วีดีโอ

Oh my gosh. THANK YOU for this video! I finally feel validated and so many things in my life suddenly make sense. I thought I was going crazy. I’ve been extremely dysregulated, unhappy, sick, insomnia, sudden and constant UTI’s that won’t go away… and the list goes on. Found out a few days ago my husband has been talking to other women.. and who knows what else.

Can y’all do an episode with Dr. Barb Steffens and Leslie Vernick?

Yes we’ve been together 36 years! I’m more affectionate with her today than ever before!

I believe I need that affection! Her desire for me! I tell my wife of 33 years! I crave for her affection! Her intimate affection ! I tell her how much I’m unbelievably attracted to her to her curves! ! I do feel i have that strong connection with her! Like I’m always seeing myself fantasizing about us! Her ! I tell her I see her looking at these skinny girls! I remind her I love her and amazing curves!

This happened to me...i found that my wofe is lying on a daily basis. I ended up apologising her once she started blaming me. I feel like im mentally ill. I feel like my life is poisoned. I dont know what should i do.

He barraged me about a certain subject over and over and over till one day I couldn’t take the nagging anymore and I pounded my fist on the counter and told him I couldn’t take it anymore and then he just walked out & called me the crazy one! I felt bad afterwards and I never apologized 😢 He’s also an alcoholic so he Would always push my buttons & told me I was gaslighting him ! 😮 He never took responsibility for his behavior ! 😢 I had a narcissist boyfriend a few years ago that actually told me that he was just trying to get a rise out of me by Saying or doing whatever it was that pissed me off !

