or something. So, if anyone suggests that I should practice self-care, I can't help but think "They wouldn't say that if they knew what I'm really like. They're saying I need to take a break, but my whole life is just one big break because I'm so lazy." And it just goes completely over my head. I understand what you're saying about it being more about serving your needs, but I still struggle with it.
I can relate. I'm focusing on being kind to myself: I have lots of chocolate available. That's nice, but I also do 5 minute pick up to toss or put away a couple times a day. That makes my home 10 minutes better. I have trouble keeping myself clean, so I've set it up that I can have a couple spa days a week: Rinsing off in the shower works and so does a full body treatment. For fun, I also include my ESA (emotional support animal_ my pretty Lilli - every couple weeks.
Self care means taking care of any task that needs doing because it's sitting on my mind. When my laundry pile gets too high I need to deal with it, not because I need clean clothes (I have plenty) but because it gets on my nerves. Somehow that doesn't work for dishes. 😑
Ooof I can relate to this. But I think that often we struggle to do things because we don't let ourselves rest or recharge. Try testing out the idea that you're allowed a break, and see how you get on with more rest in your life x
Thank you for helping me realize self care is not the adhd caused delays in my life. I loose whole days to it and it's exhausting. Something clicked when I read your comment. I feel validated knowing I'm not the only one. Maybe I can take just 5 minutes to do something. I could pick up my journal again. Or take 5 extra minutes in the shower just to stand there and feel the water. Or just 5 minutes to lay on the floor with a blanket over my head. Somewhere I don't have to perform, and for those 5 minutes nothing is due.
normalizing the concept of "I'm a different person with different needs" than anyone else is something I think most people could probably benefit from. thanks!
i think theres a huge portion of people who see self care as "treat yourself" when it more literally means "take care of yourself" sometimes treats can be bad for you, and i feel like thats the big point most people talking about self care miss
Hi there, I'm 50 and I"ve just been diagnosed. 😭 My ADHD was hidden behind a HIQ until I've burned out... and discovered I had both. I feel so confused and angry, the more I read about my neuro divergence, the more I cry and feel like hiding in a hole. Your videos are helping me a lot, thanks.
Dear Charlotte!! You're ok and you're gunna STAY ok! It's WONDERFUL to put a name to your struggles! It's a super power to know what's happening/what the cause is! I have a very high IQ (if that's what you referenced above)---a lot of us do!!! I did VERY well in school (4.2 gpa, dean's list, etc etc) when I finally went to a school where I could stand if I needed to, or move freely about. Before that, not so much. I'm an emergency nurse in veterinary medicine. It's fast-paced intense stuff, let me tell you. With lots of things that need to be done in a timely and orderly fashion. We can succeed in whatever job and whatever environment we want. I'm a damn good nurse! When I was in school, they just didn't diagnose girls with ADD/ADHD. My mother was hip to it, though, and got me tested. She, however, declined medicine. I'll forever regret her decision. Life was certainly harder before I knew what was going on. The crazy thing about somewhat older women and newly diagnosed ADHD--our symptoms can be hidden behind ESTROGEN. When we get to that age, and our estrogen levels start to decline, our symptoms seem to come out of nowhere! They are linked (unfortunately), hormones and ADHD. Now being perimenopausal, I have noticed it's a lot harder to get by w/o meds than it used to be. NOWADAYS, there's a ton of support, a ton of videos, and a ton of (hopefully brief😂) reading out there to help you understand what you need to function. Medication helps and doesn't need to be an EVERYDAY thing. You aren't "failing" or "giving in" if you take it. It's like coffee, somedays you just need an extra cup and that's fine. Somedays you just need a little more help figuring out what to prioritize and how to do things in order, and that's fine too. I mostly try to celebrate my ADHD. I cannot really change it and at least it's forever interesting/never dull. Hang in there!
I hear you. I was also diagnosed at 50. Three years later, I'm managing quite well with a combination of medication, mindfulness, and routine, on top of the coping skills I learned before I was diagnosed. One of the most important things to keep in mind is that your diagnosis is not a limitation. It provides context for your challenges, and it helps you to develop strategies to thrive in your own way. Neurodivergence isn't a disorder; it's simply the way we are. We don't have to be like everyone else. And, honestly, I wouldn't want to be. :)
Mu doctor told me yesterday that self care can be realizing that Mon-Fri taking on chores can be too overwhelming, especially since I work a physical labour job in the hot sun 9 hours a day. My wife accommodating for my burn out during the week has also helped. She has been learning that accommodations are needed from time to time and I'm so grateful for her love and care.
Self care is really hard when other people demand so much of you and your time I've gotten better about prioritizing myself lately, but it's still difficult sometimes
Are these other people your children? Can they not survive on their own? I know this is harsh, and I know what you mean, as I used to carry too much on my shoulders in my volunteering organisation and still do sometimes, but I'm saying this regardless. If they can handle without your management, let them succeed on their own. They are relying on you so much because they're used to it, and they don't realise it's too much (not because they need you in everything). You need to make it real to them, by pulling away.
@@raapyna8544 I respect you raising that question and respect your concern, but that is not the case. I am 22, the people I'm talking about are close friends and parents
I think the biggest thing I do for self-care started when I started my bullet journal. I’ll put 3-5 tasks (depending on how big/hard they are) on my daily to-do list. If I don’t have enough immediate chores, I’ll add something from my “future-soon” list. And, if I overestimated what I can get done and don’t complete everything, I forgive myself. But the most important part is that when I finish everything on my to-do list, I don’t have to do more things if I don’t want to; anything that wasn’t important enough to be on today’s list can wait for another day. This prevents me from pushing myself too far (mostly) and also shows me that I got some stuff done today.
I am glad you made this video and mentioned that self care isn't always easy. I am a trans woman and the best thing I have done for myself has been coming out and starting transitioning. It definitely wasn't easy, but it has been the best decision I ever made. I have started to be able to look in the mirror and actually connect with my body for the first time in years.
Thank you for this video! I'm a therapist and am often frustrated with the prevalent idea that self-care is anything that makes you feel good in the moment (especially if you've spent money on it) and anything challenging, difficult, or that we need to push ourselves to do is "just another chore" or "not good for me". For me the key is to try and look at the bigger picture, what will be helpful in the long run, rather than the immediate moment. It's not always easy, it can be very difficult to find the motivation for it sometimes, but it can make a huge difference
I'm so tired of people telling me that watching something I enjoy or cooking something I enjoy isn't self care. There is more to self care than meditation and face masks and bubble baths. Thank you for putting this out there. I feel really understood by this video
Yes. My cognitive therapist helped me see I was cramming too much into each day, and had too high of expecting of myself. I made a list of things I need to do in a month to be able to distribute things to different days. (Not that I follow it, but it helped me to write it down). Also tracking my budget, so my money doesn't feel out of control. I've switched around my weekdays not to shower in the morning, but at night, so I get up and out the door for work faster, and then have time in the evenings to exercise.
I think it has levels. Sometimes you’re doing poorly and a glass of water is a victory. Sometimes you managed to do the busy work and your ADHD brain needs a treat like making a favorite project or giving yourself permission to playa video game guilt free. Sometimes it’s thinking ahead about expected needs and preparing like making a big pot of soup when you feel a cold coming on. And sometimes it’s accommodations others might consider luxuries, like have music to help you work or singing along while driving to help with stress.
Self-care in my teens was walking and bicycling, getting away from sibbling drama, but in my 20s with kids that wasn't possible. After my nervous breakdown at 32, self-care became a list of "coping skills" to keep a balance in my activities and calm my emotions. In the next decades I learned how to give importance to things that are fun and relaxing and to shorten my do-lists to what's realistic for ME.
Checking in with a friend helps me a lot. I'm not only really bad at keeping up with self-care; I'm really bad at noticing when my emotional state is starting to change unless it's a drastic change. It also usually takes someone helping me narrow down possible causes for feeling "off" (dehydration, hunger, sleep deprivation, stress, etc.) because I tend to have a hard time understanding what my body wants from me. For example, I was super jittery and irritable when I went to D&D a few days ago and didn't know why. The DM was super helpful by making sure the spotlight wasn't on my character until I felt more grounded, and we eventually figured out that I was feeling that way because the only thing I'd eaten that day was some ice cream an hour or so before the session. I felt pretty much back to normal after I ate an actual meal.
I get this too, I'm not that hungry, but then I go to work and start getting cold sweats shaking, and light-headed. Then after I eat I feel much better.
