Are You Too Self-Aware? [The Self-Awareness Paradox]
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 เม.ย. 2024
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Self-awareness is like sex: everyone thinks they’re great at it, but in reality no one knows what the f*ck they’re doing.
And this ladies and gentlemen, is the theme of today’s TH-cam video:
What we get wrong about self-awareness.
Join me as I unpack how self-awareness has been helping and/or hurting a lot of us, plus how the billion-dollar self-help industry has misled us about it.
Enjoy.
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Go to dayoneapp.com/markmanson to get a limited-time offer and get a two-month free trial with Day One Journal Premium.Then you too can look back in 10 years and cringe at yourself. 😂
Got it... Love it! I can now use audio and video to journal! Thank You!
Not joking or trolling, but according to my journaling I am better off dead and have no hope. Not joking. That's is why I stopped doing it.
😂😂😂🎉😂🎉🎉🎉😂🎉😂😂😂😂🎉🎉😂😂😂😂😂😂🎉
Hi Mark. I have been telling people to go eff themselves for years and they usually do. I now ask them to go unfuck themselves 😂
It's my truest truth.
@@unusualaussie9606 so you value death over living? How does that serve you? Believe it or not both have value. Equal value.
Hey Mark, psychiatrist and therapist here; I'm sharing my views again while you're still on the topic of therapy. It's nothing critical; I'm only expanding on what you have covered.
Here's a secret that most therapists won't tell you... and I'll probably be murdered for this.
We therapists have known for a while that all therapeutic techniques are similarly effective. Thus, we have theorized that the patient-therapist relationship is doing the heavy lifting rather than the therapy itself. Unfortunately, therapists have allegiance to their style and professional body and can, therefore, become quite cultish about their practices. For example, the CBT purist will claim that CBT is best, while the Freudian/psychoanalytic therapist does the same. They will even go as far as bad-mouthing each other, and It becomes even messier when you layer the therapist's financial interests on top of it.
It is less helpful to focus on individual parts of therapy, such as 'self-awareness,' because that, too, can become a source of neurosis. You are correct that too much or too little self-awareness can lead to problems, but so is worrying too much about having an exactly 'right' amount of it, which is also a form of neurosis. It is the classic trap of being anxious about our anxiety. And by the way, self-awareness is funny - you can help people get more of it, but the opposite is almost impossible. Once you know yourself, you can't unknow yourself.
Rather than considering which therapy or therapists are better, consider a patient's developmental needs instead. Validation is such a powerful tool in therapy because most parents spend a lot of time invalidating their children to produce a kind of behaviour that is convenient for them. When a therapist validates a patient, they are effectively meeting a developmental need to facilitate or resume psychological growth that was otherwise stalled or arrested at a young age. This explains why every psychotherapeutic styles are equally as effective as long as the therapist is meeting the patient's developmental needs (i.e. it doesn't matter how you feed the baby as long as you feed them).
However, validation alone is not sufficient for psychological growth. A good parent will encourage their child to play and explore their world while always remaining in the background as a secure base if the child grows weary and needs to return home. This helps foster curiosity, safety, and individuality - all essential components of a healthy and effective human mind.
A patient will internalize their therapist as the 'ideal parent' to satisfy their developmental needs if their therapist is attuned to them. Unfortunately, the therapists themselves can sometimes (not always) have trouble encouraging their patient to separate. This can be due to the therapist's unmet needs, but it is most commonly due to financial reasons. Therefore, I always caution against longer-term indefinite therapy because that almost always creates a co-dependent relationship with your therapist where the patient relies on the therapist for soothing while the therapist relies on the patient for their livelihood. There isn't anything inherently wrong with this arrangement... but the patient has to be informed.
Depending on the severity, duration, and age at which a trauma took place, some neuroses can be far more severe than others, which is akin to permanent brain damage. A very young brain (i.e. age 0 - 2) is very plastic and vulnerable to trauma. People who are traumatized repeatedly during that age will likely require much longer and more intense therapy. However, your average Joe is probably a lot more resilient than that. It goes without saying that your genetics also play a role here.
Although I agree that the 'do-not-fix-what-is-not-broken' philosophy is generally pragmatic, a neurotic person cannot tell what is broken or what isn't. Therein lies the dilemma. That is why we still see patients who have a seemingly good life but continue to struggle with anxiety and depression, regardless of their levels of self-awareness.
Here's a tip for you and your viewers: If you ever find yourself running out of things to say with your therapist, that is a sign that it is time to review your goals and ask if the therapist has anything else to contribute. You might be in it to avoid upsetting your therapist, and they might be in it because they need the money. Again, there isn't anything inherently wrong about this, but it has to be said out loud so it is on the table.
Thank you for this! Great comment.
