Tim Ferriss on Self-Improvement vs. Picking on Yourself | The Tim Ferriss Show
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 มี.ค. 2021
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About Tim Ferriss:
Tim Ferriss is one of Fast Company’s “Most Innovative Business People” and an early-stage tech investor/advisor in Uber, Facebook, Twitter, Shopify, Duolingo, Alibaba, and 50+ other companies. He is also the author of five #1 New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestsellers: The 4-Hour Workweek, The 4-Hour Body, The 4-Hour Chef, Tools of Titans and Tribe of Mentors. The Observer and other media have named him “the Oprah of audio” due to the influence of his podcast, The Tim Ferriss Show, which has exceeded 500 million downloads and been selected for “Best of Apple Podcasts” three years running.
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Your interview with Dr. Jordan Peterson showed up in my recommended. I’m a huge fan of Dr. Peterson and was impressed with and appreciate very much your kind and thoughtful communication with him. I subscribed to your channel for the enlightening content, but mostly because of your awesome personality and humble attitude. Blessings to you from a new subscriber 🙏💗
Hello Tim, thank you for sharing this topic. As a life consultant (caring for both healing the past of my clients and guide them to reach their goals), this is a very important nuance.
The experience taught me that these are 2 different ways aiming for the same external/perception reality of the outcome - the job is done, the external markers of the result are here - but the internal relationship you create with the outcome and its meaning throughout the journey are really different.
Self-improvement comes from a place heading towards self-love that is maintained all along the process. You are in a positive angle on who you are, where you are in your life, and you are ready to welcome who you become, knowing that you have room for improvement without further threat or self-bullying (like self-nagging) for the eventual setbacks and negative feedback along the way.
The state of the being remains open to opportunities and positive collaterals of the process. The process is feeding you.
It gives you a positive mindset: you have the motivation to reach a better that you want to see continued (positive intention/positive goal/positive sustainability).
When you are picking on yourself, it might as well lead you to the same result but the journey originates from a very different place:
you are trying to avoid the worse, you want the inner voice to stop. You are in avoidance of something, a negative mindset generating negative experience of getting the desired outcome, even if the outcome is reached successfully.
The state of the being is very contracted on the outcome and outcome only. The process is drying you out.
This is a negative mindset: you have a craving for control in order to avoid a worse that you to see stopped (negative intention/negative goal/negative sustainability).
The mindset conditions the journey and the process on all your layers. We need to pay attention to what we are doing with our layers (physical, emotional, mental, and, if relevant to you, spiritual) as it will forge who we become more than the destination/outcome itself.
And let's say that you do not achieve your desired outcome: with a self-improvement mindset, you will have spent a good time and value what you have learned besides your goal. With a picking-on-yourself mindset, most psychological profiles who adopt this trajectory indicate that the meaning of not getting the goal is only lived as another failure, adding to the inner self-picking issue, validating the negativity furthermore.
I made a pivotal quote out of the sessions I have with my clients:
"WHO you become is determined by WHY and HOW you want, not by WHAT you want".
I believe that you can only guide someone toward their goal (the WHAT they want) once the out-coming and in-coming of WHY they want it are cleared (out-coming WHY is the consequences of getting what they want, in-coming WHY is the inner place it comes from, the source of their intention, the quality of the inner dialogue that generated the goal).
Clearing this WHY has a lot to do with healing past traumas and corrupted beliefs: you need to go deep through all the layers - physical, emotional, mental, spiritual - and move them all.
That can only be done by creating the necessary SAFE physical/emotional/mental space to welcome all and give yourself the freedom to transform someone's experience perspective through a different relationship to facts.
This allows identifying what goals are beneficial to be reached for the person, opposed to the toxic ones.
Bottom line: it is never about the goal itself, it is about the whole process, the journey to your goal. For other people who might be reading this: reach for help if you are not sure how to guide yourself to prepare for your journey.
I wish you all the best, be blessed, and stay awesome!
great point on motivation - people need to actually get clear on whether they are running away or running towards something.
THIS: "We can feel like we are doing a good thing sometimes when we're suffering and grinding, but that doesn't by default mean that we're doing something that is worthwhile or improving"
Do the work because you WANT TO not just because you can
The morning priority list is super important to make that every single thing matter. I write down my task list and then pick the 3 most important of them all, and number than 1 to 3 so I know which to work on first!
Happy Wednesday everyone. Keep grinding with whatever you do!
So true that’s the only way! ❤️
Thanks legend! you too!!! Get it girl
One of the CBT lines I recommend patients use when bashing self, overcome w/ guilt/shame, etc. is, "What can I DO about it...[do it! then tell self...] I'm doing all I CAN dammit! That's all anyone can do!"