Covert Narcissist Husband due to experience: He gaslighted me years ago to make me believe that I'm the one with problem. I started taking antidepressants pills. One day I decided to visit a psychologist who told me that I have went through life challenges and it seems it made me a better. He decided to make me talk about my marriage. He told me to invite my husband. This guy went there and made everything about himself and dressed up with female dress, high heels and makeup. He has been secretly dressing like a female to replace the emotional neglect from him mom, without me knowing after living together for so many years together. The psychologist then told me that my marriage is the issue and he could help both of us. He hated the psychologist for not being on his side alone. These are the list of what I've learnt and confirmed about these creatures. .Manipulative . They look unkempt and always stressed out and nervous . Pretends to forget things so easily just to get away with his bad behaviour, you even start to worry if they are happy a Dementia .They don't have a preference. Meaning they don't have a greater liking for one alternative over another or others, not even what they admire about your body. They would rather say " it doesn't matter or I'm fine with everything" . They won't tell you what they want when you ask them, you have to struggle to find something that they could like on their birthdays, Christmas etc. . They will tell you how much they love the gift you got for them, but they will hardly use it. When you complain, they will find a reason why they don't like it or tell you that they forgot that the gift even existed. .He will deny what he just said an hour ago. .He is hypersensitive to critic and compliments. . Can't celebrate good news and it overwhelme them and they to the point that they will screw it up by turning that good day into a nightmare. . They use sighs eye, eye rolls, if you ask them to do tasks or requests that they disagree with and when you confront them, they will tell you that it's just in your head. .When you take a picture of something you admire, they will make compliments and tell you that the thing looks better in a picture than in real life. . When you try out or buy new clothes, they will tell you that it fits very well for cooking in the kitchen and cleaning around the house. .They will try to cross each boundary you create. .He knows what you want and need, and he knows that you are waiting,but you will never get it. .You do most of the work, but at the end he's the tired one to look angry. Then he would blame tiredness for his bad behaviour. .The more you open up about what hurts you , the more he collects more weapons to hurt you. Because you have just opened up to them about your weaknesses. . They will push your button until you have a anger outburst and then they end up being the victim. . They are perfectionist . When you are going through tough times, they will switch your attention to themselves. .They act in front of your friends as charming. Steal your friends but don't care about how their friends treat you. .They can't make new friends or don't have friends at all. .They have fake empathy. .They choose an Empath for a partner. .A total different person outside his home . Gaslighting is a real deal .They will never tell you that you offend them. . Can't say NO directly. .He will plan that nice holiday with you, but make it unbearable in a passive way . When you both agree for a divorce, he will sneak himself back to you and convince you that he loves you. .He doesn't even notice when I get my nails done or dressed in new outfits and would give a compliment to a dress he has seen me wear severally and would ask if I just bought it. .He likes to give my friends compliments about their beautiful nails and outfits and they all think I'm so lucky to have such a guy, because if they get noticed then they can imagine how he compliments me everyday. . When you are angry about someone else, he will turn it around till you are now fighting with him. He will claim that your anger made him feel like you are angry with him. It becomes about himself as always. .When you are going through tough times..they turn it around to be about themselves. .Passive aggressive behaviour is a bingo game for him . When you tell them how bad things was/is for you, they will say "me too" and end up talking about theirs. Don't ask him how his night was, because he will make it look like his night was horrible, even though you watched him enjoyed his deep sleep all night when you couldn't sleep. .They will not give you your space when you are angry and decide not to talk or you want to do your own thing to clear your head. They are charming and caring to deceive you, especially when they know that they are about to lose you. .They make stupid jokes and they get offended if you don't find their jokes funny. .They choose a partner who can't hide her feelings, but they will collect every detail to know your weak points to manipulate you. They can't be alone. They need supply and would replace you with someone else if you stop being their supplier. . They would reject a direct help offer you give to them, but will passively let you do everything for them. They are angry when you are happy alone without them and would passively ignore you when you are away. Sooner or later they will punish you for living them alone in a way that you won't even realise what's really going on. .They will never break up with you even if you treat them like a piece of shit. When it escalate, they will agree for a break up, but find their way back to you with tricks and gaslighting. . When you want to break up they become all of a sudden the best man you ever wish for. Sooner or later a new tricks comes out to destroy you. .They will convince you that the relationship isn't that bad. .They will tell you that everything they do is not ever good enough in your eyes. . They will passively manipulate their children to make the same choices they have made I'm life. Be it career education or life wise, but tell the children that they are free to make choices. They will plan a special treat for you and later ruin it for you at the very moment you are enjoying everything. Then you will start feeling guilty for being ungrateful. .They try to make you dependent on them emotionally. . They will manipulate you to like the hobbies that they like, but not interested in yours. .When you ask them to do something, they will do it differently and wrong against your will because they can't say NO. . They are insecure and have low self esteem. . To their children they are the best man on planet earth. . Never come to you to apologise even when you give them the time to rethink. Instead they will start to talk about something else as if you never had any conflict. . To them things are just in your head, they don't know what you are talking about. . Don't take advice but always want to help and advice others when it isn't even necessary. .They want to help you, but not the way you need or want to be helped. Like giving you cola to drink when you are craving Fanta. . They want someone who can take the brunt of all the abuses. . They have fake Nice looking in character and a good listener towards outsiders. But won't even remember the story these people told him. . They want someone who doesn't ask any question or debate what they say. . Someone who doesn't mind being his maid, cook and nanny .Someone who has little family close by and not many friends . Someone who is dependable . Someone very open-minded . Someone who is the mother and father figure for the narcissist. . Someone trustworthy . Someone who holds it completely together at all times as the Narcissist NEVER stable You are his rock . Someone who forgives easily or you are a true believer of God/Christ . Someone who is emotionally, psychologically and mentally supportive of the Narcissist at all times .You are just a parental figure they he can sometimes have less than 2 minutes of sex with. . They want someone who is as close to perfect as human can get. A narcissist takes advantage of that while you get nothing in return. . Someone who gives all of their time, resources, life, kindness, generosity and body to the narcissist and receive or expect nothing in return

Excellent video with great information folks, thanks for letting me be part of it 😃

Spot on describing my wife of 26 years.

How much do you guys charge? Do you offer betrayal trauma therapy?

My sex/pornography/marijuana addicted husband of 21 years… I knew about the weed addiction, and didn’t like it, but that didn’t matter. And when I would try and give my feelings, or even an ultimatum, because I was desperate, he told me that he would choose the weed over me. And then 💥, Dday happened and the pieces started to come together… he’s now told me that I am a narcissist, and also an abuser. His friends think that I am controlling and manipulative, and he has also told me that. So he’s also painted me as a monster to them. This has screwed up my mind and our family has fallen apart because of this. After Dday in February, he called me “big Brother”, and said that “you have always been a control freak, and this has just amplified it!”