Thanks for taking the time to write such a thorough comment. I wanted to add, just as an anecdote, that I am in the process of re-reading Subtle Art and I am in the part where @IAmMarkManson talks about the benefits of therapy. Kind of weird to have two Marks almost contradicting each other, in my head 😂
Though I agree to some extent, as someone with such a brain damage due to years of abuse during young age by parents with both mental illnesses (and officially diagnosed with cptsd because of it - it is an official diagnosis in my country), therapy made it only worse because talking does not heal the trauma in my head and being encouraged to talk made it a lot worse (as would talking to a friend do).Fortunately I found an online coach with a similar background and a practical program that fixed a lot of my issues without having to go through ectra pain. I'm a doctor in behavioral science myself by the way, and struggled for 30 years with the idea that I needed to talk (encouraged by phycologists) to heal while this practical approach (focussing on self regulation and refraining from talking or even thinking about the childhood trauma) did wonders in about 14 months. In this coaching group there are many more of my generation who had been talking themselves into depression and more trauma with regular therapists. The talking solves trauma approach should be revised I think.
What about all the therapists validating delusions.
Is it also possible that people are different and different therapy techniques work better for different people? And could this explain why it seems like none of them work perfectly? If I make several types of pasta sauce and give them randomly to a bunch of different people, I would end up with similar data. They would all be more or less effective as pasta sauces, but none would have 100% success rate. Some people don’t like mushrooms, others don’t like pesto, etc. Maybe this possibility was already accounted for in the research showing they all work about the same. Just a thought I had.
Self-awareness is the most misunderstood concept that has been thrown around , the goal is NOT to become self-aware and just stop there , the goal is to use self-awareness to fix some of your flaws so that you stop fucking up your life unnecessarily ..
💯 cycling in and out of periods of intense self awareness and personal change is better. We usually do most of that during hard times. We have to take the good times as an opportunity to live in the moment and enjoy life, rather than focus on how we can be “better” all the time. Stay physically healthy, check in on your mental health… but don’t make it your whole focus. If you do that during times you are well - you won’t enjoy life as much. I personally think 24/7 access to online therapy is a horrible idea (this is coming from a trained psychologist) … people have to learn to self soothe.
thats some facts
😲☝️ This.
There is awareness, but there can be no awareness of self because it doesn't exist.
Some flaws are not really flaws. Social anxiety for exemple. And i was really shy. Turns out i was just too focused in myself and not aware i will die one day
So, basically, its not so much about having too much self-awarenes as it is about the pressure to always be perfect or "correct" in thoughts and actions. High self-awareness can be beneficial as it helps you understand your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors better. The key is to pair this awareness with acceptance, allowing yourself to experience thoughts and emotions without harsh judgment or the need to be perfect. Thanks, Mark!
I really like this way of putting it. High self-awareness without acceptance basically just creates an endless list of problems to be fixed in yourself. I have a habit of doing that, so accepting my circumstances to some extent does wonders in relieving my anxiety.
This is a great way to put it!
Letting Go by David R Hawkins and the Map of Consciousness
Exactly. Nothing in this video was about the problem of too much self-awareness. Seems like Mark got carried away, motivated either by the desire to make the topic controversial, and thus gain more traction, or by building the story to match the sponsor. Or something else, I don't know. But he spent the whole video shaping and morphing the narrative to somehow "pathologise" self-awareness, always pointing at something else. Ironically, too much self-awareness CAN be problematic. However, he has not mentioned that even once.
Well... I recently realized that the cause of my social phobia, which I've struggled with for 6 years, is actually PERFECTIONISM.
Part of the problem is without talking to somebody. How do we know where actually improving and not just improving our perception of ourselves.
yeah, didn't really get his point.
@@smokejc because without outside perspective how do we know we not crazy.
Echo chambers can be dangerous
Perspective is harmful whether it's coming from outside or from ourselves. It is an act of ego.
As long as the feedback from others isn't that you're actively doing harm to people, if you're being truly honest with yourself, how you perceive your life as improving is all that really matters. Who cares what others think you should be doing with your life?
"Perhaps therapy isn't necessary at all. Which brings us to today's sponsor, BetterHelp"
😂😂 👏👏
That's what I was waiting for lmao. They're EVERYWHERE.
Mark, I don't know if you'll ever see this, but 5 years ago, my dad attempted to kill himself due to a psychotic break, several of my friends left me in my time of need, and I dropped out of college to work 2 jobs. I just laid in bed for entire days when I wasn't working, and it was your listening to the subtle art of not giving a fuck that kept me sane during those times. I still listen to self help books once in a while and everything still isn't perfect yet, but that was the absolute pits of my life for all the time I've been alive and I've been wanting to personally thank you. This is the closest chance I'll ever possibly get, so thank you for making that book. It helped me out immeasurably at a time when I was thinking about calling everything in. I didn't know you had a youtube channel until now, but will be sure to keep watching your videos in doses.
Started journaling in my early teens many years before therapy was accessible in ths social milieu. 30 years and several therapists later, my journal still proves to be most vital tool in my mental health and self awareness tool box.
