the "sharks". i have to laugh because it was a great description on how they catch their prey. i pass along your information to people in need. i enjoy learning from you because my mother was a covert N, may she rest in peace. but she left a legacy of narcissism with 5 children. i'm so grateful to be learning and growing through your information & i can't even explain how much it helps me keep my sanity!
Based on my experiences, I'm always the one that listens nonstop while the other person talks incessantly. Then I realize after they walk away, they haven't even asked me anything about how I am or anything in my life. It's exhausting...I'm definitely interested in being by quality and authentic people nowadays. Quality over quantity!!!
Oh yeah that is very common. Some people do that and tbh I used to do that as well. It's not you, it's them and their mindset. They might want to be listened to so they blurt out their stories.. but never return the favour. And then wonder why I'm refusing to continue doing so.. quite obviously because this interaction doesn't give me anything back.
The sad fact of the matter is that we all want to be heard, to have our story told; it is an acknowledgement and validation of our existence. One thing that people who are considered "charming," "magnetic," etc. have in common is that they listen to what others are saying, and are, or at least appear to be, interested in what you have to say. I guess it goes back to childhood, but then what does not? Two examples: However you feel about Bill Clinton, most people will admit he had "charm;" during his first bid for the Presidency, there was a televised debate between Bush, Sr. and Clinton. Instead of standing at podiums, the candidates were perched on tall stools ( I guess for the folksy effect); through the whole debate, Bush, Sr. Was rooted to his stool, but Clinton got up to move closer to the audience. This was the debate where " I feel your pain..." came from; it was probably the pivotal moment where he won. He sent the subtle message that he cared and was listening to the people. I say this not because I am partisan (I loathe almost all politicians), but to prove my point. My second example is also of questionable virtue, namely, the great courtesans throughout history, from ancient Greece up until the beginning of the 20th century, ; perhaps they still exist but do not have the fame and notoriety of the past (some same the Gabors sisters were the last of the great courtesans). These women were not common prostitues; they were intelligent, witty, even learned; they had many admirers, but, in reality, relatively few lovers. If you look at pictures taken in the later 1800's, these women were not "tore up ugly," but many were not all that attractive. So why did they enjoy the success they achieved? Charm, and making whoever they focused it on feel as if they were the sole center of attention. In a "perfect world," we would all share the attention. But, well it's not a perfect world. Now, I'm not suggesting you run for office, or become one of "the grand horizontals" as one writer called courtesans, but to keep in mind their secret. Yes, there are times when you have a definite right to have your turn, but for the other times, well, as Vita, duchess de Boheme once said, "Charm is a way of getting what you want, without being an absolute swine about it." The hard part is to not be, or appear to be, fake, in your attention.
I have a friend like that. She’s super nice and welcoming in other ways and seems to have a lot of friends but whenever we used to get together, I could barely get a word in edgewise. She’d immediately launch into her problems or whatever was going on in her life (mostly with her kids). It just sucks because I like to talk to and it definitely humbled me. I pretty much have to jockey to get a word in around her. It sucks because I really like her otherwise.
Summary : 1 be comfortable with yourself 2 don't avoid eye contact and smile ☺ 3 don't look for differences rather point out the similarities 4 don't be fake and fony and present yourself as perfect 5 don't talk about yourself the whole daam time Bonus. If you think about something positive about the other just point it out and tell him or her Extra... Watch the damn video
What if you don't need people to like you.......you've become more and more conscious and authentic, happy with yourself and don't care if people like you or not? That could be very freeing. Sometimes, the more you recover you true self, the less people there are to relate to. Also, likeable can be in the eye of the beholder.
Totally true Dianne! As social beings we are hard wired for connection so we do need close, trusting relationships in our lives, but we don't need many. Quality over quantity ;-)
Eye contact is a huge thing for me - I've always taught my kids & other young people how crucial this is. However, I observe ppl avoiding eye contact all the time & it drives me crazy!! It is amazing to me how many common-sense good social interaction behaviors I've forgotten due to my immersion into social media
I noticed a lot of people are texting all the time. When people do this during a conversation, I politely excuse myself. They walk around holding their phones. I decided I don’t need to have my phone out or even on when I’m out and about. Love talking to people, smiling and looking them in the eyes.
You have to smile alot. And I'm too sick to smile! My ex smiled alot. He captivated everyone. Little did they know he was robbing them blind and a SOCIOPATH!
Im a counselor too. Wanted to say recently found you and i appreciate your passion. Thank you for spreading positive messages and promoting authenticity, being real, love it!
This makes so much sense! I noticed that some people really like me and others really hate my guts for some reason haha. It's normal I guess but looking back the situations when I feel disconnected is usually when I put on the perfect mask. It's probably a control issue so I can control how certain people perceive me which I learnt should be non of my business. So this really put things in perspective for me. When people like me is almost always when I'm goofy and don't care about how I'm perceived. Thx for the awesome video. You are defiantly likable :D
@@misha2197 It's possible your surrounded by assholes and bullies. Try meeting new people if not then your not actually treating them the way you would want to be treated in every way even if you don't know it.
@@misha2197 That's because it's a lie. You don't become likeable by treating others like you want to be treated. You become likeable by learning how to treat others like *they* want to be treated. Treating others how they want you to treat them might be contrary to your own core values however, so always question whether you really want to be liked by someone, before adapting your social interactions to them. That being said, by treating someone like you want to be treated, you will most likely attract like-minded people, which is makes the relationship with them far easier to maintain, instead of each party having to compromise or adapt to the other's preferences.
