Authentic confidence is not something that you "step up" to. It's something that you relax into. It's about being genuinely comfortable in your own skin and with all that you lack. ☀️💫
I'm So relaxed, I'm so comfortable in my own skin. Therefore I'm never gonna change anything... because doing something is "stepping up" for something. And I don't want that. plus, why should I do anything? That would just stress me out and take me away from my relaxed mindset. Thanks, Random Bald Guru
@@upvotecomment2110 It's like the carrot and stick. Just because you reject the stick, doesn't mean that you just relax and don't do nothing. Pain, discomfort is a good jump starter, but positive motivation (you know "relaxing into it" ) is more sustainable in a long run. Ultimately it's about : do you wanna be driven by desperation or inspiration? Also being relaxed is a skill. Being relaxed for the sake of being relaxed, by avoiding problems and life, is nothing. Being relaxed while being under pressure, in the face of stress or adversity, that's what it's all about.
@@Archon82 Thats the problem with people nowadays, they want everything to be oversimplified, but by just being told "accept yourself and dont judge yourself" you wont improve much. Manson gets in depth with his books, thats how you really assimilate a concept, a summary isnt enough
The Greeks had that Maxim "know thyself" the first step in knowing yourself is to understand you don't. It's also a terrible idea to accept yourself without judgement. What? So your okay just the way you are? How about no, I have areas that need work because I could improve here or there and I reject not accept that.
My biggest tip to people who have challenges regarding confidence is: people don't care. People don't care as much as one would think. You are your biggest critic. No one worries or judges you, as much as yourself. People have more than enough with themselves. So realize that it's not all about you, and that people really don't care.
ANDDD if you think you are afraid that people would care about your mistakes/failures, you are actually afraid that YOU are mistaken/a failure. it all comes down to your mindset. if you believe that it's ok to fck up and learn from it, then you won't care if other people think otherwise because you believe in yourself more than them
It is very true that people dont care. But on the other hand every time they see you they have the feeling about you that is build on interactions with you. So basically they don’t care in term that they never think about you but it’s all comes to theirs mind subconsciously when they see you.
All of these points are true. People don’t care, nor do they think about you as much as you imagine. This point has been underlined to me many times through lack of communication regarding things like social events, or birthdays. Just because I can remember dates of other people’s birthdays, doesn’t mean that they will remember mine and vice versa. I’m not the centre of everyone else’s universe, and it took me YEARS to both realise and appreciate that. Now I’m in my mid fifties, I’m starting to develop a very healthy IDGAF attitude to a lot of things that used to be important to me. And I feel much better.
The little "I fucking love failure" graphic made me laugh. The way mark drives his points home is humourous; to me that makes them stick more than the deep long winded profound explanations, although enlightening, I remember the chuckles.
"Confidence is being comfortable with failure." This is true. Some people around me are worry-worts. I hardly ever worry. I feel like I got that confidence after getting a spinal cord injury. When my injury happened, my entire world crumbled, but I survived. I've learned that if I can get through that then I can get through anything.
I’m a clinical psychologist and am often frustrated by self-help ‘gurus’ that give a lot of advice with little research evidence to support it. However, Mark really seems different… he seems extremely well versed in psychological theories and philosophy. I have a doctorate in psychology yet have learned a lot from him and I’m sure will continue to do so!
Wow! Very nice that you are still open to ideas that differ from books and theories taught for years. Bcs I believe that the therapy apply for people of my generation is not the same that the next generation. Bcs society is diferente now with internet etc, and is actually creating a diferent behavior, programs, mental issues, etc.
Be always willing to learn be observant When you wake up in the morning And think you know it all Your sick go back to bed. Cause you'll get hurt or hurt someone else. He who thinks he's perfect IS WRONG.
I sacrificed 13 minutes of my day Mark. To realize that everything you said is true and relatable to my life. I sacrificed 7 months of 2021 creating TH-cam videos, making content, travelling, doing photography, editing and sacrificed a lot of sleep in hopes that it’ll pay off. I haven’t reached my goals yet, and I’m proud with how far I’ve come. Thank you again for this video!
What I find most meaningful is being a father. I never had much of a male role model in my father so I was lost for most of my life. Now I’m 35 with a 5 year old son and I want him to be a strong stoic level headed man. So I have to be that man. I have to show him through my actions. It’s definitely a hard road but I’m looking forward to the journey.
The argument one is so true. It feels different when you argue in person than online. That is why I don't even spend time arguing online because it's pointless.
The best way I have found to learn is to find the most talented person you know or have access to and ask questions until they get tired of answering them and then come back the next day and ask more until you are as good as them. I was an Engineer at Intel and I learned far more in a few months using this approach than I learned in all my higher education.
At 18 I was a bored depressed bricklayer. I remember thinking that nothing in the world meant anything or had any value so what was the point. I came to your conclusion that if there was not point or meaning to life I might as well do anything I liked. I learnt to play saxophone, went to college and got A levels. The University to do philosophy and literature. Then trained to be a barrister. Decided that wasn't for me so trained to be a stone carver. I've been doing that for 30 years . Still love my job. Love my wife and kids. Still love not giving a fuck in the pursuit of fun. So it turns out there is a meaning to life after all. love and share your world view too. Thanks Mark.
You've really become one of my favorite TH-cam channels. Every time I watch your videos, I come out feeling not so crappy about myself as I felt before watching them. I really appreciate you taking time to make these videos, they really influence me as I'm sure they influence a lot of your other viewers as well. It doesn't matter if it takes you months to come up with a video, but please never stop making them.
