As a female high functioning autistic survivor of childhood abuse, anxiety is almost a constant state for me. I’ve found more help right here than in the dozen or so counselors who identified neither the ASD nor the trauma. I have struggled and looked for answers for over 60 years. You have my profound gratitude. Thank you just doesn’t seem like a strong enough term.
@Power 2 Weight I think that depends on what you mean by better. If you mean a continued growth towards understanding of yourself and your place in the world. Human health in my opinion is never going to be a hard science but through tried techniques of how to cope with situations in a more calculated way these are tools that can help discover the path that works for the person searching. I haven't found one answer to any question that I've been serious in researching. But I've found a bunch of different understandings and coping mechanisms that help me in my quality of life. Also as the old saying goes, "To each their own".
They don't necessarily have to be narcissists, just anxious people like my parents from whom I learned to be anxious, a worrywart and fearful and to over-react to just about everything. You are programmed by your parents and people who influence you in your young life. But one day, as I was doing the dishes, my brain a big, giant garbage heap of negative thoughts, feelings and anxiety, I said to myself, f**k this! And I decided to not feel this way anymore. I made a CHOICE to not feel like utter shit anymore. It's a struggle. It's a process of literally deprogramming and rewiring my brain but I'm no longer debilitated by these negative thoughts and feelings of dread and fear programmed in my brain by my parents and a toxic members of my family.
@Power 2 Weight Why are you congratulating me? Congratulations wasn't what I was seeking. I just wanted to express that pretty much everything is a choice and didn't mean to sound like I was bragging, but I can see how some certain type of people might take it that way. But...thanks? Whatev.
I grew up in an environment where you could be raged at out of nowhere at any moment and with unpredictable intervals for the dumbest reasons. As an adult people called me a "nervous person."
How could anyone not be nervous in that setting? I hope you never had a nevous break-down, a very sad and weird experience. I do hope you have some good friends you can talk to, that must have been emotional torture.
I did too. Sadly I grew up with PTSD, anxiety and depression so the early years of my children's lives I worked so hard to protect and prevent the same abuse to them, but I didn't know that I was struggling with all these things and was fearful and on edge, didn't sleep well, terrified of the dark, and routinely lost my temper.. And because I had always been raised to believe everything was my fault I tried to fix myself on my own which didn't work. My children have grown up and are in their 30s. For the last 20 some years I've worked very hard at undoing the damage I did. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself. My children graciously forgive my faults and we have ongoing adult to adult relationship s where we are growing together. But the regret I feel at my behavior in the early years of their lives never leaves me. If anyone raising young children are in the same boat, please recognize the need for self care and therapy now while they're young so you can be there to support them better through their childhood and teens.
4 ways to manage anxiety.. 6:38 _give greater attention to your interior_ 7:26 _examine your character_ 8:58 _stand firmley for your conviction_ _and needs properly_ 9:46 _recognize your limits regarding_ _control_
You have no idea how much you've helped me. I've gone no contact with my narc 1 month and this is the first week I have cried or felt triggered. I can eat and sleep. Thank you Dr. Carter. I listen to several of your episodes over and over. I'm healing now.
If you have a Narc in your life, do yourself a favor...get away from them as fast as you can and if possible have no contact whatsoever with them. I had and still due have Narc in my life, left and never regretted leaving. Can't put a price tag on the amount of peace I have now. God Bless 🙏
My anxiety can stop me cold, put me in bed for days. I get scared. That one thing I keep getting hit (money always the one thing i don't have) will hit me again and i wont be able to take it. Thank you Dr. Carter you have shown me it isn't me. I have been fighting my whole life to prove i am a good person, and now for the first time i know it isn't me, Thank you!
It’s not all our fault for being anxious. It’s our environment with narcissists. Getting away from the crazy makers has helped my anxiety. I stopped talking to my MIL and I’m doing great.
ANXIETY: Unwanted or undesirable situation in front of you. (Edgy, irritable, inhability to relax, selfconsciousness, restless, rumminating thoughts, insecurity, broken sleeping patterns) 3 primary ingridients: Fear, anger and control 1) A constant need to justify yourself. (Defensiveness) 2) Anger. There is always agitation, irritability, frustration. They push ppl away. ( Self preservation) 3) Control. (other ppl are trying to control them or to have the need to control). Overplay... Ways to responde: 1) Put your attention to what is happening inside. My inner life is were it needs to be! 2) Take a look at what your character is. Are you a good person? The interior has to be anchored to a sense of well being (self trust) 3) Make sure you are standing up for yourself 4) The less you are you are trying to control, the more in control you are.
At the end of your video you say ‘I hope that you find value...’. Oh yes, believe me, I, and I’m sure many others, definitely find value in what you have to say / explain to us. My gratitude and thanks to you.
Thank you for another great informative video by you. I was dx'd with mild anxiety 5 years ago at 70. I thought being anxious was a good trait. I worried about everyone and everything. I thought that meant I was a caring person. I cared and worried more about others than I did for myself. On the advice of my GP I have meditated for 5 years now and it has helped me tremendously. I also stopped all contact with my narcissist ex who added to my anxiety.
If source of your anxiousness is living with a narcissist, watch Dr Carter's videos on the topic of Narcissism. This could, possibly, be even more helpful than visiting a psychologist.
You're talking about.... "Being a decent human being with a sense of morality".... Trouble is that many people couldn't care less about that nor could they spell or define morality. All they care about is instant, constant and enduring satisfaction of self regardless of the effect they have on others. Your advice helps me so much. Thank you.
Well-the point is that _I care about having this decent kind of person around me, and _I want to be this kind of person! Despite being raised by a narcissist mother and subjected to various narc bosses (one in particular), I at long last worked for a truly decent boss who has a strong sense of morality. It literally saved my life when I developed a serious illness and was supported, thanks to that boss’s decency and administrative acumen, until I could retire.
So grateful to be working through this stage. Recovering from 17 years of a narcissistic daughter in law. I can breathe again. Feeling in control of my being.
