I am in my third year of recovering from major autistic burnout in 2019. As it was coupled with CPTSD, I’m only now starting to feel like I’m set at the right speed. I will never work again like I did prior to my burnout and diagnosis. Finally starting to realise and accept that ☺️✌️
I experienced extreme burnout that year too! Recovering from that traumatic experience has definitely forced me to respect my own boundaries now when it comes how much work I can handle.
I'm dealing with that combo, too. I'm glad you're finding your balance. I'm still finding mine. I wish my work life could be measured some other way than hours per week, because there's a point at which I get overwhelmed, but it seems like it's mostly about the pacing, not the hours.
This makes me feel so less alone. Thank you for sharing 😭 its been two months since I experienced a low that was wrapped up in being triggered. It feels like I'll never recover 😪
I'm completely burned out and feeling lost. I've been trying to ask my doctor's for a referral for help as everyone I know feels I may be on the spectrum. Is there anything you recommend to get the doctors to help me. I've been waiting 3 years for a referral and it's been hell
Daily labor on the side. I see people go back and forth on jobs. My old job let's me do different jobs at different parts of the year. Different ways to do the same thing.
I don’t know if it’s been a burnout, I am currently being evaluated, but it’s been three months and I am still struggling so much. I am so confused by it and all the introspection involved in the evaluation process. Feels like being stuck while everyone around you keep asking “are you feeling better? Are you feeling better?”
This resonated a lot with me. I recently quit my corporate job in Jan because of burnout. It was sad that it had to end that way but I couldn't continue. I took two weeks to just rest and it was magical. But due to financial reasons, I had to start up the job hunt again in Feb. I know that is not enough time for me to rest but I think I will still be able to strike a good balance. I'm only applying for part time jobs (3 days or less) which leaves the rest of the week for rest and recovery. I am excited to see how it works out!
Life is definitely overwhelming, and it seems like a never ending to do list sometimes. However you give great advice and I have the same conditions as you
The weekly reset idea is basically the Sabbath concept. It’s a time each week to switch off from the demands of life and concentrate on what’s important. To see that the world doesn’t ground to a halt when we stop doing all the things that we feel we are indispensable for. It’s a reminder of our freedom to choose what we pour ourselves into.
This is very timely, I'm currently dating a guy who's autistic and he recently told me he's feeling drained in general and wanted to limit his interactions with the world (which includes me). At first I was sad because I thought I was doing well to ensure that our interactions weren't taxing, and I regularly checked with him to ensure he's comfortable with me. But I respect how he feels and I'm giving his space, I haven't contacted him for a week. I'm hoping he'll get in touch with me when he's ready, but apart of me feels like he won't because he's very bad at initiating communication in general, I tend to be the one to call or message first.
Don't give up on him or the relationship. It's possible to let him know you are still interested without putting pressure on him to engage and/or reply until he is ready. Paul talks about this in another video. It really helped me. If you don't initiate contact he will probably think you are no longer interested and will blame himself for another failed relationship. I find things like memes or emojis help to let the person know you still care and sometimes it's easier for the person to quickly click on one in reply as it doesn't require thinking of words to say (although sometimes they'll just get your meaning and not reply so don't do it to expect a reply and get pissed off when you don't.) Try to find Paul's video on shut downs and how to extend an open invitation to the shutdown Aspie in your life. All the best. Autistic people make the best partners and friends if you learn how to understand them and their style of communication as an individual. (Self diagnosed here with Aspie best friend)
@@s1hr1 thanks for message, it gives some comfort to know I'm not the only person in this situation. I felt a bit alone when explaining the situation to others as they didn't "get it". I really do like him, he is such a lovely person. I would like things between us to continue and develop further. In person things between us are great, but when we're apart I am responsible for initiating communication to keep the momentum going. I feel like I a bother, or that he actually don't like me! It makes me feel a bit insecure. However, I will keep trying, as I appreciate him in my life because we were work colleagues and friends before we started dating. Thank you for your encouragement.
@@annetteroos370 thanks for your advice and the video you kindly shared, I will watch the it and make notes. You made some great suggestions with the memes. I will keep communicating with him in those small ways. I agree, since dating an autistic man I am appreciative of the qualities that I have experienced from him, as well as the qualities he has brought out in me. Fingers crossed this is just a small bump in the road and we can get pass it, for things continue for the better 😊
@@mimistar1427 you are welcome. I know how it feels. Best to figure out now how best to deal with it because it is probably going to be a regular occurrence especially as he gets to trust you more and feels safe being himself around you. He will appreciate you greatly if you understand and don't get hurt, angry and blaming about it and you will have a loyal and honest partner. All the best 😊
I almost cried at 6 weeks "break", oh if only I could do that... Au burnout, undiagnosed PTSD (thanks, war), anxiety, and still working 8 hours.. from home, at least but it's not being great. Add being a temporary refugee as well.... I just want to rest...
Resets are good. To maintain it, I recommend using the word No as a complete sentence. People will ALWAYS try and put more on you. Pause, think about it, just say No.
I don't have a job but I find it impossible to do this, not even a day. I mean I have weekends as a space to focus on recreation, do less, but I find even then times just flies away and there's always one more "productive" thing to get out of the way first. These days I'm very in that loop. The thing is I even reduced my life to the most minimal it's ever been, due to 2021 being the most burned out year of my entire life, so I had to start just dropping things against every instinct in my perfectionist mind. So even without a job and all that, just me and my routines, and now just the very essential parts of that, I'm still in constant stress, anxiety, and lack of time. It's been going on for a year straight. Like I can't drop more things, because I'll have nothing left at that point. Now what I'm doing is crucial things like house chores, shopping, physical exercise, a few key appointments (therapy), social barely, my interests that I can't live without, of course the basic routines like food, shower, hygiene, meditate, and aside from that it's like the unpredictable stuff that may come up like car repair, dentist, fix something in the house, shovel snow etc. I don't think there is anything really disposable in my life at this point. I've shaved off stuff for an entire year, and that was regardless of not having a busy life to begin with, like no job, relationship, kids, big social life. So I've come to the conclusion it may no longer be an issue of the amount of things, even though it does feel like that, which fuels my anxiety that there is an endless amount of things, constant, just never stops. I think I've just been in this loop for too long and I'm burned out, my brain is overloaded daily, I'm full of anxiety and trauma and it's just reached its peak. I'm working hard privately and professionally to reduce all this though, and change things but somehow it's very hard this time, it's like I've gotten too weak and I'm always at like 10% battery and what is draining me feels like it's 100% all the time. I can't really drop more things, and like you've talked about some things like exercise give energy, and they should not be dropped, what I've kept are essential things in my life. I also have the issue that I can't just stop because I can't get the things to do out of my head and it causes heavy anxiety. If I don't do something this week it will be in my head until next week, until I do them. That won't let me relax even if I did. The things add up with time so eventually I'll have a million things and that will overload me even to start doing, so I have to keep up. So how you, with job and all can take even a month off, and I can barely take a night off when I get time, I just can't imagine how. If I drop everything it will all catch up to me, I've tried it and it does get even worse, I don't know where to begin when I have stuff from half a year back, plus more each day. Help. Not even Autistic's seem to have it as bad as I do. My theory is that it's because of my ADD/ASD combined, not to mention anxiety, trauma. PS: Sorry for the long relatively poorly worded post, I wrote it in a hurry as it's late and I'm behind on stuff and I just don't have the brain power to write it properly I'm already way overloaded, but I just couldn't wait to write this as ironically it would bother me to know I need to do it later. Also to write it while the video topic is present in my mind.
I'm a year late to this but I'm autistic and I'm the same since my dad died in 2021. I can do everyday things but not much more. I could have written this... You're not alone.
I totally relate. I was being over worked at my job, friends and family constantly dumping their problems on me. Then in 2022 my nephew died, he was only 22 and it just pushed me over the edge. I got very lucky and found an easier job but been struggling day to day for a few months now, I am just doing the bare minimum that needs to be done, not much energy for socializing and resting as much as I can! We must prioritize time to rest and time for self care. I’m lucky I can spend a lot of time at home just me and my cats!
I have a question: Are there any not autistic, neurotypical people who watched many of your videos and said : that is the best explanation for all my problems, you seem to understand me better than anyone else ? Because I wonder if you are just a very good psychologie advice channel that basically works for everyone !
i don't think this guy even has autism per se, he's just very intelligent. look at the stuff about his childhood, shame over being too good at everything, etc. it's everyone else that has the problem.
THANK YOU so much for this video. I have suspected autism (I'm waiting to be diagnosed) and I have been in burn out since after Christmas and I have been struggling, especially since I start a new job tomorrow. I haven't had a job in almost a year now. Wish me luck!
This is amazing. You gave me so much clarity and it feels like the thing I searched for so long. Even just seeing you acting in a similar fashion to me felt so refreshing. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.
