I went through this 4 years ago. To call it a kick in the guts is a vast understated. The one thing in the world I was certain I could rely on was my Wife's loyalty . I would have layed down my life without hesitation to protect her. I could have somehow coped if it was just sexual. But I asked her " Do you love him?" She replied " I think so." Then I asked her " Do you love me?" She replied " No." I'm now a 55 year old hermit. I don't know what the future holds for me. He dumped her a fortnight after she dumped me.
Hi Doug, time alone will be good for you to process this but please don't wallow alone for too long and avoid alcohol at all costs. It is a depressant and will send you down to the depths of hell. Get out and walk or get to the gym and start looking at ways you can process the feelings of anger, disappointment, sadness etc This woman has ruined your marriage, don't let her ruin your life too. I really hope the best for you to overcome this, if you are needing to talk to someone seek out good counsel. God Bless
Hey Doug, not all people are good. But don't lose hope. There are people out there who are worth the dedication. Don't let this person stop you from living a good life. You are more than your relationship. And never forget that there are people out there who might be in a similar situation, looking for someone who is loyal. Don't lose hope.
"I think so" your ex is immature. She cant even figure out her own feelings. She wasnt even smart enough to know if the other guy loves her. Apparently he didnt. Monkey branching gone wrong. Wish you all the best in your fight.
Very few men who've cheated with another man's wife will have a relationship with her. He knows she is untrustworthy. He knows better than anyone what a cunning sneak she is.
Psychopath ex actually gave me advice: "Use people. Take advantage of them. It is just a game. Not your fault if they are foolish and believe you". Stunning that there are people like that out there.
She makes a a fair point not a good one but trusting someone 100% is bad idea bet to learn how to manipulate n how ppl manipulate u and protect urself n not use it for evil
@@saulw6270 Some years ago, I realized that I actually trust everyone 100%.. as does everyone else. I trust a liar to lie, a thief to steal, a gossiper to gossip, a hateful person to hate etc etc. In other words, I trust everyone will be themselves. Now the important question I needed to ask myself was this: Is that what I want? Am I grateful everyone is themselves, or would I change it if I had the power to do so?? The answer was CLEARLY that I wanted everyone to be themselves bcs only that way could I determine who I wanted to travel in my life with and who I'd rather not. I REALLY wanted everyone to be themselves! ...as they were always going to be. So I no longer got upset whenever a liar lied, or a thief stole, or a gossiper gossiped etc. One day I discovered my girlfriend had been unfaithful. I was really disappointed and upset but NOT at her. I realized that I was gonna bloody miss her, miss us BADLY! I truly wished her well, told her that I was grateful that we spent time in life together but now know that we were not meant to be forever. I kissed her cheek and calmly walked out the door. That moment was shaky and all I had to cling onto was knowing deep within that it was the RIGHT thing to do (for me). Self centered tears in my eyes I walked away toward a new journey. She was being herself and that was completely fine by me... many years later, I'm smiling thinking of her right now as I write this and pray she's still out there, somewhere being herself...as my loved ones are sound asleep.
My wife says the same. It is like she and I come from different planets. It has been hard to face the reality, in all its details, to retrace the historical process which led us where we are, to understand the irreducible differences in our psychologies, in the ways we feel the world.
I found out my wife was having an affair. Thankfully I didn't have kids. He was on his second marriage after cheating on his first and was now cheating on his second, whom he had akid with. I didn't tell her at all while I got myself a lawyer. I had to not say anything for two weeks while I found a lawyer and got the divorce papers ready. When she was finally served, it was such a relief for me. I was able to move on by finding a better higher paying job in a new state and bought my own house. I have picked up skiing and started making new friends. I was lucky to be able to restart my life and be in a good place again. I know many people don't have that kind of luxury. I hope everyone who deals with this is able to recover and be an even better person.
If the betrayal tells their partner exactly what happened, exactly the same way in words and emotions as they tell their friends about the affair, almost no partner will ever take them back.
@@ronwalker392 Very true. No trust. No relationship. Think of not only your spouse but also your friends, your family members. I you can’t have total trust, move on!
Yes, they brag. My husband cheated on our marriage of 27 years. She, his mistress, shared everything on her social media. They like to brag about "living their best life." It's Virtue Signalling because they are sure what they are doing is making them a better person. Sick!!
I actually found out about that terrible betrayal and as a parent of a little girl, it shattered my world and still does. Finding out that a person is capable of that really bothers me, especially when the narcissistic, psychopathic personality exists out there. It's tough to move forward and redefine myself. I hope that all betrayed people find peace and calm.
What helped me get through it was the realization that my child would also need me in ten or twenty years time as his father so will your little girl. Be strong for her Best of luck and stay strong for her
@@yyxy.oncesaid Terrible advice. Jumping from one person to the next is unhealthy. That's called a _rebound._ You do more damage to yourself than has already been done. You need to heal, don't bring that baggage to the next person.
I absolutely relate to this comment. My world shattered a month ago upon the same discovery and everyday is a battle of trying to move forward and be the best parent I can be… but everyday it will and should get easier. It’s always good to seek out help and support from family and friends and those in similar situations. But I feel for you and others in the same situation, the heart break is awful and having one’s reality shaken is a whole other experience
During my divorce from a narcissist I came across the quote "I'll always love the false image I had of you". Read that again and remember it. Loving the good memories of someone who betrayed you is not love.
i think of this as a bitter version of what i think. because to me, i do think *it is* love, for that moment, for that experience, with *you* in it. In that instance of passion, it's not only her in the picture, but also *you*. that's what self-love is. think about how you affectionately viewed this experience as something beautiful and tragic. you are effectively half of the story that unfolded and your love is enough to fill the void that she left. *it is you*. good luck king. you deserve better.
BRILLIANT! hahaha! Exactly! With time, you will realize that you DID have False Image of her! You projected on her the qualities of woman that you will EVENTUALLY GET! :)
My ex was bi-polar and BPD. 20 years of stress and then an affair. Wish I could have pulled myself up outa that despair sooner, as it took years. I got custody of our two children and 15 years later my children are over 21 and I am still single. My ex married the guy and was miserable with him towards the end. She died young and missed out on raising our children and wasn’t allowed to enjoy our first grandchild. I just feel sorry for what she missed. Her new hubby got what he wanted and his health isn’t good. He never had any siblings or children and didn’t understand life very well…he was quite a bit younger than my ex or me. Trying my best to be a good father and grandfather.
@@GTRNights Just think, a woman would very rarely, amost never take a mentally ill man so why should men take in a mentality ill woman. Shows how different we really are and what we look for.
i had a non-formally diagnosed BPD ex (my psychiatrist explained to me what she had in the midst of chaos). But BPD doesn't fully account for the terrible things she could do. Perhaps she may not have embraced her inner demons if the right guidance could have been given to her. She was my first proper relationship which happened in my mid 20s, and I got love bombed for a while, before the decent into unneccessary chaos. She lied, she cheated, she stole, and she was abusive, physically at times. When I found out about her infidelity, I was too weak to detach and resented her. She tried to coerce me into marriage, and at a later stage left me for dead in her home country. When I told her I had no money left, she cut all contact with me, unwittingly giving me a chance to escape for good. In retrospect, I don't hate her - its like hating a natural disaster. I don't entirely regret it all - I did dodge the bullet, and the experience made me a better person for it. I honestly feel sorry for her, navigating life with that illness and schema will give her a lot of suffering and a trail of destruction behind her, and under the right circumstances a lot of it could be avoided. I cannot afford to give her any care though, I have my own vulnerablilties and i'd just get sunk down the drain trying to change anything. And besides, I'm more driven to give to my wife, of whom I'm happily married to for a decade, all of my TLC instead. Stand by me is our theme song, and we have very much adhered to that...
Thank you, Jordan. My wife crossed a line in the sand over a year ago and never said sorry it will never happen again, just it makes me happy, so what's the big deal. A lot of your videos have helped over the year, but this video, I mean, wow. I told her I wanted a divorce about 2 weeks ago, and it was like a semi has been lifted off my sole.
This is spot on, although it took me 2 years to get separated and then another 2 years before divorcing her. Everything JP says here is totally accurate and although I was very optimistic at first and I also thought I loved her, my willingness to forgive only saw me get trampled further and if it's any help to anyone in this unfortunate situation, the key is respect. Affairs occur where there's a lack of respect. If you can find out where that lack of respect stems from, you may have hope (my wife could not say when she lost respect for me or why, just that she had, and it had happened a long time before the affair). Unfortunately for me, once I had forgiven her, the bad behaviour just escalated and when I asked her to leave, then it was all my fault, so there was a total inability on her part, to take responsibility and to improve going forward. From this experience, I will not tolerate a single lie from a woman ever again
A relationship, after a betrayal is only going to be a different relationship, if you stay together. I wouldn't be able to do it. It happened to me over 40 years ago, and my inside reconsiliatioship has developed all his time. I have remarried over 30 years and couldn't imagine being without my wife, but events from the past are always asking questions
as a man, if you accept your wife cheating it means you are a cuk. It goes against the male instinct. a woman who is willing to do that, will also steal from you.
@@kenknee2476 I firmly believe you don't stay in a damaged / toxic relationship because of children. You think you're doing the best thing for them, but you're not. Kids are intuitive. They can sense and see that their parents aren't happy and you're teaching them a bad lesson. This is the broad strokes. Everyone's situation, details will be unique.
Just had this happened to me. Been together 27, married 25 years with 2 kids. Its devasting, but the excuses and lack of accountability makes it even worse. He's right in stating that the confession and regrets have to be as deep as the actual affair. If she's just "sorry" she hurt you and the family, a reconciliation won't work since she is making excuses to avoid accountability. Ask me how I know... But to all the commenters saying...dump and divorce her. Its easy when you have not been married for long and have no kids. In my case, there would be a lot of collateral damage beyond the kids to consider and the impact on your eminent retirement .
Mark, I'm about 3 years removed. 17 years married, 21 together, 2 kids. Hurts like no other. My ex simply said "sorry, not sure what else I can say". Anyone reading this, I encourage you to fight through it, take care of yourself. Your kids need you, you need you. Hit the gym, don't drink (I am/did add more drinking). Try as hard as it is to get sleep. Cold shower when your mind is racing. Get RIGHT with yourself. Trust me, you'll be better for it. Mark very sorry this happened to you, I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
@@johnthomson2362 Thanks and I hope that you and the kids heal from the ordeal. In my case the reconciliation worked OK and we made lots of progress until I caught them meeting up again 18 months after it was "over". Seems like I wasted 18 months of my life. She seemed to think that keeping him as a friend is somehow OK because she's not riding him any more. Its not. What baffles me as much as her seeing him again, is that he as been pushing her (emails and calls) to leave me for him while she was trying to save her marriage and family. He's a 2X divorced narcissist, but what kind of piece of sh$t gets up every day trying to destroy another man's family.
I'm not buying this "it's for the kids" excuse anymore. Women don't abide by it, so men shouldn't either. Unless it's the unfair laws that are in place. Hmmm. So what would you do? Do you tell young men to still get married or tell them not until the laws change? How do you teach the new generation? Do you send them into battle without proper weapons/defense or do you say, "hey kids take a lesson from me, don't do it."
@Oldschool Dude I wish Jordan Peterson would address this. Ok, I've been cheated on, what's his stance on remarriage? Seriously, lost 50%of everything. Time with my kids, house, money etc. If you aren't going to have kids, why get married. I'm interested in his thoughts
I have the same situation. But she started cheating when the kids where 3&4, over 20y ago. I didn’t want to leave my kid alone with her. Tomorrow we meet in court. Kids are adults now, they support me and she might end up spending 1/2 of my retirement plan in the house I bought for the family and to live rent free when retired. But she’s now a 61y lonely woman, AP‘s where always attracted by the money she spent in them and maybe hookup, but never on her.
My wife cheated , then ran off overseas with the guy November 2010 . Left me with 3 kids all under the age of 13.I have not recovered since then I’m 60 can’t trust anyone the shame and disgrace this bought me , I cannot recover from. My kids are grown up and are great kids, I hope in my next life I don’t find her again.
Just think, you have your kids and she was selfish enough to walk out on them also. You now have 3 people in replace of 1 horrible person. She’s the loser, not you.
