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Inner Integration question, I’ve noticed that my 3 exes who emotionally nuked me all would show learned helplessness, and that their mothers have it much worse. Like as they get older it becomes worse. It seems that Learned Helplessness is a Covert Narcissist’s favorite go-to weapon when they play the Victim-Card.
Lourangel Borrero For some people, it may be their only option for whatever reason, or it may help them become brave enough to venture into individual counseling. Every avenue of support and help are worthwhile! 👍💜
Absolutely! After 40 years of damage, I was a grown woman who could not even "think for herself" as I needed the advice/approval of my narc mom in order to do anything! It took 3 years of YT and self-work, no therapist due to becoming impoverished from everything and still no money for help due to being low income!
@@roberttweten6451I'm 1,000% a survivor! Aren't we all that have lived this hell? It's been an uphill battle just to keep whatever freedom I've gained. One step forward, 10 steps back and so life seems to be this way. Currently still dealing with financial problems, but again, this is nothing new with this type of abuse. Opportunities are far and few in between especially if you're forced to cut all ties, all contacts, and have no living family remaining alive. I'm taking the first step and I'm not hiding anymore, I did nothing wrong, I was just born into a family that abused me and this was never my fault.
@@roberttweten6451, not sure what you mean by your question. I'm assuming you wanted to know how I moved past some of the abuse and the issues simply on my own. It's called time, the old saying that time heals all wounds, well perhaps not all but it greatly helps! Going NC with whoever remains of the so-called former life. Knowing that the word "family" is just that a word, is not set in stone, is not blood is thicker than water. That you don't "owe" anyone anything in this life, it does not matter what they've done for you or supposedly done for you. YOU owe it to yourself to try to survive/live as best as you can, with whatever you've been given. Lastly, though this one is difficult, self-discipline in meditation. You live your life, one day at a time, one foot in front of the other and so forth. You realize that life is precious, fleeting, precarious, to the degree that you don't really control it. You make and have choices, yet many choices are still limited depending on your circumstances. You realize that this life is very much Maya, I've known for a long time, yet realize this more so now than ever!
Your videos seriously can't come at a better time. Seriously. My car just broke down and its one of those "learned helplessness" its in my life. My ex was a self proclaimed mechanic and my dad is the type of guy to get mad when the car breaks down (he is also the one who gave me this car). Ive decided this time that instead of taking the car to him, im taking the steps to fix it myself. To take it to a mechanic. Im not going to have mechanics in my life all the time. And ive always been told I wont know what theyre talking about. But every day people go to mechanics and thats okay. Thank you for your videos
Absolutely. My narc mother at 75 is now facing changes in her life when my narc father died last year. She's not able to adapt but rather clings to trained habits and routines that will ruin her completely. She was not born dumb though but she's acting completely stupid (financially and else).
Its a very strange thing to think about when you see your parents arent dumb but in turn after everything act like it. My parents were toxic for each other and i can see the difference between them.
@@NEbluefire My father was the covert narc, my mother codependent; after he got chronically ill she would turn into dominant position, now she's the Jezebel type after he died. They were married 53 years after all.
Omg-my car just broke down too, and it’s one of the reasons I ended up searching for this video. I am also just realizing that my manager is on the narcissistic spectrum, and it is really triggering me, so much so that I am having difficulty just talking care of the basics in order to have the car towed to a mechanic. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Some of the best advice I received from Meredith is to not seek approval from other people. You’re putting yourself in position for people to criticize you and your work. If you take the criticism serious you will soon start to think you can’t do anything right, second guess your every move and wind up doing nothing. I have learned the criticism is simply coming from jealousy, envy and feeling inferior. They build themselves up by putting you and everything about you down. My point is don’t listen to a damn thing a narc tells you and go out and accomplish or create something, starting today. Who cares if you make a mistake, because a person that doesn’t make mistakes is a person that does nothing. Speaking of that I gotta get my ass in the woods and collect sap from my maple trees to make maple syrup, it’s that time of year in the Northwoods. And if a narc wants to criticize me about my maple syrup I’ll simply respond, “Hey asshole, how much syrup you make this year?” Awesome video as always Meredith!
Exactly: normal, humble, relational people tend to seek some advice, some approval or disapproval, anyway some feedback; a real, sincere friend or reliable individual would be glad to provide it. A narc will always put you down, invariably, even when all the odds are in your favor and you would be bound to succeed.
The inner voice often criticizes us with harsh words and speaks from another person's position. It actually wants to help us, but often this way is counter productive. A long time ago, I unwittingly changed my inner dialogue from saying "you..." to "we...", although I'm still only one person, at least I(we) hope so. E. g. by saying "We should take a bike ride today to get some fresh air" it makes my inner voice to an ally than an enemy I'm inclined to resist. It's more encouraging than pushing myself to do something.
I'd like to add this about 3 months later: It is a good idea to get rid of the "shoulds" and "ought tos" because they are judgments and imply feelings of guilt. Instead, it is much better to say "could" or rephrase the internal conversation into suggestions, e.g. What about...?
I grew up surrounded by abusive women (my mother is a covert victim narcissist). My sisters were allowed to insult me all the time and I wasn’t allowed to respond because they were girls. My mother’s sister did the same and she was untouchable because she was a woman and also my aunt. The same story with my mother’s brother. My parents did nothin about that abuse. I grew up believing that I wasn’t allowed to use my strength, and feared to do so. The stronger I become, the greater my fear becomes and the feeling of impotency and helplessness grows.
Francisco Ramirez España Garcia you can only be vulnerable and soft if you are strong and assertive..you have to be both..first you got to get your power back by healing yourself..by putting boundaries and getting rid of toxic people so you can heal and become stronger first, build self esteem heal your nervous system..With healing your mind and body..gentleness will come..Exercising will help..moving body will help to take fear out of your body and mind.. Hope you feel better soon!
Thank you for an important message Meredith. My luck was being thrown out of my home at 13. It forced me to face my fears head on. I became a rock climber because I was terrified of heights. Also, thank you for your latest podcast.
I grew up having to endure unhealthy behaviours of others as I had no escape. This was before there was a child help line available, and am still thankful children today have this support. In adulthood, I realized that I have a choice. Just because abuse is my familiar doesn't mean I have to put up with it any longer. It is not a life sentence. Being mindful that I have a choice was eye opening. I didn't know that my subconscious was running the show and how difficult it is to break these patterns. TY Meredith for sharing these online programs to bust thru these limiting beliefs 👍😎 TY for keeping it real, speaking your truth and walking your talk ✌❤
#1 money. Been a stay at home mom for 11 years. And independence. #2 it sucks. I can’t buy things I want or do the things I want to do. #3 self talk...Not much of that. I know I’m worthy of more. I went back to school to gain knowledge so I can get a new job. #4 yes, growth!! No more scarcity!!! I’m ready for it!!! Yoga, every single day really helps with the anxiety. #5 courage. I’m taking action. I am learning new things, and taking control of my future ❤️🥳🥳🥳 and, again, yoga really helps. Be present in your life, especially when you want to run from it. 🙏🙏🙏 it really helps to focus on yourself.
Hugs to you Meredith, and thank you for talking about this subject. I am almost 6 months out of my toxic marriage with a narcissist. I was married for 27 years though and learning to navigate on my own has been a little nerve racking. This is the part of my life that I’m finding that I am not sure what decisions to make financially, and wether to sell my home this year or wait till next year. I worry about making the right decision. I have all this freedom and I don’t know what to do with it all. It’s a little scary venturing out.
I know exactly what you mean about being nervous with having to make decisions. I'd become used to asking others for their input so making decisions on my own was very unnerving. It took me a while to get comfortable with it, but what I did was do as much research as possible and weigh everything up. It was still scary but I forced myself to make that decision and not just let things drift. Most of the time they were right deciosions, but I also learned that it's okay to make wrong ones too...which I did occasionally...and just to learn from them instead of beating myself up. For something really big like selling or buying property it's really okay to get some professional opinions, but that decision has to be made alone. And that's when your confidence will grow. All the best, Kathy. :)
I used to work with a wise man. One of the things he always said was, "Do something even if it's wrong. Just do something. If it doesn't work out you'll either learn from it or know what you need to do instead." Inertia is what you want to avoid.
Trust yourself flow with life it will bring you to wear you need be.. Trusting your self is a must. You'll be on your journey that will provide believe in the powers of universal Energys.vibrations and frequencies... Self love self care Me first..my moto 2020. Blessings to you 🦋
I was married to a gaslighting narcissistic control freak for 14 years. I've become a weak, helpless man who can't seem to accomplish anything. This gives me hope!
This is so good. I had just gotten to a point in my recovery from decades of abuse.....hating myself for letting it happen (why didn't I have more self respect??) and knowing I was sabatoging new relationships by constantly shutting down and hiding if the smallest thing went wrong....and I wake up to this video this morning. It is exactly what I needed! Thank you!
Please think about how to address this topic for the disabled who are more likely to find themselves in a situation where they are not "acting" or "behaving" helpless. They are actually operating from a different playing field. I was able to escape abuse. It took years because of disability. I was not disabled all my life so I can speak to this being different when living with physical challenges. I just want to point out we need to address what happens to the disabled when we are entrapped, isolated, and abused, and the difference between "learned helplessness" versus fierce bravery to survive until the moment of being able to change what is happening.
@Elle D actually it's not the same at all.. some people are dealing with truly challenging physical & financial conditions, especially in poorer countries with no social welfare & health support whatsoever.. It would be a very narcissistic attitude to classify them in the 'victimhood' shaming department imo .. It bugs me when I watch people who had sth (financially) or someone to hold on to & a relatively good health going on victim blaming survivors.. and on the other hand, if you are all alone, with no family left, you hear this J. Peterson bs that you become bitter or a bad person.. What a narcissistic & insensitive approach!..
