My narc ex's parents ruined my wedding with their behaviour, because he was the golden child. Now I expect that my daughter will soon announce plans to get married, and I cower at the thought of dealing with my ex and his flying monkey third wife, who criticizes everything. It's going to take a lot of mental preparation to get through it all and make it a happy day for my much loved daughter.
I've been married for 36 years to the kindest, sweetest man. Back then we were caught between 2 narcs; his dad and my mom. We managed to arrange everything without these two. Even with the dress and the cake...we just ordered and not involve them at all. That, however, didn't protect us from their fury. On the day (and you can see this in the photos) there were NO smiles from our parents. They were SO grumpy. My husband's sister (the golden child) was in attendance, but didn't pitch for the photo session. She just up and left. Fortunately my siblings (brother and sister and their better halves) were ecstatic that their "baby" sister (15 years their junior) was getting married. We took a photo where the lot of us were pictured laughing and joking....that is my most treasured memory of that day. Yes, I married my best friend and soul mate, but I shared it with these four wonderful people. They saved the day.
@@joiedevivre2005 Yeah, they JUST HATE to not get their way. Plus, the attention wasn't on them. My mom passed in 2009, but FIL is still alive. We went no contact in 2014. He became unbearable and my poor husband just couldn't take it anymore. MIL, his enabler, passed away in July. We did not see her before she died and did not go to the cremation ceremony. Even for his wife of 60 years he refused to have a proper funeral. I often wonder what he does now, what with his enabler AND his source gone. I still pray for him, though, I do not wish evil upon him. I want him to accept the Lord and be saved.
@@shreyaindia4024Yes. Ask your mother to respect your wishes. If she can’t do that for you, consider eloping or not involving her, either. If she’s willing to cross your boundaries on your wedding day, she’s not emotionally safe.
My hubby and I eloped in 1985, then bought our wedding rings at the pawnshop a couple of days later. Eventually, I was ostracized and disinherited … and I enjoyed 35 years of a wonderful marriage.
The thought of my Ndad walking me down the aisle made me physically ill because I *knew* he would make it about himself. Not inviting him to my wedding and instead having my stepdad walk me down will forever be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
So Brilliant. Just when you start to think these videos couldn't get any better, you get a World Class education on narcissistic parents and weddings. Between your treasure trove of varied and relatable experiences and your intuitive teaching skill, you walk away from this one with a lot more Clarity and powerful Validation. You are so Great at this, Dr. Ramani. Thank you and your Team!
My husband and I wanted to get married in March but my narcissistic dad made us wait because until the middle of June because he wanted to plan my wedding. The wedding was all about my dad and my husband and I were just a sideshow. We tried to stay in the city I grew up, but my husband finally figured out how crazy my dad and moved us 6 hours away. When I finally got space and could think for myself I put up very firm boundaries. I haven't talked to him in over a year and when I go to my hometown I don't visit him. He set all my siblings against me so that makes it challenging to have a relationship with them, but I'm doing what’s right for me, my husband and my babies.
When a guy who was interested in me, his mother came to my work to suss me out! We had met at my brother's 21st birthday and he lived in another city. Then he wanted to introduce me to his mother. We went to his parent's house for this introduction. He briefly left the room where his mother and I were, and she immediately said to me, "I come first in Richie's life." You can imagine my surprise! Knew immediately that a relationship with him would never work out having a "mother-in-law" like that.
Narcissists see you as their property. I can recall at my wedding my mother would need to assert her control by hugging so everyone there could see out of grandiosity, or forcefully inserting herself between myself and someone I was or going to interact with for a big "hug". The look on her face when we told her we were getting married was one of contempt and reluctance because she was afraid of losing an appliance. Once you know you go- get out and stay out.
I had no contact with the entire family narc system when I got married. My wedding day was perfect. Going no contact was the best decision I ever made.
She did the same at the birth of my first child and said my husband was disappointed as it was not a boy???? I had a near death experience giving birth and had pre-eclampsia??? I was alive and so was my baby - and she did that! Wow.
I've been no contact with my toxic mother for three years. I got married two weeks ago and didn't invite my mother or her flying monkey siblings. It was a beautiful day!
When I have told people and therapists the cruel comments my Mom has said I’m typically met with laughter. Everyone finds it amusing. When I have talked to family about her or a sibling who says cruel things I’m told that that’s just their sense of humor. Whatever
It’s almost impossible to explain to someone who is not familiar with narcissistic traits the torture that they put us through whether they’re overt narcissist or covert narcissist. My daughters are one of each. I don’t see them, talk to them, or hear from them anymore. They’ve turned the rest of the family against me as well. I am better off now than I was in the midst of their abuse.
My narcissistic in laws insisted on paying for our wedding, then planned almost our entire wedding, invited their business friends which I hardly knew or liked and my husband did not dare to intervene. I felt like a guest at my own wedding and from what I have experienced from that day on I should have called it a day at that point 😢
when a narc makes a mean comment to me i think in my mind "aww you are SO jealous of me" and look at them with those vibes then i glance at their belly and back up at their eyes
narcissists are scared and insecure babies in an adult body. they don't like other people getting attention. even their own kids, unless it benefits them. the worst is when you preemptively avoid talking about your achievements with your family members, because you know you will be punished by them. narc parents dread the thought of their child achieving independence. cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
Mine was different, my mom was always the poor me thing, but in a justified judgemental way, " I would never pay that much for a dress, why spend all that money on one day? Why not save the money, when you have kids your life is over girl, you're gonna need that money. I never wasted anything like you." But you see, my dad provided well, she was never rich but never without so I never understood...so I as an only child, gave her my stuff and worked my butt off trying to make her happy or at least satisfied, because I caused her " life to be over". She said she could have done great things if it hadn't been for having a child. She resented me while at the same time undermining any relationship I had so I would come back (for her to use as a scapegoat?)
My narc sibling looked the same in my wedding photos. Luckily, our photographer zoomed out on the photos for my family- other sibling has BPD. It's totally opposite for my husband's family pictures. Very cheerful and closer up.
I’m only one minute into this video and it’s crazy that this came on my feed bc I’ve been thinking about this topic a lot recently even tho I’ve not researched it. But I’m 25 nearly 26 I have no boyfriend, no close friends, live with my parents and I have no job. For years I’ve felt incredibly stuck in my house, every time I make any progress with my independence and productivity I then sabotage myself and quit anything that might actually be good in life. I thinks it’s bc I’ve been so conflicted for years about whether to cut my immediate family out my life or not. I change my mind from one second to the next. Recently I decided I wanted to keep everyone in my life except my dad. But then after that I decided I won’t cut him out my life. But then about a week ago he resorted to being his old self again. Meaning he can go weeks/months without being cruel so then I let down my guard and start forgiving him and I start thinking maybe I don’t have to cut him out my life after all. But the moment there is too much peace in my house he then has to cause chaos again. He was cruel to my mum and sister and he said that I was the only one not being mean to him, meanwhile I was on my mum and sisters side defending them. I hate how he’s always treated me as the golden child and treated my sister like she is trash. Anyway point being I’ve not spoke to him in a few days now and it’s not the first time I’ve gone without speaking to him, I didn’t speak to him hardly at all from 2016-2018. But honestly I’ve had enough, he is the root cause of my depression, every time he causes chaos, it sets me back in life. I think this time I’m going to permanently stop talking to him and I just hope I can get a job so I can have money so I can leave this house. My mum keeps saying she’s going to divorce him but honestly at this point I don’t believe her. It’s just hard bc I can’t even brush my teeth once a day so how am I supposed to have the motivation or discipline to keep a job, the longest time I could tolerate having a job for was 2 months and that was back in 2019. I know this is going to sound mean but last night I had a dream my dad was on the floor and I was punching and kicking him and when I woke up it felt really good. Anyway my point is I feel so stuck bc the thought of my dad being at my future wedding angers me so much and thought of my dad holding my future child makes me want to throw up. So I think that’s a major reason why I keep sabotaging myself bc I’m scared if I live my life, my dad will still be apart of my life and I really don’t want him to. I think the reason why I keep changing my mind if I want him in my life or not is bc I feel incredibly guilty about it. When I ignore him and stop speaking to him, I feel like I’m doing what I want to do but I feel so guilty about it, but when I force myself to make conversation with him or even just say hi back to him if he says hi to me first makes me so angry inside but at least I don’t feel guilty when I am speaking to him. So knowing me I’m sure I’ll change my mind again. But right now I’m not speaking to him and I just hope that I can find it in myself to start to be more productive so I can be more independent so I can leave this house. I’m so sorry for this rant and so sorry for this long comment. I didn’t realise how much I had to say until I started typing.
