How to avoid autistic burnout (Is it even possible?!)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 ก.ค. 2024
- We've all asked the question of how to avoid autistic burnout. Is it even possible? Is it just part of the autistic experience? or can it be managed in a better way?
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Can't afford to burnout. Can't afford to take time off. Lord, give me the strength to persevere.
!!!!
None of is can afford it, unfortunately it still happens, because we are undiagnosed and this don’t know why it happens, how to deal with it, or how to prevent it. I completely crashed and lost everything. I hope you can avoid that by having knowledge I wish I’d had. Stay strong and best wishes.
@@mnelson9057 how did you get thru it?
Did you find relief?
I can not either, which make me feel that i will lose muy job and end up dying like an insect. I don't know if I am autistic though. Just wondering.
I’m the same unfortunately neurotypicals don’t understand this even those who are close to us. We are accused of being selfish and lazy when we are anything but selfish and lazy
I'm so sorry that has been your experience! My husband and one of our daughters are autistic and I try very hard to to see things from their point of view. Unfortunately I've seen more of what you are referring to and it's my hope to find something more positive for those who love and support autistics. If not, maybe I'll start it!
I’ve actually gotten the “lazy” accusation many times all throughout my life, and I really believed the people who told me that wtihout questioning it until just recently when I’ve learned more about autistic burnout. Watching some videos like this about it has caused me to stop and take a step back and look at the actual evidence to see if the facts back up the accusations or not. I’ve found that they don’t, but the descriptions from autistic people of autistic burnout definitely do seem to match the evidence.
For example, I had a previous job for about 5 years before I left it to move home and spend some time with my parents while I still had that opportunity. While working at that job, my typical working week involved working 7 days a week, and my typical week would vary between about 70 hours per week during off peak, slow season, and about 120 hours per week during the busy peak season. My longest week during that 5 years was 137 hours out of the 168 hours that there are in a week. I kept that up for 5 years straight with almost no vacations, and I loved my job and I thrived doing it. I had developed a reputation all across the state somehow, because I would bump into people all over the state who worked in my industry who for some reason had heard about me and knew who I was. I don’t know how, because I never heard any stories of how that happened, but there were several times I would have people come up to me and recognize who I was once I introduced myself.
And I started to think about things like that and actually try to take an accounting of them, and it just doesn’t hold water that I’m somehow “lazy” or that I have a bad work ethic. I’ve never met anyone else in my life who would willingly do that, and very few who had ever come close in real life experience (but plenty of braggarts who would pretend like they could, until you asked them to put their money where their mouth was). So I still feel like people who accuse me of being lazy must be right, but I really don’t see how the actual evidence could possibly support that claim, so they’re probably not very true. I mean, am I human and are there times where I’d rather do my own thing than do something I need to do? Sure, I think everyone does. But am I lazy? I just don’t see how that fits reality.
So true
Even harder when you don't know you are autistic, and constantly fall short no matter how hard you try, but don't understand why.
I get called that, or a sociopath or a narcissist, that shit hurts
The problem I have, when I know how long I have to rest, it stops being restful. I can't stop and enjoy the quiet, because the deadline for getting back to work is just hanging over me the whole time. Rest time just makes me even more tired
alow allow allow allow
Normal break schedules don't work. I've found that a decent break schedule that actually helps me is 4 months on, no real breaks, 3-4 weeks off, doing whatever I need to. I can't understand 15 minute breaks, or two hour breaks. One full day is OK, but to really start healing I need several weeks. So the academic semester schedule worked super well for me. Now that I am full time employed, it is really really difficult and I feel burnout building up.
For most of my 50+ years, before realizing I was autistic, my work pattern confused me. Like you, I would work in intense bursts of focus and energy, sometimes for 2 days at a time, hardly stopping for food or rest. Then I would basically collapse physically, emotionally and mentally. At one particular stage of my life, I instinctively took a 'mental health' day off about once a month. I would spend all day watching daytime soap drama. Normally, I hate them, just not finding them interesting or relevant, but one day a month I would relax on my bed and watch them back to back, until I was completely sick of all the ridiculous drama, and ready to get back into my own life. Eventually I ended up with a long, extended breakdown type burn out. I self diagnosed a few years ago, and now understand myself better, my whole life makes sense. But the incredible stress I've put on myself over the years, trying to 'be normal', has caused long term health issues I think, along with harmful medications and bad relationships. I now have an extremely low tolerance for stress, or any kind of 'work', including personal projects. I get physically unwell a lot these days and have to rest. Self understanding from a young age and living authentically as who we really are, is key I think.
I’m in your age cohort and similar story, body and brain used up. I can’t help but wonder how we’d be doing now if we had known and adapted our lives. It all makes complete sense now.
I also am right where both of you are. Wish I had figured I had this problem WAY sooner.
I agree with your hypothesis. I have had a similar experience. Got a diagnosis from medical professionals in Canada just the fall before the pandemic started (2019 Oct). I love the focus and energized stage. This is hallmark bipolar behavior - a diagnosis I was given at one point several years back. Misdiagnosed Autism can be very damaging - the drugs they put me on were horrible and did nothing but cause problems mentally and physically. Do not rush. Take your time. It's your life and body. An early diagnosis would be key to having later life that works for you and isn't as problematic. Our traumas are much harder to get rid of for some reason. So, take your time. Be patient with yourself, and learn to love yourself in a respectful way. Life does get better. Its up to us to make it better.
I suffered chronic fatigue for 15 years -, now I really think it was Autistic Burnout and I do wonder if many people diagnosed with ME are actually on the spectrum.
I am starting to hit that wall too. age 43
Paranoia, constant self doubt/reflection, reactionary mindset, stress, social phobia is taxing
something that doesnt help, is when your work place (if you have a job) doesn't understand.