Jesus once said: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” He said this 2023 years ago
Reading the comments, listening to the video has been like therapy for me. I have just found out my wife has been cheating on me for the second time in our 13 year marriage. I feel i have wasted the best years of my life with this woman. The only good thing to come out of it is my beautiful 12 year old daughter. You put up with the behaviour, lies and they somehow make it feel like your partly to blame. Reading the comments has given me comfort in knowing im not the only one. This is hopefully the beginning of my healing and moving on. You believe you can change someone and take comfort in the few occasions of good times you had together, believing you can work through it, things will get better. I now know you can't change someone and you can't fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed. If you are just starting a relationship and the warning signs are already there get out now. Don't waste years on someone who doesn't deserve you. I was watching another jordon Peterston video and something he said really hit home and summed up my situation perfectly. He said if someone is drowning, you help them but you don't drown with them. I have been drowning for 13 years. I will move on to a better life without this person and will be stronger for it
Man Chris i feel for you. I’m 48 with a similar situation. Immediately upon finding out of the betrayal it’s such a shock to your system to find out you don’t even know the one person in life you thought you knew more than any other. The suddenness throws you off so quick that your first instinct is to not have a divorce and end up with a broken family. Like you I made the same mistake of not leaving 20 years ago. I said “my kids” I don’t want another man in their lives bla bla bla. It’s our own insecurities that we are not good enough. Their actions show us time and time again and the more you allow the less respect they have and the cycle continues. They won’t stop cheating they will just get better at not getting caught. Don’t take this the wrong way because after 12 years I can only imagine how much you love your daughter but if a woman is capable of adultery she is capable of getting pregnant by another man. The statistics on how many men are raising children that think they are their own but are not. Get a dna test for your own mind. You owe it to not only yourself but your daughter too. I see it’s been 10 months ago. I hope you are doing better and if you read this comment back and let me know how it’s going. I wish you nothing but the best…
_I Discovered My Wife Had an Affair" How do I navigate this?_ You divorce her, no exceptions, a woman's fidelity is the cornerstone of a relationship so if she has cheated it's over. Any man that tolerates that is a fool, it doesn't matter whether you love her or not - deep down she has *_contempt_* for you...
@@LM-rs6ue Simple my friend, men & women view it differently, it matters to men so much because for men with a promiscuous woman there is doubt about paternity, it doesn't work the other way round. Over thousands of years of evolution the men who cared about a woman's promiscuity were the ones who had the most children, they were the 'winners' & we are the descendants of the winners - it's in our mental 'firmware'. We know women don't care as much about fidelity due to DNA, throughout history most men did NOT have children, women preferred to share a high value man than exclusively have a low value man when it came to children. We seem to be going back to that now as marriage breaks down & the societal restrictions crumble. I'm not passing a moral judgement on any of this - it is what it is.
@P E 1. The amount of emotional pain from infidelity is the same for both men and women. 2. The only reason why women used to tolerate infidelity more and stay in relationship in the past is financial dependency and societal pressure all around. Now things are totally different and women are not tolerating that. They are initiating more divorces than men (no DNA pseudoscientific bulshit you described that "prompts them to tolerate infidelity" has any affect) 3. Women are not cheating less than men. The rates are very close to each other in fact. They just tend to hide it better. 4. If anyone in a relationship cheats that means they will face consequences. And they set themselves up for that consequences on their own. Divorces, traumatised partners, broken families, traumatised children..this is all the cost of either male or female infidelity.
@Isaiah Isaac aha I would understand that 😅 just because of the scope of the original question. If there was no reference to gender, its totally justifiable to state that fidelity of both partners is equally important.
Here’s what you do. She is not deserving of the pedestal you have her on. Quietly speak with a lawyer and move in the direction of divorce. Don’t fight with her. Protect your heart. And move on realizing there’s something wrong with her.
If in UK, move all of your assets to gold and bury it. Then book a solo holiday in vegas. Wait 12 months and then hit the divorce button. Say you gambled the money away and you're sorry..
If your wife cheats on you get rid of her, you chose poorly, do what you have to do to get out of it with as little financial trauma as possible. You can never trust a cheating woman again.
That’s tender situation. You don’t believe a person can change? Why not? I believe a person can. Difficult but possible. You said wife, if children are involved separation can be more difficult/ impactful than simple forgiveness.
@@kcb5336 I didn't say it was easy, if you married a cheater you are screwed no matter what you do. You can forgive her all you like and she will keep right on cheating because that is what slogged out carousal riders who have ruined their ability to pair bond do.
@@MegaDavyk well I wouldn’t suggest forgiving unless truly penitent. If she continues to cheat then the forgiveness isn’t deserved or granted. Jorden laid it out pretty clear here. It’s a difficult uphill rebuild they very few can achieve. But I like to think, hope for humanity sake maybe a person can change. Life to me would seem pretty hopeless if forgiveness (conditional) and change weren’t possible.
If you don't have kids leave and show yourself you're a much better person than your wayward. If you have kids also leave and show them how a man responds to such a disrespect.
I'm in that very spot, and chose to model discipline and sacrifice to my kids, to ensure they have an intact family and home. The particulars of my situation make that possible, where where it might not be elsewhere. Imperfect as our home might be, I believe it's better than a divorce, with custody arrangements.
Trust me, there is only one solution to this problem and the best thing is to forgive and move on. Staying in such a situation because you think that you can work things out is a recipe for disaster because it won't be long before you revisit that issue over and over again. It's a spiral of trauma and torture.
thats true and is really attractive to try to "forgive" and "fix" the things, but is just your mind trying to go back to the "normality" be happy again and that only works in short-term. But if you move on and go no contact with that person, in the short-term is going to hurt really mutch but in long-term is going to be the most healthy for you and your future.
No; if they repent, forgive them. It is not forgive first. People get the order wrong ad they don't read the scriptures. No respect = no love. Betrayal = the ultimate expression of disrespect; it is a form of hatred.
@@robertmccabe8632 you forgive not because they asked for it but rather to help you to move on with life without holding any grudges or looking back in anger.
At least my first wife mustered up the guts to tell me she didn't love me anymore. Not every Man gets that opportunity. Some people just aren't mature enough to get married, I'm just disappointed it took me 9 years of my life and all of the emotional abuse I went through during it to come to that conclusion. Thank God for God, my family and people willing to stand by me. There _is_ a future, and a person made for everyone, out there.
*Sounds* like the abuse you put up with is why she "fell out of love" with you. A woman may emasculate you if you allow it and will lose all respect for you for allowing it. (obviously I don't know your particular situation but that's a common example)
Nop there is not "a person" for everyone...there are good and bad people but there is not "a person. We chose who we make our couple , but every person is replazable
@@Mrbfgray sounds like a pretty shit woman if that is the case. it's not your fault if shes the one doing it to you. she wouldn't respect me either way. because i dont react nicely towards people who play stupid games with me and i make sure they win their prizes.
I went through the betrayal like that with a women that was highly narcissistic. Not only did I not get a confession until after I dumped her, but never got an apology. Only threats and rage. If you think that's not much, try this: she self inflicted bruises and accused me of beatings and rape. If that's not enough of betrayal, try adding this: she convinced one of my friends to testify against me. I've spent half a year in prison. It took a huge amount of psychological strength not to kill myself in prison. Luckilly, I endured. I have a girlfrend now and still struggling to trust her. Always resisting the voice in my head screaming "run!". Going through psychotherapy to get through it and not to ruin it because of my experience with that monster.
I went through this 9 years ago. How blind I was to do the signs and how sudden and oh how much it hurt when I found out. Oh, and the pain... The betrayal and the hurt. I really really thought it would be impossible to recover from this... The lies, the deceit... It took two years just for the pain to subside. 9 years later I look back and I realise, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I had to go through that to become who I am today and I love it. A new partner, one that truly loves me, and everything is fantastic. I'm loving life and I can only be in this life thanks to the previous betrayal.
No not married. But a bigger L would never to recover and never to have learnt. We like to blame women and paint all of them with the same brush, but a lot of it is our fault for chosing the wrong partner to begin with and net seeing the signs in time.
This by far Jordan at his very best... In the past 5 yrs I have been through this betrayal, and my beloved Son's suicide... The pit is vast, deep, and dark. It has many traps and dangers... Facing hard truths about yourself and those you love will strengthen you on your journey out of the abyss.
I'm so sorry for your loss, I hope you are doing alright. That's heartbreaking. Stop by Christian Sermons and Audiobooks channel if you're ever looking for some comfort in biblical inspiration.
I hope you get to the light, soon. The only way out of the despair is to become someone else to the point that you can’t even recognize who you once were. The way out takes you through philosophy, meditation, exercise, and fasting. Do this, and you’ll make it out of the darkness.
If anyone cheats on you, you leave and become a better person and move on. Life is too short to be with a cheater. If they are capable of doing that to someone they love, they are a broken person, and it’s not your job to fix someone
@@Jacek_videos You do full exorcism with power of god, make them be in touch with the concept of religion again, and if they don't want it, that means they won't change for you,period, so leave the haunted house together with that demon in it
@@Jacek_videos "Demonically possessed" is just a naive euphemism for psychopathy. Nothing will change such people. They are irretrievably bad to the core.
Imagine being able to deliver an astoundingly reasoned and articulate response like that, completely off the cuff, with no advance preparation for responding to the question.
He is very good but I wouldn't say his answers are just (off the cuff) He has years and years of thought and experience behind the answers and statements he wields. But, but I do understand where you are coming from.
He said exact thing that was boiling in me almost five years.Her betrayal, later her therapy during I've heard "Get over it! You have my word that I will never do it again". And I was never allowed to express my anger,rage and process it.I felt deep in guts were needed for me to process it . Everytime I've started to speak about it I was shutted down."Stop it! It is attack!" .Thank You JP for expressing all of it out loud.
I found my ex fiancee cheated me months before the wedding, (dont ask me how) i called the wedding out, dumped her and i am grateful that i dodged that bullet.. She wanted to have a kid with me, divorce me, get the custody and make me pay her and the child support while she was gonna go back with her ex boyfrind. . (She revealed the plan on an e mail to her girlfriend.) I made a huge party to celebrate i did not marry hert. Later I met another woman and i married her 11 years ago and still rolling. Bufff, she was a Covert NArcissist everything was always a lie, my god, she would have destroyed my life and my parents life too. What an evil person, all fake, all acting allways. She was a monster.
I came from a broken home and I swore to myself that when I grew up if i ever got married and had kids i would never treat them like that. Until I got married I wasn't commited to any one woman but after I got married I stayed true to my wife and our two boys. As time went on she decided to have an affair with the father of eight kids that lived down the road that we both knew and some of which came down to our house and hung out with our boys. Their sperm donor didn't work he had already lost the machine shop his dad left him when he died and decided it wasn't his job to support his kids. He came from a big family as well and they had lost their mom to a random bullet to her head. Rumor had it she had decided being a dedicated wife and mother wasn't her thing. So one day bang that all came to an end and it was over. Nobody knew what happened or where the bullet came from. I'm not saying I know it was something that wasn't talked about. Needless to say I loved my wife and our two boys and one of the boys that came down all the time I loved him like he was one of my own boys. When I found out what was going on I told my wife I wasn't going to be treated like that and she told me she hadn't ever treated me badly. She is a sick woman that couldn't see past the end of her nose. That's life. I gave her the boot there was no saving our marriage. She chose not to be a wife or a mother that was her decision to make and she made it alone all by herself. Selfish, self centered the whole world revolved around her. Cool, see how far that gets you says I. Henry, the boy I loved like my own son would tell me years later, Joe you're the only Father figure I ever had. Children need their mother and father that's what makes a family and family is what makes our world go around.
Nice one for getting rid. That’s a lot more respectable than taking her back. I can never respect anyone that takes a cheater back, it’s like if you’re willing to take her back then it shows where it went wrong originally, no spine and no long for respect. I chase respect more than love. I’ll even sack friends off if I feel no respect. Some narcissists though will just go through life seeing no wrong which is what she sounds like. You sound respectable.
My x told me years after our divorce that she never really did love me. She was angry at ME(?) for uncovering her affair and exposing her misdeeds. When she said that, I thanked her. She laughed at me thinking I needed to be ridiculed even further. But I told that's the first time she's told me the truth in a long time and that's all I've wanted, the truth. It was your lies that devastated me. But you can never hurt me again because I have let go completely
I think Jordyn hit the nail on the head when he talked about a guy’s willingness to stay is oftentimes the reason she usually leaves. Self respect/ self love is so important in EVERY relationship, not just a marriage/ltr. If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything 🤷🏽♀️💯
Exactly. He presented two facts very scientifically and empathically: 1) If your partner cheats, the relationship is over. 2) If you still love the person afterwards then you have work to do on yourself.
The only reason a guy would stay in those cheating situations is because he put the woman on a pedestal and she became his god. Him staying with a woman who cheats on him is only a symptom of far deeper spiritual issues. Jordan has this same blind spot. He worships his wife, he's an idolator. The reason he took all those drugs and was in the hospital for a long time was because he thought he was going to lose his wife to illness. I'm sorry but he's unfit to answer this question and his response in the video is wholly incomplete. But you're right, you have to stand for something.
If you ever want someone to love and respect you enough to not cheat on you, you neither exhibit nor condone the behaviour. Staying with someone after they've done this to you is not love, it is reliance.
Indeed! And for me it actually describes exactly what i long for in the past few times buth i couldn’t formulate my feelings to another! I get it now why it was such a drag in the past and things just didn’t work, Figuratively speaking someone was on her knee’s apologizing and saying sorry over and over again! I could had spare us both a lot of time by saying i don’t want a apology I wish an complete confession from A to Z and then we will see..!! 😮
@@plentinough7222 I never forgave Juden Peterstien for slagging of at MIGTOW and how he back peddled when he realised it could affect his bottom line. He is not what you people think he is. He is selling an illusion and doing extremely well at it.
I wasn't married, but i was in a long-term committed relationship and she up and left one day out of the blue and casted me out like I and everything we had and worked for was nothing and immediately replaced me with someone new. Looking back, I notice things that could be signs of infidelity, but I unfortunately will never get an honest answer from her on whether or not she did, and it kills me internally
Women nearly always have a replacement when they leave JL. They've usually been leaving the marriage for months, either lining up future partners or actually cheating... or both.
