Finally after 13 years of walking on egg shells, I decided enough was enough. I wasn't sad or angry, just done. I had enough of the disrespect, dishonesty, and manipulation. I deserve better. I wish him well and hope he has a good life and a strong family. Me? I'm focusing on the people in my life who actually care about me. I feel relieved that finally I no longer have to try to figure out the why or worry about what obscure thing is going to offend him this time. It's time to enjoy life again. Praise God!
rbw2628 I keep thinking I am done. I do ok for a while, but as he is my only child I have this deep-rooted feeling it is wrong to turn him away. Yet people tell me the time has come enough. I also want off the roller-coaster. So freaking sad. He is in jail. So at least he is not homeless.
@@sunflowerzelda45 Hello as each situation is different you work with what have to work with given the circumstances you are in with your only son , try to enjoy the days you are living because unfortunately you aren’t able to control the situation where he is but truly my heart is with you for knowing what you are going thru . Ps Im happy for rbw2628 because she is right no one deserves to be unappreciated or disrespected 🙏💜
Wow, I sure can relate to you. Good for you no mother deserves to walk on eggshells I am getting to the point where I am so angry with my daughter and hurt that she has made staying in an old run-down place full of holes, and mold, and when it rains it's socked in here. No hot water, or bathroom she just said to piss in a bucket. I am so disgusted with both of my daughters. She does not believe in God in the slightest and is all about worldly things. It is hard to even write this for me right now, and truthfully if it wasn't for me to believe in God I would have killed myself by now, for sure. Here in Canada, they have people that will let you commute suicide with professional' help.
@@summersunrise.9518 I pray things gets better , II’m glad you have a strong faith . Hopefully your daughters will reflect one day on their actions .. I send you tons of love from Texas 💕🙏☀️
@@sunflowerzelda45 It is so hard. I have an only child, a daughter. At times she can be disrespectful or uncaring to me. I never understand because we were so close when she was younger. Now it is always about whatever guy is in her life. I separated from her 8 years. But I found myself wondering if she wanted to see me but was afraid to come by. I eventually went to where she worked and talked to her. We eventually started to get together. It can still be hard on me at times. The thing is, they have such a hold on us, don't they.
I am 68. I was married 33 years, with two children. My husband died of a major heart attack 9 years ago. My son who had drug and alcohol problems, committed suicide just prior to my husband’s death. Now my only remaining family member, my 40 year old, has verbally abused me and disrespected my home. On her visit yesterday and my two beautiful grandchildren, I finally stood up to her abuse and asked her to leave. I can’t be her mental punching bag anymore. It’s better to be alone and in peace. I did the best I could! Thank you for your information and encouragement! God be with us all..
My 40 year old daughter has turned out to be a horrible person. Problem is, she has two kids. Her husband died of a overdose. My daughter is RN and was his biggest enabler. He hit her and the kids. She made excuse after excuse. Now she has stupid boyfriends every other week. I have talked to lawyers and I have zero chance to get the kids away from her. She knows the games and is just good enough to keep the kids. Every time I see the kids, they are 10 and 13 now, they ask if they can live with me. I keep telling them to keep out of trouble until they are 18 and my door is open. She was raised in a respectful home. My husband would never abuse a women or anybody. My son on the other hand is a good person. Although because of his sister he says he will never have kids. He said he can not understand why she is the way she is and he is terrified he could have a child like her. I would love to divorce her but I must keep the door open for her kids.
Bravo to you dear lady for standing up to your daughter, and let me assure you that you are not alone. No, you're not, both my daughters, and my son has been verbally abusive towards me for many years. I know you did the right thing by standing up to her. Peace and blessings to you always. Yes, I have and will continue to stand my ground, and let them know when to back off.
I totally agree Ann. It's like a death, maybe even worse than if they had died because when someone close to you dies, others feel more empathy for you, where as this is a silent and sad grieving alone. I recently decided to confide in my male cousin about the estrangement and he thinks we won't stay estranged but I'm not so sure because truthfully I don't want to put up with her bad treatment of me anymore. My male Cousin that I'm close to, made me feel better though and it's been a relief to tell someone. My Cousin said, she doesn't even know what bad parents are and that she should feel grateful and that he's sorry she's been treating me so bad. Also I have my Dad so at least I'm not alone during this grieving. I confided in another female Cousin and I kind of feel like I shouldn't have like she's using the information to hurt me because on Facebook she shared one of those graphic text things that get shared and it read "Spending time with your adult children is one of the greatest gifts in this world." or something like that. I find it hard to believe she didn't do that on purpose to make me feel worse. I know that she has gone through some things with her sons and yet she would never admit to it to make me think everything in her life is so perfect.
@@jamilgotcher5456 I'm so sorry you are going through this too. I feel like it is worse than a death also. Because they are making a choice not to have anything to do with us. And it hurts so much. We would never treat our children like this. Our love is unconditional, their's is not. I have also made the decision not to be treated like that. I wouldn't tolerate it from anyone else, and I won't from her. I truly think it is a sign of the times. No respect.This was the first Thanksgiving on 3 years I didn't cry over not seeing her. It still hurts, but I know God loves me and will never abandon me. I don't deserve this from her. I love my kids with all my heart. I always will, but I am praying for strength. She is not my job anymore. I was a person deserving of respect before her, and I still am. I cannot dwell on it all the time anymore, and am trying to heal. I read a good book, "Fault Lines" by Karl Pillemer. It helped me to realize that my expectations of what things should be like, and the reality are not always the same. I have to keep in mind everyday, she is a grown person, and not my little girl anymore. I feel sorry for her, because her issues will go beyond just me. She has control issues and abandonment issues due to her Father that she has decided to take out on me. I pray for her, but I finally feel like I may be starting to heal a little. I'll pray for you. God bless you.
Ann Weidner Thank you Ann and I am sorry for the pain you are going through too. My adult daughter has called me crying and wanting to repair the relationship. I think it shocked her that I didn’t invite her over for Thanksgiving. I told her that I didn’t think she wanted to see me for Thanksgiving. I’m feeling cautiously optimistic, wondering how long the good feelings will last. We both agreed to respect each other’s boundaries better so I really hope that she is moving towards maturing. I think she had a major falling out with one of her friends was part of the catalyst for her reaching out to me.
@@camouflagejumpsuit Well said. It's also worse than death because they have made a choice not to be in our lives or let us into theirs. They actively choose to become dead to us.
@@monicalillich8503 I'm glad this seems to have opened a door for you. And I hope it continues to go well. I told my son that I was stepping back and leaving it up to him to contact me if he wants a relationship. I said that after I'd redecorated the room they would stay in if they ever visited and sent him a photo of it. He said it looked good, so I took that opportunity to ask when they thought they might use it. He said he couldn't give me an answer. Having spent 3 years pursuing him with no luck, I'm giving him his space. Yes, we are in a pandemic which makes his treatment all the more terrible. I know I have anger and trust issues due to that.
For those who say, I could never divorce or let my adult children go....well, they haven't experienced complete hatred, rejection, and abandonment from your adult children unjustly. If they ever do, they will understand completely. :)
I feel now that I am not alone after listening to you and reading others comments. My son and I were so close, we took vacations together we confided in each other then he met this girl who appeared to be so humble and kind. Once she moved in and they got married everything changed she says I am a guest in their house to controls my son and I could hardly see the grandchildren. My son can't even have a video call with me so I can see the grandchildren when she is there she will not allow it. It breaks my heart every day I even thought of dying. I have very little family I have no sisters or brothers uncles or Aunt s. My son was everything and my daughter-in-law knew that she is horrible she has called me horrible name and like she said that my son is hers now. So I understand how all of you are feeling if it's a daughter or son and divorcing them it is a long process I'm not there yet but I have to be for my own sanity .
@@yvettesladek3579 I don't know everything, but maybe if you try to talk to her.? Explain to her .That she is apart of your son life now, but you're his mother and you want to be apart of hers also. Try this tactic, little scicology. Make her feel important. Obviously she is jealous of you. Good luck 👍
@@yvettesladek3579 Sorry for your deep pain as such a loving mum. Often alienators choose kind empathetic people so they can control and destroy good families. Stay strong
I thought I was completely alone and even after spending the bulk of my life investing in my children, it seems I’ve failed completely, pathological lying, falseness, playing the victim along with rewriting history on top of outright treachery, I can’t be around it anymore. I never imagined children I carried would be so cruel. Heartbroken 💔
Know that you are NOT A FAILURE. Sounds like my sons, one in particular. Mine would never treat their father the way treat me. It seems to be a huge problem, I had a 95 year old patient being mistreated by his remaining child. I thought "I'm 65 and I can't bear the thought of 30 more years of verbal, emotional and financial abuse." I have spoken at length with my GP, warts and all, and he is formulating a plan of action for me to follow to try and change this situation.
Yes me too. My kids don’t come to visit, they don’t call to talk, the one texts occasionally, the other lives in the basement and we text as he doesn’t wanna talk or have me in the apt. I brought them up with frequent time with extended family, and now they don’t even bother with them. Mellenials are very selfish I find. It’s all about them and their wants and needs, I didn’t bring them up that way, very disappointing. 🙁
I am a battle-scarred veteran of this topic but after learning how to navigate things, the passage of time and significant maturation of my sons has happened and we are restored to something actually sweet and comfortable. However, the damage is profound and what happened, happened. I think the most important thing to realize is to stop sending gifts and cards, stop wanting explanations, stop trying to fix things. When I finally got colder and harder and very distant, things shifted. When I realized I really didn't need them and actually didn't want the drama and rejection, things shifted. When I finally told one of them that I was far too valuable to put up with this blankety-blank behavior any longer, and meant it, he heard me. Game shifter. I also know that we are all different and our kids are all different so there is no one size fix all fit. And grandchildren, cold as it sounds, are collateral damage. The world today doesn't value older people, doesn't teach respect for elders, and encourages me, me, me... Remember: don't beg, grovel, apologize repeatedly and find someone or a group to encourage you.
Yes, this is exactly what you have to do, teach people that you value yourself not to tolerate their abuse. Because my Dad won't put up with that behavior one bit, my daughter doesn't treat him like that. I need to be more like my Dad, somewhere he has demonstrated to her that he will not be disrespected in his house so my daughter doesn't. My Dad and I get along great. I think my daughter is jealous of the relationship I have with my Dad although he has been a wonderful grandfather to her. We both have spent time and money helping my daughter and neither one of us deserve disrespect. She's more afraid of my Dad than she is of me. I'm starting to realize that their needs to be a healthy level of fear when someone continually disrespects you and is emotionally abusive to you.
what you write is unfortunately so true. it is not about us, ever. it has all to do about them (the adult child). I'm not referring to a parent who was abusive, mind you, as that would be a totally different subject matter. Although, I actually know a mom who was more into drugs then her child, yet, the daughter remained close to the mom and felt sympathetic and empathetic toward her and their relationship blossomed once the mom was clean. Basically what I'm saying is that you may think you've been a great mom, but your adult child may not think so--and the sad part is--you may never know why.
Same for me. One is 27 and has been detached for nearly 3 years. Other 28 and its been a couple weeks. This is so sad and breaking my heart but I also feel relieved, free from the stress from them, and safe!!! No physical harm but the screaming, demeaning, hateful and mean verbal attacks are simply frightening and abusive. I have to admit I feel much pain seeing others w loving, involved parent / adult children relationships.
@@FM19MONTH “Involved parents and children relationships”. That’s the problem. We need to cut the cord. And let our kids grow up. And our kids will never see us as a “person” but as their mom or dad. It’s hardwired since we provided for THEM as babies etc. Friends are important too. Our friends see us as a person. And grandchildren are pretty sweet too. Peace 🙏🏽🕊
@@FM19MONTH I am in the same boat and feel the same way! Hard to look at other families! I made the decision to break away, but not much of a choice since the emotional abuse which I finally admitted was happening would continue!
I didn’t realize so many other women are estranged from their adult children until I openly told them about my situation. Knowing I wasn’t the only one dealing with this in some way helped. It helped me realize I wasn’t some kind of monster who drove my child away. I was just a mother who did her best. Like so many others it wasn’t considered good enough somehow.
Estrangements are honestly tragic considering that one has emotionally invested the best years of life into children. I am shocked that there are no feelings left as if robots raised robots. Is it the same all over the world? I tend to think that estrangements are less common outside anglophone world. I learned that in Portugal everyone gathers at grandma’s house for a meal three times a day. Grandma cooks, cleans up and loves it. Crazy. But, it works. So, no need to judge. My grandparents loved having family around, at least once a week. Maybe, it is about big, extended families where children don’t feel so stuck with the parents alone. I didn’t get along with my parents, but I had a great relationship with my grandparents and uncles and aunts. I never abandon my parents , but maybe I would if the rest of the family wasn’t close by. Throughout the human history, there were kids and parents that had issues, but there was a respect and an obligation to be decent (helpful?) towards your blood family. This is so disheartening and nobody can convince me that turning the page leads into happier days. I think that no truly loving and devoted parent can ever successfully recover from being shunned by a child. If the society did not make it so acceptable, this would not be occurring that easily. I think it’s natural that parent is more attached to his/her child than the child to the parent because the children move on, form new relationships and dependencies. However, the fact that children treat their parents without any emotions, leave them to grow old and helpless - that is the end of civilization for me. How can this be?!
I’m middle 70s and have had no contact with my sons for 18 years, their choice, not mine. It breaks my heart, but I’ve made a good life with true friends.
Don't hang out with people who don't dig you. That's all I need to know about my daughter at this point. I'd rather spend my time with people who like me as I am.
Yes, I'm living this situation. A dear woman gave me some valuable advice - years ago - when my daughter cut off her entire family in exchange for her husband's family - completely. The dear woman said to give her the gift of freedom from me. Do it with love. Don't chase after her. Don't send her gifts, cards, letters. Let her go - completely, the way she walked away from the family - but let her go with love. Maybe one day, my grandchildren will come looking for their mother's family - maybe not. I'll be here for them if they do come to find us. In the meantime, I've worked through my grieving process and now moving on with my life.
God bless you from one broken-hearted grand-mother/mother to another. God is near to the broken hearted and you are wise to let go in love... that is all we can do and bitterness and anger only keeps us in even more pain.
This sounds very familiar. Our children have also chosen their in-laws for their primary contact. A few years ago God told me to let them go and put all my time into my husband. I have done that and our retirement years are wonderful. Each of us does what we want and some things together without the foolish drama of narcissistic adult children. I have "loved them from afar" by praying for them, but no longer have emotional ties to them any more than I would with any stranger. Our family is the family of God, they are wonderful enhancing what we believe and where we want to be in our lives. If our children ever come back with a different attitude then we can perhaps reconnect, but if they don't that's alright too.
@@leslie.dixon. My thought is, if you are self-reflexive enough to wonder if you are a bad mom, then you are probably a great mom, and your children are not so good at adulting because they need a bit of drama and the power of dishing out some pain to feel complete. I hope I'm not hurting you with my words. I just know there are 2 kinds of parents here... the kind who don't quite want to let the kids move on (and maybe they are right) and the kind with abuse from offspring [from rudeness to manipulation] (and they most of all have a painful time of it). UPDATE 😄 I located my older daughter and visited her on Easter 🐣😊 I left it up to her to stay in touch by phone. My # is the same and I didn't ask hers. There's always email, too. She asked me to mail her "keeping box" the hat box I stuffed every childhood memory into for treasure hunts into her past. She's happy and working on her anxiety and depression, has a happy gentle man and they plan to have a child someday when they can afford to. I reached out to my youngest, who did not respond. She lives with her father and his parents, and with ASD hopefully always will have a roof there. She's quite the narc like he is, so it's a good match up and he needs someone. I hope he stops stalking the oldest, he got information from his parents and showed up at her place of work. Now she's decided to cut off the grandparents, too. Good call, sometimes it is better to let go of someone in order to live better.
I'm 41 with no children & made the decision not having any. Reading everyone's experiences breaks my heart 💔 Sending every mother in the comment section air hugs.
When I really get to know women and I ask would they have children if they could do it again its 90% no. I haven't been keeping a record but it is alot more no's than I ever imagined.
I’m done stressing over it! I take my grown kids as I find them. If I hear from them, fine, if I don’t that’s ok too! I hope to live whatever time I have left as peaceful as possible, doing what I want to do. Not what they think I should be doing!!
@@cross-eyedmary6619 Well if she is anything like me, she used to call them regularly only to have them not pick up or tell you they didn't have time to talk. I've told all my kids, "call when you can, you're busier than I am." That has worked for us.
Thank you for this topic! I recently moved 1,600+ miles to be close to my adult daughters, which are both married & I am very blessed to have four grandchildren. I’ve been divorced for over twenty years, & I lived alone, so I thought moving close to my family would be a joyous time, full of love & excitement - well it’s just the opposite. My daughters & their family members are always too busy to visit, or text or call or even stop by to say “Hi”. I feel more alone now than I did when I lived in another state with established loving & caring friends. I’ve lived here in this area for over ten months now & I’m more depressed than I’ve ever been in my life. I desire to return to the state where I’ve lived prior to moving here. I realize that my daughters have their own happy life & since I’m not getting any younger, I do need a fulfilling life as well. I began to feel guilty thinking about moving from my family here. I needed to accept that I’m no longer a priority in their lives, they have their own lives. I thought enduring cancer, surgery that followed, living with an ambulation disability from a work injury that included three unsuccessful knee surgeries, had been difficult, but when your own adult children distance themselves from you, It’s time to regain your courage, put the pieces of your broken heart back together & continue living what life you have remaining.
So your post was 5 months ago. Care to give an update?? I'd like to hear what you decided to do and how you are doing now. Just want you to know, your words helped me realize and know what I have to do in a decision I have to make. Thank you for posting.
Thank you for this post, for years I tried to do this and I believe something or someone kept me from going. Be encouraged and I pray you find the strength to move back if possible.. God bless!
Just wanted to add to your very heartfelt story that Jesus is the answer to all our needs. Pray for you children's eyes and heart to be opened to love and understanding. God bless you and I hope they come back to you. It's also like the song Cat in the Cradle and the Silver spoon song.
I admit I feel exactly the same way and it''s painful. My own decision is to continue to send cards, simple presents, and friendly texts throughout the year. They call from time to time to proclaim they love me, but they remain very distant and self focused. When I die, I dont know if they will have regrets, but I do know that they will know that I never stopped caring. It's a tough deal for sure. HUGS !
YES. This podcast has come to me in perfect timing. My heart is broken, but I can no longer put myself last. My daughter is almost 30 and I have reached the end of my resilience and ability to keep forgiving behaviour that I would not tolerate from any other person on earth.
Going through this with my 30 year old son. Held on to hope his meds would help him be more respective of me. Found out today that’s not going to happen
Going through this with my 33 year old daughter. At 60. I can’t do this. I need my peace! She is living with me and taking advantage. Need to set my boundaries!
Ladies, especially those of you who may have a disrespectful and ungrateful daughter; you have a little girl inside of you (your own soul and inner being) who needs you more than ever. That little inner being has had a life time of memories and experiences (good, bad, hurtful, hardships, illnesses, etc.). She has sacrificed enough for everyone else (husband, children, elderly parents, siblings, etc.) . Now it's time for you to think about her (your inner being). Nurture her, fill her heart with goodness and glory, show her how to love life again, she (you) are no longer responsible for every little thing that goes wrong in everyone else's life. Take a deep breath, slowly let it go along with the deep pain, and try to see the light and the new world that surrounds you. Set her (yourself) free and fully enjoy and love your inner self. It's hard at first, but believe me, it works. You'll soon realize just how much you have neglected her...your inner being. Set her free, you'll still have all those memories, but you'll no longer be carrying someone else's baggage!
I had to just stop the abuse from my son, I tried to hold on but realized that I have to separate from him for my health. The hardest thing I have every done in my life. I can't allow him to treat me like a door mat,
BOY is that true. I feel that our son treats us like a door mat too and I don't understand it at all!!!! Happy New Year 2021 and a new understanding. We had several apt. with a therapist and she said that we need to protect ourselves from : hot/cold, come here/go away, drama, manipulation etc etc. I took notes and when I feel stressed I read what the therapist said. Those notes do help me as I still wake up in the morning with it on my mind but the chest/heart pain is gone.
I just read your reply and I’m in a similar situation with my two daughters. They have bullied and mentally abused me for years and I kept putting up with it until I had to divorce myself from their lives.... for my mental health. I am in a better place now and no one should put up with any kind of abuse especially from a child you gave birth too. 😟
@@monicalillich8503 i would love to know what you learned. The drip drip drip and subtlety of put downs from my two eldest. Finally, it ended with me sustaining a broken wrist from my son when i stood up to him. My daughter has withheld my granddaughter because i stood up to her. It's heartbreaking and it doesn't make any sense. Hope you are okay and healing from it all.
I am dealing with this for almost 10 years now. Never in a million years would I have seen myself without my daughter in my life. Now I am seeing that I must accept this situation in order to keep my own life. I must leave this to GOD!
My story exactly though it was today I said Im putting up strong boundaries I try to look at him like the adult he is not the 15 yr old he is basically stuck at I'm desperately am waiting for my Grandson who is 16 and a half to turn 18 so he can get away bfrom his parents And I fully realize thats my wish , and might not be his t x you for your post
It’s been a year for me since my divorce from my narc husband. I stuck it out for my 2 girls for so many years and now that I’m out of there and they are adults, they rejected my decision and punishing me for it.
