THE SAD TRUTH ABOUT MY MARRIAGE... We Fell Out of Love (Raw Talk)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 ต.ค. 2024
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This video is for educational and documentary purposes only and is not intended to treat or diagnose. The opinions expressed are that of the individual in the video and nobody else. Please consult a health care professional for all mental and physical healthcare needs.
I Noah Thomas, the creator of this channel, have been diagnosed hypogonadism by a medical doctor and legally prescribed the medically indicated treatment of Testosterone Replacement Therapy.
My Story
My name is Noah and on May 18 2011, I had a rare reaction to a medication called VIVITROL and consequently, spiraled into a suicidal depression with depersonalization and anxiety. I lost 25 lbs in 4 weeks and was in full panic or near panic for 8 weeks straight mixed with the darkest most painful depression I cold have ever imagined. I immediately could not work and had to move in with my parents who, along with many siblings and friends, had to watch me 24/7 as I was a danger to myself. Eventually I was hospitalized in the Psych Ward for a week. Getting through each day seemed truly unbearable and I knew I would surely die. I have been put on many many different doctor prescribed SSRI's SNRI's Tricyclics, mood stabilizers, anti-psychotics, holistic meds, acupuncture and even a form of shock therapy called RTMS. I barely saw any improvement in my condition for a full year. It was decided I had treatment resistant depression and I spent nearly every moment in tears. Weeks after starting my newest round of medications (Seroquel & Nortryptaline) as a last ditch effort, I had my blood drawn for possible hormone imbalances and my Testosterone levels came back 200 ng/Dl and 150 ng/Dl. The average 25 year old male has 750 ng/Dl. With this discovery I had an explanation as to why I was not getting better and why I might be so so sick. The symptoms of Low T are very similar to those of major depression. I started legally prescribed testosterone replacement therapy soon after and have been checking in with the world and documenting my experience with treatment as well as giving my insight and perspective on various topics of mental health. I am blessed to say that I have slowly, over the last 6 years, been improving and becoming more stable which I never thought to be possible. My low T manifested itself in the form of Major depression, anxiety, and depersonalization/ derealization for over a year. Treating my low testosterone has been 1 HUGE part of the puzzle but I have had to continue to work hard to hold on to my mental stability with many set backs. Gaining some mental stability back is nothing short of a miracle as I was near death for what felt like forever. I do not consider myself to be totally healed yet but I am closer now then ever before and aim to use what I have been through to help or at least offer support to others in need I was able to successfully come off my Seroquel and Pamelor.
I work out all the time as a part of my mental health recovery!!! Weight training and all kinds of cardio rule much of my free time and I also share this on my channel.
Noah Thomas (bignoknow) is an affiliate of LetsGetChecked
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I hope that if she ever fails you or gets through something rough, you'll be as flexible and forgiving as she has been with you...
He won't, he will abandon her and say that it was what was best for his recovery. Sad but true
🙌🏻
@@briangentile7305 Hope thats not true!
@@briangentile7305 that's not a very encouraging thing to say. If you dont like him or think hes a bad person....why do you watch his videos? Spread love because you will need it one day.
@@carriecanfield218 He just started an only fans account. Unfortunately he's a narcissist and they usually don't give a crap about anyone except themselves. Sad but true. I feel bad for the guy. God willing he has a true spiritual awakening and finds some true humility or he's pretty much screwed
You are my inspiration Noah... you are the best. You keep me fighting every day!
You're very lucky you have someone that rode with you through all those ups & downs, she's a special one brother. Keep up the great work! One day at a time.
I would suggest u 2 to look into going to a spirit filled church together. It can make the world of difference. God can fix relationships. Keep up the good work :)
It may be the one peice ur each missing in ur hearts
🤣
If you were to start digging a pit, you could dig for a while and still get out of it easy enough. Eventually though, if you dig long enough and don't pay attention, you'll find that the pit is getting deep and it's become quite difficult to get out of. Sometimes there are a lot of rocks and sandy soil that keeps sliding out from under your hand and foot hold attempts, making it even more difficult to climb out. The deeper you dig yourself in, the tougher it is to get yourself out. What you have to remember is that you can make it out of that pit, no matter HOW deep it gets. If you can't climb straight up and out, you can dig into one side of the pit, increasing elevation bit by bit, until you work your way out. Takes a lot of time and effort, but very attainable and you'd feel SO great after getting yourself out of that seemingly impossible situation. Put in the work, or KEEP putting in the work I should say and eventually you will be whole again. Good luck!
