When I had an abusive marriage back in the 70s, the church just told me to pray, forgive him, and stay. I left the church for 30 years after that . Then about 12 years ago I rededicated myself to God. Met a man who seemed to be a godly man. Had many people fooled. Right after marriage the crazy abuse started. He still seemed godly to other people so I wasn't sure anyone in church would believe me. Surprise surprise.. they did believe me and helped me get away. And yes I know I have issues that attract abusers and am working on it.
Ugh, a "friend" said she would pray that we get back together. I told her I appreciated her confidence that God can heal anyone, but that my narc needed to want to change before anything else can happen, She has no clue. I stopped confiding anything in her at that point.
They meant well but they kept telling me to stay. Had a lot of resentment towards churches. told me, biblical counseling and prayer will change the narc, Told me abuse is not grounds divorce. Such bad dangerous advice. Abuse got worse. Finally had the courage to leave didn’t involve the church. But I prayed to God to deliver me and he did!
God revealed narcissism to me two years ago and ive spent the past two years learning all about it, and coming to understand the abuse I’ve been subjected to by my covert narcissistic husband for 42 years. When i talked to an older woman from my church who has mentored me over the years (who now lives in another state) and shared with her the understanding i have gained, she seemed to understand and truly sympathize……but then, to my dismay, she called me a few weeks later to tell me that “The Lord had showed” her that “the reason he treats you like he does is that he knows you do not love or respect him”. I thanked her, and told her i needed to go; and i have not engaged with her since except to send her a birthday text. Just blows my mind…..the logic of telling a person that they’re being abused because they dont love and respect enough……😢
I’m sorry she said that to you. Especially because the reason you don’t love or respect them anymore is because of the abuse you’ve suffered for years.
@@MB-sg8dx you’re welcome! I understand because for years I was stuck in that lie. It’s easy to blame ourselves already so the last thing we need is some incompetent “mentor” putting blame on us that we don’t deserve! I wish you healing! ❤️🩹
I'm so sorry. 😢 In the late 60's my mom went to her priest for help. My father was an alcoholic and physically abusive. Her priest told her there must be some reason why her husband beat her and to go home and submit.
Excellent advice and wisdom, thank you. Two Christian counsellors … and they clearly didn’t “know”…. Just said we “couldn’t communicate” and to “stay the course, forgive.” Missed the target, bigtime. Then Abuse worsened. BIGtime. I wanted to jump in front of a train and heard the words “there is no rescue” in my shattered mind. But God did rescue me. Bravely, Divinely, Magnificently. As only He knows how to, and in His perfect time. 🙏🏻♥️🕊️🤸🏼🌄
Was married to an overt malignant narcissist for 18 years. God moved me out of it miraculously (years ago). Tried church counseling ( at 3 churches and 1 Christian counselor). All told me I had to stay, all said I’d be the only Bible my husband would ever read. Although none of them would counsel my husband, only me if I wanted to try to stay. My ex was awful to everyone, arrogant, demeaning, brutal and obnoxious. Got divorced and then found out how churches feel about divorced women. They do not want them around. Sooooo, I have an online pastor and several I like every week. I guess none of us are perfect (yet). But church is no place for singles.. apparently, I was very surprised by that. Thanks for what you do. The brutality, degradation, anger, gaslighting, horrible treatment in narc marriages is so bad that unless there’s learning by those never affected, they absolutely cannot understand what you’re living with. It’s even hard to wrap your head around the evil AFTER you know about it. How could ANYONE behave like this? Treat another human being like they do? I prayed for years too that he’d get better, but he only got worse. The more you stay after being treated horrible by them, the more they figure you SHOULD be treated terrible! And that’s the truth!
You're right, they care more about the marriage than the person. They will also typically blame the woman for choosing poorly. And gossip about you and treat you poorly. So an abusive husband still never really faces the music, among church people. They will, however, judge you ruthlessly as a divorcee, so you can't win...unless you shut your mouth and suffer in silence like a godly wifey should. I was raised in church, got burned enough times to learn. I still hold Christian beliefs but I quit church. Seems they should pay attention to their leaders, because they have an awful lot of groomers among them...JS.
Been out 1.5 years now. I'm still healing and having trouble finding a church, but God now uses me to help others escape. Many have been delivered safely and some are staying and healing, but all have become better battle warriors. Fruit is spreading from your boldness and encouragement. Thank you for being a living sacrifice for the Lord. God bless you, Dr. Clarke.
