The Vloggers Who Returned Their Adopted Baby
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 29 มิ.ย. 2020
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Family Vloggers Myka and James Stauffer have faced controversy recently, when their subscribers noticed their son had been missing from their online posts - and after releasing a video explaining why, the Stauffer’s found themselves in even hotter water.
With hundreds of thousands of subscribers, a beautiful home, and 5 lovely children. Or is it 4 now? It’s hard to keep up. Myka and James seem to have the perfect life. But with the internet - what you see isn't always the truth.
In today’s video, I take a look at the TH-cam journey of the Stauffer’s so far, and ultimately take a look at the aforementioned apology video.
Cheers for a million subscribers! What an insane number that I haven’t quite got my head around. Thank you for watching, lads x
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sorry for being late I was baby shopping in china
You're cute
👁👄👁
Love you Tom 💕
Yuh
Missed your gorgeous face Dad
"We would never give up a child with special needs."
Oh? Where is he, then?
In China
Exactly... where is that baby boy at now?
Them: 👁️👄👁️
It's really weird they gave him to another family without any real... process. I get why one may be against putting a child back in the system, foster care has many issues in and of itself, but it doesn't seem right to just give away the child you chose to adopt with no background checks, either.
Being serious, I hope he's okay and that family is actually better to him.
Vera Adams definitely. like where the hell is he now? there have already been examples on how Myka was an awful parent who didn’t seem all that trained, so i doubt he’s with a family that’s gonna be a good fit for him
she took a child who is highly prone to attachment disorders and said nope i dont want you anymore
That hurts so much... I hope he's fine.
they both did it.
Yup.
So they were supposed to keep it forever and do more damage?
Hotobu she wasn’t suppoesed to adopt him at al and think about what it really means to adopt a child with special needs
In some video about the situation, I saw a clip of Myka talking about how they were originally going to adopt from Thailand, but "couldn't" because Thailand has a rule that you can't post the child on social media for like two years or something. So they very clearly just wanted a child to pose for pictures and make their white bread lives look interesting, so vile.
Damn, go Thailand for clocking that shit in advance.
@@thaloblue honestly. The other countries should do so too
"white bread lives" lmaooo
Wasn't that another family tho? The one who killer their dog, philippa or something
To be fair, posting videos of their family is their job. It’d complicate it if they couldn’t do that
"How can you protect his privacy when you've done nothing but milking his whole existence?"
SAY IT LOUDER
It's absolutely horrible how obvious it is that they didn't love and care about him as much as they loved and cared about their biological children. Repulsive behavior from a parent.
Ugh yeah my stepmom did exactly that and she made me and my brothers feel like total shit... glad I'm out of that bullshit lmaoo
new stuff I’m sorry :(
new stuff 😢 But F her then
@@miramiraonthewall133 thank you for the sympathy (I think that's the word? Sorry) ❤
new stuff your welcome!
Bear: *has meltdowns that are completely justified since he A. Spent his entire life in the adoption system & B. Is severely autistic*
Myka: "is this a tantrum?"
Myka: is this a tantrum??? QUICK GET THE CAMERA WE GOTTA PAY THIS BILLS THIS MONTH
Myka: ARE YOU DONE????
Bear : *is hungry*
Myka : HOW DO I DEAL WITH THIS??!!
I hope their remaining kids (if they even stay in that family oop-) turn into rebelious af teenagers who break stuff and steal their credit cards and crash their cars all the time. would love to see how they handle that.
“ArE yOu dOne?”
My brother has autism, and I was in the foster care system for a short time with him. The amount of people who only took him in for a week , or only took him in for " Good Christian " points was disgusting. Eventually we ended up back with our biological parents, but my brother was a different kid after that ordeal. He's a wonderful person, and I wish people didn't treat kids with disabilities like cute toys to collect. My brother can't always communicate well, but he has FEELINGS. He's extremely sensitive, and he's a very kind soul. He would always bring back souvenirs for me and my sister when he got to go on field trips at school, share treats with us, and he's always happy to give you a hug if you ask nicely. He stutters , and fidgets a lot, and is quiet most of the time. But he's not DUMB. If you ask him about the movies he likes he can list off facts for hours. He loves to tell stories, and he loves animals. People with autism are PEOPLE! They have their own interests and dreams and desires, and FEELINGS, damn it. I hope this poor little boy finds a family that will love and support him as he is, and encourage him to explore the things he likes.
Hope the both of you are in a better place now. Nobody deserves to be treated like that
@@tertiaritus We are in a better place now, and my brother is happy and healthy!
@@4angstyzukosproductions186 that's good to hear! May things carry on thia way forward
1, I love avatar so nice profile lol 2, thanks for being so supportive of us on the spectrum
That's wholesome and your brother sound so lovely. Real shame people can be such assholes with so little understanding about other lives that's a little different from the rest.
My brothers is also autistic. His memory and photogenic memory is on another lvl and playing memory games which he loves is not even funny(for me lmao I suck) bc he's so good at it😭 man I wish I could have a memory that epic 😌
There is a lot of sweetness and wonderful things as well as it's really hard and demanding from time to time. Nothing "bad"(don't like using that word, but in general you know what I mean) is without anything good and vice versa. ❤️
Imagine curling your hair and coordinating your outfits for a crying apology video
still not over the fact they called it “re-homing” like he’s a pet
the way they talk about it makes me nauseas. although, i found out through a comment that he’s said his first words!!! 🥰🥰🥰
@@beanus7394 Awwww!
also "forever home" literally only ever heard that being used for dogs who get adopted
They named him bear. A common dog name.
Well they wanted a child from China like they wanted a designer puppy
the fact that they put him to bed early for “mom and dad time” with the other kids is...appalling.