When you don’t comply with the controller’s demands and rules, they start labelling you as “difficult” and so if you don’t do what you are told, they will stop all communication with you while also convincing others behind your back that you are “difficult.”
thank you for this. i have suffered with anxiety for most of my life for different reasons and i will say that this tells me a lot about self trust. I rarely stood up for myself in my past, but life is not just about my own failings its also about the agenda of others which can destroy you.
Thank you for brilliant advice dr Carter ❤ when you live in a decent way, true to your values and standards, you start trusting yourself and that reduces anxiety significantly.
God give me the wisdom to change what I can and except what I can't and know the difference. Yes.... But you still have to stand your ground, be true to yourself, good or bad.
I got my first book today .... Enough about you , let's talk about me. Thank you Dr. Carter for all you do . Your a big help to so many people . God's blessings to you and your s. 🌺🌹🌺🌹🌺
Watching videos on narcissism, I often can't tell the difference between me and them. I feel like a victim to externals. But videos like this in which we are in clear sight and ownership of the internal, leaves an incredible sense of expansion and freedom. It's a completely different mood.
philip davies Yes, I experience this as well! I like your phrase "ownership of the internal", meaning that the only thing I have control over is my internal environment. I have no control over what happens external to me: people, situations, etc. Thanks for the reminder that I have a choice as to how I respond to external stimuli. I can respond in a way that serves my mental and emotional health and wellbeing, or I can respond in a way that supports anxiety.
I had this Fear Anxiety as a young child. Born with it probably. I still have it but not as bad. My mother had psychiatric issues and had a lot of Anxiety. This is a vast topic and deserves a Spiritual study and perspective. Thank you, Dr. Carter!
Dr Carter, this particular one really hit home. The indecisiveness that I deal with is a private hell I suffer. A number of years ago when in a relationship with a controlling person the anxiety started to surface. I have been removed from that relationship but live with the aftermath. You make so much sense.
I was taking deep, relaxing breaths while watching this video. Extremely anxious lately for several reasons, none of which I have any control over. Feel better now. Thank you!
Go out, be in nature, breath fresh air., listen relaxing music. If you dont follow astrology, planets have positions that make tension for all people. We all feel it
Dr. Carter, so many folks are making full use of your videos. Knowledge is power. Our Heavenly Father does not wish I to be 'twits', who only ..knee jerk r e a c t.. But he wants us to be strong. Thank you, and please keep them coming.!
I grew up in one of the most prejudice states in the US where someone was always trying to control someone else, but We had a Father that kept us on our toes, and always e courage us to think for ourselves. I absolutely.praise God for that, it helps me to deal with the controller in my life, If you don't stand for something you will fall for Anything.
Thanks again, Dr. Carter. I listened again today as I've found myself getting more and more nervous as a parent's memorial service approaches. The nice-mean-nice-mean is still happening. I get a stomach ache when I see a text or email from one of my narcissistic siblings. I am braver than I used to be, but I still know that it might be a cruel remark or an attempt to manipulate me into doing something I don't want to do or not doing something I do want to do. But I do see how I've grown a lot since I first discovered your videos last fall. God bless you!
I've divorced all my siblings, my twin and both parents as they use me as the Scape-goat and put all their anger on me for all their problems. No longer. I'm a loved child of God, I don't accept their anger any longer. I need a stable, loving life which I can only get without them in my life. Very extreme but it works
Both my parents were controlling; my dad a Narcissist. I have a trigger when I deal with controlling people and your teaching is confirming what I have been learning and doing but adding more learning; confirmation, strategies, recognition of my opportunities and red flags. Thanks Dr. Carter. I admire your gentle, respectful, and real life approach as opposed to a mere academic recitation.
Dr. C., this video is among the most uniquely brilliantly insightful ones of yours. Your videos are actually psychotherapy dressed up in casual clothes. One watches some of them repeatedly to get the ideas better, as they are deep and therapeutic. Thank you so very much for caring for all of us. God bless you.
Thank you Dr. Les, I had an anxious experience today and felt very insecure. You explained it in a great way, and I feel much better about it. You are incredible!💕
People that have a strong drive to be in control all the time are inevitably people that have been terribly out of control, usually early in life. It's important to deal with the underlying trauma that led to the wish to be in control. As that work progresses anxiety tends do decrease dramatically over time.
I've lived with anxiety for so long it's part of me and my personality nothing I can do about that now I've tried everything. I've learned that the outside world has slot to do with that. Anyways it's helpful sometimes not all bad, sometimes it saves me from something worse
Dr Carter thank you a million times over! You have just helped me determine that I am more often than not living in an anxious state working to divorce a narcissist while also dealing with a cancering process. I am mostly on edge and have many nights of not sleeping well. Your manner in which you speak is very soothing and your voice is very calming. I am so happy to have found your videos and always email them to myself so I can listen again to your many hours of wisdom.
Very informative thank you. Never had insomnia until the Narcissistic abuse started when I was married to my X. 8 years later I still suffer from insomnia! It's not sleep apnea, I have been tested for that 2X's.
One time before I was saved, my Narc sister did something really bad to me. I became terribly scared and panicked. I then ran to a Bible in my home - I put my hand on it and "suddenly" just suddenly! I became calm. Very Very calm. This was not psychological. I know it wasn't. God's Word is alive.
OceanSound100 SO TRUE sister" ..GODS WORD IS ALIVE! ..also one person mentioned" DREAD"... it's a spirit" Paul said WE dont war Against flesh and blood" I believe..narcs" tap into Them" just my opinion". Got a few at work... Some in the church" Anyway GOD BLESS"😄
@@johnmorgan692Was just watching a movie and thought of that verse "we war not against flesh and blood, but against principalities in dark places" Then came on here and you are saying it. I had many spiritual experiences in my life. Came face to face with Demons. I really have. We know why God said "this is not our home" Flesh and blood can not war like that.
I know what you mean! Try to take sone deep breaths and remind yourself that you are safe and say some affirmations like" I am competent" " I am healed". You are on the heroes journey!