Yes, was very worried about behavior at my son’s wedding, since there had been bad behavior at previous weddings. Wise seating and lodging helped, by keeping various people separate from each other. Why invite them at all? It was not my choice, since the wedding couple wanted to include their cousins (children of).
I had no idea what I was marrying into when I got married. My first experience with my new soon to be mil was when she said to me “I made you an appointment with our esthetician to help you with removing your mustache, you would want that gone before you get married wouldn’t you?”… 😮
My mom was competitive with my husband and even his son that we raised. When I would bring a nasty comment or a bad behavior my mom had, she would say "you don't understand how kind hearted I am. If you knew my heart, you would not have thought that way. My dad was the only one who knew my heart and believed in me."
My wedding was the beginning of my journey into discovering my parents narcisscim, I went from thinking they were my best friends to outright blatant vindictiveness on their end when I became a parent for the first time.
To name a few things my mother did to ruin my wedding experience. Since she was paying for it (acts so very traditional except when it comes to her money) MY wedding had to be where she wanted. 2. She didn't pay any money for my wedding dress so she convinced a friend to donate theirs to me so she could go and spend hundreds on her dress for MY wedding. Insisted that she would walk me down the aisle instead of my father since she was paying for it (so they both ended up walking down) A few years before this I bought an expensive perfume for her cuz it was her favorite. Still, when I asked if I could wear it for my wedding day she told me no then offered me a box of sample perfumes to wear on MY wedding day (she tossed the sample box of perfume to me like she couldn't have cared less) Now out of all of those things I listed this is the one that upset me the most. She received my wedding video two weeks after my wedding, made copies, and gave them out to my in-laws and grandparents but wasn't going to give my wedding video to me so that I and my husband could watch our wedding video until I came over there and watch it with her first. I was so angry I said do not send out any more copies of my wedding video I want to watch it with Mike first. My mother said "F*ck you B*tch!" and hung the phone up on me. A month later I received a copy of the video and guess why she gave it to me. Because she got a copy of the unedited version from the videographer. 16 years later I finally went no contact with my mother...if you experienced anything like I have with your mother? Do not wait, cut her out of your life now. I wasted almost 2 decades on this woman and regret every one of those years cuz she didn't deserve my love or loyalty. Apologies for the length but I've always wanted to tell my wedding story.
Oh, this brings back bad memories of our wedding!! After we made final seating arrangements, my mom didn't want to sit at the same table as my dad, which they're divorced, but they get along, so that had to be figured out by adding a whole table. Then, after our ceremony, both families took pictures together like normal, and all of a sudden, my mom didn't want to get in the pictures, and she was the only one sitting down. We finally got her to come up, and she started getting mad because she didn't want to be in any pictures with my dad. I then had enough of her whole attitude over everything and told her that if she didn't want to be in the pictures then don't. She went to sit down and then went home and missed the reception. I wish that she would have said something before we started planning our wedding. A lot of this could have been avoided. It's really sad when a narcissistic parent can't but their bullshit aside for a special day or occasion. We now have a 15 year old daughter who has been and will be raised way differently than my husband and I. We are both the generational curse breakers of our families.
@patriciafry8634 Unfortunately, you are 100% correct! She acted up at my sisters wedding too. In the end, my mom thinks I am still in the wrong for disrespecting her.
My mil said I was stealing her son away. In all of our wedding pics, she's got both hands wrapped around my husband's arm, like she was desperately clinging onto life. Prior to the wedding, she asked what colors that side of the family should wear. I said anything but purple (I hate purple). She went and told my husband's family that I said I wanted them to wear purple. So they did.
You should have said to her "thank you so much for the purple outfits. You guys looked stunning... purple is now my favourite colour. Thanks Ma, you are the best!"
@mangoyacho oh no way. Then I would've heard that she was right for the rest of my life, or if she found out that I didn't actually love purple, I'd be a liar. Funny enough, she already painted me as a liar and a whore to everyone before we got married. She beat my husband during a disagreement when we were dating, so he ran away to my parents' house (I lived out of state for college at the time). She told everyone at church that my parents were letting us live together so he could sleep with me (no mention of the argument or beating, of course!) She went so far as to tell people I was cheating on my husband, years later. At her funeral, people from her work came up to us, not realizing that she even had a son, and my husband is the only boy of 3 children. She had claimed that our children were my sil's kids. Needless to say, I interacted with her as little as possible through the years.
@@l.r.8573 Gosh🤨 now I get the picture. She was a piece of work indeed! Not sure why I suddenly feel sorry for her... I am so glad you managed to protect your kids and hubby from her. Thats so sad.
@mangoyacho Yeah, me feeling sorry for her was what caused her to continue her behavior. My husband warned me not to bother, but who doesn't want grandparents for their kids, ya know? I had to learn that I could feel bad for her being so miserable while not subjecting myself to her miserry or giving her an opportunity to be abusive. The saddest part was when, a year after her death, I asked my husband how he felt about it, and he answered "relieved."
My mother-in-law treated me horribly leading up to our wedding and then made inappropriate comments on our wedding day. She literally kept calling me by my husband's ex-wife's name all day. Kept telling me I'd put on weight. Red flags galore. Turns out my spouse is a narcissist, too. I was a fool back then, and I am now trying to extricate myself 30 years and two kids later. 😢
@annjohnson8437 Really? What a nightmare, I relate! Thank God for social media and podcasts, we are now learning a lot instead of self doubting ourselves. I bet you had we had an opportunity to listen to Dr Ramani's youtube sessions in the good old days, we would have been wiser...
For me, it was the wedding-planning stage that was the worst. My N parent had criticisms about everything, my wedding dress, my evening gown, the 3 course meal planned, the guest list, the seating chart. The planning was not at all joyful. The day itself was okay, thankfully. Their comment at the end of it was "I enjoyed the day". Okay, great, after all that criticism, but thank you. I realised that gaining approval from a N parent doesn't even feel good anymore especially when a wedding day is not really supposed to be about them? They didn't even think about me for a second? My heart goes out to anyone who is dreading planning a wedding because of N parents.
The morning of our older sons wedding several of our family were waiting in a restaurant to be seated for breakfast. I looked over and saw my narc MIL sitting with a weeepy sad face. My husband asked her what was wrong. “i wish I was dead yesterday” she wailed. He took her outside and told her the day was not about her, we don’t care what she’s upset about, and she could stop the act right now or get in the car and he would take her to the airport and put her on the next flight leaving town to anywhere in the country. She believed him, stopped, and we heard no more. If only the same had been true of my narc brother! Thing is, while in the restaurant I had looked at a guy across the room who was watching her. He had a grin on his face, pointed at her, and shook his head like “yep I recognize this”.
My mom wore white to my wedding and she then played the "I didn't know I can't wear white" card. She also threw a "surprise party" for me, but it was really a MLM party and it was convenient that my day of birth just so happened to fall on that and my mom took advantage of the people attending. She also threw another "surprise baby shower" but didnt even consider my husband being there since she never asked him if he was working or not and it ended up being a hangout for her and her friends for her to brag about her being a grandmother. There's more to it, but those are nice examples and scratches the surface. A few months ago, she told me that if I loved her, I would pretend that everything was good. The veil was pretty much lifted from there and I just about had it. I avoid her now. She has love bombed me and I am too exhausted to take the bait.
Put your ring and text on mute for her, you choose when to talk, when you feel strong. Choose to have a friend or trusted loved one for contact, because they'll be on best behavior, and even public place, not your home. Make work off limits, even let work know, to protect yourself. Keep a journal just for them, and write things down. Get your own counseling too, it will help. Information is power, regulate yours on a "need to know only " basis.
That second one was my mother towards my sister in law when my brother got married. The pictures with mommy dearest would make you think she was at a funeral, not a wedding.
My narcissistic mother was 45 minutes late for my ceremony and 1 hour late for the reception. We all waited for her for both scheduled events. All 200 of us. She wore a skimpy red velvet dress off the shoulder and bright red lipstick. She was angry and never spoke to me the entire time.
Narcissistic parents will even try to coordinate your wedding wanting to have it done their way and if you don’t comply they will even go far as threaten you saying that they will not attend your wedding if you don’t listen.
My grannie told me that I was the cause of all the family problem I made my dad a dad at 19. My mother was 18. And I was the problem. Her precious son got took away from her
Second wedding for hubby and for me. Did not invite his mother, nor my father. The wedding - a casual, Jimmy Buffett-themed one - was lovely. Sent my mother (whose chosen hell was staying married to my father) a flower arrangement to mark the day, which my father yelled at me for. But no way could he ruin a day that even our dog were involved in (as ringbearers)!
