I'm always the one to initiate a connection with people. It's so draining because if they are emotionally unavailable, then all they are going to do is take take take and give nothing in return. I'm always checking in on people stepping outside of my comfort zone. But no one checks on me or even care unless they want money or want to be nosey.
You have just described my LIFE. I am so weary of always reaching out. Whether it be friends, family, romance, colleagues.i simply can’t any longer. My daughter jokes that I do not have friends but pro- bono clients. What is a knife in my soul is when one asks, “ Hey, how are you? Then immediately go into a dialogue of themselves. Afterwards, ending the conversation without ever checking in. When I mention this I hear that I’m being overly sensitive. Ve since cut , literally, everyone out of my life. I’ve tried all of the steps Dr. Marx mentioned. I’m 55. This isn’t new to me. Yet, I try not to have the victim mentality that she discusses in another video. Yet, how not to?!
It’s hard not to wonder if The Divine just wanted me to walk solo, like forever. I’ve continuously tried everything you’ve mentioned , and more. It has caused negative cognition, depression, and victimisation. It’s not a simple fix. When you’ve done all you can with no sustainable results. It’s like the vintage toy that one must spin to remain alight. If I do not spin (keep contact) with relations (friend/family/ romance/ colleagues) they topple and disappear. Well! No more, mate. The only one that I work on sustaining is with my only child. Blessedly, she returns the effort. However, she’s 26, isn’t she? She leads her own life. I do not have high expectations of a relationship. Just genuineness and mutuality. 😊
The reason is simple. People just don’t listen to each other. Active listening and true empathic listening is rare. Everyone is out for themselves. People are in their phones instead of engaging with others.
It's crushing to see how the younger generations are becoming more and more what you describe! I work with many, many of them and have realized how self-centered and isolated they are. They don't give a damn about the ones around. Oh, God, what kind of world we will happen to live in over the next decades...
Then there’s those of us that no matter what social situation we are in feel alone, because of feeling unliked and misunderstood and socially inept from low self esteem
I feel that way a ton, but I also have some really beautiful encounters too to balance that a bit. It's harder to when you get older and aren't as good looking and desirable as you may have been younger. It's hard.
@@AtortAerials The older I get, the less I want generic people around. I agree about being older and less "beautiful," people want to ignore what they aren't attracted to. I want sincere connection with the company I keep, not small talk. I don't like myself as much around other people, so they need to be people I genuinely enjoy for me to enjoy myself with them.
I started visiting the elderly and helping them. I am part of a volunteer group now. This helps my mental health a lot! I feel so happy to see them happy.
I used to do that with visiting my grandma when I felt most depressed and lonely. It helps a lot paying attention to others, it makes you feel helped along the way.
Wow, I hadn't thought about that! I'll try it! The amount of abandoned elderly people is impressive, why not generate an inner smile in their souls?!!!
Im sorry to hear that you've been having this experience again and again 😣 It can be hard to keep pushing yourself only to see the same behavior from others but it can take the right people to be possible to overcome that and if you give up trying being available and vulnerable you might miss the people that you come across that could be the right fit. I hope kinder and more compassionate people come your way!
I’m so alone in life, my family is dysfunctional/abusive, I have a decent relationship with a sister but I’m lonely and I don’t trust people much anymore. I get used and am disappointed in people
@@karoshi2 never married but I felt very lonely in past relationships. I hope I can find a partner someday but I’d rather be single than with the wrong person.
@@milliem8051 I'm 29, never dated or had a relationship at all.. I feel like when people complain about their relationships/Past Relationships or marriage then I just think, wow.. at least you were lucky to get someone.. since relationships and dating are pretty much all about looks and even though I've been called attractive, cute, and beautiful I still have no dating life and still single..
@@bridgetsieger2261 It’s not necessarily a sign of danger that you enjoy being alone, but it’s something to pay attention to. What makes you feel lonely when he’s around? Do you talk enough, and do you really listen to each other? In our case, a lot of things went wrong. The loneliness mainly came from weeks of silence. I kept trying to talk, but it felt like I was talking to myself. No response, no reaction - the mobile and TV were more important. When we did talk, she would sometimes just get up and leave in the middle of a conversation, claiming I had supposedly stopped talking. Or a text message would cut the conversation short. These failed attempts really took a toll on me. In the very end, I just did my own thing, and while that was better for me, suddenly I became the one to blame. If it hadn’t been for the kids, I should’ve left earlier.
I've had various relationships where I'm always the initiator. That gets old when you're always the one reaching out, and I tend to give up on it. Over time you wonder if people just don't want to be around you 🤷🏼♂️
Exactly, maybe I should do this but I always look at how much time has passed since I've heard from them and whether or not I was the initiator. I've seen a new acquaintance 3 times since April. I'm not reaching out again
The people around me are so superficial and self-absorbed. No strategy for deepening the connection worked unfortunately. They ramble on about themselves and are addicted to social media. I hate being alone but also hate being around them.
I think I often feel the opposite. I spend a lot of time alone, but not lonely. I've had people say they worry for me being alone so much, tell me I "need to get out more." I sometimes miss certain specific people, which isn't the same a "lonely," but I rarely feel like I need general human companionship unless I need help with a specific task. I hate myself more when I'm around other people. That inner judgemental voice quiets when I'm alone, and I enjoy that silence.
I feel the same. People today are draining to me. Don't let anyone or even this TH-cam channel tell you that there is something wrong with that. The cookie cutter "you're going to die early if you don't allow people to become involved in your life" is a lie and is draining in itself.
@@kunserndsittizen2655 I feel the same so many times. People do care I’m sure just everyone is SO busy in their own crap it seems and caught up in life sadly. I care. Hang on there.
Volunteering wasn't mentioned directly, but it is a great way to get out, meet new people, connect with a cause dear to you and share your caring spirit with others. Animal lovers, don't forget animal shelters! Sending you all positive vibes! Be kind to yourselves first and foremost then when your spirits are up, reach out and connect with your World. There are plenty of good people amongst us worthy of your time and trust. Chin up!!