Man I'm so happy for you and ur wife! You seriously help me so much because in a lot of different ways I've been through and am going through some of the same things. Like I always say I love seeing other people succeed and grow. Your videos always help me push for the same 👍
Addictions are so fucking selfish. The more I watch your videos the more I have come to realize how self centered it makes one become...I I I, me me me fuck
We are not our addiction. Let's all just focus on enjoying a clear mind, and become our best selves. At the end of the day drugs and alcohol are irrelevant to us smart ones.
I'm happy for you, and I hope to see your dad getting back in the swing of things with you on his channel as well! You both deserve that!
I'm happy for you too. You have processed some trauma, which should help you to not relapse, so hopefully she can see how serious you are now. She is definitely a keeper. You two have been through a lot, but that will only make the good times better, I would imagine.
And as you said, it is so important to not need each other in order to be okay. When you realize that, you can learn how to break the codependency-victim-persecutor-rescuer patterns. It's a really friggin huge thing.
I can't remember when I started watching you but it's been a few years now, but I want to say that I'm SO proud of you. It's so hard, but not impossible!!
Your addiction has unfortunately gotten In the way to the exclusion of Almost everything else. You can get back to where the relationship was. It all depends how much you want it. Get healthy and stay there or you know what the endgame is.
That’s me right now ! . Around my husband even when I don’t understand him sometime but he always told me to be patience with him ! . ♥️🙏🏼🎈🎈😍 but love win at the end ! . To never give up on each other no matter what ! .
Noah, I am an alcoholic and have been in recovery since Jan 4, 2018. my wife and I got sober together. it lasted a little over a year, and she started relapsing. like you, she's a chronic relapser. She's a binger. she'll drink for a night, recover for a few days, and then go straight back into the rooms. She's been trying to get sober for over 15 years. I don't have all the answers, and I'm not exactly sure why I haven't drank, but I do know that I rely on my relationship with my higher power, and our 4 y.o. daughter. I don't want her growing up with an alcoholic father like I did. my wife is heading to treatment next week - at the same treatment center we have both worked at. this will be her 3rd treatment, one she didn't complete. I have been a subscriber since I got sober, and have really enjoyed your channel. I know you don't know me, but I feel like I know you, like we've been friends for 3 years 😃 proud of you brother! much love from Montana. Tom
I love your videos man. I’ve had the idea of making a similar channel for a long time. I’m 28 now. Watching your videos makes me hopeful for 34.
Mate , I flitter in and out of your videos depending on where I am . . . . but MY GOODNESS . . . . you are one of the most breathtakingly honest guys on YOU TUBE
I'm really happy for you both, keep up the good work and l look forward to your next video.
Noah, wow was that powerful and moving! Thank you for having the courage to share and the best to you and your wife....
I also am on trt as a result of severely low levels. When I was young I wrestled and did bjj competitions and had a couple amateur mma bouts. I had an exemption but I definitely abused the testosterone to gain an edge at some points and I am ashamed of it now. Having those high testosterone levels creates different unhealthy behaviors. Especially in addicts. I can also see a lot of the behaviors I had that were unhealthy coming out in your videos. And recently I watched a video where you discuss your dose. My total t level was between 50-100 on different tests before I started testosterone. I was tested at a point where I was taking 150mg shots every 5 days and the day before my shot on 3 occasions my total t level was well over 2000. At that time I was 6'1 230ish and cutting to 205 to fight. I don't know that I see a scenario at your dose where you could ever be within the normal range and that will cause your brain to do some very negative things.
OMG this really blew my mind. I usually comment throughout your videos, but I was RIVETED.
I am the alcoholic in my relationship. I drink because I am unhappy. My partner is the non-drinker. My partner is the "I will NEVER got to therapy" type.
I am transgender (female to non-binary) and as I've gone through my transition, my partner has grown farther from me (we've been together 16 years). I started drinking more when my partner started telling me they weren't happy with me as I wanted to become. They make faces when I take off my shirt, tell me to cover up in public, has stopped the public hand holding (they screamed at me one day "I'M NOT GAY!!" and that really stung.)