Hello Paul - thanks very much for all you have posted in the last few years. You have helped me a great deal. I am recently self-diagnosed (as is my wife), after a few years of on-and-off research and consideration, and what led me to finally commit to the research and understanding effort was burning out in a big way in the last couple of months of 2021. It was terrible and lasted quite a long time. The thing is, I have a wife (on the spectrum also) and three children, all homeschooled; I have full-time intense work, and we are still committed to church leadership as we already have been for about 12 years. There is almost nothing left to quit and I cannot afford extended time off - in fact, I won't have any time off allowed / coming to me until at least late summer, and that is going to be for a long and somewhat stressful trip with the whole family. Hopefully parts of it will be relaxing. I took my first actual vacation from my day job about 5 or 6 weeks ago - for one week - that is, the first real vacation I have had from _any_ job in probably 10 years or more. The one week was not bad, but it felt like not even a drop in the bucket. Since self-diagnosing I have communicated this to some of our friends and colleagues here and pulled back from many regular social commitments outside of Sunday mornings-to-afternoons at church, and of course the day job, but neither I nor my wife have much left we can cut out of our schedules or our requirements and it feels like we live on the edge of just reaching burnout again as soon as anything extra might get added. I can't imagine even being able to take two weeks and just go be alone / leave the routine and social obligations - it would be incredible but I doubt it will be something remotely possible until I at least another 15 years from now. Which is unfathomable. I am trying to figure out how to manage with this situation and just keep going but I am at a loss. If there are any others in your audience in a situation like mine, I would be grateful if they had any strategies or suggestions as I am more or less at the end of my ability to think through / problem-solve it myself. Thanks again for all you've posted... if I can find a way to apply the 'daily' or 'weekly' reset you suggested in this video (despite being needed for things basically every day of every week) I will certainly attempt that. Best to you.
This suggestion may not help at all. But you may need to cut out things that apparently can't be cut out. Even though they seem like they can't be. I can't imagine what, though. Maybe if you talk to a trusted group at your church and explain the situation they can make some good suggestions. I'll tell you what I told my sister, though. You and your wife are the most valuable ascets that your family has. Would you not take care of your car? Not give it the oil changes and tune-ups that it needs? Just run it into the ground until it needs to be replaced? No. You would take care of it. Because you and your family need your car. So you give your car the care it needs. Even though that care is expensive. You just plan that care into the budget. Because you have to if you want a functional car. Are you not as important as your car? How well will you function if you run yourself into the ground? And how well will your family fair when they no longer have a functional you? Yes, care for yourself is costly. But it is essential. Your family needs to have a functional you. So you are going to have to find a way to plan your self care into the time/energy budget. I think if you ask for help in coming up with ways to do that, your trusted circle of people will be able to help.
@@anyascelticcreations I appreciate your reply. I have already gotten into the process of sharing with colleagues / superiors at work as well as among the church leadership I'm a part of, and I have ignored almost all the social activities and scheduled events in the last few weeks as we have come to these decisions. It would take too long to explain the various situations and commitments that are difficult to disengage from (not all social, some have to do with other medical concerns for example that will never go away) but we are all trying to work through it - not only myself, but also my wife, who is quitting some responsibilities shortly. Believe me, I understand your analogy very well (our vehicles are 22 and nearly 30 years old, respectively)... it is just difficult to make the application without feeling like we are deserting a growing community we helped to build from the ground up. Also dealing with the dawning realization that we weren't just _imagining_ that we haven't been understood by many of these people for years, but now knowing that we likely _aren't_ and _won't be_ understood by most, and they may even start to prefer that we not be engaged in all the ways we have previously been because working with others will prove easier for them. I just transitioned to my current gig less than a year ago, so trying to ask for regular 'decompression' time off to stave off burnout is not likely to go over well. And anyhow, whenever I have _any_ time away, the whole family is eagerly hoping to get most of it... It isn't your problem - sorry if my reply seems like I'm trying to throw it on you. We are taking the steps we think we can take for now and trying not to assume too much about the future. Thanks again
@@rodericktech5643 Oh, no. I didn't think you were throwing anything on me. Sometimes a person just needs to vent. And I didn't expect details about exactly what all the commitments are/were. No worries. That's beyond the energy I would expect you to expend here. And beyond what I could advise on. I just wanted to point out that sometimes something has to give way that we don't want to let give. Or we don't feel like we should let go of. And I wanted to encourage you that you and your wife are valuable. And that if you have to cut back on something in order to remain healthy for your family, that's okay. I know a lot of people feel a lot of guilt in that. And as a perfect stranger I wanted to encourage you that sometimes it's what you need to do. But again, that's between you and the people in your lives. I won't be offended if you don't respond, by the way. I know even that takes a lot of time and energy to do. Really I just wanted to send some encouragement your way. 😊
Very insightful advice. In the past, I’ve found myself drowning in my own routine. Maybe, sometimes I need to stop and re-examine what I want. I can shed the baggage I don’t want.
Such a reassuring insight! I just realized half-way through Sept that I am most very likely on the spectrum, largely thanks to a huge burnout period I dove straight into! I started a small scale farm by myself this year from the (literal) ground up, and there are SO many different avenues to potentially take. I took on far too many projects this year, enough to nearly motivate me to sell the property and move to the woods in a yurt forever by myself, lol, but now that a huge break (Dec to Feb) is coming up, I recognize the value there will be in taking that time to reflect and really be honest with myself about what sorts of things I find energizing, and which activities actually take energy away from me. Thank you so much for sharing your personal experiences so often! ❤️
It must be nice to be able to afford a long break xD I did that once after burning out to the point of getting physically sick. My job let me take a few months of leave with saving my place. But when it was time to go back, I just couldn't. The physical symptoms suddenly got way worse. I ended up with no job and spent all of my savings. Since then I've only had one other office job, again for only a few months until health acted up again. I'm lucky to be able to make a living working from home, but the amount of money I make is not enough to e.g. buy a place of my own, which would give me the security I need. Taking a break in these conditions would be the total end of my career bc everyone in the field knows each other and people are going to pass on that you're unreliable if you keep having breakdowns and quitting jobs. So I guess I just have to get by by taking a long weekend off every once in a while. Some people can't afford even that.
It’s sickening honestly, that society don’t have an understanding and infrastructure to accommodate more than one type of people, or productivity. It feels like life is grinding you into dust and won’t stop until you are dust, or get by somehow. 21th century is truly ghetto, still after all we went through. I hope it will not get worse in time.
Until you drain your health to the point you CANT even work anymore, and trust me. That day will come. And no, its not nice to be able to take weeks off. I'd rather be normal and function like most people.
Thanks for this I really do believe I'm autistic and I really feel a huge relief because I always felt different like an outsider like I could never fit in, thanks again.
I’m so happy for you for taking the time to replenish your toolbox’ so you could come back to help us re-calibrate our thought-structure by your You and refocus your life to ‘re-integrate your homeostasis ’!! Thanks for the reset!
I really felt that. I do feel that I'm always "going" in some way. Always "on". To the point that I can barely shut off to sleep. I think I need to take at least a day or two to do nothing but rest. And maybe eat whatever I want those days, too. Also, I liked how you explained how you feel about finishing a conversation and saying goodbye. I'm that way, too. It's actually easier fir me if whoever I am talking expresses that they are having that problem. And that they need to end for some reason. Then it is easy for me to have mercy on the other person, take the initiative, and tell the other person jokingly that I'm kicking them out of the conversation to go do what they need to do. They always seem to feel relieved when I do that. Obviously that wouldn't work for you in a video. But it's something that I do one on one in real life.
I can't tell you how much I needed to hear that today. Took me a long time to ask for sick leave and even now after 2 weeks I still don't feel okay. I was feeling guilty to ask for another week but hearing it took you 3-4 weeks made me decide to ask for an extension. So thank you ♥
Oh wow! I’m going through this now. I’m changing careers after 5 years and selling my online business. Moved to the mountains to be isolated and decided after my few weeks off it was time for a career change that didn’t require me to be online & therefore burnt out often. This video is so relatable.
This does explain a lot. I have struggled this year because I have fairly recent PTSD (this is the second year) - but this is my first year going back to study ever since. Last year I wasn't in the mental state to do much and I wasn't ready to go back this year but I felt I had to really. Every single time we have a break at uni, it takes the whole two weeks break to actually feel like I am on a break, then it's over and I have to go back and the juxtaposition between those two mindsets added with how long it takes to get back into the next (either work or break) means that I just cannot keep up. Each break has essentially been just long enough to break me away from my study mindset, but not long enough to rest. As a result, it takes me longer and longer, sometimes the whole half semester, just to get back into the work mindset only to now have a break again. I am in the third part of 4 of this year and I am so, so burned out that it's 5 weeks in, basically halfway, I have done almost nothing because my brain is so broken and I feel so depressed and burned out. I have never been like this in my whole life.
I dont understand why every video about recovering from autistic burnout says just take a long break and dont do anything. Every single video on the subject by every single youtuber and every article online etc give the same advice. For the vast majority of people this is advice is both impossible and useless. For any of us that have to work for an employer for a living cant just decide to take 6 weeks off and it is very frustrating for anyone close to or going through burnout to only be able to find one piece of advice that is impossible. It adds to the feeling of helplessness. It would be great to hear some tips and advice on some channels and articles that are actually achievable to the people that have to work for a living and dont have access to the freedom to just take a couple of months off etc
Try videos on survival mode. Not quite the same as burnout, but I still found it useful. Like this one th-cam.com/video/8UqxRDRMDds/w-d-xo.html The remedy to hopelessness is to explore the emotional landscape about what exactly is making you feel hopeless. Then problemsolve. Be creative about ways to either change your situation or change the way you think about it. I know it feels hard at first, especially when you don't have much bandwidth to begin with. It gets easier. Also, meditation has been amazing for me. I haven't been exercising much but that can do wonders as well. So all the basic self care stuff. Start small with one thing you think you can be successful with (for me it's drinking more water) and then go from there.
