I really feel that Erik was trying to express that he is having a hard time too. Very valid and needs to be acknowledged. Watching someone you love battle the pain of pregnancy, a traumatic birth, children in the NICU, sleeplessness, a wife with anxiety and depression, and trying to be an upbeat and fun dad for Flynn; that is a lot for anyone to have to handle and stay mentally balanced. Love to you both.
except they have a ton of privilege to work at home, have the money to get everything delivered, have nannies, etc. i don’t buy the “it’s so hard!” bullshit
@@sherriblack1570 youre afraid shes gonna read this and say "sherri black is not as loyal as i thought! i have no choice but to continue not knowing she exits."
I am a perinatal mental health therapist and all parenting individuals (I.e. adoptive parents, surrogate parents, fathers, etc) are at risk for postpartum depression. It’s something that isn’t talked about enough but is very real. It’s just called postpartum depression. So Erik could very likely have postpartum depression as well as you. Just FYI!
@@s.melonita4454 I’m just glad she posted this video because the comments are so validating for Erik. I really hope she sees these comments as coming from a place of recognition and appreciation for her husband and not as an attack on what she doesn’t know. We all get to learn new things! I hope this helps her!
This!!!!! We need to be so much more validating of the male or partner experience. Just because they didnt cardy the baby does NOT mean that their experience is invalid, laughable, or not real.
Colleen, don’t forget that Erik saw his baby girl blue and purple and not breathing upon being born. I cannot imagine how tragic that was. Wishing you both the best through this journey
^ this. Erik experienced actual trauma, as did Colleen but in a different way. Your brain is literally altered by trauma and takes time to heal. Colleen needs to acknowledge Erik also experienced trauma.
@@dkfkf6720 what’s your problem? We got a tiny snippet of one conversation you didn’t like between these married people, and your reaction is to conclude she doesn’t care at all for her partner? A lot of this comment section has come off as well meaning but patronising to me, not letting Colleen take a beat to understand something she’d never heard of and explaining her husband’s trauma to her, but this comment is just mean.
@@dkfkf6720 as someone who has watched Colleen for years and watched her go through everything, she has countlessly stuck up for women and men going through traumatic times! She’s showed in multiple videos how both Colleen and Eric support each other during these journeys (and if you watch their podcast you see this countless times of her literally asking his side and his feelings for an episode to show that dads have it hard to!!) No one is perfect and we all say somethings wrong and when she notices she’s said things wrong or upset anyone she learns from it and speaks on it and apologises. That’s all we can ask from someone who is literally learning life with us.. and so publicly! If people saw mine and my boyfriends conversations as openly as we see theirs our words would get pulled out left right and centre too! The one thing that makes it hard to see is when people like yourself pick up on one little thing they’ve seen and run with it and don’t look at the rest of the picture (with that we only see the tiniest snippets of there life) eric is also private and we don’t see when Colleen helps and supports him when he is down! If she read your comments it can hurt, it can cause more stress when they have enough of that. So please please please take abit more into consideration and don’t comment on things you don’t know enough about ! Thanks
I really liked the way Erik advocated for himself as a father and for many men out there that are going through what he went through, he kept saying “There has to be a term” and there is! Although Colleen really didn’t want to search the term on Google, Im really glad she did. She was able to learn as well. Trauma is Trauma whether you’re the mother or father, you just go through it differently. Thank you Erik for being brave, for standing up to your feelings and Thank you to Colleen for posting this and having his voice be heard.
@@xoRawritsBeckyxo I think reading the comments she will understand how to handle this situation better now! They said in another vlog that there is a "mom community" but there isn't a "father community". And we know Colleen is a part of some mom groups, and those can be, as she pointed out, extremely exclusionary. So while she is critical of some things that she reads, I think what happened here is that she internalized some of it. Thats why she was "mocking being angry at him" because she thought that was what the reaction of the moms watching this video would be. All in all I didn't see Erik getting upset about the way she was treating him, and we get to see Colleen learning how to deal with this things too. I like that she does make mistakes and she learns and then corrects herself. Other mom vloggers are always trying to be perfect but Colleen seems more human this way.
She dismissed his feelings even after reading that they were legitimate. And it should be known and they usually tell you when you leave that the nicu experience tends to leave you with PTSD, trauma, and depression.
@@sossyedits I think there needs to be a somewhere in between. Dismissing your husband's feelings of depression and trauma and laughing about it are not cool. And there isn't much of a community for dads that is completely true there should definitely be groups for dads of the NICU.
As someone who had postpartum depression I’m not mad at Erik at all. He’s paving a way to normalize the fact that dads get depressed too. These are great conversations to have.
As a ppd mom I do understand what she’s saying. She’s articulating it horribly but she’s mostly saying sure he can have it but it’s completely different. It’s different causes. One is hormones and physical trauma while the other is more emotion focused and sleep deprivation induced
Erik has a point, and a valid one. He is expressing his feelings, seeking her partner's validation. We must remember that men can suffer just like women, and maybe he is not going through the physical changes, but mental.
exactly. idk the way she was kinda shutting him down in a sense really bothered me. when my cousin and his gf had their son he definitely went through depression and what made it worse was that no one was uplifting him and his gf and the gf's family were just brushing him off.
Even then, he is still going through a load of physical changes with the sleeplessness, the lack of time to do anything for himself, the physical toll that mental stress takes on you, etc. No one's arguing that he's gone through more physically than her, it's just that it's not a competition and making comparisons is totally unnecessary. Everyone deserves to feel their pain without feeling like they're being compared to another person's pain, especially their life partner!
I’m so glad this entire comment section is advocating for Erik. I know we don’t know how the discussion went off camera, but what happened on camera was shocking and I’m truly surprised it was kept in the final cut of this vlog because of how invalidating it was, joking or not. It reminds me of the podcasts when Erik would try to relate to Colleen’s struggles with his own, and she’d react the same way. I love you, Colleen, but this always rubs me the wrong way and I’m really hopeful you’ll understand now.
Like when Erik was talking about how horrible his back pain was and Colleen kept talking about her thumb. I get that they tease each other a lot but there have been a few moments when Erik is being serious and Colleen “appears” not to being able to tell the difference. What else can Erik do but laugh? Is a coping mechanism, but man! He could use some help. I really hope they talk this out privately and some day we can hear Erik’s perspective without Colleen rolling her eyes and saying she has it worse.
@@sabor3541 I know! Are people not seeing the whole picture? In the end, we do not claim to know everything. However, she did say “I can’t believe I’m Googling this.” And it wasn’t even her idea, it was Erik who asked just after Colleen was attempting to wrap up the vlog. Again, don’t know the whole story, but I think Erik shouldn’t have had to ask.
@@KarlaGarcia-of7rh “appears” not to be able to tell the difference - this can be seen as being ableist on your part because you do realise that neurodivergent ppl suffer from being able to tell if someone is joking or not
this is the first time I've strongly disagreed with Colleen as a nurse. please don't roll your eyes and invalidate his feelings, the partner, male or female can ALSO go through postpartum depression. men and partners are allowed to have feelings too. They may not have been through the physical pregnancy however living with someone who is so upset, in so much pain and cries constantly is mental torture. it takes a long time to recover from that. the partner goes through equal levels of stress as the woman. he held your hand, was with you constantly and was able to keep afloat with all that sadness. he's a hero.
THANK YOU! I feel sorry for Erick a lot, he's under so much pressure as the leader of his family. His feelings are just as valid as Colleens and I wish she wouldn't invalidate him so often. He is more than allowed to be stressed, depressed, sad, angry, whatever emotion he is feeling he is allowed to feel that. Just because he didn't give birth doesn't mean he isn't going through the same things as his wife. He's up with the baby's just as much as her, he takes care of Flynn the same amount but on top of that he has to take care of Colleen too. I hope he gets the help he needs
I guess Erik would have his own experience in parenting and childbirth, and it’s important for dads to connect to those feelings. I’m sure it was traumatic watching you go through major surgery, and probably a little frustrating not being able ever fully understand or take away your pain. And that’s not to take away the burden of childbirth and motherhood, but just to recognize that dads do carry emotions into postpartum, even if they weren’t the ones who were pregnant.
She kept comparing his feelings to childbirth when that's not what he was trying to express to her at all. He was saying that men should have a term similar to postpartum depression because those experiences/emotions are not only felt by women, men can get it too. Why would that make women mad? If anything the way she kept arguing with him about it probably annoyed more people than what she was concerned about.
@@cynthiaperez5421 I agree that her projection of “what women feel” was coming from a misguided place but I don’t think she’s alone in that feeling either. I hope these comments are validating for Erik and that Colleen takes the replies on this video as an act of solidarity for her husband and not as an attack on her for not knowing. Feminism has a long way to go, and posting this video is a very BIG conversation starter to push us in the right direction.
I don’t think any women are angry at Erik right now. Comparing pain is a slippery slope. We should NEVER be invalidating other people’s experiences, no matter how different they look to yours. You see the worst of your pain but you can’t see someone else’s depth of pain- there’s no reason for it.
I’m glad to see I’m not the only one who felt disappointed with Colleen’s reaction to Erik’s vulnerability. His feelings and experience are valid and he has been so strong and supportive towards her through her quarantine depression/anxiety, miscarriage, difficult pregnancies, and traumatic birth experiences and the nicu experience. He deserves validation and support as well.
Partner trauma is very real and it's something that Colleen can't say she has, but Erik can. Colleen experienced her own childbirth trauma, but Erik experienced partner trauma. Both can have PTSD from the situation, but it's recognizing that while your pains are different (witnessing vs being the one going through it), they both stem from the same situation/place (i.e. the twins birth).
Exactly. My husband had to watch me pass out after giving birth and not wake up for two rounds of smelling salts. To me I always felt safe and it was a great nap.. to him it was scary and he thought he was losing me.
Eric may not have the same hormonal upheavals, but he also experienced a very unique kind of trauma. As a woman, I have no problem with him saying he has postpartum depression. You experienced something unique and horrible, and he experienced something unique and horrible. His body just didn't go through the same thing. However, he may have felt even more helpless, only being able to watch this happen to those he loves.
@@aleesiauh I fully agree. Another angle maybe to consider is Colleen's competitive nature. She's spoken of it often. For some reason likely linked to her childhood, she must be the most tired, the hardest worker, the most upset, etc. Her dismissiveness of her first husband was extreme. She still carries dismissiveness toward her current husband although over the past 10 plus years, she's gotten so much better at pumping the brakes on this reaction that's instinctive or more likely compensatory on her part, but destructive and unhealthy regardless. I think she's a fascinating person and an even more fascinating psychological study.
@@aleesiauh she does mean to dismiss him though. She’s incredibly self-absorbed with everyone in her life and treats them like side characters. This is on brand for her.
Erik watched you cut open on a table and his daughter’s purple body being whisked away. I can only imagine how traumatic that was. I’m really surprised to see you dismissing his feelings. Him having trauma doesn’t diminish yours.
There’s a way to say this without bringing up traumatic events that you weren’t even involved in. I do not think Erik or Colleen would enjoy reading this back after going through so much. If you know how hard it was you should not bring up those heavy moments.
@@sophias6562 exactly.... why there are doing that.... im sure colleen didnt mean to DISMISS his feelings ...thats a strong word to use ....this is just a one convo between them... If u guys hear the Podcast about eric's POV about twins birth u will see how colleen respects his feelings and pain
She wasn’t dismissing him she was just saying that the term postpartum depression wasn’t the term for his depression and she even stated that yeah what his sadness is is actually depression just not postpartum as he didn’t have a physical birth which regulated tonnes of hormones around her body causing it.
I think it's the fact that Colleen continued to make light of the situation even after looking it up and reading that Paternal Postpartum Depression is a very real and serious matter. She definitely owes him an apology and I hope they continued the conversation off camera. Both went through a traumatic experience but that doesn't mean you can compare/invalidate the other's experience.
As a woman who is about to give birth, I could never be upset at a man expressing his feelings in a healthy way. What upsets me is hearing someone invalidate those feelings.
Would also like to add that with Colleen’s mentality, (being if you aren’t the one to give birth you don’t go through post partum depression) that completely invalidates couples who bring in a baby via surrogate , adoption, etc.
As a women, I completely see and validate Erik's side. It must be extremely hard to see your wife go through all the emotions, and as we all know, emotions are easily spread. Personally, I believe it needs more awareness and to be taken seriously!
Yes!! Life changes for the man in the relationship as well. Men now DO NOT have all the attention and feel left out when mom has all her attention on baby now. Also, i had a co worker that had really bad morning sickness while his wife was pregnant.
Why would Erik attempting to express his feelings make ‘a lot of women angry’?? Any woman with an ounce of empathy would certainly not feel angry to hear what he’s going through. My husband suffered in a similar way, but the last thing I wanted to do was roll my eyes and laugh.
@@KellyBriana I think Colleen has one of the greatest abilities to empathize that I have seen, for everyone always, no matter what. I think its clear both have gone through so much legitimate yet very different versions of trauma in there own ways since pregnancy, and its very valid colleen wouldn't want it to seem Erik is trying to pigeon hole his feelings into the same category as women - both very valid as Colleen acknowledges and empathises with, but both very different xxx
@@KellyBriana colleen is incredibly empathetic. i don’t think she was trying to shut down Erik. I think she was just joking around for the sake of the vlog. You don’t know what kind of serious conversations they may have off camera, stop making so many assumptions
I was shocked at the dismissiveness of that comment saying that we would all be against his feelings. Erik if you read through these... Know that it's the exact opposite we all are in support of you and your feelings and want them validated.
@@JD-ws2yk I haven't seen the word abusive used. But it is not blowing out of proportion at all dismissing someone's trauma PTSD and depression can lead to horrible consequences and to have filmed it and laughed about it even after reading that it was a genuine thing and not even delving deep enough to know that most NICU parents experience some level of depression and PTSD. It does not create a positive marriage when someone invalidates the other person's feelings. This thread would have been a complete uproar if he told her that her trauma was illegitimate..
Yes! I was thinking of gatekeeping too. Like, Erik was saying he has baby depression, and Colleen said, “No you have depression.” I don’t think there was malicious intent, but rather a whole lotta ignorance and the conversation could have been held better. I’m proud of Erik when he asked her to Google it. I feel like this whole conversation could have been a Google search.
@@Noseinab00k I agree, as my husband says don’t argue about something that can be easily googled. I hope Eric reads the comments and knows that postpartum depression is very really for both parents.