As of this comment, we are (in my mind) just good friends. To them, they are still in denial that I am who I am and it makes us both unhappy. That's where I'm at right now. Lots going on.
Thank you so much Noah, you are wonderful and I am so glad to hear that you are still doing well and that you are getting a chance to repair your relationship for sure! 💕🥰💪 You have a great gal and of course, we would love to hear her side of things, but if she's uncomfortable with sharing, that's quite understandable! Many blessings to you both and hopes of a wonderful future together! 🙏👋👏👍
I'm *glad* Love Won 🙏❤
First of all I wanted to say congratulations on how far you’ve come. It’s nice to see you dark and doing better and smiling. I know it’s been a rough road but I’m glad things are looking up and I’m so glad that you’re getting back into being in love with your wife. But I would love to see a couple of videos of how your wife is doing. Like her telling us how was it like her dealing with you and how was it like her being alone for those five months when you were in rehab. Like I know you talk about her but I want to know from her how she is doing!!! She’s not usually in a lot of videos and I just want her perspective over the whole thing. Thank you and keep it up man!!! I’ve been rooting for you this whole time and I want nothing more than to see you happy
If she would be up for making a video or two, I’d definitely be interested in watching that too! As a fan of your channel, I genuinely care about your wellbeing, and by extension Jess, she sounds like an incredible person. I think her perspective could also offer a lot of helpful information on how to support a loved one if they struggle with addiction. My little brother struggles with marijuana- not just using it for stress or other things I’ve heard that it can help with- but basically smoking pot all day everyday to function. So, I think tips on how to help/what not to do would be very useful! 😊❤️
@@coffee_is_life_5051 I so agree. Just to get her perspective on things would be amazing, she seems like a great woman
I don't think it's a good idea for Noa to ask her honestly that could hurt her feelings
I'm happy for you
This is off the chain accurate Of my first marriage I destroyed. Proud of you guys for working it out. Or at least trying to. I had too much pride and was filled with spite in the depths of my active addiction days and I made it impossible for it to work. Luckily I still have a good relationship with my daughter.
Best wishes to you both! 💞
I’m happy for you bro. You’re a genuine guy. Hold steady.
my porn addiction and drinking on weekends and staying on social media for years with my asbgers syndrome has effected my mental healh alot. ive never had sex with a women and never had a real stable job or income.
It is so eye opening . It is nice to see people who truly love one another , fight to through the hard times and come out on the other side. It is so easy to give up . I personally do not believe love is real( romantically anyway). Idk after watching this video, it makes me realize there may be such a thing. Anyways , it was brave for you both to share. Rooting for you Noah .
Fuck brah. I aint watched your vids in a hot minute & when i come back you all split up?
Thank you so much for sharing Noah. As a partner of an alcoholic (thankfully he’s currently three months sober today) you’ve been so very helpful to me to understand the ways of the mind of an alcoholic. For many years I never wanted any help for myself, I’m quite introverted and find it hard to let people in. But it all got too much for me earlier this year with my partner, he wasn’t very nice to be around and my three beautiful children were being affected by his daily drunken behaviour. I’d had enough and he had to move out. We got help involved and have both been seeing a wonderful support worker who has been amazing...the first time I met with her I just cried and let it all out, guess it was all repressed emotions from it all. I’m feeling so much stronger and so much more myself and me and my partner are in a much better place now that he’s remained sober. A virtual hug to your beautiful, strong and amazing wife Jessie🤗And well done to you Noah, hard work pays off and look at all the beautiful rewards that come from it❤️Carly and Bevan of NZ
I just want to say thank you for sharing your story i wish this came early but it is what it is i’m happy for both of you. Hope you can share more about your story as is really very nice of you to let others know how they can get help or even what they can do in situation like this. I really appreciate it. Also if she is willing to share i would like to know how she feel at that time and now what make her go on. And once again thank you for sharing.
I found your channel a long time ago via depression/TRT and have often popped back over to see your videos and seen the journey you have been on. This was a great video to finally see you make and I wish you both the best in the future and I really believe this is your time now to become the person you deserve to be. Take care.
This is about you, nobody else. This is so candid and you deserve the very best from life and if you take up with someone, that they stay with you through thick and thin.
So proud of you guys! God knew what he was doing putting you two together. Trust in Him. 🙏
"Knocked that out of the park."
