I love this ❤️thank u..AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING ..YOU WERE HONEST, UNBIAS,IN NO WAY NEGATIVE and I appreciate your and your father's openness of Y'all's private life ❤️
Hey Jennifer! Thank you so much for watching and that is great to hear. We wanted to be conscious of only talking about our LIVED experiences! Really happy you enjoyed it.
A truism from artist Harry Dodge: "...being an adoptee gave me a vivid sense of interconnectedness, a presumption that I was a child of the universe entangled and comprised of all things." I felt that same way as an adoptive dad.
I love how he said that he starts dreaming of the future from the little photo. I feel its perhaps similar to seeing the ultrasound for the first time.
I am also adopted and my son has austism, this situation is just disgusting. Myka asked for a special needs and did know. 1. She said she was trained to deal with the child (she lied) 2. She was fired (after 8 patient complaints) for assaulting her pregnant co worker 3. Said how expensive he was, she raised tens of thousands for his care. They bought a house, designer clothes, bags and a trip to Bali. She used him for money and views
I really needed to hear this. I’ve been so dead inside for such a long time I’ve felt that I lost the ability to love somewhere along the way. I’ve been experiencing an awakening recently, but it’s a slow process. But thank God we actually do continue to grow, even in the twilight years 💖
We adopted 2 kids and your dad is the first person I have heard describe the feeling of adoption in any relatable way. The interconnectedness comments are gold. Thank you x
Thanks for sharing Ben and Dad ❤. It's so genuine and honest. I like him saying " I adopted you because I've always wanted a child". Mine told me they adopted because they wanted to help. They once even said since they have had me they gave up charity works for I was more than 'a handful'
What an intelligent and real conversation with your dad. The moment your dad became a "real" dad: "I thought his heart would explode on the airplane".❤️❤️
Very respectful man you are! Your dad’s did a awesome job raising you. What a nice family. Loved your reflection of this sad situation. Kristina in Seattle
I'm watching you for the first time. Your Dad seems like an amazing soul. He genuinely loves you. He is wise and well spoken. I appreciate his perspective and how he tells your story. You are clearly loved and cared for. 💜💙💚🧡♥️✊🏻
Hey @Ce P! Thank you for stopping by the channel for the first time. Were you able to watch any of the other videos? Curious if you have any new video ideas for me. Thanks again, really appreciate you taking the time to watch!
This is the first video I’ve seen of yours. I don’t know who Sydney is to you but wow, what an intelligent and articulate young lady. I like how your dad has an analytical depth to him, not in a cold way but in a deeply compassionate way. His love for you is unquestionable and he comes across as a man you can talk to and trust. He encapsulates everything an adoptive parent should be. I think I’m an age peer with him, though at 60 I’m possibly older, generally our generation didn’t rush into things that would have a major impact on a child's life. A wonderful warm video which sets out the standard that people should aspire with any adoption. Very well produced and great interviewing.
Just came across this recommended video. It’s given me a good start to the day. Your dad’s perspective is touching and his expectations of your adoption feels real. I easily identified with him. I’m glad you’re all family now. I’ll be looking for your interview with Sidney (sp?).
Your dad's testimonial feels very transparent and genuine. I like that's he's not sugar-coating and honest about the motives behind a choice while profoundly compassionate. The way he describes how you were two persons meeting, feels very real. Of course, it does feel sad - although it has nothing to do about your fathers - to think that there was potentially a family who wanted you but couldn't keep you, I'm wondering how you feel about this part.
Hey Haley! Thank you so much for watching. I always love hearing from other adoptees. Let me know if there's anything you think I should cover in the future.
Saw this video in my Recommendations, so glad I watched. Your Dad seems like a real amazing person. 💕 Both your Dads clearly did a Wonderful job at raising you. I also loved how he shared his side of your adoption story & understanding his emotions behind it. I love his explanation of fate & character. Beautiful family, Ben.💕
“I selfishly wanted to be part of a family” - that speaks volumes to his self awareness that his relationship with adoption wasn’t about the need of the kid at first
Such a touching perspective. I hope to adopt a child in the future, and this video addresses the process of adoption in a thoughtful and illuminating manner. Great job, Ben!
Thank you so much for sharing your story Ben. I am a 24 year old, chinese-canadian, gay man and one day I want to start a family with my partner and i am so grateful to have stumbled on to your channel and to listen to your story.
I'm new here and I'm glad I found your channel by chance! I love you're dads honesty of the situation. And I really like the way you did the interview. It was great to know the parents perspective without putting them in the hypothetical situation. Looking forward to now watching your other videos! And I'm glad that you and your dads found each other to become this beautiful family!