Truly they treated him as “the other” child. They should ALL have the option to have “mum and dad” time, not just the biological kids. I am so glad he’s out of that home and so sorry he was ever there in the first place.
imagine how bad it would have been for him when he was older as well, his siblings would have been most likely to ostracize him and not view him as part of the family
ik, if i was him I would feel so singled out and unwanted
I'm not defending these asshats, but the baby was only like 1 or 2. Yeah, he needed to go to bed earlier than the other kids. 7pm is the time my baby goes to bed too. The bedtime thing is the last thing to criticise these people for
I mean in a way it makes sense that the other kids stayed up for “mom and dad time” seen as though “bear” is autistic and, in a normal family, would take up more of the parents attention. It’s still fucked up but it makes sense in a way
There has been update on H by the way from the new adoptive parents. He is actually talking and thriving. If Myka would have actually paid to get him the real help he needed and helped with trauma instead of causing trauma, H would have thrived like he is now.
Ohhh this makes me so relieved!! Thanks for your comment!
where can I find this update?
This made me so happy omg
@@drewm4657 the mom’s IG
@@Weedybiscuit420 which is…?
let's not even talk about the trauma that the child is gonna have after being ripped from his home country into a new foreign culture by a family that plastered his face all over the internet and then gave him away and put him in the foster care system in that said foreign country
And that very same family saying “oh he can’t speak” despite him being just recently torn from his home country to a foreign land full of people who don’t speak his language of course a child especially a special needs child would take time to learn to speak
Seriously that's fucked.
@@riverdaisy4215 i didnt even think ab that omg, he wouldve spent his whole life up until then being spoken to in a chinese dialect and then being taken into an english speaking country??? that sounds horrible
the poor child was never accepted to the family. imagine the father, a fully grown man, getting triggered by his own son watching him eat. Sending him to bed early so they can allow family time with biological children is truly shocking. the parents are narcissists who isolated the very child they were supposed to love and care for.
While research suggests children with special needs/disabled siblings may benefit from one on one time with their parents to make it more fair in their minds, they took it 6o the extreme. I became disabled last year and had 6 months of needing a parent near me, so my mum often took my sister for a coffee (about every fortnight) to try and even it up. They however went above and beyond on the imbalance.
:(
Leaving was a win for Bear.
Just goes to show that they only adopted him for the views and to fulfill the white savior complex
@@emjenkins464agree, what they meant was they put him to bed at half 7 because that was when they weren't going to record anything for their channel!
The fact that their “apology” includes them BLAMING the child too. Over and over again. They take little to no responsibility
And yet, these people reproduced. They have children to feed, clothe, and raise, but as parents, the Stauffers have no accountability or responsibility.
Tbh after this I wander what other things might happened psychologically to their children, I’d do a little investigation if I was the government, but this is a white rich family in the USA they’re basically untouchable...
@@eliconti8388 As if skin colour means anything. People go through plenty of shit regardless of skin colour or whatever. The only privilege is having money and knowing the right people. You think being white will stop someone from having their child removed from them or for the police to ignore their calls for help? You rarely hear about the case from 2017 where a racist couple tortured a young disabled man for being white. They went on about Trump and tortured him. They got a measly years. Where was his white privilege?
@@BitOfUltraviolence intersectionality exists, and white privilege does exist but some white people do suffer from disabilities which puts them at a disadvantage. but skin colour is a factor in society, especially in america. there are multiple facets to discrimination, u can be discriminated for being poor, gay, disabled, etc. but that doesn't take away from the fact that white privilege does exist
@@BitOfUltraviolence Just because bad things happen to white people doesn't mean white privilege doesn't exist. "Privilege" doesn't suddenly mean "invincible".
I'm a poor, white person with aspergers and depression, and wish I could die quite a lot...but I'm STILL not stupid enough to act like white privilege doesn't exist. Society leans in favour of whites and it's always been that way. Just because you don't notice it, or don't focus on it (you're most likely white, so would you truly know? Cause you obviously don't listen to poc) or even if you just don't care, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
Also poc have to teach their kids to fear police, not trust them (Y'know, trust cops, like white people mostly do, because it's easier and safer for whites to trust police) cause even a stop at a light can turn to a cop killing them because they "thought" they had a weapon. Just because you don't see the fear they go through with their families, just because you aren't a poc, doesn't mean you should disregard everything they go through and fear.
I truly believe that she adopted him thinking he had a brain tumor and would die relatively soon. And after, she would have only her kids, her perfect family, could present herself as saint and get enough money based of her sob story. As soon as she realised he would live and would not be 'perfect' as her normal children she wanted to get rid of him. I'm glad her plan to play victim card did not work and it all backfired.
Bear seems like such a sweet boy. Even if he isn't capable of verbal communication, he is certainly capable of happiness. It's a shame they couldn't give it to him. He could have had a happy, drama free childhood. I just hope he can get all the future support he needs.
He's definitely well-adjusted for a child on a spectrum who's surrounded by unknown culture, surroundings, loud people, and having camera shoved in his face. Boi I'm sure most neurotypical kids wouldn't put up with all of this as well as he did
Asking “ARE YOU DONE?” to a developing toddler with known issues is not the way to go sis
it was a yikes moment for us all
Yes, so many inappropriate choices made by them... And it's what they chose to feature!
Especially since he’s special needs and they didn’t give him time to adjust so that’s probably the root of his meltdowns and instead of actively trying to help understand him they record him, fucking awful people
Awful ain't it. She's the one with the sodding attachment issues. She clearly resented him 😔 poor little guy
@@nicoleagresor557 My cousin does that to her daughter but her daughter is a perfectly healthy brat. I practically vomited when I saw they did that to a child with developmental issues.
she wasn't crying like that when she traumatized her child
She wasn't crying at all. That is the fakest soap opera crying I've ever seen, I laughed out loud ngl.
@@erikascencen Trauma from neglect and abandonment can be retained in kids from as young as a few months old. He is 5. He might not remember her as a person, but he'll remember the trauma of sudden abandonment, because the results of it will be seen in his development. Which will stay with him for life.
HYBE OFFICIAL have you seriously never heard of ACES?