@@TheChaoticOath thats why I dont have a workplace. I get to work a month. Get a huge burnout. Panic attacks, self doubt anything. Get fired because what I do isnt good enough. Giving more than I have. To be rejected over and over. Telling them I am autistic doesnt work. Just makes them treat me like I am dumb, and crazy and not equal to them. Got help from the government but covid-19 isnt helping it. Waiting for months
One of the most useful things about finding out I have Asperger's has been the realization of having burnouts. I've definately learned that unless I put the necessary recovery breaks into my schedules, my body takes them by force. I compare myself to a computer, if there's too much stuff going on, the system freezes and requires cooling down and a thorough reboot.
For me, the idea of a 9-5 job, 5 days a week, is very anxiety inducing. I live my life through "projects", which consist of thorough planning, working intensively (almost around the clock) for a short while, and collapsing when I'm done. For me, interacting with other people is although sometimes enjoyable, always more or less exhausting, and since my diagnosis, one of the ways I've tried to improve my life has been arranging my calendar so that I have social activities only on a couple of days a week, and in between these days, time to recover and focus on my own things. And I also have noticed that after a longer stressful period, the recovery time is longer. I have serious trouble hopping from one project to another, and interruptions and distractions are very stressful.
Once I'm in burnout mode, usually I first stay in bed, in a dimly lit room, in fetal position, and often just sleep. The next step is focusing on things that help me recharge. Watching TV doesn't really give me energy either, but if I'm really burned out, I rewatch my favourites to calm down. Then I make art and let my mind wonder, and usually, at some point, I get a new idea for a new project, and the cycle starts over.
@Deanna Leigh Egan LOL! Must be common in these circles. Also, syntax error is pretty common with me 😂
For computer metaphors, I always say that my brain has stopped responding! I'm living life project-to-project as well. Right now I'm bouncing between my actual college work, self-driven psych research, learning how to make music, working on my sister and I's fanfic, and making moss terrariums with live insects. And I'm constantly ignoring the existence of the projects I'm not currently working on cause there's only room for 1 in my poor tired brain lol
Leena, thank you. I couldn't have put it in words better.
Thank you for sharing. I've just been very recently diagnose and so I am learning. I have to work a 9-5 job, and I do notice that I get burnt out way faster than my coworkers. I am coming back to work today after taking a week off due to being sick with Covid. I don't drive, so I can't leave my work for lunch break but instead of hanging out in the break room for my entire hour, I will eat lunch in there and then go to the computer room and color. Hopefully that will help
Right
I found that taking a nap, even as small as 15 minutes can reset the fatigue.
thank u for the insight lemon party
I found that taking a nap on a demanding day is essential, otherwise I am too tired to fall asleep at night.
I would so like to do that, but I am literally unable to nap. I either sleep a good long 3-4 hours, or not at all. I have been that way since I was 2 years old, I could never nap. Weird !
@@Crouteceleste Oh my gosh, we must be like the same person or something.
I could NEVER nap in kindergarten.
I never understood how the other children were able to fall asleep during naptime, I felt so .... alien.
(I wanted to keep listening to my audiobooks lol!)
And I can't nap the way you said either!
I definitely feel like I've finally found someone who I can relate to about the sleep part! 😩👌
*Thank you for commenting!*
@@RosieBrownie I remember very very distinctly sitting on my little foam carpet, waiting and looking at the other kids sleeping, wondering in my little mind why they slept when we could go back to playing lol ! I have never been able to do guided meditation either like when someone's telling you "and now, visualise the energy going out from the tip of your head to your hands" etc, I cannot stand it and I am by no means an agitated person, I am calm and patient and even lazy at times lol. Do you also hate guided meditation ? I bet I could do some yogi-style self-meditation though, but I don't have the need to so I have never tried.
In the past, before I discovered I was Autistic, I'd hit these moments where everything was terrible. I couldn't handle anything and it honestly felt like a mental breakdown. But in looking at these moments with new eyes, I see that, it is just like you said. We burn VERY bright. And VERY quickly. When I'm focused, I can super crank out production, but if I don't have that energy reserve - If I didn't get to recharge, I am done. Spent. Kapoot.
I'm on a mini-get-away currently, and it seems to be helping. I just wish I could put away some energy for myself. An emergency tank that I can tap into, when 'too much' is 'too much'.
Or level up my recharge speed. That'd be nice.
If you happen to find one of those "emergency tanks", please please message me about it cause trust me, I've been looking for YEARS for something like that haha 😩
I understand you perfectly.
I'm also one who got the diagnosis later in life (well, at least around 19)
@@RosieBrownie heh, im still workin on those energy reserves. If only there was a way to harness and store it.. Even if temporarily.
How has your adventure been since discovering this about yourself? :)
Thanks for the topic. I completely bottomed out with burn out and lost all executive function about 10 years ago. Am gay and didn’t know I was autistic. So when I crashed from masking my autism and sexuality and went to get help I was misdiagnosed several times before a friend suggested I read John Elder Robinson. Needless to say all my symptoms were finally addressed this year - diagnosed on the spectrum 4 years ago. My therapist shot me several articles on Autistic Burnout and BAM! Described to a T what I had been struggling with for 10 years. Am just now getting structure in my life so I can’t say what would help but after masking my sexuality and autism for 50 years I think I will just learn to be me and let the haters hate. Their problem not mine.
Yeah it sounds narcissistic, but you have to do it.
You have to look out for yourself in the first place if you want to be a better person even, so dont worry about them.
You'll know what you're doing on your own.
Plus, most of those people I found are somewhat imaginary anyway, specters of a stupid past that over regulated you.