Thank you for all that "it's your goal that creates meaning, not the other way around" and " you never know if the goal you chose is a good one". I think I needed to hear that :)
This guy is my spirit animal. He's a bit od an animal, and WE need this atm. Also, becoming truly competent at a skill will also generate confidence. You'll know you've reached a level of 'competence' when you have this genuine and honest realization: "Holy shit, there is so much more I can learn". At that point, you should try to start sharing and teaching what you've learned from a very humble perspective, clearly, while continuing to grow and learn. Just one fool's idea, take care.
Your stock footage game is amazing, maybe the best I've seen. Also, your comment "Confidence is not the belief in success but rather the comfort with failure" may be one of the bigger takeaways you 've given me. So thanks for all that
A number of years ago I had a failure. It was a total reboot in life. I sold my house, put my stuff in storage, moved to a different state, and started a whole new career. I wondered how I would look back on that time. I came back, stronger and more confident than before. Knowing that I would rise up again, no matter how far I fell has made me so much stronger. When I hear the music that I listened to back in that time of my life, I feel good about things. I'm comforted by my memories of that time -- something I did not think would happen.
I didn’t hear him say this but one way to become confident is to challenge yourself often. It doesn’t have to be all major ones, just test your abilities on all types things from simple guessing to test judgement and knowledge to physical ones like ‘working harder’ or more reps to develop confidence of one’s physical abilities. By testing oneself often it ties in with Mark’s point of confidence developing from thinking failure over success. I’ve seen and read how military, athletes, spiritual types (monks) and others use testing to develop confidence. Also the reason I suggest for why people with specialized abilities also do other things well is that, for lack of a better term, smart people will transfer mastery from one task or reasoning to other tasks or reasonings to be successful. Good video.
I just want it to be known, I knew the answer to the question “most people never ask themselves” before you said it. I ask myself, “what if I’m wrong” all the time. Maybe even to a fault.
Thanks a ton Mark. This is important. Confidence = relationship with failure. More power to you man. Also, if I may add, being on your side, self-compassion -always n every time.
Can I just take a moment to appreciate that the stock footage at 1:24 exists; it made my day. I had to pause it, rewind it, and play it again so that i could re-laugh at it. Amazing choice.
holy shit i was about to cry because im insecure AF and im bitter when other people is doing better than me or reaching their goals. and this suddenly pops up on my notifications. u da best manson
Don't compare your path with others. It will rob your happiness. Also think that you just compare yourself with the people who do better than you, but not with the ones which are miserable... give it a thougth
@@AndreTudor thank you! im learning this the hard way, its just that im also bombarded with “successful” young people around me and this pressure kind of build up and im trying my best to be grateful for what i have and am right now (sorry for bad english) but yes i keep telling myself that my time will come, and that im too young theres no need to rush.
I genuinely enjoy helping other people, but in more of a help people figure our their problems sort of way. Something about just being able to give, and just find joy in that is a gift in itself
This is so important. I have come to believe that, I might be wrong. No matter what I think or believe, I might be wrong. I incorporated this in my life a few years ago and it has been fucking amazing experience. I first of all really started to listen to what someone else has to say. And I realized that it opened my mind to the world, to understand the importance of knowing that I don't know shit.. second thing I know is I don't know shit about even, shit, that has open up libraries and looking forward to the promise that maybe someday I will still not know shit but I might know myself a little bit better. I manage my bipolar symptoms with the world around the idea that I might be wrong and it is and has been working for some years now. And the funny thing is, I might be wrong, but it's working out pretty good for me. So what the heck, I will hold the course, wind to my back and the sails are full.
I was lost before I found this dude, making the same mistakes over & over cuz I kept reading the same shit that was wrong, mark puts it in a way that not only grabs your attention but forces you to realize something in yourself, I now consider his words my bible. Simple, direct & with a bit of new world humor thrown in
Confidence is developed via hard work on thyself over a long period of time. Knowing what ones' strengths and weaknesses are - always acknowledge when you are wrong - don't take yourself too seriously...... Be comfortable with your limitations, but never give on your weaknesses. 'The master has failed more times than the apprentice has tried' (Lao Tzu...?). Exercise discipline daily - stay in the moment! Good Luck!
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 00:59 🤔 True confidence is not about always winning; it's about being comfortable with the possibility of failure and understanding that you won't be great all the time. 02:28 😃 Emotions themselves are not inherently good or bad; it's the meaning we attach to them that can be problematic. Don't judge yourself for feeling certain emotions. 05:20 🎯 Specializing in one skill can build confidence, but in today's world, there are significant rewards for being exceptionally good at one thing. However, it helps to be good at related skills too. 08:17 🤨 Online interactions often lack the natural feedback that comes from in-person communication, making people overconfident and less likely to question their beliefs. 11:36 🌟 Life's meaning is subjective, and we create it by pursuing goals that feel worthwhile, involve personal growth, benefit others, and are worth sacrificing for. Confidence is embracing the possibility of failure on this journey. Made with HARPA AI
Been my experience with myself and others. People think ,I need to confident then I'll go do the the thing. It's the other way around, you do the thing that builds the confidence. I was a personal trainer, I worked with alot of people most I help in some form. I seen time and time again, someone wanted to run a race or lose weight but wouldn't try because they lacked confidence, not realizing it running the race is what creates the confidence.
Thank you for the eye opening video. I've been struggling with the concept of confidence, working on tackling it and you bring valid, challenging, food for thought. I don't dare say you've "cured" me but I do admit you have helped. Ps also love your books and just discovered your TH-cam channel. I appreciate your wisdom Mark.
I love your approach to many things. I just asked my son and niece to watch it. They need some guidance and your sincere style is smth they need. We'll discuss it and I am sure there will be some good outcomes of it. Thank you, Mark!