Mine was mostly just a generalized uneasiness. No peace. Sometimes a dread. More like groan...this is gonna suck. But I did tend to “awfulize” too. It was usually related to fear of failure or fear in the romance area or fear of retaliation/bullying/violence. Self trust. Lol. Yes. I don’t have much anxiety anymore, but a narc def can and will try to create more of it.
Thank you for this teaching about anxiety! I listened to this twice and perhaps I will listen to it again. I have had anxiety since as far back as I can remember maybe four years old. I am thinking that although it could be a chemical in balance in my brain, I’m more inclined to believe that it was caused by several factors in my childhood. My parents divorced when I was four and looking back I realize I had never had a sense of belonging and security. I remember always feeling nervous and on guard to be the perfect person. Myself and three siblings were raised primarily by our mother. Her parenting skills were a mirror of what she grew up with. I believe we are primarily products of our nurturing or lack of. My mother was judgmental and emotionally unavailable. I was always looking for ways to please her so when I was doing chores or anything she asked me to do I found myself being over the top perfectionistic so that she would approve of what I did so I would at least get some affirmation of value. Most of the time she would find something to point out that was negative and made me feel like I didn’t measure up. Then my father who would be around periodically as part of the divorce agreement would sexually abuse me and then tell me that if I told my mother, she would have him put in jail. Is it any wonder that I developed anxiety that I have had my whole life?! Sometimes I’ll tell people that we spend our life undoing the damage our parents did… That is if we’re lucky enough to have good teachers and have the insight for change!
ALL OF THIS - As I unravel the root causes of this in my life, the anxiety is less and less because I have a grip on what is going on. I'm learning to pay attention to the anxiety as a cue for investigation, understanding, and change rather than thinking there is something "wrong" with me for what is understandable, reasonable but undesireable reactions. Learning to respond according to who I want to be rather than react to the perceived pain and old patterns.
I suffer from anxiety and I really appreciate this video, gave me insight on how I should feel inside and take control that way. t was very helpful for me. Keep up the great videos
Good day, sir. Wow. This is good stuff. I value this info. It just takes one person to care & pour in..and you're the right one. Big thank you, Dr. C! Miss you Gus:))
Like an ambulance response, you are that for me. 100 percent relate. Pearls of Wisdom. Gratitude. Trust yer gonna get great accommodations one day and be served instead of serving. Where is Gus?
I noticed your channel a week ago. I think you are very articulate and to the point. Thanks! I can't seem to get through drama without a gigantic adrenalin rush, like I've been kicked in the gut.
I clicked on this video hoping to find something to help me understand my wife. I came away better understanding why I behave the way I do. Thank-you Dr. Carter
very helpful thanks, I've suffered with anxiety for a long time, at times it was pretty serious so it's good to know how to deal with it when those feelings come up again.
Exactly what I need in life especially this for work! I am now peace with myself as long I remind myself exactly what you preached Dr. Les Carter. No one said it better. This is the very first time life saving and changing for my anxiety! I will write and self meditate and self talk on self-preservation especially for my internals. Thank you so much!!! God Bless! I’m keep on watching because your channel is changing not only my life but many of us out here! Thank u again!!!
I feel like a pressure cooker that just got it's steam released. I've lived with high anxiety for several years now. It takes a massive amount of your energy when feeling anxiety to the point that you put things off that would help solve the anxiety because you're too exhausted with worry. I will be listening to this video over and over again. It really gave me the tools to calm down. I'm in a race against Time as my health declines, my income declines, equals-- find senior housing quick. That's my biggest anxiety right now. But I'll use my internals to keep calm about it. I can't control the massive rents in California all I can do is try to work around them. Thanks for another tool for my toolbox dear Dr C.
I was Agoraphobic for over 20 years, panic and anxiety, it's still there and gets best of me sometimes but I have worked on myself so I am no longer terrified. Thank you Dr. Carter
You are one of the few people I listen to (my wife is gone, I used to listen to her, she was a good soul, and I miss her). If I had had this sort of therapy years ago, probably be better off now. Anyway, thanks again for all your great videos!
I've suffered with anxiety issues for decades literally. My worst is to be in a crowd, feeling overwhelmed and feel like I'm about to lose control. Along with this is the overwhelming fear that the strangers around me will "KNOW I'M NOT NORMAL".
Hey Dr. Les! Thanks for another great vid and yes, I can relate to this very well. However, my emotional trigger re anxiety is fear. I carry alot of it and in the past, in my sleep state of unawareness, I believe that it was the root cause of some of my behaviors. However, due to the work I am engaged in on my path of re-building and self-healing I am making different decisions. Monitoring my triggers, or rather my responses to triggers, has been most helpful to me. Gttg off my butt and gttg on my feet to exercise is the 2nd best....I do not like exercise but I must. My best days are sun shiny days and the days that I am in touch with my children. As far as my values, I have returned to church in order to re-connect with those higher values that were instilled in me at a young age. Trust! That is huge for me,...healing is tricky and learng to trust again is trickier...tkg it slow. Lastly, sorry, I am rushing today, ..anger, I have accepted that I am going to feel anger sometimes and thankfully since I hv never gone "ballistic" using weapons etc., I will be ok in that area. I am also mindful of the fear that others have of a woman's anger...I am scary enough..LOL!! Tkg it one day at a time, some days it is an hour at a time. Lastly, between all of my video role models and radio teachers---thy kn who they are,..and (Pastors JO, RCB, J, JM, VO, IYA, OPRAH, INF. h20), and yourself, prayer, self motivation and determination, I am slowly feeling more like "me" only with a new self awareness, new goals, and more of a refusal to EVER give up or give in. Peace Dr. Les and I will c u on the next video. God bless.
At the basis of all negative feeling is resistance. The idea that "It shouldn't be like this" . The only cure is acceptance or surrender. From that any action that follows - including not acting - will be more auspicious than if it came from resistance. The only thing that prevents anxiety is trust. Not in some particular outcome, but trust in life in general. Don't panic, nothing is under control.
