6 Traits That Keep People From Being Kind
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 ก.ย. 2024
- As you engage with people they can wonder: Do I matter to you? Do you think I'm significant? Psychotherapist Dr. Les Carter explains how kindness sends a strong message that you see the good in others and you desire connection. He then warns of 6 common traits that can inhibit your ability to maintain a reputation as a kind person who truly cares.
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who lives in Dallas, Tx. In the past 39 years he has conducted over 60,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars.
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Self centered people aren’t only unkind they can be dangerous. They aren’t matured and developed. It’s basically only about their needs, which are grotesquely unfair on others. People have to end their contact with them. Not caring about others can have the same effect as bad intent towards them. They also have ruined their own life and wow are they out to take you down!
I’m the type of person that complete strangers will tell me their life stories; the good, the bad and the ugly. It used to upset me and now I just let people talk. If I’m a safe place for them then so be it.
That's a compliment to you. Dr. C
Dr. Les Carter I’m great for nervous fliers. 😆⭐️
I've been told I don't meet a stranger. And that sometimes I'm too kind and people take advantage of me. I'd rather take a chance on being nice to someone than letting them change who I am. Yes, I have been too trusting at times and I have gotten hurt. But the sad thing is, it was never a stranger who hurt me. It was people that I believed in. Thank you Dr. C. 😊
Stay on course, Karen! Even if you do sometimes get taken for granted or taken advantage of. A friend of mine once said to me: Don't ever let the bastards grind you down! (He's Australian, that might explain his choice of words, haha!) Being kind is so much better than being fearful, or worse, not caring about others.
@@yobrojoost Thank you.
@@yobrojoost Non illegitimi carborundum as the Latin saying goes.
Karen Presley Amen
Same here...it was those in my "intimate circle" who hurt me most. I never meet a stranger either. I enjoy meeting and talking with people...wherever I go. Kindness goes a long way...if it's genuine.
One of the things I show to be kind is writing old style snail mail letters. Mail any more is bills, political ads and other worthless stuff. I don't care if I get any replies, that's not the point. Getting a letter brightens their day. I did get a reply in August that was awesome. My 5 year old nephew who is autistic wrote me back. Best letter ever.
I was kind today,to a homeless lady who attends free dinners. I complimented her on her hair and told her I was glad to see her there. I felt a lot better about myself, better than I have felt in a very long time
Amazing how that works! Dr. C
Even kind people can be pushed to their limits from time to time. They have boundaries. There are people who mistake kindness for weakness or passivity and believe they can take advantage of a kind person. This is a *serious* mistake. 🐯
Yes. Being kind does not require a lack of firmness, boundaries, or resolve. Dr. C
@@DrLesCarter ❤!
@Doppelgänger ❤!
Other traits that prevent people from being kind are competition, jealousy, and resentment.
Yes. It could be a much longer list. Dr. C
Thank you so much for reading my comment and responding. I am sharing your videos with my children because I believe you do such a great job of teaching us all about important tools that we all need when interacting with others. I love your other channel but this one is also amazing and very helpful. I really needed this lesson on kindness.
Competition is fine when its coupled with sportsmanship. Without that, yes.
Truth.
Thank you. Words I needed to hear.
Number 6, oftentimes, is a sign of an innately kind person who has had his or her kindness taken advantage of one too many times
Kindness is misread as a weakness by so many... Being kind is difficult because of how it is misread. I reserve the kindness till I feel it will not be used to manupulate me. Being manipulated tends to force a redraw of boundries & it chips away at what trust factor is left. Your words resonate, but applying them gets dicey... 💜
It's only weak people that read kindness as weak.
@@jcronin3155 I agree, but that also in their minds, validates their logic to abuse kindness in rather nasty ways. They seem to loathe that which they hunt.
An example of what I mean when I say "being kind when you feel you won't be manipulated by the action":
A retired Army Nurse is coming back home this weekend. I work for her, helping to maintain her home here while she winters in warmer weather for health reasons. She will find a vase of flowers and fresh fruit waiting for her on clean linens... and everything ready for her when she walks in the door. I have watched her go out of her way for others many times. She deserves the extra "mile"...
