I'm 68 and went dark almost three years ago from my little sister, the gremlin. My life has never been better. Hang in there, Mr. Music. Sympatico there, brother.
I knew i grew up with a narcissists mother. I WAS IN DENIAL about my oldest sister. and the rest of the siblings. She gave me the silent treatment; and for the longest time i was confused. now i know that she lacks empathy, courage, maturity,. i think she is jealous, angry that she cant control anymore. so tried to punish me, and i didnt ran back to please her. DISGUSTING.
Arrogant, entitled, envious, bitter, resentful, competitive, negative, abusive, superiority complex, plays the victim, and needs constant validation and praise. I refuse to deal with these types of behaviors. I recently learned about the “grey rock method.” Works great on narcissist siblings and the like.
This was my older siblings my sister the most ! She’s a narc she was my main abuser all my life . I finally went no contact because she didn’t respect my boundaries. She didn’t care all she wanted was to hurt me it came to the point of being really physical. I’m in peace now it was long dark childhood but I’m in therapy now . My heart ♥️ goes out to those who have narc siblings.
Thank you for sharing Davina. I'm sorry about your experience. It takes a lot of strength to make such a decision to protect yourself! Great you found some peace now and that you're working on yourself. I wish you strength and more kindness in the future!
Especially when you are an innocent and pure soul.. There is a narc thats hell person just.. The only thing you can do is to not play their game and live your life happily no contact whatsoever
Im currently on that situation...Its hard to find peace.For the whole family i am the villain here because im the only one who cannot controlled by her because im the only one who knows about Her identity.Its hard coz we are always arguing and worst im the youngest and shes the eldest...I want to help her change and dont give up on her Even my family Starting to hate me because for them i disrespect her always.
My younger sister is exactly like this. I've struggled with health problems as an adult which has put me in a vulnerable position..she has been very helpful at times, but I have constantly had to endure the covert put-downs, and the result of her jealousy of me, she bad mouths me to her husband, who has been aggressive to me several times despite my physical problems.... this is why he feels he can do it no doubt.... absolute coward. It angers me to a indescribable level this bully brother in law/narcissistic sister combination.... and my mother is just an enabler who says I'm too sensitive. And my father is a textbook narcissist.
My siblings give me the silent treatment when I don’t “act” the way they want. They even get worse when I say I want to heal our family dysfunctional relating. They don’t care
My sister does tbe silent treatment on me, says very rude things to my face and says unkind things too. I always have wanted to be close to and friends with her but realize later this is probably not possible. It seems she wants to be in control and put me down when she can. Such a shame but it really reflects she may have a jealous heart or full of negativity.
All of these describe at least one of my older sisters perfectly. I think she thinks she is superior to me because I'm disabled and she is able bodied. She is really good at getting everyone else to think I'm the bad one and she is great. I find this whole situation very difficult to cope with.
I'm so sorry. I am also disabled and my narc brother uses that against my credibility. In other words, I'm an idiot/disabled with every single thing under the sun; what do I know? I know nothing. I am right about nothing. He also has called me a liar, when I spoke the truth about a situation which exposed a reality that could have gotten him into a lot of hot water, if his JW organization were to find out. So his recourse was to call me a liar; either that or I am so out of my mind that I understood it all wrong! If my other brother didn't believe that, he may have told the organization, which would have triggered a judicial committee for my older brother. The thing is God knows the truth. He thinks he's off the hook. He so is not off the hook, unless he repents before the day of God's wrath, which I pray that he does. Such a sad family dynamic we have. I wish I could help you. I wish I could help me too.
Well, the holidays have a way of forcing the spotlight on narcissists don't they? I have two of them. Yikes! Self-entitled, codependent on each other for their narcissistic supply. I only have myself and my two grown children as family really. It's a lonely feeling but I decided after spending Thanksgiving at my brothers house, with my sister in attendance, I'm not going to do that ever again. It's painful, hurtful and upsetting to me and I don't need them in my life. God bless all of you out there that suffer from this affliction.
Thank you for your comment Karen. I'm sorry about your painful experience. Great that you decided what you want for your own energy and on who you want to focus your love. Wish you strength, kindness and compassion for yourself!
I am truly and deeply sorry. You're doing the very best thing you can do. I'm in a similar boat except that neither of my biological brothers have ever been around for any holidays (and barely anything else either). They opt out of holidays because they are Jehovah's Witnesses; elders in fact, for many years. The reason for the rest of it is disinterest and lack of love. At this point, now that our parents are very up in age, suddenly they come around. I hate to think it's because they're waiting for the ax to fall, but I kind of don't know what else to attribute it to. Not both of my biological brothers are narcissists; only one is. The other brother is a definite co-dependent type who listens, mindlessly, to his narcissistic brother and very controlling wife. Sadly, that one displays, time-and-time again, that he has no mind of his own; no critical thinking skills whatsoever. So I'm alone, and will be even more alone when I lose my parents. My oldest brother believes he is nothing like our dad, who is on the narcissistic spectrum for sure. In a way he's right, but what he doesn't at all realize is why. He's far worse than our dad could ever be. Narcissists have an astonishing lack of awareness.
Holidays are the hardest time for many people, so I’m trying to just enjoy my children and their spouses. As times change we need to understand that things also change. It’s ok though as the good memories can still be tucked away in our hearts. I also think to myself, why would I want to go down that drama filled experience again filled with anxiety and fear. Just love on what you can.