Consistency is key
I work as a Registered nurse. There are claims that "energy healing" has been shown to have better health outcomes for patients in area of the hospital where they are expected to stay 1 week or longer. The claim was that the energy practitioner, without touching them, was able to spend time one on one with the patient, finding their "bad" energy and ridding them of it. Studies showed that indeed people had better health outcomes and left hospital earlier. Studies also showed that by simply having someone, without using "energy healing", listen to the patient, spending time with them, and give a fuck about them (even if just pretending) they too had better health outcomes/ shorter stays. Conclusion? SIMPLY just having someone paying attention and seemingly interested in ones well-being is enough to inflict a mental state of relief enough to heal faster (no voodoo needed)
Which country are you talking from
As a therapist, I agree on a lot of this.
And because of this problem, I try fix people's issues quickly and to the point, as well as make them see reality.
It's only been a few who stay with me until they have nothing to talk about, most fix their stuff and move on.
However I've seen many people who don't have much wrong, YET, but their biggest issue is that they don't allow themselves to live fully or authentically, which is something journaling doesn't help with.
So it's very effective when I as a therapist, or the group setting that is created in retreats, allows them to life themselves out fully and give less f*cks.
Therapy is needed, to give the permission you're still waiting on from authority ,that you can't give to yourself.
Great comment
Couldn't agree more. I've journalled for the last 3 years and it has made an enormous difference. When I feel content, I don't journal at all. Whenever I feel down, I get the paper and pen out.
As an overqualified therapist I completely agree with most of that. When I'm starting out with a new client one of the first things we do is develop a map for a safe off ramp. So they KNOW this is not forever. I also recommend journalling 😆 But not digital. Handwriting is much better because it forces you to slow down your thought to paper process.
Therapy is great. My therapist cannot be replaced by any of my friends, it doesn't matter what your data says. And I have several wise and thoughtful friends. They're just not professionals with professional insight.
This is so true. Most of my friends when I start telling them I am depressed, will readily say "you have a choice" or you are being weak. And they also have lives and problems they need to attend to and none of them have time to listen. None of them helped unlike talking to a counselor who has your background from childhood to adulthood.
Yep. I can’t properly talk to any of my friends about some of this shit.
@@selamariebruh Hate to break it to you, but the people you are talking about are clearly not your friends.
I’m very much aware of how self aware I am!!!
At least you’re aware of it.
That's recursive.
Please dont be addicted to these kinda videos..my sister has gone mad listening to this guy
@@Strikzz12 mad? what you mean by that
@@nicbarth3838 extreme self awareness... self improvement anxiety overthinking mark manson what'd he say . Mad after consuming too much info abt the mind
As someone with a personality disorder, I can tell you that a few years in therapy doesn't do the job. If you have learnt to disconnect from your body, to dissociate, it's not easy to reverse the process, and journaling will not fix you. I get your overall message, perhaps it's true for the majority of people, but sadly not everyone.
That’s my concern. Many incomplete generalizations made with authority in a subject by someone not licensed in the field, but who holds significant public influence and shapes the perceptions of people who need help.
Try Rob kelly thrive program- helped me a lot
@@Ljtheog12if you think someone licensed in the field will fix you then you are subconsciously obsessed with academia. No one will be able to fix you, you think you are special but let me tell you something… no one is, none of these fucks know anything and no one does, this is YOUR life grab it by the balls and make decisions, start mobilizing and run little experiments and see what helps and what doesn’t or waste your life thinking you will find someone to finally be able to help, that amazing doctor you see on TV where your brain goes “oh if only I was able to book therapy with her/him then I’ll be okay” your choice. Good luck
His overall message (in this video) was therapy of any type works if there is a problem but can cause problems if there are no major issues affecting you. So it wouldn't contradict your experience at all.
no bcuz my friend is overly conscious and literally stays home for YEARS now and always says “im not mentally healthy right now to be social” and im like bro you were the most outgoing friendly person before you got into “self -therapy” that sht is dangerous and delusional
Damn, that’s an interesting point lol
Sounds like he might have nervous system dysregulation which makes social activities stressful. It's not that his personality wouldn't enjoy it as he enjoyed it before, but it might feel too much for him and he decides to stay home regulating himself. Dysregulated nervous system causes more social anxiety and stress.
He is probably into self-help because he senses something is not right and he needs help.
I think for the most of the people the need for self-help comes first rather than just trying to fix something that is not broken. So I don't agree with that video on that point. But on a subtle level this video is on point. But it sees things very black and white.
It's better to try to validate other experiences rather than thinking you know what they should do. 🧡
and bro promoted betterhelp
Some is good. It’s too much that is the problem…. Victim mentality or just focusing on problems rather than solutions to move forward….
😂😂😂😂
@@EleanorRoseRyanthat’s most therapy
@@EleanorRoseRyanthe original poster of the comment alluded to the notoriously sh*t service better help has, them selling user data, awful therapists, overall a trash service
😂😅
The editing on this is amazing, shoutout to whoever edited it, haven't been impressed by a video in a while
Indeed, I enjoyed actually WATCHING it as well. I'm not watching a lot of videos these days (just listening 🙃).
agreeed
Great work, Mark! I generally agree! Only issue with just journaling and/or talking to a friend in lieu of seeing a therapist is that they won't necessarily know where to guide our thought process when we start fixating too much on something or are avoiding uncomfortable things that need be addressed. A trained therapist will recognize that, and offer much needed guidance to our internal processing.