@Brigham Santos to play victim, I think. At least in my situation. Don't get me wrong, I was no angel either, but my sins are doing edibles alot (she's a pot head too and got me into em) being lazy, not being the most affectionate bf and I can be kind of an asshole sometimes. But she told me after we broke up that it was inevitable. Even without my flaws, it wouldn't have been prevented. Her whole demeanor about the shit she did was basically "oops, my bad *giggles*"
@cupcake0480 absolutely was. Its been nearly a year since and she has taken absolutely not accountability whatsoever and blames absolutely everything on me and plays the victim. Glad i dodged that bullet
If there are children, the woman's infidelity is an even greater contempt towards her children. Why? Because she knows, in the back of her mind, that if she gets found out and it ends in divorce, she will likely retain custody of the children. If the divorce laws were such that it was much more likely for the man to get custody of the children, women would think much more long and hard before embarking on infidelity.
@@Doctor.Dentista I take your point - but overall the man is damned if he 'does', and damned if she 'does'. He knows that he can remain resolutely faithful, but even then, if his wife is unfaithful, she will still win. So a man is unfaithful with a heavier heart, hoping against hope that he doesn't get found out. Whereas a woman is unfaithful with a carefree attitude, knowing she has nothing to lose.
Nonsense. I’m the child of a 1970’s divorce. Every state in the country made it virtually impossible to be the sole signatory on a mortgage or lease if you were a divorced woman.. The nation’s Family Law courts were ENTIRELY presided over by men - and ruled accordingly. Are you really going to try to peddle the absurd assertion that men have become MORE faithful in the ensuing decades now that the legal balance of power has shifted out of their favor?? (Since you’re the one claiming it has) Peterson HIMSELF would be the first to tell you how delusional that contention is - since he apparently spends his every waking hour deploring the skyrocketing numbers of modern married men who are capitulating to ‘hookup’ culture. Sorry , but you folks are going to have to make up your minds about what these statistics mean - and then stick to your story.
Bingo. These clowns keep asserting how unbalanced Family Law has become in this country - while praying that you don’t notice the skyrocketing participation of the American married man in hookup culture. Pretty damned funny actually - since Peterson’s most slavish followers know better than anyone how much of his YT content is directed at moaning about the wayward American male.
Betrayal is crippling i known. Take it from someone who has been there. If theye do it once they will do it again. And the man or woman who thinks they have found something special. Being your wife or husband. Will soon realize what kind of mess they have gotten them selves into. Take it as a valuable education. Grow to become the best version you can possibly be. Love you all.
This is JBP at his best. Betrayal is really tough because it can lead to you closing off to present and future connections. It really takes take courage to go forward and extend a trusting hand to another whom you gauge as worthy of having such an opportunity. Each time a betrayal happens you learn something… You don’t want too many of them however or you’ll be so battle scared that you’ll flinch at any potential connection. Tread carefully, heal, take gauged risks and learn to value yourself enough to be willing to walk away and never return to a person that clearly shows themselves unworthy of your trust.
I'm a guy that probably takes signs pretty seriously. I met a woman was trying to take it slow. I started seeing signs. Funny how after a first real date , I thought went well, she was already with someone else. Women know that there are a 100 or more men they can pick from.
One point a couple should discuss before marriage is how would they handle temptation...an adult should be aware that if they fell in love once they can fall in love again...We all can become attracted to another, we all can be tempted, it is how we handle it that becomes the point of a marriage...the true adult should turn to their partner and confide in them and ask for help working through it... It may mean leaving a job...moving...it depends....
The question is not that the man still loves his wife after her affair. The real question is, "Does she love him?" The answer is NO. Cheating on one's spouse is the ultimate way of saying, "I don't love you and I don't care about you." This is what guys who've been cheated on need to understand.
Man love is not always unconditional too. Love is complicated man. Best is to have other things that keep you happy in your life in order to not be destroyed if something bad with your partner happens.... I don't see any solution cause you never know
I’ve been married for 20 years. Shit happens. Just make sure if you choose to stay together you get some good advice. Good advice is probably the most underrated tool for anything in life, and relationships need work.
" Shit happens " sounds ridiculous This type of words actually enabled people for not taking accountability for their poor actions. You can't work on " cheating spouse " There's no such thing as " Become loyal again "
@@LetsGoforDabash who said anything about not taking accountability? I’m talking about the inevitability of human weakness, bad judgement and the need to learn through making mistakes. That’s where I’m coming from. I’ve been in the drivers seat of bad decisions and so has my wife and we’ve been together for 20 years. If you think you can make it 20 years without making a bad decision that affects your marriage then good luck to you.
@@LetsGoforDabash by the way for context both me and my wife cheated on each other. She was in her 20s, she was around alcohol, she was attractive, extroverted, open and foolish. I wasn’t holding her, containing her, I was distracted. She was dealing with issues. In my case, early 30s, new father, freaking out, dealing with trauma, fell in love with an acquaintance, still love her. Life isn’t black and white. You experience, you learn, you admit your flaws, you choose to work on them, together or apart. Just for context, yes? Marriage is hard, and you never know what is around the corner.
In other words if you didn't fix it & it's gone to where it is it's over!Forgive!learn and start fresh..Give me & attention to your spouse,always speak of how you feel.Don't settle without a proper resolution because you will kill a part of yourself & you'll never make peace with it,even if you pretent you have.
I hope the guy who asked this question got the answer he needed. I personally don't believe it's something that can ever be reconciled. Even if you somehow find a way to forgive, you will never forget. And if she was the kind of person who could cheat on her spouse, she's the kind of person who will feel like she got away with it; and can get away with it again. Learning from your mistakes means something different for a person like that: A normal person will learn, "I'll never do that again." A cheater will learn, "I know how not to get caught again."
Jordan's answer is incomplete. It's a spiritual issue if a man cannot walk away from a woman who betrays and cheats on him then he has put her on a pedestal and she has become his god. This is why men should never fall "in love" because that is idol worship. Love deeply but consciously --- that unconscious "I'm in love with her" stuff is dangerous and is for teenagers, not grown men.
I’ve found the best way to get to the bottom of any betrayal is acceptance. Accepting the facts that happened leading up to it. Was it the environment, character of your partner, things you did to push them into that direction. Once you have the acceptance. The next thing you have to do is decide. Decision based on two paths. To walk away from the betrayer or to find the courage to extend the hand of trust again. If you take the latter, don’t feel like you are a pushover or a weak person. It takes incredible courage and inside strength to want to trust this person again. And it should only be done taking into consideration the events leading up to the betrayal and your partner willingness to work on their flaws and shortcomings. Both partners will then need some serious hard work to rebuild the foundations of a relationship again, and make it a lasting one this time round.
noone is lead away from a marriage, THEY chose, nothing the other party did caused the betrayal, they chose, do you want to be married to someone capable of taking the low road
I would argue that courage and strength don't come in to it - rather than a PUSH back into the relationship on those terms, it's generally a lack of alternative options that PULL people back. They convince themselves that they *love* someone, and in trying to repair the relationship it's somehow virtuous - but what they are doing in general terms is confusing their NEED with LOVE. There's nothing strong or courageous about that. It's a fundamental lack of self-awareness that can only lead back into the pit that Dr Peterson describes.
I often struggle with the validity of statistics, but I'd like to know if the majority of time giving someone a second chance works out. As someone who solely sits in the "no" category. Of course, the devil is in the details.
It has been presented better just not by Jordan. His answer is very incomplete. If a man cannot walk away from a cheating wife he has far deeper issues within himself. He was put the woman on a pedestal and she has become his god. When a man says he fell "in love" that is a form of idol worship and is very dangerous to both parties. Too many women today want to be worshipped instead of loved -- we see it all over social media with these guys drooling in the comments section. Women get addicted to the attention and do not understand that it is very unhealthy. The crazy stalkers, psychos, etc. all fell "in love" which is an inordinate attachment.
You don't even entertain the thought, you just leave her. Longer you linger around, the more everyone thinks you're the problem, not her. Yes, what others thinks of you does matter in this case.
I haven’t been officially cheated on but was seeing a girl for longer than what most people would’ve already made official and I really liked her. I went on holiday with my friends and came back to feeling the vibe was off. Then she ditches me for someone else. That hurt enough, felt like I’d been cheated on but went to a bar to drink in my sorrows, woman behind the bar put it into perspective for me “just think, you could’ve gone official and it might’ve been 6 months down the line with more commitments, now she’s someone else’s problem”. Anyways spent the next couple of years smashing life, bumped into her on a night out and she made a pass on me even though she has a bf now, rejected her and was like “jeez thank fuck I didn’t end up with her”. She hated how I rejected her. Crazy how much perspective you get from those situations. The whole thing was a blessing, a perfect lesson with no strings attached that I didn’t realise when it happened, now I thank the heavens for that moment.
I had a pattern of associating with people with BPD. I had to very volatile relationships in a row and the women in both relationships had multiple affairs. So glad I never married them and so glad I am now happily married to a beautiful wonderful woman who would never betray her family that way. Affairs will leave people with a permanent scar. Very hard to recover from.
I really like how he mentioned the fact that you still love her after the fact could be the key to why it happened in the first place. You could appear to be the type of person to be easily taken advantage of. So in a sense you ignored the signs before it happened.
Great advice. I’d add a couple things. Go MANY places for help. Some “friends” suck at their advice. Don’t keep it private. Talk to people ….and fast. 2) protect the other areas of your life that your partner did not screw up. Don’t make ANY major decisions for a LONG time. 3) don ‘t underestimate how fucked up you are. You’ve got 10 times more Rage than you even know about.
This is excellent advice. I couldn't eat or sleep for about 30 days after I found out about it. If you are considering ending your life over this, GET HELP. You are no good to your children if you end your life. Get help in such a situation. Don't face it alone.
Cheaters become serial cheaters, there is no fixing it because it’s not a problem with the relationship but with the cheater. Not only do these demons betray you, but they take you for all that you are worth, like parasites. You will be reminded of this time and again if you stay with a cheater
No, that's not the only way that goes. I was the cheater who changed a long time ago. I was never close to cheating again in that relationship (that ended for other reasons) or in my next relationship. There exist serial cheaters but not all who ever cheated will repeat it.
@@cgortz89 It's _always_ a bad idea to stay with a woman who cheats, because deep down she has contempt for you - sorry but that is the truth. The man never really gets over it if he has any self-respect.
@@thelimey351 Possibly that I had some hidden contempt for him that I didn't realize. But I don't feel that way as I was only focused on him and ready to stay with him for life. It's more likely that he had contempt for me. Which might of been part of the reason why he left me when I got long term sick 3 years later.
@@cgortz89 I'm sorry that he left you when you got sick, that's terrible & that reflects really badly on him - but he should have ended the relationship when he found out that you cheated because no good woman cheats on a man they love & deep down *respect* .
@@thelimey351 I feel like it was part of the issue before that but I got past that after I had done the mistake and developed as a person through realizing a few things. Thanks, but it's a long time ago now and today I'm glad that he did. Take care!
You can get through it. You both have to make a commitment again. If you can't, get out. But if you can, you can't hold it over the other person's head. If you are unable to let go, then get out.
“Each one is being drawn out” appears in the Bible, in James 1:14. The verse reads, “But each one is tempted, drawn away, and enticed by his own lust”. In other translations, the verse reads, “But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed”
I went outside of my marriage. The marriage had so many flaws. We were both broken people who didn’t recognize that we operated from our past trauma. I didn’t know it at the time. I blamed him. Then I started doing some inner work. I have realized so many things wrong with myself, and how all my faults landed us where we did. I have guilt, shame and regrets. I know what I’m capable of. I know I can absolutely destroy things. And I feel all those feelings because I know this. But I also have appreciation for my growth. Knowing what I know now…. I could never behave like that again. Never. It’s cruel to both people. I try to be compassionate towards myself regarding what happened because I didn’t know. I didn’t know all the things I know now.
Refreshing to hear someone being vulnerable and accountable. There is never one side to these stories. Thank you for having the courage to give us your experience.
Did you ever tell him? Did you ever tell your betrayed husband that what you did was hurtful and wrong? Even if it's been a while, it could be very healing for him if he's never heard these words from you. I experienced this 20 years ago and I'd still appreciate hearing from my ex that she is genuinely sorry for how she treated not just me, but our child as well as her affair and choice of divorce was hurtful to both of us. Never heard anything other than he was her soulmate. It was a mistake for us to marry (maybe the most truthful thing she said.) But I doubt I'd ever hear such a thing. But I'd still like to hear it, even a generation later.
you don't get to forgive and be compassionate to your self for hurting others that's to convenient its the one you hurt and God that have the right to forgive you
Caught my girlfriend of 3 years sleeping with a friend. Devastating is an understatement. But boy it made me tougher and my skins thickness became rhino level. The actual challenge to recovery is allowing yourself to be venerable again. You do, but with a guard up.
The short answer is: Attraction is not negotiable. Game over. Leave her, don´t look back. Be smart, don´t show any emotions to her. First step: go to a lawyer with goog advice how to move to reduce the finanviell loose.
