7 Life Lessons I Wish I Knew Sooner
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 พ.ค. 2024
- A hard-earned list of life lessons you shouldn’t wait too long to learn.
In this episode, I’m sharing 7 important lessons I learned too late in life. I’m doing this so that you don’t have to live through as many clusterfucks as I did to find a bit of peace.
Some of these lessons you may already know, others may surprise you. But they’re all guaranteed to help you live a better life.
0:00 Introduction
0:36 Lesson #1: People respect you only as much as you respect yourself
6:02 Lesson #2: You give power to those you blame
10:40 Lesson #3: The quality of your relationships dictates the quality of your life
17:31 Lesson #4: People aren't thinking about you as much as you think they are
23:39 Lesson #5: Nothing meaningful in life is easy
28:38 Lesson #6: Love occurs in proportion to your willingness to get hurt
34:36 Lesson #7: Be slow to judge. Everyone is doing their best
Theme Song: "Throne" by Bring Me The Horizon
License ID: QvPEz04XO17 lickd.lnk.to/rg0NtqID!Mark+Ma...
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I was looking for this, but couldnt find it. So I made it:
1. People respect you, only as much as you respect yourself.
2. Who you Blame is who you give your Power to.
3. The quality of your relationships will dictate the quality of your life.
4. People aren't thinking about you nearly as much as you think they are.
5. Nothing meaningful in life is easy. Nothing easy in life is meaningful.
6. Love occurs in proportion to one's willingness to get hurt.
7. Be slow to judge. Everyone is doing their best, with what they know.
Thank you so much 🩷
Thank you for the initiative
Eyyy its giansanity my valo lodi
Very insightful.
Thank you so much ❤️
Life lessons I wish I could tell myself in the past
1. It's not too late. You can still start and you will definitely succeed.
2. Imagine yourself dying right now and pleading for life, and then imagine yourself getting this life. Now, live this life and each moment like it's a precious one, utilise it to the fullest.
3. You will go through an accident that will make you realise how good a "normal" life actually is. And how happy you actually could be when everything was just "normal". You chose to take everything for granted and then when they'll be taken away from you, even for a small period of time, you will realise their importance, such as good health, healthy family life, good friends, etc. You've every reason to be happy right now.
4. Working with a happy and optimistic mind brings way better output than stressing yourself out. All those who teach you to be stressed out about everything in order to perform well are all doing average in their lives. You work way better when you're happy.
Thank you
Thank you, I like the last one especially
Love all of these, in particular #2. I was in top physical health for yrs then got kidney stones (that will f you up for a while), a little after that a knee problem, that has mostly resolved, these aren't even major situations like fighting cancer, or any other chronic health problem but it really made me value my health, my body that actually functions in a proper way, with no pain. How it looks really is secondary.
It may not be too late, but "definitely succeed"? Nothing is definite. You should understand this if you listen to Mark's work.
@@brianbabin6333Well said.
I am 65 this year, I am not old 😊😊 . Life lessons always learning ❤
Me 70 just learning but life great stay safe and smile
Uhhh you are lol
ok boomer
Before my husband and I started dating I remembered thinking to myself "he's not my type." It was immediately followed with another thought "true, but then again your type sucks, so why not try something new." We have been together for almost 20 years now lol.
I tried that with my former spouse. That didn't work out.
People have always always called me “super confident”, even when I feel like my deep rooted insecurity seeped out of me. But you kind of cleared that up for me when you said truly confident people are okay with failure. I have a lot of self esteem issues but I’m just brave. Even if I’m afraid of failure, I take the risk anyways. Even if I’m afraid of rejection, I take the risk anyways. Even if I’m afraid of doing anything, I still do it. Maybe that’s why people think I’m confident.
That's a good way to live and also the same as how I grew up. I wasn't raised to have shame or embarrassment about rejection or "failure".
Everything is about curiosity and seeking answers. Once you find out what doesn't work, that's progress because you're a step closer to knowing what does work.
You also have interesting stories from what doesn't work out and a sense of resilience knowing what you've gone through
Who gives a shit?
Damn you sound like an amazing person to be around. Wow.
Thank you, you said it, I'm exactly the same.