That was precisely one of my points of criticism for this video. Firstly, yes, of course any person will tend to avoid unpleasant points, especially the ones which threaten their egos. And it's the therapists job to help them notice these points and process them. Secondly, I don't know if you've noticed, but Mark hasn't really said what the problem with too much self-awareness is. It was always something else.
Self awareness needs a self awareness itself!
The game is how deep can you go aware in yourself. In each layer the game becomes more complex until your mind can’t comprehend.
Acceptance really helps…
3:04 yeah, that couch helped me through many tough times.
Where is this couch from….
It’s been commented on again here…!
@@doymon it from a famous pron movie
@@doymon search on Wikipedia for "casting couch" and read the article.
@@doymon Specific pornographic material.
@@doymon It's the corn couch lol
This is generally speaking to the more affluent with day-to-day problems, not severe trauma, or I hope so.
Yes! I wish he would’ve been more conscientious about his message…or *self-aware* enough to let people know this doesn’t apply to trauma, personality disorders, etc. It could be shaming to ppl who’ve hidden their issues/experiences for whatever reasons. Meh, I get it, some of it definitely makes sense, aaaaand it also came across a lil shitty to me🤷🏻♀️
THANK YOU. Having just come through Trauma, I wish he had mentioned a caveat for that. I agree therapy can be overdone, and I'm looking at that myself. However, I think this simplifies the issue to one answer for everyone, which never works.
@@TheFreedPerspective Spot on
@@ElizabethMora-sl4eq 🙏
Somatic Therapist here. I agree with all of this when it comes to talk therapy and the process of consciously understanding yourself - self awareness. However there are other therapy styles that work differently on purpose. Somatic therapy, for example, is less about consciously knowing your past, and instead building a somatic tool kit that allows you to have more resilience and emotional capacity when life throws challenges your way. It can also increase one's connection to pleasure, sensations, and desire. This is just a sample, there's a lot more there. Receiving somatic therapy changed my life and only a small portion of it had to do with processing memories.
sometimes it's very difficult to understand which problem we have. I can remember that I was confused about fear, anxiety and worrying. After that it was looking for the cause, one day it was adjustment issues to my current life circumstances and the gap between my expectations and the reality, the other day was finding meaning in the new reality, also looking back into the childhood to see what made me expect things I was missing... and these are all the tip of the iceberg! I'm sure that only a few therapists would be able to guide me through all these, which I never met! I never needed somebody who just listens and shows (fake) empathy and charges me for that! I really needed wisdom which I couldn't get from a therapist or self-help celebrity who is younger than me and had an easy life so far!
When I was a teen, I became self-aware and just ran with it. I was so self-aware that I became quiet then introverted because too much self-awareness can turn against you.
The couch image you used 3:05 😂😂 IYKYK
Hehe please tell?
lol 😂 came comments looking for this.
@@nimmaze91 It's from a porn series
Yea, also very confused…what’s the notable thing here?
Also what is that on the table…?!
@@doymon A handheld camera. To better record the casting process, so to speak.
As in, PORN.
I talk to my best friend about all my problems. She is really smart and it helps me a lot. I went to a therapist once and had a bad experrience. I would rather talk to my friends.
I started journalling, meditating, and self-care when I left my second toxic romantic relationship. These different tools had a great impact on my healing journey.
I am fully aware that this is a continuing process, a journey and not a destination.
Being compassionate to others is another tool for becoming a best version of yourself.
Thank you Mark for this video.❤
I really like your words, thank you ♥
I'm from the Philippines and I am very thankful, that you bring the discussion of too much self-awarness because I'm feeling less of the purpose of my life. I think that all life is difficult and there's no room for me to do what makes me happy. So I try all ways to fix all my problems but I create some delusional problems thus I should be careful of it.
Therapy has helped me, but I guess it could depend on how deep your problems are. I am positive that I could not have made as much progress as I have just by journaling.
Yeah, I journelled for years and it was helpful, but I made big progress once I started counselling.
He said the self-reflection is why journaling and meditation work not that therapy doesn't. In fact he said all types of therapy work about equally well. The only time he said therapy is not advised is when you don't actually have a problem. (That is the only context where he said therapy can make problems).
I agree with your points about telling the difference between generally normal experiences and what may need more tending to, and I believe self-awareness alone does not lead to change. It must be paired with self-accountability and action too. A good therapist is actually there to guide you through all that and isn't afraid of tough love and calling out a behavior pattern (once trust has been built). Also, a good therapist recognizes when it's time to suggest a client graduate from therapy to go at things on their own relying on the social support they've hopefully built.
I LOVE this deep awareness being spoken aloud, perhaps for the first time, that the practice of normalizing what is pathological - think alternate facts, fake news, etc - and pathologizing what is normal - ie difficult emotions - is a huge contributor to disrupting mental health.The remedies offered sound great too. Awesome teaching, Mark!!