This is excellent advice. It’s good that he gives ways to move forward and doesn’t simply say ‘the whole population/group is bad and can’t be trusted’. Some women cheat. Some men cheat. Some women and men don’t cheat at all. Some cheat in every relationship. Some cheated only once during their lifetime. It’s an offense and betrayal of trust whenever it happens. I’ve known couples who have grown stronger after the betrayal because 1) the cheater accepted responsibility and worked to rebuild trust and 2) the betrayed partner agreed to try to rebuild that trust. But it depends on the individuals involved. The relationship will never be the same as it was before the cheating. It could be stronger. It could be better or it could be worse but it will definitely be different.
JP is most excellent....if there is an affair, the only way to save the marriage is to find a good couple's therapist, or seek healing thru a faith based organization, IMHO. It may be well worth the effort, if only to process resentments....and those resentments can kill the soul, and shut out love and life itself. Thanks.
If you truly love someone you can't simply pick up and leave that life behind like it never existed. If you can, then you really need to better understand what true love is, and it could be your hurt pride is making your decisions, rather than true love... Yes, chances are if your spouse betrayed you they didn't love you as much as you loved them. As Jordan pointed out, in order to get around that problem, to a point where trust and mutual love can be re-established, is going to be extremely difficult. Can you satisfactorily live in a one-sided marriage, where your partner isn't totally in love with you? Will that weight heavily on your being so hard that you can never get past that? As Jordan says, that's going to be very hard to do, but is it easier to just walk away from the love of your life, even though they've hurt you? Not that simple, and the hardest problem you likely will ever have to face in life. There's no one answer fits all solution.
I don't agree, just because leaving is hard doesn't make it right, who wants to live with someone that ultimately has contempt for them ? I say that because ultimately that is the truth...
@@thelimey351 Do you really interpret your spouse 'stepping out on you' as having contempt for you? Do you actually know that, or is it your underlying insecurities coming out...? Did you feel the same way before she stepped out?
@@garymaclean6903 "Stepping Out" 🤣 I like how you try to play it down, it's not a "mistake" either - it's choosing to get f#@ked by another man. To know how the male partner will feel about that _& do it anyway_ shows *TOTAL CONTEMPT* for him. When somebody like you wants to attack a view that they don't like they will often use "insecurity" or "who hurt you ?" as a putdown. The tactic is pathetic, not accepting your female partner being f#@ked by another man is not 'insecure'. Note: I talk as a man because I am a man, I know women can think differently on this matter because our DNA history tells us that women generally would rather share a high value man than have a committed low value man. It is what it is.
@@thelimey351 You've ignored how many partners have forgiven their partner's indiscretions and taken them back. Like I said, if you truly love someone that passion is life-long. - It never goes away. If you have ever actually been in love you would understand this. I'm not denying the hurt and pain that also never really goes away either, just how like I said, a loving lifetime relationship doesn't just blow up because someone made a mistake they also likely regret. As Jordan pointed out, it's extremely difficult to get that relationship back, but it IS POSSIBLE. If your first reaction is to kick them out, and treat them like they're now worse than totally meaningless to you, you have to question how strong your love was in the first place... That you distill her unfaithfulness down to whether either male is 'high value' or not, further displays insecurity. It's true how in order to be loved you have to be someone worth loving. Some are, some aren't...
I had an experience that I regret deeply. I had a drunk woman crash in my bed a month after I was married. I didn't have sexual intercourse with the woman but I did fool around. My engagement to wife was bumpy. I fell in love with the woman she could have been, rather than the woman she was 5'5" @ 135kg. She has low self esteem, hence she was very bossy. She treated me as a work horse, encouraging me to take on dirty dangerous jobs far from home for long periods of time, just what seemed like good money, but it wasn't really. When I quit, she would say ".... well we just won't be able to afford to have a family if you don't do it..." I hated my life. I never did it again in 10 years of marriage. But I used to talk in my sleep. I would say things like " shhhh! Be quiet, or my wife will find out." After my only son died, we fell apart, not realising that we both had PTSD. I am not that kind of man, I was pushed to my limits.
My ex was a clinically diagnosed sociopath. I had the exact problem JP is describing here. She was fundamentally and malevolently untrustworthy. The years of gaslighting, sneaking around, and cruel, sadistic, and taunting caused me to descend into deep paranoid depression. During this depression, she began openly seeing another man. She assumed the damage she caused me to be so incapacitated that I would sit on the porch drinking beer and smoking cigarettes while they ran around. Anyway, I left her in the end and experienced a profound transition.
A wife’s loyalty is a thing of yesteryear, both my wives cheated after 10 & 14 years of marriage + 4 years of dating. Like NFL QB Tom Brady I am a good guy, tall, good looking, make good $$$, high sex drive, love kids & have a bunch of them, yet just like Tom’s wife my wife’s also strayed. All I can say is their straying forever changed the way I look at them, it’s like having your best friend betray you, intentionally hurt you, nothing more painful. Since divorcing them I almost feel bad for them because the other guy soon dumped them & each of them has been & will probably be lonely till the day they die.
@@kantraxoikol6914 LOL - No I am no longer a hopeless romantic, I now realize modern women are a far cry from the 1950's - 1960's traditional stay at home housewives that I thought I was getting.
Since I have been through all the cheating with my ex I have learned to set boundaries with the women I date. And you must give them the choice from the start. You say I do not date women that go to clubs and bars. She says well I go to clubs and bars. Ok, We can have sex but we can't date. She will decide if you are worth risking giving that up. If not you go some sex and move on, problem was resolved from the start!
My wife left me for a week. Cheated on me the night b4 we met up. I prayed on this. I told her that if this was going to work she could not hang with that person (the friend) she had that causes her to do horrible things and hates marriage. She agreed. She then left me 3x more and a physic ward visit. Gets diagnosed with bipolar. Then one day neglects my son. That broke the straw I was treated like shit. She destroyed our marriage. Disrespected our home and my son. We meet with a lawyer in 2 days. She sleeps on that friends porch. She has been gone a minute and I went thru a yr of brokeness. I am free and a man again. I pray for her soul as she hops in bars and couches.
The proper response to the wayward spouse behavior is to leave. If the wayward spouse doesn’t receive the proper response, then they will continue their behavior. Why would they do otherwise?
@@NootNoot67 Simply facing consequences. But also, you leave them because they have proven to not be a good wife now and have proven that their intimacy isn't all that important and isn't only reserved for their love. Which damages the intimacy in the relationship beyond repair.
Been there. Thank you prof. Jordan for sincerity. What or I should say who helped me get through it was Jesus and His mother Mary . Jesus once said: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” He said this 2023 years ago but so did you when you said that one must bear his/her cross
I have been with my wife for 8 years, her daughter was 4 when I met her, she turns 13 this year, our son starts school next week, he is 5… I found out my wife has been having an affair for the last two years, lying to him and me the whole time. I love her still, I think I always will. But it’s over, I don’t think I will ever understand how someone could throw away their family and not know why. She was my best friend and I promised her my life. Now it’s going to be a fight for custody of my son, I hate this, I never asked for any of this, she lied to my face everyday for two years, but finally told me something truthful “I’m not in love with you” I would end it all if my son didn’t need me
very simple, does her action meet your standard of life, yes or no, there is the answer, someone who betrays your trust is no longer the person you trusted, why try to convert them back,
100% correct. You could also argue that attempting to convince them to come back into the relationship is in itself a selfish act. There's a reason that time only moves forwards and not backwards - that's all we can ever do ourselves.
To any man going through something like this , under no circumstances should you take her back and do the "one more chance" rubbish , she had her chance and made it clear by cheating who and what she is , if she's crying and remorseful it's only because she's been caught , she doesn't care how you are feeling , she cares about getting exposed to yours and her family and also you leaving her and having to financially do it on her own , she might be promising you it won't happen again etc etc , don't be stupid enough to believe a liar and a cheat . You will never forgive or forget , and there's a 99% chance she's going to cheat again , except she will be more careful this time , if you are crazy enough to stay with a lying cheat you should expect to be cheated on , if you don't you are stupid and probably deserve everything you get
There is only one question the betrayed husband needs to answer for himself. Suppose you forgive her and think you moved on. One day, or night, when she’s not at home for whatever legitimate reason, you try calling her and she doesn’t answer. And you try again and she still doesn’t answer. She will not answer for hours. Maybe her phone died, maybe she’s been in a meeting and forgot to turn on the sound because she’s very stressed from an important project. What will be going through your head? Who’s she with? Is she really swamped at work or is she collecting STDs in a seedy motel? Why wouldn’t she answer and tell me that she is busy, since I always understood? And the question you want to answer to yourself is the following: do I really want to put up with this for the rest of my life? Do I even trust her to not do it again? After all she broke her promise already. Would it even be worth it to go through so much anguish for someone who couldn’t even keep it in her pants?
I went through this 4 years ago. To call it a kick in the guts is a vast understated. The one thing in the world I was certain I could rely on was my Wife's loyalty . I would have layed down my life without hesitation to protect her.
I could have somehow coped if it was just sexual.
But I asked her " Do you love him?" She replied
" I think so." Then I asked her " Do you love me?" She replied " No."
I'm now a 55 year old hermit. I don't know what the future holds for me.
He dumped her a fortnight after she dumped me.
Hi Doug, time alone will be good for you to process this but please don't wallow alone for too long and avoid alcohol at all costs. It is a depressant and will send you down to the depths of hell.
Get out and walk or get to the gym and start looking at ways you can process the feelings of anger, disappointment, sadness etc
This woman has ruined your marriage, don't let her ruin your life too.
I really hope the best for you to overcome this, if you are needing to talk to someone seek out good counsel.
God Bless
Hey Doug,
not all people are good. But don't lose hope. There are people out there who are worth the dedication.
Don't let this person stop you from living a good life. You are more than your relationship. And never forget that there are people out there who might be in a similar situation, looking for someone who is loyal. Don't lose hope.
"I think so" your ex is immature. She cant even figure out her own feelings. She wasnt even smart enough to know if the other guy loves her. Apparently he didnt. Monkey branching gone wrong. Wish you all the best in your fight.
It's a nuclear bomb to the gut. I feel ya buddy, in my situation I had two dna tests done.
I listen to audiobook Wishes fulfilled by Wayne Dyer as I go to sleep. Try it, you’ll then know what the future holds for you 💗
There's no greater revenge on a man that steals your wife than to let him keep her
Love this!
Amen bro!!!
Beautiful
Bars!!
Very few men who've cheated with another man's wife will have a relationship with her. He knows she is untrustworthy. He knows better than anyone what a cunning sneak she is.
Psychopath ex actually gave me advice: "Use people. Take advantage of them. It is just a game. Not your fault if they are foolish and believe you".
Stunning that there are people like that out there.
She makes a a fair point not a good one but trusting someone 100% is bad idea bet to learn how to manipulate n how ppl manipulate u and protect urself n not use it for evil
@@saulw6270 Some years ago, I realized that I actually trust everyone 100%.. as does everyone else.
I trust a liar to lie, a thief to steal, a gossiper to gossip, a hateful person to hate etc etc.
In other words, I trust everyone will be themselves. Now the important question I needed to ask myself was this: Is that what I want? Am I grateful everyone is themselves, or would I change it if I had the power to do so??
The answer was CLEARLY that I wanted everyone to be themselves bcs only that way could I determine who I wanted to travel in my life with and who I'd rather not. I REALLY wanted everyone to be themselves! ...as they were always going to be.
So I no longer got upset whenever a liar lied, or a thief stole, or a gossiper gossiped etc.
One day I discovered my girlfriend had been unfaithful. I was really disappointed and upset but NOT at her. I realized that I was gonna bloody miss her, miss us BADLY! I truly wished her well, told her that I was grateful that we spent time in life together but now know that we were not meant to be forever. I kissed her cheek and calmly walked out the door.
That moment was shaky and all I had to cling onto was knowing deep within that it was the RIGHT thing to do (for me).
Self centered tears in my eyes I walked away toward a new journey.
She was being herself and that was completely fine by me... many years later, I'm smiling thinking of her right now as I write this and pray she's still out there, somewhere being herself...as my loved ones are sound asleep.
@@ojematters9348 wow. I am strangely moved and considerate of your perspective. Thank you for sharing.
My wife says the same.
It is like she and I come from different planets.
It has been hard to face the reality, in all its details, to retrace the historical process which led us where we are, to understand the irreducible differences in our psychologies, in the ways we feel the world.
@@ojematters9348How did you get to this viedo?
Affairs are heart breaking. I feel sorry for this guy and anyone who gets cheated on. It’s such a violation of marriage
100%
🎯
I found out my wife was having an affair. Thankfully I didn't have kids. He was on his second marriage after cheating on his first and was now cheating on his second, whom he had akid with. I didn't tell her at all while I got myself a lawyer. I had to not say anything for two weeks while I found a lawyer and got the divorce papers ready. When she was finally served, it was such a relief for me.
I was able to move on by finding a better higher paying job in a new state and bought my own house. I have picked up skiing and started making new friends.
I was lucky to be able to restart my life and be in a good place again. I know many people don't have that kind of luxury. I hope everyone who deals with this is able to recover and be an even better person.
I hope you told his wife!
If the betrayal tells their partner exactly what happened, exactly the same way in words and emotions as they tell their friends about the affair, almost no partner will ever take them back.
That is the irony. That is why Jordan was effectively saying it is over and he has to move on.