In this way, I spend effort where it is deserved. I will also say something if I see something I don't like, not unlike what the Dr. did with the cashier under verbal assault. Experience teaches how to pick your battles wisely...💜
I have this happen a lot. I would rather be alone than surrounded by toxic people. I still put out to much kindness, I don't want to chane because others are ugly but I will consider your advice.
@@catherinerhea6336 They seem to loathe that which they hurt. YES YES A Thousand More YES!
When you sense a narc (and have been abused by a narc) you shut down it's just a natural defense. You can still be kind, to a limit, but be warned and alert. People WILL smile in your face and put a knife in your back 10min later. I've experienced it WAY to much in my life. Approach them with caution then back off and cut them off if you sense they are users and have mal intent.
I agree with you, relationship with a narcissist will certainly change the level of openness you will have towards people, but will also teach you seeing the person's intent. You can still be kind, though wouldn't be same as before narcissistic abuse
Authority vs authoritarian. This is huge. Thank you.
I started my healing journey 2013. I was 63 at that time.
At 63, I read my junior high school and high school year books. I had Never read them before. I know, Why did I wait so long. I was afraid of what kids would say about me.
Most all, said how kind I was. Blew my mind.
Someone called me a Fink.
I never knew I was that kind. I swear, inside of me I was scared. Today I still try to be kind.
Today I'm still in recovery and try to be kind.
@@Julie-ev5js Thank You for responding. Back in the day 'fink', yes I'm laughing.
What's a fink?
I'm sorry, but the fink comment made me chuckle. I'm sure you're not that at all.
It's an unpleasant or contemptible person.
I'm guilty of #1-easily irritated, #3-not so much a tyrant, but definitely hold myself to strict rules, #4 very defensive, #5-judgmental, #6-loner, distrust people
(I'm a mess... in my next life, i should probably just be a tree)
Renae Brosam I will be the tree next to you, lol.
Renae Brosam ::: Bloom where you’re planted! Maybe try to reach out anonymously, no expectations on either party’s reaction?
I was told --- people are wary of you because of your potential --- NICE !
I think I'll be another tree growing next to you.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
This is helpful for 2 reasons: (1) A narcissist will try to convince you that they’re the kind one and you’re not. With a thorough definition of the word, you’ll know that’s false. And (2) with a thorough definition, you’ll know exactly whom to trust and be intimate with and whom not to.
Great identification of value and future rule of thumb.
I love your videos Dr. Carter. You are a fabulous role model for humanity.
🙏♥️
I used to be a kind person, but I think I allowed myself to move more and more into these defensive mechanisms. This really spoke to my heart, Dr. Les.
Pleased! Maybe you can turn that ship around. Dr. C
@@DrLesCarter Yes. I left that relationship and after recovering am my old self.
My mother did not want to be known as a kind person; she preferred to be known as a cruel one. She believed that, "Fear is the greatest motivator." When I was 9 years old and crying because of her intense verbal abuse, she said, "To me, the sound of your sobs are like the sound of a fine symphony orchestra tuning up." She was the director of a nursery school and gave parenting seminars promoting gentle child rearing; she had a strong reputation as a child care expert. Among her friends in her social world, she was considering frightening or outright terrifying; people literally trembled when she walked into the room. She died 15 years ago, and, at times, I am still afraid of her. The truth is, some people prefer being feared. I am happy to report that, in spite of my background, I am not one of them.
She sounds horrible! When we raise our kids we either copy our parents or do the exact opposite. I had an aloof mother. I spent years trying to make her love me. I succeeded. But I didn't make my son feel like he didn't have my love. He knows he has it forever. We aren't our parents.💗
@@madelainepetrin1430 LOVE is NOT ABOUT 'feelings.' (you probably heard this at some point) AUTHENTIC love remains silent when others are 'crucifying' 'scourging' (you know to what I allude to) AUTHENTIC LOVE...doesn't quit when there's difficulties in human interactions. The comment of
the mother director of a nursery school, of many whining and 'strong willed' youngsters would not be effective if she 'gave in to their ways' (of being a
child) LOVE often has to say NO and mean it and give the very young mind reason why certain behavior will not be tolerated. To a very young child or
an immature adolescent or young adult...meekness is seen as weakness and they will try to use such 'love.' I really can't judge your mom (or dad) but
what you call 'aloof,' a conspicuously not friendly or distant...is a broad term. Some persons have a trait called 'shyness' 'introversion.' As a child, did
your mom keep the house clean, cook meals for you and siblings, make sure you did your homework, study and tell you to be respectful to teacher?