Finding your why helps i.e. what is driving you. I have two why’s 1) learning and grow thus testing and doing things I never did before and 2) spreading love and positivity because it’s contagious. That gives you a meaning because you can express you why’s in various form. Example : I’m baking cakes because I want to try new recipes to extend my cooking skills (why number 1). But that’s also the reason why I will start working on a different scope in my job soon. I just need to deal with the uncertainty and discomfort that come when you step out of your comfort zone (😨😳😱)
School teaches us to always want to have the right answer. Train yourself back out of that training! You don't have to have the "right" answer to anything, just "your" answer. Public schooling trains you not to think for yourself - you have to overcome all that training if you want to be happy and live an amazing life.
I'm a second generation trucker Near 30 years experience. I'm a trainer at work. I'm at home in a truck. Always be willing to learn. Be nice. Be observant willing to help. I got shut down at a scale one time. Random inspection had a low tire (not flat)they didn't like. While waiting for a tire guy. Another truck came in overweight on the drive axles. The scale allowed the truck to fix it. But driver didn't know how.. I showed the driver how to fix the over weight by sliding the 5th wheel. Loading trucks heavy is like balancing a 2 piece teeter totter. It's why algebra is needed.
What I really like about this guy is he is talking about what is NOT happiness what is NOT cofindence and what is NOT success. I mean every self-help book should be like this.
On the meaning discussion - and for the people who cannot find any meaning. I find Anna Lembke's advice pretty good; Look around in your environment, understand where you're needed, apply yourself there. You'll find meaning.
I have more confidence than anyone I know, and I can tell you it’s true. It came from reaching rock bottom, fighting like hell to crawl my way back up, then realizing that 98% of what most people think will finally give them happiness is really all just a bunch of bullshit. Also, it comes from doing the work to genuinely love yourself (yes it sounds cliche, but it’s fucking true). When you love yourself, you don’t settle for shit that doesn’t spark joy inside you.
I used to think I couldn't be confident because I didn't have enough successes in life. It is only in the last few years that I have started to notice things going well some of the time as well as not so well and that I often cope reasonably well when things are less good. And even when something bad happens it doesn't last any more than it does when something good happens. I am still finding I am more confident at work than other areas of my life so this video helps.
I always ask myself "what if I'm wrong" to the point where it bothers me sometimes. Thanks for this video Mark. I've been binge watching your videos. You're quite helpful 🌼😊❤️🥰
I always had generalized anxiety, but, a few years ago I finally gave into my stubborn pride, and asked my doctor for help with it. The doc suggested medication, and started the process of finding the right medication to help me balance anxious feelings with my life. We found it, and it has helped me tune down the anxious voices that were screaming in my mind constantly. It was a drastic change, actually. I essentially gave up on trying to be "normal" - great, right? Not at first. At first, with my blatant and often overpowering alarm system turned, quite suddenly down by 80%.. I ended up learning just how much I relied on those alarm neurons to keep me out of various forms of trouble!
These videos are helping me learn to build confidence and trust in myself, in place of that uncontrollable force-field of anxiety. I have been able to quit smoking for well over a year, and have quit drinking pop for almost 3 months. I pushed myself to try for a promotion 2 years ago, got it, and was slightly ahead in pay increase versus inflation at last check. I've learned more and have made more friends and acquaintances, while gaining confidence and (I believe) making a positive difference to most of those around me (and hopefully very few negative)
IMO, confidence is not knowing or imagining that "I'm the best", even if it's true. Instead, being confident is having so much experience of failure that you can smoothly say "I've been worse." Additionally, Q3 rings a bell to me. I once heard of a saying goes that successful/professional people are versatile across very different fields (e.g. a judge can also be a cellist or a sky diver). Therefore, I guess not only honing different skills helps people relax, but there are common reasons for people to excel in every field.
Never attach too much with your goal, not every time you succeed and sometimes you have to move on from your goals, but it doesn't mean you should have it, just don't get too attached too it and have a balance life.
I have allways wondered what is better: becoming a confident version of yourself (aspiring to come closer to your ideal self whose flaws you can accept) or simply learning to accept your flaws in your current state
question 6 : find something that you like, but for that, you gotta get out opf comfort zone, try new things, meet new people that will introduce you to anything and then just dig it ... atm my goals are having a great garden ! and sparing to get a boat in 2-3 years to get 2-3 years sailing around the world ... i mean i have some money to do what i wanna do so maybe it's the 1st step ? doing money to increase you capacity of doing whatever you want, i mean i was totally against this ideology when i was younger but the money is not the point ofc : on the way you get skills and interests, so you can be better at your goals when you wait with that goal in mind ...
Mark, I loved all your books and in regards to "We don't know anything." I agree like you said on your first book "The Subtle Art of Not Giving F*ck" most of the time, we don't know what we are doing. Anyways keep the good work.
Being a good man and setting an example for my family, friends and just everyone around me is meaningful and gives purpose to my life. As Mark said, if nothing matters, then why not do it?
Mark, you are a cool dude man. You seem like someone in control of his feelings and life. And if you can do it, I can do it and that gives me confidence. Keep it going and I'm going to lay back and watch your hilarious videos and laugh on things I took more seriously in the past than I should have taken. Cheers
What broke my confidence is being attacked by people and it showing, like my hair falling out when it shouldn't have and my skin becoming altered. When you know people can hurt you and refuse to help you it really tears down your strength.
I belive thst everything that makes you balanced or takes you to love yourself is good, therefore negative and positive emptions you need them both. The values and existencial position is how you percive and understand reality(most of all your reality) and the balance between both oposites is what gives you the opportunity of changing those values and existencial position.
