Question: Have you ever been authentically ostracized? Like a whole classroom? A whole school? A whole community? A whole company? A whole race? a whole country? I think if you have, then you can't say that being ostracized would be helpful. We need to understand the "bias" of strangers towards gossip and their cognitive dissonance against the change prior to the bias. The damage of gossip and reputation dismantlement ripples more than we thought we know. It's like being an amputee with complete limbs. Talk to an innocent, or not, ex convict, or a an adulterer, or a Black guy living in a community of white supremacist, then you'll know how being "ostracized" will be helpful. Their are not being ostracized just because they're being themselves, I recon. They are being ostracized by their previous actions but isn't being just yourself a previous act? I'm just emphasizing the fact that "being ostracized is helpful" is an oversimplification to a fault. It'll create a positive behavioral reinforcement that it's okay to ostracize or gossip coz it's helpful, it'll enhance the performance of the weak link or the free loader. GOSSIP AND OSTRACIZATION IS NEVER OKAY. It rusts our own character and it dismantles the character of the other. It's a lose-lose scenario, if we want people to improve tell them honestly. It's easier to move forward in an organization by building bonds through trust than gossiping others performances so that people get away from them. I love the content though, just the thought of "being ostracized is helpful" irks me. Keep it up bro. I watch you and I'm a subscriber, just this content I'd like to argue.
"Why would you take criticism from someone you wouldn't take advice from?" Honestly, that sentence just struck something in me. As an artist and also a writer, I'm constantly bombarded with people trashtalking the things I create. I have relatively thick skin but it does go to my head at times, but I'm so glad I watched this video in a time I could value it the most. edit: spelling
An artist should, I think, make things he or she likes. There is often criticism, but do not be disheartened. I think that envy plays a big role. If someone create something, there are people who envy this freedom snd want to puöö others back into the place where they want him or her. It is their uncertainty, that they revenge on you.
You and me too brother I dealt with some trash talk on the basketball court today, but I told myself why would I give af if ur not important unless your worth listening too trash talk doesn’t faze me
"But the reality is just like you, people are so worried about themselves that they aren't really thinking about anyone else; and when they do speak out against us, they are often projecting their insecurities on us, trying to bring us down to feel better about themselves". How painfully true these words are.
@@D1ceplaya It's basically, when someone is lacking in self-confidence and feels embarrassed by that lack of self-confidence, and as an unhealthy coping mechanism, tells themselves that other people they compare themselves with are lacking in self-confidence too and tries to convince themselves that they're more self-confident that those they're comparing themselves to. It's all about comparisons: someone thinks that other people are worse than them, and that comparison makes them feel that their own issues are easier to bear. An example is: someone who, secretly, thinks that they wouldn't be good at writing a story for a target audience, and feels ashamed by that thinking, and so as an unhealthy coping mechanism for that embarrassment, verbally lashes out at some movie, or book, or comic or whatever which someone else has made, for the purpose of thinking to themselves "I COULD DO BETTER!!!", in order to make themselves feel better about their own insecurities. And b Another example is: some fan of some franchise that is popular in hollywood or whatever, is scared that some other franchise will be favoured by the people with the money and authority to actually make the franchise's movies happen, thus making the fan's preferred franchise not come to fruition. So the fan roars his/her/their head off "THIS FRANCHISE SUCKS!!!" in the hope that the people with the money/authority will think to themselves "Oh dear, these people prefer this franchise over the other, I must favour it too.", so as to enable the fan to think "Ha! They're more scared of me than I am of them! Ha! Ha! Ha!" It's basically all about insecure people trying to bully people into becoming cowards, so as to enable the insecure people into thinking to themselves "Ha! Ha! I'm less insecure than them!". It's playground bullies trying to push other people down so as to distract themselves from how weak inside they really are. It's absolute gracelessness and self-irresponsibility.
I've been hated in my life. For things that I haven't done. For things I have done. But at the end of the day im still me. Thanks for reminding me that, gives me some sanity.
No, i think you should always consider others opinions and not discard their importance because of prejudice towards that person. They May be wrong in everything except what they just told you you never know, dont assume you do.
"Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is acting in spite of fear." Most days in our lives are uneventful. Most days don't have much of an impact over the course of a human life. And that's okay, a good thing even. Live life on your terms, control the things that you can control, and discard the rest.
Ty ppl have said I am brave or strong for doing things like helping others or throwing myself into danger but I nvr feared those things so I nvr saw it as courage more natural partially bc of my adrenaline junkie self the other part tho bc it feels right to help others fearless and courageous in my eyes r similar but def not the same
there's no courage without fear,if you don't fear something and you do it it's not courageous it's just doing it but if you do something you fear that's what being courageous is like talking to your crush or changing your style and notice these examples have a high reward outcome,our bodies are weird fearing change to the better and will always tell you're alright the way you are,if you understand fear and embrace it and learn to cope with it you'll live the best life and even if somethings don't go as planned at least you won't have regret, it's completely ok to fear it's not ok to let it cripple you're decisions
@@uwumommy323 Yeah that's the important question here. If freedom of speech was really taken seriously then politicians would not take their sweet ass time to speak.
I think that's only a minor problem in America, even if that minor problem is exaggerated. I mean you can burn the flag down in broad daylight right now but in some other places that can get you killed.
Something I’ve slowly learned how to integrate into my mind is “don’t be offended by people you don’t respect”. I could care less about what someone thinks of me, but when someone I look up to says something mean or rude to me; it hits harder.
I used to feel that way especially with my so or parents but in reality we only have control of ourselves and have disciplined myself to think over the Y, where it came from ect. And usually understand most ppl r more susceptible to their emotions anyway
@@Dokgo22 susceptible? I disagree, by default you already are just by being alive. Problem is that people mistake the feelings they have as good or bad, right or wrong, depending on how it affected them in a positive or negative way.
@@Yusa_Beach so the feelings or emotions they have ur saying it's them converting those said feelings into positive or negative thoughts and feelings? I believe it starts as feelings then thoughts flood in but u r right in a sense that those thoughts do to a lack of discipline over run many ppl. For instance someone talks with a loved 1 and then they say something and the man gets anger. Now all of a sudden his mind could be flooded with negative and harmful thoughts but it was the anger that guided him to those thoughts. And in return reinforced those negative emotions like a cycle.
@@Dokgo22 Exactly on what I'm on about, our feelings guide us of how we interpret things inorder to use logic to convey conclusions through our experiences Weither it be something that seems to hurt us or benefits us. With everyone going through the same thing as in viewing the world differently, sometimes we interpret things the wrong way of how they are conveyed which makes us act out against our will since we're not thinking it through of what that person actually means. It's a cycle that's pretty difficult for the average person inorder to become aware of since there are so many things that distracts one ro have time to lay down, observe, and take it all in to try to see the bigger picture of it all.
Just be mindful of this strategy. Misapplied it can be used to dismiss criticism by turning those who criticize you into enemies you don't respect, in order to avoid self reflection.
If there is a ugly and middle class guy and all people saying he is poor, bad and uneducated boy and you believe in that, does that mean you become idiot
note to self: - don't take criticism from someone you wouldn't take their advice from - cares about people's approval, and you'll be their prisoner - listening to them is like a chain that binds our neck and leaves us no room to breathe. held back by a rope that might only exist in our imagination
This channel is very....the theme and timing of this videos always seems to match with the trouble I'm going through at that exact time. But I really appreciate this videos as they seem to give me answer and comfort.
Yeah i also think the timing of things whether it may be videos,dreams, a motivational video outta nowhere when i usually watch memes on youtube is kinda...idk big coincidence.But the other possibility is that i never took care of the problems and the world is filled with things that urge you to look at them again and move forward...why you ask? bc the world is moving forward and so are you...just not how you want. If you wanna change things and achieve your goals...just move, if you want those things fast guess you just gotta run faster than others. In life _speed_ is the only thing that matters. You will look at your faults,feats faster, you gonna mature faster. After all there is no greater joy in life than achieving your max potential. At the end of the day,......it's a new day.