@@rondanatan6198 That is Soo wrong for them to do that. Well I guess their time is coming. There's an old saying, " What goes around comes around ". They don't know what you ever had to deal with, and all you have done for them, and how much you loved them, and all they can see apparently is the facade, and never what was behind the scenes that "you" yourself had to deal with. You can tell them a millions times but they'll never get it. So it's just like standing around a fire when it gets too hot, and breaks out, then run. Create a life for yourself. "You" are important. " You " are special. " You " deserve a life worth living. Make new friends that can be true to you. Kids grow up and have theirs. You need yours. You'll be surprised how fast life goes wasting it on people that we have worked, and struggled for soo much of our life, and loved to the ends of the earth , that has proved that they don't deserve our time. We just end up being the bulls eye on their dart board. Life is too short. Get a life for yourself and love yourself girl. 🌺 ❤️ 🤗
@@Joy-sm7iz Thank you so much Joy for your insight and your words of encouragement. You’re incredibly kind. We, the victims of such behavior require nothing but empathy and solidarity with what we are going through. I have moved on in many ways and I’m working on myself and enjoying my freedom , have made new friends and have met a wonderful man and I pray for my children to come around.because I love them so much despite it all🙏🙏🙏 ❤️🌷❤️🌷
@Sharon Bee Yeah, I don’t like it, wish it were different, but it’s been going on a long time. It’s first time I’ve started taking care of my heart. She’s getting married this year, I’ve already missed a dress fitting I was invited to in such a way I felt she knew I would decline. Then yet again I come off as the bad guy, the one that is responsible. 🤷♀️ I don’t want to be involved in anything where I’m not wanted. I said all that to say, I’m not sad either. I’ve accepted it is what it is, isn’t what it isn’t and much less painful this way than trying to avoid the emotional sniper.
Finally, a video that doesn’t automatically assume that the parents are narcissists and that the adult children are justified in cutting off their parents. Sometimes it’s the adult children who are narcissistic and won’t accept their parents if they won’t validate their inflated sense of self importance or their distorted world view. You can love someone and not approve of their life choices, that doesn’t make you a monster, it makes you a protective person, which parents are supposed to be.
I complete agree. I have been frustrated by videos and posts that always blame the parents for estrangement. Of course there are parents who are struggle with alcoholism, drug addiction, mental illness, etc. These are horrible situations and it might be helpful for children to set boundaries. The epidemic of estrangements we have seen over the last couple years are most likely families who have loving, supportive parents. Perfect? Of course not, but not abusive at all .The most hideous of these estrangements are when’s children stop talking to their parents just because they have different political beliefs. How absolutely stupid and ridiculous is it to let a politician break up your family?
I had no idea this was so common. It brings comfort that I'm not alone. I will focus on the child that does answer his phone and reach out to me. Thx everyone for all your comments You are not alone.
Yes it has helped me too to see I am not the only one . I hope things get better with you . I have a relationship with my two kids but it’s strained. It’s difficult . I am not going to let them make me sad and feel guilty for things years ago. I did my best , I love them . Stay strong
@@pamaladarsow2763 me too, this is so helpful. I am letting go of 3 of my 4 today. I feel so much better already. Knowing we are not alone means everything.
No, I started looking this up, because, I thought, and, feel like, I am the only one. I am not even in my 60s and, that adult child doesn’t live with me. Everyone has there own story and situation but, I gradually found out, I’m not the only one. And, no your not the only one but, the thing is there does need to be a support line for others and, no, you and, I are not the only one, but, your not alone.
Motherhood has not turned out to be as joyful as I thought it would. I feel like the younger generation now expects so much more of parents that my boomer generation did. I've always given 110 percent of myself . Frankly, after 37 years of motherhood, I'm very weary..... Thank you, Margaret, for bringing this sensitive topic to the surface....
I am going thru this divorce from my adult children now. It hurts but decided it was necessary for my survival. It wasn’t what I wanted but lack of respect and concern left me no choice. I wish them well and as Dolly Parton says (or sings) I will always love you. It got too hurtful for me. Had to find some peace. 😢
I think we have gone the other way in this new generation of 'freedom'. Our children don't appear to have much attachment. My 20 year old son would rather spend hours on his phone than have a chat with me and the 18 year old daughter just wants to get out. I as a child lived in an authoritarian, controlling family and until recently still accepted the abuse by the parents and siblings. I am 59 and had to go no contact with them now. Can you imagine the pain? At the same time as I had to define my boundaries better with the parents and siblings, I had to let go of my children, big time. I happened to be in the middle of two extremes and now I am struggling with grief and loss beyond belief. My husband is very good though and patient, but I don't know, he might find he has enough of me with all these problems...
My daughter stopped talking to me when I divorced her father. She also said some very nasty and disrespectful things to me. It hurt for a long time, but I have reached a place of peace and letting her go. I used to stand at the door waiting for her to come back to me. After two years, I have let her go. I wish her well but I have walked away from that door and living my life.
My experience is that the adult kids want you to understand, support and respect them but when the door swivels in the other direction, they usually want and need you to understand, support and respect them without being willing to do the same.
Totally agree. But sadly at this time they only rely on me to watch the dog when they're gone, or ( gladly) my granddaughters. Otherwise, they have absolutely no use for me
Margaret as a follower of yours from Day 1 ( and sometimes a little critical), I can’t thank you enough for this topic. I am not estranged from my 2 sons but rocky roads abound! I have been trying to do what you talked about and making some progress so this video came at a perfect time . First, because there is strength in numbers and second because what you said and the author said is so true! I was heartbroken at first but getting over that. Will not be so vulnerable at the same time maintaining a that
My two adult children are loving human beings who have been there for me emotionally as well. As a single parent since my son was 1 and at the same time found out I was pregnant with my daughter, I’m all they’re had. Their father chose not to be apart of their lives. My focus was to always put their needs first and now that I’m older they look after my needs as well. We still go on vacations together and are there for each other when someone is sick. Bottom line is that we all just want each other to be happy.
The reality is that our children are on loan..We have expectations and then HURT when they don't give us what we need. I have a fairly OK relationship with my adult children but only because I have let go of them.. I don't depend on them for my well being. Let them go and try make the best of your own life. You did the best you could for them and be proud of that. Love to all here
I always knew my child was on loan. But I also imagined I'd be as involved in their live as I was in my own grandparents' lives. I guess times have changed.
This is more common than people know! I hear it all the time during my tarot readings. After raising two kids for decades on my own when their estranged father finally decided to be in their lives… I became the outcast. He walks on water. I’ve made mistakes but I also didn’t abandon them, and I’ve come to terms with moving on now without my kids. I tried to apologize for my mistakes only to receive scathing texts from them. I’m done, and at peace with my decision. Meditation helps. Ladies know you’re not alone.
In 1973 I was crossing the street with my son when this older woman approached me. She said your child will never care for you like you are caring for them. She was right.
She was right but what a weird thing to say to a stranger, or to anyone! I had a woman tell me (we were standing in line at Walmart and I had my 3 small kids with me), "little kids little problems, big kids big problems." She was right too but if I only had negative things to say I'd keep my mouth shut lol!
Yes she was right, and I am surprised you view the child that YOU decided to bring into the world, has to give back to you to the same degree that you had when it was you who started the whole thing, children are gifts but you view your relationship with them as completely transactional? ROI?
@@Peem_pom I have no idea who you are talking to but I never expected my children to give me anything. I hope for love and most of the time I receive it. They are my children and I'm their mother. Most families feel obligated to each other and value being part of a loving family. It's your life and your history. Why anyone would throw that away is beyond me. Of course I'm not talking about chronic abuse. In loving and functional families almost anything can be forgiven.
I am 65 and a codependent mother to two adults, one male and one female. I am doing my best to learn how to distance myself and let them make their own mistakes and suffer the consequences. It’s so hard. I’ve always been a fixer and neither of them wants that and neither do I anymore. Everyday, I listen to a new video or read something that helps me to detach and still love them with all my heart. God bless all of you struggling in your relationships.
That is true I find the hardest thing to do is to separate myself, and not being angry about it. I need to learn to separate and or divorce myself from my children and still want the best for them.
Remember you were strong enough to raise them, you are strong enough to let them learn to live their own lives. And yes, some days it feels like you will never stop crying. But you do, because you will realize that you can only do so much, and you cannot make choices for others. Smile as often as you can.... and acknowledge your ability to find some joy. You deserve nothing but the best .... always!
After being shut out of my adult daughter’s life for so many years, I am letting go. I’m here if she wants a relationship but I will not put myself through the emotional pain anymore. I only have so many years kept and I deserve to be happy.
The healing can't really start until we let go. I think the process is like accepting the death of a loved one. Disbelief, anger, and then acceptance. Hugs across the miles...I hope that you can find peace.
@@marytal8236 not in my case, son does not have a wife. In fact I have liked all his girlfriends, he doesnt keep them long, wonder why. I also like my daughter's husband. It is all them.
Thank you for putting this out for discussion. I have spent the last year being separated from my son. He was my world and I never expected that he would put me to the side. It has now been 15 months with no communication if any it is negative. Three months ago I sat feeling sorry for myself and decided that I was not the problem. I am 60 years old and have so much to experience. It has been hard but I have completely distanced myself from him and focus on what makes me happy. I love him more than my life however I will no longer tolerate the disrespect and judgments placed on me. It is my hope that one day maybe he will come back into my life and I will welcome him with open arms. But for now I wish only that he and his family experience happiness and joy. It has been really hard for me and each day I think of him but it also seems like I am starting to get excited about doing things for myself and enjoying whatever time I have left. I wish I could hug all of these women who posted.
These are very bad times we're living in. The worldly system (schools, unis, work, media) is what encourages our loved ones to be disrespectful or turn their backs on us.
You sound so mentally healthy although I know you are living in pain. I hope to get to your level of loving myself again. It's a living Hell right now.
We were ghosted by our children...little did they know, we ghosted them too. It's more peaceful & calm. They want to blame us for their behavior their shortcomings...not accepting their energy. Enjoying the peace now and the calm. Manipulation is when they blame you for your reaction to their disrespect. We're done! It will never be the same even if we did get together. Your video was timely. Thank you 😊
@@sixtyandme Thank you. Better than ok! Great when the rest of the family can see exactly what's happening and the support is given...no words just action. Both husband and I actually are doing better than we would have expected...I guess it helps when both are on the same side.
Just stumbled upon your video. I am going through this now at 54 with my adult daughters. The hardest thing for me is that someone else can have such a huge influence on them. 💔
I'm childless but I find that way to many ( women especially ) more than men bring a lot of the grown adult children issues to the workplace and discuss their kids lives non-stop / I've learned that it's a topic that everyone does not need to hear daily / finding healthy hobbies and creative outlets should be embraced as parents develop.🙏
My husband and I made the mistake of giving our only child everything you could wish for. We called her princess so much that she believed it, I guess. We loved her so much. We worked ourselves to death to give her things we never had. When we sent her off to college, she changed. She turned into the most self-centered person that we didn't even recognize her anymore. We supported her for years, and she just wanted more. We finally said no. She is now punishing us by not speaking to us. After a million tears, I have now turned her room, which was a shrine, into my sewing room, and my husband and I are spending her inheritance. If she does come back, how would we know it was not just for money. When people ask about her, we say she is off in another state on a job, then change the subject.
Unfortunately giving a child everything without teaching them about sacrifice and gratitude is always going to backfire on the parents. So many parents give too many worldly things to their children and the child expects more more more....They only see the love you expressed as gifts and money. They have no real concept of love. As a result the adult version of a sploit child isn't very pleasant.... you cannot force to love you or respect... I am guilty of this myself. I am not condemning you at all. If only we had a handbook for each child. I had five and they all turned differently even though I went to great lengths to give equally in time and money etc.... It really is the hardest job being a parent. Love yourself and forgive yourself. Step away even though it's very painful. Your daughter has her own journey. Let her discover herself.
I did the same thing thinking that I wanted my daughter to have the things my parents were too poor to give me. Big Mistake. She became a monster and expected the moon, sun and stars. 4 years estranged now. I’m surviving.
I watched all the parents make the same mistakes, I refused to do what everyone else was doing and I also didn’t have the money either. I could see what type of ppl these kids would turn out to be, and I was right. I wonder if they will raise their kids the same?
Same - 4 years. I cut former son off - he also became a monster. It is so sad - he was such a very good kid when he was young. Also, his step sister is a sub criminal psychopath, and had great influence over him...
I got some good advice for everyone.. I was a great Mom all involved with my two childrens lives. When they became adults and ignored me and only called when they needed something I changed. I put a wall up as much as it hurt 25 years ago. I treat them as I would anyone else who shuns me. It is written at the end children will disrespect their parents. Faith has made me very strong and I hope and pray that my message helps those who have this horrible experience with grown adult brats.
If you want grandchildren, please ask about volunteering as a reading tutor at your local elementary school. We always need kind, caring adults who can listen to children practice their reading. You can change a child's life!
The senior center in my area has some activities that are inter generational. Our local library also has a summer reading program that includes listening to people of all ages read aloud. If you want to take advantage of an opportunity you can. I don’t know very many people who actually got the future/old age that they thought they would.
Not good advice for me. My grandson is the love of my life and being held hostage by mean spirited self absorbed daughter. I would be in tears reading to other kids when I can't read and spend time with him.
I'm 51 and been living with being the last on my daughter's list for about 10 years now. The tears I've cried would fill a swimming pool. Even moving closer hasn't had any effect, as the poster says, it's had the opposite effect. I only have my daughter left as my family have passed away, so she knows that I don't have any other family member who I can turn to if I need to talk or share things with. So thank you for posting this. I can count on one hand how many times I see her in a year - that's usually after asking to see her and booking an appointment! It's crazy. I love her with all my heart but I'm so tired of feeling left out in the cold. Thankfully I've just joined a few social groups in my area and for once, I could actually say to her that I was busy the weekend she wanted to see me. I'm not going to drop everything anymore. She knows where I am if she ever needs me, but at the moment her boyfriend is fulfilling her every need so I'm out to pasture. I'm going to enjoy my autumn years and stop feeling so neglected. Thank you again for this 🙏✨💜
This is me im so glad tho.ive got my so who my daughter does the same too. Today we were watching my grandson play football and we stood there watching like strangers
You are only 51. If we make our children a priority in life, we become their priority in life. There is no question that we live for them, and happy to die for them. But our children are adults, independent and lead a busy life. Hankering to have a close relationship brings heartaches. Let them live the way they want to, letting them go means you are allowing them to miss you, want to see you. Live your own life, do what you want to do. Expecting a solid relationship only drives that person away from you.
Very smart! above someone mentioned about stop the cards,,apologizing, begging, asking to see them and jsut to get rejected one more time....STOP! sometimes after what could possibly become years, it may reverse itself. i as well have these boyfriends who always take first place and seems to play itself to end up replacing me or simply just, as the above mother said, take my place. Truly is beyond heartwrenching. When they leave this earth, as sick and sad as it is, there's closure on God taking them. i get very scared that it can happen b4 any kinds of reconciliation or amends are made. A friend had that happen to him (a father), and alhough he firmly believes his son is in heaven, and God has forgiven him, he himself cant seem to get past the not forgiving himself to have done whatever he possibly could to make the amends. But that was a situation where he kicked the adult son out ( drugs involved) in reverse to the son abandoning or rejecting his father. I intend on doing all I can although the rejection and abandonmnt and screams of "I dont want you in my life" just came again in the last several weeks and it hasnt been this bad with my 30year old daughter since she graduated and didn't wnat me in her life similar to whats now going on ...seems like....ALL OVER AGAIN!! Like reliving year 2010 once again!! There were times things got better...not good at all....but better....thru the past 13 years. Now, since the boyfriend who's 15 years older than her, and seems like he possibly is taking the place of her dad that died when she was only 6 years old. But that has presented a whole world of new issues as they are doing this midEastern meditation and putting crystals all over the house and screaming at me for blessing things in the house when i watched the dogs, as though my blessing or praying over her or her home is putingsome sort of curse or bad mojo on her or the boyfriend or the home!! Sick,,absured.. absolutely ludicrous...unacceptable and unblievable. I attribute it to being nothing short of satan himself being fully alive and active in her life and in that home. The home is where i grew up 64 years ago (23 years til i left home)
You are not alone alot of people just dont talk about the fact that they suffer becuase of one or more of their children lack of respect es my son has completely cut me off i cant even call him he has me blocked
One can share the hurt of this rejection with only select few friends. It is too painful and most don’t want to think such pain is possible. There is a shame in the rejection.
Me too, so alone. My son has cut me off from his life. His wife has mental/addictions issues and completely manipulates him and her mother. It’s a classic codependent relationship that my son can’t or won’t want to see. They keep two grandkids from me and my husband. It’s heartbreaking and very worrisome situation. It would be easy to let go if grandkids were not in the picture. I feel sorry for my son, his confusion and feelings of entrapment. At the same time I feel disappointed and enraged on his weakness to stand up for himself and do something to protect his kids from this unhealthy environment.
After 4 years i emailed my son and asked, son am i ever going to see you again? Ive just turned 60. He emailed back, No. Its been like a grenade has gone off in my face, and im upside down in a booby trap. Just cant seem to get out of bed. Im so glad i saw this today. Im so broken, but i will survive.
It's unfortunate but who actually had you answer...its been 4 yrs since you've seen him. That was it right there. For 4 yrs this probably hurt you more than it hurt him. Asking him just solidified to him that he's hurting you, still. Be in peace as hard as it may be. Take your power back! Let go, let God! May you find peace in your days and nights.
My children want money and things from me. When I retired 6 months ago I told them I would not be there financially. Now that they realize I meant what I said they are gone. I can't explain in words how much that hurts. All I was to them was a banker you never repay. My heart is crushed.
Debbie, did you give them money before you retired? I have a feeling you did because you specifically mentioned retirement as when you closed the bank. So what likely happened is that you conditioned them to ask you for money. You have done this in hopes of buying their love or keeping them in your life. I think a lot of the posters here had a core feeling of unworthiness that led them to sacrifice too much of their energy (money, time, emotional) and that created the lack of respect. When you feel whole, you never are interacting with others from a fear-based perspective where you need to keep them in your life by any means necessary.
@@suzycreemcheeze446 does that reply make you feel better about yourself ?! She helped her children financially out of the goodness of her heart until she couldn’t anymore. We all love to help out our children. So don’t victim blame and get off your high horse. I’m sure this lady would have appreciated a kind word from you instead of trying to turn it all around to be her fault. Shame on you.
Moms! Give yourself a break, or go on a special trip and celebrate it anyway. Let them become self actualized and you have fun with your life. Read, write, walk, sing, cry, get a job, volunteer, go to school, go to church, clean your house, garden, sew, gripe and complain but go have your own life and own some fun, fun, fun!
On my way to Costa Rica 4 days from now. It was supposed to be the 3 of us but it will be just me. My 2 daughters are horrible and Im good. Update went to Costa Rica. Had a fabulous time rolled around in both birds have that whole sweet by myself and I’m living my life like it’s golden thank you Jill Scott from making that song peace
Beautifully said. These adult children are selfish, ungrateful and even cruel. Most of us have done more for our children than our own parents ever did for us. We were generous with our time, our lives and our resources but this generation often grows up spoiled and without the character to honor their parents, let alone care for them as they age. They simply are void of that character.
None of us are alone in this. It’s becoming an epidemic. Adult children don’t want to be saddled with having to help their aging parents. I lost both of my parents within a few months several years ago. My oldest son has been on drugs for 15 years and treated them like his bank. They enabled him thinking they were helping him. As soon as they died, and he found out I wasn’t going to support him at the age of 35 he left, and I haven’t heard from him cents. He has a daughter who doesn’t know me. My youngest son, who is 10 years younger, married a girl who is very controlling and only wanted her family in his life. She’s clearly threatened by the fact that we were so close. They now have a baby that I have also never met. I lost my parents and my kids all in one shot. I have no other family. My younger son has reached out a few times, but I always get ridiculed, verbally abused, and left feeling like a failure. It’s kind of like I have to grieve his loss over and over again. I have chosen now to cut ties completely so I don’t have to go through the morning of him repeatedly. I also don’t have to go through the verbal abuse. I was a wonderful single mom and don’t deserve the way I have been treated.
I sympathize with you, Kristi. It's very cruel of them not to let you know your grandchild. I also have a daughter-in-law that doesn't let my son invite me over. She is very possessive and jellous of my relationship with my son, that was once so close. The fact that my son doesn't let me enter his and her place hurts me like a thorn stuck in my heart, So much more because and helped and help them so much. But I must learn how to separate and lead my life without expecting any decent, fair, loving reaction from him. I have to accept it and move on with my life.
It's a sad world we live in. My son doesn't speak to me either. Of course it hurts but I just don't go there. It's his problem not mine. And yes I have twin grandsons I have never been able to see. He is coming to the state I live in to see his cousin. It shall be interesting how he handles it. The ball is definitely in his court. We raise them the best we can. They are grown adults and are making their own decisions now. This woman has wonderful advice.
I'm going through letting go of my adult daughter who is 30 yrs of age and a bully. The pain is excruciating as I was also a single parent. My daughter cut me off just 2 weeks after my father’s funeral and it has almost been 3 years since we have spoken. I have also moved 200km away from my narcissistic family, I am the youngest born. It was good watching your video knowing that I am taking positive steps with moving on. My heart goes out to all parents who are experiencing this immense heartache. My God heal your heart.
I divorced my 2 daughters for many reasons. I truly understand what so many are going through. I have had a huge weight taken off my shoulders divorcing them. My sister’s do not understand. They have no idea and will never. I am healing well from all that my daughters have done to me. Stay strong, be positive and optimistic. Thank you sixty and me!
I still grieve over my estranged daughter for 16 years. I got into alcohol and made the grieving so much worse. I am trying to pick up the pieces and heal at 62.
I'm 46 and going through this now. It's the only way I see myself living my best life without drama, and manipulation. I miss my grandson but I have to protect myself and my sanity.
So your sisters and your daughters have a problem with you….doesn’t that tell you something? The problem is you- not everyone else. I’m glad your girls have their aunts.
I have three adult narc kids, all in their 50s, and 3 of 4 young adult grandkids showing strong signs of narcissism. I have been listening to Dr. Ramani who has gotten me through the worst of the gray rocking required. I am Catholic. Our priest suggested writing the kids' names on a piece of paper, and putting them under my Crucifix, giving them back to God to love them and care for them. I have been relieved of my pain and self blaming. This speaker is correct - we did our best. Our kids have decisions to make. If they don't, it is not our fault. I pray for them every day, but my guilt is quieted.
I'm sure you were an absolutely perfect parent. How odd it is that all three of the children you raised turned out this way. I wonder what the common denominator is?
All these comment echo my own relationship with my daughter. I cried everyday, several times a day. Letting go was impossible yet that was the only choice I had. Now a new grand baby and am waiting for the other shoes to drop and be cut off. I stay open, but deeply careful not to build my hopes. To me it’s shameful to be estranged. I was so close to both my parents until their death. These times are so different. As an elderly person fear of dependency haunts me.