@@alexisseely-carroll1020 the feeling of helplessness comes from feeling like im really scraping the bottom of the barrel to get through each work day and constantly feeling on the verge of a massive meltdown but being trapped in the position of having to keep going to work regardless. And also feeling under scrutiny and pressure at work because my performance and motivation is slipping because im constantly exhausted and trying my hardest to fight off having a meltdown. I know the solution to my problems is to take an extended break from work to recharge but that isnt possible which keeps me constantly routed in the rut im trapped in
@@somethingfromnothing8428 detachment helps. Basically you decide that you don t care and you just go ahead. You don't mask anymore but it s like a nirvana state where you are impassible. Burnout? Just don't care. Mask or not? Don't care. Going to die? Don't care. Live for another 100 years? Don't care.
OH BOY thank you for telling us that at 7:54. You put into words exactly how I feel so often... thanks a lot for calling me out! (Seriously, though, thank you so much for putting all this out there. Your videos are just what I desperately needed to begin healing from burnout.)
What I found works alright most of the time is having one day per week not me, not anyone else is allowed to plan anything for. No to do lists, nothing in the calendar. It keeps me just above burnout levels. Before doing this I used to have a burnout every 2 weeks or so. Now it happens more rarely. It's not ideal, but it gives me a little space to figure out how to make my life a little better in the future. Ps: Paul, you've literally described my current life as a software engineer in this video. It's ridiculous 😄
A reset is a really good idea. Thank you. I began editing some novels to upload as E-Books two months ago and the process is finally coming to a close. I just feel like I need to get far away from writing now, but I know my interests would lure me back in. A reset is a great idea. I had thought of celebrating with a beer when all was finished, but now I think your idea is better - and also a beer. I am always taking on daunting things as my hobbies, I'm sure it is common with A.S. It is all too much.
my son & i enjoy your channel so very much! it helps my lad understand his daily tussles. especially whilst studying at uni. thank you - immensely! 😃 ✌🏻🇦🇺
Thanks for this video Paul. You have provided answers to lots of things i did or happened to me that always puzzled me. This video being another one. Learned so much already so thanks! In this video (and i've heard you mention it often in the past) it all seems to boil down to knowing what you want. And to me that seems like the hardest question out there. I mean it in the sense of a job mostly. Right now i'm just working a job that seems very manageable. Even though it feels like i could be doing more or better in terms of career and salary. Tried switching careers but ended up feeling overwhelmed pretty quickly. Anyone here having this issue?
I have to smile and laugh. I have been a massage therapist for 11 years and moved to this city 15 years ago. I am about to move to another city and return to college to acquire a masters in Clinical Counseling. Your videos have been amazingly helpful with a wonderful amount of resonance. My nest mate has offered to carry the last two months of bills to allow me that time away from work. I am grateful and thankful for such a gift and look forward to my journey in unwinding and rising into something new. As you say rest need not be productive.
Thank you so much! I needed to hear this tip! It's something I've done unconsciously before, but today I ran into a wall with it. I'll just take a breather from my usual, and see what I feel like letting go of, what I want to keep. Thanks again! God bless.
Recently went thru a bad burnout, and my insurance sent me a week of fully prepared meals. I am eligible for this every month. The meals really helped because just feeding myself was overwhelming during complete autistic shutdown.
I stopped everything after new years eve. I really need time and space to look inward and discover how I feel and heal. It can act as a spiritual reset, because it is only when we STOP that we can listen to the soul or core self. Me/cfs taught me this the hard way. Stop before it gets too bad!
3 weeks ago, I had too much interactions (18 hours with 11 different people) all related to my disability. On Sunday I was very anxious : how could I reach the end of the week without overwhelming. It turns out that Wednesday was free. I allowed me to stop pressuring me and do things how and when I wanted. I decided it will be a no routine day, written on my calendar. And it was amazing, it went smoothly and it was the best day for so many years! And I asked to myself what do I want to do next months and how make it happen. I was still tired and in pain but I wasn't anxious or overwhelmed. So I think I used a reset.
I have a mortgage so changing careers would be difficult, but I get the idea. Right before the pandemic I realised I needed to take a two week holiday three times per year to refresh myself. Then the pandemic hit and I've only had one such holiday and it was with my mum so it wasn't really relaxing. Now that Victoria is pretty open, I will restart that plan.
I can relate. I cannot enjoy Sundays at all since I have to go back to work Mondays. This gives me one day (Saturday) for recovery and even with that, I feel myself going from 0-5% each day just to make it through my next scheduled "task."
Your videos are quite valuable & validating for me. I was misdiagnosed many times for decades, before a better therapist called BS. We decided I was just a traumatized Aspy. As an older adult, who was finally correctly diagnosed, these resources are invaluable to me Dear Sir. 🎉❤ Namaste & Happy Satyrday!
@Aspergers from the Inside have you addressed the issue of dissociation/depersonalization in Aspergers yet? I'd like to see this topic covered please if you can.
One other comment, sorry 😕. I wanted to say, something that is REALLY helping me have a big reset and smaller, daily, resets is “somatic experiencing therapy”. CBT is talked about a lot, and often comes across as the only therapy available. But it doesn’t work for many. It’s a “top down” (logic) approach, whereas somatic is “bottom up”, or body based. It helps your body regulate and reset, not just the brain. It’s working really well for me, something 20 years of CBT has never done. I am finally able to handle more before a melt/shutdown, they aren’t quite as intense, most of the time, and I’m recovering faster. It’s not a cure-all, and I’ve still got a ways to go, but it’s allowed me to see that there’s light on the other side of the bad moments and it’s something I can get through and carry on afterwards. That’s something I couldn’t see in those moments before, and that’s a big deal for me. I’m not saying this’ll work for everyone, but might be worth looking into if other things aren’t helping with that desired reset. 🤷♀️
Thank you Paul for all of your videos, i have been struggling with burnout for a couple of months now, but i've found your tips very helpful, as always :)
Hey Paul, just wanted to say I hope your Summit goes well! It’s too early for what I can manage here rn, and it seemed by the descriptions that it’s meant for younger children. Ours are 16 & 17, so not joining. But, I hope it is well attended and people get better informed about what works!
Thank you for helping me realise who I am and why I think and feel (or more often don't feel) the way I do. I don't have any words to tell you how much it means to me. If I may ask a question, how would you describe autism to a narrow minded neurotypical spouse, the more I try to explain the less he understands, especially how I managed to get to 31 years old without finding out.
Thank you so much for this info. It’s been hard to find what resources or steps forward after experiencing a very severe autistic burnout for the first time, brought on with a mix of living away from home across the country, alone, with a stressful job during the pandemic. Really trying to figure out what I can even do now that I realized from this situation that I actually am Autistic, even though sometimes I’m very “high functioning” and great at masking. It’s just been a hard road on this recovery journey, and I have been lost about what to do.
I think what you are saying makes a lot of sense. I am also in a highly competitive industry and as years go by I resent it more and more. what I don't really get is now that you quit engineering, what kind of industry are you working in? I have tried to change careers in the past but unsuccessfully unfortunately due mainly extremely noisy and crappy work environment. I hope to learn how other autistic people manage, many seem to do engineering jobs.
@Tiana Malcom glad to hear that ,but what kind of Herbs are you excatly talking about ? Im not english native so i might misunderstand something,sorry i'm really confused about your comment ,im just not sure what IT supposed to mean ,please elaborate if you can 😊
I would be super interested in info on how you pivoted from a “regular” job into what you’re doing now. How did you deal with finances while getting started, how did you manage learning how to make it work; making money, scheduling content, learning stuff to use as content, etc etc. Both my husband and myself are feeling pretty stuck career-wise. I really want to do something with my art, but marketing is my kryptonite, my husband is in HR (human resources) but has a boss from hades and is currently on disability because of it. He likes working with/helping people. We’ve thrown around some ideas, including a liaison for autistic employees and their employers to make sure they’re needs are being met etc., and other things. But, we don’t know how to go forward with anything. Ideas on that kind of thing would be very welcome.
I have found that it takes far too long for me to unwind enough TO start recovering. You know, just about as long as my vacations are. So I get time off, that's great. Except I come back still feeling the same. I'm so burnt out and simply cannot afford to take time off a job. At this point, it really feels like I either get to live the rest of my life hating life, or... ⚰️. It really is very easy to understand why people opt out of life. I was just starting to recover from some of my childhood trauma enough to not be actively suicidal, only for the burnout to take it's place and keep me in check. Edit: Last year in January, I started a goal to be more kind, accepting, and loving toward myself. I planned to dedicate myself to it and not allow myself to give up.i had tried in the past, but something would always bring me back down. Even worse, I'd allow it to keep me there. But I can say I am a completely different person than I was a year ago. I still have my issues and my insecurities that I haven't shaken yet, but I have made INCREDIBLE progress, and I am SO proud of myself. I never, ever pictured me being here a year and a half ago, let alone in my teens. I considered myself absolutely worthless and a massive waste of space. In hindsight, it really is incredible that I survived to this point. I'm exceptionally proud of that. But, that's the context for what I'm about to say. I plan to start letting things go. I hold so, SO much inside at any given time. I'm so incredibly burnt out that I can't focus on anything and I can't retain any new I formation. I stress myself out over the past, present, and future. Everything at once. Work, my home life, money, maybe going back to school, wanting to relax and being unable to, my future, etc. So I'm going to start doing what I did before- dismissing and replacing the thoughts that stress me out if they are not worth worrying about. That time I fell in high school? Not important. That bill that you know is coming up? Important. That customer that screamed at you over something that you have zero control over? While incredibley rude and infuriating, it is not important. We need to let it go. It happened, it's passed, let it go instead of letting it weigh you down. It's going to be hard, I know it is. It was the last round, too. But it is entirely possible, and I intend on seeing it through. If I'm being forced to live in this shitty society with no breaks, then I'm going to do the best I can to form my own tools to fuel my success. I fully intend to condition myself to automatically allow myself to dwell on the situation as it comes up for a couple minutes. After a moment of reflection, I plan to take a deep breath, exhale, and visualize the physical representation of the stressor being pushed from my mind. I like to visualize, so this method works for me. If anyone has any tips or your own methods, feel free to send them my way! I'm all for finding other methods and trying to practice them, too.