Because he's making videos to appeal to a greater audience. It's all very subjective and can be interpreted in many ways. A neo-nazi and a Jehova's Witness can both look at this video and feel the same kind of comfort. Now, "The courage to admit you're stupid and your ideas about life might be wrong" would be something interesting to hear.
" the fear of being percieved differently than what one means is the major reason people refrain from being themselves and suffocate into telling their pain to themselves " ~ Mohammed Younus Jilani Rajwad .
The feeling of being like and dislike often discourage others from starting up something great. This at same time led lots of people to the trap of self help, you get motivated and new which actually in reality you don't.
@@saitama6345 people often look at self help type videos to feel motivated and already better than they were prior to watching the video, only to continue to do the same things everyday without incorporating the things they learned.
"People are so worried about themselves that they aren't really thinking about anyone else and when they do speak out against us they are often projecting their insecurities on us trying to bring us down to feel better about themselves" Dont let them do that .
I love deep conversations. One day I was on a facebook thread I don't recall what about, but out of nowhere another commenter pulled my character into question. Well, worse than that actually; she was already absolutely convinced that I was just an awful irredeemable person and she proceeded to tell me what my true opinions supposedly were. I tried so hard to convince her of my better nature, my good intent, my... I swear it was about 4am and she still laughed in my face with self-righteousness. I felt powerless. I tried everything and this person on the internet still thought the worst things about me. There's nothing I can do to convince her that- And then it just clucked in my brain. There was nothing I could do to convince her. So i stopped. I turned off notifications on that thread and slept like a baby. Now, when bad faith people want to pass judgment, I just laugh.
I'd probably add that your time here on earth is too short to be worrying about what other people think about you. This isn't a nihilistic view in any capacity but a motivator to do everything you want without feeling the pressure from insignificant opinions. regardless, great vid, one of the most important messages you've given on this channel so far ^^
7:50 "Everyone, just like you, is worried about their own insecurities" That's so true because I'm always so busy with my life I got not time to think about anyone...
😄😄😄but we still think other people worried constantly about us but reality is totally opposite , but we think but very very little about others but most of the time think about oursleves of how to just make myslef better person or idulge in instant bad entertainment
True Indeed.... So Damn True. Disowned, Disliked, Hated & Judged... Yet,. They will STILL give you THEIR Energy.. And Focus, While NOT Dealing with you. Let Em............
I don't remember where this quote come from, but it is beautiful: "If you let people's perception dictate your behavior, you will NEVER GROW AS A PERSON. But if you leave yourself open for experience DESPITE what others think, then you will learn and GROW.
@@Yusa_Beach a full person, the world is in constant change, and new needs and situations arise every day, imagine for example a 60 year old man that needed to learn how to use a cell phone because all the people he knew were using WhatsApp to communicate, he needed to grow and develop skills for it
@@Yusa_Beach We grow to meet the unplanned for challenges of daily life and of social relationships. Growth means the building of our character through adapting to the unpredictable and chaotic, which is often what life is. Learning to think for ourselves and not letting people scare us into submissive paralysis is also apart of being a more mature person.
I appreciate the quote recognizing you still learn by allowing others to dicate you, but because you let them control you, you're never able to act on the knowledge you gain
I’ve been so consumed by worrying I am disliked, for doing things that I knew felt right for me. You’ve reminded me - if people dislike me for being me, I will find other, kinder and more understanding people.
" Think about what others think about you and you'll always be thier prisoners. The courage to be disliked it the key to this prison , to break free from and become the person you have always wanted to be " Thank you
What a great affirmation! My coworkers call me "no f's given" because I simply will not conform to how they think I should be. Being your true self is tremendously liberating! Date out of your ethnicity, do what you love, love who you want, and follow your dreams! Since I've embraced that 7 years ago, I've been surrounded by the same like minded people...my tribe.
“The courage to be your authentic self, regardless of what everyone around you tells you to be instead.” I think everyone has to realize this. We all have our own journeys and only when we are ready, can we actually love ourselves.
And what exactly does it mean to be authentic? People wanna be themsleves yet they don't even know what themselves are. You could be anyone, you could choose to do anything or be anything as long as you desire, yet, if that is the case, then you are......nobody. And so, the only person you can be or have to be, is within this moment. Not the person within the past and the not the person in the future, only the now.
Wisdom I lived by since I was goddamn 13. I used to think that being liked will make people leave me alone. Turns out sometimes you need to become feared in order to be left in peace.
There was a course on happiness, after the entire semester the whole class booked down to two things. Based upon studies and deathbed confessions it showed that the things people wished they did more in life that made them the most happy was selfless work and being your most authentic self. The courage to be disliked is an important skill towards the goal of happiness.
"If you´re watching this video right now, there is a high chance that you were also once a kid like me..." Spot on! It's nice to know that I'm not alone. But I'm working to be my authentic self, no more fear to be disliked
ever since 9th grade, I learned to stop giving people the attention they don't deserve. I think from then on, I've overcome, not only my insecurities, but as well as the fear of being judged. It kinda just happened I guess...
when you put it into words, "going against your own biology," it's tough. i'm on the spectrum and no matter how hard i try i could never be anything but myself, i don't think i have the courage to be disliked, i just have no choice. every day, acting normally feels like going against my own biology because of how i'm rejected by the group, it's a very conflicting feeling. thank you for your video, i think it's helped me
"I felt different from everyone else, like a piece of a puzzle, but from another set" man, I had trouble explaining the idea before but that is perfectly what it feels like
Honestly if they don't contribute enrichment to your life, personally, emotionally, physically or financially - THEY DONT MATTER. I think boundaries is a hard thing to enforce for those that aren't used to it, however, its so crucial! A great book to read is the subtle art of not giving a f*ck by Mark Manson or The four agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.
That’s not true though. Even harsh criticism can give you valuable information. If someone thinks your singing sounds bad, then you could ask them what exactly they find bad about it. Either they tell you (constructive criticism) or they don’t (useless bashing). So, they DO matter.
@@spoopyscaryskelebones3846 In order to be accountable to yourself and your own boundaries you cannot allow everyone's & anyone's opinions affect you. Especially when you are being criticized by people who haven't invested time and energy in truly getting to know you. I Yes constructive criticism is necessary yet from what source and intention? In life the only things that matter are what you, the individual, make matter.
" If you'd not like the stranger in your house for invading your privacy, then why would you let them in your head ... That's the most private space you got " And that hit me real hard ...
when you talked about likes I wondered... what would TikTok for instance look without likes? For me, it felt super weird. My first thought was: "how would I know if people liked my video?" That just shows what social media really is, it's about validation, just like you said. You post hoping people will like you, your content, what you do, etc... You post thinking about what kind of content people like right now. You adapt your personality and your hobbies and personal interests to match those of "the audience". Because that's what we all have been conditioned to care about.
Awwwww I read the book 'the courage to be disliked' by Ichiro Kishimi. Everyone who liked the video should. It's a dialog between a philosopher and a young man. Good job making a video about this. Everyone should know this!!
I loved the thought of "we're taking criticism from people we wouldn't take advice from", made me think. I shouldn't feel offended by what strangers think or say about me, I should instead care more what my loved ones think and say about me.
Thanks so much for the video and absolutely loved it from someone considered outside the typical group and who has high functioning autism and speech 🎤 impairment.
I love that your videos cover so many different topics. The one thing they have in common is that they are well thought out, well delivered, and visually interesting. Great work!