For me it is vital the most to do things that make me happy and that can and do make people around me happy - that's the only true goal in this universe where we are small and our live span and its meaning is so tiny. Let's be happy and make happiness for others
For me, i started becoming confident after i realized we are naturally selfish, is just te way world works. Everything you do or want to do, is for you to feel good. Allways, just follow the path of "whys". So if im living to make me feel good, i choose the rules. If i decide dressing pink shirts is cool, pink shirts are cool. If i decide my interest are the best interests, are the best interests. this is confidence, deciding what contribute to our lives or not
“Confidence is related to failure.” That stuck in my mind… I just discovered your channel recently and there are so many nuggets! Thanks for sharing your (sometimes controversial) point of view with us, even if you don’t have to. And yes, hopefully I will be a “shitty lazy” youtuber as you are 😅❤️
Being confident is a feeling. It has nothing to do with what you think about success, failure, or anything at all. You just feel confident. Most probably you'll succeed, but if you fail, you'll somehow deal with it. How? That doesn't matter, you feel confident it'll be ok. You can say anything or do anything because it'll most likely be fine, and if not, that'll be handled somehow. Some people naturally have a lot of whatever chemical makes us confident, others have less. Increasing the feeling of confidence requires a long time of exposure to different situations, and above all, to do things you can be proud of. To be proud of oneself creates the feeling of confidence.
Mark, I think you are fucking awesome. I read "The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck" at a time in my life when I'd already started transforming myself into a less anxious and more confident person and I feel it really accelerated that process. In Christmas 2020, I bought a copy of the book for everyone in my family. Of course, it became a joke that I was just being lazy but actually I think that basically anyone on the planet could benefit from reading it thoroughly and trying to apply it to their lives. I hope my family did / do read it - it seems like some of them did. Anyway, thank you for all that you do. If you ever start a cult, please let me know as I will sign up for sure 😉
Mark, I just heard about you a few weeks ago and just finished "The subtle are of not giving a f*ck." Thank you for writing that great book, I legitimately find myself almost every day thinking about your book when situations come up and I just ask myself, "why do I give a f*ck?" Matthew Kelly has been another big influence and you both have had a huge impact on my life. It would be so cool if you both did a video together!
"You never fully know if what you're doing is right or not, you never know if you're f*cking up completely. Which is why confidence is based in the comfort of knowing that you may fail, that all of this may be pointless, that you wasted a bunch of time, made a fool of yourself but at the end of the day you're still all right with it because it was worthwhile the sacrifice was worthwhile" 😭 Thank you so much Mark! I sent you an email months ago, about leaving my job to focus on my small crafting business instead, which I just started while working from home this pandemic. I got the answer here and so much more realizations Thank you so much! 💜
Excellent video, Mark. Love it! Good mantra. First question and answer was what set the tone for me. When someone else says, "I say _you_ failed on that", you feel like your failures aren't in your control.
I never comment on videos but I wanted to let you know if you read this that your time sacrificed making this helped me tremendously. I've felt on the verge of a panic attack after reading The Denial of Death and you've been a good fucking chap to help me at ease. Thanks Mark.
![How to Get What You Want By Letting Go [The Backwards Law]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/MF7RzKFMuT4/mqdefault.jpg)
Authentic confidence is not something that you "step up" to. It's something that you relax into. It's about being genuinely comfortable in your own skin and with all that you lack. ☀️💫
I'm So relaxed, I'm so comfortable in my own skin.
Therefore I'm never gonna change anything... because doing something is "stepping up" for something. And I don't want that. plus, why should I do anything? That would just stress me out and take me away from my relaxed mindset. Thanks, Random Bald Guru
Say something new
true and i think its also about being comfortable with change and fear. If you can embrace that you are on a good path.
@@upvotecomment2110 It's like the carrot and stick. Just because you reject the stick, doesn't mean that you just relax and don't do nothing. Pain, discomfort is a good jump starter, but positive motivation (you know "relaxing into it" ) is more sustainable in a long run. Ultimately it's about : do you wanna be driven by desperation or inspiration?
Also being relaxed is a skill. Being relaxed for the sake of being relaxed, by avoiding problems and life, is nothing.
Being relaxed while being under pressure, in the face of stress or adversity, that's what it's all about.
And what if you can't do that
How to build confidence?
1. Know yourself
2. Accept yourself without judging yourself
And how can you accept yourself without judging yourself?
@@Archon82 Thats the problem with people nowadays, they want everything to be oversimplified, but by just being told "accept yourself and dont judge yourself" you wont improve much. Manson gets in depth with his books, thats how you really assimilate a concept, a summary isnt enough
@@stefaniakonstantinidou981 you are who you are.. never let life change your inner core. ❤
3. Be attractive
4. Slay bitches
The Greeks had that Maxim "know thyself" the first step in knowing yourself is to understand you don't. It's also a terrible idea to accept yourself without judgement. What? So your okay just the way you are? How about no, I have areas that need work because I could improve here or there and I reject not accept that.
Whenever this guy says - "Fuck it", I feel positive already.
Yes .
Fuck it.
#teampositive
Yeah fuck it
Fuck yeah 😂
My biggest tip to people who have challenges regarding confidence is: people don't care. People don't care as much as one would think. You are your biggest critic. No one worries or judges you, as much as yourself. People have more than enough with themselves. So realize that it's not all about you, and that people really don't care.