Even after their wedding, my cousin and his wife, are still being told what to do blah blah nah by their mum (my aunt). Their parents tried to interrupt them during their dance together and they didn't like it when they got told to tell them later or not to interrupt their dance. So rude!
Can’t wait to sink my teeth into this vid Dr. Ramani! My Stepdaughter’s Malignant Narc Mother is hoping to be invited to her wedding next August & judging from how this so called “Mom” acted at her daughter’s college graduation two years ago, no wonder the poor girl wants her Mon to stay far away from her big day! Thanks again for all your valuable insight ❤
You have no idea how accurate you are in this video. Mine thought of punching someone in the face because he was fed up with someone else at the wedding party. And... The tears of losing her son to me, was also there!
I can't begin to tell you about my wedding trauma. I hid it well. My mother is a narcissists, my MIL is a narcissists, my husband is a narcissists. The wedding picture of me and my mother, the tension was so thick. My brother tried to talk to my mother, asking her to remember this is Susan's day. She literally said get your arm off of me or I'll knock you out. My MIL was the star because she basically planned the wedding. My husband's narcissism was well hidden for years before it exploded on me. I've managed to stay 49 years before radically excepting. Felt I'm always competing with my MIL for my husband.
I am Dr Priya, Physician. 40 years old mam. I am alive because of you! Thank you for your valuable work on this topic. I am lucky I could find your videos.
One parent told me during the wedding day that we weren't getting a gift as we're indulging in all this food and people are starving in the world, money would go to charity. In theory a nice gesture, but felt at the time somewhat unworthy, bearing in mind it was a budget wedding. Prior to this my other parent, felt it was a good time to tell me they had a run in with my others parents partner.. 😑
My father in law didn’t come cuz I didn’t address the invite just yo him. I sent one to the compound their name of the home stead. So glad he didn’t come
Not sure if my mother was a "narcissist" (still trying to work that out in my head at 62) but she was very pretty, petite and thin. For my wedding she picked out a very pretty rosey pink dress that had a pleated skirt. My mother wanted it in what she thought was her size (single digits) but the woman in the bridal store told her that if she ordered the dress in that size, that the pleats would flatten around her tummy (after having 3 children, her tummy wasn't flat but she wasn't overweight either). The look of fire and brimstone on my mother's face was priceless (yes, I indulged in a bit of schadenfreude as I had always been tall but chubby). My mother was so P.O.'d that she didn't speak for a week but her smoldering silence and lack of eating told her story of vanity. I recall that she did mention to several people how "INSULTED" she was about the experience. 😂
All of these happened to me. And as I was walking down the aisle my mom leaped out of her seat and ran up the aisle because the flower girl, who was supposed to blow bubbles rather than sprinkle flower petals, was having trouble opening the bubbles.
I was double-dinged! Both my mother and my mother in law couldn’t wait to rush up to me after the service and make the same irrelevant comment: I was holding my flowers too high…..Let’s burst your happiness with thoughtless criticism.
Thank you Dr. Ramani. Great advice to not have one's wedding day ruined. It is good to be organic in our relationship with others, to have a smooth, peaceful and balanced ceremony.
I remember helping my mother shop for her dress for our wedding. She was more picky about her dress than I was about my gown! She ended up buying TWO dresses - one for the ceremony and one for the reception!!!
My mother told me, days before my wedding, that she was surprised that my fiancé had not yet told me that he actually wanted to marry her not me, and that he was only marrying me to get closer to her. No, he wasn’t trying to marry her.
I totally believe this. Only we people who know how narcissism is like, from life experience, can believe a sentence like this can be said in reality, outside a comedy.
@@enlumineresse My husband came from an Eastern province to the West where he met me, completely by chance. Her version was that he got to know me on purpose so he could get closer to her. He had never heard of her but she was certain that he had. She also tried to get our daughter to tell me that she preferred her, my mother, her grandmother, over me. She also felt that she could live my life better than I could and that it wasn’t fair that I was living my life the way I was as it should be hers. They are nutty as hell
My MIL's response to our wedding announcement after 4 years of dating, and one year being engaged, was to cry and say 'I knew you were good friends'. My second child died during labour and her response was to laugh. No joke. We didn't invite her to the funeral.
My narc mother was extremely promiscuous so I always knew I could never introduce her to a partner or she would consider it a challenge to sleep with him. Some mothers compete with their daughters and will go out of their way to show up/one up their daughter. It's truly demonic and perverted
These are all observations that mean something to me in my experience, concerning the enmeshment in narcissistic family systems, which in turn are so normal that they've been completely normalized in our society. That last/previous bit of mine is based on my own experience and observations.
Agreed: low brow humor at others' expense is intolerable and when the narcs gaslight and say "Oh get over it you're too sensitive!!" just tell 'em, that you're only sensitive to INSENSITIVE people.
We tried to have a wedding out of our state at my MILs house. She said she wouldn't take over planning unprompted and then we canceled the idea. She threw a tantrum over a loss of deposits we had no knowledge of. My sister got engaged right before my wedding, wore a white dress, and then talked to my in-laws all about her wedding that wasn't even really planned yet. My MIL stayed 3 hours from our wedding venue and then refused to meet us half way as previously agreed upon the next day and tried to force us to spend time with just her when my husband's entire family was from out of town and we wanted to spend time with other family before they left. She was flexing her control and guilting my husband into prioritizing her over EVERYONE else in his family. (Divorced Parents)
Here’s one for ya….. My mom got super drunk at my wedding and my husband walked her up to her hotel room. When they got there she offered him oral sex because “your wife can’t take care of you right now.” I was 8months pregnant. I knew something was off that night, but my now ex husband didn’t confirm it to me until he was on his death bed. I never brought it up to her because she would just deny it- if she even remembers.
My son got married about a month ago and I have the strangest story of triangulation I've ever seen. My sister who is usually the flying monkey for my mother was at me the entire day. My mother only attended the wedding her choice outings take a lot out of her. Mother and I did pretty good for us during the wedding no issues. My sister on the other hand was silent raging most of the day to the point where she tried to take my mother son dance because I didn't get to the dance floor as quickly as she thought I should have because I ran out to get something out of the car. She also got down right incensed because I was 15 minutes late to the reception but I talked to my son as he was pulling in the lot and before he got from his car to the building he saw me pulling in the lot looking for a place to park. My son and daughter in law are fine they had no issues with anything that I did, and to me that's all that matters. My son did not give her my dance btw.
My mother in law canceled my wedding. She called up my mother and told her not To mail the invitations as they were about to go out because her son is not ready for marriage .
When I told my Narc “So Called Mother” I was engaged, she said,”Take the ladder and elope. We’re not spending a dime on your wedding!” They thought my fiancé was a “good catch” bc he earned a good salary, and my parents had money. Plus, I didn’t expect them to pay for the whole wedding, but some help would have been nice! My in-laws volunteered to pay for our Wedding! 💒 Narc Mother mother was pissed!!! 😡 🤬😡
My mother wanted to give me $500 to pay for the wedding. My father said nothing. My dad was a guy who just went along with my mother. He was also a guy who had women on the side and when my mother was dying, brought his lady to the hospice and kissed her in front of my mother. I don't really know what label to give my father. My mother didn't work or do much of anything at all. My father was an engineer. Not poor or rich. After some back and forth, I told them not to come to my wedding. Since they didn't come, they gave me another $500 because they didn't have to pay for a hotel. My aunt, my mother's sister, and woman who was a prostitute after a career as a clothing designer and kept all my grandmother's jewelry for herself and her kids, knew that my grandfather took some from her to give to my mother. This aunt told me my mother would give me some of that for the wedding. I was seven months pregnant when I got married and after giving birth, didn't want to leave my baby for a job in which, after I paid for daycare, there wasn't much left. Some months passed and I inquired to my mother about that jewelry. And she said she gave me so much the wedding, she wasn't going to give anything more. The average wedding back then cost $20,000 or thereabouts. I scolded my father for kissing some woman just before my mother died, and he never contacted me again. I was not notified when my mother died. My sister, who I haven't seen in 35 years, left a message, and on her answering machine, there was a song played on repeat, "I hope you dance." There was no way for me to leave a message. My father gave the jewelry to one of my two sisters. She shared some with the other sister. I was given nothing. They said they'd send some to my daughters, and of course never did. My father died two years ago, and I read that one of my sisters and his nephew went to the funeral. My brother had died several years before at 57, the golden child. Was 400 or 500 pounds. I was not left a thing by either parent. My children didn't know them. The middle sister, I'm the oldest sister, called around that time to ask for my social security number so she could will me stuff. I that just had a hacking and told her to fuck off. Probably a ploy of some kind. Horrible people.
