Interesting vide,. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go,i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
One of the most thought provoking things I’ve learned recently is that most of us aren’t with the right person because we never took the time to work on ourselves being the best we can be… you attract what you give off which is also what’s inside. If we heal and get to a happy healthy place then we will attract the person who can ultimately partner with us.
Something that I've told to my clients and my students is that their strategy for selecting a roommate or partner is self-defeating when they report to the pool of potential suitors that they have a mental disorder or a personality disorder or some sort of Life difficulty in advance. The same goes for over reporting of past events and failed relationships. What that does is automatically deselect a large group of people from that pool who might have otherwise been a decent option for you. What that does is it Auto Select the people from within that pool of suitors who are most likely to either be Rescuers or abusers. Trauma bonding or codependency. You're trying to be upfront about the difficulties that a potential mate might encounter in a relationship with you while at the same time projecting to them that you are also unwilling to change. The rest fewer will try to change you anyway and end up abusing you horribly narcissistically. Then the abuser will intentionally manipulate you draw close to you and then eventually discard you but only after destroying you and your sense of self. Anyway just got really long I'm sorry
We had no character to see others. We were neglected, abused, scapegoated and we mirrored all this shit attracting shit. As we get better we see what we could not see before.
Yes but.... without that other person causing you to lose you’re crap all the tine and have a breakdown, you never would have become the strong wise person you are today. You can thank the narcissist for that
@@dreambeliever3652 you need to find your straight line, your moral compass to compare behaviors. One must answer 1.is there a God or not 2 if so, which one that alone will help define how one makes choices. 🤗
One of the best things that ever happened to me in my entire life was catching my now ex-wife going down on her professor in a Walmart parking lot. Yes, ruined my life. Took my money to pay for her college and did that to me? But in the years since, everything has been better. I'm better off financially, I'm in a better relationship, I'm happier, everything is better in my life because she is gone. Believe me when I say - being in a bad relationship is not better than being alone.
I wish my brother would have had the backbone to stand up to his wife many years ago when he caught her in a motel room with another guy. But he caved in and took her back. Now many years later he's a shell of a man. He just sits there and takes her shit day in and day out. I quit visiting because she's so caustic and dramatic . And he just sits there like a beaten down lump....it's really sad.
@@ifitsfreeitsforme1852 He probably has the utmost desire to leave but the constant stress and trauma has absolutely and literally wrecked his brain, killed his cognition and ability to do things.
He's correct. I once heard a cruise ship comedian's "old maid" ventriloquist dummy say why she never married. "I'd rather go through life wanting something I didn't have than having something I didn't want!" Best advise I ever heard!
@@userasdf1546 That's when you need to separate what you had from what you thought you had. More often than not, you are missing your idealized version of a person and not their actual self. Kill your ego and accept that you made a mistake and fell for someone who was not right for you. You think you lost something special because subconsciously you think your decision making process was perfect. But it wasn't, or this wouldn't have happened. Recognize that you made a mistake, learn from it, and move on. If she wanted you, she would reach out. I know it hurts, but you need to remind yourself of this.
Yeah, don't WhatsApp that guy BTW. I think they are assembling a list of intelligent people with uncommon angles using bots. I've received this request from several big names before and I think that it has much to do with doxing, tracking and eventually getting into your real life. I recommend a VPN if you don't already have one. I do and that's why I still have the freedom to speak. On the subject of that quote, it is absolute truth, one must decide. If you live long enough then everyone that you've ever known falls away or dies or both and you are left back at the start trying to figure out who you really are and if or how that can matter. It simply doesn't matter at all because it is a perversion of language to describe a verb as a noun. Language itself is a severely limited thing, English is a brush that I am adept at painting with, but it accounts for less than 3% of human communication and all languages combined amount to a mere 10%. Spoken languages fall very far short of devising ways of explaining consciousness because they are an expression of that which they seek to define. I say with a heavy heart and coming from a very difficult life, that knowing who you truly are and what meaning is, that's the end of your book so don't concern yourself on the subject now because the entire experience is all about chasing that. Ease up on yourself, go screw a hot young woman, take some new drugs, dash the whole thing to pieces and then put it all back together. Grab life by the balls and squeeze as hard as you can. If you regret nothing at the end of that then you've done well my friend:)
Sir: I respectfully submit due to the fact that a PHD undoubtedly trumps 2 years of cc (yes he's overcompensating he knows you know why (or thinks he does:) (he's been spanked by at least a masters. O.K...) (he will pander for no one of course (maybe john) I believe I can still say that my purpose is more like that of "Larry, in "The Razors Edge". I may be right so will you tell me if I'm even going in the right direction. (wasn't you but dad rejects 2 phd's and 4 masters??? (NO!) Issues weren't WWI (It was mom. Sure I'm right on that :)
The Crazy thing is: there will be people in the comments section who are the narcissist, watching this video thinking the problem is with their partner, but really it is them.
One of the most painful lessons I’ve learned is how we make ourselves weak and ruin our lives by the people we let in our lives. Sometimes it’s the people we’ve kept, for whatever reasons when it would have been a lot more beneficial to walk. Painful as this may be part of growing also requires us to leave some relationships behind, it could be family; our partners and life long friends, thank you Dr Peterson.
This is true of toxic friendships, family relationships, etc. Sometimes your only choice is to cut them out of your life. Walk away, and never look back. Take care of yourself because no one else will.
Facts. I hit bottom with the end of my last relationship last November. Now I'm making more money, I lost 45 pounds, I'm happy and confident, and I'm so clear headed. Hitting bottom was the greatest day of my life
"Stop thinking that you have the capacity to redeem somebody that is not after redemption." Very true. I spent 8 years knowing this truth in my heart and head, but still hoped that my actions towards a person I cared deeply for would be the exception. Big dose of humble pie. It wasn't, isn't and never will be. If that person see's the light one day, it will be because they wanted too. It hurts like heck to give so much of yourself to a person, but I can not blame anyone but myself.
I feel this in my bones. I've dedicated 5 years for someone I thought was definitely going to change for the better. I thought, 'hey, maybe I should stop overthinking / being so pessimistic / being so critical over him and trust the process - we can grow together! No one is perfect after all!' Turns out, I'm just opening up ways for myself to compromise things that can actually be threatening the relationship's stability. My gut feeling had never stop digging its way through my core since the first day we started dating. 5 years afterwards, we broke up, and I've never felt freer before. I have only myself to blame, and I choose to better myself as soon as possible before I meet someone better.
Speaking as a divorcee I can definitely identify with a lot of the things said in this video. But I knew like the back of my hand that if we ever did separate that I would never go back into another relationship and so it was and here I am 11 years later. But the signs were definitely there quite early on and yes it is the little things. The disapproving look, the putting down, the reluctance to do things together, the acts that deliberately annoy or irritate, the long silent treatments, being made to feel you're inadequate, other people's sides taken against you and on and on. Individually, those things don't actually amount to much but you can expect a subset to be always present and quite frequently, when things are really bad, they all rise together with differing degrees. But you say to yourself things like - what about the children, can you afford to leave, think of all the people you have to explain it to, think of all those places that you only go as couples, what if you don't find anyone else and if you do will the children like this person? The envisaged pain of the absence of someone beside you deters you from taking the leap. But there comes a point, and strangely you know it's coming, when you estimate that the pain of staying together now far outweighs the pain and consequences of separation and it could take many years before you come to that realisation. Marriage or any kind of relationship is a gamble. You may do your utmost to secure its survival but there comes a point when you're simply flogging a dead horse. Why is it a gamble? Because you keep depositing new funds just to keep going the dream that it will come right in the end. You embark on a new baby, or a new house, or an expensive holiday or some costly gesture that you think might change things. But whilst things of that kind might on the surface improve the liaison a little, it is almost certainly short lived. You haven't solved anything. All you've done is alleviated for a short while the constant pain in the background which returns quite often with a vengeance. Such partnerships that I describe are basically doomed from the beginning and the best advice from my perspective is probably to leave the casino as soon as you can. There is no happy ending when these things are in place. Partnerships or marriages that last and withstand the test of time are ones where you feel inside, almost spiritually, that you are loved unconditionally and you reciprocate with equal measure, intensity and meaning. Those relationships are rare but if you find yourself in one, count your lucky stars. I would estimate that they probably make up only about 20% of all couples. It's the way the world is - most of us never actually find our true soulmate.
I'd say it's less than 20%. But it's such a relief to find someone who actually really knows what they are talking about. I don't think Jordan knows what you and I both know, because some things can't be taught. Thank you for you comment, it's a relief.
I knew my 1st wife 3 weeks, got married made it 28 years till cancer got her. Took my 2nd wife on 2 dates, went to Vegas got married, i knew nothing about her, we made it 10 years till cancer got her. I know the secrets to a successful marriage. I dont assume or guess or analyze, i am proof of it. Its really quite simple. I am 60 and will marry again probably after 1 or 2 dates. Ive never been divorced to me its unthinkable. They are a part of me, we are as one. Till death do we part.
I agree. Sometimes people that do not want to work on themselves are really difficult to spend the life with. As I divorced out of infidelity, I learned that I should have put clear limits and understand that love is not putting up with a person's unwillingness to work together. Thus, as a priest told me, "you will thank God for delivering you from such a harmful relationship where you were the only one rowing...". But it hurts... really does.
@@veanandjean1 thanks for sharing. I once read that even the Catholic church recommmends that after a relationship is unsustainable, since there is abuse involved, the best option is endung it. I have a little daughter and God knows how much I struggled with the thought of leaving her. But I did not. I am fighting for her and myself while healing. Not an easy process, but there is nothing better than teaching her love and boundaries. You will find the way. Best for 2023.
Came across some good advice recently: in the beginning of getting to know a new person, actually make a point of inquiring if they are into self development/improvement. That if they say yes, then they're openness to growth at least shows they are willing to change and empathize with a different perspective.
Some people are not capable of that depth of inner exploration. You may have worked on yourself because you've done a deep dive with yourself and looked at yourself to the core. Other people can only look at the surface of themselves.
" You are trying to redeem someone who is not redeemable". This phrase is just what I needed to hear. I tried for years, BUT, I DID learn. Suffering has a purpose!
