When I was a teenager, just starting to notice boys and think about wanting to go out, my mom told me, "Never date a boy you wouldn't be willing to marry. Because if you start dating him and you fall in love and then you discover that he's not the kind of person that you would want to marry, your emotions are involved and it makes it so much more difficult to make yourself break up with him." Wise words from a wise woman!
When I was eighteen I had a coworker ask me, an openly religious individual, “What if you fall in love with some who isn’t religious?” And I was like “That’s not going to happen.” And she was like “You can’t control who you fall in love with!” And I was like “Yeah, you can.” Didn’t articulate it properly then, but this is what I meant, “Don’t knowingly involve yourself romantically with someone whose life path doesn’t have a similar trajectory to yours.”
@@lieslkang7233 Amen. Ask those deal breaker questions even before agreeing to be in a relationship. That's the whole purpose of those intitial dates, to determine if you're compatible enough to move forward.
When I broke up with my toxic ex I heard the most pertinent piece of advise I needed to here at the time. “Don’t date someone off their potential.” It was a wake up call. I told myself, if we could work though this trauma, there’s a beautiful person underneath. No….. Now that we are separated I know, she’s gonna keep making the same terrible choices for the next ten years. I could not save her. That’s the reality. It broke my heart but, that’s not love. It was a one way street.
@slytherinmage789 why do people comment stupid shit? What are u even trying to say? Your reply added less than nothing to my comment. Thx for makin urself look dumb af I guess, lmao
Good advice, but sometimes this world is so caught up in trying to find flaws in others that we start to see red flags that aren’t even there. See that was my issue, I would self sabotage my happiness cause I would listen to others who would say “oh well he doesn’t do this or that so clearly that’s a bad sign” etc, YES I agree you should definitely do what she is saying here, but also kinda keep in mind, nobody is perfect, and there is a difference between a red flag and a flaw. A red flag only stays red if the person isn’t willing to acknowledge and do better💓
The important thing for everyone to determine is what THEY see as deal-breakers. Do NOT "borrow" other people's deal-breakers. What's a flaw to one person is a charming quirk to another. In other words, the best way to successfully date anyone is to know YOURSELF before you try to get to know THEM.
I agree with your mom. It took me years to get that lesson, I was in my mid 30s when I grasped it actually. Being nice is a rip off for real because many times you stay because you're trying to be understanding and a nice person but the kindest thing you can do truly is to leave early. Problem is, most young people go dating with no end game in mind. Like the dating in itself has no real purpose, and when you're dating just to date and have fun and be romantic than you will have a lot of entanglements that you will have to hack off with pieces of you in them. Many people these days just date to have sex because that is the only intimacy they know, and when your life lacks intimacy you will sell your birthright for that moment of intimacy with someone you're not even seeing a future with. We have stopped asking ourselves questions in our decision making and so we float in and out of relationships that some turn toxic only because you were never suited for each other and so like chemicals that shouldn't be mixed you become toxic together.
Problem I think is that this creates echo-chambers, which divorces us from the plights of humanity as a whole. Jesus on the cross wasn't holding us against our 'red-flags', ('father forgive them, for they know not what they do)', yet the dreamy internet shorts that makes life seem so simple try to suggest otherwise.
My advice exactly. Been married 7 years with two kids. Lead with your head and not your heart in dating. Decide FAST whether or not your values/goals align and whether or not you'd be a good match. Because once you develop emotions of attachment, its gonna be a lot harder to think clearly.
I was told similar advice about parenting. I have six young kids and years ago another mother that also has six kids that are now grown told me that children are like gardens. And when you notice little behaviors that aren’t good you pull the weeds now. Address things as they come up. Don’t let things go or else those weeds will be so rooted deeply you can’t pull them out without damage.
Excellent advice, it's your job to tell them no at times out of love. I really can't stand this validation culture. It causes long term damage they will not understand until it's too late.
YES!!! My family used to always say I was too strict with my little ones and roll their eyes when I would set hard and fast boundaries…. But I’ve always believed that if you give them a very well defined path as young children, they grow up to be much healthier teens and adults, and behold, my teenager is wonderful lol. I don’t let disrespectful behavior slide. With my 5 year old boy it is bad… he’s got wayyy more attitude than my little girl ever did!. He often rolls his eyes, grumbles and groans when I ask him to do something he doesn’t want to… sure it’s kind of funny when he’s that age but we can’t just laugh it off and let it go- we have to address it every single time.
@@kathleenr8839, my parents and elders were the same way with my 2 siblings and I. My mom always carried a switch with her until we got to the age she felt she didn't need to.
I agree. Most people criticize me for getting rid of a relationship too quick. I tell them I can see red flags too quick and better to stop early. My attention to details helped me detect those things quickly.
"getting rid of a relationship too quick" is exactly why this generation is so lost. You can drop someone at the smallest and most unrealistic inconvenience and immediately jump into bed with the next person.
Kudzu is a non-native plant from Asia. It literally kills entire forests. If it has good uses, those uses do not outweigh the destruction that this invasive plant has caused.
I just ended a 2 and a half year relationship today because of something just like this, this advice would have been incredible 2 years ago because it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
This is so me right now, but I am a woman, and I haven't ended it yet. But I have to - for his own good and mine. It's really the most difficult decision I've had to make so far😢
Great analogy Brett: maybe you could make a “remember the kudzu” something or other for young people to keep on hand as reminder (drinking glasses?) My experience is that when attraction/ desire set in --lots of wisdom goes out the window.
Wow! What an analogy, that's brilliant! 🤩 Something else I just thought of, and I know this is a religious/spiritual angle, but, being raised Christian, I've heard it over and over that premarital sex is not good. I had a gut feeling somewhere that this was right, but I didn't really know exactly why or how it was wrong. I think this is why, so you don't get emotionally invested, or invested in any meaningful ways, in anyone unless you know for sure you're going to be a good fit and you're both in it for the long haul. That makes so much sense! And it's a much more reasonable, logical, caring, and compassionate reason to give this piece of advice. Much better than telling someone "you'll be damaged goods" or being rejected and condemned as a slut for not falling in line with church rules, ideas that have driven so many poor souls away from God, the one who just wants to help us, unlike many judgmental churchgoers who are only concerned about looking good instead of being good. Sorry for the rant, just had to get that out there.
I hate how the church teaches people about prematital sex. You shouldn't do it because it's a "sin". You shouldn't do it because it has practical and emotional implications for your life that will make things difficult. Especially if there are multiple partners involved.