Hilarious. After my husband and I eloped, my parents sent us $300 as a wedding gift. They weren't poor. All my cousins got down payments on houses or big lavish weddings. My mom (father is dead now) would be outraged if I ever shared with the rest of the family how cheap they were. They always tried to pretend they did as much for us as the aunts and uncles (normal people) did for the cousins, and we were expected to keep the secret. But, that was the trade-off for eloping, and I wouldn't change it.
Yep, my mum got upset the night before the wedding and declared she wasn't gonna come, until I was crying and begging and apologising for whatever perceived injury it was....the night before the wedding
My mum told my, now unmasked to me, narcissistic husband that "she's not all she's cracked up to be"! It came back to me venomously in a later argument.
I had no alcohol at my wedding because of my father. It was a small ceremony. My dad immediately changed out of his tux before pictures were done. He came out with a shotgun and forced "shotgun wedding" photos. Which he did not ask me about beforehand. My MIL chose her own "gifts", paying a photog and keyboard player that I didn't want or ask for. It was literally a back yard wedding. If I had it to do over. I absolutely would have eloped. Weddings bring out all the emotionally abusive BS in people.
I'm getting married July 2025. I haven't talked to my father since 2023 and have been in the fence of even telling him about the wedding (I've been with my partner going on 10 years, so it shouldn't be a shock to my dad). My dad has made homophobic rants to my face about my lifestyle, but then lied and made me look crazy when confronted with my partner. Then I found out my dad's not straight secrets, making him a hippocryte ahole. He would make the wedding all about him and my partner and I don't want him there. I know that when he finds out, he will make a big 'woe is me' show out of it and when that happens, I will be ready to shut him down!
Great video, A month ago, my five-year relationship came to an end. I really can't stop thinking about the love of my life, who made the decision to leave me. I've done everything in my power to win him back, but it's all in vain, and I can't imagine my life with anyone else. I genuinely miss him and just can't stop thinking about him, even though I've tried my hardest to stop thinking about him. I'm not sure why I'm saying this here.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
This makes me think of the movie monster in-law with Jane Fonda and Jennifer Lopez. I remembered watching this and thinking oh SO true! And definitely not funny...
My mom is systematically eclipsing my cousin’s upcoming wedding by picking an eternal fight that I *drive* six hours with her and my stepdad - although I told her three times that I already bought a plane ticket and will need my personal space. Yesterday, she declared world war three and threatened to cancel the hotel reservation she made for me because I would not engage.
When I was engaged to this guy when I was 26...my narc mom said that it should be like a BBQ or camping with picnic table cloths, napkins etc...I was like wow.. A side note...when I was pregnant, I went to spend some time with my parents, my narc dad said to me, after hearing me throw up in the bathroom, in a sarcastic nasty tone, what, are you anorexic? He really meant bulemic.. wow, thanks for the support dad...and denial?? I mean, I was talking about the book What To Expect When You're Expecting and had it with me in the car...a couple of many reasons I didn't marry or have children... because of my experiences with my "parents"..
My ex behaves himself at weddings, because he values and wants to preserve his image, spend money on the best clothes, shoes, hair, etc. It's a big show and all about him, how he acts and looks. Funerals...he will call his children and siblings, whining and crying, about his feelings (not theirs) and require support and sympathy for his broken heart and pitiful feelings. Poor me! All the catering he needs because his feelings reign supreme. And then he will ask for money to attend the funeral. Either wedding or funeral, if he doesn't get his feed, there will be passive aggressive pouting.
I wanted to have a wedding, but my parents were going through their divorce when I got engaged and never offered to help with a wedding or anything. I knew if I tried to have a wedding, it would only result in dealing with the drama between them on the day, so I just didn't have one. We got married in our living room during the lockdowns in 2020 and I wore sweatpants. I still hope to have a real wedding with a dress and all in the next couple years, but right now I'm about to have my 3rd child and I didn't want to be pregnant or breastfeeding when we have the wedding.
😭 this video was like narcissitic parent bingo: Wedding Edition. My narc mom stole my bridal gown, criticized my bridesmaids dresses colour and the colour of the flowers, was horrified that I had gained 3lbs before the wedding, told my wedding photographer that she didn't know who I was, said to my fiance that she was "losing her little girl" (=her narcissitic supply) but found it funny that I had "finally" found someone. Urgh.
Speaking of passive aggressive behaviors. After my groom and I asked for no alcohol at our reception due to his father's alcoholism, my mother, at our church reception told me she "a little surprise for us". She had booked a restaurant dinner for guests only she had chosen --with an open bar. Only one of many things she did that day, including a very public tantrum.
I'm more active and more muscular than my mother by a lot, building up muscle as a women is often work, and I wore a sleeveless sheath dress in blue because it's my favorite color. My mother would have told me multiple things that I should have worn the tux instead of my spouse, or that wearing skin tight clothes was showing off and would be wearing classy clothes in pretty colors. It's why she actually wasn't at my wedding after I saw how she treated me when I was a bridesmaids once before.
Lol this video! I knew my mother would not be invited but little did i know i would need to uninvite my narc best friend/moh. Becomes clear as day ladies!
childish and embarrassing behaviour at a family wedding is exactly how I finally clocked that my mother is a narcissist. just couldn't handle that everyone else was enjoying themselves and just sat there with arms folded at the back of the room. yep, number 6 to a tee
Her only comment when we told her we'd gotten married was, "I hope you get divorced soon." Three years later, due in large part to her constant meddling in our lives, we divorced.
I chose my mother's dress( that suppressed the dress comments) and got married in the morning at a tiny church. My parents took over all the preparations, and my mother fixed the dress to fit me. My husband and I didn't do anything. I dissociated at the ceremony and have no memories of it.
I knew a narcissistic mother who criticized her infant daughter for having a healthy appetite. That child would be in her early 40s now, and I sometimes wonder what happened to her and her older brother.
I didn't let my narc parents know I had gotten married until many months later. No one spoiled my perfect wedding.
How did you deal when they were shocked to hear about your marriage? I mena they would've been pissed they weren't invited 😅
Narcissistic parents ruin not only weddings, but any and every family celebration.
make it like you are having to be the one apologizing for being born. your birthday? AVOID THEM!
So true
My narc ex's parents ruined my wedding with their behaviour, because he was the golden child. Now I expect that my daughter will soon announce plans to get married, and I cower at the thought of dealing with my ex and his flying monkey third wife, who criticizes everything. It's going to take a lot of mental preparation to get through it all and make it a happy day for my much loved daughter.
I've been married for 36 years to the kindest, sweetest man. Back then we were caught between 2 narcs; his dad and my mom. We managed to arrange everything without these two. Even with the dress and the cake...we just ordered and not involve them at all. That, however, didn't protect us from their fury. On the day (and you can see this in the photos) there were NO smiles from our parents. They were SO grumpy. My husband's sister (the golden child) was in attendance, but didn't pitch for the photo session. She just up and left. Fortunately my siblings (brother and sister and their better halves) were ecstatic that their "baby" sister (15 years their junior) was getting married. We took a photo where the lot of us were pictured laughing and joking....that is my most treasured memory of that day. Yes, I married my best friend and soul mate, but I shared it with these four wonderful people. They saved the day.
My narcissistic mom isn't smiling in any of my wedding photos either.
@@joiedevivre2005 Yeah, they JUST HATE to not get their way. Plus, the attention wasn't on them. My mom passed in 2009, but FIL is still alive. We went no contact in 2014. He became unbearable and my poor husband just couldn't take it anymore. MIL, his enabler, passed away in July. We did not see her before she died and did not go to the cremation ceremony. Even for his wife of 60 years he refused to have a proper funeral. I often wonder what he does now, what with his enabler AND his source gone. I still pray for him, though, I do not wish evil upon him. I want him to accept the Lord and be saved.
I eloped specifically so that I wouldn't have to invite my narcissistic parents. No regrets.
Same…. But his dad showed up anyway 🙄
@@brandynuance7791 Ugh!
I dont want to invite malignant/psychopathic cousin bent on taking everything away from me. But my mother WILL call them.. Any suggestions ??
@@shreyaindia4024Yes. Ask your mother to respect your wishes. If she can’t do that for you, consider eloping or not involving her, either. If she’s willing to cross your boundaries on your wedding day, she’s not emotionally safe.
Suggested several times but was convinced not to. I have always Regretted having the wedding. but NEVER my choice in spouse.
I was at a friend’s wedding and overheard her mother say “I look prettier than the bride”. She was dead serious.
😮 I bet she didn't lol
🤣🤣🤣Awful,pompous, inflated balloon!!
Ha ha ha!😂@@entrepreneurialempress
Yes, nasty!!!
My deluded mother wanted to be the bride instead of me.