❤

Maybe I am too old, but I am so commited to personal responsibility, and when I see so many people REFUSING any responsibility that it’s just sickening. My own wife has tripled down on this over the recent decade. It’s emotional REGRESSION instead of emotional maturity……. ITS LITERALLY A DEAL KILLER. When it takes just one single finger to count how many truly sincere and full acts of accounting for one’s on clear and overt error in which another person was harmed, over a 27 year period. Meaning a SINCERE AND FULL APOLOGY to the other person, then you have a certain disaster waiting for you…… And no, trying to take on ownership of something you didn’t even have any part in and then apologizing on that, MANY TIMES, to “show them how” doesn’t work either. Because it’s not about lack of knowledge. This is singularly and entirely about a very deep level of emotional immaturity at its foundation. They MUST BE RIGHT, MUST WIN AND MUST DEFEND. Each and every time regardless of what it is and how petty or how massive , the facts don’t matter at all and it’s all about HOW IT MAKES THEM FEEL……. Just look at a 13-14 adolescent girl. That’s the level of emotional maturity a person like I just described here posses and there isn’t any amount of reason, facts or logic or even emotional maturity “modeling lessons” that will let them “see the light.” None. That’s wishful thinking and toxic positivity and will eventual destroy your soul if you keep believing it or trying to live like there isn’t an issue and behave just like they “want” you to. Which is a shared fantasy in its most basic terms…. Which turns into YOUR nightmare. Without insight one is hopelessly powerless against any of the constant pulls and pushes of the turbulent and powerful emotional winds that blow them haplessly across the oceans of life. If you find yourself roped up to someone like this, you need to cut that rope if at all possible because they will drag you around powerless and careless across the same oceans.

Much needed advice, thanks ❤

I really don't get how it can be put on the other person to take ownership when a spouse lies and cheats and you are kept in the dark and gaslit! This is like victim blaming and requiring the betrayed spouse to be the bigger person to make the betrayed, the offender, feel better! That is unacceptable! If they, the cheater, is unhappy, they shouldn't go outside the marriage, they should be honest enough to say something and allow there to be a conversation. Not just go and cheat while still being married. That is cowardice and wanting their cake and eating it too!

People, I do NOT understand why your content doesn't have millions of views. Thank God for this resource you have provided to us FOR FREE.

Thank you for addressing this. After 30 years of marriage with 3 different men, your short video hit on issues I had in each relationship. I am now finding myself again. If I can heal myself I believe perhaps it is possible to be vulnerable enough to try again with a relationship. Thank you again for helping me see issues I stuffed.

Thank you so much for making this video and validating my feelings as a betrayed partner. I was minimizing how traumatized I feel because I thought I was overreacting. God Bless you Kristin…you are helping so many people. ☺️

I don’t feel safe because my husband has neglected me for so long. He neglected emotionally and sexually for 20 years.

What do I do if my wife doesn’t want to go to counseling about anger and some other stuff that it hurts me?

The gaslighting is even worse if you already know you are triggered by fear of abandonment. You already believe that your fear is self sabotaging and creating the self-fulfilling prophecy.

After 8 years of trying to have keep a voice in our life, I remember the very day and time when I realized, in the midst of the most traumatizing situation, that I had no voice in my marriage and laid it down, I had no idea the repercussions that would have throughout the rest of my life. This has been some of the most refreshing and healing content on your posts, tube videos, etc… Helping to validate and untangle some of the layers of confusion or cognitive dissonance that I’m still uncovering. Discovered your work yesterday. Thank you.

I want to like and re-like this post. It has been such a helpful resource. It’s been so good for me to have this enlightened, grace-filled encouragement to send to friends in difficult marriages. THANK YOU.

This is so spot on!

I feel so validated right now. Thank you, all of you. Grateful to be where I am now. Left my soon x-spouse to be last December. Filed in May. Healing journey….

Attraction 👁 leads to Reaction 😋⚘️❤️

Your content is really helpful. Maybe ask others how they feel, but for me the background music is distracting from the very excellent substance. Of course, this may be preference not shared by others...

I love you guys for making this video. It really validates my past experience. I have a question for you guys. How hard is it for the betrayer to tell the truth? Do you ever have any that never tell? I think many of us never got the truth and eventually got out. For me, I was left in shambles. It took years to understand what I had gone through.

This is brilliant. Do you perhaps have this interview somewhere else without the background music? I'm struggling to concentrate (sorry). Just hoping. If not that's ok.

I am in the road ... 1st stage on trying to move on but I dont feel as weak as i did the first time because unfortunately let myself get fooled and pulled me back in.. something i am ashamed of🙏

But gaslighting could Also to continue to neglect a persons ms starve them of love. Lie and appease them they will get help. Meanwhile I have depression and severe anxiety and stomach issues. I am Beyond hurt. And yes I stepped out of my marriage because i was deprived for 20 years of emotional love and physical love. Making love is a must if you want to keep the relationship together. My heart is so broken.

