Hello Adam, avoidant man here. I've been watching your content for a few months now though I've rarely ever commented. I just wanted to say I feel blessed to have found your channel, most of my life I have always felt like something was missing, that the way I always felt wasn't normal. Your videos have really helped me to understand and navigate relationships as an avoidant not only with other people but with myself as well in an effort to become secure. I have noticed a major difference between your videos on attachment styles and others' videos (aside from you not villainizing avoidants as you've mentioned before) is that you are the only one who talks about an avoidant's inability to bond through oxytocin as well as the importance (and existence, because I had never heard of it before watching your videos) of vasopressin bonding. These two things have been the most helpful in changing my approach to my relationships with others. What really resonated with me in particular with this video was when you talked about the first time you experience your parasympathetic nervous system is supposed to be with your mother. I got to thinking and it occurred to me that I never had that. In fact my mother was basically the antithesis to peace when I was growing up, lots of yelling, banging on walls and slamming doors on top of the physical and emotional abuse she put me through. I'm not there yet but I'm putting in the work to becoming secure and hopefully one day I can be the man my future partner needs and deserves. Thanks again for all the work that you do.
Amen to that! Also forgive - yr mother. For she too is a product of her own trauma. Understanding people and ourselves is so powerful. Thank you Adam! This video in particular has given me some lightbulb moments 😊🎉
😢 God bless you. I pray that you also get deliverance and sometimes that can come through just what your doing and thats gaining information to heal wounds. May God bless you and keep you in Jesus name
@@wrestlingfanman22 u articulated Ur journey splendidly u sound well on the way to healing ~know u r going 2b a great parent/partner first by discovering how to parent/reparent urself cause when we know what causes/feels/make us respond & behave the way we do...well when we know better we can do better thru caring n sharing thru actions eh!
Another important thing is make sure you, as the woman, are in your parasympathetic nervous system... I thought I was being kind and loving to others and I was just not getting it in return, but truthfully I was operating in a trauma response where I felt the need to soothe and love people who were harmful to me. I was continuing to attract this type of relationship until I started becoming extremely aware of what I was doing. Now I can meditate and I give myself my own love and oxytocin bond.... I'm not trying to fix anyone or anything anymore, it's not my job.
Adam, I'm not kidding... this video probably just saved my marriage at 11:59:59pm on the doomsday clock. Ultimatums were given, unfaithful partner deciding on me (our 13 year marriage and 4 kids) or her lifelong fantasy love interest she'd been having a text affair with. I followed the ideas here to lower guards and increase our bonding and the effects were immediate. She's decided to work on herself, cutoff comms with the love interest, and save the marriage and I can tell by the words she's using she really means it. Thank you so much for all that you do!
I know this video focuses on avoidant men, but as an avoidant woman I learned more about my own attachment style from this video than I have from any other video on avoidant attachment.
@@DestinyA83 if people tell you, you most likely are. Your intention may not be selfish but your actions most likely are. (Otherwise people around you would not say it to you) --> Important who and how many people are saying this to you? If its one or two people over 10 years I would not care about it.
I don’t have the energy or patience for any of this anymore. I am burnt out from having to baby, coax and suck up to men for affection or even basic kindness when I never get it back. I wanted a nice husband and happy marriage when I was young but it never happened. Now I just want peace and happiness for myself….
I know how you feel. I think we sit in the same boat, I still will fight for the love of my husband. I wish you that you find the solution which makes you happy. I send you a big hug. ❤
I would suggest that you do something about it, using logic not emotion, though i know thats difficult in that kind of situation. And if he is not about to change for you, then leave respectfully, dont be bitter or try to be hateful towards him because that would make you as bad if not worse than him. Seek therapy, preferably from both genders as to get different perspectives, and better yourself to attract the right guy for you. God bless and good luck with whatever you choose
@@damarisfuenteslorenzoOr….he has Asperger’s syndrome. They can definitely come across as avoidant, but really have an inability to emotionally relate to their neurotypical partner.
At 13:30, I, a female who has anxiety issues, had to pause the video and watch my mind get blown. I saw the thumbnail for this and was thinking to myself: "Look, girl, you're trying to practice being in your zen and learning about this subject is just another way that you're going to start chasing him again" and then I started watching it and realized that this information was helpful toward me too and battling my own anxiety without drugs because you're in college is actually tough. I need to be present with myself first.
Thais Gibson has great videos on anxious attachment. Her videos have helped me a lot especially not to take certain behaviours so personally from other attachment styles. But listening to this guy I think is great if you end up in a relationship with an avoidant. I think its also healing to learn about other styles it makes navigating all types of relationships much easier. I wish I knew some of this stuff when I was with my ex. I was able to make deeper strides with him after I became more secure and watching this video I think we could have become even closer. I wont be dating an avoidant again though. I dated someone who poured into me the way I like to pour into others and it was the most beautiful experience ever I dont think I could go back to the dry desert. I felt like someone was finally pouring into my cup and It was so fulfilling.
After watching this video I realize for the first time that I am an avoidant man, and that there are things to learn and change that can help me feel better. I have been working on finding ways to stabilize my digestive system for years and that research has been pointing me to Vagus nerve work as well, so that is definitely my next area of focus. I am also recently widowed after a long ordeal where my wife was too sick and distracted to provide the supports you identify here. I am beginning to date again and this video helped me understand better what I will need from a new partner. Thank you! I will be back for more content!
15:20 peace mode, deep breathes, lay his head on your chest 16:29 scratch his scalp, rub his shoulders 18:31 have you ever been happy and would you like me to be your peace
16:57 adam is spot on with this. My husband also used to lay his head on my lap, I'd rub just like where Adam said. Never knew I was doing that the right way. However, after a massage, he would rarely give one to me. I didn't do that for him to get one in return, but it would have been super nice.
@@philipwilkie3239 the goal is to become securely attached. I was fearful avoidance married for 25 years to an anxiously attached man. We’ve been doing our own individual work for the past 5 years to become securely attached. It took YEARS to figure out we were in this unhealthy pattern anxious & avoid.
Female DA here. I watched one of his videos determined to DA men and their behaviour (or I think it was his channel). I wanted to know if I show signs of it. Short answer: yes, also as a DA women I show most of the same behaviour.
As an avoidant husband with a wife who has spent the last year or so learning to be my peace (thank you Adam), I say an enormous AMEN to everything in this video.
I’m genuinely curious not criticizing at all. I am wondering if you are learning her pace as well? I ask because it would be really great to hear from someone who is aware.
@@raspberrykissable Glad you asked. Yes, I did learn to be her peace, earlier in the relationship. As a result, she felt very loved and motivated to learn how to give back to me in a way that was meaningful. Which she didn't initially know how to do (she was anxiously attached when we married, she's much healthier now), and so for a while I was burning out trying to give to her while constantly being on cortisol.
