I really don't get how it can be put on the other person to take ownership when a spouse lies and cheats and you are kept in the dark and gaslit! This is like victim blaming and requiring the betrayed spouse to be the bigger person to make the betrayed, the offender, feel better! That is unacceptable! If they, the cheater, is unhappy, they shouldn't go outside the marriage, they should be honest enough to say something and allow there to be a conversation. Not just go and cheat while still being married. That is cowardice and wanting their cake and eating it too!
Maybe I am too old, but I am so commited to personal responsibility, and when I see so many people REFUSING any responsibility that it’s just sickening. My own wife has tripled down on this over the recent decade. It’s emotional REGRESSION instead of emotional maturity……. ITS LITERALLY A DEAL KILLER. When it takes just one single finger to count how many truly sincere and full acts of accounting for one’s on clear and overt error in which another person was harmed, over a 27 year period. Meaning a SINCERE AND FULL APOLOGY to the other person, then you have a certain disaster waiting for you…… And no, trying to take on ownership of something you didn’t even have any part in and then apologizing on that, MANY TIMES, to “show them how” doesn’t work either. Because it’s not about lack of knowledge. This is singularly and entirely about a very deep level of emotional immaturity at its foundation. They MUST BE RIGHT, MUST WIN AND MUST DEFEND. Each and every time regardless of what it is and how petty or how massive , the facts don’t matter at all and it’s all about HOW IT MAKES THEM FEEL……. Just look at a 13-14 adolescent girl. That’s the level of emotional maturity a person like I just described here posses and there isn’t any amount of reason, facts or logic or even emotional maturity “modeling lessons” that will let them “see the light.” None. That’s wishful thinking and toxic positivity and will eventual destroy your soul if you keep believing it or trying to live like there isn’t an issue and behave just like they “want” you to. Which is a shared fantasy in its most basic terms…. Which turns into YOUR nightmare. Without insight one is hopelessly powerless against any of the constant pulls and pushes of the turbulent and powerful emotional winds that blow them haplessly across the oceans of life. If you find yourself roped up to someone like this, you need to cut that rope if at all possible because they will drag you around powerless and careless across the same oceans.
Much needed advice, thanks ❤
I really don't get how it can be put on the other person to take ownership when a spouse lies and cheats and you are kept in the dark and gaslit! This is like victim blaming and requiring the betrayed spouse to be the bigger person to make the betrayed, the offender, feel better! That is unacceptable! If they, the cheater, is unhappy, they shouldn't go outside the marriage, they should be honest enough to say something and allow there to be a conversation. Not just go and cheat while still being married. That is cowardice and wanting their cake and eating it too!
Maybe I am too old, but I am so commited to personal responsibility, and when I see so many people REFUSING any responsibility that it’s just sickening. My own wife has tripled down on this over the recent decade. It’s emotional REGRESSION instead of emotional maturity……. ITS LITERALLY A DEAL KILLER.
When it takes just one single finger to count how many truly sincere and full acts of accounting for one’s on clear and overt error in which another person was harmed, over a 27 year period. Meaning a SINCERE AND FULL APOLOGY to the other person, then you have a certain disaster waiting for you……
And no, trying to take on ownership of something you didn’t even have any part in and then apologizing on that, MANY TIMES, to “show them how” doesn’t work either. Because it’s not about lack of knowledge. This is singularly and entirely about a very deep level of emotional immaturity at its foundation. They MUST BE RIGHT, MUST WIN AND MUST DEFEND. Each and every time regardless of what it is and how petty or how massive , the facts don’t matter at all and it’s all about HOW IT MAKES THEM FEEL……. Just look at a 13-14 adolescent girl. That’s the level
of emotional maturity a person like I just described here posses and there isn’t any amount of reason, facts or logic or even emotional maturity “modeling lessons” that will let them “see the light.” None. That’s wishful thinking and toxic positivity and will eventual destroy your soul if you keep believing it or trying to live like there isn’t an issue and behave just like they “want” you to. Which is a shared fantasy in its most basic terms…. Which turns into YOUR nightmare.
Without insight one is hopelessly powerless against any of the constant pulls and pushes of the turbulent and powerful emotional winds that blow them haplessly across the oceans of life.
If you find yourself roped up to someone like this, you need to cut that rope if at all possible because they will drag you around powerless and careless across the same oceans.