I would like to address the replies to this comment. The paralysis that can be created in the subconscious with CPTSD, can be debilitating, until you become aware of what is holding you back. I am embarrassed to say that, as a young child, I wished that there was something physically wrong with me, because then I would have an excuse for feeling depressed and anxious. As a result the incompetence felt as an adult also felt very debilitating. Being told “I shouldn’t be struggling with life because I am not disabled and I wasn’t physically abused” just left me feeling more ashamed and that I was a bad person, keeping me stuck. Gabor Mate explains this well, how even unintentional trauma growing up can affect us, and understanding how we were traumatized is huge. All of that being said, it is not to minimize the difficulties an emotionally abused disabled person goes through. I can’t even imagine. But, when we start shaming people for their situation not being bad enough to have been traumatized, that just leads to more shame.
@Elle D Yet society, by and large, would like for those who endured this abuse to be high functioning and self-sufficient! What if you leave your Narc parent(s)/spouse/partner and realize what's been done in your 40's, 50's, even 60's and ALL you've done all your life is give, give, and care for others until you're bled dry every possible way! After dealing in survival for that long, you'll likely have C-PTSD. Yet, no one cares to even bat an eyelash as to how debilitating that alone can become! This is the scenario that is played out, time and time again, in the USA and worldwide. As older people who "wake up" all of a sudden abandon their lives and families to be free of the madness, they were sadly raised in. Many abuse survivors are all alone to "navigate life" and many are older with so many missed life opportunities and not many doors opening for them due to lack of supposed skills, lack of connections, and just plain lack overall in many cases! I sustained 40 years of damage, woke up, left everything I knew for freedom and am still paying the price for that freedom dearly! It's been 4 years since I left that other life behind, I am still struggling and just surviving, nearly died last year due to all kinds of lack in my current life. Happiness does not come easily, neither does freedom, but you survive the best way you can! You truly begin your life from the start when you leave the narc(s) in your life, I'm still working on figuring mine out.
@@zofiajaneczek184 I get you, I'm in my 50s. I left my narc husband in 2015, figuring out how my parents set the stage for my future abuse, learning how to avoid more unhealthy relationships and am finally figuring out what I need to do to heal. I know it will take a while, but the most important thing is listening to my own voice. Even then I know I am learning how to navigate life from a different perspective and I will make mistakes. Mistakes are how we grow, we just should have been taught that as a child. Just remember, we survived despite our parent's abuse. We are stronger than we know, we just have to give ourselves a break for mistakes, it's part of being human, it's not a character flaw.
@@goldieh7121 I was responding to the comment by Elle D which said that l. helplessness rules apply to all equally & addressing the self centered people who POINT THEIR FINGER to victims who have it objectively & obviously rougher than them.. Unless you are 1 of those people, my comment doesn't refer to you.. Being It awful to shame people bc their not disabled, it is even more so to shame people who ARE & especially those who were born with it AND in underdeveloped countries.. We are NOT all the same, the very notion that we are, is extremely narcissistic !.. The issues you describe, although hard, have nothing to do with the topic of this thread.. I don't like being put words in my mouth & not everything revolves around you..! .
I recently recognized that my learned helplessness and inability to calmly respond has to do with being told I am just an angry person. Somehow my natural anger isn’t valid to the abuser, of course! Anyways, working through their bs and Meredith is here to help! For real!!!! Thank you!!!!!!
Yesterday I was told to "calm down" in a reply email from my narc. I wasn't upset in the slightest. He just didn't like my matter of fact information and felt the need to shut me down somehow.
Robin Revell somebody did that to me at work a few months ago. First, they were butting into a matter that was none of their business anyway, and then they kept saying things like “I know you’re upset” or “I understand your frustration”. I was like, I’m not upset or frustrated, what the hell is wrong with this person? Just trying to create a problem where there wasn’t one, and keep strife between me and someone else. Which is also a classic narc move!
So valuable also with coming out of cults. Do you realize how many people today are exiting cults, all kinds of cults, religious, family and otherwise? People are waking up and needing to process their learned helplessness and how to convert back to their strength and courage. Learned helplessness is when you sell your power short and then it costs a lot to buy it back.
Thank u! As critical thinking is spreading because of the internet so many people, like myself, exit cults and find themselves completely lost in the world.
Yes yes yes. I’m coming out of a cult of my coaching group. I have low other-esteem because it wasn’t just one person convincing me that I wasn’t enough. It was 15 people and so I trust myself but I don’t trust my environment.
@@amystratton4144 Well done. I just listened to your video of 2017. I'm so happy that you have come through. It's very difficult when our parents give us extra injuries instead of support. Keep going. You will be fine. I don't have kids but there is so much other things, life can be very interesting. This is not really a world to bring kids into. Take Care and God bless.
I was epic and legendary across many fields The relationship brought me to the point of even loosing my physical health I came from a extremely toxic home but the universe was on my side always and I went with it and achieved success without setting out to in many different things in life, but then, when I had "everything any one can wish for" in the middle of this toxic and abusive relationship I realized that that type "success" was pointless Peace is now my one goal Being true to my self the way Seeing the world as it truly ( or more truly ) is the reward Thank you so very much for everything Meredith
Thanks so much Meredith! This is very helpful! I’m 3 years into recovery and I still struggle with this a lot. It’s like rooted in also being safe and unseen.
Overbearing parents and parents who don't let their kids do things (extreme helicopter parenting) are culprits of this also. As for toxic relationships, especially if you've been exposed for years, you eventually feel that nothing matters. Your efforts, your good qualities, they mean absolutely nothing. Edit: Thank you Meredith for not only talking about it, but also for providing active solutions!
I experience this especially with conflicts. If a conflict goes on for too long and there seems to be no solution in sight I get this feeling of severe overpowering helplessness.
Thank you for being upfront about what the powers that be have at the top of their agenda. I've noticed for years that we're being experimented on in this way to see how much we will take and how far we will retreat back /hand over our control our of fear/learned helplessness. Sadly I've also seen it render many people agoraphobia/paranoid etc. Screw the controllers!
As a stay at home mom for 20 years this is a big thing for me now that I'm on my own. It's like learning the things I should have learned in my early adult years. This is a great video! Thanks Meredith
Wow! This is the missing puzzle piece. I couldn't put my finger on it...till now. Going no contact and pursuing knowledge about abuse and what I've been through is an amazing unfolding freedom. Thank you for this!
My life has been about delay until it's too late. Truth is it's not too late for many things. However the narcissist continues with the plan to cause delays.
I had tears in my eyes when you showed the photos of your dog. I also have a Boston Terrier and I love her spirit so much. She is so tenacious and does everything with 150% effort. I also love that you mentioned celebrating your little victories, as that's the slogan for my farm business. Excellent information as always, Meredith. Thank you so much for what you do!
Whenever my parents find me being successful, they first seem to support me, but after a short while they hinder me in a certain way. So I gave up going my way. But now I have recognized the method, and try to find new ways out towards my freedom.
I totally get that. Now that you understand what’s happening, you can get out of the pot of crabs pulling each other back down. The next video is on feeling guilty when you’re making changes in your life. It might relate to the mechanism that kicks in when you’re starting to be successful.
B. I generally keep things to myself until they’re done or so far in the works that it will be more difficult for sabotage to occur. I think I learned that at a young age because of growing up in a hostile, abusive environment.
Thank-you! Am getting out of a long term "N" relationship. Extremely isolated & alone. Meditation on Scripture has helped . I appreciate your explaining the Science; helping me to take responsibility to get back up again.
Thank I will just this, I will overcome this learned helplessness. I want to be a part of the world I have been isolating, but I am will go and try the things I want to do. I do believe that we can make a difference in our lives and others. Thanks Meredith, I will listen to "liberate yourself through limiting beliefs" and your "Ending Self Sabatage". Susan
Yes exercise helped me so much it kept me sane. It lifted me up. It helped my confidence. Our dogs our are best friends aren’t they? It help my fibromyalgia a lot my dog and my exercise. . It keeps you moving to leaving. My N husband came it my room last weekend and started using fear tactics on me . Telling me “. Your mother got divorce look at your life and what it did to you do you want that for your daughter?” Which he doesn’t care about our daughter if did he would stop screaming at me because it upsets her. She going to be so much bette off without his constant drama and chaos in her life .His scare tactics didn’t bother me I glad my mother got us away him ,my father I’m glad she saved her self. I wasn’t easy we didn’t have a lot. So he was trying to scare me. I informed him later in the day that scare tactics don’t work on me anymore, If you want to live in fear you go right a head and do that but I won’t. It’s funny because he’s the one that is afraid of me leaving!!! 😊. Thanks for the video I look forward to them every Saturday.
Thank you. I’ve been dealing with depression for several months now and despite medication and talk therapy, nothing seems to work. I woke up this morning thinking, “I feel so helpless.“ That inspired me to look up videos on learned helplessness. Your video has been the most helpful by far and it seems like you’re talking directly to me about my life right now. Going to check out your website, and this has given me hope that there might actually be something I can do to help myself out of this darkness.
I cannot tell you how much you are so on target with this nor can I find the words to express how grateful I am for how much you helped me way back I think in 2016. I still watch these and others as it helps with my BS degree studies. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
@@InnerIntegration yea, it was pretty much in the beginning when you started out and then it took off like a shot! I hoped I helped to propel you thru my FB shares and thank you for all you are doing for Narcissistic Abuse Awareness! BTW - I am working on my Trauma Counselor Degree and I hope to help others that went thru NA, too! Big Hugs! Thank you again!
OMG, Meridith! I have been struggling with why I am not moving along with recovery after 3 years NC... still so much pain and emotional dysregulation and anxiety. I could not figure it out and have shared this dilemma on other channels(might have given me the answer but did not resonate with me) and got much support and validation but not the answer as to *WHY!* I could not work on this till I have the reason! So here it is! ALL THE REASONS WHY! Thank You, Meridith.