I just lost the love of my life after 11 and a half years together. I was so lucky to have her in my life for the short time I had her. I don't think I will ever be that lucky again. I will forever miss and love my Amanda Nicole Wilkerson.
She will be in your mind for ever, because love has no dimensions. And because love is all-embracing, there is every possibility that you will find love again.
Most important thing I’ve learned over time.. leave when you see the first red flag. They will keep popping up and the longer you stay the harder it becomes to leave.
I have an art studio with 3 windows. There have been times I painted for 4 or 5 hours without noticing the windows were partly open and eventually I realized I was freezing, had not eaten in 6 hours and needed to stretch very badly. You can get caught up in something that takes everything else away. The same thing can happen with writing. Find something you love and do it.
It's wonderful isn't it!??!!! ...I personally really love sketching people the most. I like watercolors also. But something about life drawing gets me in the zone really well. It's definitely a feeling of timelessness. Almost like pressing pause button on a remote control for your life. It's great.
This saved my life - for me it was creating and sewing, firstly hand sewing little objects and then learning how to use a sewing machine - now I have a summer house full of fabric and thread and my sewing machine. It’s never boring, there is always some way to improve and I know I’ll always have it.
I’m divorced & survived a sociopath husband. Then dated a psychopath who was just a terrible person. I’m lucky to have my sanity & still be alive. So glad to be alone!!
This was me!! Married to ex wife for years! Got out on my own, and learned all of these things he's saying! I'm realizing how good life actually is.....by myself!!
@@djacked5998 Most dangerous marriage of all! I was a codependent, married to a narcissist! Being on my own, allowed me to break free from codependency!! Through consuming red pill info, I discovered most women will eventually leave , if they feel your giving them the power in the relationship! With a narcissist, the hidden evil traits will show themselves, as they push you away!!
@@43one damn, I am going through the same, but still married. It feels good to talk about it with someone, I even booked an hour at a psychologist because how deep I fell into the abyss
I dumped a girl whom did these: Told me to shut up in front on her friends. The only way to get along well with them Told me to shut up with their family, same reason. (I am not that dumb, I am a 36 year Mexican physician, fluent in three languages) Told her I give out an amount of money to my mother every month. She replied - well once we live together that’s going to change. Made her male friend to tell me out of the blue -give her The Ring. Demanded me to pay absolutely everything to the dime and nickel. Constantly complained about me getting up in the morning at 5-6 am every day. (I am a bloo#y physician, i have patients to asses. Moreover I have businesses in the US and in Mexico). I love dancing, she told me to stop dancing. Anyway, I couldn’t talk her out that evil comments. So I dumped; for 6 months she insisted She wanted to return with me despite me being allegedly a macho and misogynistic man. Jajaja she can go out of my life. Now I sleep like a child in his moms arms :)
I hope next time you look for someone with a good character and personality, there are nice women out there, but maybe they are not as popular because they are not into all the bling, status, superficial things that validate them, find someone who has a good head and a good heart, and be the same. Have a good head and heart.
She told you to stop dancing? Man, that is heartless. That's your time to connect to your very own soul. Don't let her kill that part of you. I hope you kept dancing. 😥
Cheating in a relationship is an unforgivable betrayal of trust that can not be remedied, at least for me. There is no excuse for it and, again for me, marks your character as a person as flawed beyond redemption, in the regards to a relationship; thanks to alomd genius for saving me from that bloody cheater..
0:00 Handle your own mess before you have no energy/willpower/character left to deal with it. 1:30 if you ignore your inner voice for too long there is no coming back. 3:30 Learn from exposing yourself to the part of the world you don’t understand. notice that you’re wrong instead of trying to prove that you’re right. 4:45 suffering is inescapable, why bother with it ? You don’t know yourself at all, you only have presuppositions about yourself. you use these to avoid the true nature of yourself Observe yourself for a week : - If you’re bored you’re either undisciplined or you’re pursuing something that you don’t want to pursue. - If you’re engaged with life, you won’t noticed that you’re there. you’ll forget about yourself. The observer and the observed become one, you become what you’re doing because that’s the only thing left in your existence. The purpose of life is finding a mode of being that’s so meaningful that the fact that life is suffering is no longer relevant.
I recently tried to give a much loved ex another chance when asked. Quite torn over how to move forward with someone that is unwilling to communicate and holds me at a distance… I tortured myself for two weeks until I went to a dr appointment. My normally great blood pressure had risen suddenly to 158/128. That scared me! I knew the anxiety was unhealthy and affecting me but seeing my high bp really made it click. I am literally going to give myself a heart attack over this man. I spent time in silence the next few days and worked out how I really felt, what my boundaries were, and explained if he couldn’t communicate and respect them I had to move on. I felt instantly at peace once I sent the text. I have been diminishing myself and my needs for a person that is stuck and won’t move forward.
Really, the biggest issue is one nobody ever touches on; it's the fact that virtually EVERYONE is high or drunk. Booze, weed, and prescription pills, everyone is on something. No one is thinking clearly or in their right mind, and it's because no one is strong enough to to work through the pain of freeing themselves from their addictions.
Nice, and accurate, observation. Yes, this is almost completely overlooked. My brother has a big executive job. He couldn't sustain it at one time without SSRIs. They were meant to be a temporary aid, but 10 years later he can't part with them. They've altered him. He's less empathetic, less attuned to his emotions, less like himself, but he won't admit it. Says they help him and 'it's only a low dose'. When the toilets at his workplace were checked for drug misuse (which i think is interesting in itself) cocaine traces were found on almost every cistern! Strong, healthy, bright young people unable to get through the day without class A drugs!
@@kimcarman1279 Know you weren't replying to me, but it's almost spooky that you postulate that theory, particularly in relation to my brother. I've often theorised that as playing a part - perhaps a bigger one than realised.
Not exactly an accurate title but the point is well made as usual with JP. Do not stick around in a hopeless situation in the belief things just might get better. You’ll earn contempt and enable even worse behaviour. Sometimes you’re the problem, sometimes not. You can’t fix the latter.
Thanks for your concern Jane but I’m not remotely interested in restoring past relationships at 63. I’m enjoying the peace that comes with pursuing my own interests and increasing learning. There are also very good reasons why they are past. And I’m unlikely to WhatsApp a complete stranger who is equally likely to try and sell me e-currency, the secret of everlasting life, or possibly even a bridge. Especially from a Nigerian phone number, but you can send me $1,500 seed money as I’m looking for someone to handle the disposal of my royal uncle’s fortune and you seem ideal.
Sometimes in relationships, we stay for our own reasons. Only after the bond has been broken can you truly look and see what went wrong. It is very difficult to look inside and stare at the monster you have become. I had times where it was almost impossible to sit alone with my thoughts because I hated myself that much that I even contemplated suicide. It wasn’t until I lost my kids and my significant other that I realized the problem was me. I searched for worldly pleasures, women , money and fame while I neglected my children and her. I had to lose it all to see that the problem was me. Even though I had caused so much peril , I vowed to be a better person and to let go of all the hate that sat in my heart. I became a better father and my life in general improved drastically. As far as the relationship, who knows if it could ever be mended , it also takes 2 to make it work and a lot of forgiveness. Don’t wait until life has you on your knees to look inside no matter how hard it is.
What you don't get it, older people were brought up like this prior to these times. This is nothing new, although I love Jordan because he's doing his mission, his words are something we, a bit older generation, had no choice but go along with them. And, still, we're fucked up as young people are
@@miranblazek5303 ppl these days cant handle the truth. JP makes all the sense in the world but "too harsh" for today's ppl which is why we are going to hell in a hand-basket.
My now Ex-wife was a lot like that. So nice and loving in public, but a total monster when no one else was around. The problem was, instead of getting a real hobby to occupy her time with, she made a hobby of finding fault with me and threatening me with divorce if I didn't comply. I'm the high functioning introvert type which means that being on my own is not lonely for me by any means. It's my reset of sorts. In the end, I called her bluff on the divorce threats and held her to them. We ended up in front of a judge and after hearing both sides, the judge sided with me and put the bill on her because it was so petty and stupid. Shortly after her life got drastically worse, and mine better, the total opposite of what she was claiming would happen if she left. Turns out she had no clue that once we got divorced and she was on her own she would be responsible for her bills and living expenses in general. That meant she went from a ~90% disposable income on a ~$50K a year 40 hour a week desk job to living paycheck to paycheck with little to show for it. I, on the other hand, gained a load of freedom and got back a few thousand a month in money I didn't have to pay towards her endless wants, which were based on the views that 'someone else is responsible for my happiness.' whish is impossible to fulfill and very much what brought us to where we ended at.
It's really hard to see things as they are when you're in a relationship and think you're in love. Real love should be mutual but that woman didn't love you... though it is possible to hurt people you love. In fact the only people who can hurt you are people you love... But personally speaking, I've learned the importance of loving myself. You're much better off without someone like her, it just sucks it takes us so long and the pain is almost unbearable, but you did good. I'm proud of you buddy
People who psychoanalyze are in 99% of cases victims of those who they try to understand in order to love them but who abuses them to the point of destroying them. They try to save themselves and love others by understanding what is going on.
Been single all my life, involved in two relationships within a year's time, and after reading y'all's posts, I'm like, "So....THAT's why I'm still single!" I know a good life when I see one. Bless you all. Once we see the light and make that transformative move, life is golden.
"Most"? If this has happened 3 times or more to you, *you* are the common denominator. They may be bad people, but you are doing something (unconsciously) to attract them, or you are attracted by character traits that go along with being a "controlling narcissistic psycho". If you examine yourself very carefully you may be able to figure out what attracts you to them...otherwise, you're just gonna keep meeting people like them. I sincerely hope you do figure it out what attracts you to them.
@@itsreal4738 In defense of Ellie, there are perhaps two more possibilities as to why certain people attract predators: 1. These creatures pick up on the body language of complex trauma victims and make the first move on _them._ 2. Childhood experiences blind some people to red flags. The issue of viewing this problem as that of a separate unconscious mind with a nature to work against the conscious will of the victim is that it detracts from the legitimacy of that conscious will. If someone doesn't want to be poor, then they don't want to be poor... and likewise with any unfavorable condition. True, there is the possible influence of a sadistic conscience that browbeats the victim behind the scenes to actions of unnecessary self-compromise, but the idea that victims of malignant narcissists and psychopaths somehow bring these beasts upon themselves is something I'm afraid I must differ with you on. Still... couldn't hurt for these folks to at least cover their asses.