I was 12 and chewing my mom out about a toxic relationship she was in. She tried a redirect, telling me I should go out and just get laid. I replied: "Mom, once you have s3x with someone you are forever linked to them." She was very blindsided by my remark, like, where and how did my very young son find this out? (it took four more years for her relationship to end with the monster)
@@krystalw8911 My mother's boyfriend had been molesting me since I was 7. I also came within seconds of having s3x with a cousin a month before that argument with my mother. We had been "kissing cousins" for years (my mom thought it was cute until we decided to take things to next level-and she was shocked and angry that we tried that-I had a very complicated and screwed up childhood. I grew up way too fast).
I agree mostly, but I really liked what healthygamergg said about it. I'm paraphrasing, "If they are unwilling to work on their red flags, that is the red flag" and thats when I think you should run. Although, if you have different values all together, then you should probably run regardless 😂
I don't like this messaging because people will take it too literally. They will see one thing that maybe isn't perfect and use that as an excuse to not even try. Like you said, having totally different values is one thing but there are going to be differences. People used to just work on those things together. Now with the internet we have the delusional mindset of infinite options and people will leave at the slightest thing. Nobody is going to be perfect and yet that is what so many people are looking for.
@FUNKOfilms you're actually agreeing with the advice of Dr. K (healthy gamer), then. It sounds like he's saying that the red flag is if someone isn't willing to grow, and that you shouldn't throw in the towel just because they have issues. The towels should only be thrown in if they know their issues, but aren't willing to do anything to improve their character.
This is one of the best analogies to dating I’ve ever heard! And am I the only one who loves it when Brett makes a reference about living in the south ✋😁
Personally, I would need more than just one red flag to rule out a possible girlfriend/fiancé/wife. We’re all flawed. Ipso facto, we all have red flags.
Same here….you have to capture the big details and know what you want out of life and relationships. Otherwise it won’t be possible to know what will be in your best interest at all points, but I always look for key traits, behaviors, and aligned morals/principles/goals/life vision.
You've got a FAB accent it's almost hypnotic. You're explanation of your mom's philosophy is quite intriguing and it's potency is reinforced by your Beautiful Southern accent. Best Regards.
I don't agree because of my personal experience. My wife and I have nothing in common but mutual respect and good comunication, and it all started with only phisical atraction. I have a harsh character, she is the opposite. We had different political ideologies but we now have a very similar opinion over the years. I'm a born and raised catholic and she is not. I'm a carnivore, she's a vegetarian. We have oposite baseball teams. But she has been the best relationship I had in my 47 years. We laugh, take care of each other, we talk, go out together always, not because we have to, but because we want to be witone another. Even our friends are very different and it doesn't matter to either of us, because we understand the need of friends outside the relationship. And we almost never fight about anything, if we are mad about something that happened, we calm down and talk about it later. So, its not a rule to be with someone with your same interest, for me its more interesting to be with someone very different than me, because we have diferent life but we then share it, and is never boring. She shares some.of my interest without being exited about it and ends up having a good time, and the same for me... We take each other out of our comfort zone, and at the same time, we can.be at home the whole weekend and just be comfortable in silence each one having a moment to ourself... I'm lucky that we didnt break up in the early days of us together because of our diferences, but stayed together because of our love for one another. Don't dismiss it so quickly, because living with someone with similar interest than you is just as hard, you are looking for a life companion, not a partner.
But she did not say that your interests should be the same. She mentioned spring a red flag or if your goals aren't aligned. Though I concede that goals can change there is something to be said if the goals are opposed to reach other
@@ilzeberzina1485 well, main differences are common. Political differences, preferences, religious differences or profesional differences. Each one should take you in a different direction... But at the same time you can overcome those differences if each one is confident and respectfull. What I mean is don't dismiss someone because of a list you have in your head before taking time to know each other. If you like that person, you could miss on having a great life with them for differences that in time may not be your life priorities, but maybe some other like care, understanding, respect and family. And a good companion also... You are going to spend years or decades with that person. The differences in interest may be a factor in some disagreements or arguments, but in my experience, those are very few moments and doesn't weight as much as the value of the time you spend with a person you love and care for.
I don’t think differences are red flags. My husband and I have plenty of differences. In some aspects we are opposites. But we are aligned in the important things, in character or attitude ways, and that is what unites us. Red flags would be in a different category of alarm bells ringing in my head when we were dating. Instead, when we were dating I only ever felt peace and calm despite the differences 🤷♀️👏.
@@labelleepoque4354 so maybe you both realized that despite your differences, one thing that you had in common that is hugely important which is the ability to talk things out, to agree to disagree, to allow each other to be different.
Just got out of a 2 year relationship and I needed to hear this. Looking back there were so many red flags that I just didn’t want to see because I wanted to be loved and have a friend. But it wasn’t worth it. Things that were an issue one time never really got fixed and I realized it wasn’t a fluke but the kind of person she was. Should have ended it before we ever started dating
The thing about red flags is that everyone has flaws. If you want to be with someone, you have to have build a strong enough relationship to be able to confront the red flags you see and tell them how it affects themselves and the people around them. Similarly, you need to be humble enough to address your own red flags when they tell you of your own. The people aren’t the kudzu. The red flags are the kudzu. If they don’t want to get rid of it, then don’t let it spread to you.
That’s right! I don’t cut people off if they’re imperfect in the beginning. If we can inspires each other, grow, and develop into our best selves together, that’s more important over the long haul. ❤
@@adk5997 Sure, but I’m seeing way too many TikTok’s or reels or whatever where people are saying to get up and leave at the very first minor red flag they see and then wondering why they’ve been single for ten years.
I absolutely love this analogy. Tell your mom thank you! Gonna use this one with my girls as they grow up. Can also be applied to toxic friendships. Plus many other situations. The more vested you are in anything really, the harder it is to ditch it. Even down to ideology. anyway, thanks!!!!!
At least it should be, sadly not as many people use their brain when it comes to relationships nowadays but rather let their emotions control everything
Dr. K talks about identifying red flags early in a relationship. There will always be some kind of red flag. Some are non-negotiable, but if you can work through minor red flags, this can actually create a stronger relationship and establish conflict resolution between people in a relationship.
I love your celebration of your mother's wisdom if you learn enough you can be better prepared stay safe and enjoy life. may your lessons come easily❤paul
Yes, and along with the chaos, mayhem and bedlam of breaking up comes the baggage you'll pack around for the rest of your life. So yeah...keep the breakups to the early stages. The later ones can be a huge mess.
I generally agree, only thing I want people to be careful of: be able to differentiate between fundamental values you need in a partner and qualities that you just happen to prefer at that moment. Ive had tons of guy friends who want a tall, busty, Christian blonde with blue eyes. They go on a date with a girl and they break it off because they dye their hair blonde or theyre a bit too short, etc. Preferences can CHANGE. The Chrstian part is a fundamental but those other qualities are PREFERENCES. You can grow and change with a partner, just be a bit more open.