❤
RESPECT to you!!
💜💜💜 Thanks for sharing your journey.
Also, YES.
Being autistic and lgbt+ definitely is a .... um *_journey_* 😩
Currently struggling with all kinds of masking so I really really relate to you...
I relate to this as someone who is LGBT. I don’t have a diagnosis but everything makes more sense and im more understanding with myself ever since I realized I likely have autism. I also am learning to program computers and am an INTP on the Myers’s Briggs test
I never even considered that I could be autistic, but I stumbled across this channel and it's blowing my mind how much I relate to this. I'm a grad student and I can literally only work four hours a day. Then I have to take the whole rest of the day off. I can't just take a break and then work on something else, I have to do nothing the whole rest of the day. And I feel really embarrassed by that, because in my program we're literally being paid to do our grad work and we're expected to put 40 hours a week in. And I look around and see my classmates toiling for hours and hours every day, and I just can't do that! But on the other hand, I'm also aware of how super efficient and productive I am when I work. It's just like what he says, I burn super bright and get a LOT done, but then I'm done. No more executive functioning, no more nothing. But I probably get as much done in 4 hours as most people get done in 8 hours, or maybe more.
Upon watching the video, my mind has been changed. You just have to pay really close attention to what your body is telling you, and designate a rest day for yourself. I totally agree with you Paul!
I’m very burned out right now and struggling to increase executive function. I seem to experience burnout periodically, so I’m very excited for this video!
From my experience, it's impossible to increase executive function when in a burned out state. We need to give our brain the rest it needs, so it can re-set naturally after it's recharged itself. Like an overstimulated, tired, cranky baby, we need a little nap.
Like.. I just recently got this lightbulb moment when I researched autism and aspergers syndrome. Everything just clicked. This is the answer I have been looking for all these years. I have not even thought that not all people experience things the same way as me, and always felt like an oddball. These videos have just helped me so much to understand myself better and to be more forgiving when I just can’t do the same things than neurotypical people. Thank you so much!!
I'm so glad I found this channel, even just reading the comments made me feel less alone in my experience. I've been working in a 9-5 office job for about 7 years now and still feel like I'm not used to it yet, compared to my coworkers and peers who seem to handle it fine. with covid and everything I think the long term burnout has finally caught up to me to the point that I'm really struggling to keep up. sometimes weekends are barely enough for me to recharge after a busy week.
My dude, since finding your channel it's like a huge knot of confusion about myself has been unravelled. Finally seeing that other people's experience of life has been as difficult and confusing as mine has been incredibly reassuring, and has made me feel like I'm actually doing OK considering the tools I'm working with. Thank you so much.
idk why this showed up in my recommended, but I'm glad it did because this channel seems very helpful. +1 sub
Kismet! 🙃
Same thing happened to me a few months ago, lol. I was so relieved and have learned so much about myself since
Probably because you watch videos that other autistic people like. The youtube algorithm is out here diagnosing people.
they know !
Paul is a top notch guy! I'm not sure if I'm autistic either, but hearing him explain his head tracks so well with me I feel I must be.
I’ve found that autism burn out is because we don’t feel pain as much.. leading to putting our bodies to the limit and further. I’m currently a little burnt out, my tinnitus starts ringing harder..
I found practicing yoga helps keep mind body in tune.
Exactly same here. Thanks for putting it into words 🙏
Yes. I can grind for months, if not years, but if I dont find a way to relax (which is the hard part), sooner or later, the breakdown comes.
What do you mean we don’t feel pain as much? This isn’t true for me at all. I cannot push myself too much as I feel “pain”(not sure which type of pain you’re referring to), both mentally and physically, faster than a neurotypical person. It’s actually caused me to be avoidant.
sara H I think it’s the environment we have created that people with this type of gene and brain structure causes havoc on our health. Like especially in the school system.. then the big pharmaceutical industry AKA originally called the chemical industry uses people with these genes as objects in their business model by trying to medicate people and label them with all these insane disorders’ like bipolar, ocd, bpd, depression, SAD, GAD.. ADHD...
I recently met someone who was a teacher at a special school in Melbourne.. she said that the aspies without adhd medication, dopamine flooding of the brain would stab each other with pens.. my response to that is well that’s how boys play and obviously your teaching style isn’t working!!!!! Makes me sick hearing of inadequate people projecting their incapabilities and abusing children.
Yes, one problem is that I don't really feel my body respond. Body scan helps me. But also when I do something I like it's so satisfying and sometimes the pain even contributes to this. And I can't stop before things are done. It takes a hell of self control to force myself to rest or eat or drink before I'm done.
You asked for what can give energy:
Actually taking 50 mg Pregnenolone (transdermal doesn‘t work so good) and having once a week a very strong and long massage.
Not to forget my weighted blanket, my cat, peppermint oil for my nose and swimming in very cold water (best in seasalt water)/ cold showers...
(Strong burnout since more than 5 years.😒 only in surviving modus)
Very glad to have found your channel! 🙏
Yes, I believe screen addiction is a huge drain for me, too. A few years ago I learned chi gong and a bit of tai chi, I think that helped a lot, along with breath work, and yoga. Changing my diet to vegetarian then vegan gluten free changed my digestion and energy for the better definitely.
i’m trying to go vegetarian for the same reason. how did you get the spoons for that? currently i don’t eat unless the food is placed in front of me ;-;
Getting physically sick from burnout is such a blessing, especially now that covid has everyone afraid of fevers.
I can certainly relate to operating in bursts. The trouble is in a lot of places you can't work/operate in a cycle of a few days intense activity followed by a few days resting.