IT'S ALL LOVE! You 'succeeded' in 'making your mom love you?' OR did your mom succeed in bringing you to understand LOVE goes beyond just the affectionate love. Teach that LOVE is present in 'different styles' of personality, but LOVE is about serving another's needs. Again, I don't know what
your mom or dad was like. BUT writing of her being aloof, is too broad a statement.
@elizabethambielli610 My mother wasn't a bad mother. She was distant. She told me many times that she would have been happy without kids. I don't think she realized that it hurt. She was a good listener but never gave her opinion, never shared good things. I treated her like a queen, but she appeared distrustful of my intentions. As far as personality, we were opposite. When she was dying, I was the one she wanted near, not my brothers and sisters. That's when I knew all my work hadn't been in vain.
It's not good to judge others...unless you have walked a mile in their moccasins. You just never know how much a kind word/deed can brighten someone's day. Thanks for another good video!
From my experience I've found deeply rooted greed of money contributes to some not being able to be kind. They are so bitter and hateful having to support others or their children they treat you inhumane and are covertly aggressive.
Well no wonder you have such a beautiful soul, Dr C. Hearing of your father's role - it all makes sense. He must be very proud of the amazing work you do now. Thank you for your life-restoring videos.
Odette F Wow.. Life restoring.... You speak TRUTH ☺
Greetings, Dr. C. I believe there is insufficient kindness in the world, at least the parts I've been exposed to throughout my time in this world. I'm pleased that you chose to create a video about kindness and its importance. Before I began watching the video, I guessed what those six things would be and then you listed the things I guessed! The last dozen years of my life have been filled with many unkind people, mostly co-workers. Fortunately, I no longer work with them. I stay away from unkind and unfair people whenever possible. I don't need or want that negative energy in my life. Thank you very much for helping me so much with your videos - and YOUR kindness!
The person that keeps staying in my life just don’t care, he expects you to kneel down to him and if you don’t, he thinks you are bad.
Then he believes he now must teach you a lesson.
Even though I never did any such wrong to him.
I was just a kind person and it seems to be a bad thing around someone crazy.
I had to fight, defend myself all the time, physically.
The military helped encourage this kind of behavior. They knew he was dangerous, but it was me that they would threaten.
Telling me that I had to care for him or we will take your children.
These are great ideas and actions a kind person can take, exception if you have a crazy person in your life. Then all bets are off. Get rid of the crazy person. But, he won’t go away. So I have to get mean. He gets meaner. Then my health starts to go bad. He sees that and works harder to keep up the stress on me.
He just said he wants me dead the other day. I said I know. Can you tell me why you want me dead in a calm voice I asked. No, I don’t know, I just want to win I guess. Wow! I said nothing.
I wasn’t surprised. To have no reason to want to harm someone is just mind blowing to me. To know you have no reason to want to harm someone is psychopath. He just doesn’t have a conscience.
Still good info for future.
People who get to be kind are lucky.
Good information,
Thank you
Get away from him by any means possible! He sounds like a very toxic person, narc or sociopath or even psycho! Get out of there quick, save yourself! Go well!
Always been a willing participant of Team healthy. Thank you for clarifying the path for me a little more.
