When a Narcissist Realizes You Refuse to Be Controlled
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 31 ก.ค. 2024
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When a Narcissist Realizes You Refuse to Be Controlled//If you have a narcissist in your life, you know that they can be very manipulative. They are often demanding and have their insidious ways to try and control the people around them. But what happens when you reject a narcissist? What goes on when a narcissist meets his or her match? How does a narcissist react when they can't control you? Rebecca Zung, top lawyer and narcissist negotiation expert, talks about the seven things that a narcissist does when they realize that you refuse to be controlled.
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🎓Rebecca Zung is an attorney who has been recognized as one of the Top 1% of attorneys in the country having recognized as a Best Lawyer by U.S. News and is AV rated by Martindale Hubbell. She is also the bestselling author of 2 books, Negotiate Like You MATTER (foreword by Robert Shapiro) and Breaking Free: A Step by Step Divorce Guide.
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• When a Narcissist Real...
• When a Narcissist Real...
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Saved in The Harra Files and Bill of Freedom
Thank you ... I'm not gonna argue with siblings
Two important things I've learned... They ask "Why?" to set you up to answer. No matter what you respond with, they will come down on you and use your answer as a reason why you are wrong. "Why did you do that?" "Why didn't you tell me?" ... I've found the best answer is "Because it made me happy". There's not enough context for them to latch onto because you response is all based on internal feelings you have. Also, a great response to other types of statements and questions is simply "Cool". Acknowledge what they said, but without any sort of committal statement. It's similar to "whatever" but is a shade less dismissive and works just as well.
I was a member of the Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung Group. Those people in the group were so supportive, and I also supported them. Then last night (5/5/22) I was blocked at 1:07AM. I believe my abusive ex who is a hacker did this. Please reinstate my membership @ Samantha Pryor. Thank you.
In my experience, when the narcissist realises you refuse to be controlled, they explode, they run a smear campaign, then they either use the silent treatment or discard you. If it’s the latter, in my experience, you feel a sense of relief at being discarded, you open a bottle of champagne, and you celebrate that you’ve managed to dodge a bullet.
They sure will not be happy with when you go no contact! But, you got this!
Even the silent treatment is a nice relief from their raging thank God he won’t talk to me I can get some peace now.
I know what happened to me. I paid a steep price. I accepted that. Freedom isn't free. Then he smeared me to any and everybody. Not everyone believed him because some people knew what a liar and a thief he was. But there were people who were jealous, or just didn't like me, and they loved it. They ate it up. It was a very difficult time for me. He did the whole 9 yards. Gaslighting. Financial abuse. Mind games, gossiping. On and on. And I had to keep quiet or he said he wouldn't give me my freedom. My faith was what got me through.
Ben bir bira açıp keyfime bakıyorum
@@brendab.5111 So glad you had the guts to describe the JEALOUS folks as they really are. Of course they would laugh and say how pathetic we were, IF THEY OVERHEARD US, and how they can never be jealous of a so-called lesser me or you THAN THEM. But this is their MO in terms of dealing with everyone else that they claim to pity too. It doesn't take many lines to read between and at the risk of sounding arrogant, I, like yourself, finally recognized that JEALOUSY/INSECURITY was defined a key component to this HATED that was hidden as our supposed friend, lover, or family member in a mere disagreement
Not only bait you and trigger you, they'll bait you to set you up for a fall or to get into trouble
That's correct!
Gaslighting is pretty intense when you stand up for yourself and try to hold them accountable.
I fell for it hook, line, and sinker lol
Fact
@@stephenforde9420 Stay Strong!!! NO CONTACT whatsoever!!! Disappear from their radar!!! Block their phone#. Be aware of other phone numbers that you don't recognize. Don't answer!!!
The ex a covert narc flips out because I refuse to allow him to control me ever again!
Good for you!
It's a beautiful thing to see. Instead of me taking the bait in my instance of it, it's them to start losing their composure at the end. Thank God for the grey rocking advice. So I follow it maybe 90% of the time...
BUT SOMETIMES I'm just going to call them out. I'll live through whatever inevitable smear campaign they got for me.
At least I'll get to see who my secret enemies were all along in it all.
If they're THAT willing to buy into the narcissist lies or untruths, it's not even worth giving my side of the story to. I just don't need people like that in my life who are that committed to misunderstanding me
The smear campaign against me started when I was 12, so it ended up being successful. I had to cut off the entire family and extended family in order to have a chance at life.
Did the same thing
I might have to do it soon
I never thought about it like that, but really subconsciously I've been on an escape plan all of my life. Really and truly I'm understanding now that I can't rebuild or find myself fully until I leave the kingdom or the narcissist's control circle. They also need us but pretend that we need them by trapping us into their controlled reality.
@@7ackass Fight or flight? That is what they attempt to do. We are easily controllable when in fight or flight mode.
Shut them down. Respond to "Why?" questions with "Because it makes me happy". They can't argue with that. "Why did you sign up for that class when I said it wouldn't be a good idea?" - "Because it made me happy". "Why do you like those stupid movies?" - "Because they make me happy". "Why did you buy this kind of paper plate when you know I prefer this other kind?" - "Because it made me happy".
love this 🙌🙌
Good advice, thank you.
