@@frankstared On top of my trauma I am healing from being wounded again by a therapist. I like what you wrote. Could you tell more what you think by that?☮
@@annajaworska3627 yeah, I think therapists can only do some help, but each of us does the majority, we have to, no-one can do our honest work for us. Face whatever is true and perhaps it will help you go forward. As Daniel says, gentle.
For me, I regret getting stuck in recovery for too long (e.g. self-pity). I got over-hypnotized to my diagnoses and victimization. My brain became wired to see how I was a victimized without elevating my wiring for seeing how I was empowered. I wish recovery was 1) recognizing what happened and what patterns it set, untying some of those patterns 2) grieving and expressing your story and emotions 3) moving on to assertiveness training and skills for future goal achievement. I wish recovery was more outside the box and included singing, dancing, acting and learning public speaking and debate. Step 3 doesn't exist, I want to tell the recovery world: Yes I see my wounds and I'm trying to heal them but also arm me a 1000 weapons to fight this battle, I can be strong.
Absolutely. I think that the "therapeutic" industry wants to keep us in the victim mentality and not to empower us so that we get hooked on the "therapy" as opposed to us self healing.
My exact point! Dance, music, art and body movements helped me tremendously in my healing journey. Although I did it intuitively, looking for other techniques and learning opportunities and slow talk therapy made me feel self-pity, not empowered. But everyone’s situation is different, I get and partially agree with all he says.
20 years into my own healing journey, and I couldn’t agree more with what you say there are no quick fixes for a lifetime and many lifetimes before me of transgenerational trauma
I think a reason why I've wanted to speed up the healing process of myself is because I don't want it to negatively impact opportunities I can't reverse and leave more lasting negative consequences on my life. Sometimes responsibilities can't wait for me to be mentally stronger or healthy. because I was depressed or not fully mature in a crucial time in my life I wasn't able to do my best at something or handle a situation properly. I would love to take as long as I need to grow and heal and become a better person, but will the events, people, conditions, and situations of life wait for me? Sometimes but not always. Trying to find that balance of doing what I can to heal well enough to enjoy and take advantage of my life in the moment while choosing what struggles of mine are worth taking the emotional, mental, and time tax of diving into deeper healing and reflection is a challenge I try to compromise on.
Sometimes I feel like this all is just nonsense and I'm never gonna figure it out but then I look around at those who don't pursue healing and remember that we kinda don't have a choice lol. It's like our options are trauma or making every attempt imaginable to heal it.
Daniel, spot on again! I have learned to be my own parent, coach, therapist through self learning and yes, going at my own organic pace of working through traumas, pain and suffering - past and present. I would say that listening to and uplifting what ones body and spirit needs, then do we start to become our authentic, whole healthy selves again. This could be engaging in activities that bring us and others joy, relief, lightness or just aligned with the Way/ universe. Activities like journaling, singing, dancing, making art, cooking, sitting quietly at the park, walking in the beach, foraging through the woods, etc. Being in nature is essential to my well being. So is making art and laughing with friends. I have tried some of those trendy therapy approaches, and same- quickly learned how there are very few compassionate or truly aware practitioners. And it's not about any technique or drug to be the quick fix for our problems- what we truly need to evolve as healthy humans depends on the quality of our relationships with ourselves and others. Connecting to our authentic selves and other authentic selves.
"-writing a lot about my history" - This is one of the lines among many you've given that just instantly makes my body jerk in reaction. Immediately I remember how much EVERYONE, EVERYWHERE in my life wanted me to NOT do that, and dissuaded me from doing that, and told me in so many ways that it made me wrong. I know it was wrong of people to manipulate me in that way. But as always, it's so interesting that it comes from the people you think are "healthy" and "normal", too.
The concept of "speeding" something up; which is nowadays highly used in the commercial world, "be productive" etc. is something which does not apply very well into the psychological world. Actually, there are a lot of ideas people transport over from commercial thinking, which are rather counterproductive when used with ones inner world. I often wonder how useful the word "healing" in this context is. Because usually people tend to connect something with the word "healing" - like "I am sick" or "I am broken", or there is something inside me that needs fixing. Sometimes I do not think that helps the cause at all. Because how would you know if you are healed? Its not that easy to quantify, I would argue its kind of impossible even. Depending on how much time you spend on self reflection and knowing yourself. But when we talk about our bodies, we are used to the fact that something can be "healed" again. And I also sometimes see people using there own "brokenness" for food for their own victim mentality. Which is a downward spiral. I know this may sound pedantic, but its just something I often think about, and how it affects people who try to "heal". Whats your opinion on this Daniel? You said living a healthy life may help; I think what I like to add is the "why": in my opinion because it forces you in some ways to work with yourself, to not run away form your pain. And to not drown your pain in the next substance that comes along. So, fully agree on this one. Psychedlics; I actually think they can be interesting, but not in working with trauma. I think they can be a gateway to know your mind better, there can be ways to find interesting places in your mind. But I would not recommend it with trauma. To use your plant analogy: Psychedelics are a way to get to know yourself really fast, but as with plants who get too much too fast of something; they can grow very fast very high, but do not develop the right leaf size or do not develop naturally and the way they should, and in the long run, it actually hurts them a great deal. I know from experience that people with trauma are sometimes drawn to psychedelics for various reasons, but I have never met someone who is traumatised and has the skills to work with what comes up in a psychedelic session. Because the time you think you "save" with psychedelics, is not really saved, because it should go into the reflective period after the trip. Which usually does not happen. So, to make it short, there are use cases for psychedelics, but i would not recommand it for trauma work.(at least not beginners) Thank you for your great video :-)
You can't rush anything worth having. Life is a process of growth anyway., hopefully. You've gotta do what feels right for you and be gentle with yourself. We are all unique individuals, but whatever you choose to do, corny, but "I hope you dance." I hope we all do! Thank you, Daniel, you're a gem.✨I appreciate you. Much love to all of you on your journey's 😊❤
It makes sense to want it to be over with of course. But I can't help but see the parallel in all walks of life how low effort, impatience and pain-aversion leads to low quality outcomes. None of that is to say we should have to embrace more pain than is necessary but it seems to me that the fundamental attitude of aversion hampers or even halts progress. Conversely, an attitude of willingness stands out to me time and time again as the common denominator of the self-made. Edit: When I was 20, I actually did do LSD in an attempt to accelerate my healing process and let me tell you this. It was at once the biggest eye-opening experience I've had in terms of self-knowledge, because apparently there was a large reservoir of horror within. I have gained some perspective on this years later but that was all from my own effort. It was so emotionally overwhelming that it wasn't comprehensible at the time and it subsequently retraumatised me in the process. It took months if not years to let go of the strong desire to make sense of what happened that night, I felt that such an emotionally significant experience warranted a serious interpretation. It had religious overtones and such. And I did steal away with some insights but it cost me my regular functioning for a long time. I definitely cannot recommend this route to anyone as it's apparent that one can never tell in advance what the outcome will be. With a few more wrenches thrown into the works I could've easily lost my life. It's a high stakes game.
I think there’s a difference between all the things you talked about at the beginning, that are highly self-loving in the first place, and not knowing how important it is to prioritise one’s mental and physical health above all else or being terrified to in fear of losing friends, family, jobs, etc. You’re blessed to have a rebellious nature. Wish I had found you sooner but would I have listened or at the same depth as I am now. I’m stubborn like that.
I did trauma therapy and EMDR with a therapist, then he gave me his number and said he sees me as a friend...we ended up sleeping together and then he abandoned me. So messed up..I know my part in it, and I'm so angry with myself. Struggling to trust myself even more now🙈what a mess I made of my healing journey 😭
What do you mean you know your part in it? What that guy did was unforgivable and you should report him if he is licensed. Sleeping with a client is absolutely unconscionable. Particularly if they abandon you! Clients are vulnerable. You don't exploit that. Period! You didn't make the mess of your healing journey, he did! He traumatized you and I'm so sorry. You shouldn't be angry with yourself you should be angry with him!