A wonderful message. :-)
That's exactly what happened to me: At some point in my life, not everything was great, but I was actually doing well.
And since then I don't have to undergo any therapy at all. I just have to accept my own peculiarities as well as those of other people.
I am healthy enough to now “just” develop my emotional and character maturity. Step by step. And full of curiosity.
*_I wish you all this beautiful feeling of being okay - especially with your fears and your anger, with your mistakes and weaknesses. With everything that is there!_* ❤🍀🤗
To me talking to someone gives us the much needed different perspective. Oftentimes when we are trying to solve a problem, we become a prisoner of our own mind. Not just personal problems, but even mechanical problems. How often, have you been stumped by house problem or car problem and some comes along and spots the problem in 2 seconds, something we would never figure on our own
“And everybody’s favorite family therapy”. That’s so funny. I love it. I’m a therapy warrior because it took me a looong time to find the right therapist and therapy but when I found them the healing I’ve experienced and am experiencing now. Journaling. It’s epic. ❤️❤️
We really want our emotions to be validated by others ....
that’s all humans want lmao
Congratulations!!
You are not a psychopath. 😂😂😂
So what, that others will instantly like you thus you'll gain social status thereby a serotonin hit? Or you're gonna ditch that victimhood mentality because fuck performing for validation.
Maybe not validated but definitely understood
@@laaaliiiluuu and at which point this awareness will leads to better self mastery? Like how can we turn out understanding of our own anger into setting and enforcing flexible boundary outside of therapy sessions?
I think the last couple of videos have been pretty reckless with extremely important nuiances not being discussed or mentioned, and in some cases tossed into an "us vs them" bucket. A lot of your content has been wonderful and helped me a lot. But Im going to distance myself from it for the time being. Thank you for your help Mark 💚
I agree. I love his stuff, but he's not cautioning enough about major depression, etc.
Firstly, i must say this video came at the perfect time in my life, more importantly is i absolutely love the production quality on this video, I still remember when you made the announcement that you were trying something new on the channel and i have been loving the content since then, the improvements are very visible
This had to be said! I’ve made myself a victim of abusive self-awareness. It sounded stupid to me in the beginning, but too much of it begins to accumulate too much attention on problems that are no big deal because most people have, and the thing you’re trying to fix accentuates the little flaw.
Exactly! You focus so much on yourself that you don’t understand that other people are dealing with the same stuff you are. I think there some sort of ego benefit to believing that we are a unique victim. It can feel much more safe to believe we are uniquely screwed up, and that most other people are “normal”, because then, in our unconscious mind, they can take care of us. If you see yourself as uniquely broken, it can be quite a shocking and even terrifying revelation to realize that the people you think are the most “normal” and healthy are actually even more screwed up than you are. Like doctors, for example. Or politicians.
Love this wisdom. I been around the self-help world for 20 plus years. I am sick of it. Enough is enough!
This is why I subscribed to you back in 2020 after hearing your audiobook! Fantastic video came at the right time!
wow, this video came at a perfect time! I recently started therapy, and 9 sessions in, I ran out of stuff to talk about. I have talked about my childhood trauma, my work trauma, and everything that I had to talk about. We have 3 sessions remaining (because it was a 12-session grant from this non-profit org) and my therapist told me to scour those little things to talk about. I personally don't feel the need to talk about anything else, because I feel like I am sorted now, but because of this grant, I will have to do 3 more sessions and talk about random shit happening in my day.
I thought I was alone in this, and your video made me even more self-aware about this thing. Also, I am slowly learning how to detach myself from the world and become more aware of my emotions, and I have been journaling for the past 7 years, but actually talking with a therapist helped me in some areas, but now that you have said, I am running out of things to talk about lol
Now I feel like I am self aware of the fact that I am self aware and now I am more self ware to stop that self awareness
Love you. You books really helped me back in the day and just last week i bought one for my sister! Wish you all the best
This video is SO GOOD! Keep up the work man, it helped me a lot, you can't even imagine! How do you even do all this great stuff, you do make wonders.
Wow, Mark, that first 2 minute seque way was incredibly facile: you don't really need therapy, you just need to journal and here's a word from our sponsor?
Mark you are onto something so incredibly important with this and your last video with the Bad Therapy author. Thanks for having the courage to speak the truth about the alarming paradigm that has emerged that is worsening people's mental health. I've been a life long journaller and it is hands down the most effective thing in my toolkit when navigating stress or difficulty.
Video came just at the right time. For months I've been taking Plato's quote, "the unexamined life is not worth living," and constantly philsophising about my emotional state and striving to be more emotionally healthy, mature and intelligent. But I began to wonder if I was being too analytical when I should just simplly live
I can provide insight into the topic from my own experience - when I sought out Therapy, I've already exhausted my personal relationships and it didn't help.
I had 2 therapists for a duration of 6 months, one specializing in depression and the other in anxiety - it's the science and tools they taught me that helped tremendously and led to a breakout.
I'm no longer depressed or filled with anxiety - I know how to cope and push forward, it doesn't hold me back anymore.