Smart Mom and Daughter (let's not forget Dad too!). Great advice and Reminders for all of us. We all let a few things grow wild that should have been weeded out years ago! Kuddo's and Thx for the Reminder!
@@Xv1Galaxy Yeah but as long as they don't visit from about early June to about mid September, they will be fine. The best time, IMO, is the months of April and May. A lot of other people like the fall colors, but I'm color blind so I don't really get it.
Yep, the earlier, the better. Had a guy I had just started talking to, was upfront of what I was looking for and to humanize myself, said I had a cat and loved cats. He's allergic to cats. I cut it off. No point in making either of us miserable in the future.
While I agree…when I was in my 20s, I was dating a man who was allergic to cats. 24 years later we have been married for 21 years and have 5 indoor cats plus 3 outdoor feral cats we feed and shelter in winter. He loves those cats even though they make him itch and sneeze.
Good analogy. Although every garden has weeds so rather than just ending it prematurely at the first sign of conflict, it's best to tend to the weeding frequently to keep it maintained & on track. Relationships are hard work but worth the effort. The grass is green where you water it 👍
I can 100 percent agree with that. I have been in that situation and once you get emotionally attached, it makes EVERYTHING COMPLICATED! This is the exact advice I give my daughters.
Exactly! I don't understand how people go,"hmm we just started dating, and I'm seeing these red flags and clashing worldviews. I don't know what to do. I know! I'll date them for years, get married, have kids, then crash into a messy divorce!"
yeah, how can you just really want to get to know someone and work it out against minor disagreements, when you can just ride the carousel for the rest of your life
Absolutely, and this appliea to both parties. If we all collectively get better at openly saying "hey this isn't going to work and this is why," AND also being able to understand and except this early on, we'd save everyone a bit of heartache. The real trick is learning what qualifies as incompatibility and what is just a normal friction point that comes with getting close to someone. THAT(for the younger viewers) is the part that's worth experiencing pain for, gaining the experience.
Interesting analogy. I’ve only recently experienced kudzu in Mississippi (I’m from Oklahoma originally: we don’t have that invasive species here) but it’s probably the most accurate analogy for dating I’ve ever heard.
True although also, people are so caught up in red flags when honestly none of us are perfect and there’s so much to be gained from growing together, I think what’s more important is a willingness to grow and change
Women have a ticking clock so being able to cut off relationships early is an important skill while in the dating phase of life. Just keep in mind that no one is perfect and everyone has defects. The question is, are the defects red flags or not. Have standards, just make sure they are the _right_ standards. It also works both ways.
@@MarkTorres-g2v sex is the most emotionally connected you can be with another person. so much so that if you have it with too many people you stop connecting with your partner because your brain says 'this isnt something special'
weird seeing all these shorts popping up from when Miss Brett was still on the channel now. is DW trying to keep the viewership on this channel up or am i overthinking it?
No it's not just you. I've seen some of the basketball shorts 3 separate times today alone... It's fishy for sure, and I'm not impressed with DW right now.
@@davidwhitaker2211 i see. really weird that they’re popping up now, yet when i still regularly watched the channel i wasn’t getting her shorts as much
Now I gotta put an axe on my shopping list😂...I love these updated versions of women having each other's backs and somehow sharp has a whole new meaning...even a black and white shower scene gives me a bit of chuckle😂😂😂
This is so true!! Unfortunately just ended a relationship with an amazing girl cause our spiritual ideas did not align. I went through a rough time through school spiritually for over a year and that is when I met this girl. We were perfect for each other in almost every way. The one thing is that she did not believe in many aspects of the Bible that are clearly stated to be true. I was blind to this and ignoring my spiritual beliefs because everything was so good in the relationship in every other way. I thought we could just make things work. Because of my spiritual weakness over this year, I made the mistake of crossing the physical boundary with this woman as well. Just a month ago I brought up to her that I wanted to get back on track spiritually and wanted to start making my relationship with God a priority. I really wanted to go on this journey with her as well. We broke up just a few weeks ago due to her not wanting to be a part of that journey. It has been so SO hard to loose someone you love and have already made that physical connection with. I really don’t want to loose her. So y’all stay strong and don’t make compromises in your relationships! They will come back to bite you later!
You ended things with a wonderful girl because yall had sex and then decided you no longer wanted to? You cant really blame her for not wanting to follow down that path, and not that you did anything wrong but thats gotta be pretty confusing for her. I used to be very strongly christian, and before i started losing my faith i began to question parts of my beliefs (as all christians do). Few things i questioned were certain sins, one of them being premarital sex (and i had sworn to myself that i would wait until marriage). if you and this girl got to spend a lot of time together and be able to deeply understand eachother and truly love eachother, does god really care if you are married or not and have sex? Marriage is something made by society/people, not god (who made love, which is what he cares about). There are plenty people who may not feel true love but lust for eachother and get married, does that make thier sex sinless? Does vowing in front of an alter make a difference when yall already understood those things prior, without even having to say it BECAUSE of how much you love eachother. Sorry im just yapping now lmao, the point is, if her not being religious is importan enough where you are unhappy and unsatisfied with the relationship, then by all means do what you must because whats the point of carrying on. Im just a random dude trying to make sure you didnt end things with the right girl because of some (perhaps not-so-right idk) reasons that you may end up regretting down the line
True. Maybe it's because I'm a guy and can tell when a guy is an "ahole" better than a woman can, I'm not sure, but women sure love aholes. Best advice I can give is to give people's actions much more weight than their words, because words are cheap for both genders.
I see what she is saying of course, but what's the fun in cutting down ever little vine that starts growing, without getting to experience the beautiful fruit that comes from it, even if the fruit turns out to be a bit sour and we end up not liking the fruit anymore. Isn't that the point of life? To enjoy the process of everything? To love people even if they might not be our forever person? Every person I've ever loved, even though we didn't end up together in the long run, was a wonderful, wonderful experience & I honestly wouldn't trade those loves or experiences for the world. If we always cut down the vines early, yes, we might save ourselves from some future heartache, but it also stops us from learning to love other humans, just for what they are. ❤
Generally agree, but the flip side to this is that you can cut people off too early and judge them too quickly or based on only a small amount of evidence which might not be entirely accurate... I probably have the opposite problem to what Brett is describing - I almost never go on more than 2 or 3 dates with anyone... OR maybe I'm just a great judge of character in a not very compatible dating pool 🤷♀️😅
Precisely. I was looking for this comment. Me and my partner have been together for ten years and we have been through thick and thin. We understood we both had flaws and we've been working on them. One of my best friends is the opposite. She said I was a saint for "putting" up with it" while she's been on and off in Multiple relationships because the men She was seeing weren't "perfect" enough.