@@piedbykundankishore9845 ? Not sure I follow you here Tim. Definite digression from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy! Are you familiar with Albert Ellis and rational emotive behavioral therapy (REBT)? I had the pleasure of seeing him extensively at a psychotherapy conference in Chicago years ago and sitting next to him for a one-on-one role play at the Hyatt regency in Chicago. He said to us there are few if any 'absolute' "Shoulds", only "contingent Shoulds". I could elaborate on this if you like briefly, but I think you would dig his point. Used the word should more like a logic or probability term, not a guilt evoking moralistic self-bludgeoning term. It is irrational to say I shouldn't eat these donuts or I should exercise unless we can honestly lay out the sentence, "if my desire to lose weight and get in shape exceeds my enjoyment and desire to eat the donuts and be sedentary, then (logic holds that) I should (and likely will) abstain from eating the donuts and exercise." Conversely, "if my desire to consume alcohol exceeds my desire to quit, I should keep drinking".
Totally brilliant! Thank you.
The greatest person on the Earth!!
Is the God became him? For sure.
Much mentioned in this clip worth unpacking and expanding upon.
The notion of “picking on yourself” set alongside “doing the work” is interesting. Perhaps an synonym would be “bullying”...bullying oneself. This perhaps rolls into ideas of self flagellation, harsh self criticism. Certainly if we are punishing ourselves with improvement regimes, it’s perhaps worth catching ourselves to gently ask ourselves what we are punishing ourselves for? What, to borrow Tim’s phrasing, are we running away from?
The notion of feeling worse after a session with it comes to psychotherapy is also interesting. Without context and more details, it’s not possible to ascertain, but some thoughts on this. The nature of why one goes to a psychotherapist is often for situations that are experienced as unpleasant, undesirable, painful etc. It doesn’t mean there can’t be levity or joy as part of the process but it’s likely that when we encounter the hurt, grief, stuckness during a session...it’s not going to feel great after. But it’s precisely that it hasn’t felt great all this time...that we compartmentalise and sweep things under the rug for years and years...that we wind up needing the help of a psychotherapist.
There’s also a trope referenced here about paychotherapy being perhaps unduly obsessed with childhood. I can’t speak to all models (at present I believe there are hundreds of them) but the one I’m most familiar with sees discussing these past stories as a way to understand the present or recent past. It’s not about a Freudian-esque “dredging up of the past” where one goes digging for no other purpose than to dig. Another reason for why childhood does come up in psychotherapy is that the field has currently established an understanding of the implications of parenting on a person’s life (see ‘Attachment Theory’). What happened then can inform and shape what happened subsequently.
Life is not a problem to be solved. I believe that’s what a lot of the gratitude-acceptance-mindfulness -perspective taking practices in essence speak to. There can be a joy to being alive. All the while one should be aware that we live in situations culminating from, and in and amongst imperfect situations and imperfect decisions. Thus many things we do or go along with are (by)products. Self improvement practices speak to the idea that we can breakthrough and choose to navigate life differently, and hopefully to make a contribution to those around us in our limited time here. Peaks and valleys...
Tim had childhood trauma that is why he refers to it in therapy I think. It is not obsession with childhood per se.
I thought tim was going to say that now you have the ability and drive to solve anything, I thought he was going to say "Now you have to decide what to solve" !! I was right by the end of the vid tho... This is why I loved 4 hour chef, and you will too if you read it. 4 Hour Chef is a book about how to learn, and he picks apart learning new tasks and makes it super fun. He analyses and overanalyzes and turns learning into almost a game. I wish I had read 4 hour chef before college because that book got me hooked on both learning about learning and it got me hooked on Tim Ferriss. Thanks tim!!
Yeah, dont overhack :), never thought it was a possibility. For me it's the self criticism form of picking on myself. But obviously overdoing is also possible.
Someone very dear to me is working her complex-PST with a terapeuta, since hearing your own experience with trauma, I hope that her counsellor guide her to heal her PSTD, without causing more damage (Visiting her past experience)to already narrow tolerance to pain.
I think the part about grinding and getting the stuff done, but not actually learning or moving forward. Really need to focus on where you want to go and if what you are doing is really getting you closer to that destination.
I felt the same way about chess after watching Queens Gambit. Come from a family that loves chess but I never knew the strategies behind the game even with a Grand Master in our family.
Quality insight 🙏 its tough not to be “tough” on ourselves for the sake of development
it's such a double edge sword too isn't it! Sometimes we need to take a step back and sometimes we need to dig more
Hello everyone 👋 let’s dominate this March!
Hell Yes Dalilah! #NewYorkCity #HeyThereDalilah lol! sorry I had to
Have you been fasting a lot?
❤❤
I think the idea is interesting. Suffering for the sake of suffering is stupid. There's enough of that in the world, you'll never win that battle.
HOWEVER saying that you won't go to therapy because thinking about your past feels bad is RUNNING AWAY from your problems.
You must fight the dragon to get the treasure. The longer you refuse to sit with your childhood trauma the longer it will haunt you.
Silicon valley girl recommended this channel
Please interview a pro POKER PLAYER!! Such as Ike Haxton, Patrick Leonard, Lex Veldhuis.. I’m sure there’s a ton of gold for you to mine there 💎
Dang second
Books like this *do* have too many words. How many self-improvement books have you read that couldn't be half the length and be just as good?
Rule #1: Do not do what is unnecessary (PD Ouspensky).
uh .
what .
um .
and I was supposed to come away with what?
You are very good looking
I want Tim s Botox recipe