Questions to ask yourself while dating
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 มิ.ย. 2023
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"Can I accept this person as they are today?"
This. One of the best things I learned in life is that you cannot change people, only yourself. Once I realised that it saved me a lot of heartache.
Early on in my (now ended) marriage, I heard a cliche:
“Women marry a man thinking he will change,
Men marry a woman thinking she will stay the same.”
The only thing worse than having the other person not truly see AND accept you-either because you don’t fully share or they don’t fully understand & accept you-is for you to _think_ you can/will change some core characteristic, deeply ingrained habit, or deep value.
Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, and standing up for yourself is vital. Do so not in an offensive or attacking nor hesitant or apologetic manner, but know and be true to your values & yourself in a self-confident, honest, straightforward, and consistent manner.
If someone is compatible with you, knows you, and accepts you-_and_ you know & accept them well-, then you’ve got a potential winning relationship!
"If you have a desire to change them, you're not really seeing them."
I've realized this is why I felt unwanted from my partner, cause they never accepted me for who I am, but also that there's got to be someone out there with the insight to come to this conclusion too and accept me and i'll have so much more respect for that person in return.
What side of me do they bring out? is such an important question. If they bring out the worst in you they are not the right person for you. This applies to both in their presence and absence. Be with someone who brings out the best version of you, grow together and watch your relationship flourish. Start with yourself. You are worthy of love ❤
Agreed. Dating should be a relaxing experience for both parties involved, not stressful like a job interview.
these weekly bite-sized comprehensive relationship advice videos are so refreshing and I am all 👏 here 👏 for it!! thank you Anna for helping us bring out our secure attachment styles and be our highest selves 🫶
It would be amazing to date someone like anna, not just because she's amazing but because of how much I'd learn about myself in the process
no, you. Stay awesome
I just finished the book « Attached » and it talked about all of this and it’s been so helpful goin into a new season of dating.
It's on my reading list for a while
I find that things actually really help me in my FRIENDships too
I agree with that potential point all the way. Otherwise, when dating, ask yourself, "What can we build together?" as opposed to "what can the other person provide me?"
Yes! One of the big indicators I've learned to look for is "how do I feel around them?? Like, REALLY feel?" Sometimes, even when I can't define it at first, I will notice that I sometimes find myself with people who make me really uncomfortable, insecure, or vulnerable. I eventually find out why. It's important not to ignore those feelings!
I feel like it works for all relationships even with finding friends or looking into current friendships.
_"The real question in relationships is, “What can we do together?” The more you learn about yourself-about your thinking and your behavior-and the more objective you become about yourself, the more objective you can become about the other person and the clearer your discernment will be. This clarity of discernment is very important because people are not what they seem. In almost all cases, people misrepresent themselves unless they are well developed and quite mature. Knowledge is your guide here, so you do not need to tax your mind in deliberation. But you do need to look, to listen and to learn."_
- Relationships and Higher Purpose » Chapter 12: Establishing Relationships. (free online book by MV Summers, highly recommend)
Thank you.... sometimes it can be immediately apparent when you ask it this way - what are we doing together/can we do together? Appreciate the reference.
Thanks for sharing!
Its like you literally read my mind, i definitely needed to hear this today. Thank you, Anna ❤️
This is so true, my own issues almsot made me lose someone who was actually very good for me but I couldn't see it because I didn't know who I was, what was my personality and what was my trauma and what I really wanted. Luckily I manged to push myself and learn about it and it made my relationships amazing.
The encouraging people to be self reflective and looking at things holistically is very encouraging. Thank you for what you do.
Wake up babe Anna Akana posted gold again
One question I have to ask myself is, "Is this lust, or do I really like the person?" Another is, "Am I really sure I like them, or do I just THINK I'm sure?" Those are two questions I have to ask myself, if I ever get the chance to proceed in this topic.
I agree, that we shouldn't go into a relationship to change the person. We should go into the relationship because we want the relationship, and we want it with that person. I agree. Also, the person is responsible to change himself, not us to change them. And, he will only truly change if he decides to, not because someone is changing him.
That is a gorgeous shirt, I really like the red in roses. It sounds a lot like a book I've been reading recently, thanks for the advice, I'm glad to hear your attachment issues have eased, it must be so much more peaceful, have a good day Anna
You’re one of my online therapists ❤ your growth changes my life 🙏🏼
Hey Anna
You're such a blessing. Thank you 💐💐💐.