"Because I don't care about your opinion anymore." Heh heh I wish that would work.
Lol I love it
However, a narc will come up with some way to sabotage or punish you for daring to defy them, or just when they see you in a happy mood.
Smear campaign starting before you think it does. Absolutely true. They are well ahead of the game convincing everyone the one they are with is (fill in the blank). They need to be seen as the victim and have their "army" pitching tents well before you even see the foundation of your relationship/marriage cracking, let alone the house of cards falling down. This is why it is pointless trying to convince common "friends" they are the master manipulator and abuser. If a common "friend" is asking you what happened and is looking for details, chances are they are confirming what the master manipulator/pathological liar told them. i.e., part truth part lie. So ask them what they heard and then ask them if they believe it. And if they say, "I don't know, that's what I'm trying to determine." Tell them it's not your job to convince them either way what went down is between you and your estranged partner and "have a nice day!". In other words, what ever you tell [them] will corroborate what the liar told them and they will 'pitch their tent' accordingly and will leave you hurt. Personally, I learned very early on, if they were my friends, they wouldn't need a "stitch and b!tch" hour to fill them in, to begin with. They already knew my frustrations, hurts and grievances. God Bless each and every soul exiting an abusive narcissistic relationship and God Bless, you, Rebecca. You are very helpful. Much good karma coming your way. Cheers.
Exactly! YOU know what the truth is & the narcissist knows the truth too.. when they can’t control you anymore to hide that truth, they need strength in numbers to avoid the shame of that truth. YOU have ALL the power regardless of who believes you or not & they know it. Don’t let the army effect you. Everyone can think what they want but you know what really happened, find peace in that. You can move forward without an army.
My first narcissist...turned my own family against me years before we split.. till this day he isn't the bad guy...even though he abandoned his only child, took me to court based on blatant lies, cheater the biggest Cheater!! Piece of crap...even choked me picked me up by my neck slammed me against the house choked me. But he was such a good guy we just don't understand him i should talk to him....ugh sickens me.
Exactly! They're so weak that they need a whole army to basically ambush you in hopes of destroying you. Well, I'm still here, albeit with a little residual irritation from the whole ordeal. But am more towards the point of THRIVING instead of just merely surviving anymore!
@@barnbum6677 My narc hung me out of a 2nd story window in front of his friends. They laughed and laughed while I was in shear terror. I looked down and knew if he dropped me, I wouldn't survive so I just shut my eyes tight and hoped he wouldn't drop me. It was a nightmare, but everybody thought he was such a great guy and I was a bad person not appreciating what I had.
Yes, the smears started in the first year of our seven year relationship. I've been no contact for one month, never going back.
After all the great advice I've been given in how to rid my life of nasty narcs I've learned to remove myself from their presence in EVERY way possible! No more abuse and I feel like a huge emotional weight has been lifted from my shoulders!
Same here! I'll know how I wouldn't had done it without you all. It isn't just a great video presenters like Rebecca and other men and women, it's the commenters that got me to where I was at. I had NO IDEA SUCH an enormous burden was on my shoulders till I finally had enough one day myself!
Thought I was maybe ruminating too much. But 20/20 hindsight shows that I was tearing down the weakened old me and rebuilding a zero tolerance me at those types behind my own back.
Call it brainwashing, call it what you want, what part of the brain didn't need to be washed? Folks like those insidiously chip away at our confidence and our true selves.
It's nice to have the old me back! And this newly REBUILT ME doesn't have time for people stupidly encroaching on boundaries or sneaking in insults to punish me for not going along with their sneaky script
@@AZDC99
Yes, very very true.
All the Men and Women who are having channel to help us are the greatest mentors for me at this time. Without these videos and explanations I would never have understood the dynamics.
I grew up with a Malignant Covert Mom, may be a psychopath with no family or friends. Then spouse the same and all my friends the same.
I was living inside a lie and deception bubble for 50 years.
The only way is to get out of these relationships. Feeling very very lonely, secluded and isolated.
Hopefully things will get better.
@@priyanesan3299 It's better temporarily literally being "alone" THAN feeling alone WHILE WITH with someone WHO MAKES YOU FEEL LONELY! I'll take the former over the latter any day!
It WILL get better once you leave. Recovery is often a "two steps forward, one step back, two steps forward" mechanism
@@AZDC99
Thanks Matt. I needed to hear those words about recovery….one step forward……
I used to say those words and forgot now.
More than feeling lonely, I feel rejected, separated, and excluded. We give it all to be rejected…..very painful to go through.
Since birth I have been only with Narcs. I don’t know how loving relationships look like.
@@priyanesan3299 There's a lot of us scapegoats out there. But I've since I've finally accepted that I'm one,, thanks to confirmation in their described experiences of being one, I can continue MOVING ON from what never was truly there for me in the first place. I only talk to my parents and it's pretty mainly grey rocking them and I am only in it for the money. But if I do an occasional call-out or disagreement--I will NOT beat myself up with them at me for not being Mr Grey Rock Of The Year or whatever.