And that’s why I always wanted to be an actress since I was 5 years old but haven’t had the opportunity
Burnout is a topic that’s near and dear to my heart, Paul, and I’m glad you talk about it on your channel. As someone with not only autism, but also schizophrenia and depression, burnout happens to me more often than it should, especially during this pandemic. When I’m burned out, I can’t do any activity that requires even a little bit of concentration, whether it’s writing, reading, editing, drawing, or watching You Tube videos and TV shows. That’s right: I can’t even passively watch television when my mind and body force me to take a vacation. The only real activities I could muster the energy to do over the past two days was reading 36 pages of “Catching Fire” by Suzanne Collins and writing a poem called “Disillusionment”. After that, it was all downhill like a rolling snowball. If I may be allowed a quick non-sequitor: The Hunger Games was meant to be a warning, not a playbook. Anyways, thanks for the videos, Paul! I appreciate them!
This left me with a lot to think about. In a good way.
I’m Autistic with ADHD and comorbid BPD; and a mother to three children under 12 years old. I am the primary parent (the one with the bull of parental responsibilities throughout the workweek), and now with school being at home, even more responsibility is plunked onto my shoulders.
I own an automated business (customers purchase product and enter into an automated, mostly “hands-free” workflow that I revisit quarterly to update) and am a writer, but I haven’t been able to write without distractions since we’ve been in self-isolation-since 6 March 2020.
I feel depleted every day. I have zero alone time (which is crucial for my mental health). I’m exhausted constantly. I keep getting sick, even though there’s no physical contact with the outside world to expose me to any sort of pathogen.
I feel like at some point I was so good at balancing things, but I’ve hit my limit.
I’ve never been a good “stay at home parent,” but knowing the affect of emotional negligence from my own childhood, I give my children what they need, even at the risk of my own health.
I just recently started seeing a new psychologist who actually specializes in ASD, ADHD, and emotional dysregulation, *but if anyone has any addition advice, I am all ears! Or eyes, I suppose...*
With that, I had lists of “high energy tasks” and “low energy tasks” prior-a practice I used in business (pre ASD diagnosis) to *always progress* in my business (I’m exhausted just thinking about how American that sounds...), even when I’m having a “bad day/week/month...”
Well, I like the idea of breaking it down further and making something like an Eisenhower Method-type chart of High-Energy, Low-Energy, and what activities I know to Exhaust me or Recharge me. Because I have a tendency to never sit and relax, to always be moving-moving-doing-moving to a point where I live in perpetual burnout until I have a mental breakdown...
(1) That’s totally unhealthy.
(2) What kind of example am I giving my children?
(And as I think about all I’ve written here, I can’t stop thinking that I really need to move out of the United States, don’t I..? 😔 I think this culture is killing me.)
I know exactly how you feel. I am a mother to 2 autistic sons (Asperger and PDAS + Diabetes 1). The latter hasn' t been able to go to school for 4 years. I have been spending all my energy to them, no regret, it is my choice, they are worth it . It gets slightly better as they grow older. 13 and 15 now.
Sara, I just wanted to comment on how incredible it is that you're constantly educating yourself and working so, so hard. It really shows in the way that you speak about the entire situation. Despite the relentless obstacles life presents and continues to throw your way, I have no trouble believing that you are someone that any child could easily look up to. I'm sure your kids absolutely adore you. It is normal for every parent to experience doubt even when there isnt a world pandemic going on. It isn't normal for every person to put in as much effort as you have. You are doing what you can, when you can. Remember it's okay to be a parent to yourself too. And while that may be easy for me to say, not having any physical children of my own -- I still want to encourage you to mentally talk yourself through things in the same way you would to one of your kids. Sometimes we are our only supporters, and other times we are our greatest supporters. Keep up the fight. 💪🏼
I think the first point is to recognize and accept thst you can't do all the things you are doing and it's fine. The world won't fall apart.
People might not understand that you might need to get away for a while, stip some things. Just make sure to tell, specially your children, that it's not about them, thwy are not overburden you, it's just that is the way you function.
I think we oush ourselves too much. I had periods of time that I pushed myself so hard and I even took antidepressant just to "keep going". Result: I don't remember almost anything of 3/4 years period. I was si disconnected and just doing things because I needed in such a high stresss that my brain just made it a blank.
This year I discovered my hypothyroidism and for the first time in my life I said to myself "I am sick, I am allowed to be sick". And for the past 4 months I have been just allowing my body to do what it needs and it has been amazing. I healed so much and feel much better Some days I disappear and say no to everyone, I sleep for ours, I do the minimum at my work, and other days I organize hangouts and projects and I don't feel like sleeping much.
It's detachment of "this is laziness, this is productivity, this is good, this is bad etc". It's all life and worthy of doing. We desrve it.
Hope you find your path and I recommend searching about mindfulness overall
That's a great point about our culture. Chances are good you'll get more time off and have more affordable access to better quality healthcare in Europe or Scandanavia.
I left a comment about long-term burnout like 2 weeks ago and when I saw this video I flipped lol, thanks so much for this! Currently feeling it pretty hard- used to get it real bad in high school, it was constant. Now nonstop college classes have got me fried. It's super helpful to know what it is and that it's because of the autism!
I was actually just forced to rest for a few days cause I got my wisdom teeth out, and I feel a lot more grounded. If something doesn't force me to stop I just keep going. So many things to do, all the time.
It's so good watching this! I worked part time for most of my adult life and that helped me manage my energy, but then I had to take a full time job and I get sick from exhaustion almost every month. I feel bad for not being able to work like my colleagues but I am starting to understand that this is how I function. Differently from what you described, I don't feel like I can use up a lot of energy very quickly. Instead, I feel like it takes me a lot more energy than most to function at work. Naturally I won't be able to do that well for as many hours as my colleagues. Thank you for this video.
