If his son had not died, he would still 100% still be ignoring her as if she did not exist. She needs to go zero contact with him and the step mom forever!
The mom wanted her and she wanted to live with her mother. Yet the father took custody simply to spite his ex. It was a hallow victory as he didn't want her in the 1st place and made sure she knew it. That's a crappy thing to do to someone, let alone your own child.
Dad and stepmom are unforgivable. My 18 months baby spent 12 days in the ICU and I still spent 12 hours with my 6 year old every day! Yes I was worried sick about my baby, but me and dad new that both children needed us, so we each spent 12 hours with each child. There is no escuse to neglect one child because the other is sick.
If their neglect was only while the boy was sick, I would understand, but no, it started before he got sick. After all, she was 17 when he got sick. So yes, they did her wrong.
Sincere appreciation to you for recognizing the needs of both children. Additionally, the 6 year old was undoubtedly aware something bad was happening to his newborn sibling, and he was probably scared as well, without words to express it. You're a wise and loving parent!
The father uses an outrageous excuse: he said the daughter reminded him of his mother. What a cold bastard. The damage he and his scummy wife did will not heal ever. They're like Harry Potter's cruel foster parents the Dursleys.
who on earth condemns her for not forgiving? Adam's parents were monsters to his older sister. there comes a point where you just can't forgive. when people give up on a 12 year old, it may take a few years but the kid gives up on them. She was Harry Pottered, they might as well have moved her in to a closet under the stairs...
Reddit doesn’t even like second hand guilt and need complete strangers to make up to abusers so they feel less guilty for their own personal abuse or behaviors.
Reddit is unfortunately filled with people that take the side of the evil people. It happens in a lot of these stories that people on reddit attack the victim.
Even without that much of a relationship, You could tell Adam loved Op- and That breaks my heart the most. Why the hell do I feel like The father put Adam up to calling op and asking her to forgive him? Poor kids... May Adam rest in peace and Op live a happy life... and to hell with Ops parents and stepmother.
This is karma for the dad for neglecting/ later abusing his daughter and the stepmother for mentally abusing her.. the saddest thing was an innocent kid died from cancer in all this…If he could abandon you now, who is to say he will do it again. He only contacted you because he remembered he has another kid. Turn away and never look back OP!
@@robertx8020 First off Karma means what position you will be born into in the next life and has nothing to do with your current life. Its point like determinism is for Christians' is used to say rich people are better than poor people and should be treated as such.
He remembers her now. What's going to happen the next time his wife gets pregnant? Nah. He willingly neglected OP and made the conscious choice to allow the stepmother to abuse her. What he is doing now is because of grief. It will eventually pass and sooner or later the stepmother will take out her grief on OP for finally getting the father's attention at the cost of her son's life. OP should have stayed away. The worst betrayal is yet to come.
Your Mom leaving the state says it all. See a counselor for abandonment issues. Both your mom & dad have done this to you. Talk to your principal again.Your dad married the same type of woman. Ugh. Letter is too little, too late. 💙
lol how? she chose to stay with her dad. her mom has every right to go and lead her own life is her daughter does nothing more than visit once in a while.
A trip she can't take. She's 12! She can't go across town, let alone another country by herself. Both parents, not for love but oneupmanship, were trying to bribe her with cookies and a trip.
the fact that similar happened to me, meaning an adult lying to make child me look worse in an conversation, has made me hesitant to believe an adult's account at face value. I feel this has helped me communicate better with my son.
"Let's just send our 12 year old daughter off to a foreign country on her own while we get a divorce". That's one helluva way to get your child snatched up by human traffickers.
I glanced at the title of this and thought it said the dad left OP for a golden retriever, and I understood the dad's decision. My brain works weird. Plus, golden retriever.
All I can say is that it`s not those People`s Places to condemn op for not forgiving her Dad...Considering what HE DID TO HER.....THEY ARE OUT OF LINE for doing that..Who are you PEOPLE TO DO WHAT YOU ALL DID TO HER!?!? DID you EVER consider HER feelings? Frankly,I`m glad she told him off!!
Stepmother could still have another child. If that happens, though I'm sure stepmom would revert to her selfish ways, I hope dad's eyes stay open to his daughter.
Yeah but he let her be treated or treated her himself like garbage for years and now she would have to go through the painful process to say that all of that is FINE now(which in itself would be mental damage of being accepting of others in her life treating her like this) when all his suffering was in no way a result of his actions towards her, it’s like in Lilly Allen’s smile “Now you’re calling me up on the phone so you can have a little whine and a moan, and it’s only because you’re feeling alone” He now doesn’t have his golden child or scapegoat and stepmother likely is too Brocken to give him true satisfaction from mistreating or she dishes out equally hurtful stuff that makes it not worth it. My guess is that he’s gonna treat her like crap after a while.
@@stirrednotshaken4823 No. She can forgive him, but that doesn't mean she lets him back in. You can love and forgive someone without letting them back into your life.
I wish she'd told the stepmom how she made her feel loved until she was pregnant then abandoned her wrecked her happy wish for a sibling by abusing her and keeping her brother away from her preventing her from forming the sibling bond she longed for and how she became an evil stepmom after playing loving stepmom
OP, you should realize that your father did not neglect you for just a short period of time but for the most part of your tender years which has broken you in some part of your life that can't be totally recovered for the rest of your life.
OP faliure of a father has been watching too many Halmark movies, if he thinks a simple letter is gonna make up for his crappy actions. Somehow i doubt the AH would be trying to reach out if Adam hadnt passed away. Just like every parent who played favorites and lost their golden child, he want a emotional crutch. Not an actual relationship. OP should go NC, cause keeping him in her life will do her zero favors
I would be happy to see my parents' depression, if I was in op's shoes. I can care less about their sorrow. Don't ever forget that you have more than one child or never pick favorites.