Mabye just beeing honest about your wants, needs, and goals. Like the first two dates. They might be a good person but thats not all that you need for a relationship for intance: If you say: I wanna do carreer and want a caretaker of your home and the other person want also to do career why bother with wanting to merry them? On on you will have to cut short or both have to cut short, so there character wont come into play here. If you have too many of those you simply are incompatible, no matter how good or bad of a person the other one is. Those are things that you can learn about in no time with 2 simple questions. And its not even that personal. And yes these things will cancel out some guys and girls. That will makes your dating pool smaler. But you dont waste time on people that woudnt work out in the first place. And it also doesnt mean that if your not striving for the same things your incompatible. For me there are 3 types of how goals wants and needs works. 1. Things that will contredict, like the example i used above. 2. Things that are compatible, like she wants to do sport and he wants to sleep. She can do sport while hes sleeping and he can sleep while shes doing sport. 3. Allianment, things that both will find commen ground out. Like both like to travel to diffrent countrys. So i woudnt call it a problem, its the entire goal of it, to filter people.
Your mom is absolutely right! I spent almost 10 years with the wrong person. Getting out of that was hell. I lost a lot of friends to that breakup. Lucky for me though, we weren’t married, so that took a lot of the headache out of it. I believe everything happens for a reason though. I learned a lot from that experience and I’m now with the love of my life. I honestly don’t regret anything because I’m not sure I’d be here, and happy, without it.
Brilliant advice, I just had to say this I don't think I remembered that the word tumultuous existed in my vocabulary until you said it, I couldn't even spell it right at first it took a few tries
learning this the hard way. my parents didn’t heed this lesson either and it’s why they had such a tumultuous divorce. i’m only 23 though, about to be single again for the first time since my teens and im just ready to focus on myself/manifest and call in my husband. ❤️
"Dropping a Guy at the first hint of Inconvenience rather than try to at least address the Issue first to check if things will wodk out." Totally not toxic.
When I was a teenager, just starting to notice boys and think about wanting to go out, my mom told me, "Never date a boy you wouldn't be willing to marry. Because if you start dating him and you fall in love and then you discover that he's not the kind of person that you would want to marry, your emotions are involved and it makes it so much more difficult to make yourself break up with him." Wise words from a wise woman!
That is soo true!!!
Sounds experienced. I wonder how many men wasted their time and money on her before she learned that.
When I was eighteen I had a coworker ask me, an openly religious individual, “What if you fall in love with some who isn’t religious?” And I was like “That’s not going to happen.” And she was like “You can’t control who you fall in love with!” And I was like “Yeah, you can.” Didn’t articulate it properly then, but this is what I meant, “Don’t knowingly involve yourself romantically with someone whose life path doesn’t have a similar trajectory to yours.”
@@lieslkang7233 Amen. Ask those deal breaker questions even before agreeing to be in a relationship. That's the whole purpose of those intitial dates, to determine if you're compatible enough to move forward.
That’s exactly my principle !
"When you look at someone with rose-coloured glasses, all the red flags look just like... flags."
Bojack?
Genius
Perfect!
Bojackkkkk
When I broke up with my toxic ex I heard the most pertinent piece of advise I needed to here at the time. “Don’t date someone off their potential.” It was a wake up call.
I told myself, if we could work though this trauma, there’s a beautiful person underneath.
No…..
Now that we are separated I know, she’s gonna keep making the same terrible choices for the next ten years. I could not save her. That’s the reality. It broke my heart but, that’s not love. It was a one way street.
And kudzu usually takes over and kills what it attaches to if you leave it for too long. This metaphor is brilliant
Sounds like my ex. I was tricked into it though, she made me delicious food and gave excellent head. I was weak.
MGTOW
@slytherinmage789 why do people comment stupid shit? What are u even trying to say? Your reply added less than nothing to my comment. Thx for makin urself look dumb af I guess, lmao
1000%!
@@slytherinmage789 wtf does this even mean im so confused...?
Good advice, but sometimes this world is so caught up in trying to find flaws in others that we start to see red flags that aren’t even there. See that was my issue, I would self sabotage my happiness cause I would listen to others who would say “oh well he doesn’t do this or that so clearly that’s a bad sign” etc, YES I agree you should definitely do what she is saying here, but also kinda keep in mind, nobody is perfect, and there is a difference between a red flag and a flaw. A red flag only stays red if the person isn’t willing to acknowledge and do better💓
Very good point
Yes because of this wisdom and discernment is so so important
well said i wanted to say the same thing
Very open minded thought, love it
The important thing for everyone to determine is what THEY see as deal-breakers. Do NOT "borrow" other people's deal-breakers. What's a flaw to one person is a charming quirk to another. In other words, the best way to successfully date anyone is to know YOURSELF before you try to get to know THEM.
I agree with your mom. It took me years to get that lesson, I was in my mid 30s when I grasped it actually. Being nice is a rip off for real because many times you stay because you're trying to be understanding and a nice person but the kindest thing you can do truly is to leave early.
Problem is, most young people go dating with no end game in mind. Like the dating in itself has no real purpose, and when you're dating just to date and have fun and be romantic than you will have a lot of entanglements that you will have to hack off with pieces of you in them.
Many people these days just date to have sex because that is the only intimacy they know, and when your life lacks intimacy you will sell your birthright for that moment of intimacy with someone you're not even seeing a future with.
We have stopped asking ourselves questions in our decision making and so we float in and out of relationships that some turn toxic only because you were never suited for each other and so like chemicals that shouldn't be mixed you become toxic together.
This is so real
Preach, girl
I WILL MISS YOU BRETT!!" :C
Also a good metaphor for dealing with sin right away rather than letting bitterness, resentment, etc grow
So true.
Thanks for this
Amen
Problem I think is that this creates echo-chambers, which divorces us from the plights of humanity as a whole. Jesus on the cross wasn't holding us against our 'red-flags', ('father forgive them, for they know not what they do)', yet the dreamy internet shorts that makes life seem so simple try to suggest otherwise.
I love this outlook
My advice exactly. Been married 7 years with two kids. Lead with your head and not your heart in dating. Decide FAST whether or not your values/goals align and whether or not you'd be a good match. Because once you develop emotions of attachment, its gonna be a lot harder to think clearly.
Sentiments like this are why I view these "influencers" as kudzu.
yeah, dont start to know someone, just judge by the peek
Let us know how it turns out in 3 years. Relationship tend to go to shit at about 7 years. It's called the 7 year itch. I hope the best for you.