After cutting out all the narc family, and unfortunately having the non-narc family pass away, I spend ever holiday, including Christmas, alone. I am in my 60s now and it was quite an adjustment but thinking back what their behavior was like....it's not all bad being alone.
I thought my mother was an extreme narc...but my golden-child older sister surpassed her. It's like she learned it from our mother, then thought "I can top THAT!" (competitive, of course)
Before I knew what malignant N was, my brother would call me back when it was long distance on landline when he was drinking and drunk talk for hours. If I tried to mention something in my life that was going on, he would abruptly stop me by saying outrightly, "LOOK this call is on MY DIME!" ...that's right about when I suspected there was something very pathological with him.
Yup I try to talk to my mom about my oldest sisters actions towards me she gets up with me when I vent about her actions. Keeping my distance towards toxic people. Thanks ❤️
My mum is the same, denying and gaslighting me so I call her a liar and not to make it a race thing but I'm black like you. Because I go on holiday my mum calls me white .... she respects my narc twin because she's mean, they see goodness as weakness, these people are ill. Leave their space so they can fight each other, they lack a conscious.
Your mom might be doing what my mom does. They gaslight the situation because the truth is too ugly. It's a coping mechanism. I'm so sorry for your pain. I know it only makes things worse. I remember Jesus's words, "Forgive them for they know not what they do." I try to take the high road. I pray for it, that I can love them anyway/look upon them with compassion; keep myself as safe as possible in this dynamic. It's the best thing we can do; keep ourselves from toxic people.
You are incredibly welcome. Thank you for wishing me kindness. I wish you kindness as well. I'm grateful for our encouraging exchange here. :) @@DealWithNarcissist
My little sister and I came from the same snake pit. She aspired to remain a snake, I did not. It took over six decades for me to get a clue. Going dark was hard three years ago, but I can sincerely say that since then, my life has NEVER been better. The gaslights are out for good. Second childhood rocks! Way better toys. Way.
Thank you for sharing! I’m sorry about your experience. Great you created the courage to make this decision for yourself. Wish you strength and more kindness in the future!
I’m an older sibling with a golden child younger sister who verbally tells me our father doesn’t care about me. It was sickening to hear and worse they carry on in front of me proving it. I needed to hear this. My perspective on my own self became warped because of their abuse. I’m so glad I came across this video.
I can relate to your family structure. It's my younger sister (2 yes younger), she is a successful lawyer and thinks she rules the world and answers to no-one.
There's so many videos on YT dealing with the topic of narcissism, but this is one of the best. You get straight to all the points and signs. Thank you.
It finally dawned on me. Just last weekend, I was complimenting my brother about how his two oldest sons got really big (6'4-6'3). And I asked him about if he thinks the youngest will be tallest when he's all grown as he's very young. He replied he doesn't think so and then he flipped on me, denigrating me on how small I was as a kid and that he doesn't understand I don't remember that...I was puzzled. I had to go away and breath, then it clicked. I can see the many times my brother has been a jerk like this. It seems more like narcissitic traits...but I'm starting to think he might be a full blown narcissist. Poor kids...
Usually this means one parent was a narc and one was a co-dependent. As a child of a marriage dynamic like that, we end up either a narc or co-dependent. Co-dependents usually marry narcs. Someday it'll be all over. I can't wait. Hang in there. I'm so very sorry.
Bloody hell. This video hits me right to the core. How true us this. I can tell you one thing it can be very overwhelming as I have witnessed it in 3 generations and the dynamics is beyond the word TOXIC.
I have a narcissistic brother who expects me to walk on egg shells when he comes over. And buy special food for a self diagnosed “allergy” and then criticise the food because it’s not the more expensive one . And use me for my money and name call. As well as physical abuse .kicking me . Pushing me into a wall and pinning me to the wall. Grabbed by the hair . Criticised for winning a competition. And physically abused . The list goes on.
Yes my eldest sister.. She had this thing of going home to my parents when it's my birthday. We stayed in the same city at the time.. She is always complaining and draining others with her life stories... Gossips and evy others. She influences my parents against us... But always a victim. She competes and than say others compete with her. She had me in a rut for quite some time from growing up. She used to buy Us gifts when I was younger. All to manipulate us down the line... She doesn't take responsibility for her part she plays in a relationship. She also feels af fended about everything. She lies too and twist stories.
Did you tell your parents? My sister is the same and I don't know what to do. My dad believes her and therefore misjudges me. No matter what I do for him, she manipulates him so easily. I feel helpless and heartbroken
Describes my sister. Always showing off her clothes, house, car, trips, etc. Constantly compares herself to others or tries to tear down others to boost herself. She also uses money to control people & make herself look better. She loves bragging about how much she helps her family. Gossip is all she wants to talk about but she's very secretive. Also, doesn't like any of her siblings partners. I finally stopped talking to her almost 2 years ago & I am much more calm & less anxious
I want to largely cut off from my sister. As per usual, she keeps the power as much as possible, this time by having children. It has made separating from her more difficult. Her kids are becoming teenagers now. So hopefully I can at last get good distance physically and emotionally from her at last.
My twin sister was a full blown narcissist- she ticked every box - my solution, no contact and it’s been 5 years of a simpler life. For me there is no going back, she tried to make contact through multiple actions directly and indirectly …………. NO CONTACT = Beat outcome for me and my family
Fianlly have validation that my much older brother is a covert narcissist, like my father. He treated me like my father did to my mother. Pity we didn't know all this when we were kids.