@@matthewmiller8297 would you say this only works if the avoidant partner does not leave the relationship after a fight, and for both people be willing to do the work?
@@elsagrace3893 Thanks for calling me a liar to my face (and my wife, she considers me avoidant as well) despite knowing almost nothing about me. I'm sure you can explain why I've watched and rewatched all of Adam's videos on avoidant men, and spent $300 on his "How to love and avoidant man" course (great course, btw), and why all of it resonated so deeply with me.....
I love the technical language! It is so truly helpful. I have been researching avoidants for a long time now, and even though I knew about their childhood trauma and lack of experience with coping mechanisms, this is what finally clicked and triggered the compassion state for me. It will immensely help me with forgiving my avoidant-ex for breaking my heart and for how he behaved. I understand him so much more now. I will hopefully be free from the pain and resentment and finally move forward free and lighthearted. I will watch it many times in my healing process. Whenever I feel angry or resentful, I'll watch it, untill I am fully healed and completely over that painful experience. I also have a glimpse of how my anxiety must have felt threatening to him, keeping that cortisol high and his sympathetic system activated. Keep them coming! Thank you so much 😊
I’ve become an avoidant woman from working in a high demand/stressful work environment in sales. This makes sooo much sense as to why my sex drive started declining. I instinctively asked my boyfriend to cuddle with me more bc all I knew was that I was having a hard time relaxing. He was so sweet and accommodates me whenever I need it. I’m going to start having him massage my head and neck next time. ❤
Even though you’re referencing avoidant men, as a single self supporting female without family, I related to these concepts. Because the world is so different now with working women who don’t have enough of a support system, these characteristics apply to us too now! My mom also did not provide the peace that I would haveappreciated… Thank you. This helped me understand myself and why it might be harder for me to bond because I don’t feel as safe out in the world by myself…
Excellent! Married 45 yrs 10 children and 9 grands. I prayed for understanfing with faith and I knew God was going to answer. Yes! Ive been looking for these WORDS !!!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE tjis answer. UNDERSTANDING!!! Now we can build! This teaching gift is equipping to build a relation SHIP with understanding together! The wind and seas of life.,are sailed in a sturdy SHIP! We built our relation ship to gether to sail over the storms of life! We safely remaini securely attached through the storms! Thank you from the ocean of my heart! Dr.Brilliance!
I'm anxious avoidant and my husband is avoidant due to prison and narc baby mama; I can't tell you how thankful I am for this video xoxoxo thank you so much!
The scientific language is great. This video is Gold. Yawning is the KEY 🎉 Did you guys know that when you keep your mouth open long enough, a Yawn comes automatically? Takes some practice but is works and its fun So, lazy in an chair, we can start this whole process!!! I imagine me and my partner after a stressfull day, going: "Hey babe, let's yawn together" 😂😂😂 🧡
My thoughts..... The only way to get true connection with an avoidant is for him to be self aware and for him to strive to heal and be a better person.
This stuff works. I’ve used these techniques and the type of conversations Adam says and it completely works! As long as he secretly really wants to be with you but is kept at high alert because of fear of “risk” that the avoidant experiences. I’m a fearful avoidant woman so I kind of get it. But the language matters. My avoidant man actually put his arms around me and said, you make me so happy. Hey, that made me feel so happy too. Because I’m anxious and I keep wondering if he really wants to be with me. So the more calm he is the more calm I am and it is really good. What does this mean for the future? Who knows but nothing is guaranteed anyways no matter who you have a relationship with. And if your person really cares for you but just struggles with fear, these techniques work. If you are just an option or he really isn’t that into you, nothing is gonna work anyways. He won’t ever say the word love, but that’s ok. He said his actions will show me how he feels and that’s the most important thing. It works for us.
@cecilang9721 I appreciate the share, what if he doesn't like the touch and he's LD? Any advice, he's pulled away and went missing, this time I've let him have his space, but wanting to reach out and figure it out. Looking for tips, as it's really good to read this.
I’m so happy for you 😊. I’m talking to mine about all the science/psychology so guess that’s his wavelength/language :) mine does use the word love, in his limited understanding of what it means and feels.
@@JK-di8ntwhen he returns, ask him if he prefers space when he ghosts you or if he doesn’t mind u reaching out. Most DA vids say maintain no contact but mine prefers I “chase” him, even just sending love notes so he knows I care and am not about to leave him (due to betrayal trauma from all significant relationships and friendships). Might pay to establish if he’s serious first
This entire post and all the comments are codependency and people pleasing red flags: You’re not working on you, you don’t think you’re worthy to be treated better, nobody sticks around for you so you’re going to stick around for him, everyone gives up on you so you’re not going to give up on him, you’re actually in love with a future him not the now him. If any one of you talk to a therapist, they would tell you that your actions are unhealthy and destructive to you. You might want to seek help instead of seeking people that will agree with you and help you down this destructive path. I’m taking my own advice because I didn’t realize I was going down this path. Sayonara people, and thanks for the help.❤
@JesusistheOnlyWay222 I used to keep showing care and sending messages, recently I went a long time. He isn't straight about what he prefers, no rhyme or reason, at times he pops back with them, or says he just wants to not he bothered. It's been a long time this time, maybe he's not serious, or figuring out his feelings. I appreciate the insight. What kind of messages do you send?
Sometimes, these avoidant people go into strees mode when the danger they sense is fear of being found out that they've been up to no good behind your back.
This is what I needed from him and what he needed from me and we had a good collaboration for a good while until we both sabotaged in our own ways. He and I both have got to be doing the inner work. It’s part of the puzzle but not the whole thing.
Yes, more medical terminology please! This is fantastic information. As an avoidant woman this helps me understand what avoidant men go through. Thank you Adam!
As an FA, this is the dumbest video I've ever seen. A DA has exes who they keep as emotional support, and will chase the fantom. They'll be put off by living in the moment with emotionally available ppl.
@@calebhelmuthI kept it simple... I'm fairly secure... With a fearful avoidant for 10 years... I asked.. "ever hear of attachment theory?".... And then asked... "Mind if I send you some videos I've been watching?" She said "sure". We were both ready for a change though and that matters more than anything.
I’m done with the avoidants! And I do not condone enabling their behavior by catering to their unhealthy needs. Let him seek therapy first, then a relationship.