This is true. Bizarre. I've told more than one person not to expect me to do anything they wouldn't do themselves. If they want to voluntarily play the victim, have at it. It's their life and their choice. Me? I'll pray from a distance and move forward. Volunteering to be a punching bag for the ungodly doesn't glorify The Lord.
This happened to me, and I have yet to step foot in a church. When I should have been surrounded in love and helped, I was judged, isolated, and deeply hurt by the exact things you mentioned and more. I don't think I've recovered from it.
This also counts for men coming out of abusive family systems ! Mother died on narc abuse! Grand mother still abusive! Mother in law is overt , my still wife covert, her psychiatrist sister is knowing it and ain’t even doing a thing! One child, daughter😢 departed! I come out of 40+ years of being abused by narcs and still realizing what happened but did a lot of things like Sozo, Advanced Sozo, and 20+ years in therapy to come out of it! Realized it when my wife told me she will separate from me but still was going on holidays but telling me I’m narcissistic! But I’m not! She is! I’m empathic was always! ❤thanks for all your efforts and support here and putting the pieces together for us! I really appreciate your time and videos!
I told the deacon what was happening and all he told me was don’t let the bastard get you down and just stay. I was very disappointed and felt unheard. I prayed for years and there was no change in him. My prayers only served to change me.
They prayed better for him then me, lost respect for most church people, they do not understand. They assume you are part of the problem They taught me give love good for evil, it traumatized me to the point I was in and out of emergency with panic attacks
I remember when my ex and I went to a conseling session with the Pastor of his church and when I tried to tell him about what was going on in the relationship and expressing how I didn't have a voice, I wasnt being heard because the narc never listened, never took my feelings into consideration never had emapthy towards how I felt, I wasn't valued! The Pastors only advice or encouragement he gave to me was, " Oh, Sis, but you do have voice, on your knees" in other words, the only hope is God, so dont expect the narc to change or care, but God does! I knew then my ex had either manipulated him to think he was the good guy or the pastor is a narc too
This is gold! Jesus shook off the dust, the wicked go astray from BIRTH speaking lies...! A leopard can not change its spots. God saved me helped me flee! God hates religion and churchianity more than divorce. God be glorified free indeed 🙏🏻 ✝️🔥❤️🕊
a relative spoke to his priest abt divorcing his wife of 3 months. He was told to give it more time. 10 miserable yrs later and nothing has changed except he and 2 children are miserable. She is master of the house and must be obeyed.
I'm going through this right now.. My narcissistic friend that he does vibe study with at our house justified his cheating saying "He's man and they sometimes can't help themselves it's not that he doesn't love you it's like getting a shiny new car" I told his friend well it's not a shiny new car when these women have been in his life our whole relationship and then I asked him if he's ever cheated on his wife or gas she ever cheated on him he got quite and said well no so I told him then you do t know how it feels so it's best to step back and keep your mouth shut then he told me I'm sinning cause I won't forgive him I just can't believe how people of the church can do this and he keeps saying I'm a non believer because I won't forgive and I won't step back into the church with my husband
It is a testimony the church wants!! Narc won’t change,pray the person see the truth and run…never be submissive to a monster!,yes they have good days to keep you trapped!
This is what I told a therapist in the 80s. You're responses are assuming that everyone is reasonable I am not dealing with a reasonable, normal person. That got me nowhere and I never went back to another counselor ever again
I am extremely appreciative to you😢 Dr. Clarke for this video. Thank you so much. I would have loved to speak with you in person. May God continue to bless and keep you🙏
I have asked numerous pastors and church people what I should do with my BIPOLAR COVERT NARCISSIST wife. The kids are all grown and we are less than roommates at this point. They all gave me the standard line "for better or for worse, 'till death do us part." Really? I will be moving out as soon as I find a suitable place to live.
I knew something was off with my marriage of 18 years, and just recently (2 weeks ago) it came out. He is a covert narc. I'm too nervous to even talk to anyone at my church because I'm still trying to figure this all out. Now he is volinteering and being at the church every time the doors are open. Just one of his Narcish ways.
We have one in my small church and i had to stop going. They refuse to discipline her (gee imagine that! Lol) and are losing members but are too scared to call her out! Its really sad
This is my sister and I keep sharing info with her and I kick myself every time! Ugh. Thank you for all your help Dr Clarke. I got out of my 30 years of abuse it now dealing with the aftermath and one of my wayward kids. I do struggle with knowing what to do when I pray with my kids about all their brothers and sisters, when I get to their dad who is now gone. I usually just skip him but wonder if the kids think I should be praying for him. I don’t know. Didn’t Paul say don’t even pray for him?
