Please keep in mind most LGBT+ people have not experienced the “courting stage.” Going on dates to the mall as kids, school dances, etc. Coming out as an older person, where sex is on the table, really confuses courting.
True, but they also put in zero effort to experience courting. If high schoolers are capable of that, I don't know why fully functioning adults can't.We are at the most open times for the gays, yet they still choose to not live it.
Hi, greetings from Germany. 😘 As a gay man in a 15 year monogamous relationship, I had to think about your words. I remember that at the beginning, when I started with dating, I also ghosted. But I realized that my own narrative was unhealthy. If there was a problem, get out of the way of the problem. That was so wrong. I changed it to: learning to talk about problems is the first step toward a solution. As a result, I grew a lot internally and was able to build a healthy relationship. Because a relationship is not a prefabricated house that you can move into with your suitcases packed.❤
Doesn't matter what I do to better myself, I've dated people while I was going to school, while I was working full time and I spent my whole life improving my appearance through workouts mainly. This doesn't always work.
Over sharing = open book. I ask 2 questions on a date: 1. Tell me about you and your life, and 2. Tell me about how you spend your days. Most gay men I’ve dated get uncomfortable answering it, so I appreciate an open book - there’s nothing worse than going on a date and talking to the person’s representative persona in hopes of getting to actually meet the person. Even bite size communication is game play. Every relationship should have interdependency, not co-dependency - there’s a vast difference. At the end of the day, dating is about vibing.
I’ve done that ONCE! Only because I was already having issues with my then partner with faithfulness (him). And I met someone as a result who I bonded with extremely well! That was 2 years ago and have never been happier! I always felt weird about switching partners like I did but I can’t change it and don’t want to live with guilt my whole life
I'm 67 and aside from social media, everything you guys are saying was true when I was young. Dating and relationships haven't really changed much. I saw these same red flags years ago, and it's fascinating to revisit my old relationships and how many flags that I missed. You guys are doing great work on your show and I've enjoyed all the topics you've covered. Cheers to your health and happiness and greetings from the small state of West Virginia in the US.
My husband recently got into your podcast, so we've been catching up a bit. We're both hovering around age 50 and been together 31 years, our entire adult lives! You guys have a really nice, relaxed and sweet chemistry between you, and you seem really focused on each other. Excited for your relationship to grow!
@@seandyckhoff7063 that's awesome, meeting your partner or spouse when you're young is the best! I mean, I remember my husband's childhood bedroom and the dog he grew up with, it's really crazy to think about! The relationship sort of stays in that playful, youthful dynamic even as you both learn to adult together. I love that, it's the best of both worlds, being able to grow and accomplish things in life but still feel like you're the same people. Wishing you a lifetime of wonderful memories, through the good times and the tough times.
@@tomstieber1637 I couldn’t agree more, we’ve grown so much as a couple and as individuals in the time we’ve been together, getting our first little flat together and adopting our first fur baby then the rip your heart out pain of losing her and then finally being able to rent our own little house! not sure if we’re adulting at our full potential yet think we’re both still 20 in our heads lol but having someone to do this rollercoaster of life with is just the best! Wishing you and your husband a lifetime of happiness and joy aswell!!
@@seandyckhoff7063 thank you Sean, the same to you guys. And you really hit a nerve with losing your fur baby. We adopted our first dog 10 years ago and lost her last year. She was with us 24/7 and her passing was unbearable. She really changed us and still weighs heavy on our hearts, but we think we'll finally get another dog within the next year. Congrats on being in a house -- milestones feel so joyful! Take care
@@tomstieber1637 we adopted Stella our Staffordshire bull terrier when she was 5 a year after we got together, we wernt in a great place at the time but she changed our lives and It was fate that we ended up with her. I swear she looked after us as much as we looked after her, she got really Ill when she was 15 and we did everything we could to save her but in the end she made the decision for us and fell asleep while we were having a cuddle. I honestly never thought I’d get over losing her it hurts now talking about her but I know she’s up there in doggy heaven living her best life and a year after stella passing we adopted Rudy! He’s challenging and bit of a nightmare but I love him equally as much as I love Stella, I felt guilty at first but I don’t think she’d want us to feel sad forever, good luck and best wishes to you Tom take care
this is a hard one for me, as i'm 26 living in NYC and have never gotten past the third date point with anyone before being ghosted. So I'm left wondering if I'm giving off red flags. I dress well, take care of myself, workout, have a job, feel like I'm friendly and amicable and yet something turns people off I suppose. I wish people would give honest feedback after a date! haha
Best advice is don’t worry about it. If you’re putting your best self forward and that doesn’t do it for them they’re not right for you. Their loss imo
Are you straight or part of the LGBTQ+ community? And if so if you are sadly most of gay culture is this way where if you don't "put out" within a certain time sadly it's easier for some men to just ghost you. It sucks I been thru it. As for woman I feel you could ask them what they think of you...the least they can do is be honest.
This is a really interesting topic! Please excuse my long comment lol…Regarding saying too much during the first date being a red flag, this can be a tricky one, as saying too much can be relative. During the first date, it’s often expected (at least for some) to keep the conversation light-hearted without getting to heavy and deep, BUT if a person is at a place where they’re seeking a potential partner and don’t want to waste each other’s time, then being authentic and letting it all out (the “take me or leave me” approach as Joel referenced) gives the other person the opportunity to see if they’re accepting and still interested in moving forward with getting to know their date more. Two people can definitely be attracted to each other and have a good chemistry while also being incompatible and not aligned in so many ways that aren’t conducive to a relationship. This can come from being closed minded, shallow, and superficial or simply just logical. There could be so many things from lifestyles, current physical/mental health states, kids (already having them or not wanting them at all), religion status, political beliefs, and the list goes on and on. One thing about first dates is that they often involve a lot of impression management by both individuals because people naturally desire to put their best foot forward by default. At the end of the day, if two people decide to date, they’re never going to know everything about their partner on the first few dates as they’ll learn new things about each other (especially when living together 😰lol) months and sometimes even years into a relationship. As far as the early stages of dating, I would recommend just using good judgement and avoid being secretive and inauthentic. To give a silly example, if you’re self-aware and know that you’re crazy, don’t hide your crazy until the 4th date. Show you’re crazy in advance to give your date a chance to love it or hate it lol. Red flags are definitely subjective, but they sooner they’re shown through authenticity, the better.
But also, don’t be to upfront and tell all your business, as some guys use this to appear to be exactly what you want, share goals etc, but it’s just for show. Common ploy of the bad guy, be too good to be true.
Very, very true. And I think both their responses are a massive tell: the two of them clearly have never actually had to deal with the situation of being the person who's worried about oversharing. I think they could have shown at least a *bit* more understanding and compassion towards people who are, in fact, worried about their "crazy" or life experiences impacting their ability to find someone who accepts them and doesn't just say "cringe, red flag, go to therapy".
@@drewrathbone7857not just for show. I unloaded on my partner when first talking to him but only because I really liked him and wanted him lol. From my family to my gym habits to my career wages etc etc. we are 2 years together and couldn’t be happier. I was just trying to make sure he knows me and that I’m transparent. Nothing to hide!