Always have the best videos. I'm slacking so much doing mine bc burnout 🔥 has been for months plus traumatizing life events. I really need all this advice. 😩 can't seem to figure it out man.
ADAM I have a serious question my son has Asperger’s syndrome and has developed severe anxiety and depression with thought of suicide. I have encouraged him to watch your videos and he keeps blowing me off. He has a BS IN COMPUTER SCIENCE AND A MINOR INFORMATION technology. Also high gpa 3.45. We sat last night and registered for a few classes at the local school for classes he feels he did not get appropriate teaching in. This is first time I’ve seen him get a smile on his face in a long time. Any other way to help is GREATLY APPRECIATED!!
Could try ultimatum logic .... if he could learn something from the vids, he should watch them ... if he has nothing to learn from people, do whatever he likes because he doesn't need any advice and so should just take action. So he'll either learn or start acting on his own drives ... which will will make him feel better at least.
I quit my desk job in 2019 because of extreme burnout and have been unemployed since then. I feel extremely grateful to have taken several years to recover my health while living with my parents, but now my problem is trying to find a job with a resume gap. Any advice how to navigate this?
I would put a positive spin on it. Carer for family member, bringing up a family, take time out to pursue interests and upskilling, have you done any voluntary work in that time or undertken any online courses. If you are in England contact National Careers Service, they can help you with this.
i was really ambitious and thought i could handle college early, the debt and horrifically long waiting lists for financial aid and a program near me to help people with disabilities get jobs is too overhwelming. living with family thats awake 24/7 and has zero sense for privacy, going through financial stress, and everything else combined is too much 😢 i have no energy to do things i love and i would lay in bed for days doing nothing and sleeping 12+ hours a day. i think ill be ready once i move out but. i have to start from the absolute basics a toddler has mastered because the burnout has caused so much regression in my basic skills, i lost many of my communication skills and my social life has been suffering😢😢😢 😢😢
Most of us don't get the opportunity to take such a long time off. I'm getting crushed by burnout right now and I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel.
I was talking to my gastroenterologist a few years ago, after I had to change my neurologist, and she said that it's becoming more common for specialists to sub-specialise because they get burnt out out. My gastroenterologist has a great rapport with autistic people. I remember being really burnt out after I finished school, but what made it worse was, okay, I studied hard to get good marks (Years 10, 11 and 12, especially), but once my exams were finished, I had to entertain a pesky little brother who wanted to play backyard cricket all summer and football in winter. So, I didn't really get the chance to rest. In hindsight, I would have liked to have said to my parents, "No, I don't want to go to Surfers Paradise (I didn't, anyway) and drink heavily and do ridiculous things, but what I would love to do is, for Dad, as he has my last Wednesday off work, to tow the caravan (maybe your friends can lend us their camping Porta-Potty) up to Coolum and then I can go up there after I'm dismissed on the Friday and stay for a week or so. My days can be, Wake Up: 9am, have breakfast, listen to some music, 1pm: have lunch, around 4pm: go for a walk, 6pm: have tea, watch some television. 10pm: sleep."
From the ages 12-18 I suffered from extreme autistic burnout where I became agoraphobic. From 19-21 I had good years going to school and learning but now I feel like I’m burning out again and I don’t want to because the course I am doing is something I love but the continuous exhaustion is getting to me and I keep skipping lessons to the point of the university noticing.
i burned out in 2012 and i still haven't recovered. i don't enjoy doing anything but i've had to learn to pretend to in order to keep people in my life.
So interesting ...I quite frequently resort to writing 2020 when writing the date on the board such that my students have even called me out on it lol. I always wonder why I do that Guess 2022 requires just a tad bit more exec functioning on our part 😅
Dear Paul, How can I find out what on earth I want to do / be / have? I have no idea whatsoever now I'm much older & my main life hopes have been experienced (few), passed me by, or been given up. Hope you make a video about discovering motivation. Thanks for all your work!
Hi. Thanks for all your awesome videos. From August last year we are going through diagnosis for my daughter. Meanwhile doing research I realised that I maybe autistic too. This time last year I had what I thought was a breakdown. But upon seeing the symptoms I think it could of possibly of been an Autistic Burnout. I've always struggled with load noises (cat scarer etc). But since last year I can't handle the noise of dog licking, packets been opened, I hear buzzing which I believe is electricity. Is it possible for sensory issues to get worse when had a burnout? It's been a year and still struggling.
Been in burn out for months. Can't even get a single day of rest. 2 kids, work full time, gotta keep up in the house. My partner doesn't help with any household or childbearing because he's at work 60 hours a week. I feel like I have to die to rest
I wish I could take 6 weeks off. As a mother of 2 children, one with autism and nonverbal, I don't get any time off. What would you suggest parents do when burnt out?
I just like to notice anything like what I’m learning about schizophrenia and autism linking them together zero anything about bipolar and autism is that even possible like you know I hope you know what I’m trying to say thank you❤
@Tiana Malcom my kids are doing great in school twins 5 years they just both got student of the we moved to a much bigger house they told me they do it every year on their birthday. All the kids get them around their birthday, but they were born on Thanksgiving, so I kind of said something to Keith or like when I was going to do it because this we could be fun, they said will do it for you. We were going to do it next month but we appreciate it because Tom today is my mothers death anniversary. She would’ve been well into her 60s only very young one of my nieces and nephews were so young when she died and we miss her so much it was a party and so we were gonna have a little pay for them to but we pay you all weekend, so hey, this is for my two little boys and everyone’s gonna be happy for them because I didn’t. I was wondering when they were going to do it they said because he transferred we were going to surprise you, but you asked them and I think them so much because I told them I like what you do because all these kids in the classroom and this whole school deserves to win in the month and I appreciate it so much and maybe I’ll find something like a snack to celebrate because they didn’t get to celebrate the birthday railing I’m so proud of my boys 😇😇my 2 little angels
Hi Paul I have an Asperger’s 13 year old grandson who is struggling with his life and his parents are distraught not knowing how to help him. When on he is funny and quick of mind when burnt out depressed and angry and sleepy by day and online by night. There are no resources that are available here. You have become our lifeline of information through your videos but we need more specific coaching to enable Corin to be his potential and be in control of his life. He made it thru 2 months of school then burnt out. He has been out of school now for 3 months and has had only 1 positive day. I am so worried for him. Can you help us through your life coaching? Pat
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you literally changed my life man, i am so much more okay with just being me now. Its honestly beyond my ability to even thank you enough.
So do I 🙂❤
jealous
❤similar thoughts and feelings here. @Autism From The Inside has helped immensely.
I am in my third year of recovering from major autistic burnout in 2019. As it was coupled with CPTSD, I’m only now starting to feel like I’m set at the right speed. I will never work again like I did prior to my burnout and diagnosis. Finally starting to realise and accept that ☺️✌️
I experienced extreme burnout that year too! Recovering from that traumatic experience has definitely forced me to respect my own boundaries now when it comes how much work I can handle.
I also burned out very badly that year. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. It was a long time coming. I haven't recovered yet.
I'm dealing with that combo, too. I'm glad you're finding your balance. I'm still finding mine. I wish my work life could be measured some other way than hours per week, because there's a point at which I get overwhelmed, but it seems like it's mostly about the pacing, not the hours.
This makes me feel so less alone. Thank you for sharing 😭 its been two months since I experienced a low that was wrapped up in being triggered. It feels like I'll never recover 😪
I'm completely burned out and feeling lost. I've been trying to ask my doctor's for a referral for help as everyone I know feels I may be on the spectrum. Is there anything you recommend to get the doctors to help me. I've been waiting 3 years for a referral and it's been hell
Usually, if you stop doing work, you get into financial trouble. That leads to more stress.
Daily labor on the side. I see people go back and forth on jobs. My old job let's me do different jobs at different parts of the year. Different ways to do the same thing.
it depends. i get pto in this job so im able to use that but i still get burnt out......
I don’t know if it’s been a burnout, I am currently being evaluated, but it’s been three months and I am still struggling so much. I am so confused by it and all the introspection involved in the evaluation process. Feels like being stuck while everyone around you keep asking “are you feeling better? Are you feeling better?”