It’s Important that Erik is speaking up about this at all! Don’t shrug off his feelings just because they aren’t exactly what you went through, he is allowed to feel and express his experience because he also felt and saw and had empathy for everything you were going through with those kiddos! Feeling like this shouldn’t be comparable just because he didn’t go through the actual act of birthing, it’s an experience you both had together as mother AND father.💙
I love this! It’s not a competition of who had it worse.. that should never be the case in relationships. that’s why it’s called a PARTNERSHIP, you’re in it together!💙
Yes! He wasn’t trying to say it was the same, he was trying to learn the term for HIS experience. Heaven forbid he reach out and advocate for himself, as he’s just laughed at and rolled eyes at. 🥴
I think this is Eriks way of admitting he’s having a hard time. And it’s understandable. Baby blues was the term before postpartum depression. And you guys have been through a lot. And he was staying strong for ALLLLLL of you for a long time. And now his body is kind of giving into the emotion he was holding back now that everyone is healthy and safe. He’s an amazing father! 💛
I was thinking that too. Like maybe he was scared to admit it and decided to turn it into a question to help other dads. I hope him and Colleen feel better soon. I have pretty severe depression, so I know how dark things can seem, but I hope they know we're always here for them♥️
@@rbuckel y’all are really looking wayyyy too deep into this. Scared? Seriously? Of what? They were talking about a name/label. They were going back and forth about what post partum depression is and how he wanted to have that label bc it sounds cool. Nothing about this was admitting anything they were literally just having playful banter I swear y’all are just thirsty for Erik and want to come for his rescue.
@ LadyLal bro😂 he was literally asking her what he should call his depression and she rolled his eyes at him saying yeah right about it being postpartum so it wasn’t just a label he didn’t want it cause it “sounds cool” it’s cause he’s actually going through something mentally and his wife is sitting there brushing off how he feels. No one’s looking into this too deeply ur just not looking at all☠️😂
@@ashlynrodaks5723 she literally said “you would call it depression” nobody was invalidating his actual feelings. And yes he did want it to sound cool bc he also literally said oh post partum just has a sound to it.. it rolls off the tongue nicely🙄 y’all cherry picking have fun being a pick me girl 🤣 I 1000% bet you he’s way more scared of you fangirl strangers on the internet wanting to save him than he is of his own wife… who he was just having conversation with
@ LadyLal fangirling? Says the one posting up under everyone’s comment trying to make herself heard😂 literally everyone’s in the comments calling her out for her sh** the only person fangirling more like di** riding is u.
hi colleen! personally it was a shock to see you rolling your eyes at erik because we’ve all known you to be validating and supportive. i think it’s important for erik to voice out how he’s feeling too! he didn’t necessarily go through childbirth physically but mentally, as your partner there’s definitely a lot of trauma that could come from that. i think it’s really important to validate his feelings too! i’m very proud of him for asking all these great questions, we all love you both and i hope erik can feel more validated too!
@@Elena-er7zp huh? I think you got it the other way around. Let’s not bring up colleens past relationship. It’s none of our business and she herself doesn’t even talk about it.
I agree with all the comments. Having the twins, plus Flynn to care for, is exceptionally hard for both of you. Erik is going through this experience with Colleen 24/7 and is also being incredibly supportive and helpful. His feelings must be heard as they are real.
post partum means AFTER BIRTH. technically it would not be called postpartum for a man because he hasn’t given birth himself. Taking care and struggling to get used to this new lifestyle with 3 kids does not equal giving birth and having the scars, side affects, sickness, body dysmorphia, and everything else. she wasn’t putting his feelings aside or anything he just wanted a specific word for it so it “rolls of his tongue”.
Would never ever be upset by a male saying that had postpartum depression. Men, partners, and all parents alike are equally at risk for post-partum depression. Hormones are NOT the only indicator or reason for PPD. Sleep deprivation, major life adjustments, and traumatic births can all precipitate feelings. They need to be taken seriously and validated. I'm so thankful for Erik's example. So many dads feel SO alone in this. It's rarely if ever talked about. If we think the stigma for maternal PPD is great, imagine the stigma for paternal.
@McKailaShiloh Totally agree and frankly, I'm shocked that Colleen, having to deal with depression and anxiety herself, found it so hard to believe that Eric is going through something himself. Watching this, I almost felt like she wanted to be the only one going through it, which I KNOW is not true, but that's the way I saw it.
Hormones can also shift for men during the postpartum period and predispose them to PPD. While it's not the only indicator or reason for PPD it is just as valid a cause as the hormonal shift experienced by the birthing parent.
Erik is so patient with Colleen in general but, here he was extremely patient while trying to explain his point. I know that they like to banter and tease each other a lot, but Erik was being honest here and Colleen was just trying to compare and also came across as a little rude to me.
Colleen, please stop gatekeeping PPD and pain. When Erik's back hurt, you spoke over him, made it all about your thumb and continuously rolled your eyes at him. Now he tries to explore the vocabulary for his experience and again is met with eye rolls and you explaining why it's worse for you. It's not a competition, his feelings are just as valid as yours. Poor guy.
It was very strange to me how she kept insinuating that because he didn’t birth twins and because she feeds them and holds them more, his back couldn’t have possible been as bad as he was saying it was. Just very odd.
Colleen, postpartum depression in fathers is very real, whether clarified as “paternal” or not. There’s plenty of medical research about it, you just have to look up “postpartum depression in men.” About 10% of fathers experience this, and with Eric being as empathetic and involved as he is, it would make sense that he’d be susceptible to it. I know you’re probably more supportive off screen, but this vlog really didn’t seem to reflect that. It was a traumatizing experience for both of you. “Upsetting other women” shouldn’t be a factor.
The stats are way higher than 10% for traumatic births and NICU stays. The NICU is dang near a guarantee that you will experience some level of depression it sucks the life out of you. She was not the only one who went through that.
She still hasn't said a thing. There's a lot of toxic behavior I'm seeing from creators I have long since loved and I'm really sick of it. Family vlogging is horrible considering children can't give consent. Colleen has been referencing the children as 'her babies', 'my babies', and her absolute disregard for Erik expressing himself emotionally here is not okay. The creators I watch is shrinking everyday. I simply can't support this odd, wreckless behavior. Thank you for saying what so many of us felt so deeply. ❤
@@KellyEtcetera I totally know what you're talking about! I don't watch any family vloggers anymore. Used to watch Ballinger Fam and Labrants, I don't watch them anymore and I don't even watch Colleen. They all exploite their kids and it is gross.
Just because Erik didn't physically go through the pregnancy, birth, Csection etc doesn't mean it wasn't just as mentally hard on him as it was for her... He had to helplessly watch the woman he loves go through all of that, plus had the same NICU experience and life adjustment to twins. Not everything is about the mother, the father is effected just as much (just in different ways) and is almost always completely overlooked... He shouldn't be invalidated just because he didn't physically give birth
agree 100% especially because Eric is such an involved dad (at least from what i see from the videos ). he definitely is valid for feeling any way he does. it’s tough being a parent in general
There are definitely alot of changes for dad. There's alot of sacrifice as a parent. Men may have anxieties about what kind of father they will be through the years. They can mourn the loss of the "me" they knew before parenthood. They can mourn their "lost" youth and start struggling with the concept of their mortality. All kinds of things for a new dad to worry about. Their pain and concern should not be ignored.
Props to Erik for highlighting the fact that men can experience depression specifically relating to childbirth and newborns and all the issues that brings. Of course he couldn't experience the birth firsthand but he experienced it alongside you and I'm certain that brings it's own kind of trauma that should be acknowledged. I'm all for men talking about their feelings and inner experience. I'm a woman and I applaud it. I welcome it with open arms.
As a woman who's given birth twice, I totally understand what Erik was getting at. He didn't physically go through the c-section but like he said, it would be scary to watch the person you love go through it and the fear of something going wrong. Then the NICU experience would be hard on a father too. Those are all very traumatizing things! I hope he gets the opportunity to work through those feelings because they are just as valid.
I wouldn't compare their pain because obviously everything has pros and cons but from the sound of it, even though it was really difficult to see her babies in the NICU, Colleen got to see them every day. Imagine being Erik and having to look after Flynn knowing your other children are unwell and you can't see them as regularly and just have to accept updates. I'm not saying he had it worse, but he certainly didn't have it easy and I an imagine it was an immense emotional strain.
Not to mention every single day of the pregnancy when Colleen would cry and be basically bed ridden Erik had to be the comforter and make her feel better which is just as mentally and emotionally taxing. And he pretty much took over caring for Flynn while she would be crying in her room. So he had both his inconsolable wife and his toddler to care for. Then seeing what he saw at the hospital and not being able to visit the babies in NICU as often....yeah his feelings are valid.
Stop worrying about what everyone else is going to think and listen to your husband and make him feel heard and help him through his struggles and feelings.
I agree! Though I bet her reaction is linked to anxiety and since the camera was rolling her mind got worried about the possible negative reaction. (I get a similar feeling when being open on the internet and I don't have any following lol) Something tells me she is much more supportive to him in private.
@@darbydeer6684 if she’s THAT worried about a reaction, she should of turned the camera off and had a private discussion with her husband about how he felt.
I completely see Eriks POV. As someone who goes through all of the tough baby times except the act of giving birth, Im glad there is a term specific to men to show the struggle after a baby is born.
Agree. My husband had a harder time than I did when we had a rough delivery and NICU stay. He said it is such a hard experience to see things happening (like for me hemorrhaging and passing out) and all of his fears happening. It's just as real for them in their own way, too.
I've been telling my friends that my husband had worse postpartum depression than I did. We had a NICU baby but I got the euphoria from breastfeeding, while his mood totally bottomed out from all the work and no sleep involved in keeping a baby alive. Now that we've weaned, my depression and has been emerging while his is slowly healing.
I think this is the kind of thing that makes men not express themselves, it's important to see both sides of the coin, even if Erik has not given birth or has not experienced the pain of the C-section and the pain of recovery He went through a lot watching you suffer. Men please express yourself. It's good to see the comments with a lot of constructive criticism, we have to be more supportive among all despite the fact that our experiences as humans are different or the causes of our sadness are not the same. We love you Colleen and Erik.
I was actually kind of excited to hear about Erik’s side of things, just for Colleen to completely miss the point and dismiss him. This is why dads don’t speak up and it’s soo sad.
I truly felt bad for Erik. She belittled him about how he’s feeling and then it's edited. AND watched it back to approve it! If I saw myself speaking like that to my husband I would be so embarrassed and immediately apologize. Erik was just trying to find a word to explain what he felt after having more kids. It's a huge life change.
I agree, but lets also keep in mind where Colleen is speaking from. She has struggled so much and still is! Had she not been in this situation I feel like she would completely understand Erik.
Erik just wanted to be validated that it can be serious for dads too. Too often dad's issues are forgotten about, because they're supposed to man-up, but his whole life has changed as well, went through the emotional trauma right alongside you through surgery, feeling helpless and scared, nicu stays, sleepless night, still having to work, and worrying about you. He doesn't have a vlog to share his fears with. So often dad's get the short end of the stick and are expected to be rocks, without any concern for their mental health. I wonder if Erik would be willing to talk to the vlog for a few minutes about his journey. Just like you keep it real for mamas. It would be super helpful for dads to feel less alone and more validated in their feelings.
100% i love your take on him not having a vlog to vent to. Erik should make something for dad’s out there. I guarantee so many dad’s would really love his journey and look to it for guidance
I love this idea. He does talk a lot in the podcasts but I struggle to consume large content, I always get distracted and move onto the next thing, so I don't listen to it.
Yes! My husband developed PPD. He struggled semi silently for months before I sat down to talk about my own struggles he opened up, got thr help he needed! 🥰 #dadscanhavePPDtoo
Oh man, this is sad. I can’t imagine trying to open up to my spouse about what I was dealing with, just to be minimized. “You just needed a word, you can have a word.” The amount of disrespect is awful to witness. When I was at my lowest, it took a lot of courage to talk about not being okay. I needed support and validation. This is shameful.
this type of disrespect is known to me. i used to not respect my boyfriend like this and i realized this happens a lot in relationships where usually the man gives his all to the woman and becomes truly the most perfect man, a rock for his significant other. it’s a nasty habit to overlook your boyfriend/husband like this and definitely needs some internal work for the significant other to undo
To me it was completely unacceptable and shameful. I live with mental illness every day which is invalidated constantly by family. But something as intense as post part of that comes from an extremely traumatic birth seeing your daughter not alive and then dealing with the NICU are all very valid causes for ptsd, depression and, conscious or subconscious trauma. Never ever invalidate someone who reaches out to you about their feelings. Look up the suicide rates of people who don't receive support. This isn't a way for a healthy relationship to function. And I feel like Eric puts in a hundred and fifty billion percent and she puts in like 10 towards their relationship.
@@jenniwilliams3295 ma’am you’re literally under every single comment bashing Colleen to no end. You’re clearly projecting your own traumas onto Colleen.
Erik's feelings are certainly valid. He doesn't have the hormonal changes that occur in a woman's body after giving birth, but he is going through a huge adjustment in his life and is struggling to cope with the adjustment. Adjustment disorder is actually in the DSM for these exact circumstances, as well as PTSD considering what he witnessed while you were giving birth and the trauma of the NICU journey. And regardless of diagnoses, simply stating that he is struggling with the newborn stage is completely valid and understandable.
@ROBINKELLYJEAN you said what I was thinking! 😉💜 @skippykipper101 & @rmock I think Adjustment Disorder and PPD (paternal) are BOTH great starting points for a r/o dx … could be a bit of either - or both! Though good to remember that we are not dx’ing, just discussing. Love the knowledge and respectful discourse in this thread! 💕 And, of course, holding the best for Colleen & fam in our hearts, whatever that looks like for them✨
@@SugarRhi yes, I completely agree that we're discussing and not diagnosing. I just wanted to share some possibilities that exist for Erik since he seems to be looking for a name to what he's feeling. I hope he is able to feel comfortable to seek out a therapist if he feels he needs to
I feel you’d get super upset if you tried explaining your feelings to erik and he just smiled and smirked at you and was like yeah okay... I think that’s kinda how you made him feel. He experienced the same trauma just in different ways. Please let him know he’s heard and his feelings are valid. He deserves it. ♥️
Everyone’s feelings are valid. It really hurts to see how you couldn’t be there for Erick when he was trying to find comfort from you. Especially after how he has been there to validate your feelings every step of the way. I hope going forward you change your actions and words. Everyone deserves to have validation in their feelings even if you don’t understand.
@@iluvzurara2 He did seem sarcastic when he said "thank you for justifying my feelings" after she said he cant have ppd so I can see how that would come off as wanting comfort for the way he felt.
knowing how extremely supportive Erik has been throughout colleen's pregnancies and other struggles, it makes me really sad to watch colleen roll her eyes at Erik's feelings and invalidate him.
I'm so happy to see these comments all validating Erik's feelings. I'm sure he doesnt read any of these but I hope its passed on to him how much people understand and appreciate his emotions.
I think Erik is making extremely valid points, even if just out of curiosity. Postpartum doesn't have to necessarily mean the person suffering from depression was the parent that gave birth; rather, it's just a time period after birth, as Colleen said herself. And although the chemicals caused by giving birth don't happen in the father, the stresses of watching a loved one go through the process and also adapting to having a new human in the family can cause intense feelings in fathers that are just as valid. "Daddy blues" is really quite dismissive, and it's unfair -- men have feelings too.
Colleen….. I’m usually a quiet fan. Have been for years. Erik is laughing it off, but he is trying to express that he’s not okay just like you’re not okay.