Keegan and Joel, you both are on a roll with your podcast and I look forward to watching it each week! Your topics are interesting and informative and always helpful with your perspectives on the gay community. I only wish I had something like this to watch when I was in my 30's. Just to take time out of your schedule to kick back and hear you both talk about your experiences of the dating scene. If I only knew then what I know now, things would have been a lot different. I now see how many red flags that came up and then overcome. And at times, still do today! Both of you are well versed and I could listen all day to you. Always great thoughts, insights and ideas. Thank you for sharing and for caring for us all! (BTW...I love the Invisalign story!)
I once dumped a really nice and super hot guy because...he couldn't be on time nor would he keep plans. We made plans to go to the movies on Saturday, 12 noon. So I got dressed up, and waited for him to pick me up, which is what we agreed upon. 12 noon came and went. 1PM, 2PM, nothing. Zero response to calls or texts. Finally at around 5PM I gave up. TWO DAYS LATER he texted me and apologized for missing our date. I asked him "what happened?" He basically said that his family came to town unexpectedly and he couldn't get away. He was closeted and I understood that ahead of time, but he couldn't find 5 minutes to go to the bathroom and text me sooner? And finally after he did this to me about four more times, I dumped him. Red Flag!!!! And what's really weird is that he couldn't understand why I was angry.
@@marcathens2951 Two years after I dumped him, he sent me a long text and wanted to reconnect and try again. I was tempted for a minute (the sex was really good) but ultimately I politely told him no.
this has happened to me alot and its only now that im realizing that i cannot give everyone chances. ppl like us who are empaths we can get hurt a bunch. please never lose ur kind heart. the only way ppl will learn to stop hurting is if kind ppl stop saying yes to their bad behaviors. trust me i know it hurts and u may think u did something wrong. but their are others like their like myself who wouldnt do that to u . so keep being kind set boundaries and get out there u will meet someone awesome. i know will in the meantime lets keep enjoying the good things in this world and let the jerks learn on their own. sending hearts
@@spacechannelg6843 It's a shame because people have been doing this type of shady stuff to me my whole life. I haven't lost my kind heart, but I have grown a hard protective shell around it. So, while it keeps out the bad people, unfortunately it makes it more difficult for truly good people to get in.
A little late on watching this, but I would say it’s the best episode you’ve done so far! I find these “debate” type topics so relatable, interesting, and ultimately helpful. For those who are currently dating or pursuing a relationship, even just thinking about these topics can help continue/foster a good (or if needed, end a bad) relationship. Ultimately it’s just putting the topics out there to engage conversation and communication, so well done! I recommend a part 2! ❤❤❤
I loved this podcast! I'm a senior straight supporter of you guys. I love your interactions & well balanced relationship insights. A lot of what you shared today, relates to all sexualities, in my humble opinion. We are all human after all. The big take for me, from your episode today, more than anything, is realising that I have been terrible at dating, all my adult life & better at long term relationships. Hence the 3 serious relationships I've had in my life were friends before romance was even a consideration. Thank you. x
As far as oversharing, I went on a date a few months ago and the guy spilled that he had actually just ended a relationship like 2 months earlier but was completely over it. He then spent 20 minutes explaining how he the guy abandoned him and he didn’t expect it, yada yada. I actually felt bad for the guy, it definitely seemed like he was very hurt. But it was a massive red flag that this dude was not ready to be dating.
Agree, I also had someone love bombing, telling me things like “I wish me met sooner” and all about his personal / family life. We had only just started chatting. I tried to ignore the red flag, but guess what, didn’t last and I got hurt in the end. I was trying so hard because I really liked him. But was definitely a learning lesson!
Loved this episode!!! So provocative; especially the last little bit comparing Keegan's lack of a relationship with his parents to Joel's wonderful relationship with his. We can't change where we come from, can we? Luckily, I had a wonderful relationship with my parents; and sadly my partner never met them (deceased before we met) and my partner had really an absolutely unfortunate childhood as his parents really didn't parent. It DOES matter, and something we need to keep in the back of our mind. I also found discussions of red flags/green flags enlightening and i connected with your thoughts and my own experience. I was in a long difficult prior relationship; and the very FIRST date, there was a RED FLAG and i overlooked it; but like they say, when someone shows you who they are BELIEVE THEM! Any way guys, thoroughly enjoyed this episode. I liked the discussion as it just brought back all kinds of memories for me and i thought it was insightful. 😂😢😮
Yes! Have grace for the humanity of the other, while being careful of true red flags. And intention IS the key to whether they are red or not. Lol. I'm definitely not cut out for dating 🤦🏽♀️, but fully confident in my skills and abilities in long term relationship.
I have never had a positive experience of real potential. Everything was predatory or trivial from others. Out of the blue, through friendship, I fell in love after 11 months of perfection. Five years later the love I feel is still giving me butterflies. I am Irish and he is native American.
It's not surprising that people put up walls or try to impress each other on a first date. But as time goes on and they spend more time together, they gradually reveal their true selves. That's why long-term relationships really need a lot of understanding between partners.
As a straight woman in her 50s, I wish I'd watched this as a teenager. Would have saved a lot of heartache. Good advice is good for everyone, love you guys x x x and you're dogs
Green flag; taking time to actually get to know eachother other for a while before getting physical (beyond a kiss) - good things grow in fertile soil and if its worth waiting for and you have that respect it's means you're starting on solid foundations, and is a sign that they are more likely to be willing to put in the joint effort into maintaining a relationship in the longer term. ✊🏴🏳️🌈
I’m grateful to find your podcast, it’s good to listen to people that share the same core values that I find hard to come across in the gay world these days. Thank you keep doing the good work.
EASY AS PIE: Be honest but don't share too much. Be excited but not too much. Be sane but not boring. Be yourself but be your best self. If you are into them, you'll ignore red flags. If you're not into them, you'll find anything to end it. Don't be judgmental, but have standards. Don't talk too much, but don't be silent. Don't be too deep, but don't be too shallow. Don't hide your deal killers, but don't overshare them right away. Have boundaries, but don't overshare them. Don't move too fast, but don't be too slow. Have intentions, but be organic. Be close to your parents, but not too close.
What you all said about playing games by overthinking a text is so true. In general, I think true red flags are things that show someone isn't in a place to respect and care for the guy they're dating. I know it's just semantics, but I'd call anything else a "turn-off." That word feels like it puts the onus in a better place, which is on the person perceiving the behavior, rather than on the person exhibiting it. Invisalign guy wasn't flying a red flag, his behavior was a turn-off. Other people own red flags. We own our turn-offs.
After being in a relationship for 25 years, listening to your views is a breath of fresh air and how far gay life has moved forward, and it certainly would have helped many years ago to listen to this. Back then, being more open, it was battling through acceptance and sorting out how one fits in society. Keep doing the talks, guys. My partner and I have spoken about how different we would enter into the gay world if we were ever to be left on our own. I guess the good thing about being a 66-year-old gay guy is that you don't care what people think anymore, you have a clear definition of what you want and don't want, and you don't waste energy on people you know won't fit in your lifestyle and experiences. ...thanks, guy...