@@petrajordanmusic I'm not too optimistic on the idea that one can actually "heal" from traumas in their past that have shaped their perception of self and reality... Which is so sad for avoidants and higher up cluster B individuals that were considered undatable. Perfection is impossiblly unrealistic and we should be given a chance though I wonder if two avoidants or two hurt individuals are better as we share a major sense of relatability and can better understand what the others needs or wants
@@skeetskeet4123 sorry to hear that you're not very optimistic about healing. It is not my experience. I used to be anxious preoccupied and have done a lot of work on myself to become more secure. And while these anxious tendencies still arise in my mind, I do not engage with them in the same way as before, I do not give them the power that I once used to. And I believe the same is possible for avoidants. Once you become aware of what the problem is and also what the solution is, you can start training yourself to live up to a new way of relating. It is possible! Believe me
Anxious avoidant male here. I would LOVE for a woman to want to watch this together. I try to get women to figure out how we can be stable and happy together instead of just saying love will fix any comparability issues.
Hi Adam, all this is wonderful, and my ex-love of my life got everything he might possibly get from a woman, and yes, surely, he started entering the parasympathetic nervous system and that what triggers them ! He feels being more attached and liking the experience, but this is when he starts switching on all the protective strategies to detach himself and then it works! The problem is only about them taking the decision of staying non-attached. They can very well switch off this protective mode, but they just are consciously against falling in love!!😢
I love this content. I am an anxious attachment & struggle with my somewhat avoidant partner. This helps me understand him better & calm my anxiousness as I see light at the end of the tunnel. It makes total sense to me. And I like how you explain how us "anxious attachment styles" react to their behaviors as well. Thank you for his exceptional content 🙏👍
Yes this is tremendously helpful. I noticed when we bond in this way it makes a huge difference. Now I understand the science behind it and will be more mindful and often this more to my partner!
100K 🎉🎉 CONGRATULATIONS ADAM!! Been following your channel for almost a year now and I have learned SO much about avoidant attachment and the neuroscience behind connection and take things much less personal than I used to. Would love to get a coaching session with ya eventually when it works into my budget! Couple of my anxious tendencies are really hanging on for dear life 😅
Thank you for all the work you do to help us women understanding our man’s needs better. Even if they are not sure what they need. Thank you for educating us.✨💜✨💜✨💜
@ he absolutely does. I came from an abusive relationship and I have been on a healing journey before he came along. He does what he can to educate himself to understand my needs as a survivor and loves me accordingly. He has been such a blessing. We love each other very much! Blessings to you!🙏💜💜💜🙏🙂↕️namaste!☺️
Thank you Adam, I truly enjoy your well balanced delivery of information, with the technical and "flowery" terminology😊, it helps me to fully relate to your wisdom. Thank you for your expertise and content.
🤯 I feel like I just found a pot full of pure gold thanks to you!..... I mean really you have left me completely and utterly in AWE with such valuable information!!!! PLUS I L.O.V.E the way you address yourself, and your persona.... wow! .... as an avoidant I thank you Immensely!!! ❤🔥❤🔥
100k. It makes so much sense, Adam. I feel quite sad that I didn't have this understanding in the past- good avoidant men, and I'm a good (disorganized) woman. I just had no idea these patterns were in play and I had no knowledge of how to help either of us heal and bond and become securely attached. Your work brings a sense of hope and healing for future relationships.
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my avoidant partner was a prematurely born baby in the 50s. we think this was before they knew how important cuddling preemies was. they just kept him alone in a box for weeks. i’d do anything to help him heal…
There are MANY cases like this one, and these are horror stories. But they can also be fixed if he's open to some love. Can you watch this video with him?
this is fantastic. Love the science and science based recommendations. I deeply love my avoidant man. And he is drawn to the peace that I have to offer. This video gives me specific actions to help him drop his guard (switch to parasympathetic nervous system) so we can effectively bond.
Exactly. I was happy and loving before meeting my da. Now I’m the one that’s traumatized from going through life next to their constant anxiety & lack of presence for 7 years. Avoid avoid avoid avoidants!
Wow I love this video as it is!!! ❤ So good. Nice balance between scientific and soft way to explain is good. 😍 Also you are funny sometimes. Big Like!
@AttachmentAdam Aahw. ❤️ I would love to know if it is possible to heal from your attachment style and become secure no matter if you have an anxious, avoidant or ambivalent attachment style? Where do you start to heal? What kind of work or therapy is most efficient (KBT, Psychoanalysis or CFT maybe e.t.c.)? Complicated question and it might require a deep dive. 😅 Whatever you choose to focus on next, I can't wait to see your video. ❤️
@@annabelllzz i think you can do self reflection and awareness. But that's not so easy to self imply. I usually am so anxious but i think im becoming more secure after some unforgetable relationship experience with my ex. I became more aware about things and how it affects me.
100k!🎉 Thank you, Adam, for your wisdom and passion that supports how to break destructive patterns and replace with new ones that facilitate lasting love. You are changing lives! 🙏
Thanks Adam for this information. As a highly empathetic man this was good information to know. My ex suffers from a lot of the characteristics that you described in the video. She was always tense and i didn't understand. She had covert narcissistics characteristics or so i thought. This seems alot more relatable to what was going on. My mother suffers from the same thing and I'm learning to help with her. Partners come and go but parents are permanent and we all deserve a happy life. So Thank You for this.
Oh wow, thank you so much! I'm so stuffed in my sympathetic nervous system at all times that i can't even stop being in my sympathetic nervous system. I always thought hat someone is wrong with me - Now i know what that is.
I'm just starting to understand the dynamics of trauma and the nervous system and how it relates to relationships. Your explanation is simple enough for me to digest. As a man dealing with girls in avoidant personality types, I found this information very helpful. Looking forward to learning more
This was helpful, and my partner and I have inadvertently done some of these things and felt more at peace. Right now I've been in the stress mode with the impending, and now the death of my father, so it's been difficult to return into my calm mode. You've reminded me how to get there better and help my partner get there too. Thankyou.
Your information is phenomenal! Thank-you for your continued work and videos. Yes, our hormonal systems are huge (and innate) and we've never had to understand this before since we just fulfilled traditional roles and that worked. But now with the our sexual roles overlappiing,--we really have to understand our hormonal operating systems. God bless you!
This has really helped change my perspective on what is being experienced as well as how I have escalated things and how we can possibly move forwards. Thank you so much!
I haven’t watched a video in months bc of surface level info - this is one of the best videos of yours I’ve seen bc it gives ACTUAL CLEAR CUT realistic advice and puts it in scientific ways so we understand why things are the way they are. Thank you !!! Please more of this!!!
I’m so glad this one resonated with you! Diving deeper and giving practical steps is exactly what I aim for, to make these concepts really useful and actionable. Is there another specific area or topic you'd love to see?
Congratulations on being selected as the winner! 🎉 To claim your prize, please reach out to me at support@adamlanesmith.com --You have until the end of the day on November 22nd to contact me, or I will need to move on to the next runner-up. Thank you, and I look forward to hearing from you soon!