@@InnerIntegration Thank you for your magic, Meridith...and how you shine yourself on us! All you do for us. This has been a Major Breakthrough for me today...Like a second epiphany. Wow! I can FIND MY WAY NOW. The path is clear and the clouds are gone...thanks to you! All the Love and Validation....and gratitude! Hope you Sunday is a beautiful, special and happy one for you...and all of your days! X0
I always wondered why battered women so often stay with abusive men. It never made any sense to me at all. I’d never heard of learned helplessness until yesterday, while reading a book on overcoming something I struggle with. Now I finally understand. I also see, now, that there have been examples of learned helplessness around me my whole life and I just didn’t recognize them for what they were. On one hand, I feel frustrated, because my life could have been very different if I’d known about this. But on the other, I’m grateful I’m a curious person and have never stopped being hungry to learn, because education is a powerful tool and at least I can still try to change some habits now!
As you talked about courage, I looked at a photo of myself on a horse that scared the hell out of me but yet, I was on his back running him! ❤I have since continued to barrel race him and now compete successfully!
This is great. I have my big picture in place always have, but I'm like the elephant, I'm rocking back and forth until I break the chains and go for it. but it's all the same. Somewhere I have to go for it the way you say and stop holding back. I realized in part I am using it as an excuse. But my big picture is in place. I think that's a big start. Thank you for acknowledging what I think of my own position
Thank you so much...im going through narc recovery from parents and also drug use..been clean a year now and am making plans to continue on in life with out toxic family members.
Great video. I just have a question. Is procrastination a consequence of learned helplessness? I am struggling with it a lot. Thanks for your help. Your video is really motivating.
I am so thankful for your channel! You have given me so many tools to repair the damage left by storms! Been looking for info about talking to myself constantly (out loud). Thank you so much!
The feeling of learned helplessness has been the toughest thing for me to get past. Courage and persistence, I hope, will eventually prevail. I have pushed myself through two years of impressive changes in the material world and in my inner self-talk, and even after that, my feeling about the next challenge ahead still starts with “I’ll never be able to . . .” I feel this sense of helplessness around many of my strongest skills, but I found that it doesn't extend to any skill that I picked up after the age of 26, I guess because by then I had broken out of a way of thinking I had learned early in life. I can “recharge my battery,” a metaphor my coach suggested, by completing projects in these more recent skill areas before taking on a big challenge in any other area.
Thank you so much for this video!!! I will follow these suggestions and make changes in my life. I’m the big elephant tied to a tiny post in the ground. I’ve endured a life time of abuse and I can’t carry on like this. I am also going to find a coach to help me with making changes.
Inner Integration I really like it. It makes so much sense! A good motto for focus. I’m ashamed to say i turned bitter as I was physically and emotionally abused by my mother who has succeeded making a smear campaign into a life long career. I’ve had a complete nervous breakdown (failed suicide and hospitalised) and I’m trying to get better. I’ve suffered agoraphobia but tomorrow I’m going to buy some trainers and try and get walking outside. I can’t go on like this. They hijack your whole life, then even going no contact it’s still hijacking my mind. I’m selling my home of 20 years and moving away. Also changing my surname so her flying agents and ‘soldiers’ can never track me down and sabotage me. Determined I’ve got to get better and live for the future. As Carrie Fisher said “holding onto anger is only swallowing your own poison and expecting the other person to die.” Or words to that effect. So true 😊 x 🇬🇧 thank you for your incredible videos. One of the best on TH-cam. Such deep and sophisticated insight, and so eloquent.
Hi Meredith! I've been following you since 2017, but under a different account. During that time, I had just exited a toxic relationship. It was then I stumbled upon your channel. It really helped me feel validated with what happened. At the time, I knew it was toxic which is why I left. But little did I know he was a covert narcissist. I didn't have a name or label until I saw one of your videos that day. I also soon learned certain family members were also covert narcissists; I always made excuses for their behavior. Because as an empath, I try my best to understand people and situations. So thank you for making valuable content on mental and emotional health. It's provided so much clarity and value in my life - no one was there for me. But your videos gave me strength, motivation, and a drive like no other. Cheers to becoming healthy and new beginnings! Sending everyone tons of positive energy, love, and light. Gracias por todo Meredith! Bendiciones! 💜🙏🏽✨🌿🥰
Watching this video again!!!! I can’t believe how much it resonates with me! I’m about to check out all the links you attached to it! Can’t thank you enough!!!
Remember learned helplessness isn't your fault, but getting out is your responsibility, it took me years to get over that concept, mainly because it felt like i was being blamed for all the bad shit happening in life
Thanks Meredith. Something you said in another video about divide and conquer tactics triggered the realization in me that a certain politician is really feeding off a whole nation's energy. It's really becoming clearer and clearer to me that I was in the state of learned helplessness because I was trapped in my family of origin with no way to escape or change the situation. What you say about self-esteem really rings true too because I had that feeling that things never worked out for me and so had low self-esteem. Thanks for all your videos
I'm experiencing a set back with this covid pandemic isolation and have fallen into this pattern of learned helplessness. I feel so bleak, dejected, powerless on so many levels. It's like I've been sucked into this negative vortex and it's holding me back. Maybe I'm just feeling constricted and confined and powerless to escape. It's a challenging time for the entire world, this won't last forever I know but we're all stuck on a universal " pause ". I need something to look forward to, something to keep my spirit uplifted. Waiting for the sun to shine
such a great video and so helpful! it describes exactly what i'm still suffering from and why i shut down and get paralysed and unconsciously think that i don't have freedom when facing authority figures like doctors or bosses at work.... it's very pernicious cos i went no contact five years ago from my family and it's still operating under the radar inside of me..... narcissism really is an invisible cancer!
Its called baby elephant thoughts. You mentioned it in one of your videos too. 12 STEP RECOVERY programs teach the baby elephant theory for over 20 yrs nows. We make are own prisions which narcsissium stays alive by making others sick. It does suck the life out of people, including self centered fear and trying to control the outcome of our actions. Its important to remember we are responsible for doing the foot work or getting in the vehicle to take the trip but we dont control the trip or who we might cross paths alobg the way entirely. Hope that all makes sense. We we dont let baby elephant thoughts confine us, we get to experience a freedom and grattitude and joy in our everyday life now! We get to participate in the best things and rejuvinate from narcisstic personality disorder.
I don't need rescued but I have a big job to do and no help! Think of trying to build a house but only knowing how to sew pillows. Faced with being isolated with narcs surrounding me or isolated with no narcs... I chose NO NARCS. I'm trying to be patient. I think the learned helplessness causes me to panic a bit at times. I rush, rush, rush and self-sabatoge like every matter is of the utmost urgency. It's not.
Thank you, I followed the steps and I’m challenging myself to play the bass guitar. I think the hardest challenge is not falling back into learned helplessness.
Sometimes as in my case the Narcissists Sabotoshed my career and other offers in my career, then made all kinds of accusations against me, a smear tactic. This is not learned helplessness. This is being shot down, beaten down and emotionally abused by people WHO gaslight you by saying they love you.
Same thing happend to me. I had this attack repeatedly for a period of 10 years. Now I'm back at square one, in the environment where I suffered childhood abuse. The stupidity of this "scheme" is unreal.
@@msp5298 TRUTH SEEKER! Learn all of the words to describe the SPELL that was CAST ON YOU and REVERSE IT! CLAIM in is INVALID and you never agreed to ANY OF THIS!! BECAUSE you had YOUR FINGERS CROSSED!! Ha Ha on THEM!!
My learned helplessness is definitely generalized and feels like it’s more about the fact that I feel like I’m incompetent, I NEED to be saved and I owe others for saving me. Feeling like even if I escaped, I would never be able to navigate the world because of my incompetence. Like a domesticated animal escaping into the wild world, will they even be able to survive if they escape? I think growing up with constant double binds creates the feeling of learned helplessness and feeling of incompetence. I was expected to be just good enough to make my parents look good, but not so good that I show them up. Also, an animal that has been domesticated from birth, may not know that there is a different type of life than they’ve known all of theirs. I was always taught the grass is not necessarily greener on the other side, and it most likely is much more dangerous without others to protect me. It is just me now. I am even finding out that the people who had been helpful and supportive when I left bad situations in the past, can be dismissive and not as concerned for my wellbeing as I thought. I have made the mistake of looking to these people for advice and am just now finding that they don’t know what’s best for me as they are beginning to have the opinion that they do, and I find myself endlessly trying to explain myself to them. These people also exhibit an “I know better than others” attitude, in a very insidious way, while always exclaiming that they are willing to better themselves emotionally and are open to feedback. It’s all a process and there are so many layers in healing. I was also taught “you shouldn’t embark in anything, unless you are able to figure it out immediately”, so it’s easy to get discouraged, and shame spiral, when I can’t automatically get better. But, I’ve learned that when I berate myself for not feeling better yet, I backslide. When I feel shame for not healing fast enough, that’s when I make excuses. When I give myself a break, it’s much, much easier to move on. I also am giving myself credit for surviving the emotional abuse still intact and with a good head on my shoulders. While my mom tries to set the narrative that it was them that helped me survive life, I now know that i survived despite them. These videos are also so extremely helpful in the healing process. While it is definitely up to ourselves to get better, videos like these give us validation and a sense that we are not alone. Thank you so much Meredith 💕
Congratulate yourself for making it out alive! Their whole agenda is to really kill you, once they can't control you or use you. You were never expected to escape because with a narc family you will never win, you will never be allowed to win, and if by some chance you do, you will be punished for it. Narc families are a 0 sum game for the victim/survivor! Narcissism in a perpetual trap for the victim and as a child of that abuse you're born from light and you are pure, they need that light energy and purity to cleanse their black hearts. They feed off and live on the light, the shine that you give off, year by year, they take more and more, they dull it until you are bone dry one day. So yes, be glad you made it out alive! This alone is a GREAT ACCOMPLISHMENT! Survivors are not given enough credit for simply being resilient enough to not die in the face of adversity, time and time again.