And yet so many parents do this all the time. Just despicable. They would never know but I despise my parents because they treated me like a second person. My younger brother was given everything. He didn't have to pay for gas for his car when he was in high school, but I did. He didn't have to get a job when he was in high school but I did and injured myself on the job once. He got a free credit card to use when he lost his first job, I had to collect unemployment. They even gave him over $100K to buy a house but I was told to buy a house/apartment with my own money. The record breaking inflation going on lately has ruined any chances along with outrageous sky-high housing prices. To give you an idea how bad, a house that we used to live in cost barely $180,000 when we moved in. About a year and a half ago, I saw it go for sale for an outrageous $385,000. Uh uh, it is NOT worth that much. It wasn't even 850 sq ft. I think the only reason for the sky high price was that it had a garage and my city (plus the surrounding cities) seldom builds houses with garages except for wealthy people. Every time I try to buy a house, someone fleeing a broken state like California or New York comes along and outbids me by thousands very easily. I have never felt so useless in my life and I know for a fact that I will never have the joy of retirement. I will work in crappy companies until I drop dead on the job. Inflation is so bad that $50,000 is nothing these days. Meanwhile, my parents for some reason, keep yelling at me to buy a new car. I cannot afford one but they won't shut up about it. I see a dark, bleak future ahead no matter what. All I know is I will never be able to retire.
I don't think I would have been able to reconcile with her father. After years of abuse by her father and stepmother and her own mother abandoned her as well. I would have felt alone and estranged from all her family. I am estranged from my parents and I have issues that I will never get over with them, so all I do is briefly talk to them on the phone every 3-6 months. They never call me, ever, so I guess the feeling is mutual between us.
No forgiving an abuser solves nothing. Also no if you make a point not to forget then you haven't truly forgiven. You don't need to forgive an abuser to move on. Only yourself.
You are one of the few people on this comment page who is a good person. The ones who are gloating over the death of a little kid arent good people. I know we read these things to get that revenge kick but many of the comments go too far
I don't think I might be able to forgive years long ABUSE from my dad and his wife...maybe, just maybe I could forgive my dad in time but the stepmom would be dead to me
@Robert X yep, my sister was not happy when I said forgiveness has nothing to do with returning. She wanted that perfect family vibe, which does not exist. I refuse to play the happy families game with them. But my sister who refuses to speak to me now, thinks other wose, cos I let out those skeletons.
Bullshit. Forgiving your abuser NEVER helps with moving on. Forgiving YOURSELF helps you move on. Take that abuser apologist bs elsewhere because the ONLY person forgiving your abuser benefits is the abuser. I have found when you forgive an abuser you sacrifice a little bit of your self worth each time whether you go back to them or not.
@RaspberryHugs why do u need to forgive yourself? The forgiving part is not for them, it's for yourself. But it never goes away from your mind, so forgive and forget does not work
What a terrible thing the father did! He didn't really want his daughter! He wanted his daughter to spite his ex wife. The mother WANTED her! I would NEVER EVER leave the state if my daughter had been sent to live with her dad - especially if the father wasn't the best. I wouldn't want my daughter to feel like I was abandoning her. The mother was crappy and so was the father!
12:30 Wait, so, she's 12 years old when her parents tell her they're getting divorced. Getting divorced takes time, then months later Dad starts dating a teacher then months after that teacher moves in, then months later teacher is pregnant, then things change and they stop paying attention to her, then teacher calls her for pregnancy cravings ... so ALL OF THAT HAPPENED WHILE SHE WAS STILL TWELVE YEARS OLD?!?? LOL
If I were the daughter I would NEVER forgive my father for what he did-ignored, belittled, yelled, accused, put her on a shelf, etc. She was a CHILD for God’s sake 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬
He started the neglect before he even had a son. He is a an AH. He has shown her who he is and will throw her away again. It is just a matter of time. She would be better off to go low contact no expectations. You can't blame the neglect other sick son. They didn't even provide for her basic needs like food. I have no sympathy for him.
He insisted on custody, then blamed the fact on how she resembled her mother for why he neglected her. Did he insist on custody to punish his ex or their daughter? If he didn't want her, he should have let her mother have her. I am not so forgiving. I will hold a grudge till doomsday.
Am so sorry that Adam suffered so, but am thankful that he is at peace now. Hewas the only light in OP's life, and I'm proud of her for being able to love him inspite of his mother. He knew also that OP was hurting, thus the phone call, and the coming of him to her room when he was ill. OP, you can and must for your own peace of mind and soul forgive your father, not for him, but for yourself. You do and you will notice that the pain your father inflicted will ease. Just know he's human and he's weak. He blamed you for looking like your mother, you were a child, that's weak and cowardly. So he punished you for your mother"s leaving? What's past is past, you can go on with your life and have a chance at true happiness and peace once you forgive. Remember forgiveness is for the forgiver.
As a man who survived a childhood divorce of his parents, I experienced the opposite of OP, as far as parental relationships. All we were to my mother was a paycheck, in the form of child support. She had had a an affair baby and even claimed it was his in the divorce and got child support for him as well. There are a lot of details that would show how far she went, but that is not going to be explored here. As far as OP's father, sometimes people don't deserve to be allowed back into a life they wanted little to do with, when they were needed.
I feel for OP, the fact a FREIND told OP brother was gone not the parents, she will never be a priority ever, even a stray dog will be more of a priority than OP to the parents.
I was lucky enough to have had a very close and loving relationship with my mom for 70 years. I know so many others who never had that. I am so sorry for you.
I really hate when people say forgive because they are family.....I wonder if they realize that words said by family can wound you 1000 more than those same words said by a stranger....its easier to forgive someone who doesn't know you than it is to forgive someone who does and is supposed to love you unconditionally and always have your back. Forgiveness just like trust is something you must earn even if you are family.