My brother always tries to blame me for taking care of my dad with dementia, he never is around, he only comes around when he takes my father out to breakfeast or lunch. but he tries and finds ways to blame me for something. and when i say it isnt a good time to come over he guilt trips me. Thanks
Please help if you can. For years, since I was 18, my older sister has been manipulating, self entitled, irrational, physically and emotionally abusive. Th spotlight always has to be on her, she is dominating. I am a lot older now but I do not contact her and only see her at family things now. When she’s in a good mood, it’s all fun and games and she make everything still about her. When she is not happy or when she doesn’t get a free handout from manipulating my parents (she doesn’t work or has fragmented employment), she sometimes is ‘depressed’ and really put it on well. The most horrible thing about this is that I miss my sister as I know she wasn’t always like this. I haven’t even scratched the surface yet as to what she is like but I don’t see any love in her.
I know how you feel. My sister and mother are both EXTREMELY toxic. No empathy, no warmth, no love, just pure narcissism. They destroyed my life for nearly a year, just having to live in the same trailer as them. As soon as i have enough money, I'm moving out and never looking back. My sister even physically assaulted me and never said sorry. When she talks, it's so damn annoying , it's just stressful and complaining. My sister is a narcissistic, sex addict and my mom is a narcissistic cigarette addict. My father was so addicted to alcohol he died last year.
Find a surrogate sister and drop your own. It's one sided and they rarely if ever change for the positive, all you get is toxic behavior. Cut her off and seek healthy, respectful, encouraging, caring and loving ppl to be in your life, mutually of course. It's sad, but just because they're family, doesn't make them automatically good ppl or get to be harmful in your life. Ask yourself, if this was a friend saying, behaving or doing horrible things, would I hang onto the friendship?...no you wouldn't. Just because they are a family member, they don't automatically and without accountability get to be in your life. This sadly happens in lots of families, you are not alone.
I have an older sister who acts as though she is a celebrity shows off on Facebook traveling and living in Europe but during my mothers illness went behind my back to secure childhood home under the premise she would protect for the family then three years after my mothers passing sold the house basically cutting me out entirely ..only then did it dawn on me even when we were children she would beat up on me verbally and physically especially when my folks left us alone .. I only wanted the best for her but have to draw the line she is a classic malignant narcissist ..
I discovered a little over 2 years ago that one of my brothers has all the described characteristics with the extra bonus behavior of switching between passive aggressive to highly aggressive behavior .. I believe he is a malignant narcissist as I spent 2 years in convid lockdowns with him after a totally unexpected layoff … I escaped as I was at the end of my rope being around him even the greyrocking made it worse as he is quite a bit older than I and no one seems to like him even his adult kids … a month after I moved 4.5 hrs away he “found” his ex girlfriend, who lived a few miles away, dead from a gun shot wound … suicide he says .. a weird aspect was exactly 1 week prior I had a premonition of him calling me to tell me someone had died and amazingly I actually told some friends of mine of the premonition so it wasn’t something I made up in my head .. it’s been rough recovering from it all and going no contact .. I don’t think any of my other siblings are normal as they grew up in the same family dynamic which was a domineering narc mother and enabling father
@@i.ehrenfest349 it is .. trying to wrap my mind around it and understand it has been tricky and has required paid assistance .. BTW .. never had a premonition before like that .. didn’t even believe in them till it happened
My older sister always seeks for attention. She brags if she cleaned the dishes or cooked or paid for something as if someone owes her a medal. I guess now I know she was seeking for approval/appreciation? She would also try to humiliate me. For example, one year her boyfriend broke up with her and we went out with my cousin. As I was talking to some girls at the bar she slapped me in front of everyone for no apparent reason. Her reasoning was that those girls weren’t good for me, so she was trying to protect me. It this why I have a INFJ personality?
My sister has NO empathy toward me. My ex husband warned me, this sister doesn’t love you, you love her but it’s not reciprocated. I’m a licensed nurse, and she attempts to “ teach” me about red blood cell formation, function and counts. She insults the “ evil” medical profession… She’s a chiropractor and works with natural path MDs… My profession combines both but our patients are acute. It enrages me.. She holds a grudge forever. She insulting. She tried to wooo our parents. We talk but there is an emotional wall with no real warmth. I was going to cut her out of the will… She’s never wrong. Never apologizes Ice cold. Something is very very wrong.
This is like my sister... exactly the same. She is younger to me. She is 36 but still my parents lil baby and I, at 40, am still supposed to still help her, listen to her condescending talks etc. I helped her thru college ( dad paid, but I was her constant emotional support). I helped her during her wedding as my parents were old to help out. But, I know deep inside I cannot rely on her for any support. She is rude, condescending and constantly taunts me for being an underachiever. Even when her in laws called me to complain about her, as she was picking fights with them, I blocked her in laws and supported her. I have cut her off. I feel sorry for her in laws they are good people. But for me she is still my family and I will support her, even though I don't talk to her. But she calls me a narcissist!
Thank you so much! I hope I make necessary permanent changes in my life that will undo few of many damages it has caused me,and I hope that those are not irreversible. I want to be a person I otherwise would become without my sibling's presense in my life.
Thank you for your response. I hope you're doing well. Know you can be that person you want to become! Keep going and try to have kindness and patience with yourself in the process :)
I’m a male and had a psychotic narcissistic malignant bully older sister - never do I hear from an expert woman, or read in the comments about this dynamic- it’s always a female victim of a narcissistic brother or sister….