It’s not a longing for people really… It’s more like a feeling there’s a twin of us who died in-uterus that nobody else knows about… It’s like half of you is missing… But the feeling is coming from the lack of being seen, recognized, acknowledged by everyone we ever encountered.
I'm alone most of the time, and yet NOT lonely. My significant other is very narcissistic. I think being around that all the time really reminds me that people are horrible so keep your guard up. I yearn to be free of him and I'm making plans to do so. But in the meantime, Ms Tracy's channel, along with other TH-cam connections will get me through. Thanks anybody out there who identifies. Don't give up. I wont!
I’ve battled loneliness and depression for as long as I can remember, and even when I’m surrounded by friends or family, I still feel like a stranger…disconnected, as if I don’t truly belong.
This is how I’d felt for the longest time. Ngl my faith helped a LOT. Now people admire and see and hear me when I speak or walk into a room, more than before. I have more confidence now. And feel a bit more connected than before but still a bit distant. But deep down I’m more content with life now. Before it was much worse and was taking meds for depression. I always used to think, since elementary school, maybe the reason I’m not that connected with others is because I “have no personality”. I felt like something was wrong with me. My parents never really let us play with the neighborhood kids much so that stunted my growth.
Top tier content, thank you! I I have felt alone all the time, especially when I was in school, even though I never was alone. Feels like you are secluded from the world. As a teen, it was a horrible feeling. Now, most of the times I see it as a gift, it gives me inner peace
My diagnosis changed from bipolar disorder to schizoaffective disorder bipolar type in 2022. I used to feel lonely as a bipolar patient, and now that psychosis is a constant presence in my life, things have just gotten worse, much worse. So, thank you for this video. I really needed it today. ❤
Sorry about your situation. Have you ever tried a Dialectical Behavior Therapy course? It helps tremendously with your diagnosis. Worth a shot. Good luck with everything!
Be your own best friend, have your own party, celebrate yourself...buy those flowers, give yourself compliments, take yourself out to the movies or lunch !
“Have you felt lonely in a crowed room?” No but I’ve felt lonely living, sleeping, eating, watching tv, and bathing because I live alone and have no friends!😊
The suggestions you make about joining a simple book club and stuff I swear for me made things worse. I literally signed up for board game night and showed up a little late because I couldn't find it as my first time and all the people there were so rude to me and unwelcoming made me feel that much more alone and annoyed. Then I went to a meet up at a healing circle and same thing everyone else there seems cut off to being open and making a friend fucking over it. It's like nobody seems open everyone living in fear and a paranoid mess...rather be lonely alone!
@@AtortAerials I hate meetups. I’d maybe go to a restaurant meetup again, that was ok, but most of them are just so awkward and make me feel worse too. I feel like I missed the boat on making lasting friendships and finding a partner… I do think someone would be happy to be with me but idk where how to find him, among all the toxic users.
@@milliem8051 I feel you exactly on missing the boat. I know I'm a good person and guy and it's like people are supposed to know this by swiping on a f'n silly app?!
I once registered in a drama club after getting my heart broken. When I got there, I realized everyone there was 2 decades younger than me. There was a woman older than me but she quit at the 2nd session. I made humongous effort to stay and try to make friends, but yeah, I understand that age context made everything harder. I remember doing some tasks asked by the teacher and some of my classmates whispering about me, "Oh, he's so screwed up...". Instead of encouraging me to be more social, now I feel more like wanting to work and live alone in a lighthouse in a remote place.
I understand you! People are so clickish and I always feel like the outsider going to group events. I’ve experienced this at different group functions. So I’d rather be alone than to deal with people like that. Matchmaker Maria said get new friends by joining different groups. Yeah okay. Never worked for me as people aren’t friendly. Even people on bumble bff! As someone stated it’s like they live in fear. I do too as I have social anxiety now. However, I will put effort in to meet others. Most don’t want to and on guard. So I go do stuff alone. Like she said we have to put more effort into ourselves and that’s exactly what I’ll do. Get a pet and travel. I feel I missed both boats as well. I stay off social media as much as I can.
Yeah,I tried to just say that and it's like ugh, stop complaining = my parents, and friends. So I just keep it to myself and try and work through it on my own. Yes,I've been saying I need new friends with shared interest.
As someone that once spent close to a decade in severe isolation, I can attest that it is one of the most horrific experiences a person can go through, even when it's chosen. The impacts are vast, and the loneliness that comes from general life is a pale shadow of the extent that it can grow to. Very few people have the psychological makeup to be unaffected by loneliness.
How did you get out of a decade of severe isolation, if you did? I think once you feel so isolated with no social circle, it’s harder to meet people and build connections.
i'm dying from crushing loneliness yet i don't want to be around people anymore... can't make connections with people. don't know where/how to meet people with similar morals and interests. people are shallow and selfish.
I feel unseen and unheard since I started getting older, and I am 52 now. A lot of people just don't see me, like I don't matter anymore, but there are people who are just downright cruel. I had some younger men on social media calling me "grandma" or "old hag" based on my age only (they never even saw how I look like) and in real life people, especially younger men (around 30 - 40 years, mostly) tend to be dismissive and even verbally abusive. People my age that I know only complain about their problems over and over, or they don't want to know about any problem, mine or anyone else's. Intitating socialization in this state would result in too many rejections for my taste. REgarding joining some clubs, shared interests and social events... I am tired... I have lots of health issues, I can barely go through the day. I can't at the end of the work day just get onto bus and join some book or paint or cook club. It costs and my salary is tiny. I am tired, I have health issues that keep me confined to security of home, I saw presentations of these clubs or whatevers online, no one there is older than 30! This doesn't help me, sorry.
I swear this video was made for me. I'm literally feeling this way right now, and part of me feels a bit ridiculous for it. Thanks for the kind words Doc.
I talked about this with my friend this morning I'm staying with we both feel this way and talked about how lonely we feel so crazy...literally an hour ago and now watching this.