Your Dad is an amazingly different person-a human, compared to the man who adopted me. God bless you for making this video, it’s given me closure to my experience. My mother is the one who lived with the Savior need our whole lives, and I never gave it to her, she could have had my love but that wasn’t good enough for her.
What a lovely family you have - I can feel the similarities in you two that comes from a strong loving bond. I am also an adoptee (adopted from Vietnam to Australia by an older single woman). I really appreciate the attitude your dad had towards adoption- the fact he understood he was getting a fully fledged complex human and that he considered and worried about how the experience might be for you. You don’t need a genetic connection to be a family but, like everyone you want to be seen and accepted for who you truly are - good and bad parts. Like all relationships it was sometimes complicated between my mother and I (we were quite different personalities) but I always knew she loved me totally and unconditionally and she would always be there for me in my time of need. Sadly she has passed now and I have two children of my own but I still miss her daily and have many of her traits as I get older. The whole Stauffer adoption thing was off from the start - I hate the whole “I’m going to rescue some poor child who will reward me by being eternally grateful” mentality that seems prevalent in certain international adoption circles. The.narrative that a child should consider themselves “lucky” simply because they are being taken from a poorer country to a more affluent one is offensive. They also seemed to think he should “fit” Into their lives with little thought or empathy given to his previous lived experiences. I found the way they shared his history, medical issues and personal, private vulnerable moments publicly highly exploitive and distasteful. This goes for ALL children as they are not able to give informed consent to have their private lives exposed on the WWW - a situation where once something is published there is no control over what happens to that material, who accesses it and which can never be taken back).
I have many friend that are adopted and all of them had differents situations, from pretty religious parents to still being in contact with their biological family. When my dad was dating my mom he legally adopted my brother but he didn't treat him well after i was born, even when my dad was legally adopted by a man that was dating his mom there was always a distance between them and i always felt sad about it Thank u for sharing this ben❤
Thanks for asking your dad these questions and sharing it with us. My husband and I have two sons adopted from Viet Nam, the first almost 20 years ago and so much of what your dad said would be what I would say if either of our sons, now teenagers, would ask these questions of me--a small nuance would be that instead of the "hand of fate" I would have described the feeling as "karma" but nonetheless the fact that adoption is a complete and total choice of the parent that takes significant effort, exertion, and patience especially for queer parents is such a statement as to the strength of the love that is karmic or fateful that adoption expresses or manifests even if it is not articulated as well as your dad did in this video.
Lian! Thank you so much for watching. Hoping that this encourages others with similar backgrounds to share as well, as we all have such unique experiences.
Hey! Thank you so much for watching. I would love that and yes, I think it'd be really special to include our parents. I've been following Alex for a while and we've exchanged a few messages. Perhaps a collab once travel is safe! Thank you for the very kind words.
Becoming Ben Smith I would kill for that. I’m pretty sure she would be down, let me go & suggest it 😱 y’all are both on the east coast if your still in NY I think she said she’s in Ohio?
This is the first video of yours that I have watched so I am not sure who that young lady at the end was--your sister? but, in any case, I could not hear what she said and it was not captured in the close captions. might you transcribe it here?
Such an intelligent man....how wonderful to have a father who articulates well and is of sound mind. If only H had been so lucky i stead of being placed in such a compromised situation. Shame on myka and james for taking advantage of this sweet little boy. Karma is a bitch
EVERYONE JIMMY S JUST POSTED A NEW VIDEO ON HIS. CHANNEL HE HAS THE NERVE EVERYONE GO ON THERE AND MAKE COMMENTS,his page needs to be shut down for good him and hers
Did you dads keep the Chinese name that was used for you prior to being adopted? Actually most boys I hear are adopted in China, having medical issues is one of the reasons I heard that China allows over seas adoption for the boys . I wish you would have left in why your dads didn't adopt a girl.
I'm gay and my dad wants me to be straight I have autism he thinks because of my mental illness I live with my dad and mom Im 27 I hate them I want to live by myself the government doesn't allowe it only if I marry someone I want to marry a guy my parents want me to marry a women I never do that please help me
I'm not understanding in what way the mom's perspective is being left out? They talked about the biological mom having to give up her newborn. If I were in her shoe I would feel glad that my newborn has a good life because I couldn't take good care of him. Real love is the desire to wish your child to be well-off in life despite how far away he goes away from you. The desire to possess a child even if you cannot provide for him just because you give birth to him is a kind of selfish love.