If a friend betrays their partner they should no longer be your friend. The friend should move along to better people just like the betrayed.
@@ronwalker392 Very true. No trust. No relationship. Think of not only your spouse but also your friends, your family members. I you can’t have total trust, move on!
Yes, they brag. My husband cheated on our marriage of 27 years. She, his mistress, shared everything on her social media. They like to brag about "living their best life." It's Virtue Signalling because they are sure what they are doing is making them a better person. Sick!!
I actually found out about that terrible betrayal and as a parent of a little girl, it shattered my world and still does.
Finding out that a person is capable of that really bothers me, especially when the narcissistic, psychopathic personality exists out there. It's tough to move forward and redefine myself.
I hope that all betrayed people find peace and calm.
What helped me get through it was the realization that my child would also need me in ten or twenty years time as his father so will your little girl. Be strong for her Best of luck and stay strong for her
Fastest way forward.Find another woman to spend your affections on.
@@yyxy.oncesaid
Terrible advice. Jumping from one person to the next is unhealthy. That's called a _rebound._ You do more damage to yourself than has already been done. You need to heal, don't bring that baggage to the next person.
@@yyxy.oncesaid that is horrible and damaging advice
I absolutely relate to this comment. My world shattered a month ago upon the same discovery and everyday is a battle of trying to move forward and be the best parent I can be… but everyday it will and should get easier.
It’s always good to seek out help and support from family and friends and those in similar situations. But I feel for you and others in the same situation, the heart break is awful and having one’s reality shaken is a whole other experience
During my divorce from a narcissist I came across the quote "I'll always love the false image I had of you". Read that again and remember it. Loving the good memories of someone who betrayed you is not love.
i think of this as a bitter version of what i think.
because to me, i do think *it is* love, for that moment, for that experience, with *you* in it. In that instance of passion, it's not only her in the picture, but also *you*. that's what self-love is.
think about how you affectionately viewed this experience as something beautiful and tragic. you are effectively half of the story that unfolded and your love is enough to fill the void that she left. *it is you*.
good luck king. you deserve better.
Someone once said to me " maybe all you saw in her was your own love, reflected back in her eyes"
BRILLIANT! hahaha! Exactly! With time, you will realize that you DID have False Image of her! You projected on her the qualities of woman that you will EVENTUALLY GET! :)
Wow, you are right, it's all false.
That person is not the person you thought they were
My ex was bi-polar and BPD. 20 years of stress and then an affair. Wish I could have pulled myself up outa that despair sooner, as it took years. I got custody of our two children and 15 years later my children are over 21 and I am still single. My ex married the guy and was miserable with him towards the end. She died young and missed out on raising our children and wasn’t allowed to enjoy our first grandchild. I just feel sorry for what she missed. Her new hubby got what he wanted and his health isn’t good. He never had any siblings or children and didn’t understand life very well…he was quite a bit younger than my ex or me. Trying my best to be a good father and grandfather.
It's not men's responsibility to fix broken women. It's time for men to stop wifing up mentally ill women and expecting things to go well.
@@GTRNights I agree, but the love bombing stage deceives young men…
@@GTRNights Just think, a woman would very rarely, amost never take a mentally ill man so why should men take in a mentality ill woman. Shows how different we really are and what we look for.
My advice to all young men. At the first sign she has a mental problem run, don't look back.
i had a non-formally diagnosed BPD ex (my psychiatrist explained to me what she had in the midst of chaos). But BPD doesn't fully account for the terrible things she could do. Perhaps she may not have embraced her inner demons if the right guidance could have been given to her. She was my first proper relationship which happened in my mid 20s, and I got love bombed for a while, before the decent into unneccessary chaos. She lied, she cheated, she stole, and she was abusive, physically at times. When I found out about her infidelity, I was too weak to detach and resented her. She tried to coerce me into marriage, and at a later stage left me for dead in her home country. When I told her I had no money left, she cut all contact with me, unwittingly giving me a chance to escape for good.
In retrospect, I don't hate her - its like hating a natural disaster. I don't entirely regret it all - I did dodge the bullet, and the experience made me a better person for it. I honestly feel sorry for her, navigating life with that illness and schema will give her a lot of suffering and a trail of destruction behind her, and under the right circumstances a lot of it could be avoided. I cannot afford to give her any care though, I have my own vulnerablilties and i'd just get sunk down the drain trying to change anything.
And besides, I'm more driven to give to my wife, of whom I'm happily married to for a decade, all of my TLC instead. Stand by me is our theme song, and we have very much adhered to that...
Thank you, Jordan. My wife crossed a line in the sand over a year ago and never said sorry it will never happen again, just it makes me happy, so what's the big deal. A lot of your videos have helped over the year, but this video, I mean, wow. I told her I wanted a divorce about 2 weeks ago, and it was like a semi has been lifted off my sole.
This is spot on, although it took me 2 years to get separated and then another 2 years before divorcing her. Everything JP says here is totally accurate and although I was very optimistic at first and I also thought I loved her, my willingness to forgive only saw me get trampled further and if it's any help to anyone in this unfortunate situation, the key is respect. Affairs occur where there's a lack of respect. If you can find out where that lack of respect stems from, you may have hope (my wife could not say when she lost respect for me or why, just that she had, and it had happened a long time before the affair). Unfortunately for me, once I had forgiven her, the bad behaviour just escalated and when I asked her to leave, then it was all my fault, so there was a total inability on her part, to take responsibility and to improve going forward. From this experience, I will not tolerate a single lie from a woman ever again
@@AlluringFishing Sounds like a modern empowered woman. Or feminist woman rather.
A relationship, after a betrayal is only going to be a different relationship, if you stay together. I wouldn't be able to do it. It happened to me over 40 years ago, and my inside reconsiliatioship has developed all his time. I have remarried over 30 years and couldn't imagine being without my wife, but events from the past are always asking questions
@@carisballing modern/ empowered? no weak, selfish, lowend,
@@joan7562 I suspect there was a hint of sarcasm in Paris Calling's comment. However, you are 100% correct.
You leave, immediately and never look back!! ❤
💯
as a man, if you accept your wife cheating it means you are a cuk.
It goes against the male instinct.
a woman who is willing to do that, will also steal from you.
Exactly....and sleep with all her friends and relatives
If you have principles, the next step is very easy.
@@kenknee2476 I firmly believe you don't stay in a damaged / toxic relationship because of children. You think you're doing the best thing for them, but you're not. Kids are intuitive. They can sense and see that their parents aren't happy and you're teaching them a bad lesson.
This is the broad strokes. Everyone's situation, details will be unique.
I wish I had discovered this man's wisdom decades ago, it would have saved me a lifetime of grief and sorrow.
That’s for sure. Jordan is a gift to the world!
I agree, this makes 2 of us.
Just had this happened to me. Been together 27, married 25 years with 2 kids. Its devasting, but the excuses and lack of accountability makes it even worse. He's right in stating that the confession and regrets have to be as deep as the actual affair. If she's just "sorry" she hurt you and the family, a reconciliation won't work since she is making excuses to avoid accountability. Ask me how I know...
But to all the commenters saying...dump and divorce her. Its easy when you have not been married for long and have no kids. In my case, there would be a lot of collateral damage beyond the kids to consider and the impact on your eminent retirement .
Mark, I'm about 3 years removed. 17 years married, 21 together, 2 kids. Hurts like no other. My ex simply said "sorry, not sure what else I can say".
Anyone reading this, I encourage you to fight through it, take care of yourself. Your kids need you, you need you. Hit the gym, don't drink (I am/did add more drinking). Try as hard as it is to get sleep. Cold shower when your mind is racing. Get RIGHT with yourself. Trust me, you'll be better for it.
Mark very sorry this happened to you, I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
@@johnthomson2362 Thanks and I hope that you and the kids heal from the ordeal. In my case the reconciliation worked OK and we made lots of progress until I caught them meeting up again 18 months after it was "over". Seems like I wasted 18 months of my life. She seemed to think that keeping him as a friend is somehow OK because she's not riding him any more. Its not. What baffles me as much as her seeing him again, is that he as been pushing her (emails and calls) to leave me for him while she was trying to save her marriage and family. He's a 2X divorced narcissist, but what kind of piece of sh$t gets up every day trying to destroy another man's family.
I'm not buying this "it's for the kids" excuse anymore. Women don't abide by it, so men shouldn't either.
Unless it's the unfair laws that are in place. Hmmm. So what would you do? Do you tell young men to still get married or tell them not until the laws change? How do you teach the new generation? Do you send them into battle without proper weapons/defense or do you say, "hey kids take a lesson from me, don't do it."
@Oldschool Dude I wish Jordan Peterson would address this. Ok, I've been cheated on, what's his stance on remarriage? Seriously, lost 50%of everything. Time with my kids, house, money etc. If you aren't going to have kids, why get married. I'm interested in his thoughts
I have the same situation. But she started cheating when the kids where 3&4, over 20y ago. I didn’t want to leave my kid alone with her. Tomorrow we meet in court. Kids are adults now, they support me and she might end up spending 1/2 of my retirement plan in the house I bought for the family and to live rent free when retired.
But she’s now a 61y lonely woman, AP‘s where always attracted by the money she spent in them and maybe hookup, but never on her.
My wife cheated , then ran off overseas with the guy November 2010 . Left me with 3 kids all under the age of 13.I have not recovered since then I’m 60 can’t trust anyone the shame and disgrace this bought me , I cannot recover from. My kids are grown up and are great kids, I hope in my next life I don’t find her again.
Just think, you have your kids and she was selfish enough to walk out on them also. You now have 3 people in replace of 1 horrible person. She’s the loser, not you.
Jesus once said: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” He said this 2023 years ago
You have no shame your wife is the shameful one.
“You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.” -Bob Marley
Kindly travel to Phillipines find a good woman
Reading the comments, listening to the video has been like therapy for me. I have just found out my wife has been cheating on me for the second time in our 13 year marriage. I feel i have wasted the best years of my life with this woman. The only good thing to come out of it is my beautiful 12 year old daughter. You put up with the behaviour, lies and they somehow make it feel like your partly to blame. Reading the comments has given me comfort in knowing im not the only one. This is hopefully the beginning of my healing and moving on. You believe you can change someone and take comfort in the few occasions of good times you had together, believing you can work through it, things will get better. I now know you can't change someone and you can't fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed. If you are just starting a relationship and the warning signs are already there get out now. Don't waste years on someone who doesn't deserve you. I was watching another jordon Peterston video and something he said really hit home and summed up my situation perfectly. He said if someone is drowning, you help them but you don't drown with them. I have been drowning for 13 years. I will move on to a better life without this person and will be stronger for it
I’m so sorry that happened to you, Chris. Giving you a hand squeeze from the other side of the world
That’s why you never stay and don’t feel bad when it happens again
Man Chris i feel for you. I’m 48 with a similar situation. Immediately upon finding out of the betrayal it’s such a shock to your system to find out you don’t even know the one person in life you thought you knew more than any other. The suddenness throws you off so quick that your first instinct is to not have a divorce and end up with a broken family. Like you I made the same mistake of not leaving 20 years ago. I said “my kids” I don’t want another man in their lives bla bla bla. It’s our own insecurities that we are not good enough. Their actions show us time and time again and the more you allow the less respect they have and the cycle continues. They won’t stop cheating they will just get better at not getting caught. Don’t take this the wrong way because after 12 years I can only imagine how much you love your daughter but if a woman is capable of adultery she is capable of getting pregnant by another man. The statistics on how many men are raising children that think they are their own but are not. Get a dna test for your own mind. You owe it to not only yourself but your daughter too. I see it’s been 10 months ago. I hope you are doing better and if you read this comment back and let me know how it’s going. I wish you nothing but the best…
_I Discovered My Wife Had an Affair" How do I navigate this?_
You divorce her, no exceptions, a woman's fidelity is the cornerstone of a relationship so if she has cheated it's over. Any man that tolerates that is a fool, it doesn't matter whether you love her or not - deep down she has *_contempt_* for you...
Why only a woman's fidelity, my friend?
@@LM-rs6ue Simple my friend, men & women view it differently, it matters to men so much because for men with a promiscuous woman there is doubt about paternity, it doesn't work the other way round. Over thousands of years of evolution the men who cared about a woman's promiscuity were the ones who had the most children, they were the 'winners' & we are the descendants of the winners - it's in our mental 'firmware'. We know women don't care as much about fidelity due to DNA, throughout history most men did NOT have children, women preferred to share a high value man than exclusively have a low value man when it came to children. We seem to be going back to that now as marriage breaks down & the societal restrictions crumble.
I'm not passing a moral judgement on any of this - it is what it is.
@P E 1. The amount of emotional pain from infidelity is the same for both men and women.
2. The only reason why women used to tolerate infidelity more and stay in relationship in the past is financial dependency and societal pressure all around.
Now things are totally different and women are not tolerating that. They are initiating more divorces than men (no DNA pseudoscientific bulshit you described that "prompts them to tolerate infidelity" has any affect)
3. Women are not cheating less than men. The rates are very close to each other in fact. They just tend to hide it better.
4. If anyone in a relationship cheats that means they will face consequences. And they set themselves up for that consequences on their own. Divorces, traumatised partners, broken families, traumatised children..this is all the cost of either male or female infidelity.