This exactly how I feel. Almost as soon as my son got married (despite having been with his wife for 10 years) everything changed almost overnight. We were so incredibly close when he was growing up. Even when he moved away to live with his girlfriend we had an agreement that he'd visit once a month. That all disappeared when he married her. He told me he would still visit, but then just stopped without explanation - and somehow I was to blame for expecting too much. I was in such pain for months and months. Now we're "talking" which means texting in today's world. I never see him....he phones maybe once or twice a year. And I wonder what I did wrong to produce this situation. Growing up he always said I'd live with him when I was old. I almost laugh at that, while I wonder what will happen in my old age, and whether I'll die alone.
@@lanasoosar Hi. I don't think he'll do that - he's very successful in his own right, altho' seems to have difficulty acknowledging my contribution to that. But I do think about changing my will ... after all, I have 2 cats.
@@monicalillich8503 That's so sad. I used to get a "Happy Thanksgiving" text - that was all. Nothing on my birthday. I finally told him I was taking a step back until he decided he wanted a proper relationship - one that included actually talking (I was only allowed to text), and even visits. Since then I haven't heard from my son at all. Recognizing the need to distance oneself is the first step to some kind of recovery, I suppose. But it's hard to actually do this because that means giving up all hope. Even tho' I wonder if he'll ever see the light, I know that even if he did, our relationship is destroyed. I feel rejected and discarded. After all, we're in the midst of a global pandemic and he has no interest or concern for his mother who is 62 and lives alone. I am perpetually astonished and dismayed by such callousness.
I feel the same way as you ...I'm very close to my Mum & want that for my daughters but it is so difficult with abusive partners that influence my daughters...I felt very empty when I had to put space between one of the daughter...but I had to for the sanity of our marriage that we have had to work so hard at to be happy...I'm not alone i see...
I was starting to think I was turning into a narcissist. Thank you. Three sons that I barely recognize anymore. So happy I found this channel. The Universe strikes again. 🙏🏼☮️from♓️
@@bellamina1957 She means what SHE means the last thing SHE needs is a criticizong comment from someone who doesnt nurture like Christ yet brings a hurting Mother donwn even further Shame on you! ZB
I am sixty-eight. My youngest daughter of my five adult "offspring", I use this word, as "children" seems incorrect somehow.😊 My youngest who is now forty years old is pregnant with her fourth child. This child is from a new, second husband. Since marriage, they have been pressuring me to move in with them. Sensing being setup to be a built-in babysitter, I have resisted every step of the way. I do not want that for my life. I am enjoying my new found freedom, as my husband passed in 2015. There are much more details but to be brief, my daughter has recently hurled many insults when I told her that I am interested in studying a program of healing in another state. I appreciate this video, as it relieves me of a heavy heart lately. Thank you!❤🎉
It’s amazing. This came into my stream. Two weeks ago. My daughter and I became estranged and I haven’t seen my granddaughter who I babysat every week since she was three months old and she’s turning three next month. We had a big fight. We’re going in opposite direction. I don’t agree with her life choices, and she doesn’t agree with mine, my daughter. I feel she’s making a mess of her life and my grandchildren will suffer for it. My heart is broken. And I cry a lot, but I needed to hear this. Thank you.
It gets easier as time passes. Same situation here. My granddaughter was 6 and it's been 2.5 yrs since I last seen or spoken to her. I live life to its fullest as I refuse to allow this separation to rule my life. I do pray that my granddaughter will want to reach out once she's an adult. Accepting this reality was my 1st step to healing.
Isn’t it amazing? I came across this video and I was in tears all day. To see these comments have been heartbreaking but also encouraging to know that I am not alone. God bless you! Thank you for sharing your story. I wish we could all form a support group. It would be wonderful. I know I need it. Take care beautiful Momma. We have done the best we could. Amen ♥️🙏♥️
Yep, same here…terrible choices, over & over again, 7 years now. I can’t continue to be her punching bag, I want peace, no drama. She can live her life, I’ll live mine. Unfortunately, that beautiful gran child comes attached to her mother and whoever she’s seeing. I have no legal voice in the matter, and refuse to be disrespected. So I’ve chose divorce too.
I divorced my daughter 3 days ago when I returned home to find she not only robbed my home but destroyed it in the process. I salvaged what I could, shipped it 2700 miles and am in my car headed cross country and free from her. I feel such relief and freedom! I told her be happy with the increase of she hoard and leave me alone, we are even... I am free and honestly, everything looks brighter as I can finally breathe again
Wow .. thank you for posting this and thank you to all those that commented here. I never imagined I would wind up so alone after raising 4 kids .. and wearing myself out to provide what I never had growing up .. the best home life I could. Everything was for them. I still have no grandchildren .. maybe that’s a good thing .. I cannot imagine being a non-factor in their lives too. Bless everyone here!
You are so right! Also reconciliation doesn’t work just set you further back . So much water under the bridge so much over the bridge there is no longer a bridge 😢 I speak from my own experience, after many years of estrangement we tried again . The first year was great but then the cracks started appearing. Grandchildren had grown now all in late teen , they had been used as punishment toward me had no contact for many years, it was very sad that the bond had been broken. Now once more I am broken again and my heart is shattered. I have now let go and will never go back , my health declined my mental health also . I’m in my early 60’s I’ve now accepted the unacceptable. Good luck and wishing everyone on this post PEACE ✌️ we deserve it 🤗 hugs to all .
Thank you for sharing that. I always wonder (worry) about reconciliation. How it would go IF my adult children ever decide to reach out to me in the future. I don't have any hopes they will at all, but just in case it happens, I honestly worry about it. If they can hurt you once they certainly can again.
@@angelfirelite I guess shame on me because my daughter has done horrible things to me many times over the last 30 years. People would find those things difficult to believe. I found out about 10 years ago that my ex was backstabbing me to my little children throughout our marriage when they were very little. I’ve gone back all these times because I want relationship. Now I’m 72 and almost 4 years ago I started learning about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. So, besides being indoctrinated my daughter has this too. For those who don’t know what this is, don’t even think of it as being a narcissist. That is only the first layer because she is far worse than that. I completely stayed away from her for 3 years and went back when I realized she has a disorder. Since then as before, there have been many ruined events. Christmases, etc. It has been very difficult. With my health in decline, it would be so nice to have a loving child. Let alone one with my grandson, who she alienates from me. I’ve told her clearly of the evil she does to me, and her response always is, I’m abusive. She never apologizes she just says I’m abusive. She can’t be reaoned with.
I find the best thing is acceptance of the fact THERE is a cut off. Then PREPARE for a future, WHAT ONE has left, TO BE on ONES own. Then build up new ideas for ONES FUTURE and COPING on our own, THERE is SUPPORT OUT there for OLDER people from society itself.
Wendy Sealy You are not alone. After the birth of my first grandchild I was totally cut off for no reason. My only child (son) did not contact me for two years. He reached out to me , but I can’t really trust him not to do it again. My daughter in law was jealous of our relationship. I can’t reconnect because the hurt is still there. I have a guarded relationship with them now.
@@lynns.1855 So sorry to hear this. I do relate. I often ask myself where did i go wrong. For the most part i think ive done so much to the point where i was expected to contribute in any way shape or form. Once i stood up for myself and allow them to see and know that i still have a life i was branded for what appears to be eternity. I love your idea of a guarded relationship.😊
I would like to recommend this book; Done With the Crying by Sheri McGregor, M.A. It helped me so much! It's a painful experience but you are not alone!!
I'm divorcing my adult daughter. I forgive her and hope she has a wonderful blessed life. I can't accept anymore abuse, been accepting it for so many years, hoping for change, praying for change. I give up.
I agree..my daughter is a horrible person.. I'm not even mad I just don't want anything to do with her. Good Bless anyone that comes in contact with her..I feel so sad for her daughter and son.. But God with watch over them
I did nothing to her except tried to be the best single parent that I could be. Too much lies and manipulation. Now I'm tired. Love her and always will. If she needs me she knows where I am
I feel like you were talking directly to me. Thankyou, it’s comforting to know that I’m not the only person going thru the heartbreak of grown up children and losing access to my grandbabies. My heart breaks for anyone going thru this.
I'm sorry. I used to wish my Adult daughter would get married and have children but now I know if she were to have children that she would just use them as a way to hurt me by denying me to spend time with them. I don't do drugs nor do I drink. I think sometimes my daughter is even jealous that her dog loves me. She wants no one to love me. I sometimes wished I had more children because my own brother is estranged from my parents but they still had me. I sometimes think my brother and my daughter are both jealous of the close relationship I have with my parents. Brother has sibling rivalry issues with me.
@@monicalillich8503 So heartbreaking. I will never understand why an adult child could treat their parent with such cruelty. I would never do that to my parents, I appreciated all that my parents have done for me and feel proud that I have been able to help them in their elderly years. I've had a pretty glamorous life in my 20's and yet taking care of my elderly Mom so she didn't have to go to a nursing home was more meaningful than any career accomplishments I've made. I wish you healing and peace. Understand that other parents know what you are going through and helps ease the pain a little.
No actually there are milions of situations today of adult children estranged from mothers and families. In 2017 I remember getting a book "Done with the Crying"...by Sheri McGregor I think... after finally being beaten down with stress and sadness over what my son was doing. We always think we are alone, are ashamed and wonder what we did wrong. How a child of ours could do these things. As we age, we need to realize all this stress can cause a stroke...and we have to remove ourselves from it all...or it will kill us. Worst nightmare for so many good parents. I understand you thinking it is just you, but believe me...you are far from alone with this.
@@jamilgotcher5456 ....I called my daughter because my car broke down...she lives 3 miles from me and I asked for her to take me to the store for water or if she could bring me some if she had the time, she said, take UBER! This is just to give you an idea of how she treats me and this was nothing compared to when she is really mean! I hope I don't ever get real sick as she would just throw me to the wolves!
I’m in my 40’s and I am enjoying all the videos I’ve seen from you so far. Mainly because I can relate to them. Even this one. I had my child at 17 and now she’s 30. I sacrificed so much to put myself through school, her through private school and I worked a whole lot to create a better life for us because her dad hardly was around and even when he was, he was almost useless financially and he struggled with drugs and just plan old laziness. Although I wasn’t rich, this child had it way better than I ever dreamed of when I was a poor inner city kid. I managed to have us to stay in nice neighborhoods, she always had food, shelter and clothing, took a big chunk of my little savings to buy her a car on her 16th bday though I didn’t even have the ability to get me a car til I was 23. Bought her a townhouse at 21, and really tried my best to support her mentally, emotionally and spiritually throughout her life. Now she’s mad because I won’t do what she thinks I should do about an investment we have together so she’s spread all kind of lies about how horrible her childhood was and how much of an absentee mother I was because I had to work and go to school all the time. She even came to my house anger one day and called me everything except a child of God and tried to break down my door to come into my house to assault me. For months she didn’t let me see my grandchildren. On Mother’s Day this year, she finally let me be with them for the day and I’ve been picking them up every other Saturday to spend time with them ever since. I really don’t speak to her and she really doesn’t speak to me. Our interaction can be summed up to a brief “hey how ya doing, I’ll be over to get the kids at noon.” I realize that when she cursed me out that unforgettable day and tried to attack me (but for the police stopping her), she’s spread lies to others about her childhood so she can have a ghetto hood rat story to tell in order to relate to her low life friends, I no longer like my own child. Though I love her, I just don’t like her. I’ve changed all my insurance and beneficiaries documents to exclude her. I’ll be damned if she gets to profit from my hard earn arduous years of labor and my assets and investments considering her sentiments toward me and her ungrateful attitude about the sacrifices I made so she could have a better life that her man, and children get to enjoy because of me. As far as I’m concerned we don’t have to be a loving mother/daughter duo. As long as I can see my grandchildren, I’ll be just fine. So to you ladies out there, please know you’re not alone. We do the best we can for our children considering they don’t come with instruction manuals. Let’s hold our head up high, because they will surely reap what they sow.
You were young when you had her but obviously you had a good head on your shoulders for doing well for yourself. I personally think that a car at 16 and townhouse at 21 are extravagant gifts for someone that age as well as someone in your position. Even now you're taking actions of a financial nature cutting her off. That's being materialistic on both ends. What children want and need is LOVE AND AFFECTION. Maybe what she says has some truth to it. You were so busy working that she felt neglected emotionally. She only had you and not her dad so perhaps she felt unloved. Rather than make her wrong, think about the core message behind her complaints. You did the best you could under the circumstances as a single parent. She was not able to appreciate that because children typically sees things from an egocentric point of view. Neither one of you was or is the bad guy. You were both just coping with life. Make peace with your choices and think about reaching out to your daughter and being vulnerable with her.
Same situation as me. And I am only 38. And struggling with this. My son. It's always been just me and him.. now it's just me.. Now he's blaming me. For the decision he has made on his own...
@@justmylife90 I’m very sorry you’re going through this. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I haven’t seen or heard from my child and grandchildren since Dec 10th. It was all too consuming and depressing at first, but now I can honestly say I’ve let Go and I’m letting God decide the outcome of the situation because I’m not going to be continuously rejected by my own seed. I’m finding peace, and a bit of joy and happiness by spending time with my teenage nieces who always tell me they wish I were their mom and I treat them like surrogate daughters. I’m giving my energy, and time to those that not only need it but appreciate it. I’m not sure how long I’ll be alive on this earth so I just decided that although I miss my child and grandchildren, I refuse to be mired in pain and hurt over someone that I’ve devoted a good bit of my life to. I hope and pray you find the peace that I’ve found in knowing I did my best and that’s all you, I or anyone can do.
@@kiwipeaches1 yeah life is too short to experience stress especially from someone YOU gave life to. I’m so over it now. I wish her well and pray for her to have a great successful life and that God watch over her and my grandchildren. I hope your situation gets better. Even if it doesn’t, please live your life like it’s Golden because we’re here for a limited time only.
I have four grown sons. Three are married. With each one I’ve come to painfully accept that their wive’s families come first. I’ve been put last on every major holiday. I’ve missed time with my grandchildren while the wife’s mom sees them constantly. It’s not that my sons don’t love me, it’s just that they have to deal with an unhappy wife if she doesn’t get her way. Do I wish they’d stand up to her and say “It’s my mom’s turn this holiday?” Yes! With all my heart. But I’ve stopped thinking that will happen. I have to accept things as they are and that’s really hard, especially when I’ve loved them all and always been there. I never expected this at this time in my life. 😢
Rebecca, I have a very similar situation with three grown sons. Good men, and we were so close when they were growing up. But, just my luck, they all settled in different places and married otherwise fine young women who are very (VERY) close to their own families. No time for me, unless it is completely my effort and sporadically at that. I often wish I had a daughter!! Margaret's video here and reading comments has been helpful to me, but I am very often sad and have trouble moving forward in my life because of this.
My intelligent aunt had two sons and no daughters. She told me years ago that because she had sons, she knew they would not visit her or help her in her old age. She’s purchased long term care “insurance,” is retired and travels with groups of female friends. Plan your future well if you have sons.
@@kellyyork3898 Funny.....my mom had daughter's and she said the same thing about us, that we chose our husband's family over her. Finally one of my sister's moved my parents next door to them but she still wasn't happy. My sister was busy with her work and her own family and didn't spend the time my mother thought she should with them. These days you can't count on sons or daughters. People are just more selfish and self centered than they use to be.
Read your Bible!!! "the man shall leave his mother and the woman leave her home" That's the way it is suppose to be! The wife should always come before anyone else!!!!! When our children grow up, we are no longer their parents, still their mom and dad. but we no longer have the right to control them.
Thank you for bringing up the adult children issues. I have been putting up with my adult children so so long. I’m now 70 and I am moving out and far of the town to live and avoid my bullying children.
Nghiem, I want to do that too but feel like I shouldn't have to give up my sweet little home because of the hurt. I may have to though, to save my sanity.
Dear Nghiem, OMGI feel the same way to sell my place and just move away somewhere and never tell them where I am and then I do have a beautiful home and I won't get the money I spent on it and won't be able to afford another place. I feel trapped ...wish I could get cancer and die. I feel like if I die they don't have to worry about me
That's what I've decided to do as well, I plan to move and not tell them where I am, and this sounds terrible and never in a million years did I think I would feel this way, but I will tell people I don't have any children. Breaks my heart but best to just separate from the bullying and disrespect. I decided not to let them dishonor me in front of their children and so I have 2 grandson's that I have never seen. Breaks my heart but at least they won't learn this bad behavior and use it against me when all I ever wanted was to LOVE them!
Preach it, Margaret! I have come to realize this very thing. You give them all that you have to give in their totally dependent years, only to find yourself totally alone in your old age.
I think about how my Mom in her early 60's started coughing up blood because she had stomach cancer, thankfully I had moved back home to help take care of my Mom because she had been feeling bad leading up to this. I'm so glad I was there because my Dad was still working at that time and it was me that called the hospital and saved her life. After taking care of my parents for the last 12 years, I'm going to end up alone and I worry that I will be the one coughing up blood in my early 60's with no one to call the hospital for me and possibly dying where as my Mom was able to at least live another 10 years after her Cancer diagnosis because my Dad and I took care of her. I still take care of my Dad to this day and I'm thankful to have him, he and I get along and my Mother, my Dad and I all get along but my Daughter has estranged from me and this last time, I'm actually glad because she had been bullying me via text message. I went no contact with her. But I'm worried about how one day I will be alone in my 60's and have a health issue like my Mom did. Not to mention the time, I saved my Mom's life again after she had an operation, while she was still in the hospital, I was able to keep telling the nurse she needed help and at first the nurse dismissed the situation but then she told me later that she was glad I kept telling her to help my Mom because she had started to bleed internally after the operation and they rushed her to Intensive Care Unit. My Mom was a wonderful person, I'm just glad I had and have a great relationship with my own parents. My Dad and I work together as professional photographers.
The sad thing is that when our adult children dont want a close relationship with us is that over time their actions cause us to emotionally pull away from loving them as we would normally. They teach us how to survive without them. Its very sad.
This is so true. My daughter and I have a great relationship as long as I don't slip up and say something she doesn't like. It's very frustrating to not know when that's going to happen to run our time together.
That’s my relationship with my father! He says somethings that get me taken aback sometimes and I try to be understanding that there’s differences in sensibilities because of the time we live in but I still can’t help but be so deeply offended. I have not cut of contact with him but I have started to minimize his access to me. I am now expecting a baby and wondering if I should keep in contact or just drop off. Trying my hardest to understand him
My daughter does the same thing. I walk on eggshells the entire time we are in touch. I used to blame myself until I realized that her mindset is so against me that no matter what I say or do I will always be "toxic" to her. She needs some emotional help. My son suddenly and without explanation stopped talking to me 7 years ago. The damage they've caused is irreparable. I could never trust them again after this. I love them always, but I don't really like them as adults. I find them petty and self centered. I need to learn to let go of the anger. It's tearing me apart.
I am 61, and I have been apologizing for 35 years. That record "You were/are a horrible mom!" is still playing (thanks, son!). You are right. As long as I agree with everything and feed the ego, our relationship is just peachy. Tonight I "slipped up" and offered to buy him and a friend concert tickets (I mentioned it ONCE) and that somehow got thrown back in my face, followed by another twisted screaming lecture at me as to why I have destroyed his life..., I don't know. I'm exhausted.
I think you may have saved my life with this video. I just spent four miserable days with my adult daughter, my ex- and his wife (the other woman) and my granddaughter, who has been co-opted. When I came home, I thought I was losing my mind. You saved me. Truly.
omg ive just had a long long telling off from my kids...im presently looking for a little place to go and rent at the end of the world. god bless all of us.xx
Thank you for this video Margaret. I had to divorce my older son. He blamed me for everything that went wrong with his life and I felt bad all the time. I thought it would destroy me but I had to let go. I feel peace about it now. I ask God to protect him and watch over him. He is 45 years old. Enough was enough.
My 47yr old son and I just cannot communicate without fighting. Everything is my fault and he would love nothing better than me to grovel to him with a million apologies. I stuck by him through 20 years of drug abuse (his) but it is always my reaction is the problem. I didn't 'handle' him on drugs properly. He got off drugs 5 years ago, which I admire, and thank God for. We can't talk about politics because then I am crazy, deluded and gullible, so that's out. Now its just any other petty thing. Latest - he told me my fridge handles were dirty and I said said 'alright' as in thats enough, week before he was sniffing my drinking glasses saying he noticed they stunk??? Now I'm a bitch for saying that and it was abusive and I should apologise. He can do and say anything but I don't 'handle' it correctly. Now I know what gaslighting is.
I just had to let go of my daughter she's 31 and has been extremely emotionally abusive to me for years after I got diagnosed with cancer two years ago she has gotten even meaner so this year I just decided that my time is too short to feel upset all the time so I just stopped talking to her and I leave it to the good Lord above to look out for her because I am done with the hurt.and these past 7months have felt like a weight has been lifted off my chest and I have been able to enjoy my other children and grandchildren.:) sometimes letting go is the only thing you can do
As a mom of an infant, this is scary but also reminding me to not completely sacrifice my life for my child. I’m going to still make time for myself and other things.
You are walking away with the wrong message lol most of these women were in competition with their daughters and or tried to make little husbands out of their sons. Most of these parents have boundary issues and are abusive. You should be focusing on being the best parent you can. Not deciding ahead of time to be selfish. Your child comes first from here on out, period
@@rosesperfumelaceyou can put them first by telling them no. Putting them first doesn’t mean raising them to be selfish, that is the complete opposite.
@1pink1blue stop and think this happened decades ago with Chairman Mao. He divided up families with propaganda. Took college age students and indoctrinated them into his military. Then, it became communist China. Sooo through the internet and political differences and trying to divide families today. It's a repeat of history.
So I'm not alone. I have one daughter that recently stopped communicating with me. I have no idea why. Is it the younger generation? Im heartbroken. I would never have done that to my parents. I feel so much better after watching this video. Thank you! 💖
You say she stopped communicating with you, but have you tried communicating with her? I'm part of the younger generation and I expect people to reach out to me when they want to see me. Visitation is not the main form of entertainment when infinite entertainment resides online, especially for introverts. I will rarely, if ever reach up the family tree, only down towards the younger generations to build a presence in their life. I expect the people above me to do the same. That may just be me, but hopefully my anecdote helps shed some light on possible expectations for how communications should flow. I don't mean to project onto you, I came to this video for my own reasons. I hear my parents talk about how my grandparents are heartbroken that I never visit, but they never freakin call. It makes me feel guilty when they're the ones who are sitting in their chair pitying themselves. That is self-centered. Think how you're driving wedges in your relationships when they're just a call away. It is completely reasonable to expect a certain order or structure in terms of communication between family members. It makes more sense for that structure to follow the natural flow, rather than have the younger generation go against the flow out of unnecessary, forced pity. I did feel bad, I don't now, they know how to use a phone, I'd pick up. I'll call that a verdict.