Another great episode! ☺️ Especially for someone like me who hasn’t ever dated someone, I find this topic really interesting and it got me thinking about things that I would consider red flags if I was dating someone. I like Keegan‘s idea of maybe talking about this topic outside of just romantic relationships, I think it would be interesting to talk about things that might be red flags in friendships. For example, I know for me looking back at my friendship with my childhood best friend who I knew for about 12 years, there were times when she was controlling and didn’t treat me how I thought a friend should. I know we were just kids, but there are some things that I wish I would’ve seen sooner, because I think by the time we were about 12 or 13 she was definitely old enough to realize what she was doing was manipulative and controlling sometimes. Again, I know we were young, but I feel like there’s things that I would consider red flags about that friendship. Like the fact that she would constantly talk over me and didn’t want to hear what I had to say, she would put me down and only talk about herself all the time and what she was doing, and sometimes she would just stop talking to me out of nowhere for days at a time when I didn’t even do anything to make her upset with me. 🙄 I’m glad I know that now and I have an actual best friend, but that friendship still bothers me because it was so one-sided and I don’t want to feel like that again. 😁❇️💜❤️
This is a very good session that you did. I feel sorry for Keegan, because of not having a good relationship with his mother. I never had a mother she died when I was three, but my relationship with my father to was not very close and I think that these type of sessions really help people to understand who they are, and I love it, so any of the sessions that you come up with a very welcomed so that we can really learn about each other you both are very good in this program and you can tell the love that you have for one another keep pressing on.
In the past I gave off red flags towards guys I was really excited about but in turn they did the same. Which allowed two unhealed ppl to only last a couple weeks or months together. But I’ve learned my lesson. I feel like I’m a a lot calmer these days but I am not perfect just a work in process.
Yet another great episode! I would love to see this be a regular series of yours on the podcast. Where you take listener suggestions and decide if they are red or green or ambiguous flags. And I love Keegan's idea of taking this concept outside of romantic relationships with his family, friends, work relationships. Anyway these were all great thoughts. I can't wait to really listen when you post the shorts and mini videos.
I met my soul mate 2 years ago. I found him on grinder. When I first saw his pic I couldn’t believe how attractive he is. After reading his profile I fell even more Gaga over him. He’s not into the gay scene, monogamous, religious, very similar social status as me, same values and morals. When I first messaged him I unloaded everything about myself just because I liked him so much I wanted him to know me. This actually drew him in more and eventually we switched to phone calls and text. But we are always messaging each other a lot. Even after intimate dates we text as we leave. Just do what makes u two happy and don’t look so deep into things.
I tend to agree with him too! I stay the hell away from the gay scene because I find it extremely lacking taste and class. Drugs and sex all hiding behind a mask of freedom and equality. If someone is huge into the gay scene it’s big time red flag for me. If you’re dating someone you shouldn’t allow yourself to be in situation where you can fall for another person!!!! Huuuuge red flags for me! I can’t even stand grinder even though I met my soul mate on there lol. We both are completely turned off by gay parades and such.
If you don’t want to go gay bars and clubs a lot, that’s totally fine. There was this idea back in the day of moving to the big city, going to these venues and discovering and being embraced your community. Not everyone feels at home there. But I would point out that there’s gay venues with very different vibes and a pub predominantly for bears (even though I’m not one) felt like a comfortable relaxed space for me to meet up with guys for the first time 20 years ago. So although I’ve never really felt I fit in twink or muscle guy spaces, that’s one example of a gay venue that I’ve been very grateful for that it excited
Howdy... New subscriber here... love the podcast. As for money on dates... my dad gave me the best advice ever... Whomever issues the invite should expect to pay for the evening. That said, if someone wants to split or pay... have at it.
Very good content, both of you are cute, (to young for me) I am entering third yr, my beloved partner passed, after 31 yrs, I think I'm ready to put myself out, it's tough. One thing I've learned, life is short, don't discount having someone you have chemistry with. Thank you for the inspiration.
Loved this one! I'd love it if you guys could expand to an hour format instead of the half-hour! Seems like you could have gone on a while longer about this one. Love you guys! Also, Boppit is niche over there? 😂
Libra and Aquarius love compatibility is one of the best in the zodiac. When these two come together, they uplift their souls and help each other out at every juncture of their lives. Both being air signs, they can connect on a much higher level than most other signs.
Just stumbled onto this podcast. These guys are great together. They would be fun to double with or just hang out with for a time… I could see these guys having a lot of friends… Thanks to you both. I liked and subscribed 🎉
Relationship red flag- Your partner staying in contact with his ex with no boundaries. Professional red flag- Your new boss making personal "innocent" joke at all too soon. Friendship red flag- They won't introduce you to there other group of friends, but is happy to ask you to intro them to your other group of friends.
@bobbyphillips8732 so say if they were in contact still because they separated amicably under mutual desire but remained friends. The friend-ex shouldn't ask your partner to hang out with them platonically for instance?
@bobbyphillips8732 well I didn't suggest that couldn't be the case. I asked a clarifying question to help understand your position. To answer yours though amyway: they could surely invite the partner along. The terms of engagement will depend on the people involved. It's a rare situation, many people aren't equipped to navigate it. I've seen people view that situation as inconceivable to them if they were to imagine remaining friends with an ex. I have also seen it exist and work normally as if the two people had never been anything other than friends, integrated fully into each other's friend circles new and old partner and all and I've also seen it fail - due to immaturity or love lost on the side of the ex. The ex was then cut off. So in my opinion I suppose it's fair to view it with caution because of how it obviously has the potential to be bad. Although, in my life, I've also seen it work. However, only with well put together matured individuals.
Lol boys - I eat my steak blue! - The best and most respectful way to eat meat I think. Nice episode. From my experience (and me still being in a relationship 21 years on) I 'found' the one right after I just became really comfy with myself; happy and independent... then *BAM* he walked into my life through a friend.
i am a bad texter though but it's because i have adhd and force myself to focus on real life day to day and if i have extra time then i can reply. i'm really tired of the draining keeping up with people being taken so personally, we shouldn't be so glued to our phones. i actually have thought about getting rid of my cell and getting a land line just to get around having to have this convo with people to justify my choice of living more old school and away from tech as much as possible since it is such an integrated part of life now in days. this is a great video all in all i just had to bring this point up for anyone else that needed the reassurance. i like people who understand, like you said, i'm human and this just isn't an area i can change my stance on the older i get.
its fine that u dont like to text. i just think its considerate to let ppl that ur close to or building a relationship with know that abt u. because otherwise they may think u dont care abt them oor their time. im quite confused when guys do this .if i knew these things abt them then i would have no problem texting them less etc. its all about communication nobody loses
Thanks guys, just been introduced to you, and I loved listening to you both, also you’re both good looking homos to watch! Content is great and it is valuable to hear the “opinions” of others to help shape your own. I think I’m horrific at dating but might just make a horrifically good partner! Keep it coming, navigating as a mid 50s homo can still be difficult and these things are great to discuss.
The average gay man isn't much into courting or dating, only a few. Its basically more sexual experience, talking about whatever, attitude, going to the bar. It can be awkward, especially if you want a real connection to want more substance or a real relationship
being sane. vibe has to be there on both sides, if it is there, that person will really text about next date, even though he is a bad texter. some people like Joel, doesn't want children and they are happy/ok to stop their bloodline with them. it is ok. red - being adamant, like i will pay for food. avoid gross stuffs. talking life goals at the starting saves time (like want kids, marriage) - these comes over the age.