Dear Dr Carter, I feel you have been very kind in making these videos available. Your expertise & clarity has made a huge difference to my mental health. Before I saw your videos I could not understand why my very dangerous, violent & abusive mother persisted in treating me as she did, despite my efforts to be obedient, polite, helpful & generally 'good'. It really bothered me that I could not understand. I couldn't seem to just put it behind me, as I knew I should, I really needed, from the depths of my being, to understand. I'm in my late 50s but I was waking up & spending half the night trying to make sense of some of crazy thing my mother did when I was 7. (You ever heard of a mother that deliberately makes holes in her little daughters otherwise O.k knickers?) For years I felt like I was trying to fit a 6ft long box inside my skull, or something like that, it didn't matter which way I turned it I just couldn't fit it in. Honestly I was suffering so much turmoil that I think there was a real danger that I might have become insane. Now I have studied many of your videos & I feel different. When I think of my mother now, it is with sadness but with the feeling that I understand now, at least roughly what was going on in her head. I have some idea at least, employing some of the keys your videos have given me. When I think of my mother now it is with the feeling that I 'get it' in terms of understanding her. Now I understand about Narcissism it all makes a lot more sense. At last I am starting to find some peace in the struggling turmoil of years. Now I am beginning to free up energy to be able to make progress with my physical health & have acheived an important physical health & fitness goal today. I am a lot happier & I'm slowly learning to sleep nights instead of useing them to try to make sense of things that have happened & I'm beginning to find peace of mind.. Thankyou so much. Peace be with you.
P.s. I have recommended your videos to the mental health team here as a resource for people who have been abused as children or in abusive relationships so that others here in Devon, England will also benefit from your in depth knowledge.
Hi Sarah, You're why I tape these videos. So pleased you shared your story, as I know many in our community can relate. You're right, understanding it doesn't take away all the painful memories, yet it can allow you to move to a place on inner peace. I know, just from what you said here, that you will be a giver of dignity, respect, and civility, and much of it is a direct byproduct of your history. Thanks for spreading the message there in Devon. Dr. C
You make us realize what we already know!! Recovery from Gaslighting.... Is FUCK UP!!! YOU MAKE ME REALIZE!! IM MORE MAD AT MYSELF! THAN AT ANYTHING ELSE!! THANK YOU
It makes me smile and it gives me a warm fuzzies feeling and it encourage me to do for someone else like opening a door. Simple but it makes me happy.
Sad because my husband is all 6 of those traits now. When I met him he hid who he read was until the vows were said then the real him emerged quickly. What a deceiver. Now I can’t meet anyone new because I’m too afraid they will be as crappy as him or are nice and be scared off by him or judge me for being stuck with him
A reasonable response especially IF he is a narcissist and has abused you for a very long time.
Kindness is about all I have to give....
This was good. I can be so unkind at times. Am not happy with myself later.....
Your an Army brat! Me too! My Dad was CW4 Russell McConnell. That's so awesome. ☺
We settled into our original home (Atlanta) by the time I was 10. Prior to that there was some moving all over the place. It worked out fine! Dr.C
Husband shows Kindness to everyone but his Wife.
That's not right. Dr. C
Same....and it's not right.
The kindness to everyone else is probably false.
Maybe time to either lay cards on the table or end the marriage
Are you letting him be unkind to you and put up with it?
If so maybe you should rethink your standards and have boundaries
My wife shows kindness, love and care to everyone except for her husband (me).
I'm her enemy.
Great message for people such as myself whom wish to grow and learn how to be better people for the hurt we have had in this life. Much better than remaining a stick in the mud, with a wasted life that I wish to have a purpose for the pain,so some small positive change will be validation of purpose. Thanks for your time kind Sir
Excellent again! I am a fan of yours. Your exposisions on narcissism were fantastic and have helped me a lot.
I love 💕 when you give a story scenario
Sir. We all have to stand in line, and wait our turn. Be patient! You meet a lot of nice people waiting in line!
Thank you for all your videos sir, they are really important and I appreciate you taking the time to record these videos, for us❤️
Soul food. Thank you Dr. Les
💞 “enough of us can make a difference “.
This is a kind message, thanks 🙏🏽😊
I've learned so much from your knowledge... thanks
There's a show gleaned from the comments, Dr. Carter - So many mention not wanting to be kind since it gets them treated as weak. So, tips are needed on how to handle that with your terrific brand of comprehensive wisdom!
(That's not laying it on thick. That's just the truth)!
Thanks, and I know sometimes people think kindness becomes an invitation to be treated poorly. But that doesn't have to happen. Kind people can still have strong boundaries. So far on this channel, the closest video I have about this would be the one about people pleaser's do's and don'ts. Thanks for your good words. Dr. C
Thank you for this.. These are very self reflecting. I'm surrounded by constant negativity. These people can smash your spirit. These are traits that I can keep myself in check with. 💕
Lisa Reagan I agree!