@@zofiajaneczek184 Thank you! Making it out alive can be huge in these situations. Without my knowledge, my ex took a life insurance policy out on me after we separated, but before we divorced. I was lucky that they mailed me the policy information. I think some of us tell ourselves that we need to get strong before we leave, but when we realize it will never happen as long as we stay in a toxic situation. We have to leave toxic situation s before we can heal and realize that we are stronger than we know.
If you think about it, this entire corona virus is one big effort to get the entire world into a position of learned helplessness. It would be interesting to think about it in terms of the tactics narcissists use and compare.
"Debility, Dependence, Dread..." I had recently learned about Biderman's characteristics of coercive control, but I wasn't aware of this information. I will look for it. You also made me aware of the DARVO pattern. Thank you again Merideth!
Thank you for this video. I see self-sabotage and learned helplessness as being strongly connected in my life. I think working with a coach or therapist who can be there to co-regulate with you during an episode of learned helplessness would be very powerful. Kind of like having training wheels on a bike while learning to ride. Then after some wins as a team, you can try it out on your own, but still with help but from more of a distance.
Thank you for sharing your dog’s courage with us. What a positive and powerful image to remind us that the end result is confidence and joy no matter how scary it seems right now. Love it!
Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us. You helped me to understand why I react the way I do. Learned Helplessness! What an eye opener for me. There’s so much enlightenment in those two words. My dad recently passed away and he was the narc whom I am still afraid of even though he’s gone. I see the pattern. There is another family member who abused me at age four. She managed to deny it and convince my father that what she did was nothing but a “game,” but it WAS SEXUAL ABUSE. As a child I wasn’t able to understand or describe what was done to me. As an adult, I told my dad, but he kept this person in his life to the very end. He asked me why I didn’t speak up when it happened. 😳 How could a four year old describe something like that? He ignored me and my pleas to stay away from this relative. Thank you for your guidance. People must learn that child abuse is never the child’s fault. Like you explained, learned helplessness is what I’ve been living with. My abuser was at dads funeral and has my two brothers fooled too. She stood there watching me speak as I gave dad’s eulogy. I felt like a hypocrite saying nice things about dad which WERE true but I obviously couldn’t say out loud the bad things that were simmering inside me. My husband and two adult children know my story. They were by my side through the viewing/vigil and the funeral. We had a family gathering at a restaurant which was my father’s wish and which he paid for. What I didn’t know was that my brothers had invited this abuser to the gathering. I had friends and family who came from far away. I made sure they were all comfortable and had their meal. My husband couldn’t hold himself quiet when he saw my abuser arrive. He told my brothers that they should have known better not to invite her and we left. I needed this video to open my mind. Thank you again for sharing your knowledge. I have a lot of work to do. 💞🙏🏼
Thank you so much Meredith for your clear explanation and presentation. Unfortunately this is all too appropriate for me. Much gratitude for this video and the hope it brings.
I'm not sure if you do one on one I'm not a believer in coincidences I believe that everything happens for a reason I posted one of your videos on my social media and remembered videos that I had watched of yours in the past so I subscribed to your channel because I got a new TH-cam account under different email and when I went to your videos I happened to scroll down all of them and I just for some reason click on this video I cannot tell you the size of the lump that's in my throat or the Goosebumps from head to toe on my body I am just going to say first of all thank you so much for sharing this I'm so grateful it does feel amazing when your feelings or something that you're going through is validated however another person's misery or knowing that somebody else can understand your absolute horrific situation that is a normal life to you to think that someone else can experience that also is absolutely heart-wrenching to me so it's a double edged sword however I have a really really really struggled with finding a therapist and I'm agoraphobic it comes with the billing debilitating point and I could really use a one-on-one with someone who just could hear my story and just it's nothing else validate my feelings and possibly give me encouragement to get out of this hold victim stage and mother is a psychopath and my brother is that's the short version but like I said is there anyway that you would be willing to at least hear me out and give me your best advice or point me in a direction of someone that could help me with my stuck in victim mode which I absolutely hate and despise probably more than anything at this point because I am such a very very angry person and this is going on five years now ever since I had to learn about what was going on and find out so many other things I just find myself stuck in literally 4 MI mode and absolute in anger and it's coursing through my blood at every second I am truly an extremely kind person and for me to have this anger that I can't let go of just makes me sad on top of being so angry and I just feel like I'm in one big Groundhog Day Loop and it feels hopeless and the fact that this is not a subject that you can just speak on with another human being is just more reason I think that I convinced myself of this victim state so that I have an excuse to not deal with people and continue to be agoraphobic because I am absolutely terrified of people and what they're capable of doing to another person and especially if it's intentional I find it hard to believe that anybody who is a mother that intentionally hurt them sabotage them attempts to take their life Etc if you have a mother like that how in the world would you ever be able to trust another person and she knows that I feel that way and I think that that honestly just feeds her ego even more and makes her even more happy she's winning she's winning on every level including damaging me making me a jaded person a non trusting person and a agoraphobic person a loving person that's not able to trust someone enough to ever love again and she's winning by that because that's what she wanted I'm just looking for guidance and I really am trying so hard to just move forward and as much as I know that I have considering what I've been through I am like I said not able to let go of this anger and resentment no matter what I try no matter how many times a day I pray no matter how much knowledge I have on this subject how many videos articles Etc if you are interested or if that's something that you do if you could please reach out to me and let me know I would be so unbelievably grateful and that is an understatement it was positive enough that made me think maybe you would be the one that could help me and I can just tell you I would do the same for another person so I thought it wouldn't hurt to ask :-) God bless and thank you again stay safe xoxo
Thank you so much for always being there to help us on the way. You are so intelligent and you understand so really well what is it to be be, or to have been abused by a narcissist. I love that you talk about your dog. She is so cute. Dogs are my big love, there are incredible. Like you said they are so wise and they learn us so much in their innocence. I'm going to do your course about the limiting beliefs.
Bless you! Your videos continue to be a help and a blessing to me! I appreciate your wonderful caring relevant advice. Very powerful and transformative! You are a beautiful light !
You are amazing. I am very happy you seam to do well. I will try many of your course, THANK YOU for the very reasonable price you priced them too. EVERY LITTLE THINGS, GONNA BE ALRIGHT :) ♥♥♥
This is great 101 on learned helplessness. I was hoping for a little more. I know you can’t give away everything for free but I would need more to click on any additional links. Also learned helplessness may or may not have anything to do with self-esteem. For me it didn’t change my belief about myself, but my belief about the world. I have low other-esteem or world-esteem.
Now he's shoving the new supply in my face, I can't believe such mean people exist on earth. First they beg for a chance to date you then they completely destroy you. I wish us all healing, it is difficult, I hope karma exists 💗
For me, the programming is so deep and so mixed with the appearance of normality, that there isn't even any self-talk. It's a series of simple, seemingly incontrovertible givens, primarily in my working life. I have to work really hard every day to try to overcome it. I'm not a young person anymore, and retirement age is approaching. I don't want to be poor and insecure!
it s so frustrating and bitternes to facing and painful,that what i thought and did it was only trainedl, like dogs of Pavlov. Its look never ending ....
Wow you are wondeeful, truly. heard you on Reiner Fulmich (sp;) Tribunal and all I heard when you spoke was something ive been fight my whole life. thank you. you are doing good and we WILL defeat this evil upon the land because of the need for Truth. my love my dear
I’m glad you found my presentation helpful. I just wrote a transcript of it with some elaboration on Substack. meredithmiller.substack.com/p/its-a-stockholm-syndrome-state-of?
I no longer offer one-on-one coaching sessions so I've partnered with BetterHelp, an affordable online therapy portal where you can get matched with a licensed counselor who specializes in abuse and trauma. - Get 10% off your first month with this link: betterhelp.com/innerintegration
Inner Integration question, I’ve noticed that my 3 exes who emotionally nuked me all would show learned helplessness, and that their mothers have it much worse. Like as they get older it becomes worse. It seems that Learned Helplessness is a Covert Narcissist’s favorite go-to weapon when they play the Victim-Card.
Inner Integration, you know coaching is different from philological therapy. So partnering with Better Help is not a substitute.
Lourangel Borrero For some people, it may be their only option for whatever reason, or it may help them become brave enough to venture into individual counseling. Every avenue of support and help are worthwhile! 👍💜
Betterhelp has been exposed for its predatory and exploitative nature. Look in to it..
Oh ya. Mom controlled every breath we took. It does make you fearful and powerless.
Absolutely! After 40 years of damage, I was a grown woman who could not even "think for herself" as I needed the advice/approval of my narc mom in order to do anything! It took 3 years of YT and self-work, no therapist due to becoming impoverished from everything and still no money for help due to being low income!
Zofia Janeczek how are you now?
@@roberttweten6451I'm 1,000% a survivor! Aren't we all that have lived this hell? It's been an uphill battle just to keep whatever freedom I've gained. One step forward, 10 steps back and so life seems to be this way. Currently still dealing with financial problems, but again, this is nothing new with this type of abuse. Opportunities are far and few in between especially if you're forced to cut all ties, all contacts, and have no living family remaining alive. I'm taking the first step and I'm not hiding anymore, I did nothing wrong, I was just born into a family that abused me and this was never my fault.
Zofia Janeczek Good to hear that you are doing so much better. I’d like to know about what work you have done for yourself.
@@roberttweten6451, not sure what you mean by your question. I'm assuming you wanted to know how I moved past some of the abuse and the issues simply on my own. It's called time, the old saying that time heals all wounds, well perhaps not all but it greatly helps! Going NC with whoever remains of the so-called former life. Knowing that the word "family" is just that a word, is not set in stone, is not blood is thicker than water. That you don't "owe" anyone anything in this life, it does not matter what they've done for you or supposedly done for you. YOU owe it to yourself to try to survive/live as best as you can, with whatever you've been given. Lastly, though this one is difficult, self-discipline in meditation. You live your life, one day at a time, one foot in front of the other and so forth. You realize that life is precious, fleeting, precarious, to the degree that you don't really control it. You make and have choices, yet many choices are still limited depending on your circumstances. You realize that this life is very much Maya, I've known for a long time, yet realize this more so now than ever!