It's always so horrible for children in a divorce, even if the parents are being good about it. In this case OP's parents were not. It's so sad OP's brother Adam passed. He at least showed love for OP even against his mother's desires. If OP's father was so reminded of OP's mother and that is his excuse - then WHY did he want custody of her in the divorce? It's good OP was able to start the healing.⭐⭐⭐⭐
The father should have given custody to her mother instead of treating her like garbage. He started that before the kid was even conceived so no thays no excuse. Honestly its to late
I have two rules when it comes to stuff like this. Rule 1: The likelihood of forgiveness is proportional to the damage done. Rule 2: People have to sincerely regret what they did, NOT just regret having to deal with the consequences. Given that the dad did this to her twice, and only changed his ways when the son died and he was face-to-face with his only child hating him, I feel dad definitely qualifies for breaking the second rule.
I’m sorry, but it’s not that the father ignore the daughter because of the cancer, is that the father ignore the daughter, all along is the issue. And the stepmother went from being set my abusive to completely abusive with her behaviour and her words.
But it’s a no brainer in my opinion. So OP reminded him of her mom. So what?! HE CHOSE THE MOTHER, OP is just a by product of his choice. Ok, the child died, you would have to have a heart of stone to it be affected by this but they were raising him to not acknowledge OP and yes I said THEY. The dad was around enough to see that they didn’t have any kind of relationship. And for him to come back now us a slap in the face to OP. He was never there for her and hated her mom so much that he punished Op cause he couldn’t punish the mother. He would be no contact for me. He just needs someone to help out when he’s old. Not happening captain!
Dang this store hit close to home. But my parent separated after I graduated tho he seemed to have hated me growing up. He favored my younger sisters until I got pregnant and my mom helped push me to talk to him we started slowly mending our non existence relationship. It took years!! But now we are very close (but both my younger sisters have passed too). But I’m glad we where able to mend and I was able to work through everything. Hope OP and her dad can mend and create a bond
Adm was not her step brother but her half brother as they share the same father. It's nice that she forgave her father, but me it would be a hard NO! To much pain & too many year of abuse from both her father & step mother.
My youngest son is 21 months old, he does have a death sentence. He will not make it to adulthood unless he gets a new liver. No it's not easy, I know the feeling of fear of outliving your children, I can't say I know exactly what dad is going through but I know enough. I still don't have remorse for him, I have never once neglected degraded or insulted or ghosted my oldest child EVER. Even knowing my youngest is sick. Even knowing that every day I have with the youngest is another day with him. I never treated my oldest any different and my youngest was sick since he was born. What dad and step mom did is unacceptable
Im glad she forgave him and is mending the relationship. Letting go of that anger and hurt takes a lot of strength to do and ive noticed a worrying trend in the world that people are more inclined to cling to that anget and hurt rather than letting it go. Forgiving doesnt mean things go back to the way they were before. It just means youre letting go and moving forward with your life. Im very happy that op decided to let go amd move forward.
The only feeling I got was anger when I heard this part I absolutely believe it was the father who made him ask because he knew he was about to lose the only child he cared about and he just wanted his back up child ready for him.
A child reminding you of your ex spouse and the failed relationship is no excuse to mistreat them. I dont care what psychologists say, it is not excuse. This cycle of kids having to pay for the sins of their parents needs to end.
If this happened to me, I couldn't forgive my father for how badly he neglected me. He wasn't paying attention to OP even before Adam got sick. There's comes a point where the hope in you dies and you become indifferent towards whoever is hurting you, and you stop caring. It is tragic that a child died, but it's only because Adam died that OP's father wants a relationship with them. I don't want to be the back up child, the 2nd choice.
Forgiveness isn't really for the other person. It is good for us. Hatred and unforgiving hurts us more and affects our health. The people we hold grudges against are usually not worth it. Sometimes, they don't even remember your existence.
Step-monster was an AH before the birth, let alone the illness. The fact she was a shell of herself at the end only shows she always pinned her life on vicariously usurping OP. It failed. That's why she's broken, not that she lost a child.
I am happy she is in therapy. Her father lost a son, but he basically threw his daughter away. For HER sake alone, I hope she forgives him, but moves on and away. Forgiveness granted, access denied. Let him reap what he sowed. He was a horrible father. Just because someone is family, does not mean you should have to deal with their toxicity. Live your life young lady. Sounds like neither of your parents deserve you. Forgive but move on . Continue therapy, but walk your own path and create your own family who will love and appreciate you.
People seem to keep forgetting OP's father blew her off after the divorce and before Adam was born. And supposedly bc OP looked like her mother whom her father divorced' that was not a good reason. If you love your children you look passed that they look like your ex but to not pick at everything they do? That just isn't right. And then to believe his current wife when she made up stuff about OP? Without even listening to OP? No, I wouldn't forgive him, I would get therapy and forget him.
What I don’t get is why is she mad about them getting divorced them being together was toxic and it was effecting her getting divorced was the best news ever since they couldn’t get along and obviously didn’t love each other anymore my parents got divorced what I was 8 with my parents it wasn’t because they didn’t love each other tho it was a control issue and I knew this and was glad they got divorced because I knew they wasn’t happy with each other anymore and I just wanted them to be happy
because kids are often afraid they'll lose a parent. ...and she was right, she lost both of them. I was afraid mine would get divorced. they waited until I turned 18 but now I think they probably should have way sooner... but also I worry because dad needed mom more than she needed him. he didn't take care of himself... is it mom's responsibility? no, just a tragic outcome... dad had... issues... probably undiagnosed ones... hence why my parents should have split up... I'm glad it was a better outcome for you but it scares the shit out of other kids.
The father started crapping on OP the second it wife became pregnant, and stepmom transformed to a monster at that time as well. He ONLY reconciled after his son passed away.
I would never had reconcile with my father; I would let go any hope of closure. Granted my father and I have a horrible relationship. All the actions and decisions that not only affected me but my younger siblings from my deadbeat no good psychotic narcissistic cheating of a father had so many impacts on me for my 25 years when I lived with him. Hell he cheated on my dying mom who had stage 4 cancer and demeaned and belittled her. So in my opinion; not all fathers deserve to be reconciled with their children. They made their beds; let them sleep in their own mistakes
Losing a child because he died, doesn't mean you are automatically granted forgiveness from the child you lost because of neglect and emotional abuse. OP is not a spare kid for her father to break out to help him through his grief. He certainly did not grieve over losing his relationship with her and it isn't her responsibility to step up and be his child again.