My hubby and I eloped in 1985, then bought our wedding rings at the pawnshop a couple of days later. Eventually, I was ostracized and disinherited … and I enjoyed 35 years of a wonderful marriage.
Good girl. Hugs
Well done! A life worth living
Sounds good to me! 😂❤
The thought of my Ndad walking me down the aisle made me physically ill because I *knew* he would make it about himself. Not inviting him to my wedding and instead having my stepdad walk me down will forever be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
So Brilliant. Just when you start to think these videos couldn't get any better, you get a World Class education on narcissistic parents and weddings. Between your treasure trove of varied and relatable experiences and your intuitive teaching skill, you walk away from this one with a lot more Clarity and powerful Validation. You are so Great at this, Dr. Ramani. Thank you and your Team!
My husband and I wanted to get married in March but my narcissistic dad made us wait because until the middle of June because he wanted to plan my wedding. The wedding was all about my dad and my husband and I were just a sideshow. We tried to stay in the city I grew up, but my husband finally figured out how crazy my dad and moved us 6 hours away. When I finally got space and could think for myself I put up very firm boundaries. I haven't talked to him in over a year and when I go to my hometown I don't visit him. He set all my siblings against me so that makes it challenging to have a relationship with them, but I'm doing what’s right for me, my husband and my babies.
My daughters have poisoned my family against me as well. No one knows how hard this is unless they’ve been through it. Sending you a big hug!❤
@@beverlyadams7205
My mother alienated my cousins from me with her lies. I understand you.
When a guy who was interested in me, his mother came to my work to suss me out!
We had met at my brother's 21st birthday and he lived in another city. Then he wanted to introduce me to his mother. We went to his parent's house for this introduction. He briefly left the room where his mother and I were, and she immediately said to me, "I come first in Richie's life." You can imagine my surprise!
Knew immediately that a relationship with him would never work out having a "mother-in-law" like that.
You dodge a bullet!
@@Kattptdodged a bullet? It's not the guys fault mum is narcissistic. Hope it worked out for them and not much interference from the MIL
Narcissists see you as their property. I can recall at my wedding my mother would need to assert her control by hugging so everyone there could see out of grandiosity, or forcefully inserting herself between myself and someone I was or going to interact with for a big "hug". The look on her face when we told her we were getting married was one of contempt and reluctance because she was afraid of losing an appliance.
Once you know you go- get out and stay out.
They ruin Highschool Graduations, Childbirths, Birthdays and all celebratory events where they are not the focus.
I had no contact with the entire family narc system when I got married.
My wedding day was perfect.
Going no contact was the best decision I ever made.
She did the same at the birth of my first child and said my husband was disappointed as it was not a boy???? I had a near death experience giving birth and had pre-eclampsia??? I was alive and so was my baby - and she did that! Wow.
I know all about that behaviour!
It's very hard to understand.
Thank goodness for these videos!
@@trudiegordon6327
Oh but you were getting too much attention. You needed to be told you had failed They are so selfish!!!!
I needed this information 30 years ago! Wow you completely described my experience and a full Def Con 1!!
I've been no contact with my toxic mother for three years. I got married two weeks ago and didn't invite my mother or her flying monkey siblings. It was a beautiful day!
Good for you! May you have happy life ahead together!❤
When I have told people and therapists the cruel comments my Mom has said I’m typically met with laughter. Everyone finds it amusing. When I have talked to family about her or a sibling who says cruel things I’m told that that’s just their sense of humor. Whatever
I know exactly how you feel. It’s like no one understands narcissism.Even most therapists
❤❤❤❤
Yeah.....sorry people of this ilk don't deserve having you share anything personal.
And if a therapist LAUGHS at these "jokes"...then they're a useless therapist.
It’s almost impossible to explain to someone who is not familiar with narcissistic traits the torture that they put us through whether they’re overt narcissist or covert narcissist. My daughters are one of each. I don’t see them, talk to them, or hear from them anymore. They’ve turned the rest of the family against me as well. I am better off now than I was in the midst of their abuse.
My narcissistic in laws insisted on paying for our wedding, then planned almost our entire wedding, invited their business friends which I hardly knew or liked and my husband did not dare to intervene. I felt like a guest at my own wedding and from what I have experienced from that day on I should have called it a day at that point 😢
Sounds like they hijacked the wedding. How terrible!
when a narc makes a mean comment to me i think in my mind "aww you are SO jealous of me"
and look at them with those vibes
then
i glance at their belly and back up at their eyes
narcissists are scared and insecure babies in an adult body. they don't like other people getting attention. even their own kids, unless it benefits them.
the worst is when you preemptively avoid talking about your achievements with your family members, because you know you will be punished by them.
narc parents dread the thought of their child achieving independence.
cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
You're so right + they see their kids as competition so they try to control their lives and goals to put the attention on them.
Mine was different, my mom was always the poor me thing, but in a justified judgemental way, " I would never pay that much for a dress, why spend all that money on one day? Why not save the money, when you have kids your life is over girl, you're gonna need that money. I never wasted anything like you." But you see, my dad provided well, she was never rich but never without so I never understood...so I as an only child, gave her my stuff and worked my butt off trying to make her happy or at least satisfied, because I caused her " life to be over". She said she could have done great things if it hadn't been for having a child. She resented me while at the same time undermining any relationship I had so I would come back (for her to use as a scapegoat?)
I would not invite anyone who doesn't have the capacity to be happy for me any other day. No invitation. No entry! No crazy crashers either.
The photos of my mother-in-law looked like she was at a funeral. Later, I figured out she was a covert malignant narcissist.
They sulk a lot!! My sister was brutal very vindictive but I never caught on because she would sulk I felt so bad for her but she hated me for yesrs
My narc sibling looked the same in my wedding photos. Luckily, our photographer zoomed out on the photos for my family- other sibling has BPD. It's totally opposite for my husband's family pictures. Very cheerful and closer up.
My mother looked like the Bride of Chucky @ my brother's wedding. Instead of arriving in a limo, she arrived in a hearst.
I’m only one minute into this video and it’s crazy that this came on my feed bc I’ve been thinking about this topic a lot recently even tho I’ve not researched it. But I’m 25 nearly 26 I have no boyfriend, no close friends, live with my parents and I have no job. For years I’ve felt incredibly stuck in my house, every time I make any progress with my independence and productivity I then sabotage myself and quit anything that might actually be good in life. I thinks it’s bc I’ve been so conflicted for years about whether to cut my immediate family out my life or not. I change my mind from one second to the next. Recently I decided I wanted to keep everyone in my life except my dad. But then after that I decided I won’t cut him out my life. But then about a week ago he resorted to being his old self again. Meaning he can go weeks/months without being cruel so then I let down my guard and start forgiving him and I start thinking maybe I don’t have to cut him out my life after all. But the moment there is too much peace in my house he then has to cause chaos again. He was cruel to my mum and sister and he said that I was the only one not being mean to him, meanwhile I was on my mum and sisters side defending them. I hate how he’s always treated me as the golden child and treated my sister like she is trash. Anyway point being I’ve not spoke to him in a few days now and it’s not the first time I’ve gone without speaking to him, I didn’t speak to him hardly at all from 2016-2018. But honestly I’ve had enough, he is the root cause of my depression, every time he causes chaos, it sets me back in life. I think this time I’m going to permanently stop talking to him and I just hope I can get a job so I can have money so I can leave this house. My mum keeps saying she’s going to divorce him but honestly at this point I don’t believe her. It’s just hard bc I can’t even brush my teeth once a day so how am I supposed to have the motivation or discipline to keep a job, the longest time I could tolerate having a job for was 2 months and that was back in 2019. I know this is going to sound mean but last night I had a dream my dad was on the floor and I was punching and kicking him and when I woke up it felt really good. Anyway my point is I feel so stuck bc the thought of my dad being at my future wedding angers me so much and thought of my dad holding my future child makes me want to throw up. So I think that’s a major reason why I keep sabotaging myself bc I’m scared if I live my life, my dad will still be apart of my life and I really don’t want him to. I think the reason why I keep changing my mind if I want him in my life or not is bc I feel incredibly guilty about it. When I ignore him and stop speaking to him, I feel like I’m doing what I want to do but I feel so guilty about it, but when I force myself to make conversation with him or even just say hi back to him if he says hi to me first makes me so angry inside but at least I don’t feel guilty when I am speaking to him. So knowing me I’m sure I’ll change my mind again. But right now I’m not speaking to him and I just hope that I can find it in myself to start to be more productive so I can be more independent so I can leave this house. I’m so sorry for this rant and so sorry for this long comment. I didn’t realise how much I had to say until I started typing.
Would like to hear about 1) narc siblings at weddings and 2) narcs at funerals. I find both events bring out the worst in them.
