How Do Experiences Shape Identity? - Why Your "Issues" Make Complete Sense!
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 ธ.ค. 2018
- Welcome to Chapter 3 of my Transformation Series!
Sometimes we make bad choices. Sometimes we hurt the ones we love. You might feel broken, weak or crazy, but the truth is, you aren't! Your brain isn't defective, it's actually very logically guiding us to respond in ways that it actually learned, through childhood experiences, are more likely to lead to our safety and survival. So why are our choices and behaviors sometimes so seemingly unhealthy? This video will answer that question!
The bottom-line is this: during childhood our brains are incredibly adaptive and are constantly being shaped by our experiences. The problem? Well, what is adaptive during childhood when our brain is in full-on learning mode, is not necessarily adaptive later in adulthood. This is an incredibly important issue for us all to deeply understand, so we can reflect with compassion upon how our own frustrating patterns and behaviors (our issues) actually at one point helped us to form an coherent identity that helped us to cope with the challenges and traumas we faced growing up. The problem is that these mental maps of reality and strategies for survival that were adaptive when we were kids may not be very effective strategies for living a happy, successful life or for establishing stable intimate relationships.
to change is to do something that triggers your deepest and most hurt spot and still be able to be aware enough to say "this is an old outdated message from my body." and be able to continue forward. Its like stepping into a field that has been labeled with thousands upon thousands of "landmine" flags and just telling yourself that they are all lying.
Love this view of seeing things learned in childhood not as dysfunction, but as an adaptation necessary for survival that we can change
When I watch the video, I feel healed through your calm voice and tone. Thanks
Oh, that is so nice to hear!! thanks for letting me know! :)
So it's not just me? Her voice is very calming.
Me too!!!
A man reaching for a belt buckle still affects me and I am almost 80
Yes, yes--this is exactly the thing we are talking about. Makes me sad to read this...you know precisely what I mean and how lasting these memories are...
PLEASE do an episode on childhood rage as a protection from abusive parenting?
I can't believe you offer this information for free
Wow, this is truly excellent! I've been studying trauma, IFS, EMDR, etc on my path to addiction recovery and even self mastery and your explanations align with all I've learned, but you explain it so much better than all the material I learned previously. So well done!
Oh, I'm so glad to hear that!! Thanks so much for letting me know, cause that makes my day!! I am so grateful to the amazing minds in our field who worked so hard to develop these ideas, so it really is my aim to make them as clear as possible so people can put them straight to use! Take care! tori
Love this 💜. It totally makes sense. Even though I’m in my 30’s and my life’s pretty good now, sometimes when the subject of high school comes up I can feel my body getting nauseous. My prior habitual “loss of faith” thought patterns come up, because my high school and overall small town I grew up in were full of awful people. But now I’m just going to remind myself that my brain is trying to protect me by pulling out old tape recordings 😆.
Finding your series of videos is my miracle of the day!
Thanks so much for your videos. Although I have learned and heard much of what you present, the way you present it is so clear and makes sense and so easy to understand. Much more than other videos by some of the well known thought leaders in the field. Also just your gentle and approachable presentation style is very endearing. Thanks again and please keep posting.
Oh wow, I'm so glad to hear that!! Thank you so much for sharing these thoughts! I really look forward to continuing to put more content out. I feel like so far I've only had time to scratch the surface, but hopefully this summer we can dive in more! Thanks again for the encouragement ;)
Thank you so much, for the valuable information that puts everything in perspective & for your compassion while explaining this concept. It gives me a sense of validity & safety, it's like someone says to me "it's Okay" or " We can do something about it"...Again thank you so much, keep sharing your amazing content
You are so welcome! That really makes me happy to hear!! So glad to offer not only information, but some comfort and hope. I truly appreciate you taking the time to let me know... :)
Clear, jargon-free explanation. Thanks!
Thanks Niall!! Really appreciate your post! ;)
Many of us were horrifically manipulated by "people" such as "parents".
Life changing info. Thank you for making it free and accessible for everyone.