This resonated a lot with me. I recently quit my corporate job in Jan because of burnout. It was sad that it had to end that way but I couldn't continue. I took two weeks to just rest and it was magical. But due to financial reasons, I had to start up the job hunt again in Feb. I know that is not enough time for me to rest but I think I will still be able to strike a good balance. I'm only applying for part time jobs (3 days or less) which leaves the rest of the week for rest and recovery. I am excited to see how it works out!
Similar story here.
It's unfortunately true for a lot of people. 5 of my friends have quit their jobs in the last 6 months. Burnout in a pandemic is real.
Same! Luckily I'm a teacher so I had a two week winter break but knew it wasn't enough. It was heaven though 🤗
Hope it goes well!
I am your carbon copy....thank you for sharing...it helps me realize I am not alone in this...
Life is definitely overwhelming, and it seems like a never ending to do list sometimes. However you give great advice and I have the same conditions as you
Just quit school out of burnout too. I hope we all get to recover well and replenished to pursue our dreams.
The weekly reset idea is basically the Sabbath concept. It’s a time each week to switch off from the demands of life and concentrate on what’s important. To see that the world doesn’t ground to a halt when we stop doing all the things that we feel we are indispensable for. It’s a reminder of our freedom to choose what we pour ourselves into.
Well said.
This is very timely, I'm currently dating a guy who's autistic and he recently told me he's feeling drained in general and wanted to limit his interactions with the world (which includes me).
At first I was sad because I thought I was doing well to ensure that our interactions weren't taxing, and I regularly checked with him to ensure he's comfortable with me. But I respect how he feels and I'm giving his space, I haven't contacted him for a week.
I'm hoping he'll get in touch with me when he's ready, but apart of me feels like he won't because he's very bad at initiating communication in general, I tend to be the one to call or message first.
Don't give up on him or the relationship. It's possible to let him know you are still interested without putting pressure on him to engage and/or reply until he is ready. Paul talks about this in another video. It really helped me. If you don't initiate contact he will probably think you are no longer interested and will blame himself for another failed relationship. I find things like memes or emojis help to let the person know you still care and sometimes it's easier for the person to quickly click on one in reply as it doesn't require thinking of words to say (although sometimes they'll just get your meaning and not reply so don't do it to expect a reply and get pissed off when you don't.) Try to find Paul's video on shut downs and how to extend an open invitation to the shutdown Aspie in your life.
All the best. Autistic people make the best partners and friends if you learn how to understand them and their style of communication as an individual.
(Self diagnosed here with Aspie best friend)
MiMi Star I found it for you th-cam.com/video/Z-CAr0vi7L8/w-d-xo.html
@@s1hr1 thanks for message, it gives some comfort to know I'm not the only person in this situation. I felt a bit alone when explaining the situation to others as they didn't "get it".
I really do like him, he is such a lovely person. I would like things between us to continue and develop further. In person things between us are great, but when we're apart I am responsible for initiating communication to keep the momentum going. I feel like I a bother, or that he actually don't like me! It makes me feel a bit insecure. However, I will keep trying, as I appreciate him in my life because we were work colleagues and friends before we started dating. Thank you for your encouragement.
@@annetteroos370 thanks for your advice and the video you kindly shared, I will watch the it and make notes. You made some great suggestions with the memes. I will keep communicating with him in those small ways.
I agree, since dating an autistic man I am appreciative of the qualities that I have experienced from him, as well as the qualities he has brought out in me. Fingers crossed this is just a small bump in the road and we can get pass it, for things continue for the better 😊
@@mimistar1427 you are welcome. I know how it feels. Best to figure out now how best to deal with it because it is probably going to be a regular occurrence especially as he gets to trust you more and feels safe being himself around you. He will appreciate you greatly if you understand and don't get hurt, angry and blaming about it and you will have a loyal and honest partner. All the best 😊
I almost cried at 6 weeks "break", oh if only I could do that...
Au burnout, undiagnosed PTSD (thanks, war), anxiety, and still working 8 hours.. from home, at least but it's not being great. Add being a temporary refugee as well.... I just want to rest...
I thought the same. Dude might have a level of support that we don't.
Resets are good.
To maintain it, I recommend using the word No as a complete sentence. People will ALWAYS try and put more on you. Pause, think about it, just say No.
Yes I agree!
I don't have a job but I find it impossible to do this, not even a day. I mean I have weekends as a space to focus on recreation, do less, but I find even then times just flies away and there's always one more "productive" thing to get out of the way first. These days I'm very in that loop. The thing is I even reduced my life to the most minimal it's ever been, due to 2021 being the most burned out year of my entire life, so I had to start just dropping things against every instinct in my perfectionist mind. So even without a job and all that, just me and my routines, and now just the very essential parts of that, I'm still in constant stress, anxiety, and lack of time. It's been going on for a year straight. Like I can't drop more things, because I'll have nothing left at that point.
Now what I'm doing is crucial things like house chores, shopping, physical exercise, a few key appointments (therapy), social barely, my interests that I can't live without, of course the basic routines like food, shower, hygiene, meditate, and aside from that it's like the unpredictable stuff that may come up like car repair, dentist, fix something in the house, shovel snow etc. I don't think there is anything really disposable in my life at this point. I've shaved off stuff for an entire year, and that was regardless of not having a busy life to begin with, like no job, relationship, kids, big social life.
So I've come to the conclusion it may no longer be an issue of the amount of things, even though it does feel like that, which fuels my anxiety that there is an endless amount of things, constant, just never stops. I think I've just been in this loop for too long and I'm burned out, my brain is overloaded daily, I'm full of anxiety and trauma and it's just reached its peak. I'm working hard privately and professionally to reduce all this though, and change things but somehow it's very hard this time, it's like I've gotten too weak and I'm always at like 10% battery and what is draining me feels like it's 100% all the time. I can't really drop more things, and like you've talked about some things like exercise give energy, and they should not be dropped, what I've kept are essential things in my life.
I also have the issue that I can't just stop because I can't get the things to do out of my head and it causes heavy anxiety. If I don't do something this week it will be in my head until next week, until I do them. That won't let me relax even if I did. The things add up with time so eventually I'll have a million things and that will overload me even to start doing, so I have to keep up. So how you, with job and all can take even a month off, and I can barely take a night off when I get time, I just can't imagine how. If I drop everything it will all catch up to me, I've tried it and it does get even worse, I don't know where to begin when I have stuff from half a year back, plus more each day. Help. Not even Autistic's seem to have it as bad as I do. My theory is that it's because of my ADD/ASD combined, not to mention anxiety, trauma.
PS: Sorry for the long relatively poorly worded post, I wrote it in a hurry as it's late and I'm behind on stuff and I just don't have the brain power to write it properly I'm already way overloaded, but I just couldn't wait to write this as ironically it would bother me to know I need to do it later. Also to write it while the video topic is present in my mind.
I'm a year late to this but I'm autistic and I'm the same since my dad died in 2021. I can do everyday things but not much more. I could have written this... You're not alone.
I'm sorry about your dad. Drastic changes in life like loss takes a great toll yes. @@mmhmmmificate
I totally relate. I was being over worked at my job, friends and family constantly dumping their problems on me. Then in 2022 my nephew died, he was only 22 and it just pushed me over the edge. I got very lucky and found an easier job but been struggling day to day for a few months now, I am just doing the bare minimum that needs to be done, not much energy for socializing and resting as much as I can! We must prioritize time to rest and time for self care. I’m lucky I can spend a lot of time at home just me and my cats!
I have a question: Are there any not autistic, neurotypical people who watched many of your videos and said : that is the best explanation for all my problems, you seem to understand me better than anyone else ? Because I wonder if you are just a very good psychologie advice channel that basically works for everyone !
i don't think this guy even has autism per se, he's just very intelligent. look at the stuff about his childhood, shame over being too good at everything, etc. it's everyone else that has the problem.
THANK YOU so much for this video. I have suspected autism (I'm waiting to be diagnosed) and I have been in burn out since after Christmas and I have been struggling, especially since I start a new job tomorrow. I haven't had a job in almost a year now. Wish me luck!
A little late, but: Good luck! (Hope it worked out for you)
Excited to see this one! I need so much help with it it's unbelievable 😂
Same, I'm excited too! 👍
I was diagnosed autistic about 4 months ago at the age of 26 and my partner was just diagnosed AuDHD at almost 30 years old 😊
This is amazing. You gave me so much clarity and it feels like the thing I searched for so long. Even just seeing you acting in a similar fashion to me felt so refreshing. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.
Hello Paul - thanks very much for all you have posted in the last few years. You have helped me a great deal. I am recently self-diagnosed (as is my wife), after a few years of on-and-off research and consideration, and what led me to finally commit to the research and understanding effort was burning out in a big way in the last couple of months of 2021. It was terrible and lasted quite a long time.
The thing is, I have a wife (on the spectrum also) and three children, all homeschooled; I have full-time intense work, and we are still committed to church leadership as we already have been for about 12 years. There is almost nothing left to quit and I cannot afford extended time off - in fact, I won't have any time off allowed / coming to me until at least late summer, and that is going to be for a long and somewhat stressful trip with the whole family. Hopefully parts of it will be relaxing.