Also I've never had any issues with finding things to talk about with my previous therapists 😅
So how yo outcome these? Anxiety and depression?
everything has pros and cons and self awareness is one of them. for example no self awareness means your oblivious about how to speak to people, and how to think about yourself. now having too much is bad as well. for example your more paranoid, anxious and you overthink, which can lead too deppresion and mental illnesses. i hope this was helpful too sum up why we need some form of middle-ground.
These videos help so much thanks Mark
i can attest to how helpful journaling is, I’ve been gaslit by therapists, psychologists, and people that i’m denying ADHD out of shame, when in reality I was misdiagnosed with it, which i realized after journaling. I tried convincing doctors that I have a new distinct attention disorder but nobody except 2 people believe me. Therapy is shit and doesn’t unpack my patterns. People shunned me for not accepting a ‘quirky’ disorder. My self awareness helped, and it’s time to show people that adhd isn’t the only attention disorder and to pave the way for rare/unknown disease research
..um so why exactly did you need a new attention disorder vs the established one? (Which is actually a blanket disorder. No one with ADHD is exactly the same as anybody else with ADHD there's variations). Perhaps you have some bpt too? Or maybe just crave being special. Side note, diagnosis come from the DM5. If it doesn't exist in the DM then it's not a diagnosis. That doesn't mean there's not a difference in your thinking or how your brain works. Literally every person's brain works slightly differently. Most disorders are just exaggerated issues that everyone faces. So where anyone can become distracted or forget something, it becomes a disorder when the amount and degree of your distractedness negatively impacts your life. The reason medical professionals are not taking you seriously is because you have no understanding of the underpinnings of what a diagnosis is or how the body already works. A diagnosis is simply a label that helps other people their professionals already know the main areas you're struggling with. With ADHD it includes a broad range but each person with ADHD will have strengths and weaknesses within that range. If your trouble is with attention then it would fall under that category in some way. Unless it's some other category such as dementia or from physical damage like a stroke or injury.
@@jessicaolson490 This is the exact problem. and stop assuming im trying to be special, Im not. We cant push people into blanket terms its too oversimplifying. “literally every person’s brain works slightly differently”, I find your ignorance troubling, you cant be more wrong. people can have very significant issues and issues most people dont face. have you ever heard of SCT or CDS cognitive disengagement syndrome? its a distinct attention disorder that constantly gets pushed as adhd because researchers arent sure yet, but many believe its distinct because its sluggishness, lack of attention to detail, processing issues, and sleepiness, symptoms which are not a part of adhd, because CDS the person can execute tasks unlike adhd, but they have trouble with detail, and is less severe than adhd. Doctors problem of shoving everyone in the same box helps no one! and the reason they have massive variation while others are more similar, is because they were forced in a box they cant fit into. It’s time that science becomes more precise and avoids guesswork and intuition which are very against what makes science science.
@@jessicaolson490 adhd doesnt resonate w me at all, especially since i lack memory issues. and by the way, my psychologist herself believes i dont have adhd and that i have a distinct syndrome, especially because i have a rare problem which is sleepiness. i sleep 12-24 hrs a day and my neurologist cant figure it out. also they are professionals, but they ARENT of a condition they have no knowledge about
ACT (Acceptance and commitment therapy, or better Acceptance and Commitment Training) is for me a life changer, not as a therapy method but as a way of living. If you are struggling with yourself and/or with life, i can highly recommend to investigate ACT. Besides the subtitle art of not giving a fuck (witch has a lot of ACT similarities) one of my favorite books is The happiness trap by Russ Harris! It really changed my life for the better!
I love journalling and does exactly that.
But reading fiction teached me also that not be allways selfaware is also good. I fell stressed.
I go read a book, it relieves my stress, im focused in the characters and another world, and then i come back fresh, not seeing the world from stressfull eyes. Thats why i also think is not good to be allways self aware.
This video started off good but took a wrong turn about halfway. People are largely unconscious. People come into therapy and lead with what they know, but it’s just the surface of what drives them underneath. When people inevitably don’t know what to talk about, it is often because they ran out of material in their conscious awareness. If they can be guided deeper into their unconscious by a licensed therapist (not a influencer guru) who is trained in knowing how to navigate this, they can expand awareness more and reorganize the meanings initially made about themselves and others retrospectively, getting closure on the past, a sense of continuity to the present, and a more educated stance on how to move forward. While I think it’s great more people are interested in therapy, you and a lot of other influencers get a lot wrong about what actually happens in treatment. Much of the information I see you and others pass off is diluted, skewed, or very specific to certain scenarios. My concern though is when it's passed off as the authoritative truth about therapy and mental health disorders... and you are not a therapist. This creates a lot of misinformation and false expectations about treatment in the public, from someone who is not a licensed therapist. To be fair, you have some really good information (e.g. the studies you included), but in every one of your new therapy videos I’ve seen, all get at least a little bit wrong but the conclusions/impressions you make from these errors are huge and misguided. Please consider using disclaimers, and leave more of therapy to those who are properly licensed to speak about it without misinformation.