I was listening to a podcast that said, “it’s important to live life by design rather than emotion. Basically, sticking to a routine is what allows us to be the healthiest version of ourselves (especially when you're fighting these demons ex. OCD for me). I’ve had to overhaul how I approach taking care of my brain (exercise, journaling, studying etc) by practising mediocre consistency. Now I try to put in consistent 50-60% effort into my journaling habit - to make sure I do it I began recording it and posting it on YT. After a really bad depression phase I started to believe I couldn’t change and I’d feel that horrible forever. Historically I have a habit of going too hard, not being able to sustain the Herculean effort, giving up and hating myself. So now I’m trying to give a small, consistent mediocre effort everyday. And its crazy how it adds up. Im stronger, my heads A LOT clearer, and ive started building life/business Im actually happy to pour time into.
Self care for me didn't click until I started overcoming the barriers I had with practicing self-compassion. I was too often relying on artifical forms of self-esteem to carry my mood through the day, which then began to interfere and overcome my capacity for self care. I've gained a new perspective recently with the help of my therapist that made this realization easier for me to grasp: "self-compassion is choosing to do yoga (self-care) when I need it, instead of always choosing to respond to an urgent work message". After making more intentional and consicous choices in this regard, I started to see that not everything is as urgent as it appears in my mind.
Thank you for this, Jess. I desperately needed. I realised I am super bad at it because I give away my energy (spoons I guess) to other people way too much.
Me too!!! Omg! 😞 Which only in turn keeps me constantly spinning, on the very wee edge, always super anxious and unable to see myself or my own needs. Let alone actually DOING them!
@@lilcrzipassions9316 SAME ! Raised in a very toxic/Narcissistic family. You were expected to GIVE GIVE GIVE ! And, even if you did, get slammed for it. Sigh. Love this channel. It is helping me tremendously!
I'm getting back into hockey after 20 years because I miss the physicality and ability to relieve stress. It's just that feeling of absolute freedom and a good way to put your stressers on the back burner. I put my skate on the other day, and for the first time in forever I felt normal, like there wasn't this boulder tied to my body
Extreneous activity does feel nice. I've been skateboarding and swimming recently. Be safe though! Have a zero injury policy because it's really not worth it.
I have the same feeling when I play football/soccer... The periods of my life when I haven't played SOME kind of football (soccer though...), like outdoor, in a "cage" on asphalt or indoor (more common in winters in my area) I've been miserable most of the time.
The most valuable thing for me is calling in sick for when I'm not well mentally. I took me a long time to allow that to myself, but it's the best way for catching up when the days before were stressful, overwhelming and what not and I am already borrowing spoons from tomorrow.
I love your approach to this, especially in discouraging the reckless spending habits (the 'treat yourself to an extra expensive glass of champagne' example) that we are highly prone to. Doing digital drawings are my form of self-care. Not only is it free, but I see technical progress with every illustration I finish. Seeing that progress is my dopamine.
In the past I struggled with this so much that I would go go go until my body broke down, got sick, and made me stop. I recognized the bad pattern and for the last couple of years have been working on changing it. I still struggle with it so much. I've realized I have so many limiting beliefs. I have improved though, so I'm doing my best to celebrate the little wins.
Right now, one of my big self-care things is prioritizing playing D&D once or twice a month. I had to struggle a bit to get regular days off work to play, so I knew I was prioritizing it, but I really didn't think of it as a form of "self-care" until this video. It's a main creative and social outlet for me (besides work) and I get to spend quality time with my partner on top of that.
I'm ready for this!! Diving in now! Edit: I love the point you made about how self care that costs when our bank accounts aren't doing well might not be self care. This episode really encouraged me.
Finding this channel and doing the work of better understanding my needs has been a huge change in my self care. It’s not about taking myself out for dinner or buying something expensive. It’s about giving myself the space to decompress and better understand myself. Thanks for sharing and being a great resource.
“Let your body guide you” - such a simple concept for self-care. I feel a lot of people (not just ad(h)d, but neurotypicals too) ignore their physiological needs. Great episode!
Superficial self care was always easy for me because I was always a very fastidious adhd brain, but the really important self care like exercise and medical care always went by the wayside. Ever since I lost my dream job I’ve been extremely fixated on taking the time and demanding of myself that I tend to my personal needs. Again, you folks at H2ADHD really inspired me to make these changes ❤️
I know this comment is kinda out of place but I just wanted to thank you for making this channel I'm starting ADHD medication today and it's thanks to you that I was able to actually make that decision I wasn't taught about my disability and only started look into it during the pandemic and its thanks to your videos that I ended up listening to myself and my needs instead of others stigma
I like to take time to read, sing, color or draw if I have a need for rest. Someone described self care as self parenting and that gave me so much clarity around what self care means.
@@HowtoADHD it’s been very helpful always is! But I struggle to focus tasks and important things I have to do and always set out with good intentions but ultimately I always get distracted or the phone rings, and I forget what I was supposed to be doing, even if I’ve written it down.
I’ve recently learned this myself. Part of decompressing is hanging with the guys, laughing, skateboarding(busting my butt because I’m just learning at 30) and generally engaging with the world in an embodied and full hearted way. Thanks for the upload, Jess
For me, self-care take on a lot of forms. Journaling, taking time in my studio/workshop to create, keeping up with my finances, eating healthy, going biking, and grooming myself. I get a lot of energy back from taking the time to trim my beard, wash my hair, care for my skin and generally make myself look nice by a standard that is set by me and myself. I call it 'man-scaping'.
Awesome! I used to walk and run, but now I have a bad hip walking is painful. That was great advice you got about taking more time after trauma therapy. Selfcare also is often free and yes spending extra money can be more stressful. Now for self-care, I work on not beating myself up and being kind to myself. Yesterday I was exhausted, and I started beating myself about it. Then I said to myself my body is telling me something. I then focused on how to enjoy my lack of energy, and I just cuddle my cat. Today I have recovered, and I don't feel bad about needing to rest.
Getting through my head that therapy time and kayak time (or whatever it is for you) are both important to self care and both deserve my time has been huge for me. Quality self care doesn't always have to be the hardest thing.
been doing a lot of that, trauma therapy.. crying in the corner has been a fairly regular occurrence lately. feels good to work through it, and come out the other side, with a lighter heart, clearer mind, and knowing i'm helping myself heal. edit: self check-in, so important for me, and i think it's a good form of self-balancing, too.
Self care for me is just giving myself a day where I can let my brain do whatever it needs to do. Making sure I have time to cry, to watch tiktoks, to stay in bed for as long as I need to, to tiny up my space, etc. I just need one day a week with no obligations to catch up on everything I push away during the busy week.
My "self-care" is my hiking and camping trips. I look forward to getting out in the woods away from people. Even though I invite people to go with me, I often end up going by myself. I've come to look forward to the solitude of being by myself with just my thoughts. Tackling the chaos that is my mind hasn't been easy, but without my camping trips, I wouldn't have been able to start the process of recognizing the areas I need to work on more to become a better person for not only myself but my family. It has been because of my self-care I've been able to start my ADHD journey.
What’s weird is that you’ve put this up when my self-care is challenged the most, currently being by myself for the longest at home without my parents here for week, even without them here I’m really struggling to get myself motivated more than normal and having trouble staying motivated more than normal
That’s a tough one. I have reckoned with that as well. My only suggestion would be see if you can plan for a person to meet up with or have over. For myself, I have found I am at least able to do the minimum when I know I have someone I will be seeing soon.
I love you how you said doing self care in the morning. I do that too because otherwise it just wont happen. I meditate and journal and workout. Each of those activities are very short and I give myself timers and transitions now and implemented each slowly one at a time until I did each consistently. The biggest self care I need though is sun time throughout the day.
Hi, I really wanted to let you a shout-out. I have to be honest with you and say that I am not suffering from some form of ADHD or something similar. The reason why I watched your videos the first time is that I was looking for a video from a native to help me to learn speaking in English. Finally, I came across your videos and found out about ADHD. The way you talk about it blew me away and I look up to people who try to help others. That's why I want to tell you to thank you for everything you do and allow us to learn more from other issues. I just want to give my support both to everyone who is suffering from ADHD and to you for your valuable work. Please keep going. Have a good day Take care
You are special the way you are. don't let people say mean things to you. Always remind to love and value yourself I'm not much but you know just getting through
thank you for sharing this perspective! it's important to see self-care for what it is, including the not-so-glamorous parts. sometimes, self-care is getting out of bed to make a sandwich when you're depressed, taking a moment to step away and breathe during times of anxiety, or simply saying no when you need to. bubble baths are nice, but it's important to take care of ourselves regularly instead of equating the term "self-care" solely with pampering ourselves.