No mistakes only lessons. Some tougher then others. You’re part was only allowing a health professional to abuse their position. You were weren’t wrong for trusting. You just trusted in wrong person. All humans do this. It happens. See him as a tough but valuable lesson. You were vulnerable with a person you were supposed to trust. He broke it. I’m guessing he’s done it before and will again. Don’t let him take up more of your life energy then he or the lesson deserves. You are enough. Always were. Always will be. We’re here to whole not perfect. Most adult women are very whole. 😉😊😘 PS: I’m not making light. Write out how you feel on paper few times a week (or more) at night is good. Don’t stop to analyze, fix or even read. Just express like to a dog you love who’s just lays there and listens. Then tear into tiny pcs w/o reading and toss. See how you feel. Put on some nice music and breathe. Listen to a bedtime story for grown ups by Stephen Dalton (trust me.) And tell yourself I’m OK and respect and love me no matter what. Hope any of this helps. Best. ✌️
@@juliettailor1616 💯 A painful lesson. Abused his profession and position at min and maybe serial predator at worst. Maybe not the first or last time. Charm + trust + defenses down = easy target. Like grooming kids. She needs to report him but at least yes get angry and move thru it w/o self blame.
I think wanting to end the compensatory behaviors that are the result of your trauma as soon as possible makes sense and that’s okay to desire but I also understand healing at it’s core cannot be rushed. It comes when it comes. Severely limiting a lot of these compensatory behaviors has been amazing and I’ve used ayahuasca personally to help in conjunction with therapy. My therapists were not great to be honest and the ayahuasca helped me step away from those people. 99 percent of “the work” has to be done by you. Ayahuasca can be a great tool to kind of show you what’s possible for a small glimpse but it’s not for everyone and certainly not a quick fix. But I agree it can be like 10 years of therapy only bc most therapy as it’s currently practiced is terrible and won’t turn you inward like ayahuasca has the potential to do. Most therapy is about helping you fit in not get to really know yourself.
Exactly. I know if I "heal" I'm not gonna be a levitating God who never fails at anything, but I at least want to not be afraid of rejection, you know?
for those who want an ayahuasca experience without taking it, a good / holistic massage therapist may be helpful. ive had similar experiences (glimpses) getting my body worked on. took a few sessions but every once in a while things would hit me.
I think your sentence "Most therapy is about helping you fit in not get to really know yourself." is really true. Most therapists or coaches or whatever you want to use, are highly focused on making you fit into the system again. Making you fit in again no matter what. The most important thing for them often is that you go work again and live life as little worker bee. And living life as a worker bee is more often than not, exactly why they are in therapy. Its a crude circle.
@@oliver_leimer love your comments. so many therapists, life coaches, etc have an underpinning of 'i know what's best for you' or 'i need to do something important with my life or I'm not valuable' hence why they spend so much time, money, effort, and training to get there. I had trouble putting it into words but I always had bad vibes from most of those people. separating myself from external roles and a need to be productive or important is where im convinced wholeness is found.
Binging on your videos ❤ blessing. They’ll always be here even when your physical self isn’t. Thank you for helping us heal and change our lives for the better. Bless you Daniel! 😊
Thanks for this viewpoint, it really resonates with me. Having lived with my mental illness for so long, the urge to heal has been incredibly strong. I would say there's a lot of desperation. I've realized, though, that my impatience actually adds to my misery. For therapists, wielding a "magic" tool can be a powerful force for manipulation, which could be detrimental for the client. I think your insight is dead on. Thanks again for sparking my thoughts.
Huge thanks for that you share your journey and your inner wisdom with us. I'm what others would deem pretty young and somehow a big part of "others" thinks that you cannot have as much problems as them (or even no 'real' problems at all) if you are the younger one. From late 2020 to the end of 2022 I've waded through a lot of sh*t: depression, social anxiety, sleep disturbances and associated anxiety, severe suicidal pressure ... I just wanna tell you - the community - that TIME IS PROBABLY THE RESOURCE YOU NEED MOST (and I feel privileged that I hadn't the existential/financial pressure to function during that period) ... however: If you have the "I have to function like I did before" in your head constantly (and if you are a bit of a perfectionist), it can be enough pressure to hinder your healing progress (or get things even worse). Sometimes you can only heal if you don't longer try to enforce it. (It can be the same with sleep disturbances: As long as I tried everything to get my old, sound sleep back, I actually nourished chronic insomnia. I started recovering when I clung on the thought "It's OK to not sleep, you don't have to" and when I started to write and found my sense in it so I could stand up - whether I slept or not - and say to myself "It's OK, you follow you path at daytime so the bad nights don't have to matter for anything".)
I am so grateful that I ran into your channel today. I’ve followed a similar path, became a psych counselor as my first career in the military and out, telling myself that it was of my own volition until I was forced to face the truth of my programming from childhood. It’s been several years, and while I know I moved mountains as a healer, I’m a few years into my own path. Learning the fragments of self, rewriting definitions, and updating my personal narrative. Your videos have tied together many of the abstract thoughts and feelings that I struggle to define, and brought some real validity into knowing that the path that I choose to walk is truly my own. And getting back to cultivating me, that’s a beautiful thing. Again, thank you. Thank you for sharing your insight.
The reestablishment of boundaries. The restoration of the structures needed to process the trauma, within the context of the healing filters. I think, is what you're saying. Slow cooker, rather than pressure cooker.
If you go too fast it's like those Pink Floyd lyrics: "And if the dam breaks open many years too soon And if there is no room upon the hill And if your head explodes with dark forebodings too I'll see you on the dark side of the moon"
In my experience, the healing journey is like many other things in that there are no shortcuts… and trying to take a shortcut actually sets one back… easy come, easy go…. it’s better to focus on the quality of healing, depth and wholly integrating rather than speed
Such a calming and clarifying perspective! Thank you! During the past couple years, I’ve been confronted by a lot of issues from my upbringing and relationships. It’s been the most grueling experience of my entire life. I made the situation worse for myself by trying to push myself to grow and heal, but it wasn’t possible to achieve much while I was still in the traumatic circumstances! I wish I’d allowed myself to just cope and slowly learn and observe. I’m finally in a more stable situation, and now I actually have energy to push myself a little and learn a little deeper. That rushed mentality was so harmful to me. But that’s all over the place when you try to learn about mental health. Speed sells in pop-psych and self-help - everyone’s got an overnight solution and an easy fix. Everyone’s in a rush. Slow down! That’s my new message to myself :) 🐢🌴
This is fantastic. I agree 100%, about both the "quick fix," and many of the therapists (and don't even get me started on "gurus"!!) who believe in them. Great video!!
Daniel, I'm so glad I found you online! Your insights have been extremely helpful in my journey healing my childhood trauma which I started three years ago. With so much information out there and the many varying paths to healing, your voice on busting through much of the noise has been extremely welcomed! When I started three years ago, the idea that I would still be learning, discovering and grieving would have scared me to death! Actually, I don't think I would have started, frankly. I have to share: A few weeks ago, my mind felt blank which was new for me. I thought to myself, "Am I dissociating"? Then I actually looked up, "peaceful mind" and had a HOLY SHIT moment. I've never experienced it before and didn't know what it felt like... So....yes, just that. :) I may not agree with absolutely every way you approach your healing journey but your voice of clarity in me exploring different modalities and discerning what aspects I might find useful to incorporate a breath of fresh air!
I'm glad you brought up psychedelics, they can offer healing, but also, some caution should be applied as well. It depends on what one is ready for. Psychedelic use opens up another world/reality as well. For some people with more existential depression it can really help - it has helped me personally. Although now I feel a bit alien to this world.. as I've literally found God and the ultimate reality, Christ consciousness, and just talking like this will make people think I'm weird.. In any case, psychedelics are not just "drugs". They are a portal to other realities and finding out the Truth about who you are and why you are here - if you are open to it. But like I said it comes with some unpleasant aspects before one can find true and lasting peace. Stay open, you are eternally Loved and always evolving to your next highest potential :)
"Not being able to function in the society cz you have too much emotions, rage, and sadness inside you." You are the most relatable person in the world for me daniel mackler . I watch your videos and sometimes i just listen to them, and it makes me calm , makes my mind clear .❤ Thank you for your existence.
Thank you for this video, Daniel! I find that in the valley of waking up to our traumas, the journey out of it is slow, arduous, long and often painful. Need good gear, directions and provisions. I appreciate your knowledgeable guidance - makes for a less perilous and more meaningful trek towards self-healing and truly knowing ourselves.
Speeding up the process is it's own trauma. I did so and became mad, and had to recover for years. Weakened parts in me which should be strong, and had to heal vast amounts of pain in suffering condensed into a short amount of time. But, now at least I'm almost ready to star making enough money to heal at a healthy rate.
Did you try to do this "turbo-healing" from a place of safety and security? Would be interesting to see if someone could do such a thing given they had the environment to hold them. That's one thing I think daniel may be overlooking.