Colleen girl as someone who is a huge advocate for so many people and their feelings around parenthood please empathize and realize he’s telling you he’s not in the best boat either right now. Yes it’s different for men but we still need to listen and be aware of how they feel, otherwise what’s the point. He’s needing support maybe not as much as you or all women who give birth, but it still needs to be validated. Love to you both
I agree with Morrigan on this. Men do get the baby blues. They don’t give birth but their life’s changes too. Both parents have to make adjustments and support each other and their feelings. I like the term daddy blues. Babies bring lots of changes to a couple and having twins and a toddler is a lot of work. So both parents are worm out .
i just saw someone comment that erik saw his daughter lifeless, not breathing, and had to watch the doctors revive her.. i mean that alone is traumatic, but then they had to go through the NICU experience and be away from their babies on top of that, among so many other things. i think erik feelings are valid and i understand why he’s asking the questions he’s asking, and i think it’s important to talk about because fathers go through PPD just like mothers
Oh man, I lowkey felt suuuper anxious towards the end & realized I had to pause and reflect on what was making me shake my leg furiously and making my heart beat fast & it was that Colleen was invalidating Erik’s feelings of wanting to find a coined term for father’s anxiety & depression, similar to women. Obviously men don’t go through physical labor, but his struggles with being there every step of the way were still valid. He also had really valid questions about why everything post-partum is typically correlated to negative things like anxiety, depression, etc. Why not post-partum glow, giggles, etc. I guess just the euphoria thing Colleen mentioned was also a thing, but not as often shared. Super interesting overall!
Same :( the more time passes the more it seems like he needs some help or intervention with what he’s going through and Colleen tends to minimize it because it may not be as traumatic as her experience
Has noone watched the TikTok of the poor father holding his newborn baby while blankly staring off into space because he had no clue whether his wife was alive or not? Eriks thoughts and feelings are valid. Fathers go through something, I couldn't imagine the tug-of-war of emotions watching your most loved person going throught childbirth to bring a baby into the world. Aww Colleen... Your reaction was less than satisfactory.
Colleen, you can't dismiss Erik's feelings like that. Do you know how hard it is for him to put on a smile and cook you dinner at 1 in the morning as you cry over feeding the babies? He has had to put it a lot of extra work as you struggle, and that can be physically and mentally exhausting. Please listen to Erik. Just because you struggled doesn't mean you can claim you have it worse.
She didn't dismiss his feelings? She acknowledged how hard it is for him too and was mostly just saying the term Postpartum Depression doesn't apply to men.. which is doesn't. But it's 100% valid for him to feel depressed considering how much they're both having to deal with right now.
It's really frustrating to watch Colleen belittle Erik and his pain or experiences. If he even remotely says anything to her that's off then she verbally lashes out for extensive periods of time. Erik has such a loving, gentle heart and it's evident that he feels very passionately about his family. For Colleen to dismiss his experience in anything is just hard to watch. She did this during their podcast when he was having severe back pain and Colleen chimed in with saying her thumb hurts. I know they might think it's funny but as a fan and a viewer, it's really hard to watch.
It’s just super unfortunate because she’s allowed to complain in every vlog about every problem she’s experiencing- but as soon as he expresses similar feelings it’s invalid and a cause for eye-rolls? Just because Eric may not be the type of guy to complain about every single inconvenience, doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel these struggles
I’m very proud of Erik for speaking up about how he is feeling. We should continue to not only allow but encourage men or anyone for that matter to express what they are feeling and have an open discussion about difficult emotions!
Colleen reading OUT LOUD "Post partum depression in dads is real and just as serious" and then rolling her eyes... During no part of this convo did Eric say he wants post partum depression. He specifically said that he KNOWS he can't use that term. All he wanted was a word to describe what he is feeling- and "depression" itself wasn't it. He feels the post-having a traumatic experience with seeing and helping your wife give birth to your twins and then seeing them get taken away, not knowing if they're okay-depression. He's going through the same CURRENT situations as Colleen, sleeplessness, stress, depression, etc, and he just wants a term to describe his feelings the way "post partum depression" describes colleens. He did not give birth, but he was right next to you. Might not have been "as traumatic" for him as it was for you, but that does NOT make it any less valid of a trauma. "Sitting next to someone in a full body cast does not make your broken arm any less broken." Very disappointed at the eye-rolling and invalidating. Constant "you can't claim that word. You just have depression." Paternal ppd is a real and valid thing. If Eric identifies with that, LET HIM. if he doesn't, his feelings of post-"not giving birth but experiencing everything that follows" depression is still valid. The lengths I have to go though to not use "post-birth/partum" in the way Colleen obviously exclusively accepts it... yikes. Very disappointed in Colleens reactions in this vlog. :/
RIGHT! So weird that she read that he can also have PPD but still rolled her eyes as if it's bs. And then straight after STILL told him he couldn't call it ppd.
Did Colleen learn nothing from the comments on the last relax podcast? She’s not even listening to Eric saying that he’s depressed. She thinks only she can can be depressed postpartum and no one else, man or woman. Watching someone go through a traumatic surgery, having children in the NICU, sleep deprivation, anxiety and stress of having newborn twins and a toddler… he’s going to also have some emotions about it. It’s not ONLY hard for the mother.
I’m a NICU nurse and I see postpartum depression often in moms, but it happens a lot with dads too. There’s usually an expectation in both the mother and the father of how childbirth is supposed to go vs how it actually happens - especially within the NICU. Usually parents picture this big moment where baby is placed on moms chest and you can bond as a family right then after baby is born. But seeing your babies being taken away from you shortly after birth and placed in an isolette in their own room where it’s usually dark and quiet, lots of alarms going off and wires connected to baby, and you really don’t have much of an idea of what is going on - it’s scary for both mom and dad. A lot of people don’t even know NICUs exist! There’s a lot of emotions and dads are usually the ones to keep it bottled up. He went through mostly the same things you did, just with a completely different perspective. Those postpartum feelings are felt between both parents as expectations change and emotions are high.
I am a psych nurse, and there is definitely a form of depression that can effect fathers after the birth of their baby/babies. It is a real thing, and it can be quite debilitating. I admire Erick for being able to admit that he is also struggling. Sadly, sometimes the father’s feelings are forgotten after childbirth. It may be helpful to seek out a counselor that works with just him alone so that he can get the support he needs. As for Colleen, it would be nice if she could at least try to understand her husband’s feelings. Dismissing him had to be very hurtful for him. Since Colleen likes to google things, she may like to try “Borderline Personality Disorder”. Her therapist can assist her with that if she even goes to therapy anymore.
I don't think I've ever commented on one of your videos before, BUT I hope you read all these comments because I don't think any woman would be upset at the fact that a Dad can most certainly experience postpartum depression and you literally looked it up in front of him and confirmed it is an actual thing men go through. It came off as very dismissive of Erik's struggle. I wish the best for both of you during both of your postpartum struggles.
@@robinbrown7953 That's what is bothering me so much. The constant eye roll and scuffing. It would've been so great if after reading that PPD is also acknowledged for men Colleen changed her attitude and listened to him, but she kept emphasizing that because he didn't give birth it can't apply to him. So annoying.
I would like to hear more about Eric’s experience and feelings he is going through. Between your rough pregnancy, rougher birth, anguish of the nicu, and then the overwhelm of the twins plus Flynn’s needs. Maybe he can talk about this - seriously - on Relax. As he said he wasn’t looking for equivalence, but I do think he’s pretty fried. Please encourage him to talk about it.
Yeah, I would like to hear his experience too, we don't get enough of the dads experience that could maybe help other dads going through the same thing.
I think he should have another father his own or a friend that has kids too and Colleen should not be part of the podcast that day that the men should get to freely Express themselves without being laughed at or berated.
I hope that Erik gets the help that he deserves and needs. It must be horrific to see the woman you love go through something so difficult (pregnancy and childbirth). He too is taking care of the children which must be so so so hard. Good on him for speaking out💞
Yet again, just like the Euphoria podcast, Colleen invalidates Erik’s experience just because it’s different than hers. Your husband reached out to you saying that he’s struggling and you roll your eyes at him. Men CAN have postpartum depression. And you took that from him and told him he’s complaining and gave a “as per usual” when he, what, talks about his feelings? His struggle doesn’t matter less because it’s different than yours. That goes for literally any human. YOU’RE making so many women angry, Colleen.
OMG that podcast made me soooo mad. I even found myself yelling at her “just because you didn’t experience that it doesn’t mean is not real!!” And makes me sad that when she tried to apologize and explain herself, she said she was behaving that way because she wanted to tease Erik. I do not buy for a second that she cannot tell the difference between having a friendly banter with your spouse and actually noticing when he’s being serious and he’s talking about real issues .
@@KarlaGarcia-of7rh The first time, okay. I probably don’t understand your relationship dynamic. But a second time? And about depression? I’m getting a bit concerned…
This. One hundred percent. When we experience trauma and someone else shares their trauma with us, sometimes it can trigger us, because we feel like we are being invalidated, but someone else’s trauma does not invalidate yours. Please hear this and learn from it Colleen.
I think when parenting it’s important to not compare each other’s struggles but to uplift each other…it’s like anything in the world, somebody will always have it worse but that doesn’t mean the way they feel should be completely dismissed. Comparing does nothing in the end imo everyone is human and has their own perspective
AGREE. i love colleen and erik but they always seem to be comparing each other's pain and arguing over who has/had it worse. i especially noticed it with the wisdom teeth/pregnancy thing. i think what colleen should have explained is that PPD is something that can often (but not always) be related to hormone changes in a women's body, but erik being depressed after having babies is still just as real and valid! (:
@@cassiefrericks4387 maybe not though…bc Colleen might not being seeing from the perspective Erik needs and maybe she can learn or understand better from the comments… Colleen is human and is going through her own things and she maybe overlooking Erik’s struggles… reading our comments might bring light..
Colleen, don't invalidate his feelings. Nobody is gonna get mad at him for saying he has ppd. Dads also struggle. They don't understand our actual pregnancy struggles but they definitely do for post partum.
The fact that she even suggested people would be mad at him is troubling to me tbh. Like it’s actually recognized by doctors that men can have PPD. It’s really sad that she is invalidating him like this when, from what we see and she tells us, he does everything to help her manager her own struggles. Even the title and emoji on this video pisses me off because it’s like she thinks it’s a joke.
@@categ3 I think that she is feeling a little self conscious about her diagnosis herself. If she can’t blame it on the hormones from pregnancy, it’s just another reason to feel less than. I don’t think she actually thinks that way I just think she is exhausted and it was a reactive comment. I am expecting tears in the tortilla talk tomorrow and I hope she doesn’t worry too much about this.
@@TheElizabifano frrrr I’m stressed about the video tomorrow. Even so, a lot of the comments make very valid points and needed to be pointed out, if even just for other viewers to read. Hopefully this can be a learning experience for us all, as I’m sure it will be for both Erik and Colleen.
I never comment, But girl, this was horrible to watch. Eric has been there for you every step of the way through this pregnancy and now he’s not allowed to have trauma from seeing you be cut open, his baby born purple and the massive life changes that have taken place? He may not have experienced it the same way you did, but to completely invalidate his feelings is just not fair. Update; Im honestly disappointed at the fact that Colleen hasn’t even addressed this vlog and our concerns and its been 5 days… 😵💫
I think Eric’s points are fair. I’ve also noticed in your podcasts you often interrupt him and make him feel like what he has to say isn’t important or valid and don’t really let him speak. I don’t think you’re trying to be mean or hurtful but I can see that he’s struggling. Nobody’s perfect and what you’ve gone through is incredibly hard. But you guys need to have a chat and be super open with one another and really respect each other’s feelings ❤️
Literally no one is mad at Erik. He is the most open minded, caring human I think I’ve ever seen on the internet. And for you to invalidate his emotions and feelings is really unfortunate. It’s almost like you only care and preach about the importance of mental health when it pertains to you. Becoming less and less impressed with your behavior.
You literally laughed and looked like you were going to gag when you read the term “daddy blues”. How do you expect your assigned* male children to grow up acknowledging and respecting their emotions? WHY DO YOU KEEP CUTTING OFF YOUR HUSBAND?! IT’S CONSTANT. And quit mocking him! Jesus
Colleen, Erik’s feelings are completely valid, just because he didn’t go through the pregnancy or birth in the same way you did doesn’t mean he can’t have trauma from it. Imagine coming up on a plane crash and seeing all of that chaos and god knows what else, you’d have some PTSD seeing that, now imagine someone on the plane saying to you “ your feelings don’t matter because you weren’t actually on the plane” and rolling their eyes at your trauma. You can have different perspectives of the same traumatic event and it be traumatizing for all nonetheless. Erik absolutely has a right to share his feelings and be validated and I hope that someday he will have that.
I find it very hypocritical of you to want your son to feel safe expressing his emotions without being shutdown, yet when Eric tries to express his perfectly valid emotions you shun him for it and try to diminish the weight of his issues. If you say you want men to be able to cry and share their feelings without shame then wouldn't it be reasonable for it to start with your husband? He's not claiming he went through what you went through with your childbirth, he is expressing the way it affected him to WATCH you go through that. It's obvious to see how much he cares for you so of course it would affect him mentally to see you go through that. He's is also going through the same struggles you're having. I don't think it's fair to discount his mental health by saying your mental health struggles are bigger. It most certainly isn't fair to roll your eyes at him for trying to seek comfort in you.
Erik absolutely can have postpartum depression. Honestly, I think any father in his shoes would have it. He witnessed his wife being basically cut in half in an emergency surgery.. only to see his newborn daughter born blue and not breathing, yet still had to maintain so not to upset Colleen. Talk about hormone raging.. he had adrenaline and cortisol coursing through his body from the second Colleen announced her water broke... only to have several other traumas to keep elevating them. Then of course, trying to find a balance of keeping things as normal as possible for Flynn, whilst terrified about twins health and wife's physical and mental status. Its no secret that Erik does more than the lions share of childcare. We've all seen it, we all know he's the main caregiver. He's juggling 2 infants and a very energetic, time-demanding toddler. Plus helping Colleen with work related things AND doing the podcast. That's a LOT on anyone's plate. Erik looks exhausted most of the time. He's said he's lucky to get in a quick shower. Colleen still has time and energy to put on makeup. That alone is very telling. Bottom line, anyone someone experiences a trauma, the brain chemistry gets altered. Sometimes it's regulates itself back to normal, sometimes it requires medical help to normalize. Colleen, you can't roll your eyes at Erik's feelings. They are HIS feelings, his trauma, his post partum depression. It's just as valid as yours. The deeper a person loves and feels, the harder traumatic events hit and longer they stay with a person. It's not a competition. You BOTH can have post partum depression or anxiety. I wish neither of you did and I pray it gets better for the both of you!
Rolling your eyes at your husband who is telling you that they’re struggling with postnatal depression and invalidating his struggles rather than listening and offering support, is honestly really sad and shocking to see. He didn’t carry these babies, but he watched his partner go through a traumatic birth, he was in the NICU everyday just like you, he is tired and exhausted from having newborns at home, his whole life has changed just like yours has, all while juggling being a fun and happy parent to Flynn. This isn’t to invalidate your PPD Colleen, but it does mean you need to educate yourself. Look into depression in fathers, look into male suicide rates and try not to perpetrate archaic patriarchal ideologies like “men don’t get sad like women” or “men are tougher than women” etc. That’s not what a feminist would do!