@@Who-Dunnit kids dont have any memories up age 5;try again.
HYBE OFFICIAL dummy that’s not how that works. You don’t remember learning to speak but you still know how to speak :0
the “crying” in the apology video is so horrifically fake and staged. whatever the husband’s name is started crying then immediately stopped, and same with Myka. they’re not sorry they gave him away, they’re sorry they were caught
“Christian moms against serving looks”
I’m WHEEZING
“his new mom has professional, medical training”
isn’t.... she.... a registered nurse.....
na if you look her up, the people that she worked with said, that she was a horrible nurse and only worked for about 2 years.
Lile Gugava wow... so basically anyone’s a better nurse that her
Lile Gugava even if she was a terrible nurse, in order to get a job as one you need to be licensed and registered. so she DOES have professional, medical training. she’s just shit
Someone has to unregistered her
When the bully says she's gonna be a nurse 💀
She posted on an adoption Facebook group asking “what special needs would you consider minor or relatively easy to manage, that most people wouldn’t consider easy?”
And that shows you their intent right there. They wanted to look like saviors.
Makes my goddamn skin crawl.
Is that her? Wow.. I'm not expecting someone asked that on facebook
I just threw up in my mouth 🤮
this is so over the top evil , this is like cartoonishly evil
Absolutely disgusting.
I'd just like to point out that TH-cam's subtitles autocorrect "Stauffer" to "selfish", and that's the most accurate thing ever
As a neurodivergent person, I feel horrible for Bear but I’m just glad that he got out of there and I hope his new family gives him the right care and support he needs and doesn’t upload his meltdowns for some good clout.
I'm ND too and I can not begin to imagine how horrible bear was feeling being treated like a burden like that.... I've had my fair share of issued thanks to my parents not knowing jack shit about healthy parenting but treating an adopted child different for not being your bio kid is absolutely next lvl disgusting 🤢🤢
I'm happy to read in some comments that bear had been welcomed by a much better family and is noy able to talk and smile 🥰
I'm glad that child is out of their care. The way they phrased putting him to bed early so "our kids could have that mom and dad time" clearly shows they viewed him as "other" not as their child. Bear deserves better.
Plus, good people don’t causally just post videos of them “twerking” (or whatever that thing she called dancing was) basically on their what month old child or something. Especially in that tacky sports bra and pink leggings.
I completely understand what you're saying, but it isn't abnormal for parents of children with additional needs to set aside time to spend with their other children. Siblings of children with additional needs can often face responsibilities that most their age don't have to, which can be emotionally and physically draining. On top of that, naturally children with additional needs often need more attention from parents to support them properly. If Beat had been given equal attention as the other children in the family, people would've accused the family of neglecting him, which would've of course be fair, but it's important to meet all your children's needs. Neurotypical children sometimes do need time with their parents just to be kids, and not to be a carer. Bear was younger than the other children and it is not unusual for children to have different bed times. THAT BEING SAID, i am not condoning the actions of the Stauffers and can see why this separation of time with their children IN CONTEXT AND ADDITION to other things they showed in their videos could cause concern. I just wanted to highlight that it is not inherently wrong for parents to spend separate time with their neurotypical children does not ALONE indicate any favouritism or neglect, only addressing other needs of their kids :)
Beatrice Hopkins They did neglect him. She called his meltdowns tantrums and just complained about him needing additional care! They also added insult to injury and dumped him instead of using the money that they made off of him to get him the help that he needed and to take some goddamn parenting classes! Mommy/daddy and me one on one time with the other kids is a much better way to ensure that the other kids don’t feel excluded while someone is still there to help him. My parents were able to work full time and do this with my siblings when I was little, and she doesn’t even work outside of the house, so it’s not like she doesn’t have time to devote to the other kids while nap time was going on
@@beatricehopkins1328 What he said was that he put Bear in bed earlier so they could have "family time".
This completely excludes him from the family itself and shows how thwy always saw him as "the child that lives with their family".
@@petitesayo4542 I thought that they had said 'mom and dad time' and didn't realise they said family time, in which case completely shows what you're saying. I'm sorry that I haven't been clear enough but I hadn't meant to defend the Stauffers in this case, I was just talking about separation of time in general. Obviously the language they used and the way they treated Bear was awful and I completely agree with what you're saying :)
**child having literal meltdown**
"ArE yOu DoNe?!?"👁👄👁💅🏻
disgusting.
If there care tears you best start comforting even I know that how are they allowed to be parents
Absolutely disgusting! It's not an okay way to treat a neurotypical child, and it's *especially* not a way to treat a child with special needs. When a kid with autism has a meltdown, it isn't because he's acting out or being defiant, it's often because he's overwhelmed by sensory overload or emotions that are difficult to control. Parents need to make the child feel safe in order to end meltdowns, not treat him with condescending "are you done??"s. Gross.
Jesus. My heart. 💔
gross even if he was a neurotypical toddler. It's the parents' job to teach them how to regulate emotions, and you do that by comforting a young child when they have a meltdown
Do they not understand that autistic children don't have a choice in whether they have a meltdown or not?
She looked disgusted when talking about how his disabilities were severe...her expression was like she smelled rotten food or asked for soy and got whole milk or something
That's not concern, it was straight up disgust and regret.
I can't explain why, but hearing them verbalize how little theyprioritize his speech therapy and how they put him to bed early to spend time with their other children crushes my soul. I hope he's happy and healthy and LOVED wherever he is.
The fact that they've put him to sleep in order to invite their biological children to have "alone" fun with them in their bed is horrifying! Children sense when they're unwanted and discriminated against. They've probably left him with terrible emotional scars. I'm glad that he's not forced to live with those awful people anymore. I am disgusted.