It's like public speaking, i can be physically trembling and people say, you are so confident.
I’m not sure why this made me super emotional but I agree 100%. I’ve always wondered the same about myself but, reading this totally makes it make sense.
One thing Mark can learn and practice is stop calling yourself old. Especially at an age you are not. Our minds are powerful, how we think of ourselves is how we will be. My poor mother aged herself significantly by saying she was old by age 40 and convinced herself of that. By the time she reached her 60s she realized she still had few decades left before she actually got “old” and wasted them on the wrong mindset. She died at 68.
I agree, I am much older than both.
People under 40 often think that those over 40 are "old" until they realize that they really aren't.
Very true. I'm glad the other guy didn't buy this "I'm an old man in my 40s" silliness.
Things I had to learn growing up:
- Being able to come up with an answer instantly isn't intelligence, it's advanced word association. Saying the first thing that comes to mind without testing it in your head is a great way to make mistakes.
- People arn't idiots. If you don't understand them, that's you, not them. Ask yourself how you'd react if they were treating you the way you're treating them.
- You yourself don't always have a reason for doing something. A reason is a cause for action you had before doing it, if you have to wonder why you did it afterwards that's that's not your reason, thats an excuse you're just making up now.
- Noone owes anyone anything. If you're getting annoyed at someone for not giving you something you had better have paid for it. Getting angry for not getting something for free makes you a shitty humanbeing.
- Be the world you want to live in. Just as everyone is a background character in your life, you are a background character in everyone else's life. Being a little nicer to everyone as a rule makes everyone's life just a little better.
- A big genuine smile can be contagous. Don't ask why is someone happy, just be happy they're happy.
😅 😅. 😅😅÷. 😅 😅😅 😅. 😅 😅;;😅;;;×`
Love it.
Wise words right here 🏆
Thank you 🙏🏾
I love this! Thank you!!😊
Listening to Mark say over and over throughout this episode that he is old then, at the end, say he is turning forty in a few months made me laugh out loud. As someone who will be turning fifty-one soon, I'm here thinking, "Good lord, you're still young!!" Crazy how I used to think forty was old - now I'm like - fifty ain't old! Talk to me when I'm eighty. 😆
As an autistic person, this is my daily lived experience. Throw in the innate social/emotional intelligence deficit people usually present in those on the spectrum, and your daily life is a constant series of encounters where the “normies” treat you like shit instinctively, without awareness they are doing it. The popular term is “the ick”.
So we learn to mask. We act “normal” around people. People at work, at school, in social settings, out in public, dating…. We tend to gravitate to others who are outcasts.
Mark & Drew, you have articulated what every person in an “out group” has learned, even if subconsciously, through a lifetime of painful experiences.
As a Male with High-Functioning Autism, I relate to this completely. I don't know if there are ANY women AND men...
(UNLESS YOU HAVE LOTS OF MONEY THEY CAN EXPLOIT/ STEAL FROM YOU OR TAKE FROM A DIVORCE OR FALSE ALLEGATIONS)
Who are even REMOTELY interested in just being friends, nevermind being in a relationship with me, since people just reject us immediately and labels us as wierdos, loners, and creeps, when in reality, its just that we are more naturally Socially Awkward and Shy, Autism is Neurological Brain condition, we are natually socially awkward even as babies and young kids. On top of that, we always get rejected, dismissed, abandoned, alienated, back-stabbed, and verbally/physically bullied for being our true Authentic selves and everytime we try to make friends, nevermind forming relationships, it always ends in Rejection, Bullying, and being Pityed on.
I get you
This comment. ❤
Hey mark my name is Ankit Pathak i am from India I Read your book when i was 16 had no hope for future and i was a rebel kid in high-school didn't qualified the college examination that year was depressed after reading your book(subtle art) I got idea of what exactly was wrong with me and then worked hard and now i am in iit delhi the best engineering college of my country thank you so much sir love your work keep going😇😇😇😇❤❤❤
that is so impressive, I've heard about how hard Indian university entrance exams are. Congrats mate
Awesome, keep it up 👍
1. People aren't thinking about you nearly as much as you think they are
2. You are responsible for your emotions
3. Be slow to judge, everyone is doing their best
Mark Manson out here making the world a better place
I’ve never related more to any self improvement “guru” than Mark Manson. Been a fan for quite a long time, so helpful. You’re the man.