Brilliant discussion Excellent Analysis Thank you Sir I agree!! I love your work, and I always love listening to you Adam Thanks Adam you have changed my life for the better since I started listening to you
I’m glad I found you! Im anxious attached & my boy friend admitted he’s avoidant but doesn’t know which, fearful or dismissive. I like the hunter gather examples. Those help a lot. I enjoy the scientific vocabulary and scientific explanations of what is happening to the body. I recognize the behavior but now I understand the science behind it. Yet even with the scientific explanation you break it down so I can understand. I haven’t had a boy friend in 14 years and he hasn’t been in a relationship in 18 years so we both have healing to do but I’m trying to learn about my self and him because I really want to make things work. Thank you and please continue your content the way you do.
@@martaleszkiewicz5115Fearful avoidant have also the anxious attachment style, they can swing between anxious and avoidant attachment styles. Basically someone who's FA, either leans anxious or avoidant, but they can also switch to the opposite style if something happens.
I’m laughing and crying at the same time. He deserves to be loved and now I understand why he never believed me. This info will make all the difference
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Wow! Love the more scientific explanation. It will be so wonderful that you could you talk soooo sooo much slower. All the concepts are so clever and obvious to understand but for me the pace you speak leads that my brain has difficulty to absorb all this mind blowing stuff. Going to listen again and take my own notes. Thanks so much for your enthusiasm and expertise
@@gazallazabek1837 take notes pause and replay talking slower isn’t his gig he’s being generous in effort you have the technology to replay as many times as necessary I applaud your enthusiasm but do your part to learn 😎
Great video. Very helpful (from an avoidant). I like the science language. You may want to include images (like vagus nerve or head on chest) and also links to your own videos. Just a suggestion to add to your great content. Thank you! 🙏
@Adam Lane Smith .... Can you speak about Fearful Avoidants? I skimmed through your videos and so mostly avoidant and some anxious but didnt see anthing about FAs. I love how you speak about this and when you bring the science in. You added new layers that I have not heard before.
I'm not 100% sure of this, but I think Adam doesn't use the term "fearful avoidant". He uses "disorganized attachment style" for referring to FA. There are a few recent videos about disorganized style type on this channel.
@vmmell0 yes I did a search and found a few videos on FA under disorganized. I watched one. I'm going to watch all of them but from the 45min video I watched i don't think he gets the FA like he gets the DA. He has the DA down to a science.
Great video! I think this was the besr video I've seen so far about the topic. I love the scientific language and I'm sure my avoidant husband will love it too. I'm a fearful avoidant, so I resonate deeply with what you said about never having experienced being in my parasympathetic state.
This is by far the most helpful practical advise video on avoidants - now i understand why my man can’t focus on me even when there’s food delivery coming in 😂 let alone when he has a bunch of stuff he has to do/ settle
Wow! Thank you so much for this! I have all kinds of ideas about how my Husband could help me emotionally, and now I have strategies for how to better help him emotionally 💗🥰🙏🏼
Dr. Becky Bailey of Conscious Discipline tells kids, "Your safe and your loved," over and over to bring kids out of fight, flight, freeze and fawn. I say it to the kids all the time. And I off handedly said it to their father almost as a joke. He got really serious and said, "Thank you for saying that." Our men our always "on." Great content as usual Adam thanks!
Hello Adam, avoidant man here. I've been watching your content for a few months now though I've rarely ever commented.
I just wanted to say I feel blessed to have found your channel, most of my life I have always felt like something was missing, that the way I always felt wasn't normal. Your videos have really helped me to understand and navigate relationships as an avoidant not only with other people but with myself as well in an effort to become secure. I have noticed a major difference between your videos on attachment styles and others' videos (aside from you not villainizing avoidants as you've mentioned before) is that you are the only one who talks about an avoidant's inability to bond through oxytocin as well as the importance (and existence, because I had never heard of it before watching your videos) of vasopressin bonding. These two things have been the most helpful in changing my approach to my relationships with others.
What really resonated with me in particular with this video was when you talked about the first time you experience your parasympathetic nervous system is supposed to be with your mother. I got to thinking and it occurred to me that I never had that. In fact my mother was basically the antithesis to peace when I was growing up, lots of yelling, banging on walls and slamming doors on top of the physical and emotional abuse she put me through.
I'm not there yet but I'm putting in the work to becoming secure and hopefully one day I can be the man my future partner needs and deserves.
Thanks again for all the work that you do.
@@wrestlingfanman22 Blessings for a full recovery of self. 🙏🏻🩵✨
Amen to that! Also forgive - yr mother. For she too is a product of her own trauma. Understanding people and ourselves is so powerful.
Thank you Adam! This video in particular has given me some lightbulb moments 😊🎉
😢 God bless you. I pray that you also get deliverance and sometimes that can come through just what your doing and thats gaining information to heal wounds. May God bless you and keep you in Jesus name
@ amen ☺️🙌♥️ healing comes in different ways
@@wrestlingfanman22 u articulated Ur journey splendidly u sound well on the way to healing ~know u r going 2b a great parent/partner first by discovering how to parent/reparent urself cause when we know what causes/feels/make us respond & behave the way we do...well when we know better we can do better thru caring n sharing thru actions eh!
Another important thing is make sure you, as the woman, are in your parasympathetic nervous system... I thought I was being kind and loving to others and I was just not getting it in return, but truthfully I was operating in a trauma response where I felt the need to soothe and love people who were harmful to me. I was continuing to attract this type of relationship until I started becoming extremely aware of what I was doing. Now I can meditate and I give myself my own love and oxytocin bond.... I'm not trying to fix anyone or anything anymore, it's not my job.
💯 THIS!!! 💯
Amazing! Keep going. I'm trying to do the same but there's a child involved
Adam, I'm not kidding... this video probably just saved my marriage at 11:59:59pm on the doomsday clock. Ultimatums were given, unfaithful partner deciding on me (our 13 year marriage and 4 kids) or her lifelong fantasy love interest she'd been having a text affair with.
I followed the ideas here to lower guards and increase our bonding and the effects were immediate. She's decided to work on herself, cutoff comms with the love interest, and save the marriage and I can tell by the words she's using she really means it.
Thank you so much for all that you do!
I know this video focuses on avoidant men, but as an avoidant woman I learned more about my own attachment style from this video than I have from any other video on avoidant attachment.
@@shaelyngarcia9468 thank you for saying that.
I’m an anxious 😢avoidant woman with a beautiful souled avoidant, and I agree, this was so helpful.😊
I'm mostly dismissive avoidant 😮
People say I'm selfish 😢
I'm not, not even a little bit 😪
@@DestinyA83 if people tell you, you most likely are.
Your intention may not be selfish but your actions most likely are. (Otherwise people around you would not say it to you) --> Important who and how many people are saying this to you? If its one or two people over 10 years I would not care about it.