The narrative or advice would be the same. From my life experience, it is just that women being in these relationships is more prevalent. They are abused and sometimes lose their sanity and life. Take Dr. Clarke's advice if you are in such a situation.
I have been trying to reconcile with my Narc wife for 14 months. We are seperated for 14 months. I done everything to get back to her without harassment. Nothing work. Now I tried to move on and collect my personal belongings. She refuse to return. She only respond when I go to my solicitor. It hurts me to do this to her. But I can't handle her anymore
I always love your videos and normally agree with you always however I disagree with you. I think years ago the majority of churches did this however now I think more are realizing that it’s wrong. If your pastor is telling you to stay with someone who is abusing you then they aren’t a true man of God!!
You appear to be an angry person who doesn't encourage Christians to exhibit the fruits of the Holy Spirit. Also, your reference to 2 Timothy 3:1-5 completely twists what the Apostle Paul advises Timothy. That Scripture in context includes verses 6-9. If you read it in its entirety rather than "proof-texting" to support your advice, it is clear that the Apostle is addressing false teachers in the Church.
When I had an abusive marriage back in the 70s, the church just told me to pray, forgive him, and stay. I left the church for 30 years after that . Then about 12 years ago I rededicated myself to God. Met a man who seemed to be a godly man. Had many people fooled. Right after marriage the crazy abuse started. He still seemed godly to other people so I wasn't sure anyone in church would believe me. Surprise surprise.. they did believe me and helped me get away. And yes I know I have issues that attract abusers and am working on it.
Thank you for your testimony and standing up for the Church.
👍
Your issue is you are nice and kind and these jerks feed on that.
@@allywolf9182That’s the truth!
I'm so happy you got away. Praise God!
Ugh, a "friend" said she would pray that we get back together. I told her I appreciated her confidence that God can heal anyone, but that my narc needed to want to change before anything else can happen, She has no clue. I stopped confiding anything in her at that point.
They meant well but they kept telling me to stay. Had a lot of resentment towards churches. told me, biblical counseling and prayer will change the narc, Told me abuse is not grounds divorce. Such bad dangerous advice. Abuse got worse. Finally had the courage to leave didn’t involve the church. But I prayed to God to deliver me and he did!
❤❤❤❤❤Good for you❤❤❤❤
God revealed narcissism to me two years ago and ive spent the past two years learning all about it, and coming to understand the abuse I’ve been subjected to by my covert narcissistic husband for 42 years. When i talked to an older woman from my church who has mentored me over the years (who now lives in another state) and shared with her the understanding i have gained, she seemed to understand and truly sympathize……but then, to my dismay, she called me a few weeks later to tell me that “The Lord had showed” her that “the reason he treats you like he does is that he knows you do not love or respect him”. I thanked her, and told her i needed to go; and i have not engaged with her since except to send her a birthday text. Just blows my mind…..the logic of telling a person that they’re being abused because they dont love and respect enough……😢
I’m sorry she said that to you. Especially because the reason you don’t love or respect them anymore is because of the abuse you’ve suffered for years.
@@craftilady precisely!!! Thank u for that validation.😭
@@MB-sg8dx you’re welcome! I understand because for years I was stuck in that lie. It’s easy to blame ourselves already so the last thing we need is some incompetent “mentor” putting blame on us that we don’t deserve! I wish you healing! ❤️🩹
@@MB-sg8dx me too only 45 years!!
I'm so sorry. 😢
In the late 60's my mom went to her priest for help. My father was an alcoholic and physically abusive. Her priest told her there must be some reason why her husband beat her and to go home and submit.
Excellent advice and wisdom, thank you. Two Christian counsellors … and they clearly didn’t “know”…. Just said we “couldn’t communicate” and to “stay the course, forgive.” Missed the target, bigtime.
Then Abuse worsened. BIGtime.
I wanted to jump in front of a train and heard the words “there is no rescue” in my shattered mind.