You're completely right a feminist isn't out to invalidate male feelings. It makes you just as bad as men who look down on women. The whole toughen up youre a man. You can't be depressed postpartum. They can and when not supported and not held there are some terrifying stories out there. It saddens me that she could have used this platform to create a discussion about male mental health following traumatic births and the NICU both are scientifically proven but have such a huge stigma in America. And instead of trying to get rid of the stigma she made it worse.
Erik is being clear about feeling somewhat depressed after having the babies. Listen to him and make sure he knows his feelings are valid. Even though he didn’t go through the whole process you did, it still isn’t easy for him too.
@@cassiefrericks4387 I agree. I kinda feel like it was kinda made into a joke and not really taken seriously. He may not have actually had the babies but that doesn’t mean he’s not struggling
agreed!! i feel so bad, she totally invalidated his feelings. he watched the woman he loves literally almost die trying to birth their children. that has to do something to your head. i love you and your vids colleen, but you did not handle this correctly.
@@samantha.maul523 right and to be fair, towards the end of the vlog she said they will be continuing the discussion. I’m sure she probably felt that Erik would want to talk about it more in depth in private.
This is actually toxic. He was there for every step of the pregnancy and birth and the nicu. You get on TH-cam and cry almost everyday about what you go through which we’ve been supportive the whole time, but when Erik tries to express himself and he gets told he’s wrong and you roll your eyes at him and don’t take him seriously. You always do this in the podcasts as well
Yes absolutely! That's the word I was looking for to describe it, her behaviour is disgustingly toxic, especially for someone who reaches out for so much sympathy with her own emotions and struggles!
I suffered postpartum depression as an adoptive Mama. It has nothing to do with the physical birth giving. It’s different but the depression comes from things not going the way you hoped and/or expected. It was terrible and it is a real thing.
It's wonderful that Erik tries to communicate his feelings instead of suffering in silence. PPD is absolutely something men experience. Although having children is such a blessing, he's undoubtedly been through an emotional trauma. Lack of sleep, trying hard for everyone else, supporting colleen etc.. he's a champ.
I don’t think any woman is upset with what Erik said . Colleen he listens to your thoughts and feelings maybe try and understand where he’s coming from and be there for him . He went through a traumatic time when you gave birth and saw you in pain so he should have the right to claim ppd . We hear you Erik and I’m sure so many dads are going through the same thing ❤️. I give birth in July to a baby girl so I don’t have that experience yet with me and my husband.
Yes. I experienced a traumatic c-section and while my experience is my own, my husband has his own trauma from having to witness it, having to leave his wife alone in recovery, having to meet his son for the first time hooked up to so many scary machines. Erik's trauma and depression is valid and doesn't take away from Colleen's. It isn't a competition. Colleen talks a lot about toxic masculinity and breaking gender norms. Erik shouldn't be discouraged from voicing his feelings.
@@coolkid08 yes I totally agree !! He respects her thoughts and feelings . I can only imagine how she would act and feel if she was trying to tell him her feelings and if he would rolled his eyes she would be upset and furious. He always supports her and has been there for everything. It all comes down to understanding and respecting your partners feelings and stand by their side when their going through a hard time .
@@georgia673 yes very traumatizing !! He let Colleen have her space and tried to help her when she was upset and overwhelmed . Now I think it should be his turn and for him to focus on his feeling and get help . ❤️ he’s such a good dad and helps out so much , she is truly lucky to have someone that is that hands on with his own kids .
Depression is depression. Doesn’t matter which kind. One doesn’t outweigh another. Someone going through mentally challenging things should never be discredited. I see Erik consoling you all the time, Colleen. You should return the favor. You both are going through it. Talk about your feelings together and console each other. Never gloss over another one’s pain. ❤️
Erik expressing his struggles and you invalidating them bc he’s not a woman and used the “wrong verbiage” is kind of heartbreaking. He is also going through the same journey. It also feels like a conversation that should have happened in private. I love you both but I feel like there’s some better communication that needs to happen there 🖤 I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for you both.
For someone like you Colleen who constantly searches for sympathy about almost everything, it was really unnerving to watch you roll your eyes at Eric’s very valid questions and concerns about something as heavy as mental health. I’m a mother of 5 and my husband very well went through all the traumas of pregnancy birth and newborn transition periods right along with me, who in their right mind would be angry with Eric for his emotions and feelings?? He’s been an AMAZING support for you and we all see it, at least offer the same to him
I wish I could upvote this a hundred million times. I cannot believe how little care she shows for him here. It’s such a bad take for someone who constantly posts about mental health struggles and challenges to do shit like this. I hope that Erik gets the support he clearly needs.
I think that’s why, as a society, men have a hard time expressing their emotions.. Because they’re men and they’re wired to “toughen up” and “suck it up” as boys. That crying is for “girls” and showing emotion is weakness. It’s all bull crap, and the suicidal rate in men is horrifying because they’re shamed for having human emotions. I’m glad Erik is speaking up that men should have their feelings about postpartum validated too!
I agree. I wish Colleen would've had a better attitud towards his feelings instead of emphasizing over and over that beacuse he didn't give birth Post Partum depression doesn't apply to him.
@@maddygrace17 you're right... and it bothered me even more when Erik tried to explain that his feelings weren't like a general depression but thet could be related to the birth and the babies and Colleen said that he's just looking for a "cool name" and laughed.... even after she read that Paternal Postpartum Depression is a real thing, she didn't change her attitude.
I still don’t understand how you could keep on saying things like “you cannot say you have daddy blues“ “you can’t claim postpartum depression” “it’s depression you can just say depression” to Erik AFTER you googled it and found out about paternal postpartum depression/daddy blues being very much real and a legit condition affecting many young fathers.
I felt really disappointed in Colleen’s response to Erik in this vlog. It is hard for any one to come to terms with feelings of depression or PTSD, and to be validated by someone you love/who loves you, can be the first step to getting help and feeling safe to share more about their feelings and experiences. Colleen did not create a safe space for Erik, in my opinion, and I hope he can seek out what he needs despite Colleen’s inability to tolerate something deep that is going on for her husband and the father of her children. A healthy dad is just as important as a healthy mom.
I want to say that a few minutes of a video does not equate to deep emotional intolerance in a marriage, or imply that eric isn't getting help or in a supportive enivorment. I'm sure if there was and is a larger issue they would have thse disucssions off camera
I'm in 100% agreement. I have an education in psychology. Her response could have been damaging. She invalidated his feelings and made fun of him. There's so many studies that have proven that the PTSD and trauma caused by an emergency birth and seeing your baby not breathe and then dealing with the NICU for an extended period. They are all valid reasons for being depressed most certainly and they should not be rudely dismissed
@@laurenkraushaar7913 Just want to say that Colleen has a history of exploiting others at their expense for the sake of putting out content. She isn’t an exception from other creators on the platform who have documented and posted what should be private moments. I think creators who post as regularly as Colleen have a hard time remembering the difference. Thank you for your comment.
RELAX Colleen and listen to your husband and don’t think about what others think … his questions were all normal and valid and as he said he wasn’t trying to compare himself to you or any other women but you were.
my husband experienced extreme postpartum anxiety after I gave birth to our son. pregnancy quite literally almost killed me and it was traumatic for both of us. I experienced some of the same defensiveness that Colleen is expressing here - feeling that my husband couldn't possibly understand, that it wasn't "as bad" for him. but over time, I had to adjust my thinking and actions and realize that he needed support too. He went through something really difficult too. And even if it wasn't "as bad" as what I experienced, his struggle was real and valid. I'm proud of Erik for speaking up about this.
do you think the person you’re married to appreciates your complete and utter dismissal of his emotions when he’s trying to confide in you? probably not. and frankly, neither do any of your viewers, who sat here and watched you cry every day for months and gave you nothing but support. this was difficult to watch, as erik’s concerns are completely valid and you couldn’t give him the courtesy of showing him any kind of sympathy.
I feel like Eriks feelings are so valid! Its so upsetting to see that you are just shrugging off his feelings while hes actually trying to tell you all of the huge trauma he went through seeing the one he loves being cut open and being so upset afterwards while being upset himself. I think you should really listen to him and show the world on your huge platform that men have completely valid feelings too.
I totally get what Erik is saying that he wants to be able to label his feelings that are specifically related to being a father of a newborn, while he may not go through the physical changes like a woman, it is totally valid for him to have an emotional reaction that is based on childbirth - he might be feeling helpless and anxious and it's more than just everyday life so a general label like "depression" doesn't seem fitting enough to the situation.
Eric most definitely can experience postpartum depression not just Colleen just because she gave birth. Many adoptive parents, step parents, and fathers alike can experience this considering the only difference is you having given birth. He always respects her feelings and all of her diagnosis, but god for bid he experience postpartum depression. His feelings are never respected like she expects him to to hers. Men postpartum is a real thing and we should respect the trauma endured during childbirth.
That’s what I was thinking too. She’s so critical of him and any mental health issues he goes trough and just dismisses him entirely but got forbid he tries to relate to her like this is wisdom teeth (if you watch the podcast) or opening up about his depression and her fear of being canceled and her trying to be overt radical feminist makes her look like such a jerk to him
Even after she looked it up and found information about paternal postpartum depression being real, she still told him he can't claim it. Kind of a shitty thing to do to your partner when he's opening up about how he's feeling.
@@caseyhansen4467 with the wisdom teeth he was trying to relate because that was something traumatic he went through. Same with his back pain he had recently! She's always undermining him and it really makes me sad for him!
This was really hard to watch. She asked him repeatedly for a question and when he asked a really good one and expressed himself, she called the question silly and kept laughing. Like??? How can you belittle your life partner like that?
We support you Erik! Speak your truth of what you experienced and are going through it is very valid. That was great to hear your side of what you’re experiencing 💚
If men aren’t able to express their feelings and emotions to their partners without feeling shut down or invalidated, then terms like Paternal Post-partum Depression will continue to have a stigma around them. I agree with everything Erik said and I don’t feel angry at all. He went through something extremely traumatic and deserves a specific term for his type of depression that he’s going through. PPD is real and valid!!
The fact that he is expressing this is huge and must be taken seriously, or he will think it’s wrong to have feelings too… he is valid in feeling that way. When validating someone we don’t talk about ourselves during and why our problem is bigger, we sit with them and hold space. ❤️
Eric likely has some PTSD. He watched you go through a very stressful experience and seeing that pain can cause serious repercussions for a viewer of pain. (I went through a serious illness that my husband reacted to strongly). Give him some room to feel! Love you too!
Amen! I have PTSD from WORKING in the hospital. Its traumatic seeing someone you love go through a hard, quick, and life threatening thing like an emergency C-section. They weren't fun to watch either. Hang in there Erik❤
I am currently pregnant and a mom and Erik you can absolutely claim postpartum depression. No anger from me here. Being a parent to a newborn is 💩 and it's hard and exhausting. Even in our parents generation many dad's just peaced out and didn't do much of the newborn care- their routines and nights weren't disrupted. Especially for men who step up and make personal sacrifices for their family (like Erik has done taking time off from acting ect) I think this is a totally valid thing.
![ทางเดินชีวิต - ธีเดช ทองอภิชาติ x อ.ไข่ มาลีฮวนน่า [Official MV]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/1f3wcG16dd4/mqdefault.jpg)
I really feel that Erik was trying to express that he is having a hard time too. Very valid and needs to be acknowledged. Watching someone you love battle the pain of pregnancy, a traumatic birth, children in the NICU, sleeplessness, a wife with anxiety and depression, and trying to be an upbeat and fun dad for Flynn; that is a lot for anyone to have to handle and stay mentally balanced. Love to you both.
except they have a ton of privilege to work at home, have the money to get everything delivered, have nannies, etc. i don’t buy the “it’s so hard!” bullshit
@@AaronAtkinsHonorableChairman they can still have problems even if they are successful
I want to clarify that I was not in anyway trying to be mean or judgemental towards Colleen. I love and respect, both her and Erik.
@@sherriblack1570 youre afraid shes gonna read this and say "sherri black is not as loyal as i thought! i have no choice but to continue not knowing she exits."
I agree. Unfortunately whether she meant to or not I think Coleen came across as extremely dismissive in her response.
I am a perinatal mental health therapist and all parenting individuals (I.e. adoptive parents, surrogate parents, fathers, etc) are at risk for postpartum depression. It’s something that isn’t talked about enough but is very real. It’s just called postpartum depression. So Erik could very likely have postpartum depression as well as you. Just FYI!
This!❤️🙏🏼
Thank you for sharing!!! Love this comment❤
Thank you for sharing!
@@s.melonita4454 I’m just glad she posted this video because the comments are so validating for Erik. I really hope she sees these comments as coming from a place of recognition and appreciation for her husband and not as an attack on what she doesn’t know. We all get to learn new things! I hope this helps her!
This!!!!! We need to be so much more validating of the male or partner experience. Just because they didnt cardy the baby does NOT mean that their experience is invalid, laughable, or not real.
Colleen, don’t forget that Erik saw his baby girl blue and purple and not breathing upon being born. I cannot imagine how tragic that was. Wishing you both the best through this journey
^ this. Erik experienced actual trauma, as did Colleen but in a different way. Your brain is literally altered by trauma and takes time to heal. Colleen needs to acknowledge Erik also experienced trauma.
@Natalie K not true, she’s donating hundreds of thousands of dollars to people with cancer
@@dkfkf6720 what’s your problem? We got a tiny snippet of one conversation you didn’t like between these married people, and your reaction is to conclude she doesn’t care at all for her partner? A lot of this comment section has come off as well meaning but patronising to me, not letting Colleen take a beat to understand something she’d never heard of and explaining her husband’s trauma to her, but this comment is just mean.
@@dkfkf6720 yall psychopathic
@@dkfkf6720 as someone who has watched Colleen for years and watched her go through everything, she has countlessly stuck up for women and men going through traumatic times! She’s showed in multiple videos how both Colleen and Eric support each other during these journeys (and if you watch their podcast you see this countless times of her literally asking his side and his feelings for an episode to show that dads have it hard to!!)
No one is perfect and we all say somethings wrong and when she notices she’s said things wrong or upset anyone she learns from it and speaks on it and apologises. That’s all we can ask from someone who is literally learning life with us.. and so publicly!
If people saw mine and my boyfriends conversations as openly as we see theirs our words would get pulled out left right and centre too!
The one thing that makes it hard to see is when people like yourself pick up on one little thing they’ve seen and run with it and don’t look at the rest of the picture (with that we only see the tiniest snippets of there life) eric is also private and we don’t see when Colleen helps and supports him when he is down!
If she read your comments it can hurt, it can cause more stress when they have enough of that. So please please please take abit more into consideration and don’t comment on things you don’t know enough about ! Thanks
I really liked the way Erik advocated for himself as a father and for many men out there that are going through what he went through, he kept saying “There has to be a term” and there is! Although Colleen really didn’t want to search the term on Google, Im really glad she did. She was able to learn as well. Trauma is Trauma whether you’re the mother or father, you just go through it differently.
Thank you Erik for being brave, for standing up to your feelings and Thank you to Colleen for posting this and having his voice be heard.