I’m a trauma specialist and consider this speech to be extremely professional & explicative 👏👏👏
I don’t have the energy or patience for any of this anymore. I am burnt out from having to baby, coax and suck up to men for affection or even basic kindness when I never get it back. I wanted a nice husband and happy marriage when I was young but it never happened. Now I just want peace and happiness for myself….
I know how you feel. I think we sit in the same boat, I still will fight for the love of my husband. I wish you that you find the solution which makes you happy. I send you a big hug. ❤
@ Thank you. ❤️💕
I would suggest that you do something about it, using logic not emotion, though i know thats difficult in that kind of situation. And if he is not about to change for you, then leave respectfully, dont be bitter or try to be hateful towards him because that would make you as bad if not worse than him. Seek therapy, preferably from both genders as to get different perspectives, and better yourself to attract the right guy for you. God bless and good luck with whatever you choose
If ypur husband is not giving you back love, he has a lover. Period. Don't massage his neck, go out and search for another man.
@@damarisfuenteslorenzoOr….he has Asperger’s syndrome. They can definitely come across as avoidant, but really have an inability to emotionally relate to their neurotypical partner.
At 13:30, I, a female who has anxiety issues, had to pause the video and watch my mind get blown. I saw the thumbnail for this and was thinking to myself: "Look, girl, you're trying to practice being in your zen and learning about this subject is just another way that you're going to start chasing him again" and then I started watching it and realized that this information was helpful toward me too and battling my own anxiety without drugs because you're in college is actually tough. I need to be present with myself first.
Thais Gibson has great videos on anxious attachment. Her videos have helped me a lot especially not to take certain behaviours so personally from other attachment styles. But listening to this guy I think is great if you end up in a relationship with an avoidant. I think its also healing to learn about other styles it makes navigating all types of relationships much easier. I wish I knew some of this stuff when I was with my ex. I was able to make deeper strides with him after I became more secure and watching this video I think we could have become even closer. I wont be dating an avoidant again though. I dated someone who poured into me the way I like to pour into others and it was the most beautiful experience ever I dont think I could go back to the dry desert. I felt like someone was finally pouring into my cup and It was so fulfilling.
I thought a out the chasing thing too, a first.
Same girl
I don't need it dumbed down, I have been studying oxytocin for childhood trauma and health issues. I really appreciate that you didn't dumb it down.😊
I’m avoidant, and this is not only something I’d be open to, I’m excited about it. Just sent the link to my girlfriend. Thanks.
Go you! She is blessed that u want to try 😊
So glad to see someone who's willing to do the work for someone they love, best of luck to you 💗
@@jordanellington1125 I love this! I’m so excited for you both! Good luck on your journey sweet, great things are about to happen!!
After watching this video I realize for the first time that I am an avoidant man, and that there are things to learn and change that can help me feel better. I have been working on finding ways to stabilize my digestive system for years and that research has been pointing me to Vagus nerve work as well, so that is definitely my next area of focus. I am also recently widowed after a long ordeal where my wife was too sick and distracted to provide the supports you identify here. I am beginning to date again and this video helped me understand better what I will need from a new partner. Thank you! I will be back for more content!
@@ah1472-u5h Maybe also ask yourself what a new partner might need from you for once ...
15:20 peace mode, deep breathes, lay his head on your chest
16:29 scratch his scalp, rub his shoulders
18:31 have you ever been happy and would you like me to be your peace
I do this all for my man!🌞
.
I did this but didn’t ask to be his peace. I said I’ll be your peace..ops🤦♀️
@@Portia620 how did he respond?
16:57 adam is spot on with this. My husband also used to lay his head on my lap, I'd rub just like where Adam said. Never knew I was doing that the right way.
However, after a massage, he would rarely give one to me. I didn't do that for him to get one in return, but it would have been super nice.
Can we please have one for avoidant women? Yes they exist.
@@philipwilkie3239 the goal is to become securely attached. I was fearful avoidance married for 25 years to an anxiously attached man. We’ve been doing our own individual work for the past 5 years to become securely attached. It took YEARS to figure out we were in this unhealthy pattern anxious & avoid.
Those are lesbians 🤣
@@janebond8342 bs
Female DA here.
I watched one of his videos determined to DA men and their behaviour (or I think it was his channel). I wanted to know if I show signs of it.
Short answer: yes, also as a DA women I show most of the same behaviour.
@@FairyGirlMagic Thank - interesting and I appreciate the response. Is there any single useful tip or idea you have come across?
you don't need to "almost die" to get PTSD. You can get c-PTSD from long-term emotional abuse
C-PTSD from the abuses from an avoidant.
Yes very true
As an avoidant husband with a wife who has spent the last year or so learning to be my peace (thank you Adam), I say an enormous AMEN to everything in this video.
I’m genuinely curious not criticizing at all. I am wondering if you are learning her pace as well? I ask because it would be really great to hear from someone who is aware.
@@raspberrykissable Glad you asked. Yes, I did learn to be her peace, earlier in the relationship. As a result, she felt very loved and motivated to learn how to give back to me in a way that was meaningful. Which she didn't initially know how to do (she was anxiously attached when we married, she's much healthier now), and so for a while I was burning out trying to give to her while constantly being on cortisol.
@@matthewmiller8297 would you say this only works if the avoidant partner does not leave the relationship after a fight, and for both people be willing to do the work?
@@matthewmiller8297Thank you for sharing your positive outcomes!
@@elsagrace3893 Thanks for calling me a liar to my face (and my wife, she considers me avoidant as well) despite knowing almost nothing about me.
I'm sure you can explain why I've watched and rewatched all of Adam's videos on avoidant men, and spent $300 on his "How to love and avoidant man" course (great course, btw), and why all of it resonated so deeply with me.....
I like the more science based language, and then interpreting like you do. You’re doing great!
I love the technical language! It is so truly helpful.
I have been researching avoidants for a long time now, and even though I knew about their childhood trauma and lack of experience with coping mechanisms, this is what finally clicked and triggered the compassion state for me. It will immensely help me with forgiving my avoidant-ex for breaking my heart and for how he behaved. I understand him so much more now.
I will hopefully be free from the pain and resentment and finally move forward free and lighthearted.
I will watch it many times in my healing process. Whenever I feel angry or resentful, I'll watch it, untill I am fully healed and completely over that painful experience.
I also have a glimpse of how my anxiety must have felt threatening to him, keeping that cortisol high and his sympathetic system activated.
Keep them coming!