Being a sexless marriage has eroded the love and connection for me. My heart is broken. I don’t feel safe anymore because he deprived me and he neglected me sexually, spiritually and emotionally. I need help. Going through depression and severe anxiety.

Being a sexless marriage has eroded the love and connection for me. My heart is broken. I don’t feel safe anymore because he deprived me and he neglected me sexually, spiritually and emotionally. I need help. Going through depression and severe anxiety. I don’t he himself feels safe.

I believe that I need emotional Nourishment and intimacy and sexual nourishment. And I have been deprived for more than 20 years. Now that he finally decided to go to therapy I am So broken I don’t know how to heal and don’t how to reconnect with each other. I was always begging for physical and emotional connection.

What about a sexless marriage? For years and years I did not feel safe. I was emotionally neglected and sexually neglected. But I was the identified patient always ending up in a depressive episodes. Do I stay do I go? So I was made to feel needy and wrong. I feel shame and I feel guilt. I am sacred and again depressed, Betrayal trauma is real and I feel it. A spouse that continues to lie and say yes I am going to therapy I will get better I can change. Yes we will go to the sex therapist and I will change. It’s 20 plus years. I feel lost, angry and deeply sad. I am a shell of myself. I don’t recognize myself. Help me. Emotional neglect has left me a raw nerve and I cry so much. My heart hurts so much. Please talk about emotional neglect and sexless marriages, it destroys love. I am Worried about my mental health. I got shut down for so many years. I was made to be annoying and a nag and I wanted to much. Waking on eggshells it reminds me of my mom. The panic and the anxiety are just to much. Please help me.

Mine is acts of service! 😊 Followed by physical touch.

Marital and family life just blew up. I was protecting everything the hurting partner has been saying and doing. I feel like such a foool for wanting his justification and validation before anything else 😢 who to even talk to.

Sooooo refreshing to view a honest perspective on modern day relationships BS and the toxic world of dating. Dating can induce insecurities, paranoia and anxiety. Please be aware of what your body is telling you ❤

Thank you for the validation. Yours, among other videos, have helped so much. 18 years of loyalty to an alcoholic, porn addicted, covert narcissist. Had several emotional affairs, and finally left me for a coworker. Told me I neglected and abused him. I tried to get him to go to cou seling to no avail. He was terrible at communicating. Although I know long term it is best for me that he left, the betrayal is gut-wrenching.

I have worked through this alone. I am a survivor. I am a hero. I am thriving. I have built relationships with ppl around me.

I have been told as well as heard from my research that I have Allowed my spouse to treat me the way he treated me. Hearing this makes me understand I wasn't even informed Ever to allow me to even understand how to put down boundaries or make any decisions! I didn't allow bc I didn't even know...I cried hard Hearing that I'm not actually crazy 😢

I've been going through this for 18 months with my boyfriend. It's been hell, truly. We are still together, and I hope he is sticking to the promises he made me. But what's really really helped me is finally truly realising that if he is secretly breaking his promises, it's not my fault or my issue. That they are his issues that live inside his head. One day, if it's still happening it will surface. In the mean time I'm treating myself so kindly, forgiving myself, being peaceful. If he ever needs to come to me to confess, I'll be here. It took me a long time to get to this place in my mind, but I'm so glad I'm here and not punishing myself anymore. No one knows what the future holds but you have to make sure YOU are going to ok no matter what. Peace to you all 💗

First of all, you have to be able to spot a person who is repressing things. If they’re repressing something, then they will act out in negative ways to harm themselves and others they’re closest to 😢

Im so blessed to find your podcast. So much confirmation. I thank you for sharing.

I'm drained in my marriage of 43 years of being married. I told him I don't want to do it anymore. I fantasize of being alone and having a life on my own. 😢

Y’all are such a blessing. Thank you for your story.

He never hid his phone bc he had BRAVE it hid everything for him.

Crafts, Teri how did you get James to admit that he was cheating? My guy is a narcissist. Think I have no shot to get truth.

Almost everything Kristin says is so on point with what I've been through. My biggest regret is not taking a stand and making my wife go to therapy with me to uncover everything and get past it. The secrets and lies from that time of our life still haunts me and every few years, triggers line up and put me right back in that initial trauma phase. This last time has been more then I can handle and I'm finally trying to find a therapist to help me. :(

Anger is healthy....the outbursts might not be, but anger is normal and healthy.