This is really intetesting!!! My deceased narcissist was not a kind person in the beginning of our marriage. But as the years passed he watched me and apparently decided he needed to mirrormy actions??? I love to cook and very often took food to family who were sick or have lost a loved one...here on NC we do that. He would always insist that I wait for him to get home from work to take the food.I figured out he got a buzz from it!!!
I will not look at this video. With all due respect Dr. Les, I have been kind most of my life, to the point of being co-dependent and almost a martyr. If I had never known how to be kind I wld hv never had all of the jobs that I have had, nor wld I hv had the number of keys to other people's homes on the past when I had a home services business. I am black, 99.9 percent of my customers in the past were always white. They liked and they trusted me. I received opportunities to go places, attend dinners, receptions, etc., with the upper echelon many days, was invited to speak, join organizations, you name it. I can walk and talk with the best of them even with my low vocabulary skills. I hv been too nice to many, esp. to the men who took advantage of me, who had no intentions of marrying me or being a step father to my children. I hv never taken from a,man, blackmailec a man, caused job loss for one, I have not told their business, or even stolen from their pockets. I hv bn nice and kind to women who hated my guts because I am light skinned, that is usually a problem within my race. I hv given what I cld when I could, and hv asked for NOTHING when I should hv. I cld say more but I will leave it at that. While I will always appreciate the educational info that you provide abt those narcs, I hope one day that someone will make a video on who to report those demons to when they are wealthy, married, living the life of luxury, and they wake up everyday and find a way to hit a black woman, who is single and poor, in her mouth. Is there a video on why society feels that it is ok to drag a single woman's life pn a daily basis because she had sex in her past w someone she was not supposed to, and will not provide sex to them? The bottom line is that as a poor, undereducated single mother back then, I accepted sex when what I needed and wanted waz love. Looking forward to the next video while I pray that the Almighty will step in and save me and my grown children whom he has also separated me from.
Hi Shanta, I hope you know my intentions are good. Reading your comments reminds me that your world view has been shaped by very different forces than mine. I truly wish I could get inside your mind and know what it is like to think like you. I would have a fuller, richer understanding of humanity. Thanks for sharing. I am always in need of a distinct voice that pushes me to think beyond my own limited experiences. Hope the next video resonates with you. Dr. C
The most important person I try to please now is my self. I do not like myself when I am mean. So I have learned nice feels much better. It'll also keep you out of a bunch of senseless arguments
Yes Dr. Carter, it was very helpful and enlightening. I have been very closed off and defensive to everyone since my divorce. I am going to make an effort to change that and come out of my shell, which will give people a chance to know me better.
We become kind, by being kind.
🍃☺️🍃
Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge with us
Good video. I will keep an open mind and still be kind maybe one day my co worker will actually say hello and good morning.
Me to Sherri l am going through the same thing. Stay kind even though sometimes it may be hard.
I have found how to find it's my honor from being kinder than the person who I had been with was to me and I wish to be a better person for all the pain to have purpose instead of being the first loser and wasted year's of the one life and l have been fortunate enough to get. I do wish to be a better person and the arrogance out of ignorance I have had is not a lot to take pride in I am afraid. Best regards
I once worked with someone for four years who would never say hello or greet me. This individual sat in a cubicle next to my cubicle. Whenever she would walk pass me I would try to smile but she would turn and look the other way. No matter how many times that I would try to be friendly she would never reciprocate. I left that job to move to another state. I was gone for ten years and moved back to be near my family. One day I ran into this same woman when I was working as a receptionist for this office. She actually came up to me and gave me a hug. Maybe she realized after all those years that she was not kind to me. We had a nice short conversation and I never seen her again. I'm so glad that I was kind to her when I worked with her and when I ran into her again. You never know what someone is going through. Always remember to be kind.
@@rachelm2041 Maybe she was convicted. Perhaps found Jesus. What a beautiful ending.
Doctor, you are so gentle...nothing is scary with you....
I used to be kind! Too many people saw it as a weakness
Carole Irwin Its not a weakness if you have good boundaries and remember to be kind and respectful toward yourself.