Respect yourself and people will respect you. Heard that before but never really did it with myself. I feel a lot of people don't respect me so I'm going to work on this chapter.
Stop blaming others, stop giving them power over yourself: you made me angry, you made me feel humiliated, etc. Take your power back, take responsibility and clean up those areas of your life.
Be slow to judge. Everyone is doing their best with what they know. This one hit hard, I'm very quick to judge, I do it and not realize it and it hurts many of my relationships. Also important in the quality of relationships.
I think Models is Mark's best book
I agree. I discovered Mark Manson because of Models. Models is still the best dating advice book for men I believe. It not only teaches you a holistic way to attract women, it also has tips to make you a better man in general. After I applied the lessons in Models, dating has been great for me even compared to most of my guy friends. Now I have a long-term girlfriend. So yes, Models will always be Mark's best book for me.
@@johndavidsantos1990so why don't he talks about it now?
I agree. It’s an amazing dating book for men. It’s very candid and raw,
@@neilbramhe4558 lol how should I know? You can ask Mark if you're that curious.
Man i remember trying to get through Robert glovers dating book, it was so extremely gender essentialistic that it just made me resent women for a while instead of gaining anything from it.
As a 22yo, I am consistently learning a lot from these podcasts. Keep making em please. Theres such a vast quantity of wisdom and insights that its hard to find anywhere else.
As a 29 yo and constantly failed at maintaining quality relationships and had been faking happiness for so long. before bumping into this amazing channel, one thing that really helps to improve my mental health is Buddha teachings/ those wisdoms in the mantras.
Cleaned my entire house to this video. Very impressed with the quantity of valuable ideas that come out from these talks, no filler, just straight up quality. Great video!!
Self respect is the only respect that matters.
27:24 I love this!!
I hate how women are so often criticized for being “too picky” or not giving someone a chance past a second date. Knowing after one date that it’s a no is a SKILL. Poker players know that their odds are better if they *don’t play* most of the hands they are dealt. Being able to say “this is not for me”
Early on and avoid getting attached to someone completely unsuitable is far better than the alternative. But we’re made to feel like *we are a failure* if we quickly illuminate a romantic potential… that it’s a fault when it should be a superpower (for men or women) to quickly recognize that it’s not a match and go on WAY more first dates than second dates.
I regularly talk with my 10 y/o about being kind and how you never know what sharing just a smile can do for someone. What seems like nothing to you can mean everything to someone else. Great podcast guys, I'm really enjoying these discussions.
be careful they don't turn into a people pleaser though. Nobody taught me that kindness and self respect are not mutually exclusive. I made myself small to make everyone big because I thought I was being kind. I didn't know part of being kind is teaching people how to be kind to you as well.
@@kevinbissinger Oh the joys of raising children...you can have the greatest of intents, but who knows what the repercussions of your actions will have when the child turns into an adult.
I am 50 and learning the same life lessons as my 23 year old or learning from her. Keep these podcasts coming
Insightful and useful, thanks for this. Mark - at age 54, I've had to unlearn referring to myself as old, it attracts the pains of age! Now I just have to do my best not to judge you for calling yourself old at age 39!
Right?! I’m 53 w 4 kids all adults👉my oldest is 36 then, 30, 29, & 22👉I felt old when raising them, now that I’m on my own 👉I feel better & look better & definitely don’t feel old👉I’m like a a she-wolf just let out the gate😊
It's scary, the fact that each podcast, they solve the problems which I am having in my life, with EXACT solutions.
I was in sales and marketing. I changed who I was to weasel a few extra dollars. I was Damm good at my job but I was miserable and it made me alone because I was a parasite on my community.
I changed my life to social science, phsyc and soci, I teach and help with student support services. My life has gotten so much better
Sometimes I wonder if 'blame' has a different meaning for me - something happens, I 'blame' myself and others for the part they and I played in it. It would be not only incorrect and wrong to take all the blame myself, it would be stupidly dangerous to my own mental health. Place blame where it belongs, and then Move On. Don't constantly ruminate and worry for the next 20 years, learn from it and let it go.