It's just in my opinion, while you think that you are standing up for the mom, in reality you are just imposing your own view on what the mom might actually have thought, which none of us actually knows. And like what I've said in my previous comment, I believe in unconditional love for our children, which is the desire for them to be happy and have a good life regardless of what's in it for us. Even if I were to "lose" my child, I would support whatever arrangement that would be the best for him. And also not to mention the mom might have very well not felt ready to have a child like that due to the financial constraints.
I love this ❤️thank u..AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING ..YOU WERE HONEST, UNBIAS,IN NO WAY NEGATIVE and I appreciate your and your father's openness of Y'all's private life ❤️
Hey Jennifer! Thank you so much for watching and that is great to hear. We wanted to be conscious of only talking about our LIVED experiences! Really happy you enjoyed it.
Your Dad is so incredibly articulate. Loved listening to him tell his, and your, story.
A truism from artist Harry Dodge: "...being an adoptee gave me a vivid sense of interconnectedness, a presumption that I was a child of the universe entangled and comprised of all things." I felt that same way as an adoptive dad.
I love how he said that he starts dreaming of the future from the little photo. I feel its perhaps similar to seeing the ultrasound for the first time.
I am also adopted and my son has austism, this situation is just disgusting.
Myka asked for a special needs and did know.
1. She said she was trained to deal with the child (she lied)
2. She was fired (after 8 patient complaints) for assaulting her pregnant co worker
3. Said how expensive he was, she raised tens of thousands for his care. They bought a house, designer clothes, bags and a trip to Bali.
She used him for money and views
"Trust your own ability to love", beautiful words, beautiful family xo
I really needed to hear this. I’ve been so dead inside for such a long time I’ve felt that I lost the ability to love somewhere along the way. I’ve been experiencing an awakening recently, but it’s a slow process. But thank God we actually do continue to grow, even in the twilight years 💖
We adopted 2 kids and your dad is the first person I have heard describe the feeling of adoption in any relatable way.
The interconnectedness comments are gold.
Thank you x
Hey @Jennifer! Wow, really interesting to hear this. So glad you were able to watch. What was the most relatable comment on interconnectedness?
Dad is so articulate and well spoken. I can listen to his dissection of his experiences all day.
“Trust your own ability to love.” ❤️❤️❤️
Thanks for sharing Ben and Dad ❤. It's so genuine and honest. I like him saying " I adopted you because I've always wanted a child". Mine told me they adopted because they wanted to help. They once even said since they have had me they gave up charity works for I was more than 'a handful'
What an intelligent and real conversation with your dad. The moment your dad became a "real" dad: "I thought his heart would explode on the airplane".❤️❤️
Very respectful man you are! Your dad’s did a awesome job raising you. What a nice family. Loved your reflection of this sad situation.
Kristina in Seattle
Thank you Kristina! Were you able to watch another video? Wondering if you have any ideas for future videos. :)
What a lovely father you have he’s awesome what a beautiful soul he is and I can see he would make the most fabulous parent! 💙
I'm watching you for the first time. Your Dad seems like an amazing soul. He genuinely loves you. He is wise and well spoken. I appreciate his perspective and how he tells your story. You are clearly loved and cared for. 💜💙💚🧡♥️✊🏻
Hey @Ce P! Thank you for stopping by the channel for the first time. Were you able to watch any of the other videos? Curious if you have any new video ideas for me. Thanks again, really appreciate you taking the time to watch!
@@BecomingBenSmith I watched a few. 😊 I will think about it, and get back to you after I watch some more. Thanks for responding.
This is the first video I’ve seen of yours. I don’t know who Sydney is to you but wow, what an intelligent and articulate young lady.
I like how your dad has an analytical depth to him, not in a cold way but in a deeply compassionate way. His love for you is unquestionable and he comes across as a man you can talk to and trust. He encapsulates everything an adoptive parent should be. I think I’m an age peer with him, though at 60 I’m possibly older, generally our generation didn’t rush into things that would have a major impact on a child's life.
A wonderful warm video which sets out the standard that people should aspire with any adoption. Very well produced and great interviewing.
Wow this is so lovely to listen to your dads (and yours) story unfold . What a wonderful father the universe matched you with
Just came across this recommended video. It’s given me a good start to the day.
Your dad’s perspective is touching and his expectations of your adoption feels real. I easily identified with him. I’m glad you’re all family now.
I’ll be looking for your interview with Sidney (sp?).
Hey Beth! The interview with Sydney is now out :) thanks so much for watching. I really appreciate it!
th-cam.com/video/3haM8SXq3No/w-d-xo.html
Becoming Ben Smith thank you. Now, off I go to watch!