@@pod9363 Out of desperation rather, to heal to a point of being capable of producing an income to allow me to afford access to a healthier environment. I would have not gone nearly so mad with my own cabin in the woods and utility, insurance, and grocery money. I did so while living with my family and breaking my mind and putting it back together multiple times.
@@pod9363 It was definitely not the best method. I actually wouldn't have managed without family, so I do forgive them for everything and owe them some besides.
Thank you for your videos. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for reflecting those things that my intuition tells me, but that sometimes I'm unable to put into words. Thank you, Daniel!
Commenting on the content of your video, sometimes it sounds like people just want to "accelerate the healing process" to reintegrate into the same system that caused them the trauma in the first place. It sounds as if they view themselves as the defective ones. I believe that the realization that one doesn't fit in these systems can be quite painful, as it leads to a separation from the family system. And sometimes I wonder, once one heals, is a measurement of healing the individual's capacity to reintegrate into the dissociated world? Am I looking at this through the wrong perspective?
Daniels TALKS are turning out to be the best form of THERAPY I have ever found ! .......... Leaves you with no more Questions !!! * REAL Human SHARING his experiences & knowledge GOOD WORK ! Must be rewarding now !
Yes, good stuff, totally agree! Although I'm personally not a fan of journalling exactly...but I do help clients explore those past traumas and help them deal with them! The problem with speeding things up, is that the problems will leak back in, if we don't fully embed the changes and the new neural pathways... Inspiring video, thanks
I did an Est-type group course in the UK - with a self-proclaimed “Healer” from Boston during a weekend course on “sexual healing”, about 20 years ago. Extremely traumatic for me, extremely. I could not process any of it but was just left in an extremely distressed state at the end (and no follow up obviously). I actually wrote to him and politely criticised him and got a very angry email back! Some of these group courses and dynamics can be very dangerous - releasing energies they cannot control. Luckily, I think perhaps they are less popular now - and long may it remain so.
Hi Mr. Mackler, not bashing you, but you work on yourself for decades, you even got a degree in this field, I work on myself for years too out of similar reasons like you. The problem is, that life passes by, I get older, the chance of having a family on my own which has a healthy, normal father and husband in myself slips away. There is no end in sight. I still get triggered, I see it, but the fight or flight mechanism kicks in faster than I can be aware of what is going on. Not to be mean, but you are older now, I am too. I can see the process and the progress in you and me, I have been following you for years. Are we destined to a life of solitude? Can trauma be so deep that a lifetime is not enough to heal it?
I heard and agree that all trauma is relational and all healing is relational. If you can find a supportive, loving life partner, it can be a great crucible for growth and change. However, finding that person might not be easy and perhaps is a lottery.
I changed my whole lifestyle because the universe required it. I was really scarred from 20+ years of family addiction. I with God co-founded my own business and joined a community of women of color putting their healing first. You will find healing if you make it a priority.
Kind of related.. As a musician, i'm curious if you've heard Hi Ren by musician Ren? The end of the song is so on point, everyone needs to hear it/be reminded. 😊#gentle
I think the biggest benefit of psychedelics is that it FORCES you to confront your trauma and the issues you are going through, then gives you a way to healing. I haven't had any personal experiences with it, but from what I hear, it definitely is far from just fixing it by itself. It helps rewire your brain though, so I would imagine it gives your brain free space to re-tool and re-contextualize your past in a way that can lead to positive growth. It still requires to put in the effort and forces you to confront whatever you might be avoiding. That's also why psychedelics can be such a shock to people who aren't really ready to do that, and they are caught surprised by their effects. In the end its still you putting in the effort, but the psychedelics can be a great catalyst to making those changes and perhaps learning more about yourself quicker than otherwise might be possible.
Actually kinda makes sense cause how would we know at what rate we're capable of reintegration better than our unconscious? It's probably fine tuned to dole it out to us at a rate we (and our situation) can handle. Anything else risks overload and being sent back to square one. 🥶
as someone that feels the same way as the title says I can relate to this and Daniel has a very good point. The point of healing from trauma is usually transformation and that takes thought and time. if you had to choose between fast food and a home cooked meal and you choose the Big mac over the meal created from love then you won't understand the point of the pain your going through. You need to understand what makes the home cooked meal more impotent and what and why you should appreciate it. stuffing your face full of Mickey D's won't full fill the nourishment your soul and body needs as much as a loving mothers cooking and that kind of care takes time. fast food therapy is for the client that wants to medicate his problems away.
I did a lot of psychedelics for healing in the last 3 years, i have stopped now, as it was helping but also wasnt and i ended up having a few big issues with disassociation I came to appreciate the inner child in me needs softer slower, and more patience, than bang bang bang healing Its hard for me to slow down, but i think it makes complete sense, and this video was a timely reminder thank you Daniel, much love to you
Everything you say is so true. I'm going through things slowly, the first type of pain I felt was when my parents gave me the silent treatment for asking them to hear me when I appealed to them to stop labelling me emotional and paranoid. Their stonewalling and their discrediting of me and their smear campaigns were *so* painful but through that pain, I had hope that one day they'd hear me. Now the pain is different. More settled. I feel less physically ill but I need to start to deal with it all again, but without hope this time, with the understanding this time around that this is who they are and it won't change. Historically they labelled me emotional, sensitive and paranoid to avoid confronting the fact that they allow no visible emotional reaction to anything, and now in the present, it's more of the same actually, epiphany, they label me angry and smear me to avoid confronting that they cannot have a difficult conversation to resolve conflict. This is it. It won't change. It will always be my fault. I am starting again with my acceptance of this realisation.
I just recently saw videos, podcasts on the psychedelics. I was intrigued. I’ve been working on a specific 2 week period of pretty horrific trauma at age 12. I remember a lot but only fragments. I long for total remembering so the drugs caught my attention. Maybe if Basel Vanderkolk facilitated my experience I’d consider it. I really like him, he’s a psychiatrist. Organic works for me right now. Thank you for the video.
I recently read a comment on another channel, "I'm a trauma therapist and I drink wine every night to cope." It depressed me, that the ppl who are trying to help others heal, haven't even healed themselves. It's an injustice actually, towards the ppl trying to seek help.
Do you have a support system? I have been estranged from my family for 4 decades. I do not have a support system nor did I decide to have children which I regret but at the time I wanted to focus on my own self growth. Now I'm lonely and alone without any people. Anyway, there are risks to this type of path.
Having a family guarantees nothing. My support system is lacking, no kids, but I'm not sorry. It's an austere path (unless you have a good support system), and I think I have learned a very precious life. I don't have regrets. I just wish my sister didn't die young.
I recently saw a physics chart that showed several paths that drop a ball in 4 dif ways and proved that the slowest path, because of the low dip, created a force that ended up getting to the destination the fastest, faster than the shorter path. Perhaps our understanding of time is limited because we don’t understand the acceleration of moments and emotions. The clock and calendar put pressure on us to move at a certain pace but these are constructs that can often be limiting when we hurry ourselves up.
I got into more depression after coming out of the retreat...everything came out to the surface and at this moment in life I am not in a situation to handle everything at once.
Psychedelics, "mind revealers" from the etymology, have a potential problem of teaching you that "going hard" and fast is the only way, especially if that is done in the very beginning of the healing journey. Also, since you are revealed of so much so quickly it can create a sense of urgency. This makes sense that if you see so much of the wounds of your inner and maybe lost child, you'd want to do as much as you can to help him which could be to feel all of those ancient traumas as fast as possible. Especially true if you haven't learnt yet to respect yourself, your body and you emotional energy. Another thing that pushes me to "not slack off" is looking at where the world is heading, especially in regards to the climate and nature. Other than the healthy response of general anxiety, it adds a pressure of urgency to not be apathic. One manifestation is the feeling like there aren't that many more years to become healthier, stronger, wiser and overall "better" before things become much worse.
Interesting question, I've thought about this when I listen to all the talk about ayauasca lately. I think you have to ''clear the windscreen'' one bit at a time.
Thank you so much for what you share & how you share it, Daniel...just coming on here recently & really appreciating all the validations having CPTSD from numerous abuses growing up & as an adult as well! Blessings! For sure, God is my foundation & knowing Him thru Jesus Christ is mostly what has brought be thru b/c of His love & guidance to people who are well trained & also to resources & tools!!!