But God did rescue me. Bravely, Divinely, Magnificently. As only He knows how to, and in His perfect time. 🙏🏻♥️🕊️🤸🏼🌄
Was married to an overt malignant narcissist for 18 years. God moved me out of it miraculously (years ago). Tried church counseling ( at 3 churches and 1 Christian counselor). All told me I had to stay, all said I’d be the only Bible my husband would ever read. Although none of them would counsel my husband, only me if I wanted to try to stay. My ex was awful to everyone, arrogant, demeaning, brutal and obnoxious. Got divorced and then found out how churches feel about divorced women. They do not want them around. Sooooo, I have an online pastor and several I like every week. I guess none of us are perfect (yet). But church is no place for singles.. apparently, I was very surprised by that. Thanks for what you do. The brutality, degradation, anger, gaslighting, horrible treatment in narc marriages is so bad that unless there’s learning by those never affected, they absolutely cannot understand what you’re living with. It’s even hard to wrap your head around the evil AFTER you know about it. How could ANYONE behave like this? Treat another human being like they do? I prayed for years too that he’d get better, but he only got worse. The more you stay after being treated horrible by them, the more they figure you SHOULD be treated terrible! And that’s the truth!
You're right, they care more about the marriage than the person. They will also typically blame the woman for choosing poorly. And gossip about you and treat you poorly. So an abusive husband still never really faces the music, among church people. They will, however, judge you ruthlessly as a divorcee, so you can't win...unless you shut your mouth and suffer in silence like a godly wifey should. I was raised in church, got burned enough times to learn. I still hold Christian beliefs but I quit church. Seems they should pay attention to their leaders, because they have an awful lot of groomers among them...JS.
Been out 1.5 years now. I'm still healing and having trouble finding a church, but God now uses me to help others escape. Many have been delivered safely and some are staying and healing, but all have become better battle warriors. Fruit is spreading from your boldness and encouragement. Thank you for being a living sacrifice for the Lord. God bless you, Dr. Clarke.
Can you help me. I have no strength leaving the narc husband. I pray for to deliver me out this marriage. I have no support
This is true. Bizarre. I've told more than one person not to expect me to do anything they wouldn't do themselves. If they want to voluntarily play the victim, have at it. It's their life and their choice.
Me? I'll pray from a distance and move forward. Volunteering to be a punching bag for the ungodly doesn't glorify The Lord.
This happened to me, and I have yet to step foot in a church. When I should have been surrounded in love and helped, I was judged, isolated, and deeply hurt by the exact things you mentioned and more. I don't think I've recovered from it.
This also counts for men coming out of abusive family systems ! Mother died on narc abuse! Grand mother still abusive! Mother in law is overt , my still wife covert, her psychiatrist sister is knowing it and ain’t even doing a thing! One child, daughter😢 departed! I come out of 40+ years of being abused by narcs and still realizing what happened but did a lot of things like Sozo, Advanced Sozo, and 20+ years in therapy to come out of it! Realized it when my wife told me she will separate from me but still was going on holidays but telling me I’m narcissistic! But I’m not! She is! I’m empathic was always! ❤thanks for all your efforts and support here and putting the pieces together for us! I really appreciate your time and videos!
You're here now and that's a start.
I told the deacon what was happening and all he told me was don’t let the bastard get you down and just stay. I was very disappointed and felt unheard. I prayed for years and there was no change in him. My prayers only served to change me.
They prayed better for him then me, lost respect for most church people, they do not understand.
They assume you are part of the problem
They taught me give love good for evil, it traumatized me to the point I was in and out of emergency with panic attacks
5:17 I LOVE THAT ONE!! I “pray for u to shut up and leave me alone!”
Love this😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂❤
I only care what God leads me to do....not the church, not the deacon, not friends".
I remember when my ex and I went to a conseling session with the Pastor of his church and when I tried to tell him about what was going on in the relationship and expressing how I didn't have a voice, I wasnt being heard because the narc never listened, never took my feelings into consideration never had emapthy towards how I felt, I wasn't valued! The Pastors only advice or encouragement he gave to me was, " Oh, Sis, but you do have voice, on your knees" in other words, the only hope is God, so dont expect the narc to change or care, but God does!
I knew then my ex had either manipulated him to think he was the good guy or the pastor is a narc too
This is gold! Jesus shook off the dust, the wicked go astray from BIRTH speaking lies...! A leopard can not change its spots. God saved me helped me flee! God hates religion and churchianity more than divorce. God be glorified free indeed 🙏🏻 ✝️🔥❤️🕊
a relative spoke to his priest abt divorcing his wife of 3 months. He was told to give it more time. 10 miserable yrs later and nothing has changed except he and 2 children are miserable. She is master of the house and must be obeyed.