You're not alone ! I suffered my older sisters abuse for many years, im finally breaking free at 28 years old. I wont let my parents convince me to tolerate her abuse any more
Im not female. My narcisstic brother beat me up several times and threated to kill me when i didnt agree with him. He told me to apolgize to him that i made him angry. Putting all blame on me when it was him who were violent and harmful.
I know she is, so no point in listening to this!! I had nine siblings and saw two that attended my adult son's funeral recently. But that narc sister, couldn't care less if I never saw her again!! No love lost. Adiós!!
I have another video going into three options of dealing with a narcissistic sibling that goes into this question. I recommend watching it as it might be helpful to you!
Stop caring and accept it as their loss. Studies show the silent treatment is just as abusive as other types of abuse. It’s cruel but they did you a favor
My older sister has got to be a narc. She spent time telling lies about me,even telling my mother that I was plotting with her gp to put her in a home.No gp would discuss anything anybody without the patients permission,so that’s a lie. She has always been incredibly vain,boasting that the first time she wore hot pants,she got a standing ovation,so what if she did,but everybody else doesn’t boast about ridiculous things like that. I got the blame that she had to be in by ten at night,the fact that she couldn’t be trusted never crossed her mind. She always showed off that she had a nice house when young. Told me that she would never go out with a guy without a car.She was never a student .I was a medical student who along with all my friends were always too poor to have one,but it wasn’t important to us.
My aunt left her sister alone without help for 3 yearsand never told us she had dementia and dhe ever got her in home help. No one wasaloudto help her. The state did nothing, area on aging refusedto help her and follow through.
Can anyone help me understand this❓ 🤔 I asked this question and I am asking again Is NPD an acquired (learned, influenced) or an inborn (inherited) trait❓ Can intercessory prayers be of help ❓❓
Thank you for your question. On my website I wrote an article about whether narcissism is genetic or learned. Possibly you will find this interesting to read. Wish you well!
My sibling needs admiration. And she needs me to play 2nd fiddle in any situation where we are together. My sister is a feminist counselor and I thought she could understand me. But I was dreaming. How could I have thought that as she and my other sibling would bully me when I was young? But my parents always said we must love each other. Well I was the only one believe it. The take home here is that narcissists don’t reform. And covert narcissists are nice to everyone except a chosen few they have targeted for supply.
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Took my 33 years to say STOP. I’ve been no contact for 3 months and my life is blooming.
That takes a lot of courage. Wish you kindness and strength!
me too no contact since Pluto moved into aquarius
I'm 68 and went dark almost three years ago from my little sister, the gremlin. My life has never been better. Hang in there, Mr. Music. Sympatico there, brother.
I knew i grew up with a narcissists mother. I WAS IN DENIAL about my oldest sister. and the rest of the siblings. She gave me the silent treatment; and for the longest time i was confused. now i know that she lacks empathy, courage, maturity,. i think she is jealous, angry that she cant control anymore. so tried to punish me, and i didnt ran back to please her. DISGUSTING.
Dealing with the same issue we are so strong❤😢
Arrogant, entitled, envious, bitter, resentful, competitive, negative, abusive, superiority complex, plays the victim, and needs constant validation and praise. I refuse to deal with these types of behaviors. I recently learned about the “grey rock method.” Works great on narcissist siblings and the like.
Great you found a way that works for you! Wish you strength and kindness
Grey rock did not work. She my sister put me in hospital to her delight. I had to go no contact. Demins
This was my older siblings my sister the most ! She’s a narc she was my main abuser all my life . I finally went no contact because she didn’t respect my boundaries. She didn’t care all she wanted was to hurt me it came to the point of being really physical. I’m in peace now it was long dark childhood but I’m in therapy now . My heart ♥️ goes out to those who have narc siblings.
Thank you for sharing Davina. I'm sorry about your experience. It takes a lot of strength to make such a decision to protect yourself! Great you found some peace now and that you're working on yourself. I wish you strength and more kindness in the future!
@@DealWithNarcissist thank you 🙏🏻. Much in return as well 🙏🏻♥️
Thank you, I have experienced the same all my life here in Denmark, it is all over the World. From kirstine
Especially when you are an innocent and pure soul.. There is a narc thats hell person just.. The only thing you can do is to not play their game and live your life happily no contact whatsoever
Im currently on that situation...Its hard to find peace.For the whole family i am the villain here because im the only one who cannot controlled by her because im the only one who knows about Her identity.Its hard coz we are always arguing and worst im the youngest and shes the eldest...I want to help her change and dont give up on her Even my family Starting to hate me because for them i disrespect her always.
My younger sister is exactly like this. I've struggled with health problems as an adult which has put me in a vulnerable position..she has been very helpful at times, but I have constantly had to endure the covert put-downs, and the result of her jealousy of me, she bad mouths me to her husband, who has been aggressive to me several times despite my physical problems.... this is why he feels he can do it no doubt.... absolute coward. It angers me to a indescribable level this bully brother in law/narcissistic sister combination.... and my mother is just an enabler who says I'm too sensitive. And my father is a textbook narcissist.
I hope you heal and recover fast.Take care
@@L.O-p5r Thanks. I'm trying to learn to not let it affect my peace
I think we have the same sister!
@@Rachel299 Wishing you peace and safety if that is the case.