You adopted him, he's supposed to be part of that family time. It is blatantly obvious they never viewed him as their child and more as a prop they had to deal with.
they should be held accountable for neglect
I cant believe he actually uploaded himself saying that. so bad
I hate people like this they probably only adopted to be like look at what a good person I am but that's straight up emotional abuse that kid didn't deserve to be with them and I hope the next family he lives with will be his last and they love him
This was my biggest problem with the entire video. It literally almost made me cry.
Imagine being their kids and learning your parents gave away your brother because he was too hard to raise? I can’t-
Omg now their kids gonna be perfect angels cause they're scared that mommy and daddy are going to give them away 😭
They literally “handled” his so called “tantrums” with almost no care to the fact that his brain and emotions work so differently compared to their bio kids, and the fact that his breakdowns need to be handled differently. I’m sure they cared for him in someway, but was it all for show? I totally agree with you
This happend in the mid 1950's on both sides of my family and let's just say that anger issues and clinical depression became a permanent part of these two children's adult lives which in turn heavily scarred their own kids.
Bloep Blep LMFAOOO
Bloep Blep kinda heartbreaking. Those kids deserve better
Weren't there also posts revealed from before the adoption where Myka expressed specifically wanting to adopt a disabled child? They literally went for a disabled child to make themselves look good, but they got more than they bargained for as they had hoped it would be an easily manageable disability.
memento mori 👁️ 👄 👁️
@@justalex_28 Memento mori, friend 💀
I have autism. I struggled severely for years, not getting the full care I needed until I was about 7. But my parents tried. And seeing this family not even try is honestly so so disgusting. We are people. We aren't just toys or accessories.
No one is talking about how he was put to bed early so the other kids could stay up with the parents “FOR A FEW HOURS”???
That was disturbing. If they feel like he's their son, why can't he bond with his mom and dad also? They were ostracizing the adopted child. They were using him as a prop and dismissing him when the cameras stopped rolling.
@@marycatherinegallagher4552 exactly it is incredibly disturbing. Really solidified the absolute fuckery their family is for me.
That’s probably why he wanted food more too. He was probably up HOURS before any of the other kids and patiently waiting for mommy and daddy to come start breakfast for him
it’s disgusting how they prioritized their bio kids over him. especially since he’s special needs. he needs extra attention and deserved it. and the way they said for extra “mom and dad time” shows how they barely considered him their son.
Yea what a weird thing to say.... if you were reading worried about your bio kids missing out on some attention why would you not get a nanny or something??
“It really hurts when I get hateful comments” yeah and imagine how much it hurts your son when he gets abandoned
Again. Abandoned AGAIN.
As someone who has done a relatively good job at mostly overcoming my own abandonment issues, that's all I could think of. I was just like....for the rest of his life....for the rest of his goddamn life. traumatized. fuck, man.
@@aj-vu3xv I am so sure about that
Or his hand wrapped in duct tape.
'son'
I have watched this video several times, and there is something so… CATHARTIC about Tom’s laughter at 19:55. It’s like someone in the room is being brutally, unapologetically honest when other people either won’t or are shocked into silence. Love you Tom 💚
looking at this with fresh eyes 2 years later... I think that they had that child taken away by CPS. There was straight up abuse in the posts, alone. Imagine what a surprise visit would have uncovered. I don't think they actually had any say in it and they lied to save face. Which makes them even more vile.
Omg when he said he pits the baby to bed early so that they can have mommy and daddy time with their biological kids made my stomach so uneasy. These people are gross af.
omg that's so disgusting
Those people are horrible. But i read that such a thing is not completely wrong as the other kids might feel neglected, so its good to set aside some time for them also..
@@Mokun413 it’s their choice of words that is horrifying “biological children”.
If they’d said the “older kids” that would be normal and positive to help older siblings adjusting to a new baby in the house. But specifically saying “biological children” is awful and traumatising for adopted children
@@Pheluv ohh yess thats true🤔
DESPICABLE!!!!!!!
real ridiculous how this couple openly neglected a child, and then had the balls to act like they’re the victims
Yeah it’s like saying “yeah I kicked my cat and then ran over it but it meowed very loudly and scratched me once so it had to die” basically the same mindset and and both are very sickening.
And the fact that they then had the audacity to be asking something from others in the same video where they address it!!!
Toxic
Just ask anyone who grew up with narcissistic parents.
And had the audacity to claim that it was HIS fault because he "chose not to be with them anymore" because he always was friendlier with other people :)
they should be blacklisted from every adoption agency
I wonder what they would’ve done if one of their biological children was born with autism. I hope they’re never allowed to ever adopt again.
When Jenna and Julien did more research on adopting their dog than you on adopting a child...
Jenna 😭😭
And on their hamster, Ad too
YES! I thought exactly it during the food part. Julien and Jenna had waaaaaay more patience, qualification and responsibility.
she even had a more genuine apology when her FISH passed away, it just shows how genuine she is. Especially compared to this train wreck of a family
Honey Dew her fish didn’t pass away she just realised it wasn’t fair to the fish that she didn’t know how to look after it properly so she returned it
As disgusting as this is, it's probably for the best that he is not with that family anymore.
exactly what i was thinking👏🏻
I agree, but at the same time if this happened to their biological kids would they just use the 7 days return policy? 🥱 I am boiling inside
I might have missed it, but I don't think anybody has any idea what happened to the kid. "private adoption" could mean they sold him into slavery for all they know
@@BibleStorm She essentially lied calling the "new mommy" his "forever mommy" as he was sent to a foster home, but he is indeed in the process of being adopted by the current foster family. I guess some journalist named Sophie Ross has been following the situation. You can find her on Twitter.
For sure.
They wanted to make sure the child they adopted was foreign so it was clear, when all the children were together, which one the adopted one is. Then it gives her attention forever. If it's just another blonde child they adopted then nobody would really know when they're out shopping at the grocery store.
"Respecting our son's privacy"
They said after 2 to 3 yrs filming ...
😬😩😧
hold up a gofundme for adopting a CHILD while already being rich?!? jesus christ
and apparently the husband got a 10k bonus from work for the adoption fees...