ANDDD if you think you are afraid that people would care about your mistakes/failures, you are actually afraid that YOU are mistaken/a failure. it all comes down to your mindset. if you believe that it's ok to fck up and learn from it, then you won't care if other people think otherwise because you believe in yourself more than them
(i learnt this from mark)
And if they do, fuck ‘em
It is very true that people dont care. But on the other hand every time they see you they have the feeling about you that is build on interactions with you. So basically they don’t care in term that they never think about you but it’s all comes to theirs mind subconsciously when they see you.
All of these points are true. People don’t care, nor do they think about you as much as you imagine. This point has been underlined to me many times through lack of communication regarding things like social events, or birthdays. Just because I can remember dates of other people’s birthdays, doesn’t mean that they will remember mine and vice versa. I’m not the centre of everyone else’s universe, and it took me YEARS to both realise and appreciate that. Now I’m in my mid fifties, I’m starting to develop a very healthy IDGAF attitude to a lot of things that used to be important to me. And I feel much better.
"Self confidence don't come while talking about success. it comes with being comfortable with failure."
The little "I fucking love failure" graphic made me laugh.
The way mark drives his points home is humourous; to me that makes them stick more than the deep long winded profound explanations, although enlightening, I remember the chuckles.
A MONSTER
You have to be OK, with not being OK. Then you'll be OK. - Budda
Yes with not letting failures affect you with you still keep going in life aftwr failures, when you know what your good at, so you then confident.
100% right
"Confidence is being comfortable with failure." This is true. Some people around me are worry-worts. I hardly ever worry. I feel like I got that confidence after getting a spinal cord injury. When my injury happened, my entire world crumbled, but I survived. I've learned that if I can get through that then I can get through anything.
Great outlook-!!!!
I’m a clinical psychologist and am often frustrated by self-help ‘gurus’ that give a lot of advice with little research evidence to support it. However, Mark really seems different… he seems extremely well versed in psychological theories and philosophy. I have a doctorate in psychology yet have learned a lot from him and I’m sure will continue to do so!
Wow! Very nice that you are still open to ideas that differ from books and theories taught for years. Bcs I believe that the therapy apply for people of my generation is not the same that the next generation. Bcs society is diferente now with internet etc, and is actually creating a diferent behavior, programs, mental issues, etc.
😊😊😊😊😅😅😅😅😅
Mark reads books,alot of gurus dont
Be always willing to learn be observant
When you wake up in the morning
And think you know it all
Your sick go back to bed. Cause you'll get hurt or hurt someone else.
He who thinks he's perfect IS WRONG.
Hey I also want to be a clinical psychologist.......I hope we can connect
I sacrificed 13 minutes of my day Mark. To realize that everything you said is true and relatable to my life. I sacrificed 7 months of 2021 creating TH-cam videos, making content, travelling, doing photography, editing and sacrificed a lot of sleep in hopes that it’ll pay off. I haven’t reached my goals yet, and I’m proud with how far I’ve come. Thank you again for this video!
Didn't expect to see 905 shooter on here. My comment is probably meaningless to you but keep doing your thing playboy. Much love
First 10k is the hardest. Good job brother.
It’s been 2 months bro, we need more content 😊
What I find most meaningful is being a father. I never had much of a male role model in my father so I was lost for most of my life. Now I’m 35 with a 5 year old son and I want him to be a strong stoic level headed man. So I have to be that man. I have to show him through my actions. It’s definitely a hard road but I’m looking forward to the journey.
I believe in you
It's good you're the father that you never had. It's fantastic when you see what father that he needs you to be 💪🤲💕
Love your post 💚💚💚
Bless
The argument one is so true. It feels different when you argue in person than online. That is why I don't even spend time arguing online because it's pointless.
Fine line between confidence and delusion. Most people are riding the second. Especially on social media.
The best way I have found to learn is to find the most talented person you know or have access to and ask questions until they get tired of answering them and then come back the next day and ask more until you are as good as them. I was an Engineer at Intel and I learned far more in a few months using this approach than I learned in all my higher education.
At 18 I was a bored depressed bricklayer. I remember thinking that nothing in the world meant anything or had any value so what was the point. I came to your conclusion that if there was not point or meaning to life I might as well do anything I liked. I learnt to play saxophone, went to college and got A levels. The University to do philosophy and literature. Then trained to be a barrister. Decided that wasn't for me so trained to be a stone carver. I've been doing that for 30 years . Still love my job. Love my wife and kids. Still love not giving a fuck in the pursuit of fun. So it turns out there is a meaning to life after all. love and share your world view too. Thanks Mark.
You've really become one of my favorite TH-cam channels. Every time I watch your videos, I come out feeling not so crappy about myself as I felt before watching them. I really appreciate you taking time to make these videos, they really influence me as I'm sure they influence a lot of your other viewers as well. It doesn't matter if it takes you months to come up with a video, but please never stop making them.
Thank you for all that "it's your goal that creates meaning, not the other way around" and " you never know if the goal you chose is a good one". I think I needed to hear that :)
So in short confidence is being out there going through life with total acceptance for whatever results we could get enganging with existence
Confidence is holding my coke when ordered, boi
This guy is my spirit animal. He's a bit od an animal, and WE need this atm. Also, becoming truly competent at a skill will also generate confidence. You'll know you've reached a level of 'competence' when you have this genuine and honest realization: "Holy shit, there is so much more I can learn". At that point, you should try to start sharing and teaching what you've learned from a very humble perspective, clearly, while continuing to grow and learn. Just one fool's idea, take care.
Your stock footage game is amazing, maybe the best I've seen.
Also, your comment "Confidence is not the belief in success but rather the comfort with failure" may be one of the bigger takeaways you 've given me. So thanks for all that
A number of years ago I had a failure. It was a total reboot in life. I sold my house, put my stuff in storage, moved to a different state, and started a whole new career. I wondered how I would look back on that time. I came back, stronger and more confident than before. Knowing that I would rise up again, no matter how far I fell has made me so much stronger. When I hear the music that I listened to back in that time of my life, I feel good about things. I'm comforted by my memories of that time -- something I did not think would happen.