I have just recently found you online after another short bout of winter blues here in West Wales UK. I have been listening intently to what you have to say. I don't know what to say online and feel I should keep it simple .......I have been through alot in my life and am an ongoing work in progress recovered from addiction & childhood trauma....many years in AA/counselling... your wonderful clear insights into feeling better with myself make so much sense and your so very clear.......thank you for putting all your work online for us to easily access in time of need.......there is so much misguided guidance out there your work has a quality and honesty I feel strongly drawn to............what a wonderful human being you are.........Marc....UK.
I find you to be delightfully animated, dramatic, and well spoken My background is similar ... you however are adorable My thoughts are it would be great if you had your own tv show I would vote 4 ya Be well Be free Ki
I also have another personality where person can talk non stop about themselves. One in particular will talk for 3 hours through all of dinner. It is all about her. If you pinch in with any thoughts her method is to contradict you right away or not have any eye contact when you speak. Giving zero acknowledgement that you were heard. Then awkward silence and back to them. I have wondered if I am too sensitive to not like this. No, I am not. This person also makes it a point to undermine anything good about your life to the point that you don’t want to share. But will talk about themselves and get my support.
Have you ever pointed this out to them, and then told them that the conversation feels one sided and let them know you'd like them to ask you questions and show interest in you too?
Julia Kristina Counselling Julia Kristina Counselling I think that a person who is so self absorbed will have a very hard time understanding and will stir drama. A few years back I tried to approach and have an open communication with an individual with similar behavior and it was not worth the approach. I think less time and attention is best. I am not here to teach people basic communication. Not everyone is capable of connecting and those who are capable will be connecting most of the time without you trying to teach them anything. No one is perfect but if every dinner conversation is self absorbed then I don’t think it is up to me to fix that. It is up to her to grow up.
I've been working on finding something interesting about every person I meet and instead of asking boring questions like "what do you do" ask things like, "what are you most excited about right now" Great video, Julia! Thanks for sharing!
Go beyond treating people the way you want to be treated: treat them how they want to be treated -- this takes more time. The Golden Rule is a good start though. I nicked that from Esther Perel, whom I also adore.
Oh, so true! Because what makes us feel good isn't always the same as what makes someone else feels good - that is the true meaning of emotional intimacy - when we take the time to pay attention to how THEY feel most loved and are intentional about doing that.
Your teachings are so PRACTICAL. Easy to understand and implement in one's life. You have my sincerest gratitude for volunteering your time and skills to all us viewers. P.S. I am a horsewoman. Have been for 40+ years. My ears really perked up when you brought horses into your example giving.
Oh so great Lisa! So glad it connected with you. I do love horses when my feet are on the ground, but am always a little nervous getting on them after being bucked off at such a young age.
Some people (like myself) hate talking about themselves because they are very negative. We try to feed off of other peoples positivity because we are unhappy with ourselves or life and want to find something or someone to bring the joy out of life
Be yourself. Don't try to be cool. Be genuine not fake. Smile. Make eye contact. Pay attention. Find things common. E.g. you have kids? Me too. We don't connect to perfect but real. Stop pretending to be perfect. Don't share too many things first time. Be genuinely interested in others. Tell the positive thing about the person.
Eye contact and physical touch is really hard for us Aspies! Just feels very overwhelming and intense. I will avoid being different up front in the future. 🙏🏻 so much!
People typically love hearing compliments about their smile and their laugh, not always the case but I've noticed most people respond well to compliments about their smile & laughter.
I feel like I have some people in my life who constantly look to find differences. To which I responded that it does not feel connecting to constantly be told opposite. One of these individuals I felt comfortable approaching and she said she thinks it is weird that I feel this way and it just means I can’t accept another persons opinion. After a few attempts of trying to get this individual to see what I meant I simply made it a goal to just give them the opposite opinion of theirs. My mind set changed from goal to connect to goal to contradict (about same amount as they do to me). This individual did not like it at all and asked me why would I do that ? I told them they simply can’t accept another persons opinions. Because that is what they said to me. I think this person maybe half understood. This person somehow thought only they are able to have opposite opinions.
5 ปีที่แล้ว +1
"I AM LIKEABLE..I JUST DON'T TOLERATE DISRESPECT,BULLSHIT,AND DON'T KISS ASS"100%100%100%
One thing is to speak up openly and honestly about what it is you like, I absolutely love and adore how Julia Kristina Counseling TH-cam channel is my better half of sanity and the my opposite to the dark side of my moon 🌚🌝 I wonder what her favorite thing about getting a master's degree was and what was the hardest thing she got over? I am furthering my education as well and wonder what the "struggles"are, mine is finding a way to enjoy work and work at enjoying.
Love the videos. I'm a retired nurse with a masters degree. I volunteer in south lake tahoe, CA. I love the coaching & it does fall along the lines of mindfulness. Your energy is magnetic & the world would be a better place if we could all apply these concepts. I used to be more emotional & I am much more controlled since I became mindfulness certified in June. The other day I was triggered volunteering & realized I need some coaching. So, I'm ready to take on one of the hardest tasks & personalities I have ever come across. Thank You Julie Kristina for making the world a more just one.
1 - be comfortable and be yourself - impossible when I have ADHD and Autism, I don't even really know who myself is. 2 - don't avoid eye contact and smile - HAHAHAHA xD Again Autism and ADHD (we can't make a lot of eye contact it's very uncomfortable). 3 - point out the things that are the same - I probably lack the social skills to notice this. *shrug* 4 - don't be fake or present yourself as perfect - My anxiety makes me do this. And Autism, and lots of things. I don't know how to act around people. 5 - don't talk about yourself for the whole time and pay attention to them - well ADHD makes it super hard to pay attention to anything, like to the point of impossibility. It also makes you need to interrupt because impulsivity and not remembering what you're gonna say otherwise. Hmmm... I guess I'm doomed to have no friends forever even though I'm a loving caring and loyal person lol. Is there an Autism and ADHD friendly version of this video somewhere?