I too felt I was different. It's hard for me being with my friends it's like Im always pretending or else they will find me weird. I too questions a lot about life, consciousness, universe, etc. and that's what lead me here. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Thank you so much. I truly Love your content. As a 29 year old (from the middle of nowhere in Texas) trying to become a content creator myself, a lot of my friends and family think I’ve gone mad. I cannot wait to prove them wrong.
I'm 15 and as aperture said. I feel quite seperated and different from my friends and even family. I can't find anyone to express my thoughts to. I feel embarrased and fear people will judge me because of my age and thoughts and think I'm trying to flex or appear mature. and by listening to aperture, I feel less alone and learn to accept myself. Much thanks aperture, the vast amount of topics you discuss are very eye opening for me.
try to find a community on the internet with people you feel closer to. Most of my best friends live on different continents and we have never met in person. if youre not average then youre probably never going to get that kind of connection with average people aka normies. it doesnt matter how good you get at making smalltalk, theyll still think youre weird the instant you try to bring up anything that actually interests you because its not reality tv and then ostracize you from their social group. in my experience at least 97% of humanity is like this. try to find the other 3%.
If we accept all our flaws and nuances for who we are,start caring ourselves and be committed to our goals and passion,some section of people will act try to scare you and put you down.Remember many famous individuals have crossed this barrier of opinions and are standing tall
I'm 46, and having access to the Internet since 2001, and it's the FIRST time I'm seeing someone who think like me. Especially this was exactly what I always say: we stop saying what we wanna say, and instead start saying things that get most likes or are so called algorithm friendly or attract more followers... Keep it up the good work mate
3:24 I really feel that, watching videos discussing the topics I like really helped. Finding people online that enjoyed the topics I like rather than wishing someone else will understand me, will help.
Everybody is talking about not to worry about what others thinks but nobody talks about is how much energy is spent in trying to not worry about what others think, how much we are harsh on ourselves when we are constantly monitoring this behaviour of worrying. This just leaves you exhausted and empty at the end of the day.
I remember letting the thought of my family,friends and people I dislike get into my head and eventually turn me into something I m not. I kept putting on a veil that displayed a fake version of myself just so I can be liked by those who wish to see an “ideal” version of myself. I gave that up when I entered highschool because I got tired, it was mind numbing and it made me feel empty. It was possibly the greatest decision I ever made because as soon as I ignored what other people thought about me I was able to grow and become a much more better person. I still take criticism and learn to grow from them but I don’t let them silence me or change who I am.
This was fantastic - very well said! The lest two years for me have been very much about learning how to be okay with being disliked. Acting on what I believe in, regardless of what friends, family and society as a whole think. This manifesting in moving to another continent with my partner and our two dogs to live as digital nomads. I left my career in fashion photography and started working in design, began writing a book. Began living again, instead of waiting around for things to "get better". Ironically, after making such a whole deviation from the group, I've began to struggle with the little things. Because I am completely out of my comfort zone (and often around people speaking a language I don't know) I find myself more self-conscious and wanting to appeal to the group. The point is, no matter what you do in life, you will always have to face the same challenges over and over again. I'm very glad I came across this video today - it's sparked some self reflection that was much needed. Thank you 😊
this is something that makes me very grateful that the number one nick name my mother gave me was " Weirdo beardo " and the fact that it was a reward in my house. My dad for as long as I can remember has had " The Courage to be Disliked, " never being afraid to say what he believes. I consider my self extremely lucky to have been raised by them, saddened by the fact that not every has heard or understand it's okay to move around to find where you belong.
A friend of mine once told me when I was struggling to say that I didn’t want something he wanted us to do: if you don’t like it or don’t want it say it, don’t try to please others, you can please no one, so don’t even try
"It never ceases to amaze me : we all love ourselves more than other people , but care more about their opinion than our own". Marcus aurelius "Care about people's approval and you will be their prisoner". Laozi
1:55 Smart to include your own experiences on youtube! I saw your video on Stoicism last year..following you since then! Waiting for more such videos, cheers! 🍻
When you said you like to talk about death, i felt you. I always want to talk about death to others just to remind them that we only have one, very short life and that what matters is how we spend that life. I only want to tell the things we should prioritize in life because at the end what we love the most matters. I like to talk about it with my family but since I'm living in a very superstitious and religious household and community, I'm often told that I'm being morbid and that I shouldn't talk about those kind of stuff.
I like to talk about it too, but it's not the end of the world if you can't talk about it with someone, it's just a matter of finding the right people to talk to. In addition, it can motivate another person to value the important things in life since we are going to die anyway, not to mention death itself. It's normal to be talked to like that because even in a non-religious family, death is seen as sad, not neutral or happy (it's seen as happy and celebrated in some cultures).
I just want to add that be conservative with this courage and change slowly. Being who you are isn't always a good thing if who you are not in a good place. I am talking about taking care of fundamental things like eating & sleeping well, exercise, good habits, discipline, compassion, indulging yourself in moderation, etc. These are beneficial regardless of your path but they are not always easy to do. Don't use the courage to be disliked as a shield to stop yourself from growing. If you're lacking in these fundamentals and people point it out for you in good faith, it's probably worth listening to them. Not caring about what everyone think of you is not a strength, it's ignorance & arrogance. A shield people use to hide their insecurity. You should care about what the few very important people in your life think of you, especially if they are your mentor or a love one who knows a lot about you. Assuming there is no malice behind their word, and that they know what they are talking about. It's necessary for your growth and your relationships with them.
I think what he wants to say in the video is that whatever it is that you want to be or want to do for your own good like good health, starting a business, pursuing your passion, learning new things or skill or whatever that is self improving, just have it your way and never give a f*#~ just in case other people may criticize you.
He stated this in the video you must’ve been quick trying to comment. It’s healthy to a degree to care what people think we all do, but it is not arrogant be your authentic self and true to who you are despite who you offend
I get you want people to be humble, but you are confusing people who’re watching this. A lot of people who this message resonates with don’t need to learn to have more empathy, they need less of it.
Existential dread has completely controlled my life. I felt that when he said ‘I always felt like I was a piece of the puzzle, just from a different set’. No one gets me and I feel like this is a huge reason I can’t connect. Thank you for this content, Aperture. Thanks for showing me the mirror.
Thank you for your amazing work. I always return to this video when I fall into people pleasing mode. I'm afraid of what others might think of me because of my opinions or what I do, this has made me more passive and never stand up for myself , even for the simplest aspects of my life .
Funny running into this when I have been really getting close with someone who is of a different race than I, thus I've been asking myself what family, friends, and classmates would think if I allow things to go where they seem to be, and I believe bumping into this video was the sign I needed. The individual must at times go against the tribe. Much obliged Aperture.
I do not know if you will see this but these videos are an exact way of putting everyones scrambled existential thoughts into perfect videos. They are extraordinarily terrifying but calming to know we think together. Thank you.
I *was* that boy spending his school days immersed in thoughts of the universe, life, death, time and space travel (in the UK and obsessed with 1970s/80s "Doctor Who"!), and feeling very alien because of it. I never hid it, but struggled for several years as a result. I'm now in my fifties and don't care about people thinking I'm "odd" (assuming they do). Love this video. Thank you for making it.
I feel a person doesn’t have to absolutely do or say anything wrong these days, even if God is your witness, people will go their ways to even gather others to join their cause and gang up against anyone to judge them wrong for no justifiable reason, make fun of, to publicly both online and in person ridicule them on how he/she; looks like, walks, talks, sounds, what he/she says-how he/she says anything or not.
Yeah, sometimes tho it’s better to stop listening to all that noise and sit back, relax and do what you wanna do as long as it doesn’t harm others. It seems like a lot of people just say stuff to make others happy and shit, they don’t wanna be alone and do their own thing always following other people to fit in, I find that being alone or with one other person is probably the best way to take a break from everything and enjoy your time while you have some left.
The quality of this video is pure perfection. I just found this channel through this video, and I already fall in love about the way it's produced and the content it self, amazing !