Yes, what is it with people these days? After being with one husband for 30 years until he died two years ago, I dated a younger man for two months and wow, did he have control issues. I couldn't believe it and I told him to get lost. This was followed by a long SMS from him telling me I am a cruel narcissist and nobody really likes me anyway. This is a kindergarten mentality. How do people cope? Most don't even try anymore.
While I was at work one day my wife sold my guitars because she didn’t want me playing in a band once a week. shortly after that we broke up, that was ten years ago, recently she got married for the third time, I still get sad when I think of my guitars and hope they are being well looked after.
Don't look back. You've lost your Guitars to a insecure moron. She's someone else's problem now . Live your life And save up for more guitars. You'll find someone wanting to listen And cheer you on while being in the crowd.
Wow that’s actually so savage. My wife doesn’t have the same passion for music as me and sometimes would prefer to just watch a movie than me play my guitar and be noisy but she appreciates my passion. Bought me a new turntable and everything so I could play my vinyls. Sorry to hear about that, some people need serious help!
the thing about the clean house near the end is so true. My step mom was like that....if the house is even a tiny bit out of place she'll hold a grudge and get angry. I couldnt stand her
Oh my soul every word he says is the honest truth..been there...you can't fix another person who control others...be your authentic self no matter what
That's what my ex 5yr old father told me. I didn't know why but this kid was always right, she day things like "he didn't do it" "he's a gift" or "don't listen to her" that child was my saving grace. I'll miss the children
Jenny Carroll here. I think for me loving a partner has to always be a compromise. I miss my late husband so much. I was never ever bored with him our whole life together. We didn’t always agree but our fit intellectually and how we thought other people should be respected and treated meant we always respected each other, besides loving each other. Relationships are hard work but if you both want the best for each other and are committed to each other it might sound old fashioned but that is a marriage, to me anyway. I like the part where Jordan describes his method to make like worthwhile even though it’s mostly about suffering . He is saying to lose yourself in something you enjoy and find so engaging it consumes you, in a good way.
I understand...I am a retired clinical psych professor like Jordan. We are not immune to suffering, much of what happens to others, happens to us. I was widowed first time right after I got my Phd..I had to rebuild my life. I found a wonderful man a year later..we were together 41 years and he was the great love of my life. We were SO well matched ...purely accidental, though my professional training allowed me to analyze his personality and realize how perfect he was for me when I met him. We KNEW how lucky we were and said that all the time to each other. He was 80 and one month but I thought I would have him much longer with him, his father lived to 97 and his uncle 103! I never thought he would go first. And all I knew from past experience and all my learning about widowhood does not keep the waves from hitting me full blast. Understanding it DOES give me perspective, but it doesnt help with the pain though, while I am in the midst of it. I am 75 and doubt I will have another relationship. I have beautiful memories and keep saying how lucky I am to have had such a life ...it was wondrous . But THAT in some ways, makes it harder. I do have peace too..he knew how much he was loved, adored, respected, and treasured...so I have no regrets on that score.
To make it a bit simpler. I’m 41. My ex girlfriend is 43. Together 8 years. In the end. It’s simply not worth the pain and having part of your soul ripped out. 🤷
I feel your pain. I, too, just ended an 8 year relationship that left me humiliated and broken. But at least I don't have to worry about being cheated on anymore. I hope you heal well.
22 years here , but I disagree true I have lost everything and the love of my life but I look back over the years and am glad I shared my life with her even though she left me two years ago and I'm still utterly destroyed inside I'm glad I lived with her in this one short life we have to live . I'd do it again with her a hundred lifetimes over. Two great kids memories and just lived life together our family . That's what life is memories and family . I would have loved to grow old with my love but I guess it's someone else's turn to love her and live with that great person I had been with sense she was eighteen. Somehow I love her more deeply with each passing day. Forever and always my love.
@@mr.noname3073 your love sounds so true and pure. What an amazing capacity for love and forgiveness you have. I wish you a peaceful and loving future, and that you are able to share your love, and be loved in reciprocity, with someone special and new 💚
Hi my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together, l got help from a great man who brought us back together....
Keep in mind that the word "suffer" actually means to learn through experience. So yes, life is suffering, but that's not the depressing thing we've been taught that it is.
I am divorced...six years now.I can say that 80% is my fault.I am fixing me.....not blaming her.A better version of me would be good for me or my new significant other.I have nothing to lose by accepting criticism.If its something i need to change ido...if not i don t
I became a better version of me and immediately psycho number one latched on. Psycho number two is in the process of being locked out of my life now. The resurrection of improved me sure is going to love the word, "No".
Thanks for the information! I’m so glad after a lot of counselling and healing that I kicked the narcissist out of my life . It’s sad and humorous that to this day , he believes nothing is wrong with him only others . I’m healing me and do not regret the decision to get my ex abuser out of my house and life
That's kinda funny ur name is hers I don't think I was in the wrong but it was little I would love to talk to you about it mostly because I'm broken it. Feels like my fault I gave all my soul to her ind I was not good enough
It was definitely no accident that I was lead to this message.. The last 3 years have been a painful lesson if where I truly did not value myself enough to stop being drawn to these types of people. Healing is a process, and I am truly grateful for my dark nights of the soul, of the last 3 years.. It was like the Universe slapped me in the back of the head, so I ended an 11 year relationship with a man I outgrew, walked away from people that masqueraded as friends, but were nothing more than friendly acquaintances. I left a company that had no intention of valuing me, until I left, that's when the offers from them started coming .. I've started a spiritual based business, and it's been the most challenging experience of my life, but I love it! This hits on so many levels!! Thank you for sharing!! Blessed be ❤️
Insightful! A few years ago, I couldn’t listen to this man. Now, I know why! I wasn’t able/willing to take his words and observations in! And now I can. I’ve grown.
thats the closest to an answer to the question of "whats the meaning of life", that ive ever heard. to basically busy yourself with things you like so that you dont notice the negatives of life. thats a simplification but this ideal is commonly known and talked about in a lot of different ways but still is so elusive to some. myself included.
I have never ever surrounded myself with people who all just agree with me on everything, but I can tell you that this advice has to be given in the context of today. There are people out there saying things that don't just "challenge my understanding". When someone tells me "you are harming people violently by perceiving them as being either male or female", this isn't about debating things, it's about a psycho forcing their delusions down your throat.
what a great example of intelectual disonesty right here! you are not harming people with your perceptions at all. you can perceive whatever your cognition allows you to. you start harming people when people tell you you should treat them like such and such and you refuse. for instance, it seems your name is mike. imagine that I insisted in calling you ted even though you told me, perhaps more than once, what is your name. wouldn't you perceive that as lack of consideration on my part? now imagine that we are in a situation in which I am your hierarchical superior and I insist in naming you ted. now you're stuck. you can't leave because you need the job and you have to submit yourself to whatever I wanna call you. in time your self-esteem, sense of agency and personal power would be surely destroyed. it's like torture you see. a drop of water dripping forever no your head.
@@FriendofDorothy ah, insults. One of the few tools in the arsenal of the leftists. For the record, I may not be a friend of Dorothy but a lot of my friends know her well and these are close friends, not ones I "happen to know..." Forcing any ideology down anyone's throat is bullying and not okay, I don't care which one it is. Be it an extreme left or right or plaid or whatever. And for the record a second time, some of my friends who are close to Dorothy in various ways, agree with me, that extremist views and actions aren't helping anyone. Last point: don't make assumptions about people who you might actually find to be a friend, if you met them in real life. It denies yourself at times.
There is a lot of sacrifice in a relationship. The key is the balance. It's rarely 50/50, but ebbs back and forth over than threshold. If the balance becomes one sided, the relationship topples.
I am glad to see someone smarter than me say this. I worked in the car biz for over 20yrs. I saw many men who were miserable but didnt want to give up "half". I always told them to leave and be free. Material assests are not worth you happiness
Lots of points here. I’ve been single my entire adult life and I’ve never quite gotten what’s so horrible about being alone, in comparison to a tumultuous relationship. I watched my parents argue all the time. Like, how do you get anything done and advance your life, when you’re arguing, disagreeing and spending the rest of your time thinking about arguing and disagreeing. If you also have young kids, in addition to that, while it may be an honorable duty, your life stalls out. I’d still like to be in love, but perhaps, always having been alone, is what allowed me to let go of my covert, malignant, narcissistic mother and have little regret, when she passed, a few weeks ago. I have regret over how our lives have gone and particularly hers. But, no regret over leaving and going no contact. Like in what I said above, I’m pretty certain that, had I not left, I’d be dead by now. She was certainly hoping for it.
Bro!! My single mom had me groomed from a young age!! I escaped my mom's grasp, and unknowingly got married to a woman that was a carbon copy of her, mentally.. (interesting)🤔!! After divorce, and after researching, and stumbling apon narcissistic behavior, my eyes came open!! This was both of them, and I was the codependent!! Learned a lot since then, and my life has only gone up!! I live a happy, drama free life now! Oh yeah...I notice the part where you had little regret after she passed! Same here!! When you see how they drained away your life for their own benefit, it does something to you! Hard to explain! I've decided to just go it alone...been working out great for me!
I wasn’t there to see it, but it beggars belief a mother wouldn’t love her son, deep inside, beyond all that drama, and now you’re being bitter. I lost my loving mum last year - shock, guilt … I doubt I’d ever get over it. I’ve never been in long term relationship too. You kinda get on with it. Hardest bit is to break this routine. When you open up for someone else to enter your room, that makes you quite vulnerable. To hell with the safety of your solitude! Ultimately you safe each other’s lives together, and that’s the only way to keep you sane in the long run. Keep looking for the right person, and don’t ever simp to the bitches. Some decent human being is looking for you right now. It’s only a matter of time
Many relationships are more like ownerships, where the partners are just possessive of each other. Many of the common rules and expectations in ownerships stop you from getting any where near your full potential.