Journaling. I discovered I love writing out my feelings and thoughts in the morning. Bonus - without realizing it, I was tracking my progress. I never would have noticed how much better I was doing with out it.
When I was in therapy, I had a “homework assignment” to create a self care menu covering physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual health and include things I could do for each area. So like you said, walking, showering, or healthy snacks for physical. Reading, crafting, and doing puzzles for mental. Playing an instrument, listening to music or a podcast, or journaling for emotional. Calling a family member, meeting up with a friend, or playing with my cats for social. And meditating, praying, or reading the Bible for spiritual. So that I had plenty of options for whatever kind of health I needed and however much time I had.
Hi Jessica, thank you so much! Today has been kind of hard for me. After learning about ADHD for a few weeks and seeing my GP, there seems to still a mountain before me to get diagnosed. There are also mountains of challenges, recent failures, far-away failures, rejection, self-blame, that suddenly felt a bit too much. And I don't always have the bright outlook to look past all that. Anyway, I opened this video and heard your greeting and felt better. It's a bit annoying to see many almost taking ADHD as a joke recently, saying "everyone thinks they have ADHD now", and some other channels almost making a caricature out of what having ADHD is like (even though with good intentions). Among everything, and I do mean everything, you are the best resource out there. You are able to bring complexity, respect, life, so much into the conversation and remind us that this is but one thing to mind as we all take our own difficult journey to reach our meaning life. You are so genuine, intelligent, special, that that is why justing seeing you gives me more hope and keeps the fight in me. Thank you!
Thank you so much for your kind words, they truly mean a lot to both myself and my team. It's encouraging to know that what we're doing is still going strong and still working for a lot of people. So thank you for taking the time to share this with us!! 😊
Just a HUGE thank you. I'm 46 and have only just started the treatment process having always just thought I was lazy, pathetic, a failure etc etc. I couldn't understand the disconnect between my academic ability and my inability to get somewhere on time, or remember where I'd put my keys/wallet/phone/clothes/important documents etc. Since my GP suggested it I found your channel and you've helped me understand my challenges and I'm already being a lot kinder to myself. The idea that I might be able to quieten my hideous internal narrative is overwhelming and exciting.
This channel has been self care for me 😬 Seriously. Learning more about my ADHD has been therapeutic to me. And also finding things like the fabulous app which has seriously helped me to start drinking more water. Or the journal I've pre-ordered from that TikTok girl you had on your channel... Idk if it will help... But knowing things that are out there that is made just for our brains is therapeutic in itself.
Another thing that I do when I'm in a dark or wrong place I will rewatch one of your videos or a few of your shorts. I love your shorts because they can work well when I don't have a lot of time for a break.
Self care for me is sometimes allowing myself time to be creative and artistic. I find that when I’m feeling stressed and overwhelmed or overworked, pulling out my box of paints, stains, glues, beads, sandpaper, whatever… I’ll find my flow state and it’s immensely recharging.
I've heard the differences between the 'do fun things' side of self care and the 'do chores' side of self care being described as self care and self work. That was a helpful way for me to think about it and try to find a balance between the two. Even finding some activities that do both, like working out and cooking. I really love both those activities, but they're also both work that I sometimes find myself struggling with.
When I first started learning about ADHD, I was watching tedtalks. So many tedtalks. I would find myself crying on the way on home in the car because realized that I’d been depriving myself of care and not paying attention to how I operate. I watched your tedtalk which gave me validation for crying in my car lol. As my ADHD research continued, I found your youtube videos and felt so understood. I count inventory at work and would listen to your videos for hours at a time. After a few weeks, I realized that you were the girl from one of those first tedtalks I had watched. My mind was just 🤯🤯🤯. Anyways the point is I thank you for pushing past your imperfect first videos, for achieving so much, for starting this channel. You’ve touched my life and i thinks that’s really freaking beautiful. I hope you see this comment and it makes u happy. you deserve it!
Thank you so much! I’m 57 and wish More people my age realize self care doesn’t have to cost money. For me self care is being in nature but with MS it can be hard to feel safe walking a mountain trail alone. I have always loved gardening and have created a space next to my tiny garden that has shade and a tiny fountain (that I made myself from an old flower pot😁💕). I can sit outside look at the happy flowers surrounding my veggie garden, kick back and either read, listen to music, watch a film on my iPad or even nap. For me the freedom of nature is my best self care.
I recently joined a Roller Derby team for my self care. It creates an obligation to keep me exercising. It gave me a lot of new friends in a new place that I had moved too. And it gets me out of the house and out of my most comfortable place to be. Also because I have made new friends through Roller Derby, I have been going to fun events, and it gives me safety in numbers so the person stalking me is less likely to do anything. Seriously the best decision that I have made for myself recently. Why Roller Derby? It is the only adult woman's sport that is within an hours drive from my home, not really a whole lot of choice in central Wisconsin for adult sports.
perfect timing! watching this while cycling, first time in the gym in months :) i had to stop bc my adhd meds suppressed my appetite so hard i wasn’t eating enough to sustain working out. i instead switched to just going on a walk in the morning most days and spending time learning how to feed myself again. now I’m (slowly) returning to working out!
I always get teary-eyed when I watch your episodes. I've been nursing through the pandemic with poorly controlled ADHD/trauma and I'm slowly healing. I don't feel alone when I hear you talk.
I swear everytime you upload it's exactly what I need in my life at that moment! I'm moving next week while working part-time so self-care is often on the backburner. I'm trying to remind myself that checking things off my to-do list is great for reducing my stress, but likely isn't going to recharge my batteries.
I have been dealing with some very serious healthscare issue last year, I was diagnosed with ADHD for about a year. I have always kind of struggled over the years with my health and my undiagnosed ADHD but last year it was a REAL eye opener of what could happen if I don't take care of myself and my health. I just want to say thank you so much for bringing up the subject !
Great points! I recent thing I have been trying to do is communicate when I am feeling anxious rather than trying to hide it and push through. Makes it easier to deal.
Self care for me is: Doing the dishes so that I can cook my next meal without barriers. Bullet journaling at the end of the day and reminding myself it's OK that I didn't do everything I wanted today, because I still did some things. Going out to karaoke with friends to refill my social bar. Creating art, be it painting, sketching, decorating my bujo pages, or doing my makeup.
Thanks for your videos and your openness! Also unrelated but when you’re at the desk like this your lighting set up makes your eyes look like they have little stars in them!! 🤩
This is the best video you have ever done. I can’t put my finger on why but it got me really deep. As a fairly newly diagnosed ADHD autistic woman I find that I often have trouble with self care and feelings of guilt when I take the time. Or sometimes I am too hyper focused and push through things while neglecting to care for myself. This has reminded me that it’s something I need to work on!
This is not specific to this video, but I just want to say that your channel has been an inspiration to me. Having this representation of another woman with ADHD has helped me feel less alone. Your videos have even inspired me to explore medication again after being off of it for many years. Your content is amazing!
Self-care is so important! A gratitude walk is definitely one way to get some self-care in or putting on some music and having a dance party by yourself or with others!
I remind myself to give myself the same grace I would give to others instead of holding myself to a standard of perfection because, "I know better." This goes for self care, too, because I will do for others what I won't do for myself. I love this channel so much and I thank you for sharing your journey with us. May the rest of your day be filled with unexpected moments of joy and laughter!
When I feel the worst...when i feel that nothing is going right and I'm at my lowest. When I feel like I'm a terrible human being. I watch your youtube channel. It's weird because I always seem to stumble my way onto your channel when I feel like I'm the worst. It's really reassuring to know that what I'm experiencing and that my feelings are not extraordinary, but in fact other people struggle with the things I do too! What I'm trying to say is that when the world seems to be crashing down. Your videos work as a sedative (like really! it's great I love it!). It's like a free therapist session where my problems are acknowledged and I am reassured that I am valid. Thank you for that.
Self care for me is going out dancing. Dancing is the first thing to really bring me out of my shell, and it makes me feel confident when many other things don't. I find when it's been a while since I went out and danced, I start to feel gloomy and more depressed than usual.
