WHY I DON'T WANT TO BE SOBER ANYMORE... (Never Thought I'd Say This)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 พ.ย. 2021
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This video is for educational and documentary purposes only and is not intended to treat or diagnose. The opinions expressed are that of the individual in the video and nobody else. Please consult a health care professional for all mental and physical healthcare needs.
I Noah Thomas, the creator of this channel, have been diagnosed hypogonadism by a medical doctor and legally prescribed the medically indicated treatment of Testosterone Replacement Therapy.
My Story
My name is Noah and on May 18 2011, I had a rare reaction to a medication called VIVITROL and consequently, spiraled into a suicidal depression with depersonalization and anxiety. I lost 25 lbs in 4 weeks and was in full panic or near panic for 8 weeks straight mixed with the darkest most painful depression I cold have ever imagined. I immediately could not work and had to move in with my parents who, along with many siblings and friends, had to watch me 24/7 as I was a danger to myself. Eventually I was hospitalized in the Psych Ward for a week. Getting through each day seemed truly unbearable and I knew I would surely die. I have been put on many many different doctor prescribed SSRI's SNRI's Tricyclics, mood stabilizers, anti-psychotics, holistic meds, acupuncture and even a form of shock therapy called RTMS. I barely saw any improvement in my condition for a full year. It was decided I had treatment resistant depression and I spent nearly every moment in tears. Weeks after starting my newest round of medications (Seroquel & Nortryptaline) as a last ditch effort, I had my blood drawn for possible hormone imbalances and my Testosterone levels came back 200 ng/Dl and 150 ng/Dl. The average 25 year old male has 750 ng/Dl. With this discovery I had an explanation as to why I was not getting better and why I might be so so sick. The symptoms of Low T are very similar to those of major depression. I started legally prescribed testosterone replacement therapy soon after and have been checking in with the world and documenting my experience with treatment as well as giving my insight and perspective on various topics of mental health. I am blessed to say that I have slowly, over the last 6 years, been improving and becoming more stable which I never thought to be possible. My low T manifested itself in the form of Major depression, anxiety, and depersonalization/ derealization for over a year. Treating my low testosterone has been 1 HUGE part of the puzzle but I have had to continue to work hard to hold on to my mental stability with many set backs. Gaining some mental stability back is nothing short of a miracle as I was near death for what felt like forever. I do not consider myself to be totally healed yet but I am closer now then ever before and aim to use what I have been through to help or at least offer support to others in need I was able to successfully come off my Seroquel and Pamelor.
I work out all the time as a part of my mental health recovery!!! Weight training and all kinds of cardio rule much of my free time and I also share this on my channel.
Noah Thomas (bignoknow) is an affiliate of LetsGetChecked
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Addiction is insidious and makes you think that you can turn a pickle back into a cucumber.
Man you've had multiple trips to rehab I don't think this is going to end well for ya.
This sounds like how I convince myself I can drink like a normal person again after taking breaks, and just end up being as bad as I was. It’ll take months or even close to a year to get bad again, but it always happens. I started drinking when I was 12 and I’ll be 29 soon. It’s crazy how easy I can convince myself once I’m sober for awhile, and I ‘forget’ all of the pain I’ve been through.
You're deluding yourself, you will unfortunately find this out the hard way and the damming part of all of this is that deep down you already know it.
I've never seen this tactic work. You eventually spiral again. What I've seen work is true acceptance, no judging, pure acceptance and building a tool box for when the urges and monkey brain starts up. We're all praying you find your path.
If you worked as hard on your sobriety as you do your excuses to drink. Then you would still be sober. This is sad an alcoholic in denial about to ruin his life. For real this time.
So convenient that dislikes are hidden now........
Slippery slope man. It's your life though.
I believe you have been here before, deciding to abandon sobriety. It doesn't end well. I wish you all the best and respect your sharing on your channel.
You need spirituality man so you will be ok
I always respect your courage to speak your truth online.
Wow, I’m kinda of shocked by this , I’ve been an alcoholic for a long time and just started my sober journey a couple of weeks ago. I’ve tried this way of approaching alcohol , it works for a few weeks maybe months but I always seemed to get out of control some how some way, just when I thought I had it under control. People who have addiction problems like myself , our brains just don’t work like normal social drinkers. Everybody is different , so I hope this works for you. Whatever you think will make you happy and at peace. Good luck 👍🏾 I’m still rooting for you. I’ve been a subscriber for a while now, and think nothing less of you.
I've been here for YEARS now, long ago under a different name & I've always believed in you
Best wishes brother!!!
Been sober for six years and alot of those days I have been a dry drunk battling numerous character defects and mh symptoms
I know it’s probably not the best thing to comment on someone else’s journey, but I’ve followed you for 6 years and I have some thoughts. I agree with this decision (to a degree). You confirmed what I already thought when you talked about going to rehab at 19 and 25 when in all probability (idk for sure) that you probably didn’t need to go. You labeled and put yourself in the alcoholic category at such a young age that it became your identity and in a weird way contributed to your drinking because that’s who you believe you were. Not saying you never had a problem with it because you definitely did, but I think the all or nothing thinking and most importantly your identity with being an alcoholic is a source of a lot of your problems with drinking. Only thing is, in the past it always starts off okay and then it picks back up again so understanding drink limitations is a big thing. Being able to go out with friends and have a couple drinks without getting hammered would be a good sign. Best of luck.
Get your PSA numbers checked too please ♥️
sorry man you can tell ur self what you want but ur going back down the same rabbit hole ..6 months from now we will get a vid "im back in rehab"
For me it isn't you having less value or anything like that, but rather losing control and doing things that one might regret. in my case my addiction is casino and I admitted to myself that unless I self-ban, I am gonna be going to the casino and burning money. It isn't me being of less value being a gambler but rather the regret burning so much money brings. So I hope you could do drink in moderation, that'd be a dream. The problem with addictions are that addicts tend to think that they could do the thing they are addicted to in moderation without losing the control and power to the thing, but in reality it rarely happens. I really hope that it happens in your case.
Any amount of Alcohol effects your judgement, good luck with that. One thing Ive noticed since I quit 15 years ago, when people drink, one, two three drinks does NOT matter, even one, they change. No other drug is so noticeable from my experience, you are NOT you, even when you have one, your emotions, happiness are not yours, making you not available to your family. You are talking yourself into a relapse, you don't want a drink, you want a buzz. You have one thing that keeps you coming back and making these same videos, over and over again, one thing that stops you from dealing with life, your emotions, and thats ALCOHOL! Seriously dude its a drink, a fluid, just stop, you can NEVER drink again, you keep doing the same thing over and over again and your family must just can't believe you're talking this way again. Dude you have no idea the frustration and hatred they have towards alcohol as they dont wish to hate YOU. Sounds a bit like the Fat acceptance movement that if you just except who you are its ok, its not. So you want to be a happy drunk that shows up to work on time .... got it. Did you know most people dont drink, they really dont, they dont drink at games, dinner, movies, at home alone.....alcohol has destroyed your life in so many ways why on earth, you need to HATE IT! You need to surround yourself with sober people and stop going to the dumb meetings also, you have a head full of AA, you don't need anymore AA, you're using your knowledge against your best interest. Sounded a bit like my friend who wanted a motorcycle, I was like don't convince me you need to convince your wife. Tough love brother, you gonna let that drink kick your ass again