Well, that was a lot. I even cried. That being said... could have would have should haves I am not getting into. With alllllll that was going on I want to take a min to say... what a impressive young person. Worked, went to school, saved money... got good grades and a scholarship... didn't ask dad or rich step dad for help even before her brother got sick. She found her way to therapy and is even working on the relationship with her dad. At that age.... she has more sense than I did.... in her pinky finger! Like I said... it is a lot and she is dealing with it... not perfectly... but I could not have handled that at all at this age. She is on the right path... I don't know her... but I am proud of her.
Forgiveness is something we do for ourselves so that our own life is not filled with more hurt and anger. However, it's possible to forgive and understand someone but also to never forget what they did to hurt you (and they hurt you for years). This will make you wary of their behaviour in the future and your trust will have to be earned. Apologies are great, if they are sincere, but actions speak louder than words. My advice to OP is to forgive (for her own piece of mind) and be very cautious when dealing with your father.
Just my 2 cents. If her father had only pushed her away when they got the diagnosis of the OP's brother, then I might say, give it a try, but don't dive in. The thing is, her 'father' probably never really cared for OP. She was a way to hurt his ex, and the fact she looked like her mother validated his reasons to neglect her further. The only thing she was good for was to take the role of housekeeper for him and his probable mistress. I have not spoken to my father in over 20 years, I gave him 7 chances, ranging from a few months to years, each and every time ending the same way. So if you want to try, go for it, but don't expect much and safeguard your heart.
This is a horrible situation, but I feel OP is justified in not forgiving or maintaining the relationship because her quality of life decreased immensely once the Step-mom was pregnant. There was major inequity in the quality of life afforded to Adam vs OP pre-cancer. Therefore, she would be justified in never dealing with them again due to blatant favouritism and neglect.
Unfortunately many parents ( be male or female) tend to forget they have other children's, specially if they are divorced. It's really sad and in the end, they end losing something they didn't know they could lose
Sorry but no. The negligence was even way back before the stepbro was born. The bio mother, the father, and the stepmom are the absolute worst. She especially should avoid at all cost her stepmom.
Both parents f'd up. I forgave my dad for his behavior (similar to OPs parents) But I could never trust them again. They were incredibly toxic towards me. I had to back away from them for my sanity.
Men only love their children for as long as they love the children’s mother. If a man remarries he will love his 2nd family more because he loves his new gf/wife more. It is very sad for all first children to be replaced. Yes, some women do this awful thing too, but it it more common for men to do. OP is NTA. Her father replaced her before the son got sick. Her father does not deserve a relationship with OP now. The dad threw away their relationship long ago. He has no one else to blame except HIMSELF.
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If his son had not died, he would still 100% still be ignoring her as if she did not exist. She needs to go zero contact with him and the step mom forever!
The mom wanted her and she wanted to live with her mother. Yet the father took custody simply to spite his ex. It was a hallow victory as he didn't want her in the 1st place and made sure she knew it. That's a crappy thing to do to someone, let alone your own child.
Mom wanted her why didn't we hear about the mom the rest of story it's like she disappeared
😂 are you serious? Mom didnt want her. Stop the feminist push.
They wanted an unpaid babysitter
@@SCOOBYGD Feminist push??? Are you high??
@@Emeraldcrystal7E are you dumb? The mom just as trash, but this person leavingit out.
Dad and stepmom are unforgivable. My 18 months baby spent 12 days in the ICU and I still spent 12 hours with my 6 year old every day! Yes I was worried sick about my baby, but me and dad new that both children needed us, so we each spent 12 hours with each child. There is no escuse to neglect one child because the other is sick.
If their neglect was only while the boy was sick, I would understand, but no, it started before he got sick. After all, she was 17 when he got sick. So yes, they did her wrong.
Sincere appreciation to you for recognizing the needs of both children. Additionally, the 6 year old was undoubtedly aware something bad was happening to his newborn sibling, and he was probably scared as well, without words to express it. You're a wise and loving parent!
👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿
The father uses an outrageous excuse: he said the daughter reminded him of his mother. What a cold bastard. The damage he and his scummy wife did will not heal ever. They're like Harry Potter's cruel foster parents the Dursleys.
who on earth condemns her for not forgiving? Adam's parents were monsters to his older sister. there comes a point where you just can't forgive. when people give up on a 12 year old, it may take a few years but the kid gives up on them. She was Harry Pottered, they might as well have moved her in to a closet under the stairs...
I might be jaded but I have a feeling that the father give his dying son his phone to try to manipulate OP.
Reddit doesn’t even like second hand guilt and need complete strangers to make up to abusers so they feel less guilty for their own personal abuse or behaviors.
@@annak8755 oh absolutely I agree.
Reddit is unfortunately filled with people that take the side of the evil people. It happens in a lot of these stories that people on reddit attack the victim.
I half expected them to blame op for the kid getting sick.
Even without that much of a relationship, You could tell Adam loved Op- and That breaks my heart the most. Why the hell do I feel like The father put Adam up to calling op and asking her to forgive him? Poor kids... May Adam rest in peace and Op live a happy life... and to hell with Ops parents and stepmother.
This is karma for the dad for neglecting/ later abusing his daughter and the stepmother for mentally abusing her.. the saddest thing was an innocent kid died from cancer in all this…If he could abandon you now, who is to say he will do it again. He only contacted you because he remembered he has another kid. Turn away and never look back OP!
Karma is balancing, not cruel. Karma does not kill innocent children.
@@Gems-of-Hope-Rocks This Karma (if you beiieve in it) has nothing to do with the kid dying but with the dad sufferig!
That's why it is karma
the only sad thing ? the abuse was not saddening ?
@@robertx8020 First off Karma means what position you will be born into in the next life and has nothing to do with your current life. Its point like determinism is for Christians' is used to say rich people are better than poor people and should be treated as such.
@@robertx8020 what did the kid do to get cancer?
He remembers her now.