I WILL MISS YOU BRETT!!" :C
Women emotions are quite powertul though. They can forget all their rules for th e guy they really desire
I was told similar advice about parenting. I have six young kids and years ago another mother that also has six kids that are now grown told me that children are like gardens. And when you notice little behaviors that aren’t good you pull the weeds now. Address things as they come up. Don’t let things go or else those weeds will be so rooted deeply you can’t pull them out without damage.
This is such a great advice. I'm saving this, thank you!
Excellent advice, it's your job to tell them no at times out of love. I really can't stand this validation culture. It causes long term damage they will not understand until it's too late.
YES!!!
My family used to always say I was too strict with my little ones and roll their eyes when I would set hard and fast boundaries…. But I’ve always believed that if you give them a very well defined path as young children, they grow up to be much healthier teens and adults,
and behold, my teenager is wonderful lol.
I don’t let disrespectful behavior slide.
With my 5 year old boy it is bad… he’s got wayyy more attitude than my little girl ever did!.
He often rolls his eyes, grumbles and groans when I ask him to do something he doesn’t want to… sure it’s kind of funny when he’s that age but we can’t just laugh it off and let it go- we have to address it every single time.
@@kathleenr8839, my parents and elders were the same way with my 2 siblings and I. My mom always carried a switch with her until we got to the age she felt she didn't need to.
Good sentiment. I always say "Teach your kids now or the world will teach them later, and the world won't be as nice about it."
You are blessed to have such wonderful parents, and they are blessed to have you as their daughter ❤️
Omg !! Your mother is a wise woman 🥰 going through it right now !
As a 15 year old girl I am so luckey to have access to Videos like these 😊 thanks Brett
As a fellow fifteen yr old I agree
Yeah same
That’s great, learn life lessons through others you trust when you’re young.
I'm a 15 year old too.
As a fellow 17 year old I can say I wish I was 15 again and heard this 😂(kill me).
Diane is a genius! Why isn't she writing a book with these amazing dating tips?
Whose Diane?
@@maconhare1234Maybe they mean Diana Cooper? (Brett’s mother)
Diane is Brett's mother.
not me getting attached to a redflag rn…
Genius? This just sounds like common sense to me. Then again, sense isn't so common.
As long as you just leave him/her and don't chop him with an axe. I agree.😂
I thought the same. I totally understand Brett's point, but it did sound funny to say you need to use an axe to get rid of the guy 😂
@@eugene9852 especially when she said "literally"...
You caught that, too 😅?@jonathanozment4523
I agree. Most people criticize me for getting rid of a relationship too quick. I tell them I can see red flags too quick and better to stop early. My attention to details helped me detect those things quickly.
You're probably gay so
I WILL MISS YOU BRETT!!" :C
I am with you but I always question if I am being overly critical and not leaving enough grace on the table to explore it more.
@@Gromitz101 life is too short to waste in doubting ourselves and giving more chances.
"getting rid of a relationship too quick" is exactly why this generation is so lost.
You can drop someone at the smallest and most unrealistic inconvenience and immediately jump into bed with the next person.
She will be missed 😩
Brett’s hair is so pretty omg 🤩
I’m a dude and I can admit yeah she’s got some dope hair 😂
Kudzu has a ton of healthy uses if harvested far enough from the road, just wanted to add. But 100% good point lol
did you ever try it?
Hehehe. You are the exact kind of girl i want 😂
Who always sees the beauty in the world 😂
True. It helps reduce binge drinking.
Amen!!
Kudzu is a non-native plant from Asia. It literally kills entire forests. If it has good uses, those uses do not outweigh the destruction that this invasive plant has caused.
I just ended a 2 and a half year relationship today because of something just like this, this advice would have been incredible 2 years ago because it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
Tag me in bro.
Me too, I love her dearly but our goals aren't aligned:(
This is so me right now, but I am a woman, and I haven't ended it yet. But I have to - for his own good and mine. It's really the most difficult decision I've had to make so far😢
I love Brett ❤ such a humble sweet girl
Great analogy Brett: maybe you could make a “remember the kudzu” something or other for young people to keep on hand as reminder (drinking glasses?) My experience is that when attraction/ desire set in --lots of wisdom goes out the window.
I can confirm as a South Carolinian theres so much f****** kudzu. It is so annoying to deal with.😢😅
Just looked it up, apparently it's actually consuming the south, eats whole areas, pretty mad stuff.
@Wobble2007 It's headed north, too. It's now as far north as Massachusetts.
Dude yes
Cheap way to keep it in check is goats. But as a landscaper I can't. I use RM-43 with LV max.
I live in South Carolina as well they are so damn annoying
Wow! What an analogy, that's brilliant! 🤩
Something else I just thought of, and I know this is a religious/spiritual angle, but, being raised Christian, I've heard it over and over that premarital sex is not good. I had a gut feeling somewhere that this was right, but I didn't really know exactly why or how it was wrong. I think this is why, so you don't get emotionally invested, or invested in any meaningful ways, in anyone unless you know for sure you're going to be a good fit and you're both in it for the long haul. That makes so much sense! And it's a much more reasonable, logical, caring, and compassionate reason to give this piece of advice. Much better than telling someone "you'll be damaged goods" or being rejected and condemned as a slut for not falling in line with church rules, ideas that have driven so many poor souls away from God, the one who just wants to help us, unlike many judgmental churchgoers who are only concerned about looking good instead of being good.
Sorry for the rant, just had to get that out there.
I hate how the church teaches people about prematital sex. You shouldn't do it because it's a "sin". You shouldn't do it because it has practical and emotional implications for your life that will make things difficult. Especially if there are multiple partners involved.
@agonsfitness7308 negative impacts is the nature of all sin. That's why it's bad and sinful.
I was 12 and chewing my mom out about a toxic relationship she was in. She tried a redirect, telling me I should go out and just get laid. I replied: "Mom, once you have s3x with someone you are forever linked to them." She was very blindsided by my remark, like, where and how did my very young son find this out? (it took four more years for her relationship to end with the monster)
What kind of mom tells their 12 year old to have sex? OHMYGOSH that is so twisted.
Smart 12 year old. Good head on his shoulders. Who did that come from??
@@krystalw8911 My mother's boyfriend had been molesting me since I was 7. I also came within seconds of having s3x with a cousin a month before that argument with my mother. We had been "kissing cousins" for years (my mom thought it was cute until we decided to take things to next level-and she was shocked and angry that we tried that-I had a very complicated and screwed up childhood. I grew up way too fast).
@@The_Dudester I’m so sorry you had those things happen when you were young. I hope that you know that it wasn’t your fault.
@@The_Dudesterstay strong, I can’t relate with you but it was out of your control.
Thank you Bret, your advice is always valuable.