@@LM-rs6ue because that was the question that was asked
@Isaiah Isaac aha I would understand that 😅 just because of the scope of the original question. If there was no reference to gender, its totally justifiable to state that fidelity of both partners is equally important.
Here’s what you do. She is not deserving of the pedestal you have her on. Quietly speak with a lawyer and move in the direction of divorce. Don’t fight with her. Protect your heart. And move on realizing there’s something wrong with her.
If in UK, move all of your assets to gold and bury it. Then book a solo holiday in vegas. Wait 12 months and then hit the divorce button. Say you gambled the money away and you're sorry..
@@dh1474 UK is the worst country to live in if you’re a man. The society doesn’t give a shit about you. Any surprise there’s a male suicide epidemic.
If your wife cheats on you get rid of her, you chose poorly, do what you have to do to get out of it with as little financial trauma as possible. You can never trust a cheating woman again.
That’s tender situation. You don’t believe a person can change? Why not? I believe a person can. Difficult but possible.
You said wife, if children are involved separation can be more difficult/ impactful than simple forgiveness.
@Kc B No they cannot.
@@kcb5336 I didn't say it was easy, if you married a cheater you are screwed no matter what you do. You can forgive her all you like and she will keep right on cheating because that is what slogged out carousal riders who have ruined their ability to pair bond do.
@@MegaDavyk well I wouldn’t suggest forgiving unless truly penitent. If she continues to cheat then the forgiveness isn’t deserved or granted. Jorden laid it out pretty clear here. It’s a difficult uphill rebuild they very few can achieve. But I like to think, hope for humanity sake maybe a person can change. Life to me would seem pretty hopeless if forgiveness (conditional) and change weren’t possible.
@@sirninjaraiden why not? People who do drugs for years will change and no longer do them. Happens all the time. I think this topic can be similar.
Simple. Fired. Gone. Out. Bye. I think people should be able to sue their partner for breach of contract. Simple as that.
You can..
If you don't have kids leave and show yourself you're a much better person than your wayward. If you have kids also leave and show them how a man responds to such a disrespect.
Damnnnnn. 🔥
great response 👏
100% show the kids a good example of self respect.
Also the kids need to know in an age appropriate way why the family is splitting up.
Even better, make her leave. The person who did it should be shamed. Confront and move on
I'm in that very spot, and chose to model discipline and sacrifice to my kids, to ensure they have an intact family and home. The particulars of my situation make that possible, where where it might not be elsewhere. Imperfect as our home might be, I believe it's better than a divorce, with custody arrangements.
Trust me, there is only one solution to this problem and the best thing is to forgive and move on. Staying in such a situation because you think that you can work things out is a recipe for disaster because it won't be long before you revisit that issue over and over again. It's a spiral of trauma and torture.
thats true and is really attractive to try to "forgive" and "fix" the things, but is just your mind trying to go back to the "normality" be happy again and that only works in short-term. But if you move on and go no contact with that person, in the short-term is going to hurt really mutch but in long-term is going to be the most healthy for you and your future.
No; if they repent, forgive them.
It is not forgive first.
People get the order wrong ad they don't read the scriptures.
No respect = no love.
Betrayal = the ultimate expression of disrespect; it is a form of hatred.
@@robertmccabe8632 you forgive not because they asked for it but rather to help you to move on with life without holding any grudges or looking back in anger.
@@robertmccabe8632 you forgive for your own benefit. Not forgiving only hurts you, they really don't give a sh1t..
You don't get mad and hurt if a dog licks it's @ss. Most of these women have no self-control whatsoever.
At least my first wife mustered up the guts to tell me she didn't love me anymore. Not every Man gets that opportunity. Some people just aren't mature enough to get married, I'm just disappointed it took me 9 years of my life and all of the emotional abuse I went through during it to come to that conclusion. Thank God for God, my family and people willing to stand by me. There _is_ a future, and a person made for everyone, out there.
*Sounds* like the abuse you put up with is why she "fell out of love" with you. A woman may emasculate you if you allow it and will lose all respect for you for allowing it.
(obviously I don't know your particular situation but that's a common example)
Nop there is not "a person" for everyone...there are good and bad people but there is not "a person.
We chose who we make our couple , but every person is replazable
Not everyone has a someone😂
If you wee unhappy and scared and being used who shouldnt be? you tor the business woman?
@@Mrbfgray sounds like a pretty shit woman if that is the case. it's not your fault if shes the one doing it to you.
she wouldn't respect me either way. because i dont react nicely towards people who play stupid games with me and i make sure they win their prizes.
I went through the betrayal like that with a women that was highly narcissistic. Not only did I not get a confession until after I dumped her, but never got an apology. Only threats and rage. If you think that's not much, try this: she self inflicted bruises and accused me of beatings and rape. If that's not enough of betrayal, try adding this: she convinced one of my friends to testify against me. I've spent half a year in prison. It took a huge amount of psychological strength not to kill myself in prison.
Luckilly, I endured. I have a girlfrend now and still struggling to trust her. Always resisting the voice in my head screaming "run!". Going through psychotherapy to get through it and not to ruin it because of my experience with that monster.
I went through this 9 years ago. How blind I was to do the signs and how sudden and oh how much it hurt when I found out. Oh, and the pain... The betrayal and the hurt. I really really thought it would be impossible to recover from this... The lies, the deceit... It took two years just for the pain to subside. 9 years later I look back and I realise, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I had to go through that to become who I am today and I love it. A new partner, one that truly loves me, and everything is fantastic. I'm loving life and I can only be in this life thanks to the previous betrayal.
Hope you're not blind to the signs your new partner may be giving
If you married again that's a hugee L
@@successartistry3023 absolutely, and partner selecion is the key. Sometimes only experience can give you that.
No not married. But a bigger L would never to recover and never to have learnt. We like to blame women and paint all of them with the same brush, but a lot of it is our fault for chosing the wrong partner to begin with and net seeing the signs in time.
with a fake nickname like that, i can see why you fell for it, you must think people should just believe you
This by far Jordan at his very best...
In the past 5 yrs I have been through this betrayal, and my beloved Son's suicide...
The pit is vast, deep, and dark. It has many traps and dangers...
Facing hard truths about yourself and those you love will strengthen you on your journey out of the abyss.
so sorry. that is so much. Best life to you.
I'm so sorry for your loss, I hope you are doing alright. That's heartbreaking. Stop by Christian Sermons and Audiobooks channel if you're ever looking for some comfort in biblical inspiration.
I hope you get to the light, soon. The only way out of the despair is to become someone else to the point that you can’t even recognize who you once were. The way out takes you through philosophy, meditation, exercise, and fasting. Do this, and you’ll make it out of the darkness.
@@NPCHSN nooo hit the gym and eat protein
Lots of protein
If anyone cheats on you, you leave and become a better person and move on. Life is too short to be with a cheater. If they are capable of doing that to someone they love, they are a broken person, and it’s not your job to fix someone
how about if they are demonically possessed ? Should you run or should you stay and fight for them ?
@@Jacek_videos You do full exorcism with power of god, make them be in touch with the concept of religion again, and if they don't want it, that means they won't change for you,period, so leave the haunted house together with that demon in it
@@Jacek_videos Get a priest and exorcise that demon and gain an achievement but you definitely don't stay that some scary shi
@@summer7603 an exorcism (if really needed) can not be performed against one's will
@@Jacek_videos "Demonically possessed" is just a naive euphemism for psychopathy. Nothing will change such people. They are irretrievably bad to the core.
Imagine being able to deliver an astoundingly reasoned and articulate response like that, completely off the cuff, with no advance preparation for responding to the question.
He is very good but I wouldn't say his answers are just (off the cuff) He has years and years of thought and experience behind the answers and statements he wields. But, but I do understand where you are coming from.
He said exact thing that was boiling in me almost five years.Her betrayal, later her therapy during I've heard "Get over it! You have my word that I will never do it again". And I was never allowed to express my anger,rage and process it.I felt deep in guts were needed for me to process it . Everytime I've started to speak about it I was shutted down."Stop it! It is attack!" .Thank You JP for expressing all of it out loud.
I found my ex fiancee cheated me months before the wedding, (dont ask me how) i called the wedding out, dumped her and i am grateful that i dodged that bullet.. She wanted to have a kid with me, divorce me, get the custody and make me pay her and the child support while she was gonna go back with her ex boyfrind. . (She revealed the plan on an e mail to her girlfriend.) I made a huge party to celebrate i did not marry hert. Later I met another woman and i married her 11 years ago and still rolling. Bufff, she was a Covert NArcissist everything was always a lie, my god, she would have destroyed my life and my parents life too. What an evil person, all fake, all acting allways. She was a monster.
Lots of women think that way. A good 30 % of modern women. They were thought men are disposable. Only here for their sick benefit.
I came from a broken home and I swore to myself that when I grew up if i ever got married and had kids i would never treat them like that. Until I got married I wasn't commited to any one woman but after I got married I stayed true to my wife and our two boys. As time went on she decided to have an affair with the father of eight kids that lived down the road that we both knew and some of which came down to our house and hung out with our boys. Their sperm donor didn't work he had already lost the machine shop his dad left him when he died and decided it wasn't his job to support his kids. He came from a big family as well and they had lost their mom to a random bullet to her head. Rumor had it she had decided being a dedicated wife and mother wasn't her thing. So one day bang that all came to an end and it was over. Nobody knew what happened or where the bullet came from. I'm not saying I know it was something that wasn't talked about. Needless to say I loved my wife and our two boys and one of the boys that came down all the time I loved him like he was one of my own boys. When I found out what was going on I told my wife I wasn't going to be treated like that and she told me she hadn't ever treated me badly. She is a sick woman that couldn't see past the end of her nose. That's life. I gave her the boot there was no saving our marriage. She chose not to be a wife or a mother that was her decision to make and she made it alone all by herself. Selfish, self centered the whole world revolved around her. Cool, see how far that gets you says I. Henry, the boy I loved like my own son would tell me years later, Joe you're the only Father figure I ever had. Children need their mother and father that's what makes a family and family is what makes our world go around.
How did you find out?
Nice one for getting rid. That’s a lot more respectable than taking her back. I can never respect anyone that takes a cheater back, it’s like if you’re willing to take her back then it shows where it went wrong originally, no spine and no long for respect. I chase respect more than love. I’ll even sack friends off if I feel no respect. Some narcissists though will just go through life seeing no wrong which is what she sounds like. You sound respectable.
"it's not that i don't want to love you, it's just that i can't anymore..."
My x told me years after our divorce that she never really did love me. She was angry at ME(?) for uncovering her affair and exposing her misdeeds. When she said that, I thanked her. She laughed at me thinking I needed to be ridiculed even further. But I told that's the first time she's told me the truth in a long time and that's all I've wanted, the truth. It was your lies that devastated me. But you can never hurt me again because I have let go completely
I think Jordyn hit the nail on the head when he talked about a guy’s willingness to stay is oftentimes the reason she usually leaves. Self respect/ self love is so important in EVERY relationship, not just a marriage/ltr. If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything 🤷🏽♀️💯
Exactly. He presented two facts very scientifically and empathically: 1) If your partner cheats, the relationship is over. 2) If you still love the person afterwards then you have work to do on yourself.
The only reason a guy would stay in those cheating situations is because he put the woman on a pedestal and she became his god. Him staying with a woman who cheats on him is only a symptom of far deeper spiritual issues. Jordan has this same blind spot. He worships his wife, he's an idolator. The reason he took all those drugs and was in the hospital for a long time was because he thought he was going to lose his wife to illness. I'm sorry but he's unfit to answer this question and his response in the video is wholly incomplete. But you're right, you have to stand for something.
If you ever want someone to love and respect you enough to not cheat on you, you neither exhibit nor condone the behaviour. Staying with someone after they've done this to you is not love, it is reliance.
A confession as deep as the betrayal itself. I never would have put that together on my own. That was incredibly well explained.
Indeed!
And for me it actually describes exactly what i long for in the past few times buth i couldn’t formulate my feelings to another!
I get it now why it was such a drag in the past and things just didn’t work,
Figuratively speaking someone was on her knee’s apologizing and saying sorry over and over again!
I could had spare us both a lot of time by saying i don’t want a apology I wish an complete confession from A to Z and then we will see..!!
😮
Love the way you described this.
Jordan Peterson is quite scholarly at provoking deep cognitive thinking.
I do not believe such a person is capable of admitting or confessing to it.
@@plentinough7222 I never forgave Juden Peterstien for slagging of at MIGTOW and how he back peddled when he realised it could affect his bottom line. He is not what you people think he is. He is selling an illusion and doing extremely well at it.
@@MegaDavyk How can we believe someone, not even correctly spelling names?
Past behaviour is greatest indicator present and future behaviour.. Hard to come back from
Dante wrote "The Divine Comedy" on what he describes the 7 Circles of Hell (Inferno) and where he puts traitors in the lowest circle.
I wasn't married, but i was in a long-term committed relationship and she up and left one day out of the blue and casted me out like I and everything we had and worked for was nothing and immediately replaced me with someone new. Looking back, I notice things that could be signs of infidelity, but I unfortunately will never get an honest answer from her on whether or not she did, and it kills me internally
Women nearly always have a replacement when they leave JL. They've usually been leaving the marriage for months, either lining up future partners or actually cheating... or both.