Exactly my situation 💯
My siblings give me the silent treatment when I don’t “act” the way they want. They even get worse when I say I want to heal our family dysfunctional relating. They don’t care
Sounds just like my siblings!
I'm sorry about your experience Joan. It's very immature and manipulative behaviour. Wish you strength!
Invite me to one of your gatherings. I’ll slap them all for u
My sister does tbe silent treatment on me, says very rude things to my face and says unkind things too. I always have wanted to be close to and friends with her but realize later this is probably not possible. It seems she wants to be in control and put me down when she can. Such a shame but it really reflects she may have a jealous heart or full of negativity.
Same
All of these describe at least one of my older sisters perfectly. I think she thinks she is superior to me because I'm disabled and she is able bodied. She is really good at getting everyone else to think I'm the bad one and she is great. I find this whole situation very difficult to cope with.
I'm sorry about your painful experience Natalie, wish you strength!
I am so sorry to read what ur going thru. I hope ur life gets better.
I'm so sorry. I am also disabled and my narc brother uses that against my credibility. In other words, I'm an idiot/disabled with every single thing under the sun; what do I know? I know nothing. I am right about nothing. He also has called me a liar, when I spoke the truth about a situation which exposed a reality that could have gotten him into a lot of hot water, if his JW organization were to find out. So his recourse was to call me a liar; either that or I am so out of my mind that I understood it all wrong! If my other brother didn't believe that, he may have told the organization, which would have triggered a judicial committee for my older brother. The thing is God knows the truth. He thinks he's off the hook. He so is not off the hook, unless he repents before the day of God's wrath, which I pray that he does. Such a sad family dynamic we have. I wish I could help you. I wish I could help me too.
be strong my sister.
I bet she tells everyone how much she has to help you out.
Well, the holidays have a way of forcing the spotlight on narcissists don't they? I have two of them. Yikes! Self-entitled, codependent on each other for their narcissistic supply. I only have myself and my two grown children as family really. It's a lonely feeling but I decided after spending Thanksgiving at my brothers house, with my sister in attendance, I'm not going to do that ever again. It's painful, hurtful and upsetting to me and I don't need them in my life. God bless all of you out there that suffer from this affliction.
Thank you for your comment Karen. I'm sorry about your painful experience. Great that you decided what you want for your own energy and on who you want to focus your love. Wish you strength, kindness and compassion for yourself!
I am truly and deeply sorry. You're doing the very best thing you can do. I'm in a similar boat except that neither of my biological brothers have ever been around for any holidays (and barely anything else either). They opt out of holidays because they are Jehovah's Witnesses; elders in fact, for many years. The reason for the rest of it is disinterest and lack of love. At this point, now that our parents are very up in age, suddenly they come around. I hate to think it's because they're waiting for the ax to fall, but I kind of don't know what else to attribute it to. Not both of my biological brothers are narcissists; only one is. The other brother is a definite co-dependent type who listens, mindlessly, to his narcissistic brother and very controlling wife. Sadly, that one displays, time-and-time again, that he has no mind of his own; no critical thinking skills whatsoever. So I'm alone, and will be even more alone when I lose my parents. My oldest brother believes he is nothing like our dad, who is on the narcissistic spectrum for sure. In a way he's right, but what he doesn't at all realize is why. He's far worse than our dad could ever be. Narcissists have an astonishing lack of awareness.
Holidays are the hardest time for many people, so I’m trying to just enjoy my children and their spouses. As times change we need to understand that things also change. It’s ok though as the good memories can still be tucked away in our hearts. I also think to myself, why would I want to go down that drama filled experience again filled with anxiety and fear. Just love on what you can.
After cutting out all the narc family, and unfortunately having the non-narc family pass away, I spend ever holiday, including Christmas, alone. I am in my 60s now and it was quite an adjustment but thinking back what their behavior was like....it's not all bad being alone.
I thought my mother was an extreme narc...but my golden-child older sister surpassed her. It's like she learned it from our mother, then thought "I can top THAT!" (competitive, of course)
SAME!!!
Sometimes I wonder are we related, I don't feel related to my sister sometimes or my mother
🎯@@hfrt29
Before I knew what malignant N was, my brother would call me back when it was long distance on landline when he was drinking and drunk talk for hours. If I tried to mention something in my life that was going on, he would abruptly stop me by saying outrightly, "LOOK this call is on MY DIME!"
...that's right about when I suspected there was something very pathological with him.
I'm sorry about that Mary! Wish you strength and kindness!
yes, they don't talk to you. they talk AT you
Yup I try to talk to my mom about my oldest sisters actions towards me she gets up with me when I vent about her actions. Keeping my distance towards toxic people. Thanks ❤️
My mum is the same, denying and gaslighting me so I call her a liar and not to make it a race thing but I'm black like you. Because I go on holiday my mum calls me white .... she respects my narc twin because she's mean, they see goodness as weakness, these people are ill. Leave their space so they can fight each other, they lack a conscious.
Your mom might be doing what my mom does. They gaslight the situation because the truth is too ugly. It's a coping mechanism. I'm so sorry for your pain. I know it only makes things worse. I remember Jesus's words, "Forgive them for they know not what they do." I try to take the high road. I pray for it, that I can love them anyway/look upon them with compassion; keep myself as safe as possible in this dynamic. It's the best thing we can do; keep ourselves from toxic people.
Validation of what's going on, Self worth and Energy-exactly! A turnaround towards life, health and peace. Thank you for the work done so elegantly.
