I think it wasn’t so much moving the kids’ stuff into the loft as doing it without checking with her first. Depression tends to heighten emotional reactions, and she feels that she was ambushed. It sounds like the kids are old enough to understand boundaries. So make it clear to them that this is Mom’s Room, and they don’t go in there without permission. And maybe get some nice bookshelves or a small sofa or something for it. Depression is a bear. Make sure she’s getting the therapy, medication, and attention she needs.
Sorry, I got stuck on the "we each have our own gaming room". Plus, a loft? And, what happened to kids playing in their own rooms? OP is NTA but this is one entitled family.
It's not entitled to live in a big house. I grew up in a big house, and my parents still taught me and my brother to be decent human beings, and took away privileges when we fell short on that. Conversely, I've also met some real assholes who've lived in single rooms (or even shared rooms) or studio apartments.
As someone who suffers from depression, anxiety, and crushing perfectionism (yes, I am in therapy), and who has had similar clashes with my husband, I don't think that you're the AH, but I do think you needed to talk with your wife before making this change. It sounds like you really care for your wife, and like this action came from a place of trying to help; but I know from experience that when one is depressed and hating on oneself for being depressed, even caring help can feel like an attack. I do hope your wife can come around to getting outside help with her depression, if she isn't already doing so. And I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this, because it's hard loving someone who is depressed. (On a side note, congratulations on building your home - both you and your wife should feel proud of yourselves for that accomplishment. I must admit I'm envious that your wife gets her own gaming room - my gaming room is the kitchen table!😅)
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I think it wasn’t so much moving the kids’ stuff into the loft as doing it without checking with her first. Depression tends to heighten emotional reactions, and she feels that she was ambushed.
It sounds like the kids are old enough to understand boundaries. So make it clear to them that this is Mom’s Room, and they don’t go in there without permission.
And maybe get some nice bookshelves or a small sofa or something for it.
Depression is a bear. Make sure she’s getting the therapy, medication, and attention she needs.
Sorry, I got stuck on the "we each have our own gaming room". Plus, a loft? And, what happened to kids playing in their own rooms? OP is NTA but this is one entitled family.
It's not entitled to live in a big house. I grew up in a big house, and my parents still taught me and my brother to be decent human beings, and took away privileges when we fell short on that. Conversely, I've also met some real assholes who've lived in single rooms (or even shared rooms) or studio apartments.
And the husband works 60-70 hours a week to pay for all this.
As someone who suffers from depression, anxiety, and crushing perfectionism (yes, I am in therapy), and who has had similar clashes with my husband, I don't think that you're the AH, but I do think you needed to talk with your wife before making this change. It sounds like you really care for your wife, and like this action came from a place of trying to help; but I know from experience that when one is depressed and hating on oneself for being depressed, even caring help can feel like an attack. I do hope your wife can come around to getting outside help with her depression, if she isn't already doing so. And I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this, because it's hard loving someone who is depressed.
(On a side note, congratulations on building your home - both you and your wife should feel proud of yourselves for that accomplishment. I must admit I'm envious that your wife gets her own gaming room - my gaming room is the kitchen table!😅)