Stay at Home Mom (and Dad!) Divorce Advice
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 มิ.ย. 2017
- LOOKING FOR HELP? divorceandyourmoney.com/coach...
DIVORCE AND YOUR MONEY: divorceandyourmoney.com/
PODCASTS: divorceandyourmoney.com/categ...
SUBSCRIBE: / @divorceandyourmoney
Is there any position more disadvantageous in divorce than that of a stay-at-home parent? Away from the workforce for a period, many women lack access to their own income to support a newly single status with kids in tow. The disadvantage is quickly apparent as the divorce process begins, so it is of critical importance to get organized as quickly as possible. The faster you can get your affairs in order, the more secure your financial future could look.
With an overwhelming volume of tasks that need to be completed, where should you start as a stay-at-home parent? You will want to consider these six steps before you do anything else regarding your pending divorce. - แนวปฏิบัติและการใช้ชีวิต
There was information here that was very reassuring to me as a stay-at-home parent for nearly 25 years. I'm still at the point where I'm trying to "ride it out" and hope that it doesn't come to divorce, but I appreciate you taking away some of my fears. Life is messy. :(
Stay at home dad for the last 3 years, two toddlers 3/2... and I say that with the caveat that my wife and I built a business together in that time that paid our bills. It was built around her expertise, but we created a system that has unlimited capacity. So I never felt less than, I always operated as a team. She didn’t tho. And now wants a divorce 4 years in on a 5 year plan. Under the premise that she doesn’t respect me as a stay at home dad or my contribution to the company we created.
And is now mad that I’m getting the business evaluation done... as she is fervently attempting to diminish its value.
She has and is attempting to pull the mother card on many occasions, but the kids are my first loves and I am theirs so that is eatting her apart...
She is in love with herself ... I am in love with her ... but it’s going to hurt when I have to go after everything that’s owed to me...
I feel you. You’re entitled to half of all of it because you we’re working too. If you were not working as a stay at home day and working somewhere else. You guys would also have to be paying for somebody to babysit the kits. To cook for the kids to clean the house and none of it is cheap. You earn that money too. It belongs to both!!!
Do what moms usually do. Try to get full custody because children are so young and you are the primary caregiver and children are used to you more that tom mom. After assets are splitted, try to get maximum childsupport, and maybe some alimony (children are so young that you cant have a job).
Thank you so much for the voice of sanity in the chaos. 🙏👍😊
Thank you for advocating for us! This fool got me twisted, telling me that I dont get paid for being a Mother, that's his money cause he's the one "working". Ok....we'll see.....
Not so. I hope by now you learned it is a MUTUAL EFFORT. I know, we have been made to ‘think’ we are not working outside the home we are not contributing to the income earner from the outside job. It’s taken a while for me to start getting this.
I understand, walking the walk for over 23 years in marriage………..being a domestic engineer. Forgive them for they don’t know what they’re doing. 💜💜
Thank you so much for this information. 🙏🙏🙏. I’m not taking revenge or anything I just want fair justice and my rights for what I deserved
We have nothing because my husband is irresponsible. I am graduating in a week and got accepted to a prestigious university. I want to leave him, get child support, housing, an internship until I finish my full degree and get a high paying job. I think with my kids testimony of his abuse, we can probably get all of that. When I figured out that being his wife wasn't safe, I started planning and working on my education immediately while watching to see if his abuse was a phase.
👍 Yes. Great presentation. Thank you for posting Shawn. I’m the out-spouse. Not working past 5 years due to cancer. The cancer is not curable and I’m now 60. My complication is that I’m older (he’s only 47) and my spouse a CPA with own firm (he’s 50% partner) knows every trick in the book, refuses to open his books. My atty now asking court to send a court appointed Forensic CPA to go to his company, as the Forensic CPA firm I personally hired he manipulated and only released a few select documents to. My personal belief is that he may have Psychopathy. He is most DEFINITELY Narcissistic with psychopathic traits, at a minimum. He has zero empathy and has mocked me, lived a secret double life. He’s very smooth and polished, fools everyone. I’m not a shrink, and usually very trusting, so he fooled me for years (married in misery to him for 20 awful years) but the more I research and read the more I’m becoming convinced he has a Spectrum B disorder. 100% sure.
lovemagicandroad I’m really sorry that you were not treated with the honor this “man” promised to treat you with. 😓
Wherever you are, be blessed 🙏🏼
Our home is in both of our names and completely paid for. We paid for it in cash with money from his inheritance that he had put in an account with my name on it and him listed as the beneficiary. I supported him for a long time before that inheritance came through but now after being home for 5 years with our son, he took control of the money and I have no access to any of it... not even to hire an attorney. He says he will give me 10%. I don’t see where I have a choice. I can’t go to work right now because I have nobody to watch my son. This is the scariest thing I have ever been through. It’s like suddenly my contribution means nothing and according to him, I haven’t been caring for a house and out child for 5 years, I am lazy and I have been sitting on my ass doing nothing. The pain and injustice is nauseating.