@@xoRawritsBeckyxo I think reading the comments she will understand how to handle this situation better now! They said in another vlog that there is a "mom community" but there isn't a "father community". And we know Colleen is a part of some mom groups, and those can be, as she pointed out, extremely exclusionary. So while she is critical of some things that she reads, I think what happened here is that she internalized some of it. Thats why she was "mocking being angry at him" because she thought that was what the reaction of the moms watching this video would be. All in all I didn't see Erik getting upset about the way she was treating him, and we get to see Colleen learning how to deal with this things too. I like that she does make mistakes and she learns and then corrects herself. Other mom vloggers are always trying to be perfect but Colleen seems more human this way.
She dismissed his feelings even after reading that they were legitimate. And it should be known and they usually tell you when you leave that the nicu experience tends to leave you with PTSD, trauma, and depression.
@@sossyedits I think there needs to be a somewhere in between. Dismissing your husband's feelings of depression and trauma and laughing about it are not cool. And there isn't much of a community for dads that is completely true there should definitely be groups for dads of the NICU.
@@jenniwilliams3295 ☆☆☆
As someone who had postpartum depression I’m not mad at Erik at all. He’s paving a way to normalize the fact that dads get depressed too. These are great conversations to have.
Big YES to your comment!
In fact maybe it should go more in depth on their podcast, I'm not a parent myself but I love knowing others perspectives thb!
As a ppd mom I do understand what she’s saying. She’s articulating it horribly but she’s mostly saying sure he can have it but it’s completely different. It’s different causes. One is hormones and physical trauma while the other is more emotion focused and sleep deprivation induced
Erik has a point, and a valid one. He is expressing his feelings, seeking her partner's validation. We must remember that men can suffer just like women, and maybe he is not going through the physical changes, but mental.
exactly. idk the way she was kinda shutting him down in a sense really bothered me. when my cousin and his gf had their son he definitely went through depression and what made it worse was that no one was uplifting him and his gf and the gf's family were just brushing him off.
I agree
Even then, he is still going through a load of physical changes with the sleeplessness, the lack of time to do anything for himself, the physical toll that mental stress takes on you, etc. No one's arguing that he's gone through more physically than her, it's just that it's not a competition and making comparisons is totally unnecessary. Everyone deserves to feel their pain without feeling like they're being compared to another person's pain, especially their life partner!
He OBVIOUSLY had a cheeky tone in his voice guys
@@wednesdaymess712 thank you!!
I’m so glad this entire comment section is advocating for Erik. I know we don’t know how the discussion went off camera, but what happened on camera was shocking and I’m truly surprised it was kept in the final cut of this vlog because of how invalidating it was, joking or not. It reminds me of the podcasts when Erik would try to relate to Colleen’s struggles with his own, and she’d react the same way. I love you, Colleen, but this always rubs me the wrong way and I’m really hopeful you’ll understand now.
Like when Erik was talking about how horrible his back pain was and Colleen kept talking about her thumb.
I get that they tease each other a lot but there have been a few moments when Erik is being serious and Colleen “appears” not to being able to tell the difference.
What else can Erik do but laugh? Is a coping mechanism, but man! He could use some help. I really hope they talk this out privately and some day we can hear Erik’s perspective without Colleen rolling her eyes and saying she has it worse.
Completely agree!! 💯
@@meredith8372 rolling her eyes and completely brushing him off is pretty much invalidating his feelings
@@sabor3541 I know! Are people not seeing the whole picture? In the end, we do not claim to know everything. However, she did say “I can’t believe I’m Googling this.” And it wasn’t even her idea, it was Erik who asked just after Colleen was attempting to wrap up the vlog. Again, don’t know the whole story, but I think Erik shouldn’t have had to ask.
@@KarlaGarcia-of7rh “appears” not to be able to tell the difference - this can be seen as being ableist on your part because you do realise that neurodivergent ppl suffer from being able to tell if someone is joking or not
this is the first time I've strongly disagreed with Colleen as a nurse. please don't roll your eyes and invalidate his feelings, the partner, male or female can ALSO go through postpartum depression. men and partners are allowed to have feelings too. They may not have been through the physical pregnancy however living with someone who is so upset, in so much pain and cries constantly is mental torture. it takes a long time to recover from that. the partner goes through equal levels of stress as the woman. he held your hand, was with you constantly and was able to keep afloat with all that sadness. he's a hero.
Extremely well put and thank you for your medical opinion. And I'm sure you will agree that NICU parents struggle way more afterwards both of them.
I agree!
THANK YOU! I feel sorry for Erick a lot, he's under so much pressure as the leader of his family. His feelings are just as valid as Colleens and I wish she wouldn't invalidate him so often. He is more than allowed to be stressed, depressed, sad, angry, whatever emotion he is feeling he is allowed to feel that. Just because he didn't give birth doesn't mean he isn't going through the same things as his wife. He's up with the baby's just as much as her, he takes care of Flynn the same amount but on top of that he has to take care of Colleen too. I hope he gets the help he needs
thank you for this
@@withsisu2324 agree with everything but "leader"? i dont think they would put it like that
I guess Erik would have his own experience in parenting and childbirth, and it’s important for dads to connect to those feelings. I’m sure it was traumatic watching you go through major surgery, and probably a little frustrating not being able ever fully understand or take away your pain. And that’s not to take away the burden of childbirth and motherhood, but just to recognize that dads do carry emotions into postpartum, even if they weren’t the ones who were pregnant.
She kept comparing his feelings to childbirth when that's not what he was trying to express to her at all. He was saying that men should have a term similar to postpartum depression because those experiences/emotions are not only felt by women, men can get it too. Why would that make women mad? If anything the way she kept arguing with him about it probably annoyed more people than what she was concerned about.
@@cynthiaperez5421 I agree that her projection of “what women feel” was coming from a misguided place but I don’t think she’s alone in that feeling either. I hope these comments are validating for Erik and that Colleen takes the replies on this video as an act of solidarity for her husband and not as an attack on her for not knowing. Feminism has a long way to go, and posting this video is a very BIG conversation starter to push us in the right direction.
situational depression, i think they need to educate themselves about situational depression?
I’ve seen my husband completely depressed whenever my disease flares up. His inability to help me leaves him hopeless and feeling useless.
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I don’t think any women are angry at Erik right now. Comparing pain is a slippery slope. We should NEVER be invalidating other people’s experiences, no matter how different they look to yours. You see the worst of your pain but you can’t see someone else’s depth of pain- there’s no reason for it.
I’m glad to see I’m not the only one who felt disappointed with Colleen’s reaction to Erik’s vulnerability. His feelings and experience are valid and he has been so strong and supportive towards her through her quarantine depression/anxiety, miscarriage, difficult pregnancies, and traumatic birth experiences and the nicu experience. He deserves validation and support as well.
☆☆☆
More than anything, I hope Erik gets to read these comments or gets to know his feelings are as valid as Colleen's
Partner trauma is very real and it's something that Colleen can't say she has, but Erik can. Colleen experienced her own childbirth trauma, but Erik experienced partner trauma. Both can have PTSD from the situation, but it's recognizing that while your pains are different (witnessing vs being the one going through it), they both stem from the same situation/place (i.e. the twins birth).
Very well said.
Yeah I forgot about this! He saw his baby come out limp and purple . That would mess anyone up.
Exactly. My husband had to watch me pass out after giving birth and not wake up for two rounds of smelling salts. To me I always felt safe and it was a great nap.. to him it was scary and he thought he was losing me.
Eric may not have the same hormonal upheavals, but he also experienced a very unique kind of trauma. As a woman, I have no problem with him saying he has postpartum depression. You experienced something unique and horrible, and he experienced something unique and horrible. His body just didn't go through the same thing. However, he may have felt even more helpless, only being able to watch this happen to those he loves.
Totally agree, partner trauma and depression after birth is very real and valid.
Men also experience a homronal shift postpartum and can be diagnosed with PPD.
@@aleesiauh I fully agree. Another angle maybe to consider is Colleen's competitive nature. She's spoken of it often. For some reason likely linked to her childhood, she must be the most tired, the hardest worker, the most upset, etc. Her dismissiveness of her first husband was extreme. She still carries dismissiveness toward her current husband although over the past 10 plus years, she's gotten so much better at pumping the brakes on this reaction that's instinctive or more likely compensatory on her part, but destructive and unhealthy regardless. I think she's a fascinating person and an even more fascinating psychological study.
I felt for him, as it seemed like she was just rolling her eyes at him.
@@aleesiauh she does mean to dismiss him though. She’s incredibly self-absorbed with everyone in her life and treats them like side characters. This is on brand for her.
Erik watched you cut open on a table and his daughter’s purple body being whisked away. I can only imagine how traumatic that was. I’m really surprised to see you dismissing his feelings. Him having trauma doesn’t diminish yours.
Yeah I love Colleen but that was really not cool of her, I'm sure Erik is dealing with a massive amount of trauma too
There’s a way to say this without bringing up traumatic events that you weren’t even involved in. I do not think Erik or Colleen would enjoy reading this back after going through so much. If you know how hard it was you should not bring up those heavy moments.
@@sophias6562 exactly.... why there are doing that.... im sure colleen didnt mean to DISMISS his feelings ...thats a strong word to use ....this is just a one convo between them... If u guys hear the Podcast about eric's POV about twins birth u will see how colleen respects his feelings and pain
She wasn’t dismissing him she was just saying that the term postpartum depression wasn’t the term for his depression and she even stated that yeah what his sadness is is actually depression just not postpartum as he didn’t have a physical birth which regulated tonnes of hormones around her body causing it.
I think it's the fact that Colleen continued to make light of the situation even after looking it up and reading that Paternal Postpartum Depression is a very real and serious matter. She definitely owes him an apology and I hope they continued the conversation off camera. Both went through a traumatic experience but that doesn't mean you can compare/invalidate the other's experience.
Yes, I hope that the conversation continues off camera and that she acknowledges this in a future video, just so we know.
As a woman who is about to give birth, I could never be upset at a man expressing his feelings in a healthy way. What upsets me is hearing someone invalidate those feelings.
Would also like to add that with Colleen’s mentality, (being if you aren’t the one to give birth you don’t go through post partum depression) that completely invalidates couples who bring in a baby via surrogate , adoption, etc.
I love Colleen and that last segment made me feel so bad for Erik, I really hope Colleen can come around and understand what he was trying to say :(
I feel like she validated his feelings but believed that the term for that was not the same, the fight was about that
right. she’s just comparing and acting like his feelings are less.
@@iammollyc this needs its own comment. She needs to see this!
As a women, I completely see and validate Erik's side. It must be extremely hard to see your wife go through all the emotions, and as we all know, emotions are easily spread. Personally, I believe it needs more awareness and to be taken seriously!
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Yes!! Life changes for the man in the relationship as well. Men now DO NOT have all the attention and feel left out when mom has all her attention on baby now. Also, i had a co worker that had really bad morning sickness while his wife was pregnant.
Why would Erik attempting to express his feelings make ‘a lot of women angry’?? Any woman with an ounce of empathy would certainly not feel angry to hear what he’s going through. My husband suffered in a similar way, but the last thing I wanted to do was roll my eyes and laugh.
@@KellyBriana I think Colleen has one of the greatest abilities to empathize that I have seen, for everyone always, no matter what. I think its clear both have gone through so much legitimate yet very different versions of trauma in there own ways since pregnancy, and its very valid colleen wouldn't want it to seem Erik is trying to pigeon hole his feelings into the same category as women - both very valid as Colleen acknowledges and empathises with, but both very different xxx
@@tdian thank you! Exactly! Both are different!
@@KellyBriana colleen is incredibly empathetic. i don’t think she was trying to shut down Erik. I think she was just joking around for the sake of the vlog. You don’t know what kind of serious conversations they may have off camera, stop making so many assumptions
I was shocked at the dismissiveness of that comment saying that we would all be against his feelings. Erik if you read through these... Know that it's the exact opposite we all are in support of you and your feelings and want them validated.
@@JD-ws2yk I haven't seen the word abusive used. But it is not blowing out of proportion at all dismissing someone's trauma PTSD and depression can lead to horrible consequences and to have filmed it and laughed about it even after reading that it was a genuine thing and not even delving deep enough to know that most NICU parents experience some level of depression and PTSD. It does not create a positive marriage when someone invalidates the other person's feelings. This thread would have been a complete uproar if he told her that her trauma was illegitimate..
So glad to see the comments are on Erik’s side. That conversation was ridiculous. You can’t gate keep depression
Yes! I was thinking of gatekeeping too. Like, Erik was saying he has baby depression, and Colleen said, “No you have depression.” I don’t think there was malicious intent, but rather a whole lotta ignorance and the conversation could have been held better. I’m proud of Erik when he asked her to Google it. I feel like this whole conversation could have been a Google search.
@@Noseinab00k I agree, as my husband says don’t argue about something that can be easily googled. I hope Eric reads the comments and knows that postpartum depression is very really for both parents.
It’s Important that Erik is speaking up about this at all! Don’t shrug off his feelings just because they aren’t exactly what you went through, he is allowed to feel and express his experience because he also felt and saw and had empathy for everything you were going through with those kiddos! Feeling like this shouldn’t be comparable just because he didn’t go through the actual act of birthing, it’s an experience you both had together as mother AND father.💙
I love this! It’s not a competition of who had it worse.. that should never be the case in relationships. that’s why it’s called a PARTNERSHIP, you’re in it together!💙
Yes! He wasn’t trying to say it was the same, he was trying to learn the term for HIS experience. Heaven forbid he reach out and advocate for himself, as he’s just laughed at and rolled eyes at. 🥴
I think this is Eriks way of admitting he’s having a hard time. And it’s understandable. Baby blues was the term before postpartum depression. And you guys have been through a lot. And he was staying strong for ALLLLLL of you for a long time. And now his body is kind of giving into the emotion he was holding back now that everyone is healthy and safe. He’s an amazing father! 💛
I was thinking that too. Like maybe he was scared to admit it and decided to turn it into a question to help other dads. I hope him and Colleen feel better soon. I have pretty severe depression, so I know how dark things can seem, but I hope they know we're always here for them♥️
@@rbuckel y’all are really looking wayyyy too deep into this. Scared? Seriously? Of what? They were talking about a name/label. They were going back and forth about what post partum depression is and how he wanted to have that label bc it sounds cool. Nothing about this was admitting anything they were literally just having playful banter I swear y’all are just thirsty for Erik and want to come for his rescue.
@ LadyLal bro😂 he was literally asking her what he should call his depression and she rolled his eyes at him saying yeah right about it being postpartum so it wasn’t just a label he didn’t want it cause it “sounds cool” it’s cause he’s actually going through something mentally and his wife is sitting there brushing off how he feels. No one’s looking into this too deeply ur just not looking at all☠️😂
@@ashlynrodaks5723 she literally said “you would call it depression” nobody was invalidating his actual feelings. And yes he did want it to sound cool bc he also literally said oh post partum just has a sound to it.. it rolls off the tongue nicely🙄 y’all cherry picking have fun being a pick me girl 🤣 I 1000% bet you he’s way more scared of you fangirl strangers on the internet wanting to save him than he is of his own wife… who he was just having conversation with
@ LadyLal fangirling? Says the one posting up under everyone’s comment trying to make herself heard😂 literally everyone’s in the comments calling her out for her sh** the only person fangirling more like di** riding is u.
hi colleen! personally it was a shock to see you rolling your eyes at erik because we’ve all known you to be validating and supportive. i think it’s important for erik to voice out how he’s feeling too! he didn’t necessarily go through childbirth physically but mentally, as your partner there’s definitely a lot of trauma that could come from that. i think it’s really important to validate his feelings too! i’m very proud of him for asking all these great questions, we all love you both and i hope erik can feel more validated too!