Yes, was very worried about behavior at my son’s wedding, since there had been bad behavior at previous weddings. Wise seating and lodging helped, by keeping various people separate from each other. Why invite them at all? It was not my choice, since the wedding couple wanted to include their cousins (children of).
@@patriciafry8634it's possible to invite the cousins but not the aunt and uncle. My daughter has just done that for her wedding.
The vulnerable narcs will play up being sick and act like they might not make it to the wedding
Yes, my mother didn't make it to both of my sisters' weddings.
I just automatically got ma=ied at the courthouse....so glad I did!
I had no idea what I was marrying into when I got married. My first experience with my new soon to be mil was when she said to me “I made you an appointment with our esthetician to help you with removing your mustache, you would want that gone before you get married wouldn’t you?”… 😮
My mom was competitive with my husband and even his son that we raised. When I would bring a nasty comment or a bad behavior my mom had, she would say "you don't understand how kind hearted I am. If you knew my heart, you would not have thought that way. My dad was the only one who knew my heart and believed in me."
Those that have to brag about how wonderful they are usually are not. Actions speak louder than prideful words.
🚩🚩🚩If they have to tell you how great they are they are not a good person. Good people don't do that. They don't need to tell anyone, it shows
@@carolfield2760 Exactly. Well said.
My wedding was the beginning of my journey into discovering my parents narcisscim, I went from thinking they were my best friends to outright blatant vindictiveness on their end when I became a parent for the first time.
To name a few things my mother did to ruin my wedding experience. Since she was paying for it (acts so very traditional except when it comes to her money) MY wedding had to be where she wanted. 2. She didn't pay any money for my wedding dress so she convinced a friend to donate theirs to me so she could go and spend hundreds on her dress for MY wedding. Insisted that she would walk me down the aisle instead of my father since she was paying for it (so they both ended up walking down) A few years before this I bought an expensive perfume for her cuz it was her favorite. Still, when I asked if I could wear it for my wedding day she told me no then offered me a box of sample perfumes to wear on MY wedding day (she tossed the sample box of perfume to me like she couldn't have cared less) Now out of all of those things I listed this is the one that upset me the most. She received my wedding video two weeks after my wedding, made copies, and gave them out to my in-laws and grandparents but wasn't going to give my wedding video to me so that I and my husband could watch our wedding video until I came over there and watch it with her first. I was so angry I said do not send out any more copies of my wedding video I want to watch it with Mike first. My mother said "F*ck you B*tch!" and hung the phone up on me. A month later I received a copy of the video and guess why she gave it to me. Because she got a copy of the unedited version from the videographer. 16 years later I finally went no contact with my mother...if you experienced anything like I have with your mother? Do not wait, cut her out of your life now. I wasted almost 2 decades on this woman and regret every one of those years cuz she didn't deserve my love or loyalty. Apologies for the length but I've always wanted to tell my wedding story.
Oh, this brings back bad memories of our wedding!! After we made final seating arrangements, my mom didn't want to sit at the same table as my dad, which they're divorced, but they get along, so that had to be figured out by adding a whole table. Then, after our ceremony, both families took pictures together like normal, and all of a sudden, my mom didn't want to get in the pictures, and she was the only one sitting down. We finally got her to come up, and she started getting mad because she didn't want to be in any pictures with my dad. I then had enough of her whole attitude over everything and told her that if she didn't want to be in the pictures then don't. She went to sit down and then went home and missed the reception. I wish that she would have said something before we started planning our wedding. A lot of this could have been avoided. It's really sad when a narcissistic parent can't but their bullshit aside for a special day or occasion. We now have a 15 year old daughter who has been and will be raised way differently than my husband and I. We are both the generational curse breakers of our families.
I think your mother would have been difficult, no matter advanced planning.
@patriciafry8634 Unfortunately, you are 100% correct! She acted up at my sisters wedding too. In the end, my mom thinks I am still in the wrong for disrespecting her.
The kind of advanced planning needed could be to not invite!!
My mil said I was stealing her son away. In all of our wedding pics, she's got both hands wrapped around my husband's arm, like she was desperately clinging onto life. Prior to the wedding, she asked what colors that side of the family should wear. I said anything but purple (I hate purple). She went and told my husband's family that I said I wanted them to wear purple. So they did.
You should have said to her "thank you so much for the purple outfits. You guys looked stunning... purple is now my favourite colour. Thanks Ma, you are the best!"
@mangoyacho oh no way. Then I would've heard that she was right for the rest of my life, or if she found out that I didn't actually love purple, I'd be a liar. Funny enough, she already painted me as a liar and a whore to everyone before we got married. She beat my husband during a disagreement when we were dating, so he ran away to my parents' house (I lived out of state for college at the time). She told everyone at church that my parents were letting us live together so he could sleep with me (no mention of the argument or beating, of course!) She went so far as to tell people I was cheating on my husband, years later. At her funeral, people from her work came up to us, not realizing that she even had a son, and my husband is the only boy of 3 children. She had claimed that our children were my sil's kids. Needless to say, I interacted with her as little as possible through the years.
@@l.r.8573 Gosh🤨 now I get the picture. She was a piece of work indeed! Not sure why I suddenly feel sorry for her... I am so glad you managed to protect your kids and hubby from her. Thats so sad.
@mangoyacho Yeah, me feeling sorry for her was what caused her to continue her behavior. My husband warned me not to bother, but who doesn't want grandparents for their kids, ya know? I had to learn that I could feel bad for her being so miserable while not subjecting myself to her miserry or giving her an opportunity to be abusive. The saddest part was when, a year after her death, I asked my husband how he felt about it, and he answered "relieved."
My mother-in-law treated me horribly leading up to our wedding and then made inappropriate comments on our wedding day. She literally kept calling me by my husband's ex-wife's name all day. Kept telling me I'd put on weight. Red flags galore. Turns out my spouse is a narcissist, too. I was a fool back then, and I am now trying to extricate myself 30 years and two kids later. 😢
@annjohnson8437 Really? What a nightmare, I relate! Thank God for social media and podcasts, we are now learning a lot instead of self doubting ourselves. I bet you had we had an opportunity to listen to Dr Ramani's youtube sessions in the good old days, we would have been wiser...
Its worth getting out.
For me, it was the wedding-planning stage that was the worst. My N parent had criticisms about everything, my wedding dress, my evening gown, the 3 course meal planned, the guest list, the seating chart. The planning was not at all joyful. The day itself was okay, thankfully. Their comment at the end of it was "I enjoyed the day". Okay, great, after all that criticism, but thank you. I realised that gaining approval from a N parent doesn't even feel good anymore especially when a wedding day is not really supposed to be about them? They didn't even think about me for a second? My heart goes out to anyone who is dreading planning a wedding because of N parents.
The morning of our older sons wedding several of our family were waiting in a restaurant to be seated for breakfast. I looked over and saw my narc MIL sitting with a weeepy sad face. My husband asked her what was wrong. “i wish I was dead yesterday” she wailed. He took her outside and told her the day was not about her, we don’t care what she’s upset about, and she could stop the act right now or get in the car and he would take her to the airport and put her on the next flight leaving town to anywhere in the country. She believed him, stopped, and we heard no more. If only the same had been true of my narc brother! Thing is, while in the restaurant I had looked at a guy across the room who was watching her. He had a grin on his face, pointed at her, and shook his head like “yep I recognize this”.
My mom wore white to my wedding and she then played the "I didn't know I can't wear white" card. She also threw a "surprise party" for me, but it was really a MLM party and it was convenient that my day of birth just so happened to fall on that and my mom took advantage of the people attending. She also threw another "surprise baby shower" but didnt even consider my husband being there since she never asked him if he was working or not and it ended up being a hangout for her and her friends for her to brag about her being a grandmother. There's more to it, but those are nice examples and scratches the surface. A few months ago, she told me that if I loved her, I would pretend that everything was good. The veil was pretty much lifted from there and I just about had it. I avoid her now. She has love bombed me and I am too exhausted to take the bait.
Put your ring and text on mute for her, you choose when to talk, when you feel strong. Choose to have a friend or trusted loved one for contact, because they'll be on best behavior, and even public place, not your home. Make work off limits, even let work know, to protect yourself. Keep a journal just for them, and write things down. Get your own counseling too, it will help. Information is power, regulate yours on a "need to know only " basis.
That second one was my mother towards my sister in law when my brother got married. The pictures with mommy dearest would make you think she was at a funeral, not a wedding.
My narcissistic mother was 45 minutes late for my ceremony and 1 hour late for the reception. We all waited for her for both scheduled events. All 200 of us. She wore a skimpy red velvet dress off the shoulder and bright red lipstick. She was angry and never spoke to me the entire time.