Today was the connection thing and I've never been able to connect as a teenager I was very disconnected and didn't connect now they're talkin about connect I liked your connection and this will be a new adventure adventure butt trial and error I love your teachings you're very upbeat and sweet your mind me and my sister-in-law Julia
Thanks Julia for the insights... some of them might feel obvious but when you think about them they are really really true. Thanks for reminding us and help us be more socially intelligent.
I think it would be a combination of finding similarities and not being fake or trying to present yourself as perfect, but really likeable people listen to when talk to them about something you are interested in and it may not be their cup of tea. They will at the very least listen and ask questions. Some people I have met along the way that others have considered likeable would call other people's interests stupid, retarded, waste of time, etc. Many of us confuse being cool and trendy with being likeable Great subject Julia!
1 be comfortable with yourself 2 don't avoid eye contact and smile ☺ 3 don't look for differences rather point out the similarities 4 don't be fake and fony and present yourself as perfect 5 don't talk about yourself the whole daam time Bonus. If you think about something positive about the other just point it out and tell him or her
I kinda just became deeply afraid of being abandoned, so I'm terrified of screwing things up with someone in general so I stopped being a smartass cause people clearly don't like that. I've changed positively a lot since developing this fear, so I know that not being a smartass is just helpful to make someone like you in general now. So I know wouldn't be that way even if wasn't still afraid. I'm also less afraid now cause I have hope.
@@juliakristinamahI normally wouldn't say anything, but your one of those rare people I feel like I can trust. Even if it took a lot of videos before I did.
I smile a lot naturally and think I have an advantage on that. And yeah, I don't really like being around people who frowns and just have no interest in me
Great Content Thank You Julia Eye, smile Don't play it cool, be themselves. Dun look for diff. Things in common. genuine. Say vuln. Let them talk. Ask q. Say what u like ABT the person.
Regarding the third point, you can disagree but validate the other person's view rather than shut it down and say you take on it is different. Make it win win.
I need to talk less and listen more. I’ve found that paying attention and listening to others really helps build relationships. I found a couple of coupons for specific items my coworkers both like. They loved it when I gave them these coupons. It showed I was really listening.
In my opinion no one is friends with anyone. There are only people who want something from others or get something from others. When people get something from each other mutually (both are getting something they want from the other) they are called "friends" but its not about the other person. Its about the personal utility each person gets from the other. If one person ceases to gain something from a friend the friendship dissolves very quickly.
I don't use my phone at all when I'm with people on a table. Didn't make me more likeable, the persons in front of me were all on their phone in a point. Probably talking to each other....cuz I'm depressed and boring. :/ But not being likeable is ok to me, I am not emotionally available for anyone anymore. Also, I'm single and uninterested by people with kids and perfect lives. But I used to be a likeable person and your video is good.
Also never judge their flaws and accept them for who they are. I checked all of it ✅ I'm a likable person ppl like me instantly I have that gift 🎁 and I love it
I love all your sharing Julia, it's so practical and they are all simple truth, but no one told me all these before and I kept wondering why I can't get along with people, it's so good you are sharing it to people who are in need, thank you 💙
Hi Julia, I really appreciate your insights, thank you! I have something to add to your list :) I'm a pretty analytical, critical person (professional problem solver, and it is my nature). I need to remind myself to keep the negative, critical observations to a minimum; at least to soften my delivery (though there would be conversations where this isn't appropriate). The "observer" in me has registered how this side of me can put others off.
...and I'm not talking negative observations about the person/people I'm with (that's clearly dangerous ground), I'm talking negative observations about anything. It's curious (from one angle) how human nature is comfortable around positive energy and uncomfortable around negative energy.
Wonderful advise ! I really enjoyed more than I thought! Thanks Please can You make a video, How to respond or not respond to rude people(bullying) for teens ? Thanks
I liked this video, I am have always had this thing were when I see something I like about someone I always tell them, I love to give genuine complements to people. They are always genuine though I'm not a fake kind of person at all. I just feel that it's a good thing to do. Give someone a smile and say something you mean to them. It's hard to connect with people these days.
I'm drawn to people that are not like me because I learn the most from those people. What am I learning if I'm around someone just like me? I think it's because I see so many different types of people at my job every day from all over the world of all ethnicities and walks of life. People are so interesting ...I feel bad for the ones that can't relate so they don't bother to relate to others.
There is a battle between lies and misconceptions against truth and sincerity, so no matter how much comfortable we are with our positions about life and centered we get on ourselves, the world and space needs to go deep into the search for authentic truth and sharing it when it is opportune and helpful, and actually there is need to prove the knowledge from time to time though not always it is a good time or the right place. EK
I'm very excited about finding your videos!! I'm kinda one of those little bit strange/authentic/ your own person type of people, but I really want to share more of those positives that you talked about. It's important for people to see that others are paying attention (in a good way). 😁
Really excellent tips to build up a friendship with. I'm going to seek out the common more and seek out something I'm genuinely interested in to compliment that stands out as something I appreciate. Thank you and I'll check out the 5 points to take it to the next level :)
I'm going to my little card shop job and point out the thing I like and or appreciate about each co-worker. I think a have done that before actually.... my problem is I struggle to know if I'm liked.... I see I can do this. I can let the other guy have the incorrect view and possible take their view and investigate it.