Your dad's testimonial feels very transparent and genuine. I like that's he's not sugar-coating and honest about the motives behind a choice while profoundly compassionate. The way he describes how you were two persons meeting, feels very real. Of course, it does feel sad - although it has nothing to do about your fathers - to think that there was potentially a family who wanted you but couldn't keep you, I'm wondering how you feel about this part.
Hey Haley! Thank you so much for watching. I always love hearing from other adoptees. Let me know if there's anything you think I should cover in the future.
Saw this video in my Recommendations, so glad I watched.
Your Dad seems like a real amazing person. 💕
Both your Dads clearly did a Wonderful job at raising you.
I also loved how he shared his side of your adoption story & understanding his emotions behind it. I love his explanation of fate & character.
Beautiful family, Ben.💕
“I selfishly wanted to be part of a family” - that speaks volumes to his self awareness that his relationship with adoption wasn’t about the need of the kid at first
So sweet that your dad remembers the day he met you so well - even the times and weather. Very lovely
I enjoyed hearing this story. I don't know much about adoption so it was insightful and at the same time heartfelt.
Hey Scott! Thank you so much for watching. Really appreciate it and glad I could offer some insight.
Hi from Brooklyn! Your dad seems so honest and kind!
I’ve always been curious about this topic! Thank you for sharing these perspectives. P.S. Your Dad seems like an incredible person!
Such a touching perspective. I hope to adopt a child in the future, and this video addresses the process of adoption in a thoughtful and illuminating manner. Great job, Ben!
Interesting perspective, the adoption narrative is nuanced and complex but I suppose the same can be said for the parent(s).
Thank you so much for sharing your story Ben. I am a 24 year old, chinese-canadian, gay man and one day I want to start a family with my partner and i am so grateful to have stumbled on to your channel and to listen to your story.
New subscriber. What an awesome dad you have!
Thank you for sharing the story. Ben, your father is wonderful, and thank you for being his son and giving him love and opportunity.
I could hug your Dad ♥️ what a beautiful human. So are you ♥️
Seriously! Ben, give your dad a hug from us!
😍 beautiful and touching interview. You were so lucky to find each other 💓
I'm new here and I'm glad I found your channel by chance! I love you're dads honesty of the situation. And I really like the way you did the interview. It was great to know the parents perspective without putting them in the hypothetical situation. Looking forward to now watching your other videos! And I'm glad that you and your dads found each other to become this beautiful family!
Little Hux at 3 days bonded with James not Myka and she resented him, imo. Listening to your dad tell this, HOW COULD THEY???
Thanks for sharing I’m also a Chinese adoptee!
Great video, btw you have a lovely voice :-)
Lia! Wow, what a compliment! thank you! I definitely still need to practice talking in front of the camera more though.
Your Dad is an amazingly different person-a human, compared to the man who adopted me. God bless you for making this video, it’s given me closure to my experience. My mother is the one who lived with the Savior need our whole lives, and I never gave it to her, she could have had my love but that wasn’t good enough for her.
What a lovely family you have - I can feel the similarities in you two that comes from a strong loving bond. I am also an adoptee (adopted from Vietnam to Australia by an older single woman). I really appreciate the attitude your dad had towards adoption- the fact he understood he was getting a fully fledged complex human and that he considered and worried about how the experience might be for you. You don’t need a genetic connection to be a family but, like everyone you want to be seen and accepted for who you truly are - good and bad parts. Like all relationships it was sometimes complicated between my mother and I (we were quite different personalities) but I always knew she loved me totally and unconditionally and she would always be there for me in my time of need. Sadly she has passed now and I have two children of my own but I still miss her daily and have many of her traits as I get older. The whole Stauffer adoption thing was off from the start - I hate the whole “I’m going to rescue some poor child who will reward me by being eternally grateful” mentality that seems prevalent in certain international adoption circles. The.narrative that a child should consider themselves “lucky” simply because they are being taken from a poorer country to a more affluent one is offensive. They also seemed to think he should “fit” Into their lives with little thought or empathy given to his previous lived experiences. I found the way they shared his history, medical issues and personal, private vulnerable moments publicly highly exploitive and distasteful. This goes for ALL children as they are not able to give informed consent to have their private lives exposed on the WWW - a situation where once something is published there is no control over what happens to that material, who accesses it and which can never be taken back).
I have many friend that are adopted and all of them had differents situations, from pretty religious parents to still being in contact with their biological family.
When my dad was dating my mom he legally adopted my brother but he didn't treat him well after i was born, even when my dad was legally adopted by a man that was dating his mom there was always a distance between them and i always felt sad about it
Thank u for sharing this ben❤
This is very heartwarming! ❤️
Thank you for watching. Really glad that you enjoyed it.
