Don't Feel Guilt For Divorcing Your Abusive Spouse - Ask Dr. Clarke
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 13 ธ.ค. 2020
- Dr. David Clarke answers a question about divorcing an abusive husband.
Today's question comes from a lady who was married for over twenty years to an abusive man. He never hit her, but he emotionally abused her on a regular basis. She tried everything but he would not change. She finally had enough and divorced him. Now he's blaming her for the divorce. He says, "why would a Christian file for divorce?" Others, including her own children, are blaming her for the divorce. She feels so guilty and wants to know what to do.
If your marriage is in a crisis, you can talk to Dr. Clarke directly by scheduling a phone advice session with him. Simply email Dr. Clarke at: davideclarkephd@gmail.com to setup a date and time to speak with him.
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Why do you only refer to abusers as "He"?
@@Jose-fc5yd
He always says woman can be nacrs too . Plus men stadicticly have won the trophie.
My divorce became final today and trust me I feel no guilt whatsoever. Screw him. Lol
I’m not Christian, but I really needed this video tonight. I’ve been married for 6.5 years and it has been increasingly more abusive. I kept blaming outside factors on his behavior and his emotional abuse is so much worse in the winter, so we had a baby two years ago. Tonight is the clearest I’ve ever understood that he doesn’t actually love me, after he sarcastically told me I’m the best woman he’d ever met after I expressed that I felt overly criticized by him. I make such excuses for not leaving, but I finally feel like I understand that there’s nothing left in this marriage. I think it’s okay to finally leave. And I really needed this kind of verbal support. Thank you.
Well Jesus loves you hon🥰 Ask him to reveal himself as God and he will show up.
It’s a lovely life knowing the creator of the universe loves you and walks with you and will carry you into paradise when this life is over 🙏🏼✝️💗
Would love for you to join the kingdom family 🥰
My ex continues to abuse me after 12 years of divorce. When I have to talk to him about our children, he takes every opportunity to blame and attack me. He also manipulates our girls against me. I’m still struggling with feelings of shame and guilt.
I was sending the payment of the retainer for my attorney and I needed some words to help me with the guilt of ending this relationship. I tried everything in the book, nothing changed, my mental and physical health can't take anymore.
Same here
Don’t have guilt- receive the Lords peace ✝️💗🙏🏼
The emotional abuse is worse!
Sometimes doubt would arise when it came to divorce thinking maybe he would treat me better, give him a chance. But then I would remember I gave him more chances than I can count. I cannot let myself feel guilty for being a victim of emotional abandonment and abuse, mental and physical abuse (physical abuse due to health declining).
After 21 years of marriage to a narcissistic misogynist I divorced my abusive husband after discovering his affair . Of which I now understand there were many . I now can’t believe I didn’t see all the years of his infidelity. He used gaslighting, screaming Like a banshee, the blame game and even used our son to hide his deceit . The burden he placed on our child was incalculable. I truly believe that God provided a way out for me and our son . Please know this, these abusers only have one priority themselves . They will do anything to get their way . They have no conscience, empathy or integrity. It is not or will ever be Gods plan for you to stay within this persons power and abuse . I have more peace of mind now in the five years since our divorce and continue to experience the peace and joy that Jesus intended for our lives .
It is so disappointing that people make excuses for abusers. They just tell abused women to shut up and don’t talk.
There are plenty of husbands who are abused too!!!!!!
My narcissistic in-laws joked about his mistress at his party. They expected me to stand by his side when he is an abuser and a cheater. My husband hit me and yelled at me because he is the one who is a cheater. They are trifling people.
I am so glad I have watched this. I have been in a emotional ubusive marriage for 20years. My husband also had multiple affairs. And I kept on trying. Thinking I was the problem
I am trying to deal with a divorce. Im a man but ive been mentally abused by a narcissist for 27 yrs. i know im a guy so it seems to make it harder that i asked for a divorce cause of emotional abuse. But i cant be abused one more day. I asked over a week ago so she tells me i want the divorce then you tell the kids. I was hoping she would do the right thing and show are kids how to be an adult. Instead she is mean and blaming me for everything. This sucks
it is harder in some ways when you are the man married to a narcissist. Get my Enough is Enough book if you don’t have it. Tell the kids the truth about mom-not mean, but the truth about her emotional abuse.
@@DrDavidClarke Wouldn't some counseling help a lot of people instead of just saying "divorce"?
A lot of folks don't even realize what they've been doing....some learned behavior from parents or caused by other traumas.
Some do, some don't.
So many women need your books! I'm sharing the resource of THIS ministry!
Many men need to leave their narc wives as well, believe me.... and hopefully the kids don't suffer too much.
Thank you bunches for sharing. God bless y’all abundantly. Ephesians 3:20-21.
Bless you for speaking truth! Thank you for putting words to the pain I’ve experienced for 30 plus years
Virtual hugs to you, doctor, and this woman. This helps me enormously.
Thank you so much for what you do, great straightforward approach. Super helpful, encouraging information… I’m on my Path for freedom and the return of my health 😊
Dr. CLARK I wish you would talk more about narcissistic children as opposed to just spouses
Can a marriage still be salvaged. Married for 44 years. 18 children later. He left a little over 8 years ago. But he is still on the fence. Indifferent about our marriage. Now he wants to know if I want to do my taxes with him. Stuck. At a fork in the road!