Its easy to say, yes I know that however so difficult to apply that in life. Thanks for reminding to smile genuinely and appreciate someone with authentic complements.Thats my takeaway from this. Loved your style of connecting ... Effortless but in-depth...I would like to learn that😀😀😀😀 why didn't I come accross your vid before? Subscribed💓💓💓💓💓
I like your teachings. I'm just beginning to study psychology on my own. Very useful stuff. Since we see in color I'd hope you would film in color in the future. I like your bland background it focuses my attention on your teachings. Great job. Love your spunky personality! The black and white format is the only turn off. Keep up the great work. From USA with love Jm
OMG I began watching your videos several at a time usually, LOL. I just discovered you maybe three months ago and I wasn't looking to improve myself to be honest I was looking because I have a cousin and my other cousin her sister is always telling me how passive aggressive she is and I never had any idea any inkling of an idea as to what that meant I was kind of just floating around checking you know and I got sucked in because you're amazing OMG now here's the truth if the truth be known every one of the videos I've seen in Ways that just surprised the hell out of me! Much to my surprise and often to my chagrin LOL kind of visiting how to recognize... what I do... And maybe some possible reasons why I do it...(do what I do I mean)... And then of course well I don't know of course that for me of course I want to make changes I want to make improvements I want to be a good person for the sole reason of being a good person I want to realize and recognize when it's not serving me now that's a hard concept for me because I am a yes person a people pleaser I am also passive aggressive and had no idea until I listened to your video about the different types of passive aggressive people SMH got to be real though right? And that's why I'm here and why I try not to come in on every one of your videos because they all have something for me to want to say LOL you're amazing I appreciate what you do and I just want to say props to you and thank you thank you thank you your approaches perfect your words are perfect your ability to connect come across down to what you were is all pretty much perfect but it doesn't look like it is rehearsed it looks like it has been a work-in-progress building on the good qualities that you already had... I just want to say that's honest Ernest, heartfelt and I appreciate you thank you again
So 2:41 how do you develop a high level of comfortableness with yourself. If you aren't, you can't fake it!! It comes through. You don't see yourself the way other people do so you can't mask it. Points 2 through 5 all relate back to point 1.
Hi Julia, I'm new to your channel but I am loving it so far. Just wanted to mention that in one of your videos I commented for the first time but I think I called you Kristina instead of Julia. Sorry about my mix up. But I really love both your names and together it has a great ring to it. Thanks for what you do.
![[TH] 2024 PMSL SEA Finals D2 | Fall | ต้องรักษาฟอร์ม อย่ายอมให้ใครแซง](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/x38QsGn7A3M/mqdefault.jpg)
Which one are you going to be more intentional about?
Julia Kristina Counselling Presenting myself as who I am with a big smile!
@@parisb2982 Yassss!! Love it.
Being confortable with my self and more confident , thanks for this great video Julia
@@aidouninadiro6492 Love that! You are ENOUGH just as you are aidouni nadiro! And don't you forget it.
the "sharks". i have to laugh because it was a great description on how they catch their prey. i pass along your information to people in need. i enjoy learning from you because my mother was a covert N, may she rest in peace. but she left a legacy of narcissism with 5 children. i'm so grateful to be learning and growing through your information & i can't even explain how much it helps me keep my sanity!
Based on my experiences, I'm always the one that listens nonstop while the other person talks incessantly. Then I realize after they walk away, they haven't even asked me anything about how I am or anything in my life. It's exhausting...I'm definitely interested in being by quality and authentic people nowadays. Quality over quantity!!!
Oh yeah that is very common. Some people do that and tbh I used to do that as well. It's not you, it's them and their mindset. They might want to be listened to so they blurt out their stories.. but never return the favour. And then wonder why I'm refusing to continue doing so.. quite obviously because this interaction doesn't give me anything back.
The sad fact of the matter is that we all want to be heard, to have our story told; it is an acknowledgement and validation of our existence. One thing that people who are considered "charming," "magnetic," etc. have in common is that they listen to what others are saying, and are, or at least appear to be, interested in what you have to say. I guess it goes back to childhood, but then what does not? Two examples: However you feel about Bill Clinton, most people will admit he had "charm;" during his first bid for the Presidency, there was a televised debate between Bush, Sr. and Clinton. Instead of standing at podiums, the candidates were perched on tall stools ( I guess for the folksy effect); through the whole debate, Bush, Sr. Was rooted to his stool, but Clinton got up to move closer to the audience. This was the debate where " I feel your pain..." came from; it was probably the pivotal moment where he won. He sent the subtle message that he cared and was listening to the people. I say this not because I am partisan (I loathe almost all politicians), but to prove my point. My second example is also of questionable virtue, namely, the great courtesans throughout history, from ancient Greece up until the beginning of the 20th century, ; perhaps they still exist but do not have the fame and notoriety of the past (some same the Gabors sisters were the last of the great courtesans). These women were not common prostitues; they were intelligent, witty, even learned; they had many admirers, but, in reality, relatively few lovers. If you look at pictures taken in the later 1800's, these women were not "tore up ugly," but many were not all that attractive. So why did they enjoy the success they achieved? Charm, and making whoever they focused it on feel as if they were the sole center of attention. In a "perfect world," we would all share the attention. But, well it's not a perfect world. Now, I'm not suggesting you run for office, or become one of "the grand horizontals" as one writer called courtesans, but to keep in mind their secret. Yes, there are times when you have a definite right to have your turn, but for the other times, well, as Vita, duchess de Boheme once said, "Charm is a way of getting what you want, without being an absolute swine about it." The hard part is to not be, or appear to be, fake, in your attention.