What's going to happen the next time his wife gets pregnant?
Nah. He willingly neglected OP and made the conscious choice to allow the stepmother to abuse her.
What he is doing now is because of grief. It will eventually pass and sooner or later the stepmother will take out her grief on OP for finally getting the father's attention at the cost of her son's life.
OP should have stayed away. The worst betrayal is yet to come.
Story : 1 Op better off no contact and never see him again. Start a whole new family with friends that truly love her.
🎯🎯🎯💯💯💯
I would remember tha father the way he remembered me!
Your Mom leaving the state says it all. See a counselor for abandonment issues. Both your mom & dad have done this to you. Talk to your principal again.Your dad married the same type of woman. Ugh. Letter is too little, too late. 💙
😍0p0000
lol how? she chose to stay with her dad.
her mom has every right to go and lead her own life is her daughter does nothing more than visit once in a while.
@@Chickenfriedpenguin dod you listen to the story?
@@SCOOBYGD The mom literally fought for her to come then asked her to live with her after high school and she said no.
Wow awful parents telling her they're getting a divorce then give her a trip instead of offering to see someone like a psychiatrist or therapist. 🙄
A trip she can't take. She's 12! She can't go across town, let alone another country by herself. Both parents, not for love but oneupmanship, were trying to bribe her with cookies and a trip.
the fact that similar happened to me, meaning an adult lying to make child me look worse in an conversation, has made me hesitant to believe an adult's account at face value. I feel this has helped me communicate better with my son.
"Let's just send our 12 year old daughter off to a foreign country on her own while we get a divorce".
That's one helluva way to get your child snatched up by human traffickers.
They said teenage daughter not 12 but anything under 18 was legally wrong
L.
Later they said 12, I hope that was a misread statement. If they did mean 12 that was disqusting. They should have been arrested.
The author kept calling the little guy her stepbrother when, in fact, he was a half brother.
Exactly people need to know the difference between half siblings and step siblings
That part pissed me off because of the disregard for other peoples lives than her own. “iF I DeHuMAnize tHe kId i cAN CoPe” it’s dumb
I glanced at the title of this and thought it said the dad left OP for a golden retriever, and I understood the dad's decision. My brain works weird. Plus, golden retriever.
All I can say is that it`s not those People`s Places to condemn op for not forgiving her Dad...Considering what HE DID TO HER.....THEY ARE OUT OF LINE for doing that..Who are you PEOPLE TO DO WHAT YOU ALL DID TO HER!?!? DID you EVER consider HER feelings? Frankly,I`m glad she told him off!!
Stepmother could still have another child. If that happens, though I'm sure stepmom would revert to her selfish ways, I hope dad's eyes stay open to his daughter.
If so, OP is already out of the house and the sting would be less, a lot less.
Anger is easy
Forgiving is hard
Neither is wrong to feel or do. Just remember it takes two.
well said
Yeah but he let her be treated or treated her himself like garbage for years and now she would have to go through the painful process to say that all of that is FINE now(which in itself would be mental damage of being accepting of others in her life treating her like this) when all his suffering was in no way a result of his actions towards her, it’s like in Lilly Allen’s smile “Now you’re calling me up on the phone so you can have a little whine and a moan, and it’s only because you’re feeling alone” He now doesn’t have his golden child or scapegoat and stepmother likely is too Brocken to give him true satisfaction from mistreating or she dishes out equally hurtful stuff that makes it not worth it. My guess is that he’s gonna treat her like crap after a while.
She can forgive him but it does mean she has to let him into her life!
@@stirrednotshaken4823 No. She can forgive him, but that doesn't mean she lets him back in. You can love and forgive someone without letting them back into your life.
I wish she'd told the stepmom how she made her feel loved until she was pregnant then abandoned her wrecked her happy wish for a sibling by abusing her and keeping her brother away from her preventing her from forming the sibling bond she longed for and how she became an evil stepmom after playing loving stepmom
OP, you should realize that your father did not neglect you for just a short period of time but for the most part of your tender years which has broken you in some part of your life that can't be totally recovered for the rest of your life.
OP faliure of a father has been watching too many Halmark movies, if he thinks a simple letter is gonna make up for his crappy actions.
Somehow i doubt the AH would be trying to reach out if Adam hadnt passed away. Just like every parent who played favorites and lost their golden child, he want a emotional crutch. Not an actual relationship.
OP should go NC, cause keeping him in her life will do her zero favors
I would be happy to see my parents' depression, if I was in op's shoes. I can care less about their sorrow. Don't ever forget that you have more than one child or never pick favorites.
And yet so many parents do this all the time. Just despicable. They would never know but I despise my parents because they treated me like a second person. My younger brother was given everything. He didn't have to pay for gas for his car when he was in high school, but I did. He didn't have to get a job when he was in high school but I did and injured myself on the job once. He got a free credit card to use when he lost his first job, I had to collect unemployment. They even gave him over $100K to buy a house but I was told to buy a house/apartment with my own money. The record breaking inflation going on lately has ruined any chances along with outrageous sky-high housing prices. To give you an idea how bad, a house that we used to live in cost barely $180,000 when we moved in. About a year and a half ago, I saw it go for sale for an outrageous $385,000. Uh uh, it is NOT worth that much. It wasn't even 850 sq ft. I think the only reason for the sky high price was that it had a garage and my city (plus the surrounding cities) seldom builds houses with garages except for wealthy people. Every time I try to buy a house, someone fleeing a broken state like California or New York comes along and outbids me by thousands very easily. I have never felt so useless in my life and I know for a fact that I will never have the joy of retirement. I will work in crappy companies until I drop dead on the job. Inflation is so bad that $50,000 is nothing these days. Meanwhile, my parents for some reason, keep yelling at me to buy a new car. I cannot afford one but they won't shut up about it. I see a dark, bleak future ahead no matter what. All I know is I will never be able to retire.
She needs to remember if her brother hadn't died, her father would have never gotten back in touch with her to reconcile.