Hi good discussion topic,i'm sorry for some of the red flag situations you have been in. With some of what you have said,i don't look for anyone anymore,i am definitely the ick for anybody and having a disability will be a huge prob.
He's not wrong if somebody actually wants to have a conversation with you they will make time put things on hold they will make time I have to stress that
Great podcast. Though I have to say I believe who ever asks the person out on a date, its usually the one who should pay. Like you asked person A to go here, then yea pay for it lol.
Oversharing on a first date is definitely a red flag. It connected to a low self-esteem. Went on a date with a handsome seemingly successful man once and after 15 minutes I felt like his therapist. He had confessed way too much. It was such a disappointment.
I disagree! I love when someone is an open book. Why play little games. I met my soul mate this way. If I open up and my life and u are not interested, it’s a near miss to me!!!! Don’t want someone who only wants to talk about the weather! I’m 41 and have been there done that! I have a daughter and a career. If I like you I will open up and be my genuine self. I think what you are talking about are mental issues lol. If someone has a lot of those you should be thankful they tell u about them then and there instead of a year into the relationship! Transparency is a good thing!
As far as texting goes...not everyone likes to text..Im an older guy and i figure that if you want to chat w/me..give me an actual call......its the best way to communicate when you are not with each other.....texting is a less of a message than a quick conversation..I personally am not on any social media platforms by choice so all this "obligatory" need to text is not the most sincere form of communication...slow down and be more into the person or not.
then you explain that to the person your interested in. i prefer calling as well. but as a younger person i will text first and not expect a reply days later. thats just rude. communicate. its not hard
I am in that camp of being bad dater due to social anxiety and other mental health issues. So guys get put off easily. Worst part is 90% of guys dont think about that they just see how bad you are and say no which is one of the bad points of humanity as these days thats common in both hetro and homo sides. on your other point silence is not just red flag. like above if you anxious then thats more likely to make there be more "awkward silence" as the anxious one finds it hard to continue convo with someone on first meet
then you need to explain this to the guys you are courting its very unfair to date and just confuse them . if they dont understand then ofc they are gonna think u are a red flag. also maybe try someone who is like you or someone who is more patient why go for someone who can communicate alot better. its unfair and i dont like ppl using their mental health excuses to be inconsiderate.
My crush hasn't texted me in 11 days. I just don't get it. Our date went perfectly, he lives an hour away and was 10 minutes early, he paid for everything, I had him cracking up the entire time, he walked me to my car, we kissed passionately, and he said "text me" but hasn't texted me back
My last BF allowed his 47 year old sister to our 1st valentines meal together!! She use to invite herself to his house share at the weekends when i was there. One of my pet hates is when a BF stares at other men while you are out at a restaurant together. I ended up dumping his ass a year letter!! Yes please, more red flag episodes!
On the bad texter thing, i am a bad texter. I do very well if we are on discord but anything like whatsapp or insta dms i just wont see for hours or days. In texts i just tend to miss the nonverbal queues so I really dont like communicating that way, especially when I start dating someone and like them (and want them to like me too).
Please keep in mind that a lot of Trans men/transmasc people come from women/femme loving women/femme spaces where "oversharing" and "laying everything on the table" is the norm and when people do not share a lot of detail during the first meeting this is seen as highly suspicious.
I do agree in bad mentioning your likeness or your approach to life through astrology is not exactly the best thing to hook the fish so to speak but having a strong spiritual approach to life and to your relationship is healthy not just for you but for the the interest of both parties. And just a side note the host signs are Aquarius and Libra Aquarius having to deal a lot with social groups in humanitarianism and Libra having a lot to do with relationships and the both are air signs which has a lot to do with communication which says a lot about the upcoming of their podcast which by the way I do enjoy I think it's fair to say that taking a look on the other side might give insight about ourselves others in the situations but more importantly about ourselves and how we interact with others.
I would consider the comment " You like to make me look stupid in front of our viewers " a red flag but that doesn't necessarily mean it is I'm just talking on a personal level. I was deeply in love and extremely happy for nearly thirty years to a lovely, kind, extremely intelligent (but kind with it) handsome sweet sexy man, not married for thirty years because gay marriage wasn't legal when we met.
OK question- is it bad if the photos I use of myself on the apps are in great lighting or after a workout with a bit of a pump? Is it minor cat-fishing? How do I know if the photos I use truly represent myself?
I just think you need to be completely honest and wear your heart on your sleeve. I don't use apps and I don't know if I could really say I have dated. I never get to know someone gradually. It is always instantaneous when I meet them that I know and it takes my breath away. Then I have no pride about playing hard to get or anything like that. I don't play any games. I just tell them exactly how awesome I think they are and it goes quickly from there. All my relationships have started from the moment we met. Be open and honest and don't be proud.
I have a red flag that has been proven every single time for me…when they have bad relationships with their family (and they tell you on the first date) and THEY are the one no longer wanting to talk to family. I understand everyone has their reasons, but it’s the way they’re so non-chalant about it that I find very concerning. It’s almost like they don’t want to be around people that know them for who they are. Because every single one of those people that entered in my life exploited my kindness and eventually their facade came down when I got ‘too close’. Stay clear of those people, they also tend to give hot and cold, lovebomb, traumadump….they don’t want to ‘burden’ their ‘real friends’ so they deliberately find kind souls that will take on their pain…and if you get attached to them…Oh boy…I learned my lesson for the final time.
@@johnindigo5477 Yeah in that case it of course does not apply, but every time I have experienced it , the parents are totally fine with their sexuality.
i agree with everything u said but not the family part i do not talk to my family cuz they were abusive. however i also dealt with the things u have with guys and alot of times their family has no idea they are doing these mean things to others. its some sort of power trip
I would disagree. As someone from a conservative overly religious and not progressive 3rd world country who was lucky to escape that situation, I HAD to move on from my family. AND I am honest about that on the FIRST date. Cos why not. It is part of my story and my background. It is me. Why should I hide that for months later?
When someone invited me to dinner I already know he will pay cause he’s the one who invited me, I don’t see that as a red flag at all for me he is a gentleman, besides that I’m agree with the chitchat.
![BOWKYLION - วิงวอน (ex-change) [Official MV]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/cLdnZWDaO-w/mqdefault.jpg)
Please keep in mind most LGBT+ people have not experienced the “courting stage.” Going on dates to the mall as kids, school dances, etc. Coming out as an older person, where sex is on the table, really confuses courting.
This is so true
True, but they also put in zero effort to experience courting. If high schoolers are capable of that, I don't know why fully functioning adults can't.We are at the most open times for the gays, yet they still choose to not live it.
Hi, greetings from Germany. 😘
As a gay man in a 15 year monogamous relationship, I had to think about your words. I remember that at the beginning, when I started with dating, I also ghosted. But I realized that my own narrative was unhealthy. If there was a problem, get out of the way of the problem. That was so wrong.
I changed it to: learning to talk about problems is the first step toward a solution. As a result, I grew a lot internally and was able to build a healthy relationship. Because a relationship is not a prefabricated house that you can move into with your suitcases packed.❤
I hope u and ur husband lead a long and happy life together ❤
In my experience my partners have always come when I started focusing on bettering myself
That's what they all say
@@bishbosh4815 cause it’s true….