I love this video, came across it when I literally wanted to start a reactions channel but was a bit worried about other people's perspectives. Thank you for shifting my mindset!❤
today I posted my poetry to my instagram, I was and still am so scared and embarrassed because of it, but what if they dislike it or cringe at me? I'm proud of myself for being able to express myself in a way of art
Appreciate you for this video. As an intelligent individual, it is the norm to worry about people’s thoughts. The richer your thinking is, the more you worry about the thoughts of others because you assume everyone thinks in as much color as you do. But even more dangerous than that is your tendency to overthink. We worry because we think too much. Sometimes you just have to say “fuck it” and let the originality take its course. Perhaps not openly, but definitely centered within ourselves and not on others. Thank you, once again, for all the wonderful content.
Gossip is not the same thing as discussion. It is important to productively and constructively discuss someone's consistent underperformance. To "gossip" is a whole other, destructive, thing.
This video should be seen by every human being. Live YOUR life, as long as you try to do good. You can't satisfy everyone and that's ok. 👍 Much love. And remember, we only have one life on this planet (it seems that way anyway), so make it your best. ✌
others approval is equally important as well, since we live in a society. we rather have to try to learn all the communicative skills and good characteristics of a human being. I'm not saying we need to try to impress others but I'm saying we don't need to be so brave to be disliked. Otherwise, we might commit undesirable things like stealing or lying for the betterment and convenience of ourselves. We don't need be shameless in the process. Amber heard can be a good example. we should be afraid from being disliked like her with things we did ourselves. Just my opinion.
@@Pro-oe6ht absolutely! But even if you are a good person inside, people might judge you anyway for some other arbitrary reason depending on their perspective. You can feel the social pressure and most people tend to follow conventions so that the pressure is lessend even though it might make them happier... as long as it doesn't impact other people in any harmful or disrepectful way, then don't be worried about people pointing out the fact that you may be different from the accepted consensus. As long as you know who you really are. ✌
Define "good" . People have different interpretations of what good is. And well, if you always live your life for yourself you will never see the joy in seeing someone else's life prosper.
Wow Thank you for this video, it came at a crucial time. I totally agree with everything you said. Watching this video was just an opportunity to remind myself that I'm currently on the right track. To anyone else dealing with ostracisation, backstabbing and betrayal amongst other things, I should tell you that I believe in and always tell myself this phrase: "God forbid I have to change myself to keep people in my life" Also, permit me to highlight when you mentioned toward the end if the video that times have changed. Beleive me when I say that in recent times, I have come to the understanding that being neglected or betrayed by your group or clique does not mean everyone will treat you similarly. The world is a big place, which means that there are many different people waiting to meet you and love you for you! Let's all learn to acquire the skill of gaining the courage to be disliked; Aesop's tale of the father his son and their donkey.
You are not different then most of us when it comes to the questions floating around your head. You are however different in the perspective that you are brave enough to ask them out loud. Cheers.
I'm a goth guy, and a metalhead. I've been like this for 14 years. I'm 27, I look 19-23 though.. I get ridiculed in certain ways for being goth, whether it's directly or indirectly. People trying to threaten me, and all that stuff. I have a Babyface so people don't think I'm serious or don't get scared of me, and I get called cute a lot.. I'm short 5'5. I appreciate who I am, but most people make me know they hate me, I can sense their toxic energy, or I could see it in their eyes how much they don't care about me. I've been lucky to have one friend who appreciates me.. I couldn't deal with anyone, I'm afraid of people, but he helps me.. I'm not afraid of being different. I'm afraid of the persecution..😞☹️
I want you to think again if being a "goth guy" is really okay, not from the perspective of other people or yours But from a logical and neutral vision
People didn't used to bother me, but I've realised that people always say the same things about me, and if people constantly tell you the same things it just makes it feel like it's true
I really appreciate videos like this. The advice, the music, the personal experiences and outspoken concerns, the visuals. My friend, you have got this down very well. I know this video is 2 years old but your work has always been outstanding.
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Question: Have you ever been authentically ostracized? Like a whole classroom? A whole school? A whole community? A whole company? A whole race? a whole country? I think if you have, then you can't say that being ostracized would be helpful. We need to understand the "bias" of strangers towards gossip and their cognitive dissonance against the change prior to the bias.
The damage of gossip and reputation dismantlement ripples more than we thought we know. It's like being an amputee with complete limbs. Talk to an innocent, or not, ex convict, or a an adulterer, or a Black guy living in a community of white supremacist, then you'll know how being "ostracized" will be helpful. Their are not being ostracized just because they're being themselves, I recon. They are being ostracized by their previous actions but isn't being just yourself a previous act? I'm just emphasizing the fact that "being ostracized is helpful" is an oversimplification to a fault. It'll create a positive behavioral reinforcement that it's okay to ostracize or gossip coz it's helpful, it'll enhance the performance of the weak link or the free loader. GOSSIP AND OSTRACIZATION IS NEVER OKAY. It rusts our own character and it dismantles the character of the other. It's a lose-lose scenario, if we want people to improve tell them honestly. It's easier to move forward in an organization by building bonds through trust than gossiping others performances so that people get away from them.
I love the content though, just the thought of "being ostracized is helpful" irks me. Keep it up bro. I watch you and I'm a subscriber, just this content I'd like to argue.
Have you ever thought of starting up a podcast
@@jeremiahtenorio9194
I've been disliked by my home family, i feel so liberated against stress.
Confidence is doing something knowing that you can do it. Bravery is doing something despite not knowing if you can do it.
And stupidity, is knowing for a fact you cannot do something but still proceeding to do it anyways
@@ingenuity23 😃😂
No one is talking about how ironically the vidoe doesn't allow you to dislike it.
@@Pro-oe6ht living up to your name i see
@@Pro-oe6ht damn you really just did that to yourself man
Who came from that reels guy
no point in counting likes as everyone in the world seems to have watched that reel
lmaoo
Lol
Haha
what was that guys name i can't find him
@@Bbvbvfhn
Teehee
"Why would you take criticism from someone you wouldn't take advice from?"
Honestly, that sentence just struck something in me. As an artist and also a writer, I'm constantly bombarded with people trashtalking the things I create. I have relatively thick skin but it does go to my head at times, but I'm so glad I watched this video in a time I could value it the most.
edit: spelling
An artist should, I think, make things he or she likes. There is often criticism, but do not be disheartened. I think that envy plays a big role. If someone create something, there are people who envy this freedom snd want to puöö others back into the place where they want him or her. It is their uncertainty, that they revenge on you.
I dislike your comment. 😐
Don't worry. You'll forget about this all soon enough. Just a passing useless realization.
How does a voice become redundent?
You and me too brother I dealt with some trash talk on the basketball court today, but I told myself why would I give af if ur not important unless your worth listening too trash talk doesn’t faze me
"But the reality is just like you, people are so worried about themselves that they aren't really thinking about anyone else; and when they do speak out against us, they are often projecting their insecurities on us, trying to bring us down to feel better about themselves".
How painfully true these words are.
Can someone explain an example of what projecting insecurities is? I don't understand
@@D1ceplaya It's basically, when someone is lacking in self-confidence and feels embarrassed by that lack of self-confidence, and as an unhealthy coping mechanism, tells themselves that other people they compare themselves with are lacking in self-confidence too and tries to convince themselves that they're more self-confident that those they're comparing themselves to.
It's all about comparisons: someone thinks that other people are worse than them, and that comparison makes them feel that their own issues are easier to bear.