Lawyer here. Accused of heartlessness. I'm talking to a guy recently after 21 heart breaks. Wish me luck.
Cross fingers for you! ☺️
@@mamienovacuisine thanks it's complicated thus far
@@fakefakefake7952 it's a journey
I'm in the beginning of a breakup and guys, I tell you, listen to our buddy Anna here
ah, glad she appeared on my youtube again, after years of not seeing her. refreshing.
Anna, thank you for sharing experiences and perspectives. I always love learning and growing from your channel. I have been reading about emotional and physical sexuality and its influence on compatibility. I think any information that helps you understand yourself from within is a gift. ❤
Guess I'll start watching your videos and jotting down notes from now on.
Can't let these things slip my mind anymore.
As someone who saw my ex for their potential rather than who they really were (a manipulative person), I can say it's better to see and accept them for who they really are (unless they're a huge asshole, then obviously don't accept that). Do ask yourself if you can accept them that way.
this comes at an uncomfortably significant point in time
Ideally, you should know yourself before dating, but sadly most people have little self awareness (even those that have done work). Hard patterns never really break, you can control them and be more authentic, but you will always need to remain aware of your thoughts and actions, the process gets easier but is life long. Most patterns we exhibit as adults are rooted in patterns learned as a child, so you have decades of conditioning to over come. A good test prior to dating is to gauge our attachment style after your personal work, if you have moved into a secure style, this will come across in your dating. The flip side is becoming aware of your patterns tends to teach you to see the patterns others have (not to judge them) making finding a good fit even harder.
This is exactly what I needed to hear just in time. thank you anna!
You are a gem of wisdom and beauty, we are lucky to have you do what you’re doing. Cheers!
Im finally getting ready to step onto the dating pool, thanks for this!!!❤
this was so helpful! thanks for the vid!
Anna, thank you so much for all of these videos
You make the world a better place
This is good advice for young people that don't know who they are yet.
Thanks for the great lecture Anna!!
Anna you are so wise!! This is some very safe advice
Always good advice and straight to the point. 🤝
You’re so helpful thank you
I feel like this can also apply to looking for the right friend. I now know that I don't want to be friends with people who gossip, are posting on Facebook while I'm hanging out with them, get too close too fast, are codependent, aren't in therapy, aren't introspective, cannot have deep conversations with me.
Yes important to be the right identity.. also maybe your better identity with them.. and also comfortable.. if you change around every person..
It's incredibly hard to change that mindset. But I'm working on it.
Thankyou such I needed to hear this
Thanks Anna!
i passed these standart yay!! broke things off before got in a relationship bcs my needs wasnt met, comunicated it, decided to part ways! love is fun and challenging😂❤
All this is great advice Anna! ❤
Now just if the other party does the same
Great advice!!
Thanks for opening the door.
Best advices in less than 5 minutes😮
hey, hugs. people heart you, and you are a light in so many lives =)
Become the person that the person you are looking for is looking for.
Thank you ❤
Thank you so much
Hola Miss Akana and everyone ❤
Good editing 😮
I think it was a good idea for me to listen to this, 4 days before going on a date with a guy I met one year ago, who asked for my number after a 5 minute-chat, telling me he'd text me to set a moment for "our date". Because I'm still not sure I'm in this mood, but I think he still is, soooo I'd better be prepared xD thanks, Anna!
I’ve been subscribed since 2014 and you’ve given so much great advice🥹 you’re like the best older sister i never had♥️
How bold of you to assume I'm dating.
omg thank you
you're just my favorite
I'm not sure if other people could relate to this. But I chose to be in a situationship with an office crush who hasn't moved on from his ex. We only flirt and get clingy when we see each other. There are significant differences with how we lead our lives.
But I chose to be here because IT HURTS. It hurts enough to move my life forward; enough to improve myself. I intentionally used the situation to have a baseline of where I don't want to be anymore---to outgrow my past self who doesn't settle in situations I don't deserve.