Doesn't matter what I do to better myself, I've dated people while I was going to school, while I was working full time and I spent my whole life improving my appearance through workouts mainly. This doesn't always work.
@@IXOMNIBUSXIthey’re saying that people always wait until you basically give up on finding love to want to give you attention
Same
Over sharing = open book. I ask 2 questions on a date: 1. Tell me about you and your life, and 2. Tell me about how you spend your days. Most gay men I’ve dated get uncomfortable answering it, so I appreciate an open book - there’s nothing worse than going on a date and talking to the person’s representative persona in hopes of getting to actually meet the person.
Even bite size communication is game play.
Every relationship should have interdependency, not co-dependency - there’s a vast difference.
At the end of the day, dating is about vibing.
Red Flag - someone fresh out of long relationship, ready to jump into the next in the matter of weeks. Serial monogamist.
I’ve done that ONCE! Only because I was already having issues with my then partner with faithfulness (him). And I met someone as a result who I bonded with extremely well! That was 2 years ago and have never been happier! I always felt weird about switching partners like I did but I can’t change it and don’t want to live with guilt my whole life
We don't always get what we want when we want it in life, we have to be willing to take it when we can get it.
I'm 67 and aside from social media, everything you guys are saying was true when I was young. Dating and relationships haven't really changed much. I saw these same red flags years ago, and it's fascinating to revisit my old relationships and how many flags that I missed. You guys are doing great work on your show and I've enjoyed all the topics you've covered. Cheers to your health and happiness and greetings from the small state of West Virginia in the US.
My husband recently got into your podcast, so we've been catching up a bit. We're both hovering around age 50 and been together 31 years, our entire adult lives! You guys have a really nice, relaxed and sweet chemistry between you, and you seem really focused on each other. Excited for your relationship to grow!
Love that you been together for 31 years ❤🎉 I’ve been with my partner for 12 years we’re in our early 30s power to you guys
@@seandyckhoff7063 that's awesome, meeting your partner or spouse when you're young is the best! I mean, I remember my husband's childhood bedroom and the dog he grew up with, it's really crazy to think about! The relationship sort of stays in that playful, youthful dynamic even as you both learn to adult together. I love that, it's the best of both worlds, being able to grow and accomplish things in life but still feel like you're the same people.
Wishing you a lifetime of wonderful memories, through the good times and the tough times.
@@tomstieber1637 I couldn’t agree more, we’ve grown so much as a couple and as individuals in the time we’ve been together, getting our first little flat together and adopting our first fur baby then the rip your heart out pain of losing her and then finally being able to rent our own little house! not sure if we’re adulting at our full potential yet think we’re both still 20 in our heads lol but having someone to do this rollercoaster of life with is just the best! Wishing you and your husband a lifetime of happiness and joy aswell!!
@@seandyckhoff7063 thank you Sean, the same to you guys. And you really hit a nerve with losing your fur baby. We adopted our first dog 10 years ago and lost her last year. She was with us 24/7 and her passing was unbearable. She really changed us and still weighs heavy on our hearts, but we think we'll finally get another dog within the next year.
Congrats on being in a house -- milestones feel so joyful! Take care
@@tomstieber1637 we adopted Stella our Staffordshire bull terrier when she was 5 a year after we got together, we wernt in a great place at the time but she changed our lives and It was fate that we ended up with her. I swear she looked after us as much as we looked after her, she got really Ill when she was 15 and we did everything we could to save her but in the end she made the decision for us and fell asleep while we were having a cuddle. I honestly never thought I’d get over losing her it hurts now talking about her but I know she’s up there in doggy heaven living her best life and a year after stella passing we adopted Rudy! He’s challenging and bit of a nightmare but I love him equally as much as I love Stella, I felt guilty at first but I don’t think she’d want us to feel sad forever, good luck and best wishes to you Tom take care
100% agree on the texting or busy excuse. The whole world is busy, but you make time for the things and people that are important to you. Point blank
this is a hard one for me, as i'm 26 living in NYC and have never gotten past the third date point with anyone before being ghosted. So I'm left wondering if I'm giving off red flags. I dress well, take care of myself, workout, have a job, feel like I'm friendly and amicable and yet something turns people off I suppose. I wish people would give honest feedback after a date! haha
Hang in there. Been there in that situation allot. Guys are weird !
Don't rush into going on a first date. Make sure your interested in them.
Best advice is don’t worry about it. If you’re putting your best self forward and that doesn’t do it for them they’re not right for you. Their loss imo
I used to have the same problem. People hardly ever passed the third date barrier. My experience: trust yourself and be confident.
Are you straight or part of the LGBTQ+ community? And if so if you are sadly most of gay culture is this way where if you don't "put out" within a certain time sadly it's easier for some men to just ghost you. It sucks I been thru it. As for woman I feel you could ask them what they think of you...the least they can do is be honest.
This is a really interesting topic! Please excuse my long comment lol…Regarding saying too much during the first date being a red flag, this can be a tricky one, as saying too much can be relative. During the first date, it’s often expected (at least for some) to keep the conversation light-hearted without getting to heavy and deep, BUT if a person is at a place where they’re seeking a potential partner and don’t want to waste each other’s time, then being authentic and letting it all out (the “take me or leave me” approach as Joel referenced) gives the other person the opportunity to see if they’re accepting and still interested in moving forward with getting to know their date more. Two people can definitely be attracted to each other and have a good chemistry while also being incompatible and not aligned in so many ways that aren’t conducive to a relationship. This can come from being closed minded, shallow, and superficial or simply just logical. There could be so many things from lifestyles, current physical/mental health states, kids (already having them or not wanting them at all), religion status, political beliefs, and the list goes on and on. One thing about first dates is that they often involve a lot of impression management by both individuals because people naturally desire to put their best foot forward by default. At the end of the day, if two people decide to date, they’re never going to know everything about their partner on the first few dates as they’ll learn new things about each other (especially when living together 😰lol) months and sometimes even years into a relationship. As far as the early stages of dating, I would recommend just using good judgement and avoid being secretive and inauthentic. To give a silly example, if you’re self-aware and know that you’re crazy, don’t hide your crazy until the 4th date. Show you’re crazy in advance to give your date a chance to love it or hate it lol. Red flags are definitely subjective, but they sooner they’re shown through authenticity, the better.
But also, don’t be to upfront and tell all your business, as some guys use this to appear to be exactly what you want, share goals etc, but it’s just for show. Common ploy of the bad guy, be too good to be true.
Very, very true. And I think both their responses are a massive tell: the two of them clearly have never actually had to deal with the situation of being the person who's worried about oversharing. I think they could have shown at least a *bit* more understanding and compassion towards people who are, in fact, worried about their "crazy" or life experiences impacting their ability to find someone who accepts them and doesn't just say "cringe, red flag, go to therapy".
@@andrewmcmanus9023fully agreed
Love this
@@drewrathbone7857not just for show. I unloaded on my partner when first talking to him but only because I really liked him and wanted him lol. From my family to my gym habits to my career wages etc etc. we are 2 years together and couldn’t be happier. I was just trying to make sure he knows me and that I’m transparent. Nothing to hide!