An example is: someone who, secretly, thinks that they wouldn't be good at writing a story for a target audience, and feels ashamed by that thinking, and so as an unhealthy coping mechanism for that embarrassment, verbally lashes out at some movie, or book, or comic or whatever which someone else has made, for the purpose of thinking to themselves "I COULD DO BETTER!!!", in order to make themselves feel better about their own insecurities. And b
Another example is: some fan of some franchise that is popular in hollywood or whatever, is scared that some other franchise will be favoured by the people with the money and authority to actually make the franchise's movies happen, thus making the fan's preferred franchise not come to fruition. So the fan roars his/her/their head off "THIS FRANCHISE SUCKS!!!" in the hope that the people with the money/authority will think to themselves "Oh dear, these people prefer this franchise over the other, I must favour it too.", so as to enable the fan to think "Ha! They're more scared of me than I am of them! Ha! Ha! Ha!"
It's basically all about insecure people trying to bully people into becoming cowards, so as to enable the insecure people into thinking to themselves "Ha! Ha! I'm less insecure than them!".
It's playground bullies trying to push other people down so as to distract themselves from how weak inside they really are.
It's absolute gracelessness and self-irresponsibility.
@@FreakyTeeth oh wow that was really goopd! Thank you for the explanation!
@@D1ceplaya
Person 1: "I hate my nose...
Person 1 to Person 2 " Hahahah look at your nose it's so big"
Exactly
I've been hated in my life.
For things that I haven't done.
For things I have done.
But at the end of the day im still me.
Thanks for reminding me that, gives me some sanity.
"The problem today is we are taking criticism from people we wouldn't take advice from."
👏👏👏
No, i think you should always consider others opinions and not discard their importance because of prejudice towards that person. They May be wrong in everything except what they just told you you never know, dont assume you do.
@@NicholasPool facts
@@NicholasPool and the universe teaches to love and respect is a form of showing love so respecting others ideas and thoughts is important
BARS!!!
We? Speak for yourself
"Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is acting in spite of fear."
Most days in our lives are uneventful. Most days don't have much of an impact over the course of a human life. And that's okay, a good thing even. Live life on your terms, control the things that you can control, and discard the rest.
Ty ppl have said I am brave or strong for doing things like helping others or throwing myself into danger but I nvr feared those things so I nvr saw it as courage more natural partially bc of my adrenaline junkie self the other part tho bc it feels right to help others fearless and courageous in my eyes r similar but def not the same
The tagline to my third book involves the subject of courage. People will find out about it in June and December (solstices).
🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨
Butterfly effect
there's no courage without fear,if you don't fear something and you do it it's not courageous it's just doing it but if you do something you fear that's what being courageous is like talking to your crush or changing your style and notice these examples have a high reward outcome,our bodies are weird fearing change to the better and will always tell you're alright the way you are,if you understand fear and embrace it and learn to cope with it you'll live the best life and even if somethings don't go as planned at least you won't have regret, it's completely ok to fear it's not ok to let it cripple you're decisions
The only time one can be courageous is while one is afraid
"There's freedom of speech, but only when your microphone is turned off" - Damn! What a powerful and true line.
Sums up our current society.
I was just browsing to see if anyone noticed that gym
may I ask how exactly?
@@uwumommy323 Yeah that's the important question here. If freedom of speech was really taken seriously then politicians would not take their sweet ass time to speak.
freedom of speech does not imply others have to tolerate you being a dumbass on the microphone, ofc we'll turn it off
I think that's only a minor problem in America, even if that minor problem is exaggerated. I mean you can burn the flag down in broad daylight right now but in some other places that can get you killed.
“Being brave doesn’t mean your not scared, it means ur scared, very scared, deeply scared but you do it anyway.”
That's why Courage the Cowardly Dog is named so perfectly: he's a coward who will brave any monster and misfortune to save his owners.
Courage is not the absence of fear it is the ability to act in its presence, Bruce Lee.
‘Don’t take criticisms from people you wouldn’t take advice from’ that’s stuck on me now. This is what I needed.
Something I’ve slowly learned how to integrate into my mind is “don’t be offended by people you don’t respect”. I could care less about what someone thinks of me, but when someone I look up to says something mean or rude to me; it hits harder.
I used to feel that way especially with my so or parents but in reality we only have control of ourselves and have disciplined myself to think over the Y, where it came from ect. And usually understand most ppl r more susceptible to their emotions anyway
@@Dokgo22 susceptible? I disagree, by default you already are just by being alive. Problem is that people mistake the feelings they have as good or bad, right or wrong, depending on how it affected them in a positive or negative way.
@@Yusa_Beach so the feelings or emotions they have ur saying it's them converting those said feelings into positive or negative thoughts and feelings? I believe it starts as feelings then thoughts flood in but u r right in a sense that those thoughts do to a lack of discipline over run many ppl. For instance someone talks with a loved 1 and then they say something and the man gets anger. Now all of a sudden his mind could be flooded with negative and harmful thoughts but it was the anger that guided him to those thoughts. And in return reinforced those negative emotions like a cycle.
@@Dokgo22 Exactly on what I'm on about, our feelings guide us of how we interpret things inorder to use logic to convey conclusions through our experiences Weither it be something that seems to hurt us or benefits us.
With everyone going through the same thing as in viewing the world differently, sometimes we interpret things the wrong way of how they are conveyed which makes us act out against our will since we're not thinking it through of what that person actually means. It's a cycle that's pretty difficult for the average person inorder to become aware of since there are so many things that distracts one ro have time to lay down, observe, and take it all in to try to see the bigger picture of it all.
Just be mindful of this strategy. Misapplied it can be used to dismiss criticism by turning those who criticize you into enemies you don't respect, in order to avoid self reflection.
Here after watching that one reel on "trying to find a good TH-cam video pt. 39"
Can you tell me that username of trying to find a good TH-cam video please
tylerzwise@@ksrishparishthya
Tylerzwise
I came from there too and I'm glad I did
4:40- Always remember Rumors are carried by haters, spread by fools, and accepted by idiots
That's an interesting rumor 🤔
If there is a ugly and middle class guy and all people saying he is poor, bad and uneducated boy and you believe in that, does that mean you become idiot
Capitalizing it makes me think you are referring to a Fleetwood Mac album.
@@TemperedWambat 👍
I wouldn’t say accepted by idiots, maybe unaware/arrogant people?
What I always say is:
Don't take to heart what other people say about you if they aren't close to you.
You cannot please everyone.
note to self:
- don't take criticism from someone you wouldn't take their advice from
- cares about people's approval, and you'll be their prisoner
- listening to them is like a chain that binds our neck and leaves us no room to breathe. held back by a rope that might only exist in our imagination
This channel is very....the theme and timing of this videos always seems to match with the trouble I'm going through at that exact time.
But I really appreciate this videos as they seem to give me answer and comfort.
100 percent agree
I feel like we all go throughthe same thing kind of at the same time
Right... Like the exact same time i realize it's a problem he drops a video on it.
This has happened a few times already
Yeah i also think the timing of things whether it may be videos,dreams, a motivational video outta nowhere when i usually watch memes on youtube is kinda...idk big coincidence.But the other possibility is that i never took care of the problems and the world is filled with things that urge you to look at them again and move forward...why you ask? bc the world is moving forward and so are you...just not how you want. If you wanna change things and achieve your goals...just move, if you want those things fast guess you just gotta run faster than others. In life _speed_ is the only thing that matters. You will look at your faults,feats faster, you gonna mature faster. After all there is no greater joy in life than achieving your max potential. At the end of the day,......it's a new day.
Because he's making videos to appeal to a greater audience. It's all very subjective and can be interpreted in many ways. A neo-nazi and a Jehova's Witness can both look at this video and feel the same kind of comfort. Now, "The courage to admit you're stupid and your ideas about life might be wrong" would be something interesting to hear.
" the fear of being percieved differently than what one means is the major reason people refrain from being themselves and suffocate into telling their pain to themselves " ~ Mohammed Younus Jilani Rajwad .