I have a friend like that. She’s super nice and welcoming in other ways and seems to have a lot of friends but whenever we used to get together, I could barely get a word in edgewise. She’d immediately launch into her problems or whatever was going on in her life (mostly with her kids). It just sucks because I like to talk to and it definitely humbled me. I pretty much have to jockey to get a word in around her. It sucks because I really like her otherwise.
Summary :
1 be comfortable with yourself
2 don't avoid eye contact and smile ☺
3 don't look for differences rather point out the similarities
4 don't be fake and fony and present yourself as perfect
5 don't talk about yourself the whole daam time
Bonus. If you think about something positive about the other just point it out and tell him or her
Extra... Watch the damn video
Haha - LOVE the extra!! And thanks for this.
Number 4 is ambiguous sounding...don't seek approval so this doesn't apply to me..
lol..extra, lolol
What if you don't need people to like you.......you've become more and more conscious and authentic, happy with yourself and don't care if people like you or not? That could be very freeing. Sometimes, the more you recover you true self, the less people there are to relate to. Also, likeable can be in the eye of the beholder.
Totally true Dianne! As social beings we are hard wired for connection so we do need close, trusting relationships in our lives, but we don't need many. Quality over quantity ;-)
Magic right here 😀 La la love this comment
I know you are likeable. You have such a beautiful, sweet spirit.
You are so kind! As I'm sure is the same for you.
...I wish I had that
Ps. The classic black and white is,so refreshing and classic and classy and the perfect fit 4 u!
You are rock in it
Thank you! So kind of you.
Eye contact is a huge thing for me - I've always taught my kids & other young people how crucial this is. However, I observe ppl avoiding eye contact all the time & it drives me crazy!! It is amazing to me how many common-sense good social interaction behaviors I've forgotten due to my immersion into social media
I agree and for some reason people think it's creepy
Some people avoid eye contact because they're shy. The worst thing you can do is make a shy person feel bad about being shy.
Sometimes that can stem from anxiety or autism. They want to make eye contact but find it extremely overwhelming.
I noticed a lot of people are texting all the time. When people do this during a conversation, I politely excuse myself. They walk around holding their phones. I decided I don’t need to have my phone out or even on when I’m out and about. Love talking to people, smiling and looking them in the eyes.
Reciprocity is awesome. The art of conversation is important.
You have to smile alot. And I'm too sick to smile!
My ex smiled alot. He captivated everyone. Little did they know he was robbing them blind and a SOCIOPATH!
Oh wow, that's crazy!
I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
Sorry to hear that you went through that. He sounds like a typical narcissist. Was he?
Im a counselor too. Wanted to say recently found you and i appreciate your passion. Thank you for spreading positive messages and promoting authenticity, being real, love it!
This makes so much sense! I noticed that some people really like me and others really hate my guts for some reason haha. It's normal I guess but looking back the situations when I feel disconnected is usually when I put on the perfect mask. It's probably a control issue so I can control how certain people perceive me which I learnt should be non of my business. So this really put things in perspective for me. When people like me is almost always when I'm goofy and don't care about how I'm perceived. Thx for the awesome video. You are defiantly likable :D
So glad it connected! And, yeah, we are much more likeable when we are showing up as our true, relaxed selves.
The easiest way to become likable is to treat others the way you want to be treated.
Amen!
@@juliakristinamah Yeah this checks out with the rules I like being smiled at, and paid attention too.
I've done that and it doesn't work.
@@misha2197 It's possible your surrounded by assholes and bullies. Try meeting new people if not then your not actually treating them the way you would want to be treated in every way even if you don't know it.
@@misha2197 That's because it's a lie.
You don't become likeable by treating others like you want to be treated.
You become likeable by learning how to treat others like *they* want to be treated.
Treating others how they want you to treat them might be contrary to your own core values however, so always question whether you really want to be liked by someone, before adapting your social interactions to them.
That being said, by treating someone like you want to be treated, you will most likely attract like-minded people, which is makes the relationship with them far easier to maintain, instead of each party having to compromise or adapt to the other's preferences.
I have just recently found you online after another short bout of winter blues here in West Wales UK. I have been listening intently to what you have to say. I don't know what to say online and feel I should keep it simple .......I have been through alot in my life and am an ongoing work in progress recovered from addiction & childhood trauma....many years in AA/counselling... your wonderful clear insights into feeling better with myself make so much sense and your so very clear.......thank you for putting all your work online for us to easily access in time of need.......there is so much misguided guidance out there your work has a quality and honesty I feel strongly drawn to............what a wonderful human being you are.........Marc....UK.
I find you to be delightfully animated, dramatic, and well spoken
My background is similar ... you however are adorable
My thoughts are it would be great if you had your own tv show
I would vote 4 ya
Be well
Be free
Ki
You are about the kindest! Thanks ki daniels - I appreciate you.
I also have another personality where person can talk non stop about themselves. One in particular will talk for 3 hours through all of dinner. It is all about her. If you pinch in with any thoughts her method is to contradict you right away or not have any eye contact when you speak. Giving zero acknowledgement that you were heard. Then awkward silence and back to them. I have wondered if I am too sensitive to not like this. No, I am not. This person also makes it a point to undermine anything good about your life to the point that you don’t want to share. But will talk about themselves and get my support.
I'd be inclined to have a less is best approach to that individual. Those people are toxic to anyone trying to be the best they can be
Have you ever pointed this out to them, and then told them that the conversation feels one sided and let them know you'd like them to ask you questions and show interest in you too?
Julia Kristina Counselling
Julia Kristina Counselling
I think that a person who is so self absorbed will have a very hard time understanding and will stir drama. A few years back I tried to approach and have an open communication with an individual with similar behavior and it was not worth the approach. I think less time and attention is best. I am not here to teach people basic communication.