2300 miles away from them for decades is an enormous help. I originally moved away from my hometown to experience the western United States and I'm glad I did so. But it's just an extra layer of protection against those who never really liked or loved me anyways. I'm so glad that I'm no contact with my siblings now or they can call credit for that one. Let them scream from the mountaintops. Just don't care anymore. Thankfully they're in my rearview mirror
This is my mother to a T. I have learnt not to engage in her toxic behaviour. It's not easy, and she uses everyone in the household. They are her "flying monkeys". She love-bombs them and buys them stuff to get them on her side and against me. It's actually very entertaining to watch. I don't engage in conversation with her at all. She has a fragile self-esteem and if she speaks to me she is verbally abusive. Hence I don't engage in conversation with her. She doesn't like it when I keep quiet because here's the thing. Narcissists feeds off people when they trigger you and you defend yourself. These days, I just keep quiet and smile at her. It makes her furious. I "grey rock her". Very effective method that works. 🙂🙂🙂
Kudos! Took me years to learn to bite my tongue 🤦🏻♀️ Silence is grey
Good for you! My sister's are the narcs and they live to trigger me or see me in pain. I give them nothing and they are imploding. Lol. THEY'RE totally freaked that I discarded them and am indifferent to them.
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
Public Displays, outbursts, violence. Been there done that as I'm a Survivor!
My ex husband had me make an inventory of our freezer, OUT / IN /Balance ( kgs of meat , chicken , fish) and wants me to post on the freezer door and update him regularly. I did so a few times , untili stopped doing it I just say yes but never do it. Then eventually he got upset why I never do it, and told him, "becsuse I'm busy, why don't you do it ?" And he suddenly kept quiet and never asked me again. That was before leaving him for good. 👍
Going thought a crazy NARCISSIST ex right now. Is been over 2 years and this person still texted me long long messages of how awful I am for leaving the toxic relationship. Constantly called me but I refused to answer the phone. I just need peace and quiet now and staying alone for life
shut them down.narc tries to get me to hit her.i will not.i now know that she is trying to get something to use against me.she is a chronic liar. she cannot control me.thanks for all your videos. they are saving my life.
Yes! Shut them down. I married a narcissist. Court hearing to have him removed tomorrow. He won't leave the the house I owned for 13 years before we married. He has broke my things, gaslighting and munipulation has been so severe that I almost started to believe the lies. I had become depressed, trying to figure what was happening, I closed myself off in another room. Started praying to God for help and answers. I finally figured it out after watching Dr. C videos. That was the first step... realizing what was happening. It has been a living hell for 3 years. The chaos and confusion was real. I've filed for divorce and I appreciate all your helpful videos. God bless you!
Malignant with 5 children before i met her, now she has 3 of mine. Long story....im forced away from my children.... i ran into a narc family.... very true... What keeps me upright during this road ahead, is knowing i have the truth behind me
So sorry to hear that! Check out my program on creating a parenting plan and keeping peace with your ex 👉www.breakingfreefromdivorce.com/break-free-with-rebeccaz. Join my webinar and learn some tips too!
My neighbour narc started setting me up from the moment she arrived. I helped her out when she moved in unaware she was already setting up flying monkeys. I realised quickly what she was, distanced myself, and she started stalking relentlessly, trying to control me in my home by reacting to any little noise I might make. She poisoned me well and good in the building and in the neighbourhood, absolutely infuriated that i would have nothing to do with her - even tried to get police involved by playing the poor victim by describing what she was doing to me and claiming I was doing it to her. The worst case of malignant narcissism I have ever encountered - and I grew up with one! I have continued to live my life as i always have and she has withdrawn to a degree, realising I refuse to play. But she is ever watchful, waiting for some opportunity to create chaos, take advantage and destroy me. She is just evil.
Hope you're ok. This is terrible! Try to install some cameras around your home. For your safety, possible harassment n evidence if you need it in the future. Hopefully not.
Shut them down. Respond to baiting statements with "Cool". "You need to spend less time with your friends" - "Cool". "You should be eating this type of food" - "Cool". "I don't like what you just did" - "Cool". "I thought you were trying to lose weight" - "Cool".
My twin is a narcissist. He's very much the type of person who loses control of his own actions, then blames others for "poking the bear". Of course he's with the party of "personal responsibility". When my parents were alive, the entire family would still go camping together, and my brother almost got us ALL kicked out of a state park because something pissed him off and he wouldn't let it go and he kept yelling, even after everyone telling him that he's being rude to other campers. He let me know that he "disowned" me, then the next thing I hear from him, he wants to get together for drinks on our 60th. He's all over the place. I've had to let him go for the second time in 10 years. I refuse to take the abuse from him or anyone else. I'm done.
I have a narcissist stalking me for the past 7 years. He's a scammer hacking social media accounts and I caught him. I don't even know this man but I caught him and now he won't let it go
Pretending to be the victim is their worse lies I find them to be real.liars
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
Your videos helped me attain the confidence I needed to go through my divorce.Free as of March 21,2022..yay.Thank you
I have seen it all. And I had to suffer this 10 YEARS in a row!!! I lost at least 2 employments because of this. And she intrigued so eloquently against me, that NOBODY helped me!!! SHE IS DEFINATELY A CRIMINAL !!!!!