Firstly thank you thank you for the videos, today at age 63 i was finally diagnosed as having ADHD and soon i will be on medication, i can look forward to life from here on. Your videos helped immensely. X
I've had a hard time with managing my ADHD due to recent medical complications. I cant afford to miss meals anymore and its so hard to keep myself fed, in the same respect though, this whole debacle has forced some self care on me. Eating is an immediate issue now and that makes it easier to do
Something I try my best to do is have one day in a week clear to just decompress/do life admin and it really does help Also me and my partner (both ADHders) have this thing called oof time, which is like recharge time we build into a day when we have gone out or been at work which just help both of us a lot.
I use the finch app and fabulous app. Changed everything. I actually remember to do self care and helps me add it to my everyday life. It gives suggestions of self care. It doesn't shame you if you miss one, and applauds you when you do a task. For those with impulse control, memory loss, and mental health issues I give a 10/10.
Do you have any advice regarding keeping *up* with apps like that? I used it for ages but my finch is 299 days old and I really, really don't keep up with it anymore. It helped for so long but it's gotten that "background noise" effect in my brain that I'm not sure how to fight :( I remember a video on this channel once talking about gamifying habits but that only helps so much until they become background noise 😣
5:30 Awesome 💖 Yes, keeping that specific time for another type of self care and maintaining wellness gains is just as important! Thank you for talking about change, transitions, evolving needs, and that therapy can be long term and also doesn't need to be indefinite.
I have negative self care where I would binge eat to make me feel better, nothing else but eating makes me feels better and I really need to find alternatives. I understand how smokers struggle to quit, I too struggle to stop binge eating.
I have a 6 month old and right now self-care is really hard. It's a little better because my mom takes her one day a week so that I can have a day for myself. I start that day with an exercise class but then I spend the rest of the day doing things like groceries and laundry and errands. And before I know it I have to go get my baby and spend very little time actually taking care of myself. I want to spend time on art each day and ideally that would be during nap time but if she's not napping well I don't have time to do anything. I love her so much but it's hard to make time for me and not just do survival tasks during free moments.
I hope you wont mind my answer, because I'm sure you already tried lots of things and you know a lot better what you can and cannot do. My first thought was carrying your baby on your back to have free hands. Most of the time they like it a lot when you are moving, so it helps get things done like chores and so, but it may free some time for you. I used different systems, but a baby wrap can help putting a sleeping baby in his bed still in the wrap so that they don't wake up instantaneously. I know it's more complicated to use (particularly on your back) but it helped (until my last one learned how to get loose from it when I was trying to get him to sleep by walking rounds in the living room and I needed to switch to an carrier... yeah it doesn't happen often, he is the one with the H very clear in his adhd diagnosis contrary to his sister and I).
This so accurate. This spring I really pushed myself too hard at work. Hyperfocusing for hours and hours just trying to get so much done so I could finally slowdown and take time for myself but my work just kept piling it on. I even missed some deadlines and went down the rabbit hole. Only thought about what I hadn’t accomplished, the app features I still needed to build, but then I finally realized nobody cared that I missed the deadlines. I eventually just went for this walk to get regulated and shot a video by the river near my house. Flew a drone and it was like my mind released. I cut a lot of it out but I was barely hanging on at that point. I’m doing much better now. Been going for lots of walks and spending more time doing the things I actually get energized from. Our minds are so powerful. Often times we just need to feed them what they need and maybe give ourselves some time. 💚
Thank you for another spot-on video. I really appreciate the way you distinguish how self care is presented in the media and how it actually works. It clarifies and, as strange as this sounds, 'gives me permission' to reframe my daily upkeep routines as as self care. It takes the Lux price tag off of self care and puts it into the Practical column. I can do Practical and it doesn't require the strain of meeting the popular culture's expectations of what that looks like.
Easiest self care Ever(since I found your channel 4-6 weeks ago): Watching How to ADHD videos. Basically therapy and learning how/why my brain does the things it does, learning new ways to think, tips to get things done, etc. Thank you for making such an incredible self care activity also so easy to do.
Rather than calling it self-care, I like to call it maintenance. Its really easy for me to think of self-care as a luxury, but maintenance HAS to be done regularly, done well, and done thoroughly no matter what or the machine (me) will break.
Dang that’s a good thought that I may have to borrow. It’s also interesting to think that is HAS to be done because it rlly sorta does. In order to keep ourselves somewhat stable we can’t go too long without it lol
+
Love this. Yes yes yes.
Love that distinction! "Self care" is just a marketing gimmick these days.
Interestingly enough thinking of the body of a machine rlly hits me cause that’s how I’ve always thought of my body…I’ve always tried experimenting with actions and emotions and feelings and thinking of it as maintenance makes it sound Just a little bit of extra tinkering to help it run smoother which sounds kinda fun!
This is the best metaphor ever
I think the hardest thing is to know when it's selfcare to stay in bed for a while, and when it's selfcare to force yourself out of it. Because it's so easy to get stuck and forget how much better it will feel when I'm not stuck in bed.
100% like do i have a cold and sickness that is causing my body to be sore, or is it just my brain trying to avoid the world
This right here! That's why the concept of rest and pampering and self care are dangerous for me because I'm caught in the perpetual, "do I really need rest or am I just trying to avoid something?" And that anxiety of "what if I never stop resting" is rampant 😂
Literally my greatest struggle
Feels the same as knowing when you need a nap or when you need to force yourself to go training instead!
Why don’t you do a 5min rule- force yourself out of bed for 5min and then see? Maybe it could help
For me, self care includes brushing my teeth in the afternoon, because I know I won't have the energy at bedtime. And not bullying myself if I can't manage it every day.
My personal selfcare routine can be best described with one phrase from your earlier videos: parenting myself.
When I feel like a bunch of crashed potatoes, I sit myself next to myself in my mind and ask, what's wrong, how do you feel, what do you need and try to figure out with that feedback, how I can treat myself the best.
Like good parents listening to their child and try to figure out, how to help them the best.
And sometimes, I just need a hug. So I imagine, giving myself a parental hug so I feel seen, respected and taken care of.
Doesn't always work but more and more, it does 🙂
Awwwww, I love that! Yeah I've mentioned lately to friends and family that I'm parenting myself... sometimes like a child, sometimes like a dog. Sometimes I need to take the dog for a walk... which sounds a lot more fun than "I need to go for a walk".
- Harley, Community Manager
I’ve starting doing this in the past few years. Now that I’m 52, I’m getting better at parenting my “Younger Self” & getting in touch with what I need.💝
@@HowtoADHD I like to think the dog is taking me for a walk (as if he's saying, looks as if you could use a break)🐕🦴🐾
I love this
Your words reveal what is like to live with ADHD, being a child living in an adult body and life
one of my favorite metaphors for self care is treating yourself like a garden, because you have different needs on different days. a little more sun one day, a little more water the next, it depends on what your garden needs today.
Yesterday, my depression hit me hard. So I took a day for self-care, which in this case was lying on my sofa in my jammies under a comfy blanket and not making my brain work too much. Which sounds easy but there's so much pressure to always be getting things done, it can be difficult for me to not do anything. At one point, I started thinking about some writing I've been working on and I told myself "Stop, you're making your head hurt! Pretend you threw your back out and you can't push yourself too hard. You can think about this later when you're brain is feeling more up to it."
Sooo much pressure to get stuff done.
As someone who has back issues, this is genius.
I threw my brain out 🧠🤯
@@AnnoyingNewslettersPage6 BRILLIANT
There was one time my group was doing a communal cook. And the pressure I felt to help was huge but my body had been physically overworked that week. I ended up going and alternating between the couch and helping. The selfcare stepped in when someone tried to pressure me into standing and I needed to explain that I was resting for a reason.
Currently I’m liking the distinction between “self care” and “self work”.
Self care: taking a break, being kinder to myself.
Self work: things that are hard but are good for me. House work, therapy, admin catch-up etc.
Both looking after myself but in different ways.
Thank you for sharing this perspective! Understanding the difference between the two really resonated with me, and I used that motivation to really clean my house this weekend because I knew it would make me feel better in the long run. And it has! I'm trying to channel that feeling into getting back into diet and exercise and prioritizing my self work.
Thanks for sharing. This is an amazing point of view that I will try to apply in my vocabulary and life.
As ADHDers, I also find that self-care can also be allowing ourselves to hobby switch. I used to beat myself up about not maintaining a hobby and getting more advanced at it like my peers, but discovering I had ADHD and accepting my brain for how it is has made me rethink this. I've allowed myself to get into plants recently, but also let myself either start a new hobby or return to my uke, drawing, sustainability research, singing, yoga, etc whenever I get bored of the current hobby. I know it's hard not to judge ourselves for abandoning hobbies faster than most, but having many interests is what makes us so unique. I remind myself that it is because of my neurodivergent brain that I can relate to so many others on a shared interest, bring up fun conversations, and even introduce others to a new experience via said hobby.