I've been/felt alone for most of my life especially as I got older and the people who I was connected to the most exited my life through death or otherwise. The only time that I was able to experience meaningful connections was when I was in college and was around like minded people and it felt amazing, but then I graduated, moved and lost touch with my classmates. Now I'm back in the same kind of headspace and I always think about that time when life was better. It feels like a theme or cycle that I keep going through making it hard to break out of 🙃 I miss feeling connected.
This is such an important subject to talk about. Would you be interested in making a video talking about loneliness in people with mental health disorders like ADHD and autism?
I'm curious as to why you think it may be substantially different for AuDHD'ers ? I'm sympathetic to your drive here but really keen to understand where it is coming from because I have an idea that there's a complex intra personal aspect at play and I'd like to know more about how that is experienced and where it's self defeating features may protrude. Also ...didn't want to get lost in a word cloud, so please forgive my clumsy articulation of that question
Being adopted and having literally no family and the only family I know is my Mom who is 90 with progressed dementia really stinks. Totally lonely all the time to the point I feel what's the point of even being on this planet. Yeah I get it it's hard.
I was on a party recently (don't Go on many) and I was treated so well by some old friends I didn't see in a while and I thought: "Why does it feel so weird to be liked?", guess you shed some light on it
To feel lonely even in a crowd is one of the worst feeling's ever,it's like you're invisible or don't even matter,but at the same time I know it's alot of people that enjoy their own company & staying to their self
Dr.Marks, this video is pure therapeutic gold! Your wisdom, compassion, and expertise reached me at a time when I really needed your wisdom on exactly this subject to help me better connect in relationships with those I want to feel a deeper connection to, but have been struggling to deepen my bond with. Your compassionate advice has really helped me to see a way forward with deepening my connection to them. Thank you! ❤
I enjoy being alone, I'm a very empathetic person and I feel negative vibes really strongly and being around people is very uncomfortable. I. Have been battling mental health issues for years and I just don't have the energy to insert negatively in my life. I'm being treated my doctor so that's all ok, I do feel like Im emotionally bankrupt and just a zombie, I'm also struggling with ending my cycle of benzodiazepines so that in it self is extremely exhausting and very very difficult. Medication isn't answer, self work is what will improve your life ❤
This is kinda spooky because I just had a conversation with my neighbor about feeling lonely even when having family around. I always been the black sheep of the family, my siblings friends do not know about me, everyone in the family knew about my Aunt passing away today and I didn't find out until later. My siblings won't call to check on me but they talk to the rest of the family. Yet they do not understand why im dealing with depression and anxiety and hurt 🤦🏽 I told them I was diagnosed with bipolar depression and my brother said it's because I don't get out but yet he is the same one that told me I don't need gas money just chill at home 😞
To me there is an awesome peace to being alone..you share yourself with others at your own discretion. But to be quiet, in peace and alone in the awesome company of self is priceless. I once heard, If you don't like to be alone with you neither will anyone else, .Peace, quiet, prayer, and self ❤ is the greatest gift ever
Thank you for this video. Having MDD makes it hard to connect with people, since I tend to isolate myself which lead to feelings to loneliness. I am going to try your suggestions. Thanks again.
Im stuck inside in an apartment bld, no car, 70 yrs old. No relatives left. I was productive in the past, in the Bay Area. An area where theres Always Somthing To Do. no car, didnt matter. there was always a ride to where i needed to go. Huge Metro Area. Now in midwest small town. Nothing to do, If i Did have a ride. bumming rides to Drs... Nobody checks in.. I was born here, but was successful in Bay Area. Now back in midwest, im very unsatisfied w my current reality. My cat is my friend. & shes a Really Great One. But i see No city lights, no sign of life beyond my bld. It truely Sux !!!
I've always felt lonley ever since I started elementery school when I had undiagnosed adhd as a kid and saw that the other kids and the grown ups acted so much differently than how I would've wanted to interact with them so I shyed away from them to not get bullied or ridiculed fot it. My little sister is very extroverted, I am not so it was easier for her to talk to a lot of people and that made me feel like a weirder freak of nature so I just decided not to be a people person. It's crucial to have friends in your adult life however when all you do is work, go home, go to sleep and repeat for decades.
Thankyou Dr Tracy mark most part of the world is lonely even when you are with your family or friends, yes mindfulness, meditation and spirituality, Buddhism zen stories are wonderful, I am a bi polar mental illness , I live in India❤
I agree, Loneliness can feel overwhelming, but understanding its roots is the first step to overcoming it. There are so many ways to reconnect, whether it’s through building new relationships, engaging in activities we love, or simply reaching out for support.
C-PTSD here. I'm realizing that I was trying to find one person that could check all my loneliness boxes, which is unrealistic and also unfair to that person. In another video, I found out that there is something called fear of betrayal which is different from fear of abandonment (i was misdiagnosed bpd by unqualified professionals (general m.d., social worker). It was never "i fear they will leave" it was "I fear they lied" or "I fear it's not real". That clears a path for me. Thank you.
No, I don’t feel empty inside. I’m in a good place. Unfortunately, the people around me don’t care, acknowledge or celebrate my being in a good place. Modern relationships are hierarchical and ultra competitive. It wasn’t always like this. Modern cultural influences from social media suck.
Thank you for this video! It made me think about how loneliness is one of the major factors driving people toward problematic social movements, like white supremacy, incels and pickup artist stuff. I would be so interested in a video that addresses people at risk for those things and explains how to avoid them. It’s so sad to see people seeking relationship and community finding it only through racism and misogyny. Thank you for everything you do.
Thank you Dr. Marks! Really great! I have lived in LA for about 17 years. After a lot of effort, time, and energy there were crickets! I let the idea having reciprocal conversations and relationships resolve after about year two. IDKR or understand what is going on so, I go about minding my own business! I am content being my authentic self minus the toxic superficiality of swirling mega mad validation seeking! When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. - Maya Angelou
Most unsuspecting autistic people feel alone. Since we are different, it is hard for us to communicate and be understood by others. Contrary to a wrong belief, we want to have friends and socialize like others but since we do it differently, it's complicated and misunderstood. Depression and anxiety are some of of the most common side effects of undiagnosed autism. Most of us are interested by psychology and often watch such videos. The reason is that we have been feeling different from others since childhood and we want to understand others and ourselves. So, in the audience of such videos, there is a far higher proportion of autistic people than in the general public.