It only stopped, because it got ugly for her. I HAD TO CALL HER OUT, as she tried to coerce some response from me. And then I used this as a weapon to free myself from her. Because I realised, whenever she coerced ANY response out of me (caused by HER brazen outrageous action)
she only spreaded MY response to show me off as a very unsounded, asshole-like minded person. To stir up a shitstorm against me. And to stir up compassion from everyone and to get a free ride in any way thinkable from her audience. I felt RAPED by her in every way. She also achieved it to make my doctors to torment me cruelly and dangerously - even while I was under two Anesthesias. SHE IS A DEVIL!!!!! And she came as a neighbour/friend in my life first. She has the JUDAS-Spirit.
What kinda doctors would do this? Probably they're Narcs too!
3:50--"You think you have shame?! They are shame personified!!" Amen. Saw this first hand before I finally WOKE UP, and got rid of them as a friend in one case. The way they enjoyed others' (like neighbors) misery was not even human! Guess they had to pick on strangers shame to make themselves feel 'better'
Seven things that happen when you refuse him to control you
-Range due to their flagile personality and low esteem
-smear compain
-Disappearing
-Public humiliation
-Lying and denying
-Try to get you back
-shut them down
Yup. The narc I know still lives in my home. He tries to bait. Example, he will leave doors unlocked to my house on purpose hoping I start a conversation. So if I did , it would like, why did you leave doors open? Or the house isn't locked. It's just a way for him to start an argument. So he wants supply. It's a choice for me. I just figure nothing resulted from leaving doors open so I say nothing. This equals no harm no supply. Don't give supply👍
“One big shame doughnut” is a very apt analogy because of how empty narcissists are on the inside. When I started reading my narcissist’s insults as projection, I realized she felt alone, inferior to me, and like there was no place for her in this town. I almost felt bad and almost wanted to help her, but then I remembered that the narcissist will never be able to see the truth in her projections and will never face herself, so no amount of my reaching out to her would ever make her not a narcissist.
Well said TY. I will repeat "the narcissist will never be able to see the truth in her projections and will never face herself, so no amount of my reaching out to her would ever make her not a narcissist." I repeat....(note to self) ☮️💟☮️
15 years and I've finally came to this conclusion.... Flat line!!!
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
The narcissist found out today, maybe a little bit, 🙏🏻 or maybe more than a little bit, that I wasn’t going to be bullied by her! I simply refused to engage with her nonsense and I think that actually deflated her huge ego somewhat! In an inappropriate way and at an inappropriate (public) setting where certain things should not be discussed she tried to convince and bully me to go along with the sinister game that she has concocted about our marital settlements… I didn’t fall for it! I refused to engage with her! it felt pretty good! 🙌 she tried some of each one of these seven things that you mentioned, Rebecca! 👿
PS! You are certainly right, Rebecca! The smear campaign started years before the discard! 🤮
SHUT THEM DOWN!!!!
For the case of a family/sibling narcissist
, my feeling is that their behavior is them being preemptive and manipulative basically to hide the shame of a trauma in their past. This is my recent revelation looking back over 40yrs. Pushing family aside and trying to control your interactions and who you could talk to and potentially expose their trauma shame. The gaslighting, smear, deflection and projection is a deliberate tactic to confuse you and keep you away from exposing their shame to the family circle. It is deliberate, calculated and evil.
These vids are a godsend. I have a child to a narc and was unsure how to handle the situation, now I know how to take away their controlling behavior I can breathe easy.
Rebecca you must have been sent from heaven because I was living on the edge until I started viewing your channel. Thank you so much for these posts ❤️🙏
When my narcissist co-worker walks in the break room I pull out my phone and play these videos loudly. Most times people think its funny and conversations about narcissists start.
She leaves quickly.
A very bad idea: I once told my ex-narc a lie about my past to find out if he was talking behind my back....And, oh yes he was! Big time. Big mistake 🤦🏻♀️🙅🏻🙃
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
The timing of this is incredible. Exactly what I needed to learn about.
God bless the TH-cam algorithm.
@@benwilliams5236 Though I resent some of TH-cam's lame political correctness, I totally agree with you about the algorithm on it being a lifesaver for me on the whole narcissistic abuse topic
I just did it! I shut him down!
If you are so sick of the drama, trauma, and chaos- and want real powerful strategies for success - I’ve got the answer for you - sign up for our free webinar and start your transformative journey- this is the day your life changes! Woohoo! www.icanslay.com 🌀✨
I am literally experiencing this as we speak.
May god bless you, always
Any updates ?
@@onemorecoat1712 I am out, and safe. :) And, apparently "out of control to the point where I am worried" according to the narcissist.
Me too.
Thank you so much Rebecca Zung! I really needed to hear what you had to say today, that the narcissist is "...probably more AFRAID of YOU!.." Wow, what a concept; but it makes 100% total sense.
I just wish I understood this back when mom was alive and doing this crap to me when I went grey rock, though didn't know the term at the time. She's long gone but her flying monkeys are still at it believing and repeating her lies.
It's SO great to suss out a potential narcissistic rage event before it happens. I'm immensely grateful for this channel, as I'm not in a position to go no contact, just gray rock when needed.