@geoff N I wouldn't be shocked, TBH. She already admitted she never really loved/cared about me at all, so this wouldn't be much of a stretch further
I hate that....why they have the courage to cheat but not the courage to confess?
@Brigham Santos to play victim, I think. At least in my situation. Don't get me wrong, I was no angel either, but my sins are doing edibles alot (she's a pot head too and got me into em) being lazy, not being the most affectionate bf and I can be kind of an asshole sometimes. But she told me after we broke up that it was inevitable. Even without my flaws, it wouldn't have been prevented. Her whole demeanor about the shit she did was basically "oops, my bad *giggles*"
@cupcake0480 absolutely was. Its been nearly a year since and she has taken absolutely not accountability whatsoever and blames absolutely everything on me and plays the victim. Glad i dodged that bullet
Theres only one courses of action , divorce and self improvement , become the most successful and confident version of you ,that you can be .
If there are children, the woman's infidelity is an even greater contempt towards her children. Why? Because she knows, in the back of her mind, that if she gets found out and it ends in divorce, she will likely retain custody of the children. If the divorce laws were such that it was much more likely for the man to get custody of the children, women would think much more long and hard before embarking on infidelity.
Yes but many women prefers thinks irrationally than rationally and thinks like a little kids.
So what does that say about unfaithful men, who know they’re going to not be with their kids after a divorce?
@@Doctor.Dentista I take your point - but overall the man is damned if he 'does', and damned if she 'does'. He knows that he can remain resolutely faithful, but even then, if his wife is unfaithful, she will still win.
So a man is unfaithful with a heavier heart, hoping against hope that he doesn't get found out. Whereas a woman is unfaithful with a carefree attitude, knowing she has nothing to lose.
Nonsense.
I’m the child of a 1970’s divorce. Every state in the country made it virtually impossible to be the sole signatory on a mortgage or lease if you were a divorced woman..
The nation’s Family Law courts were ENTIRELY presided over by men - and ruled accordingly.
Are you really going to try to peddle the absurd assertion that men have become MORE faithful in the ensuing decades now that the legal balance of power has shifted out of their favor??
(Since you’re the one claiming it has)
Peterson HIMSELF would be the first to tell you how delusional that contention is - since he apparently spends his every waking hour deploring the skyrocketing numbers of modern married men who are capitulating to ‘hookup’ culture.
Sorry , but you folks are going to have to make up your minds about what these statistics mean - and then stick to your story.
Bingo.
These clowns keep asserting how unbalanced Family Law has become in this country - while praying that you don’t notice the skyrocketing participation of the American married man in hookup culture.
Pretty damned funny actually - since Peterson’s most slavish followers know better than anyone how much of his YT content is directed at moaning about the wayward American male.
Betrayal is crippling i known. Take it from someone who has been there. If theye do it once they will do it again. And the man or woman who thinks they have found something special. Being your wife or husband. Will soon realize what kind of mess they have gotten them selves into. Take it as a valuable education. Grow to become the best version you can possibly be. Love you all.
You leave her, she committed the ultimate betrayal, she's worthless.
Immediate divorce is the only play
This is JBP at his best.
Betrayal is really tough because it can lead to you closing off to present and future connections. It really takes take courage to go forward and extend a trusting hand to another whom you gauge as worthy of having such an opportunity.
Each time a betrayal happens you learn something… You don’t want too many of them however or you’ll be so battle scared that you’ll flinch at any potential connection.
Tread carefully, heal, take gauged risks and learn to value yourself enough to be willing to walk away and never return to a person that clearly shows themselves unworthy of your trust.
I'm a guy that probably takes signs pretty seriously. I met a woman was trying to take it slow. I started seeing signs. Funny how after a first real date , I thought went well, she was already with someone else. Women know that there are a 100 or more men they can pick from.
Based and blkplld.
One point a couple should discuss before marriage is how would they handle temptation...an adult should be aware that if they fell in love once they can fall in love again...We all can become attracted to another, we all can be tempted, it is how we handle it that becomes the point of a marriage...the true adult should turn to their partner and confide in them and ask for help working through it... It may mean leaving a job...moving...it depends....
The question is not that the man still loves his wife after her affair. The real question is, "Does she love him?" The answer is NO. Cheating on one's spouse is the ultimate way of saying, "I don't love you and I don't care about you." This is what guys who've been cheated on need to understand.
Women’s love is not unconditional, it is circumstantial.
Man love is not always unconditional too. Love is complicated man. Best is to have other things that keep you happy in your life in order to not be destroyed if something bad with your partner happens.... I don't see any solution cause you never know
I’ve been married for 20 years. Shit happens. Just make sure if you choose to stay together you get some good advice. Good advice is probably the most underrated tool for anything in life, and relationships need work.
" Shit happens " sounds ridiculous
This type of words actually enabled people for not taking accountability for their poor actions. You can't work on " cheating spouse "
There's no such thing as " Become loyal again "
@@LetsGoforDabash who said anything about not taking accountability? I’m talking about the inevitability of human weakness, bad judgement and the need to learn through making mistakes. That’s where I’m coming from. I’ve been in the drivers seat of bad decisions and so has my wife and we’ve been together for 20 years. If you think you can make it 20 years without making a bad decision that affects your marriage then good luck to you.
@@SnowWhite-dr6xh ur wife cheated on you ????
@@LetsGoforDabash by the way for context both me and my wife cheated on each other. She was in her 20s, she was around alcohol, she was attractive, extroverted, open and foolish. I wasn’t holding her, containing her, I was distracted. She was dealing with issues. In my case, early 30s, new father, freaking out, dealing with trauma, fell in love with an acquaintance, still love her. Life isn’t black and white. You experience, you learn, you admit your flaws, you choose to work on them, together or apart. Just for context, yes? Marriage is hard, and you never know what is around the corner.
@@SnowWhite-dr6xh I knew it , Now I don't give a flying F about your word salad. Majority of people in west are doing this shit and then these morons expect " Don't judge me " stfu 🤣 U r a ©uck my friend the moment you used words like mistakes and compromise I understand your motive ...
You still hate her , you still coping hard 🙄 and I didn't said this to hurt you believe me. You are stuck in the cycle of bad choices so you justified whatever the f happened in your MARRIAGE. Deep inside down you know you can't get over it
And stop giving your bs advice to people. Don't try to normalised ur own s+upidity please. That shit is unhealthy 🙄
In other words if you didn't fix it & it's gone to where it is it's over!Forgive!learn and start fresh..Give me & attention to your spouse,always speak of how you feel.Don't settle without a proper resolution because you will kill a part of yourself & you'll never make peace with it,even if you pretent you have.
I hope the guy who asked this question got the answer he needed. I personally don't believe it's something that can ever be reconciled. Even if you somehow find a way to forgive, you will never forget. And if she was the kind of person who could cheat on her spouse, she's the kind of person who will feel like she got away with it; and can get away with it again. Learning from your mistakes means something different for a person like that: A normal person will learn, "I'll never do that again." A cheater will learn, "I know how not to get caught again."
Jordan's answer is incomplete. It's a spiritual issue if a man cannot walk away from a woman who betrays and cheats on him then he has put her on a pedestal and she has become his god. This is why men should never fall "in love" because that is idol worship. Love deeply but consciously --- that unconscious "I'm in love with her" stuff is dangerous and is for teenagers, not grown men.
I’ve found the best way to get to the bottom of any betrayal is acceptance.
Accepting the facts that happened leading up to it. Was it the environment, character of your partner, things you did to push them into that direction.
Once you have the acceptance. The next thing you have to do is decide. Decision based on two paths. To walk away from the betrayer or to find the courage to extend the hand of trust again.
If you take the latter, don’t feel like you are a pushover or a weak person. It takes incredible courage and inside strength to want to trust this person again.
And it should only be done taking into consideration the events leading up to the betrayal and your partner willingness to work on their flaws and shortcomings.
Both partners will then need some serious hard work to rebuild the foundations of a relationship again, and make it a lasting one this time round.
noone is lead away from a marriage, THEY chose, nothing the other party did caused the betrayal,
they chose, do you want to be married to someone capable of taking the low road
Have some self-respect and walk away you cxck. 🤣🤣🤣
I would argue that courage and strength don't come in to it - rather than a PUSH back into the relationship on those terms, it's generally a lack of alternative options that PULL people back. They convince themselves that they *love* someone, and in trying to repair the relationship it's somehow virtuous - but what they are doing in general terms is confusing their NEED with LOVE. There's nothing strong or courageous about that. It's a fundamental lack of self-awareness that can only lead back into the pit that Dr Peterson describes.
I often struggle with the validity of statistics, but I'd like to know if the majority of time giving someone a second chance works out. As someone who solely sits in the "no" category.
Of course, the devil is in the details.
What an intelligent response!
Illuminating the complexity of this scenario is very helpful to listeners. It's never been presented better ! Thank you
It has been presented better just not by Jordan. His answer is very incomplete. If a man cannot walk away from a cheating wife he has far deeper issues within himself. He was put the woman on a pedestal and she has become his god. When a man says he fell "in love" that is a form of idol worship and is very dangerous to both parties. Too many women today want to be worshipped instead of loved -- we see it all over social media with these guys drooling in the comments section. Women get addicted to the attention and do not understand that it is very unhealthy. The crazy stalkers, psychos, etc. all fell "in love" which is an inordinate attachment.
You don't even entertain the thought, you just leave her. Longer you linger around, the more everyone thinks you're the problem, not her. Yes, what others thinks of you does matter in this case.
Holy smokes I haven’t even been cheated on but he just tapped into feelings and ideas I hadn’t even known I had
“Someone I love has the capacity of that magnitude of betrayal.”
I haven’t been officially cheated on but was seeing a girl for longer than what most people would’ve already made official and I really liked her. I went on holiday with my friends and came back to feeling the vibe was off. Then she ditches me for someone else. That hurt enough, felt like I’d been cheated on but went to a bar to drink in my sorrows, woman behind the bar put it into perspective for me “just think, you could’ve gone official and it might’ve been 6 months down the line with more commitments, now she’s someone else’s problem”. Anyways spent the next couple of years smashing life, bumped into her on a night out and she made a pass on me even though she has a bf now, rejected her and was like “jeez thank fuck I didn’t end up with her”. She hated how I rejected her. Crazy how much perspective you get from those situations. The whole thing was a blessing, a perfect lesson with no strings attached that I didn’t realise when it happened, now I thank the heavens for that moment.
“I haven’t been cheated on “
If you have been in a relationship with a women then you have been cheated on .
You just didn’t know about it .
I had a pattern of associating with people with BPD. I had to very volatile relationships in a row and the women in both relationships had multiple affairs. So glad I never married them and so glad I am now happily married to a beautiful wonderful woman who would never betray her family that way. Affairs will leave people with a permanent scar. Very hard to recover from.
My ex was a narc. I've learned a lot. I'm still here and will not let them have my soul. Trust in God. I know it's hard
I really like how he mentioned the fact that you still love her after the fact could be the key to why it happened in the first place. You could appear to be the type of person to be easily taken advantage of. So in a sense you ignored the signs before it happened.
Great advice. I’d add a couple things. Go MANY places for help. Some “friends” suck at their advice. Don’t keep it private. Talk to people ….and fast. 2) protect the other areas of your life that your partner did not screw up. Don’t make ANY major decisions for a LONG time. 3) don ‘t underestimate how fucked up you are. You’ve got 10 times more Rage than you even know about.
Excellent advice.👏🏻
This is excellent advice.
I couldn't eat or sleep for about 30 days after I found out about it.
If you are considering ending your life over this, GET HELP. You are no good to your children if you end your life. Get help in such a situation. Don't face it alone.
Fyi, for anyone that may read this, when I typed “fast” I should have typed “quick” or “quickly” I don’t think “fasting” would be a good idea.
Don't even have to watch this one, a wife, girlfriend or woman/young female NEVER gets forgiven for cheating EVER.
Watched this live in the audience. Listening to him live is mesmerising.
Same. Adelaide last year.
I agree, Its an art form the way he speaks. Mesmerizing is right.
Cheaters become serial cheaters, there is no fixing it because it’s not a problem with the relationship but with the cheater. Not only do these demons betray you, but they take you for all that you are worth, like parasites. You will be reminded of this time and again if you stay with a cheater
No, that's not the only way that goes. I was the cheater who changed a long time ago. I was never close to cheating again in that relationship (that ended for other reasons) or in my next relationship. There exist serial cheaters but not all who ever cheated will repeat it.
@@cgortz89 It's _always_ a bad idea to stay with a woman who cheats, because deep down she has contempt for you - sorry but that is the truth. The man never really gets over it if he has any self-respect.
@@thelimey351 Possibly that I had some hidden contempt for him that I didn't realize. But I don't feel that way as I was only focused on him and ready to stay with him for life. It's more likely that he had contempt for me. Which might of been part of the reason why he left me when I got long term sick 3 years later.
@@cgortz89 I'm sorry that he left you when you got sick, that's terrible & that reflects really badly on him - but he should have ended the relationship when he found out that you cheated because no good woman cheats on a man they love & deep down *respect* .
@@thelimey351 I feel like it was part of the issue before that but I got past that after I had done the mistake and developed as a person through realizing a few things. Thanks, but it's a long time ago now and today I'm glad that he did. Take care!