I absolutly agree with that
I don't think I would have been able to reconcile with her father. After years of abuse by her father and stepmother and her own mother abandoned her as well. I would have felt alone and estranged from all her family. I am estranged from my parents and I have issues that I will never get over with them, so all I do is briefly talk to them on the phone every 3-6 months. They never call me, ever, so I guess the feeling is mutual between us.
I say forgive your father but NEVER forget. And always remember that your little brother loved you
No forgiving an abuser solves nothing. Also no if you make a point not to forget then you haven't truly forgiven. You don't need to forgive an abuser to move on. Only yourself.
You are one of the few people on this comment page who is a good person. The ones who are gloating over the death of a little kid arent good people. I know we read these things to get that revenge kick but many of the comments go too far
If the son was still alive, OP would still be getting neglected.
OP is keeping her promise to her brother without even realizing it... Forgiving her Dad will help her move on with or without him, her choice.
Don't have to go back to them. Never promised that. Op has her own road to walk
I don't think I might be able to forgive years long ABUSE from my dad and his wife...maybe, just maybe I could forgive my dad in time but the stepmom would be dead to me
@Robert X yep, my sister was not happy when I said forgiveness has nothing to do with returning. She wanted that perfect family vibe, which does not exist. I refuse to play the happy families game with them. But my sister who refuses to speak to me now, thinks other wose, cos I let out those skeletons.
Bullshit. Forgiving your abuser NEVER helps with moving on. Forgiving YOURSELF helps you move on. Take that abuser apologist bs elsewhere because the ONLY person forgiving your abuser benefits is the abuser. I have found when you forgive an abuser you sacrifice a little bit of your self worth each time whether you go back to them or not.
@RaspberryHugs why do u need to forgive yourself? The forgiving part is not for them, it's for yourself. But it never goes away from your mind, so forgive and forget does not work
What a terrible thing the father did! He didn't really want his daughter! He wanted his daughter to spite his ex wife. The mother WANTED her! I would NEVER EVER leave the state if my daughter had been sent to live with her dad - especially if the father wasn't the best. I wouldn't want my daughter to feel like I was abandoning her. The mother was crappy and so was the father!
Why get custody of her if she reminded him of the mother woww so you evil to your child smdh
12:30 Wait, so, she's 12 years old when her parents tell her they're getting divorced.
Getting divorced takes time, then months later Dad starts dating a teacher then months after that teacher moves in, then months later teacher is pregnant, then things change and they stop paying attention to her, then teacher calls her for pregnancy cravings ... so ALL OF THAT HAPPENED WHILE SHE WAS STILL TWELVE YEARS OLD?!?? LOL
I noticed the discrepancy between her age and the story. A couple of other things make me think the story isn't true.
@@MrBeevee5 I have a feeling that a LIT of these stories aren't true. Are humans really this awful?
If I were the daughter I would NEVER forgive my father for what he did-ignored, belittled, yelled, accused, put her on a shelf, etc. She was a CHILD for God’s sake 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬
He started the neglect before he even had a son. He is a an AH. He has shown her who he is and will throw her away again. It is just a matter of time. She would be better off to go low contact no expectations. You can't blame the neglect other sick son. They didn't even provide for her basic needs like food. I have no sympathy for him.
He insisted on custody, then blamed the fact on how she resembled her mother for why he neglected her. Did he insist on custody to punish his ex or their daughter? If he didn't want her, he should have let her mother have her. I am not so forgiving. I will hold a grudge till doomsday.
Am so sorry that Adam suffered so, but am thankful that he is at peace now. Hewas the only light in OP's life, and I'm proud of her for being able to love him inspite of his mother. He knew also that OP was hurting, thus the phone call, and the coming of him to her room when he was ill. OP, you can and must for your own peace of mind and soul forgive your father, not for him, but for yourself. You do and you will notice that the pain your father inflicted will ease. Just know he's human and he's weak. He blamed you for looking like your mother, you were a child, that's weak and cowardly. So he punished you for your mother"s leaving? What's past is past, you can go on with your life and have a chance at true happiness and peace once you forgive. Remember forgiveness is for the forgiver.
As a man who survived a childhood divorce of his parents, I experienced the opposite of OP, as far as parental relationships. All we were to my mother was a paycheck, in the form of child support. She had had a an affair baby and even claimed it was his in the divorce and got child support for him as well. There are a lot of details that would show how far she went, but that is not going to be explored here. As far as OP's father, sometimes people don't deserve to be allowed back into a life they wanted little to do with, when they were needed.
I feel for OP, the fact a FREIND told OP brother was gone not the parents, she will never be a priority ever, even a stray dog will be more of a priority than OP to the parents.
He would have been her half-brother, not a step-brother, BIG difference!
Hey, you're not supposed to make me cry with these. That was just a heartbreaker.
I hate it when a parent is cruel to his child because they look like the ex. Why is the child being punished for looking like they’re own parent?
Your friend told you not your dad 😠😠😠😠😠
So sad... that OP and the little brother never could have a relationship ... all to thanks also to stepmom
Thought he called her sister 😢he went to her when he was I’ll broke me he wanted to be sibling to her but was the mom and the dad that was stopping it
HE IS NOT STEPBROTHER
THIS F...NG annoys me to no end.
HE IS HALF-BROTHER
I was lucky enough to have had a very close and loving relationship with my mom for 70 years. I know so many others who never had that. I am so sorry for you.
I really hate when people say forgive because they are family.....I wonder if they realize that words said by family can wound you 1000 more than those same words said by a stranger....its easier to forgive someone who doesn't know you than it is to forgive someone who does and is supposed to love you unconditionally and always have your back. Forgiveness just like trust is something you must earn even if you are family.
It's always so horrible for children in a divorce, even if the parents are being good about it. In this case OP's parents were not. It's so sad OP's brother Adam passed. He at least showed love for OP even against his mother's desires. If OP's father was so reminded of OP's mother and that is his excuse - then WHY did he want custody of her in the divorce? It's good OP was able to start the healing.⭐⭐⭐⭐
The father should have given custody to her mother instead of treating her like garbage. He started that before the kid was even conceived so no thays no excuse. Honestly its to late
The dad doesn't have a solid excuse, even with the death of the son, because as OP stated, he neglected her even before he was born.