Your videos seriously can't come at a better time. Seriously. My car just broke down and its one of those "learned helplessness" its in my life. My ex was a self proclaimed mechanic and my dad is the type of guy to get mad when the car breaks down (he is also the one who gave me this car). Ive decided this time that instead of taking the car to him, im taking the steps to fix it myself. To take it to a mechanic. Im not going to have mechanics in my life all the time. And ive always been told I wont know what theyre talking about. But every day people go to mechanics and thats okay. Thank you for your videos
Absolutely. My narc mother at 75 is now facing changes in her life when my narc father died last year. She's not able to adapt but rather clings to trained habits and routines that will ruin her completely. She was not born dumb though but she's acting completely stupid (financially and else).
Its a very strange thing to think about when you see your parents arent dumb but in turn after everything act like it. My parents were toxic for each other and i can see the difference between them.
Haha "You won't know what they're talking about, you better just depend on me instead! Ha I have imprisoned you once again!"
@@NEbluefire My father was the covert narc, my mother codependent; after he got chronically ill she would turn into dominant position, now she's the Jezebel type after he died. They were married 53 years after all.
Omg-my car just broke down too, and it’s one of the reasons I ended up searching for this video. I am also just realizing that my manager is on the narcissistic spectrum, and it is really triggering me, so much so that I am having difficulty just talking care of the basics in order to have the car towed to a mechanic. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Some of the best advice I received from Meredith is to not seek approval from other people. You’re putting yourself in position for people to criticize you and your work. If you take the criticism serious you will soon start to think you can’t do anything right, second guess your every move and wind up doing nothing. I have learned the criticism is simply coming from jealousy, envy and feeling inferior. They build themselves up by putting you and everything about you down. My point is don’t listen to a damn thing a narc tells you and go out and accomplish or create something, starting today. Who cares if you make a mistake, because a person that doesn’t make mistakes is a person that does nothing. Speaking of that I gotta get my ass in the woods and collect sap from my maple trees to make maple syrup, it’s that time of year in the Northwoods. And if a narc wants to criticize me about my maple syrup I’ll simply respond, “Hey asshole, how much syrup you make this year?” Awesome video as always Meredith!
Good points and observations I deal with this alot
Exactly: normal, humble, relational people tend to seek some advice, some approval or disapproval, anyway some feedback; a real, sincere friend or reliable individual would be glad to provide it. A narc will always put you down, invariably, even when all the odds are in your favor and you would be bound to succeed.
haha I'm taking this quote and using it for everything, even if it ain't maple syrup. Hey Asshole, how much syrup you make this year? Ya fuck...
The inner voice often criticizes us with harsh words and speaks from another person's position. It actually wants to help us, but often this way is counter productive. A long time ago, I unwittingly changed my inner dialogue from saying "you..." to "we...", although I'm still only one person, at least I(we) hope so.
E. g. by saying "We should take a bike ride today to get some fresh air" it makes my inner voice to an ally than an enemy I'm inclined to resist. It's more encouraging than pushing myself to do something.
Oh, this is great advice!
I like this technique! Going to try it
Great idea, thank you!
I'd like to add this about 3 months later:
It is a good idea to get rid of the "shoulds" and "ought tos" because they are judgments and imply feelings of guilt. Instead, it is much better to say "could" or rephrase the internal conversation into suggestions, e.g. What about...?
Yes! I have been working on healing from learned helplessness. There's not enough material out there for this topic. Thank you Meredith.
Learned helplessness is the worst. I had to teach myself all this years ago just by researching psychology stuff.
I grew up surrounded by abusive women (my mother is a covert victim narcissist). My sisters were allowed to insult me all the time and I wasn’t allowed to respond because they were girls. My mother’s sister did the same and she was untouchable because she was a woman and also my aunt. The same story with my mother’s brother. My parents did nothin about that abuse. I grew up believing that I wasn’t allowed to use my strength, and feared to do so. The stronger I become, the greater my fear becomes and the feeling of impotency and helplessness grows.
Strength is in softness and vulnerability :)
That's how women are made to live for centuries..
Sushma Reddy I need to use my strength in an assertive and intelligent way to break free from this narcissistic clan
Sadly, it can go both ways. (No, not faulting you at all) Any gender is capable of being abusive.
Francisco Ramirez España Garcia you can only be vulnerable and soft if you are strong and assertive..you have to be both..first you got to get your power back by healing yourself..by putting boundaries and getting rid of toxic people so you can heal and become stronger first, build self esteem heal your nervous system..With healing your mind and body..gentleness will come..Exercising will help..moving body will help to take fear out of your body and mind.. Hope you feel better soon!
Thank you for an important message Meredith. My luck was being thrown out of my home at 13. It forced me to face my fears head on. I became a rock climber because I was terrified of heights. Also, thank you for your latest podcast.
I grew up having to endure unhealthy behaviours of others as I had no escape. This was before there was a child help line available, and am still thankful children today have this support. In adulthood, I realized that I have a choice. Just because abuse is my familiar doesn't mean I have to put up with it any longer. It is not a life sentence. Being mindful that I have a choice was eye opening. I didn't know that my subconscious was running the show and how difficult it is to break these patterns. TY Meredith for sharing these online programs to bust thru these limiting beliefs 👍😎 TY for keeping it real, speaking your truth and walking your talk ✌❤
u do gods work
#1 money. Been a stay at home mom for 11 years. And independence.
#2 it sucks. I can’t buy things I want or do the things I want to do.
#3 self talk...Not much of that. I know I’m worthy of more. I went back to school to gain knowledge so I can get a new job.
#4 yes, growth!! No more scarcity!!! I’m ready for it!!! Yoga, every single day really helps with the anxiety.
#5 courage. I’m taking action. I am learning new things, and taking control of my future ❤️🥳🥳🥳 and, again, yoga really helps. Be present in your life, especially when you want to run from it. 🙏🙏🙏 it really helps to focus on yourself.
look into court reporting. I support my kids alone. Or nursing is great too
Hugs to you Meredith, and thank you for talking about this subject. I am almost 6 months out of my toxic marriage with a narcissist. I was married for 27 years though and learning to navigate on my own has been a little nerve racking. This is the part of my life that I’m finding that I am not sure what decisions to make financially, and wether to sell my home this year or wait till next year. I worry about making the right decision. I have all this freedom and I don’t know what to do with it all. It’s a little scary venturing out.
Listen to your intuition and you’ll know what to do. You GOT this!
Kathy Haga I was married for 26 yrs when I left. I went through what you are going through in 2015 and 2016. I was helped through 2 yrs of counseling
I know exactly what you mean about being nervous with having to make decisions. I'd become used to asking others for their input so making decisions on my own was very unnerving. It took me a while to get comfortable with it, but what I did was do as much research as possible and weigh everything up. It was still scary but I forced myself to make that decision and not just let things drift. Most of the time they were right deciosions, but I also learned that it's okay to make wrong ones too...which I did occasionally...and just to learn from them instead of beating myself up. For something really big like selling or buying property it's really okay to get some professional opinions, but that decision has to be made alone. And that's when your confidence will grow. All the best, Kathy. :)
I used to work with a wise man. One of the things he always said was, "Do something even if it's wrong. Just do something. If it doesn't work out you'll either learn from it or know what you need to do instead." Inertia is what you want to avoid.
Trust yourself flow with life it will bring you to wear you need be.. Trusting your self is a must. You'll be on your journey that will provide believe in the powers of universal Energys.vibrations and frequencies... Self love self care Me first..my moto 2020. Blessings to you 🦋
I was married to a gaslighting narcissistic control freak for 14 years. I've become a weak, helpless man who can't seem to accomplish anything. This gives me hope!
This is so good. I had just gotten to a point in my recovery from decades of abuse.....hating myself for letting it happen (why didn't I have more self respect??) and knowing I was sabatoging new relationships by constantly shutting down and hiding if the smallest thing went wrong....and I wake up to this video this morning. It is exactly what I needed! Thank you!
I vomited and felt sick of all those stuck situation and I came to gain strength to start again. Thank you. Lovely Venus inspired me 🤗
Please think about how to address this topic for the disabled who are more likely to find themselves in a situation where they are not "acting" or "behaving" helpless. They are actually operating from a different playing field. I was able to escape abuse. It took years because of disability. I was not disabled all my life so I can speak to this being different when living with physical challenges. I just want to point out we need to address what happens to the disabled when we are entrapped, isolated, and abused, and the difference between "learned helplessness" versus fierce bravery to survive until the moment of being able to change what is happening.
@Elle D actually it's not the same at all.. some people are dealing with truly challenging physical & financial conditions, especially in poorer countries with no social welfare & health support whatsoever.. It would be a very narcissistic attitude to classify them in the 'victimhood' shaming department imo .. It bugs me when I watch people who had sth (financially) or someone to hold on to & a relatively good health going on victim blaming survivors.. and on the other hand, if you are all alone, with no family left, you hear this J. Peterson bs that you become bitter or a bad person.. What a narcissistic & insensitive approach!..
I would like to address the replies to this comment. The paralysis that can be created in the subconscious with CPTSD, can be debilitating, until you become aware of what is holding you back. I am embarrassed to say that, as a young child, I wished that there was something physically wrong with me, because then I would have an excuse for feeling depressed and anxious. As a result the incompetence felt as an adult also felt very debilitating. Being told “I shouldn’t be struggling with life because I am not disabled and I wasn’t physically abused” just left me feeling more ashamed and that I was a bad person, keeping me stuck. Gabor Mate explains this well, how even unintentional trauma growing up can affect us, and understanding how we were traumatized is huge.
All of that being said, it is not to minimize the difficulties an emotionally abused disabled person goes through. I can’t even imagine. But, when we start shaming people for their situation not being bad enough to have been traumatized, that just leads to more shame.