One minute in and she has already described how I feel. It's one reason why I can't stand watching old/new shows that are about groups of women living together and having fun. Because I'm not having fun with groups of women who understands me.
Always had a sense of loneliness and felt depressed. Unheard. Been feeling like this since age 12. I've been to therapy about my anxiety. Still trying to work on the lonely feeling. My romantic life is great but I miss genuine platonic female friendships 38yrs old and still trying to find my "friends"
I battle loneliness and depression and anxiety and PTSD raised in a narcissistic family cult and also the family scapegoat and family betrayal trauma too and I’m always the family target 🎯 I feel so alone I have battled and struggle with addictions also battling religious abuse and trauma
Great content, as usual! I loved the nod to the Psych2Go animations. And would it be possible to discuss some more details about this and other social connection issues in autistic adults?
I can relate to this video. I actually like spending time to myself more often than I should. I have found being in the company of family and friends leaves me feeling depleted and with lighter pockets. Being in my own company doesn't make me feel depleted. My circumstances are not typical and I'm sure that has an affect too. Some loved ones are single, have pre-teen and grown kids and do not like animals and especially do not like cats. I am married and like my husband, have no grown or pre-teen kids and I have a cat. I don't ever ask them to ditch their family, but though they've never met my cat of 17 years, they make it clear they hate cats. Suffice it to say, the cat is staying. People are just overrated or, for me, can only be handled in small doses. After that, I'm like, "I'm good." And just to stay on task with this video, I have experienced every thought pattern described for someone who should be seeking help, except the last red flag. I love myself and my life too much to do harm to myself or anyone else for that matter. I just tend to vibe with complete strangers better than family, friends or neighbors. Facts.
To cook, clean, wash, serve, juggle, worry and manage for others in the non stop task of serving and satisfying others is exhausting. The reason they made vacation is to get alone time. Without it you are in a non stop loop of aggravation, obligation and challenges to help and please others. To hit the 🛑 button and spend peace with just you is just the greatest. Maybe I'm a hermit crab, but alone time with self is not loneliness it's recuperate healing & peace.
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I'm always the one to initiate a connection with people. It's so draining because if they are emotionally unavailable, then all they are going to do is take take take and give nothing in return. I'm always checking in on people stepping outside of my comfort zone. But no one checks on me or even care unless they want money or want to be nosey.
U are so right, I'm so tired of that ppl who only use to u when u always gives everything for anyone
❤❤❤
I cringed when I saw this video title. "You need to fix this ASAP" suggests that we have control over whether others receive us or not.
You have just described my LIFE. I am so weary of always reaching out. Whether it be friends, family, romance, colleagues.i simply can’t any longer. My daughter jokes that I do not have friends but pro- bono clients. What is a knife in my soul is when one asks, “ Hey, how are you? Then immediately go into a dialogue of themselves. Afterwards, ending the conversation without ever checking in. When I mention this I hear that I’m being overly sensitive. Ve since cut , literally, everyone out of my life. I’ve tried all of the steps Dr. Marx mentioned. I’m 55. This isn’t new to me. Yet, I try not to have the victim mentality that she discusses in another video. Yet, how not to?!
It’s hard not to wonder if The Divine just wanted me to walk solo, like forever. I’ve continuously tried everything you’ve mentioned , and more. It has caused negative cognition, depression, and victimisation. It’s not a simple fix. When you’ve done all you can with no sustainable results. It’s like the vintage toy that one must spin to remain alight. If I do not spin (keep contact) with relations (friend/family/ romance/ colleagues) they topple and disappear. Well! No more, mate. The only one that I work on sustaining is with my only child. Blessedly, she returns the effort. However, she’s 26, isn’t she? She leads her own life. I do not have high expectations of a relationship. Just genuineness and mutuality. 😊
The reason is simple. People just don’t listen to each other. Active listening and true empathic listening is rare. Everyone is out for themselves. People are in their phones instead of engaging with others.
It's crushing to see how the younger generations are becoming more and more what you describe! I work with many, many of them and have realized how self-centered and isolated they are. They don't give a damn about the ones around. Oh, God, what kind of world we will happen to live in over the next decades...
Exactly!!!
Then there’s those of us that no matter what social situation we are in feel alone, because of feeling unliked and misunderstood and socially inept from low self esteem
This is how I feel every day. It's so rare to feel truly seen.
I feel that way a ton, but I also have some really beautiful encounters too to balance that a bit. It's harder to when you get older and aren't as good looking and desirable as you may have been younger. It's hard.
@@AtortAerials The older I get, the less I want generic people around. I agree about being older and less "beautiful," people want to ignore what they aren't attracted to. I want sincere connection with the company I keep, not small talk. I don't like myself as much around other people, so they need to be people I genuinely enjoy for me to enjoy myself with them.
@@Sarappreciates 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
Same 😢
I started visiting the elderly and helping them.
I am part of a volunteer group now.
This helps my mental health a lot!
I feel so happy to see them happy.
I used to do that with visiting my grandma when I felt most depressed and lonely. It helps a lot paying attention to others, it makes you feel helped along the way.
What a great idea! A win-win situation for both parties.
Wow, I hadn't thought about that! I'll try it! The amount of abandoned elderly people is impressive, why not generate an inner smile in their souls?!!!
Love ❤this
@@annapomelo3818my husband and I delivered Meals on Wheels for a while, made me more depressed
I want everyone here in the comments to know that I hear you and I see you ❤ you're not alone in feeling the way you do
Thank you. ❤
"It's okay to have needs" The way society tries to make people feel bad for having needs
Anytime I allow myself to be vulnerable, it's used against me
Im sorry to hear that you've been having this experience again and again 😣 It can be hard to keep pushing yourself only to see the same behavior from others but it can take the right people to be possible to overcome that and if you give up trying being available and vulnerable you might miss the people that you come across that could be the right fit. I hope kinder and more compassionate people come your way!