Great video Daniel. Very much agree with you. I think this obsession with blasting through healing is a symptom of our society wanting things as functional ASAP so they can go back to being a good little cog in the machine called Society. Our Society wants us functioning just enough to keep it going, but not doing too well in case we decide to dismantle/leave the machine entirely. We treat the human psyche like it is a car or some other mechanical device, just replace this part or fix that part with this method or tool. I see this a lot on TH-cam with a plethora of quick tip videos as sticky bandaids (eg: top 5 tips to fix anxiety, etc.) as supposed answers to the deep problems of lifelong anxiety, depression, CPTSD etc. Or as you mentioned in your video, using stuff like psychedelic drugs or EMDR. I've been through a number of therapists and a few life coaches, there is this constant onus on "We're gonna use this technique to completely and absolutely eliminate your trauma today!" - sure it helped a smidge, but we all have stuff that runs deep and will take time to dig up and root out, and again like you said, I don't think these people I saw had all their trauma sorted out either. I could see hints of it during my interactions with them. I'm sure there's excellent therapists out there, but they are rare and in all likelihood prohibitively expensive (for me at least), so I've come to the conclusion that I will need to take myself on this journey of healing and resolving. I accept it will be lifelong but that's okay, as long as I'm making progress I'm doing good.
Dear Daniel, I've got some suggestions for future vids: relatingto this one, could you REVIEW the past therapies like EST, for instance and others which offered instant solutions? Also it would be interesting to have your opinions on past "movements" like the so-called "anti-psychiatry" movements, and Laings approach to mental illness& schizophrenia? Also current approaches in psychotherapy, for instance psychoanalysis & the unconscious bearing in mind phenomenology, which could have vid of its own, doesn't apparently pay much attention to the unconscious, it is more socially geared. Also some interviews would be interesting, like with: Joanna Moncrieff, Mikkel Borch-Jacobsen, etc which would no doubt be of particular interest to you....
Problem is: life does not wait for our projects and dreams, time passes by for everybody alike: for the "lucky" ones who had a fairly healthy upbringing as well as for the "unfortunate" ones who could get to enjoy life to the fullest and lived extremely painfuk ruined life stages.
I agree. I also believe, through my own experience, that the healing process is a steady lifelong journey, with sudden spurts of growth and insights as each stage is processed and absorbed into your psyche. It can not be rushed. Also, I believe that healing can not be achieved with the abusers still in your life and especially if the abuse is still ongoing. Distance needs to be achieved in order to get a full view of the abuse from an outside perspective.
You loose so much of your life while feeling cut of from your true self because you have been traumatized in childhood. Making wrong decisions, feeling worthless, sad, desperate, lonely..feelings that hurt so much, that there are no words for the pain. Its sad that it takes so much time to heal. It seems that your life has been stolen.
I'm experimenting with working out on a daily basis to have noticeable muscle and size by summer. I have a hypothesis it could help with feeling more safe and secure as I work to build that island of safety.
So,,, what’s the point if it takes a lifetime to heal from trauma? Beautiful speech. BTW I have found that resisting the pain often prolongs the suffering. Just letting it overwhelm you and exist allows it to dissipate into nothing. I have lost everything. I live in a shipping container in the desert.
I don’t do well around other people. I tend to isolate. But intellectually I thrive. That’s what most of my jobs have been since I had to try to become independent.
Daniel, you are to psychotherapy what Mike Mew is to orthodontics and Bret Weinstein is to the scientific process. Thanks for keeping it real and helping us find the vocabulary to speed up and move faster.
Healing implies sickness or woundedness , rather we should be integrating and evolving which takes time and is a gradual process , because we need to see our limitations and the transitional adversities for what they are first depersonalize unlearn and relearn to create a new story and self
Oh shit. Do you think in a way, suffering is our unconscious trying to reintegrate with our conscious mind? It actually makes way more sense to think of trauma as disintegration rather than a wound that implies our mind is broken which its anything but.
I don't think people grasp what depersonilizing means or what it looks or feels like, but more tragically, those who advocate or even worse randomly take upon themselves to apply methods to destroy someone's sense of self, don't, so it could end up in the biggest criminal lawsuit ever seen and, really funnily, in the facilitation of said "therapist's" own healing. I think they'd have a real impactful shot to the heart after having spent some years in prison to think about it all.
@@pod9363 don't think there's an unconscious mind, in the first place, hence I said that drugs and fancy methods are not needed to subtract anything. What's needed is honesty and space to admit to it and then compassion to heal it. It's all there in our conscious awareness, but we refuse to see it. And yes, there's no need to define our experiences in ways that deny other's definitions, either. I like to think of it all as an imbalance, but it could feel like wounds to others. And others yet, are wearing their glasses, but searching for it everywhere. The quest for the holy grail, and the snake eating its own tail, comes to mind.
@@pod9363 yes yes and yes even insanity is our psyches way of trying to individuate from the collective madness by creating our own im not a expert just speaking empirically from my day to day experience an over time
@@darcyroyce I'm not sure if you were using humor but that was hilarious and true i also advocate for emotional and psychological crimes pre and existing to be used in trial cases , I also advocate for parenting licensed to have a child, as well mandatory childhood development psychological course and therapy for both parent and child. But since the self can never be destroy just fragmented , perhaps we have picked up parts that are not self and mistaken it for the self and that is what's needed to be burned away and yet when confronted with someone who can see it in us better than we , for we have grown willfully blind to it in our introspection illusions , meaning the notion of the ego death perhaps really should be applied here a false ego mistaken for the self-needing to be burned , or put away for another day like a antibody or gargoyle on a cathedral But we do need a real ego which has perhaps been suppressed in our attempts to avoid more pain or danger, for example not showing how smart you really or how beautiful, sensitive, virtuous or even simply kind knowing how predator's will try to either rob those traits or shame you for the parts of you that you love most So we hide it and collect acceptable pieces from everyone to make a persona mask aka false ego that over time might get mistaken for self So I agree
I think the sooner you heal the better. That seems inherently obvious to me. And psychedelic therapy can help with that. It doesnt make it any easier but does give you the access and the opportunity.
IT SEEMS THAT OUR PARENTS AND ALSO GOD PREDESTINED US FOR AN EXISTENCE OF EXQUISITE PAIN, as the facts show, for the sake of forcing us to like it, somehow... and I say forced because we werent and arent even able, as limited creatures, to so nothing against it, not as children, not as pshysically stronger adults.
@@pod9363 No, it isn't. If you know how the psychotherpay process works, it takes longer than you want, and if you shortcut it, you achieve nothing but wasting you and your therapist's time.
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We really do appreciate what you do. Without creators like you I'd be in a much worse place. Now I've got a chance.
You always had more than a chance.
@@frankstared On top of my trauma I am healing from being wounded again by a therapist. I like what you wrote. Could you tell more what you think by that?☮
@@frankstared I hope you're right 😶
@@annajaworska3627 yeah, I think therapists can only do some help, but each of us does the majority, we have to, no-one can do our honest work for us. Face whatever is true and perhaps it will help you go forward. As Daniel says, gentle.
These videos are really interesting and helpful
For me, I regret getting stuck in recovery for too long (e.g. self-pity). I got over-hypnotized to my diagnoses and victimization. My brain became wired to see how I was a victimized without elevating my wiring for seeing how I was empowered. I wish recovery was 1) recognizing what happened and what patterns it set, untying some of those patterns 2) grieving and expressing your story and emotions 3) moving on to assertiveness training and skills for future goal achievement. I wish recovery was more outside the box and included singing, dancing, acting and learning public speaking and debate. Step 3 doesn't exist, I want to tell the recovery world: Yes I see my wounds and I'm trying to heal them but also arm me a 1000 weapons to fight this battle, I can be strong.
Absolutely. I think that the "therapeutic" industry wants to keep us in the victim mentality and not to empower us so that we get hooked on the "therapy" as opposed to us self healing.
What is healing anyhow? When you can talk freely about the past? When nothing stops you moving forward? What is it? It's a very open ended thing
Yes! Dancing.
@@angelcity007 I second that, yes dancing ! Shake it up and shake it out, it's great for the brain.
My exact point! Dance, music, art and body movements helped me tremendously in my healing journey. Although I did it intuitively, looking for other techniques and learning opportunities and slow talk therapy made me feel self-pity, not empowered. But everyone’s situation is different, I get and partially agree with all he says.