Validating is critical; especially if your family gaslights reality. I'm so so sorry.
Thank you for kind words. Wish you kindness.
You are incredibly welcome. Thank you for wishing me kindness. I wish you kindness as well. I'm grateful for our encouraging exchange here. :) @@DealWithNarcissist
Thank you for this video. It helped to re-focus and get prepared for the holidays. 😢
My little sister and I came from the same snake pit. She aspired to remain a snake, I did not. It took over six decades for me to get a clue. Going dark was hard three years ago, but I can sincerely say that since then, my life has NEVER been better. The gaslights are out for good. Second childhood rocks! Way better toys. Way.
Thank you for sharing! I’m sorry about your experience. Great you created the courage to make this decision for yourself. Wish you strength and more kindness in the future!
@@DealWithNarcissist Yeah, well, you just keep doing what you're doing. Your reach is far, but not weightless. Be well.
I’m an older sibling with a golden child younger sister who verbally tells me our father doesn’t care about me. It was sickening to hear and worse they carry on in front of me proving it. I needed to hear this. My perspective on my own self became warped because of their abuse. I’m so glad I came across this video.
I'm sorry about your experience. It's very brutal. I hope you're doing well and I wish you strength!
Same I’m the scapegoat & younger sibling has always been the golden child
@@nh255 put her in her place
I’m getting there. It’s a slow journey
I can relate to your family structure. It's my younger sister (2 yes younger), she is a successful lawyer and thinks she rules the world and answers to no-one.
There's so many videos on YT dealing with the topic of narcissism, but this is one of the best. You get straight to all the points and signs. Thank you.
Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad it can be helpful!
It finally dawned on me. Just last weekend, I was complimenting my brother about how his two oldest sons got really big (6'4-6'3). And I asked him about if he thinks the youngest will be tallest when he's all grown as he's very young. He replied he doesn't think so and then he flipped on me, denigrating me on how small I was as a kid and that he doesn't understand I don't remember that...I was puzzled. I had to go away and breath, then it clicked. I can see the many times my brother has been a jerk like this.
It seems more like narcissitic traits...but I'm starting to think he might be a full blown narcissist. Poor kids...
Usually this means one parent was a narc and one was a co-dependent. As a child of a marriage dynamic like that, we end up either a narc or co-dependent. Co-dependents usually marry narcs. Someday it'll be all over. I can't wait. Hang in there. I'm so very sorry.
Funny how that happens, isn’t it. You say something nice to them and they immediately come back with something hurtful. Why do they do that?
@@i.ehrenfest349 It's so hard to tell why
Bloody hell. This video hits me right to the core. How true us this. I can tell you one thing it can be very overwhelming as I have witnessed it in 3 generations and the dynamics is beyond the word TOXIC.
I have a narcissistic brother who expects me to walk on egg shells when he comes over. And buy special food for a self diagnosed “allergy” and then criticise the food because it’s not the more expensive one . And use me for my money and name call. As well as physical abuse .kicking me . Pushing me into a wall and pinning me to the wall. Grabbed by the hair . Criticised for winning a competition. And physically abused . The list goes on.
Stay away. So sorry, but you really do need to stay away. Same is true for me with mine.
Yes my eldest sister.. She had this thing of going home to my parents when it's my birthday. We stayed in the same city at the time.. She is always complaining and draining others with her life stories... Gossips and evy others. She influences my parents against us... But always a victim. She competes and than say others compete with her. She had me in a rut for quite some time from growing up. She used to buy Us gifts when I was younger. All to manipulate us down the line... She doesn't take responsibility for her part she plays in a relationship. She also feels af fended about everything. She lies too and twist stories.
I'm sorry about your experience Sharnel. Wish you strength!
Scary how your description fits my sister like a glove.. mind me asking how do you cope with her?
Did you tell your parents? My sister is the same and I don't know what to do. My dad believes her and therefore misjudges me. No matter what I do for him, she manipulates him so easily. I feel helpless and heartbroken
Same!
Describes my sister. Always showing off her clothes, house, car, trips, etc. Constantly compares herself to others or tries to tear down others to boost herself. She also uses money to control people & make herself look better. She loves bragging about how much she helps her family. Gossip is all she wants to talk about but she's very secretive. Also, doesn't like any of her siblings partners. I finally stopped talking to her almost 2 years ago & I am much more calm & less anxious
Wishing you strength always ❤
I want to largely cut off from my sister. As per usual, she keeps the power as much as possible, this time by having children. It has made separating from her more difficult. Her kids are becoming teenagers now. So hopefully I can at last get good distance physically and emotionally from her at last.
O my goodness you just described my sil to a T.....thank you!
That's EXACTLY how my sister acts.
My twin sister was a full blown narcissist- she ticked every box - my solution, no contact and it’s been 5 years of a simpler life. For me there is no going back, she tried to make contact through multiple actions directly and indirectly ………….
NO CONTACT = Beat outcome for me and my family
Fianlly have validation that my much older brother is a covert narcissist, like my father.
He treated me like my father did to my mother. Pity we didn't know all this when we were kids.
Wish you strength and more kindness in the future!
Yeppp 💛💛
ditto
Both, mother and one sister (possibly one other sister) are narcissistic, for sure. I'm trying to pull away slowly.
I am surrounded by such siblings and I'm exactly in a situation predicted by my late mother! Me Vs the rest of the siblings!