Not everyone is capable of connecting and those who are capable will be connecting most of the time without you trying to teach them anything.
No one is perfect but if every dinner conversation is self absorbed then I don’t think it is up to me to fix that. It is up to her to grow up.
I've been working on finding something interesting about every person I meet and instead of asking boring questions like "what do you do" ask things like, "what are you most excited about right now" Great video, Julia! Thanks for sharing!
Go beyond treating people the way you want to be treated: treat them how they want to be treated -- this takes more time. The Golden Rule is a good start though. I nicked that from Esther Perel, whom I also adore.
Oh, so true! Because what makes us feel good isn't always the same as what makes someone else feels good - that is the true meaning of emotional intimacy - when we take the time to pay attention to how THEY feel most loved and are intentional about doing that.
Being a FUN person and having a good time with others makes it effortless . 😀
TBH ever since i started to watch your videos a couple days ago i haven't taken any of my anti-depression pills thx I'm getting better
Your teachings are so PRACTICAL. Easy to understand and implement in one's life. You have my sincerest gratitude for volunteering your time and skills to all us viewers. P.S. I am a horsewoman. Have been for 40+ years. My ears really perked up when you brought horses into your example giving.
Oh so great Lisa! So glad it connected with you. I do love horses when my feet are on the ground, but am always a little nervous getting on them after being bucked off at such a young age.
keep up the good work the world needs more people like you tell the hard truth its important
Watching this in 2021 and got a chuckle out of "we can go out to events and meet people". I am looking forward to that hopefully soon! Great video 🙂
Some people (like myself) hate talking about themselves because they are very negative. We try to feed off of other peoples positivity because we are unhappy with ourselves or life and want to find something or someone to bring the joy out of life
That's great Jim! I like feeding off of other's positivity too.
Julia I think you are genuinely and authentically awesome. Amazing knowledge you have to share as well.
Marge - you are about the kindest! Thanks for being such an awesome person.
Be yourself. Don't try to be cool. Be genuine not fake.
Smile. Make eye contact. Pay attention.
Find things common. E.g. you have kids? Me too.
We don't connect to perfect but real. Stop pretending to be perfect. Don't share too many things first time.
Be genuinely interested in others.
Tell the positive thing about the person.
Eye contact and physical touch is really hard for us Aspies! Just feels very overwhelming and intense. I will avoid being different up front in the future. 🙏🏻 so much!
I'm not an aspie however eye contact is very difficult for me. And I don't want people touching me unless I know them well.
I know right? So unfair, not everyone is up for eye contact and touching
I can definitely understand that. Do what makes sense for you and don't worry about doing it "right" - Just be you!
People typically love hearing compliments about their smile and their laugh, not always the case but I've noticed most people respond well to compliments about their smile & laughter.
Some fantastic points. Be yourself and treat others as you want to be treated, I don't think that's ever gone wrong for me :)
Right? I love that golden rule - a good one to live by.
I feel like I have some people in my life who constantly look to find differences. To which I responded that it does not feel connecting to constantly be told opposite. One of these individuals I felt comfortable approaching and she said she thinks it is weird that I feel this way and it just means I can’t accept another persons opinion. After a few attempts of trying to get this individual to see what I meant I simply made it a goal to just give them the opposite opinion of theirs. My mind set changed from goal to connect to goal to contradict (about same amount as they do to me). This individual did not like it at all and asked me why would I do that ? I told them they simply can’t accept another persons opinions. Because that is what they said to me. I think this person maybe half understood. This person somehow thought only they are able to have opposite opinions.
"I AM LIKEABLE..I JUST DON'T TOLERATE DISRESPECT,BULLSHIT,AND DON'T KISS ASS"100%100%100%
One thing is to speak up openly and honestly about what it is you like,
I absolutely love and adore how Julia Kristina Counseling TH-cam channel is my better half of sanity and the my opposite to the dark side of my moon 🌚🌝
I wonder what her favorite thing about getting a master's degree was and what was the hardest thing she got over?
I am furthering my education as well and wonder what the "struggles"are, mine is finding a way to enjoy work and work at enjoying.
Love the videos. I'm a retired nurse with a masters degree. I volunteer in south lake tahoe, CA. I love the coaching & it does fall along the lines of mindfulness. Your energy is magnetic & the world would be a better place if we could all apply these concepts. I used to be more emotional & I am much more controlled since I became mindfulness certified in June. The other day I was triggered volunteering & realized I need some coaching. So, I'm ready to take on one of the hardest tasks & personalities I have ever come across. Thank You Julie Kristina for making the world a more just one.
1 - be comfortable and be yourself
- impossible when I have ADHD and Autism, I don't even really know who myself is.
2 - don't avoid eye contact and smile
- HAHAHAHA xD Again Autism and ADHD (we can't make a lot of eye contact it's very uncomfortable).
3 - point out the things that are the same - I probably lack the social skills to notice this. *shrug*
4 - don't be fake or present yourself as perfect - My anxiety makes me do this. And Autism, and lots of things. I don't know how to act around people.
5 - don't talk about yourself for the whole time and pay attention to them - well ADHD makes it super hard to pay attention to anything, like to the point of impossibility. It also makes you need to interrupt because impulsivity and not remembering what you're gonna say otherwise.
Hmmm... I guess I'm doomed to have no friends forever even though I'm a loving caring and loyal person lol. Is there an Autism and ADHD friendly version of this video somewhere?
Today was the connection thing and I've never been able to connect as a teenager I was very disconnected and didn't connect now they're talkin about connect I liked your connection and this will be a new adventure adventure butt trial and error I love your teachings you're very upbeat and sweet your mind me and my sister-in-law Julia
Yes Pamie! Little steps everyday and a crap ton of self compassion along the way.