20 years into my own healing journey, and I couldn’t agree more with what you say there are no quick fixes for a lifetime and many lifetimes before me of transgenerational trauma
I think a reason why I've wanted to speed up the healing process of myself is because I don't want it to negatively impact opportunities I can't reverse and leave more lasting negative consequences on my life. Sometimes responsibilities can't wait for me to be mentally stronger or healthy. because I was depressed or not fully mature in a crucial time in my life I wasn't able to do my best at something or handle a situation properly. I would love to take as long as I need to grow and heal and become a better person, but will the events, people, conditions, and situations of life wait for me? Sometimes but not always. Trying to find that balance of doing what I can to heal well enough to enjoy and take advantage of my life in the moment while choosing what struggles of mine are worth taking the emotional, mental, and time tax of diving into deeper healing and reflection is a challenge I try to compromise on.
Its a real hurry up and wait game isn't it?
I definitely relate to this
This channel is so special and it’s actually more beneficial than talking about personal problems to others.. thanks
25 to 30 years engaged in the healing path. I'm only like 4-5 years deep and it feels like just getting started, yet so transformational
Sometimes I feel like this all is just nonsense and I'm never gonna figure it out but then I look around at those who don't pursue healing and remember that we kinda don't have a choice lol. It's like our options are trauma or making every attempt imaginable to heal it.
Daniel, spot on again! I have learned to be my own parent, coach, therapist through self learning and yes, going at my own organic pace of working through traumas, pain and suffering - past and present. I would say that listening to and uplifting what ones body and spirit needs, then do we start to become our authentic, whole healthy selves again. This could be engaging in activities that bring us and others joy, relief, lightness or just aligned with the Way/ universe. Activities like journaling, singing, dancing, making art, cooking, sitting quietly at the park, walking in the beach, foraging through the woods, etc. Being in nature is essential to my well being. So is making art and laughing with friends.
I have tried some of those trendy therapy approaches, and same- quickly learned how there are very few compassionate or truly aware practitioners. And it's not about any technique or drug to be the quick fix for our problems- what we truly need to evolve as healthy humans depends on the quality of our relationships with ourselves and others. Connecting to our authentic selves and other authentic selves.
"-writing a lot about my history" - This is one of the lines among many you've given that just instantly makes my body jerk in reaction. Immediately I remember how much EVERYONE, EVERYWHERE in my life wanted me to NOT do that, and dissuaded me from doing that, and told me in so many ways that it made me wrong. I know it was wrong of people to manipulate me in that way. But as always, it's so interesting that it comes from the people you think are "healthy" and "normal", too.
The concept of "speeding" something up; which is nowadays highly used in the commercial world, "be productive" etc. is something which does not apply very well into the psychological world. Actually, there are a lot of ideas people transport over from commercial thinking, which are rather counterproductive when used with ones inner world.
I often wonder how useful the word "healing" in this context is. Because usually people tend to connect something with the word "healing" - like "I am sick" or "I am broken", or there is something inside me that needs fixing. Sometimes I do not think that helps the cause at all. Because how would you know if you are healed? Its not that easy to quantify, I would argue its kind of impossible even. Depending on how much time you spend on self reflection and knowing yourself. But when we talk about our bodies, we are used to the fact that something can be "healed" again. And I also sometimes see people using there own "brokenness" for food for their own victim mentality. Which is a downward spiral. I know this may sound pedantic, but its just something I often think about, and how it affects people who try to "heal". Whats your opinion on this Daniel?
You said living a healthy life may help; I think what I like to add is the "why": in my opinion because it forces you in some ways to work with yourself, to not run away form your pain. And to not drown your pain in the next substance that comes along. So, fully agree on this one.
Psychedlics; I actually think they can be interesting, but not in working with trauma. I think they can be a gateway to know your mind better, there can be ways to find interesting places in your mind. But I would not recommend it with trauma. To use your plant analogy: Psychedelics are a way to get to know yourself really fast, but as with plants who get too much too fast of something; they can grow very fast very high, but do not develop the right leaf size or do not develop naturally and the way they should, and in the long run, it actually hurts them a great deal.
I know from experience that people with trauma are sometimes drawn to psychedelics for various reasons, but I have never met someone who is traumatised and has the skills to work with what comes up in a psychedelic session. Because the time you think you "save" with psychedelics, is not really saved, because it should go into the reflective period after the trip. Which usually does not happen.
So, to make it short, there are use cases for psychedelics, but i would not recommand it for trauma work.(at least not beginners)
Thank you for your great video :-)
You can't rush anything worth having. Life is a process of growth anyway., hopefully. You've gotta do what feels right for you and be gentle with yourself. We are all unique individuals, but whatever you choose to do, corny, but "I hope you dance." I hope we all do! Thank you, Daniel, you're a gem.✨I appreciate you. Much love to all of you on your journey's 😊❤
It makes sense to want it to be over with of course. But I can't help but see the parallel in all walks of life how low effort, impatience and pain-aversion leads to low quality outcomes. None of that is to say we should have to embrace more pain than is necessary but it seems to me that the fundamental attitude of aversion hampers or even halts progress. Conversely, an attitude of willingness stands out to me time and time again as the common denominator of the self-made.
Edit: When I was 20, I actually did do LSD in an attempt to accelerate my healing process and let me tell you this. It was at once the biggest eye-opening experience I've had in terms of self-knowledge, because apparently there was a large reservoir of horror within. I have gained some perspective on this years later but that was all from my own effort. It was so emotionally overwhelming that it wasn't comprehensible at the time and it subsequently retraumatised me in the process. It took months if not years to let go of the strong desire to make sense of what happened that night, I felt that such an emotionally significant experience warranted a serious interpretation. It had religious overtones and such. And I did steal away with some insights but it cost me my regular functioning for a long time. I definitely cannot recommend this route to anyone as it's apparent that one can never tell in advance what the outcome will be. With a few more wrenches thrown into the works I could've easily lost my life. It's a high stakes game.
Thank you for this.
@@pod9363 No probs, Pod.
you are a best personality coach period !!daniel mackler you are leaving a big legacy behind keep it up !!
I couldn't agree more. Word for word! ❤ It's lovely to hear from you again, Daniel. x
I think there’s a difference between all the things you talked about at the beginning, that are highly self-loving in the first place, and not knowing how important it is to prioritise one’s mental and physical health above all else or being terrified to in fear of losing friends, family, jobs, etc. You’re blessed to have a rebellious nature. Wish I had found you sooner but would I have listened or at the same depth as I am now. I’m stubborn like that.
I did trauma therapy and EMDR with a therapist, then he gave me his number and said he sees me as a friend...we ended up sleeping together and then he abandoned me. So messed up..I know my part in it, and I'm so angry with myself. Struggling to trust myself even more now🙈what a mess I made of my healing journey 😭
What do you mean you know your part in it? What that guy did was unforgivable and you should report him if he is licensed. Sleeping with a client is absolutely unconscionable. Particularly if they abandon you! Clients are vulnerable. You don't exploit that. Period! You didn't make the mess of your healing journey, he did! He traumatized you and I'm so sorry. You shouldn't be angry with yourself you should be angry with him!
You were in a vulnerable situation and he exploited that. It's not your fault. You should report him. I'm very sorry that happened to you
damn i wish you strength to figure that shit out
No mistakes only lessons. Some tougher then others. You’re part was only allowing a health professional to abuse their position. You were weren’t wrong for trusting. You just trusted in wrong person. All humans do this. It happens. See him as a tough but valuable lesson. You were vulnerable with a person you were supposed to trust. He broke it. I’m guessing he’s done it before and will again. Don’t let him take up more of your life energy then he or the lesson deserves. You are enough. Always were. Always will be. We’re here to whole not perfect. Most adult women are very whole. 😉😊😘 PS: I’m not making light. Write out how you feel on paper few times a week (or more) at night is good. Don’t stop to analyze, fix or even read. Just express like to a dog you love who’s just lays there and listens. Then tear into tiny pcs w/o reading and toss. See how you feel. Put on some nice music and breathe. Listen to a bedtime story for grown ups by Stephen Dalton (trust me.) And tell yourself I’m OK and respect and love me no matter what. Hope any of this helps. Best. ✌️
@@juliettailor1616
💯 A painful lesson. Abused his profession and position at min and maybe serial predator at worst. Maybe not the first or last time. Charm + trust + defenses down = easy target. Like grooming kids. She needs to report him but at least yes get angry and move thru it w/o self blame.
“Enough space to expand its roots” - exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you Daniel
I think wanting to end the compensatory behaviors that are the result of your trauma as soon as possible makes sense and that’s okay to desire but I also understand healing at it’s core cannot be rushed. It comes when it comes.
Severely limiting a lot of these compensatory behaviors has been amazing and I’ve used ayahuasca personally to help in conjunction with therapy. My therapists were not great to be honest and the ayahuasca helped me step away from those people.