Not everyone deserves to hear your story. Only tell the worthy.
Humans can be evil. But I'm sure with you can use it for good and "flip the script" as I've heard it said.
I’m so alone in life, my family is dysfunctional/abusive, I have a decent relationship with a sister but I’m lonely and I don’t trust people much anymore. I get used and am disappointed in people
The loneliest I ever felt was during my last marriage.
Now I'm often on my own, but not lonely anymore.
@@karoshi2 never married but I felt very lonely in past relationships. I hope I can find a partner someday but I’d rather be single than with the wrong person.
@@milliem8051 I'm 29, never dated or had a relationship at all.. I feel like when people complain about their relationships/Past Relationships or marriage then I just think, wow.. at least you were lucky to get someone.. since relationships and dating are pretty much all about looks and even though I've been called attractive, cute, and beautiful I still have no dating life and still single..
Same, but in the relationships. It's so much less lonely to be on your own.
Agree with this.
So lonely when he is here.
I love to be by myself is that a danger sign?
Is it ok to like being alone?
@@bridgetsieger2261 It’s not necessarily a sign of danger that you enjoy being alone, but it’s something to pay attention to. What makes you feel lonely when he’s around? Do you talk enough, and do you really listen to each other?
In our case, a lot of things went wrong. The loneliness mainly came from weeks of silence. I kept trying to talk, but it felt like I was talking to myself. No response, no reaction - the mobile and TV were more important. When we did talk, she would sometimes just get up and leave in the middle of a conversation, claiming I had supposedly stopped talking. Or a text message would cut the conversation short.
These failed attempts really took a toll on me. In the very end, I just did my own thing, and while that was better for me, suddenly I became the one to blame. If it hadn’t been for the kids, I should’ve left earlier.
Same honestly I feel like I am supposed to be alone. I've never experienced true agape friendship… that's all I really want in this life
I've had various relationships where I'm always the initiator. That gets old when you're always the one reaching out, and I tend to give up on it. Over time you wonder if people just don't want to be around you 🤷🏼♂️
Exactly, maybe I should do this but I always look at how much time has passed since I've heard from them and whether or not I was the initiator. I've seen a new acquaintance 3 times since April. I'm not reaching out again
I feel it's very discouraging 😢
The people around me are so superficial and self-absorbed. No strategy for deepening the connection worked unfortunately. They ramble on about themselves and are addicted to social media. I hate being alone but also hate being around them.
So true!!!
I think I often feel the opposite. I spend a lot of time alone, but not lonely. I've had people say they worry for me being alone so much, tell me I "need to get out more." I sometimes miss certain specific people, which isn't the same a "lonely," but I rarely feel like I need general human companionship unless I need help with a specific task. I hate myself more when I'm around other people. That inner judgemental voice quiets when I'm alone, and I enjoy that silence.
I feel the same. People today are draining to me. Don't let anyone or even this TH-cam channel tell you that there is something wrong with that. The cookie cutter "you're going to die early if you don't allow people to become involved in your life" is a lie and is draining in itself.
@@Sarappreciates I can relate. Hating ourselves is no good, comparing ourselves to others is debilitating
People don’t care about me. I reach out and they just don’t care.
@@kunserndsittizen2655 I feel the same so many times. People do care I’m sure just everyone is SO busy in their own crap it seems and caught up in life sadly. I care. Hang on there.
Yes they do. Don't fall for the lie
@@timjohnson2186 what lie? I made a list of over 50 people/entities/doctors/etc that I reached out to and they don’t care.
@@kunserndsittizen2655 I'm a Christian, and I really do believe that there are those who will care
@@timjohnson2186 the "lie" can seem very real when caught up in depression and more.
Volunteering wasn't mentioned directly, but it is a great way to get out, meet new people, connect with a cause dear to you and share your caring spirit with others. Animal lovers, don't forget animal shelters! Sending you all positive vibes! Be kind to yourselves first and foremost then when your spirits are up, reach out and connect with your World. There are plenty of good people amongst us worthy of your time and trust. Chin up!!
This introvert has never felt lonely for people, & I'm really glad for that.
It’s not a longing for people really… It’s more like a feeling there’s a twin of us who died in-uterus that nobody else knows about… It’s like half of you is missing… But the feeling is coming from the lack of being seen, recognized, acknowledged by everyone we ever encountered.
I'm alone most of the time, and yet NOT lonely. My significant other is very narcissistic. I think being around that all the time really reminds me that people are horrible so keep your guard up. I yearn to be free of him and I'm making plans to do so. But in the meantime, Ms Tracy's channel, along with other TH-cam connections will get me through. Thanks anybody out there who identifies. Don't give up. I wont!
I’ve battled loneliness and depression for as long as I can remember, and even when I’m surrounded by friends or family, I still feel like a stranger…disconnected, as if I don’t truly belong.
same
Same here..
@@user7-o9w I know how you feel
Same here! I 100% get where you're coming from
This is how I’d felt for the longest time. Ngl my faith helped a LOT. Now people admire and see and hear me when I speak or walk into a room, more than before. I have more confidence now. And feel a bit more connected than before but still a bit distant. But deep down I’m more content with life now. Before it was much worse and was taking meds for depression. I always used to think, since elementary school, maybe the reason I’m not that connected with others is because I “have no personality”. I felt like something was wrong with me. My parents never really let us play with the neighborhood kids much so that stunted my growth.
Top tier content, thank you! I
I have felt alone all the time, especially when I was in school, even though I never was alone. Feels like you are secluded from the world.
As a teen, it was a horrible feeling. Now, most of the times I see it as a gift, it gives me inner peace
Thank you, Dr. Marks. I would love to see a vid about those of us who are in chrinic pain, disabled and suffering insular loneliness. 💝
Oh yes!