When I gave my life and surrendered to Jesus, ALL of my anxieties melted away to leave me as a very relaxed and smiley, cheeky, positive person. I had been very highly anxious for over 20 years with low self esteem, bullied in the workplace, lots of illnesses related to it, panic attacks, depression, suicide attempts etc. You get the picture. Now I can let go of the control and fear and trust God my life has become amazing. God has done amazing things to help me and guide me to the right friends and caring partner. Life is amazing now
The Lord has truly blessed you with a most wonderful gift. I felt as though I was sitting in your office and you were talking just to me. Thank you for sharing your wonderful gift with all. May the Lord make His face to shine on you and your family always.
We.. ( type error). It is reassuring we are not alone. Bless you. My house, ( my life, my mind, my thoughts, my attitudes), should not be built on shifting sand that is so unstable, but upon a rock. Bless you!
Dr. Carter I have noticed that anxiety in one person can be picked up on by others leading them to feel anxious too. Sometimes that means the person picking up on that anxiety are going to be blaming of the original person with it regardless of why the person is showing signs of anxiety. For example when a person is feeling anxious while they have an undiagnosed chronic lung ailment which is making it more difficult for them to take deep breaths while a little more tired than usual. Veterans who have worked near burn pits could maybe relate to that. Refusing to live in anger towards others while wanting to be on team healthy is key to overcoming anxiety.
The fact that we're all different and have different opinions, tastes, way of handling things... i consider that to be like wealth that we share. But i do hope one day we wake up in a world where humans have found that appreciation for self awareness and these values like dignity, respect, civility. Thanks, it was very enlightening, i do suffer anxiety due to prolongued mental abuse by several people.
Being a people pleaser and peace keeper all my life I’m over doing all this and yes I revert to anger frustration and irritation knowing I don’t have to be this way and feel anxious for saying no to people
Excellent video, Dr. C.! Anxiety, unless understood and reduced and/or eliminated can kill. I think it's one of the biggest causes of ill health, heart disease, and cancer. I survived 2 kinds of cancer and this year, one kind came back. My approach and reaction to the news was far different this time. I've learned to let go of things I cannot control, and I've learned not to care so much what people think of me...I pray a lot, give thanks a lot, and have no qualms anymore about eliminating judgmental, controlling and criticizing people from my world by simply not giving their "helpful" (unasked for) "advice" any credibility or power over my feelings, emotions or decision making. I laugh so much more these days, believe it or not! I enjoy people more...and haven't needed any medication for anxiety or depression...your videos help. I also must mention laughter! Find real comedians that make you laugh out loud! For me, it's old time comedians like Jackie Gleason, Red Skelton, Carol Burnett and Lucille Ball...and modern day entertainers like Jeanne Robertson! For me, it's called gratitude and that's why I'll fight to keep my life...it's the best way I have of saying thanks to God for giving it to me!
Thank you Dr Carter, for your great words of wisdom, also for your time & effort you put into making them. These video's have been so very helpful. You're a breath of fresh air, with your calming voice & sincerity🙏😊much appreciated.
![ILLSLICK - KILLSHOT REMIX [FULL VERSION]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/RIK8RrqIAzE/mqdefault.jpg)
As a female high functioning autistic survivor of childhood abuse, anxiety is almost a constant state for me. I’ve found more help right here than in the dozen or so counselors who identified neither the ASD nor the trauma. I have struggled and looked for answers for over 60 years. You have my profound gratitude. Thank you just doesn’t seem like a strong enough term.
When you grow up with narcissists you tend to be anxious
Definitely. Dr. C
Damn
@Power 2 Weight I think that depends on what you mean by better. If you mean a continued growth towards understanding of yourself and your place in the world. Human health in my opinion is never going to be a hard science but through tried techniques of how to cope with situations in a more calculated way these are tools that can help discover the path that works for the person searching. I haven't found one answer to any question that I've been serious in researching. But I've found a bunch of different understandings and coping mechanisms that help me in my quality of life. Also as the old saying goes, "To each their own".
They don't necessarily have to be narcissists, just anxious people like my parents from whom I learned to be anxious, a worrywart and fearful and to over-react to just about everything. You are programmed by your parents and people who influence you in your young life. But one day, as I was doing the dishes, my brain a big, giant garbage heap of negative thoughts, feelings and anxiety, I said to myself, f**k this! And I decided to not feel this way anymore. I made a CHOICE to not feel like utter shit anymore.
It's a struggle. It's a process of literally deprogramming and rewiring my brain but I'm no longer debilitated by these negative thoughts and feelings of dread and fear programmed in my brain by my parents and a toxic members of my family.
@Power 2 Weight Why are you congratulating me? Congratulations wasn't what I was seeking. I just wanted to express that pretty much everything is a choice and didn't mean to sound like I was bragging, but I can see how some certain type of people might take it that way. But...thanks? Whatev.
Interestingly: The less you try to control, the more in control you are.
Dr. Les Carter
Thanks for noting that!!!!
If you get away from controlling people, the less anxious you become and can feel you’re controlling your own life.
Alan Watts laid this down in the 60's.
Go with the flow, don't worry be happy
I grew up in an environment where you could be raged at out of nowhere at any moment and with unpredictable intervals for the dumbest reasons. As an adult people called me a "nervous person."
Sidney James yup, just for making eye contact..then banished out of sight and silent treatment for weeks.
How could anyone not be nervous in that setting? I hope you never had a nevous
break-down, a very sad and weird experience. I do hope you have some good friends
you can talk to, that must have been emotional torture.
I did too. Sadly I grew up with PTSD, anxiety and depression so the early years of my children's lives I worked so hard to protect and prevent the same abuse to them, but I didn't know that I was struggling with all these things and was fearful and on edge, didn't sleep well, terrified of the dark, and routinely lost my temper.. And because I had always been raised to believe everything was my fault I tried to fix myself on my own which didn't work. My children have grown up and are in their 30s. For the last 20 some years I've worked very hard at undoing the damage I did. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself. My children graciously forgive my faults and we have ongoing adult to adult relationship s where we are growing together. But the regret I feel at my behavior in the early years of their lives never leaves me. If anyone raising young children are in the same boat, please recognize the need for self care and therapy now while they're young so you can be there to support them better through their childhood and teens.