I have two rules when it comes to stuff like this.
Rule 1: The likelihood of forgiveness is proportional to the damage done.
Rule 2: People have to sincerely regret what they did, NOT just regret having to deal with the consequences.
Given that the dad did this to her twice, and only changed his ways when the son died and he was face-to-face with his only child hating him, I feel dad definitely qualifies for breaking the second rule.
Sorry for the loss of you’re brother and I hope you can repair your relationship with your father ❤
Yes, he did lose his son, but that's not an excuse because he was treating op like c*** even before the son was born.
OP needs to tell the dad that both children he had are gone. And he can never have them back. Say it every time you see him. Cruel but effective.
OP you can forgive. That doesnt mean you forget. Let go of the anger for yourself. Bc that kind of bad held inside isnt good.
Give up the ghost????? That's the weirdest way of saying someone died
I’m sorry, but it’s not that the father ignore the daughter because of the cancer, is that the father ignore the daughter, all along is the issue. And the stepmother went from being set my abusive to completely abusive with her behaviour and her words.
But it’s a no brainer in my opinion. So OP reminded him of her mom. So what?! HE CHOSE THE MOTHER, OP is just a by product of his choice. Ok, the child died, you would have to have a heart of stone to it be affected by this but they were raising him to not acknowledge OP and yes I said THEY. The dad was around enough to see that they didn’t have any kind of relationship. And for him to come back now us a slap in the face to OP. He was never there for her and hated her mom so much that he punished Op cause he couldn’t punish the mother. He would be no contact for me. He just needs someone to help out when he’s old. Not happening captain!
Dang this store hit close to home. But my parent separated after I graduated tho he seemed to have hated me growing up. He favored my younger sisters until I got pregnant and my mom helped push me to talk to him we started slowly mending our non existence relationship. It took years!! But now we are very close (but both my younger sisters have passed too). But I’m glad we where able to mend and I was able to work through everything. Hope OP and her dad can mend and create a bond
Adm was not her step brother but her half brother as they share the same father. It's nice that she forgave her father, but me it would be a hard NO! To much pain & too many year of abuse from both her father & step mother.
Luke 23:34
Forgiveness is not forgetting. OP
My youngest son is 21 months old, he does have a death sentence. He will not make it to adulthood unless he gets a new liver. No it's not easy, I know the feeling of fear of outliving your children, I can't say I know exactly what dad is going through but I know enough. I still don't have remorse for him, I have never once neglected degraded or insulted or ghosted my oldest child EVER. Even knowing my youngest is sick. Even knowing that every day I have with the youngest is another day with him. I never treated my oldest any different and my youngest was sick since he was born. What dad and step mom did is unacceptable
Im glad she forgave him and is mending the relationship. Letting go of that anger and hurt takes a lot of strength to do and ive noticed a worrying trend in the world that people are more inclined to cling to that anget and hurt rather than letting it go.
Forgiving doesnt mean things go back to the way they were before. It just means youre letting go and moving forward with your life. Im very happy that op decided to let go amd move forward.
The part where Adam asked OP to forgive their dad got me right in the feels.
Given his age, it made me doubt for the first time the story was real.
@@MrBeevee5 even at his age he saw how she was being treated..that kid was no dummy
@@kathleenhuff3059 That's sweet you think that.
The only feeling I got was anger when I heard this part I absolutely believe it was the father who made him ask because he knew he was about to lose the only child he cared about and he just wanted his back up child ready for him.
@@paradoxfacter8707 That's possible and more believable than to think a five year old would be this mature on his own.
A child reminding you of your ex spouse and the failed relationship is no excuse to mistreat them. I dont care what psychologists say, it is not excuse. This cycle of kids having to pay for the sins of their parents needs to end.
Why didn't OP seek out her mother for assistance?
A 12 year old is NOT a Slave! Having a Wicked Step Mother does NOT make OP Cinderella. WSM seriously needs to piss tf off PERMENANTLY
HALF-BROTHER NOT STEPBROTHER!😤
If this happened to me, I couldn't forgive my father for how badly he neglected me. He wasn't paying attention to OP even before Adam got sick. There's comes a point where the hope in you dies and you become indifferent towards whoever is hurting you, and you stop caring. It is tragic that a child died, but it's only because Adam died that OP's father wants a relationship with them. I don't want to be the back up child, the 2nd choice.
The father hated the mother and since the daughter looked like her he took 100% custody. He was a POS her entire life.
Forgiveness isn't really for the other person. It is good for us. Hatred and unforgiving hurts us more and affects our health. The people we hold grudges against are usually not worth it. Sometimes, they don't even remember your existence.
Step-monster was an AH before the birth, let alone the illness. The fact she was a shell of herself at the end only shows she always pinned her life on vicariously usurping OP. It failed. That's why she's broken, not that she lost a child.
The entitlement is strong with this one
I am happy she is in therapy. Her father lost a son, but he basically threw his daughter away. For HER sake alone, I hope she forgives him, but moves on and away. Forgiveness granted, access denied. Let him reap what he sowed. He was a horrible father. Just because someone is family, does not mean you should have to deal with their toxicity. Live your life young lady. Sounds like neither of your parents deserve you. Forgive but move on . Continue therapy, but walk your own path and create your own family who will love and appreciate you.
People seem to keep forgetting OP's father blew her off after the divorce and before Adam was born. And supposedly bc OP looked like her mother whom her father divorced' that was not a good reason. If you love your children you look passed that they look like your ex but to not pick at everything they do? That just isn't right. And then to believe his current wife when she made up stuff about OP? Without even listening to OP? No, I wouldn't forgive him, I would get therapy and forget him.