Man what a great episode you guys! Going to read some Zig Ziglar now ❤
yo our guy ali is here XD
I love listening to Zig Ziglar Audio Books. He is on fire! Appreciate Mark pointing out the genius of Zig.
So glad I got to see Zig in the day
difference is this: If someone is nice to you, buy all means be nice in return. But being nice to someone because you expect them to be nice in return is a sure fire way to be disappointed and drained of energy.
Dont be nice is a phrase I wish I understood years ago. That doesn't mean being mean, it means respecting yourself enough to ignore people that are nothing to you or wanting people to be something to you. People who are nice to you are something with responding in kind. Everyone else can stay in hell as far as I can see.
I spent my youth with health issues and at 40 I've finally got it figured out. I'm a little insecure over the whole lost youth ordeal and so I guess all I can do is pace myself. Everyones got some version of that though so I'm not saying my pain is unique. But that whole - people can sense you're trying to prove yourself thing really hit home for me
I love that you quoted Zig Ziegler! Growing up my Mother had his motivational speeches on cassette tape and ever car ride Zig was with us. I often quoted him to my teacher's which helped improve a few of my grades.
Thank you for shouting out gen z🙏 we really are trying to break bad cycles and leave the world better than we found it:)
Gen x's dont't blame gen z's ...gen x's are the ones that raised the gene z's ... But I thank you personally because your comment just made me remember that once upon a time gen x's said and felt the same when we to just wanted to make things better & fairer .... And though I do believe gen X's did do that ....because things did get better ... Then life took of over and we kind of thought job done ... And probably why gen x's feel like ... We done it for gen z's already why are they trying to change things ... But you're comment made me remember that the boomers were kind of saying the same to us gen x's not so longg ago .... But tbf a lot of what the gen X's did was right and well balanced and possibly should be left as it is ... But yeah your comment I guess made me get gen z's a bit more 🙏 one day you guys will be saying the same to the next set.. I think they're gen alpha's ? I may of got that wrong :) lol Take care out there gen z's. 🤗
:))
Remember, all of us are on a spectrum with these and it's always changing.
There is no such thing as an unconditional relationship.
People will love you for more or less noble conditions.
Loving somebody for their personality is a more noble condition than loving them for their money but it is still a condition nonetheless.
Thank you for some very useful insights: 'Be responsible for your emotions.'
My favourite video so far. You and the team are killing it these days Mark.
You’re both not old!! I’m 68 & reflect on my life. I can relate to all of it. Great information! Thank you.
Hi Mark! Thank you for sharing this conversation about 7 Life Lessons. 🌟🧡
The problem is not that we learn slow, it's that when we are young we're arrogant and think we're invincible. At least that was my problem. Now, I too, am old and have experienced enough to look back and wish I listened when older men tried to teach me lessons I should've/could've learned earlier in life.
I'm going to modify Lesson #2 for my SA or domestic abuse survivors out there so that they can apply it in their lives.
1. When Mark says something along the lines of "you are responsible for what happened because you put yourself in that situation"-- he is referring to CONSENSUAL relationships-- like dating someone who is a walking red flag... he is NOT talking about you. The context here is that he is talking about his ex-girlfriend who cheated on him.
2. Many of the scenarios he lists are scenarios where people get wounded emotionally by other people who may not be setting out to do so. This is different from deliberate acts of abuse/ assault.
3. You are allowed to blame the people who did these things to you, because more often than not what they did is an actual crime.
4. Not all of your responses are going to be within your control. You having panic attacks, ruminating, having flashbacks is different from someone who can't stop thinking about an ex-partner after a break up. It doesn't mean you are trying to play the victim.
That being said here is how you can still apply what Mark says in Lesson #2.
At some point, you are going to increasingly regain agency, regain control. Our minds and bodies are resilient, they heal.
However, every now and then it can be tempting to mentally go back to a less healed version of ourselves because the lack of responsibility for what is happening around us can feel good.