I agree mostly, but I really liked what healthygamergg said about it. I'm paraphrasing, "If they are unwilling to work on their red flags, that is the red flag" and thats when I think you should run. Although, if you have different values all together, then you should probably run regardless 😂
I don't like this messaging because people will take it too literally. They will see one thing that maybe isn't perfect and use that as an excuse to not even try. Like you said, having totally different values is one thing but there are going to be differences. People used to just work on those things together. Now with the internet we have the delusional mindset of infinite options and people will leave at the slightest thing. Nobody is going to be perfect and yet that is what so many people are looking for.
@@FUNKOfilms I wholeheartedly agree
@FUNKOfilms you're actually agreeing with the advice of Dr. K (healthy gamer), then. It sounds like he's saying that the red flag is if someone isn't willing to grow, and that you shouldn't throw in the towel just because they have issues. The towels should only be thrown in if they know their issues, but aren't willing to do anything to improve their character.
@@Valhal1776 Yeah the messaging I was referring to was from the video.
@@FUNKOfilms Don't ever think that you can change someone because "you" are in love with them.
This is one of the best analogies to dating I’ve ever heard! And am I the only one who loves it when Brett makes a reference about living in the south ✋😁
Completely unrelated, but..I couldn’t help but notice..Fellow Percy Jackson fan, I see. Love your Wise girl pfp.
@@Dreamymist-dd5githanks!! 😁
Personally, I would need more than just one red flag to rule out a possible girlfriend/fiancé/wife. We’re all flawed. Ipso facto, we all have red flags.
Same here….you have to capture the big details and know what you want out of life and relationships. Otherwise it won’t be possible to know what will be in your best interest at all points, but I always look for key traits, behaviors, and aligned morals/principles/goals/life vision.
Red flags are major, not minor.
@@milliethemillinator3154 Then why do people say “major red flag?” Wouldn’t that be redundant?
depends what kind of red flag it is...
@@crazysilly2914 Well, true.
You've got a FAB accent it's almost hypnotic. You're explanation of your mom's philosophy is quite intriguing
and it's potency is reinforced by your Beautiful Southern accent. Best Regards.
I'm going to remember this advice! You’re a national treasure. Thanks Brett!
I thought this was gonna be "If your man can get rid of kudzu, marry him immediately."
Instructions unclear, took an axe to the person I was breaking up with.
Soooooooooo … you’re sin-gle?
The worst time to use the word "literally".
I don't agree because of my personal experience. My wife and I have nothing in common but mutual respect and good comunication, and it all started with only phisical atraction. I have a harsh character, she is the opposite. We had different political ideologies but we now have a very similar opinion over the years. I'm a born and raised catholic and she is not. I'm a carnivore, she's a vegetarian. We have oposite baseball teams. But she has been the best relationship I had in my 47 years. We laugh, take care of each other, we talk, go out together always, not because we have to, but because we want to be witone another. Even our friends are very different and it doesn't matter to either of us, because we understand the need of friends outside the relationship. And we almost never fight about anything, if we are mad about something that happened, we calm down and talk about it later. So, its not a rule to be with someone with your same interest, for me its more interesting to be with someone very different than me, because we have diferent life but we then share it, and is never boring. She shares some.of my interest without being exited about it and ends up having a good time, and the same for me... We take each other out of our comfort zone, and at the same time, we can.be at home the whole weekend and just be comfortable in silence each one having a moment to ourself... I'm lucky that we didnt break up in the early days of us together because of our diferences, but stayed together because of our love for one another. Don't dismiss it so quickly, because living with someone with similar interest than you is just as hard, you are looking for a life companion, not a partner.
But she did not say that your interests should be the same. She mentioned spring a red flag or if your goals aren't aligned. Though I concede that goals can change there is something to be said if the goals are opposed to reach other
@@ilzeberzina1485 well, main differences are common. Political differences, preferences, religious differences or profesional differences. Each one should take you in a different direction... But at the same time you can overcome those differences if each one is confident and respectfull. What I mean is don't dismiss someone because of a list you have in your head before taking time to know each other. If you like that person, you could miss on having a great life with them for differences that in time may not be your life priorities, but maybe some other like care, understanding, respect and family. And a good companion also... You are going to spend years or decades with that person. The differences in interest may be a factor in some disagreements or arguments, but in my experience, those are very few moments and doesn't weight as much as the value of the time you spend with a person you love and care for.
I don’t think differences are red flags. My husband and I have plenty of differences. In some aspects we are opposites. But we are aligned in the important things, in character or attitude ways, and that is what unites us. Red flags would be in a different category of alarm bells ringing in my head when we were dating. Instead, when we were dating I only ever felt peace and calm despite the differences 🤷♀️👏.
@@amynazza yes, we are lucky we found that, because we weren't closed to the posibility.
@@labelleepoque4354 so maybe you both realized that despite your differences, one thing that you had in common that is hugely important which is the ability to talk things out, to agree to disagree, to allow each other to be different.
Love to see daughters listening their mothers!
❤❤❤
Just got out of a 2 year relationship and I needed to hear this. Looking back there were so many red flags that I just didn’t want to see because I wanted to be loved and have a friend. But it wasn’t worth it. Things that were an issue one time never really got fixed and I realized it wasn’t a fluke but the kind of person she was. Should have ended it before we ever started dating
“WHY DID YOU KILL HIM?”
“Brett said to take an axe and hack him off…”
😂
I live in the South too, and now thats what im going to tell my kids this!😂
The thing about red flags is that everyone has flaws. If you want to be with someone, you have to have build a strong enough relationship to be able to confront the red flags you see and tell them how it affects themselves and the people around them. Similarly, you need to be humble enough to address your own red flags when they tell you of your own. The people aren’t the kudzu. The red flags are the kudzu. If they don’t want to get rid of it, then don’t let it spread to you.
That’s right! I don’t cut people off if they’re imperfect in the beginning. If we can inspires each other, grow, and develop into our best selves together, that’s more important over the long haul. ❤
Apart from deal breaker red flags - or when the man strings you up. No point building anything
@@adk5997 Sure, but I’m seeing way too many TikTok’s or reels or whatever where people are saying to get up and leave at the very first minor red flag they see and then wondering why they’ve been single for ten years.
WOW, very wisely advise and especially great way to explain and illustrate it. Congrats to you Texans and your mom
I absolutely love this analogy. Tell your mom thank you! Gonna use this one with my girls as they grow up. Can also be applied to toxic friendships. Plus many other situations. The more vested you are in anything really, the harder it is to ditch it. Even down to ideology. anyway, thanks!!!!!
Interesting analogy. this is so true!!! i don’t understand why people convince themselves to stay in a relationship when there are so many red flags
Possibly because no one else will have them.
This isnt a dating theory, this is just common sense
At least it should be, sadly not as many people use their brain when it comes to relationships nowadays but rather let their emotions control everything
Yup. Take it from my experience. The heartache is not worth it.