I wish I had heard these words 7 years ago....perhaps it would have brought me to the acceptance of the separation from my son much sooner. How I finally got there was by asking myself a really tough question; "If he was not your son, would you choose to spend time with him?" My honest answer was; "no". I had to admit that as much as I love my son, I do not like him and being in his company is so very stressful. I have separated myself from him, I believe to our mutual relief. No more verbal abuse and hateful accusation. I wish him well, but am now grateful that we are 7 time zones of separation.
The more I did...the less I felt valued...and then without looking back...they moved hundreds of miles away. Leaving me grieving them and my grands that I loved so deeply. For months I was knocked to the ground, constantly thinking of them, calling, sending gifts until I felt...obsessed. I knew I had to change for my mental and actual health. I cut the golden cords and let them go. I am now working on my mind to limit thoughts of them...and focusing on other loved ones. Thank you for this helpful video. Happy healing to all of us.
31 years ago when I had my 1st child I would’ve scoffed at this video. But now: that same child has “divorced” herself from me. I am not past grieving yet but I see where I need to be to move on from the pain. Thanks for this video
I no longer feel alone in this extremely sad heart wrenching topic. If you asked me 15-20 years ago that this would be my life, I would say you are crazy 😜. Sad truth is this is my life now. Thank you for sharing ❤️ Stay safe healthy and happy 😃
I can’t believe it’s happened to me either. My son married a controlling narcissist who has basically extricated him from all his family and friends over a period of around 10 years.I didn’t realise what was happening at first. I never would have thought my loving funny quirky little boy would end up so cold hearted at 30. He never visits or phones. I have to make 100% of the effort to stay in touch. I feel disrespected and unloved. And very angry at times which I don’t express because I fear total rejection.He wasn’t brought up like that. I took him to visit his grandparents regularly. I was a loving mother. It’s certainly painful, but this site has been a comfort to me. My heart goes out to all of you and it helps to know I’m not the only one…
@@carmenh1863 Poor Dear, you took the words right out of my mouth 😞. I am the same way, I don’t express anything because I barely see her as it is. My Husband says to just let her go and live my own life. But she’s my only baby and I love her more than anything, no matter what she does to us. I’ll keep you in my prayers too. Please stay safe healthy and happy ❤️✝️🇺🇸
I didn't divorce them. They ostracized and abandoned me. I haven't heard from them in several years. I haven't seen my grown grandchildren either. I am a widow after 47 years of marriage and I can't explain why this has happened. I am alone in the world. I have my faith and I have my friends but it does nothing to fill that empty space they occupy. I have done all I know to reconcile but have had to come to terms with the fact they have made this choice. I know I did my best. Yes, I made mistakes but I always tried really hard. You are right. We must talk about this. We must not let shame defeat us. We carry on and move forward to the next thing God has for us. We pray for them. We leave it with God. We find peace.
The pain they cause upon a mother who loves their children and grandchildren and rejects them is nothing but extremely cruel and mean. That is what is not only painful and confusing, but scary.
So idk man why is it rejecting. I'm telling nearly literal nim guessing 90 percent definitely are assuming. Some are victim blaming. Being idk man ....so like ok ....sonmom sign ed tennis 30 plus Ago .. so guess what bye tennis. Granted Addict here ya we don't say ysp sede gonna do that
I’m No Contact with both adult children. 2020 was challenging for the world, but I feel set free and hopeful for my future. Best holidays I’ve had in years.
Not judging, just wondering what is going on in the world that having no contact with our own kids makes us happy? I'm dealing with a child who is very disrespectful. I kicked her our 2 years ago. The last two years have been difficult because she has not changed. Still disrespectful.
@@rocknroll1 Sad isn’t it ? You’re brought up to think that family is your safe haven, that you stick together and support each other but that’s not always the case. At some point, you have to do what is right for you, what gives you serenity.
@@cynthiamaertz5325 That happened here as well, I have three grown up daughters and my middle daughter never bothers with Mothers Day, not a card, phone call or anything, just like the rest of the time I suppose. I always give birthday and christmas presents even when Ive hardly had any money to live. I do wonder if having these so called 'special days' creates the problem where we feel hurt and unappreciated, I am sure many Mothers feel terrible when adult kids don't bother. My middle daughter often is just unloving and I thought at least a card on Mother's Day would show some care but... nope.
Wow. I thought I was the only one. I didn’t focus on my birthday or Mother’s Day with them growing up. I always celebrated them. And I’m kind of sad when I have to remind them beforehand my birthday is coming up. I thought it was my fault.
Ditto, I find that I am just a second thought or not thought of at all. So I have decided to treat them the way they treat me. Lucky if I get a phone call.
"I could never divorce my children, I could never let them go". They were my thoughts when my children were younger and I saw my friends with adult children let them go. NEVER NEVER NEVER could I understand that. THEN, my own kids became adults and their lives evolved in ways I never expected (exactly as you said). Married at 21 into a strong cultural family who didnt care to include me. It hurt the most when my son invited his girlfriends parents (they were not yet married at that point) to his university graduation instead of me. At the wedding, the 10 groomsmen and bridesmaids along with the brides parents and the parents two best friends sat at the long bridal table. I was sat at a side table with the photographer and videographer. There were a whole lot of these incidents over a period of years from when my son was aged 17 to 23. And when it got to the point where our only contact was 2 15 minute token visits at year on Xmas eve and my birthday (and only at my home, never would we go out for a meal or even coffee). And I came to the conclusion that I need to heal and move on, and I cant do that with these 'emotionally detached' twice yearly token visits. I need to be able to forget to heal and move on. Its is comforting watching this, and seeing that someone else understands. Its best to let go I found. Then I can start to find my way into a new life, make some new friends to compensate for the lost relationships.
That's awful what your son did to you at his wedding. I'm so sorry. You are best off to let go like you said. Make yourself happy by doing whatever you love and whenever you want. Be Happy! You deserve it.
I’m so sorry you’ve suffered such pain. I to was treated this way recently at my sons wedding. I was absolutely crushed. God saw. Honor your mother and father. They will stand before God someday and answer for what they did.
Go somewhere beautiful on the day of your birthday and be kind to yourself and the other 15 minute visit be really happy. You deserve to be happy. It's not your issue it's theirs ❤
My husband and I had two children because we wanted a family. Now my eyes have shed so many tears that my heart is crushed. Both children are estranged. Everything we say and do is wrong.
My heart breaks for the relationship I hoped I would have with my adult daughter, and now my 8 year old grandson. I've been broken and lost, I've felt very alone in this, but now after watching this video and many other's, along with reading all the comments, I am sad, but feel empowered to let go. Thank you.
How are you feeling 10 months later? I too lost my daughter and grandchildren. I had a glimmer of hope but the longer it goes on, the less I can hang on to hope. It hurts too much.
Truth be told I just found this channel and I made my decision yesterday give her all her clothes and now she’s demanding her TV or she’ll cause problems just because I had to let her go and my grandson so sad so hurt I have to live my life to my life matters
For me it was very easy, I knew I did my best raising them alone. When the day came for them to leave, I wished them well, got myself an adult beverage and sat under a nice shade tree (and I'm still there.)
When I divorced their father, who is a hard core narcissist, and did my own shadow work for over a decade, I naively believed it would all be ok. I raised those children working three jobs, putting them first…always…before myself. Dad deserted. But now they blame me for their “mental illness” (they are not mentally ill) because -get this-I was “the only constant” in their lives. Their words. I cannot wrap my head around the betrayal. I know I must climb down from this sacrificial altar before I suffer a death by 1,000 cuts, but it hurts like hell.
Yes...the betrayal is the deepest wound! I like you brought my children up alone and fought like hell to survive. Now it feels like I’m just tossed on the rocks to be pecked to death by birds..that’s how worthless I am to my daughter..my relationship with my grandson made her insecure and she had to do away with me! Jealousy is a dreadful trait!
I am so sorry this is happening to you and to anyone for that matter. Sometimes we think it is because of something we said or did, but it sounds more like a sign of the time. Heartbreak seems to go on forever within families these days. I think this is true even in the healthiest of appearances in relationships. I wish you all the best. Be very kind to your heart and mind.
thank you so much, im 58 and all 3 of my children.. 19, 31, 33 blame me for their lives we are a divorced family Dad has not been invoived for 12 years. None of my children are married.. but i have 2 grandsons my okdest daughter who is 33, keeps my grandsons from me. I blame myself, for allowing disrespect because i tried to be both roles, Mom and Dad. Its backfired as they have aged. Now they look at me like im old and stupid. I give up, i have no peace, i also take care of my own Mother. im single, i have no life. Thank you for posting this video. This has been a hard journey. i think once my own Mom goes to Heaven i will just dissappear and start my new life. God bless, each of uou struggling thru this.. i truly understand i love my children, im just no longer needed
Oh girl... I just had a revelation today. My son has so many resentments that I can't win for losing. I am very thankful for this video. I'm tired of feeling awful and inadequate. He says I'm giving him a guilt trip or trying to... Heck I just thought I was speaking my heart. Im so ready to live my own life. I'm just a bothered...an ignored call.. I have 3 grandchildren that I can't see. Yes I had an idea in my mind... It's not coming to fruition. I give up. I'm going to watch this over and over again. It's a huge topic with me. I have two boys wanting me to go away. They say don't take it personal.... Yeah, fat chance. I need to divorce my children. Feels good to know I'm not alone! Lol
Ambivalence is what kills me. One of my daughters loves me one day and the next day hates me. I think a lot of the meanness coming out of her mouth is her controlling husband who does not want her to have anything to do with her family or anyone else, wants her all to himself and he can be very unpleasant and unlikeable. Some of the things she has said to me sounds just like something he would say.
I watched my older brother and his wife. They had four children. His wife did not want anything to do with my mother. It broke her heart, obviously. Now I am dealing with a son who married a woman who wants nothing to do with his mom, me. Her family only. It is heartwrenching. The pain never stops. You are not alone. Your words are powerful ... feeling awful and inadequate. guilt-trips. And I quote you: "I just had a revelation today. My son has so many resentments that I can't win for losing." Peace to you ... and the rest of us.
I feel that this conversation is VERY important, as time goes by I see many cases of elders being ignored by society and we tend to think it will not happen to us. In my case both of my elder children have moved to the mainland, I live in Puerto Rico where jobs are not well paid therefore many families here have the same situation. I cannot say that they ignore me I'm almost 70 yrs old and in fairly good health, but time goes by and as they are busy I really do not want to bother them. I go visit them sporadically and although I love seeing them, I feel that due to the distance I hardly know them, eventually I come back home and wonder where is the "dream" of a close family anymore and sometimes feel left out and sad. This video and comments give me a little bit of encouragement knowing I am not alone in my situation and feelings... A big hug for anyone who feels depressed or alone🦋
Hi Michele, I live in central Canada and all three of my sons moved from here to Puerto Rico and I feel just as you do, that I hardly know them and the dream of a close family is not realized. What area of puerto rico are you in and where did your adult children move to if you don't mind me asking?
@@tannislintz1124 Tannis, good morning! I live on the south east of the Island in Yabucoa, Puerto Rico. My daughter lives in Davenport Florida, my son lives in defiance ohio. My daughter has 3 grown children, my son has 3 boys. So that's the story of my family 🦋
My son in law calls me the "no drama mama" and I wear that title proudly! When I retired I moved back to the old family homestead a state away and usually only see my children and grandchildren once or twice a year. We chat or text every week or two but I put no guilt on them about not visiting or calling. I tell them I want mutual love and respect and guilt is a very poor substitute for that! We all have busy lives in very different settings so it's sort of a loving detachment at this point.
Wow. This is a subject that I personally haven't heard enough about. This has happened to me because my children have moved away from me, physically and emotionally.. I have met couples (mothers and dads) who have suffered through rejections from their children. It's not just divorced people. Thank you.
How true! It's as though you know our family. I am 71, and after decades of narcissistic abuse by my husband and children, I have finally (quietly) said goodbye to my husband, three of my four children and five of my eight grandchildren. The years I have left to live will be spent with my oldest daughter and her children. Mercifully, I am left with a fragment of the family I assumed I would enjoy in my older years. A fragment, yes, but how merciful. Narcissism is now the norm, the expected, the valued, but how utterly destructive to the family unit, individuals, and now to the larger world. My letting go has required years of therapy, but I can now say goodbye to them all and God bless.
My mother is a malignant narcissist and she ruined the whole family--sister, brother, their kids and family friends. I knew something was wrong by the time I was three years old, was miserable growing up and left the same day I graduated high school. I tried to make it work but it only got worse through the years and I have had to give up on all of them. You cannot fix them, that's for sure.
When you co-parent with a narcissist, kids learn contempt for you that can be hard to overcome especially if you gave too much to those kids. Mean adult kids is the worst thing ever. Great advice.
It also can be the grandmother that is a narcissist. My mother in law devastated our family. Took me years to even understand what was happening and why my husband allowed any of it as long as he did. I know now (and so does he) that it was due to his own unresolved issues with his mother. We’ve both had to have therapy. His mother has now passed on, but the pain she created for us all still lives on. No counselors ever address this issue either. It’s like this is the most taboo of all the narcissists, the grandmother, but a narcissistic mother does become a narcissistic grandmother eventually. It’s hard to explain and even when you try, no one believes you anyway and it always ends up that ppl at the very least wonder if we did something to our children. It leaves you feeling very alone. Our children were subtly alienated from us for their entire lives under the pretense that she loved them and wanted to protect them from us. At one point she even took custody of our daughter when she was teen. We’ve never had a relationship with our daughter since. Very hard issues. We now have 7 grandchildren and have hardly ever seen them. Some weve never seen and some only seen very limited. I’ve now stopped all of it due the way we were being abused and disrespected and how it was effecting my health. Prayers for all dealing with such pain.
Giving too much has been to root of this lazy, entitled, disrespectful, selfish, generation of adult children right now. Holding our grandchildren as weapons of cruelty!! Just rotten! My own child causing such pain and family destruction!
The older I get, the more I realize that I do not want to be in chaotic relationships. Peace is my priority. Dealing with conflict in healthy ways is important to me. Making room for ease and fun in my relationships is necessary. I don't have the emotional space, time, or capacity to entertain constant drama and dysfunction. - Alex Elle
I thought I had failed as a mom. Its encouraging to know Im not the only mother going through this. It really hurts.
It seems to be everyone is dealing with our grow kids have forgotten us parents
I feel the same way. It really hurts 💔
@Milk Andhoney thank you for sharing . I have been told the same it hurts but I’m realizing it’s my daughter with her issues
YES GIRL!! IM CRYING AS I TYPE NOW! MY WAKE UP CALL CAME YESTERDAY ON THANKSGIVING DAY. SMH💔😭😢
@@TexasMadeAprilRenee I’m sorry you are going through these issues , things are only temporary 🙏🙏
Finally after 13 years of walking on egg shells, I decided enough was enough. I wasn't sad or angry, just done. I had enough of the disrespect, dishonesty, and manipulation. I deserve better. I wish him well and hope he has a good life and a strong family. Me? I'm focusing on the people in my life who actually care about me. I feel relieved that finally I no longer have to try to figure out the why or worry about what obscure thing is going to offend him this time. It's time to enjoy life again. Praise God!
rbw2628 I keep thinking I am done. I do ok for a while, but as he is my only child I have this deep-rooted feeling it is wrong to turn him away. Yet people tell me the time has come enough. I also want off the roller-coaster. So freaking sad.
He is in jail. So at least he is not homeless.
@@sunflowerzelda45 Hello as each situation is different you work with what have to work with given the circumstances you are in with your only son , try to enjoy the days you are living because unfortunately you aren’t able to control the situation where he is but truly my heart is with you for knowing what you are going thru . Ps Im happy for rbw2628 because she is right no one deserves to be unappreciated or disrespected 🙏💜
Wow, I sure can relate to you. Good for you no mother deserves to walk on eggshells I am getting to the point where I am so angry with my daughter and hurt that she has made staying in an old run-down place full of holes, and mold, and when it rains it's socked in here. No hot water, or bathroom she just said to piss in a bucket. I am so disgusted with both of my daughters. She does not believe in God in the slightest and is all about worldly things. It is hard to even write this for me right now, and truthfully if it wasn't for me to believe in God I would have killed myself by now, for sure. Here in Canada, they have people that will let you commute suicide with professional' help.
@@summersunrise.9518 I pray things gets better , II’m glad you have a strong faith . Hopefully your daughters will reflect one day on their actions .. I send you tons of love from Texas 💕🙏☀️
@@sunflowerzelda45 It is so hard. I have an only child, a daughter. At times she can be disrespectful or uncaring to me. I never understand because we were so close when she was younger. Now it is always about whatever guy is in her life. I separated from her 8 years. But I found myself wondering if she wanted to see me but was afraid to come by. I eventually went to where she worked and talked to her. We eventually started to get together. It can still be hard on me at times. The thing is, they have such a hold on us, don't they.
I am 68. I was married 33 years, with two children. My husband died of a major heart attack 9 years ago. My son who had drug and alcohol problems, committed suicide just prior to my husband’s death. Now my only remaining family member, my 40 year old, has verbally abused me and disrespected my home. On her visit yesterday and my two beautiful grandchildren, I finally stood up to her abuse and asked her to leave. I can’t be her mental punching bag anymore. It’s better to be alone and in peace. I did the best I could! Thank you for your information and encouragement! God be with us all..
My 40 year old daughter has turned out to be a horrible person. Problem is, she has two kids. Her husband died of a overdose. My daughter is RN and was his biggest enabler. He hit her and the kids. She made excuse after excuse. Now she has stupid boyfriends every other week. I have talked to lawyers and I have zero chance to get the kids away from her. She knows the games and is just good enough to keep the kids. Every time I see the kids, they are 10 and 13 now, they ask if they can live with me. I keep telling them to keep out of trouble until they are 18 and my door is open. She was raised in a respectful home. My husband would never abuse a women or anybody. My son on the other hand is a good person. Although because of his sister he says he will never have kids. He said he can not understand why she is the way she is and he is terrified he could have a child like her. I would love to divorce her but I must keep the door open for her kids.
@@KS-kr4ok That’s so sad, but don’t give up, something could change her, nothing is impossible. I’m 75 and I’ve seen changes I never imagined.
Susan I also lost a son to suicide. My heart is hugging yours 💝💔💝
Bravo to you dear lady for standing up to your daughter, and let me assure you that you are not alone. No, you're not, both my daughters, and my son has been verbally abusive towards me for many years.
I know you did the right thing by standing up to her. Peace and blessings to you always.
Yes, I have and will continue to stand my ground, and let them know when to back off.
@@KS-kr4ok whats wrong with the new generations? Have no respect .. so sad to see
Big Hug to All the broken hearted Mothers, Time for us to enjoy our lives!
Thanks I needed that
Amen❤
What about fathers? They hurt as well.
@@richarddaniels9024 They do I agree, but, men are generally more stoic and don't take estrangement so personally as the mom's do IMO.
@@richarddaniels9024Amen the Father's too🙏🏾💯
As devastating as a divorce is, estrangement from your adult child is 100 times harder. My heart will never be the same.
I totally agree Ann. It's like a death, maybe even worse than if they had died because when someone close to you dies, others feel more empathy for you, where as this is a silent and sad grieving alone. I recently decided to confide in my male cousin about the estrangement and he thinks we won't stay estranged but I'm not so sure because truthfully I don't want to put up with her bad treatment of me anymore. My male Cousin that I'm close to, made me feel better though and it's been a relief to tell someone. My Cousin said, she doesn't even know what bad parents are and that she should feel grateful and that he's sorry she's been treating me so bad. Also I have my Dad so at least I'm not alone during this grieving. I confided in another female Cousin and I kind of feel like I shouldn't have like she's using the information to hurt me because on Facebook she shared one of those graphic text things that get shared and it read "Spending time with your adult children is one of the greatest gifts in this world." or something like that. I find it hard to believe she didn't do that on purpose to make me feel worse. I know that she has gone through some things with her sons and yet she would never admit to it to make me think everything in her life is so perfect.
@@jamilgotcher5456 I'm so sorry you are going through this too. I feel like it is worse than a death also. Because they are making a choice not to have anything to do with us. And it hurts so much. We would never treat our children like this. Our love is unconditional, their's is not. I have also made the decision not to be treated like that. I wouldn't tolerate it from anyone else, and I won't from her. I truly think it is a sign of the times. No respect.This was the first Thanksgiving on 3 years I didn't cry over not seeing her. It still hurts, but I know God loves me and will never abandon me. I don't deserve this from her. I love my kids with all my heart. I always will, but I am praying for strength. She is not my job anymore. I was a person deserving of respect before her, and I still am. I cannot dwell on it all the time anymore, and am trying to heal. I read a good book, "Fault Lines" by Karl Pillemer. It helped me to realize that my expectations of what things should be like, and the reality are not always the same. I have to keep in mind everyday, she is a grown person, and not my little girl anymore. I feel sorry for her, because her issues will go beyond just me. She has control issues and abandonment issues due to her Father that she has decided to take out on me. I pray for her, but I finally feel like I may be starting to heal a little. I'll pray for you. God bless you.
Ann Weidner Thank you Ann and I am sorry for the pain you are going through too. My adult daughter has called me crying and wanting to repair the relationship. I think it shocked her that I didn’t invite her over for Thanksgiving. I told her that I didn’t think she wanted to see me for Thanksgiving. I’m feeling cautiously optimistic, wondering how long the good feelings will last. We both agreed to respect each other’s boundaries better so I really hope that she is moving towards maturing. I think she had a major falling out with one of her friends was part of the catalyst for her reaching out to me.
@@camouflagejumpsuit Well said. It's also worse than death because they have made a choice not to be in our lives or let us into theirs. They actively choose to become dead to us.