Learning mindfulness is one of the most important lessons right now.
My diagnosis changed from bipolar disorder to schizoaffective disorder bipolar type in 2022. I used to feel lonely as a bipolar patient, and now that psychosis is a constant presence in my life, things have just gotten worse, much worse. So, thank you for this video. I really needed it today. ❤
Sorry you’re going through all that.
@@ben_is_tall thank you. 😀
Off topic but love your pfp
@@EtherealSolana Thanks! :😀 😃
Sorry about your situation. Have you ever tried a Dialectical Behavior Therapy course? It helps tremendously with your diagnosis. Worth a shot. Good luck with everything!
Be your own best friend, have your own party, celebrate yourself...buy those flowers, give yourself compliments, take yourself out to the movies or lunch !
Great idea!
Wow 😮 Finally someone gets it. Perfect explanation.
“Have you felt lonely in a crowed room?”
No but I’ve felt lonely living, sleeping, eating, watching tv, and bathing because I live alone and have no friends!😊
The suggestions you make about joining a simple book club and stuff I swear for me made things worse. I literally signed up for board game night and showed up a little late because I couldn't find it as my first time and all the people there were so rude to me and unwelcoming made me feel that much more alone and annoyed. Then I went to a meet up at a healing circle and same thing everyone else there seems cut off to being open and making a friend fucking over it. It's like nobody seems open everyone living in fear and a paranoid mess...rather be lonely alone!
@@AtortAerials I hate meetups. I’d maybe go to a restaurant meetup again, that was ok, but most of them are just so awkward and make me feel worse too. I feel like I missed the boat on making lasting friendships and finding a partner… I do think someone would be happy to be with me but idk where how to find him, among all the toxic users.
@@milliem8051 I feel you exactly on missing the boat. I know I'm a good person and guy and it's like people are supposed to know this by swiping on a f'n silly app?!
I once registered in a drama club after getting my heart broken. When I got there, I realized everyone there was 2 decades younger than me. There was a woman older than me but she quit at the 2nd session. I made humongous effort to stay and try to make friends, but yeah, I understand that age context made everything harder. I remember doing some tasks asked by the teacher and some of my classmates whispering about me, "Oh, he's so screwed up...". Instead of encouraging me to be more social, now I feel more like wanting to work and live alone in a lighthouse in a remote place.
I understand you! People are so clickish and I always feel like the outsider going to group events. I’ve experienced this at different group functions. So I’d rather be alone than to deal with people like that. Matchmaker Maria said get new friends by joining different groups. Yeah okay. Never worked for me as people aren’t friendly. Even people on bumble bff! As someone stated it’s like they live in fear. I do too as I have social anxiety now. However, I will put effort in to meet others. Most don’t want to and on guard. So I go do stuff alone. Like she said we have to put more effort into ourselves and that’s exactly what I’ll do. Get a pet and travel. I feel I missed both boats as well. I stay off social media as much as I can.
@@godspurple4805 you're not alone. 💞
Thank god that someone like you exists :) God bless you 3>
Yeah,I tried to just say that and it's like ugh, stop complaining = my parents, and friends. So I just keep it to myself and try and work through it on my own. Yes,I've been saying I need new friends with shared interest.
As someone that once spent close to a decade in severe isolation, I can attest that it is one of the most horrific experiences a person can go through, even when it's chosen. The impacts are vast, and the loneliness that comes from general life is a pale shadow of the extent that it can grow to. Very few people have the psychological makeup to be unaffected by loneliness.
How did you get out of a decade of severe isolation, if you did? I think once you feel so isolated with no social circle, it’s harder to meet people and build connections.
i'm dying from crushing loneliness yet i don't want to be around people anymore... can't make connections with people. don't know where/how to meet people with similar morals and interests. people are shallow and selfish.
Not only that, I find I literally like my quietness. I hope things get better soon for you. ❤
@@thecozyconstellation nature for the win. Nature. Heals maybe find some others that simply enjoy being in nature?
...shallow, selfish and immoral as well.
I hear you, my cat is my bestie ❤🎉and I am grateful for him 😊
@@nydiare ditto.
I like to describe it as hiding in plain sight it's like I'm surrounded by all these people but I still don't feel seen or heard
I feel unseen and unheard since I started getting older, and I am 52 now. A lot of people just don't see me, like I don't matter anymore, but there are people who are just downright cruel. I had some younger men on social media calling me "grandma" or "old hag" based on my age only (they never even saw how I look like) and in real life people, especially younger men (around 30 - 40 years, mostly) tend to be dismissive and even verbally abusive. People my age that I know only complain about their problems over and over, or they don't want to know about any problem, mine or anyone else's.
Intitating socialization in this state would result in too many rejections for my taste.
REgarding joining some clubs, shared interests and social events... I am tired... I have lots of health issues, I can barely go through the day. I can't at the end of the work day just get onto bus and join some book or paint or cook club. It costs and my salary is tiny. I am tired, I have health issues that keep me confined to security of home, I saw presentations of these clubs or whatevers online, no one there is older than 30!
This doesn't help me, sorry.
I swear this video was made for me. I'm literally feeling this way right now, and part of me feels a bit ridiculous for it. Thanks for the kind words Doc.
Same 🤕🎨
I talked about this with my friend this morning I'm staying with we both feel this way and talked about how lonely we feel so crazy...literally an hour ago and now watching this.
Same!
It's ok to talk about it. It helps some. Sending hugs to all of you 🤗
And for me too ☝️ 😢
I've been/felt alone for most of my life especially as I got older and the people who I was connected to the most exited my life through death or otherwise. The only time that I was able to experience meaningful connections was when I was in college and was around like minded people and it felt amazing, but then I graduated, moved and lost touch with my classmates. Now I'm back in the same kind of headspace and I always think about that time when life was better. It feels like a theme or cycle that I keep going through making it hard to break out of 🙃 I miss feeling connected.