99 percent of “the work” has to be done by you. Ayahuasca can be a great tool to kind of show you what’s possible for a small glimpse but it’s not for everyone and certainly not a quick fix. But I agree it can be like 10 years of therapy only bc most therapy as it’s currently practiced is terrible and won’t turn you inward like ayahuasca has the potential to do. Most therapy is about helping you fit in not get to really know yourself.
Exactly. I know if I "heal" I'm not gonna be a levitating God who never fails at anything, but I at least want to not be afraid of rejection, you know?
Daniel has a video with his thoughts on ayahuasca. Just sharing.. I'm not suggesting it should change your well qualified perspective.
for those who want an ayahuasca experience without taking it, a good / holistic massage therapist may be helpful. ive had similar experiences (glimpses) getting my body worked on. took a few sessions but every once in a while things would hit me.
I think your sentence "Most therapy is about helping you fit in not get to really know yourself." is really true. Most therapists or coaches or whatever you want to use, are highly focused on making you fit into the system again. Making you fit in again no matter what. The most important thing for them often is that you go work again and live life as little worker bee. And living life as a worker bee is more often than not, exactly why they are in therapy. Its a crude circle.
@@oliver_leimer love your comments. so many therapists, life coaches, etc have an underpinning of 'i know what's best for you' or 'i need to do something important with my life or I'm not valuable' hence why they spend so much time, money, effort, and training to get there. I had trouble putting it into words but I always had bad vibes from most of those people. separating myself from external roles and a need to be productive or important is where im convinced wholeness is found.
Binging on your videos ❤ blessing. They’ll always be here even when your physical self isn’t. Thank you for helping us heal and change our lives for the better. Bless you Daniel! 😊
Thanks for this viewpoint, it really resonates with me. Having lived with my mental illness for so long, the urge to heal has been incredibly strong. I would say there's a lot of desperation. I've realized, though, that my impatience actually adds to my misery. For therapists, wielding a "magic" tool can be a powerful force for manipulation, which could be detrimental for the client. I think your insight is dead on. Thanks again for sparking my thoughts.
Dear Daniel, it is a video like this that always feels like you speak from my own heart.
Organic truth is felt. Thanks for doing the work and sharing. Its rippled on and I’m so happy to bump into your work of a lifetime! ❤
Huge thanks for that you share your journey and your inner wisdom with us. I'm what others would deem pretty young and somehow a big part of "others" thinks that you cannot have as much problems as them (or even no 'real' problems at all) if you are the younger one. From late 2020 to the end of 2022 I've waded through a lot of sh*t: depression, social anxiety, sleep disturbances and associated anxiety, severe suicidal pressure ... I just wanna tell you - the community - that TIME IS PROBABLY THE RESOURCE YOU NEED MOST (and I feel privileged that I hadn't the existential/financial pressure to function during that period) ... however: If you have the "I have to function like I did before" in your head constantly (and if you are a bit of a perfectionist), it can be enough pressure to hinder your healing progress (or get things even worse).
Sometimes you can only heal if you don't longer try to enforce it. (It can be the same with sleep disturbances: As long as I tried everything to get my old, sound sleep back, I actually nourished chronic insomnia. I started recovering when I clung on the thought "It's OK to not sleep, you don't have to" and when I started to write and found my sense in it so I could stand up - whether I slept or not - and say to myself "It's OK, you follow you path at daytime so the bad nights don't have to matter for anything".)
That makes a lot of sense. An interesting paradox
I am so grateful that I ran into your channel today. I’ve followed a similar path, became a psych counselor as my first career in the military and out, telling myself that it was of my own volition until I was forced to face the truth of my programming from childhood. It’s been several years, and while I know I moved mountains as a healer, I’m a few years into my own path. Learning the fragments of self, rewriting definitions, and updating my personal narrative. Your videos have tied together many of the abstract thoughts and feelings that I struggle to define, and brought some real validity into knowing that the path that I choose to walk is truly my own. And getting back to cultivating me, that’s a beautiful thing. Again, thank you. Thank you for sharing your insight.
The reestablishment of boundaries. The restoration of the structures needed to process the trauma, within the context of the healing filters. I think, is what you're saying. Slow cooker, rather than pressure cooker.
Right. I suppose if our minds could heal faster, they'd be healing faster.
Also what is a "healing filter"?
If you go too fast it's like those Pink Floyd lyrics:
"And if the dam breaks open many years too soon
And if there is no room upon the hill
And if your head explodes with dark forebodings too
I'll see you on the dark side of the moon"
In my experience, the healing journey is like many other things in that there are no shortcuts… and trying to take a shortcut actually sets one back… easy come, easy go…. it’s better to focus on the quality of healing, depth and wholly integrating rather than speed
Such a calming and clarifying perspective! Thank you!
During the past couple years, I’ve been confronted by a lot of issues from my upbringing and relationships. It’s been the most grueling experience of my entire life. I made the situation worse for myself by trying to push myself to grow and heal, but it wasn’t possible to achieve much while I was still in the traumatic circumstances! I wish I’d allowed myself to just cope and slowly learn and observe. I’m finally in a more stable situation, and now I actually have energy to push myself a little and learn a little deeper. That rushed mentality was so harmful to me. But that’s all over the place when you try to learn about mental health. Speed sells in pop-psych and self-help - everyone’s got an overnight solution and an easy fix. Everyone’s in a rush. Slow down! That’s my new message to myself :) 🐢🌴
Thank you for another great video on a topic that's so important.
I find your contributions invaluable. Please keep doing what you are doing.
This is fantastic. I agree 100%, about both the "quick fix," and many of the therapists (and don't even get me started on "gurus"!!) who believe in them. Great video!!
Daniel, I'm so glad I found you online! Your insights have been extremely helpful in my journey healing my childhood trauma which I started three years ago.
With so much information out there and the many varying paths to healing, your voice on busting through much of the noise has been extremely welcomed!
When I started three years ago, the idea that I would still be learning, discovering and grieving would have scared me to death! Actually, I don't think I would have started, frankly.
I have to share: A few weeks ago, my mind felt blank which was new for me. I thought to myself, "Am I dissociating"? Then I actually looked up, "peaceful mind" and had a HOLY SHIT moment. I've never experienced it before and didn't know what it felt like...
So....yes, just that. :)
I may not agree with absolutely every way you approach your healing journey but your voice of clarity in me exploring different modalities and discerning what aspects I might find useful to incorporate a breath of fresh air!
Thanks 😀 I appreciate your message. Daniel
I'm glad you brought up psychedelics, they can offer healing, but also, some caution should be applied as well. It depends on what one is ready for. Psychedelic use opens up another world/reality as well. For some people with more existential depression it can really help - it has helped me personally. Although now I feel a bit alien to this world.. as I've literally found God and the ultimate reality, Christ consciousness, and just talking like this will make people think I'm weird..
In any case, psychedelics are not just "drugs". They are a portal to other realities and finding out the Truth about who you are and why you are here - if you are open to it. But like I said it comes with some unpleasant aspects before one can find true and lasting peace.
Stay open, you are eternally Loved and always evolving to your next highest potential :)
Yeah I know what you mean 😉
It can be really hard when your paradigms shift so heavily and the world starts looking very backwards.
Funny, I was thinking recently of the adage "medicine treats, nature heals", and you can't rush nature.
"Not being able to function in the society cz you have too much emotions, rage, and sadness inside you."
You are the most relatable person in the world for me daniel mackler .
I watch your videos and sometimes i just listen to them, and it makes me calm , makes my mind clear .❤
Thank you for your existence.
Thank you for this video, Daniel! I find that in the valley of waking up to our traumas, the journey out of it is slow, arduous, long and often painful. Need good gear, directions and provisions. I appreciate your knowledgeable guidance - makes for a less perilous and more meaningful trek towards self-healing and truly knowing ourselves.
Speeding up the process is it's own trauma. I did so and became mad, and had to recover for years. Weakened parts in me which should be strong, and had to heal vast amounts of pain in suffering condensed into a short amount of time. But, now at least I'm almost ready to star making enough money to heal at a healthy rate.
Did you try to do this "turbo-healing" from a place of safety and security? Would be interesting to see if someone could do such a thing given they had the environment to hold them. That's one thing I think daniel may be overlooking.
@@pod9363 Out of desperation rather, to heal to a point of being capable of producing an income to allow me to afford access to a healthier environment. I would have not gone nearly so mad with my own cabin in the woods and utility, insurance, and grocery money. I did so while living with my family and breaking my mind and putting it back together multiple times.