I was surprised too; I really hope he reads these comments
@@Elena-er7zp why do y’all still watch her then
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@@Elena-er7zp huh? I think you got it the other way around. Let’s not bring up colleens past relationship. It’s none of our business and she herself doesn’t even talk about it.
@@Elena-er7zp you just reminded me of the video of her giving her ex a handy on video while he said stop getting recently resurfaced. Oh god 😭
I agree with all the comments. Having the twins, plus Flynn to care for, is exceptionally hard for both of you. Erik is going through this experience with Colleen 24/7 and is also being incredibly supportive and helpful. His feelings must be heard as they are real.
post partum means AFTER BIRTH. technically it would not be called postpartum for a man because he hasn’t given birth himself. Taking care and struggling to get used to this new lifestyle with 3 kids does not equal giving birth and having the scars, side affects, sickness, body dysmorphia, and everything else. she wasn’t putting his feelings aside or anything he just wanted a specific word for it so it “rolls of his tongue”.
Would never ever be upset by a male saying that had postpartum depression. Men, partners, and all parents alike are equally at risk for post-partum depression. Hormones are NOT the only indicator or reason for PPD. Sleep deprivation, major life adjustments, and traumatic births can all precipitate feelings. They need to be taken seriously and validated. I'm so thankful for Erik's example. So many dads feel SO alone in this. It's rarely if ever talked about. If we think the stigma for maternal PPD is great, imagine the stigma for paternal.
@McKailaShiloh Totally agree and frankly, I'm shocked that Colleen, having to deal with depression and anxiety herself, found it so hard to believe that Eric is going through something himself. Watching this, I almost felt like she wanted to be the only one going through it, which I KNOW is not true, but that's the way I saw it.
Hormones can also shift for men during the postpartum period and predispose them to PPD. While it's not the only indicator or reason for PPD it is just as valid a cause as the hormonal shift experienced by the birthing parent.
Colleen was very rude to him, in my opinion.
@@cassiefrericks4387 she's just being human 🤷🏼♀️ she loves Erik. Sometimes it's hard to just stop and pause and validate.
Erik is so patient with Colleen in general but, here he was extremely patient while trying to explain his point.
I know that they like to banter and tease each other a lot, but Erik was being honest here and Colleen was just trying to compare and also came across as a little rude to me.
Colleen, please stop gatekeeping PPD and pain. When Erik's back hurt, you spoke over him, made it all about your thumb and continuously rolled your eyes at him. Now he tries to explore the vocabulary for his experience and again is met with eye rolls and you explaining why it's worse for you. It's not a competition, his feelings are just as valid as yours. Poor guy.
You’re so right about gatekeeping! I’ve found she really does this. Sadly it’s put me off the videos :(
It was very strange to me how she kept insinuating that because he didn’t birth twins and because she feeds them and holds them more, his back couldn’t have possible been as bad as he was saying it was. Just very odd.
did she comment about this in any of her next vlogs? cause i genuinely want to hear her response
Colleen, postpartum depression in fathers is very real, whether clarified as “paternal” or not. There’s plenty of medical research about it, you just have to look up “postpartum depression in men.” About 10% of fathers experience this, and with Eric being as empathetic and involved as he is, it would make sense that he’d be susceptible to it. I know you’re probably more supportive off screen, but this vlog really didn’t seem to reflect that. It was a traumatizing experience for both of you. “Upsetting other women” shouldn’t be a factor.
The stats are way higher than 10% for traumatic births and NICU stays. The NICU is dang near a guarantee that you will experience some level of depression it sucks the life out of you. She was not the only one who went through that.
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She still hasn't said a thing. There's a lot of toxic behavior I'm seeing from creators I have long since loved and I'm really sick of it. Family vlogging is horrible considering children can't give consent. Colleen has been referencing the children as 'her babies', 'my babies', and her absolute disregard for Erik expressing himself emotionally here is not okay. The creators I watch is shrinking everyday. I simply can't support this odd, wreckless behavior.
Thank you for saying what so many of us felt so deeply. ❤
@@KellyEtcetera I totally know what you're talking about! I don't watch any family vloggers anymore. Used to watch Ballinger Fam and Labrants, I don't watch them anymore and I don't even watch Colleen. They all exploite their kids and it is gross.
I’m so relieved that the comment section is standing up for Erik. It has passed the vibe check
Just because Erik didn't physically go through the pregnancy, birth, Csection etc doesn't mean it wasn't just as mentally hard on him as it was for her... He had to helplessly watch the woman he loves go through all of that, plus had the same NICU experience and life adjustment to twins. Not everything is about the mother, the father is effected just as much (just in different ways) and is almost always completely overlooked... He shouldn't be invalidated just because he didn't physically give birth
Well said.
I agree ✌️♥️
agree 100% especially because Eric is such an involved dad (at least from what i see from the videos ). he definitely is valid for feeling any way he does. it’s tough being a parent in general
THIS!!!! it always frustrates me to hear her invalidate him
There are definitely alot of changes for dad. There's alot of sacrifice as a parent.
Men may have anxieties about what kind of father they will be through the years. They can mourn the loss of the "me" they knew before parenthood. They can mourn their "lost" youth and start struggling with the concept of their mortality. All kinds of things for a new dad to worry about. Their pain and concern should not be ignored.
Props to Erik for highlighting the fact that men can experience depression specifically relating to childbirth and newborns and all the issues that brings. Of course he couldn't experience the birth firsthand but he experienced it alongside you and I'm certain that brings it's own kind of trauma that should be acknowledged. I'm all for men talking about their feelings and inner experience. I'm a woman and I applaud it. I welcome it with open arms.
As a woman who's given birth twice, I totally understand what Erik was getting at. He didn't physically go through the c-section but like he said, it would be scary to watch the person you love go through it and the fear of something going wrong. Then the NICU experience would be hard on a father too. Those are all very traumatizing things! I hope he gets the opportunity to work through those feelings because they are just as valid.
I wouldn't compare their pain because obviously everything has pros and cons but from the sound of it, even though it was really difficult to see her babies in the NICU, Colleen got to see them every day. Imagine being Erik and having to look after Flynn knowing your other children are unwell and you can't see them as regularly and just have to accept updates. I'm not saying he had it worse, but he certainly didn't have it easy and I an imagine it was an immense emotional strain.
Not to mention every single day of the pregnancy when Colleen would cry and be basically bed ridden Erik had to be the comforter and make her feel better which is just as mentally and emotionally taxing. And he pretty much took over caring for Flynn while she would be crying in her room. So he had both his inconsolable wife and his toddler to care for. Then seeing what he saw at the hospital and not being able to visit the babies in NICU as often....yeah his feelings are valid.
@@withsisu2324 completely agree
Stop worrying about what everyone else is going to think and listen to your husband and make him feel heard and help him through his struggles and feelings.
This!!
I hope she sees this comment and the many others saying the same thing
I agree! Though I bet her reaction is linked to anxiety and since the camera was rolling her mind got worried about the possible negative reaction. (I get a similar feeling when being open on the internet and I don't have any following lol) Something tells me she is much more supportive to him in private.
@@darbydeer6684 if she’s THAT worried about a reaction, she should of turned the camera off and had a private discussion with her husband about how he felt.
@@amberbowers2029 👏👏👏
I completely see Eriks POV. As someone who goes through all of the tough baby times except the act of giving birth, Im glad there is a term specific to men to show the struggle after a baby is born.
Agree. My husband had a harder time than I did when we had a rough delivery and NICU stay. He said it is such a hard experience to see things happening (like for me hemorrhaging and passing out) and all of his fears happening. It's just as real for them in their own way, too.
My husband still has anxiety and he was pretty much traumatized by his kids' surgeries and nicu years
I've been telling my friends that my husband had worse postpartum depression than I did. We had a NICU baby but I got the euphoria from breastfeeding, while his mood totally bottomed out from all the work and no sleep involved in keeping a baby alive. Now that we've weaned, my depression and has been emerging while his is slowly healing.
I think this is the kind of thing that makes men not express themselves, it's important to see both sides of the coin, even if Erik has not given birth or has not experienced the pain of the C-section and the pain of recovery He went through a lot watching you suffer. Men please express yourself. It's good to see the comments with a lot of constructive criticism, we have to be more supportive among all despite the fact that our experiences as humans are different or the causes of our sadness are not the same. We love you Colleen and Erik.
100% agree
I was actually kind of excited to hear about Erik’s side of things, just for Colleen to completely miss the point and dismiss him. This is why dads don’t speak up and it’s soo sad.
one person’s experience doesn’t diminish another’s… he can have big feelings just like you. you wouldn’t want someone dismissing Flynn’s feelings 🥺
Agreed 🙌🏻
I truly felt bad for Erik. She belittled him about how he’s feeling and then it's edited. AND watched it back to approve it! If I saw myself speaking like that to my husband I would be so embarrassed and immediately apologize. Erik was just trying to find a word to explain what he felt after having more kids. It's a huge life change.
I agree 100%!
she doesn't edit her vlogs - kory does but yes I guess still does approve it
@@kristibeisecker They didn’t say Colleen edited it, they said it was edited and then she watched it back to approve. Thats what Colleen does lol
@@kristibeisecker she does watch them back
I agree, but lets also keep in mind where Colleen is speaking from. She has struggled so much and still is! Had she not been in this situation I feel like she would completely understand Erik.
Erik just wanted to be validated that it can be serious for dads too. Too often dad's issues are forgotten about, because they're supposed to man-up, but his whole life has changed as well, went through the emotional trauma right alongside you through surgery, feeling helpless and scared, nicu stays, sleepless night, still having to work, and worrying about you. He doesn't have a vlog to share his fears with. So often dad's get the short end of the stick and are expected to be rocks, without any concern for their mental health. I wonder if Erik would be willing to talk to the vlog for a few minutes about his journey. Just like you keep it real for mamas. It would be super helpful for dads to feel less alone and more validated in their feelings.
100% i love your take on him not having a vlog to vent to. Erik should make something for dad’s out there. I guarantee so many dad’s would really love his journey and look to it for guidance
I love this idea. He does talk a lot in the podcasts but I struggle to consume large content, I always get distracted and move onto the next thing, so I don't listen to it.
I would love to hear from Erik about this.
Yes! My husband developed PPD. He struggled semi silently for months before I sat down to talk about my own struggles he opened up, got thr help he needed! 🥰 #dadscanhavePPDtoo
They did an episode of the podcast about his perspective of the birth
Colleen, you’re the one who always says “just because the person next to you is in a full body cast, doesn’t mean your broken arm doesn’t hurt”
Oh man, this is sad. I can’t imagine trying to open up to my spouse about what I was dealing with, just to be minimized. “You just needed a word, you can have a word.” The amount of disrespect is awful to witness. When I was at my lowest, it took a lot of courage to talk about not being okay. I needed support and validation. This is shameful.
this type of disrespect is known to me. i used to not respect my boyfriend like this and i realized this happens a lot in relationships where usually the man gives his all to the woman and becomes truly the most perfect man, a rock for his significant other. it’s a nasty habit to overlook your boyfriend/husband like this and definitely needs some internal work for the significant other to undo
To me it was completely unacceptable and shameful. I live with mental illness every day which is invalidated constantly by family. But something as intense as post part of that comes from an extremely traumatic birth seeing your daughter not alive and then dealing with the NICU are all very valid causes for ptsd, depression and, conscious or subconscious trauma. Never ever invalidate someone who reaches out to you about their feelings. Look up the suicide rates of people who don't receive support. This isn't a way for a healthy relationship to function. And I feel like Eric puts in a hundred and fifty billion percent and she puts in like 10 towards their relationship.
👏👏👏
@@jenniwilliams3295 ma’am you’re literally under every single comment bashing Colleen to no end. You’re clearly projecting your own traumas onto Colleen.
Erik's feelings are certainly valid. He doesn't have the hormonal changes that occur in a woman's body after giving birth, but he is going through a huge adjustment in his life and is struggling to cope with the adjustment. Adjustment disorder is actually in the DSM for these exact circumstances, as well as PTSD considering what he witnessed while you were giving birth and the trauma of the NICU journey. And regardless of diagnoses, simply stating that he is struggling with the newborn stage is completely valid and understandable.
Men's hormones do change after their children's birth as well 😊
Paternal PPD is also in the DSM. This isn't an adjustment disorder. It's PPD.
@ROBINKELLYJEAN you said what I was thinking! 😉💜 @skippykipper101 & @rmock I think Adjustment Disorder and PPD (paternal) are BOTH great starting points for a r/o dx … could be a bit of either - or both! Though good to remember that we are not dx’ing, just discussing. Love the knowledge and respectful discourse in this thread! 💕 And, of course, holding the best for Colleen & fam in our hearts, whatever that looks like for them✨
@@SugarRhi yes, I completely agree that we're discussing and not diagnosing. I just wanted to share some possibilities that exist for Erik since he seems to be looking for a name to what he's feeling. I hope he is able to feel comfortable to seek out a therapist if he feels he needs to
Wish I could like this comment 100 times.
I feel you’d get super upset if you tried explaining your feelings to erik and he just smiled and smirked at you and was like yeah okay... I think that’s kinda how you made him feel. He experienced the same trauma just in different ways. Please let him know he’s heard and his feelings are valid. He deserves it. ♥️
Everyone’s feelings are valid. It really hurts to see how you couldn’t be there for Erick when he was trying to find comfort from you. Especially after how he has been there to validate your feelings every step of the way. I hope going forward you change your actions and words. Everyone deserves to have validation in their feelings even if you don’t understand.
And how exactly do you know for sure that he was “trying to find comfort?”
@@iluvzurara2 He did seem sarcastic when he said "thank you for justifying my feelings" after she said he cant have ppd so I can see how that would come off as wanting comfort for the way he felt.
@@camryntremblay1745 exactly, he was being sarcastic and was joking around... they were laughing....
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Yes, I was concerned and disappointed.
knowing how extremely supportive Erik has been throughout colleen's pregnancies and other struggles, it makes me really sad to watch colleen roll her eyes at Erik's feelings and invalidate him.
I agree. She needs to reciprocate his patient and loving attitude. I'm sad she never talked about this video
I'm so happy to see these comments all validating Erik's feelings. I'm sure he doesnt read any of these but I hope its passed on to him how much people understand and appreciate his emotions.
Agreed!!!
I think Erik is making extremely valid points, even if just out of curiosity. Postpartum doesn't have to necessarily mean the person suffering from depression was the parent that gave birth; rather, it's just a time period after birth, as Colleen said herself. And although the chemicals caused by giving birth don't happen in the father, the stresses of watching a loved one go through the process and also adapting to having a new human in the family can cause intense feelings in fathers that are just as valid. "Daddy blues" is really quite dismissive, and it's unfair -- men have feelings too.