I've just had to resign from my job to take my time, this time I am taking as long as I need to take the mask off. Thank you for helping me find the answers I have been looking for for the last 15 years.
I will be very interested to hear this. I am here before the video is out, and my personal opinion is that it is impossible due to all the extra stresses that everyone with Autism naturally has
What helped me at work was to learn to set the standard at the very beginning. Realizing the amount of work I could do was usually more than they expected helped me learn to pace myself. Sure I could finish this project in a day. But they gave me a week. And if I finish in a day, tomorrow they’ll give me another one, and so on.
I think it is possible as long as you learn early on what your strengths and weaknesses are so you know what you have to work with. I don't think I would've had burned out as badly had i known how much I was overcompensating on a daily basis. On the other hand a burnout serves to teach you a lot about yourself in ways you might not have been able to without it.
I have spent 8 years recovering from burnout, and it can be extremely distressing and discouraging when I've overexerted myself. my working memory and processing speed is greatly impaired and has gotten permanently worse after periods of "trying to get better" where I push myself to try to function on a normal level. I think i'm done trying to come back to the idea of ever being able to hold a job. whenever I put the expectation on me to take part of normal life I just end up in suicidal circles. my interests have become traumatised because of my reduced ability to concentrate. What used to be relaxing and energizing is the source of ongoing trauma now, and I can't find another interest as that was my calling and obsession since childhood.
Damn. I feel like I wrote this.
@@andrewhayden9896 I am curious to hear more what things are like for you as i've found next to no information of experiences of having your interests become traumatized.
@@arasharfa
I also got to that point. I'm slowly getting back to doing what I loved, but for a different purpose.
I loved graphic design but I got to the point where opening Adobe was traumatizing.
I don't do graphic design anymore.
I'm using adobe to create, just not projects for clients.
My own projects and projects for my boyfriend too. Not commercial.
Just for fun.
I think it's the change of mindset. So your brain focuses on a different reason for the activity, and so you don't feel so overwhelmed with the "old rules of the old reason why you were doing that task".
Thank you SO much for you willingness to open up and share your experiences. My husband and one of our daughters are autistic and I can definitely see this pattern in him. I don't think we see it in her as much, but she is also not pushed by us in the same way that society has always pushed my husband. He is currently self employed as a farrier and works per appointment primarily. And household projects are often done in this way as well. He is so hard on himself and I'm excited to share your experience with him!
That last part about wanting to do fun things that take energy really hit home
I am currently dating someone diagnosed with Aspergers. The first weeks were great, we bonded immensly over our love for music and I also felt very connected to the music he makes. It spoke to my soul, it was so deep, as if his music sounded what my head would sound like if it could speak. A few weeks in I noticed he went quiet and I started researching more about his diagnosis. He told me he needs space and that everything is very overwhelming for him. I want to give him the time he needs but how can we connect if there is no dialogue? What is a relationship worth if we speak both a language we will never understand? I feel very lonely and I know it does not bother him. I don’t even think he thinks about me at this point. I feel so lost and disconnected. I already invested so much time in him but I feel like I’m drowning in his head. It is just too bad I fell in love with him, I suppose. I think I need someone to tell me I should leave this behind. I need this emotional connection with someone. I want to feel loved.
Daily meditation helps my bf ALOT
You raised some really interesting points for me not entirely about burn out however. For me I have only really experienced short term burn out where I reduce communication to only what I see as essential at home after work. I was particularly exhausted last night and took today to recharge (as best as is possible with twin 3 yo boys). However the interesting points were
1. Monotasking - I am finding myself doing this inappropriately as a high school IT teacher, I get lost in helping a student solve a problem, mean while half the class could be throwing computers out the second story window.
2. Again as a teacher I have little control about when I am "switched on" and productive eg. Lesson time.
This does feed back into I need a career change and it will happen it's just a little scary as no matter how illfitting teaching is paying my bills and looking after my family (and special interest) right now.
Lastly you mentioned having a stimulating conversation energy giving. I long to find people I can talk to in this way. (I know I should get on Facebook, Discord and Zoom more often with this group). There are so many topics I would like to discuss, I used to think that I could just have this " conversation" with the internet through research, but it's not the same.
one of my teachers has a schedule where there’s a discussion day and a work day alternating every other day. maybe you could incorporate some of this? (if you teach older kids)
Your description of weekends is so true
Further, in my situation, I mentally collapsed in a terrible burnout about 15 years ago. Was studying in grad school, and (this happened suddenly), just lost interest. Really thought I was just done with life. I have come back around, but I needed a couple years rest. I worked part-time, but nothing difficult
I just got diagnosed autistic this month (at 35 years old) and this channel is so helpful for making sense of things. I have the same pattern, and I had started to worry I was bipolar or something like that. But this makes so much more sense, thank you!
Reminder set, Ty
Thank you so much for your videos. I'm recently a self discovered person on the spectrum.
My brother is on the spectrum, and so are my best friends. It still took me 27 years to really arrive at the conclusion. I used to think it was ADHD, or BPD. Your videos using real experiences allowed me to come to realize how much effort I was using to mask myself. I would socially burnout and avoid people until I had the energy to mask again.
Again, thank you so much for the videos. They mean a lot to me.
Thanks for sharing; I have always felt guilty and lazy because I am different from most other people.
Thank you Paul, This was really helpful!
I am so struggling right now; living alone, managing work, household chores, bureaucracy, financial challenges, household maintenance, constant noise from neighbors. I really need a long break but I have to pay bills...we should have access to help. My house and bills need sorting. I totally understand. I also have three challenging social events this week. I just want silence for a few weeks.
This was helpful. Thank you for your time and effort.