I'm going through this right now.. My narcissistic friend that he does vibe study with at our house justified his cheating saying "He's man and they sometimes can't help themselves it's not that he doesn't love you it's like getting a shiny new car" I told his friend well it's not a shiny new car when these women have been in his life our whole relationship and then I asked him if he's ever cheated on his wife or gas she ever cheated on him he got quite and said well no so I told him then you do t know how it feels so it's best to step back and keep your mouth shut then he told me I'm sinning cause I won't forgive him I just can't believe how people of the church can do this and he keeps saying I'm a non believer because I won't forgive and I won't step back into the church with my husband
😳. Double standards always indicate a Pharisee. Not hard to understand. Christ came to save him, not you, but he rejects Christ, and here we are…
It is a testimony the church wants!! Narc won’t change,pray the person see the truth and run…never be submissive to a monster!,yes they have good days to keep you trapped!
This is what I told a therapist in the 80s. You're responses are assuming that everyone is reasonable I am not dealing with a reasonable, normal person. That got me nowhere and I never went back to another counselor ever again
I needed this so much. Thankyou
I am extremely appreciative to you😢 Dr. Clarke for this video. Thank you so much. I would have loved to speak with you in person. May God continue to bless and keep you🙏
I appreciate your honesty and boldness about this topic. Sometimes what really help is being bold and not sugar coating issues like this one
It is far better to be from a broken home than 'in' a broken home.
I have asked numerous pastors and church people what I should do with my BIPOLAR COVERT NARCISSIST wife. The kids are all grown and we are less than roommates at this point. They all gave me the standard line "for better or for worse, 'till death do us part." Really? I will be moving out as soon as I find a suitable place to live.
Same with you, I have left last month
This is the kind of video I’m talking about. Truth hurts.
I knew something was off with my marriage of 18 years, and just recently (2 weeks ago) it came out. He is a covert narc. I'm too nervous to even talk to anyone at my church because I'm still trying to figure this all out. Now he is volinteering and being at the church every time the doors are open. Just one of his Narcish ways.
My soon to be ex narc is the same. Only now I'm 1600 miles away.
We have one in my small church and i had to stop going. They refuse to discipline her (gee imagine that! Lol) and are losing members but are too scared to call her out! Its really sad
This is my sister and I keep sharing info with her and I kick myself every time! Ugh. Thank you for all your help Dr Clarke.
I got out of my 30 years of abuse it now dealing with the aftermath and one of my wayward kids.
I do struggle with knowing what to do when I pray with my kids about all their brothers and sisters, when I get to their dad who is now gone. I usually just skip him but wonder if the kids think I should be praying for him. I don’t know. Didn’t Paul say don’t even pray for him?
Thanks, Dr. Clarke!
Thanks for the wonderful videos.
Thank you for THIS
You nailed it!
4:42 yea, pray for him to change gives ur abuser plenty time to off you😮
Thank you thank you
the church told me to pray for my parents and never intervened to protect me
Do you have videos that talk about men who are being abused by narcissistic women?
The narrative or advice would be the same. From my life experience, it is just that women being in these relationships is more prevalent. They are abused and sometimes lose their sanity and life. Take Dr. Clarke's advice if you are in such a situation.
Same difference.
GOD does not want us to be with these jealous people! Nothing but problems!
I have been trying to reconcile with my Narc wife for 14 months. We are seperated for 14 months. I done everything to get back to her without harassment. Nothing work. Now I tried to move on and collect my personal belongings. She refuse to return. She only respond when I go to my solicitor. It hurts me to do this to her. But I can't handle her anymore
Solicitor?
@@amyhenningsgard8618 lawyer
@@amyhenningsgard8618 Lawyer to sue her for my belongings
Thank God she's gone. She will only change... for the worse.
Run!!
They are occultists. They get high and earn points off of people praying. Learned the hard way. Wolves.
I always love your videos and normally agree with you always however I disagree with you. I think years ago the majority of churches did this however now I think more are realizing that it’s wrong. If your pastor is telling you to stay with someone who is abusing you then they aren’t a true man of God!!
You appear to be an angry person who doesn't encourage Christians to exhibit the fruits of the Holy Spirit. Also, your reference to 2 Timothy 3:1-5 completely twists what the Apostle Paul advises Timothy. That Scripture in context includes verses 6-9. If you read it in its entirety rather than "proof-texting" to support your advice, it is clear that the Apostle is addressing false teachers in the Church.
I wish I heard more compassion, these people are suffering and so are the victims. This personality disorder is tragic.
Found the angry defensive Narc!
We need compassion AND truth.
Narcs are false
My soon to be ex narc is a preacher so...
Fake prodigals!