Dr. K talks about identifying red flags early in a relationship. There will always be some kind of red flag. Some are non-negotiable, but if you can work through minor red flags, this can actually create a stronger relationship and establish conflict resolution between people in a relationship.
I love your celebration of your mother's wisdom if you learn enough you can be better prepared stay safe and enjoy life. may your lessons come easily❤paul
Kudzu meet goat, goat meet wait...where did the kudzu go?
Your hair is legit on point. Give the ladies some tips!
Yes, and along with the chaos, mayhem and bedlam of breaking up comes the baggage you'll pack around for the rest of your life. So yeah...keep the breakups to the early stages. The later ones can be a huge mess.
That So true
I generally agree, only thing I want people to be careful of: be able to differentiate between fundamental values you need in a partner and qualities that you just happen to prefer at that moment. Ive had tons of guy friends who want a tall, busty, Christian blonde with blue eyes. They go on a date with a girl and they break it off because they dye their hair blonde or theyre a bit too short, etc. Preferences can CHANGE. The Chrstian part is a fundamental but those other qualities are PREFERENCES. You can grow and change with a partner, just be a bit more open.
Girllll.. You're just Fabulous!! Sassy, Smart, Witty, a lil over the top. I love it!!
I adore your stories ❤
Plus once the kudzu is entangled, you end up damaging the tree when you try to remove it.
Smart Mom and Daughter (let's not forget Dad too!). Great advice and Reminders for all of us. We all let a few things grow wild that should have been weeded out years ago! Kuddo's and Thx for the Reminder!
As a European, the South is the only place in America I am ever planning on visiting.
Herds of axe-wielding dads going after invasive vines would sell me too 😂
Depending on where your from, the South is deathly hot. Just a little heads up.
it's hot and it's humid, but we are good people who eat good food...
@@Xv1Galaxy Yeah but as long as they don't visit from about early June to about mid September, they will be fine. The best time, IMO, is the months of April and May. A lot of other people like the fall colors, but I'm color blind so I don't really get it.
Ditto, it seems homey and most of it's folk are mentally well adjusted.✨
Yep, the earlier, the better. Had a guy I had just started talking to, was upfront of what I was looking for and to humanize myself, said I had a cat and loved cats. He's allergic to cats. I cut it off. No point in making either of us miserable in the future.
While I agree…when I was in my 20s, I was dating a man who was allergic to cats. 24 years later we have been married for 21 years and have 5 indoor cats plus 3 outdoor feral cats we feed and shelter in winter. He loves those cats even though they make him itch and sneeze.
Good analogy. Although every garden has weeds so rather than just ending it prematurely at the first sign of conflict, it's best to tend to the weeding frequently to keep it maintained & on track. Relationships are hard work but worth the effort. The grass is green where you water it 👍
I can 100 percent agree with that. I have been in that situation and once you get emotionally attached, it makes EVERYTHING COMPLICATED! This is the exact advice I give my daughters.
Good advice I should probably have listened to 😢 We’re too afraid we won’t find better. Thank you for sharing this. Bless you’re mum for her wisdom ❤
Exactly! I don't understand how people go,"hmm we just started dating, and I'm seeing these red flags and clashing worldviews. I don't know what to do. I know! I'll date them for years, get married, have kids, then crash into a messy divorce!"
a bot stole your comment
yeah, how can you just really want to get to know someone and work it out against minor disagreements, when you can just ride the carousel for the rest of your life
fun fact: kudzo is an invasive species brought over from japan
Moral of the story is don't trust those japanese
@@ThrownAwayVoicesbecause they are the reason the vine exists in America of course. Not Americans bringing them over or anything.
@@Churros_are_Overrated It's a joke ya goofball
@@ThrownAwayVoicesyou racist trash
@@Churros_are_Overratedwhy would Americans go to Japan and bring a annoying gine back?
Absolutely, and this appliea to both parties. If we all collectively get better at openly saying "hey this isn't going to work and this is why," AND also being able to understand and except this early on, we'd save everyone a bit of heartache. The real trick is learning what qualifies as incompatibility and what is just a normal friction point that comes with getting close to someone. THAT(for the younger viewers) is the part that's worth experiencing pain for, gaining the experience.
So wise your Mother, Great advice love the analogy.
True! It's so hard to remove a narcissist from your life. The risk isn't worth it!
proof that mom's speak words of wisdom.
Interesting analogy. I’ve only recently experienced kudzu in Mississippi (I’m from Oklahoma originally: we don’t have that invasive species here) but it’s probably the most accurate analogy for dating I’ve ever heard.
Probably the smartest, most beautiful, intellectually acute young woman of this decade. We need more of her here.....now!
Great analogy. Nothing but ❤ for you BC. Looking forward to your version of Snow White.
That is the best explanation ever, especially for teen angers who have difficulties understanding situations clearly. Your mom is wise. God bless.
Very good, sane, sound & sensible advice Brett. ❤❤❤
That's not a theory, that's just straight facts and wisdom.
True although also, people are so caught up in red flags when honestly none of us are perfect and there’s so much to be gained from growing together, I think what’s more important is a willingness to grow and change
Women have a ticking clock so being able to cut off relationships early is an important skill while in the dating phase of life. Just keep in mind that no one is perfect and everyone has defects. The question is, are the defects red flags or not. Have standards, just make sure they are the _right_ standards. It also works both ways.
Simple solution: don’t have sex before marriage.
I always see this as a good rule of thumb and personally, I follow this as well, but can you elaborate the reasoning for waiting and?
@@MarkTorres-g2v sex is the most emotionally connected you can be with another person. so much so that if you have it with too many people you stop connecting with your partner because your brain says 'this isnt something special'
@@Pikawarps Appreciate the insight!
God put rules for a reason
Better still, don't continue dating if there are red flags.
Yes!! Your mom is very wise Brett! I love your stuff and watch you every single day! You’re such an inspiration!
Could you do red flags to look out for in women (dating)
Here’s one: more than 3 bodies in the trunk of her car at any given time is usually a bad sign
❤💪💍🙏✝ GOD BE WITH US AGAINST EVIL AND TEMPTATIONS ✝🙏⛪👩❤️👨🕊
Perfectly described. Love ur channel.
My girl is literally preaching in this video! Love it!!!
weird seeing all these shorts popping up from when Miss Brett was still on the channel now. is DW trying to keep the viewership on this channel up or am i overthinking it?
No it's not just you. I've seen some of the basketball shorts 3 separate times today alone... It's fishy for sure, and I'm not impressed with DW right now.
@@davidwhitaker2211 i see. really weird that they’re popping up now, yet when i still regularly watched the channel i wasn’t getting her shorts as much
No premarital sex. Zero none. That is the best way to court . It is the right thing to do before God and it is the best way to live a clean life .