I'm lesbian, but totally enjoy this podcast. It's for everyone 🤩
12:00 That remark just struck me as so British. "Let's all behave in a reasonable manner" 😂
Keegan and Joel, you both are on a roll with your podcast and I look forward to watching it each week! Your topics are interesting and informative and always helpful with your perspectives on the gay community. I only wish I had something like this to watch when I was in my 30's. Just to take time out of your schedule to kick back and hear you both talk about your experiences of the dating scene. If I only knew then what I know now, things would have been a lot different. I now see how many red flags that came up and then overcome. And at times, still do today! Both of you are well versed and I could listen all day to you. Always great thoughts, insights and ideas. Thank you for sharing and for caring for us all! (BTW...I love the Invisalign story!)
I once dumped a really nice and super hot guy because...he couldn't be on time nor would he keep plans. We made plans to go to the movies on Saturday, 12 noon. So I got dressed up, and waited for him to pick me up, which is what we agreed upon. 12 noon came and went. 1PM, 2PM, nothing. Zero response to calls or texts. Finally at around 5PM I gave up. TWO DAYS LATER he texted me and apologized for missing our date. I asked him "what happened?" He basically said that his family came to town unexpectedly and he couldn't get away. He was closeted and I understood that ahead of time, but he couldn't find 5 minutes to go to the bathroom and text me sooner? And finally after he did this to me about four more times, I dumped him. Red Flag!!!! And what's really weird is that he couldn't understand why I was angry.
Omg seriously?! He will b alone for a long time with that type of behavior 🤨
@@marcathens2951 Two years after I dumped him, he sent me a long text and wanted to reconnect and try again. I was tempted for a minute (the sex was really good) but ultimately I politely told him no.
this has happened to me alot and its only now that im realizing that i cannot give everyone chances. ppl like us who are empaths we can get hurt a bunch. please never lose ur kind heart. the only way ppl will learn to stop hurting is if kind ppl stop saying yes to their bad behaviors. trust me i know it hurts and u may think u did something wrong. but their are others like their like myself who wouldnt do that to u . so keep being kind set boundaries and get out there u will meet someone awesome. i know will in the meantime lets keep enjoying the good things in this world and let the jerks learn on their own. sending hearts
@@spacechannelg6843 It's a shame because people have been doing this type of shady stuff to me my whole life. I haven't lost my kind heart, but I have grown a hard protective shell around it. So, while it keeps out the bad people, unfortunately it makes it more difficult for truly good people to get in.
Hes an invincible?
A little late on watching this, but I would say it’s the best episode you’ve done so far! I find these “debate” type topics so relatable, interesting, and ultimately helpful. For those who are currently dating or pursuing a relationship, even just thinking about these topics can help continue/foster a good (or if needed, end a bad) relationship. Ultimately it’s just putting the topics out there to engage conversation and communication, so well done! I recommend a part 2! ❤❤❤
Joe
I loved this podcast! I'm a senior straight supporter of you guys. I love your interactions & well balanced relationship insights. A lot of what you shared today, relates to all sexualities, in my humble opinion. We are all human after all. The big take for me, from your episode today, more than anything, is realising that I have been terrible at dating, all my adult life & better at long term relationships. Hence the 3 serious relationships I've had in my life were friends before romance was even a consideration. Thank you. x
I love each of your channels individually, but it's magic when you're together.
As far as oversharing, I went on a date a few months ago and the guy spilled that he had actually just ended a relationship like 2 months earlier but was completely over it. He then spent 20 minutes explaining how he the guy abandoned him and he didn’t expect it, yada yada. I actually felt bad for the guy, it definitely seemed like he was very hurt. But it was a massive red flag that this dude was not ready to be dating.
Agree, I also had someone love bombing, telling me things like “I wish me met sooner” and all about his personal / family life. We had only just started chatting. I tried to ignore the red flag, but guess what, didn’t last and I got hurt in the end. I was trying so hard because I really liked him. But was definitely a learning lesson!
Caleb
Loved this episode!!! So provocative; especially the last little bit comparing Keegan's lack of a relationship with his parents to Joel's wonderful relationship with his. We can't change where we come from, can we? Luckily, I had a wonderful relationship with my parents; and sadly my partner never met them (deceased before we met) and my partner had really an absolutely unfortunate childhood as his parents really didn't parent. It DOES matter, and something we need to keep in the back of our mind. I also found discussions of red flags/green flags enlightening and i connected with your thoughts and my own experience. I was in a long difficult prior relationship; and the very FIRST date, there was a RED FLAG and i overlooked it; but like they say, when someone shows you who they are BELIEVE THEM! Any way guys, thoroughly enjoyed this episode. I liked the discussion as it just brought back all kinds of memories for me and i thought it was insightful. 😂😢😮
Vinnie
Yes! Have grace for the humanity of the other, while being careful of true red flags. And intention IS the key to whether they are red or not.
Lol. I'm definitely not cut out for dating 🤦🏽♀️, but fully confident in my skills and abilities in long term relationship.
I have never had a positive experience of real potential. Everything was predatory or trivial from others.
Out of the blue, through friendship, I fell in love after 11 months of perfection. Five years later the love I feel is still giving me butterflies. I am Irish and he is native American.
It's not surprising that people put up walls or try to impress each other on a first date. But as time goes on and they spend more time together, they gradually reveal their true selves. That's why long-term relationships really need a lot of understanding between partners.
LOL! I'm Aquarius and my husband is Libra ... fancy that!
My condolences. 💐
As a straight woman in her 50s, I wish I'd watched this as a teenager. Would have saved a lot of heartache. Good advice is good for everyone, love you guys x x x and you're dogs
Can i get some of the wisdom?
Green flag; taking time to actually get to know eachother other for a while before getting physical (beyond a kiss) - good things grow in fertile soil and if its worth waiting for and you have that respect it's means you're starting on solid foundations, and is a sign that they are more likely to be willing to put in the joint effort into maintaining a relationship in the longer term. ✊🏴🏳️🌈
I mean you should always get to know who u are about to sleep with. I can’t even get off if it’s strictly sex!
I tink its so sweet tat Joel confesses tat he's madly in love with Keegan in the middle of the show.. 🥰
I’m grateful to find your podcast, it’s good to listen to people that share the same core values that I find hard to come across in the gay world these days.
Thank you keep doing the good work.
EASY AS PIE: Be honest but don't share too much. Be excited but not too much. Be sane but not boring. Be yourself but be your best self. If you are into them, you'll ignore red flags. If you're not into them, you'll find anything to end it. Don't be judgmental, but have standards. Don't talk too much, but don't be silent. Don't be too deep, but don't be too shallow. Don't hide your deal killers, but don't overshare them right away. Have boundaries, but don't overshare them. Don't move too fast, but don't be too slow. Have intentions, but be organic. Be close to your parents, but not too close.
That's the problem, finding the balance on everything
You guys are so good, natural, open and sensible.
What you all said about playing games by overthinking a text is so true. In general, I think true red flags are things that show someone isn't in a place to respect and care for the guy they're dating. I know it's just semantics, but I'd call anything else a "turn-off." That word feels like it puts the onus in a better place, which is on the person perceiving the behavior, rather than on the person exhibiting it. Invisalign guy wasn't flying a red flag, his behavior was a turn-off. Other people own red flags. We own our turn-offs.
I do like your perspective. And I totally agree with you.
Kind regards.