Step 1: Get proof of it you'll need it for the attorney.
Step 2: kick the chick out
If your wife has an affair divorce her duh 🙄
God bless your Heart brother, that betrayal and disappointment is real,, I pray u come out strong
Every marriage is a different planet.
What's there to navigate? The bond is broken, the relationship is over right there.
You can get through it. You both have to make a commitment again. If you can't, get out. But if you can, you can't hold it over the other person's head. If you are unable to let go, then get out.
Let go and grieve then make a new life.
“Each one is being drawn out” appears in the Bible, in James 1:14. The verse reads, “But each one is tempted, drawn away, and enticed by his own lust”. In other translations, the verse reads, “But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed”
I went outside of my marriage. The marriage had so many flaws. We were both broken people who didn’t recognize that we operated from our past trauma. I didn’t know it at the time. I blamed him. Then I started doing some inner work. I have realized so many things wrong with myself, and how all my faults landed us where we did. I have guilt, shame and regrets. I know what I’m capable of. I know I can absolutely destroy things. And I feel all those feelings because I know this. But I also have appreciation for my growth. Knowing what I know now…. I could never behave like that again. Never. It’s cruel to both people. I try to be compassionate towards myself regarding what happened because I didn’t know. I didn’t know all the things I know now.
Refreshing to hear someone being vulnerable and accountable. There is never one side to these stories. Thank you for having the courage to give us your experience.
Did you ever tell him? Did you ever tell your betrayed husband that what you did was hurtful and wrong?
Even if it's been a while, it could be very healing for him if he's never heard these words from you.
I experienced this 20 years ago and I'd still appreciate hearing from my ex that she is genuinely sorry for how she treated not just me, but our child as well as her affair and choice of divorce was hurtful to both of us.
Never heard anything other than he was her soulmate. It was a mistake for us to marry (maybe the most truthful thing she said.)
But I doubt I'd ever hear such a thing.
But I'd still like to hear it, even a generation later.
Did you cheat on your husband with a bbc?
wow
thanks for your sincere admission.
Is a lesson notes to all of us
you don't get to forgive and be compassionate to your self for hurting others that's to convenient
its the one you hurt and God that have the right to forgive you
If she cheats its done.
12:35. That's where you start to recover. If you can't even get there, you can't even begin to establish the reconfigured relationship he describes.
Caught my girlfriend of 3 years sleeping with a friend. Devastating is an understatement. But boy it made me tougher and my skins thickness became rhino level. The actual challenge to recovery is allowing yourself to be venerable again. You do, but with a guard up.
The short answer is: Attraction is not negotiable.
Game over. Leave her, don´t look back.
Be smart, don´t show any emotions to her.
First step: go to a lawyer with goog advice how to move to reduce the finanviell loose.
She no longer loves you and most importantly she no longer respects you. Leave.
This is excellent advice. It’s good that he gives ways to move forward and doesn’t simply say ‘the whole population/group is bad and can’t be trusted’. Some women cheat. Some men cheat. Some women and men don’t cheat at all. Some cheat in every relationship. Some cheated only once during their lifetime. It’s an offense and betrayal of trust whenever it happens.
I’ve known couples who have grown stronger after the betrayal because 1) the cheater accepted responsibility and worked to rebuild trust and 2) the betrayed partner agreed to try to rebuild that trust. But it depends on the individuals involved. The relationship will never be the same as it was before the cheating. It could be stronger. It could be better or it could be worse but it will definitely be different.
No, you are making lies, a broken home it's always a broken home.
JP is most excellent....if there is an affair, the only way to save the marriage is to find a good couple's therapist, or seek healing thru a faith based organization, IMHO. It may be well worth the effort, if only to process resentments....and those resentments can kill the soul, and shut out love and life itself. Thanks.
Such an important video for such (sadly) common scenario !!! Accurate and important insight and advice.
If you truly love someone you can't simply pick up and leave that life behind like it never existed. If you can, then you really need to better understand what true love is, and it could be your hurt pride is making your decisions, rather than true love...
Yes, chances are if your spouse betrayed you they didn't love you as much as you loved them.
As Jordan pointed out, in order to get around that problem, to a point where trust and mutual love can be re-established, is going to be extremely difficult.
Can you satisfactorily live in a one-sided marriage, where your partner isn't totally in love with you? Will that weight heavily on your being so hard that you can never get past that?
As Jordan says, that's going to be very hard to do, but is it easier to just walk away from the love of your life, even though they've hurt you?
Not that simple, and the hardest problem you likely will ever have to face in life.
There's no one answer fits all solution.
Exactly. I wish my marriage counselor had been honest about the difficulty we faced. I was in shock for months.
I don't agree, just because leaving is hard doesn't make it right, who wants to live with someone that ultimately has contempt for them ? I say that because ultimately that is the truth...
@@thelimey351 Do you really interpret your spouse 'stepping out on you' as having contempt for you? Do you actually know that, or is it your underlying insecurities coming out...?
Did you feel the same way before she stepped out?
@@garymaclean6903 "Stepping Out" 🤣
I like how you try to play it down, it's not a "mistake" either - it's choosing to get f#@ked by another man. To know how the male partner will feel about that _& do it anyway_ shows *TOTAL CONTEMPT* for him.
When somebody like you wants to attack a view that they don't like they will often use "insecurity" or "who hurt you ?" as a putdown. The tactic is pathetic, not accepting your female partner being f#@ked by another man is not 'insecure'.
Note: I talk as a man because I am a man, I know women can think differently on this matter because our DNA history tells us that women generally would rather share a high value man than have a committed low value man. It is what it is.
@@thelimey351 You've ignored how many partners have forgiven their partner's indiscretions and taken them back. Like I said, if you truly love someone that passion is life-long. - It never goes away.
If you have ever actually been in love you would understand this.
I'm not denying the hurt and pain that also never really goes away either, just how like I said, a loving lifetime relationship doesn't just blow up because someone made a mistake they also likely regret.
As Jordan pointed out, it's extremely difficult to get that relationship back, but it IS POSSIBLE.
If your first reaction is to kick them out, and treat them like they're now worse than totally meaningless to you, you have to question how strong your love was in the first place...
That you distill her unfaithfulness down to whether either male is 'high value' or not, further displays insecurity.
It's true how in order to be loved you have to be someone worth loving. Some are, some aren't...
You don’t navigate it, you immediately dump her!
Close, perhaps splitting hairs.
You ensure that family and the friends that matter know what she has done... THEN you dump her.
The guy is just amazingly brilliant and articulate and insightful.
I had an experience that I regret deeply. I had a drunk woman crash in my bed a month after I was married. I didn't have sexual intercourse with the woman but I did fool around.
My engagement to wife was bumpy. I fell in love with the woman she could have been, rather than the woman she was 5'5" @ 135kg. She has low self esteem, hence she was very bossy. She treated me as a work horse, encouraging me to take on dirty dangerous jobs far from home for long periods of time, just what seemed like good money, but it wasn't really. When I quit, she would say ".... well we just won't be able to afford to have a family if you don't do it..." I hated my life. I never did it again in 10 years of marriage. But I used to talk in my sleep. I would say things like " shhhh! Be quiet, or my wife will find out."
After my only son died, we fell apart, not realising that we both had PTSD.
I am not that kind of man, I was pushed to my limits.
My ex was a clinically diagnosed sociopath. I had the exact problem JP is describing here. She was fundamentally and malevolently untrustworthy. The years of gaslighting, sneaking around, and cruel, sadistic, and taunting caused me to descend into deep paranoid depression. During this depression, she began openly seeing another man. She assumed the damage she caused me to be so incapacitated that I would sit on the porch drinking beer and smoking cigarettes while they ran around. Anyway, I left her in the end and experienced a profound transition.
A wife’s loyalty is a thing of yesteryear, both my wives cheated after 10 & 14 years of marriage + 4 years of dating. Like NFL QB Tom Brady I am a good guy, tall, good looking, make good $$$, high sex drive, love kids & have a bunch of them, yet just like Tom’s wife my wife’s also strayed. All I can say is their straying forever changed the way I look at them, it’s like having your best friend betray you, intentionally hurt you, nothing more painful. Since divorcing them I almost feel bad for them because the other guy soon dumped them & each of them has been & will probably be lonely till the day they die.
Don't feel sorry for them. They're not sorry for you.
Fuck them. Literally. I wouldn't feel sorry for them. They wasted your time
@@humansvd3269 Agreed
so you fell for it TWICE? ? i hope you're not offering advice here
@@kantraxoikol6914 LOL - No I am no longer a hopeless romantic, I now realize modern women are a far cry from the 1950's - 1960's traditional stay at home housewives that I thought I was getting.
There is no returning from a betrayal of that caliber. Some boundaries simply must never be crossed.
Since I have been through all the cheating with my ex I have learned to set boundaries with the women I date. And you must give them the choice from the start. You say I do not date women that go to clubs and bars. She says well I go to clubs and bars. Ok, We can have sex but we can't date. She will decide if you are worth risking giving that up. If not you go some sex and move on, problem was resolved from the start!
You obviously don’t care about STDs 😂
My wife left me for a week. Cheated on me the night b4 we met up. I prayed on this. I told her that if this was going to work she could not hang with that person (the friend) she had that causes her to do horrible things and hates marriage. She agreed. She then left me 3x more and a physic ward visit. Gets diagnosed with bipolar. Then one day neglects my son. That broke the straw
I was treated like shit.
She destroyed our marriage.
Disrespected our home and my son.
We meet with a lawyer in 2 days. She sleeps on that friends porch. She has been gone a minute and I went thru a yr of brokeness.
I am free and a man again.
I pray for her soul as she hops in bars and couches.
Leave her
Has to be, once the trust has gone
Yup. It is hard work and suffering for someone elses happy 'mistake'
🙌🙌
The proper response to the wayward spouse behavior is to leave. If the wayward spouse doesn’t receive the proper response, then they will continue their behavior. Why would they do otherwise?
@@NootNoot67 Simply facing consequences.
But also, you leave them because they have proven to not be a good wife now and have proven that their intimacy isn't all that important and isn't only reserved for their love. Which damages the intimacy in the relationship beyond repair.
There is no rectifying it. It’s over and you move on. That’s the advice. It doesn’t take 16 minutes to come to that conclusion.
"Naive willfull blindness". holy shit that hits hard @09.20
He navigates it by showing zero emotion, separating bank accounts, and by talking to a divorce attorney. Without running his mouth to his wife.
He does'nt even consider fixing this.
Been there. Thank you prof. Jordan for sincerity. What or I should say who helped me get through it was Jesus and His mother Mary . Jesus once said: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” He said this 2023 years ago but so did you when you said that one must bear his/her cross
I suppose that is true, even Jesus was betrayed but he carried his cross and never gave up .
I have been with my wife for 8 years, her daughter was 4 when I met her, she turns 13 this year, our son starts school next week, he is 5… I found out my wife has been having an affair for the last two years, lying to him and me the whole time. I love her still, I think I always will. But it’s over, I don’t think I will ever understand how someone could throw away their family and not know why. She was my best friend and I promised her my life. Now it’s going to be a fight for custody of my son, I hate this, I never asked for any of this, she lied to my face everyday for two years, but finally told me something truthful “I’m not in love with you” I would end it all if my son didn’t need me
very simple, does her action meet your standard of life, yes or no, there is the answer,
someone who betrays your trust is no longer the person you trusted,
why try to convert them back,
100% correct. You could also argue that attempting to convince them to come back into the relationship is in itself a selfish act. There's a reason that time only moves forwards and not backwards - that's all we can ever do ourselves.
To any man going through something like this , under no circumstances should you take her back and do the "one more chance" rubbish , she had her chance and made it clear by cheating who and what she is , if she's crying and remorseful it's only because she's been caught , she doesn't care how you are feeling , she cares about getting exposed to yours and her family and also you leaving her and having to financially do it on her own , she might be promising you it won't happen again etc etc , don't be stupid enough to believe a liar and a cheat .
You will never forgive or forget , and there's a 99% chance she's going to cheat again , except she will be more careful this time , if you are crazy enough to stay with a lying cheat you should expect to be cheated on , if you don't you are stupid and probably deserve everything you get
Leave her....but you shouldn't have gotten married.
There is only one question the betrayed husband needs to answer for himself. Suppose you forgive her and think you moved on. One day, or night, when she’s not at home for whatever legitimate reason, you try calling her and she doesn’t answer. And you try again and she still doesn’t answer. She will not answer for hours. Maybe her phone died, maybe she’s been in a meeting and forgot to turn on the sound because she’s very stressed from an important project. What will be going through your head? Who’s she with? Is she really swamped at work or is she collecting STDs in a seedy motel? Why wouldn’t she answer and tell me that she is busy, since I always understood? And the question you want to answer to yourself is the following: do I really want to put up with this for the rest of my life? Do I even trust her to not do it again? After all she broke her promise already. Would it even be worth it to go through so much anguish for someone who couldn’t even keep it in her pants?
As a MGTOW I wasn't expecting such a poetic, helpful and spectacularly sensitive answer...Bravo
What's an mg toe
@@genehughes4022 Stands for "Men Going Their Own Way"
wtf is a mgtow