No thanks. I'd like to know the person FULLY before I decide to tie the knot.
@@v4lhulmeLet me make this easy for you. They are ALL lousy lovers.
So what else can be learned by committing the act ?
Smart Mom !!
Listen to her please !
Your so sweet
Now I gotta put an axe on my shopping list😂...I love these updated versions of women having each other's backs and somehow sharp has a whole new meaning...even a black and white shower scene gives me a bit of chuckle😂😂😂
This is so true!! Unfortunately just ended a relationship with an amazing girl cause our spiritual ideas did not align. I went through a rough time through school spiritually for over a year and that is when I met this girl. We were perfect for each other in almost every way. The one thing is that she did not believe in many aspects of the Bible that are clearly stated to be true. I was blind to this and ignoring my spiritual beliefs because everything was so good in the relationship in every other way. I thought we could just make things work. Because of my spiritual weakness over this year, I made the mistake of crossing the physical boundary with this woman as well. Just a month ago I brought up to her that I wanted to get back on track spiritually and wanted to start making my relationship with God a priority. I really wanted to go on this journey with her as well. We broke up just a few weeks ago due to her not wanting to be a part of that journey. It has been so SO hard to loose someone you love and have already made that physical connection with. I really don’t want to loose her. So y’all stay strong and don’t make compromises in your relationships! They will come back to bite you later!
You ended things with a wonderful girl because yall had sex and then decided you no longer wanted to? You cant really blame her for not wanting to follow down that path, and not that you did anything wrong but thats gotta be pretty confusing for her. I used to be very strongly christian, and before i started losing my faith i began to question parts of my beliefs (as all christians do). Few things i questioned were certain sins, one of them being premarital sex (and i had sworn to myself that i would wait until marriage). if you and this girl got to spend a lot of time together and be able to deeply understand eachother and truly love eachother, does god really care if you are married or not and have sex? Marriage is something made by society/people, not god (who made love, which is what he cares about). There are plenty people who may not feel true love but lust for eachother and get married, does that make thier sex sinless? Does vowing in front of an alter make a difference when yall already understood those things prior, without even having to say it BECAUSE of how much you love eachother. Sorry im just yapping now lmao, the point is, if her not being religious is importan enough where you are unhappy and unsatisfied with the relationship, then by all means do what you must because whats the point of carrying on. Im just a random dude trying to make sure you didnt end things with the right girl because of some (perhaps not-so-right idk) reasons that you may end up regretting down the line
Whew!! This hits too close to home. Great wisdom.
Some kudzu vines can be really stealthy and good at lying
True. Maybe it's because I'm a guy and can tell when a guy is an "ahole" better than a woman can, I'm not sure, but women sure love aholes. Best advice I can give is to give people's actions much more weight than their words, because words are cheap for both genders.
I see what she is saying of course, but what's the fun in cutting down ever little vine that starts growing, without getting to experience the beautiful fruit that comes from it, even if the fruit turns out to be a bit sour and we end up not liking the fruit anymore. Isn't that the point of life? To enjoy the process of everything? To love people even if they might not be our forever person? Every person I've ever loved, even though we didn't end up together in the long run, was a wonderful, wonderful experience & I honestly wouldn't trade those loves or experiences for the world. If we always cut down the vines early, yes, we might save ourselves from some future heartache, but it also stops us from learning to love other humans, just for what they are. ❤
Did you just say, "LITERALLY take an axe..."? Please, Brett, do not suggest taking an actual axe to hack at a man just to get him to go away!
Is it me or Brett speaks more calmly (slower) on Shorts?
Generally agree, but the flip side to this is that you can cut people off too early and judge them too quickly or based on only a small amount of evidence which might not be entirely accurate... I probably have the opposite problem to what Brett is describing - I almost never go on more than 2 or 3 dates with anyone... OR maybe I'm just a great judge of character in a not very compatible dating pool 🤷♀️😅
Precisely. I was looking for this comment. Me and my partner have been together for ten years and we have been through thick and thin. We understood we both had flaws and we've been working on them. One of my best friends is the opposite. She said I was a saint for "putting" up with it" while she's been on and off in Multiple relationships because the men She was seeing weren't "perfect" enough.
Mabye just beeing honest about your wants, needs, and goals. Like the first two dates.
They might be a good person but thats not all that you need for a relationship for intance:
If you say: I wanna do carreer and want a caretaker of your home and the other person want also to do career why bother with wanting to merry them? On on you will have to cut short or both have to cut short, so there character wont come into play here. If you have too many of those you simply are incompatible, no matter how good or bad of a person the other one is.
Those are things that you can learn about in no time with 2 simple questions. And its not even that personal.
And yes these things will cancel out some guys and girls. That will makes your dating pool smaler. But you dont waste time on people that woudnt work out in the first place.
And it also doesnt mean that if your not striving for the same things your incompatible. For me there are 3 types of how goals wants and needs works.
1. Things that will contredict, like the example i used above.
2. Things that are compatible, like she wants to do sport and he wants to sleep. She can do sport while hes sleeping and he can sleep while shes doing sport.
3. Allianment, things that both will find commen ground out. Like both like to travel to diffrent countrys.
So i woudnt call it a problem, its the entire goal of it, to filter people.
@@RicexXxSalt this is the way
Your mom is absolutely right! I spent almost 10 years with the wrong person. Getting out of that was hell. I lost a lot of friends to that breakup. Lucky for me though, we weren’t married, so that took a lot of the headache out of it. I believe everything happens for a reason though. I learned a lot from that experience and I’m now with the love of my life. I honestly don’t regret anything because I’m not sure I’d be here, and happy, without it.
Great advice. Many are confused about what to look for before the dating. Good place to start.
Brilliant advice, I just had to say this I don't think I remembered that the word tumultuous existed in my vocabulary until you said it, I couldn't even spell it right at first it took a few tries
I've been a kudzoo vine my whole life and I was raised in the north.
😂 underrated comment
Moms smart
She's so cute.
I really like this. Wish I knew this 2 years ago but it's never too late. Thanks Brett
I approve this message,..from experience!! 😂❤
learning this the hard way. my parents didn’t heed this lesson either and it’s why they had such a tumultuous divorce. i’m only 23 though, about to be single again for the first time since my teens and im just ready to focus on myself/manifest and call in my husband. ❤️
"Dropping a Guy at the first hint of Inconvenience rather than try to at least address the Issue first to check if things will wodk out."
Totally not toxic.
This is so good!!!❤
Straight up facts! It’s a great analogy that can only be made by a wise woman.
you articulated my situation so clearly.. 3 years in and I can’t believe I let it get to this point 😅