What I don’t get is why is she mad about them getting divorced them being together was toxic and it was effecting her getting divorced was the best news ever since they couldn’t get along and obviously didn’t love each other anymore my parents got divorced what I was 8 with my parents it wasn’t because they didn’t love each other tho it was a control issue and I knew this and was glad they got divorced because I knew they wasn’t happy with each other anymore and I just wanted them to be happy
because kids are often afraid they'll lose a parent. ...and she was right, she lost both of them. I was afraid mine would get divorced. they waited until I turned 18 but now I think they probably should have way sooner... but also I worry because dad needed mom more than she needed him. he didn't take care of himself... is it mom's responsibility? no, just a tragic outcome... dad had... issues... probably undiagnosed ones... hence why my parents should have split up...
I'm glad it was a better outcome for you but it scares the shit out of other kids.
The father started crapping on OP the second it wife became pregnant, and stepmom transformed to a monster at that time as well. He ONLY reconciled after his son passed away.
Please forgive your parents for yourself, not for them. Anger snd hate only hurts you. Forgive them and then FORGET them. Then live your best life.
You can be civil like meeting a stranger. Don’t forget the past it is real. You could forgive but don’t forget.
I would never had reconcile with my father; I would let go any hope of closure. Granted my father and I have a horrible relationship. All the actions and decisions that not only affected me but my younger siblings from my deadbeat no good psychotic narcissistic cheating of a father had so many impacts on me for my 25 years when I lived with him.
Hell he cheated on my dying mom who had stage 4 cancer and demeaned and belittled her. So in my opinion; not all fathers deserve to be reconciled with their children.
They made their beds; let them sleep in their own mistakes
Also just in case if anyone is curious I’m no contact with my father and haven’t been for a long long time
OP keep hearing step brother he was your 1/2 brother not step brother. Sorry for the loss.
Losing a child because he died, doesn't mean you are automatically granted forgiveness from the child you lost because of neglect and emotional abuse.
OP is not a spare kid for her father to break out to help him through his grief.
He certainly did not grieve over losing his relationship with her and it isn't her responsibility to step up and be his child again.
Ops way better off with the divorce instead of the huge trauma of fighting constantly. Mom leaving the state wasn’t ok at all. She’s so selfish
Well, that was a lot. I even cried. That being said... could have would have should haves I am not getting into. With alllllll that was going on I want to take a min to say... what a impressive young person. Worked, went to school, saved money... got good grades and a scholarship... didn't ask dad or rich step dad for help even before her brother got sick. She found her way to therapy and is even working on the relationship with her dad. At that age.... she has more sense than I did.... in her pinky finger! Like I said... it is a lot and she is dealing with it... not perfectly... but I could not have handled that at all at this age. She is on the right path... I don't know her... but I am proud of her.
Lot of these stories have these second-hand women marrying rich guys. Weird to me. I would think rich men would go for young heifers.
@@MrBeevee5 I am not sure who you are underestimating more... rich men or *second hand* women... wow.
@@cheekysaver Probably the rich men. I can understand women going for men of higher status, but not the rich men.
Where was the the mother? Why did she just disappear after she didn't get custody? I don't think she would have been any better off with mom.
They neglected her and abused her way before he got cancer. I would go low contact with them nothing more .
You are colorful in this video ! Love it!
He wasn't your step brother, he was your half brother. Just because you don't want him, doesn't mean he's not blood. You people.........
As having trouble with my dad years ago do want you feel comfortable with
KARMA FOR EVERYTHING, INCLUDING THE DECEASED SON!!!!
He's a half brother not a step brother.
Forgiveness is something we do for ourselves so that our own life is not filled with more hurt and anger. However, it's possible to forgive and understand someone but also to never forget what they did to hurt you (and they hurt you for years). This will make you wary of their behaviour in the future and your trust will have to be earned. Apologies are great, if they are sincere, but actions speak louder than words. My advice to OP is to forgive (for her own piece of mind) and be very cautious when dealing with your father.
Just my 2 cents. If her father had only pushed her away when they got the diagnosis of the OP's brother, then I might say, give it a try, but don't dive in. The thing is, her 'father' probably never really cared for OP. She was a way to hurt his ex, and the fact she looked like her mother validated his reasons to neglect her further. The only thing she was good for was to take the role of housekeeper for him and his probable mistress. I have not spoken to my father in over 20 years, I gave him 7 chances, ranging from a few months to years, each and every time ending the same way. So if you want to try, go for it, but don't expect much and safeguard your heart.
This is a horrible situation, but I feel OP is justified in not forgiving or maintaining the relationship because her quality of life decreased immensely once the Step-mom was pregnant. There was major inequity in the quality of life afforded to Adam vs OP pre-cancer. Therefore, she would be justified in never dealing with them again due to blatant favouritism and neglect.
Not a step brother, is half brother. And I never heard 12 yr olds doing calculus...
Unfortunately many parents ( be male or female) tend to forget they have other children's, specially if they are divorced.
It's really sad and in the end, they end losing something they didn't know they could lose
Why does OP call her half-brother, step-brother?
Sorry but no. The negligence was even way back before the stepbro was born. The bio mother, the father, and the stepmom are the absolute worst. She especially should avoid at all cost her stepmom.
Quaaaaaaked like earthQUAKE!!!!
And REH-con-sile, accent on the first syllable. That's why I have to have the text-- many times I cannot understand what he is saying.
Quarreling Qua like in quack not querreling
That wasn't cookies thats chicken and potatoes
If I was the daughter and got that letter I would reply say that my mother and father is dead and to never contact them again afterwards
That wasn't a stepbrother, that was a half brother.
Both parents f'd up. I forgave my dad for his behavior (similar to OPs parents) But I could never trust them again. They were incredibly toxic towards me. I had to back away from them for my sanity.
Men only love their children for as long as they love the children’s mother. If a man remarries he will love his 2nd family more because he loves his new gf/wife more. It is very sad for all first children to be replaced.
Yes, some women do this awful thing too, but it it more common for men to do.
OP is NTA. Her father replaced her before the son got sick. Her father does not deserve a relationship with OP now. The dad threw away their relationship long ago. He has no one else to blame except HIMSELF.