Well said!
Hi
Men also experience a hormonal shift in the postpartum period which can lead to PPD.
This video made me sad. I hope Erik reads all the comments that are supporting him and validating his feelings.
Colleen….. I’m usually a quiet fan. Have been for years. Erik is laughing it off, but he is trying to express that he’s not okay just like you’re not okay.
Colleen girl as someone who is a huge advocate for so many people and their feelings around parenthood please empathize and realize he’s telling you he’s not in the best boat either right now. Yes it’s different for men but we still need to listen and be aware of how they feel, otherwise what’s the point. He’s needing support maybe not as much as you or all women who give birth, but it still needs to be validated. Love to you both
Very well said.
I agree with Morrigan on this. Men do get the baby blues. They don’t give birth but their life’s changes too. Both parents have to make adjustments and support each other and their feelings. I like the term daddy blues. Babies bring lots of changes to a couple and having twins and a toddler is a lot of work. So both parents are worm out .
i just saw someone comment that erik saw his daughter lifeless, not breathing, and had to watch the doctors revive her.. i mean that alone is traumatic, but then they had to go through the NICU experience and be away from their babies on top of that, among so many other things. i think erik feelings are valid and i understand why he’s asking the questions he’s asking, and i think it’s important to talk about because fathers go through PPD just like mothers
Yes! Both parents deserve support.
Oh man, I lowkey felt suuuper anxious towards the end & realized I had to pause and reflect on what was making me shake my leg furiously and making my heart beat fast & it was that Colleen was invalidating Erik’s feelings of wanting to find a coined term for father’s anxiety & depression, similar to women. Obviously men don’t go through physical labor, but his struggles with being there every step of the way were still valid. He also had really valid questions about why everything post-partum is typically correlated to negative things like anxiety, depression, etc. Why not post-partum glow, giggles, etc. I guess just the euphoria thing Colleen mentioned was also a thing, but not as often shared. Super interesting overall!
This !!
Totally agree
I didn’t like how she was gatekeeping depression from him
I agree ✌️💜
Same :( the more time passes the more it seems like he needs some help or intervention with what he’s going through and Colleen tends to minimize it because it may not be as traumatic as her experience
Has noone watched the TikTok of the poor father holding his newborn baby while blankly staring off into space because he had no clue whether his wife was alive or not? Eriks thoughts and feelings are valid. Fathers go through something, I couldn't imagine the tug-of-war of emotions watching your most loved person going throught childbirth to bring a baby into the world. Aww Colleen... Your reaction was less than satisfactory.
Colleen, you can't dismiss Erik's feelings like that. Do you know how hard it is for him to put on a smile and cook you dinner at 1 in the morning as you cry over feeding the babies? He has had to put it a lot of extra work as you struggle, and that can be physically and mentally exhausting. Please listen to Erik. Just because you struggled doesn't mean you can claim you have it worse.
This!!
She didn't dismiss his feelings? She acknowledged how hard it is for him too and was mostly just saying the term Postpartum Depression doesn't apply to men.. which is doesn't. But it's 100% valid for him to feel depressed considering how much they're both having to deal with right now.
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okay we don’t know every aspect their lives so why make these hurtful assumptions??
It's really frustrating to watch Colleen belittle Erik and his pain or experiences. If he even remotely says anything to her that's off then she verbally lashes out for extensive periods of time.
Erik has such a loving, gentle heart and it's evident that he feels very passionately about his family. For Colleen to dismiss his experience in anything is just hard to watch. She did this during their podcast when he was having severe back pain and Colleen chimed in with saying her thumb hurts. I know they might think it's funny but as a fan and a viewer, it's really hard to watch.
100% agree
Absolutely! Thank you!
I felt so sad for Erik. Trying to express his feelings and getting laughed at. 😭
I love Colleen but this vid made me upset. Poor erik
So rude! Poor guy. I would never ever treat my husband that way.
I’m so shocked that she reacted this way!
It’s just super unfortunate because she’s allowed to complain in every vlog about every problem she’s experiencing- but as soon as he expresses similar feelings it’s invalid and a cause for eye-rolls? Just because Eric may not be the type of guy to complain about every single inconvenience, doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel these struggles
I’m very proud of Erik for speaking up about how he is feeling. We should continue to not only allow but encourage men or anyone for that matter to express what they are feeling and have an open discussion about difficult emotions!
Colleen reading OUT LOUD "Post partum depression in dads is real and just as serious" and then rolling her eyes...
During no part of this convo did Eric say he wants post partum depression. He specifically said that he KNOWS he can't use that term. All he wanted was a word to describe what he is feeling- and "depression" itself wasn't it.
He feels the post-having a traumatic experience with seeing and helping your wife give birth to your twins and then seeing them get taken away, not knowing if they're okay-depression. He's going through the same CURRENT situations as Colleen, sleeplessness, stress, depression, etc, and he just wants a term to describe his feelings the way "post partum depression" describes colleens.
He did not give birth, but he was right next to you. Might not have been "as traumatic" for him as it was for you, but that does NOT make it any less valid of a trauma. "Sitting next to someone in a full body cast does not make your broken arm any less broken."
Very disappointed at the eye-rolling and invalidating. Constant "you can't claim that word. You just have depression."
Paternal ppd is a real and valid thing. If Eric identifies with that, LET HIM. if he doesn't, his feelings of post-"not giving birth but experiencing everything that follows" depression is still valid. The lengths I have to go though to not use "post-birth/partum" in the way Colleen obviously exclusively accepts it... yikes.
Very disappointed in Colleens reactions in this vlog. :/
RIGHT! So weird that she read that he can also have PPD but still rolled her eyes as if it's bs. And then straight after STILL told him he couldn't call it ppd.
So disappointed in her response and I hope she hears from her followers and learns. Supporting her partner is vital for their companionship.
Exactly. The eye roll when learning that fathers can experience paternal postnatal depression just ticked me off so much
Did Colleen learn nothing from the comments on the last relax podcast? She’s not even listening to Eric saying that he’s depressed. She thinks only she can can be depressed postpartum and no one else, man or woman. Watching someone go through a traumatic surgery, having children in the NICU, sleep deprivation, anxiety and stress of having newborn twins and a toddler… he’s going to also have some emotions about it. It’s not ONLY hard for the mother.
I’m a NICU nurse and I see postpartum depression often in moms, but it happens a lot with dads too. There’s usually an expectation in both the mother and the father of how childbirth is supposed to go vs how it actually happens - especially within the NICU. Usually parents picture this big moment where baby is placed on moms chest and you can bond as a family right then after baby is born. But seeing your babies being taken away from you shortly after birth and placed in an isolette in their own room where it’s usually dark and quiet, lots of alarms going off and wires connected to baby, and you really don’t have much of an idea of what is going on - it’s scary for both mom and dad. A lot of people don’t even know NICUs exist! There’s a lot of emotions and dads are usually the ones to keep it bottled up. He went through mostly the same things you did, just with a completely different perspective. Those postpartum feelings are felt between both parents as expectations change and emotions are high.
Its almost like Colleen is gatekeeping depression … he’s not saying he’s going through the same exact thing just that he IS going through something.
I am a psych nurse, and there is definitely a form of depression that can effect fathers after the birth of their baby/babies. It is a real thing, and it can be quite debilitating. I admire Erick for being able to admit that he is also struggling. Sadly, sometimes the father’s feelings are forgotten after childbirth. It may be helpful to seek out a counselor that works with just him alone so that he can get the support he needs. As for Colleen, it would be nice if she could at least try to understand her husband’s feelings. Dismissing him had to be very hurtful for him. Since Colleen likes to google things, she may like to try “Borderline Personality Disorder”. Her therapist can assist her with that if she even goes to therapy anymore.
I don't think I've ever commented on one of your videos before, BUT I hope you read all these comments because I don't think any woman would be upset at the fact that a Dad can most certainly experience postpartum depression and you literally looked it up in front of him and confirmed it is an actual thing men go through. It came off as very dismissive of Erik's struggle. I wish the best for both of you during both of your postpartum struggles.
but she also gave an eye roll after reading it…like totally brushing it off after reading it is real for men.
@@robinbrown7953 That's what is bothering me so much. The constant eye roll and scuffing. It would've been so great if after reading that PPD is also acknowledged for men Colleen changed her attitude and listened to him, but she kept emphasizing that because he didn't give birth it can't apply to him. So annoying.
I would like to hear more about Eric’s experience and feelings he is going through. Between your rough pregnancy, rougher birth, anguish of the nicu, and then the overwhelm of the twins plus Flynn’s needs. Maybe he can talk about this - seriously - on Relax. As he said he wasn’t looking for equivalence, but I do think he’s pretty fried. Please encourage him to talk about it.
Yeah, I would like to hear his experience too, we don't get enough of the dads experience that could maybe help other dads going through the same thing.
I agree .. Erik discussing his feelings could help others who are experiencing the same feelings and might feel alone ..
I think he should have another father his own or a friend that has kids too and Colleen should not be part of the podcast that day that the men should get to freely Express themselves without being laughed at or berated.
I hope that Erik gets the help that he deserves and needs. It must be horrific to see the woman you love go through something so difficult (pregnancy and childbirth). He too is taking care of the children which must be so so so hard. Good on him for speaking out💞
Yet again, just like the Euphoria podcast, Colleen invalidates Erik’s experience just because it’s different than hers. Your husband reached out to you saying that he’s struggling and you roll your eyes at him. Men CAN have postpartum depression. And you took that from him and told him he’s complaining and gave a “as per usual” when he, what, talks about his feelings? His struggle doesn’t matter less because it’s different than yours. That goes for literally any human. YOU’RE making so many women angry, Colleen.
OMG that podcast made me soooo mad. I even found myself yelling at her “just because you didn’t experience that it doesn’t mean is not real!!” And makes me sad that when she tried to apologize and explain herself, she said she was behaving that way because she wanted to tease Erik.
I do not buy for a second that she cannot tell the difference between having a friendly banter with your spouse and actually noticing when he’s being serious and he’s talking about real issues .
@@KarlaGarcia-of7rh The first time, okay. I probably don’t understand your relationship dynamic. But a second time? And about depression? I’m getting a bit concerned…
This. One hundred percent. When we experience trauma and someone else shares their trauma with us, sometimes it can trigger us, because we feel like we are being invalidated, but someone else’s trauma does not invalidate yours. Please hear this and learn from it Colleen.
I think when parenting it’s important to not compare each other’s struggles but to uplift each other…it’s like anything in the world, somebody will always have it worse but that doesn’t mean the way they feel should be completely dismissed. Comparing does nothing in the end imo everyone is human and has their own perspective
AGREE. i love colleen and erik but they always seem to be comparing each other's pain and arguing over who has/had it worse. i especially noticed it with the wisdom teeth/pregnancy thing. i think what colleen should have explained is that PPD is something that can often (but not always) be related to hormone changes in a women's body, but erik being depressed after having babies is still just as real and valid! (:
@@pragmaticgrape i think they're just joking around, it seems like their dynamic
situational depression, i think they need to educate themselves about situational depression.
Joking or not, I felt bad for him. Maybe this should've been a private moment!
@@cassiefrericks4387 maybe not though…bc Colleen might not being seeing from the perspective Erik needs and maybe she can learn or understand better from the comments… Colleen is human and is going through her own things and she maybe overlooking Erik’s struggles… reading our comments might bring light..
Colleen, don't invalidate his feelings. Nobody is gonna get mad at him for saying he has ppd. Dads also struggle. They don't understand our actual pregnancy struggles but they definitely do for post partum.
The fact that she even suggested people would be mad at him is troubling to me tbh. Like it’s actually recognized by doctors that men can have PPD. It’s really sad that she is invalidating him like this when, from what we see and she tells us, he does everything to help her manager her own struggles. Even the title and emoji on this video pisses me off because it’s like she thinks it’s a joke.
Yeah.. no kidding.
@@categ3 I think that she is feeling a little self conscious about her diagnosis herself. If she can’t blame it on the hormones from pregnancy, it’s just another reason to feel less than. I don’t think she actually thinks that way I just think she is exhausted and it was a reactive comment. I am expecting tears in the tortilla talk tomorrow and I hope she doesn’t worry too much about this.
@@TheElizabifano frrrr I’m stressed about the video tomorrow. Even so, a lot of the comments make very valid points and needed to be pointed out, if even just for other viewers to read. Hopefully this can be a learning experience for us all, as I’m sure it will be for both Erik and Colleen.
A couple literally cannot just have playful banter without ppl taking it seriously and coming for the man’s rescue omg 🙄🙄🙄
I never comment, But girl, this was horrible to watch.
Eric has been there for you every step of the way through this pregnancy and now he’s not allowed to have trauma from seeing you be cut open, his baby born purple and the massive life changes that have taken place?
He may not have experienced it the same way you did, but to completely invalidate his feelings is just not fair.
Update; Im honestly disappointed at the fact that Colleen hasn’t even addressed this vlog and our concerns and its been 5 days… 😵💫
@@halahalahala2015 i have actually 🙃 Lots of invalidating his feelings there also…
I think Eric’s points are fair. I’ve also noticed in your podcasts you often interrupt him and make him feel like what he has to say isn’t important or valid and don’t really let him speak. I don’t think you’re trying to be mean or hurtful but I can see that he’s struggling. Nobody’s perfect and what you’ve gone through is incredibly hard. But you guys need to have a chat and be super open with one another and really respect each other’s feelings ❤️
Literally no one is mad at Erik. He is the most open minded, caring human I think I’ve ever seen on the internet. And for you to invalidate his emotions and feelings is really unfortunate. It’s almost like you only care and preach about the importance of mental health when it pertains to you. Becoming less and less impressed with your behavior.
You literally laughed and looked like you were going to gag when you read the term “daddy blues”. How do you expect your assigned* male children to grow up acknowledging and respecting their emotions?
WHY DO YOU KEEP CUTTING OFF YOUR HUSBAND?! IT’S CONSTANT.
And quit mocking him! Jesus
Colleen, Erik’s feelings are completely valid, just because he didn’t go through the pregnancy or birth in the same way you did doesn’t mean he can’t have trauma from it. Imagine coming up on a plane crash and seeing all of that chaos and god knows what else, you’d have some PTSD seeing that, now imagine someone on the plane saying to you “ your feelings don’t matter because you weren’t actually on the plane” and rolling their eyes at your trauma. You can have different perspectives of the same traumatic event and it be traumatizing for all nonetheless. Erik absolutely has a right to share his feelings and be validated and I hope that someday he will have that.
subtle greys anatomy ref? 😏
@@daisydavies4534 No, I wasn’t even thinking of Greys, but I can see it!