@@levilabs1781 Jesus Christ. Well at least you know it's there and how big it really is. You can get there.
@@pod9363 It was definitely not the best method. I actually wouldn't have managed without family, so I do forgive them for everything and owe them some besides.
Thank you for your videos.
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for reflecting those things that my intuition tells me, but that sometimes I'm unable to put into words.
Thank you, Daniel!
Commenting on the content of your video, sometimes it sounds like people just want to "accelerate the healing process" to reintegrate into the same system that caused them the trauma in the first place. It sounds as if they view themselves as the defective ones. I believe that the realization that one doesn't fit in these systems can be quite painful, as it leads to a separation from the family system. And sometimes I wonder, once one heals, is a measurement of healing the individual's capacity to reintegrate into the dissociated world? Am I looking at this through the wrong perspective?
Daniels TALKS are turning out to be the best form of THERAPY I have ever found ! ..........
Leaves you with no more Questions !!!
* REAL Human SHARING his experiences & knowledge GOOD WORK ! Must be rewarding now !
Yes, good stuff, totally agree! Although I'm personally not a fan of journalling exactly...but I do help clients explore those past traumas and help them deal with them!
The problem with speeding things up, is that the problems will leak back in, if we don't fully embed the changes and the new neural pathways...
Inspiring video, thanks
I did an Est-type group course in the UK - with a self-proclaimed “Healer” from Boston during a weekend course on “sexual healing”, about 20 years ago. Extremely traumatic for me, extremely. I could not process any of it but was just left in an extremely distressed state at the end (and no follow up obviously). I actually wrote to him and politely criticised him and got a very angry email back! Some of these group courses and dynamics can be very dangerous - releasing energies they cannot control. Luckily, I think perhaps they are less popular now - and long may it remain so.
Hi Mr. Mackler, not bashing you, but you work on yourself for decades, you even got a degree in this field, I work on myself for years too out of similar reasons like you. The problem is, that life passes by, I get older, the chance of having a family on my own which has a healthy, normal father and husband in myself slips away. There is no end in sight. I still get triggered, I see it, but the fight or flight mechanism kicks in faster than I can be aware of what is going on.
Not to be mean, but you are older now, I am too. I can see the process and the progress in you and me, I have been following you for years.
Are we destined to a life of solitude? Can trauma be so deep that a lifetime is not enough to heal it?
I heard and agree that all trauma is relational and all healing is relational. If you can find a supportive, loving life partner, it can be a great crucible for growth and change. However, finding that person might not be easy and perhaps is a lottery.
thanks Daniel
I changed my whole lifestyle because the universe required it. I was really scarred from 20+ years of family addiction. I with God co-founded my own business and joined a community of women of color putting their healing first. You will find healing if you make it a priority.
Thank you, excellent reminder to go gently with the healing process.
Kind of related.. As a musician, i'm curious if you've heard Hi Ren by musician Ren?
The end of the song is so on point, everyone needs to hear it/be reminded. 😊#gentle
I think the biggest benefit of psychedelics is that it FORCES you to confront your trauma and the issues you are going through, then gives you a way to healing. I haven't had any personal experiences with it, but from what I hear, it definitely is far from just fixing it by itself. It helps rewire your brain though, so I would imagine it gives your brain free space to re-tool and re-contextualize your past in a way that can lead to positive growth. It still requires to put in the effort and forces you to confront whatever you might be avoiding. That's also why psychedelics can be such a shock to people who aren't really ready to do that, and they are caught surprised by their effects. In the end its still you putting in the effort, but the psychedelics can be a great catalyst to making those changes and perhaps learning more about yourself quicker than otherwise might be possible.
Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy. Thank you for yiur thoughts and not just trying to sell us stuff
So in short, you can't rush healing, but you can clear its path as much as possible.
Actually kinda makes sense cause how would we know at what rate we're capable of reintegration better than our unconscious? It's probably fine tuned to dole it out to us at a rate we (and our situation) can handle. Anything else risks overload and being sent back to square one. 🥶
as someone that feels the same way as the title says I can relate to this and Daniel has a very good point. The point of healing from trauma is usually transformation and that takes thought and time. if you had to choose between fast food and a home cooked meal and you choose the Big mac over the meal created from love then you won't understand the point of the pain your going through. You need to understand what makes the home cooked meal more impotent and what and why you should appreciate it. stuffing your face full of Mickey D's won't full fill the nourishment your soul and body needs as much as a loving mothers cooking and that kind of care takes time. fast food therapy is for the client that wants to medicate his problems away.
I did a lot of psychedelics for healing in the last 3 years, i have stopped now, as it was helping but also wasnt and i ended up having a few big issues with disassociation
I came to appreciate the inner child in me needs softer slower, and more patience, than bang bang bang healing
Its hard for me to slow down, but i think it makes complete sense, and this video was a timely reminder
thank you Daniel, much love to you
Gooď work, Daniel.
Everything you say is so true. I'm going through things slowly, the first type of pain I felt was when my parents gave me the silent treatment for asking them to hear me when I appealed to them to stop labelling me emotional and paranoid. Their stonewalling and their discrediting of me and their smear campaigns were *so* painful but through that pain, I had hope that one day they'd hear me. Now the pain is different. More settled. I feel less physically ill but I need to start to deal with it all again, but without hope this time, with the understanding this time around that this is who they are and it won't change. Historically they labelled me emotional, sensitive and paranoid to avoid confronting the fact that they allow no visible emotional reaction to anything, and now in the present, it's more of the same actually, epiphany, they label me angry and smear me to avoid confronting that they cannot have a difficult conversation to resolve conflict. This is it. It won't change. It will always be my fault. I am starting again with my acceptance of this realisation.
I just recently saw videos, podcasts on the psychedelics. I was intrigued. I’ve been working on a specific 2 week period of pretty horrific trauma at age 12. I remember a lot but only fragments. I long for total remembering so the drugs caught my attention. Maybe if Basel Vanderkolk facilitated my experience I’d consider it. I really like him, he’s a psychiatrist. Organic works for me right now. Thank you for the video.
I recently read a comment on another channel, "I'm a trauma therapist and I drink wine every night to cope." It depressed me, that the ppl who are trying to help others heal, haven't even healed themselves. It's an injustice actually, towards the ppl trying to seek help.
If healing all "this" can take decades, what is the point when you look back at quality of life?
Do you have a support system? I have been estranged from my family for 4 decades. I do not have a support system nor did I decide to have children which I regret but at the time I wanted to focus on my own self growth. Now I'm lonely and alone without any people. Anyway, there are risks to this type of path.
I’m sorry this is where you are right now ❤
You are not alone. Support systems are a rationalists wer dream of hell pretending it's heaven. You are not alone. Your truth is always connected.
Having a family guarantees nothing.
My support system is lacking, no kids, but I'm not sorry. It's an austere path (unless you have a good support system), and I think I have learned a very precious life. I don't have regrets. I just wish my sister didn't die young.
@@bernadettebockis4120 sorry about your loss.
It’s hard. I went to ACA for awhile just to get free group therapy. It helped for a time.
When you are able to resonate with this level of sanity & truth, it’s heaven on earth!!
I recently saw a physics chart that showed several paths that drop a ball in 4 dif ways and proved that the slowest path, because of the low dip, created a force that ended up getting to the destination the fastest, faster than the shorter path. Perhaps our understanding of time is limited because we don’t understand the acceleration of moments and emotions. The clock and calendar put pressure on us to move at a certain pace but these are constructs that can often be limiting when we hurry ourselves up.
Thanks for that. Often I think I am 35 therefore I must heel immediatelly or I ll forever be alone. I ve been doing this for 7 yrs
I got into more depression after coming out of the retreat...everything came out to the surface and at this moment in life I am not in a situation to handle everything at once.
Psychedelics, "mind revealers" from the etymology, have a potential problem of teaching you that "going hard" and fast is the only way, especially if that is done in the very beginning of the healing journey. Also, since you are revealed of so much so quickly it can create a sense of urgency. This makes sense that if you see so much of the wounds of your inner and maybe lost child, you'd want to do as much as you can to help him which could be to feel all of those ancient traumas as fast as possible. Especially true if you haven't learnt yet to respect yourself, your body and you emotional energy.
Another thing that pushes me to "not slack off" is looking at where the world is heading, especially in regards to the climate and nature. Other than the healthy response of general anxiety, it adds a pressure of urgency to not be apathic. One manifestation is the feeling like there aren't that many more years to become healthier, stronger, wiser and overall "better" before things become much worse.