I am a psychiatrist and I learn many good things I can use to teach others. Thank you for your generous sharing of your knowledge. God bless you.💚💙💜💛
Very pleased to know this! Dr. C
I think you are kind, so am I..Dr. C you just made me believe I am a kind person.
I love every video and your amazing advise. Everything you say resonates with me and just might save the rest of my life. So glad I found you!!
I'm glad you're on board! Dr. C
Your talk is so enlightening I seem to be in the wrong when I have just tried to be kind. I might need to think more to preserve the peace in my life
Sure loved this video. It is remarkable... & so very important for all ages of people to hear & digest. Do you teach at a university? That generation would greatly benefit from your messages & wisdom....our whole nation would!
I teach at TH-cam U. Dr. C
Dr. Les Carter 👏😁👏😁👏 Thanks for those smiles today. Your classroom of students is enormous & it’s been a huge blessing (life saving) to have discovered your class. 🕊
Extremely helpful knowledge spoken with great kindness towards the hurt people
Thanks for this subject as, these days, the trend seems to be to rashly react before think & be kind. Thanks for helping reverse the trend!
To be seen by the masses, it should be a commercial during televised news & sports, etc., yeah!? 😉
I totally agree, this should be taught in schools as well!
Kindness changes the world ❤thank you dr Carter for being kind ❤😊
The best Dr/ kind person I have heard that has what he says right on target.
These videos just make me want to be a better person.
You speak to my heart. I have a lot of growth to do in this area.
Thank you Dr. Les! Exactly what I needed to hear today.
Hi, yes, I find so much value in your videos and teachings. I find comfort in listening to them, and feel inspired by your ideas to become a more mature person, and to connect more profoundly with others. Thank you so very much!
Dr. Les thank you so much for your excellent council, You are wonderful!!!
I saw a framed print, that read, "Kindness is Everything". I like that.❤
Yeah. And there is also kind vs “nice.” Nice isn’t even a personality trait and is often what we do when someone is more deserving of a throat punch. Which imo is just being civil if you possibly can without getting any harm done to yourself. And “nice” is also what some like codependents use to please, appease or control as well. It’s just not this heartfelt sort of thing like kindness is really. I was glad to learn that they aren’t the same thing and that kindness is good when you can freely give it without being used or when you feel inspired to and “nice” just isn’t something I have to always be or try to be at all. And yeah, I mean also learning that not everyone merits my kindness and you can’t give it to abusers bcuz to them it’s just permission to abuse. I guess I would call kindness more like open affection and generosity really. The narcs just get civil from me only, not my kindness, and that’s only when they are fortunate enough to have me go near them. Imo they are quite lucky to even have such kind people as ourselves around them at all. JS. Cuz we def can do better than what they have to offer us (which is nothing good really). And it’s just irresponsible to give any of it to the narcs bcuz they will be utter wasters of it and it will be of no profit to anyone wasted on them like that and we will be too depleted to give it to the right people who really need it and/or deserve it and who would at the very least appreciate it.
Great insight why the person a few steps ahead of me couldn't hold the door open for the fellow human being close behind....
I have learned so much from you in recent months. If I’d known what understand now, my life would have been very different. I would not have been in and out of psych wards drugged up and more vulnerable than ever. I would have had more self worth and a good career. I feel that teenagers could greatly benefit from your wisdom being taught to them as they come to terms with themselves and others with kindness and acceptance. I have some anger issues as I feel I have been duped by psychiatry but I try not to dump my negative feelings on to others. I feel mainly positive Due to your reasoning and kindness. Thank you.
Am I a kind, safe person? Do I show that others matter to me?
What prevents this:
1 chronic undertow of impatience, irritability, agitation; people bug me
2 entitlement, selfishness; it’s all about me; recognition seeking
3 strong authoritarian person (versus authoritative); must have control
4 defensiveness; “boomerang communication” uses counter-blame; justifying, rationalizing
5 judgmental (versus discerning); attacks character; no mistakes allowed; labels; “othering” people; superiority
6 closed-minded; no self disclosure; does not engage; mistrustful
Dr. Les Carter, thanks. You fine individual
I'm afraid to be kind and generous! Everytime I do it, I receive back a kick in my ass! 😕
Try to look at it as not "Everytime".
you are spot on again !! Can't believe some people click thumbs down My uncle use to say fifty percent of people in the world just want to make trouble for the other half !