Goodness you seem angry. Before I respond I want you to know that I won’t be speaking down to you, I won’t assume I know anything about you and that I am well aware you are a human being just like I am.
For the first 6 years of our relationship, I supported him. We have been together for 10. The inheritance was his before he put it into a joint account and purchased a home with it. At that point it became marital property. I don’t want to take anything from him. But I gave up a really good career to stay home and take care of our son while he has been able to advance in his and I disagree that the kids and I going to a homeless shelter is a reasonable solution (his suggestion).
It’s hurtful that you would assume I am lazy and I don’t want to work. I would LOVE the opportunity to go back to work. I’m currently doing freelance to earn enough for an attorney. I have gone without things I have really needed for the past 6 months... simply because he refused to pay bills that were in my name and I have had to use what I saved to pay them so that it didn’t ruin my credit.
I realize how tempting it is to make snap judgements but I hope now you can see why it’s a bad idea.
Whatever your situation is I wish you the best of luck.
Anthony, what happened with you? I’d love to hear your story..
Call me naive but I am of the belief that it’s beneficial to have these conversations and try to find middle ground instead of just attacking one another. I don’t want to take advantage of my husband. I am willing to work with him in any way I can to minimize the impact this has on his finances. I mean, if he would just pay the bills I could make the money to sort myself out.. it’s things like refusing to pay bills we have together and purposely making it difficult for me to help myself that are so hurtful and hard to understand. Women aren’t the enemy. And as human beings, we are not separate from one another.
I’m sending you love because I know that you are in pain just like I am and if we can’t agree on a single thing, I think we can both agree that divorce fucking sucks. ❤️
I think most women are just like me. But misunderstood and perhaps reacting out of fear.... like all of us do from time to time. The important thing is not to assume we know... and realize that we may be the hero in our own story but we’re likely the villain in someone else’s. A villain is a victim who’s story hasn’t been told. Thank you for your respectful response. ❤️
@topherh33 lol, this is TH-cam. People are cruel.
@@rachelwillig9689 to whom are you referring?
Thank you so much.
Thank you for this amazing video 👏👏👏
You are simply amazing!!! God Bless :)
Omg so true it's scarry ! Please make more vids on this please 🙏🙏🙏
❤️thank you !!!!❤️
Thank u
Great advice👍
Thank you so much for all your information.
I’m so Bless and thankful to hear you.
It gives me Clarity and so happy to hear that there’s Justice and it’s possible to get a Fair Judgment .
God Bless your family & you. 🙏❤️
I did all of that, my attorney didn't do her job and I got screwed. I was SAHM for 20 of the 21 year marriage and became disabled during that time. Ex lied in court and hid an asset (real estate). I have been told that there is nothing that I can do. My attorney told me to not mention the spousal abuse, saying that it is over used and the Judges don't want to hear about it. I have gotten screwed every time I have been in court.
🤷🏼♂️🤷🏼♂️🤷🏼♂️🤷🏼♂️🤷🏼♂️🤷🏼♂️🤷🏼♂️🤷🏼♂️😭😭😭😭😭😭
I guess I'm one of the other 5.
I am 56 and was a stay at home mom also. We were together for 20 years. Actually I am still a stay-at-home mom because I still have 2 kids at home. I lost everything. The entire contents of the home, my childhood belongings, gifts from my parents, everything. Sadly, I am the one that bought all the furniture and even was the one that put the $25,000 down payment on the house when we got married, because he had no money. My attorney did not do anything to help me, but was happy to keep taking his $300 an hour attorney fees. Did not give me good advise. Actually gave me bad advise. He told me I should let my ex have the house. Well guess what, my ex did get the house, and once the divorce was final, he sold the house and made a profit of $200,000. I am living in poverty now, and no hopes of ever getting out of it at this age. Meanwhile my ex makes over $125,000 a year, yet my child support does not reflect that at all. Because I have a master degree they are basing the child support on my so called ability to work. My degree is in Computers. Before I got married I was a computer programmer/analyst working on MAINFRAME computers programming in COBOL. I haven't worked since 1999. My skills are so outdated it isn't even funny. Then when I try to apply for administrative assistant or other office clerk type jobs, I am told I am over qualified. Then there is the age thing. Anyone that says there isn't age discrimination is only fooling themselves. Especially if you were a stay-at-home mother who hasn't worked in over 10 years. For me it is 19 years. To top it off my ex claimed all three of children on taxes for 4 years. It cost me over $10,000 in attorney fees to stop this. The kicker is he is 6 years younger than me, so I am also screwed when it comes to social security, which of course the attorneys don't tell about that either. They tell you that you will get half of his social security which is correct; but what they don't mention is that you only can get that once the ex applies for social security. So because he is very well off now, he will wait until he is 70 to apply, meaning I have to have until I am 76. Shit I will be dead by then, or living on the streets. I am so screwed! I have been so screwed by out judicial system and by all the emotional and verbal abuse from the marriage, I suffer from extreme PTSD. I am not even the same person I once was. I don't wish this on anyone. Sadly, this has not just impacted me, but this has impacted my children immensely.