@@Howto-uy7vo yes, typically, no relationship is ever even, with one person loving or needing the other more. But, there are some relationships that have devolved waaay past that. Obviously, my relationship with my mother wasn’t a love relationship. But, how a mother starts controlling and also sabotaging her children’s lives, when they’re in their 50s and not dependent upon them, I’m not quite sure. Had to cut loose her and a few other enabling family members.
OK! I'm going to stop being with lying psychopaths! I have learned the hard way. Thanks to you I have learned a lot about the human condition. You have such a kind heart ♥️👏
I am so very blessed...I work with special needs children and adults, and horses, and every single day is awesome. I cannot imagine doing anything else. I love what I do. Thank you for your insightful and provocative talks. They are incredibly inspiring.
That was some of the best fundamental and essential truths for RIGHT NOW that I’ve heard in a while! Everyone has such a strong Agenda its hard to see past it some times. But this guy is growing on me steadily!!! Thank you 🙏🏽✨🙌🏽
He reminds me so much of me, with the way he says thing. And I've learned that too many people find this frankness full of feeling, to be too hard for them. WHILE I FEEL AN UNDERLYING HUMOR. A very vague but very useful humor, that makes strong.
Listening to this guy seems to have had a residual, echo, effect in other things of my life. Most notably? I quit smoking. I must’ve tried 1000 ways before, and 10 words did it for me. “Stop doing things which do not serve your highest good.“ Step one, check. 999 things to go. That should keep me busy for a while. 😀 Thank you JP.
@@jonmueller2117 quit smoking recently as well..I smoked since I was 13 and then I just stopped. It took me just one day to quit, the easiest thing ever. It just stopped being pleasurable. But I also quit alcohol and drugs before that
Let us not overlook the thought that we might be as screwed up as our partners. We might detest then for things we subconsciously know about ourselves. At least half the people that think thier bad relationship is the fault of the partner are guilty of the same or worse...
I've been stuck in this rut. Knowing I'm in it and unable to transform it for my own good. Mind you I've had a serious neck injury to deal with for 2vyrs and coming into year 3 of recovery from a horrible addiction to serious drugs and alcohol. So grateful for all your messages Jordan. The land perfectly and today is the day I'm going to stand up and start creating the life we all deserve, for myself and my family. Much Love & Respect to good Sir !
Thanks Jordan. It’s difficult to depart a long walked path as you don’t know if the grass is actually greener. Maybe, better the devil you. Brave or needy people who make the change. Respect. Oh for the reality of a parallel universe.
When me and my ex moved together, his friend helped us carry our stuff and after everything was done, he jokingly said "There's still time to run" and I just thought "...I probably should." 5 years later I finally left. My diary entries from the time I was with him make me cry. I was in so much pain, even before we moved together. Every last bone in my body was telling me that I should run, but I thought everything was gonna get better. Things DID get better, but not even close to a point where I would've been happy. People do not change.
People can change, the hard part is accessing were that change is headed. Congratulations on leaving and best wishes to you doing the inner work and knowing what you want in a partner.
Unfortunately these lessons are hard learned and people don’t realise till it’s too late and next thing you’re starting all over again. Good hearted people give too many chances, not realising that the other person is toxic and will never change
I was the toxic one for allmost 5 years. I had my reasons for my anger, depresson and so on, but i never was real with my self and i kept a secret inside me for so many years. When i finally started to open up and be real to myself and my partner it was too late 😔 Now i have started to be honest to myself and not carry any secret. I feel so free and the good man that was inside of me has started to rise! Sometimes its not narcisism that is inside you, but things you hide and try to forget. That kind of things make you angry,moody and you cant love someone the way you wanted because you dont love yourself. It takes balls to admit that you yourself is the problem and not your partner. Its so importent to heal yourself first! i am on the right path now and i love me everyday more. I am a good man that was scared to open up and admit my past mistakes and face those demons. Those things made me not capable of loving myself or my partner. Guys! Heal yourselfs and go deep to those dark places. You are a good man. Just be real. ❤️
That was an awesome statement. And great advice that I will take and do something with. Your exactly right and I have realized that I’ve been hanging on to memories and past experiences and almost hoping for failure because that’s what I’m used to with women. And now I’m in counseling and actually talking about it and getting it out and figuring out how to love myself and my kids from my broken marriage which I caused for the most part. But I thank you for voicing your factual statements and helping others….. 🙏👍
People's ability to rationalize terrible behavior is astounding. We mistake this for love oftentimes. One of the biggest vehicles for emotional trauma.
I liked in the first minute because the opener explained all the suffering ppl I know. My mother is the worse literally making the family as bad as she possibly can like you mentioned. Truly hell
Wow. The compete contrast between the Type A and the Hoarder. You’ve just described my marriage. Ty sir. Guess this is why I’m separated now. I’m losing my mind with the disaster!
I am happy being single, i have aspergers and more often than not partners and people in general have been transparent to me very early on, i have a gift of dissernment when it comes to people, i am somehow able to recognise almost instantly now what sort of person i am connecting with. Usually i find that almost everyone has alterior motives and very little care for what they pretend. So i realise that i would rather have a healthy relationship with myself even if it means im alone. I just cannot trust anyone anymore to be honest, especially since the 2000's have started, the shadow is definatly in control with most people today.
You can always God to find the right one for you. You can trust him, he wants the best for you, he will give you someone capable of loving you unconditionally
@@fran791 What a silly sentiment. If that were true, don't you think "God" would know this already? Why the need to "ask" for "God" to find someone good for you? If he is all knowing then he wouldn't need you to ask.
Thank you Dr. Peterson you have really helped me understand so much about the reality of certain situations and how to deal with a certain type of person. Your the best.
You articulate what I think at different times in my life.. I love that! Listening to you is a re-enforcement of what goes around in my brain. I wish I was able to put in line my thoughts and just exist without thinking I’m wrong!
You can never pull people up to better themselves if they don't want to. But they can definitely pull you down if you stay trying.
Very well said
Wow! That's so true!
damn.. this hit me in the feels..
I wish us all the love and happiness we could possibly imagine.. ❤️
This is a lesson i wish i knew years ago. Too hard of a lesson to learn on your own sometimes. Lol
So true
Interesting vide,. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go,i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
One of the most thought provoking things I’ve learned recently is that most of us aren’t with the right person because we never took the time to work on ourselves being the best we can be… you attract what you give off which is also what’s inside. If we heal and get to a happy healthy place then we will attract the person who can ultimately partner with us.
Yes! Although we don't always attract what we are. There are predators out there that don't play by any rules or decency no matter who or what you are
Something that I've told to my clients and my students is that their strategy for selecting a roommate or partner is self-defeating when they report to the pool of potential suitors that they have a mental disorder or a personality disorder or some sort of Life difficulty in advance. The same goes for over reporting of past events and failed relationships. What that does is automatically deselect a large group of people from that pool who might have otherwise been a decent option for you. What that does is it Auto Select the people from within that pool of suitors who are most likely to either be Rescuers or abusers. Trauma bonding or codependency. You're trying to be upfront about the difficulties that a potential mate might encounter in a relationship with you while at the same time projecting to them that you are also unwilling to change. The rest fewer will try to change you anyway and end up abusing you horribly narcissistically. Then the abuser will intentionally manipulate you draw close to you and then eventually discard you but only after destroying you and your sense of self. Anyway just got really long I'm sorry
We had no character to see others. We were neglected, abused, scapegoated and we mirrored all this shit attracting shit. As we get better we see what we could not see before.
Yes but.... without that other person causing you to lose you’re crap all the tine and have a breakdown, you never would have become the strong wise person you are today. You can thank the narcissist for that
@@dreambeliever3652 you need to find your straight line, your moral compass to compare behaviors. One must answer 1.is there a God or not 2 if so, which one that alone will help define how one makes choices. 🤗
“Stop associating with lying psychopaths and maybe you’ll be fulfilled and happier” 😢 that hit
One of the best things that ever happened to me in my entire life was catching my now ex-wife going down on her professor in a Walmart parking lot. Yes, ruined my life. Took my money to pay for her college and did that to me? But in the years since, everything has been better. I'm better off financially, I'm in a better relationship, I'm happier, everything is better in my life because she is gone. Believe me when I say - being in a bad relationship is not better than being alone.
How did you even find them at Wal-Mart?
Kind of the same happened to me but it was my mother. She died last year and I'm getting better
I wish my brother would have had the backbone to stand up to his wife many years ago when he caught her in a motel room with another guy. But he caved in and took her back. Now many years later he's a shell of a man. He just sits there and takes her shit day in and day out. I quit visiting because she's so caustic and dramatic . And he just sits there like a beaten down lump....it's really sad.
@@ifitsfreeitsforme1852
He probably has the utmost desire to leave but the constant stress and trauma has absolutely and literally wrecked his brain, killed his cognition and ability to do things.
@@Un1234l He's been married to this witch for almost 60 years, so yeah..I believe you're right.
He's correct. I once heard a cruise ship comedian's "old maid" ventriloquist dummy say why she never married. "I'd rather go through life wanting something I didn't have than having something I didn't want!" Best advise I ever heard!
What about wanting something you had?
@@userasdf1546 That's when you need to separate what you had from what you thought you had. More often than not, you are missing your idealized version of a person and not their actual self. Kill your ego and accept that you made a mistake and fell for someone who was not right for you.
You think you lost something special because subconsciously you think your decision making process was perfect. But it wasn't, or this wouldn't have happened. Recognize that you made a mistake, learn from it, and move on. If she wanted you, she would reach out. I know it hurts, but you need to remind yourself of this.
@@userasdf1546 Or not wanting something you never had?
That is so true unknown. No one thinks about what they've got until it's gone
I don't know about that. At least you've loved and lost instead of never loved and never knew what it was like.