I didn’t hear him say this but one way to become confident is to challenge yourself often. It doesn’t have to be all major ones, just test your abilities on all types things from simple guessing to test judgement and knowledge to physical ones like ‘working harder’ or more reps to develop confidence of one’s physical abilities. By testing oneself often it ties in with Mark’s point of confidence developing from thinking failure over success. I’ve seen and read how military, athletes, spiritual types (monks) and others use testing to develop confidence.
Also the reason I suggest for why people with specialized abilities also do other things well is that, for lack of a better term, smart people will transfer mastery from one task or reasoning to other tasks or reasonings to be successful.
Good video.
I just want it to be known, I knew the answer to the question “most people never ask themselves” before you said it. I ask myself, “what if I’m wrong” all the time. Maybe even to a fault.
Real confidence, is also accepting who you are and doing what it takes to make your life better even when you fail.
Thanks a ton Mark. This is important.
Confidence = relationship with failure.
More power to you man.
Also, if I may add, being on your side, self-compassion -always n every time.
Can I just take a moment to appreciate that the stock footage at 1:24 exists; it made my day. I had to pause it, rewind it, and play it again so that i could re-laugh at it. Amazing choice.
holy shit i was about to cry because im insecure AF and im bitter when other people is doing better than me or reaching their goals. and this suddenly pops up on my notifications. u da best manson
Don't compare your path with others. It will rob your happiness. Also think that you just compare yourself with the people who do better than you, but not with the ones which are miserable... give it a thougth
@@AndreTudor thank you! im learning this the hard way, its just that im also bombarded with “successful” young people around me and this pressure kind of build up and im trying my best to be grateful for what i have and am right now (sorry for bad english)
but yes i keep telling myself that my time will come, and that im too young theres no need to rush.
You should read his books
@@DailyMotivation111-1 already have the subtle art of not giving a F, saving penny to buy the new one
"It's not your belief in success is about your comfort with failure"
This is why I watched this video
This is probably your best video. “Confidence is related to your relationship with failure” is the best thing I’ve heard all year. The best thing!
I really enjoy the way you speak.
I really enjoy the way you skate
I genuinely enjoy helping other people, but in more of a help people figure our their problems sort of way. Something about just being able to give, and just find joy in that is a gift in itself
Buddhist philosophy driven man. Always love your do not suck advice.
Yeah...it's true...
a confident man is not afraid of failure. he embraces it as a necessary part of the growing process.
This is so important. I have come to believe that, I might be wrong. No matter what I think or believe, I might be wrong. I incorporated this in my life a few years ago and it has been fucking amazing experience. I first of all really started to listen to what someone else has to say. And I realized that it opened my mind to the world, to understand the importance of knowing that I don't know shit.. second thing I know is I don't know shit about even, shit, that has open up libraries and looking forward to the promise that maybe someday I will still not know shit but I might know myself a little bit better. I manage my bipolar symptoms with the world around the idea that I might be wrong and it is and has been working for some years now. And the funny thing is, I might be wrong, but it's working out pretty good for me. So what the heck, I will hold the course, wind to my back and the sails are full.
The goals give meaning to your life, no the other way around. One of those things you knew but never put on a sentence. Amazing!
I was lost before I found this dude, making the same mistakes over & over cuz I kept reading the same shit that was wrong, mark puts it in a way that not only grabs your attention but forces you to realize something in yourself, I now consider his words my bible. Simple, direct & with a bit of new world humor thrown in
An analogous point: get out there and take a risk - having thought through ahead of time whether you'll be OK if it doesn't work out.
Confidence is developed via hard work on thyself over a long period of time. Knowing what ones' strengths and weaknesses are - always acknowledge when you are wrong - don't take yourself too seriously...... Be comfortable with your limitations, but never give on your weaknesses. 'The master has failed more times than the apprentice has tried' (Lao Tzu...?). Exercise discipline daily - stay in the moment! Good Luck!
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation:
00:59 🤔 True confidence is not about always winning; it's about being comfortable with the possibility of failure and understanding that you won't be great all the time.
02:28 😃 Emotions themselves are not inherently good or bad; it's the meaning we attach to them that can be problematic. Don't judge yourself for feeling certain emotions.
05:20 🎯 Specializing in one skill can build confidence, but in today's world, there are significant rewards for being exceptionally good at one thing. However, it helps to be good at related skills too.
08:17 🤨 Online interactions often lack the natural feedback that comes from in-person communication, making people overconfident and less likely to question their beliefs.
11:36 🌟 Life's meaning is subjective, and we create it by pursuing goals that feel worthwhile, involve personal growth, benefit others, and are worth sacrificing for. Confidence is embracing the possibility of failure on this journey.
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Been my experience with myself and others. People think ,I need to confident then I'll go do the the thing. It's the other way around, you do the thing that builds the confidence. I was a personal trainer, I worked with alot of people most I help in some form. I seen time and time again, someone wanted to run a race or lose weight but wouldn't try because they lacked confidence, not realizing it running the race is what creates the confidence.
Maan! I must say that you seem out of this world and your words touch the heart. Wish I found you 10 years ago.
Mark!!!!!! 🙌🏽 You say things that’s not only easy to understand but also makes soooooooo much sense. It helps me reset my perspective on life. ❤️❤️
Thank you for the eye opening video. I've been struggling with the concept of confidence, working on tackling it and you bring valid, challenging, food for thought. I don't dare say you've "cured" me but I do admit you have helped.