Interesting question, I've thought about this when I listen to all the talk about ayauasca lately. I think you have to ''clear the windscreen'' one bit at a time.
Hey Daniel, can you make a video on how to know if you’ve healed?
Do you have any recommendations on how to summarize diaries, or to scale down the volume
❤ you are the best thanks you are helping me❤
i love this therapist
Thank you so much for what you share & how you share it, Daniel...just coming on here recently & really appreciating all the validations having CPTSD from numerous abuses growing up & as an adult as well! Blessings! For sure, God is my foundation & knowing Him thru Jesus Christ is mostly what has brought be thru b/c of His love & guidance to people who are well trained & also to resources & tools!!!
Great video Daniel. Very much agree with you. I think this obsession with blasting through healing is a symptom of our society wanting things as functional ASAP so they can go back to being a good little cog in the machine called Society. Our Society wants us functioning just enough to keep it going, but not doing too well in case we decide to dismantle/leave the machine entirely. We treat the human psyche like it is a car or some other mechanical device, just replace this part or fix that part with this method or tool. I see this a lot on TH-cam with a plethora of quick tip videos as sticky bandaids (eg: top 5 tips to fix anxiety, etc.) as supposed answers to the deep problems of lifelong anxiety, depression, CPTSD etc. Or as you mentioned in your video, using stuff like psychedelic drugs or EMDR. I've been through a number of therapists and a few life coaches, there is this constant onus on "We're gonna use this technique to completely and absolutely eliminate your trauma today!" - sure it helped a smidge, but we all have stuff that runs deep and will take time to dig up and root out, and again like you said, I don't think these people I saw had all their trauma sorted out either. I could see hints of it during my interactions with them. I'm sure there's excellent therapists out there, but they are rare and in all likelihood prohibitively expensive (for me at least), so I've come to the conclusion that I will need to take myself on this journey of healing and resolving. I accept it will be lifelong but that's okay, as long as I'm making progress I'm doing good.
Dear Daniel, I've got some suggestions for future vids: relatingto this one, could you REVIEW the past therapies like EST, for instance and others which offered instant solutions?
Also it would be interesting to have your opinions on past "movements" like the so-called "anti-psychiatry" movements, and Laings approach to mental illness& schizophrenia?
Also current approaches in psychotherapy, for instance psychoanalysis & the unconscious bearing in mind phenomenology, which could have vid of its own, doesn't apparently pay much attention to the unconscious, it is more socially geared.
Also some interviews would be interesting, like with: Joanna Moncrieff, Mikkel Borch-Jacobsen, etc which would no doubt be of particular interest to you....
Problem is: life does not wait for our projects and dreams, time passes by for everybody alike: for the "lucky" ones who had a fairly healthy upbringing as well as for the "unfortunate" ones who could get to enjoy life to the fullest and lived extremely painfuk ruined life stages.
I agree.
I agree. I also believe, through my own experience, that the healing process is a steady lifelong journey, with sudden spurts of growth and insights as each stage is processed and absorbed into your psyche. It can not be rushed.
Also, I believe that healing can not be achieved with the abusers still in your life and especially if the abuse is still ongoing. Distance needs to be achieved in order to get a full view of the abuse from an outside perspective.
You loose so much of your life while feeling cut of from your true self because you have been traumatized in childhood. Making wrong decisions, feeling worthless, sad, desperate, lonely..feelings that hurt so much, that there are no words for the pain. Its sad that it takes so much time to heal. It seems that your life has been stolen.
Nutrition and exercise is a factor too, I see a lot of people with crap eating and exercise habits then wonder why they are depressed
I'm experimenting with working out on a daily basis to have noticeable muscle and size by summer. I have a hypothesis it could help with feeling more safe and secure as I work to build that island of safety.
So,,, what’s the point if it takes a lifetime to heal from trauma?
Beautiful speech. BTW
I have found that resisting the pain often prolongs the suffering. Just letting it overwhelm you and exist allows it to dissipate into nothing.
I have lost everything.
I live in a shipping container in the desert.
Yep. Slow and steady wins the race. The trauma itself, has caused me to want to rush. Where as slowing down, is part of the healing.❤
I am over 65 carrying all this trauma, will it ever go away😮
I don’t do well around other people. I tend to isolate. But intellectually I thrive. That’s what most of my jobs have been since I had to try to become independent.
Daniel, you are to psychotherapy what Mike Mew is to orthodontics and Bret Weinstein is to the scientific process. Thanks for keeping it real and helping us find the vocabulary to speed up and move faster.
"The unexamined life is not worth living."
Can anyone recommend a good therapist in Austin or TX Licensed? Fine with telehealth. I like Daniel. Going on 4/4 strike outs.
Dr. Jan Richter!
I wonder if I will ever fully heal
Healing implies sickness or woundedness , rather we should be integrating and evolving which takes time and is a gradual process ,
because we need to see our limitations and the transitional adversities for what they are first depersonalize unlearn and relearn to create a new story and self
Oh shit. Do you think in a way, suffering is our unconscious trying to reintegrate with our conscious mind? It actually makes way more sense to think of trauma as disintegration rather than a wound that implies our mind is broken which its anything but.
I don't think people grasp what depersonilizing means or what it looks or feels like, but more tragically, those who advocate or even worse randomly take upon themselves to apply methods to destroy someone's sense of self, don't, so it could end up in the biggest criminal lawsuit ever seen and, really funnily, in the facilitation of said "therapist's" own healing. I think they'd have a real impactful shot to the heart after having spent some years in prison to think about it all.
@@pod9363 don't think there's an unconscious mind, in the first place, hence I said that drugs and fancy methods are not needed to subtract anything. What's needed is honesty and space to admit to it and then compassion to heal it. It's all there in our conscious awareness, but we refuse to see it. And yes, there's no need to define our experiences in ways that deny other's definitions, either. I like to think of it all as an imbalance, but it could feel like wounds to others. And others yet, are wearing their glasses, but searching for it everywhere. The quest for the holy grail, and the snake eating its own tail, comes to mind.
@@pod9363 yes yes and yes even insanity is our psyches way of trying to individuate from the collective madness by creating our own im not a expert just speaking empirically from my day to day experience an over time
@@darcyroyce I'm not sure if you were using humor but that was hilarious and true i also advocate for emotional and psychological crimes pre and existing to be used in trial cases ,
I also advocate for parenting licensed to have a child, as well mandatory childhood development psychological course and therapy for both parent and child.
But since the self can never be destroy just fragmented , perhaps we have picked up parts that are not self and mistaken it for the self and that is what's needed to be burned away and yet when confronted with someone who can see it in us better than we , for we have grown willfully blind to it in our introspection illusions , meaning the notion of the ego death perhaps really should be applied here a false ego mistaken for the self-needing to be burned , or put away for another day like a antibody or gargoyle on a cathedral
But we do need a real ego which has perhaps been suppressed in our attempts to avoid more pain or danger, for example not showing how smart you really or how beautiful, sensitive, virtuous or even simply kind knowing how predator's will try to either rob those traits or shame you for the parts of you that you love most
So we hide it and collect acceptable pieces from everyone to make a persona mask aka false ego that over time might get mistaken for self
So I agree
Speeding up healing it's the pure contradiction of the concept of To heal: it has its own process. If you skip it you can't heal.
I think the sooner you heal the better. That seems inherently obvious to me. And psychedelic therapy can help with that. It doesnt make it any easier but does give you the access and the opportunity.
Spiritual bypassing?
IT SEEMS THAT OUR PARENTS AND ALSO GOD PREDESTINED US FOR AN EXISTENCE OF EXQUISITE PAIN, as the facts show, for the sake of forcing us to like it, somehow... and I say forced because we werent and arent even able, as limited creatures, to so nothing against it, not as children, not as pshysically stronger adults.
🌟🗽
👌👌👌👌❤❤❤❤
Healing is a journey not a destination.
A journey to what destination though?
@@pod9363 To equity and loving-kindness, of course!
@@pod9363serenity?
"Speeding up" is just another defense against your unpleasant feelings. There're no shortcuts.
But isn't it also a desire to heal faster so you can enjoy more of your life? Who wouldn't want that?
@@pod9363 No, it isn't. If you know how the psychotherpay process works, it takes longer than you want, and if you shortcut it, you achieve nothing but wasting you and your therapist's time.
Trying to 'speed up' the healing process can actually slow it down. I speak from personal experience.
Howso?