Agreed. Coming from a licensed therapist. There are also steps that we guide people through beyond self awareness, which is just one part of the change process. We keep an eye on also helping clients see the impact on themselves and loved ones today, gently challenging them to consider alternative ways of being, and help them create direction and action steps that fit them.
Great video and thoughtful comment. I feel like this comment comes off like a large corporation grasping at the proprietary all knowing methods of mentaly healing someone. Just like every decision in a person's life its up to them to decide what's healthy for them and who's opinions and lectures influence those decisions. I'll say therapy felt like talking in circles and not getting much out of it but the comradery of talking to another sympathetic human. Hearing someone tell me that life goes on and it's all good has helped me get past much stronger barriers. Hey I'm just a guy eating my sandwich on break in my car.
Wholeheartedly agree. The segue between claiming you don't need therapy to why journaling is effective is where the video completely fell apart in my opinion. Off the mark on this one.
This is so important to hear. I do struggle to process it a little though, as someone who probably would have committed suicide by now if not for both good therapists and psychiatric pills. I moved from one extreme to the other, similar to what you described is happening to the younger generations. Until age 19 I lived a life with very little understanding of my emotions and needs, and suffered lots of abuse. Then from age 20 to now, at 24 - I spent way too much time overthinking every single little thing in my life and obsessively analysing it, that in many situations made me take better routes in my life (realising I was raped and taking space from that person for starters) but also caused me a lot of waste of powers and exhaustion in my every day life, being unable to focus on productive actions or thinking I'm being productive and overworking a ton but not in an efficient manner. When I'm at my worst, I do need the support, I need to think things through to figure out what caused my state and how to process and heal from it. Once I'm better though, at least for however long it lasts, I learn how to focus on productivity, relationships and try my best not to overthink and analyse things, only when something is of a very large significance. I live with severe OCD which is the 7th most disabling common illness in the world (of all illnesses, not just the mental ones). And actually, my therapist is doing exactly what you're suggesting - teaching me to NOT think things through too much, not stress when not necessary, not seek reasoning for every emotion and so forth, that's been pretty effective.
Only speaking from the perspective from around the time your first book was published....in my opinion....this is probably your best episode yet Mark. Well done.
Currently going through this right now. I've been seeing a therapist due to a very severe rough patch in my life a few months ago. Six months later, I finally feel like I'm at a good spot mentally. I realized that I'm not going to be able to answer all the unanswered questions I still have after what I went through, but this is perfectly normal. Now I'm at the point where I believe my therapist has done all he can do to help push me into getting past my initial problem I went in with, and now I'm struggling on how to let go of seeing him. It's a little daunting, but I think when I see him next, I'm going to let him know that I think it's best if I stop going since I believe it's doing more harm than good at this point for me.
Source on the study?
I'm becoming more self aware of the self awareness that I never was fully aware of that is making me now too aware
Loved the new setup for the video 😊
Mark, your videos have been soo very insightful. I've been watching your videos and reading your books for over 3 years now. Thank you so much!!!
Mark, your videos have taken a giant leap forward in their production value. They are cinematically beautiful. Nicely done. (The content has always been great) PS: I'm a new Day One user. Thanks for the nudge.
Recognising you have too much self-awareness (which you can find ways to work around or simply ignore) is a product of self awareness so more self awareness is still better than less.
This video came handy today, thank you Mark
I learned too much about my own self awareness without knowing how to handle the awareness. It’s taken me a long time to also learn how to accept all the negative feelings that come along with that
My issue is working on myself around my kids/family; as if there's no space to allow myself to grow. Almost as if I need privacy to be myself, I'm not trying to do weird or out there things to express myself either , I just don't feel like there's room for me to burden anyone with myself generally.
Literally the medicine I’ve been seeking. Thank you thank you. This may have been a key I’ve been searching for. 🙏🏼
Solution focused
Not problem focused!
Thank god I bought your book a few years ago.
You are an endless pit of Knowledge Mark Manson, and I really appreciate it
I can feel this video being already severely underrated, because it is a true gem, but is likely just my mind acting out its frustration in creating a potentially non-existing “problem”. 😌
Beware of the ever fixing, controlling and improved/improving “I”. For that which is “doing the fixing” and “what is being fixed” are ultimately the one, being split in two. Sometimes splitting can be a useful tool, but to live, one has to be “one” and let it all go lest it ends up in choking itself.
Wonderful how Mark speaks like us common people only with substantiating it with facts and datas and common sense...this is why many people like me can relate to him...I hope he reaches to more people in the coming times
Wow! How insightful! Nice one, Mark.
This video deserves 100M views. Short, clear and actionable. Great advice Mark
everything is so nicely put together
love it mark!!!!
I was very sick and now I’m pretty much healed. Still cleaning up remnants of the past. Now I’m in the phase of where I actually need to move on from this world. Basically what this video is saying. lol. I’m 36 and it took me three and a half years to get there. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Now I just need to actually build the life I’ve always wanted. It’s scary but exciting.
Hmmm, this episode sounds like a book sales pitch. I’d like to see a debate on this subject.