Thank you for the introduction of the word 'apprised'.
Thank you so much for clarifying the opponent. My problem is the inevitable guilt... How to overcome the guilt? Against my mother, brother, children... Jees, I wish there was this simple recipe, to overcome the feeling of guilt! I hate the feeling, but I know the necessity of my actions.
Judgemental - absolutely my soapbox -
It is reasonable, wise, and expected - to "Interpret others actions and behaviors" - but assuming - placing our standards on other - ie judging - it Not the Actions of a Mature Minded Individual with a Balanced Self Worth.
We must remind ourselves that we must not legislate morality nor expect all others to live to our standards.
🍀❤🎉
I had the good fortune to attend a seminar where Colin Powell was one of the keynote speakers and what a speaker he was/is!
Really like the new graphic art in your intro! Thanks Dr. Les, you are a wonderful resource for me. You have helped in so many ways. We can all make a difference, and the world will be a better place.
That's my desire! Dr. C
You’re amazing Doc !
love the DRC ...you get better every time. Make me strive to be a better human.
Love it. Thank you for being the big hearted man and role model that you are. ❤️🙏
Thanks so much, Gwen. Dr. C
So grateful I found your videos Dr Carter I'm not seeing a psychiatrist after 30 yes in treatment, quit smoking cigarettes after 30 yrs. and going through menopause
Appreciate your encouraging words and your kind, helpful demeanor. Why is it so very hard to remember to be kind?
Very, very interesting points. I always considered myself to be a kind individual but I have received feedback to the contrary. Your bullet points have opened my eyes as to why some may have formed those impressions. Thank-you. It’s time to glow up & be better 🌸
Your honesty here is a good lesson for us all. Dr. C
We can make a difference!!!
Yes we can! Dr. C
Beautifully presented. ❤🙌
Nice talk every dad should do!
Thanks for another one Dr. Carter. I so appreciate kindness and it touches me to see it in little kids. Maybe that was one of the things Jesus was thinking about when he spoke about us becoming like little children. Trusting, kind, honest... .
You might like this video. Dr. C th-cam.com/video/tfxkJxpIDxE/w-d-xo.html
Dawn Bailey What ages are you talking about? My 7 year old has been bullied at sports, at camp, etc. since he was 4. Even young kids can be aggressive. It’s a sign of the times. We’re in the last days.
There seems to be something wrong with kind and soft nowadays. Can't figure it out. Seem to lose all self respect by being kind to some people. Like kind is being confused with something else.
There's definitely a generational as well as a geographical divide. Generations before the Baby Boomers tend to be more generous and understanding. The Baby Boomers and after tend to view such behavior as signaling that the person offering the kindness is someone to exploit. And this sort of worldview is particularly pronounced in the Northeastern US.
Thank You Doctor, Jimmy
I am in loving with Dr. Carter videos . I am such a compassionate and kind of person, according to people around of me . However , I am not the same way to myself ... how can that be fixed in a gentle manner ?
Such an awesome video. I really appreciate on how to phrase things in a kind manner. Thank you Dr.
Right on, doctor
Lately I've been feeling weird. . . Like Good, that I am working out. And I'm even looking into a new job opportunity, I met a passenger in my ride share car. And he told me about a job I am semi familiar with. . . But there is also this feeling of emptiness. . . Like Not having someone to pine over. Or be mad about. I have had these feelings over women for a long time. And male friends as well. As my father growing up would always badmouth his best friends. Still does. So close connections for me. Consisted of being angry frustrated and sad all the time, by the people closest to me. Mainly stemming from my parents.
All the work I've done has more of less created a system to address these avenues that don't feel good. And create new ones.
I still feel alone, I'm not drinking and such. I don't go out much. It's like waking up. And now finally no one is here...
A recent thing that I have discovered. Is disappointment. . . I believe it's a main go to of feeling. How I feel about things. . . I'd much rather be more proactive in my pursuits of wanting things Instead. As even growing up. The things I've wanted were attacked. Shut down. Verbally devalued. And I have felt disappointment about a lot of things over n over for many years. . . Wanting things is ok. And the transition period right now is very out of sorts. . .