@@mariagoespro I wonder how much money these people made off that *one child,* only to abandon him like an unwanted dog.
Wonder if they only used the kid for money and views and actually never wanted him at all
i didnt know ths part of the story until now. so disgusting.
I’m surprised they didn’t use him as a tax write-off.
They “didn’t know the extent of his disabilities?” That’s what it’s like when you have a child, biological or not! You don’t know how your child is going to be born and you have to prepare for it all
Exactly!! Are you giving away your biological child when it turns out to have special needs? Are you giving up on your child that has an accident or develops a serious condition? Being a parent is committing to the uncertain.
Totally agree. My child has cerebral palsy and autism, and this couples behaviour fucking disgusts me 😠 I could never ever give him up !
missionsquirrel at first I thought you were talking about your child 😭
@@EmWem omg no..i meant the people in the video. I did word it really badly!!
@@EmWem I just edited it so it's more clear, I'm glad you pointed that out😱😱
I was turned down from many adoptions as a kid and returned back when it didn't work out. I don't really remember it but I know from my records it manifested in severe issues with attachment. even if Bear doesn't remember this, hes gonna suffer from it. my attachment disorder went untreated and it can cause real issues in adulthood, which makes me a bit mental these days. they really fucked bear over.
I am so sorry. The whole concept of "being returned" is abhorrent to me. I don't know who could legitimately look at a child that survived without a real home, even if the parent is a mean codger who really just hates kids, and throw them back into the system like a fish?? It was inhumane to treat you like that. I hope your life is more peaceful now.
they literally admitted to not listening to all the warnings of the medical professionals and then they're like "well the medical professionals said we had to get rid of him" bitch what?
Toms acting like more of a parent to a child he has NEVER met than the kids literal parents.
He's so nice i can't even-
And he even researched what would be best for this kid upon the adoption like who is this man with no kids being a better parent than they ever could
Probably because they weren't his literal parents - just some clout chasers.
Danielle fr i want tom to adopt me
Tom, who DOESN'T HAVE KIDS
“his new mummy has medical, professional training”
aren’t you a registered nurse love?
being a nurse is *vastly* different than having an education in child psychology and disability training.
@@jillianc7485 true, but a person who had a medical education is having an advantage when researching special needs children... needs (sorry, my English is bad). Not saying being a nurse equals having a training for special needs children but really, she could have done a job of learning this stuff with her base
I was bathing the same thing!!!
@@jillianc7485 true, but from what I heard she didn't say education in child psychology and disabilities, she just said medical training which she herself has as a nurse
Thinking**
I feel like people who have this many kids in a short amount of time must be really unhappy and unfulfilled? I know when I was having bad anxiety I started adopting pets, I got like 6 rats in a year from a shelter before I realized I was trying to use the excitement of having a new animal to combat my mental health issues.
Yeah rats are different then a baby but I love my animals with all my heart, and even though I got them for the wrong reason I can’t imagine giving them away. Whereas these people were literally like “see ya” the second that kid didn’t fit into their perfect white suburban dream life
These "parents" openly expressed that they wanted a "special needs" kid and then they got one and were surprised that their neurodivergent kid exhibited expected behaviours for a neurodivergent kid with the trauma of family separation/adoption, and rather than make the effort to parent their kid they just dumped the kid.
"Do I feel like a failure as a mom? Like 500%!"
Wow! That's a 100% per child!
This is the funniest thing I've seen for a while
Laughed with my mouth full. Spit my lunch out. Thanks.
125% per child now.
*has millions of dollars and access to the best medical treatments in a country where people die because they can’t afford their medicine* “We just don’t think we’re equipped to handle these disabilities”
Yup!!!
exactly!!! and they genuinely don't regret it! It was all for the cameras lmao. James has hearted so many comments saying they don't give a crap about the drama and just happy he's back I-
they could have hired a personal caretaker for "Bear" and still afforded that house but that would be against their aesthetic.
I never knew about “cocooning” an adopted child after you adopt them. Makes total sense. And makes me all the more sick about the fact that I used to work for a preschool and these parents dropped their newly adopted son from China...1 week after they got off the plane.
i love that you went into the psychology behind attachment disorders. i feel like a lot of people don’t understand or even know of it.
Fr . I feel like people don't do enough research on adoption and it honestly makes me mad because there are so many things that come with adopting that people are unaware about .
As a Chinese-American, it makes my blood boil how *these* people treat international orphans like ACCESSORIES to their "real lives"
She never even treated him like a person with needs! She treated him like a dog who was disobeying her on purpose.
True. I am so angry at what they did and how they thought it was okay to treat the baby like a trophy
Absolutely agree.
The cultural thing also came to my mind like how they ripped him out of his native culture and didn’t even bother to think about how he would need identification points because even though they would bring him up (if they would have ever done so) as an white American, he would never be fully treated as such in his country.
They were never ever concerned for his well-being. If so, they would have educated themselves way more. About adoption, about living biracial, about adopting from a foreign country and about autism.
It’s just disgusting. I realized, that especially those „super moms“ are the ones, that fail to see the one important thing about children: they are little humans growing to be an adult person someday. Not accessories, not parts of your own identity, actual little human beings.
I have a friend that adopts out of the US, and when I asked why she its a lot easier and honestly less money...AND there are more kids in much greater need in some of these other countries. She went to volunteer (she is a gyno nurse practitioner) and thats where she became interested in adoption seeing the terrible condition some of these children were in. It's not ALWAYS about accessorizing, most people that adopt out the country do a lot of research and come to the same conclusion. I never looked into why it's so much less money, but it is and its not just a small amount, my friend is not hurting for money and have their own biological children.
@@Em22-wtf wow my comment is popular enough to get a negative response by someone who's offended thanks so much
"There are currently over 100,000 children in the US needing adoption. Are they not interesting enough for your youtube channel?" Nailed it, that's exactly why.