Three useless things I hear:
1. I’ll pray for you
2. Have you thought of seeing a therapist?
3. I don’t know that to tell ya...
3
2
@@cobalius it’s insulting because I have and they haven’t helped. And what kind of help is telling someone the existence of therapists?
@@kunserndsittizen2655exactly
Thank you for your top notch content as always. You are so generous to share your wealth of knowledge with all of us!
The older I get the lonelier I get people are fake, dating these days is a complete nightmare
I’m autistic so I feel like this most often
I’m on the spectrum and love to be alone. I’m an alien around people.
This video makes me feel so much better! ❤
Awesome! ❤️
This is such an important subject to talk about. Would you be interested in making a video talking about loneliness in people with mental health disorders like ADHD and autism?
I'm curious as to why you think it may be substantially different for AuDHD'ers ?
I'm sympathetic to your drive here but really keen to understand where it is coming from because I have an idea that there's a complex intra personal aspect at play and I'd like to know more about how that is experienced and where it's self defeating features may protrude.
Also ...didn't want to get lost in a word cloud, so please forgive my clumsy articulation of that question
Being adopted and having literally no family and the only family I know is my Mom who is 90 with progressed dementia really stinks. Totally lonely all the time to the point I feel what's the point of even being on this planet. Yeah I get it it's hard.
That's really hard. During COVID and afterwards many family members and family died. I'm beginning to understand loneliness in a different way.
I wish I seen this sooner. I’ve felt like this majority of my life from a teen to now being in my 30’s.. 😞
I was on a party recently (don't Go on many) and I was treated so well by some old friends I didn't see in a while and I thought: "Why does it feel so weird to be liked?", guess you shed some light on it
To feel lonely even in a crowd is one of the worst feeling's ever,it's like you're invisible or don't even matter,but at the same time I know it's alot of people that enjoy their own company & staying to their self
Dr.Marks, this video is pure therapeutic gold! Your wisdom, compassion, and expertise reached me at a time when I really needed your wisdom on exactly this subject to help me better connect in relationships with those I want to feel a deeper connection to, but have been struggling to deepen my bond with. Your compassionate advice has really helped me to see a way forward with deepening my connection to them. Thank you! ❤
this is a very powerful video full of helpful lessons - thank you
I enjoy being alone, I'm a very empathetic person and I feel negative vibes really strongly and being around people is very uncomfortable. I. Have been battling mental health issues for years and I just don't have the energy to insert negatively in my life. I'm being treated my doctor so that's all ok, I do feel like Im emotionally bankrupt and just a zombie, I'm also struggling with ending my cycle of benzodiazepines so that in it self is extremely exhausting and very very difficult. Medication isn't answer, self work is what will improve your life ❤
Everyday, All of the time...
Imagine that! The popular student(s) in high school. That, I admired so much. Could of been just as lonely as me!
Thank you Dr. Marks, for this video. It revels how, along with purpose we can associate the correct emotion with the correct revelation. God Bless You
As a clinician myself your videos are spot on and so so helpful. Thank you!
I feel lonely at my job. & at home…at church too…
Succinctly presented. Thank you so much for these guidelines. You are so very skillful!
This is kinda spooky because I just had a conversation with my neighbor about feeling lonely even when having family around. I always been the black sheep of the family, my siblings friends do not know about me, everyone in the family knew about my Aunt passing away today and I didn't find out until later. My siblings won't call to check on me but they talk to the rest of the family. Yet they do not understand why im dealing with depression and anxiety and hurt 🤦🏽 I told them I was diagnosed with bipolar depression and my brother said it's because I don't get out but yet he is the same one that told me I don't need gas money just chill at home 😞
Please stop sharing sensitive info about yourself with your negligent family. They will use it against you.
Thanks!Dr. Marks never misses ❤
You’re welcome and thank you! 🙏🏽❤️
Very insightful. Connection with others and resilience are strengths we all need to build inthe world today. Thank you.
To me there is an awesome peace to being alone..you share yourself with others at your own discretion. But to be quiet, in peace and alone in the awesome company of self is priceless. I once heard, If you don't like to be alone with you neither will anyone else, .Peace, quiet, prayer, and self ❤ is the greatest gift ever
Thanks DR needed to hear this I'm a truck driver on the road 10 days off 3 I find this very helpful
Thank you so much for the great explainations for the cuases of loneliness and for giving us aclear steps to improve our lives in this regard! ❤️
I just spoke about this with my client today. Thanks for the work you do. I was inspired by you and others to start my channel ❤
Thank you for this video. Having MDD makes it hard to connect with people, since I tend to isolate myself which lead to feelings to loneliness. I am going to try your suggestions. Thanks again.
I’m lonely,and in continuous physical pain . Sometimes I think about just ending all the pain.
Youre not the only one.
Felt the same way at some point BUT whoever or whatever made u feel that way, WAS NEVER WORTH IT. You bring to the world what no one else does. ❤
Im stuck inside in an apartment bld, no car, 70 yrs old. No relatives left. I was productive in the past, in the Bay Area. An area where theres Always Somthing To Do. no car, didnt matter. there was always a ride to where i needed to go. Huge Metro Area. Now in midwest small town. Nothing to do, If i Did have a ride. bumming rides to Drs... Nobody checks in.. I was born here, but was successful in Bay Area. Now back in midwest, im very unsatisfied w my current reality. My cat is my friend. & shes a Really Great One.
But i see No city lights, no sign of life beyond my bld. It truely Sux !!!
You’re not the only one. Embrace it. Read. Write. Start a hobby. Play music. There’s a lot more you can do.
@@emiliog.4432 don't tell people to embrace loneliness, that's toxic.
@avodiablackheart6131 I am a recent Midwestern resident. I know what you mean. ❤
Thank you for sharing. I believe you. You are heard and seen and good things are wished for you.
I thought of you when I listened to Jireh / Elevation Worship & Maverick City on TH-cam today. Sending love and kindness your way. 🤗 🥰
Got to notice. Let's check it out.