I took my first actual vacation from my day job about 5 or 6 weeks ago - for one week - that is, the first real vacation I have had from _any_ job in probably 10 years or more. The one week was not bad, but it felt like not even a drop in the bucket. Since self-diagnosing I have communicated this to some of our friends and colleagues here and pulled back from many regular social commitments outside of Sunday mornings-to-afternoons at church, and of course the day job, but neither I nor my wife have much left we can cut out of our schedules or our requirements and it feels like we live on the edge of just reaching burnout again as soon as anything extra might get added. I can't imagine even being able to take two weeks and just go be alone / leave the routine and social obligations - it would be incredible but I doubt it will be something remotely possible until I at least another 15 years from now. Which is unfathomable.
I am trying to figure out how to manage with this situation and just keep going but I am at a loss. If there are any others in your audience in a situation like mine, I would be grateful if they had any strategies or suggestions as I am more or less at the end of my ability to think through / problem-solve it myself.
Thanks again for all you've posted... if I can find a way to apply the 'daily' or 'weekly' reset you suggested in this video (despite being needed for things basically every day of every week) I will certainly attempt that. Best to you.
This suggestion may not help at all. But you may need to cut out things that apparently can't be cut out. Even though they seem like they can't be. I can't imagine what, though. Maybe if you talk to a trusted group at your church and explain the situation they can make some good suggestions.
I'll tell you what I told my sister, though. You and your wife are the most valuable ascets that your family has. Would you not take care of your car? Not give it the oil changes and tune-ups that it needs? Just run it into the ground until it needs to be replaced? No. You would take care of it. Because you and your family need your car. So you give your car the care it needs. Even though that care is expensive. You just plan that care into the budget. Because you have to if you want a functional car.
Are you not as important as your car? How well will you function if you run yourself into the ground? And how well will your family fair when they no longer have a functional you? Yes, care for yourself is costly. But it is essential. Your family needs to have a functional you. So you are going to have to find a way to plan your self care into the time/energy budget.
I think if you ask for help in coming up with ways to do that, your trusted circle of people will be able to help.
@@anyascelticcreations I appreciate your reply. I have already gotten into the process of sharing with colleagues / superiors at work as well as among the church leadership I'm a part of, and I have ignored almost all the social activities and scheduled events in the last few weeks as we have come to these decisions. It would take too long to explain the various situations and commitments that are difficult to disengage from (not all social, some have to do with other medical concerns for example that will never go away) but we are all trying to work through it - not only myself, but also my wife, who is quitting some responsibilities shortly.
Believe me, I understand your analogy very well (our vehicles are 22 and nearly 30 years old, respectively)... it is just difficult to make the application without feeling like we are deserting a growing community we helped to build from the ground up. Also dealing with the dawning realization that we weren't just _imagining_ that we haven't been understood by many of these people for years, but now knowing that we likely _aren't_ and _won't be_ understood by most, and they may even start to prefer that we not be engaged in all the ways we have previously been because working with others will prove easier for them.
I just transitioned to my current gig less than a year ago, so trying to ask for regular 'decompression' time off to stave off burnout is not likely to go over well. And anyhow, whenever I have _any_ time away, the whole family is eagerly hoping to get most of it...
It isn't your problem - sorry if my reply seems like I'm trying to throw it on you. We are taking the steps we think we can take for now and trying not to assume too much about the future. Thanks again
@@rodericktech5643 Oh, no. I didn't think you were throwing anything on me. Sometimes a person just needs to vent. And I didn't expect details about exactly what all the commitments are/were. No worries. That's beyond the energy I would expect you to expend here. And beyond what I could advise on. I just wanted to point out that sometimes something has to give way that we don't want to let give. Or we don't feel like we should let go of. And I wanted to encourage you that you and your wife are valuable. And that if you have to cut back on something in order to remain healthy for your family, that's okay. I know a lot of people feel a lot of guilt in that. And as a perfect stranger I wanted to encourage you that sometimes it's what you need to do. But again, that's between you and the people in your lives.
I won't be offended if you don't respond, by the way. I know even that takes a lot of time and energy to do.
Really I just wanted to send some encouragement your way. 😊
@@katyasehryn8810 Thank you
You may have to reconsider your decision to home school.
I’ve been watching you for a long time. I love your vlogs.😊 I live in Australia. You have helped me soooo much. Thankyou. 🤗
Very insightful advice. In the past, I’ve found myself drowning in my own routine. Maybe, sometimes I need to stop and re-examine what I want. I can shed the baggage I don’t want.
Such a reassuring insight! I just realized half-way through Sept that I am most very likely on the spectrum, largely thanks to a huge burnout period I dove straight into! I started a small scale farm by myself this year from the (literal) ground up, and there are SO many different avenues to potentially take. I took on far too many projects this year, enough to nearly motivate me to sell the property and move to the woods in a yurt forever by myself, lol, but now that a huge break (Dec to Feb) is coming up, I recognize the value there will be in taking that time to reflect and really be honest with myself about what sorts of things I find energizing, and which activities actually take energy away from me. Thank you so much for sharing your personal experiences so often! ❤️
It must be nice to be able to afford a long break xD I did that once after burning out to the point of getting physically sick. My job let me take a few months of leave with saving my place. But when it was time to go back, I just couldn't. The physical symptoms suddenly got way worse. I ended up with no job and spent all of my savings. Since then I've only had one other office job, again for only a few months until health acted up again. I'm lucky to be able to make a living working from home, but the amount of money I make is not enough to e.g. buy a place of my own, which would give me the security I need. Taking a break in these conditions would be the total end of my career bc everyone in the field knows each other and people are going to pass on that you're unreliable if you keep having breakdowns and quitting jobs. So I guess I just have to get by by taking a long weekend off every once in a while. Some people can't afford even that.
Can totally relate.
It’s sickening honestly, that society don’t have an understanding and infrastructure to accommodate more than one type of people, or productivity. It feels like life is grinding you into dust and won’t stop until you are dust, or get by somehow.
21th century is truly ghetto, still after all we went through. I hope it will not get worse in time.
Until you drain your health to the point you CANT even work anymore, and trust me. That day will come. And no, its not nice to be able to take weeks off. I'd rather be normal and function like most people.
Welcome back Paul! Well deserved break.☮️
Thanks for this I really do believe I'm autistic and I really feel a huge relief because I always felt different like an outsider like I could never fit in, thanks again.
I’m so happy for you for taking the time to replenish your toolbox’ so you could come back to help us re-calibrate our thought-structure by your You and refocus your life to ‘re-integrate your homeostasis ’!! Thanks for the reset!
I really felt that. I do feel that I'm always "going" in some way. Always "on". To the point that I can barely shut off to sleep. I think I need to take at least a day or two to do nothing but rest. And maybe eat whatever I want those days, too.
Also, I liked how you explained how you feel about finishing a conversation and saying goodbye. I'm that way, too.
It's actually easier fir me if whoever I am talking expresses that they are having that problem. And that they need to end for some reason. Then it is easy for me to have mercy on the other person, take the initiative, and tell the other person jokingly that I'm kicking them out of the conversation to go do what they need to do. They always seem to feel relieved when I do that.
Obviously that wouldn't work for you in a video. But it's something that I do one on one in real life.
I can't tell you how much I needed to hear that today. Took me a long time to ask for sick leave and even now after 2 weeks I still don't feel okay. I was feeling guilty to ask for another week but hearing it took you 3-4 weeks made me decide to ask for an extension. So thank you ♥
Hey Paul, Im glad to hear your story. Ive been following for a month now and i appreciate you and these videos a ton. Thank you.
Oh wow! I’m going through this now. I’m changing careers after 5 years and selling my online business. Moved to the mountains to be isolated and decided after my few weeks off it was time for a career change that didn’t require me to be online & therefore burnt out often. This video is so relatable.
This does explain a lot. I have struggled this year because I have fairly recent PTSD (this is the second year) - but this is my first year going back to study ever since. Last year I wasn't in the mental state to do much and I wasn't ready to go back this year but I felt I had to really. Every single time we have a break at uni, it takes the whole two weeks break to actually feel like I am on a break, then it's over and I have to go back and the juxtaposition between those two mindsets added with how long it takes to get back into the next (either work or break) means that I just cannot keep up. Each break has essentially been just long enough to break me away from my study mindset, but not long enough to rest. As a result, it takes me longer and longer, sometimes the whole half semester, just to get back into the work mindset only to now have a break again. I am in the third part of 4 of this year and I am so, so burned out that it's 5 weeks in, basically halfway, I have done almost nothing because my brain is so broken and I feel so depressed and burned out. I have never been like this in my whole life.
I dont understand why every video about recovering from autistic burnout says just take a long break and dont do anything. Every single video on the subject by every single youtuber and every article online etc give the same advice. For the vast majority of people this is advice is both impossible and useless. For any of us that have to work for an employer for a living cant just decide to take 6 weeks off and it is very frustrating for anyone close to or going through burnout to only be able to find one piece of advice that is impossible. It adds to the feeling of helplessness. It would be great to hear some tips and advice on some channels and articles that are actually achievable to the people that have to work for a living and dont have access to the freedom to just take a couple of months off etc
Try videos on survival mode. Not quite the same as burnout, but I still found it useful.
Like this one
th-cam.com/video/8UqxRDRMDds/w-d-xo.html
The remedy to hopelessness is to explore the emotional landscape about what exactly is making you feel hopeless.
Then problemsolve. Be creative about ways to either change your situation or change the way you think about it.
I know it feels hard at first, especially when you don't have much bandwidth to begin with. It gets easier.
Also, meditation has been amazing for me. I haven't been exercising much but that can do wonders as well. So all the basic self care stuff. Start small with one thing you think you can be successful with (for me it's drinking more water) and then go from there.