I honestly don't think it's possible for me to get anymore likable. I'm pretty darn likable.
Thanks Julia for the insights... some of them might feel obvious but when you think about them they are really really true. Thanks for reminding us and help us be more socially intelligent.
Thank you. Just being who you are authentic
I think it would be a combination of finding similarities and not being fake or trying to present yourself as perfect, but really likeable people listen to when talk to them about something you are interested in and it may not be their cup of tea. They will at the very least listen and ask questions. Some people I have met along the way that others have considered likeable would call other people's interests stupid, retarded, waste of time, etc. Many of us confuse being cool and trendy with being likeable
Great subject Julia!
Couldn't agree more! Thanks for this.
1 be comfortable with yourself
2 don't avoid eye contact and smile ☺
3 don't look for differences rather point out the similarities
4 don't be fake and fony and present yourself as perfect
5 don't talk about yourself the whole daam time
Bonus. If you think about something positive about the other just point it out and tell him or her
Thanks for you’re videos. I grew up not loving myself.
Are you better
I kinda just became deeply afraid of being abandoned, so I'm terrified of screwing things up with someone in general so I stopped being a smartass cause people clearly don't like that. I've changed positively a lot since developing this fear, so I know that not being a smartass is just helpful to make someone like you in general now. So I know wouldn't be that way even if wasn't still afraid. I'm also less afraid now cause I have hope.
So good to hear you are feeling so much better!
@@juliakristinamahI normally wouldn't say anything, but your one of those rare people I feel like I can trust. Even if it took a lot of videos before I did.
Fear controls you and causes you to live your life a certain way, and it ain’t pretty.
Have you overcome the fear yet?
What do you have hope for?
YOU are magnetic, thank you Julia!
I smile a lot naturally and think I have an advantage on that. And yeah, I don't really like being around people who frowns and just have no interest in me
Great
Content
Thank
You
Julia
Eye, smile
Don't play it cool, be themselves.
Dun look for diff. Things in common. genuine. Say vuln. Let them talk. Ask q. Say what u like ABT the person.
I am smileing at you & looking at your eyes & not checking my phone at all.
Regarding the third point, you can disagree but validate the other person's view rather than shut it down and say you take on it is different. Make it win win.
Hi. Wonderful video! I'm really happy I found your channel, Julia. Thanks again! ( special mention : a cute part on the video @ 9:58 )
Hey! So glad it connected. And thanks for appreciating my dorkiness ;-)
Julia Kristina Counselling ❤️
I need to talk less and listen more. I’ve found that paying attention and listening to others really helps build relationships. I found a couple of coupons for specific items my coworkers both like. They loved it when I gave them these coupons. It showed I was really listening.
That's so special April - thanks for sharing!
Your videos are great!...they have helped me so much to grow and become more confident in who I am...many blessings to you Julia Kristina 😊
Amazing Sylvia! YOU are amazing, and YOU are feeling better because YOU took the time to invest in YOU!!!
@@juliakristinamah Yes, so true!😊
In my opinion no one is friends with anyone. There are only people who want something from others or get something from others. When people get something from each other mutually (both are getting something they want from the other) they are called "friends" but its not about the other person. Its about the personal utility each person gets from the other. If one person ceases to gain something from a friend the friendship dissolves very quickly.
I don't use my phone at all when I'm with people on a table. Didn't make me more likeable, the persons in front of me were all on their phone in a point. Probably talking to each other....cuz I'm depressed and boring. :/ But not being likeable is ok to me, I am not emotionally available for anyone anymore. Also, I'm single and uninterested by people with kids and perfect lives. But I used to be a likeable person and your video is good.
get some meds. you'll feel tons better. I did.
Also never judge their flaws and accept them for who they are. I checked all of it ✅ I'm a likable person ppl like me instantly I have that gift 🎁 and I love it
I love all your sharing Julia, it's so practical and they are all simple truth, but no one told me all these before and I kept wondering why I can't get along with people, it's so good you are sharing it to people who are in need, thank you 💙
I absolutely loved this video. I am going to work on not talking about my past accomplishments and not pretending to be someone that I am not.
Depression is anger without enthusiasm
Smiles are contagious!!
Yasssss!!
"Make eye contact but not in a creepy way". How do i know if i am being creepy?
awesome! it's late. i'm tired. but i watched the whole thing plus a few others of yours. real, real good stuff! thank you!
Hi Julia, I really appreciate your insights, thank you! I have something to add to your list :) I'm a pretty analytical, critical person (professional problem solver, and it is my nature). I need to remind myself to keep the negative, critical observations to a minimum; at least to soften my delivery (though there would be conversations where this isn't appropriate). The "observer" in me has registered how this side of me can put others off.
...and I'm not talking negative observations about the person/people I'm with (that's clearly dangerous ground), I'm talking negative observations about anything. It's curious (from one angle) how human nature is comfortable around positive energy and uncomfortable around negative energy.
That's a really powerful awareness and insight Charles. Thanks for sharing.
@@juliakristinamah Thanks Julia, you are a very talented communicator and are sharing some truly useful, valuable insights. More power to you!
Makes listening so interesting as has so much spark and personality
Wonderful advise ! I really enjoyed more than I thought! Thanks
Please can You make a video,
How to respond or not respond to rude people(bullying) for teens ? Thanks
Great video for this time of year and all the social situations I’ll be in!!! 😆❤️👍🏻 I need to compliment people more! That’s what I need to work on!
So glad it connected!