Meh, I don't have hobbies 🤷🏾♀️
I can really relate to this. I still get sad about how others advanced at hobbies, that I dropped. So it is nice of you to point out the value of being able to relate to more people, because of the many hobbies :)
Though I'm sad that I never excelled at any hobby, because i switch so much, I try to accept it and appreciate, that I have a lot of hobbies instead. Right now it's piano, programming, investments, how to make a startup, learning about adhd, drawing a bit and starting on singing and training back flexibility are coming up XD
I can relate to that and have done the same so many times. Thanks for the 'be kinder to yourself' advice I appreciate it.🌻✨️
Self care for me is
The basic things like eating and taking a shower
Trying to keep my kitchen and laundry clean
Calling in sick at work if I'm unwell, physically or mentally
Therapy
Drinking lots of water
Going to bed on time
Its sooo hard doing the boring self care. But thats the stuff that provides the most benefits.
‼️ This is my kind of “self care”. I love it. ❤️
I am at a point in my life where the most basic self care is my main focus and I don't see that ending any time soon. Thanks for this comment 🖤💜🖤💜
I like the idea of maintaining. I am doing a lot of decluttering, and cleaning and organizing the space. I decided to use that word and do it first. Otherwise, the home gets so dirty and I feel shame
How do I learn to call out for mental illness?
❤
The biggest thing that helps me differentiate self care from other activities: *self care = being kind to your future self.*
I have a messy home. I'm 76 now and so I'm making time in my day to set up the household so it's easier to take care of and also I can cook for myself.
This is usually how I trick myself into it. Because it's easier to do things for others than for me a lot of the time, I treat future me as a completely different person who I want to do something nice for. ('something nice' is usually a very small amount of housework, but baby steps, right?)
I've always struggled with the concept of self-care because my executive dysfunction already causes me to spend very little time being productive which makes me feel incredibly guilty and negative about myself, and the image that's always being projected regarding self-care is someone reclining in a fancy face-mask with a bottle of champagne and chocolates or something. So, if anyone suggests that I should practice self-care, I can't help but think "They wouldn't say that if they knew what I'm really like. They're saying I need to take a break, but my whole life is just one big break because I'm so lazy." And it just goes completely over my head. I understand what you're saying about it being more about serving your needs, but I still struggle with it.
I can relate. I'm focusing on being kind to myself: I have lots of chocolate available. That's nice, but I also do 5 minute pick up to toss or put away a couple times a day. That makes my home 10 minutes better. I have trouble keeping myself clean, so I've set it up that I can have a couple spa days a week: Rinsing off in the shower works and so does a full body treatment. For fun, I also include my ESA (emotional support animal_ my pretty Lilli - every couple weeks.
Self care means taking care of any task that needs doing because it's sitting on my mind. When my laundry pile gets too high I need to deal with it, not because I need clean clothes (I have plenty) but because it gets on my nerves. Somehow that doesn't work for dishes. 😑
Ooof I can relate to this. But I think that often we struggle to do things because we don't let ourselves rest or recharge. Try testing out the idea that you're allowed a break, and see how you get on with more rest in your life x
İm so glad I have found someone like me
I feel like I’m failing at life …i hate my procrastination problem
Thank you for helping me realize self care is not the adhd caused delays in my life. I loose whole days to it and it's exhausting. Something clicked when I read your comment. I feel validated knowing I'm not the only one. Maybe I can take just 5 minutes to do something. I could pick up my journal again. Or take 5 extra minutes in the shower just to stand there and feel the water. Or just 5 minutes to lay on the floor with a blanket over my head. Somewhere I don't have to perform, and for those 5 minutes nothing is due.
I remember hearing somewhere "you can't always do your best, if you did that would become your normal." Pacing is important.
normalizing the concept of "I'm a different person with different needs" than anyone else is something I think most people could probably benefit from. thanks!
Self care for me is saying "no" a lot more than I used to think I should.
i think theres a huge portion of people who see self care as "treat yourself" when it more literally means "take care of yourself" sometimes treats can be bad for you, and i feel like thats the big point most people talking about self care miss
Hi there, I'm 50 and I"ve just been diagnosed. 😭 My ADHD was hidden behind a HIQ until I've burned out... and discovered I had both. I feel so confused and angry, the more I read about my neuro divergence, the more I cry and feel like hiding in a hole. Your videos are helping me a lot, thanks.
Dear Charlotte!! You're ok and you're gunna STAY ok!
It's WONDERFUL to put a name to your struggles! It's a super power to know what's happening/what the cause is!
I have a very high IQ (if that's what you referenced above)---a lot of us do!!!
I did VERY well in school (4.2 gpa, dean's list, etc etc) when I finally went to a school where I could stand if I needed to, or move freely about.
Before that, not so much.
I'm an emergency nurse in veterinary medicine. It's fast-paced intense stuff, let me tell you.
With lots of things that need to be done in a timely and orderly fashion.
We can succeed in whatever job and whatever environment we want.
I'm a damn good nurse!
When I was in school, they just didn't diagnose girls with ADD/ADHD.
My mother was hip to it, though, and got me tested.
She, however, declined medicine. I'll forever regret her decision.
Life was certainly harder before I knew what was going on.
The crazy thing about somewhat older women and newly diagnosed ADHD--our symptoms can be hidden behind ESTROGEN.
When we get to that age, and our estrogen levels start to decline, our symptoms seem to come out of nowhere!
They are linked (unfortunately), hormones and ADHD.
Now being perimenopausal, I have noticed it's a lot harder to get by w/o meds than it used to be.
NOWADAYS, there's a ton of support, a ton of videos, and a ton of (hopefully brief😂) reading out there to help you understand what you need to function.
Medication helps and doesn't need to be an EVERYDAY thing. You aren't "failing" or "giving in" if you take it.
It's like coffee, somedays you just need an extra cup and that's fine.
Somedays you just need a little more help figuring out what to prioritize and how to do things in order, and that's fine too.
I mostly try to celebrate my ADHD. I cannot really change it and at least it's forever interesting/never dull.
Hang in there!
I hear you. I was also diagnosed at 50. Three years later, I'm managing quite well with a combination of medication, mindfulness, and routine, on top of the coping skills I learned before I was diagnosed. One of the most important things to keep in mind is that your diagnosis is not a limitation. It provides context for your challenges, and it helps you to develop strategies to thrive in your own way. Neurodivergence isn't a disorder; it's simply the way we are. We don't have to be like everyone else. And, honestly, I wouldn't want to be. :)
Mu doctor told me yesterday that self care can be realizing that Mon-Fri taking on chores can be too overwhelming, especially since I work a physical labour job in the hot sun 9 hours a day. My wife accommodating for my burn out during the week has also helped. She has been learning that accommodations are needed from time to time and I'm so grateful for her love and care.
Self care is really hard when other people demand so much of you and your time
I've gotten better about prioritizing myself lately, but it's still difficult sometimes
Are these other people your children? Can they not survive on their own? I know this is harsh, and I know what you mean, as I used to carry too much on my shoulders in my volunteering organisation and still do sometimes, but I'm saying this regardless. If they can handle without your management, let them succeed on their own. They are relying on you so much because they're used to it, and they don't realise it's too much (not because they need you in everything). You need to make it real to them, by pulling away.
@@raapyna8544 I respect you raising that question and respect your concern, but that is not the case. I am 22, the people I'm talking about are close friends and parents
I think the biggest thing I do for self-care started when I started my bullet journal. I’ll put 3-5 tasks (depending on how big/hard they are) on my daily to-do list. If I don’t have enough immediate chores, I’ll add something from my “future-soon” list. And, if I overestimated what I can get done and don’t complete everything, I forgive myself. But the most important part is that when I finish everything on my to-do list, I don’t have to do more things if I don’t want to; anything that wasn’t important enough to be on today’s list can wait for another day. This prevents me from pushing myself too far (mostly) and also shows me that I got some stuff done today.
I am glad you made this video and mentioned that self care isn't always easy. I am a trans woman and the best thing I have done for myself has been coming out and starting transitioning. It definitely wasn't easy, but it has been the best decision I ever made. I have started to be able to look in the mirror and actually connect with my body for the first time in years.