@@alexisseely-carroll1020 the feeling of helplessness comes from feeling like im really scraping the bottom of the barrel to get through each work day and constantly feeling on the verge of a massive meltdown but being trapped in the position of having to keep going to work regardless. And also feeling under scrutiny and pressure at work because my performance and motivation is slipping because im constantly exhausted and trying my hardest to fight off having a meltdown. I know the solution to my problems is to take an extended break from work to recharge but that isnt possible which keeps me constantly routed in the rut im trapped in
@@somethingfromnothing8428 detachment helps. Basically you decide that you don t care and you just go ahead. You don't mask anymore but it s like a nirvana state where you are impassible. Burnout? Just don't care. Mask or not? Don't care. Going to die? Don't care. Live for another 100 years? Don't care.
@@anhaicapitomaking8102 thats easier said than done
@@somethingfromnothing8428 it's easy when you have no option
OH BOY thank you for telling us that at 7:54. You put into words exactly how I feel so often... thanks a lot for calling me out! (Seriously, though, thank you so much for putting all this out there. Your videos are just what I desperately needed to begin healing from burnout.)
What I found works alright most of the time is having one day per week not me, not anyone else is allowed to plan anything for. No to do lists, nothing in the calendar.
It keeps me just above burnout levels. Before doing this I used to have a burnout every 2 weeks or so. Now it happens more rarely. It's not ideal, but it gives me a little space to figure out how to make my life a little better in the future.
Ps: Paul, you've literally described my current life as a software engineer in this video. It's ridiculous 😄
A reset is a really good idea. Thank you. I began editing some novels to upload as E-Books two months ago and the process is finally coming to a close. I just feel like I need to get far away from writing now, but I know my interests would lure me back in. A reset is a great idea. I had thought of celebrating with a beer when all was finished, but now I think your idea is better - and also a beer. I am always taking on daunting things as my hobbies, I'm sure it is common with A.S. It is all too much.
my son & i enjoy your channel
so very much!
it helps my lad
understand his daily tussles.
especially whilst studying at uni.
thank you - immensely! 😃
✌🏻🇦🇺
Thanks for this video Paul. You have provided answers to lots of things i did or happened to me that always puzzled me. This video being another one. Learned so much already so thanks!
In this video (and i've heard you mention it often in the past) it all seems to boil down to knowing what you want. And to me that seems like the hardest question out there. I mean it in the sense of a job mostly. Right now i'm just working a job that seems very manageable. Even though it feels like i could be doing more or better in terms of career and salary. Tried switching careers but ended up feeling overwhelmed pretty quickly. Anyone here having this issue?
I have to smile and laugh. I have been a massage therapist for 11 years and moved to this city 15 years ago. I am about to move to another city and return to college to acquire a masters in Clinical Counseling. Your videos have been amazingly helpful with a wonderful amount of resonance. My nest mate has offered to carry the last two months of bills to allow me that time away from work. I am grateful and thankful for such a gift and look forward to my journey in unwinding and rising into something new. As you say rest need not be productive.
Yes, more burnout videos please.
Thank you so much for making this content. You have helped me so much and accept who I am. Truly thank you for your efforts.
Thank you so much! I needed to hear this tip! It's something I've done unconsciously before, but today I ran into a wall with it. I'll just take a breather from my usual, and see what I feel like letting go of, what I want to keep. Thanks again! God bless.
Recently went thru a bad burnout, and my insurance sent me a week of fully prepared meals. I am eligible for this every month. The meals really helped because just feeding myself was overwhelming during complete autistic shutdown.
I stopped everything after new years eve. I really need time and space to look inward and discover how I feel and heal. It can act as a spiritual reset, because it is only when we STOP that we can listen to the soul or core self. Me/cfs taught me this the hard way. Stop before it gets too bad!
Great video, very helpful. I appreciate all your videos and the comments from viewers. I enjoy how other share their stories and adds to video
My god, this man is amazing
I just accept it is part of life.
Thanks for this Paul, very timely for me personally :)
Very great advise! That reset button is like a super power. Definitely need to hone that skill.
3 weeks ago, I had too much interactions (18 hours with 11 different people) all related to my disability. On Sunday I was very anxious : how could I reach the end of the week without overwhelming. It turns out that Wednesday was free. I allowed me to stop pressuring me and do things how and when I wanted. I decided it will be a no routine day, written on my calendar. And it was amazing, it went smoothly and it was the best day for so many years! And I asked to myself what do I want to do next months and how make it happen. I was still tired and in pain but I wasn't anxious or overwhelmed. So I think I used a reset.
I have a mortgage so changing careers would be difficult, but I get the idea.
Right before the pandemic I realised I needed to take a two week holiday three times per year to refresh myself. Then the pandemic hit and I've only had one such holiday and it was with my mum so it wasn't really relaxing. Now that Victoria is pretty open, I will restart that plan.
Wow, six weeks of vacation a year? What industry do you work in?
Ok, so wtf do you do if you have an hourly job and can't afford to take six weeks off?
Super useful advice for those with ADHD too
I can't wait to hear your plan! Love the idea of a reset every night.
I wondered where you were. Glad you are back.
I can relate. I cannot enjoy Sundays at all since I have to go back to work Mondays. This gives me one day (Saturday) for recovery and even with that, I feel myself going from 0-5% each day just to make it through my next scheduled "task."
You rock dude. I appreciate you.
Your videos are quite valuable & validating for me. I was misdiagnosed many times for decades, before a better therapist called BS. We decided I was just a traumatized Aspy. As an older adult, who was finally correctly diagnosed, these resources are invaluable to me Dear Sir. 🎉❤ Namaste & Happy Satyrday!
Regarding this particulary video: I've been burnout since Covid. TY.
I've been burnout lately and needing a break, but it is hard to balance with a family. Trying to find small ways to reset.
I wish there was an option to Love this video.
@Aspergers from the Inside have you addressed the issue of dissociation/depersonalization in Aspergers yet? I'd like to see this topic covered please if you can.
One other comment, sorry 😕. I wanted to say, something that is REALLY helping me have a big reset and smaller, daily, resets is “somatic experiencing therapy”. CBT is talked about a lot, and often comes across as the only therapy available. But it doesn’t work for many. It’s a “top down” (logic) approach, whereas somatic is “bottom up”, or body based. It helps your body regulate and reset, not just the brain. It’s working really well for me, something 20 years of CBT has never done. I am finally able to handle more before a melt/shutdown, they aren’t quite as intense, most of the time, and I’m recovering faster. It’s not a cure-all, and I’ve still got a ways to go, but it’s allowed me to see that there’s light on the other side of the bad moments and it’s something I can get through and carry on afterwards. That’s something I couldn’t see in those moments before, and that’s a big deal for me.
I’m not saying this’ll work for everyone, but might be worth looking into if other things aren’t helping with that desired reset. 🤷♀️
Welcome back! 🥰
Thank you Paul for all of your videos, i have been struggling with burnout for a couple of months now, but i've found your tips very helpful, as always :)
when you start fresh and you have forgotten why you do things the way you do, this is when everything starts to go wrong
Hey Paul, just wanted to say I hope your Summit goes well! It’s too early for what I can manage here rn, and it seemed by the descriptions that it’s meant for younger children. Ours are 16 & 17, so not joining. But, I hope it is well attended and people get better informed about what works!
Thank you for helping me realise who I am and why I think and feel (or more often don't feel) the way I do. I don't have any words to tell you how much it means to me. If I may ask a question, how would you describe autism to a narrow minded neurotypical spouse, the more I try to explain the less he understands, especially how I managed to get to 31 years old without finding out.
Thank you so much for this info. It’s been hard to find what resources or steps forward after experiencing a very severe autistic burnout for the first time, brought on with a mix of living away from home across the country, alone, with a stressful job during the pandemic. Really trying to figure out what I can even do now that I realized from this situation that I actually am Autistic, even though sometimes I’m very “high functioning” and great at masking. It’s just been a hard road on this recovery journey, and I have been lost about what to do.
So are you going to share on how to do reset in the next video? Just wanted to make sure I understood that right!
I think what you are saying makes a lot of sense. I am also in a highly competitive industry and as years go by I resent it more and more. what I don't really get is now that you quit engineering, what kind of industry are you working in? I have tried to change careers in the past but unsuccessfully unfortunately due mainly extremely noisy and crappy work environment. I hope to learn how other autistic people manage, many seem to do engineering jobs.
My autistic Burnouts sometimes last even over a year ,so only after that time I am able to make a reset and start functioning in society
@Tiana Malcom glad to hear that ,but what kind of Herbs are you excatly talking about ? Im not english native so i might misunderstand something,sorry i'm really confused about your comment ,im just not sure what IT supposed to mean ,please elaborate if you can 😊
I would be super interested in info on how you pivoted from a “regular” job into what you’re doing now. How did you deal with finances while getting started, how did you manage learning how to make it work; making money, scheduling content, learning stuff to use as content, etc etc. Both my husband and myself are feeling pretty stuck career-wise. I really want to do something with my art, but marketing is my kryptonite, my husband is in HR (human resources) but has a boss from hades and is currently on disability because of it. He likes working with/helping people. We’ve thrown around some ideas, including a liaison for autistic employees and their employers to make sure they’re needs are being met etc., and other things. But, we don’t know how to go forward with anything. Ideas on that kind of thing would be very welcome.