Yeah you did!
Good luck to you both.
That's definitely true love!
May God bless you both 🙏 ❤️
NOAH YOURE MY HERO
Seek God for guidance and help🙏🙏🙏. Proud you guys. You got this.
I haven't watched you in awhile, but thank you Noah.
I am so glad that the two of you are working on having a healthy relationship together.
I am so glad to see you on the other side of this struggle. I'm really proud of you. I appreciate you being vulnerable in this video and sharing your struggles with your marriage. I have been married for just over 19 years. My marriage nearly fell apart after my last dark depression. My wife had had enough and decided she wanted a divorce. But we were able to get the help we needed to start working on things again. I can say that the work is never done. We still have much to do. But we have learned so much about each other and we are stronger now because we put in the work. Thanks for your openness on your channel. You inspire me with my channel and encourage me to share my stories. Keep up the good work. Keep us posted on your progress.
I don't see him as on the other side of the struggle.
@@oneseeker2 Why do you say that?
That's true love👏
I struggle with addiction. I was so into it for 5 years straight. In my mind It was ok because I was a functioning addict. I thought I was good at hiding it, and nobody knew. As it turned out, I was the only one who believed that.
I also had the excuse that I needed it because I was sick and it helped my pain. After coming out of denial I realized that my addiction was causing the pain that I was trying to cure with the pills I was taking. It's a crazy cycle. I would tell myself that i was tired of it and want to change. I would say I'm done, never touching it again. Then a couple hours later I'm back at it.
I'm 1 year clean. I thought I would not be able to quit. I relapsed so many times. I would be up at night reading addiction forums crying. It was especially hard to read stories of other people's success while in still stuck.
My secret to success was to give myself credit for staying clean even if it was just a day rather then beat myself up for not staying clean and having to stay sobriety all over again.
Beluga
The sad thing is that when we wanna help someone who is depressed,he tries to push us away..my boyfriend split up with me last day saying that he wants to split up for time being and he is afraid it is not working this way..we don't know for how long..sometimes he is confused..sometimes he says something else...what should we do during this time..do they want us to text them or do they want space,we don't understand..also the problem with me is that I am so much empathetic, can't leave someone like this..how can we be happy and focus on ourselves when we see that our loved one is depressed and struggling..
You might consider getting counseling for yourself, a Professional.
Go to Alanon. All your answers can be found for yourself there
THANK YOU GUYS AGAIN!!! Y'ALL ARE TRULY, BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!!! I FEEL, THAT Y'ALL SAVE LOT'S OF LIVES!!! I REALLY WISH FATHER/DR. PAUL M.D. COULD RECEIVE MESSAGES, ON TH-cam! I LOVE HIM TO BITS & I PRAY, THAT EVERY MED STUDENT, BE REQUIRED TO TAKE A COURSE BY, YOU DR. PAUL!!! THERE'S NO DOUBT IN MY MIND, THAT *YOU* DR. PAUL ARE THE BEST! THE MOST, INFORMATIONAL DOCTOR, I'VE EVER COME ACROSS!!! UNFORTUNATELY, BETWEEN MY FAMILY, SELF, CHILDREN, FRIENDS, AND ACQUAINTANCES, I'VE MET/SEEN A LOT! ANYWHOOO.... GOD BLESS & I LOVE ALL OF YOU!!!
It's very important to have that person in your life when you're an addict. I am in recovery as well. After following you for a while I see things I saw in myself before I realized that the typical route to sobriety is not very successful. Every time I worked through those twelve steps and failed I lost more faith. It wasn't until I found myself and realized that triggers will always exist, and that instead of taking yourself out of situations or making excuses find a way to work through the issues you have.
You have a good heart that is honest with yourself and you are learning to LOVE YOU. NOW YOU CAN LOVE HER BECAUSE YOU HAVE LOVE TO GIVE. I am so happy for you and her.🙏🏽🖖🏽☮️💖
Hello Noah and Jess,. My marriage ending and me finally discovering my depression brought me to your channel about 5 years ago. In the beginning it was a struggle as I didn't talk about my emotions and the depression helped hide that all as I put on a fake smile. But alone I was a wreck and the mind thinks of horrible things when it's not healthy. Your channel has given me tools, information, and the comfort that we are not alone. I'm proud of the work you have done to better yourself, I have watched you go through alot. It would be great if Jess could come on and talk about how it has effected her and how she has or is dealing with it. You Noah have helped me more then anybody, every video I can take something and apply it to my struggles, one day I hope that I can return the favor. I do struggle with depression and with that I doubt myself and abilities and worth. Do you every doubt yourself and if so how do you get over that and feel worth something. Stay strong and positive.