“The purpose of life is to find a mode of being that is so meaningful that the fact that life is suffering is nolonger relevant.” Jordan Peterson
Good luck with that
Yeah, don't WhatsApp that guy BTW. I think they are assembling a list of intelligent people with uncommon angles using bots. I've received this request from several big names before and I think that it has much to do with doxing, tracking and eventually getting into your real life. I recommend a VPN if you don't already have one. I do and that's why I still have the freedom to speak. On the subject of that quote, it is absolute truth, one must decide. If you live long enough then everyone that you've ever known falls away or dies or both and you are left back at the start trying to figure out who you really are and if or how that can matter. It simply doesn't matter at all because it is a perversion of language to describe a verb as a noun. Language itself is a severely limited thing, English is a brush that I am adept at painting with, but it accounts for less than 3% of human communication and all languages combined amount to a mere 10%. Spoken languages fall very far short of devising ways of explaining consciousness because they are an expression of that which they seek to define. I say with a heavy heart and coming from a very difficult life, that knowing who you truly are and what meaning is, that's the end of your book so don't concern yourself on the subject now because the entire experience is all about chasing that. Ease up on yourself, go screw a hot young woman, take some new drugs, dash the whole thing to pieces and then put it all back together. Grab life by the balls and squeeze as hard as you can. If you regret nothing at the end of that then you've done well my friend:)
Im down
SAVE
yourself
&
SAVE
Them
Sir: I respectfully submit due to the fact that a PHD undoubtedly trumps 2 years of cc (yes he's overcompensating he knows you know why (or thinks he does:) (he's been spanked by at least a masters. O.K...) (he will pander for no one of course (maybe john) I believe I can still say that my purpose is more like that of "Larry, in "The Razors Edge". I may be right so will you tell me if I'm even going in the right direction. (wasn't you but dad rejects 2 phd's and 4 masters??? (NO!) Issues weren't WWI (It was mom. Sure I'm right on that :)
The Crazy thing is: there will be people in the comments section who are the narcissist, watching this video thinking the problem is with their partner, but really it is them.
It’s with both sides
@Jane Jane: how about shut your mouth, and stop corrupting your soul more then you already have?
Pray for yourself, your going to need it.
Best comment here up
@@sami_qui89 yet you know exactly what he has been doing ??
RIGHT
One of the most painful lessons I’ve learned is how we make ourselves weak and ruin our lives by the people we let in our lives. Sometimes it’s the people we’ve kept, for whatever reasons when it would have been a lot more beneficial to walk. Painful as this may be part of growing also requires us to leave some relationships behind, it could be family; our partners and life long friends, thank you Dr Peterson.
I'm letting go my wife and some freinds that I'm more miserable seeing them than joy.
@@RicardoLopez-ty4kn I don't know the details, but I know what you mean.
Harder to do when it's your family. Because of that I have hurt myself.
as long you don't let your mama go (or whoever brought you up in life) , anyone can be given up
I learned it the hard way. It really was the most hurtful experience in my life. I am still healing but I am still up 4am watching this so...
This is true of toxic friendships, family relationships, etc. Sometimes your only choice is to cut them out of your life. Walk away, and never look back. Take care of yourself because no one else will.
well said!!
Facts. I hit bottom with the end of my last relationship last November.
Now I'm making more money, I lost 45 pounds, I'm happy and confident, and I'm so clear headed.
Hitting bottom was the greatest day of my life
better alone than bad acompanied
Once you hit the bottom, you can only go up from there
"Stop thinking that you have the capacity to redeem somebody that is not after redemption." Very true. I spent 8 years knowing this truth in my heart and head, but still hoped that my actions towards a person I cared deeply for would be the exception. Big dose of humble pie. It wasn't, isn't and never will be. If that person see's the light one day, it will be because they wanted too. It hurts like heck to give so much of yourself to a person, but I can not blame anyone but myself.
If you are a giver do not be surprised if you end up with a taker.
@@beewest5704 unbelievably true!
I feel this in my bones. I've dedicated 5 years for someone I thought was definitely going to change for the better.
I thought, 'hey, maybe I should stop overthinking / being so pessimistic / being so critical over him and trust the process - we can grow together! No one is perfect after all!'
Turns out, I'm just opening up ways for myself to compromise things that can actually be threatening the relationship's stability. My gut feeling had never stop digging its way through my core since the first day we started dating. 5 years afterwards, we broke up, and I've never felt freer before. I have only myself to blame, and I choose to better myself as soon as possible before I meet someone better.
100%
You're not alone! This was my story, for 33 years! Better late than never, eh?
Speaking as a divorcee I can definitely identify with a lot of the things said in this video. But I knew like the back of my hand that if we ever did separate that I would never go back into another relationship and so it was and here I am 11 years later. But the signs were definitely there quite early on and yes it is the little things. The disapproving look, the putting down, the reluctance to do things together, the acts that deliberately annoy or irritate, the long silent treatments, being made to feel you're inadequate, other people's sides taken against you and on and on. Individually, those things don't actually amount to much but you can expect a subset to be always present and quite frequently, when things are really bad, they all rise together with differing degrees. But you say to yourself things like - what about the children, can you afford to leave, think of all the people you have to explain it to, think of all those places that you only go as couples, what if you don't find anyone else and if you do will the children like this person? The envisaged pain of the absence of someone beside you deters you from taking the leap. But there comes a point, and strangely you know it's coming, when you estimate that the pain of staying together now far outweighs the pain and consequences of separation and it could take many years before you come to that realisation.
Marriage or any kind of relationship is a gamble. You may do your utmost to secure its survival but there comes a point when you're simply flogging a dead horse. Why is it a gamble? Because you keep depositing new funds just to keep going the dream that it will come right in the end. You embark on a new baby, or a new house, or an expensive holiday or some costly gesture that you think might change things. But whilst things of that kind might on the surface improve the liaison a little, it is almost certainly short lived. You haven't solved anything. All you've done is alleviated for a short while the constant pain in the background which returns quite often with a vengeance. Such partnerships that I describe are basically doomed from the beginning and the best advice from my perspective is probably to leave the casino as soon as you can. There is no happy ending when these things are in place.
Partnerships or marriages that last and withstand the test of time are ones where you feel inside, almost spiritually, that you are loved unconditionally and you reciprocate with equal measure, intensity and meaning. Those relationships are rare but if you find yourself in one, count your lucky stars. I would estimate that they probably make up only about 20% of all couples. It's the way the world is - most of us never actually find our true soulmate.
Far less than 20%, I'd say.
Majority of people are hiding dysfunctional marriages.
I'd say it's less than 20%. But it's such a relief to find someone who actually really knows what they are talking about. I don't think Jordan knows what you and I both know, because some things can't be taught. Thank you for you comment, it's a relief.
@@qwanathomas735
You should check out what Coach Greg Adams says about marriage and divorce.
Let's not underestimate the combination of capitalism with romanticism though..
I knew my 1st wife 3 weeks, got married made it 28 years till cancer got her. Took my 2nd wife on 2 dates, went to Vegas got married, i knew nothing about her, we made it 10 years till cancer got her. I know the secrets to a successful marriage. I dont assume or guess or analyze, i am proof of it. Its really quite simple. I am 60 and will marry again probably after 1 or 2 dates. Ive never been divorced to me its unthinkable. They are a part of me, we are as one. Till death do we part.
“Maybe you should stop associating with lying psychopaths…”
Yes, Mr. Peterson, I do. Thank you for your bluntness offered with truth and wisdom.
I agree. Sometimes people that do not want to work on themselves are really difficult to spend the life with. As I divorced out of infidelity, I learned that I should have put clear limits and understand that love is not putting up with a person's unwillingness to work together. Thus, as a priest told me, "you will thank God for delivering you from such a harmful relationship where you were the only one rowing...".
But it hurts... really does.
@@veanandjean1 thanks for sharing. I once read that even the Catholic church recommmends that after a relationship is unsustainable, since there is abuse involved, the best option is endung it.
I have a little daughter and God knows how much I struggled with the thought of leaving her. But I did not. I am fighting for her and myself while healing. Not an easy process, but there is nothing better than teaching her love and boundaries.
You will find the way.
Best for 2023.
Hurt is growth.
You can only hope to have a partner that has worked on themselves as much as you have on yourself
👌👌👌
Came across some good advice recently: in the beginning of getting to know a new person, actually make a point of inquiring if they are into self development/improvement. That if they say yes, then they're openness to growth at least shows they are willing to change and empathize with a different perspective.
Some people are not capable of that depth of inner exploration. You may have worked on yourself because you've done a deep dive with yourself and looked at yourself to the core. Other people can only look at the surface of themselves.
" You are trying to redeem someone who is not redeemable". This phrase is just what I needed to hear. I tried for years, BUT, I DID learn. Suffering has a purpose!
Actually he did not say "Unredeemable".
He said ''Not wanting Redemption".
I just lost the love of my life after 11 and a half years together. I was so lucky to have her in my life for the short time I had her. I don't think I will ever be that lucky again. I will forever miss and love my Amanda Nicole Wilkerson.
Prayers for you
Sorry to hear that Joe! Hope you find peace and contentment
Did she die?
Lovely xx
She will be in your mind for ever, because love has no dimensions. And because love is all-embracing, there is every possibility that you will find love again.
Most important thing I’ve learned over time.. leave when you see the first red flag. They will keep popping up and the longer you stay the harder it becomes to leave.
Amen to that!
You sound like a narcissist.
You guys give up too easily, and don't understand why 'red flags' exist.
Yes, leave , otherwise you end up in the belly of a red flag monster
I have an art studio with 3 windows. There have been times I painted for 4 or 5 hours without noticing the windows were partly open and eventually I realized I was freezing, had not eaten in 6 hours and needed to stretch very badly. You can get caught up in something that takes everything else away. The same thing can happen with writing. Find something you love and do it.
Yes
It's wonderful isn't it!??!!! ...I personally really love sketching people the most. I like watercolors also. But something about life drawing gets me in the zone really well. It's definitely a feeling of timelessness. Almost like pressing pause button on a remote control for your life. It's great.
This saved my life - for me it was creating and sewing, firstly hand sewing little objects and then learning how to use a sewing machine - now I have a summer house full of fabric and thread and my sewing machine. It’s never boring, there is always some way to improve and I know I’ll always have it.
I’m divorced & survived a sociopath husband. Then dated a psychopath who was just a terrible person. I’m lucky to have my sanity & still be alive. So glad to be alone!!
This was me!! Married to ex wife for years! Got out on my own, and learned all of these things he's saying! I'm realizing how good life actually is.....by myself!!
Just left my wife this month, I was blind for a long time but I'm just now getting around to whacking those moles.
Me 2!!
What was the cause?
@@djacked5998 Most dangerous marriage of all! I was a codependent, married to a narcissist! Being on my own, allowed me to break free from codependency!! Through consuming red pill info, I discovered most women will eventually leave , if they feel your giving them the power in the relationship! With a narcissist, the hidden evil traits will show themselves, as they push you away!!