Thank you so much 😊
just you gesturing the neck massage and talking about it gave asmr shivers because of how much i'm craving this kind of interaction
I’ve become an avoidant woman from working in a high demand/stressful work environment in sales. This makes sooo much sense as to why my sex drive started declining. I instinctively asked my boyfriend to cuddle with me more bc all I knew was that I was having a hard time relaxing. He was so sweet and accommodates me whenever I need it. I’m going to start having him massage my head and neck next time. ❤
Even though you’re referencing avoidant men, as a single self supporting female without family, I related to these concepts. Because the world is so different now with working women who don’t have enough of a support system, these characteristics apply to us too now! My mom also did not provide the peace that I would haveappreciated… Thank you. This helped me understand myself and why it might be harder for me to bond because I don’t feel as safe out in the world by myself…
Same here! I'm trying to understand myself, not a man.
Excellent!
Married 45 yrs 10 children and 9 grands.
I prayed for understanfing with faith and I knew God was going to answer.
Yes!
Ive been looking for these WORDS !!!!
I LOVE LOVE LOVE tjis answer. UNDERSTANDING!!!
Now we can build!
This teaching gift is equipping to build a relation SHIP with understanding together!
The wind and seas of life.,are sailed in a sturdy SHIP!
We built our relation ship
to gether to sail over the storms of life!
We safely remaini securely attached through the storms!
Thank you from the ocean of my heart!
Dr.Brilliance!
I'm anxious avoidant and my husband is avoidant due to prison and narc baby mama; I can't tell you how thankful I am for this video xoxoxo thank you so much!
The scientific language is great. This video is Gold. Yawning is the KEY 🎉
Did you guys know that when you keep your mouth open long enough, a Yawn comes automatically?
Takes some practice but is works and its fun
So, lazy in an chair, we can start this whole process!!!
I imagine me and my partner after a stressfull day, going: "Hey babe, let's yawn together" 😂😂😂
🧡
Bro is on point, literally can't remember what happiness feels like 14:00
My thoughts..... The only way to get true connection with an avoidant is for him to be self aware and for him to strive to heal and be a better person.
@@irenenjeri8720 is it a good idea to tell them ?
i.e. You're doomed if one is constantly DEFFENSIVE and treating the other like the enemy.
@@JoyleiaJo once someone has been considered an ememy the relationship is over
Most helpful video to date!!! Keep the technical details coming!!!
This stuff works. I’ve used these techniques and the type of conversations Adam says and it completely works! As long as he secretly really wants to be with you but is kept at high alert because of fear of “risk” that the avoidant experiences. I’m a fearful avoidant woman so I kind of get it. But the language matters. My avoidant man actually put his arms around me and said, you make me so happy. Hey, that made me feel so happy too. Because I’m anxious and I keep wondering if he really wants to be with me. So the more calm he is the more calm I am and it is really good. What does this mean for the future? Who knows but nothing is guaranteed anyways no matter who you have a relationship with. And if your person really cares for you but just struggles with fear, these techniques work. If you are just an option or he really isn’t that into you, nothing is gonna work anyways. He won’t ever say the word love, but that’s ok. He said his actions will show me how he feels and that’s the most important thing. It works for us.
@cecilang9721 I appreciate the share, what if he doesn't like the touch and he's LD? Any advice, he's pulled away and went missing, this time I've let him have his space, but wanting to reach out and figure it out. Looking for tips, as it's really good to read this.
I’m so happy for you 😊. I’m talking to mine about all the science/psychology so guess that’s his wavelength/language :) mine does use the word love, in his limited understanding of what it means and feels.
@@JK-di8ntwhen he returns, ask him if he prefers space when he ghosts you or if he doesn’t mind u reaching out. Most DA vids say maintain no contact but mine prefers I “chase” him, even just sending love notes so he knows I care and am not about to leave him (due to betrayal trauma from all significant relationships and friendships).
Might pay to establish if he’s serious first
This entire post and all the comments are codependency and people pleasing red flags:
You’re not working on you, you don’t think you’re worthy to be treated better, nobody sticks around for you so you’re going to stick around for him, everyone gives up on you so you’re not going to give up on him, you’re actually in love with a future him not the now him.
If any one of you talk to a therapist, they would tell you that your actions are unhealthy and destructive to you. You might want to seek help instead of seeking people that will agree with you and help you down this destructive path.
I’m taking my own advice because I didn’t realize I was going down this path. Sayonara people, and thanks for the help.❤
@JesusistheOnlyWay222 I used to keep showing care and sending messages, recently I went a long time. He isn't straight about what he prefers, no rhyme or reason, at times he pops back with them, or says he just wants to not he bothered. It's been a long time this time, maybe he's not serious, or figuring out his feelings. I appreciate the insight. What kind of messages do you send?
It doesn’t sound unromantic, it sounds so realistically romantic.
Right! Glad you see it that way!
Sometimes, these avoidant people go into strees mode when the danger they sense is fear of being found out that they've been up to no good behind your back.
This is what I needed from him and what he needed from me and we had a good collaboration for a good while until we both sabotaged in our own ways. He and I both have got to be doing the inner work. It’s part of the puzzle but not the whole thing.
Yes, more medical terminology please! This is fantastic information. As an avoidant woman this helps me understand what avoidant men go through. Thank you Adam!
Yes, please help us fearful avoidant females!
Yes pls!
As an FA, this is the dumbest video I've ever seen. A DA has exes who they keep as emotional support, and will chase the fantom. They'll be put off by living in the moment with emotionally available ppl.
I just take all the information about “avoidant” men & apply it to myself
How to bring this up to my avoidant wife...
@@calebhelmuthI kept it simple...
I'm fairly secure... With a fearful avoidant for 10 years...
I asked.. "ever hear of attachment theory?"....
And then asked... "Mind if I send you some videos I've been watching?"
She said "sure".
We were both ready for a change though and that matters more than anything.
I’m done with the avoidants! And I do not condone enabling their behavior by catering to their unhealthy needs. Let him seek therapy first, then a relationship.
Perhaps better to avoid a relationship with avoidants right before they even start.
@@petrajordanmusic I'm not too optimistic on the idea that one can actually "heal" from traumas in their past that have shaped their perception of self and reality... Which is so sad for avoidants and higher up cluster B individuals that were considered undatable. Perfection is impossiblly unrealistic and we should be given a chance though I wonder if two avoidants or two hurt individuals are better as we share a major sense of relatability and can better understand what the others needs or wants
@@skeetskeet4123 sorry to hear that you're not very optimistic about healing. It is not my experience. I used to be anxious preoccupied and have done a lot of work on myself to become more secure. And while these anxious tendencies still arise in my mind, I do not engage with them in the same way as before, I do not give them the power that I once used to. And I believe the same is possible for avoidants. Once you become aware of what the problem is and also what the solution is, you can start training yourself to live up to a new way of relating. It is possible! Believe me
Anxious avoidant male here. I would LOVE for a woman to want to watch this together. I try to get women to figure out how we can be stable and happy together instead of just saying love will fix any comparability issues.