Quashed my narcs rage today by telling her she's helped me take a look at how I react to circumstances that are beyond my control, which is true. It left her puzzled rather than having another "anxiety attack".
Shut them down 💯%. Helpful words. Thank you for sharing 🌹
Your amazing I finally broke free after 6 years.. shut them down!!! All the phases were accurate.. I escaped last week because I had to have him arrested for attacking the last and final time.. if I could say he tried every phase and then some you talked about he did
I didn’t realize I was with a covert narcissist until a few wks after the breakup. But she had started asking me to do more things for her like cooking for her and/or her 17 yo son while she relaxed, or raking leaves, whatever, i started refusing, then in a restaurant with her friend, asked me to do something and i refused infront of her friend. anyway she started getting worse after i refused to do things. i left. she contacted me a few wks later telling me how much fun she was having and sending me pics of her on her boat etc and i just responded with things like “oh that looks fun” or “glad u are having a fun time, u deserve it”. never let them see you hurting or missing them. i realize now she was trying to get me riled up. i yild her i am a my old self again and never will i go back to how things were. haven’t heard from her since but i still miss her cuz we had so much fun together.
I experienced everything you've explained. Thank you for sharing this. It's reassuring that I'm not going mad. Thank you
If you are so sick of the drama, trauma, and chaos- and want real powerful strategies for success - I’ve got the answer for you - sign up for our free webinar and start your transformative journey- this is the day your life changes! Woohoo! www.icanslay.com 🌀✨
my daughter and her husband, attempt to always trigger me. which causes me to obstain from sharing anything with them
Im not afraid of them at all🥊
Stay strong! ❤
Regaining your power after a toxic relationship is the biggest part of healing, especially since we’ve gotten so used to being controlled. Be kind to yourself and take it day by day, so you can begin to feel more powerful and confident in yourself again.
💙TH-camr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
My husband did all of this before he eventually just left to live with the woman he was sleeping with and planning a life with while pretending to “work on himself”.
I saw it coming, but knowing and feeling are two different things. I was trying to heal from childhood trauma, while dealing with what he was doing, while having postpartum depression and anxiety and taking care of 4 kids(his 2 older children and 2 I birthed with him). My therapist told me something had to give because she could tell I was at my last.
Then he picked a fight and left. Thank God.
Rebecca Zung you nailed this 💯%
Glenda Eddy,Hope you are not with a narcissist 😈!
Ive been there. Yes these kind of relationships really take their toll. Getting free of that was definitely difficult.
Have a great day and always love your videos
While staying strong about leaving my narcissist and enduring his anger and smear campaign, I lost numerous friends and family members --- innocent people. Collateral damage, unfortunately --- my narc's parents, for example, who are wonderful people. It took a long time to reconcile the fact that some loved ones fell by the wayside when I went no contact with the narcissist. I think, though, that as years passed and he inevitably repeated his bad behavior with subsequent partners, they may have understoo.
understood
How can I prove to my kids dad that I am not any where near the person he has made me to be out in his head?? Now he’s complaint is that I have “bad energy “ but he’s saying that without me even saying a single word to him or doing anything through my actions. It’s so upsetting because I don’t know what I need to do to make him see me for me. It’s been 10 years and 2 kids later and his only complaints are not even real situations but he believes everything he created in his head . He will lie right to my face and actually get mad at me for wanting the truth to be told the way it actually happened. I need some serious help on how to handle some one like this during a child custody case. Please please help me!
That's a terrible situation - and Rebecca is the sort of place to turn to find out how to deal with it. Some things you can do - keep a Journal of what he is doing and saying but don't let him know, don't engage in badmouthing him to the kids who he is trying to turn against you. Just tell them his allegations are not true and leave it at that. Use Grey Rock when you are dealing with him - don't respond to his baits and provocations, he is trying to force you into negative action which he will use against you, and one potent avenue is through the kids. He will not see you for you because he's made you a target and that won't change. You won't get him to acknowledge the truth about you, they will never admit it because then their game is over and they lose. They are petrified of the truth and will try to shut that down, but that very truth is your weapon. You must be feeling absolutely hurt and infuriated with it all, but try not to let that control you. Stay intellectual. Counselling will help you, strengthen your resolve and teach you some coping mechanisms.
Thank you for your advice . It was a good reality check this morning when I saw your reply because everything you said hits home for me.
I just broke up with my narcissist. I’m afraid. I feel that it’s a good thing but I already miss him. That’s crazy because he was so controlling about everything, the color of my hair, my clothes, my phone. Everything.
You're probably just irrationally connected still with him. And trying to let go of all the control he had on you. The effects don't disappear overnight....
Baby needs a new pair of shoes. Keep on looking . You're free!
They are calling the abused ones, as controlling, fearful people
I swear God reveals these videos to me as I need them. That’s powerful.
Shut them down! I so wish i could post screen shots here to serve as a practical way to deminstrate how to deal with a narc. I can identify with all 7 things talked about here.