You look great btw. 🙂
After being in a relationship for 25 years, listening to your views is a breath of fresh air and how far gay life has moved forward, and it certainly would have helped many years ago to listen to this. Back then, being more open, it was battling through acceptance and sorting out how one fits in society. Keep doing the talks, guys. My partner and I have spoken about how different we would enter into the gay world if we were ever to be left on our own. I guess the good thing about being a 66-year-old gay guy is that you don't care what people think anymore, you have a clear definition of what you want and don't want, and you don't waste energy on people you know won't fit in your lifestyle and experiences. ...thanks, guy...
Andrew
I don't know why but this podcast I found outstanding. I love you two and the love you have for one another. Well done. Keep up the good work
Another great episode! ☺️ Especially for someone like me who hasn’t ever dated someone, I find this topic really interesting and it got me thinking about things that I would consider red flags if I was dating someone. I like Keegan‘s idea of maybe talking about this topic outside of just romantic relationships, I think it would be interesting to talk about things that might be red flags in friendships. For example, I know for me looking back at my friendship with my childhood best friend who I knew for about 12 years, there were times when she was controlling and didn’t treat me how I thought a friend should. I know we were just kids, but there are some things that I wish I would’ve seen sooner, because I think by the time we were about 12 or 13 she was definitely old enough to realize what she was doing was manipulative and controlling sometimes. Again, I know we were young, but I feel like there’s things that I would consider red flags about that friendship. Like the fact that she would constantly talk over me and didn’t want to hear what I had to say, she would put me down and only talk about herself all the time and what she was doing, and sometimes she would just stop talking to me out of nowhere for days at a time when I didn’t even do anything to make her upset with me. 🙄 I’m glad I know that now and I have an actual best friend, but that friendship still bothers me because it was so one-sided and I don’t want to feel like that again. 😁❇️💜❤️
This is a very good session that you did. I feel sorry for Keegan, because of not having a good relationship with his mother. I never had a mother she died when I was three, but my relationship with my father to was not very close and I think that these type of sessions really help people to understand who they are, and I love it, so any of the sessions that you come up with a very welcomed so that we can really learn about each other you both are very good in this program and you can tell the love that you have for one another keep pressing on.
In the past I gave off red flags towards guys I was really excited about but in turn they did the same. Which allowed two unhealed ppl to only last a couple weeks or months together.
But I’ve learned my lesson. I feel like I’m a a lot calmer these days but I am not perfect just a work in process.
Yet another great episode! I would love to see this be a regular series of yours on the podcast. Where you take listener suggestions and decide if they are red or green or ambiguous flags. And I love Keegan's idea of taking this concept outside of romantic relationships with his family, friends, work relationships. Anyway these were all great thoughts. I can't wait to really listen when you post the shorts and mini videos.
I met my soul mate 2 years ago. I found him on grinder. When I first saw his pic I couldn’t believe how attractive he is. After reading his profile I fell even more Gaga over him. He’s not into the gay scene, monogamous, religious, very similar social status as me, same values and morals. When I first messaged him I unloaded everything about myself just because I liked him so much I wanted him to know me. This actually drew him in more and eventually we switched to phone calls and text. But we are always messaging each other a lot. Even after intimate dates we text as we leave. Just do what makes u two happy and don’t look so deep into things.
"Not in the gay scene is very important" but yet you produce multiple pieces of gay-oriented content for all the world to see. Got it. ;)
I noticed that too. A red flag?
I tend to agree with him too! I stay the hell away from the gay scene because I find it extremely lacking taste and class. Drugs and sex all hiding behind a mask of freedom and equality. If someone is huge into the gay scene it’s big time red flag for me. If you’re dating someone you shouldn’t allow yourself to be in situation where you can fall for another person!!!! Huuuuge red flags for me! I can’t even stand grinder even though I met my soul mate on there lol. We both are completely turned off by gay parades and such.
If you don’t want to go gay bars and clubs a lot, that’s totally fine. There was this idea back in the day of moving to the big city, going to these venues and discovering and being embraced your community. Not everyone feels at home there.
But I would point out that there’s gay venues with very different vibes and a pub predominantly for bears (even though I’m not one) felt like a comfortable relaxed space for me to meet up with guys for the first time 20 years ago. So although I’ve never really felt I fit in twink or muscle guy spaces, that’s one example of a gay venue that I’ve been very grateful for that it excited
Loved this episode so much🙌🏻💜 17:04 keegen's Thank you killed me😂
Loved this episode. It was light and fun❤❤❤❤HHH
Thanks Sarah!
Howdy... New subscriber here... love the podcast. As for money on dates... my dad gave me the best advice ever... Whomever issues the invite should expect to pay for the evening. That said, if someone wants to split or pay... have at it.
Appreciate you guys! This was very helpful to a newly single gay man that’s trying to navigate in the dating world!
Very good content, both of you are cute, (to young for me) I am entering third yr, my beloved partner passed, after 31 yrs, I think I'm ready to put myself out, it's tough. One thing I've learned, life is short, don't discount having someone you have chemistry with. Thank you for the inspiration.
Just recently got into your podcast and love it guys always really interesting to listen too 😊
Thanks so much Sean!
Loved this one! I'd love it if you guys could expand to an hour format instead of the half-hour! Seems like you could have gone on a while longer about this one. Love you guys! Also, Boppit is niche over there? 😂
Libra and Aquarius love compatibility is one of the best in the zodiac. When these two come together, they uplift their souls and help each other out at every juncture of their lives. Both being air signs, they can connect on a much higher level than most other signs.
Just stumbled onto this podcast. These guys are great together. They would be fun to double with or just hang out with for a time… I could see these guys having a lot of friends… Thanks to you both. I liked and subscribed 🎉
As usual Love it, love it, love it, just watched this episode with a big smile 🏉🌈🏉
John
Yo I'm not exactly a part of the community but this is hilarious everyone could always use an outside perspective on stuff
Relationship red flag- Your partner staying in contact with his ex with no boundaries.
Professional red flag- Your new boss making personal "innocent" joke at all too soon.
Friendship red flag- They won't introduce you to there other group of friends, but is happy to ask you to intro them to your other group of friends.
For the relationship red flag. What do you think good acceptable boundaries would be?
@@confounded_feline The ex should not ask your partner to go spend time together
@bobbyphillips8732 so say if they were in contact still because they separated amicably under mutual desire but remained friends. The friend-ex shouldn't ask your partner to hang out with them platonically for instance?
@@confounded_feline But why can't the ex invite the new partner along as well? Boundaries and compromise
@bobbyphillips8732 well I didn't suggest that couldn't be the case. I asked a clarifying question to help understand your position. To answer yours though amyway: they could surely invite the partner along. The terms of engagement will depend on the people involved. It's a rare situation, many people aren't equipped to navigate it.
I've seen people view that situation as inconceivable to them if they were to imagine remaining friends with an ex. I have also seen it exist and work normally as if the two people had never been anything other than friends, integrated fully into each other's friend circles new and old partner and all and I've also seen it fail - due to immaturity or love lost on the side of the ex. The ex was then cut off.
So in my opinion I suppose it's fair to view it with caution because of how it obviously has the potential to be bad. Although, in my life, I've also seen it work. However, only with well put together matured individuals.