Hope your are doing fine now, you're circumstance is almost identical with mine and your right the kids get the worst trauma each time I see a middle age woman without a ring in groceries I'm humbled thinking if she can make it Im sure I can.
Now you know what men have been subjected to all the time
My current situation. FmL!
Amber Girl I sympathize with you.
Amber Flame my current situation too. Hope you are staying strong.
This is now my current situation, UGH!
Mine was because brother found dead and had to stay home we couldn’t afford babysitter with new home! He was abusive and switched things to he controlled money. I lived off 150 a week! Then I got super sick and had autoimmune issues and couldn’t breath and lost my memory. He hid money spent 18,000 from my car accident and it’s a mess! Now trying to wedge my parents against me and my dad got him into the career where he makes 170,000 a year!
I left my job 18 years ago to raise HIS SEVERELY AUTISTIC SON and we had three children together. He filed in July 2023 and told me his money because he made it. We’re in VA. It’s a bit complicated because I haven’t worked in 18.5 years
Thank you, I am so exhausted. I'll be going to court for the first time for some reason without a mediation and straight to as merits. I think I need to file a motion? I wish I came across your channel sooner.
Thank you so much for this video.
Is there anything I can do after the divorce has been finalized? I wish I would have known this. I am now in a horrible position while he continues to live the high life. It a horrifying position to be in.
It requires a mindset change. When you start digging and do your homework, you gain power. If he's a cheater, take him to the cleaners. Hire a private detective if needed. Save the crying for when its all over.
You let the judge know that she is the one that has split up the family and they will deal with it as they see fit. It's not about getting back at someone regardless of man or woman, it's about doing the right thing for the children.
@@sandicueva6800
The so called best interest of the child isn't considered at all. Females are given custody 90 percent of the time. They are also overwhelmingly given child support and alimony dependent on where they live. This makes him an instant permanent economic slave. Females with the help of the government through the no fault divorce laws can at anytime cash out . They can get his money without having to deal with him.
Luann Kelly
What about if the woman cheating? I suppose still take him to the cleaners?
John Reed if you were that concerned should have done a prenuptial. You were saying the women were asking for sympathy? Sounds like you need to take some responsibly for your own choices in life. You have kids then you help raise them. Your wife got sick or needed help getting back on her feet then a decent man or woman would want what was best for their children and would help the spouse get back on their feet. Cry me a river.
California is a no fault state . Judge don’t give a shit who cheated or who wants the divorce.
Tips start at 3:00
What do you do if he doesn't claim all his income?
Great advice ..... it does not apply to courrupt courtroom with a saddistic judge such as SIN city.
Audrey, Im afraid youre right.
@Audrey I hope you keep fighting. I know it’s a messed up system. But there’s always, always, a way. Hope you are in better standing. Blessings
that's me all over 😢😢😢 thanks for sharing. Please help.. can this be applied to the UK law?
Do you have a financial list that people can use?
I have him on recording saying that if I divorce him, he will get a cash paying job so he doesn’t have to pay child support.
I could really need. I have a run away Husband after 30 Year . He said my Breast wasn't big enough. It took 30 Years
spousal support lawyer and divorce lawyer are the same?
Please let me know , anyone ,thank you !
I'm separated after 26 years... As a stay at home mom I have no access to any money or accounts... I do absolutely NOTHING !!! Met when I was 16 n he 27 ... It's been over 26 years . He does what ever he wants and i sit here alone and can't do it anymore !!!! HELP PLEASE
you can learn more at divorceandyourmoney.com/coaching. Hope to speak with you soon!
Why did you stop working, Get a job.
16 and 27? Jesus... That was stupid mistake #1. When a grown man wants a 16 year old he's going to go find another one when that 16 year old is old, worn out and not easily malleable.
Good luck though, you're gonna need it.