@Elle D Yet society, by and large, would like for those who endured this abuse to be high functioning and self-sufficient! What if you leave your Narc parent(s)/spouse/partner and realize what's been done in your 40's, 50's, even 60's and ALL you've done all your life is give, give, and care for others until you're bled dry every possible way! After dealing in survival for that long, you'll likely have C-PTSD. Yet, no one cares to even bat an eyelash as to how debilitating that alone can become! This is the scenario that is played out, time and time again, in the USA and worldwide. As older people who "wake up" all of a sudden abandon their lives and families to be free of the madness, they were sadly raised in. Many abuse survivors are all alone to "navigate life" and many are older with so many missed life opportunities and not many doors opening for them due to lack of supposed skills, lack of connections, and just plain lack overall in many cases! I sustained 40 years of damage, woke up, left everything I knew for freedom and am still paying the price for that freedom dearly! It's been 4 years since I left that other life behind, I am still struggling and just surviving, nearly died last year due to all kinds of lack in my current life. Happiness does not come easily, neither does freedom, but you survive the best way you can! You truly begin your life from the start when you leave the narc(s) in your life, I'm still working on figuring mine out.
@@zofiajaneczek184 I get you, I'm in my 50s. I left my narc husband in 2015, figuring out how my parents set the stage for my future abuse, learning how to avoid more unhealthy relationships and am finally figuring out what I need to do to heal. I know it will take a while, but the most important thing is listening to my own voice. Even then I know I am learning how to navigate life from a different perspective and I will make mistakes. Mistakes are how we grow, we just should have been taught that as a child. Just remember, we survived despite our parent's abuse. We are stronger than we know, we just have to give ourselves a break for mistakes, it's part of being human, it's not a character flaw.
@@goldieh7121 I was responding to the comment by Elle D which said that l. helplessness rules apply to all equally & addressing the self centered people who POINT THEIR FINGER to victims who have it objectively & obviously rougher than them.. Unless you are 1 of those people, my comment doesn't refer to you.. Being It awful to shame people bc their not disabled, it is even more so to shame people who ARE & especially those who were born with it AND in underdeveloped countries.. We are NOT all the same, the very notion that we are, is extremely narcissistic !.. The issues you describe, although hard, have nothing to do with the topic of this thread.. I don't like being put words in my mouth & not everything revolves around you..!
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I recently recognized that my learned helplessness and inability to calmly respond has to do with being told I am just an angry person.
Somehow my natural anger isn’t valid to the abuser, of course!
Anyways, working through their bs and Meredith is here to help! For real!!!! Thank you!!!!!!
Yesterday I was told to "calm down" in a reply email from my narc. I wasn't upset in the slightest. He just didn't like my matter of fact information and felt the need to shut me down somehow.
The Tempest good for you, progress feels good! Continued growth
Robin Revell somebody did that to me at work a few months ago. First, they were butting into a matter that was none of their business anyway, and then they kept saying things like “I know you’re upset” or “I understand your frustration”. I was like, I’m not upset or frustrated, what the hell is wrong with this person? Just trying to create a problem where there wasn’t one, and keep strife between me and someone else. Which is also a classic narc move!
@@msims1081 Can you say, "Triangulation".
So valuable also with coming out of cults. Do you realize how many people today are exiting cults, all kinds of cults, religious, family and otherwise? People are waking up and needing to process their learned helplessness and how to convert back to their strength and courage. Learned helplessness is when you sell your power short and then it costs a lot to buy it back.
Thank u! As critical thinking is spreading because of the internet so many people, like myself, exit cults and find themselves completely lost in the world.
@@robertpark5992 What cult did you exit?
Yes yes yes. I’m coming out of a cult of my coaching group. I have low other-esteem because it wasn’t just one person convincing me that I wasn’t enough. It was 15 people and so I trust myself but I don’t trust my environment.
@@amystratton4144 Well done. I just listened to your video of 2017. I'm so happy that you have come through. It's very difficult when our parents give us extra injuries instead of support. Keep going. You will be fine. I don't have kids but there is so much other things, life can be very interesting. This is not really a world to bring kids into. Take Care and God bless.
Sometimes I feel so helpless that I feel like I have no arms, so this really resonates. TY!
I was epic and legendary across many fields
The relationship brought me to the point of even loosing my physical health
I came from a extremely toxic home but the universe was on my side always and I went with it and achieved success without setting out to in many different things in life, but then, when I had "everything any one can wish for" in the middle of this toxic and abusive relationship I realized that that type "success" was pointless
Peace is now my one goal
Being true to my self the way
Seeing the world as it truly ( or more truly ) is the reward
Thank you so very much for everything Meredith
Thanks so much Meredith! This is very helpful! I’m 3 years into recovery and I still struggle with this a lot. It’s like rooted in also being safe and unseen.
Overbearing parents and parents who don't let their kids do things (extreme helicopter parenting) are culprits of this also.
As for toxic relationships, especially if you've been exposed for years, you eventually feel that nothing matters. Your efforts, your good qualities, they mean absolutely nothing.
Edit: Thank you Meredith for not only talking about it, but also for providing active solutions!
I experience this especially with conflicts.
If a conflict goes on for too long and there seems to be no solution in sight I get this feeling of severe overpowering helplessness.
I hope you never have to divorce a narc. Your description is exactly what you can expect.
Thank you for being upfront about what the powers that be have at the top of their agenda. I've noticed for years that we're being experimented on in this way to see how much we will take and how far we will retreat back /hand over our control our of fear/learned helplessness. Sadly I've also seen it render many people agoraphobia/paranoid etc. Screw the controllers!
As a stay at home mom for 20 years this is a big thing for me now that I'm on my own. It's like learning the things I should have learned in my early adult years.
This is a great video! Thanks Meredith
Wow! This is the missing puzzle piece. I couldn't put my finger on it...till now. Going no contact and pursuing knowledge about abuse and what I've been through is an amazing unfolding freedom. Thank you for this!
My life has been about delay until it's too late. Truth is it's not too late for many things. However the narcissist continues with the plan to cause delays.
I had tears in my eyes when you showed the photos of your dog. I also have a Boston Terrier and I love her spirit so much. She is so tenacious and does everything with 150% effort. I also love that you mentioned celebrating your little victories, as that's the slogan for my farm business. Excellent information as always, Meredith. Thank you so much for what you do!
Exactly how I feel, and the cycle is so deeply ingrained,
Whenever my parents find me being successful, they first seem to support me, but after a short while they hinder me in a certain way.
So I gave up going my way. But now I have recognized the method, and try to find new ways out towards my freedom.
I totally get that. Now that you understand what’s happening, you can get out of the pot of crabs pulling each other back down. The next video is on feeling guilty when you’re making changes in your life. It might relate to the mechanism that kicks in when you’re starting to be successful.
And perhaps share less, and share it much later, when interference is less likely to be possible? All the best to you.
B. I generally keep things to myself until they’re done or so far in the works that it will be more difficult for sabotage to occur. I think I learned that at a young age because of growing up in a hostile, abusive environment.
We will chance the world simply changing ourselves.
Thanks for your video!💓
So very inspiring! Synchronicity during my healing path. Thanks for this invaluable information.
Thank-you! Am getting out of a long term "N" relationship. Extremely isolated & alone. Meditation on Scripture
has helped . I appreciate your explaining the
Science; helping me to take responsibility to get back up again.
Thank I will just this, I will overcome this learned helplessness. I want to be a part of the world I have been isolating, but I am will go and try the things I want to do. I do believe that we can make a difference in our lives and others. Thanks Meredith, I will listen to "liberate yourself through limiting beliefs" and your "Ending Self Sabatage". Susan
Yes exercise helped me so much it kept me sane. It lifted me up. It helped my confidence. Our dogs our are best friends aren’t they? It help my fibromyalgia a lot my dog and my exercise. . It keeps you moving to leaving. My N husband came it my room last weekend and started using fear tactics on me . Telling me “. Your mother got divorce look at your life and what it did to you do you want that for your daughter?” Which he doesn’t care about our daughter if did he would stop screaming at me because it upsets her. She going to be so much bette off without his constant drama and chaos in her life .His scare tactics didn’t bother me I glad my mother got us away him ,my father I’m glad she saved her self. I wasn’t easy we didn’t have a lot. So he was trying to scare me. I informed him later in the day that scare tactics don’t work on me anymore, If you want to live in fear you go right a head and do that but I won’t. It’s funny because he’s the one that is afraid of me leaving!!! 😊. Thanks for the video I look forward to them every Saturday.
It’s great that you provide services however some of us are left without financial resources.
Meredith has hundreds of quality videos that are free for everyone.
Thank you. I’ve been dealing with depression for several months now and despite medication and talk therapy, nothing seems to work. I woke up this morning thinking, “I feel so helpless.“
That inspired me to look up videos on learned helplessness. Your video has been the most helpful by far and it seems like you’re talking directly to me about my life right now. Going to check out your website, and this has given me hope that there might actually be something I can do to help myself out of this darkness.
I cannot tell you how much you are so on target with this nor can I find the words to express how grateful I am for how much you helped me way back I think in 2016. I still watch these and others as it helps with my BS degree studies. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I remember you, Kari. Big hug to you!
@@InnerIntegration yea, it was pretty much in the beginning when you started out and then it took off like a shot! I hoped I helped to propel you thru my FB shares and thank you for all you are doing for Narcissistic Abuse Awareness! BTW - I am working on my Trauma Counselor Degree and I hope to help others that went thru NA, too! Big Hugs! Thank you again!
OMG, Meridith! I have been struggling with why I am not moving along with recovery after 3 years NC... still so much pain and emotional dysregulation and anxiety. I could not figure it out and have shared this dilemma on other channels(might have given me the answer but did not resonate with me) and got much support and validation but not the answer as to *WHY!* I could not work on this till I have the reason! So here it is! ALL THE REASONS WHY! Thank You, Meridith.
I’m so happy you figured it out! That new awareness will help you make the changes you’re trying to create in your life and recovery.