I'm sorry about that! Wish you strength and more kindness in the future!
Sounds like you're the scapegoat. So am I. I'm so sorry.
Every time my sister abused me verbally or physically my parents didn't do anything about it
Same!
Thanks for making this video. This is the best video on narcissistic siblings.
My brother always tries to blame me for taking care of my dad with dementia, he never is around, he only comes around when he takes my father out to breakfeast or lunch. but he tries and finds ways to blame me for something. and when i say it isnt a good time to come over he guilt trips me. Thanks
I'm sorry about your experience Marc. I hope you're doing well and wish you strength!
Thank you for this helpful video.
Thank you. I'm glad it could be helpful to you Julie!
Thank you for the validation.
Please help if you can. For years, since I was 18, my older sister has been manipulating, self entitled, irrational, physically and emotionally abusive. Th spotlight always has to be on her, she is dominating. I am a lot older now but I do not contact her and only see her at family things now. When she’s in a good mood, it’s all fun and games and she make everything still about her. When she is not happy or when she doesn’t get a free handout from manipulating my parents (she doesn’t work or has fragmented employment), she sometimes is ‘depressed’ and really put it on well. The most horrible thing about this is that I miss my sister as I know she wasn’t always like this. I haven’t even scratched the surface yet as to what she is like but I don’t see any love in her.
I know how you feel. My sister and mother are both EXTREMELY toxic. No empathy, no warmth, no love, just pure narcissism. They destroyed my life for nearly a year, just having to live in the same trailer as them. As soon as i have enough money, I'm moving out and never looking back. My sister even physically assaulted me and never said sorry. When she talks, it's so damn annoying , it's just stressful and complaining. My sister is a narcissistic, sex addict and my mom is a narcissistic cigarette addict. My father was so addicted to alcohol he died last year.
Find a surrogate sister and drop your own. It's one sided and they rarely if ever change for the positive, all you get is toxic behavior. Cut her off and seek healthy, respectful, encouraging, caring and loving ppl to be in your life, mutually of course. It's sad, but just because they're family, doesn't make them automatically good ppl or get to be harmful in your life. Ask yourself, if this was a friend saying, behaving or doing horrible things, would I hang onto the friendship?...no you wouldn't. Just because they are a family member, they don't automatically and without accountability get to be in your life. This sadly happens in lots of families, you are not alone.
I have an older sister who acts as though she is a celebrity shows off on Facebook traveling and living in Europe but during my mothers illness went behind my back to secure childhood home under the premise she would protect for the family then three years after my mothers passing sold the house basically cutting me out entirely ..only then did it dawn on me even when we were children she would beat up on me verbally and physically especially when my folks left us alone ..
I only wanted the best for her but have to draw the line she is a classic malignant narcissist ..
That's wretched. I'm so very sorry.
Yep my sister
All of them are narcs and socio psychopaths this is a nightmare I still can’t process this situation
Wish you strength and kindness!
I discovered a little over 2 years ago that one of my brothers has all the described characteristics with the extra bonus behavior of switching between passive aggressive to highly aggressive behavior .. I believe he is a malignant narcissist as I spent 2 years in convid lockdowns with him after a totally unexpected layoff … I escaped as I was at the end of my rope being around him even the greyrocking made it worse as he is quite a bit older than I and no one seems to like him even his adult kids … a month after I moved 4.5 hrs away he “found” his ex girlfriend, who lived a few miles away, dead from a gun shot wound … suicide he says .. a weird aspect was exactly 1 week prior I had a premonition of him calling me to tell me someone had died and amazingly I actually told some friends of mine of the premonition so it wasn’t something I made up in my head .. it’s been rough recovering from it all and going no contact .. I don’t think any of my other siblings are normal as they grew up in the same family dynamic which was a domineering narc mother and enabling father
That’’s a creepy story…
@@i.ehrenfest349 it is .. trying to wrap my mind around it and understand it has been tricky and has required paid assistance .. BTW .. never had a premonition before like that .. didn’t even believe in them till it happened
I have a Narcissist siblings I'm so sorry. 😢😢😢😢I feel I'm sensative..
My older sister always seeks for attention. She brags if she cleaned the dishes or cooked or paid for something as if someone owes her a medal. I guess now I know she was seeking for approval/appreciation?
She would also try to humiliate me. For example, one year her boyfriend broke up with her and we went out with my cousin. As I was talking to some girls at the bar she slapped me in front of everyone for no apparent reason. Her reasoning was that those girls weren’t good for me, so she was trying to protect me.
It this why I have a INFJ personality?
Omg same ..my older sister says she wants to protect me and eventually hurts me
My sister has NO empathy toward me.
My ex husband warned me, this sister doesn’t love you, you love her but it’s not reciprocated.
I’m a licensed nurse, and she attempts to “ teach” me about red blood cell formation, function and counts.
She insults the “ evil” medical profession…
She’s a chiropractor and works with natural path MDs…
My profession combines both but our patients are acute.
It enrages me..
She holds a grudge forever.
She insulting.
She tried to wooo our parents.
We talk but there is an emotional wall with no real warmth.
I was going to cut her out of the will…
She’s never wrong.
Never apologizes
Ice cold.
Something is very very wrong.
This is like my sister... exactly the same. She is younger to me. She is 36 but still my parents lil baby and I, at 40, am still supposed to still help her, listen to her condescending talks etc. I helped her thru college ( dad paid, but I was her constant emotional support). I helped her during her wedding as my parents were old to help out. But, I know deep inside I cannot rely on her for any support. She is rude, condescending and constantly taunts me for being an underachiever.