I can’t wait I am coming out of one now and are just learning about this thank you Paul love all your information! Would love to hear more on you interest about emotions too!
I appreciate you putting yourself out there, and I thank you for helping everyone learn.
Thank you for continuing to do these videos, so helpful putting things into words that help identify issues and possible solutions.
I view work as a cyclical activity. Big pushes, then gliding, then stopping to recharge.
Also, I occasionally need to recover from big unplanned stress events.
Recovery from a stress event can take 2 or 3 weeks. Only recently did I correlate fatigue with autism.
Before learning about autism, all my fatigue was blamed on a condition called CFS/ME that started in 1986.
Thank you for your insightful and informative talks about autism and smart emotional or social management.
It's so important to be self-aware, to be aware of what your body and mind is feeling and do what is needed. I also get burnout and thanks to my autistic kiddo, I now realize I need to self-regulate. Burnout can also be lessened by taking frequent breaks during the event. I generally go to the bathroom, press my hands over my ears and apply some pressure to my head. After a few minutes I feel much better and can rejoin society again.
ABsolutely to the point! Thank you for the clarity.
Oh man, this nails it, 💯, I never could explain it before and this is so perfect. Thank you for confirming what I have always expected.
Discovered this channel earlier this week, and omg this video explains so much. I never even considered ASD, but so many things are falling into place as making so much sense. Definitely getting outside, whether it's just sitting for a while or taking a walk/hike is a really big way that I rest and recharge.
Summer vacations and other holiday vacations when I was a kid I think kept me away from any sort of burnout. But since starting university in 2012 I've been in a constant state of burnout. I've had to work part-time jobs while doing school and even after I graduated I had to work Saturdays because of low pay in my professional job and I saw my friend on Sunday, my one workless day. I literally went years without a real day off. Now I'm in limbo between masters and a new job and a new life, and I take weekends off job applications but it's no where near enough. And I can't just take a ton of time off from job searching because I'm an American trying to be an archaeologist in Britain and I only have 6 months on my student visa to find a job that will sponsor me to stay and it's such a losing battle. I don't think I'll EVER get the recharge that I need. I already have to take medication for depression and GAD and my autism and possibly OCD symptoms are so prevalent because of all my stress buildup and I feel doomed to misery because I have to work so hard just to dream of being a financially independent adult. 😖
This was great mate, thanks.
Paul, great video. Thank you! I myself am not, as far as I know, on the autism spectrum but I work with two boys who are (eighth and 10th grades). I notice this burn out as a part of their school day, some times quicker sometimes less quick depending on various factors such as heat and noise and stressors. It’s definitely something to be aware of and to navigate. I really appreciate what you say about looking at the activities that you do and taking “time out” and looking at whether they give you energy or perhaps even deplete you of energy or that’s what it feels like. This is good for me as well! For everyone probably. Exercise and time in nature are two things that I can definitely integrate more into my life, also consciously going for time with friends.
Such great video! Thank you! 👏🏻
Thank you for approaching the topic. I can certainly relate to it!
You just described me! Thank you so much. Your videos (and those if Yo Samdy Sam, among others) are life-changing!
I loved all of the points you made about identifying, coping, and preventing a burnout. I'd like to see you put out more content discussing what recharging can look & feel like for someone when they are experiencing it in the moment. It would be very interesting to hear more about what your gotos are and how other people behave when they are in the process of filling up their batteries again. Thanks again for another informative video, Paul. Do stay well.
Good luck with the Summit, Paul! Best wishes from Bergen 🇳🇴
OMGOSH this resonated so well for me, I’ve been trying to articulate it for a long time without the vocabulary.
I love the way you explain all things Autistic....Im 65... Only learned I have ASD...at age 61... I've suffered because of not knowing... Burnout, shutdowns, meltdowns, who knew.... All my life II was labeled with many neg. Words....I could not explain myself to anyone and be understood.I now talk to almost no one.... To family, 20 min.a day, maybe... It can still be to much... I tend to go months some times before I can tolerate any verbal contact.... I get physically sick.... That you again Paul ....!!! Take care 💕
This is amazing. You talk my life. It' s been for me like that for 50 years. Only that I got my diagnosis 2 years ago and never understood why before. I've tried to switch to a more relaxed and consistent working mode but it just doesn't work. Soothing to hear that others function like that too. Right now my Son is having a major autistic burnout and thank you for reminding me to leave him alone as long as he needs his rest. Maybe I'll ask him if he wants to watch your video one of these days.
I identify with just about everything you say about burnout... I'm grateful you share your wisdom. ♥
That's some good advice and examples.
Too late! Burned out 5 years ago. 😬
I think it happened to me 15 years ago and I've also got severe physical problems and fatigue.
I was not diagnonesed untill I was 50, which was 5 years ago.
😀 Respect from the south of England💚🐕🎸🎵
10 years ago for me and I am just now getting myself back
Oof
Same here!
For me it was 8 years ago (yeah I can't believe it either.... 😕😕)
Time flies when you're learning how to actually live life in this darn body..
Omg, same. I am scared like, when is this burnout going to be over?
I'm starting to understand that I getting burned out. Great video.
When I get days off, I feel agitated, guilty and accused.
youre not alone
You are so not alone. I’m gonna call off tomorrow and i already feel so guilty about it.