Yes, keep up the science, it sets your channel apart and is really helpful.
Hi Adam, all this is wonderful, and my ex-love of my life got everything he might possibly get from a woman, and yes, surely, he started entering the parasympathetic nervous system and that what triggers them ! He feels being more attached and liking the experience, but this is when he starts switching on all the protective strategies to detach himself and then it works! The problem is only about them taking the decision of staying non-attached. They can very well switch off this protective mode, but they just are consciously against falling in love!!😢
Had to slow down the playback speed to give me time to process but hey awesome video, very informative 😊
I love this content. I am an anxious attachment & struggle with my somewhat avoidant partner. This helps me understand him better & calm my anxiousness as I see light at the end of the tunnel. It makes total sense to me. And I like how you explain how us "anxious attachment styles" react to their behaviors as well.
Thank you for his exceptional content 🙏👍
The avoidant man impressions of confusion at happiness and peace are hilariously accurate
Avoidant woman here, thank u for this channel. i finely can understand myself better
Yes this is tremendously helpful. I noticed when we bond in this way it makes a huge difference. Now I understand the science behind it and will be more mindful and often this more to my partner!
Correction *do this more often
Bro knows me better than I know myself
100K 🎉🎉 CONGRATULATIONS ADAM!!
Been following your channel for almost a year now and I have learned SO much about avoidant attachment and the neuroscience behind connection and take things much less personal than I used to. Would love to get a coaching session with ya eventually when it works into my budget! Couple of my anxious tendencies are really hanging on for dear life 😅
100K 🎉🎉 thank you so much Adam for helping me and so many others to understand our attachment styles better ❤
Thank you for all the work you do to help us women understanding our man’s needs better. Even if they are not sure what they need. Thank you for educating us.✨💜✨💜✨💜
And is your man going to immerse himself in research for you!!?
@ he absolutely does. I came from an abusive relationship and I have been on a healing journey before he came along. He does what he can to educate himself to understand my needs as a survivor and loves me accordingly. He has been such a blessing. We love each other very much! Blessings to you!🙏💜💜💜🙏🙂↕️namaste!☺️
Thank you Adam, I truly enjoy your well balanced delivery of information, with the technical and "flowery" terminology😊, it helps me to fully relate to your wisdom.
Thank you for your expertise and content.
🤯 I feel like I just found a pot full of pure gold thanks to you!..... I mean really you have left me completely and utterly in AWE with such valuable information!!!!
PLUS I L.O.V.E the way you address yourself, and your persona.... wow! .... as an avoidant I thank you Immensely!!! ❤🔥❤🔥
100k. It makes so much sense, Adam. I feel quite sad that I didn't have this understanding in the past- good avoidant men, and I'm a good (disorganized) woman. I just had no idea these patterns were in play and I had no knowledge of how to help either of us heal and bond and become securely attached. Your work brings a sense of hope and healing for future relationships.
Congratulations on being selected as a winner! 🎉 To claim your prize, please reach out to me at support@adamlanesmith.com --You have until the end of the day on November 22nd to contact me, or I will need to move on to the next runner-up. Thank you, and I look forward to hearing from you soon!
my avoidant partner was a prematurely born baby in the 50s. we think this was before they knew how important cuddling preemies was. they just kept him alone in a box for weeks. i’d do anything to help him heal…
There are MANY cases like this one, and these are horror stories. But they can also be fixed if he's open to some love. Can you watch this video with him?
this is fantastic. Love the science and science based recommendations. I deeply love my avoidant man. And he is drawn to the peace that I have to offer. This video gives me specific actions to help him drop his guard (switch to parasympathetic nervous system) so we can effectively bond.
I am so appreciative of your presence in our world! Ignorance is a curse!
❤❤❤❤
Incredibly Powerful Insight. Endless Thanks!
Glad this was helpful! Do you have an avoidant person you're wanting to bond with?
psychiatric professional here, and bravo! this was a phenomenal, informative video and I learned some things; thank you!
Yes, Adam, I'm an anxious attachment style and you've helped me so much with my relationship!!! ❤
Adam: you are encouraging people to take a draining project. I like when you said like you get to choose.
~ Peace ✌🏻
Exactly. I was happy and loving before meeting my da. Now I’m the one that’s traumatized from going through life next to their constant anxiety & lack of presence for 7 years.
Avoid avoid avoid avoidants!
Wow I love this video as it is!!! ❤ So good. Nice balance between scientific and soft way to explain is good. 😍 Also you are funny sometimes. Big Like!
Glad to hear it! And thanks for the kind words ❤️ What topic would you like to see me cover next after this one?
@AttachmentAdam Aahw. ❤️ I would love to know if it is possible to heal from your attachment style and become secure no matter if you have an anxious, avoidant or ambivalent attachment style? Where do you start to heal? What kind of work or therapy is most efficient (KBT, Psychoanalysis or CFT maybe e.t.c.)? Complicated question and it might require a deep dive. 😅 Whatever you choose to focus on next, I can't wait to see your video. ❤️
@@annabelllzz i think you can do self reflection and awareness. But that's not so easy to self imply. I usually am so anxious but i think im becoming more secure after some unforgetable relationship experience with my ex. I became more aware about things and how it affects me.
100k!🎉 Thank you, Adam, for your wisdom and passion that supports how to break destructive patterns and replace with new ones that facilitate lasting love. You are changing lives! 🙏
Thanks!
Thanks Adam for this information. As a highly empathetic man this was good information to know. My ex suffers from a lot of the characteristics that you described in the video. She was always tense and i didn't understand. She had covert narcissistics characteristics or so i thought. This seems alot more relatable to what was going on. My mother suffers from the same thing and I'm learning to help with her. Partners come and go but parents are permanent and we all deserve a happy life. So Thank You for this.
your knowledge and energy is a gift to the world 😊 100k
Ok man you’re freaking me out, I looked up the Vegas nerve eye thing and you knew my neck is cramped already. Crazyyy
Oh wow, thank you so much!
I'm so stuffed in my sympathetic nervous system at all times that i can't even stop being in my sympathetic nervous system.
I always thought hat someone is wrong with me - Now i know what that is.
100k! Thank you so much Adam for creating this amazing community and for offering such a balanced perspective on attachment styles.
I'm just starting to understand the dynamics of trauma and the nervous system and how it relates to relationships. Your explanation is simple enough for me to digest. As a man dealing with girls in avoidant personality types, I found this information very helpful. Looking forward to learning more
100K 🎉🎉🎉 congratulations!! You helped me understand my avoidant friend!
If i happen to win id be giving it to my friend who needs the therapy. 😊❤
Thanks Adam. In half an hour you've explained how I've been operating over decades of my life ! (hopefully I can now get some control over my life!)