Thank you for this video! I'm a therapist and am often frustrated with the prevalent idea that self-care is anything that makes you feel good in the moment (especially if you've spent money on it) and anything challenging, difficult, or that we need to push ourselves to do is "just another chore" or "not good for me". For me the key is to try and look at the bigger picture, what will be helpful in the long run, rather than the immediate moment. It's not always easy, it can be very difficult to find the motivation for it sometimes, but it can make a huge difference
I'm so tired of people telling me that watching something I enjoy or cooking something I enjoy isn't self care. There is more to self care than meditation and face masks and bubble baths. Thank you for putting this out there. I feel really understood by this video
Oh thats totally self care ♥ carry on!
Yes. My cognitive therapist helped me see I was cramming too much into each day, and had too high of expecting of myself. I made a list of things I need to do in a month to be able to distribute things to different days. (Not that I follow it, but it helped me to write it down).
Also tracking my budget, so my money doesn't feel out of control.
I've switched around my weekdays not to shower in the morning, but at night, so I get up and out the door for work faster, and then have time in the evenings to exercise.
I think it has levels. Sometimes you’re doing poorly and a glass of water is a victory. Sometimes you managed to do the busy work and your ADHD brain needs a treat like making a favorite project or giving yourself permission to playa video game guilt free. Sometimes it’s thinking ahead about expected needs and preparing like making a big pot of soup when you feel a cold coming on. And sometimes it’s accommodations others might consider luxuries, like have music to help you work or singing along while driving to help with stress.
❤️
Self-care in my teens was walking and bicycling, getting away from sibbling drama, but in my 20s with kids that wasn't possible. After my nervous breakdown at 32, self-care became a list of "coping skills" to keep a balance in my activities and calm my emotions. In the next decades I learned how to give importance to things that are fun and relaxing and to shorten my do-lists to what's realistic for ME.
Selfcare right now, drinking yasmine tea, with the cat that moved in yesterday, birthday selfcare gift for our DS, purring on my lap listening to You.
Checking in with a friend helps me a lot. I'm not only really bad at keeping up with self-care; I'm really bad at noticing when my emotional state is starting to change unless it's a drastic change. It also usually takes someone helping me narrow down possible causes for feeling "off" (dehydration, hunger, sleep deprivation, stress, etc.) because I tend to have a hard time understanding what my body wants from me. For example, I was super jittery and irritable when I went to D&D a few days ago and didn't know why. The DM was super helpful by making sure the spotlight wasn't on my character until I felt more grounded, and we eventually figured out that I was feeling that way because the only thing I'd eaten that day was some ice cream an hour or so before the session. I felt pretty much back to normal after I ate an actual meal.
That's a good DM, and a good friend
I get this too, I'm not that hungry, but then I go to work and start getting cold sweats shaking, and light-headed. Then after I eat I feel much better.
Same sugar or chips really amps this effect up
I was listening to a podcast that said, “it’s important to live life by design rather than emotion. Basically, sticking to a routine is what allows us to be the healthiest version of ourselves (especially when you're fighting these demons ex. OCD for me).
I’ve had to overhaul how I approach taking care of my brain (exercise, journaling, studying etc) by practising mediocre consistency. Now I try to put in consistent 50-60% effort into my journaling habit - to make sure I do it I began recording it and posting it on YT. After a really bad depression phase I started to believe I couldn’t change and I’d feel that horrible forever.
Historically I have a habit of going too hard, not being able to sustain the Herculean effort, giving up and hating myself. So now I’m trying to give a small, consistent mediocre effort everyday. And its crazy how it adds up. Im stronger, my heads A LOT clearer, and ive started building life/business Im actually happy to pour time into.
Self care for me didn't click until I started overcoming the barriers I had with practicing self-compassion. I was too often relying on artifical forms of self-esteem to carry my mood through the day, which then began to interfere and overcome my capacity for self care. I've gained a new perspective recently with the help of my therapist that made this realization easier for me to grasp:
"self-compassion is choosing to do yoga (self-care) when I need it, instead of always choosing to respond to an urgent work message".
After making more intentional and consicous choices in this regard, I started to see that not everything is as urgent as it appears in my mind.
Thank you for this, Jess. I desperately needed. I realised I am super bad at it because I give away my energy (spoons I guess) to other people way too much.
Same!🥄🥄🥄🥄🥺
Me too!!! Omg! 😞 Which only in turn keeps me constantly spinning, on the very wee edge, always super anxious and unable to see myself or my own needs. Let alone actually DOING them!
@@lilcrzipassions9316 SAME ! Raised in a very toxic/Narcissistic family. You were expected to GIVE GIVE GIVE ! And, even if you did, get slammed for it. Sigh.
Love this channel. It is helping me tremendously!
@@m.maclellan7147 ❤️
I'm getting back into hockey after 20 years because I miss the physicality and ability to relieve stress. It's just that feeling of absolute freedom and a good way to put your stressers on the back burner. I put my skate on the other day, and for the first time in forever I felt normal, like there wasn't this boulder tied to my body
I’m doing the same with Roller Derby!
💛 Please stay safe 💛
Awesome Samuel! Please wear your safety equipment and take good care of your body, it's the only one you have.
Extreneous activity does feel nice. I've been skateboarding and swimming recently.
Be safe though! Have a zero injury policy because it's really not worth it.
Welcome back to the game man!
I have the same feeling when I play football/soccer... The periods of my life when I haven't played SOME kind of football (soccer though...), like outdoor, in a "cage" on asphalt or indoor (more common in winters in my area) I've been miserable most of the time.
“Self Care is not always fun.” I like that. I can feel better about some of the tougher self-care just reminding myself of this.
The most valuable thing for me is calling in sick for when I'm not well mentally. I took me a long time to allow that to myself, but it's the best way for catching up when the days before were stressful, overwhelming and what not and I am already borrowing spoons from tomorrow.
I love your approach to this, especially in discouraging the reckless spending habits (the 'treat yourself to an extra expensive glass of champagne' example) that we are highly prone to. Doing digital drawings are my form of self-care. Not only is it free, but I see technical progress with every illustration I finish. Seeing that progress is my dopamine.
In the past I struggled with this so much that I would go go go until my body broke down, got sick, and made me stop. I recognized the bad pattern and for the last couple of years have been working on changing it. I still struggle with it so much. I've realized I have so many limiting beliefs. I have improved though, so I'm doing my best to celebrate the little wins.
Right now, one of my big self-care things is prioritizing playing D&D once or twice a month. I had to struggle a bit to get regular days off work to play, so I knew I was prioritizing it, but I really didn't think of it as a form of "self-care" until this video. It's a main creative and social outlet for me (besides work) and I get to spend quality time with my partner on top of that.
I'm ready for this!! Diving in now! Edit: I love the point you made about how self care that costs when our bank accounts aren't doing well might not be self care. This episode really encouraged me.
Finding this channel and doing the work of better understanding my needs has been a huge change in my self care. It’s not about taking myself out for dinner or buying something expensive. It’s about giving myself the space to decompress and better understand myself. Thanks for sharing and being a great resource.
“Let your body guide you” - such a simple concept for self-care. I feel a lot of people (not just ad(h)d, but neurotypicals too) ignore their physiological needs.
Great episode!
Superficial self care was always easy for me because I was always a very fastidious adhd brain, but the really important self care like exercise and medical care always went by the wayside. Ever since I lost my dream job I’ve been extremely fixated on taking the time and demanding of myself that I tend to my personal needs. Again, you folks at H2ADHD really inspired me to make these changes ❤️
I know this comment is kinda out of place but I just wanted to thank you for making this channel I'm starting ADHD medication today and it's thanks to you that I was able to actually make that decision I wasn't taught about my disability and only started look into it during the pandemic and its thanks to your videos that I ended up listening to myself and my needs instead of others stigma
I like to take time to read, sing, color or draw if I have a need for rest. Someone described self care as self parenting and that gave me so much clarity around what self care means.
Another amazing video! I honestly love getting life advice regarding Adhd, from someone who actually has ADHD!! Love this channel! x
Awwwwww, thank you! Hope it's been helpful!
100% agree 😊
@@HowtoADHD it’s been very helpful always is! But I struggle to focus tasks and important things I have to do and always set out with good intentions but ultimately I always get distracted or the phone rings, and I forget what I was supposed to be doing, even if I’ve written it down.