You are one of the lucky couples because you do deep down love each other and want to be together. It is good to hear you are getting happier and happier TOGETHER!
I didn’t even watch the video. I watched a few of your trt videos and noticed the talking about depression and alcohol etc.. then noticed the pattern of negativity in terms of the topics. There’s power in words and thought patterns. Gotta switch it up bro. Stay positive. Keep fighting
Really truth is people can only take so much ! . Intill everyone learn grow on there own ! . If one has change and anthor hasent it kinda hard ! .
Wonder if some of this is The Self Centered Thought. We humans suffer from it, some or many work on mindfulness as the antidote.
Listen i met my wife back in 2003 and we married in 2010 and maybe im just physiologically immature and a man child but I am just as in love and still get that fresh fun feeling and its the same for her so yeah its different for everyone.
that testerone injections only made ur more agressive and manic and restless. which makes u wanna drink more. good thing i never used steroids or herion.
Proud of you both for taking these steps. I think many people would have left, you truly seem to have an amazing woman by your side.
It seems the only positive from having covid and still trying to recover 4 months later, is that I havent really wanted to drink, or I feel sick almost immediately. But, that fact that I am still seeking it as an outlet anyways, proves I still have to address the addiction issue. I know it affects not only me, but more importantly, my kids. And though I am sure it is hard for them to tell me, I am happy to hear their honesty in the way they view me. I find that its usually the things that are harder to hear and to take, are the things you need to hear.
I hope you and your wife continue on with your journeys and get to an amazing place. Both individually, and as a couple. Much Love to you both Noah. 💕
I can relate to everything you said. Some of us get lucky and find a woman that help us become a better man. But word of advice for everyone. You will only get so many chances. So make as much effort NOW before that last chance.
Side note to a great video. In the first photo you look like Bruce Springsteen
Takes balls to put it out there like that bro. Proud of you and stoked you have such a wonderful woman. Makes a big difference. Thanks for sharing this with us man. Much love to both of you!
Since I have DRDP I asked myself, what “love“ is...what is marriage? I don't know...
Terrible state...
same man, DRDP is some wild stuff, I feel relaxed watching Noah's videos though
I'm glad too things are looking up .. Noa take care of both of you I know you can make it up to her by getting better 💚
Thank you so much for sharing your life story with us. God bless you.
I'm talking to someone who is in a treatment program for drugs and alcohol. He seems to be a sweetheart but he's changed in the way he talks to me and how often. I'm worried he's loosing interest other has someone else. He seems like such a sweetheart and a kind good hearted person who goes to church which I love. I think that he's my prince Charming.
He is in a treatment center, And you believe he is prince charming, yet, you are only talking to him... He is sweet. Don't forget he has a disease, one that is extremely difficult and some die from this disease, or its a roller coaster of all sorts of hospitalizations, mood changes, all sorts of chaos.
You are amazing for sharing this.
We are cut from the same cloth brother
Thank you for sharing this.
🙏🙏❤❤
Thanks for sharing
Noah, I'm proud of you and Jess. Love you both brother. Shoutouts from Utah! Infinate Love 🤙🤙💖
Thanks Noah, you do more for me than my therapist does... good luck to you both..
I love you both!
Real talk 👊🏻🥰
Good for you two!
October 5th is my birthday :)
I'm sure you've thought or been there. Look for God, man. Try meeting a good Christian. They will not judge you, they will understand your worst, because they realize we're all sinners. I'm going to meet a pastor on Monday and I'm excited. It's going to be life changing I'm sure. He wants to welcome me to church, he wants to help me change my life. That's a true dedication and human. If you feel lost, find Jesus man.. He's there. I've seen shit when I was on drugs, now I'm an alcoholic, and I'm so ready to be set free from this sickness. You're not alone, and God wants to help you. Stay well, Noah. The enemy wants us to destroy our lives completely.
💙☝
Another example why people shouldn't get married before 30 years old.