My husband yells at me at times when I simply ask a question.
@@luvwings that sucks ! I hope you don`t react! and wait and give a response!
4 ways to manage anxiety..
6:38 _give greater attention to your interior_
7:26 _examine your character_
8:58 _stand firmley for your conviction_
_and needs properly_
9:46 _recognize your limits regarding_ _control_
This is gold! And Dr. Carter's calm, reasonable manner calms my anxiousness. 💯
Happy
Gus's, too!
You have no idea how much you've helped me. I've gone no contact with my narc 1 month and this is the first week I have cried or felt triggered.
I can eat and sleep. Thank you Dr. Carter. I listen to several of your episodes over and over. I'm healing now.
Well done! You are learning to trust yourself again ❤
Keep it up!
If you have a Narc in your life, do yourself a favor...get away from them as fast as you can and if possible have no contact whatsoever with them. I had and still due have Narc in my life, left and never regretted leaving. Can't put a price tag on the amount of peace I have now. God Bless 🙏
Hang in there. I’m two months out, and know how you feel. You are stronger than you know. 💕
Try Sam Vaknin aswell. I found it it really helped to understand the underlying mechanism of narcissism.
Stand firmly for my needs. Establish boundaries.
My anxiety can stop me cold, put me in bed for days. I get scared. That one thing I keep getting hit (money always the one thing i don't have) will hit me again and i wont be able to take it. Thank you Dr. Carter you have shown me it isn't me. I have been fighting my whole life to prove i am a good person, and now for the first time i know it isn't me, Thank you!
Stay strong, Lewis. Dr. C
It’s not all our fault for being anxious. It’s our environment with narcissists. Getting away from the crazy makers has helped my anxiety. I stopped talking to my MIL and I’m doing great.
ANXIETY:
Unwanted or undesirable situation in front of you.
(Edgy, irritable, inhability to relax, selfconsciousness, restless, rumminating thoughts, insecurity,
broken sleeping patterns)
3 primary ingridients:
Fear, anger and control
1) A constant need to justify yourself. (Defensiveness)
2) Anger. There is always agitation, irritability, frustration. They push ppl away. ( Self preservation)
3) Control. (other ppl are trying to control them or to have the need to control). Overplay...
Ways to responde:
1) Put your attention to what is happening inside. My inner life is were it needs to be!
2) Take a look at what your character is. Are you a good person? The interior has to be anchored to a sense of well being (self trust)
3) Make sure you are standing up for yourself
4) The less you are you are trying to control, the more in control you are.
At the end of your video you say ‘I hope that you find value...’. Oh yes, believe me, I, and I’m sure many others, definitely find value in what you have to say / explain to us. My gratitude and thanks to you.
Thank you for another great informative video by you. I was dx'd with mild anxiety 5 years ago at 70. I thought being anxious was a good trait. I worried about everyone and everything. I thought that meant I was a caring person. I cared and worried more about others than I did for myself.
On the advice of my GP I have meditated for 5 years now and it has helped me tremendously. I also stopped all contact with my narcissist ex who added to my anxiety.
If source of your anxiousness is living with a narcissist, watch Dr Carter's videos on the topic of Narcissism. This could, possibly, be even more helpful than visiting a psychologist.
Thanks Dr. Carter. I appreciate your knowledge, wisdom and soothing manner. It really helps me. Looking forward to more. GOD bless you.
I've had anxiety most of my life and appreciate your grounding advice in this video. Thanks so much Dr Carter!
tulum0617 - me too
@Tom Johnson a work in progress
Thank you Dr. Carter..I really needed this this morning...I will carry on standing up for myself and others...not an easy task at times...
You're talking about.... "Being a decent human being with a sense of morality"....
Trouble is that many people couldn't care less about that nor could they spell or define morality. All they care about is instant, constant and enduring satisfaction of self regardless of the effect they have on others.
Your advice helps me so much. Thank you.
Thanks again, Jo. Dr. C
Well-the point is that _I care about having this decent kind of person around me, and _I want to be this kind of person! Despite being raised by a narcissist mother and subjected to various narc bosses (one in particular), I at long last worked for a truly decent boss who has a strong sense of morality. It literally saved my life when I developed a serious illness and was supported, thanks to that boss’s decency and administrative acumen, until I could retire.
So grateful to be working through this stage. Recovering from 17 years of a narcissistic daughter in law. I can breathe again. Feeling in control of my being.
When you don’t comply with the controller’s demands and rules, they start labelling you as “difficult” and so if you don’t do what you are told, they will stop all communication with you while also convincing others behind your back that you are “difficult.”
So anxiety is rooted in the feeling that I need to constantly justify myself? Interesting.
thank you for this. i have suffered with anxiety for most of my life for different reasons and i will say that this tells me a lot about self trust. I rarely stood up for myself in my past, but life is not just about my own failings its also about the agenda of others which can destroy you.
Thank you for brilliant advice dr Carter ❤ when you live in a decent way, true to your values and standards, you start trusting yourself and that reduces anxiety significantly.
God give me the wisdom to change what I can and except what I can't and know the difference. Yes....
But you still have to stand your ground, be true to yourself, good or bad.
I got my first book today ....
Enough about you , let's talk about me.
Thank you Dr. Carter for all you do .
Your a big help to so many people .
God's blessings to you and your s.
🌺🌹🌺🌹🌺
Hope it resonates, Donna. Dr. C
Watching videos on narcissism, I often can't tell the difference between me and them. I feel like a victim to externals. But videos like this in which we are in clear sight and ownership of the internal, leaves an incredible sense of expansion and freedom. It's a completely different mood.
philip davies
Yes, I experience this as well! I like your phrase "ownership of the internal", meaning that the only thing I have control over is my internal environment. I have no control over what happens external to me: people, situations, etc. Thanks for the reminder that I have a choice as to how I respond to external stimuli. I can respond in a way that serves my mental and emotional health and wellbeing, or I can respond in a way that supports anxiety.