For instance, I was assaulted by someone I used to call a friend. I couldn't report it for a variety of reasons I don't feel like discussing right now. It took me 4 months to heal from what happened, during which I would experience panic attacks, crying spells and a variety of other physical as well as psychological reactions. Now I am out of that point in my life but I do feel the urge to blame things on that person ( i.e. my inability to date, my inability to trust people etc.) While this former friend was responsible for the things that I was experiencing in those 4 months which were out of my control, what I do now... as a person who is aware of the effects of that event on me-- is my responsibility. I know that I can't date people anymore because I unfairly view every man as someone who might take advantage of me. I struggle to make new friends, because I assume that everybody is a piece of shit like that person was. Because I am aware of these biases-- it is my job to change them.
In situations like this, there is a gut feeling that tells you whether or not something is on you or not on you. Trying to tune into that gut feeling and trying to work with the things that ARE within your realm of agency is really helpful.
Best XXX
Thank you two for helping us grow ❤
Great podcast. I am sharing this with my 2 teenage boys also. They have read your books and what you do makes a difference and is very appreciated.
Love you!! Read The Art when it came out back in the day and I loved it. Now I’m older, wiser, speak more languages, became an investor, lived abroad many times, and I love seeing your face again….having evolved in the same direction as me. I read your book whilst climbing the corporate ladder, traveling, and partying in London, Paris, and mostly NYC. Now life is just as exiting--yet more simple….meaningful….i don’t care about $$$, status, or if I washed my hair in the past few days🤷🏻♀️ It’s a new and elevated life. I don’t regret a thing--I’ve just matured and am still just as interesting and interested. Serenity and comedy. Such is life!🤗
Great List. May I add....do not describe yourself as "Old" or your thoughts will convince your body that you are depleted.
"Ageless at 71"
Lesson 3 was very important to me, i realised it way earlier but not every advice is a good advice so i heard it a lot that our friends circle changes every 5 years. Suggestions that friendship should start if you have common interests, or you should have diversified friend circle for different purposes. The thought that we can just have a relationship for the sake of having a relationship is truly liberating. I am recollecting my thoughts and opinions and not every popular advice is a good advice.
Great talk. The part I liked the best was the relationships part because I have been kind of an ignorant of the lack of meaningful and healthy relationships and I have realized that there are good people out there who are capable of caring about you without being transactional.
Your ability to dismember an argument is fantastic, what i also find amazing is the fact that wherever you look, people are always thinking about themselves and nothing else matters, you can see in the comments too that everyone (me included) is writing something about ourselves. Personal growth should be teached in schools by the likes of you, truly understanding the bias we all are exposed to is life-changing or at least it feels like that
Thanks for this. I've been in a rough spot, and somehow, this has made me feel better about my situation. And not just helping me understand what i need, but reminding me the things I'm already doing right. Thanks again!
I watched this twice. Best podcast of MM. I am 27.
Thanks, I always discover something new when I listen to your podcasts 👍❤️
The number one rule about people respect you only as much as you respect yourself is spot on …. All through school I was over weight and made jokes about that and my life and even into my 20s and people including some “friends” had zero issue helping me and once I finally decided that I deserved better and lost the weight started being happier and not talking about myself …. Was then that people weren’t the same towards me and the ones that still acted that way I either ignored or I showed them without speaking a word that I was not the same person anymore. Thank you Mark!
Whenever I hear Mark's closing forty I feel a sense of contentment. More to do with reading his articles and experiencing a sense of progress as articles moved on.
Yesterday a friend of mine explained the difference between an explanation and an excuse, and this is exactly how he put it and he didn't watch this video. A month ago I also posted on Facebook that some people tend to blame other people for bringing out their toxic traits (emotions and actions).
Reading does help.
Just stumbled across this channel, instant fan. Look forward to binge watching old and see the new content to come.
I absolutely love this podcast. And the books. Daily reflection is important to me and these topics and guests always get me thinking.
Thank you, Mark.
Every time, Mark comes in clutch in my life with these podcasts filled with nuggets of fucking wisdom. Thanks dude.
These are very salient points, that I'm sure many of us learned the hard way.
Amazing content. Genius level wisdom. I’m 52 and know most of what you share but never think about it the way you frame it. Well done.
Discovering your message lightens the burdens we place upon ourselves which otherwise are self-defeating.