Ps also love your books and just discovered your TH-cam channel. I appreciate your wisdom Mark.
I have watched this video 5 times in a row right now , and it gets better everytime
U r one of the reasons y I started my channel thank u mark🤩
I hope you have found love as it’s the hardest thing to really learn , once learnt it’s the best and the worst thing all in one
I love your approach to many things. I just asked my son and niece to watch it. They need some guidance and your sincere style is smth they need. We'll discuss it and I am sure there will be some good outcomes of it. Thank you, Mark!
Finding your why helps i.e. what is driving you. I have two why’s 1) learning and grow thus testing and doing things I never did before and 2) spreading love and positivity because it’s contagious. That gives you a meaning because you can express you why’s in various form. Example : I’m baking cakes because I want to try new recipes to extend my cooking skills (why number 1). But that’s also the reason why I will start working on a different scope in my job soon. I just need to deal with the uncertainty and discomfort that come when you step out of your comfort zone (😨😳😱)
School teaches us to always want to have the right answer. Train yourself back out of that training! You don't have to have the "right" answer to anything, just "your" answer. Public schooling trains you not to think for yourself - you have to overcome all that training if you want to be happy and live an amazing life.
"Regardless of how it goes down, life goes on" = confidence.
Wow, that was eureka moment for me! Confidence doesn't come from success, it comes from how you deal with failure 🤯
I love marks attitude and his I don’t care style
It’s amazing
I'm a second generation trucker
Near 30 years experience. I'm a trainer at work. I'm at home in a truck.
Always be willing to learn. Be nice. Be observant willing to help.
I got shut down at a scale one time. Random inspection had a low tire (not flat)they didn't like. While waiting for a tire guy. Another truck came in overweight on the drive axles. The scale allowed the truck to fix it. But driver didn't know how..
I showed the driver how to fix the over weight by sliding the 5th wheel.
Loading trucks heavy is like balancing a 2 piece teeter totter. It's why algebra is needed.
What I really like about this guy is he is talking about what is NOT happiness what is NOT cofindence and what is NOT success. I mean every self-help book should be like this.
On the meaning discussion - and for the people who cannot find any meaning. I find Anna Lembke's advice pretty good; Look around in your environment, understand where you're needed, apply yourself there. You'll find meaning.
I have more confidence than anyone I know, and I can tell you it’s true. It came from reaching rock bottom, fighting like hell to crawl my way back up, then realizing that 98% of what most people think will finally give them happiness is really all just a bunch of bullshit.
Also, it comes from doing the work to genuinely love yourself (yes it sounds cliche, but it’s fucking true). When you love yourself, you don’t settle for shit that doesn’t spark joy inside you.
I used to think I couldn't be confident because I didn't have enough successes in life. It is only in the last few years that I have started to notice things going well some of the time as well as not so well and that I often cope reasonably well when things are less good. And even when something bad happens it doesn't last any more than it does when something good happens. I am still finding I am more confident at work than other areas of my life so this video helps.
Just was thinking about it today morning! and then you posted this!
I always ask myself "what if I'm wrong" to the point where it bothers me sometimes. Thanks for this video Mark. I've been binge watching your videos. You're quite helpful 🌼😊❤️🥰
you are wrong.
we all are.
Mark you are a Gem
I always had generalized anxiety, but, a few years ago I finally gave into my stubborn pride, and asked my doctor for help with it. The doc suggested medication, and started the process of finding the right medication to help me balance anxious feelings with my life. We found it, and it has helped me tune down the anxious voices that were screaming in my mind constantly. It was a drastic change, actually. I essentially gave up on trying to be "normal" - great, right?
Not at first.
At first, with my blatant and often overpowering alarm system turned, quite suddenly down by 80%.. I ended up learning just how much I relied on those alarm neurons to keep me out of various forms of trouble!
These videos are helping me learn to build confidence and trust in myself, in place of that uncontrollable force-field of anxiety. I have been able to quit smoking for well over a year, and have quit drinking pop for almost 3 months. I pushed myself to try for a promotion 2 years ago, got it, and was slightly ahead in pay increase versus inflation at last check. I've learned more and have made more friends and acquaintances, while gaining confidence and (I believe) making a positive difference to most of those around me (and hopefully very few negative)
I discovered you tonight... great stuff I needed to hear, love the vibe, thanks so much!
I m 63 ...feel terrible...but you got me thinking again..thank's...
IMO, confidence is not knowing or imagining that "I'm the best", even if it's true. Instead, being confident is having so much experience of failure that you can smoothly say "I've been worse."
Additionally, Q3 rings a bell to me. I once heard of a saying goes that successful/professional people are versatile across very different fields (e.g. a judge can also be a cellist or a sky diver). Therefore, I guess not only honing different skills helps people relax, but there are common reasons for people to excel in every field.
To me, a confident person have to make others feel good.
Lifting others.
Showing others that they are more than okay.
Radical compassion. I think this is a response to a different video but I think that is an important guide I try use when approaching situations.
Never attach too much with your goal, not every time you succeed and sometimes you have to move on from your goals, but it doesn't mean you should have it, just don't get too attached too it and have a balance life.
I have allways wondered what is better: becoming a confident version of yourself (aspiring to come closer to your ideal self whose flaws you can accept) or simply learning to accept your flaws in your current state
When mark drops, I throw a party. Congrats on 400k subs
Thank you for the message. The message about be confident about failure is huge for me
question 6 : find something that you like, but for that, you gotta get out opf comfort zone, try new things, meet new people that will introduce you to anything and then just dig it ... atm my goals are having a great garden ! and sparing to get a boat in 2-3 years to get 2-3 years sailing around the world ... i mean i have some money to do what i wanna do so maybe it's the 1st step ? doing money to increase you capacity of doing whatever you want, i mean i was totally against this ideology when i was younger but the money is not the point ofc : on the way you get skills and interests, so you can be better at your goals when you wait with that goal in mind ...