@@christinelamb1167 Absolutely. Thanks for sharing. No more a lamb.... to the slaughter.
I had this Fear Anxiety as a young child. Born with it probably. I still have it but not as bad. My mother had psychiatric issues and had a lot of Anxiety. This is a vast topic and deserves a Spiritual study and perspective. Thank you, Dr. Carter!
You are so right,
Dr Carter, this particular one really hit home. The indecisiveness that I deal with is a private hell I suffer.
A number of years ago when in a relationship with a controlling person the anxiety started to surface. I have been removed from that relationship but live with the aftermath. You make so much sense.
One of the biggest factors of anxiety is uncertainty
🥲
The fear of it to be more precise.
I was taking deep, relaxing breaths while watching this video. Extremely anxious lately for several reasons, none of which I have any control over. Feel better now. Thank you!
Go out, be in nature, breath fresh air., listen relaxing music. If you dont follow astrology, planets have positions that make tension for all people. We all feel it
Dr. Carter, so many folks are making full use of your videos. Knowledge is power. Our Heavenly Father does not wish I to be 'twits', who only ..knee jerk r e a c t.. But he wants us to be strong.
Thank you, and please keep them coming.!
I grew up in one of the most prejudice states in the US where someone was always trying to control someone else, but We had a Father that kept us on our toes, and always e courage us to think for ourselves. I absolutely.praise God for that, it helps me to deal with the controller in my life, If you don't stand for something you will fall for
Anything.
I couldnt breath just now but i listened to this and now im better.
Thank you people like you are honestly savoirs
Thank you Dr. C. I need to review this periodically. Dignity, respect, civility.🤗
My daughter has anxiety. I never really understood what it is. This video really shed light on this situation.
My mother caused my anxiety
You have helped me along a difficult journey now for about a year and a half. Thank you.
I thank my elders for educating me on this life. They lived to be way over 100.
Love you dearly Dr Carter
Thanks! Dr. C
Thanks again, Dr. Carter. I listened again today as I've found myself getting more and more nervous as a parent's memorial service approaches. The nice-mean-nice-mean is still happening. I get a stomach ache when I see a text or email from one of my narcissistic siblings. I am braver than I used to be, but I still know that it might be a cruel remark or an attempt to manipulate me into doing something I don't want to do or not doing something I do want to do. But I do see how I've grown a lot since I first discovered your videos last fall. God bless you!
I've divorced all my siblings, my twin and both parents as they use me as the Scape-goat and put all their anger on me for all their problems. No longer. I'm a loved child of God, I don't accept their anger any longer. I need a stable, loving life which I can only get without them in my life. Very extreme but it works
@@suap309 Sometimes it's the only way. God bless you!
How much I really needed this!! Thank you Dr Carter
Both my parents were controlling; my dad a Narcissist. I have a trigger when I deal with controlling people and your teaching is confirming what I have been learning and doing but adding more learning; confirmation, strategies, recognition of my opportunities and red flags.
Thanks Dr. Carter. I admire your gentle, respectful, and real life approach as opposed to a mere academic recitation.
Dr. C., this video is among the most uniquely brilliantly insightful ones of yours. Your videos are actually psychotherapy dressed up in casual clothes. One watches some of them repeatedly to get the ideas better, as they are deep and therapeutic. Thank you so very much for caring for all of us. God bless you.
Thank you Dr. Les, I had an anxious experience today and felt very insecure. You explained it in a great way, and I feel much better about it. You are incredible!💕
People that have a strong drive to be in control all the time are inevitably people that have been terribly out of control, usually early in life. It's important to deal with the underlying trauma that led to the wish to be in control. As that work progresses anxiety tends do decrease dramatically over time.
I've lived with anxiety for so long it's part of me and my personality nothing I can do about that now I've tried everything. I've learned that the outside world has slot to do with that. Anyways it's helpful sometimes not all bad, sometimes it saves me from something worse
Dignity, respect, civility
Dr Carter thank you a million times over! You have just helped me determine that I am more often than not living in an anxious state working to divorce a narcissist while also dealing with a cancering process. I am mostly on edge and have many nights of not sleeping well. Your manner in which you speak is very soothing and your voice is very calming. I am so happy to have found your videos and always email them to myself so I can listen again to your many hours of wisdom.
🙏 Dr. C! I didn’t know that anxiety was related to anger. Now I do know. Sending 💗 👍🏻
Once you see it.... Dr. C
Very informative thank you. Never had insomnia until the Narcissistic abuse started when I was married to my X. 8 years later I still suffer from insomnia! It's not sleep apnea, I have been tested for that 2X's.
Try to go to bed before 10 pm. Dont eat in the evening or take alcohol. Listen to relaxing music before sleeping and no led light in the evening too
Dread is a deep horrible feeling. I somtimes wake feeling like I am on cliff shelve.
One time before I was saved, my Narc sister did something really bad to me. I became terribly scared and panicked. I then ran to a Bible in my home - I put my hand on it and "suddenly" just suddenly! I became calm. Very Very calm. This was not psychological. I know it wasn't. God's Word is alive.
OceanSound100
SO TRUE sister"
..GODS WORD IS ALIVE!
..also one person mentioned"
DREAD"... it's a spirit"
Paul said WE dont war
Against flesh and blood"
I believe..narcs" tap into
Them" just my opinion".
Got a few at work...
Some in the church"
Anyway GOD BLESS"😄
be-set-free
Great advice!🤗
@@johnmorgan692Was just watching a movie and thought of that verse "we war not against flesh and blood, but against principalities in dark places" Then came on here and you are saying it. I had many spiritual experiences in my life. Came face to face with Demons. I really have. We know why God said "this is not our home" Flesh and blood can not war like that.
I know what you mean! Try to take sone deep breaths and remind yourself that you are safe and say some affirmations like" I am competent" " I am healed". You are on the heroes journey!