I do have a humorous way in which my narc tried to go public with slander. She thought it would be a good idea to tell others in the community that i am a sex addict and that i am having sex parties in my home on a weekly basis. Our local LEO got in on this and we joke often about some of the claims she brings to them. On the sex parties i tell everyone that i have fixed dates in which i hold them and they are bi monthly. I give them the following dates, Feb. 30th, April 31st, June 3st, Sept. 31st and Nov. 31st.
Something else i do is when she tries to gaslight or bait me i just turn into a almanac and turn it back on her and report hard facts of things she had done with exact dates from the police reports filed in the past on DV she had commited againist me. I could go on and on.
Take care of you.
Narcissists are excellent at acting. They get people by their charm and performance. It can leave you feeling confused because they are so innocent in playing victim and pointing you as the abuser. Don't fall for it!💙TH-camr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
I recently tried something ["new"] to help me overcome the emotional despair caused by a narcissistic smear campaign.
I came out of a horrible relationship with a malignant covert narcissistic monster 7 years ago (2014). After 7 years I still struggled with terrible episodes of ongoing anger, resentment, depression, and despair because I was never able to speak what I knew was the truth about the situation. All of her flying monkeys moved on while believing her lies and slander. What was worse, to me, wasn't so much what she did, but that I had no voice or platform to, at least, speak the truth for myself to her flying monkeys about what she really did (and what I really didn't do per her smearing of me). In my opinion, I was being burned at the stake by a mob of manipulated people who believed what she told them.
I decided that if I am going to be burned at the stake because of her lies, then at least I owe it to myself to disclose the truth to them, and if then they still chose to believe her, at least I stood up for myself rather than just allowing people to condemn me based on lies. I decided that I can live with willfully ignorant people after handing them the truth. What I struggled with for 7 years was being forced to live with un-willfully ignorant people who believed lies. To me, the truth always matters in a defense even if others don't believe it. Even if there would come a backlash, I still spoke the truth. At that point, I concluded that I could truly say "fuck them" if they still condemn me. I was already condemned. So, I spoke the truth about myself and THAT matters to me. It doesn't have to matter to them.
After disclosing the truth to only one of her flying monkeys, I felt a personal and private, internal vindication; a freedom from the burden of silence. It was the stifling of my truth, my voice, that was causing the worst of the worst of it all.
I know that many professionals don't recommend doing what I did. The backlash can be brutal. Being condemned without a voice is pretty brutal. At least by speaking the truth there becomes a self-generated consolation from the personal and private gain of self-justice by standing up and speaking out with what is true... even if no one else believes the truth. IMO
I just ignore them too It really pisses them off. Act like you don't even see or hear them when they are trying to say something evil or pick .
That was all so crystal clear and the 'namaslay' at the very end was so buddy-buddy! Thanks for being on my side!❤️
This is one of your best video's!
On target!!
I'm the neighbor of a Gang of narcissist - literally. ALL of these things have been, & are being done to me by Many.
They are sick individuals!
Living next door, & behind them (especially since I love being outside), is almost as bad as living with one.
I'm literally watched/monitored 24/7.
It's exhausting; Disturbing.
The only good thing, is I have a strong personality & not easily shaken. But the guy next door is covert/malignant & HUGE, so I'm a little on edge with him.
If I don't know, or aren't close to someone, I don't care what people think.
I've Never been one to "have" to fit in! I'm concerned about my safety. My dog has been hurt.
God WILL repay!!
Thank you! ❤ Care to share what you like the most?
It's the stalking that concerns me, because I'm starting a new job. Twice, my narc brother sabotaged my jobs.
Similar experience for me. I’ve started being very selective which or how much info I share!
@@mytwocents9732 Absolutely, but he follows me to my place of employment, and has the audacity to go inside and ask to speak to my superiors. It is so maddening!
Do not tell him anything. This is why you are supposed to do "no contact".
@@borishudej691 I don't tell him a thing. He follows me!
@@borishudej691 I don't tell him a thing. He follows me, and makes up BS about me.
*Never give up -shut them down*. Many thanks inspiration ....
That's exactly what happened to me . A cover Narcisists put me an triangulation relationship.
This is spot on. Exactly 💯 percent. Word for word is exactly what I've dealt with. Thank you for educating and bringing awareness. 🙌💯🙏
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
The most important point of the video is where you eventually learn just to shut it down near the end at them. I totally did this because I binge watch videos like these when I'm going through problems with people like those, and I couldn't have done it without advice from presenters like Rebecca, etc nor the commenters in the comments area
Check this out!! Redefine the way you view challenges in high-conflict negotiations. Our training will show you how to turn trials into triumphs >> www.rebeccazung.com/cert-workshop 💪
Hi Rebecca, for some time I have been dealing with a very difficult "friend" who I really wanted out of my life but wasn't sure how to do it. It culminated with some appalling behaviour by him and him owing me some money. I didn't know how to handle it but I watched several of your videos and learnt an awful lot. I am absolutely stunned at how predictable he became after learning how to deal with him by learning from your videos. Thank you very much indeed. I think I can say with some certainty that it will never happen to me again!!
Hi. Would you mind sharing what techniques you implemented to deal with him?
Just pretend to be busy and be emotionless non reactive gray rock. Don’t lend money with the hope of getting it back.
Ghost him
Watch videos on gray rocking
I believe I am dealing with a malignant narcissist. Wow!