Same here
This video is everything 💕💕
the more I watch ur vids the more evident it is that you know me better then I did, or at least you've been a great map to connect the dots from things in the past. this is the first time I heard of burnout....but totally makes sense and always thought I was just lazy believing and accepting it even though there was no reason to be tired (had plenty rest, ate,exercised etc) thanks for all ur vids man, I'm seeing myself in a better way, I've never been a negative thoughts type of person which is I guess a great combo for burnout, but not for what others think about me, interesting what results from this....made it seem like I just had a bad case of the fuckkits and didn't give a shiz about others (which is total opposite i feel like I can feel what others are feeling str8 up can read someone well and adjust in real time to whats needed(like talking to dif age groups for example and striking up a great convo) and didn't think twice about said bad thoughts and let good ones spread like wildfire, rantedhard but seriously thx bro
I'm a psychologist and i experienced burnout during my work. I did well during PhD where i was able to flexibly manage time. When i did office based work it was too draining. By 6m mark i was in a ball physically shaking . That started my journey to diagnosis of hypermobile ehlers danlos syndrome and now autism. Hoping to do more self directed work such as training and advocacy. Your channel is one of my favorites
My parents hid my autism from me until my early 20s this video was very helpful.
Thank you - I’m 49 and self identify as having ASD. While not having been formally diagnosed a lot of what I’ve heard through your videos have given me perspective over my life. I give thanks to our Heavenly Father who sustains me through all things, including burnouts.
I cannot thank you enough for your videos. I self diagnosed as an Aspie at 51. Needless to say, it was a revelation. When I have reached my limit, I tell my boyfriend that I am shutting down my system to install an update. Thankfully, he is patient and loving with me. When you said that watching TV is tiring, I knew exactly what you meant!! I threw my TV away because it stresses me out. That really puzzled my boyfriend.
I can relate to working in bursts. I have struggled with household tasks all my life. I couldn't implement any type of daily routine in relation to this, as I find routines tedious. Therefore the chores build up instead of getting some done each day. Going to work is as much as I can manage in a day. I'm either conserving my energy for work later on or zoning out when I come from work, with the household chores building up in the meantime.
ive recently been diagnosed (32 female) and this brings me so much clarity on my previous work experiences and why i had to leave my previous job due to my work ethic being taken advantage of
Boy, do I relate to the the “intense bursts of energy and productivity “ , wearing myself out (i have been told I do in a day what others do in a week) but interestingly, if things are going well, it’s less likely that I truly burnout. Im just constantly exhausted, but when I hit an obstacle that I cant overcome, that is what sends me crashing! Or any stress/trauma, it now requires a “vacation” period , getting older. I simply cannot function after, I need to be on a break and zoning tf out.
The sad thing is allllllllll things I am learning to be an autistic trait, I just thought it was a Jessica thing ☹️there are so many of these! Who even am I ?
More I understand more I love myself. Channel like yours are saying lives. Now is time to express ourselves. So many violence we have faced. No more.
i get burnout everyday doing 6 mile run to lift my sadness and the effects from adhd. i am just under the spectrum! i do sleep well only too repeat what i done the day before meditate to recharge my energys adhd/add angelic music any soft music which i love on spotify helps me recharge its things that i need to do to keep me a i cheal with my overwhelming feelings i also eat one time a day but it goes on for more then an hour a day. i also take vits and i did try cbd oll. which helps with sleep. regulates serotonin only sometimes.
I wish cbd wasn't so astronomically expensive in sweden.
Wow, insight! Doing puzzles and stimulating games to "relax" are using up brainpower, not recharging! And yet so many of my downtime activities are different ways of using my brain.
I think I am burnt out in many respects, I have heard the term boom-busting used.
I have been physically and cognitively very poorly for nearly 20 years after 2 very nasty viruses I got one after the other and seen tons of specialists and all they can do is treat the symptoms like my severe chronic pain.
In 2009 I was given a diagnosis of CFS because everything else has been ruled out.
I can't think very well and organising thoughts into sentences is very hard.
I only got diagnosed as Aspergers only 5 years ago, at the age of 50, after seeing various mental health professionals about my depression and anxiety. It was a big surprise to me but it now explains a lot .
I've only realised recently that I have some forms of subconscious anxiety and have stopped watching the news and current affairs for my own good. I've not watched the news for the last 2 years have some idea of what's going on and what I need to know from my wife of 27 years.
South of England, kinda near Stonehenge
💚🐕🎸🎵
I stopped watching the news a couple of years ago i just couldn't bare watching it anymore
I never could handle the news. It is very rare for me to do so. I have found it easier to scroll through headlines, on occasion.
I've got a diagnosis of CFS, too. It's been for the past 20years. I take vitamins and supplements
One problem for me: how do I explain this to the managers at my retail job?
That's always the problem with on-the-clock jobs.When your ideal working mode is short-sprint-then-rest, everyone expects you to always do the sprinting; because the standard for on-the-clock work is a slow paced jogging, so that you look busy the whole time despite not accomplishing more. Because of this, everyone thinks the speed of working when you do the short sprint is something that's sustainable jogging for you.
GeFlixes we’re really not suited to the 9 to 5 employment model. I’ve decided I can’t go back to it and I’m looking at self employment options.
You need to get out of retail. Retail is not for aspies, neither is customer service.
One problem for me: how do I explain this to the managers at my customer service restaurant job at a pizza place?
@@marmadukescarlet7791 let me know if you find any self employment options that actually work.
I can't do 9 to 5 jobs but I also can't actually think of anything to actually do for myself.
You can't make energy or loose energy, it can only flow from one state to another, energy can only flow though your body if your muscles are relaxed, so do someting relaxing like a walk or tai chi.
For me Nature and waterfalls are really good for recharging 😊
Wow, sooo accurate! Thank you thank you💚⭐️🙏🏽
Getting out into the countryside on my cycle and exploring the bridle paths and rights of way etc away from people and cars. This is what does it for me.
To recharge: power naps, forest bathing, sun bathing, being around or in large bodies of water, social isolation, music, animals..