I randomly noticed that your t shirt says, クールトカゲ, a cool lizard. XD It made me laugh.
Hahaha, thank you Origami! It's a @coolmancoffedan shirt.
Thanks for the video!!!!
Thank you for watching Amy!
Thanks for asking your dad these questions and sharing it with us.
My husband and I have two sons adopted from Viet Nam, the first almost 20 years ago and so much of what your dad said would be what I would say if either of our sons, now teenagers, would ask these questions of me--a small nuance would be that instead of the "hand of fate" I would have described the feeling as "karma" but nonetheless the fact that adoption is a complete and total choice of the parent that takes significant effort, exertion, and patience especially for queer parents is such a statement as to the strength of the love that is karmic or fateful that adoption expresses or manifests even if it is not articulated as well as your dad did in this video.
Great video. You have a lovely family
Love this video. Thank you for sharing these personal experiences:)
Lian! Thank you so much for watching. Hoping that this encourages others with similar backgrounds to share as well, as we all have such unique experiences.
Nothing wrong with 2 dads, love and positive grow up environment, making a child have a positive successful life is important.
Another great video!
Hey Caio! Yay, I always really appreciate you watching and commenting. Thanks for stopping by. It means a lot!
Wow your dad has huge hands.
Hahaha, I think it's the wide angle lens distortion. :o
You & Alex jayne should colab 😍 even including your LGBT parents. That would be 🔥. You & your father are so well spoken!
Hey! Thank you so much for watching. I would love that and yes, I think it'd be really special to include our parents. I've been following Alex for a while and we've exchanged a few messages. Perhaps a collab once travel is safe! Thank you for the very kind words.
Becoming Ben Smith I would kill for that. I’m pretty sure she would be down, let me go & suggest it 😱 y’all are both on the east coast if your still in NY I think she said she’s in Ohio?
Your Dad is Awesome
Beautiful!!!❤️
Off topic but your masks at the door so you won’t forget them on the way out is a good idea. I keep leaving mine🙄😂
I always wondered how different my life would be if I was born to different parents/network.
I never knew you were one of just a few boys to be adopted out of China (at the time). Have you met other Chinese adoptees your age?
Appreciate you watching Gabe! I've met one other male Chinese adoptee near my age and another about 10 years younger.
This is the first video of yours that I have watched so I am not sure who that young lady at the end was--your sister? but, in any case, I could not hear what she said and it was not captured in the close captions. might you transcribe it here?
really enjoyed the set up of this video. great job!
Such an intelligent man....how wonderful to have a father who articulates well and is of sound mind. If only H had been so lucky i stead of being placed in such a compromised situation. Shame on myka and james for taking advantage of this sweet little boy. Karma is a bitch
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I believe in magic! Subbed
Excellent
EVERYONE JIMMY S JUST POSTED A NEW VIDEO ON HIS. CHANNEL HE HAS THE NERVE EVERYONE GO ON THERE AND MAKE COMMENTS,his page needs to be shut down for good him and hers
Did you dads keep the Chinese name that was used for you prior to being adopted? Actually most boys I hear are adopted in China, having medical issues is one of the reasons I heard that China allows over seas adoption for the boys . I wish you would have left in why your dads didn't adopt a girl.
I'm gay and my dad wants me to be straight I have autism he thinks because of my mental illness I live with my dad and mom Im 27 I hate them I want to live by myself the government doesn't allowe it only if I marry someone I want to marry a guy my parents want me to marry a women I never do that please help me
late, as always ):
Thank you for watching Jose! It means a lot.
Your poor mum. Havinv to give you up for you to have surgery. It would have destroyed her. I hope you have reached out to find her and your family.
To iften the mothers voice is left out of the conversation.
Always
I'm not understanding in what way the mom's perspective is being left out? They talked about the biological mom having to give up her newborn. If I were in her shoe I would feel glad that my newborn has a good life because I couldn't take good care of him. Real love is the desire to wish your child to be well-off in life despite how far away he goes away from you. The desire to possess a child even if you cannot provide for him just because you give birth to him is a kind of selfish love.
It's just in my opinion, while you think that you are standing up for the mom, in reality you are just imposing your own view on what the mom might actually have thought, which none of us actually knows.
And like what I've said in my previous comment, I believe in unconditional love for our children, which is the desire for them to be happy and have a good life regardless of what's in it for us. Even if I were to "lose" my child, I would support whatever arrangement that would be the best for him. And also not to mention the mom might have very well not felt ready to have a child like that due to the financial constraints.