Ex used catfished photo, said it was his son. When I asked him why he did that, he vanished.
Thank you! Such a good list! We should learn them by heart!
Yes
Bait and trigger!! Yes causes me much anxiety
I'd be REAL INTERESTED to hear your take on THIS:
Over the course of the last 9 years, I have check mated 3 different narcissists... & now, since last August, ALL 3 OF THEM HAVE TEAMED UP & ALL COME BACK FOR A CONCENTRATED FOCUSED INTENT TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO TAKE ME DOWN..... they couldn't do it by themselves, so now they think they can do it as a team... NOT!!!!! I have systematically repeatedly SLAMMED THEM LEGALLY... the latest move in tandem w/government officials who also SMACKED THEM DOWN...
I'm no fool...their current silence is a regroup & trying to devise yet another attack angle. Their rage is a DISEASE that gets worse with each consecutive FAILURE.(I will add that one of the 3 is a sitting town judge in the next town over; has zero jurisdiction here, but he's still trying to exert influence over my town officials...& it hasn't worked, because a detailed DOCUMENT TRAIL exposed his corruption to my town officials!!!) They've gotten so desperate that last fall they stole & killed 2 of my beloved animals, thinking THAT was gonna push me out of bounds...all it did was laser focus legal investigations on FELONY CHARGES for all 3...
All these videos focus on one narc... HOW ABOUT THIS SITUATION...INVOLVING 3 who will stop at NOTHING to extract revenge... Because I REFUSE TO BE CONTROLLED.....🖤
everyone of these things is happening to me right now. Its wicked and you have to laugh at them as they do "their confessional".
I’m trying to get away from a client of 15 years because she is literally sucking me dry! Your videos have been so helpful. I feel so much more level headed now, because I was starting to lose my mind! Thank you so much! ❤️
Many of these, I've seen. In fact, I had one openly bullying, narcissistic neighbor who checked off SEVERAL of these boxes . . .
I saw her use the "early smear campaign," complaining to the landlord about feeble or nonexistent issues, which even he became skeptical of. Then, when she couldn't get him to listen anymore, she pulled the disappearing act: breaking off contact, scowling at me when she thought I wasn't looking, and not only leaving the building, but actually trying to move out of state!
That sucks but thank your lucky stars it was just a neighbor and not your wife, parent or boss. Lol.
I lived in an apartment with a neighbor below me on the second floor who did this exact same thing and had the exact same fate as your former neighbor did. (as far as the leasing office just tuning her out). Smear campaign foiled by her own overdoing it!
Shut them down!!
Going gray rock!!
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
Her con game got my defenses down way to quick! Then she tried to run a muck on my mind! One day she said an insult about my parenting and I just said no more! Then I found these! She was running game well until I saw the patterns. My friends refuses to believe it. I think they are as ignorant as I was!
Thanks we need to stay updated on toxic relationships like that..👍🏾
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
Absolutely, It is vital, Some people are ignorant and uneducated, That they promote it's the new norm, Absolutely sickening, Peace, love, Respect to you 🌌❤😃💙💚💛💜🌈
Some things are not worth fighting for, You can't fix a cheater, a psychopath, or a narcissist, it's as simple as you can't take blood from stone. these smart phone devices in people's hands have taken them away from real individuality, not until I got closure on my husband I was in the dark. We create our reality and the consciousness of the planet is accelerating. This means people have to become more aware of who they are. When one experiences abuse, you first become aware of the abuse, then realizing you are a victim, With healing and processing comes strong boundaries built by confidence in your worth.
After this comes a realization that the experience made you stronger and more of who you are and that the narcissist was simply a vehicle for your growth. Ultimately you then realize we are all a creation of our energetic spiritual energy and the narcissist was and is a part of us. In the end, we become accepting of the experience and knowing we would never go back to the previous unawakened and unenlightened version of ourselves. It is not by any means an easy journey and is filled with pain especially when we incarnate into a family with a parent of such characteristics. There is a plan and it is ultimately to drive us. You would love an awakened version of you.
My husband was a deceptive narcissist and sociopath, he would never apologize, I was always made to feel little on the inside, it was pure psychological warfare at its lowest, I suspected infidelity on his path, not until with the help of the developer of an app code name rat9 for accessing his device without having to physically touch it, with a functionality to view deleted chats and messages as well as call logs and in-app chats, I was completely in the dark. There was a Conversation I read on his Instagram Account where he did address me as 'beauty with no brains'. I'm finally going through a divorce with evidences too overwhelming. His device contained secrets that I could never have imagined. If in need of such help, write directly to the developer on email ' ethandavydova at gmail dot com '.
Miss lady I watch all your videos and every single word that you have said in all of the videos that I have watched of yours is absolutely true and it has come against me as a tenant the lies the slander that even got me an eviction notice which I'm fighting just to make him go crazy a little bit thank you for knowing and sharing it's mind-blowing it's biblical I've watched other people with the videos but I'm so grateful for you from the lawyer aspect of it as well thank you I genuinely pray that father God will bless you immensely in your career in your work in your family bless you mightily in Jesus mighty name
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
You are a beautiful light in the world Rebecca, You have immense understanding and compassion, I thank the universe for you, I trust myself and the universe, I'm not letting anyone bully or intimidate me, Peace, love, Respect to you and everyone, Thank you universe 🌈💜💛💚💙😃❤🌌🕵😆🍄🌚🐱☘🐆⭐😙👁😘😇🖼🎨🦄🐉🌷👽😊
wow, these are really great tips. i would love to learn more about lovebombing vs actual love...huge fan of your videos, thank you!