@@monicalillich8503 I'm glad this seems to have opened a door for you. And I hope it continues to go well. I told my son that I was stepping back and leaving it up to him to contact me if he wants a relationship. I said that after I'd redecorated the room they would stay in if they ever visited and sent him a photo of it. He said it looked good, so I took that opportunity to ask when they thought they might use it. He said he couldn't give me an answer. Having spent 3 years pursuing him with no luck, I'm giving him his space. Yes, we are in a pandemic which makes his treatment all the more terrible. I know I have anger and trust issues due to that.
For those who say, I could never divorce or let my adult children go....well, they haven't experienced complete hatred, rejection, and abandonment from your adult children unjustly. If they ever do, they will understand completely. :)
Unfreakingbelievable
I feel now that I am not alone after listening to you and reading others comments. My son and I were so close, we took vacations together we confided in each other then he met this girl who appeared to be so humble and kind. Once she moved in and they got married everything changed she says I am a guest in their house to controls my son and I could hardly see the grandchildren. My son can't even have a video call with me so I can see the grandchildren when she is there she will not allow it. It breaks my heart every day I even thought of dying. I have very little family I have no sisters or brothers uncles or Aunt s. My son was everything and my daughter-in-law knew that she is horrible she has called me horrible name and like she said that my son is hers now. So I understand how all of you are feeling if it's a daughter or son and divorcing them it is a long process I'm not there yet but I have to be for my own sanity .
@@yvettesladek3579 I don't know everything, but maybe if you try to talk to her.? Explain to her .That she is apart of your son life now, but you're his mother and you want to be apart of hers also. Try this tactic, little scicology. Make her feel important. Obviously she is jealous of you. Good luck 👍
Agreed
@@yvettesladek3579 Sorry for your deep pain as such a loving mum. Often alienators choose kind empathetic people so they can control and destroy good families. Stay strong
I thought I was completely alone and even after spending the bulk of my life investing in my children, it seems I’ve failed completely, pathological lying, falseness, playing the victim along with rewriting history on top of outright treachery, I can’t be around it anymore. I never imagined children I carried would be so cruel. Heartbroken 💔
🌹🙏✨
I feel the same way...thank you for sharing
Trust me, I understand! I am on a fixed income and it seems I can never do 'enough' for any of my children....little long, grandchildren!
❤️🤗
Know that you are NOT A FAILURE. Sounds like my sons, one in particular. Mine would never treat their father the way treat me. It seems to be a huge problem, I had a 95 year old patient being mistreated by his remaining child. I thought "I'm 65 and I can't bear the thought of 30 more years of verbal, emotional and financial abuse." I have spoken at length with my GP, warts and all, and he is formulating a plan of action for me to follow to try and change this situation.
It's heartbreaking when young Grandchildren are involved 😮😢😢
Is not only 60s and 70s. It starts in our 50s. I never hurt so much.
True
I know.
Absolutely.
Agreed
Yes me too. My kids don’t come to visit, they don’t call to talk, the one texts occasionally, the other lives in the basement and we text as he doesn’t wanna talk or have me in the apt. I brought them up with frequent time with extended family, and now they don’t even bother with them.
Mellenials are very selfish I find. It’s all about them and their wants and needs, I didn’t bring them up that way, very disappointing. 🙁
I am a battle-scarred veteran of this topic but after learning how to navigate things, the passage of time and significant maturation of my sons has happened and we are restored to something actually sweet and comfortable. However, the damage is profound and what happened, happened. I think the most important thing to realize is to stop sending gifts and cards, stop wanting explanations, stop trying to fix things. When I finally got colder and harder and very distant, things shifted. When I realized I really didn't need them and actually didn't want the drama and rejection, things shifted. When I finally told one of them that I was far too valuable to put up with this blankety-blank behavior any longer, and meant it, he heard me. Game shifter. I also know that we are all different and our kids are all different so there is no one size fix all fit. And grandchildren, cold as it sounds, are collateral damage. The world today doesn't value older people, doesn't teach respect for elders, and encourages me, me, me... Remember: don't beg, grovel, apologize repeatedly and find someone or a group to encourage you.
Spot on 👍🙏
Thanks for this post. I appreciate your experience; it's helpful for me.
Yes, this is exactly what you have to do, teach people that you value yourself not to tolerate their abuse. Because my Dad won't put up with that behavior one bit, my daughter doesn't treat him like that. I need to be more like my Dad, somewhere he has demonstrated to her that he will not be disrespected in his house so my daughter doesn't. My Dad and I get along great. I think my daughter is jealous of the relationship I have with my Dad although he has been a wonderful grandfather to her. We both have spent time and money helping my daughter and neither one of us deserve disrespect. She's more afraid of my Dad than she is of me. I'm starting to realize that their needs to be a healthy level of fear when someone continually disrespects you and is emotionally abusive to you.
what you write is unfortunately so true. it is not about us, ever. it has all to do about them (the adult child). I'm not referring to a parent who was abusive, mind you, as that would be a totally different subject matter. Although, I actually know a mom who was more into drugs then her child, yet, the daughter remained close to the mom and felt sympathetic and empathetic toward her and their relationship blossomed once the mom was clean. Basically what I'm saying is that you may think you've been a great mom, but your adult child may not think so--and the sad part is--you may never know why.
@@64greene I have always gone by the "2 out of 3" thinking too! Glass half full . . Well 2/3rds full!
I mean absolutely nothing to my adult children. Sad, but true. Letting go of them brings me peace and emotional freedom. It’s definitely time!
Same for me. One is 27 and has been detached for nearly 3 years. Other 28 and its been a couple weeks. This is so sad and breaking my heart but I also feel relieved, free from the stress from them, and safe!!! No physical harm but the screaming, demeaning, hateful and mean verbal attacks are simply frightening and abusive. I have to admit I feel much pain seeing others w loving, involved parent / adult children relationships.
@@FM19MONTH
“Involved parents and children relationships”. That’s the problem. We need to cut the cord. And let our kids grow up.
And our kids will never see us as a “person” but as their mom or dad. It’s hardwired since we provided for THEM as babies etc.
Friends are important too. Our friends see us as a person. And grandchildren are pretty sweet too.
Peace 🙏🏽🕊
@@FM19MONTH I am in the same boat and feel the same way! Hard to look at other families! I made the decision to break away, but not much of a choice since the emotional abuse which I finally admitted was happening would continue!
@@veronicaherrera7586 Not sure you know what the subject matter is?? Your comment had no validity at all!!
I have no choice but to do the same. I’m losing a grand baby too in the process.
I didn’t realize so many other women are estranged from their adult children until I openly told them about my situation. Knowing I wasn’t the only one dealing with this in some way helped. It helped me realize I wasn’t some kind of monster who drove my child away. I was just a mother who did her best. Like so many others it wasn’t considered good enough somehow.
🌹🙏✨
I know how you feel as I feel like a monster at times too. I guess I am being hard on myself.
Right there with you
Estrangements are honestly tragic considering that one has emotionally invested the best years of life into children. I am shocked that there are no feelings left as if robots raised robots. Is it the same all over the world? I tend to think that estrangements are less common outside anglophone world. I learned that in Portugal everyone gathers at grandma’s house for a meal three times a day. Grandma cooks, cleans up and loves it. Crazy. But, it works. So, no need to judge. My grandparents loved having family around, at least once a week. Maybe, it is about big, extended families where children don’t feel so stuck with the parents alone. I didn’t get along with my parents, but I had a great relationship with my grandparents and uncles and aunts. I never abandon my parents , but maybe I would if the rest of the family wasn’t close by. Throughout the human history, there were kids and parents that had issues, but there was a respect and an obligation to be decent (helpful?) towards your blood family. This is so disheartening and nobody can convince me that turning the page leads into happier days. I think that no truly loving and devoted parent can ever successfully recover from being shunned by a child. If the society did not make it so acceptable, this would not be occurring that easily. I think it’s natural that parent is more attached to his/her child than the child to the parent because the children move on, form new relationships and dependencies. However, the fact that children treat their parents without any emotions, leave them to grow old and helpless - that is the end of civilization for me. How can this be?!
I’m middle 70s and have had no contact with my sons for 18 years, their choice, not mine. It breaks my heart, but I’ve made a good life with true friends.
"once you feel you are avoided by someone, never disturb them again" - Buddha
Thank you ..
If I'd done that..oooh the tears..well I'm doing it Now***
In fact I'm making a poster .
I'm case I forget...☔
Blessed Bee. 💖
🌹thank you..
.this vidio helped me more than I can express.💖
Blessed Bee💫
Buddah( I think) also said If someone treats you like they don't care believe them.
So true I needed to hear that tonight.
Don't hang out with people who don't dig you. That's all I need to know about my daughter at this point. I'd rather spend my time with people who like me as I am.
Yes, I'm living this situation. A dear woman gave me some valuable advice - years ago - when my daughter cut off her entire family in exchange for her husband's family - completely. The dear woman said to give her the gift of freedom from me. Do it with love. Don't chase after her. Don't send her gifts, cards, letters. Let her go - completely, the way she walked away from the family - but let her go with love. Maybe one day, my grandchildren will come looking for their mother's family - maybe not. I'll be here for them if they do come to find us. In the meantime, I've worked through my grieving process and now moving on with my life.
I am at the begging point where you where bless you plus you encouraged me
God bless you from one broken-hearted grand-mother/mother to another. God is near to the broken hearted and you are wise to let go in love... that is all we can do and bitterness and anger only keeps us in even more pain.
This sounds very familiar. Our children have also chosen their in-laws for their primary contact. A few years ago God told me to let them go and put all my time into my husband. I have done that and our retirement years are wonderful. Each of us does what we want and some things together without the foolish drama of narcissistic adult children. I have "loved them from afar" by praying for them, but no longer have emotional ties to them any more than I would with any stranger. Our family is the family of God, they are wonderful enhancing what we believe and where we want to be in our lives. If our children ever come back with a different attitude then we can perhaps reconnect, but if they don't that's alright too.
I’m sorry you’re facing this! I’m doing this and going back & forth on whether or not it makes me a bad mom.
@@leslie.dixon. My thought is, if you are self-reflexive enough to wonder if you are a bad mom, then you are probably a great mom, and your children are not so good at adulting because they need a bit of drama and the power of dishing out some pain to feel complete. I hope I'm not hurting you with my words. I just know there are 2 kinds of parents here... the kind who don't quite want to let the kids move on (and maybe they are right) and the kind with abuse from offspring [from rudeness to manipulation] (and they most of all have a painful time of it).
UPDATE 😄 I located my older daughter and visited her on Easter 🐣😊 I left it up to her to stay in touch by phone. My # is the same and I didn't ask hers. There's always email, too. She asked me to mail her "keeping box" the hat box I stuffed every childhood memory into for treasure hunts into her past. She's happy and working on her anxiety and depression, has a happy gentle man and they plan to have a child someday when they can afford to. I reached out to my youngest, who did not respond. She lives with her father and his parents, and with ASD hopefully always will have a roof there. She's quite the narc like he is, so it's a good match up and he needs someone. I hope he stops stalking the oldest, he got information from his parents and showed up at her place of work. Now she's decided to cut off the grandparents, too. Good call, sometimes it is better to let go of someone in order to live better.
I'm 41 with no children & made the decision not having any. Reading everyone's experiences breaks my heart 💔 Sending every mother in the comment section air hugs.
Thank you Erica
I still have cats.
Erica, there are many many times where I had the thought I wish I hadn’t had my son. The pain of him leaving is worse than anything. I envy you
When I really get to know women and I ask would they have children if they could do it again its 90% no. I haven't been keeping a record but it is alot more no's than I ever imagined.
@@tarafielding4652 It definitely would be a big old NO for me.....regret having my daughter.
I’m done stressing over it! I take my grown kids as I find them. If I hear from them, fine, if I don’t that’s ok too! I hope to live whatever time I have left as peaceful as possible, doing what I want to do. Not what they think I should be doing!!
Bravo,this is good way.
If you hear from them…but do they ever hear from you?
👏👏👏EXACTLY! Only God knows how many years he’ll let me have on this earth, but I don’t want to waste them.
@@cross-eyedmary6619 Well if she is anything like me, she used to call them regularly only to have them not pick up or tell you they didn't have time to talk. I've told all my kids, "call when you can, you're busier than I am." That has worked for us.
Maybe call them and tell your feelings
Thank you for this topic! I recently moved 1,600+ miles to be close to my adult daughters, which are both married & I am very blessed to have four grandchildren. I’ve been divorced for over twenty years, & I lived alone, so I thought moving close to my family would be a joyous time, full of love & excitement - well it’s just the opposite. My daughters & their family members are always too busy to visit, or text or call or even stop by to say “Hi”. I feel more alone now than I did when I lived in another state with established loving & caring friends.
I’ve lived here in this area for over ten months now & I’m more depressed than I’ve ever been in my life. I desire to return to the state where I’ve lived prior to moving here. I realize that my daughters have their own happy life & since I’m not getting any younger, I do need a fulfilling life as well.
I began to feel guilty thinking about moving from my family here. I needed to accept that I’m no longer a priority in their lives, they have their own lives.
I thought enduring cancer, surgery that followed, living with an ambulation disability from a work injury that included three unsuccessful knee surgeries, had been difficult, but when your own adult children distance themselves from you, It’s time to regain your courage, put the pieces of your broken heart back together & continue living what life you have remaining.
Hello 👋 Ann
So your post was 5 months ago. Care to give an update?? I'd like to hear what you decided to do and how you are doing now. Just want you to know, your words helped me realize and know what I have to do in a decision I have to make. Thank you for posting.
I'm contemplating moving to be nearer my son, your story gave me something to think about, I'm sorry for your experience
Thank you for this post, for years I tried to do this and I believe something or someone kept me from going. Be encouraged and I pray you find the strength to move back if possible.. God bless!
Just wanted to add to your very heartfelt story that Jesus is the answer to all our needs. Pray for you children's eyes and heart to be opened to love and understanding. God bless you and I hope they come back to you. It's also like the song Cat in the Cradle and the Silver spoon song.
After years and years of feeling disappointed, unacknowledged, and just plain ignored I've decided to just let go!
I admit I feel exactly the same way and it''s painful. My own decision is to continue to send cards, simple presents, and friendly texts throughout the year. They call from time to time to proclaim they love me, but they remain very distant and self focused. When I die, I dont know if they will have regrets, but I do know that they will know that I never stopped caring. It's a tough deal for sure. HUGS !
@@ruthcrawford3015 I feel exactly the same way. It's so sad, and I also wonder if they'll have regrets when I die.
@@ruthcrawford3015 yes, same for me. Painful isnt it? Guess we can be glad they are not moving back in with 5 kids.
@downie duck mine have been to my house maybe 3 times in 5 years, what the heck is wrong with this generation?
@@sunshine-sm6nf It's so sad. I have no answers. But it's good to know there are others out there like us. We aren't the crazy ones.
YES. This podcast has come to me in perfect timing. My heart is broken, but I can no longer put myself last. My daughter is almost 30 and I have reached the end of my resilience and ability to keep forgiving behaviour that I would not tolerate from any other person on earth.
I agree, i am in the same situation.
Thank you,this came at the right time. My heart breaks. Knowing it happens to others makes me feel more whole.
Going through this with my 30 year old son. Held on to hope his meds would help him be more respective of me. Found out today that’s not going to happen
Going through this with my 33 year old daughter. At 60. I can’t do this. I need my peace! She is living with me and taking advantage. Need to set my boundaries!
@@mauraronda1265 If you don't set boundaries, this will still be going on 10 years from now. I guarantee it.
Ladies, especially those of you who may have a disrespectful and ungrateful daughter; you have a little girl inside of you (your own soul and inner being) who needs you more than ever. That little inner being has had a life time of memories and experiences (good, bad, hurtful, hardships, illnesses, etc.). She has sacrificed enough for everyone else (husband, children, elderly parents, siblings, etc.) . Now it's time for you to think about her (your inner being). Nurture her, fill her heart with goodness and glory, show her how to love life again, she (you) are no longer responsible for every little thing that goes wrong in everyone else's life. Take a deep breath, slowly let it go along with the deep pain, and try to see the light and the new world that surrounds you. Set her (yourself) free and fully enjoy and love your inner self. It's hard at first, but believe me, it works. You'll soon realize just how much you have neglected her...your inner being. Set her free, you'll still have all those memories, but you'll no longer be carrying someone else's baggage!
*Beautiful comment The Moirae. I agree with everything you wrote!*
Wow...That really hit home ..Thank you
I love this. Thank you😢
So beautifully written 🕊️🙏🕊️ I need to write these words down. Thank you so much brought me to tears. God bless you! ♥️🙏♥️
❤
I had to just stop the abuse from my son, I tried to hold on but realized that I have to separate from him for my health. The hardest thing I have every done in my life. I can't allow him to treat me like a door mat,
BOY is that true. I feel that our son treats us like a door mat too and I don't understand it at all!!!! Happy New Year 2021 and a new understanding. We had several apt. with a therapist and she said that we need to protect ourselves from : hot/cold, come here/go away, drama, manipulation etc etc. I took notes and when I feel stressed I read what the therapist said. Those notes do help me as I still wake up in the morning with it on my mind but the chest/heart pain is gone.
I just read your reply and I’m in a similar situation with my two daughters. They have bullied and mentally abused me for years and I kept putting up with it until I had to divorce myself from their lives.... for my mental health. I am in a better place now and no one should put up with any kind of abuse especially from a child you gave birth too. 😟
@@patti.j Amen to that
@@monicalillich8503 would love to see those notes! thank you ...
@@monicalillich8503 i would love to know what you learned. The drip drip drip and subtlety of put downs from my two eldest. Finally, it ended with me sustaining a broken wrist from my son when i stood up to him. My daughter has withheld my granddaughter because i stood up to her. It's heartbreaking and it doesn't make any sense. Hope you are okay and healing from it all.
I am dealing with this for almost 10 years now. Never in a million years would I have seen myself without my daughter in my life. Now I am seeing that I must accept this situation in order to keep my own life. I must leave this to GOD!
I hear you!
My story exactly though it was today I said Im putting up strong boundaries I try to look at him like the adult he is not the 15 yr old he is basically stuck at I'm desperately am waiting for my Grandson who is 16 and a half to turn 18 so he can get away bfrom his parents And I fully realize thats my wish , and might not be his t x you for your post
It’s been a year for me since my divorce from my narc husband. I stuck it out for my 2 girls for so many years and now that I’m out of there and they are adults, they rejected my decision and punishing me for it.
@@rondanatan6198
That is Soo wrong for them to do that. Well I guess their time is coming. There's an old saying,
" What goes around comes around ".
They don't know what you ever had to deal with, and all you have done for them, and how much you loved them, and all they can see apparently is the facade, and never what was behind the scenes that "you" yourself had to deal with. You can tell them a millions times but they'll never get it.
So it's just like standing around a fire when it gets too hot, and breaks out, then run. Create a life for yourself.
"You" are important. " You " are special. " You " deserve a life worth living. Make new friends that can be true to you. Kids grow up and have theirs. You need yours. You'll be surprised how fast life goes wasting it on people that we have worked, and struggled for soo much of our life, and loved to the ends of the earth , that has proved that they don't deserve our time. We just end up being the bulls eye on their dart board. Life is too short. Get a life for yourself and love yourself girl. 🌺 ❤️ 🤗
@@Joy-sm7iz Thank you so much Joy for your insight and your words of encouragement. You’re incredibly kind. We, the victims of such behavior require nothing but empathy and solidarity with what we are going through. I have moved on in many ways and I’m working on myself and enjoying my freedom , have made new friends and have met a wonderful man and I pray for my children to come around.because I love them so much despite it all🙏🙏🙏
❤️🌷❤️🌷
Helps so much to know that I am not the only one feeling broken hearted.
Yes, sometimes it's better to just let them go... ❤️ ❤️
Definitely not alone, I had this same thought. I have let mine go, I had to, I just couldn’t take what I was letting my heart go through any longer.
@Sharon Bee Yeah, I don’t like it, wish it were different, but it’s been going on a long time. It’s first time I’ve started taking care of my heart. She’s getting married this year, I’ve already missed a dress fitting I was invited to in such a way I felt she knew I would decline. Then yet again I come off as the bad guy, the one that is responsible. 🤷♀️ I don’t want to be involved in anything where I’m not wanted. I said all that to say, I’m not sad either. I’ve accepted it is what it is, isn’t what it isn’t and much less painful this way than trying to avoid the emotional sniper.
@@territimestransitions5947 I agree with what you have said, I am in the process of getting the courage necessary to deal with it. Thank you.
Thank you soo much,
Finally, a video that doesn’t automatically assume that the parents are narcissists and that the adult children are justified in cutting off their parents. Sometimes it’s the adult children who are narcissistic and won’t accept their parents if they won’t validate their inflated sense of self importance or their distorted world view. You can love someone and not approve of their life choices, that doesn’t make you a monster, it makes you a protective person, which parents are supposed to be.
You described my current situation perfectly.
Thank you for your post, my exact situation
Yes!! There’s so much misinformation out there helping our children blame us and look at us differently!
I complete agree. I have been frustrated by videos and posts that always blame the parents for estrangement. Of course there are parents who are struggle with alcoholism, drug addiction, mental illness, etc. These are horrible situations and it might be helpful for children to set boundaries. The epidemic of estrangements we have seen over the last couple years are most likely families who have loving, supportive parents. Perfect? Of course not, but not abusive at all .The most hideous of these estrangements are when’s children stop talking to their parents just because they have different political beliefs. How absolutely stupid and ridiculous is it to let a politician break up your family?
Solid
I had no idea this was so common. It brings comfort that I'm not alone. I will focus on the child that does answer his phone and reach out to me. Thx everyone for all your comments
You are not alone.
Yes - it seems so common; I had no idea, as well...
Thanks to the Lady who I came across, who made this video and placed it on TH-cam!!
Yes it has helped me too to see I am not the only one . I hope things get better with you . I have a relationship with my two kids but it’s strained. It’s difficult . I am not going to let them make me sad and feel guilty for things years ago. I did my best , I love them . Stay strong
@@pamaladarsow2763 me too, this is so helpful. I am letting go of 3 of my 4 today. I feel so much better already. Knowing we are not alone means everything.