"THE MOMENT WE STOP JUDGING OTHERS IS THE MOMENT WE BEGIN TO STAY UNAFFECTED WHEN OTHERS JUDGE"~Mohan Keshav
@@mohankeshav205 No need to scream, calm down.
@@mohankeshav205 nah forget that scream it!
The feeling of being like and dislike often discourage others from starting up something great. This at same time led lots of people to the trap of self help, you get motivated and new which actually in reality you don't.
Why do you not?
Please elaborate
@@saitama6345 people often look at self help type videos to feel motivated and already better than they were prior to watching the video, only to continue to do the same things everyday without incorporating the things they learned.
@@bro3797yeah somebody can read 100 self help books and don’t apply what they learn 💯
when you truly no longer care what others think of you, you've reached a dangerously awesome level of freedom. talk hard, and walk free.
"People are so worried about themselves that they aren't really thinking about anyone else and when they do speak out against us they are often projecting their insecurities on us trying to bring us down to feel better about themselves"
Dont let them do that .
I love deep conversations. One day I was on a facebook thread I don't recall what about, but out of nowhere another commenter pulled my character into question. Well, worse than that actually; she was already absolutely convinced that I was just an awful irredeemable person and she proceeded to tell me what my true opinions supposedly were. I tried so hard to convince her of my better nature, my good intent, my... I swear it was about 4am and she still laughed in my face with self-righteousness. I felt powerless. I tried everything and this person on the internet still thought the worst things about me. There's nothing I can do to convince her that-
And then it just clucked in my brain. There was nothing I could do to convince her. So i stopped. I turned off notifications on that thread and slept like a baby.
Now, when bad faith people want to pass judgment, I just laugh.
Sounds like my ex lol
I am so glad I realised how much happier people are when they be their real selves, like I found out a few years ago, this is great
I'd probably add that your time here on earth is too short to be worrying about what other people think about you. This isn't a nihilistic view in any capacity but a motivator to do everything you want without feeling the pressure from insignificant opinions. regardless, great vid, one of the most important messages you've given on this channel so far ^^
I have looked death in the eye. The time here is very scarce. So I can't agree with you more
@@Overeasyeggsoee I think this video considers you to have some level of autonomy. Many people won't have even that luxury. For sure.
There's a thing called "optimistic nihilism"
Nothing matters :(
Nothing matters :)
@@saint5105 My train of thought exactly
"Be yourself and the right people will come"
As a person, who is often outcasted for being different, this video is very inspirational. Thank you for creating this.
7:50 "Everyone, just like you, is worried about their own insecurities"
That's so true because I'm always so busy with my life I got not time to think about anyone...
😄😄😄but we still think other people worried constantly about us
but reality is totally opposite ,
but we think but very very little about others but most of the time think about oursleves of how to just make myslef better person or idulge in instant bad entertainment
The problem is that when you are different, friends and family don't interact to you anymore, and that is hard to bear for many.
That's so true. My own mom doesn't talk to me, let alone all the rest of them.
Despised for throwing pearls to swine. My in laws hate my beliefs.. difference is I don't judge them for it.
We all need to learn how to have options in these events imo
True Indeed.... So Damn True.
Disowned, Disliked, Hated & Judged... Yet,. They will STILL give you THEIR Energy.. And Focus, While NOT Dealing with you. Let Em............
@@wolfsoundsmusic8820 I Feel You on the Family Thing...
I don't remember where this quote come from, but it is beautiful: "If you let people's perception dictate your behavior, you will NEVER GROW AS A PERSON. But if you leave yourself open for experience DESPITE what others think, then you will learn and GROW.
My question is, why would you always need to grow, eventually you'll need to stop, because what exactly are growing to actually be?
@@Yusa_Beach a full person, the world is in constant change, and new needs and situations arise every day, imagine for example a 60 year old man that needed to learn how to use a cell phone because all the people he knew were using WhatsApp to communicate, he needed to grow and develop skills for it
@@Yusa_Beach We grow to meet the unplanned for challenges of daily life and of social relationships. Growth means the building of our character through adapting to the unpredictable and chaotic, which is often what life is. Learning to think for ourselves and not letting people scare us into submissive paralysis is also apart of being a more mature person.
I appreciate the quote recognizing you still learn by allowing others to dicate you, but because you let them control you, you're never able to act on the knowledge you gain
I’ve been so consumed by worrying I am disliked, for doing things that I knew felt right for me. You’ve reminded me - if people dislike me for being me, I will find other, kinder and more understanding people.
" Think about what others think about you and you'll always be thier prisoners. The courage to be disliked it the key to this prison , to break free from and become the person you have always wanted to be "
Thank you
What a great affirmation! My coworkers call me "no f's given" because I simply will not conform to how they think I should be. Being your true self is tremendously liberating! Date out of your ethnicity, do what you love, love who you want, and follow your dreams! Since I've embraced that 7 years ago, I've been surrounded by the same like minded people...my tribe.
🤜🤛
“The courage to be your authentic self, regardless of what everyone around you tells you to be instead.”
I think everyone has to realize this. We all have our own journeys and only when we are ready, can we actually love ourselves.
And what exactly does it mean to be authentic? People wanna be themsleves yet they don't even know what themselves are.
You could be anyone, you could choose to do anything or be anything as long as you desire, yet, if that is the case, then you are......nobody.
And so, the only person you can be or have to be, is within this moment. Not the person within the past and the not the person in the future, only the now.
A person who is okay with being alone is a powerful person...
because only they know the minds of people and hence peaceful with themselves 😄😄😄
Indeed
Enid:I'm afraid I will be dying alone
Wednesday:We all die alone,Enid.
"A person who is okay with being alone is either a LION or a GOD - or BOTH !" (free after GRACIAN)
Wisdom I lived by since I was goddamn 13. I used to think that being liked will make people leave me alone. Turns out sometimes you need to become feared in order to be left in peace.
There was a course on happiness, after the entire semester the whole class booked down to two things. Based upon studies and deathbed confessions it showed that the things people wished they did more in life that made them the most happy was selfless work and being your most authentic self. The courage to be disliked is an important skill towards the goal of happiness.
"If you´re watching this video right now, there is a high chance that you were also once a kid like me..." Spot on! It's nice to know that I'm not alone. But I'm working to be my authentic self, no more fear to be disliked
it's better to be that wierd kid than to be normal
That's the Spirit!
''You have freedom of speech in this world, but only when the microphone is turned off. ''
I really like that quote.
There's more than one microphone in the world. Grab it hard and say your peace. Having done that...drop it and walk away.
ever since 9th grade, I learned to stop giving people the attention they don't deserve. I think from then on, I've overcome, not only my insecurities, but as well as the fear of being judged. It kinda just happened I guess...
when you put it into words, "going against your own biology," it's tough. i'm on the spectrum and no matter how hard i try i could never be anything but myself, i don't think i have the courage to be disliked, i just have no choice. every day, acting normally feels like going against my own biology because of how i'm rejected by the group, it's a very conflicting feeling. thank you for your video, i think it's helped me
"I felt different from everyone else, like a piece of a puzzle, but from another set" man, I had trouble explaining the idea before but that is perfectly what it feels like
Current Goal: perfection of every aspect
Result: existential crisis and no self love
😥
Sadge
Same.
what is existential crisis?
and
what is self-love?
I can relate I'm trying to change my goal to freedom of being myself
Honestly if they don't contribute enrichment to your life, personally, emotionally, physically or financially - THEY DONT MATTER. I think boundaries is a hard thing to enforce for those that aren't used to it, however, its so crucial! A great book to read is the subtle art of not giving a f*ck by Mark Manson or The four agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.
I agree, manson's book helped me a lot.
That’s not true though. Even harsh criticism can give you valuable information.
If someone thinks your singing sounds bad, then you could ask them what exactly they find bad about it. Either they tell you (constructive criticism) or they don’t (useless bashing).
So, they DO matter.