Julia Kristina Counselling you’re a bright light Julia Kristina ⭐️💫✨⚡️
Yes! Be comfortable with yourself! Love your videos! ❤️
Wonderful lesson, thank you very much! And thank you for your magnetic smile as well ☀️
Thank YOU for being so kind. And I'm so glad it connected with you!
Smiles are contagious! 😊
couldn't agree more!
I liked this video, I am have always had this thing were when I see something I like about someone I always tell them, I love to give genuine complements to people. They are always genuine though I'm not a fake kind of person at all. I just feel that it's a good thing to do. Give someone a smile and say something you mean to them. It's hard to connect with people these days.
I'm drawn to people that are not like me because I learn the most from those people. What am I learning if I'm around someone just like me? I think it's because I see so many different types of people at my job every day from all over the world of all ethnicities and walks of life. People are so interesting ...I feel bad for the ones that can't relate so they don't bother to relate to others.
I just love your term, "monkey mind...that drives you nuts" .
Spot on and well done!
Good one. I'm going to pass this along some a colleague. Let's see if he watches it and actually learns something.
My favorite video online on counseling. You are the real deal 👍❤
Excellent video! I like how genuine you are and seem. Definitely want more of your content, and definitely subscribed.
There is a battle between lies and misconceptions against truth and sincerity, so no matter how much comfortable we are with our positions about life and centered we get on ourselves, the world and space needs to go deep into the search for authentic truth and sharing it when it is opportune and helpful, and actually there is need to prove the knowledge from time to time though not always it is a good time or the right place. EK
I'm very excited about finding your videos!! I'm kinda one of those little bit strange/authentic/ your own person type of people, but I really want to share more of those positives that you talked about. It's important for people to see that others are paying attention (in a good way). 😁
Just found your channel!! Awesome advice! I'll be watching. Thanks! ✌️
You are beautiful inside and out dear Kristina and soi funny too.You got me laughing lots. Thankyou for this great advice xxxooo
This is so wonderful thank you.
Great help! Love your channel 👍🏻
Thanks Tom! So glad it connected.
Really your channel is changing my life, in a good way. Massive thanks!
I'm working on All 5
Really excellent tips to build up a friendship with. I'm going to seek out the common more and seek out something I'm genuinely interested in to compliment that stands out as something I appreciate. Thank you and I'll check out the 5 points to take it to the next level :)
I'm going to my little card shop job and point out the thing I like and or appreciate about each co-worker. I think a have done that before actually.... my problem is I struggle to know if I'm liked.... I see I can do this. I can let the other guy have the incorrect view and possible take their view and investigate it.
There are humpback whales in eastern Australia and they can be seen between April to November. Thanks for the wonderful video!
Its easy to say, yes I know that however so difficult to apply that in life. Thanks for reminding to smile genuinely and appreciate someone with authentic complements.Thats my takeaway from this. Loved your style of connecting ... Effortless but in-depth...I would like to learn that😀😀😀😀 why didn't I come accross your vid before? Subscribed💓💓💓💓💓
Love this podcast thank you owner
I like your teachings. I'm just beginning to study psychology on my own. Very useful stuff.
Since we see in color I'd hope you would film in color in the future. I like your bland background it focuses my attention on your teachings. Great job. Love your spunky personality! The black and white format is the only turn off. Keep up the great work.
From USA with love
Jm
You are so magnetic!! Are you ENFP?
OMG I began watching your videos several at a time usually, LOL. I just discovered you maybe three months ago and I wasn't looking to improve myself to be honest I was looking because I have a cousin and my other cousin her sister is always telling me how passive aggressive she is and I never had any idea any inkling of an idea as to what that meant I was kind of just floating around checking you know and I got sucked in because you're amazing OMG now here's the truth if the truth be known every one of the videos I've seen in Ways that just surprised the hell out of me! Much to my surprise and often to my chagrin LOL kind of visiting how to recognize... what I do... And maybe some possible reasons why I do it...(do what I do I mean)... And then of course well I don't know of course that for me of course I want to make changes I want to make improvements I want to be a good person for the sole reason of being a good person I want to realize and recognize when it's not serving me now that's a hard concept for me because I am a yes person a people pleaser I am also passive aggressive and had no idea until I listened to your video about the different types of passive aggressive people SMH got to be real though right? And that's why I'm here and why I try not to come in on every one of your videos because they all have something for me to want to say LOL you're amazing I appreciate what you do and I just want to say props to you and thank you thank you thank you your approaches perfect your words are perfect your ability to connect come across down to what you were is all pretty much perfect but it doesn't look like it is rehearsed it looks like it has been a work-in-progress building on the good qualities that you already had... I just want to say that's honest Ernest, heartfelt and I appreciate you thank you again
I feel good about who I am Julia.
So 2:41 how do you develop a high level of comfortableness with yourself. If you aren't, you can't fake it!! It comes through. You don't see yourself the way other people do so you can't mask it.
Points 2 through 5 all relate back to point 1.
Great advice Julia. Be authentic, genuine & smile #BeReal✔
I like your smile and wisdom which you share with the world in such an adorable fashion :-) Thank you Julia!
useful points that need to be known
I realized im likable but i need to be more comfortable with myself before i become super likable:)
Good video. I am going to be more intentional about letting others know what I like about them.
I'm going to start saying things I like about people out loud
I am going to speak up about people's good qualities more. I've already been doing it, but I think that I could start some friend ships, this way.
Hi Julia, I'm new to your channel but I am loving it so far. Just wanted to mention that in one of your videos I commented for the first time but I think I called you Kristina instead of Julia. Sorry about my mix up. But I really love both your names and together it has a great ring to it. Thanks for what you do.
Thank you for this message💖
Thanks Good info!!!
Good video. Thank you. Sense of humor doesn't hurt either lol