Mine was mostly just a generalized uneasiness. No peace. Sometimes a dread. More like groan...this is gonna suck. But I did tend to “awfulize” too. It was usually related to fear of failure or fear in the romance area or fear of retaliation/bullying/violence.
Self trust. Lol. Yes. I don’t have much anxiety anymore, but a narc def can and will try to create more of it.
Thank you for this teaching about anxiety! I listened to this twice and perhaps I will listen to it again. I have had anxiety since as far back as I can remember maybe four years old. I am thinking that although it could be a chemical in balance in my brain, I’m more inclined to believe that it was caused by several factors in my childhood. My parents divorced when I was four and looking back I realize I had never had a sense of belonging and security. I remember always feeling nervous and on guard to be the perfect person. Myself and three siblings were raised primarily by our mother. Her parenting skills were a mirror of what she grew up with. I believe we are primarily products of our nurturing or lack of. My mother was judgmental and emotionally unavailable. I was always looking for ways to please her so when I was doing chores or anything she asked me to do I found myself being over the top perfectionistic so that she would approve of what I did so I would at least get some affirmation of value. Most of the time she would find something to point out that was negative and made me feel like I didn’t measure up. Then my father who would be around periodically as part of the divorce agreement would sexually abuse me and then tell me that if I told my mother, she would have him put in jail. Is it any wonder that I developed anxiety that I have had my whole life?! Sometimes I’ll tell people that we spend our life undoing the damage our parents did… That is if we’re lucky enough to have good teachers and have the insight for change!
Wish I could love this......several thousand k's over!
Love your wonderful bedside manner and direct plain talk. Life changing therapy! Best to Gus too!
Your videos cover the topic so succinctly and with so much care and "non - judgement" with practical helpful steps one can take..what a joy!
Thank you for the time putting in these great videos. Full of insights. It really helps people who cannot afford therapy.
ALL OF THIS - As I unravel the root causes of this in my life, the anxiety is less and less because I have a grip on what is going on. I'm learning to pay attention to the anxiety as a cue for investigation, understanding, and change rather than thinking there is something "wrong" with me for what is understandable, reasonable but undesireable reactions. Learning to respond according to who I want to be rather than react to the perceived pain and old patterns.
I suffer from anxiety and I really appreciate this video, gave me insight on how I should feel inside and take control that way. t was very helpful for me. Keep up the great videos
I like that you help people face up to the way they feel in a grown-up, yet comforting manner, without victimizing them. Thank you.
Dr Carter, it'd be great if you could make more videos on how to handle anxiety, thnks in advance and congratulations for your work!
Good day, sir. Wow. This is good stuff. I value this info. It just takes one person to care & pour in..and you're the right one. Big thank you, Dr. C! Miss you Gus:))
Like an ambulance response, you are that for me. 100 percent relate.
Pearls of Wisdom. Gratitude.
Trust yer gonna get great accommodations one day and be served instead of serving.
Where is Gus?
Gus will show up! Dr. C
I noticed your channel a week ago. I think you are very articulate and to the point. Thanks! I can't seem to get through drama without a gigantic adrenalin rush, like I've been kicked in the gut.
Would love to hear more from you on anxiety and/or depression. Appreciate your videos, very helpful❤️
I clicked on this video hoping to find something to help me understand my wife.
I came away better understanding why I behave the way I do.
Thank-you Dr. Carter
very helpful thanks, I've suffered with anxiety for a long time, at times it was pretty serious so it's good to know how to deal with it when those feelings come up again.
Fear can be directed back at the problem which puts all participants on the same level, therefore in most cases neutralizes the treat.
Exactly what I need in life especially this for work! I am now peace with myself as long I remind myself exactly what you preached Dr. Les Carter. No one said it better. This is the very first time life saving and changing for my anxiety! I will write and self meditate and self talk on self-preservation especially for my internals. Thank you so much!!! God Bless! I’m keep on watching because your channel is changing not only my life but many of us out here! Thank u again!!!
I feel like a pressure cooker that just got it's steam released. I've lived with high anxiety for several years now. It takes a massive amount of your energy when feeling anxiety to the point that you put things off that would help solve the anxiety because you're too exhausted with worry. I will be listening to this video over and over again. It really gave me the tools to calm down. I'm in a race against Time as my health declines, my income declines, equals-- find senior housing quick. That's my biggest anxiety right now. But I'll use my internals to keep calm about it. I can't control the massive rents in California all I can do is try to work around them. Thanks for another tool for my toolbox dear Dr C.
THANK YOU SO MUCH THIS WAS GODSEND I HAVE BEEN FEELING LIKE THIS FOR A WHILE NOW. HAVE THE HAPPIEST OF NEW YEAR
I was Agoraphobic for over 20 years, panic and anxiety, it's still there and gets best of me sometimes but I have worked on myself so I am no longer terrified. Thank you Dr. Carter
@be-set-free hmmmm interesting! I too, to remember to be present, say to myself - remember who and what you are, a visitor in human form. Blessings!
Thank you so much for all the help you give to people like me who have been living with crazy guys that try to control us. God bless you!
And I, for one, truly appreciate your being along on this journey. Thank you for your work. It is a Godsend.
So pleased! Dr. C
You are so great mind, I truly appreciate your help
I haven’t even watched the video but I’m calling it now.
I guarantee this video is informative and 100% will make me feel better.
Thanks Doc.
You are one of the few people I listen to (my wife is gone, I used to listen to her, she was a good soul, and I miss her).
If I had had this sort of therapy years ago, probably be better off now.
Anyway, thanks again for all your great videos!
Thanks. Dr. C
Wow! Profound! Concise and yet thorough! Thanks a lot for posting this, Les!
I've suffered with anxiety issues for decades literally. My worst is to be in a crowd, feeling overwhelmed and feel like I'm about to lose control. Along with this is the overwhelming fear that the strangers around me will "KNOW I'M NOT NORMAL".