Praise Jesus for your work on this! I went to church for support in my abusive marriage, and was told I was commanded to stay unless he physically hit me. This is not what people like me need to hear. I just recently found you, and thank God I did! Hopefully, my email will reach you and you'll still be open to questions.
“Dirt ball”😂😂
I haven’t heard that word for while
My dad used those words
Am sure he now turns in his grave to know that I married a dirt ball😏
Thanks Dr. Clarke!
Thanks!
Thank you doctor 🙏🏼
Feeling the destruction now. I am too tired to go to shop by food, after 4 months to no contact.
Thank you so much!! This speaks directly to my situation
Why should one feel guilty to get rid of a monster.?
Thank you! I was wavering after sermon this morning. Why would the Hebrews want to go back to Egypt? It was Moses who convinced them to move forward!
7:31 So stop beating yourself up for the divorce
I really need to hear about this
Yes!
I don't feel sad by leaving a person that i allowed to abuse me mentally in fact i had him to pay for divorce he didn't give me any money while i was married to him i thank God that i am free sign Cynthia Smith with Jesus Christ in my life i am learning to love myself don be a victim by staying in the abuse
Omg! That is how my husband was!! He was so controlling. He kept money from me. He closed our bank accounts on me 3-4 times over our marriage. and opened his own account. I had nothing. I was not allowed to spend like he did. One time i charged $20 worth of hair products and i got a lecture about spending money, i got told that our credit card had a high balance. That was the first and only purchase i made.
He ended up having to pay for our divorce & has to pay spousal support , plus i get half his retirement. He wrote me a letter that he was gonna be hurting for money after paying me off.. he never worried about how I felt when he kept money from me the last 21 years we were married. Go figure
He say he's leaving it to me to get the divorce ,I never had it in mind, he abuse and he has cancer and they say it's cancer causing it
You give good information but why do you charge so much for a phone consult?
Celine Dion is being used as a warning of hell and what happens when someone is a narcissist
The biggest problem I have experienced is the fact I wanted a divorce. It's my human right to obtain a divorce yet people in my life, lawyers, and family members who aren't married to my spouse tried to prove I didn't know I wanted a divorce. Excuse me if you can wipe your own ass, choose what's for lunch or be married - you can decide to divorce. It became like pulling every single tooth out of your mouth for me to obtain a divorce. This the first and only time I filed for divorce and years later my narcissistic husband is still controlling my thoughts. In the United States of America.
This goes both ways dude! let's talk about women who are narcissists
Dear dr Clark I keep going back to the scripture that says love your enemies and do good to those that hate you
And where does doing that get you? You need to love yourself as a child of God, because he created you. If you don't love yourself, then you allow others to control you and your life. Also, remember, it was man who interpreted the bible.
You can still do good to your enemies from far away. That doesnt mean you should let someone abuse u
Love means doing the best for the other person. Allowing them to continue in sin, sin that is not acknowledged nor repented of when confronted, is NOT love. We are told to expose deeds of darkness (Eph.5) If you've done Matthew 18 and he is unrepentant, then turn him over to be dealt with. It is the most hopeful thing for them at this point. And Jesus knows there are hard hearted folks; that's why He gave us Matthew 18, etc.
Can I remarry after divorcing my abusive ex?
Dr. Clarke discusses that question on this podcast episode. th-cam.com/video/wye66RICfis/w-d-xo.html
Yes!
NO!!
I was waiting for some bible and he kept saying it was coming, and it never really came. This is a red flag…
What men who are being horribly being abused by their wives eh?
Or doesn't that count eh?
Listen to 10 mins in. Clearly he says “even some men…”. But your statement being presented that way sounds bitter which makes me wonder if you are a ‘blamer’
And God didn't care, there was a lesson to be learned. You know what I learned, everyone needs a lesson. Who am I to get in the way of Gods hand. I petition God daily that anyone who helped him keep me trapped there are punished. I want the next 7 generations of their lineage sold into bondage just like God promised. Emotional terror and devastation, demented things people can't even recognize. I want them punished especially his buddy cops and judges.....
I've attempted to watch or listen to several of your videos and I'm an abused male. I feel like you single out the male and go into the situation with the interpretation of the man being at fault. Let's hear the one's of the female being the abusive spouse.
Same here.
Clarke does explain that it can be the other way around but not often.
My ex-wife was emotionally abusive and neglectful. Men and women can both be abusive and neglectful. I'm not sure why you need to separate the genders here. I believe that it always takes two to make a relationship work. It's fine to acknowledge the abuse and neglect of the other person. But you have to own your part, and each side always has a part. Not all men are narcissists, lol. But it is narcissistic to not acknowledge your role in the relationship. If you choose to divorce, brace for this, you're an adult who CHOSE to end a marriage and break up a family. That's called accountability. It's being an adult. It's ok to move on from an abusive spouse, but it's not ok to ignore your part. That is toxic victimization. Sorry to disagree with you on that part. Work on yourself and figure how why you chose an abusive person, and what toxic or abusive traits you might have that need to be worked on. That's the work that I have done and I would expect a mature woman to do the same.
Very insightful.
Dr Clarke doesn't care about abused men, neither do Christian women
Woman are nacesistic.sociopathic and psychopatic too do some videos about them too please...my ey was a psyhonarcwoman
Yup.
Thanks!