This was helpful, and my partner and I have inadvertently done some of these things and felt more at peace. Right now I've been in the stress mode with the impending, and now the death of my father, so it's been difficult to return into my calm mode. You've reminded me how to get there better and help my partner get there too. Thankyou.
Do you address the situation where the husband is the anxious and the wife is the avoidant?
100K! Congratulation. You’re the best. Following you for about a Year and learning so much. Thank you
Thank you so much for that. It has been a long ride however it’s finally happening.
Yes I think it's good if you talk about the science. Thank you for a very informative video. You are so good at what you do Adam.
Brilliant man .. Ive learnt things on this channel that I havent learnt anywhere else
Thank you so much for that and please tell me more. What was the best thing you learned from this channel?
Great video. Been struggling to understand for a long time.
Thank you so much for that and please let me know which was your favorite part
100k! We just found you but my husband and I are learning so much from you already!! Thank you for all your insight!
Your information is phenomenal! Thank-you for your continued work and videos. Yes, our hormonal systems are huge (and innate) and we've never had to understand this before since we just fulfilled traditional roles and that worked. But now with the our sexual roles overlappiing,--we really have to understand our hormonal operating systems. God bless you!
This knowledge will change my life! I deeply Thank you.
This has really helped change my perspective on what is being experienced as well as how I have escalated things and how we can possibly move forwards. Thank you so much!
I haven’t watched a video in months bc of surface level info - this is one of the best videos of yours I’ve seen bc it gives ACTUAL CLEAR CUT realistic advice and puts it in scientific ways so we understand why things are the way they are. Thank you !!! Please more of this!!!
I’m so glad this one resonated with you! Diving deeper and giving practical steps is exactly what I aim for, to make these concepts really useful and actionable. Is there another specific area or topic you'd love to see?
Love the deeper science! Love the emotional language! Love it all! Thanks for what you share
Yes LOVE the deeper science. It's reassuring to know the reasoning behind things etc.
100k ❤ You deserve every like and comment on this topic Adam. Thank you for your effort!
Congratulations on being selected as the winner! 🎉 To claim your prize, please reach out to me at support@adamlanesmith.com --You have until the end of the day on November 22nd to contact me, or I will need to move on to the next runner-up. Thank you, and I look forward to hearing from you soon!
Love the science language! ❤ BRING IT ON!!
Great insight, simple and effective.
This is great!!! Thank you so much for the physiological terms., and chemical struture, .it helps to research further .
It's great how you compare both languages. Thank you for the formulas! Amazing content, thank you for building your channel.
Brilliant discussion
Excellent Analysis
Thank you Sir
I agree!!
I love your work, and I always love listening to you Adam
Thanks Adam you have changed my life for the better since I started listening to you
Not too much! Love the Vagus nerve bits! Keep it coming ❤
I’m glad I found you! Im anxious attached & my boy friend admitted he’s avoidant but doesn’t know which, fearful or dismissive. I like the hunter gather examples. Those help a lot. I enjoy the scientific vocabulary and scientific explanations of what is happening to the body. I recognize the behavior but now I understand the science behind it. Yet even with the scientific explanation you break it down so I can understand. I haven’t had a boy friend in 14 years and he hasn’t been in a relationship in 18 years so we both have healing to do but I’m trying to learn about my self and him because I really want to make things work. Thank you and please continue your content the way you do.
What's the difference between fearful and dismissive? I've watched like 6 videos on it already and I'm still confused
@@martaleszkiewicz5115Fearful avoidant have also the anxious attachment style, they can swing between anxious and avoidant attachment styles. Basically someone who's FA, either leans anxious or avoidant, but they can also switch to the opposite style if something happens.
If he says he’s avoidant, he’s probably fearful. Dismissive avoidants will believe they are secure until the day they die.
I’m laughing and crying at the same time. He deserves to be loved and now I understand why he never believed me. This info will make all the difference
Excellent advice!! This will help me with my significant other!! Thank you, Adam!! Amazing. ❤
Your amazing.
We can't thank you enough.
100K..❤🎉
Congratulations on being selected as a winner! 🎉 To claim your prize, please reach out to me at support@adamlanesmith.com --You have until the end of the day on November 22nd to contact me, or I will need to move on to the next runner-up. Thank you, and I look forward to hearing from you soon!
Wow! Love the more scientific explanation. It will be so wonderful that you could you talk soooo sooo much slower. All the concepts are so clever and obvious to understand but for me the pace you speak leads that my brain has difficulty to absorb all this mind blowing stuff.
Going to listen again and take my own notes.
Thanks so much for your enthusiasm and expertise
@@gazallazabek1837 take notes pause and replay talking slower isn’t his gig he’s being generous in effort you have the technology to replay as many times as necessary I applaud your enthusiasm but do your part to learn 😎
Great video. Very helpful (from an avoidant). I like the science language. You may want to include images (like vagus nerve or head on chest) and also links to your own videos. Just a suggestion to add to your great content. Thank you! 🙏
100k!
Congrats and thanks for putting out such insightful and uplifting content 💕
@Adam Lane Smith .... Can you speak about Fearful Avoidants? I skimmed through your videos and so mostly avoidant and some anxious but didnt see anthing about FAs. I love how you speak about this and when you bring the science in. You added new layers that I have not heard before.
I'm not 100% sure of this, but I think Adam doesn't use the term "fearful avoidant". He uses "disorganized attachment style" for referring to FA. There are a few recent videos about disorganized style type on this channel.
@vmmell0 yes I did a search and found a few videos on FA under disorganized. I watched one. I'm going to watch all of them but from the 45min video I watched i don't think he gets the FA like he gets the DA. He has the DA down to a science.
Yes, FA is also another word for disorganized attachment style.
100K! Hooray! This video was so helpful! LOVE science.
Great video! I think this was the besr video I've seen so far about the topic. I love the scientific language and I'm sure my avoidant husband will love it too. I'm a fearful avoidant, so I resonate deeply with what you said about never having experienced being in my parasympathetic state.
I love the scientific terminology ❤
Glad to hear it!
This is by far the most helpful practical advise video on avoidants - now i understand why my man can’t focus on me even when there’s food delivery coming in 😂 let alone when he has a bunch of stuff he has to do/ settle
Wow! Thank you so much for this! I have all kinds of ideas about how my Husband could help me emotionally, and now I have strategies for how to better help him emotionally 💗🥰🙏🏼
Dr. Becky Bailey of Conscious Discipline tells kids, "Your safe and your loved," over and over to bring kids out of fight, flight, freeze and fawn. I say it to the kids all the time. And I off handedly said it to their father almost as a joke. He got really serious and said, "Thank you for saying that." Our men our always "on." Great content as usual Adam thanks!
This is pretty cool! Makes so much sense. This was my ex. Explains so much.