It's like being down n out for so very long. Even just as a normalcy. Then learning how not to be that. And even at a low point now, I still have this energy drive pushing me forward. Helping me.
-About the job it might be able to fund a move to LA. A purchase of my own phone and phone bill. A new car I own outright. Eventually. And rent on my very own first apartment. All on my own. . . Also just connecting via a dating app. I got my first connection via chatting. And she seems nice. 41 years old alittle older. I'm 34. And it might not be for me for the long run. But the communication feels good. And I'd like to talk to more women. . . To find what works for me, in the state I am in now. A growing place.
Mostly it's good. But I still miss the fear attachment I had with the latest narcissist girl. Also my parents voices are being battled more n more. But. I honestly don't feel I need to battle them at all. They are fighting each other it seems. And I'd like Now. . . To make my own decisions that work best for me. Period.
I miss LA, as that trip I was up and moving. And I think there is some environmental muscle memory here. Where I have learned to live downward for so long. . .
-I still don't feel like giving up. Quite in fact I want to be more n more proactive. And even learn a new way of working that doesn't relay solely on needing to drive, Just to make money Explore and exchange interaction with people... It's too much of a pathway. For driving to do all of that for me anymore. . .
And I'm in limbo, putting myself there, waiting for the right time to pull the trigger on this job application. . . The training/working out is helping, making me feel better stronger more fit etc. And I would like to go shopping to increase my exterior approach. When interviewing. And operating out in the world in such a new way. . . I have been driving ride share for over 4 years. . . .
I believe it's time to grow even further. Towards my dreams as an actor. And making them come true in the way that works best for me. Plus putting myself in the best place to succeed....
I know I'm good. I just don't know if jobs will be procured. . . But I'd like to put myself in the best place possible to try. And see what could happen. . . Then grow even further from there...
These are my thoughts. Like I stated sort of transition period. Kind of confusing wanting to be sad. But giving more n more chances to be well...
Thank you for listening. In baseball this might considered a mini slump. But the at bats are still semi good. And I still want to try. Even with a lacking feeling there. . . Extreme high & low. . . It's crazy how everything I talk about is interconnected. But can also be turned around to begin helping itself. I.e Me, learning how to help My Self. . .
Thank You.
Thanks for sharing your story, and keep leaning forward in this time of transition. Dr. C
@@DrLesCarter Thank You
Dr C, this is one of my favorites of yours!!
I'm watching this on All Saints Day.We can read up on the Saints lives and learn from them on how to show kindness.God bless you all.❤
I love your videos!!!! So many light bulbs going off! The more I learn about narcissistic character traits, the more people in my life makes sense to me! It reminds me, it’s their struggle not mine! It’s funny how we all come with our own insecurities but the empathic people who have not learned the word “narcissistic” are still being bullied by their own family members, partners, or even co-workers! The more videos I watch of yours, I feel I am developing a stronger Emotional IQ!!!!!! (At least I like to think I am🙃!) thank you for taking the time to develop these videos!!!!
I had to listen to this one twice in order to get its essential message. I loved this one.
Love the anticdote about Colin Powell. I know personally that he absolutely carried that lesson. My dad was an active duty Army Major when he briefly interacted with the General. Several years later, Gen. Powell visited Ft.Lewis and my dad was meeting him on arrival. Gen Powell saw him in the small group, enthusiasticly greeted my father by first name, and asked him a personal question about himself. He asked "we're you successful quitting smoking?"! I think it speaks volumes! Ok, also I get so much from your videos, specifically to deal with my sister, but these principals have helped in all my communication. Thank you so much!
Great story! Thanks. Dr. C
Your videos are always like a good pizza =)
I'm not sure I've ever been given such a compliment. Thanks! Dr. C
What a nice talk. I have always admired Colin Powell wondering how he could have maintained such a high degree of integrity through much testing. For some of us however who do not work with much credibility given them right away it takes offering kindness for a long time before gaining a solid reputation for being kind. In fact, sometimes it is impossible to achieve while standing out still among the wrong crowd when dying young before then.
Oh my gosh! You just described my bully abusive dad to a T!