With this economy I can’t even take a weekend off
I have found that it takes far too long for me to unwind enough TO start recovering. You know, just about as long as my vacations are. So I get time off, that's great. Except I come back still feeling the same. I'm so burnt out and simply cannot afford to take time off a job. At this point, it really feels like I either get to live the rest of my life hating life, or... ⚰️.
It really is very easy to understand why people opt out of life. I was just starting to recover from some of my childhood trauma enough to not be actively suicidal, only for the burnout to take it's place and keep me in check.
Edit: Last year in January, I started a goal to be more kind, accepting, and loving toward myself. I planned to dedicate myself to it and not allow myself to give up.i had tried in the past, but something would always bring me back down. Even worse, I'd allow it to keep me there.
But I can say I am a completely different person than I was a year ago. I still have my issues and my insecurities that I haven't shaken yet, but I have made INCREDIBLE progress, and I am SO proud of myself. I never, ever pictured me being here a year and a half ago, let alone in my teens. I considered myself absolutely worthless and a massive waste of space. In hindsight, it really is incredible that I survived to this point. I'm exceptionally proud of that.
But, that's the context for what I'm about to say.
I plan to start letting things go. I hold so, SO much inside at any given time. I'm so incredibly burnt out that I can't focus on anything and I can't retain any new I formation. I stress myself out over the past, present, and future. Everything at once. Work, my home life, money, maybe going back to school, wanting to relax and being unable to, my future, etc.
So I'm going to start doing what I did before- dismissing and replacing the thoughts that stress me out if they are not worth worrying about. That time I fell in high school? Not important. That bill that you know is coming up? Important. That customer that screamed at you over something that you have zero control over? While incredibley rude and infuriating, it is not important. We need to let it go. It happened, it's passed, let it go instead of letting it weigh you down.
It's going to be hard, I know it is. It was the last round, too. But it is entirely possible, and I intend on seeing it through. If I'm being forced to live in this shitty society with no breaks, then I'm going to do the best I can to form my own tools to fuel my success. I fully intend to condition myself to automatically allow myself to dwell on the situation as it comes up for a couple minutes. After a moment of reflection, I plan to take a deep breath, exhale, and visualize the physical representation of the stressor being pushed from my mind. I like to visualize, so this method works for me.
If anyone has any tips or your own methods, feel free to send them my way! I'm all for finding other methods and trying to practice them, too.
♾️🙏♾️❤ thank you for these messages
perfect timing
Always have the best videos. I'm slacking so much doing mine bc burnout 🔥 has been for months plus traumatizing life events. I really need all this advice. 😩 can't seem to figure it out man.
ADAM I have a serious question my son has Asperger’s syndrome and has developed severe anxiety and depression with thought of suicide. I have encouraged him to watch your videos and he keeps blowing me off. He has a BS IN COMPUTER SCIENCE AND A MINOR INFORMATION technology. Also high gpa 3.45. We sat last night and registered for a few classes at the local school for classes he feels he did not get appropriate teaching in. This is first time I’ve seen him get a smile on his face in a long time. Any other way to help is GREATLY APPRECIATED!!
Could try ultimatum logic .... if he could learn something from the vids, he should watch them ... if he has nothing to learn from people, do whatever he likes because he doesn't need any advice and so should just take action.
So he'll either learn or start acting on his own drives ... which will will make him feel better at least.
It's definitely still 2020 last time I checked.
I quit my desk job in 2019 because of extreme burnout and have been unemployed since then. I feel extremely grateful to have taken several years to recover my health while living with my parents, but now my problem is trying to find a job with a resume gap. Any advice how to navigate this?
I would put a positive spin on it. Carer for family member, bringing up a family, take time out to pursue interests and upskilling, have you done any voluntary work in that time or undertken any online courses. If you are in England contact National Careers Service, they can help you with this.
i was really ambitious and thought i could handle college early, the debt and horrifically long waiting lists for financial aid and a program near me to help people with disabilities get jobs is too overhwelming. living with family thats awake 24/7 and has zero sense for privacy, going through financial stress, and everything else combined is too much 😢 i have no energy to do things i love and i would lay in bed for days doing nothing and sleeping 12+ hours a day. i think ill be ready once i move out but. i have to start from the absolute basics a toddler has mastered because the burnout has caused so much regression in my basic skills, i lost many of my communication skills and my social life has been suffering😢😢😢 😢😢
How can someone that goes through a major burnout just take all that time off without suffering the major financial fall-out which results?
Most of us don't get the opportunity to take such a long time off. I'm getting crushed by burnout right now and I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel.
@Tiana Malcom ...what? I am not who you think I am, but you are absolutely barking up the wrong tree.
I appreciate the content of your videos. It'd be nice if you extend it a bit more.
I was talking to my gastroenterologist a few years ago, after I had to change my neurologist, and she said that it's becoming more common for specialists to sub-specialise because they get burnt out out. My gastroenterologist has a great rapport with autistic people.
I remember being really burnt out after I finished school, but what made it worse was, okay, I studied hard to get good marks (Years 10, 11 and 12, especially), but once my exams were finished, I had to entertain a pesky little brother who wanted to play backyard cricket all summer and football in winter. So, I didn't really get the chance to rest. In hindsight, I would have liked to have said to my parents, "No, I don't want to go to Surfers Paradise (I didn't, anyway) and drink heavily and do ridiculous things, but what I would love to do is, for Dad, as he has my last Wednesday off work, to tow the caravan (maybe your friends can lend us their camping Porta-Potty) up to Coolum and then I can go up there after I'm dismissed on the Friday and stay for a week or so. My days can be, Wake Up: 9am, have breakfast, listen to some music, 1pm: have lunch, around 4pm: go for a walk, 6pm: have tea, watch some television. 10pm: sleep."
From the ages 12-18 I suffered from extreme autistic burnout where I became agoraphobic. From 19-21 I had good years going to school and learning but now I feel like I’m burning out again and I don’t want to because the course I am doing is something I love but the continuous exhaustion is getting to me and I keep skipping lessons to the point of the university noticing.
i burned out in 2012 and i still haven't recovered. i don't enjoy doing anything but i've had to learn to pretend to in order to keep people in my life.
I wish I could do this.
Thank you,.
I can't do it anymore no matter what I try and fix or put in place
So interesting ...I quite frequently resort to writing 2020 when writing the date on the board such that my students have even called me out on it lol. I always wonder why I do that
Guess 2022 requires just a tad bit more exec functioning on our part 😅
Where is the link to life coaching? Thanks
Dear Paul,
How can I find out what on earth I want to do / be / have? I have no idea whatsoever now I'm much older & my main life hopes have been experienced (few), passed me by, or been given up.
Hope you make a video about discovering motivation.
Thanks for all your work!
You look great!
Hi. Thanks for all your awesome videos. From August last year we are going through diagnosis for my daughter. Meanwhile doing research I realised that I maybe autistic too. This time last year I had what I thought was a breakdown. But upon seeing the symptoms I think it could of possibly of been an Autistic Burnout. I've always struggled with load noises (cat scarer etc). But since last year I can't handle the noise of dog licking, packets been opened, I hear buzzing which I believe is electricity. Is it possible for sensory issues to get worse when had a burnout? It's been a year and still struggling.
Been in burn out for months. Can't even get a single day of rest. 2 kids, work full time, gotta keep up in the house. My partner doesn't help with any household or childbearing because he's at work 60 hours a week. I feel like I have to die to rest
I wish I could take 6 weeks off. As a mother of 2 children, one with autism and nonverbal, I don't get any time off. What would you suggest parents do when burnt out?
You should do a video comparing Autism and Schizotypal behaviours.
But this really resonated with me.
i feel numb.
I just like to notice anything like what I’m learning about schizophrenia and autism linking them together zero anything about bipolar and autism is that even possible like you know I hope you know what I’m trying to say thank you❤
@Tiana Malcom my kids are doing great in school twins 5 years they just both got student of the we moved to a much bigger house they told me they do it every year on their birthday. All the kids get them around their birthday, but they were born on Thanksgiving, so I kind of said something to Keith or like when I was going to do it because this we could be fun, they said will do it for you. We were going to do it next month but we appreciate it because Tom today is my mothers death anniversary. She would’ve been well into her 60s only very young one of my nieces and nephews were so young when she died and we miss her so much it was a party and so we were gonna have a little pay for them to but we pay you all weekend, so hey, this is for my two little boys and everyone’s gonna be happy for them because I didn’t. I was wondering when they were going to do it they said because he transferred we were going to surprise you, but you asked them and I think them so much because I told them I like what you do because all these kids in the classroom and this whole school deserves to win in the month and I appreciate it so much and maybe I’ll find something like a snack to celebrate because they didn’t get to celebrate the birthday railing I’m so proud of my boys 😇😇my 2 little angels
Hi Paul
I have an Asperger’s 13 year old grandson who is struggling with his life and his parents are distraught not knowing how to help him. When on he is funny and quick of mind when burnt out depressed and angry and sleepy by day and online by night. There are no resources that are available here. You have become our lifeline of information through your videos but we need more specific coaching to enable Corin to be his potential and be in control of his life. He made it thru 2 months of school then burnt out. He has been out of school now for 3 months and has had only 1 positive day. I am so worried for him. Can you help us through your life coaching?
Pat