She came off extremely condescending
@@daisydavies4534 that was the first thing I thought of 😂 all I heard was Arizona screaming “YOU WERENT ON THE PLANE, CALLIE”
@@brandi01394 makes me cry every time man
I find it very hypocritical of you to want your son to feel safe expressing his emotions without being shutdown, yet when Eric tries to express his perfectly valid emotions you shun him for it and try to diminish the weight of his issues. If you say you want men to be able to cry and share their feelings without shame then wouldn't it be reasonable for it to start with your husband? He's not claiming he went through what you went through with your childbirth, he is expressing the way it affected him to WATCH you go through that. It's obvious to see how much he cares for you so of course it would affect him mentally to see you go through that. He's is also going through the same struggles you're having. I don't think it's fair to discount his mental health by saying your mental health struggles are bigger. It most certainly isn't fair to roll your eyes at him for trying to seek comfort in you.
Erik absolutely can have postpartum depression. Honestly, I think any father in his shoes would have it. He witnessed his wife being basically cut in half in an emergency surgery.. only to see his newborn daughter born blue and not breathing, yet still had to maintain so not to upset Colleen. Talk about hormone raging.. he had adrenaline and cortisol coursing through his body from the second Colleen announced her water broke... only to have several other traumas to keep elevating them. Then of course, trying to find a balance of keeping things as normal as possible for Flynn, whilst terrified about twins health and wife's physical and mental status. Its no secret that Erik does more than the lions share of childcare. We've all seen it, we all know he's the main caregiver. He's juggling 2 infants and a very energetic, time-demanding toddler. Plus helping Colleen with work related things AND doing the podcast. That's a LOT on anyone's plate. Erik looks exhausted most of the time. He's said he's lucky to get in a quick shower. Colleen still has time and energy to put on makeup. That alone is very telling.
Bottom line, anyone someone experiences a trauma, the brain chemistry gets altered. Sometimes it's regulates itself back to normal, sometimes it requires medical help to normalize.
Colleen, you can't roll your eyes at Erik's feelings. They are HIS feelings, his trauma, his post partum depression. It's just as valid as yours. The deeper a person loves and feels, the harder traumatic events hit and longer they stay with a person.
It's not a competition. You BOTH can have post partum depression or anxiety. I wish neither of you did and I pray it gets better for the both of you!
Rolling your eyes at your husband who is telling you that they’re struggling with postnatal depression and invalidating his struggles rather than listening and offering support, is honestly really sad and shocking to see. He didn’t carry these babies, but he watched his partner go through a traumatic birth, he was in the NICU everyday just like you, he is tired and exhausted from having newborns at home, his whole life has changed just like yours has, all while juggling being a fun and happy parent to Flynn. This isn’t to invalidate your PPD Colleen, but it does mean you need to educate yourself. Look into depression in fathers, look into male suicide rates and try not to perpetrate archaic patriarchal ideologies like “men don’t get sad like women” or “men are tougher than women” etc.
That’s not what a feminist would do!
Say that last part again!
He’s being so open & honest & she’s mocking him!🙄
OMG you’re so right
You're completely right a feminist isn't out to invalidate male feelings. It makes you just as bad as men who look down on women. The whole toughen up youre a man. You can't be depressed postpartum. They can and when not supported and not held there are some terrifying stories out there. It saddens me that she could have used this platform to create a discussion about male mental health following traumatic births and the NICU both are scientifically proven but have such a huge stigma in America. And instead of trying to get rid of the stigma she made it worse.
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Erik is being clear about feeling somewhat depressed after having the babies. Listen to him and make sure he knows his feelings are valid. Even though he didn’t go through the whole process you did, it still isn’t easy for him too.
This, Colleen!!! You completely dismissed Erik. :(
@@cassiefrericks4387 I agree. I kinda feel like it was kinda made into a joke and not really taken seriously. He may not have actually had the babies but that doesn’t mean he’s not struggling
agreed!! i feel so bad, she totally invalidated his feelings. he watched the woman he loves literally almost die trying to birth their children. that has to do something to your head. i love you and your vids colleen, but you did not handle this correctly.
@@samantha.maul523 right and to be fair, towards the end of the vlog she said they will be continuing the discussion. I’m sure she probably felt that Erik would want to talk about it more in depth in private.
This is actually toxic. He was there for every step of the pregnancy and birth and the nicu. You get on TH-cam and cry almost everyday about what you go through which we’ve been supportive the whole time, but when Erik tries to express himself and he gets told he’s wrong and you roll your eyes at him and don’t take him seriously. You always do this in the podcasts as well
Yes absolutely! That's the word I was looking for to describe it, her behaviour is disgustingly toxic, especially for someone who reaches out for so much sympathy with her own emotions and struggles!
listen i love colleen, but i can’t watch the podcast for that reason
Her true colours are coming through, reality is she isn't a nice person.
@ Layton James I regret my merch purchase 🙄
@@ashlynrodaks5723 me too TBH, I got one of her shirts that said Spread Happiness, she's not spreading much of that lately
I suffered postpartum depression as an adoptive Mama. It has nothing to do with the physical birth giving. It’s different but the depression comes from things not going the way you hoped and/or expected. It was terrible and it is a real thing.
It's wonderful that Erik tries to communicate his feelings instead of suffering in silence. PPD is absolutely something men experience. Although having children is such a blessing, he's undoubtedly been through an emotional trauma. Lack of sleep, trying hard for everyone else, supporting colleen etc.. he's a champ.
I don’t think any woman is upset with what Erik said . Colleen he listens to your thoughts and feelings maybe try and understand where he’s coming from and be there for him . He went through a traumatic time when you gave birth and saw you in pain so he should have the right to claim ppd . We hear you Erik and I’m sure so many dads are going through the same thing ❤️. I give birth in July to a baby girl so I don’t have that experience yet with me and my husband.
Yes. I experienced a traumatic c-section and while my experience is my own, my husband has his own trauma from having to witness it, having to leave his wife alone in recovery, having to meet his son for the first time hooked up to so many scary machines. Erik's trauma and depression is valid and doesn't take away from Colleen's. It isn't a competition. Colleen talks a lot about toxic masculinity and breaking gender norms. Erik shouldn't be discouraged from voicing his feelings.
@@coolkid08 yes I totally agree !! He respects her thoughts and feelings . I can only imagine how she would act and feel if she was trying to tell him her feelings and if he would rolled his eyes she would be upset and furious. He always supports her and has been there for everything. It all comes down to understanding and respecting your partners feelings and stand by their side when their going through a hard time .
@@georgia673 yes very traumatizing !! He let Colleen have her space and tried to help her when she was upset and overwhelmed . Now I think it should be his turn and for him to focus on his feeling and get help . ❤️ he’s such a good dad and helps out so much , she is truly lucky to have someone that is that hands on with his own kids .
Yes! She acts like she was the only one effected by Their twins being in the hospital.
Depression is depression. Doesn’t matter which kind. One doesn’t outweigh another. Someone going through mentally challenging things should never be discredited. I see Erik consoling you all the time, Colleen. You should return the favor. You both are going through it. Talk about your feelings together and console each other. Never gloss over another one’s pain. ❤️
👏👏👏
Erik expressing his struggles and you invalidating them bc he’s not a woman and used the “wrong verbiage” is kind of heartbreaking. He is also going through the same journey. It also feels like a conversation that should have happened in private.
I love you both but I feel like there’s some better communication that needs to happen there 🖤 I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for you both.
For someone like you Colleen who constantly searches for sympathy about almost everything, it was really unnerving to watch you roll your eyes at Eric’s very valid questions and concerns about something as heavy as mental health. I’m a mother of 5 and my husband very well went through all the traumas of pregnancy birth and newborn transition periods right along with me, who in their right mind would be angry with Eric for his emotions and feelings?? He’s been an AMAZING support for you and we all see it, at least offer the same to him
@@torijanebright the all or nothing is irritating at times, "Me but no one else..."
after watching the vid and reading the comments, this is the one I agree with the most - the vibes with Colleen has been off recently :/
@@torijanebright I don't think you've ever met a real narcissist. Cos Colleen is definitely not a narcissist.
I wish I could upvote this a hundred million times. I cannot believe how little care she shows for him here. It’s such a bad take for someone who constantly posts about mental health struggles and challenges to do shit like this. I hope that Erik gets the support he clearly needs.
Best comment to explain this- 10/10
I think that’s why, as a society, men have a hard time expressing their emotions.. Because they’re men and they’re wired to “toughen up” and “suck it up” as boys. That crying is for “girls” and showing emotion is weakness. It’s all bull crap, and the suicidal rate in men is horrifying because they’re shamed for having human emotions. I’m glad Erik is speaking up that men should have their feelings about postpartum validated too!
I agree. I wish Colleen would've had a better attitud towards his feelings instead of emphasizing over and over that beacuse he didn't give birth Post Partum depression doesn't apply to him.
@@maddygrace17 you're right... and it bothered me even more when Erik tried to explain that his feelings weren't like a general depression but thet could be related to the birth and the babies and Colleen said that he's just looking for a "cool name" and laughed.... even after she read that Paternal Postpartum Depression is a real thing, she didn't change her attitude.
I still don’t understand how you could keep on saying things like “you cannot say you have daddy blues“ “you can’t claim postpartum depression” “it’s depression you can just say depression” to Erik AFTER you googled it and found out about paternal postpartum depression/daddy blues being very much real and a legit condition affecting many young fathers.
Erik's feelings are just as valid. A lot of men don't share their feelings because they don't feel like they will be taken seriously
Exactly. And she gave such a stellar example of not taking men seriously didn’t she?
I felt really disappointed in Colleen’s response to Erik in this vlog. It is hard for any one to come to terms with feelings of depression or PTSD, and to be validated by someone you love/who loves you, can be the first step to getting help and feeling safe to share more about their feelings and experiences. Colleen did not create a safe space for Erik, in my opinion, and I hope he can seek out what he needs despite Colleen’s inability to tolerate something deep that is going on for her husband and the father of her children. A healthy dad is just as important as a healthy mom.
I want to say that a few minutes of a video does not equate to deep emotional intolerance in a marriage, or imply that eric isn't getting help or in a supportive enivorment. I'm sure if there was and is a larger issue they would have thse disucssions off camera
I'm in 100% agreement. I have an education in psychology. Her response could have been damaging. She invalidated his feelings and made fun of him. There's so many studies that have proven that the PTSD and trauma caused by an emergency birth and seeing your baby not breathe and then dealing with the NICU for an extended period. They are all valid reasons for being depressed most certainly and they should not be rudely dismissed
@@laurenkraushaar7913 Just want to say that Colleen has a history of exploiting others at their expense for the sake of putting out content. She isn’t an exception from other creators on the platform who have documented and posted what should be private moments. I think creators who post as regularly as Colleen have a hard time remembering the difference. Thank you for your comment.
So disappointed in her response. My guess is she thought this was friendly banter but, it’s not. It’s not.
RELAX Colleen and listen to your husband and don’t think about what others think … his questions were all normal and valid and as he said he wasn’t trying to compare himself to you or any other women but you were.
I hope Erik and Colleen read through these comments and have a good and healthy conversation about how Erik has been feeling
my husband experienced extreme postpartum anxiety after I gave birth to our son. pregnancy quite literally almost killed me and it was traumatic for both of us. I experienced some of the same defensiveness that Colleen is expressing here - feeling that my husband couldn't possibly understand, that it wasn't "as bad" for him. but over time, I had to adjust my thinking and actions and realize that he needed support too. He went through something really difficult too. And even if it wasn't "as bad" as what I experienced, his struggle was real and valid. I'm proud of Erik for speaking up about this.
Colleen for real with the eye rolling with Eric. Pay attention to Eric his feelings are true
Even the title feels like she’s mocking him. His feeling are SO VALID!!!
do you think the person you’re married to appreciates your complete and utter dismissal of his emotions when he’s trying to confide in you? probably not. and frankly, neither do any of your viewers, who sat here and watched you cry every day for months and gave you nothing but support. this was difficult to watch, as erik’s concerns are completely valid and you couldn’t give him the courtesy of showing him any kind of sympathy.
Ouch! So true
I feel like Eriks feelings are so valid! Its so upsetting to see that you are just shrugging off his feelings while hes actually trying to tell you all of the huge trauma he went through seeing the one he loves being cut open and being so upset afterwards while being upset himself. I think you should really listen to him and show the world on your huge platform that men have completely valid feelings too.
I totally get what Erik is saying that he wants to be able to label his feelings that are specifically related to being a father of a newborn, while he may not go through the physical changes like a woman, it is totally valid for him to have an emotional reaction that is based on childbirth - he might be feeling helpless and anxious and it's more than just everyday life so a general label like "depression" doesn't seem fitting enough to the situation.
Absolutely
Eric most definitely can experience postpartum depression not just Colleen just because she gave birth. Many adoptive parents, step parents, and fathers alike can experience this considering the only difference is you having given birth. He always respects her feelings and all of her diagnosis, but god for bid he experience postpartum depression. His feelings are never respected like she expects him to to hers. Men postpartum is a real thing and we should respect the trauma endured during childbirth.
That’s what I was thinking too. She’s so critical of him and any mental health issues he goes trough and just dismisses him entirely but got forbid he tries to relate to her like this is wisdom teeth (if you watch the podcast) or opening up about his depression and her fear of being canceled and her trying to be overt radical feminist makes her look like such a jerk to him
Even after she looked it up and found information about paternal postpartum depression being real, she still told him he can't claim it. Kind of a shitty thing to do to your partner when he's opening up about how he's feeling.
@chelseashields Great point!
@@caseyhansen4467 with the wisdom teeth he was trying to relate because that was something traumatic he went through. Same with his back pain he had recently! She's always undermining him and it really makes me sad for him!
This was really hard to watch. She asked him repeatedly for a question and when he asked a really good one and expressed himself, she called the question silly and kept laughing. Like??? How can you belittle your life partner like that?
We support you Erik! Speak your truth of what you experienced and are going through it is very valid. That was great to hear your side of what you’re experiencing 💚
If men aren’t able to express their feelings and emotions to their partners without feeling shut down or invalidated, then terms like Paternal Post-partum Depression will continue to have a stigma around them. I agree with everything Erik said and I don’t feel angry at all. He went through something extremely traumatic and deserves a specific term for his type of depression that he’s going through. PPD is real and valid!!
Yeah this is sad to watch honestly
The fact that he is expressing this is huge and must be taken seriously, or he will think it’s wrong to have feelings too… he is valid in feeling that way. When validating someone we don’t talk about ourselves during and why our problem is bigger, we sit with them and hold space. ❤️
Eric likely has some PTSD. He watched you go through a very stressful experience and seeing that pain can cause serious repercussions for a viewer of pain. (I went through a serious illness that my husband reacted to strongly). Give him some room to feel! Love you too!
Amen! I have PTSD from WORKING in the hospital. Its traumatic seeing someone you love go through a hard, quick, and life threatening thing like an emergency C-section. They weren't fun to watch either. Hang in there Erik❤
Men can have postpartum depression too.
I am currently pregnant and a mom and Erik you can absolutely claim postpartum depression. No anger from me here. Being a parent to a newborn is 💩 and it's hard and exhausting. Even in our parents generation many dad's just peaced out and didn't do much of the newborn care- their routines and nights weren't disrupted. Especially for men who step up and make personal sacrifices for their family (like Erik has done taking time off from acting ect) I think this is a totally valid thing.
Has anyone noticed she still hasn't addressed this...