@@spoopyscaryskelebones3846 In order to be accountable to yourself and your own boundaries you cannot allow everyone's & anyone's opinions affect you. Especially when you are being criticized by people who haven't invested time and energy in truly getting to know you. I Yes constructive criticism is necessary yet from what source and intention? In life the only things that matter are what you, the individual, make matter.
Psychopath outlook wtf
I love andrew tate
This reminds me of a very good quote - "what good are wings without the courage to fly "
" If you'd not like the stranger in your house for invading your privacy, then why would you let them in your head ... That's the most private space you got "
And that hit me real hard ...
when you talked about likes I wondered... what would TikTok for instance look without likes? For me, it felt super weird. My first thought was: "how would I know if people liked my video?" That just shows what social media really is, it's about validation, just like you said. You post hoping people will like you, your content, what you do, etc... You post thinking about what kind of content people like right now. You adapt your personality and your hobbies and personal interests to match those of "the audience". Because that's what we all have been conditioned to care about.
Awwwww I read the book 'the courage to be disliked' by Ichiro Kishimi. Everyone who liked the video should. It's a dialog between a philosopher and a young man. Good job making a video about this. Everyone should know this!!
This guys voice is amazing, its calming, it gives off a certain vibe that just fits all of his videos well.
I loved the thought of "we're taking criticism from people we wouldn't take advice from", made me think. I shouldn't feel offended by what strangers think or say about me, I should instead care more what my loved ones think and say about me.
Thanks so much for the video and absolutely loved it from someone considered outside the typical group and who has high functioning autism and speech 🎤 impairment.
Thank you for your support and kind words, it means a lot to me!
“You can make anything sound cool by adding the words ‘the courage to’ before it.” -Hachikuji
Godamnit, u r right
I love that your videos cover so many different topics. The one thing they have in common is that they are well thought out, well delivered, and visually interesting. Great work!
I too felt I was different. It's hard for me being with my friends it's like Im always pretending or else they will find me weird. I too questions a lot about life, consciousness, universe, etc. and that's what lead me here. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Thank you so much. I truly Love your content. As a 29 year old (from the middle of nowhere in Texas) trying to become a content creator myself, a lot of my friends and family think I’ve gone mad. I cannot wait to prove them wrong.
The only thing I can say is thank you. Thank you for making this video and speaking your mind.
You've made me feel less alone in my insecurities❤
"Living by other people's standars will make them respect you, but to win your own respect, you should live by yours"
I'm 15 and as aperture said. I feel quite seperated and different from my friends and even family. I can't find anyone to express my thoughts to. I feel embarrased and fear people will judge me because of my age and thoughts and think I'm trying to flex or appear mature. and by listening to aperture, I feel less alone and learn to accept myself. Much thanks aperture, the vast amount of topics you discuss are very eye opening for me.
try to find a community on the internet with people you feel closer to. Most of my best friends live on different continents and we have never met in person. if youre not average then youre probably never going to get that kind of connection with average people aka normies. it doesnt matter how good you get at making smalltalk, theyll still think youre weird the instant you try to bring up anything that actually interests you because its not reality tv and then ostracize you from their social group. in my experience at least 97% of humanity is like this. try to find the other 3%.
@@TheSuperappelflap sure hope to. Thank you
If we accept all our flaws and nuances for who we are,start caring ourselves and be committed to our goals and passion,some section of people will act try to scare you and put you down.Remember many famous individuals have crossed this barrier of opinions and are standing tall
I'm 46, and having access to the Internet since 2001, and it's the FIRST time I'm seeing someone who think like me.
Especially this was exactly what I always say: we stop saying what we wanna say, and instead start saying things that get most likes or are so called algorithm friendly or attract more followers...
Keep it up the good work mate
3:24 I really feel that, watching videos discussing the topics I like really helped. Finding people online that enjoyed the topics I like rather than wishing someone else will understand me, will help.
Everybody is talking about not to worry about what others thinks but nobody talks about is how much energy is spent in trying to not worry about what others think, how much we are harsh on ourselves when we are constantly monitoring this behaviour of worrying. This just leaves you exhausted and empty at the end of the day.
I remember letting the thought of my family,friends and people I dislike get into my head and eventually turn me into something I m not. I kept putting on a veil that displayed a fake version of myself just so I can be liked by those who wish to see an “ideal” version of myself. I gave that up when I entered highschool because I got tired, it was mind numbing and it made me feel empty.
It was possibly the greatest decision I ever made because as soon as I ignored what other people thought about me I was able to grow and become a much more better person. I still take criticism and learn to grow from them but I don’t let them silence me or change who I am.
This was fantastic - very well said! The lest two years for me have been very much about learning how to be okay with being disliked. Acting on what I believe in, regardless of what friends, family and society as a whole think. This manifesting in moving to another continent with my partner and our two dogs to live as digital nomads. I left my career in fashion photography and started working in design, began writing a book. Began living again, instead of waiting around for things to "get better".
Ironically, after making such a whole deviation from the group, I've began to struggle with the little things. Because I am completely out of my comfort zone (and often around people speaking a language I don't know) I find myself more self-conscious and wanting to appeal to the group. The point is, no matter what you do in life, you will always have to face the same challenges over and over again.
I'm very glad I came across this video today - it's sparked some self reflection that was much needed. Thank you 😊
0:10 THAT WAS YOUR FIRST VIDEO!? wow time flies...Keep it up :)
this is something that makes me very grateful that the number one nick name my mother gave me was " Weirdo beardo " and the fact that it was a reward in my house. My dad for as long as I can remember has had " The Courage to be Disliked, " never being afraid to say what he believes. I consider my self extremely lucky to have been raised by them, saddened by the fact that not every has heard or understand it's okay to move around to find where you belong.
A friend of mine once told me when I was struggling to say that I didn’t want something he wanted us to do: if you don’t like it or don’t want it say it, don’t try to please others, you can please no one, so don’t even try
"It never ceases to amaze me : we all love ourselves more than other people , but care more about their opinion than our own". Marcus aurelius
"Care about people's approval and you will be their prisoner". Laozi
1:55 Smart to include your own experiences on youtube! I saw your video on Stoicism last year..following you since then! Waiting for more such videos, cheers!
🍻
The more bigger our circle is,
The more fragile our mental health is,
Make it small.
Such a great video. The fear of being disliked has psychologically crippled so many and prevented them from doing anything substantial.
"Gave up who I am for who you wanted me to be"
When you said you like to talk about death, i felt you. I always want to talk about death to others just to remind them that we only have one, very short life and that what matters is how we spend that life. I only want to tell the things we should prioritize in life because at the end what we love the most matters. I like to talk about it with my family but since I'm living in a very superstitious and religious household and community, I'm often told that I'm being morbid and that I shouldn't talk about those kind of stuff.
I like to talk about it too, but it's not the end of the world if you can't talk about it with someone, it's just a matter of finding the right people to talk to. In addition, it can motivate another person to value the important things in life since we are going to die anyway, not to mention death itself. It's normal to be talked to like that because even in a non-religious family, death is seen as sad, not neutral or happy (it's seen as happy and celebrated in some cultures).
I just want to add that be conservative with this courage and change slowly. Being who you are isn't always a good thing if who you are not in a good place.
I am talking about taking care of fundamental things like eating & sleeping well, exercise, good habits, discipline, compassion, indulging yourself in moderation, etc. These are beneficial regardless of your path but they are not always easy to do. Don't use the courage to be disliked as a shield to stop yourself from growing. If you're lacking in these fundamentals and people point it out for you in good faith, it's probably worth listening to them.
Not caring about what everyone think of you is not a strength, it's ignorance & arrogance. A shield people use to hide their insecurity. You should care about what the few very important people in your life think of you, especially if they are your mentor or a love one who knows a lot about you. Assuming there is no malice behind their word, and that they know what they are talking about. It's necessary for your growth and your relationships with them.