@@43one damn, I am going through the same, but still married. It feels good to talk about it with someone, I even booked an hour at a psychologist because how deep I fell into the abyss
I dumped a girl whom did these:
Told me to shut up in front on her friends. The only way to get along well with them
Told me to shut up with their family, same reason.
(I am not that dumb, I am a 36 year Mexican physician, fluent in three languages)
Told her I give out an amount of money to my mother every month. She replied - well once we live together that’s going to change.
Made her male friend to tell me out of the blue -give her The Ring.
Demanded me to pay absolutely everything to the dime and nickel.
Constantly complained about me getting up in the morning at 5-6 am every day. (I am a bloo#y physician, i have patients to asses. Moreover I have businesses in the US and in Mexico).
I love dancing, she told me to stop dancing.
Anyway, I couldn’t talk her out that evil comments. So I dumped; for 6 months she insisted She wanted to return with me despite me being allegedly a macho and misogynistic man.
Jajaja she can go out of my life. Now I sleep like a child in his moms arms :)
I hope next time you look for someone with a good character and personality, there are nice women out there, but maybe they are not as popular because they are not into all the bling, status, superficial things that validate them, find someone who has a good head and a good heart, and be the same. Have a good head and heart.
You sound like a dream come true 💭
She was poison. Good you took the antidote.
She told you to stop dancing? Man, that is heartless. That's your time to connect to your very own soul. Don't let her kill that part of you. I hope you kept dancing. 😥
@@syzygy4365 he left her, (dumped) he mentioned that in his post
Cheating in a relationship is an unforgivable betrayal of trust that can not be remedied, at least for me.
There is no excuse for it and, again for me, marks your character as a person as flawed beyond redemption, in the regards to a relationship; thanks to alomd genius for saving me from that bloody cheater..
can i see their infos pls, i'll love to see my partne'r phone too
geniusallmod
@G m a l l.
comm
thank you for this detals
Always trust the RED FLAGS. Let go of the first but definitely say bye bye on the second. I ‘never’ did.
0:00 Handle your own mess before you have no energy/willpower/character left to deal with it.
1:30 if you ignore your inner voice for too long there is no coming back.
3:30 Learn from exposing yourself to the part of the world you don’t understand. notice that you’re wrong instead of trying to prove that you’re right.
4:45 suffering is inescapable, why bother with it ?
You don’t know yourself at all, you only have presuppositions about yourself. you use these to avoid the true nature of yourself
Observe yourself for a week :
- If you’re bored you’re either undisciplined or you’re pursuing something that you don’t want to pursue.
- If you’re engaged with life, you won’t noticed that you’re there. you’ll forget about yourself. The observer and the observed become one, you become what you’re doing because that’s the only thing left in your existence.
The purpose of life is finding a mode of being that’s so meaningful that the fact that life is suffering is no longer relevant.
Where's the part that matches the video title?
All of this is easily fixed if you learn attachment theory and understand what attachment issues you have.
I've been ignoring for 27 years because I was emotionally sick. I've Healed and my eyes are open. Thank you my beautiful bro 🙏
I realized my co dependency awhile back. We must realize we are complete people. We don't need anyone else to complete us.
I recently tried to give a much loved ex another chance when asked. Quite torn over how to move forward with someone that is unwilling to communicate and holds me at a distance… I tortured myself for two weeks until I went to a dr appointment.
My normally great blood pressure had risen suddenly to 158/128.
That scared me! I knew the anxiety was unhealthy and affecting me but seeing my high bp really made it click. I am literally going to give myself a heart attack over this man.
I spent time in silence the next few days and worked out how I really felt, what my boundaries were, and explained if he couldn’t communicate and respect them I had to move on.
I felt instantly at peace once I sent the text. I have been diminishing myself and my needs for a person that is stuck and won’t move forward.
Really, the biggest issue is one nobody ever touches on; it's the fact that virtually EVERYONE is high or drunk. Booze, weed, and prescription pills, everyone is on something. No one is thinking clearly or in their right mind, and it's because no one is strong enough to to work through the pain of freeing themselves from their addictions.
Nice, and accurate, observation. Yes, this is almost completely overlooked. My brother has a big executive job. He couldn't sustain it at one time without SSRIs. They were meant to be a temporary aid, but 10 years later he can't part with them. They've altered him. He's less empathetic, less attuned to his emotions, less like himself, but he won't admit it. Says they help him and 'it's only a low dose'. When the toilets at his workplace were checked for drug misuse (which i think is interesting in itself) cocaine traces were found on almost every cistern! Strong, healthy, bright young people unable to get through the day without class A drugs!
Or they're suppressing their emotions because the partner they're with is the wrong one. And feel there's know way out.
@@kimcarman1279 Know you weren't replying to me, but it's almost spooky that you postulate that theory, particularly in relation to my brother. I've often theorised that as playing a part - perhaps a bigger one than realised.
Or they're full of the latest 'thing' to fill a huge vacuum in their lives
That's not true
Not exactly an accurate title but the point is well made as usual with JP. Do not stick around in a hopeless situation in the belief things just might get better. You’ll earn contempt and enable even worse behaviour. Sometimes you’re the problem, sometimes not. You can’t fix the latter.
Thanks for your concern Jane but I’m not remotely interested in restoring past relationships at 63. I’m enjoying the peace that comes with pursuing my own interests and increasing learning. There are also very good reasons why they are past. And I’m unlikely to WhatsApp a complete stranger who is equally likely to try and sell me e-currency, the secret of everlasting life, or possibly even a bridge. Especially from a Nigerian phone number, but you can send me $1,500 seed money as I’m looking for someone to handle the disposal of my royal uncle’s fortune and you seem ideal.
Classic, classy.
"Not exactly an accurate title"
I know.
My pet peeve.
Sometimes in relationships, we stay for our own reasons. Only after the bond has been broken can you truly look and see what went wrong. It is very difficult to look inside and stare at the monster you have become. I had times where it was almost impossible to sit alone with my thoughts because I hated myself that much that I even contemplated suicide. It wasn’t until I lost my kids and my significant other that I realized the problem was me. I searched for worldly pleasures, women , money and fame while I neglected my children and her. I had to lose it all to see that the problem was me. Even though I had caused so much peril , I vowed to be a better person and to let go of all the hate that sat in my heart. I became a better father and my life in general improved drastically. As far as the relationship, who knows if it could ever be mended , it also takes 2 to make it work and a lot of forgiveness. Don’t wait until life has you on your knees to look inside no matter how hard it is.
I love this guy, hits you right where you need it, with the eloquence of a humming bird and the force of a hammer to the chest.
Well said! So true! 🔨
What you don't get it, older people were brought up like this prior to these times. This is nothing new, although I love Jordan because he's doing his mission, his words are something we, a bit older generation, had no choice but go along with them. And, still, we're fucked up as young people are
@@miranblazek5303 ppl these days cant handle the truth. JP makes all the sense in the world but "too harsh" for today's ppl which is why we are going to hell in a hand-basket.
I can’t get enough of this guy
Beautifully stated :)
My now Ex-wife was a lot like that. So nice and loving in public, but a total monster when no one else was around. The problem was, instead of getting a real hobby to occupy her time with, she made a hobby of finding fault with me and threatening me with divorce if I didn't comply.
I'm the high functioning introvert type which means that being on my own is not lonely for me by any means. It's my reset of sorts. In the end, I called her bluff on the divorce threats and held her to them. We ended up in front of a judge and after hearing both sides, the judge sided with me and put the bill on her because it was so petty and stupid.
Shortly after her life got drastically worse, and mine better, the total opposite of what she was claiming would happen if she left. Turns out she had no clue that once we got divorced and she was on her own she would be responsible for her bills and living expenses in general.
That meant she went from a ~90% disposable income on a ~$50K a year 40 hour a week desk job to living paycheck to paycheck with little to show for it. I, on the other hand, gained a load of freedom and got back a few thousand a month in money I didn't have to pay towards her endless wants, which were based on the views that 'someone else is responsible for my happiness.' whish is impossible to fulfill and very much what brought us to where we ended at.
I wish some women werent that vile!
Left a spolied brat who is also a gold digger , well done dude
@Jane I thought you was about to say Jesus Christ 😄
It's really hard to see things as they are when you're in a relationship and think you're in love. Real love should be mutual but that woman didn't love you... though it is possible to hurt people you love. In fact the only people who can hurt you are people you love... But personally speaking, I've learned the importance of loving myself. You're much better off without someone like her, it just sucks it takes us so long and the pain is almost unbearable, but you did good. I'm proud of you buddy
Based
The real "hell" is where everyone psychoanalyzes each other instead of loving one another.
Nothing is more true than this.
is the real world truly that horrofying to you??
People who psychoanalyze are in 99% of cases victims of those who they try to understand in order to love them but who abuses them to the point of destroying them. They try to save themselves and love others by understanding what is going on.
Been single all my life, involved in two relationships within a year's time, and after reading y'all's posts, I'm like, "So....THAT's why I'm still single!" I know a good life when I see one. Bless you all. Once we see the light and make that transformative move, life is golden.
This is so true.
Most people are toxic AF. Early stages of dating once the mask slips- run!! Better to be alone than with a controlling narcisstic psycho
@Jane how much Bitcoin is he asking
"Most"? If this has happened 3 times or more to you, *you* are the common denominator. They may be bad people, but you are doing something (unconsciously) to attract them, or you are attracted by character traits that go along with being a "controlling narcissistic psycho". If you examine yourself very carefully you may be able to figure out what attracts you to them...otherwise, you're just gonna keep meeting people like them. I sincerely hope you do figure it out what attracts you to them.
@@itsreal4738 In defense of Ellie, there are perhaps two more possibilities as to why certain people attract predators:
1. These creatures pick up on the body language of complex trauma victims and make the first move on _them._
2. Childhood experiences blind some people to red flags.
The issue of viewing this problem as that of a separate unconscious mind with a nature to work against the conscious will of the victim is that it detracts from the legitimacy of that conscious will. If someone doesn't want to be poor, then they don't want to be poor... and likewise with any unfavorable condition. True, there is the possible influence of a sadistic conscience that browbeats the victim behind the scenes to actions of unnecessary self-compromise, but the idea that victims of malignant narcissists and psychopaths somehow bring these beasts upon themselves is something I'm afraid I must differ with you on.