@@InnerIntegration Thank you for your magic, Meridith...and how you shine yourself on us! All you do for us. This has been a Major Breakthrough for me today...Like a second epiphany. Wow! I can FIND MY WAY NOW. The path is clear and the clouds are gone...thanks to you! All the Love and Validation....and gratitude! Hope you Sunday is a beautiful, special and happy one for you...and all of your days! X0
I always wondered why battered women so often stay with abusive men. It never made any sense to me at all. I’d never heard of learned helplessness until yesterday, while reading a book on overcoming something I struggle with. Now I finally understand. I also see, now, that there have been examples of learned helplessness around me my whole life and I just didn’t recognize them for what they were. On one hand, I feel frustrated, because my life could have been very different if I’d known about this. But on the other, I’m grateful I’m a curious person and have never stopped being hungry to learn, because education is a powerful tool and at least I can still try to change some habits now!
As you talked about courage, I looked at a photo of myself on a horse that scared the hell out of me but yet, I was on his back running him! ❤I have since continued to barrel race him and now compete successfully!
This is great. I have my big picture in place always have, but I'm like the elephant, I'm rocking back and forth until I break the chains and go for it. but it's all the same. Somewhere I have to go for it the way you say and stop holding back. I realized in part I am using it as an excuse. But my big picture is in place. I think that's a big start. Thank you for acknowledging what I think of my own position
Thank you so much...im going through narc recovery from parents and also drug use..been clean a year now and am making plans to continue on in life with out toxic family members.
WOW, you are so amazing Meredith. A powerhouse, beacon of light, a true leader
Great video. I just have a question. Is procrastination a consequence of learned helplessness? I am struggling with it a lot. Thanks for your help. Your video is really motivating.
It definitely can be! It’s usually a form of self-sabotage in general.
@@InnerIntegration Thank you very much for the answer. I will definitely do my best to work on that problem. Thanks a lot. :)
I am so thankful for your channel! You have given me so many tools to repair the damage left by storms! Been looking for info about talking to myself constantly (out loud). Thank you so much!
The feeling of learned helplessness has been the toughest thing for me to get past. Courage and persistence, I hope, will eventually prevail. I have pushed myself through two years of impressive changes in the material world and in my inner self-talk, and even after that, my feeling about the next challenge ahead still starts with “I’ll never be able to . . .” I feel this sense of helplessness around many of my strongest skills, but I found that it doesn't extend to any skill that I picked up after the age of 26, I guess because by then I had broken out of a way of thinking I had learned early in life. I can “recharge my battery,” a metaphor my coach suggested, by completing projects in these more recent skill areas before taking on a big challenge in any other area.
That's interesting that you noticed the feeling doesn't extend to anything you learned after 26. Very interesting!
Thank you so much for this video!!! I will follow these suggestions and make changes in my life. I’m the big elephant tied to a tiny post in the ground. I’ve endured a life time of abuse and I can’t carry on like this. I am also going to find a coach to help me with making changes.
Can you talk more on society and learned helplessness? I recognized this so much, thank you!
Some of us also have permanent physical disabilities, which I have never found anyone able or interested in helping with.
Fantastic video. Thank you Meredith x
Better instead of bitter. I love that. Thank you.
I didn’t make that up. It’s kind of a cliche but it’s a good one!
Inner Integration I really like it. It makes so much sense! A good motto for focus. I’m ashamed to say i turned bitter as I was physically and emotionally abused by my mother who has succeeded making a smear campaign into a life long career. I’ve had a complete nervous breakdown (failed suicide and hospitalised) and I’m trying to get better. I’ve suffered agoraphobia but tomorrow I’m going to buy some trainers and try and get walking outside. I can’t go on like this. They hijack your whole life, then even going no contact it’s still hijacking my mind. I’m selling my home of 20 years and moving away. Also changing my surname so her flying agents and ‘soldiers’ can never track me down and sabotage me. Determined I’ve got to get better and live for the future. As Carrie Fisher said “holding onto anger is only swallowing your own poison and expecting the other person to die.” Or words to that effect. So true 😊 x 🇬🇧 thank you for your incredible videos. One of the best on TH-cam. Such deep and sophisticated insight, and so eloquent.
Hi Meredith! I've been following you since 2017, but under a different account. During that time, I had just exited a toxic relationship. It was then I stumbled upon your channel. It really helped me feel validated with what happened. At the time, I knew it was toxic which is why I left. But little did I know he was a covert narcissist. I didn't have a name or label until I saw one of your videos that day. I also soon learned certain family members were also covert narcissists; I always made excuses for their behavior. Because as an empath, I try my best to understand people and situations. So thank you for making valuable content on mental and emotional health. It's provided so much clarity and value in my life - no one was there for me. But your videos gave me strength, motivation, and a drive like no other. Cheers to becoming healthy and new beginnings! Sending everyone tons of positive energy, love, and light. Gracias por todo Meredith! Bendiciones! 💜🙏🏽✨🌿🥰
Watching this video again!!!! I can’t believe how much it resonates with me! I’m about to check out all the links you attached to it! Can’t thank you enough!!!
Remember learned helplessness isn't your fault, but getting out is your responsibility, it took me years to get over that concept, mainly because it felt like i was being blamed for all the bad shit happening in life
Thanks Meredith. Something you said in another video about divide and conquer tactics triggered the realization in me that a certain politician is really feeding off a whole nation's energy. It's really becoming clearer and clearer to me that I was in the state of learned helplessness because I was trapped in my family of origin with no way to escape or change the situation. What you say about self-esteem really rings true too because I had that feeling that things never worked out for me and so had low self-esteem. Thanks for all your videos
I'm experiencing a set back with this covid pandemic isolation and have fallen into this pattern of learned helplessness. I feel so bleak, dejected, powerless on so many levels. It's like I've been sucked into this negative vortex and it's holding me back. Maybe I'm just feeling constricted and confined and powerless to escape. It's a challenging time for the entire world, this won't last forever I know but we're all stuck on a universal " pause ". I need something to look forward to, something to keep my spirit uplifted. Waiting for the sun to shine
such a great video and so helpful! it describes exactly what i'm still suffering from and why i shut down and get paralysed and unconsciously think that i don't have freedom when facing authority figures like doctors or bosses at work.... it's very pernicious cos i went no contact five years ago from my family and it's still operating under the radar inside of me..... narcissism really is an invisible cancer!
Thank you so much for this video.It gives me strength and courage.
Its called baby elephant thoughts. You mentioned it in one of your videos too. 12 STEP RECOVERY programs teach the baby elephant theory for over 20 yrs nows. We make are own prisions which narcsissium stays alive by making others sick. It does suck the life out of people, including self centered fear and trying to control the outcome of our actions. Its important to remember we are responsible for doing the foot work or getting in the vehicle to take the trip but we dont control the trip or who we might cross paths alobg the way entirely. Hope that all makes sense. We we dont let baby elephant thoughts confine us, we get to experience a freedom and grattitude and joy in our everyday life now! We get to participate in the best things and rejuvinate from narcisstic personality disorder.
I don't need rescued but I have a big job to do and no help! Think of trying to build a house but only knowing how to sew pillows. Faced with being isolated with narcs surrounding me or isolated with no narcs... I chose NO NARCS. I'm trying to be patient. I think the learned helplessness causes me to panic a bit at times. I rush, rush, rush and self-sabatoge like every matter is of the utmost urgency. It's not.
thank you for this information. this is exactly what I had. didnt articulate it until now.
You are the most amazing teacher on this subject
Thank you, I followed the steps and I’m challenging myself to play the bass guitar. I think the hardest challenge is not falling back into learned helplessness.
jumping that hurdle with that stick. Right now I'm underwater with this right now so thank you.
Sometimes as in my case the Narcissists Sabotoshed my career and other offers in my career, then made all kinds of accusations against me, a smear tactic. This is not learned helplessness. This is being shot down, beaten down and emotionally abused by people WHO gaslight you by saying they love you.
Yes, gorilla. I can definitely relate. But let me tell you, success is such sweet revenge! 😁
Same thing happend to me. I had this attack repeatedly for a period of 10 years. Now I'm back at square one, in the environment where I suffered childhood abuse. The stupidity of this "scheme" is unreal.
@@msp5298 TRUTH SEEKER! Learn all of the words to describe the SPELL that was CAST ON YOU and REVERSE IT! CLAIM in is INVALID and you never agreed to ANY OF THIS!! BECAUSE you had YOUR FINGERS CROSSED!! Ha Ha on THEM!!
Same
Spoke to me, thanks.
Will listen again,
with pen in hand
(thankyouthankyou).
"Lead with courage",
learn from the
pure expression
in others.
My learned helplessness is definitely generalized and feels like it’s more about the fact that I feel like I’m incompetent, I NEED to be saved and I owe others for saving me. Feeling like even if I escaped, I would never be able to navigate the world because of my incompetence. Like a domesticated animal escaping into the wild world, will they even be able to survive if they escape? I think growing up with constant double binds creates the feeling of learned helplessness and feeling of incompetence. I was expected to be just good enough to make my parents look good, but not so good that I show them up.
Also, an animal that has been domesticated from birth, may not know that there is a different type of life than they’ve known all of theirs. I was always taught the grass is not necessarily greener on the other side, and it most likely is much more dangerous without others to protect me.
It is just me now. I am even finding out that the people who had been helpful and supportive when I left bad situations in the past, can be dismissive and not as concerned for my wellbeing as I thought. I have made the mistake of looking to these people for advice and am just now finding that they don’t know what’s best for me as they are beginning to have the opinion that they do, and I find myself endlessly trying to explain myself to them. These people also exhibit an “I know better than others” attitude, in a very insidious way, while always exclaiming that they are willing to better themselves emotionally and are open to feedback.
It’s all a process and there are so many layers in healing. I was also taught “you shouldn’t embark in anything, unless you are able to figure it out immediately”, so it’s easy to get discouraged, and shame spiral, when I can’t automatically get better. But, I’ve learned that when I berate myself for not feeling better yet, I backslide. When I feel shame for not healing fast enough, that’s when I make excuses. When I give myself a break, it’s much, much easier to move on. I also am giving myself credit for surviving the emotional abuse still intact and with a good head on my shoulders. While my mom tries to set the narrative that it was them that helped me survive life, I now know that i survived despite them.