Thank you! ❤ Care to share what you like the most?
Shut them down! Best video yet.
Thanks Rebecca!!!
Redefine the way you view challenges in high-conflict negotiations. Our training will show you how to turn trials into triumphs. Learn more www.rebeccazung.com/cert-workshop 💪🚀
Thank you very much for your intelligent and wise advice. You help many of us who are dealing with narcissists.
I just want to thank you for everything you've said on here because I have been fighting with a very abusive daughter that likes to beat her 58 year old mother.. won't go into every detail here but now she's kept our grandbabies away from us for 7 months and we went to court to get visitation and she made it seem like I was the abuser like she always does and papa got a visitations but I didn't.. I don't know how much more I can live through... And we have had the grandbabies for 15 months because she just dropped them off and left them here... but where the bad people right..
" Shut Them Down " @Rebecca i love your work and advice, knowledge.
I followed your advice for about 4months now and am already a happy man now . ... it all worked like magic..
Happy to get my power and Happy life back😊❤🎉
You are so talented and amazing
That takes to much time. When they started playing games leave.you are the game and it ends when you leave
Your so right Rebecca these phases and tactics that they use are so easy to spot once your ready to SLAY because realistically they are very narrow minded people so I never ingraciate myself with anybody who's buying my friendship because they say [I know your a nice guy] and I was nice to you and you owe me, hell no i go on the offense i turn them around and make myself look like the biggest pain in their mind that they ever wanted to meet and they can take there carpet bag with them.
Shut them down!!! Thank you Rebecca for this video
Redefine the way you view challenges in high-conflict negotiations. Our training will show you how to turn trials into triumphs. Learn more www.rebeccazung.com/cert-workshop 💪🚀
I'm going thru this right now with an intimate relationship... very enlightening thank you for your insights...
You got this! 💪 Join me in my free webinar - www.rebeccazung.com/cert-workshop
🔥🔥🔥Shut Them Down
Thank you Rebecca❤️You are a lifesaver!!! 🙏🏼❤️👍🏼💯💪🏼
This might help you better >>> www.icanslay.com
You're absolutely right!
ur insight is on point for those demonized persons.
Thanks👏👏
Hi Rebecca.
Thank you.
Check this out - www.icanslay.com Keep slaying! 😊
Of course the narcs are afraid of their victims....at a certain point when they realize they've used up all their tricks and their victim is still alive.
I had a best friend that had narcissistic relationships that were both long-term on top of our trauma bonding she would constantly tell people my secrets in warn people about me behind my back but then say how she does nothing but talk about how awesome I am the kindest person in the world her best friend couldn't live without me.. but anytime she's confronted with something she tends to gaslight and try to flip the switch.. goes on a tangent to whomever will listen.. but says I won't stop running my mouth when I barely discuss her lol throughout our friendship I can tell there was an issue when it came to me and her and Men.. I've been in the same relationship for 20 years with a few bumps in the road that I did date in between. I've never once tried to steal a guy or was jealous of her I was truly happy for her. Even if I knew that it wasn't going to last in my heart.. I always encouraged her to put herself out there but the problem was , is she would even put complete strangers opinions before me or mine in a heat of the moment circumstance.. she could know someone for 2 weeks and they would act like an arrogant prick while we were all hanging out and I would call them out on it in which I was 100% in the right and need to feel like I was being jealous lol I'm like we're here with our kids playing you had this kid that you've known for 2 weeks come over and he actively acted like an arrogant prick.. she took his side because she wasn't there she was in the house I wound up ubering home with my daughter at the time.. literally a repeat circle of this situation but in all different shapes and forms throughout the past 25 years.. any problems I've ever had with people have been directly because she was involved saying or doing something and other people would take it out on me to get to her and she never did a damn thing about it.. three and a half years of restraining orders against her ex-husband and brother-in-law. Her ex's girlfriend now wife attacking me at a restaurant when my friend wasn't even there.. never had a problem with that girl and knew her from hs.. lol wherever she is involved tends to be at my emotional demise..
Thank you for the full example because im dealing with a family business situation and many people don't give clear advice outside of romantic relationships.
excellent education, thank you
Thank you..hope you could join me in my FREE webinar 😊
>>> www.rebeccazung.com/cert-workshop
Thank You Rebecca. You have helped me so much. I re-watch many of ur vids just to drill it into my brain as dealing w narcs goes against my friendly, trusting nature. ☮️💟🕉😘
See, it's working! I actually said something nice about myself! Finally! 🤗
If you are so sick of the drama, trauma, and chaos- and want real powerful strategies for success - I’ve got the answer for you - sign up for our free webinar and start your transformative journey- this is the day your life changes! Woohoo! www.icanslay.com 🌀✨
Thank you, Rebecca