Thank you for this lovely series, it's so well made and eye-opening. As a biologist I was happily surprised by the "skewed data set" comparison! Fun and clear:)
Haha! Science geek metaphors ;). Thanks for the positive feedback and for watching!! I really appreciate it!!!
Beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing such clear, concise and sensical information.
8:12 this helps me understand my spouse who rages and criticizes everyone; thank you so much
Excellent and clear explanation! Thank you!!
absolutely correct and wonderful. I work as Clinical Hypnotherapist. I agree with everything you just said..... unconscious positive intention and a protection mechanism. thank you. thank you
I can tell that you deeply understand this stuff because you're able to essentialize them and present them in an easy-to-understand framework! Thank you for enlightening and inspiring me!
This is great information, gently and clearly and empathically explained. You make the world a better place. Thank you!
IM 60 and still living real life family trauma with family members
I'm so sorry, John. I hope you find some ways to protect yourself or mitigate the damage. It's difficult enough when it is from the past...but a whole other story when it is ongoing...
you have a very nice voice btw, and it is also healing to listen too. thxs for all these great videos, reading Dick Schwartz book but you are also helping me understand all this so I can finally change my behaviours
Love this very much. Thank you
Amazing amazing work. Thank you so much for this.
Wonderful, thank you.
Thank you, Tori, your videos helped me a lot.
You've opened my eyes!!
I'm so glad!! Thanks for saying so! :) I'd be curious to hear which part was illuminating for ya...
You are such an amazing teacher.
Awe, thanks for saying so!! So glad you're enjoying the videos! ;)
So helpful and healing. 🙏
Wow, such a clear and well put together explanation. I'm glad I came across your video.
Learning so much from your channel. Thank you
Great video ❤️❤️
Thank you for sharing your knowledge with such lucidity and compassion Tori. What a remarkable talent. Gracias por ser asi.
Yesterday another outstanding video. I'm going to watch every single one. I only wish I'd discovered these when they first came out hence am sharing them like crazy 😊
Thank you so much. Your videos/ msgs/ information is so crystal clear
Thanks so much!! Glad to hear that :)
This was such a great and helpful video thanks a lot. I’ve been a fan of your channel for a bit now and I think you make great content with great and clear explanations. I also think your a really positive person, and you have such an amazing, and friendly demeanor which has a such a positive influence on me just from watching your videos. I hope you continue producing your content!
Thanks so much for the kind comment, Kevin!! I'm delighted to hear that you feel I have a positive effect on you!! That makes me very happy!! Thanks again for taking the time to comment... ;)
Appreciate you so much, Dr. Olds.
Ditto Scott!!! :)
This speaks to me.
I'm amazed at how brilliant you are. I wish there were more videos
Awe, thanks for saying so!! Yes, I have a bunch more in the pipeline that I just haven't quite had time to post yet. But I will soon!! ;)
Thank you so much
You are so welcome!!! ;)
Tori is brilliant.
This is too complicated for me but it sounds like it makes sense.
Deep deep stuff.
Thanks again, Vishal!!
@@DrToriOlds Welcome.
It's like the door of the control room is a mirror. This is a room worth being protected. What is reflected in the mirror? You, parts of you? Are the reflected parts worth entering the room?
Wow, that's quite an image...
I wish you would balance negative dad examples with positive ones and also mom stuff
👏🏻👏🏻😊
thanks!
So then how can we have new experiences that affects the subconcious and in the brain and the body over and over so that it is dis confirming to the previous experience.
Gosh, a million ways to do this. Really here so many different places to create or even stumble upon disconfirmations. A really good therapist often has some tools in their tool belt for this…like inner child work, or imagery work, or even just the relationship between the therapist and client can offer disconfirms. All sorts of places in spirituality and spiritual practice. It really depends on what is being disconfirmed, but for many of us it is a core belief that to be human is to be alone. So connection is key!
Or conversely becomes depressed when you can not protect your younger sibling
Right. Depression is that 'learned helplessness' response--when there really is no solution, then how can we not collapse?