I’ve recently learned this myself. Part of decompressing is hanging with the guys, laughing, skateboarding(busting my butt because I’m just learning at 30) and generally engaging with the world in an embodied and full hearted way. Thanks for the upload, Jess
For me, self-care take on a lot of forms. Journaling, taking time in my studio/workshop to create, keeping up with my finances, eating healthy, going biking, and grooming myself. I get a lot of energy back from taking the time to trim my beard, wash my hair, care for my skin and generally make myself look nice by a standard that is set by me and myself. I call it 'man-scaping'.
I'm a gal and have limited spoons. I'm amazed that when I take time to groom the body I feel better.
Awesome! I used to walk and run, but now I have a bad hip walking is painful. That was great advice you got about taking more time after trauma therapy. Selfcare also is often free and yes spending extra money can be more stressful. Now for self-care, I work on not beating myself up and being kind to myself. Yesterday I was exhausted, and I started beating myself about it. Then I said to myself my body is telling me something. I then focused on how to enjoy my lack of energy, and I just cuddle my cat. Today I have recovered, and I don't feel bad about needing to rest.
Getting through my head that therapy time and kayak time (or whatever it is for you) are both important to self care and both deserve my time has been huge for me. Quality self care doesn't always have to be the hardest thing.
I can't even stick with a routine😭
Same 😭🙏
I can’t even stick to my routine building apps😭
@@murderoftrees oooooofffff same dude 😂😂😂
Can’t even start a routine. 😅
Same with me
been doing a lot of that, trauma therapy.. crying in the corner has been a fairly regular occurrence lately. feels good to work through it, and come out the other side, with a lighter heart, clearer mind, and knowing i'm helping myself heal.
edit: self check-in, so important for me, and i think it's a good form of self-balancing, too.
Self care for me is just giving myself a day where I can let my brain do whatever it needs to do. Making sure I have time to cry, to watch tiktoks, to stay in bed for as long as I need to, to tiny up my space, etc. I just need one day a week with no obligations to catch up on everything I push away during the busy week.
My "self-care" is my hiking and camping trips. I look forward to getting out in the woods away from people. Even though I invite people to go with me, I often end up going by myself. I've come to look forward to the solitude of being by myself with just my thoughts. Tackling the chaos that is my mind hasn't been easy, but without my camping trips, I wouldn't have been able to start the process of recognizing the areas I need to work on more to become a better person for not only myself but my family. It has been because of my self-care I've been able to start my ADHD journey.
What’s weird is that you’ve put this up when my self-care is challenged the most, currently being by myself for the longest at home without my parents here for week, even without them here I’m really struggling to get myself motivated more than normal and having trouble staying motivated more than normal
That’s a tough one. I have reckoned with that as well.
My only suggestion would be see if you can plan for a person to meet up with or have over.
For myself, I have found I am at least able to do the minimum when I know I have someone I will be seeing soon.
I love you how you said doing self care in the morning. I do that too because otherwise it just wont happen. I meditate and journal and workout. Each of those activities are very short and I give myself timers and transitions now and implemented each slowly one at a time until I did each consistently. The biggest self care I need though is sun time throughout the day.
Hi,
I really wanted to let you a shout-out.
I have to be honest with you and say that I am not suffering from some form of ADHD or something similar.
The reason why I watched your videos the first time is that I was looking for a video from a native to help me to learn speaking in English.
Finally, I came across your videos and found out about ADHD. The way you talk about it blew me away and I look up to people who try to help others.
That's why I want to tell you to thank you for everything you do and allow us to learn more from other issues.
I just want to give my support both to everyone who is suffering from ADHD and to you for your valuable work.
Please keep going.
Have a good day
Take care
If only you knew how much you have changed my life, and many others no doubt.
You are special the way you are. don't let people say mean things to you. Always remind to love and value yourself
I'm not much but you know just getting through
I read this and it made me cry in a good way
thank you for sharing this perspective! it's important to see self-care for what it is, including the not-so-glamorous parts. sometimes, self-care is getting out of bed to make a sandwich when you're depressed, taking a moment to step away and breathe during times of anxiety, or simply saying no when you need to. bubble baths are nice, but it's important to take care of ourselves regularly instead of equating the term "self-care" solely with pampering ourselves.
Journaling. I discovered I love writing out my feelings and thoughts in the morning. Bonus - without realizing it, I was tracking my progress. I never would have noticed how much better I was doing with out it.
Self care is not always fun, self care is not always easy 👏👏👏 Thank you, wow, this opened up my eyes.
When I was in therapy, I had a “homework assignment” to create a self care menu covering physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual health and include things I could do for each area. So like you said, walking, showering, or healthy snacks for physical. Reading, crafting, and doing puzzles for mental. Playing an instrument, listening to music or a podcast, or journaling for emotional. Calling a family member, meeting up with a friend, or playing with my cats for social. And meditating, praying, or reading the Bible for spiritual. So that I had plenty of options for whatever kind of health I needed and however much time I had.
Hi Jessica, thank you so much! Today has been kind of hard for me. After learning about ADHD for a few weeks and seeing my GP, there seems to still a mountain before me to get diagnosed. There are also mountains of challenges, recent failures, far-away failures, rejection, self-blame, that suddenly felt a bit too much. And I don't always have the bright outlook to look past all that. Anyway, I opened this video and heard your greeting and felt better. It's a bit annoying to see many almost taking ADHD as a joke recently, saying "everyone thinks they have ADHD now", and some other channels almost making a caricature out of what having ADHD is like (even though with good intentions). Among everything, and I do mean everything, you are the best resource out there. You are able to bring complexity, respect, life, so much into the conversation and remind us that this is but one thing to mind as we all take our own difficult journey to reach our meaning life. You are so genuine, intelligent, special, that that is why justing seeing you gives me more hope and keeps the fight in me. Thank you!
Thank you so much for your kind words, they truly mean a lot to both myself and my team. It's encouraging to know that what we're doing is still going strong and still working for a lot of people. So thank you for taking the time to share this with us!! 😊
Just a HUGE thank you. I'm 46 and have only just started the treatment process having always just thought I was lazy, pathetic, a failure etc etc. I couldn't understand the disconnect between my academic ability and my inability to get somewhere on time, or remember where I'd put my keys/wallet/phone/clothes/important documents etc. Since my GP suggested it I found your channel and you've helped me understand my challenges and I'm already being a lot kinder to myself. The idea that I might be able to quieten my hideous internal narrative is overwhelming and exciting.
This channel has been self care for me 😬
Seriously. Learning more about my ADHD has been therapeutic to me. And also finding things like the fabulous app which has seriously helped me to start drinking more water. Or the journal I've pre-ordered from that TikTok girl you had on your channel... Idk if it will help... But knowing things that are out there that is made just for our brains is therapeutic in itself.
Another thing that I do when I'm in a dark or wrong place I will rewatch one of your videos or a few of your shorts. I love your shorts because they can work well when I don't have a lot of time for a break.
Self care for me is sometimes allowing myself time to be creative and artistic. I find that when I’m feeling stressed and overwhelmed or overworked, pulling out my box of paints, stains, glues, beads, sandpaper, whatever… I’ll find my flow state and it’s immensely recharging.
I've heard the differences between the 'do fun things' side of self care and the 'do chores' side of self care being described as self care and self work. That was a helpful way for me to think about it and try to find a balance between the two. Even finding some activities that do both, like working out and cooking. I really love both those activities, but they're also both work that I sometimes find myself struggling with.
When I first started learning about ADHD, I was watching tedtalks. So many tedtalks. I would find myself crying on the way on home in the car because realized that I’d been depriving myself of care and not paying attention to how I operate. I watched your tedtalk which gave me validation for crying in my car lol. As my ADHD research continued, I found your youtube videos and felt so understood. I count inventory at work and would listen to your videos for hours at a time. After a few weeks, I realized that you were the girl from one of those first tedtalks I had watched. My mind was just 🤯🤯🤯. Anyways the point is I thank you for pushing past your imperfect first videos, for achieving so much, for starting this channel. You’ve touched my life and i thinks that’s really freaking beautiful. I hope you see this comment and it makes u happy. you deserve it!
Thank you so much! I’m 57 and wish More people my age realize self care doesn’t have to cost money. For me self care is being in nature but with MS it can be hard to feel safe walking a mountain trail alone. I have always loved gardening and have created a space next to my tiny garden that has shade and a tiny fountain (that I made myself from an old flower pot😁💕). I can sit outside look at the happy flowers surrounding my veggie garden, kick back and either read, listen to music, watch a film on my iPad or even nap. For me the freedom of nature is my best self care.