Even when her in laws called me to complain about her, as she was picking fights with them, I blocked her in laws and supported her.
I have cut her off. I feel sorry for her in laws they are good people. But for me she is still my family and I will support her, even though I don't talk to her.
But she calls me a narcissist!
Thank you so much! I hope I make necessary permanent changes in my life that will undo few of many damages it has caused me,and I hope that those are not irreversible. I want to be a person I otherwise would become without my sibling's presense in my life.
Thank you for your response. I hope you're doing well. Know you can be that person you want to become! Keep going and try to have kindness and patience with yourself in the process :)
I got many narcissist in my family think i know which one i wouldn't tell them anything
I’m a male and had a psychotic narcissistic malignant bully older sister - never do I hear from an expert woman, or read in the comments about this dynamic- it’s always a female victim of a narcissistic brother or sister….
You're not alone ! I suffered my older sisters abuse for many years, im finally breaking free at 28 years old. I wont let my parents convince me to tolerate her abuse any more
Im not female. My narcisstic brother beat me up several times and threated to kill me when i didnt agree with him. He told me to apolgize to him that i made him angry. Putting all blame on me when it was him who were violent and harmful.
My son is in your exact situation.
Yes my husband's sister...all of those things on the list! It's difficult because their Mum thinks she's wonderful but she really isn't....
Thanks for this video. It’s very helpful.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Thank you for your kind words. I’m thankful it can be helpful to you! Wish you strength and kindness.
I am afraid I come from a narc family dinamic and my inlaws now are too😩
Same Sharnel
I know she is, so no point in listening to this!! I had nine siblings and saw two that attended my adult son's funeral recently. But that narc sister, couldn't care less if I never saw her again!! No love lost. Adiós!!
I’m sorry for your loss. It’s a good thing you already know this for yourself. Wish you strength and kindness!
How do you deal with a narcissistic sibling who is giving you the silent treatment, since you can't do the zero contact?
I have another video going into three options of dealing with a narcissistic sibling that goes into this question. I recommend watching it as it might be helpful to you!
Stop caring and accept it as their loss. Studies show the silent treatment is just as abusive as other types of abuse. It’s cruel but they did you a favor
Am going through the same, am staying in her house, I just feel like moving out to the streets and be free
A cold shoulder, and curt one word responses to questions works OK 😊
Give it back....they hate being ignored
My older sister has got to be a narc. She spent time telling lies about me,even telling my mother that I was plotting with her gp to put her in a home.No gp would discuss anything anybody without the patients permission,so that’s a lie.
She has always been incredibly vain,boasting that the first time she wore hot pants,she got a standing ovation,so what if she did,but everybody else doesn’t boast about ridiculous things like that.
I got the blame that she had to be in by ten at night,the fact that she couldn’t be trusted never crossed her mind.
She always showed off that she had a nice house when young.
Told me that she would never go out with a guy without a car.She was never a student .I was a medical student who along with all my friends were always too poor to have one,but it wasn’t important to us.
Thank you for sharing. Wish you strength and more kindness in the future!
I have both a regular one sister and a covert mother!!!!!
I'm sorry about that Michelle. Wish you strength!
Arrogant thats the word!
I'm so so hurt god i need Strength 😭😭😭😭😭💪
I'm sorry about your experience Isubl. Wish you strength and more kindness in the future!
My family 1000000 percent thank u
Wish you strength and kindness Lisa!
Now My elder Brother is Actually a Narcissist.
Mine too
Bingo!!! Thank you!✌
Thank you.
Excellent
My aunt left her sister alone without help for 3 yearsand never told us she had dementia and dhe ever got her in home help. No one wasaloudto help her. The state did nothing, area on aging refusedto help her and follow through.
Should have mentioned the Narc Rage component
Thank you for your addition Steve
Can anyone help me understand this❓
🤔 I asked this question and I am asking again
Is NPD an acquired (learned, influenced) or an inborn (inherited) trait❓ Can intercessory prayers be of help ❓❓
Thank you for your question. On my website I wrote an article about whether narcissism is genetic or learned. Possibly you will find this interesting to read. Wish you well!
Your content is fabulous, but you need to set your sound levels higher.
Thank you for your kind words Robert! I’m glad it might be helpful. And thank you for bringing that to my attention for new videos! 🙏
This is my husband's Siblings 👌 No contact with them Now its been 2 yrs
Thank you sir!
My sibling needs admiration. And she needs me to play 2nd fiddle in any situation where we are together. My sister is a feminist counselor and I thought she could understand me. But I was dreaming. How could I have thought that as she and my other sibling would bully me when I was young? But my parents always said we must love each other. Well I was the only one believe it.
The take home here is that narcissists don’t reform. And covert narcissists are nice to everyone except a chosen few they have targeted for supply.
Thank you for sharing Cynthia. I'm sorry about your experience. I hope you're doing well. Wish you strength and more kindness in the future!
Just need a clinical diagnosis for her now 👍
Wow!! ThanKu
Thank you :)
My father is malignant narc.mother is covert narc.i m scapegoat.my siblings are flying monkeys against me..god rescue me please😊
😮😮😮so sad
No narcissist will rewrite my real memories. Nice try.
I was dying… my narcissistic sister said “ a lot of people are going to die.” 😳