Thats just what I was thinking, thanks for putting it into words, have a great day.
Not caring what people think is a form of ignorance because this knowledge can be used as information and puzzle pieces for the unconscious
I think what he wants to say in the video is that whatever it is that you want to be or want to do for your own good like good health, starting a business, pursuing your passion, learning new things or skill or whatever that is self improving, just have it your way and never give a f*#~ just in case other people may criticize you.
He stated this in the video you must’ve been quick trying to comment. It’s healthy to a degree to care what people think we all do, but it is not arrogant be your authentic self and true to who you are despite who you offend
I get you want people to be humble, but you are confusing people who’re watching this. A lot of people who this message resonates with don’t need to learn to have more empathy, they need less of it.
"Like a piece of a puzzle ... But from another set”
Nothing has ever described my entire existence in such few words.
Same :/
Existential dread has completely controlled my life. I felt that when he said ‘I always felt like I was a piece of the puzzle, just from a different set’. No one gets me and I feel like this is a huge reason I can’t connect. Thank you for this content, Aperture. Thanks for showing me the mirror.
Thank you for your amazing work.
I always return to this video when I fall into people pleasing mode.
I'm afraid of what others might think of me because of my opinions or what I do, this has made me more passive and never stand up for myself , even for the simplest aspects of my life .
Funny running into this when I have been really getting close with someone who is of a different race than I, thus I've been asking myself what family, friends, and classmates would think if I allow things to go where they seem to be, and I believe bumping into this video was the sign I needed. The individual must at times go against the tribe. Much obliged Aperture.
I do not know if you will see this but these videos are an exact way of putting everyones scrambled existential thoughts into perfect videos. They are extraordinarily terrifying but calming to know we think together. Thank you.
you always make videos on topics that I need in my life at the moment. Thank you for all that you do.
I *was* that boy spending his school days immersed in thoughts of the universe, life, death, time and space travel (in the UK and obsessed with 1970s/80s "Doctor Who"!), and feeling very alien because of it. I never hid it, but struggled for several years as a result. I'm now in my fifties and don't care about people thinking I'm "odd" (assuming they do). Love this video. Thank you for making it.
Some of us are in deep pretending ,we don't even remember how to be ourselves
I feel a person doesn’t have to absolutely do or say anything wrong these days, even if God is your witness, people will go their ways to even gather others to join their cause and gang up against anyone to judge them wrong for no justifiable reason, make fun of, to publicly both online and in person ridicule them on how he/she; looks like, walks, talks, sounds, what he/she says-how he/she says anything or not.
Yeah, sometimes tho it’s better to stop listening to all that noise and sit back, relax and do what you wanna do as long as it doesn’t harm others. It seems like a lot of people just say stuff to make others happy and shit, they don’t wanna be alone and do their own thing always following other people to fit in, I find that being alone or with one other person is probably the best way to take a break from everything and enjoy your time while you have some left.
Agreed, i find people disgusting
@@chrissouthwell8806 Well said.
That was such a great thing to hear as an extroverted-introvert. Especially the end piece.
my man, everyone is an extroverted introvert. Its a spectrum, nobody is one or the other
Knowledge is gained by learning what is taught. Wisdom is gained by questioning what is taught.
Wisdom is gained by questioning what is taught. ⁉❔
Knowledge is gained by learning what is taught. ❗❕
The quality of this video is pure perfection. I just found this channel through this video, and I already fall in love about the way it's produced and the content it self, amazing !
I love this video, came across it when I literally wanted to start a reactions channel but was a bit worried about other people's perspectives. Thank you for shifting my mindset!❤
A wise man once said “The internet is full of unhappy people because all of the happy people are out enjoying life.”
today I posted my poetry to my instagram, I was and still am so scared and embarrassed because of it, but what if they dislike it or cringe at me? I'm proud of myself for being able to express myself in a way of art
I have social anxiety and it really really hits home
Appreciate you for this video.
As an intelligent individual, it is the norm to worry about people’s thoughts.
The richer your thinking is, the more you worry about the thoughts of others because you assume everyone thinks in as much color as you do.
But even more dangerous than that is your tendency to overthink.
We worry because we think too much. Sometimes you just have to say “fuck it” and let the originality take its course. Perhaps not openly, but definitely centered within ourselves and not on others.
Thank you, once again, for all the wonderful content.
Thanks!
It is difficult to have courage to be disliked by those whom you like..
Gossip is not the same thing as discussion. It is important to productively and constructively discuss someone's consistent underperformance. To "gossip" is a whole other, destructive, thing.
This video should be seen by every human being. Live YOUR life, as long as you try to do good. You can't satisfy everyone and that's ok. 👍 Much love. And remember, we only have one life on this planet (it seems that way anyway), so make it your best. ✌
others approval is equally important as well, since we live in a society. we rather have to try to learn all the communicative skills and good characteristics of a human being. I'm not saying we need to try to impress others but I'm saying we don't need to be so brave to be disliked. Otherwise, we might commit undesirable things like stealing or lying for the betterment and convenience of ourselves. We don't need be shameless in the process. Amber heard can be a good example. we should be afraid from being disliked like her with things we did ourselves. Just my opinion.
@@Pro-oe6ht absolutely! But even if you are a good person inside, people might judge you anyway for some other arbitrary reason depending on their perspective. You can feel the social pressure and most people tend to follow conventions so that the pressure is lessend even though it might make them happier... as long as it doesn't impact other people in any harmful or disrepectful way, then don't be worried about people pointing out the fact that you may be different from the accepted consensus. As long as you know who you really are. ✌
Define "good" . People have different interpretations of what good is.
And well, if you always live your life for yourself you will never see the joy in seeing someone else's life prosper.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Wow
Thank you for this video, it came at a crucial time. I totally agree with everything you said.
Watching this video was just an opportunity to remind myself that I'm currently on the right track.
To anyone else dealing with ostracisation, backstabbing and betrayal amongst other things, I should tell you that I believe in and always tell myself this phrase:
"God forbid I have to change myself to keep people in my life"
Also, permit me to highlight when you mentioned toward the end if the video that times have changed.
Beleive me when I say that in recent times, I have come to the understanding that being neglected or betrayed by your group or clique does not mean everyone will treat you similarly.
The world is a big place, which means that there are many different people waiting to meet you and love you for you!
Let's all learn to acquire the skill of gaining the courage to be disliked; Aesop's tale of the father his son and their donkey.
You are not different then most of us when it comes to the questions floating around your head. You are however different in the perspective that you are brave enough to ask them out loud. Cheers.
I'm a goth guy, and a metalhead. I've been like this for 14 years. I'm 27, I look 19-23 though.. I get ridiculed in certain ways for being goth, whether it's directly or indirectly. People trying to threaten me, and all that stuff. I have a Babyface so people don't think I'm serious or don't get scared of me, and I get called cute a lot.. I'm short 5'5. I appreciate who I am, but most people make me know they hate me, I can sense their toxic energy, or I could see it in their eyes how much they don't care about me. I've been lucky to have one friend who appreciates me.. I couldn't deal with anyone, I'm afraid of people, but he helps me.. I'm not afraid of being different. I'm afraid of the persecution..😞☹️
I want you to think again if being a "goth guy" is really okay, not from the perspective of other people or yours
But from a logical and neutral vision
@@SoufianFangyuan
... I just don't want to be apart of this rn..
*TH-cam* does not have the Courage to be Disliked 👎🏼
I know I feel like society's getting bubble wrapped
People didn't used to bother me, but I've realised that people always say the same things about me, and if people constantly tell you the same things it just makes it feel like it's true
I really appreciate videos like this. The advice, the music, the personal experiences and outspoken concerns, the visuals. My friend, you have got this down very well. I know this video is 2 years old but your work has always been outstanding.