Self care is definitely important. I've definitely learnt the hard way about self care and not dealing with things.
I recently joined a Roller Derby team for my self care. It creates an obligation to keep me exercising. It gave me a lot of new friends in a new place that I had moved too. And it gets me out of the house and out of my most comfortable place to be. Also because I have made new friends through Roller Derby, I have been going to fun events, and it gives me safety in numbers so the person stalking me is less likely to do anything. Seriously the best decision that I have made for myself recently. Why Roller Derby? It is the only adult woman's sport that is within an hours drive from my home, not really a whole lot of choice in central Wisconsin for adult sports.
perfect timing! watching this while cycling, first time in the gym in months :) i had to stop bc my adhd meds suppressed my appetite so hard i wasn’t eating enough to sustain working out. i instead switched to just going on a walk in the morning most days and spending time learning how to feed myself again. now I’m (slowly) returning to working out!
I always get teary-eyed when I watch your episodes. I've been nursing through the pandemic with poorly controlled ADHD/trauma and I'm slowly healing. I don't feel alone when I hear you talk.
I swear everytime you upload it's exactly what I need in my life at that moment! I'm moving next week while working part-time so self-care is often on the backburner. I'm trying to remind myself that checking things off my to-do list is great for reducing my stress, but likely isn't going to recharge my batteries.
I have been dealing with some very serious healthscare issue last year, I was diagnosed with ADHD for about a year. I have always kind of struggled over the years with my health and my undiagnosed ADHD but last year it was a REAL eye opener of what could happen if I don't take care of myself and my health. I just want to say thank you so much for bringing up the subject !
Great points! I recent thing I have been trying to do is communicate when I am feeling anxious rather than trying to hide it and push through. Makes it easier to deal.
Self care for me is:
Doing the dishes so that I can cook my next meal without barriers.
Bullet journaling at the end of the day and reminding myself it's OK that I didn't do everything I wanted today, because I still did some things.
Going out to karaoke with friends to refill my social bar.
Creating art, be it painting, sketching, decorating my bujo pages, or doing my makeup.
*love* how you said it’s hard for us to know how we feel and to check in with ourselves by journaling. Thank you!
It's very true!
Thanks for your videos and your openness! Also unrelated but when you’re at the desk like this your lighting set up makes your eyes look like they have little stars in them!! 🤩
This is the best video you have ever done. I can’t put my finger on why but it got me really deep. As a fairly newly diagnosed ADHD autistic woman I find that I often have trouble with self care and feelings of guilt when I take the time. Or sometimes I am too hyper focused and push through things while neglecting to care for myself. This has reminded me that it’s something I need to work on!
This is not specific to this video, but I just want to say that your channel has been an inspiration to me. Having this representation of another woman with ADHD has helped me feel less alone. Your videos have even inspired me to explore medication again after being off of it for many years. Your content is amazing!
Everytime I'm stressed I go here and she's helps me feel......complete
Self-care is so important! A gratitude walk is definitely one way to get some self-care in or putting on some music and having a dance party by yourself or with others!
I remind myself to give myself the same grace I would give to others instead of holding myself to a standard of perfection because, "I know better." This goes for self care, too, because I will do for others what I won't do for myself. I love this channel so much and I thank you for sharing your journey with us. May the rest of your day be filled with unexpected moments of joy and laughter!
When I feel the worst...when i feel that nothing is going right and I'm at my lowest. When I feel like I'm a terrible human being.
I watch your youtube channel.
It's weird because I always seem to stumble my way onto your channel when I feel like I'm the worst.
It's really reassuring to know that what I'm experiencing and that my feelings are not extraordinary, but in fact other people struggle with the things I do too!
What I'm trying to say is that when the world seems to be crashing down. Your videos work as a sedative (like really! it's great I love it!). It's like a free therapist session where my problems are acknowledged and I am reassured that I am valid.
Thank you for that.
Sometimes you have to do what you don't want to do. It's easier to make it a habit by making it a routine.
Only channel which feels relevant to my thoughts and struggles.
Self care for me is going out dancing.
Dancing is the first thing to really bring me out of my shell, and it makes me feel confident when many other things don't. I find when it's been a while since I went out and danced, I start to feel gloomy and more depressed than usual.
Firstly thank you thank you for the videos, today at age 63 i was finally diagnosed as having ADHD and soon i will be on medication, i can look forward to life from here on. Your videos helped immensely. X
I've had a hard time with managing my ADHD due to recent medical complications. I cant afford to miss meals anymore and its so hard to keep myself fed, in the same respect though, this whole debacle has forced some self care on me. Eating is an immediate issue now and that makes it easier to do
Something I try my best to do is have one day in a week clear to just decompress/do life admin and it really does help Also me and my partner (both ADHders) have this thing called oof time, which is like recharge time we build into a day when we have gone out or been at work which just help both of us a lot.
One form of self-care for me is honestly communicating my limitations even when I feel like a bratty toddler.
I use the finch app and fabulous app. Changed everything. I actually remember to do self care and helps me add it to my everyday life. It gives suggestions of self care. It doesn't shame you if you miss one, and applauds you when you do a task. For those with impulse control, memory loss, and mental health issues I give a 10/10.
Do you have any advice regarding keeping *up* with apps like that? I used it for ages but my finch is 299 days old and I really, really don't keep up with it anymore. It helped for so long but it's gotten that "background noise" effect in my brain that I'm not sure how to fight :( I remember a video on this channel once talking about gamifying habits but that only helps so much until they become background noise 😣
@@awfulroffle yeah, I had this exact experience w it
5:30 Awesome 💖 Yes, keeping that specific time for another type of self care and maintaining wellness gains is just as important! Thank you for talking about change, transitions, evolving needs, and that therapy can be long term and also doesn't need to be indefinite.
I have negative self care where I would binge eat to make me feel better, nothing else but eating makes me feels better and I really need to find alternatives. I understand how smokers struggle to quit, I too struggle to stop binge eating.
Love that this speaks about how self care is different for everyone!!
When things get too loud or to much for me it is drowning myself in music and either a mindless or strategy video game to reset me.
I have a 6 month old and right now self-care is really hard. It's a little better because my mom takes her one day a week so that I can have a day for myself. I start that day with an exercise class but then I spend the rest of the day doing things like groceries and laundry and errands. And before I know it I have to go get my baby and spend very little time actually taking care of myself.
I want to spend time on art each day and ideally that would be during nap time but if she's not napping well I don't have time to do anything. I love her so much but it's hard to make time for me and not just do survival tasks during free moments.
I hope you wont mind my answer, because I'm sure you already tried lots of things and you know a lot better what you can and cannot do. My first thought was carrying your baby on your back to have free hands. Most of the time they like it a lot when you are moving, so it helps get things done like chores and so, but it may free some time for you. I used different systems, but a baby wrap can help putting a sleeping baby in his bed still in the wrap so that they don't wake up instantaneously. I know it's more complicated to use (particularly on your back) but it helped (until my last one learned how to get loose from it when I was trying to get him to sleep by walking rounds in the living room and I needed to switch to an carrier... yeah it doesn't happen often, he is the one with the H very clear in his adhd diagnosis contrary to his sister and I).
This so accurate. This spring I really pushed myself too hard at work. Hyperfocusing for hours and hours just trying to get so much done so I could finally slowdown and take time for myself but my work just kept piling it on. I even missed some deadlines and went down the rabbit hole. Only thought about what I hadn’t accomplished, the app features I still needed to build, but then I finally realized nobody cared that I missed the deadlines. I eventually just went for this walk to get regulated and shot a video by the river near my house. Flew a drone and it was like my mind released. I cut a lot of it out but I was barely hanging on at that point. I’m doing much better now. Been going for lots of walks and spending more time doing the things I actually get energized from. Our minds are so powerful. Often times we just need to feed them what they need and maybe give ourselves some time. 💚
Thank you for another spot-on video.
I really appreciate the way you distinguish how self care is presented in the media and how it actually works. It clarifies and, as strange as this sounds, 'gives me permission' to reframe my daily upkeep routines as as self care. It takes the Lux price tag off of self care and puts it into the Practical column. I can do Practical and it doesn't require the strain of meeting the popular culture's expectations of what that looks like.
Easiest self care Ever(since I found your channel 4-6 weeks ago): Watching How to ADHD videos. Basically therapy and learning how/why my brain does the things it does, learning new ways to think, tips to get things done, etc. Thank you for making such an incredible self care activity also so easy to do.