Still... couldn't hurt for these folks to at least cover their asses.
@@AlastorTheNPDemon I agree. Stuck with lovebombing currently.
Yes, what is it with people these days? After being with one husband for 30 years until he died two years ago, I dated a younger man for two months and wow, did he have control issues. I couldn't believe it and I told him to get lost. This was followed by a long SMS from him telling me I am a cruel narcissist and nobody really likes me anyway. This is a kindergarten mentality. How do people cope? Most don't even try anymore.
This truly opened my eyes…almost in tears. I’ve been hurt a lot. And now I need the time to heal up and prepare what I want
Same here. How are you?
While I was at work one day my wife sold my guitars because she didn’t want me playing in a band once a week. shortly after that we broke up, that was ten years ago, recently she got married for the third time, I still get sad when I think of my guitars and hope they are being well looked after.
That's pretty sick. I don't know how people behave in such an entitled controlling way.
She sold all of your guitars, and you're not doing life without parole? You sir, are a patient and forgiving soul!
Don't look back. You've lost your Guitars to a insecure moron. She's someone else's problem now . Live your life And save up for more guitars. You'll find someone wanting to listen And cheer you on while being in the crowd.
Wow! that's nuts. I play too, I can't believe someone would be so utterly horrible and cruel
Wow that’s actually so savage. My wife doesn’t have the same passion for music as me and sometimes would prefer to just watch a movie than me play my guitar and be noisy but she appreciates my passion. Bought me a new turntable and everything so I could play my vinyls. Sorry to hear about that, some people need serious help!
the thing about the clean house near the end is so true. My step mom was like that....if the house is even a tiny bit out of place she'll hold a grudge and get angry. I couldnt stand her
This is covert narcissism. Study it to protect yourself! Thank you, Jordan.
Oh my soul every word he says is the honest truth..been there...you can't fix another person who control others...be your authentic self no matter what
That's what my ex 5yr old father told me. I didn't know why but this kid was always right, she day things like "he didn't do it" "he's a gift" or "don't listen to her" that child was my saving grace. I'll miss the children
Jez I'm gonna get a wee 🐕
Jenny Carroll here.
I think for me loving a partner has to always be a compromise.
I miss my late husband so much.
I was never ever bored with him our whole life together.
We didn’t always agree but our fit intellectually and how we thought other people should be respected and treated meant we always respected each other, besides loving each other.
Relationships are hard work but if you both want the best for each other and are committed to each other it might sound old fashioned but that is a marriage, to me anyway.
I like the part where Jordan describes his method to make like worthwhile even though it’s mostly about suffering .
He is saying to lose yourself in something you enjoy and find so engaging it consumes you, in a good way.
I understand...I am a retired clinical psych professor like Jordan. We are not immune to suffering, much of what happens to others, happens to us.
I was widowed first time right after I got my Phd..I had to rebuild my life. I found a wonderful man a year later..we were together 41 years and he was the great love of my life. We were SO well matched ...purely accidental, though my professional training allowed me to analyze his personality and realize how perfect he was for me when I met him.
We KNEW how lucky we were and said that all the time to each other. He was 80 and one month but I thought I would have him much longer with him, his father lived to 97 and his uncle 103! I never thought he would go first. And all I knew from past experience and all my learning about widowhood does not keep the waves from hitting me full blast. Understanding it DOES give me perspective, but it doesnt help with the pain though, while I am in the midst of it. I am 75 and doubt I will have another relationship. I have beautiful memories and keep saying how lucky I am to have had such a life ...it was wondrous . But THAT in some ways, makes it harder.
I do have peace too..he knew how much he was loved, adored, respected, and treasured...so I have no regrets on that score.
To make it a bit simpler. I’m 41. My ex girlfriend is 43. Together 8 years. In the end. It’s simply not worth the pain and having part of your soul ripped out. 🤷
I feel your pain. I, too, just ended an 8 year relationship that left me humiliated and broken. But at least I don't have to worry about being cheated on anymore.
I hope you heal well.
In the words of Dr. Jordan WALK AWAY IMMEDIATELY
22 years here , but I disagree true I have lost everything and the love of my life but I look back over the years and am glad I shared my life with her even though she left me two years ago and I'm still utterly destroyed inside I'm glad I lived with her in this one short life we have to live . I'd do it again with her a hundred lifetimes over. Two great kids memories and just lived life together our family . That's what life is memories and family . I would have loved to grow old with my love but I guess it's someone else's turn to love her and live with that great person I had been with sense she was eighteen.
Somehow I love her more deeply with each passing day.
Forever and always my love.
@@mr.noname3073 your love sounds so true and pure. What an amazing capacity for love and forgiveness you have. I wish you a peaceful and loving future, and that you are able to share your love, and be loved in reciprocity, with someone special and new 💚
I needed this lecture more than ever, right now in my life.
Thank you, Dr. Peterson
" The distinction between subject and object in life disappears when you are engaged in something that you find meaningful. " Mind blown, once again
Hi my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together, l got help from a great man who brought us back together....
Whatz'app him for help.
Every single word in this video strikes a different chord in my heart. 😭
Keep in mind that the word "suffer" actually means to learn through experience. So yes, life is suffering, but that's not the depressing thing we've been taught that it is.
The video titles are misleading. He is talking about our own weaknesses and our need for character development. Not when to break up with someone.
This is because these garbage uploaders are trying to make content off of SOMEONE else's work! Namely Jordan Petersons work!
I am divorced...six years now.I can say that 80% is my fault.I am fixing me.....not blaming her.A better version of me would be good for me or my new significant other.I have nothing to lose by accepting criticism.If its something i need to change ido...if not i don t
Takes a real man to own up to his faults. Kudos to you Sir. Hope you succeed.
Right there with you!
I became a better version of me and immediately psycho number one latched on. Psycho number two is in the process of being locked out of my life now.
The resurrection of improved me sure is going to love the word, "No".
@@theviolator793 dude, I felt that HARD. The new version of me loves "no" too. Keep doing you.
My current relationship is with a divorced man. How I wish he could have half of what you said.
Thanks for the information! I’m so glad after a lot of counselling and healing that I kicked the narcissist out of my life . It’s sad and humorous that to this day , he believes nothing is wrong with him only others .
I’m healing me and do not regret the decision to get my ex abuser out of my house and life
That's kinda funny ur name is hers I don't think I was in the wrong but it was little I would love to talk to you about it mostly because I'm broken it. Feels like my fault I gave all my soul to her ind I was not good enough
If I told you what happened you would say it's her but it was me
Naomi you have a nice name.
Good job doing what you did.
Be happy and start your days with a smile.
Be blessed
Good luck. It gets better from here.
Bravo!
He is a brilliant and wise man. His understanding of humans and his ability to communicate that wisdom is unparalleled.
The class is laughing. But I'm not laughing. I'm crying because of the profoundness of his wisdom.
It was definitely no accident that I was lead to this message.. The last 3 years have been a painful lesson if where I truly did not value myself enough to stop being drawn to these types of people. Healing is a process, and I am truly grateful for my dark nights of the soul, of the last 3 years.. It was like the Universe slapped me in the back of the head, so I ended an 11 year relationship with a man I outgrew, walked away from people that masqueraded as friends, but were nothing more than friendly acquaintances. I left a company that had no intention of valuing me, until I left, that's when the offers from them started coming .. I've started a spiritual based business, and it's been the most challenging experience of my life, but I love it! This hits on so many levels!! Thank you for sharing!! Blessed be ❤️
Sometimes it's easier to focus on helping others rather then focusing that attention on taking care of ourself!💝🙏💝
Wonderful to hear your happiness following that trial!
Insightful!
A few years ago, I couldn’t listen to this man. Now, I know why! I wasn’t able/willing to take his words and observations in! And now I can. I’ve grown.
@Jane
Don’t want your recommendation! Quit spamming people!
Sadness is the Soul's way of saying this mattered.
Find your purpose before finding a mate. While doing that you will find yourself.
thats the closest to an answer to the question of "whats the meaning of life", that ive ever heard.
to basically busy yourself with things you like so that you dont notice the negatives of life.
thats a simplification but this ideal is commonly known and talked about in a lot of different ways but still is so elusive to some. myself included.
Professor Jordan please never give up doing what you are doing because PEOPLE ARE LISTENING X
I'm left...SPEACHLESS...OMG... WAKE-UP CALL...at 66... think I'll just go listen...TEN MORE TIMES 💔💕💖
My ex proposed d we get married again. After some thought I said “No.” I learned and realize the warning signs at the beginning.
His advice and philosophy is unmatched as far as I can tell.
I have never ever surrounded myself with people who all just agree with me on everything, but I can tell you that this advice has to be given in the context of today. There are people out there saying things that don't just "challenge my understanding". When someone tells me "you are harming people violently by perceiving them as being either male or female", this isn't about debating things, it's about a psycho forcing their delusions down your throat.
what a great example of intelectual disonesty right here! you are not harming people with your perceptions at all. you can perceive whatever your cognition allows you to. you start harming people when people tell you you should treat them like such and such and you refuse. for instance, it seems your name is mike. imagine that I insisted in calling you ted even though you told me, perhaps more than once, what is your name. wouldn't you perceive that as lack of consideration on my part? now imagine that we are in a situation in which I am your hierarchical superior and I insist in naming you ted. now you're stuck. you can't leave because you need the job and you have to submit yourself to whatever I wanna call you. in time your self-esteem, sense of agency and personal power would be surely destroyed. it's like torture you see. a drop of water dripping forever no your head.
They're not "challenging your understanding", they're pointing our your narrow-mindedness.
@@FriendofDorothy ah, insults. One of the few tools in the arsenal of the leftists. For the record, I may not be a friend of Dorothy but a lot of my friends know her well and these are close friends, not ones I "happen to know..."
Forcing any ideology down anyone's throat is bullying and not okay, I don't care which one it is. Be it an extreme left or right or plaid or whatever.
And for the record a second time, some of my friends who are close to Dorothy in various ways, agree with me, that extremist views and actions aren't helping anyone.