This is the most high value video I have seen on TH-cam in some time, excellent discussion guys!
I needed this today. Thank you 😊
You always had such great humour❤. I was thinking you're naturally extroverted but then saw that you had worked on your social anxiety. Very inspiring.
In my experience, introverts often have the best sense of humor. Or at least the type of humor that I most enjoy. 😊
@@StorytellingHeadshots I appreciate that. I have observed from being 19 years old watching my friends who are more extroverted than me and have a better sense of humor.
Confidence is the willingness to fail. Best takeaway from the video
Love the candor and humility.
Thank you, Mark🙏
Ages of Wisdom compressed in 35 odd minutes...Stay Blessed Mark...Cheers!
These recent videos are so well related to my life that I am pumped with motivation. Although all this is gone when I am actually facing the situations, I swear that I'll ask out the girl Im interested in. And irrespective of what she says, I will develop resilience after a few days of Energy or depression.
Lesson #2 changed the quality of my life. It’s so much power in taking FULL responsibility for things that occur your life. It changes they way you make decisions
This podcast is great, please keep making these videos.
Your last lesson is where I’m at. I feel like the average person is trying their best. I’m learning to be less judgmental. I think the ultimate flaw of social media is that it enflames the worst of human nature for display. It’s sad tbh.
Brilliant. Thank you! 😊
The funny thing about age and wisdom, is as you get older you look back at a few of those past versions of yourself and know that you were clueless, but tried to fix it by becoming less clueless. Which is a type of self improvement and something to be proud of, but it can't work, because you were clueless about what you were clueless about. And even now that you have discovered that you were clueless, don't kid yourselves that you are no longer clueless about something. Well that got a bit twisty, but the point is, as long as you are working on fixing the right things and not giving a fridge about the things that no one else cares about for more than a moment, you will be fine.
So simple is the most difficult!
So empowering,ownership for our own mistakes😅
Another awesome pod. Keep up the great work, gentlemen. 👍
this is such a refreshingly grounded & mature conversation, thanks for this, very motivating
Love it. Great video. Thanks guys.
A lot of these points lead back to humility. That's definitely something we are sorely missing at the moment.
It's clearly one of the best podcasts I've watched, thanks mark ❤😊, ur videos always provide values and specially for me 👍💪
This podcast episode was really really good! Great work Mark and Team, keep the content like this coming. Very straightforward, very thoughtful and actionable. Thank you!
Thank for putting your thoughts 💭 out there for me!
Much appreciated!
Thank you Mark!
Thank you. This is so true in office too.
Mark I so happy to find you channel it is great.
Lessons 2, 3, 5, & 6 hit me the most. All valid but I saw vivid flashbacks in my own life with those specific numbers. Thanks for this guys! 🙏🏾🔥
Nice to see you pass 1M subscribers! Deserved since each video you post is a goldmine of se;f-improvement information
This was actually so genuinely lovely to listen to.
My regret is caring too much about what other people thought of me 🙁
This is great and a lovely fresh way to look at challenging situations ❤
Great Insights and Lessons Mark. Love :)
Great vid as usual. Lots of thought-provoking lessons 👏
Practical wisdom right here! 😊
This is a life-changing video. And I'm sure I'll need to rewatch it for a few times.
I bought the Subtle Art when it first came out. Love it and shared this video. Great job all around. Thank you for this video podcast.
Great list Mark. #7 is especially golden ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ love the sign off 😂🤣😅
Great video and super useful and insightful life advices. It took me many breakdowns to learn those lessons. The important thing now is to make sure we keep in mind and turn it into a belief from within so we can make better choices moving forward
Regarding lesson two ” it doesn’t matter who’s fault it is, but it’s our responsibility.”.
I appreciate this talk
Great talk. Just wanna slip in a caveat re: what was brought up in #3 about unconditionality, adding value, and waiting for reciprocity. A caretaker/giver who finds themselves in the clutches of a narcissist/taker will want to deeply scrutinize their motivations and intentions around this approach if they want to keep their life unfucked.
This is just invaluable. Thanks so much
Seriously good shit! Thank you.
Very GOOD and practical advice.