Narcissistic parents will even try to coordinate your wedding wanting to have it done their way and if you don’t comply they will even go far as threaten you saying that they will not attend your wedding if you don’t listen.
"...saying that they will not attend your wedding if you don't listen."
Oh no, _please_ don't threaten me with a good time!... 😒
That's an easy boundary to keep.
My grannie told me that I was the cause of all the family problem
I made my dad a dad at 19. My mother was 18. And I was the problem. Her precious son got took away from her
Narcissists aren't in the market for your or anyone's emotions, so don't advertise them.
Second wedding for hubby and for me. Did not invite his mother, nor my father. The wedding - a casual, Jimmy Buffett-themed one - was lovely. Sent my mother (whose chosen hell was staying married to my father) a flower arrangement to mark the day, which my father yelled at me for. But no way could he ruin a day that even our dog were involved in (as ringbearers)!
Even after their wedding, my cousin and his wife, are still being told what to do blah blah nah by their mum (my aunt). Their parents tried to interrupt them during their dance together and they didn't like it when they got told to tell them later or not to interrupt their dance. So rude!
Can’t wait to sink my teeth into this vid Dr. Ramani! My Stepdaughter’s Malignant Narc Mother is hoping to be invited to her wedding next August & judging from how this so called “Mom” acted at her daughter’s college graduation two years ago, no wonder the poor girl wants her Mon to stay far away from her big day! Thanks again for all your valuable insight ❤
1,000 miles away and notification afterwards worked great.
Which is why I got married in secret !!! And she still doesn't know I got married, 10 years later!!!
You have no idea how accurate you are in this video. Mine thought of punching someone in the face because he was fed up with someone else at the wedding party. And... The tears of losing her son to me, was also there!
My husband's narcissistic mother didn't come to our wedding. She stayed at home and wore black for a week 😂
🤭
Bingo!
I sent a marriage announcement to NM after I got married and before I announced on social media. I protected my spouse. They’ve never met her.
I can't begin to tell you about my wedding trauma. I hid it well. My mother is a narcissists, my MIL is a narcissists, my husband is a narcissists. The wedding picture of me and my mother, the tension was so thick. My brother tried to talk to my mother, asking her to remember this is Susan's day. She literally said get your arm off of me or I'll knock you out. My MIL was the star because she basically planned the wedding. My husband's narcissism was well hidden for years before it exploded on me. I've managed to stay 49 years before radically excepting. Felt I'm always competing with my MIL for my husband.
I am Dr Priya, Physician. 40 years old mam.
I am alive because of you!
Thank you for your valuable work on this topic.
I am lucky I could find your videos.
One parent told me during the wedding day that we weren't getting a gift as we're indulging in all this food and people are starving in the world, money would go to charity. In theory a nice gesture, but felt at the time somewhat unworthy, bearing in mind it was a budget wedding. Prior to this my other parent, felt it was a good time to tell me they had a run in with my others parents partner.. 😑
My father in law didn’t come cuz I didn’t address the invite just yo him. I sent one to the compound their name of the home stead. So glad he didn’t come
@leonellie1 but wasnt he involved in the wedding planning? When you sent the wedding bells to the homestead, didnt you send the wedding bells via him?
@@mangoyacho :)
Not sure if my mother was a "narcissist" (still trying to work that out in my head at 62) but she was very pretty, petite and thin. For my wedding she picked out a very pretty rosey pink dress that had a pleated skirt. My mother wanted it in what she thought was her size (single digits) but the woman in the bridal store told her that if she ordered the dress in that size, that the pleats would flatten around her tummy (after having 3 children, her tummy wasn't flat but she wasn't overweight either). The look of fire and brimstone on my mother's face was priceless (yes, I indulged in a bit of schadenfreude as I had always been tall but chubby). My mother was so P.O.'d that she didn't speak for a week but her smoldering silence and lack of eating told her story of vanity. I recall that she did mention to several people how "INSULTED" she was about the experience. 😂
All of these happened to me. And as I was walking down the aisle my mom leaped out of her seat and ran up the aisle because the flower girl, who was supposed to blow bubbles rather than sprinkle flower petals, was having trouble opening the bubbles.
They invited people I didn’t know to show off like it’s their wedding
Not show up in my case. For 'health reasons.' Sadly, I married a narc just like my mother.
I was double-dinged! Both my mother and my mother in law couldn’t wait to rush up to me after the service and make the same irrelevant comment: I was holding my flowers too high…..Let’s burst your happiness with thoughtless criticism.
Thank you Dr. Ramani. Great advice to not have one's wedding day ruined. It is good to be organic in our relationship with others, to have a smooth, peaceful and balanced ceremony.
I remember helping my mother shop for her dress for our wedding. She was more picky about her dress than I was about my gown! She ended up buying TWO dresses - one for the ceremony and one for the reception!!!
My mom's MO is complete disinterest to my face while sneaking around behind my back to control/sabotage what she can.
If there’s ever a wedding, they won’t be there.
My mother told me, days before my wedding, that she was surprised that my fiancé had not yet told me that he actually wanted to marry her not me, and that he was only marrying me to get closer to her. No, he wasn’t trying to marry her.
I totally believe this. Only we people who know how narcissism is like, from life experience, can believe a sentence like this can be said in reality, outside a comedy.
@@enlumineresse
My husband came from an Eastern province to the West where he met me, completely by chance. Her version was that he got to know me on purpose so he could get closer to her. He had never heard of her but she was certain that he had. She also tried to get our daughter to tell me that she preferred her, my mother, her grandmother, over me. She also felt that she could live my life better than I could and that it wasn’t fair that I was living my life the way I was as it should be hers. They are nutty as hell
@@enlumineresse
Thank you. Being believed is very important.
All of this!! My mum and my in-laws did it all!! 😩
My MIL's response to our wedding announcement after 4 years of dating, and one year being engaged, was to cry and say 'I knew you were good friends'. My second child died during labour and her response was to laugh. No joke. We didn't invite her to the funeral.
I'm sorry for your loss.
OH! That would be unforgiveable.
my Mother CANCELLED THE CAKE AT MY BAKERY SO SHE could laugh When I realized she Ruined our RECEPTION! what a Cold -_____!
I always felt like my mom felt she was dating my boyfriends when it was ME who was dating them. So weird.
My narc mother was extremely promiscuous so I always knew I could never introduce her to a partner or she would consider it a challenge to sleep with him. Some mothers compete with their daughters and will go out of their way to show up/one up their daughter. It's truly demonic and perverted
These are all observations that mean something to me in my experience, concerning the enmeshment in narcissistic family systems, which in turn are so normal that they've been completely normalized in our society. That last/previous bit of mine is based on my own experience and observations.
Agreed: low brow humor at others' expense is intolerable and when the narcs gaslight and say "Oh get over it you're too sensitive!!" just tell 'em, that you're only sensitive to INSENSITIVE people.
Here's the sort of comment you could get from them: "A wife is here today and gone tomorrow, but a mother is there for life"
We tried to have a wedding out of our state at my MILs house. She said she wouldn't take over planning unprompted and then we canceled the idea. She threw a tantrum over a loss of deposits we had no knowledge of.
My sister got engaged right before my wedding, wore a white dress, and then talked to my in-laws all about her wedding that wasn't even really planned yet.
My MIL stayed 3 hours from our wedding venue and then refused to meet us half way as previously agreed upon the next day and tried to force us to spend time with just her when my husband's entire family was from out of town and we wanted to spend time with other family before they left. She was flexing her control and guilting my husband into prioritizing her over EVERYONE else in his family. (Divorced Parents)
Here’s one for ya…..
My mom got super drunk at my wedding and my husband walked her up to her hotel room. When they got there she offered him oral sex because “your wife can’t take care of you right now.”
I was 8months pregnant.
I knew something was off that night, but my now ex husband didn’t confirm it to me until he was on his death bed.
I never brought it up to her because she would just deny it- if she even remembers.
My son got married about a month ago and I have the strangest story of triangulation I've ever seen. My sister who is usually the flying monkey for my mother was at me the entire day. My mother only attended the wedding her choice outings take a lot out of her. Mother and I did pretty good for us during the wedding no issues. My sister on the other hand was silent raging most of the day to the point where she tried to take my mother son dance because I didn't get to the dance floor as quickly as she thought I should have because I ran out to get something out of the car. She also got down right incensed because I was 15 minutes late to the reception but I talked to my son as he was pulling in the lot and before he got from his car to the building he saw me pulling in the lot looking for a place to park. My son and daughter in law are fine they had no issues with anything that I did, and to me that's all that matters. My son did not give her my dance btw.