Was scrolling through comments while watching this video for like the 80th time and I read this comment exactly when the video line hit. magical. astounding.
That's true but also it's really hard to adopt in the U.S. The parents are still evil tho
@@helloill672 It's hard if you don't have money. These people have/had money. They could easily have adopted a US-born child. They just didn't want to.
@@roseedge5626 That's true
@@roseedge5626 Domestic adoption is often foster to adopt, which I can understand is emotionally very hard if the adoption falls through, otherwise domestic adoption is really hard for them, since they already have several kids and no fertility issues. So while these people are vile, there are some reasons that make domestic adoption much much harder.
That said, these people really did adopt for the aesthetic and money.
"Do I feel like a failure as a mom?" Lady, never mind as a mom, you're a failure as a human.
“It was in one ear and out the other” ... they didn’t tell you that to discourage you (the fact that they seemed to think that it was is yet another red flag), they told you that so you could start to understand the needs he would have. That’s not supposed to be an “adopting him in spite of” thing, it’s supposed to be “I understand those needs and I will accommodate them without complaint or frustration”. Maybe if they actually listened to those doctors, they wouldn’t have ended up in that fuckin situation.
Memento mori ma dude
Crazy that Tom did more research on adopting a child then Stauffer's did.
Omg your right!
In no way am I against special needs, my brother has both autism and ADHD, but is it bad that I would not want to adopt a child with severe special needs??
@@vsopegf_3274 depends. are you against adopting a special needs child because you cannot afford to take care of them and don't have the mental capacity to help them with their own mental health, or are you against adopting a special needs child because you lack empathy and understandment towards special needs children?
@@vsopegf_3274 it's OK in my opinion, but they were very much told about that before adoption was complete. They were informed very well about that. CT scans, the diagnosis, everything. So its not like it was a surprise or some shit. She's also a fucking nurse
@@vsopegf_3274 absolutely not. You know you have limits that would poorly affect a child's upbringing, so you're being merciful by not doing what myka did, and pretending you want one just for internet attention! Special children need special parents. It takes a LOT of extra skills that not NEARLY everyone has.... it's totally okay to not be a good fit for a child with severe needs. You're just being honest with yourself. And because of that, you'll never hurt a child the way that myka did. So don't for a second think you're a bad person for knowing you couldn't handle it. I can teach elementary school kids all day long and love every bit of it, but I've known since I was four that I don't want my own children. I am thrilled to work with other people's kids all day, but when I go home, I want to be alone and I want QUIET. 😂 does it make me a bad person? Nah, I'm saving hypothetical children from a NIGHTMARE of a mom because I'd have no patience left by bedtime 😂 and because I'm able to decompress when I go home to my empty house, I'm better able to be a patient, kind, and compassionate teacher. 🤷🏻♀️
Tom looks even hotter when he's being mean.
I swear 😭😭😭
He did seem to be sweating
Especially with his British accent 😌
I want him to bully me
@@Kat-qr7hv Me too 😂
It is truly disgusting. My almost four year old brother has autism, and my mum - a single mum who also has been diagnosed recently with autism and ADHD - is educating herself SO MUCH, researches everything, hearing from professionals, and so on. She is raising him perfectly, and it’s so difficult watching these guys videos treating their ‘son’ like this ...
"it went in one ear and out the other" is the first sign that she's not fit to care for disabled or adopted children. it's a lot more than 'oh but we love him because hes out
The moment they started to verbally segregate their children between "biological" and "not biological" I knew it was going to end in disaster. She was never going to treat her adopted son as one of her "real children."
💯💯
I’ve never understood the people that adopt children and don’t treat them as their own, like why did you even adopt them in the first place if your gonna have that bias against them
@@livs4721 obviously for the white saviour complex and to look super caring and be a cool mum! ffs I hate this family lmfao
the first red flag is when she said ‘we don’t care what’s wrong with him’ as if special needs are a bad thing. they’re just a difference.
Exactly! And also that they should care?? Like it’s important that you research and prepare and know how to help him be comfortable and feel loved. It’s not something you just brush aside.
Sophie Rowland i agree 100%
It’s not a bad thing, and they SHOULD care, because they will need to know about his extra needs so they can help him!! Honestly hard to believe people like this exist
Well said
When she said "it came through one ear and left through the other" i already saw it as a red flag, they're called special needs because they have special need that you need to learn and understand to be a good parent, not because you can ignore it and pretend they dont need that extra attention and extra work
I love how calm yet chaotic this man is.
they never viewed bear as their child, its obvious as they consistently talked about separating him from their biological children so they could spend time with them without bear??
lmfao not Tom laughing like a goose at people crying
Same
Haha same
If i close my eyes, it's a goose.
Fake crying, to be exact.
I STARTED CHOCKING ON AIR
‘Personality trait is having a lot of children’ can be said for every family channel.
It is their content, not their fault
@@angelikalaser7778 they make that content tho like ??
@@tinakushner1758 I was being sarcastic, sorry.
You are right they literally made their content, with their uterus
That's not true! Daddyofive had the southern hick personality trait, the Ace Family has a smug entitlement personality trait, and 8 Passengers has a neurotic Mrs. Bates personality trait!
Sits back wondering why me and my 9 sibs never made a super popular youtube channel.
This strikes a really strong cord with me. My family adopted my four younger siblings from Asia. One of my little brothers has sever autism. He has been one of the greatest blessings of my life. As I listened to this story, I just kept thinking him. My heart aches for this little boy and the mistreatment he endured.
The moment she said, "I don't care what's WRONG with him", as if disability is something that is WRONG, that was a red flag RIGHT there.
Not really, its a very common way to phrase it, as it divert from whats “normal” (aka the majority). I think you just wanted to say red flag
@@MajorOctofuss I'm on the spectrum, and it's very frustrating when people say there is something "wrong" with us. It's not wrong, it's mental illness. How is it wrong for someone with autism to simply have autism? That's the point. It's very rude towards people with disabilities.