Yes theres lots of us out there, it seems rife. It seems a generation of blame. Not like I was with my parents. Good to know we're not alone.
No, I started looking this up, because, I thought, and, feel like, I am the only one. I am not even in my 60s and, that adult child doesn’t live with me. Everyone has there own story and situation but, I gradually found out, I’m not the only one. And, no your not the only one but, the thing is there does need to be a support line for others and, no, you and, I are not the only one, but, your not alone.
Motherhood has not turned out to be as joyful as I thought it would.
I feel like the younger generation now expects so much more of parents that my boomer
generation did. I've always given 110 percent of myself . Frankly, after 37 years of motherhood, I'm
very weary.....
Thank you, Margaret, for bringing this sensitive topic to the surface....
I used to think I'd write a book titled, "Motherhood is highly over-rated."
Wow. I could have written those exact words. Even the number 37.
(Except for boomer, lol... I'm early Gen X)
@@dammar117 Im late Gen X, and do not even recognize my 22 year old. Totally floored.
I am going thru this divorce from my adult children now. It hurts but decided it was necessary for my survival. It wasn’t what I wanted but lack of respect and concern left me no choice. I wish them well and as Dolly Parton says (or sings) I will always love you. It got too hurtful for me. Had to find some peace. 😢
I think we have gone the other way in this new generation of 'freedom'. Our children don't appear to have much attachment. My 20 year old son would rather spend hours on his phone than have a chat with me and the 18 year old daughter just wants to get out. I as a child lived in an authoritarian, controlling family and until recently still accepted the abuse by the parents and siblings. I am 59 and had to go no contact with them now. Can you imagine the pain? At the same time as I had to define my boundaries better with the parents and siblings, I had to let go of my children, big time. I happened to be in the middle of two extremes and now I am struggling with grief and loss beyond belief. My husband is very good though and patient, but I don't know, he might find he has enough of me with all these problems...
Nothing has hurt me quite as much as my children "canceling" me from their lives.
Yup be well God bless I understand ur pain 💕
My daughter stopped talking to me when I divorced her father. She also said some very nasty and disrespectful things to me. It hurt for a long time, but I have reached a place of peace and letting her go. I used to stand at the door waiting for her to come back to me. After two years, I have let her go. I wish her well but I have walked away from that door and living my life.
Please take care of yourself
My experience is that the adult kids want you to understand, support and respect them but when the door swivels in the other direction, they usually want and need you to understand, support and respect them without being willing to do the same.
Totally agree. But sadly at this time they only rely on me to watch the dog when they're gone, or ( gladly) my granddaughters. Otherwise, they have absolutely no use for me
I’m happy to watch grandkids. I refused to do any pet care.
Margaret as a follower of yours from Day 1 ( and sometimes a little
critical), I can’t thank you enough for this topic. I am not estranged from my 2 sons but rocky roads abound! I have been trying to do what you talked about and making some progress so this video came at a perfect time . First, because there is strength in numbers and second because what you said and the author said is so true!
I was heartbroken at first but getting over that. Will not be so vulnerable at the same time maintaining a that
My two adult children are loving human beings who have been there for me emotionally as well. As a single parent since my son was 1 and at the same time found out I was pregnant with my daughter, I’m all they’re had. Their father chose not to be apart of their lives. My focus was to always put their needs first and now that I’m older they look after my needs as well. We still go on vacations together and are there for each other when someone is sick. Bottom line is that we all just want each other to be happy.
11:12
The reality is that our children are on loan..We have expectations and then HURT when they don't give us what we need. I have a fairly OK relationship with my adult children but only because I have let go of them.. I don't depend on them for my well being. Let them go and try make the best of your own life. You did the best you could for them and be proud of that. Love to all here
I always knew my child was on loan. But I also imagined I'd be as involved in their live as I was in my own grandparents' lives. I guess times have changed.
yes go and find friends, make the best of it. That is what I am doing. Thanks for reminding me they are on loan, I enjoyed them when they were little.
it looks like they could call once in a while but No, not unless it is something in it for them. Narcisstic and cant change it.
AMEN!
@@sunshine-sm6nf I do think narcissiam has a lot to do with it. Also being spoiled doesn't help.
This is more common than people know! I hear it all the time during my tarot readings. After raising two kids for decades on my own when their estranged father finally decided to be in their lives… I became the outcast. He walks on water. I’ve made mistakes but I also didn’t abandon them, and I’ve come to terms with moving on now without my kids. I tried to apologize for my mistakes only to receive scathing texts from them. I’m done, and at peace
with my decision. Meditation helps. Ladies know you’re not alone.
🦅🤍🦅Thanks for your comment. My kids won't speak to me. 🦅🤍
Mama Judy... stay away from those tarot readings... they are the work of Satan!
Thank you for sharing I am in the same situation with 3 of my 4 adult children and t heir Toxic Father
Wow….this is painfully sad. However, you are taking care of YOU and are so deserving of a happy, fulfilling life. You go girl !
WOW...Thank you for writing this!
In 1973 I was crossing the street with my son when this older woman approached me. She said your child will never care for you like you are caring for them. She was right.
She was right but what a weird thing to say to a stranger, or to anyone! I had a woman tell me (we were standing in line at Walmart and I had my 3 small kids with me), "little kids little problems, big kids big problems." She was right too but if I only had negative things to say I'd keep my mouth shut lol!
Yes she was right, and I am surprised you view the child that YOU decided to bring into the world, has to give back to you to the same degree that you had when it was you who started the whole thing, children are gifts but you view your relationship with them as completely transactional? ROI?
@@Peem_pom I have no idea who you are talking to but I never expected my children to give me anything. I hope for love and most of the time I receive it. They are my children and I'm their mother. Most families feel obligated to each other and value being part of a loving family. It's your life and your history. Why anyone would throw that away is beyond me. Of course I'm not talking about chronic abuse. In loving and functional families almost anything can be forgiven.
That was weird for that lady to just say something like that
I am 65 and a codependent mother to two adults, one male and one female. I am doing my best to learn how to distance myself and let them make their own mistakes and suffer the consequences. It’s so hard. I’ve always been a fixer and neither of them wants that and neither do I anymore. Everyday, I listen to a new video or read something that helps me to detach and still love them with all my heart. God bless all of you struggling in your relationships.
what videos did you view. please send links
@@valenciagiles7472 first read books by Melody Beattie. The Language of Letting Go or Codependent No More are both good to start.
That is true I find the hardest thing to do is to separate myself, and not being angry about it. I need to learn to separate and or divorce myself from my children and still want the best for them.
Remember you were strong enough to raise them, you are strong enough to let them learn to live their own lives. And yes, some days it feels like you will never stop crying. But you do, because you will realize that you can only do so much, and you cannot make choices for others. Smile as often as you can.... and acknowledge your ability to find some joy. You deserve nothing but the best .... always!
So hard. I understand how you're feeling. 😢
After being shut out of my adult daughter’s life for so many years, I am letting go. I’m here if she wants a relationship but I will not put myself through the emotional pain anymore. I only have so many years kept and I deserve to be happy.
The healing can't really start until we let go. I think the process is like accepting the death of a loved one. Disbelief, anger, and then acceptance. Hugs across the miles...I hope that you can find peace.
@@elainehruby7880 yes it is very painful when they dont want you in their life, mine are not mad, just always busy.
@@sunshine-sm6nf We all want this wonderful family but I think it all depends on the girls. The girls in our son’s lives and our daughters.
@@marytal8236 not in my case, son does not have a wife. In fact I have liked all his girlfriends, he doesnt keep them long, wonder why. I also like my daughter's husband. It is all them.
@@sunshine-sm6nf Busy doesn't excuse it.
Thank you for putting this out for discussion. I have spent the last year being separated from my son. He was my world and I never expected that he would put me to the side. It has now been 15 months with no communication if any it is negative. Three months ago I sat feeling sorry for myself and decided that I was not the problem. I am 60 years old and have so much to experience. It has been hard but I have completely distanced myself from him and focus on what makes me happy. I love him more than my life however I will no longer tolerate the disrespect and judgments placed on me. It is my hope that one day maybe he will come back into my life and I will welcome him with open arms. But for now I wish only that he and his family experience happiness and joy. It has been really hard for me and each day I think of him but it also seems like I am starting to get excited about doing things for myself and enjoying whatever time I have left. I wish I could hug all of these women who posted.
❤️
Hello 👋 Priscilla
Hello Priscilla I totally understand your pain. Much love from Florida!❤️
These are very bad times we're living in. The worldly system (schools, unis, work, media) is what encourages our loved ones to be disrespectful or turn their backs on us.
You sound so mentally healthy although I know you are living in pain. I hope to get to your level of loving myself again. It's a living Hell right now.
We were ghosted by our children...little did they know, we ghosted them too. It's more peaceful & calm. They want to blame us for their behavior their shortcomings...not accepting their energy. Enjoying the peace now and the calm.
Manipulation is when they blame you for your reaction to their disrespect.
We're done! It will never be the same even if we did get together.
Your video was timely. Thank you 😊
Yes, it’s a very difficult situation. I hope that you’re OK.
@@sixtyandme Thank you. Better than ok! Great when the rest of the family can see exactly what's happening and the support is given...no words just action. Both husband and I actually are doing better than we would have expected...I guess it helps when both are on the same side.
This is spot on, every word of it.
Just stumbled upon your video. I am going through this now at 54 with my adult daughters. The hardest thing for me is that someone else can have such a huge influence on them. 💔
I completely understand how you feel I’m going through the same thing with my two daughters. It really is heartbreaking and I wish you well.
I’m so happy I found this. Women in their 50s are dealing with this from adult children too
Oh yes!
I'm childless but I find that way to many ( women especially ) more than men bring a lot of the grown adult children issues to the workplace and discuss their kids lives non-stop / I've learned that it's a topic that everyone does not need to hear daily / finding healthy hobbies and creative outlets should be embraced as parents develop.🙏
My husband and I made the mistake of giving our only child everything you could wish for. We called her princess so much that she believed it, I guess. We loved her so much. We worked ourselves to death to give her things we never had. When we sent her off to college, she changed. She turned into the most self-centered person that we didn't even recognize her anymore. We supported her for years, and she just wanted more. We finally said no. She is now punishing us by not speaking to us. After a million tears, I have now turned her room, which was a shrine, into my sewing room, and my husband and I are spending her inheritance. If she does come back, how would we know it was not just for money. When people ask about her, we say she is off in another state on a job, then change the subject.
Unfortunately giving a child everything without teaching them about sacrifice and gratitude is always going to backfire on the parents. So many parents give too many worldly things to their children and the child expects more more more....They only see the love you expressed as gifts and money. They have no real concept of love. As a result the adult version of a sploit child isn't very pleasant.... you cannot force to love you or respect... I am guilty of this myself. I am not condemning you at all. If only we had a handbook for each child. I had five and they all turned differently even though I went to great lengths to give equally in time and money etc.... It really is the hardest job being a parent. Love yourself and forgive yourself. Step away even though it's very painful. Your daughter has her own journey. Let her discover herself.
Good for you! As far as you should be concerned, she had her abundant life, and already had her Inheritance!
I did the same thing thinking that I wanted my daughter to have the things my parents were too poor to give me. Big Mistake. She became a monster and expected the moon, sun and stars. 4 years estranged now. I’m surviving.
I watched all the parents make the same mistakes, I refused to do what everyone else was doing and I also didn’t have the money either.
I could see what type of ppl these kids would turn out to be, and I was right.
I wonder if they will raise their kids the same?
Same - 4 years. I cut former son off - he also became a monster. It is so sad - he was such a very good kid when he was young.
Also, his step sister is a sub criminal psychopath, and had great influence over him...
I got some good advice for everyone.. I was a great Mom all involved with my two childrens lives. When they became adults and ignored me and only called when they needed something I changed. I put a wall up as much as it hurt 25 years ago. I treat them as I would anyone else who shuns me. It is written at the end children will disrespect their parents. Faith has made me very strong and I hope and pray that my message helps those who have this horrible experience with grown adult brats.
Thank you so much for sharing
Thank you for those word’s ! I needed to hear that.
Yeah, I do think it's all part of being "the end times." 50 years ago most people still cared about the ten commandments. Not anymore!
You are a narcissist!
Total narcissist. And using the Bible as per usual to justify how abusive you were.
If you want grandchildren, please ask about volunteering as a reading tutor at your local elementary school. We always need kind, caring adults who can listen to children practice their reading. You can change a child's life!
I'm sorry, but as nice as it is do do this, it's not at all a comparisons to having your grandchildren in your life.
The senior center in my area has some activities that are inter generational. Our local library also has a summer reading program that includes listening to people of all ages read aloud. If you want to take advantage of an opportunity you can. I don’t know very many people who actually got the future/old age that they thought they would.
Not good advice for me. My grandson is the love of my life and being held hostage by mean spirited self absorbed daughter. I would be in tears reading to other kids when I can't read and spend time with him.
@@cindybochenski6976 Do not forget he is not yours.
Or hold babies in the NICU. Especially preemies with parents who can't be there as often as they'd like.
I'm 51 and been living with being the last on my daughter's list for about 10 years now. The tears I've cried would fill a swimming pool. Even moving closer hasn't had any effect, as the poster says, it's had the opposite effect. I only have my daughter left as my family have passed away, so she knows that I don't have any other family member who I can turn to if I need to talk or share things with. So thank you for posting this. I can count on one hand how many times I see her in a year - that's usually after asking to see her and booking an appointment! It's crazy. I love her with all my heart but I'm so tired of feeling left out in the cold. Thankfully I've just joined a few social groups in my area and for once, I could actually say to her that I was busy the weekend she wanted to see me. I'm not going to drop everything anymore. She knows where I am if she ever needs me, but at the moment her boyfriend is fulfilling her every need so I'm out to pasture. I'm going to enjoy my autumn years and stop feeling so neglected. Thank you again for this 🙏✨💜
So sorry she treated you like this especially since you don't have family. I still have my son and adopted 2 cats and love them.
This is me im so glad tho.ive got my so who my daughter does the same too. Today we were watching my grandson play football and we stood there watching like strangers
You are only 51. If we make our children a priority in life, we become their priority in life. There is no question that we live for them, and happy to die for them. But our children are adults, independent and lead a busy life. Hankering to have a close relationship brings heartaches. Let them live the way they want to, letting them go means you are allowing them to miss you, want to see you. Live your own life, do what you want to do. Expecting a solid relationship only drives that person away from you.
You have to plan ahead and schedule to see your adult daughter who has her own life? The horror. /sarcasm
Very smart! above someone mentioned about stop the cards,,apologizing, begging, asking to see them and jsut to get rejected one more time....STOP! sometimes after what could possibly become years, it may reverse itself. i as well have these boyfriends who always take first place and seems to play itself to end up replacing me or simply just, as the above mother said, take my place. Truly is beyond heartwrenching. When they leave this earth, as sick and sad as it is, there's closure on God taking them. i get very scared that it can happen b4 any kinds of reconciliation or amends are made. A friend had that happen to him (a father), and alhough he firmly believes his son is in heaven, and God has forgiven him, he himself cant seem to get past the not forgiving himself to have done whatever he possibly could to make the amends. But that was a situation where he kicked the adult son out ( drugs involved) in reverse to the son abandoning or rejecting his father. I intend on doing all I can although the rejection and abandonmnt and screams of "I dont want you in my life" just came again in the last several weeks and it hasnt been this bad with my 30year old daughter since she graduated and didn't wnat me in her life similar to whats now going on ...seems like....ALL OVER AGAIN!! Like reliving year 2010 once again!! There were times things got better...not good at all....but better....thru the past 13 years. Now, since the boyfriend who's 15 years older than her, and seems like he possibly is taking the place of her dad that died when she was only 6 years old. But that has presented a whole world of new issues as they are doing this midEastern meditation and putting crystals all over the house and screaming at me for blessing things in the house when i watched the dogs, as though my blessing or praying over her or her home is putingsome sort of curse or bad mojo on her or the boyfriend or the home!! Sick,,absured.. absolutely ludicrous...unacceptable and unblievable. I attribute it to being nothing short of satan himself being fully alive and active in her life and in that home. The home is where i grew up 64 years ago (23 years til i left home)
I thought i was the only one facing these issues.. I feel so alone..
You are not alone alot of people just dont talk about the fact that they suffer becuase of one or more of their children lack of respect es my son has completely cut me off i cant even call him he has me blocked
One can share the hurt of this rejection with only select few friends. It is too painful and most don’t want to think such pain is possible. There is a shame in the rejection.
Me too, so alone. My son has cut me off from his life. His wife has mental/addictions issues and completely manipulates him and her mother. It’s a classic codependent relationship that my son can’t or won’t want to see. They keep two grandkids from me and my husband. It’s heartbreaking and very worrisome situation. It would be easy to let go if grandkids were not in the picture. I feel sorry for my son, his confusion and feelings of entrapment. At the same time I feel disappointed and enraged on his weakness to stand up for himself and do something to protect his kids from this unhealthy environment.
Me too, when friends or people I know have these wonderful children and relationships with their adult kids. It's hard ;( I guess we're not alone.
After 4 years i emailed my son and asked, son am i ever going to see you again? Ive just turned 60. He emailed back, No. Its been like a grenade has gone off in my face, and im upside down in a booby trap. Just cant seem to get out of bed. Im so glad i saw this today. Im so broken, but i will survive.
It's unfortunate but who actually had you answer...its been 4 yrs since you've seen him. That was it right there. For 4 yrs this probably hurt you more than it hurt him. Asking him just solidified to him that he's hurting you, still. Be in peace as hard as it may be. Take your power back! Let go, let God! May you find peace in your days and nights.
ÀLWAYS remember your value is not based on his ability to recognize your worth.
Yea good for him. Things like that happen because of YOUR action, or inaction. Stop trying to be a victim. For once. Good lord you people are awful.
I feel you may be in more pain than me, so may you be happy, may you be well and may you be free from all suffering. Go well.@marciestoddard730
My children want money and things from me. When I retired 6 months ago I told them I would not be there financially. Now that they realize I meant what I said they are gone. I can't explain in words how much that hurts. All I was to them was a banker you never repay. My heart is crushed.
I'm so sorry for your pain. I hope you read all the comments here. I have found it all very helpful.
Debbie, did you give them money before you retired? I have a feeling you did because you specifically mentioned retirement as when you closed the bank. So what likely happened is that you conditioned them to ask you for money. You have done this in hopes of buying their love or keeping them in your life. I think a lot of the posters here had a core feeling of unworthiness that led them to sacrifice too much of their energy (money, time, emotional) and that created the lack of respect. When you feel whole, you never are interacting with others from a fear-based perspective where you need to keep them in your life by any means necessary.
@@suzycreemcheeze446 does that reply make you feel better about yourself ?! She helped her children financially out of the goodness of her heart until she couldn’t anymore. We all love to help out our children. So don’t victim blame and get off your high horse. I’m sure this lady would have appreciated a kind word from you instead of trying to turn it all around to be her fault. Shame on you.
I totally understand. I have been shunned for several years by my adult children.
@@bevannaralph2872 I'm so sorry, it hurts like nothing else. I try and stay busy to take my mind off of them.
Moms! Give yourself a break, or go on a special trip and celebrate it anyway. Let them become self actualized and you have fun with your life. Read, write, walk, sing, cry, get a job, volunteer, go to school, go to church, clean your house, garden, sew, gripe and complain but go have your own life and own some fun, fun, fun!
On my way to Costa Rica 4 days from now. It was supposed to be the 3 of us but it will be just me. My 2 daughters are horrible and Im good.
Update went to Costa Rica. Had a fabulous time rolled around in both birds have that whole sweet by myself and I’m living my life like it’s golden thank you Jill Scott from making that song peace
Update: Here in Costa Rica just came from zip lining . . NEXT!!
@@livefromtheground7274 Hope you had and are still having Great Fun! 🎉
I love this!!!!
@@livefromtheground7274💯🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
Beautifully said. These adult children are selfish, ungrateful and even cruel. Most of us have done more for our children than our own parents ever did for us. We were generous with our time, our lives and our resources but this generation often grows up spoiled and without the character to honor their parents, let alone care for them as they age. They simply are void of that character.
yes
You nailed it!
Oh my Lord that is the absolute truth and I'm living it every day.
@Debbie …not always
SO TRUE!!!! Very well said. I agree.
None of us are alone in this. It’s becoming an epidemic. Adult children don’t want to be saddled with having to help their aging parents. I lost both of my parents within a few months several years ago. My oldest son has been on drugs for 15 years and treated them like his bank. They enabled him thinking they were helping him. As soon as they died, and he found out I wasn’t going to support him at the age of 35 he left, and I haven’t heard from him cents. He has a daughter who doesn’t know me. My youngest son, who is 10 years younger, married a girl who is very controlling and only wanted her family in his life. She’s clearly threatened by the fact that we were so close. They now have a baby that I have also never met. I lost my parents and my kids all in one shot. I have no other family. My younger son has reached out a few times, but I always get ridiculed, verbally abused, and left feeling like a failure. It’s kind of like I have to grieve his loss over and over again. I have chosen now to cut ties completely so I don’t have to go through the morning of him repeatedly. I also don’t have to go through the verbal abuse. I was a wonderful single mom and don’t deserve the way I have been treated.
🌹🙏✨
Hugs to you - you did the best you could and no, it’s not your fault. I wish peace for you.
My story with my son. Had to block his access to me. Could not take the heartache anymore. Peace❤
I sympathize with you, Kristi. It's very cruel of them not to let you know your grandchild. I also have a daughter-in-law that doesn't let my son invite me over. She is very possessive and jellous of my relationship with my son, that was once so close. The fact that my son doesn't let me enter his and her place hurts me like a thorn stuck in my heart, So much more because and helped and help them so much. But I must learn how to separate and lead my life without expecting any decent, fair, loving reaction from him. I have to accept it and move on with my life.
It's a sad world we live in. My son doesn't speak to me either. Of course it hurts but I just don't go there. It's his problem not mine. And yes I have twin grandsons I have never been able to see. He is coming to the state I live in to see his cousin. It shall be interesting how he handles it. The ball is definitely in his court. We raise them the best we can. They are grown adults and are making their own decisions now. This woman has wonderful advice.