OMG was thinking 'being a sprinter instead of a marathon runner' before you said it. :D Very recognizable. And also: what gives energy? I find it hard to know in advance what will do me good. The only rule I have that really works all time is: when everything else fails, take a nap. Sometimes I need days of taking naps constantly and be free from all obligations. I also use the Salami technique when I'm really burned out. The theory is that you can not eat a whole salami at onze, you would get sick, you need it in small slices. So what I do is I set a timer for 15 minutes in which I'm allowed to do what ever I want or need to do in the house. And then I set the timer for 15 minutes doing absolutely nothing, just laying on the coach, letting my thoughts go where they want. Ik keep doing this, mostly it takes one morning, untill my normal energy is returned. Most of the time I have a lot of houshold work done then, wich is very satisfying AND I'm well rested. I call this the Salami Technique Extreme. But I still sprint when I'm working. And I think I'm like an overstretched elestic band, I burned up so often that I don't fully recover anymore.
I would be interested to hear more ideas regarding how to recharge ... good video, thanks
As a musician who runs his own band (which is an entirely separate ball of nightmares lol), the constant, looming threat of burnout is terrifying, and is itself often times a major source of stress and anxiety.
For me, I often go long stretches where I'm unable to focus on writing, practicing, and playing (usually ~5-14 days, sometimes months). When I finally do have the energy/focus to sit down and write, I can work well into the night/next day. Not only because I'm able to focus(/hyperfixate) on it; but because the constant threat of maybe being unable to rekindle the spark of creativity for another long stretch keeps me working.
I understand this to be as wildly unhealthy as it is; but honestly, it's the only way I know how to work. It's probably the reason I flunked out of music school 😂 (I've only recently been diagnosed on the spectrum. I'm 22; but failed out my freshman year). If there's any way to sort of, I guess, "control" this or find activities that allow me to recharge, I'd love to know them. Walking around my parents' property helps greatly; but I'm often too burnt out to do even that.
I've only just found your channel today; I've already learned a lot and greatly appreciate your insight on subjects I struggle with. I'm excited to keep searching your channel and seeing what else I can learn from you. Stay safe & be blessed, man!
I have support workers three times a week. My number one recharge activity is to go for a walk and talk with them (weather permitting). Failing that hanging out with my best bud for a day gives me energy for weeks!
I'm afraid of taking longer breaks, because it's harder to go back to work due to the social anxiety.
For me it gets to the point where even lifting my eye sight to make eye contact is physically straining and uncomfortable.
Good video 👌. This discribes me. I don't have any diagnosis. I will be rewatching
For me it feels, like I'm getting an epileptical attack. Cannot thinking, physical exhausted, noise and lights and everything is totally overwhelming. I have to lay down in a dark room with earplugs. Unable to do anything.
The question "What the hell can give me energy?" is the question of my life 😭.
Reading, go for walks in lonely areas without traffic or people.... That's it. I need more options.
I'm so glad I found this channel and this community.
I had a major burnout after a few years of juggling full time work and young kids. My brain and body started shutting down due to the long term demands and stress. The brain fog, memory issues and anxiety were so bad I could hardly read or retain information. And I got sick all the time and could not exercise without feeling extreme fatigue. Plus I would fall asleep while trying to work at mid-day, everyday and sometimes I’d sleep 4 hours in the middle of the day and then as usual at night. Before that I could never, ever sleep while the sun was up even in primary school!
After 6 years of struggling and spending the majority of my efforts on my kids & family and trying to work as much as I could, I am just finding a better balance, listening to my body, doing less, saying no more often and asking for help.
My brain is back, I can exercise, rarely unwell and not nearly as exhausted as often. I’m so much more productive and resilient now.
I do daily meditation - Emily Fletcher’s the M word and when I’m exhausted, overwhelmed, etc. yoga nidra as a power nap or a walk in nature tends to relax and recharge me. And I’m also scheduling me time on the weekend to recharge.
I think because I take everything in and have a hard time filtering out what I don’t need while going in a milllon and one directions, it takes me so much more time and effort to get things done in comparison to neurotypicals. I wish I could filter 😰 and be more efficient but not if it compromised my imagination, systems thinking or
attention to detail.
Im doing a masters and am burned out all the time and I cant have a day off. I have started telling everybody off, I think because I am burned out. I hate myself for it. Things aren't going very well.
I find that a very quiet time each day, for me it is early morning, before work begins, I meditate on pacing. I think of a steady, healthy pace, envisioning it, and then triage my "to do list" to fit that pace. If there is too much on the list, I start with 'living things first" i.e., my self care/higeine, family, pets, plants/garden. Then after that I do what must be done by today, and anything else, gets put onto the "later list" for tomorrow or whenever. Meditating on taking a peaceful pace helps me prevent burnout, or having others push me harder than is healthy. I can look at them and say, "I will do only what today demands". Also, I make room for surprises, and prepare my mind for unplanned interruptions so mentally, if it happens, I don't panic or stress, I just accept it and roll with it. With mental preparation each day, I ride the day, it does not ride me.
I can definitely relate to this, especially the part about working in bursts. This tends to cause a lot of anxiety for me, because I'm a programmer who has daily check-ins, and I get anxious as hell if I don't have much progress to report for the day, even if I will still get my tasks done on time in the long run.
In my case I have found that it's not always rest I need, but just a change of pace. This usually takes the form of letting myself spend more time on my hobbies. Sometimes I just wanna relax and solder something. :)
What's helped me the most with burn out, fatigue, energy, resilience, etc. has been diet. Once I started the carnivore diet and eating organ meats, etc. it changed everything. Our bodies are much more sensitive than everyone else's; eating clean and healthy is vital for people on the spectrum.
Yes. I agree with everything you said in this video 🙂