@@grungepen in terms of biology, is technically “wrong”. Maybe its a bad way to phrase it, but I don’t think it makes people who do inherently evil. I’m on the spectrum myself, but I know the world doesn’t revolve around me so I don’t put such high expectation on people to always think about it. Its just not a big deal
Imagine how awful Bear must feel, not being able to understand why he was not wanted by people who gave him a home for the past few years. Like that poor child
🥺 exactly
and especially trying to cope and process how he was treated wrongfully and singled out. I really hope he gets all the help and therapy he needs.
Dharma Ferrera I can’t help but to wonder if he noticed that he was sent to bed before the others. That part kinda killed me, to see them designate a time for everyone to get away from their own family member 🤢
He will need therapy for abandonment trauma. That poor kid, I wish I could hug him. We as commenters care more about Bear than these two "parents" did!
Specially if it is a middle-high (maybe high-low?) Family in the US. If I were adopted, taken to the US, live with silver spoon for a while and then returned to a shit hole I would absolutely kill myself
“You done?” .... “YOU DONE?” ?!?!? She said that to a child, *a special needs child*, in a meltdown?!
Wow, such a loving and compassionate “mother” there! /s
It was even more despicable to look into the camera with attitude to say: “he’s having a meltdown” and then back to her own child with such a harsh tone “you done?” Ugh, disgusting parenting.
@@tulipsxw2 "parenting"
@Winifred Exactly. There’s so much unsaid in her “you done?”...
“You done [so I can have peace and quiet]?”
“You done [so I can get back to doing what I was doing]?”
“You done [so things can get back to the perfect image I want]?”
It’s more about her than the child. Yes, children can have big feelings, and yes they can be “inconveniencing”-but it’s important to allow the child to feel and to process and to learn how to cope with said big feelings. It’s about them in that moment and she made it about her.
Dearest Fandoms she sounds so much like those moms that throw their kids into shit they don’t want to do like Ballet so she can get all the glory when they succeed and make them feel like pure shit when they fail at something they didn’t even want to do in the first place
It's not that she's a bad mother, she's a bad person.
They complain so much about bears inability to understand language as if he hadnt spent the first 2 years of his life learning a totally different language *on top of* having a diagnosis developmental disability and simply being a toddler and still figuring out the world in general. Of course its going to be hard for him to communicate effectively
That's such a great point about the double language barrier. Its hard enough to connect to a non verbal child when you're only teaching one language.
I'm autistic and I am really offended my this family. I can't change who I am. What my parents did is brought me to classes with specialists to help me learn how to act in a neurotypical world. I was put in a special unit in school to help me learn and I worked on social cues. If one of their kids was born autistic what would they have done then?
dude if bear hurt one of their kids and that made them gave him away, that just shows that they dont see him as one of their 'real' kids. like, if one of their daughters hit their son while arguing or something, i can ASSURE you that they wouldn't put her up for adoption
1000% its just like the thumb sucking thing. They duct taped his thumbs but posted how she wished her 6/7 whatever year old daughter would never grow out of sucking her thumb
@@breana2734 that's horrifying. I can't even begin to comprehend how someone can do that to a child
Right, this mentality is literally like he is a pet instead of a child. You dont get rid of a kid for hurting a kid, but you do give away a dog for biting a kid. Theyre vile people.
@@kenistan4706 To them, he was a trophy, a part of the algorithm. They wanted children from "poor" countries that had "Easy" disabilities so they could swoop in, play heroes, milk it on youtube until he got a bit older and she was able make pregnancy/new baby content. He wasn't their child, he was their meal ticket, and that's vile.
@@breana2734 - oh I feel bad for her children. her biological children I mean. because if that's what she really said about her daughter then it's clear that she's more interested in the idea of having a "baby", and keeping them in this infant state.
are we not going to talk about how she straight up said she wanted a native American name for her kids im
i literally went 🤨🤨🤨
the colonizers are at it again 😃
natalieee christopher columbus vibez😍😍🤩
america has no culture ive always said this😭😭😭😭
Coloniser vibeeeez 🙈 no thanks 🚫
Obviously Bear is the center of this situation, and it’s clear they never really saw him as equal to their biological children, but I wonder what they have told their other children about this. Imagine knowing your parents literally GAVE AWAY one of your siblings because they were too “difficult”.
The kids probably never thought of him as a sibling
Yeah I kind of feel for these other kids
It honestly freaks me out that most people are just stuck with their parents for that first twentyish years of their life and if there's something off or weird about the way they act or treat you, or you're exposed to huge changes all the time, like breakups or moving houses (or getting an adopted sibling who just disappears after a year), you have to deal with it because you're a kid.
I know I'm really blessed to have parents that really care about me and love me
Pet peeve: people that affect "crying voice" while attempting to actually feel something. A genuine show of grief/remorse would render them pink eyed, pink nosed, snotty and less than camera ready. I sincerely despise these people. They're transparent...I also have to wonder if their other kids think they're also disposable.
As someone who is adopted from China, this story is so terrible to me. Being given back or given away was one of my biggest fears growing up. I actually had nightmares about that
💗
They are disgusting human beings most adoptive parents love their children and the thought of doing that would never even cross their minds in so sorry you grew up fearing that.
Sounds like you weren't defective
That is so heavy, are you okay now? Did you have memories from china or was it just the fear of your adoptive parents not ‘wanting’ you anymore? Hope you ate okay now!
I wasn’t adopted from China, but I was adopted as an infant. I’ve always known my adopted mother as my mom, and my first father ended up cheating and I went through a divorce. I remember thinking “my first family gave me up, and now my dad is able to leave me”. I would have nights after the divorce where I stayed up at night crying, unable to let my mom leave because I was scared she’d disappear too. Later on I ended up developing serious mental disorders because of various trauma, and my current dad ended up threatening to send me away a lot instead of getting me therapy. Even now, at 21, I’m extremely clingy and I have abandonment issues even though my mom and dad have been married for years and I have three little siblings now - whom I love wholeheartedly as my own blood btw. So I understand what you mean 100%.