Actually hearing that “divorcing my children” is sometimes the only option... has taken a huge guilty burden off of my back. Thank you
I'm going through letting go of my adult daughter who is 30 yrs of age and a bully. The pain is excruciating as I was also a single parent. My daughter cut me off just 2 weeks after my father’s funeral and it has almost been 3 years since we have spoken. I have also moved 200km away from my narcissistic family, I am the youngest born. It was good watching your video knowing that I am taking positive steps with moving on. My heart goes out to all parents who are experiencing this immense heartache.
My God heal your heart.
Same
Our relationship actually improved after I learned to ease off and focused more on my hobbies and friendships.
I divorced my 2 daughters for many reasons. I truly understand what so many are going through. I have had a huge weight taken off my shoulders divorcing them. My sister’s do not understand. They have no idea and will never. I am healing well from all that my daughters have done to me. Stay strong, be positive and optimistic. Thank you sixty and me!
I still grieve over my estranged daughter for 16 years. I got into alcohol and made the grieving so much worse. I am trying to pick up the pieces and heal at 62.
I'm 46 and going through this now. It's the only way I see myself living my best life without drama, and manipulation. I miss my grandson but I have to protect myself and my sanity.
I’m surprised my daughter hasn’t a divorce
So your sisters and your daughters have a problem with you….doesn’t that tell you something? The problem is you- not everyone else. I’m glad your girls have their aunts.
I don’t know you but I understand you Kathy God bless and happiness to you friend
I have three adult narc kids, all in their 50s, and 3 of 4 young adult grandkids showing strong signs of narcissism. I have been listening to Dr. Ramani who has gotten me through the worst of the gray rocking required. I am Catholic. Our priest suggested writing the kids' names on a piece of paper, and putting them under my Crucifix, giving them back to God to love them and care for them. I have been relieved of my pain and self blaming. This speaker is correct - we did our best. Our kids have decisions to make. If they don't, it is not our fault. I pray for them every day, but my guilt is quieted.
I'm sure you were an absolutely perfect parent. How odd it is that all three of the children you raised turned out this way. I wonder what the common denominator is?
@@NextLineIsMine sort of rude. I am also Catholic. All three of mine left but have returned. Sort of prodigal son‘s on steroids. Don’t judge.
I loved the priest suggestion. I will do this myself. Thank you.
Honestly whoa ...like ysp I don't think all narcos I thought ppl snitches
@@NextLineIsMine Cold and mean-spirited comments are not helpful.
All these comment echo my own relationship with my daughter. I cried everyday, several times a day. Letting go was impossible yet that was the only choice I had. Now a new grand baby and am waiting for the other shoes to drop and be cut off. I stay open, but deeply careful not to build my hopes. To me it’s shameful to be estranged. I was so close to both my parents until their death. These times are so different. As an elderly person fear of dependency haunts me.
This exactly how I feel. Almost as soon as my son got married (despite having been with his wife for 10 years) everything changed almost overnight. We were so incredibly close when he was growing up. Even when he moved away to live with his girlfriend we had an agreement that he'd visit once a month. That all disappeared when he married her. He told me he would still visit, but then just stopped without explanation - and somehow I was to blame for expecting too much. I was in such pain for months and months. Now we're "talking" which means texting in today's world. I never see him....he phones maybe once or twice a year. And I wonder what I did wrong to produce this situation. Growing up he always said I'd live with him when I was old. I almost laugh at that, while I wonder what will happen in my old age, and whether I'll die alone.
@@lanasoosar Hi. I don't think he'll do that - he's very successful in his own right, altho' seems to have difficulty acknowledging my contribution to that. But I do think about changing my will ... after all, I have 2 cats.
@@monicalillich8503 That's so sad. I used to get a "Happy Thanksgiving" text - that was all. Nothing on my birthday. I finally told him I was taking a step back until he decided he wanted a proper relationship - one that included actually talking (I was only allowed to text), and even visits. Since then I haven't heard from my son at all. Recognizing the need to distance oneself is the first step to some kind of recovery, I suppose. But it's hard to actually do this because that means giving up all hope. Even tho' I wonder if he'll ever see the light, I know that even if he did, our relationship is destroyed. I feel rejected and discarded. After all, we're in the midst of a global pandemic and he has no interest or concern for his mother who is 62 and lives alone. I am perpetually astonished and dismayed by such callousness.
I feel the same way as you ...I'm very close to my Mum & want that for my daughters but it is so difficult with abusive partners that influence my daughters...I felt very empty when I had to put space between one of the daughter...but I had to for the sanity of our marriage that we have had to work so hard at to be happy...I'm not alone i see...
@@lynnem3300 my 2 children are the same way, nothing to do but find friends. They are not going to change, radical acceptance.
I was starting to think I was turning into a narcissist. Thank you. Three sons that I barely recognize anymore. So happy I found this channel. The Universe strikes again. 🙏🏼☮️from♓️
Hello 👋 Susan
The Universe! Don't you mean God in Heaven wins again?
Susan, I felt the same way until I read Sheri McGregor's book "Done with the Crying". Hang in there!
3 Sons also! Same situation! :(
@@bellamina1957 She means what SHE means the last thing SHE needs is a criticizong comment from someone who doesnt nurture like Christ yet brings a hurting Mother donwn even further Shame on you! ZB
I am sixty-eight. My youngest daughter of my five adult "offspring", I use this word, as "children" seems incorrect somehow.😊
My youngest who is now forty years old is pregnant with her fourth child. This child is from a new, second husband.
Since marriage, they have been pressuring me to move in with them. Sensing being setup to be a built-in babysitter, I have resisted every step of the way. I do not want that for my life.
I am enjoying my new found freedom, as my husband passed in 2015.
There are much more details but to be brief, my daughter has recently hurled many insults when I told her that I am interested in studying a program of healing in another state.
I appreciate this video, as it relieves me of a heavy heart lately.
Thank you!❤🎉
Stick to your plan luv x
It’s amazing. This came into my stream. Two weeks ago. My daughter and I became estranged and I haven’t seen my granddaughter who I babysat every week since she was three months old and she’s turning three next month. We had a big fight. We’re going in opposite direction. I don’t agree with her life choices, and she doesn’t agree with mine, my daughter. I feel she’s making a mess of her life and my grandchildren will suffer for it. My heart is broken. And I cry a lot, but I needed to hear this. Thank you.
It gets easier as time passes. Same situation here. My granddaughter was 6 and it's been 2.5 yrs since I last seen or spoken to her. I live life to its fullest as I refuse to allow this separation to rule my life. I do pray that my granddaughter will want to reach out once she's an adult. Accepting this reality was my 1st step to healing.
Isn’t it amazing? I came across this video and I was in tears all day. To see these comments have been heartbreaking but also encouraging to know that I am not alone. God bless you! Thank you for sharing your story. I wish we could all form a support group. It would be wonderful. I know I need it. Take care beautiful Momma. We have done the best we could. Amen ♥️🙏♥️
Yep, same here…terrible choices, over & over again, 7 years now. I can’t continue to be her punching bag, I want peace, no drama. She can live her life, I’ll live mine. Unfortunately, that beautiful gran child comes attached to her mother and whoever she’s seeing. I have no legal voice in the matter, and refuse to be disrespected. So I’ve chose divorce too.
You might have made this video a year ago, but it was perfect timing for me today. I’m exhausted!
I divorced my daughter 3 days ago when I returned home to find she not only robbed my home but destroyed it in the process. I salvaged what I could, shipped it 2700 miles and am in my car headed cross country and free from her. I feel such relief and freedom! I told her be happy with the increase of she hoard and leave me alone, we are even...
I am free and honestly, everything looks brighter as I can finally breathe again
Wow .. thank you for posting this and thank you to all those that commented here. I never imagined I would wind up so alone after raising 4 kids .. and wearing myself out to provide what I never had growing up .. the best home life I could. Everything was for them. I still have no grandchildren .. maybe that’s a good thing .. I cannot imagine being a non-factor in their lives too. Bless everyone here!
You are so right! Also reconciliation doesn’t work just set you further back . So much water under the bridge so much over the bridge there is no longer a bridge 😢 I speak from my own experience, after many years of estrangement we tried again . The first year was great but then the cracks started appearing. Grandchildren had grown now all in late teen , they had been used as punishment toward me had no contact for many years, it was very sad that the bond had been broken. Now once more I am broken again and my heart is shattered. I have now let go and will never go back , my health declined my mental health also . I’m in my early 60’s I’ve now accepted the unacceptable. Good luck and wishing everyone on this post PEACE ✌️ we deserve it 🤗 hugs to all .
Thank you for sharing that. I always wonder (worry) about reconciliation. How it would go IF my adult children ever decide to reach out to me in the future. I don't have any hopes they will at all, but just in case it happens, I honestly worry about it. If they can hurt you once they certainly can again.
@@k.m.428 .......Lol, once shame on you, twice, shame on me! Been there.
I emphasize.
@@k.m.428 yes give up on hope unfortunately in these cases.
@@angelfirelite I guess shame on me because my daughter has done horrible things to me many times over the last 30 years. People would find those things difficult to believe. I found out about 10 years ago that my ex was backstabbing me to my little children throughout our marriage when they were very little. I’ve gone back all these times because I want relationship. Now I’m 72 and almost 4 years ago I started learning about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. So, besides being indoctrinated my daughter has this too. For those who don’t know what this is, don’t even think of it as being a narcissist. That is only the first layer because she is far worse than that. I completely stayed away from her for 3 years and went back when I realized she has a disorder. Since then as before, there have been many ruined events. Christmases, etc. It has been very difficult. With my health in decline, it would be so nice to have a loving child. Let alone one with my grandson, who she alienates from me. I’ve told her clearly of the evil she does to me, and her response always is, I’m abusive. She never apologizes she just says I’m abusive. She can’t be reaoned with.
Thank you Thank you Thank you Sewing up the hole in my heart every day. Succeeding (I think)
ME TOO!!!
I find the best thing is acceptance of the fact THERE is a cut off. Then PREPARE for a future, WHAT ONE has left, TO BE on ONES own. Then build up new ideas for ONES FUTURE and COPING on our own, THERE is SUPPORT OUT there for OLDER people from society itself.
We got this!
@@marianmartin9441 and then we bring out old pictures and remember the great times to help sustain us.
This is comforting. It lets me know that i am not alone while facing this sad situation. Thank you so much. 😊
Wendy Sealy You are not alone. After the birth of my first grandchild I was totally cut off for no reason. My only child (son) did not contact me for two years. He reached out to me , but I can’t really trust him not to do it again. My daughter in law was jealous of our relationship. I can’t reconnect because the hurt is still there. I have a guarded relationship with them now.
@@lynns.1855 So sorry to hear this. I do relate. I often ask myself where did i go wrong. For the most part i think ive done so much to the point where i was expected to contribute in any way shape or form. Once i stood up for myself and allow them to see and know that i still have a life i was branded for what appears to be eternity. I love your idea of a guarded relationship.😊
I would like to recommend this book; Done With the Crying by Sheri McGregor, M.A. It helped me so much! It's a painful experience but you are not alone!!
@@suzannegreenwood5155 Thank you so much suzanne. I will certainly check that book. I do appreciate the recommendation.
Thank you for the book name. Just borrowed. I s,hall be comforted. Much thanks.
I'm divorcing my adult daughter. I forgive her and hope she has a wonderful blessed life. I can't accept anymore abuse, been accepting it for so many years, hoping for change, praying for change. I give up.
me too
I agree..my daughter is a horrible person.. I'm not even mad I just don't want anything to do with her. Good Bless anyone that comes in contact with her..I feel so sad for her daughter and son.. But God with watch over them
What did YOU do to her???
I did nothing to her except tried to be the best single parent that I could be. Too much lies and manipulation. Now I'm tired. Love her and always will. If she needs me she knows where I am
I feel like you were talking directly to me. Thankyou, it’s comforting to know that I’m not the only person going thru the heartbreak of grown up children and losing access to my grandbabies. My heart breaks for anyone going thru this.
I'm sorry. I used to wish my Adult daughter would get married and have children but now I know if she were to have children that she would just use them as a way to hurt me by denying me to spend time with them. I don't do drugs nor do I drink. I think sometimes my daughter is even jealous that her dog loves me. She wants no one to love me. I sometimes wished I had more children because my own brother is estranged from my parents but they still had me. I sometimes think my brother and my daughter are both jealous of the close relationship I have with my parents. Brother has sibling rivalry issues with me.
@@monicalillich8503 So heartbreaking. I will never understand why an adult child could treat their parent with such cruelty. I would never do that to my parents, I appreciated all that my parents have done for me and feel proud that I have been able to help them in their elderly years. I've had a pretty glamorous life in my 20's and yet taking care of my elderly Mom so she didn't have to go to a nursing home was more meaningful than any career accomplishments I've made. I wish you healing and peace. Understand that other parents know what you are going through and helps ease the pain a little.
It's better when you have peace is better when you're happy...
No actually there are milions of situations today of adult children estranged from mothers and families. In 2017 I remember getting a book "Done with the Crying"...by Sheri McGregor I think... after finally being beaten down with stress and sadness over what my son was doing. We always think we are alone, are ashamed and wonder what we did wrong. How a child of ours could do these things. As we age, we need to realize all this stress can cause a stroke...and we have to remove ourselves from it all...or it will kill us. Worst nightmare for so many good parents. I understand you thinking it is just you, but believe me...you are far from alone with this.
@@jamilgotcher5456 ....I called my daughter because my car broke down...she lives 3 miles from me and I asked for her to take me to the store for water or
if she could bring me some
if she had the time, she said, take UBER! This is just to give you an idea of how she treats me and this was nothing compared to when she is really mean! I hope I don't ever get real
sick as she would just throw me to the wolves!
I’m in my 40’s and I am enjoying all the videos I’ve seen from you so far. Mainly because I can relate to them. Even this one. I had my child at 17 and now she’s 30. I sacrificed so much to put myself through school, her through private school and I worked a whole lot to create a better life for us because her dad hardly was around and even when he was, he was almost useless financially and he struggled with drugs and just plan old laziness. Although I wasn’t rich, this child had it way better than I ever dreamed of when I was a poor inner city kid. I managed to have us to stay in nice neighborhoods, she always had food, shelter and clothing, took a big chunk of my little savings to buy her a car on her 16th bday though I didn’t even have the ability to get me a car til I was 23. Bought her a townhouse at 21, and really tried my best to support her mentally, emotionally and spiritually throughout her life. Now she’s mad because I won’t do what she thinks I should do about an investment we have together so she’s spread all kind of lies about how horrible her childhood was and how much of an absentee mother I was because I had to work and go to school all the time. She even came to my house anger one day and called me everything except a child of God and tried to break down my door to come into my house to assault me. For months she didn’t let me see my grandchildren. On Mother’s Day this year, she finally let me be with them for the day and I’ve been picking them up every other Saturday to spend time with them ever since. I really don’t speak to her and she really doesn’t speak to me. Our interaction can be summed up to a brief “hey how ya doing, I’ll be over to get the kids at noon.” I realize that when she cursed me out that unforgettable day and tried to attack me (but for the police stopping her), she’s spread lies to others about her childhood so she can have a ghetto hood rat story to tell in order to relate to her low life friends, I no longer like my own child. Though I love her, I just don’t like her. I’ve changed all my insurance and beneficiaries documents to exclude her. I’ll be damned if she gets to profit from my hard earn arduous years of labor and my assets and investments considering her sentiments toward me and her ungrateful attitude about the sacrifices I made so she could have a better life that her man, and children get to enjoy because of me. As far as I’m concerned we don’t have to be a loving mother/daughter duo. As long as I can see my grandchildren, I’ll be just fine. So to you ladies out there, please know you’re not alone. We do the best we can for our children considering they don’t come with instruction manuals. Let’s hold our head up high, because they will surely reap what they sow.
You were young when you had her but obviously you had a good head on your shoulders for doing well for yourself. I personally think that a car at 16 and townhouse at 21 are extravagant gifts for someone that age as well as someone in your position. Even now you're taking actions of a financial nature cutting her off. That's being materialistic on both ends. What children want and need is LOVE AND AFFECTION. Maybe what she says has some truth to it. You were so busy working that she felt neglected emotionally. She only had you and not her dad so perhaps she felt unloved. Rather than make her wrong, think about the core message behind her complaints. You did the best you could under the circumstances as a single parent. She was not able to appreciate that because children typically sees things from an egocentric point of view. Neither one of you was or is the bad guy. You were both just coping with life. Make peace with your choices and think about reaching out to your daughter and being vulnerable with her.
Same situation as me. And I am only 38. And struggling with this. My son. It's always been just me and him.. now it's just me.. Now he's blaming me. For the decision he has made on his own...
@@justmylife90 I’m very sorry you’re going through this. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I haven’t seen or heard from my child and grandchildren since Dec 10th. It was all too consuming and depressing at first, but now I can honestly say I’ve let Go and I’m letting God decide the outcome of the situation because I’m not going to be continuously rejected by my own seed. I’m finding peace, and a bit of joy and happiness by spending time with my teenage nieces who always tell me they wish I were their mom and I treat them like surrogate daughters. I’m giving my energy, and time to those that not only need it but appreciate it. I’m not sure how long I’ll be alive on this earth so I just decided that although I miss my child and grandchildren, I refuse to be mired in pain and hurt over someone that I’ve devoted a good bit of my life to. I hope and pray you find the peace that I’ve found in knowing I did my best and that’s all you, I or anyone can do.
Your story is close to mine. Ready to dissolve this mother daughter relationship. Put a fork in me "done".....
@@kiwipeaches1 yeah life is too short to experience stress especially from someone YOU gave life to. I’m so over it now. I wish her well and pray for her to have a great successful life and that God watch over her and my grandchildren. I hope your situation gets better. Even if it doesn’t, please live your life like it’s Golden because we’re here for a limited time only.
I have four grown sons. Three are married. With each one I’ve come to painfully accept that their wive’s families come first. I’ve been put last on every major holiday. I’ve missed time with my grandchildren while the wife’s mom sees them constantly. It’s not that my sons don’t love me, it’s just that they have to deal with an unhappy wife if she doesn’t get her way. Do I wish they’d stand up to her and say “It’s my mom’s turn this holiday?” Yes! With all my heart. But I’ve stopped thinking that will happen. I have to accept things as they are and that’s really hard, especially when I’ve loved them all and always been there. I never expected this at this time in my life. 😢
❤
Rebecca, I have a very similar situation with three grown sons. Good men, and we were so close when they were growing up. But, just my luck, they all settled in different places and married otherwise fine young women who are very (VERY) close to their own families. No time for me, unless it is completely my effort and sporadically at that. I often wish I had a daughter!! Margaret's video here and reading comments has been helpful to me, but I am very often sad and have trouble moving forward in my life because of this.
My intelligent aunt had two sons and no daughters. She told me years ago that because she had sons, she knew they would not visit her or help her in her old age. She’s purchased long term care “insurance,” is retired and travels with groups of female friends. Plan your future well if you have sons.
@@kellyyork3898 Funny.....my mom had daughter's and she said the same thing about us, that we chose our husband's family over her. Finally one of my sister's moved my parents next door to them but she still wasn't happy. My sister was busy with her work and her own family and didn't spend the time my mother thought she should with them. These days you can't count on sons or daughters. People are just more selfish and self centered than they use to be.
Read your Bible!!! "the man shall leave his mother and the woman leave her home" That's the way it is suppose to be! The wife should always come before anyone else!!!!!
When our children grow up, we are no longer their parents, still their mom and dad. but we no longer have the right to control them.
Your child/children can bring you the greatest joy but also the greatest pain.😢
Thank you for bringing up the adult children issues. I have been putting up with my adult children so so long. I’m now 70 and I am moving out and far of the town to live and avoid my bullying children.
Time to take care of yourself
Many loving parents are being treated poorly.
Nghiem, I want to do that too but feel like I shouldn't have to give up my sweet little home because of the hurt. I may have to though, to save my sanity.
Dear Nghiem, OMGI feel the same way to sell my place and just move away somewhere and never tell them where I am and then I do have a beautiful home and I won't get the money I spent on it and won't be able to afford another place. I feel trapped ...wish I could get cancer and die. I feel like if I die they don't have to worry about me
@@nancynusheen7682 stay strong and love yourself. It gets easier once you start healing.
That's what I've decided to do as well, I plan to move and not tell them where I am, and this sounds terrible and never in a million years did I think I would feel this way, but I will tell people I don't have any children. Breaks my heart but best to just separate from the bullying and disrespect. I decided not to let them dishonor me in front of their children and so I have 2 grandson's that I have never seen. Breaks my heart but at least they won't learn this bad behavior and use it against me when all I ever wanted was to LOVE them!
Preach it, Margaret! I have come to realize this very thing. You give them all that you have to give in their totally dependent years, only to find yourself totally alone in your old age.
I Thought it was Only me.
Carrie Red ...unfortunately not :-(
Shari Garton Yes,as a single mom,never knew I'd be so lonely later.
@@patriciarussell7487 Also a single mom here - and yes, very much alone now.
I think about how my Mom in her early 60's started coughing up blood because she had stomach cancer, thankfully I had moved back home to help take care of my Mom because she had been feeling bad leading up to this. I'm so glad I was there because my Dad was still working at that time and it was me that called the hospital and saved her life. After taking care of my parents for the last 12 years, I'm going to end up alone and I worry that I will be the one coughing up blood in my early 60's with no one to call the hospital for me and possibly dying where as my Mom was able to at least live another 10 years after her Cancer diagnosis because my Dad and I took care of her. I still take care of my Dad to this day and I'm thankful to have him, he and I get along and my Mother, my Dad and I all get along but my Daughter has estranged from me and this last time, I'm actually glad because she had been bullying me via text message. I went no contact with her. But I'm worried about how one day I will be alone in my 60's and have a health issue like my Mom did. Not to mention the time, I saved my Mom's life again after she had an operation, while she was still in the hospital, I was able to keep telling the nurse she needed help and at first the nurse dismissed the situation but then she told me later that she was glad I kept telling her to help my Mom because she had started to bleed internally after the operation and they rushed her to Intensive Care Unit. My Mom was a wonderful person, I'm just glad I had and have a great relationship with my own parents. My Dad and I work together as professional photographers.
I have grieved for years over my 2 children. The pain never goes away but you learn to accept it. The holidays are the hardest.