Those comments above are pretty rough what they didn't understand is that at the time when you met, decided to stay home and possible abuse ( considering your age when you met) you thought forever was in your marriage vowels and you did what was best for your family, I hope everything has worked out for you.
I'm in the same boat, makes me sick!!!!
Any advice for someone like myself thats been w/father of my children for 10yrs but have nothing under my name nor jointed bank accounts. That also deals with financial threats
How are you doing now
Me . Same !
Same.
Same please advise ?
All of this sounds familiar the difference is that I am the stay at home Dad !!
Shaba Bahati
What happened to you?
When all your children are school age, get a job, and you might not need a divorce.
Usually couples fight about money and if your husband did not agree with your "stay at home mom career path" for next 40 years, that you are financially abusive to your husband and children.
Will my husband know if I checked tax return from IRS?
I do not believe so. If you live in the same house, I would have them mailed to a different address.
These are your tax returns too. He will find out probably down the road, but who cares?! You need to take care of yourself. Do it! If you're asking if he will get notified somehow, no he won't although he probably already has made an account already and only 1 account can be made. Do it before he does.
I believe they can be printed from home.
I have been a stay at home mom of 3 kids, I had 1 child in a previous marriage. We just filed joint tax return, all the money we got back was only the child tax credit the lady at H and R block said so. Am I legally untitled to a third of that? Since I was a stay at home I didn’t have a retirement plan, he had one and had me as a beneficiary to life insurance and what not, so am I untitled to a percentage of that?
My husband filed behind my back using our daughter. It was so pitiful, especially since she lives with me.
I am in the dark , because he lives in the U.S.A , i live in Mexico , I just hear this and he is so sneaky , long distance relationship, 21 years since we meet , we have a 13 y/o boy .... and he doesn’t even call him !!! Or me , we got married 2 years ago but we broke up .... cheated and catch him .... now is like he wants me to beg for money and I got nothing to start , I am a stay at home mom , raising 2 kids .... he never pay any attention to me whatsoever or his son , .... and well long story , what do I do ?
Do you have any skill or trade? To make quick money? Maybe a sewing skill or gardening. Call out to Jesus he will walk before you in your sitaution have faith & know that he has you in his hand & will get you thru this, if you cant leave at the moment just know you are not alone and you will get through nit.
Do you think a push towards arbitration from him is something that is not in my interest?
Bro - if I can’t any money - I can’t get a lawyer period !! -
And EVERY lawyer wants that fat retainer or else you’re out of that office quick!! I have to defend myself- BUT folks - this looks better for you because the spouse has the control power etc and a lawyer that their paying with the marital money - what do you think a judge would see ? I m pretty sure he’s not gonna side with the spouse and lawyer - period -
Hi I got married in a courthouse how much to get divorced please anyone knows?
U should contact this advisor
I'm a man in 23 marriage soon to be divorce wife is a narcissist control all the money everything had to be in her name house, cars, every year my purpose was to sign my name on the income tax form but she would have the money in her account only to withdraw it then hide the money from me since 2005. She cheated in 2001 and I forgave her do to our daughter, we had a 2nd child in 2004 she force me to stay home to care for both daughters because she made more money 2. She didn't want to be a mom. 2006 she was caught again cheating this time I had to find out it was for 5 years with a 2nd person Reverse blame, Love bombing, and Manipulation is what caused me to stay till now not to mention I never wanted to leave our daughters with her so here I am suffering from Narcissistic Abuse trying to divorce someone who never love or our children
If you are stay at home mom with minor children you are safer than the dad who is always absent, because he has to work two jobs, so you insisted on staying at home and do nothing when your teenage children are at school. Put clothes in washing machine, prepare one meal per day - and your full time stay at home duties are done. Dishes and bringing out trash, is dad's duty, after his nightshift.
If divorce happens, mom can stay at home, and dad who always worked two jobs has to rent a small apartment and get the third job, because now he has to support two homes, maybe two cars are needed. Dad has to pay childsupport and sometimes alimony because you chose be stay at home mom and did not work for over a decade, and now you cant get a job, because lack of skills.
My husband took all 401k before divorce we have a postnuptial do not take my portion my lawyer did mothing
Very odd that even when a spouse chooses to put themselves in an impoverished situation the other spouse can be controlled financially.
Well if there are kids involved the stay at home parent is saving the other parent tens of thousands in childcare expense.
Not everyone has the luxury of having healthy children they can send to childcare.
The problem or divorce laws is that it rewards the least contributing spouse. A stay at home mom job is overrated. It is a no-brainer work. You don't need a college degreee, you don't have to pass any certifications. You don't have to adhere to any standards to do your job. You don't compete with anyone. The breadwinner spouse does all that. Parasite stay at home woman claims half of his income is unfair.