Your anxiety sounds like PTSD. But I'm not a doctor. Good Luck! ❤
Hey Dr. Les! Thanks for another great vid and yes, I can relate to this very well. However, my emotional trigger re anxiety is fear. I carry alot of it and in the past, in my sleep state of unawareness, I believe that it was the root cause of some of my behaviors. However, due to the work I am engaged in on my path of re-building and self-healing I am making different decisions. Monitoring my triggers, or rather my responses to triggers, has been most helpful to me. Gttg off my butt and gttg on my feet to exercise is the 2nd best....I do not like exercise but I must. My best days are sun shiny days and the days that I am in touch with my children. As far as my values, I have returned to church in order to re-connect with those higher values that were instilled in me at a young age. Trust! That is huge for me,...healing is tricky and learng to trust again is trickier...tkg it slow. Lastly, sorry, I am rushing today, ..anger, I have accepted that I am going to feel anger sometimes and thankfully since I hv never gone "ballistic" using weapons etc., I will be ok in that area. I am also mindful of the fear that others have of a woman's anger...I am scary enough..LOL!! Tkg it one day at a time, some days it is an hour at a time. Lastly, between all of my video role models and radio teachers---thy kn who they are,..and (Pastors JO, RCB, J, JM, VO, IYA, OPRAH, INF. h20), and yourself, prayer, self motivation and determination, I am slowly feeling more like "me" only with a new self awareness, new goals, and more of a refusal to EVER give up or give in. Peace Dr. Les and I will c u on the next video. God bless.
At the basis of all negative feeling is resistance. The idea that "It shouldn't be like this" . The only cure is acceptance or surrender. From that any action that follows - including not acting - will be more auspicious than if it came from resistance. The only thing that prevents anxiety is trust. Not in some particular outcome, but trust in life in general. Don't panic, nothing is under control.
When I gave my life and surrendered to Jesus, ALL of my anxieties melted away to leave me as a very relaxed and smiley, cheeky, positive person. I had been very highly anxious for over 20 years with low self esteem, bullied in the workplace, lots of illnesses related to it, panic attacks, depression, suicide attempts etc. You get the picture. Now I can let go of the control and fear and trust God my life has become amazing. God has done amazing things to help me and guide me to the right friends and caring partner. Life is amazing now
This is exactly what I needed to hear today.
Your videos are AWESOME, Dr.Carter! I appreciate you so much.
Hurry! I'm worried. 😦!!! Well, I'll calm down for now, and I look forward to another informative and effective video.
I am deeply concerned
I'll figure it out, that's what I do! Yeah! Thank you. See you next time.
Great info! Thank you
The Lord has truly blessed you with a most wonderful gift. I felt as though I was sitting in your office and you were talking just to me. Thank you for sharing your wonderful gift with all. May the Lord make His face to shine on you and your family always.
So kind. Thank you! Dr. C
I admire you Dr. Carter . You shead a light on everyone of your videos .Thank You
I just have no idea why you got 35 thumbs down for sucn an unbiased and educated advice.
Thanks Doc. That makes good common sense. Lord knows it ain't easy. Thanks again.
You're truly help so many people. God Bless You and thank you so much for all you do. Please keep uploading videos!!
Thank You. Meditation works for me. Drugs didn't do a thing. Your videos are a great help for me.
We.. ( type error). It is reassuring we are not alone. Bless you.
My house, ( my life, my mind, my thoughts, my attitudes), should not be built on shifting sand that is so unstable, but upon a rock. Bless you!
Dr. Carter I have noticed that anxiety in one person can be picked up on by others leading them to feel anxious too. Sometimes that means the person picking up on that anxiety are going to be blaming of the original person with it regardless of why the person is showing signs of anxiety. For example when a person is feeling anxious while they have an undiagnosed chronic lung ailment which is making it more difficult for them to take deep breaths while a little more tired than usual. Veterans who have worked near burn pits could maybe relate to that. Refusing to live in anger towards others while wanting to be on team healthy is key to overcoming anxiety.
The fact that we're all different and have different opinions, tastes, way of handling things... i consider that to be like wealth that we share. But i do hope one day we wake up in a world where humans have found that appreciation for self awareness and these values like dignity, respect, civility. Thanks, it was very enlightening, i do suffer anxiety due to prolongued mental abuse by several people.
I like the way you think. Thanks for your comments. Dr. C
What a wonderful healer and teacher you are! Thank you for everything!
You’re a decent man, Dr.C. Thank you.
Being a people pleaser and peace keeper all my life
I’m over doing all this and yes I revert to anger frustration and irritation knowing I don’t have to be this way and feel anxious for saying no to people
Excellent video, Dr. C.! Anxiety, unless understood and reduced and/or eliminated can kill. I think it's one of the biggest causes of ill health, heart disease, and cancer.
I survived 2 kinds of cancer and this year, one kind came back. My approach and reaction to the news was far different this time. I've learned to let go of things I cannot control, and I've learned not to care so much what people think of me...I pray a lot, give thanks a lot, and have no qualms anymore about eliminating judgmental, controlling and criticizing people from my world by simply not giving their "helpful" (unasked for) "advice" any credibility or power over my feelings, emotions or decision making. I laugh so much more these days, believe it or not! I enjoy people more...and haven't needed any medication for anxiety or depression...your videos help. I also must mention laughter! Find real comedians that make you laugh out loud! For me, it's old time comedians like Jackie Gleason, Red Skelton, Carol Burnett and Lucille Ball...and modern day entertainers like Jeanne Robertson! For me, it's called gratitude and that's why I'll fight to keep my life...it's the best way I have of saying thanks to God for giving it to me!
Dr. C, your advice always seems clean, concise, and call me. Thank you again
Hahahaha!!!! “Call me” was supposed to be CALMING
Thank you Dr Carter, for your great words of wisdom, also for your time & effort you put into making them. These video's have been so very helpful. You're a breath of fresh air, with your calming voice & sincerity🙏😊much appreciated.
4th video of you. I'm starting to appreciate you. Thank you!