My mother in law canceled my wedding. She called up my mother and told her not
To mail the invitations as they were about to go out because her son is not ready for marriage .
When I told my Narc “So Called Mother” I was engaged, she said,”Take the ladder and elope. We’re not spending a dime on your wedding!” They thought my fiancé was a “good catch” bc he earned a good salary, and my parents had money. Plus, I didn’t expect them to pay for the whole wedding, but some help would have been nice! My in-laws volunteered to pay for our Wedding! 💒 Narc Mother mother was pissed!!! 😡 🤬😡
My mother wanted to give me $500 to pay for the wedding. My father said nothing. My dad was a guy who just went along with my mother. He was also a guy who had women on the side and when my mother was dying, brought his lady to the hospice and kissed her in front of my mother. I don't really know what label to give my father. My mother didn't work or do much of anything at all. My father was an engineer. Not poor or rich. After some back and forth, I told them not to come to my wedding. Since they didn't come, they gave me another $500 because they didn't have to pay for a hotel. My aunt, my mother's sister, and woman who was a prostitute after a career as a clothing designer and kept all my grandmother's jewelry for herself and her kids, knew that my grandfather took some from her to give to my mother. This aunt told me my mother would give me some of that for the wedding. I was seven months pregnant when I got married and after giving birth, didn't want to leave my baby for a job in which, after I paid for daycare, there wasn't much left. Some months passed and I inquired to my mother about that jewelry. And she said she gave me so much the wedding, she wasn't going to give anything more. The average wedding back then cost $20,000 or thereabouts. I scolded my father for kissing some woman just before my mother died, and he never contacted me again. I was not notified when my mother died. My sister, who I haven't seen in 35 years, left a message, and on her answering machine, there was a song played on repeat, "I hope you dance." There was no way for me to leave a message. My father gave the jewelry to one of my two sisters. She shared some with the other sister. I was given nothing. They said they'd send some to my daughters, and of course never did. My father died two years ago, and I read that one of my sisters and his nephew went to the funeral. My brother had died several years before at 57, the golden child. Was 400 or 500 pounds. I was not left a thing by either parent. My children didn't know them. The middle sister, I'm the oldest sister, called around that time to ask for my social security number so she could will me stuff. I that just had a hacking and told her to fuck off. Probably a ploy of some kind. Horrible people.
Hilarious. After my husband and I eloped, my parents sent us $300 as a wedding gift. They weren't poor. All my cousins got down payments on houses or big lavish weddings. My mom (father is dead now) would be outraged if I ever shared with the rest of the family how cheap they were. They always tried to pretend they did as much for us as the aunts and uncles (normal people) did for the cousins, and we were expected to keep the secret. But, that was the trade-off for eloping, and I wouldn't change it.
Yep, my mum got upset the night before the wedding and declared she wasn't gonna come, until I was crying and begging and apologising for whatever perceived injury it was....the night before the wedding
My mum told my, now unmasked to me, narcissistic husband that "she's not all she's cracked up to be"! It came back to me venomously in a later argument.
I had no alcohol at my wedding because of my father. It was a small ceremony. My dad immediately changed out of his tux before pictures were done. He came out with a shotgun and forced "shotgun wedding" photos. Which he did not ask me about beforehand.
My MIL chose her own "gifts", paying a photog and keyboard player that I didn't want or ask for. It was literally a back yard wedding.
If I had it to do over. I absolutely would have eloped. Weddings bring out all the emotionally abusive BS in people.
I'm getting married July 2025. I haven't talked to my father since 2023 and have been in the fence of even telling him about the wedding (I've been with my partner going on 10 years, so it shouldn't be a shock to my dad). My dad has made homophobic rants to my face about my lifestyle, but then lied and made me look crazy when confronted with my partner. Then I found out my dad's not straight secrets, making him a hippocryte ahole. He would make the wedding all about him and my partner and I don't want him there. I know that when he finds out, he will make a big 'woe is me' show out of it and when that happens, I will be ready to shut him down!
Yup. My former narc friend wore a black cocktail dress to her daughter's wedding (??!!). Now I understand.
First wedding - we never told anyone that we'd gone out of town to get married, so his mother got very frustrated.
Great video, A month ago, my five-year relationship came to an end. I really can't stop thinking about the love of my life, who made the decision to leave me. I've done everything in my power to win him back, but it's all in vain, and I can't imagine my life with anyone else. I genuinely miss him and just can't stop thinking about him, even though I've tried my hardest to stop thinking about him. I'm not sure why I'm saying this here.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counsellor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.
he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.
My mom left my dad the weekend before my wedding. It wasn’t enough to ruin my childhood by staying together and fighting for 26 yrs.
This makes me think of the movie monster in-law with Jane Fonda and Jennifer Lopez. I remembered watching this and thinking oh SO true! And definitely not funny...
My mom is systematically eclipsing my cousin’s upcoming wedding by picking an eternal fight that I *drive* six hours with her and my stepdad - although I told her three times that I already bought a plane ticket and will need my personal space. Yesterday, she declared world war three and threatened to cancel the hotel reservation she made for me because I would not engage.
🩷Elope
🩷Have a party with your favorite people.
Blessings for Peace!💞💞💞
When I was engaged to this guy when I was 26...my narc mom said that it should be like a BBQ or camping with picnic table cloths, napkins etc...I was like wow..
A side note...when I was pregnant, I went to spend some time with my parents, my narc dad said to me, after hearing me throw up in the bathroom, in a sarcastic nasty tone, what, are you anorexic? He really meant bulemic.. wow, thanks for the support dad...and denial?? I mean, I was talking about the book What To Expect When You're Expecting and had it with me in the car...a couple of many reasons I didn't marry or have children... because of my experiences with my "parents"..
My ex behaves himself at weddings, because he values and wants to preserve his image, spend money on the best clothes, shoes, hair, etc. It's a big show and all about him, how he acts and looks.
Funerals...he will call his children and siblings, whining and crying, about his feelings (not theirs) and require support and sympathy for his broken heart and pitiful feelings. Poor me! All the catering he needs because his feelings reign supreme. And then he will ask for money to attend the funeral.
Either wedding or funeral, if he doesn't get his feed, there will be passive aggressive pouting.
I wanted to have a wedding, but my parents were going through their divorce when I got engaged and never offered to help with a wedding or anything. I knew if I tried to have a wedding, it would only result in dealing with the drama between them on the day, so I just didn't have one. We got married in our living room during the lockdowns in 2020 and I wore sweatpants. I still hope to have a real wedding with a dress and all in the next couple years, but right now I'm about to have my 3rd child and I didn't want to be pregnant or breastfeeding when we have the wedding.
😭 this video was like narcissitic parent bingo: Wedding Edition. My narc mom stole my bridal gown, criticized my bridesmaids dresses colour and the colour of the flowers, was horrified that I had gained 3lbs before the wedding, told my wedding photographer that she didn't know who I was, said to my fiance that she was "losing her little girl" (=her narcissitic supply) but found it funny that I had "finally" found someone. Urgh.
So glad we decided on a private ceremony with just the two of us and the clerk of court. No way I wanted my parents to ruin my wedding.
Speaking of passive aggressive behaviors. After my groom and I asked for no alcohol at our reception due to his father's alcoholism, my mother, at our church reception told me she "a little surprise for us". She had booked a restaurant dinner for guests only she had chosen --with an open bar. Only one of many things she did that day, including a very public tantrum.
I'm more active and more muscular than my mother by a lot, building up muscle as a women is often work, and I wore a sleeveless sheath dress in blue because it's my favorite color. My mother would have told me multiple things that I should have worn the tux instead of my spouse, or that wearing skin tight clothes was showing off and would be wearing classy clothes in pretty colors. It's why she actually wasn't at my wedding after I saw how she treated me when I was a bridesmaids once before.
Really good observations.
Lol this video! I knew my mother would not be invited but little did i know i would need to uninvite my narc best friend/moh. Becomes clear as day ladies!
childish and embarrassing behaviour at a family wedding is exactly how I finally clocked that my mother is a narcissist. just couldn't handle that everyone else was enjoying themselves and just sat there with arms folded at the back of the room. yep, number 6 to a tee
Her only comment when we told her we'd gotten married was, "I hope you get divorced soon." Three years later, due in large part to her constant meddling in our lives, we divorced.
I chose my mother's dress( that suppressed the dress comments) and got married in the morning at a tiny church. My parents took over all the preparations, and my mother fixed the dress to fit me. My husband and I didn't do anything. I dissociated at the ceremony and have no memories of it.
I knew a narcissistic mother who criticized her infant daughter for having a healthy appetite.
That child would be in her early 40s now, and I sometimes wonder what happened to her and her older brother.