"But my cat decided to die-"
Um sir? Please take a longer break if needed.
I loved that cat when it appeared in his Lele Pons makeup palette video.
I had a cat advertising at the beginning of this video. TH-cam be playing shading
Boring ass comment section.
Rip the cat
I heard cactus... which made it 19387382 times funnier
Why does this give me the same vibes as a parent/guardian saying to a judge “I may have harmed my child(ren), you don’t know how hard it is to be a parent”
I grew up in Foster Care and I have a child with Autism... This HURTS my heart SO damn much :'( I HATE THEM. EVIL EVIL evil people!
she wanted to call her kid mazarin as if that doesn't sound like something you'd overdose on
Oh my god hahaha
She wants to overdose on that revenue
Mazarin-pies are hugely popular supermarket cakes here in Denmark, they’re super shitty
@@annaselbdritt7916 She named her child after something edible then tried to raise it? She sounds like the witch from Hansel and Gretel
Mazarin was the name of an Italian Cardinal, who has a type of Swedish pastry named after him.
Yes, it still sounds like a barbiturate...
yells at kid who can’t process emotions: *ARE YOU DONE*
Yikes.
YES! Do they do that to their “own child” I do it to my 4year old when she is throwing a fit for something silly like coloring over eating when she is hungry. But I also 100% gave birth to her and know her very well and all her weird corks, she is not having to adjust to a whole new country and home.
@@katiefisher5331 not only a new country/home but he has a disability. His age, his new family/home, and his disability all influenced his tantrums.
"He's *probably* having a breakdown. 😒🥱"
telling that to anyone, especially any kid, is incredibly damaging.
they treated him like a pet, can u imagine how they would react if for whatever reason they couldn't see one of their precious, abled, white, biological kids again? It's so obvious that he meant little to nothing to them and didn't eve see him as a real child
They should have returned the money for those who donated to their adopting him.
My son has autism, I can't imagine treating him this way.
Children with autism aren't stupid, they just need special care because they're not like neurotypical children.
My son had to overcome a lot of issues but he's grown so much because I never gave up on him.
nd i respect you and everything you do bless for you and your son . he’s a angel on earth ❤️
I'm autistic myself, and seeing a family give him away BECAUSE of his autism literally hurt my soul
thank god there are still warm hearted people like you on this earth.
I have autism and although I’m high functioning it has not been without serious hard times. If it wasn’t for my ma I don’t know where I would be, I don’t know your son but I’m sure he feels the same way for you :)
As an autistic adult, thank you. ❤️ We are too often treated like we are not full people, not fully capable. While some autistic people will never fully be self-sufficient, it doesn’t mean they aren’t whole and just as complex as neurotypical people. Thank you. ❤️ I wish you and your son all the best.
"new forever home" -- they act as if he's a dog they don't want anymore
Yeah they might as well say he’s gone to live on a farm upstate.
a loooooot of people talk about autistic kids like they’re poorly behaved dogs, it’s awful
what an oxymoron
What's also horrible is being the child's former sibling. Imagine your parents adopting a sibling, you get attached to your new family member, and your parents get rid of them. I remember being scared as a little kid that my adopted younger brother's bio mom would take him away because he was still our foster sibling and not adopted by our parents yet for a while (our caseworker sucked, and so the process was slow). I remember being scared to go to school because I was afraid that I'd come home and he would be gone. Fuck these family vloggers.
I know this video is old, but I'm 100% convinced that they found out that the child would have to live with them for his whole lives and that totally wasn't part of their plan. I also think they wanted a kid who was going to die young for their content.
Tom is dressed like a conversion therapy pastor
As someone who has been to a conversion therapy pastor, can confirm
Dream daddy edition
AHAHDIWOQO NOOOOO
Emi DeYoung Are you alright?
I hope they’re never ever EVER allowed to adopt again. International children or not. The trauma they caused “Bear” is beyond despicable.
if someone hasn't treated their child well, they're not allowed to adopt. i definitely think their treatment was not at all good enough for that poor child, but i don't know the specific legal stuff about adoption.
As someone who works in a residential facility supporting adults who have complex learning disabilities and a history of violent behaviour, I would never shame parents for admitting they can no longer cope. Sometimes, a person's needs just cannot be met in a home environment by non-professionals. Saying that, the families I work with have spent many, many years dedicated to their child, and have exhausted all options; they don't want their child to be in a residential facility, but recognise it's in their child's best interests. This family are absolutely infuriating - they went out of their way to adopt a child with very specific needs, refused to follow professional guidance, and threw in the towel after only a year. Its shameful. The only bright side is that it sounds like the boy is now living with a family who understands his needs and are prepared to meet them fully.
the even worse part is that they have had him for YEARS. Even giving him away after a few months is evil, but they have traumatized this child.
Myka: “my child is not returnable” Also myka: “returns the child”
And gets pregnant when she just went though the hustle of Adopting the child. Someone send these people contraception 🤦🏽♀️
Zeineb ♥
Let’s make a gofundme for condoms
//jacky// that’s actually a good idea ngl
Well maybe that was just a statement of a fact. They did kinda just sell him to the next people... So I guess since they couldn't return him, they found another way...
These are without a doubt some of the worst people I've had the displeasure of learning about in quite a while. I can only hope they are capable enough of guilt that they have trouble sleeping for the rest of their lives.
"she looks like an advertisement for christian mums against serving looks" i am wHEEZING
Absolutely *THE* line of the video, and as it's a Tom Harlock video that's saying *loads* 😂💕
Why Would He Say Something So Controversial Yet So Brave?
guys subscribe to her channel
all 1.4k of you
I actually didnt get that.. could you explain please?sorry😅
This is the Human equivelant getting a Puppy and returning it when it's "not cute anymore" or they don't want to walk it