I was all my friends’ free therapist for several years and it was exhausting. When I reached burnout, I had to learn to say no so as to protect my time and energy. This led to resentment on their part. Please don’t use your friends for free therapy. If you do, just remember that your friend is doing you a favor. Don’t take them for granted and please respect their boundaries
I agree that it is exhausting, but it also depends on the amount.
I have a friend that complains a little bit, and a friend who complains about the same things all the time.
The one friendship also goes both ways, where in the other friendship, I'm mostly listening and were never having fun anymore. That other friendship is half dead.
I think talking to friends is awesome, but it’s not the same as therapy. It helps a lot though! However, if you are being your friends’ therapist (which I have been as well), maybe it’s time to suggest they see a professional. They might not be aware that they are probably going through something too big to load on someone who is emotionally attached to them, you know? I help my sister a lot, she is the kind of person that benefits from talking through her problems, but sometimes, the same thing comes up over and over and over again and I’m like… “I don’t think that anything I can say helps you here, maybe you need a pro for this sis”. She has a therapist now lol, and I thank her for it 😂
You resent people because they didn't know about boundaries you never enforced. Then you made it their responsibility to know about boundaries you never voiced. You could use help.
@jamiececilielange5249 It's unhealthy and dishonest for you to continue listening to a friend you don't want to listen to any more. Would you call someone if you knew they didn't want to hear from you? That's what you're doing to your so called friend.
@@ArtemisSilverBow I've told him that he complains a lot and I've also distanced myself a little. I don't think I'm the unhealthy one, multiple people think he complains to an unhealthy degree. He needs to do something or focus on something else. The things he complain about are things that keep happening.
I still care, but I can't fix his issues.
Your talk on self-awareness offers a fresh perspective on personal growth. I found the advice on normalizing discomfort and prioritizing what truly matters really important. Wonderful insights for anyone looking to navigate the complexities of self-awareness effectively.
Absolutely wonderful. Thanks a lot, Mark!!
your video came out when i needed it the most
I just slid right through the floor of his basement and there was a short sensation of falling and then there was a sensation of Falling Up and I fell up into a person. I found myself on the deck of this little water skiing boat. Coughing up water and there were a bunch of guys surrounding me on the deck of this water ski boat who were trying to sit me up and pounding my back and saying man we thought you drowned. But I didn't know any of them. I was suddenly outside. It was warm. It wasn't Christmas anymore. I was just looking around and amazed at how real everything was. I mean it was as real as this. The water was wet. I didn't know any of these guys but they all seemed to know me and they thought that I'd been water skiing and that I was this different person and I just start laughing and telling all these guys that none of this is real and that I'm having a Salvia trip.
😊
Too late Mark. I already learnt this the hard way. But thank you, your content always enhances my perspective.
“And now the sponsor of today’s video…Better Help”. 😂 I was totally waiting and ready for that
The quality of your videos is only getting better. Well done.
What a great video I've experienced something like that in the past few weeks
I was having a calm peaceful period in my life when suddenly a lot of childhood memories resurfaced very hurtful ones and I felt that they were vague like I was creating or adjusting them to be more hurtful it took me a while to realize that I was creating a problem from nothing
If you're having a peaceful time let yourself feel calm and peaceful because it's really rare and you deserve to feel at ease
Awesome content about the extremes of self awareness. You really nailed it on the head that we are more aware of this but seem to struggle more because we have become so fragile on a way.
Wow, the podcast content discouraging therapy steered into an ad for a journaling ap? Mark, you might want to journal about that so you can look back on it and see how monumentally dumb that was.
That was an awesome watch, thank you!
❤ Your videos are a detox to today's overwhelming life. Thank you for teaching the subtle art.
Well stated. I started therapy 9 months ago to work through some issues I was having, and the last few sessions have felt underwhelming. It's more than likely for the reasons you said in the video. Thank you.
Go with the flow, you know what's right for you!
Oh, man... Very good video. Thank you.
I really really needed this thank you
This is powerful. Thank you.
Awesome video mark, thanks
Ignorance is bliss…especially when you’re ignorant about yourself.
You can see this in a lot of internet comments about someone trolling a group of people using parody or sarcasm. That very group will come in and do exactly what that person claims they do, unironically.
Awesome video, man! Clear, dense, didactic, funny, entertaining, impartial, eye opening. Great work, and thank you!
8:03 after about 11+ years of therapy (I’m 37), I’m finding that, now, I’d prefer to hear my own voice and what it says about my deepest needs over venting to a therapist.
Came to this realization after I had some changes to my insurance as a small business and could no longer afford it. Once it stopped, i realized that journaling, meditation, and listening to my actual needs and wants is now more effective.
THIS IS NOT AN ADVOCATION TO QUIT SEEING YOUR THERAPIST!
Simply an acknowledgement that, sometimes, if you feel like you’ve gotten what you needed and can make better decisions for yourself, it’s ok to stop.
This was the exact question i had on my mind now let's watch the video
mine 2
@@VedanshPareek-fu3fg same here brodas