Definitely something I'm better about today. The biggest one for me is 1. Can I accept this person and their circumstances as they are in the present time? and 2. How do I feel around them? Basically I feel I shouldn't go into a relationship with someone if I'm going to wait for things to change, whether their work schedules, or their personality. They might change, as we all do with time, and life happens, but that's unpredictable. And also if I feel happy, safe, secure, supported, understood, but also am I being held accountable? I have my fair share of issues and insecurities, and I would want someone who understands, but also calls me out on it, thus forming a healthy relationship based on communication, boundaries and support. Among other things
You've put my thoughts into words. I have a very strong personality and I need someone able to confront me. Things get tiring if not. Either, I would have to walk on eggshells all the time or the other person would have to be a yesmen.
Wholesome, great advice from a butt-smaking genuine gal, thanks Anna ! 😌
Thank you
Makes sense 😊
I'm finding your content hypnotic. Was that your intention? LOL
Anna know just the time when i need advice jajaja guru.
preach
your videos should be watched by everyone ig
Be nice to get to the actual date.
32. Never been on a date before ... and I have been stood up 32 times in a row.
Just gotta keep on moving ....
Way ahead of you - I don't go on dates.
That’s a pretty dress, Anna
Yeah I love it too, very floral
I've Always Ask myself by Dating Someone
I don't know if it's ever been addressed, but I need to know.
For someone who seems emotionally and mentally healthier than the average person, I'm utterly baffled by the decision to organize books by color.
I desperately need to know if sleeves/covers were made for them to make it work, because otherwise that's an unhinged choice lmao
Hell, if it's a decorative shelf of books that were thrifted and/or 'meh' ones that you don't ever plan on reading again or recommending to anyone I might be able to let it go, but the idea of an actual and functional shelf like that triggers my fight or fight response.
I desperately need answers.
ANNA GOOD FILM ABOUT DATING MY FRIEND
I thought this was rather interesting to ask, why do you consider expressing curiosity about the other person as a bad behavior if it signifies someone's interest in you and vice versa?
Anna, is there a way to message you directly? I really need help with some things and would love your advice and guidance. I won’t take much of your time. Thank you so much for what you share.
Dating : D: Dareing A: attitude ,T: Time ,I: Impress ,N : Naughty G : Gossip
Of course this is for once the initial dating period is done and you think there could be potential with that person, AFTER the initial "any red flags?" scan is done.
We get it Anna your very single we don’t care
Well i do over protect myself or i'm kinda done..these days, a lot of people on dating sites are fake, scammer, super toxic, abusive or only hook ups..it's so so hard to find non toxic, non abusive, genuine people on dating marketing.I don't wanna give up to find someone who i can feel emotional connection but i wasted my so much energy and time there.I feel like what the hell am i doing here.I wish i could have another option to meet new people tho.who can relate??
I'm just now divorced and haven't been here in so long lol this outta be good
That dress🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🤩😍
Wait, wait, expressing curiosity about the other person is a bad thing??
where is your dress from? the one with rose pattern
These questions are great, but if the person you're dating doesn't do that same thing, can you get "results"? I get that it's a (or should be) learning experience about yourself first and foremost, it's just that this sounds really hard, and something well, great advice, but only experience may be the thing to really rocket this advice into action.
Where is that dress from for the love of god I need to know
Can someone explain why curiosity is not a good trait in relationships?
💜💜💜
Or skip the date and just do it LoL 😆😆and make huh sounds
What to do if you can't get a date?
She always has a BF, never get that far to dating stage 😢
Perfect timing, I have 3 dates coming up and I hope that 1 is a keeper, terrible if 2 or 3 are 😅
🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹
Why is it being curious about the other person a bad behavior?
Maybe she means like unhealthy curiosity?
I think the previous “barely” relates to both “listening” and the “expressing curiosity” part. I was a little confused too but that’s what I ended up gleaming from it.
@@liamrolleston9848 ohhh I get it
"Barely listening/expressing curiosity"
Makes more sense now😅
'Ppreciate it
Oh good, it wasn't just me. This makes more sense now.
Also thought being "interrogative" was similar to showing curiosity (I. e. Asking questions) but now thinking it's more like asking "badgering questions" as if doing a police interrogation?
Love you
Must be my girlfriend.
You are simply the BEST
❤
To live alone is the fate of all great souls. (Arthur Schopenhauer)
Nuclear gorgeous , just sayin
How about....not going on dates with people until you actually love yourself as a person? Boom. Problem solved .....stop looking for someone to make you feel better. Only you can fix you! Nobody else can! #facts
sure, we don't know for real, but the Lord knows
BRUH!
2:09
2:19 👌🏼