God hears our cries ❤️🩹
The sad thing is that when our adult children dont want a close relationship with us is that over time their actions cause us to emotionally pull away from loving them as we would normally. They teach us how to survive without them. Its very sad.
This is so true. My daughter and I have a great relationship as long as I don't slip up and say something she doesn't like. It's very frustrating to not know when that's going to happen to run our time together.
That’s my relationship with my father! He says somethings that get me taken aback sometimes and I try to be understanding that there’s differences in sensibilities because of the time we live in but I still can’t help but be so deeply offended. I have not cut of contact with him but I have started to minimize his access to me. I am now expecting a baby and wondering if I should keep in contact or just drop off. Trying my hardest to understand him
My daughter does the same thing. I walk on eggshells the entire time we are in touch. I used to blame myself until I realized that her mindset is so against me that no matter what I say or do I will always be "toxic" to her. She needs some emotional help. My son suddenly and without explanation stopped talking to me 7 years ago. The damage they've caused is irreparable. I could never trust them again after this. I love them always, but I don't really like them as adults. I find them petty and self centered. I need to learn to let go of the anger. It's tearing me apart.
I am 61, and I have been apologizing for 35 years. That record "You were/are a horrible mom!" is still playing (thanks, son!). You are right. As long as I agree with everything and feed the ego, our relationship is just peachy. Tonight I "slipped up" and offered to buy him and a friend concert tickets (I mentioned it ONCE) and that somehow got thrown back in my face, followed by another twisted screaming lecture at me as to why I have destroyed his life..., I don't know. I'm exhausted.
I hear you. It’s exhausting when your child is always calling you out and turns things around on you. There is a sense of entitlement on their part.
That is exactly how I feel with my daughter. I walk on egg shells and I am so tired!
I think you may have saved my life with this video. I just spent four miserable days with my adult daughter, my ex- and his wife (the other woman) and my granddaughter, who has been co-opted. When I came home, I thought I was losing my mind. You saved me. Truly.
Take care of yourself Cindy - I am so happy our talk was helpful. You are not alone x
You are brave!
You are a Saint,LOL
Hello 👋 Cindy
omg ive just had a long long telling off from my kids...im presently looking for a little place to go and rent at the end of the world. god bless all of us.xx
Thank you for this video Margaret. I had to divorce my older son. He blamed me for everything that went wrong with his life and I felt bad all the time. I thought it would destroy me but I had to let go. I feel peace about it now. I ask God to protect him and watch over him. He is 45 years old. Enough was enough.
How did you do it. I have had enough of verbal abuse from my two daughters; 29 and 39 years old.
@Parents of Liberal Children do u get to see them?
Mines 34 his behaviour anger etc are hard to watch It's so frustrating.when you know you taught them better ! Urgh !
My 47yr old son and I just cannot communicate without fighting. Everything is my fault and he would love nothing better than me to grovel to him with a million apologies. I stuck by him through 20 years of drug abuse (his) but it is always my reaction is the problem. I didn't 'handle' him on drugs properly. He got off drugs 5 years ago, which I admire, and thank God for. We can't talk about politics because then I am crazy, deluded and gullible, so that's out. Now its just any other petty thing. Latest - he told me my fridge handles were dirty and I said said 'alright' as in thats enough, week before he was sniffing my drinking glasses saying he noticed they stunk??? Now I'm a bitch for saying that and it was abusive and I should apologise. He can do and say anything but I don't 'handle' it correctly. Now I know what gaslighting is.
I just had to let go of my daughter she's 31 and has been extremely emotionally abusive to me for years after I got diagnosed with cancer two years ago she has gotten even meaner so this year I just decided that my time is too short to feel upset all the time so I just stopped talking to her and I leave it to the good Lord above to look out for her because I am done with the hurt.and these past 7months have felt like a weight has been lifted off my chest and I have been able to enjoy my other children and grandchildren.:) sometimes letting go is the only thing you can do
As a mom of an infant, this is scary but also reminding me to not completely sacrifice my life for my child. I’m going to still make time for myself and other things.
You are walking away with the wrong message lol most of these women were in competition with their daughters and or tried to make little husbands out of their sons. Most of these parents have boundary issues and are abusive. You should be focusing on being the best parent you can. Not deciding ahead of time to be selfish. Your child comes first from here on out, period
That is the best advice. Because if you always put your child first, they become entitled and expect being coddled well into adulthood.
@@rosesperfumelaceyou can put them first by telling them no. Putting them first doesn’t mean raising them to be selfish, that is the complete opposite.
@@cross-eyedmary6619 assumptions much?? Lol
@1pink1blue stop and think this happened decades ago with Chairman Mao. He divided up families with propaganda. Took college age students and indoctrinated them into his military. Then, it became communist China. Sooo through the internet and political differences and trying to divide families today. It's a repeat of history.
So I'm not alone. I have one daughter that recently stopped communicating with me. I have no idea why. Is it the younger generation? Im heartbroken. I would never have done that to my parents. I feel so much better after watching this video. Thank you! 💖
Same here. 😔
@@jilljones7600 Sorry to hear that. It's awful. Maybe if my daughter had children she'd appreciate me more.
Hello 👋 Ally
Me too. She cut me off right when the quarantine started and I still don’t know why.
You say she stopped communicating with you, but have you tried communicating with her? I'm part of the younger generation and I expect people to reach out to me when they want to see me. Visitation is not the main form of entertainment when infinite entertainment resides online, especially for introverts. I will rarely, if ever reach up the family tree, only down towards the younger generations to build a presence in their life. I expect the people above me to do the same.
That may just be me, but hopefully my anecdote helps shed some light on possible expectations for how communications should flow.
I don't mean to project onto you, I came to this video for my own reasons. I hear my parents talk about how my grandparents are heartbroken that I never visit, but they never freakin call. It makes me feel guilty when they're the ones who are sitting in their chair pitying themselves. That is self-centered. Think how you're driving wedges in your relationships when they're just a call away.
It is completely reasonable to expect a certain order or structure in terms of communication between family members. It makes more sense for that structure to follow the natural flow, rather than have the younger generation go against the flow out of unnecessary, forced pity.
I did feel bad, I don't now, they know how to use a phone, I'd pick up. I'll call that a verdict.
I wish I had heard these words 7 years ago....perhaps it would have brought me to the acceptance of the separation from my son much sooner. How I finally got there was by asking myself a really tough question; "If he was not your son, would you choose to spend time with him?" My honest answer was; "no". I had to admit that as much as I love my son, I do not like him and being in his company is so very stressful. I have separated myself from him, I believe to our mutual relief. No more verbal abuse and hateful accusation. I wish him well, but am now grateful that we are 7 time zones of separation.
The more I did...the less I felt valued...and then without looking back...they moved hundreds of miles away. Leaving me grieving them and my grands that I loved so deeply. For months I was knocked to the ground, constantly thinking of them, calling, sending gifts until I felt...obsessed. I knew I had to change for my mental and actual health. I cut the golden cords and let them go. I am now working on my mind to limit thoughts of them...and focusing on other loved ones. Thank you for this helpful video. Happy healing to all of us.
Linda… I feel for you… mine moved 10 hours away…that wasn’t part of my “happily ever after”…now I have to re invent a new one and it is hard!
I've gone through the exact same thing. I understand.
31 years ago when I had my 1st child I would’ve scoffed at this video. But now: that same child has “divorced” herself from me. I am not past grieving yet but I see where I need to be to move on from the pain. Thanks for this video
Sending you love 🌺
@@sixtyandme much appreciated!
I no longer feel alone in this extremely sad heart wrenching topic. If you asked me 15-20 years ago that this would be my life, I would say you are crazy 😜. Sad truth is this is my life now. Thank you for sharing ❤️ Stay safe healthy and happy 😃
Same.
Same and therapists have Zero experience w this
Oh my God I have said exactly those words if you would have told me this 15 20 years ago this would happen I would have said you were crazy WOW!!
I can’t believe it’s happened to me either. My son married a controlling narcissist who has basically extricated him from all his family and friends over a period of around 10 years.I didn’t realise what was happening at first. I never would have thought my loving funny quirky little boy would end up so cold hearted at 30. He never visits or phones. I have to make 100% of the effort to stay in touch. I feel disrespected and unloved. And very angry at times which I don’t express because I fear total rejection.He wasn’t brought up like that. I took him to visit his grandparents regularly. I was a loving mother. It’s certainly painful, but this site has been a comfort to me. My heart goes out to all of you and it helps to know I’m not the only one…
@@carmenh1863 Poor Dear, you took the words right out of my mouth 😞. I am the same way, I don’t express anything because I barely see her as it is. My Husband says to just let her go and live my own life. But she’s my only baby and I love her more than anything, no matter what she does to us. I’ll keep you in my prayers too. Please stay safe healthy and happy ❤️✝️🇺🇸
I am surprised this happens to others and not just me.
Yes. 69 n kids left. Sad but kids have to go.
I didn't divorce them. They ostracized and abandoned me. I haven't heard from them in several years. I haven't seen my grown grandchildren either. I am a widow after 47 years of marriage and I can't explain why this has happened. I am alone in the world. I have my faith and I have my friends but it does nothing to fill that empty space they occupy. I have done all I know to reconcile but have had to come to terms with the fact they have made this choice. I know I did my best. Yes, I made mistakes but I always tried really hard. You are right. We must talk about this. We must not let shame defeat us. We carry on and move forward to the next thing God has for us. We pray for them. We leave it with God. We find peace.
SO well said!
Me too. I broke both my arms the hospital called my daughter 5 miles away.
My daughter NEVER Came.
FB me . . . Martha Bland O'Kelley . . McDonough Georgia
@@marthaokelley9360 thats horrible
Terrible
The pain they cause upon a mother who loves their children and grandchildren and rejects them is nothing but extremely cruel and mean. That is what is not only painful and confusing, but scary.
So idk man why is it rejecting. I'm telling nearly literal nim guessing 90 percent definitely are assuming. Some are victim blaming. Being idk man ....so like ok ....sonmom sign ed tennis 30 plus Ago .. so guess what bye tennis. Granted Addict here ya we don't say ysp sede gonna do that
Karma will come back don't you worry
I’m No Contact with both adult children. 2020 was challenging for the world, but I feel set free and hopeful for my future. Best holidays I’ve had in years.
I hope I feel free like that, painful but holidays were awful with my 2 selfish kids.
Do you still feel ok. I am doing now contact as well
me too
Not judging, just wondering what is going on in the world that having no contact with our own kids makes us happy? I'm dealing with a child who is very disrespectful. I kicked her our 2 years ago. The last two years have been difficult because she has not changed. Still disrespectful.
@@rocknroll1 Sad isn’t it ? You’re brought up to think that family is your safe haven, that you stick together and support each other but that’s not always the case. At some point, you have to do what is right for you, what gives you serenity.
Have given birthday and Christmas gifts yearly and now realize that nothing is given to me. I am not valued. Am stopping the unappreciated gifts.
Same here....was doing it for years....it took MOther's Day to realize how valued I was...well how valued I was not....
@@cynthiamaertz5325 That happened here as well, I have three grown up daughters and my middle daughter never bothers with Mothers Day, not a card, phone call or anything, just like the rest of the time I suppose. I always give birthday and christmas presents even when Ive hardly had any money to live. I do wonder if having these so called 'special days' creates the problem where we feel hurt and unappreciated, I am sure many Mothers feel terrible when adult kids don't bother. My middle daughter often is just unloving and I thought at least a card on Mother's Day would show some care but... nope.
Wow. I thought I was the only one. I didn’t focus on my birthday or Mother’s Day with them growing up. I always celebrated them. And I’m kind of sad when I have to remind them beforehand my birthday is coming up. I thought it was my fault.
@@carolynluckas1219 Its sad, I think, how we sometimes end up inadvertently encouraging selfishness.
Ditto, I find that I am just a second thought or not thought of at all. So I have decided to treat them the way they treat me. Lucky if I get a phone call.
"I could never divorce my children, I could never let them go". They were my thoughts when my children were younger and I saw my friends with adult children let them go. NEVER NEVER NEVER could I understand that. THEN, my own kids became adults and their lives evolved in ways I never expected (exactly as you said). Married at 21 into a strong cultural family who didnt care to include me. It hurt the most when my son invited his girlfriends parents (they were not yet married at that point) to his university graduation instead of me. At the wedding, the 10 groomsmen and bridesmaids along with the brides parents and the parents two best friends sat at the long bridal table. I was sat at a side table with the photographer and videographer. There were a whole lot of these incidents over a period of years from when my son was aged 17 to 23. And when it got to the point where our only contact was 2 15 minute token visits at year on Xmas eve and my birthday (and only at my home, never would we go out for a meal or even coffee). And I came to the conclusion that I need to heal and move on, and I cant do that with these 'emotionally detached' twice yearly token visits. I need to be able to forget to heal and move on. Its is comforting watching this, and seeing that someone else understands. Its best to let go I found. Then I can start to find my way into a new life, make some new friends to compensate for the lost relationships.
That's awful what your son did to you at his wedding. I'm so sorry. You are best off to let go like you said. Make yourself happy by doing whatever you love and whenever you want. Be Happy! You deserve it.
I’m so sorry you’ve suffered such pain. I to was treated this way recently at my sons wedding. I was absolutely crushed. God saw. Honor your mother and father. They will stand before God someday and answer for what they did.
That is so hurtful, I’m so sorry he did that to you 😢❤
Go somewhere beautiful on the day of your birthday and be kind to yourself and the other 15 minute visit be really happy. You deserve to be happy. It's not your issue it's theirs ❤
I sincerely hope that you’re doing better and am grateful that you shared your story. Be well❣️
My husband and I had two children because we wanted a family. Now my eyes have shed so many tears that my heart is crushed. Both children are estranged. Everything we say and do is wrong.
🌹🙏✨
dont worry - just move on
My heart breaks for the relationship I hoped I would have with my adult daughter, and now my 8 year old grandson. I've been broken and lost, I've felt very alone in this, but now after watching this video and many other's, along with reading all the comments, I am sad, but feel empowered to let go. Thank you.
Yes, let go with love and enjoy your new freedom!
How are you feeling 10 months later? I too lost my daughter and grandchildren. I had a glimmer of hope but the longer it goes on, the less I can hang on to hope. It hurts too much.
💙🙏🌌
Truth be told I just found this channel and I made my decision yesterday give her all her clothes and now she’s demanding her TV or she’ll cause problems just because I had to let her go and my grandson so sad so hurt I have to live my life to my life matters
For me it was very easy, I knew I did my best raising them alone. When the day came for them to leave, I wished them well, got myself an adult beverage and sat under a nice shade tree (and I'm still there.)
Lol, life goes on.
Life goes on. Live it while we have it.
You sound so chill, I wish my mom was like you
When I divorced their father, who is a hard core narcissist, and did my own shadow work for over a decade, I naively believed it would all be ok. I raised those children working three jobs, putting them first…always…before myself. Dad deserted. But now they blame me for their “mental illness” (they are not mentally ill) because -get this-I was “the only constant” in their lives. Their words.
I cannot wrap my head around the betrayal.
I know I must climb down from this sacrificial altar before I suffer a death by 1,000 cuts, but it hurts like hell.
Yes...the betrayal is the deepest wound! I like you brought my children up alone and fought like hell to survive. Now it feels like I’m just tossed on the rocks to be pecked to death by birds..that’s how worthless I am to my daughter..my relationship with my grandson made her insecure and she had to do away with me! Jealousy is a dreadful trait!
I am so sorry this is happening to you and to anyone for that matter. Sometimes we think it is because of something we said or did, but it sounds more like a sign of the time. Heartbreak seems to go on forever within families these days. I think this is true even in the healthiest of appearances in relationships. I wish you all the best. Be very kind to your heart and mind.
thank you so much, im 58 and all 3 of my children..
19, 31, 33 blame me for their lives
we are a divorced family
Dad has not been invoived for 12 years.
None of my children are married..
but i have 2 grandsons
my okdest daughter who is 33, keeps my grandsons from me.
I blame myself, for allowing disrespect because i tried to be both roles, Mom and Dad.
Its backfired as they have aged.
Now they look at me like im old and stupid.
I give up, i have no peace, i also take care of my own Mother.
im single, i have no life.
Thank you for posting this video.
This has been a hard journey.
i think once my own Mom goes to Heaven i will just dissappear and start my new life.
God bless, each of uou struggling thru this..
i truly understand
i love my children, im just no longer needed
You can start your new life now, this life is yours. you'll still be able to take care of your mom.
Oh girl... I just had a revelation today. My son has so many resentments that I can't win for losing. I am very thankful for this video. I'm tired of feeling awful and inadequate. He says I'm giving him a guilt trip or trying to... Heck I just thought I was speaking my heart. Im so ready to live my own life. I'm just a bothered...an ignored call.. I have 3 grandchildren that I can't see. Yes I had an idea in my mind... It's not coming to fruition. I give up. I'm going to watch this over and over again. It's a huge topic with me. I have two boys wanting me to go away. They say don't take it personal.... Yeah, fat chance. I need to divorce my children. Feels good to know I'm not alone! Lol
Ambivalence is what kills me. One of my daughters loves me one day and the next day hates me. I think a lot of the meanness coming out of her mouth is her controlling husband who does not want her to have anything to do with her family or anyone else, wants her all to himself and he can be very unpleasant and unlikeable. Some of the things she has said to me sounds just like something he would say.
I watched my older brother and his wife. They had four children. His wife did not want anything to do with my mother. It broke her heart, obviously. Now I am dealing with a son who married a woman who wants nothing to do with his mom, me. Her family only. It is heartwrenching. The pain never stops. You are not alone. Your words are powerful ... feeling awful and inadequate. guilt-trips. And I quote you: "I just had a revelation today. My son has so many resentments that I can't win for losing." Peace to you ... and the rest of us.
Thank you,you calledout exactly what I'm going through with my daughter and son, they are in their 40's and I am in my late 60's.
It is so hard.
Big 🤗 hug
Same here, Patricia. Mine are younger but same pattern.
I hear you, me too
I feel that this conversation is VERY important, as time goes by I see many cases of elders being ignored by society and we tend to think it will not happen to us. In my case both of my elder children have moved to the mainland, I live in Puerto Rico where jobs are not well paid therefore many families here have the same situation. I cannot say that they ignore me I'm almost 70 yrs old and in fairly good health, but time goes by and as they are busy I really do not want to bother them. I go visit them sporadically and although I love seeing them, I feel that due to the distance I hardly know them, eventually I come back home and wonder where is the "dream" of a close family anymore and sometimes feel left out and sad. This video and comments give me a little bit of encouragement knowing I am not alone in my situation and feelings...
A big hug for anyone who feels depressed or alone🦋
I feel this way also. Time to move on!
Yes, keep the conversation going, because it's necessary.
Hi Michele, I live in central Canada and all three of my sons moved from here to Puerto Rico and I feel just as you do, that I hardly know them and the dream of a close family is not realized. What area of puerto rico are you in and where did your adult children move to if you don't mind me asking?
@@tannislintz1124 Tannis, good morning! I live on the south east of the Island in Yabucoa, Puerto Rico. My daughter lives in Davenport Florida, my son lives in defiance ohio. My daughter has 3 grown children, my son has 3 boys. So that's the story of my family 🦋
❤❤💖
My son in law calls me the "no drama mama" and I wear that title proudly! When I retired I moved back to the old family homestead a state away and usually only see my children and grandchildren once or twice a year. We chat or text every week or two but I put no guilt on them about not visiting or calling. I tell them I want mutual love and respect and guilt is a very poor substitute for that! We all have busy lives in very different settings so it's sort of a loving detachment at this point.
Wow. This is a subject that I personally haven't heard enough about. This has happened to me because my children have moved away from me, physically and emotionally.. I have met couples (mothers and dads) who have suffered through rejections from their children. It's not just divorced people. Thank you.
How true! It's as though you know our family. I am 71, and after decades of narcissistic abuse by my husband and children, I have finally (quietly) said goodbye to my husband, three of my four children and five of my eight grandchildren. The years I have left to live will be spent with my oldest daughter and her children. Mercifully, I am left with a fragment of the family I assumed I would enjoy in my older years. A fragment, yes, but how merciful. Narcissism is now the norm, the expected, the valued, but how utterly destructive to the family unit, individuals, and now to the larger world. My letting go has required years of therapy, but I can now say goodbye to them all and God bless.
My mother is a malignant narcissist and she ruined the whole family--sister, brother, their kids and family friends. I knew something was wrong by the time I was three years old, was miserable growing up and left the same day I graduated high school. I tried to make it work but it only got worse through the years and I have had to give up on all of them. You cannot fix them, that's for sure.
When you co-parent with a narcissist, kids learn contempt for you that can be hard to overcome especially if you gave too much to those kids. Mean adult kids is the worst thing ever. Great advice.
This is so very true
This is exactly what I am going through
It also can be the grandmother that is a narcissist. My mother in law devastated our family. Took me years to even understand what was happening and why my husband allowed any of it as long as he did. I know now (and so does he) that it was due to his own unresolved issues with his mother. We’ve both had to have therapy. His mother has now passed on, but the pain she created for us all still lives on. No counselors ever address this issue either. It’s like this is the most taboo of all the narcissists, the grandmother, but a narcissistic mother does become a narcissistic grandmother eventually. It’s hard to explain and even when you try, no one believes you anyway and it always ends up that ppl at the very least wonder if we did something to our children. It leaves you feeling very alone. Our children were subtly alienated from us for their entire lives under the pretense that she loved them and wanted to protect them from us. At one point she even took custody of our daughter when she was teen. We’ve never had a relationship with our daughter since. Very hard issues. We now have 7 grandchildren and have hardly ever seen them. Some weve never seen and some only seen very limited. I’ve now stopped all of it due the way we were being abused and disrespected and how it was effecting my health. Prayers for all dealing with such pain.
Giving too much has been to root of this lazy, entitled, disrespectful, selfish, generation of adult children right now. Holding our grandchildren as weapons of cruelty!! Just rotten! My own child causing such pain and family destruction!
I had the same experience
The older I get, the more I realize that I do not want to be in chaotic relationships. Peace is my priority. Dealing with conflict in healthy ways is important to me. Making room for ease and fun in my relationships is necessary. I don't have the emotional space, time, or capacity to entertain constant drama and dysfunction. - Alex Elle