I've always felt lonley ever since I started elementery school when I had undiagnosed adhd as a kid and saw that the other kids and the grown ups acted so much differently than how I would've wanted to interact with them so I shyed away from them to not get bullied or ridiculed fot it. My little sister is very extroverted, I am not so it was easier for her to talk to a lot of people and that made me feel like a weirder freak of nature so I just decided not to be a people person. It's crucial to have friends in your adult life however when all you do is work, go home, go to sleep and repeat for decades.
Thankyou Dr Tracy mark most part of the world is lonely even when you are with your family or friends, yes mindfulness, meditation and spirituality, Buddhism zen stories are wonderful, I am a bi polar mental illness , I live in India❤
Thanks Dr. And thanks for the clear audio.
I agree, Loneliness can feel overwhelming, but understanding its roots is the first step to overcoming it. There are so many ways to reconnect, whether it’s through building new relationships, engaging in activities we love, or simply reaching out for support.
C-PTSD here. I'm realizing that I was trying to find one person that could check all my loneliness boxes, which is unrealistic and also unfair to that person.
In another video, I found out that there is something called fear of betrayal which is different from fear of abandonment (i was misdiagnosed bpd by unqualified professionals (general m.d., social worker). It was never "i fear they will leave" it was "I fear they lied" or "I fear it's not real".
That clears a path for me. Thank you.
No, I don’t feel empty inside. I’m in a good place. Unfortunately, the people around me don’t care, acknowledge or celebrate my being in a good place. Modern relationships are hierarchical and ultra competitive. It wasn’t always like this. Modern cultural influences from social media suck.
Thank you for this video! It made me think about how loneliness is one of the major factors driving people toward problematic social movements, like white supremacy, incels and pickup artist stuff. I would be so interested in a video that addresses people at risk for those things and explains how to avoid them. It’s so sad to see people seeking relationship and community finding it only through racism and misogyny. Thank you for everything you do.
Thank you Dr. Marks! Really great! I have lived in LA for about 17 years. After a lot of effort, time, and energy there were crickets! I let the idea having reciprocal conversations and relationships resolve after about year two. IDKR or understand what is going on so, I go about minding my own business! I am content being my authentic self minus the toxic superficiality of swirling mega mad validation seeking! When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. - Maya Angelou
Most unsuspecting autistic people feel alone. Since we are different, it is hard for us to communicate and be understood by others. Contrary to a wrong belief, we want to have friends and socialize like others but since we do it differently, it's complicated and misunderstood. Depression and anxiety are some of of the most common side effects of undiagnosed autism. Most of us are interested by psychology and often watch such videos. The reason is that we have been feeling different from others since childhood and we want to understand others and ourselves. So, in the audience of such videos, there is a far higher proportion of autistic people than in the general public.
One minute in and she has already described how I feel.
It's one reason why I can't stand watching old/new shows that are about groups of women living together and having fun. Because I'm not having fun with groups of women who understands me.
I feel the same. No female friends and my sisters don't communicate with me beyond the superficial, unless it's about our mother.
@@probablypoetic8759 🫂 it's rough but we'll find our people one day
Thanks for the video! 🤗
I appreciate you Dr. 😌
No one really ever cares, maybe your family but life continues to go full steam ahead. We’ve created an ugly way of living life
I have always described it as though I am a ghost no one can see.
🫂
I have described it as being on a separate planet that is far away from everyone else.
same for me 😢
really liked this video
¡Por fin traducido! ¡Muchas gracias!
Clubs with common interests as mine are helpful too...
Always had a sense of loneliness and felt depressed. Unheard. Been feeling like this since age 12. I've been to therapy about my anxiety. Still trying to work on the lonely feeling. My romantic life is great but I miss genuine platonic female friendships
38yrs old and still trying to find my "friends"
This video was incredible! Thank you for the breakdown ❤
So glad you make these videos ❤
Thanks for sharing Dr Mark.
Thank you!
Thank you ❤
I battle loneliness and depression and anxiety and PTSD raised in a narcissistic family cult and also the family scapegoat and family betrayal trauma too and I’m always the family target 🎯 I feel so alone I have battled and struggle with addictions also battling religious abuse and trauma
Thank you very much. This video was extremely helpful.
Thanks. Resonates.
I don't feel alone I feel happily left alone. I love time & peace alone with God
Great content, as usual! I loved the nod to the Psych2Go animations. And would it be possible to discuss some more details about this and other social connection issues in autistic adults?
Yes I second that request. And, thank you so much Dr. Marks.
I’d love a big family, I think that would help me the most.
Was placed in special education for ADHD and social withdrawal. I generally loathe being around people when unnecessary.
Thank you very much for this very useful information. Its appreciated.🙂
Ohh I don’t fight with loneliness, it won, I am completely alone
this format really suits me
I can relate to this video. I actually like spending time to myself more often than I should. I have found being in the company of family and friends leaves me feeling depleted and with lighter pockets. Being in my own company doesn't make me feel depleted. My circumstances are not typical and I'm sure that has an affect too. Some loved ones are single, have pre-teen and grown kids and do not like animals and especially do not like cats. I am married and like my husband, have no grown or pre-teen kids and I have a cat. I don't ever ask them to ditch their family, but though they've never met my cat of 17 years, they make it clear they hate cats. Suffice it to say, the cat is staying. People are just overrated or, for me, can only be handled in small doses. After that, I'm like, "I'm good." And just to stay on task with this video, I have experienced every thought pattern described for someone who should be seeking help, except the last red flag. I love myself and my life too much to do harm to myself or anyone else for that matter. I just tend to vibe with complete strangers better than family, friends or neighbors. Facts.
To cook, clean, wash, serve, juggle, worry and manage for others in the non stop task of serving and satisfying others is exhausting. The reason they made vacation is to get alone time. Without it you are in a non stop loop of aggravation, obligation and challenges to help and please others. To hit the 🛑 button and spend peace with just you is just the greatest. Maybe I'm a hermit crab, but alone time with self is not loneliness it's recuperate healing & peace.
Great stuff