These videos are also so extremely helpful in the healing process. While it is definitely up to ourselves to get better, videos like these give us validation and a sense that we are not alone. Thank you so much Meredith 💕
Congratulate yourself for making it out alive! Their whole agenda is to really kill you, once they can't control you or use you. You were never expected to escape because with a narc family you will never win, you will never be allowed to win, and if by some chance you do, you will be punished for it. Narc families are a 0 sum game for the victim/survivor! Narcissism in a perpetual trap for the victim and as a child of that abuse you're born from light and you are pure, they need that light energy and purity to cleanse their black hearts. They feed off and live on the light, the shine that you give off, year by year, they take more and more, they dull it until you are bone dry one day. So yes, be glad you made it out alive! This alone is a GREAT ACCOMPLISHMENT! Survivors are not given enough credit for simply being resilient enough to not die in the face of adversity, time and time again.
@@zofiajaneczek184 Thank you! Making it out alive can be huge in these situations. Without my knowledge, my ex took a life insurance policy out on me after we separated, but before we divorced. I was lucky that they mailed me the policy information. I think some of us tell ourselves that we need to get strong before we leave, but when we realize it will never happen as long as we stay in a toxic situation. We have to leave toxic situation s before we can heal and realize that we are stronger than we know.
If you think about it, this entire corona virus is one big effort to get the entire world into a position of learned helplessness. It would be interesting to think about it in terms of the tactics narcissists use and compare.
"Debility, Dependence, Dread..." I had recently learned about Biderman's characteristics of coercive control, but I wasn't aware of this information. I will look for it. You also made me aware of the DARVO pattern. Thank you again Merideth!
Thank you for this video. I see self-sabotage and learned helplessness as being strongly connected in my life. I think working with a coach or therapist who can be there to co-regulate with you during an episode of learned helplessness would be very powerful. Kind of like having training wheels on a bike while learning to ride. Then after some wins as a team, you can try it out on your own, but still with help but from more of a distance.
This is big. Thank you Meredith!
Thank you for sharing your dog’s courage with us. What a positive and powerful image to remind us that the end result is confidence and joy no matter how scary it seems right now. Love it!
Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us. You helped me to understand why I react the way I do. Learned Helplessness! What an eye opener for me. There’s so much enlightenment in those two words. My dad recently passed away and he was the narc whom I am still afraid of even though he’s gone. I see the pattern. There is another family member who abused me at age four. She managed to deny it and convince my father that what she did was nothing but a “game,” but it WAS SEXUAL ABUSE. As a child I wasn’t able to understand or describe what was done to me. As an adult, I told my dad, but he kept this person in his life to the very end. He asked me why I didn’t speak up when it happened. 😳 How could a four year old describe something like that? He ignored me and my pleas to stay away from this relative. Thank you for your guidance. People must learn that child abuse is never the child’s fault. Like you explained, learned helplessness is what I’ve been living with. My abuser was at dads funeral and has my two brothers fooled too. She stood there watching me speak as I gave dad’s eulogy. I felt like a hypocrite saying nice things about dad which WERE true but I obviously couldn’t say out loud the bad things that were simmering inside me. My husband and two adult children know my story. They were by my side through the viewing/vigil and the funeral. We had a family gathering at a restaurant which was my father’s wish and which he paid for. What I didn’t know was that my brothers had invited this abuser to the gathering. I had friends and family who came from far away. I made sure they were all comfortable and had their meal. My husband couldn’t hold himself quiet when he saw my abuser arrive. He told my brothers that they should have known better not to invite her and we left. I needed this video to open my mind. Thank you again for sharing your knowledge. I have a lot of work to do. 💞🙏🏼
Thank you so much Meredith for your clear explanation and presentation. Unfortunately this is all too appropriate for me. Much gratitude for this video and the hope it brings.
I'm not sure if you do one on one I'm not a believer in coincidences I believe that everything happens for a reason I posted one of your videos on my social media and remembered videos that I had watched of yours in the past so I subscribed to your channel because I got a new TH-cam account under different email and when I went to your videos I happened to scroll down all of them and I just for some reason click on this video I cannot tell you the size of the lump that's in my throat or the Goosebumps from head to toe on my body I am just going to say first of all thank you so much for sharing this I'm so grateful it does feel amazing when your feelings or something that you're going through is validated however another person's misery or knowing that somebody else can understand your absolute horrific situation that is a normal life to you to think that someone else can experience that also is absolutely heart-wrenching to me so it's a double edged sword however I have a really really really struggled with finding a therapist and I'm agoraphobic it comes with the billing debilitating point and I could really use a one-on-one with someone who just could hear my story and just it's nothing else validate my feelings and possibly give me encouragement to get out of this hold victim stage and mother is a psychopath and my brother is that's the short version but like I said is there anyway that you would be willing to at least hear me out and give me your best advice or point me in a direction of someone that could help me with my stuck in victim mode which I absolutely hate and despise probably more than anything at this point because I am such a very very angry person and this is going on five years now ever since I had to learn about what was going on and find out so many other things I just find myself stuck in literally 4 MI mode and absolute in anger and it's coursing through my blood at every second I am truly an extremely kind person and for me to have this anger that I can't let go of just makes me sad on top of being so angry and I just feel like I'm in one big Groundhog Day Loop and it feels hopeless and the fact that this is not a subject that you can just speak on with another human being is just more reason I think that I convinced myself of this victim state so that I have an excuse to not deal with people and continue to be agoraphobic because I am absolutely terrified of people and what they're capable of doing to another person and especially if it's intentional I find it hard to believe that anybody who is a mother that intentionally hurt them sabotage them attempts to take their life Etc if you have a mother like that how in the world would you ever be able to trust another person and she knows that I feel that way and I think that that honestly just feeds her ego even more and makes her even more happy she's winning she's winning on every level including damaging me making me a jaded person a non trusting person and a agoraphobic person a loving person that's not able to trust someone enough to ever love again and she's winning by that because that's what she wanted I'm just looking for guidance and I really am trying so hard to just move forward and as much as I know that I have considering what I've been through I am like I said not able to let go of this anger and resentment no matter what I try no matter how many times a day I pray no matter how much knowledge I have on this subject how many videos articles Etc if you are interested or if that's something that you do if you could please reach out to me and let me know I would be so unbelievably grateful and that is an understatement it was positive enough that made me think maybe you would be the one that could help me and I can just tell you I would do the same for another person so I thought it wouldn't hurt to ask :-) God bless and thank you again stay safe xoxo
Learned Helplessness a Covert Narcissist’s favorite go-to weapon when playing the Victim-Card
Thank you so much for always being there to help us on the way. You are so intelligent and you understand so really well what is it to be be, or to have been abused by a narcissist. I love that you talk about your dog. She is so cute. Dogs are my big love, there are incredible. Like you said they are so wise and they learn us so much in their innocence. I'm going to do your course about the limiting beliefs.
One of the top videos for me. This is awesome. Thank you for your hard work.
Omg. I love those photos of Venus! I should make it a screen saver. 🤣
She would love that. She’s a Leo Queen after all 😂 ❤️
@@InnerIntegration awesome. I'm a Leo moon sign. I knew we had a vibe. 😚
🙏🙏🙏🙏this is such a blessing for me , THANK YOU ♥️
Bless you! Your videos continue to be a help and a blessing to me! I appreciate your wonderful caring relevant advice. Very powerful and transformative! You are a beautiful light !
You are amazing. I am very happy you seam to do well. I will try many of your course, THANK YOU for the very reasonable price you priced them too. EVERY LITTLE THINGS, GONNA BE ALRIGHT :) ♥♥♥
Last few videos of yours came at perfect timing for me, Thankyou.
This is great 101 on learned helplessness. I was hoping for a little more. I know you can’t give away everything for free but I would need more to click on any additional links. Also learned helplessness may or may not have anything to do with self-esteem. For me it didn’t change my belief about myself, but my belief about the world. I have low other-esteem or world-esteem.
Now he's shoving the new supply in my face, I can't believe such mean people exist on earth. First they beg for a chance to date you then they completely destroy you. I wish us all healing, it is difficult, I hope karma exists 💗
For me, the programming is so deep and so mixed with the appearance of normality, that there isn't even any self-talk. It's a series of simple, seemingly incontrovertible givens, primarily in my working life. I have to work really hard every day to try to overcome it. I'm not a young person anymore, and retirement age is approaching. I don't want to be poor and insecure!
Awww what a great pup! Venus so inspiring!
When are you going to do a Ted Talk?
Aww Venus is sooo confident she reminds me of my Chihuahua, Lily...she had no idea she was only 9lbs...she had the heart of a Lioness🙏😁
😍
Helpful video. You put the work in
Love you referencing your puppy! my little lizard girl has taught me soo much about about life love and my behavior...😍♥️
This is SO good. Thank you. 🙏
Awesome message as always. I had to hit rock bottom before coming into my own power. If I had only had your videos years ago! Thank you 🙏🏼
Thank you, thank you and thank you!
Yea I cut cords 6 months ago,, now I good,..another few years I be real good,...I happy thu ....so thanks great points.....
it s so frustrating and bitternes to facing and painful,that what i thought and did it was only trainedl, like dogs of Pavlov. Its look never ending ....
Meredith, I love your videos and thank you for putting out the content you've put out and continue to put out.
Wow you are wondeeful, truly. heard you on Reiner Fulmich (sp;) Tribunal and all I heard when you spoke was something ive been fight my whole life. thank you. you are doing good and we WILL defeat this evil upon the land because of the need for Truth. my love my dear
I’m glad you found my presentation helpful. I just wrote a transcript of it with some elaboration on Substack.
meredithmiller.substack.com/p/its-a-stockholm-syndrome-state-of?