Mark, I loved all your books and in regards to "We don't know anything." I agree like you said on your first book "The Subtle Art of Not Giving F*ck" most of the time, we don't know what we are doing. Anyways keep the good work.
You’re the best Mark
Being a good man and setting an example for my family, friends and just everyone around me is meaningful and gives purpose to my life. As Mark said, if nothing matters, then why not do it?
Watched it the 3rd time now, your videos are pure golden advice for (young) people out there, thank you so much!!!
Love your content. You've been a real help Mark.
Mark, you are a cool dude man. You seem like someone in control of his feelings and life. And if you can do it, I can do it and that gives me confidence. Keep it going and I'm going to lay back and watch your hilarious videos and laugh on things I took more seriously in the past than I should have taken. Cheers
What broke my confidence is being attacked by people and it showing, like my hair falling out when it shouldn't have and my skin becoming altered. When you know people can hurt you and refuse to help you it really tears down your strength.
Every new video of yours is like a present to me. Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us!
I belive thst everything that makes you balanced or takes you to love yourself is good, therefore negative and positive emptions you need them both.
The values and existencial position is how you percive and understand reality(most of all your reality) and the balance between both oposites is what gives you the opportunity of changing those values and existencial position.
For me it is vital the most to do things that make me happy and that can and do make people around me happy - that's the only true goal in this universe where we are small and our live span and its meaning is so tiny. Let's be happy and make happiness for others
For me, i started becoming confident after i realized we are naturally selfish, is just te way world works. Everything you do or want to do, is for you to feel good. Allways, just follow the path of "whys". So if im living to make me feel good, i choose the rules. If i decide dressing pink shirts is cool, pink shirts are cool. If i decide my interest are the best interests, are the best interests.
this is confidence, deciding what contribute to our lives or not
Every time after watching Mark’s videos I feel so much better! 👍🏻👍🏻😄 Thank you so much for your advice!!! 🙏🏻 ☺️
“Goals create meaning”.. I liked that perspective of life!
Man you need more than 407K followers for this amazing advice you give
“Confidence is related to failure.” That stuck in my mind… I just discovered your channel recently and there are so many nuggets! Thanks for sharing your (sometimes controversial) point of view with us, even if you don’t have to.
And yes, hopefully I will be a “shitty lazy” youtuber as you are 😅❤️
Being confident is a feeling. It has nothing to do with what you think about success, failure, or anything at all. You just feel confident. Most probably you'll succeed, but if you fail, you'll somehow deal with it. How? That doesn't matter, you feel confident it'll be ok. You can say anything or do anything because it'll most likely be fine, and if not, that'll be handled somehow. Some people naturally have a lot of whatever chemical makes us confident, others have less. Increasing the feeling of confidence requires a long time of exposure to different situations, and above all, to do things you can be proud of. To be proud of oneself creates the feeling of confidence.
best part of the day is a new video from you!!!
Probably the best video I have seen related to life and philosophy 🔥🔥
Mark, I think you are fucking awesome. I read "The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck" at a time in my life when I'd already started transforming myself into a less anxious and more confident person and I feel it really accelerated that process. In Christmas 2020, I bought a copy of the book for everyone in my family. Of course, it became a joke that I was just being lazy but actually I think that basically anyone on the planet could benefit from reading it thoroughly and trying to apply it to their lives. I hope my family did / do read it - it seems like some of them did. Anyway, thank you for all that you do. If you ever start a cult, please let me know as I will sign up for sure 😉
"Emotions are gonna happen" Deep Stuff
It is related to success. When you fail at everything there is no 'I'll get ot next time" for some of us there never was a first time
Mark, I just heard about you a few weeks ago and just finished "The subtle are of not giving a f*ck." Thank you for writing that great book, I legitimately find myself almost every day thinking about your book when situations come up and I just ask myself, "why do I give a f*ck?" Matthew Kelly has been another big influence and you both have had a huge impact on my life. It would be so cool if you both did a video together!
"You never fully know if what you're doing is right or not, you never know if you're f*cking up completely. Which is why confidence is based in the comfort of knowing that you may fail, that all of this may be pointless, that you wasted a bunch of time, made a fool of yourself but at the end of the day you're still all right with it because it was worthwhile the sacrifice was worthwhile" 😭 Thank you so much Mark! I sent you an email months ago, about leaving my job to focus on my small crafting business instead, which I just started while working from home this pandemic. I got the answer here and so much more realizations Thank you so much! 💜
this channel is so f***ing great
omg Mark, i love you, you're one of my fav authors.. i found your channel by coincidence and i screaaaaamed, now i'm binge watching your videos 😂♥♥
Excellent video, Mark. Love it! Good mantra. First question and answer was what set the tone for me. When someone else says, "I say _you_ failed on that", you feel like your failures aren't in your control.
You need to pimp your vife out first.
I never comment on videos but I wanted to let you know if you read this that your time sacrificed making this helped me tremendously. I've felt on the verge of a panic attack after reading The Denial of Death and you've been a good fucking chap to help me at ease. Thanks Mark.
Confidence can also be achieved if being grateful and acting with justice.
I like the notion that having a purpose is a want but not a need.
Thank you Mark and Melinda, this is relatable and valuable.
Mark I love you and your videos so much. You and the fellowship of NA are saving my life ❤️