Last point: don't make assumptions about people who you might actually find to be a friend, if you met them in real life. It denies yourself at times.
There is a lot of sacrifice in a relationship. The key is the balance. It's rarely 50/50, but ebbs back and forth over than threshold. If the balance becomes one sided, the relationship topples.
I am glad to see someone smarter than me say this.
I worked in the car biz for over 20yrs. I saw many men who were miserable but didnt want to give up "half".
I always told them to leave and be free. Material assests are not worth you happiness
It's better to face and learn than hide and suffer
Lots of points here. I’ve been single my entire adult life and I’ve never quite gotten what’s so horrible about being alone, in comparison to a tumultuous relationship. I watched my parents argue all the time. Like, how do you get anything done and advance your life, when you’re arguing, disagreeing and spending the rest of your time thinking about arguing and disagreeing. If you also have young kids, in addition to that, while it may be an honorable duty, your life stalls out.
I’d still like to be in love, but perhaps, always having been alone, is what allowed me to let go of my covert, malignant, narcissistic mother and have little regret, when she passed, a few weeks ago. I have regret over how our lives have gone and particularly hers. But, no regret over leaving and going no contact. Like in what I said above, I’m pretty certain that, had I not left, I’d be dead by now. She was certainly hoping for it.
Bro!! My single mom had me groomed from a young age!! I escaped my mom's grasp, and unknowingly got married to a woman that was a carbon copy of her, mentally.. (interesting)🤔!! After divorce, and after researching, and stumbling apon narcissistic behavior, my eyes came open!! This was both of them, and I was the codependent!! Learned a lot since then, and my life has only gone up!! I live a happy, drama free life now! Oh yeah...I notice the part where you had little regret after she passed! Same here!! When you see how they drained away your life for their own benefit, it does something to you! Hard to explain! I've decided to just go it alone...been working out great for me!
@@43one and I am really happy for you! You learned and you’re now winning. May the wind be at your back!
I wasn’t there to see it, but it beggars belief a mother wouldn’t love her son, deep inside, beyond all that drama, and now you’re being bitter. I lost my loving mum last year - shock, guilt … I doubt I’d ever get over it. I’ve never been in long term relationship too. You kinda get on with it. Hardest bit is to break this routine. When you open up for someone else to enter your room, that makes you quite vulnerable. To hell with the safety of your solitude! Ultimately you safe each other’s lives together, and that’s the only way to keep you sane in the long run. Keep looking for the right person, and don’t ever simp to the bitches. Some decent human being is looking for you right now. It’s only a matter of time
Many relationships are more like ownerships, where the partners are just possessive of each other. Many of the common rules and expectations in ownerships stop you from getting any where near your full potential.
@@Howto-uy7vo yes, typically, no relationship is ever even, with one person loving or needing the other more. But, there are some relationships that have devolved waaay past that.
Obviously, my relationship with my mother wasn’t a love relationship. But, how a mother starts controlling and also sabotaging her children’s lives, when they’re in their 50s and not dependent upon them, I’m not quite sure. Had to cut loose her and a few other enabling family members.
OK! I'm going to stop being with lying psychopaths! I have learned the hard way. Thanks to you I have learned a lot about the human condition. You have such a kind heart ♥️👏
I am so very blessed...I work with special needs children and adults, and horses, and every single day is awesome. I cannot imagine doing anything else. I love what I do.
Thank you for your insightful and provocative talks. They are incredibly inspiring.
Before I watched I KNEW THIS GOING TO HIT ME.. SQUARELY WHERE I NEEDED 💕💖
Real words folks. Let it sink in. For some it can be quite the revelation
That was some of the best fundamental and essential truths for RIGHT NOW that I’ve heard in a while! Everyone has such a strong Agenda its hard to see past it some times. But this guy is growing on me steadily!!! Thank you 🙏🏽✨🙌🏽
He reminds me so much of me, with the way he says thing. And I've learned that too many people find this frankness full of feeling, to be too hard for them. WHILE I FEEL AN UNDERLYING HUMOR. A very vague but very useful humor, that makes strong.
Listening to this guy seems to have had a residual, echo, effect in other things of my life.
Most notably? I quit smoking. I must’ve tried 1000 ways before, and 10 words did it for me. “Stop doing things which do not serve your highest good.“
Step one, check.
999 things to go. That should keep me busy for a while. 😀 Thank you JP.
Quiting smoking will probably be the hardest thing you ever do, so it's down hill now. You deserve to be proud of yourself for that accomplishment.
@@jonmueller2117 quit smoking recently as well..I smoked since I was 13 and then I just stopped. It took me just one day to quit, the easiest thing ever. It just stopped being pleasurable.
But I also quit alcohol and drugs before that
Jordan Peterson has opened up my mind drastically and in critical area’s of my life.
This makes so much sense, more I listen to him, more sense I make of things around me and in me. Thank you
Boy don't i love these wonderfully descriptive video titles..
Let us not overlook the thought that we might be as screwed up as our partners. We might detest then for things we subconsciously know about ourselves. At least half the people that think thier bad relationship is the fault of the partner are guilty of the same or worse...
I've been stuck in this rut. Knowing I'm in it and unable to transform it for my own good. Mind you I've had a serious neck injury to deal with for 2vyrs and coming into year 3 of recovery from a horrible addiction to serious drugs and alcohol. So grateful for all your messages Jordan. The land perfectly and today is the day I'm going to stand up and start creating the life we all deserve, for myself and my family. Much Love & Respect to good Sir !
Love this man..the more I fail, the more I suffer the more I adore this man
This video is such a eye opener for me. I've been going through "hell" lately. But I've found hope, in The Lord, Joshua Massiah. Ps 123. Redemption!
A Hellish decent is Absolutely Spot On. Jordan Peterson is as always right on 🎯.
Hi my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together, l got help from a great man who brought us back together...
Whatz'app him for help...
Thanks Jordan.
It’s difficult to depart a long walked path as you don’t know if the grass is actually greener. Maybe, better the devil you.
Brave or needy people who make the change. Respect.
Oh for the reality of a parallel universe.
When me and my ex moved together, his friend helped us carry our stuff and after everything was done, he jokingly said "There's still time to run" and I just thought "...I probably should."
5 years later I finally left. My diary entries from the time I was with him make me cry. I was in so much pain, even before we moved together. Every last bone in my body was telling me that I should run, but I thought everything was gonna get better. Things DID get better, but not even close to a point where I would've been happy. People do not change.
People can change, the hard part is accessing were that change is headed.
Congratulations on leaving and best wishes to you doing the inner work and knowing what you want in a partner.
@@kenseisato1989 Agree with that . You can't change people, They can only change themselves.
@@larajones175 💯
Jordan Peterson is so powerful ,ai mimicking it actually sends message of hope and inner strength.
Unfortunately these lessons are hard learned and people don’t realise till it’s too late and next thing you’re starting all over again. Good hearted people give too many chances, not realising that the other person is toxic and will never change
I was the toxic one for allmost 5 years. I had my reasons for my anger, depresson and so on, but i never was real with my self and i kept a secret inside me for so many years. When i finally started to open up and be real to myself and my partner it was too late 😔 Now i have started to be honest to myself and not carry any secret. I feel so free and the good man that was inside of me has started to rise! Sometimes its not narcisism that is inside you, but things you hide and try to forget. That kind of things make you angry,moody and you cant love someone the way you wanted because you dont love yourself. It takes balls to admit that you yourself is the problem and not your partner. Its so importent to heal yourself first! i am on the right path now and i love me everyday more. I am a good man that was scared to open up and admit my past mistakes and face those demons. Those things made me not capable of loving myself or my partner. Guys! Heal yourselfs and go deep to those dark places. You are a good man. Just be real. ❤️
That was an awesome statement. And great advice that I will take and do something with. Your exactly right and I have realized that I’ve been hanging on to memories and past experiences and almost hoping for failure because that’s what I’m used to with women. And now I’m in counseling and actually talking about it and getting it out and figuring out how to love myself and my kids from my broken marriage which I caused for the most part. But I thank you for voicing your factual statements and helping others….. 🙏👍
People's ability to rationalize terrible behavior is astounding. We mistake this for love oftentimes. One of the biggest vehicles for emotional trauma.
As usual, Jordan is spot on. I tolerate being disrespected and escape into my work. My work makes me feel good but I use it as an escape.
Thanks again for the truth and lots of solutions as always
Dr.Jordan Peterson is such a gift that always gives.
...and confounds....
I've read that sometimes people give themselves away with "micro-expressions"that they aren't even aware of but that other people CAN see!!
I liked in the first minute because the opener explained all the suffering ppl I know. My mother is the worse literally making the family as bad as she possibly can like you mentioned. Truly hell
Wow. The compete contrast between the Type A and the Hoarder. You’ve just described my marriage. Ty sir. Guess this is why I’m separated now. I’m losing my mind with the disaster!
You've learned something. That always feels at first like
you've lost something. SHAW, Major Barbara
I am happy being single, i have aspergers and more often than not partners and people in general have been transparent to me very early on, i have a gift of dissernment when it comes to people, i am somehow able to recognise almost instantly now what sort of person i am connecting with. Usually i find that almost everyone has alterior motives and very little care for what they pretend. So i realise that i would rather have a healthy relationship with myself even if it means im alone. I just cannot trust anyone anymore to be honest, especially since the 2000's have started, the shadow is definatly in control with most people today.
You can always God to find the right one for you. You can trust him, he wants the best for you, he will give you someone capable of loving you unconditionally
@@fran791
What a silly sentiment. If that were true, don't you think "God" would know this already? Why the need to "ask" for "God" to find someone good for you? If he is all knowing then he wouldn't need you to ask.
I've never heard it put like that, the shadow has control of most people today. I would actually agree 😂😂 thank you!
Life is not suffering as suffering is largely a choice However, Life is full of Struggle but Struggle "is" Growth.
Thank you Dr. Peterson you have really helped me understand so much about the reality of certain situations and how to deal with a certain type of person. Your the best.
People need to self actuallize and be their true self. Stop living for others.
You articulate what I think at different times in my life.. I love that! Listening to you is a re-enforcement of what goes around in my brain. I wish I was able to put in line my thoughts and just exist without thinking I’m wrong!