Lol boys - I eat my steak blue! - The best and most respectful way to eat meat I think. Nice episode. From my experience (and me still being in a relationship 21 years on) I 'found' the one right after I just became really comfy with myself; happy and independent... then *BAM* he walked into my life through a friend.
enjoyed this one guys, a part 2 of red flag/green flag topics would be fun.
I just found out about this channel! How this it take so long‽ Im so glad to have, thanks!
Excited for you guys to have some guests on
i am a bad texter though but it's because i have adhd and force myself to focus on real life day to day and if i have extra time then i can reply. i'm really tired of the draining keeping up with people being taken so personally, we shouldn't be so glued to our phones. i actually have thought about getting rid of my cell and getting a land line just to get around having to have this convo with people to justify my choice of living more old school and away from tech as much as possible since it is such an integrated part of life now in days.
this is a great video all in all i just had to bring this point up for anyone else that needed the reassurance. i like people who understand, like you said, i'm human and this just isn't an area i can change my stance on the older i get.
its fine that u dont like to text. i just think its considerate to let ppl that ur close to or building a relationship with know that abt u. because otherwise they may think u dont care abt them oor their time. im quite confused when guys do this .if i knew these things abt them then i would have no problem texting them less etc. its all about communication nobody loses
Fear of failure or rejection is a big factor.Rejection of any kind does hurt.
Todd
Thank you for sharing this vital topic! 👍🏻✨
hey this was an amazing podcast!
Gay men of all the world together forever ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🌎🌍🌏🌎🌍🌏
A great episode guys. A lot of good information and reminders on having a great relationship.
Thomas
Thank you. I loved it. Subscribed ❤
Thanks guys, just been introduced to you, and I loved listening to you both, also you’re both good looking homos to watch! Content is great and it is valuable to hear the “opinions” of others to help shape your own. I think I’m horrific at dating but might just make a horrifically good partner! Keep it coming, navigating as a mid 50s homo can still be difficult and these things are great to discuss.
Stephen
@@SteveK-k5y yes that’s my name, what is your reply??………
How do I contact you
"Oversharing" was originally meant to be when you share sensitive things with people before establishing trust.
I’m old enough to be both of your mums, a 52 year old American Southern mum. But my son is 35 and has been gay since high school.
The average gay man isn't much into courting or dating, only a few. Its basically more sexual experience, talking about whatever, attitude, going to the bar. It can be awkward, especially if you want a real connection to want more substance or a real relationship
Micheal
I just love you guys!. This is a great podcast!
Ohhh I Will stop oversharing, early haha 😅
More of these pls
being sane.
vibe has to be there on both sides, if it is there, that person will really text about next date, even though he is a bad texter.
some people like Joel, doesn't want children and they are happy/ok to stop their bloodline with them. it is ok.
red - being adamant, like i will pay for food.
avoid gross stuffs.
talking life goals at the starting saves time (like want kids, marriage) - these comes over the age.
Hi good discussion topic,i'm sorry for some of the red flag situations you have been in. With some of what you have said,i don't look for anyone anymore,i am definitely the ick for anybody and having a disability will be a huge prob.
He's not wrong if somebody actually wants to have a conversation with you they will make time put things on hold they will make time I have to stress that
I think there is a difference between healthy co-dependency (ie: asking for help, seeking thier opinion, etc.) vs dating an emotional vampier.
Great podcast. Though I have to say I believe who ever asks the person out on a date, its usually the one who should pay. Like you asked person A to go here, then yea pay for it lol.
Oversharing on a first date is definitely a red flag. It connected to a low self-esteem.
Went on a date with a handsome seemingly successful man once and after 15 minutes I felt like his therapist. He had confessed way too much. It was such a disappointment.
@Matt-ss1ub Yeah depending upon the ciontext I'd find that very attractive.
I disagree! I love when someone is an open book. Why play little games. I met my soul mate this way. If I open up and my life and u are not interested, it’s a near miss to me!!!! Don’t want someone who only wants to talk about the weather! I’m 41 and have been there done that! I have a daughter and a career. If I like you I will open up and be my genuine self. I think what you are talking about are mental issues lol. If someone has a lot of those you should be thankful they tell u about them then and there instead of a year into the relationship! Transparency is a good thing!
Walter
As far as texting goes...not everyone likes to text..Im an older guy and i figure that if you want to chat w/me..give me an actual call......its the best way to communicate when you are not with each other.....texting is a less of a message than a quick conversation..I personally am not on any social media platforms by choice so all this "obligatory" need to text is not the most sincere form of communication...slow down and be more into the person or not.
then you explain that to the person your interested in. i prefer calling as well. but as a younger person i will text first and not expect a reply days later. thats just rude. communicate. its not hard
I am in that camp of being bad dater due to social anxiety and other mental health issues. So guys get put off easily. Worst part is 90% of guys dont think about that they just see how bad you are and say no which is one of the bad points of humanity as these days thats common in both hetro and homo sides. on your other point silence is not just red flag. like above if you anxious then thats more likely to make there be more "awkward silence" as the anxious one finds it hard to continue convo with someone on first meet
Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
then you need to explain this to the guys you are courting its very unfair to date and just confuse them . if they dont understand then ofc they are gonna think u are a red flag. also maybe try someone who is like you or someone who is more patient why go for someone who can communicate alot better. its unfair and i dont like ppl using their mental health excuses to be inconsiderate.
Thank you for the podcast.
My crush hasn't texted me in 11 days. I just don't get it. Our date went perfectly, he lives an hour away and was 10 minutes early, he paid for everything, I had him cracking up the entire time, he walked me to my car, we kissed passionately, and he said "text me" but hasn't texted me back
My last BF allowed his 47 year old sister to our 1st valentines meal together!! She use to invite herself to his house share at the weekends when i was there. One of my pet hates is when a BF stares at other men while you are out at a restaurant together. I ended up dumping his ass a year letter!!
Yes please, more red flag episodes!
You guys are absolute ledgends ❤
On the bad texter thing, i am a bad texter. I do very well if we are on discord but anything like whatsapp or insta dms i just wont see for hours or days. In texts i just tend to miss the nonverbal queues so I really dont like communicating that way, especially when I start dating someone and like them (and want them to like me too).
Please keep in mind that a lot of Trans men/transmasc people come from women/femme loving women/femme spaces where "oversharing" and "laying everything on the table" is the norm and when people do not share a lot of detail during the first meeting this is seen as highly suspicious.
I do agree in bad mentioning your likeness or your approach to life through astrology is not exactly the best thing to hook the fish so to speak but having a strong spiritual approach to life and to your relationship is healthy not just for you but for the the interest of both parties. And just a side note the host signs are Aquarius and Libra Aquarius having to deal a lot with social groups in humanitarianism and Libra having a lot to do with relationships and the both are air signs which has a lot to do with communication which says a lot about the upcoming of their podcast which by the way I do enjoy I think it's fair to say that taking a look on the other side might give insight about ourselves others in the situations but more importantly about ourselves and how we interact with others.
You two are so cute ❤ excellent advice
Click “like”!
I would consider the comment " You like to make me look stupid in front of our viewers " a red flag but that doesn't necessarily mean it is I'm just talking on a personal level. I was deeply in love and extremely happy for nearly thirty years to a lovely, kind, extremely intelligent (but kind with it) handsome sweet sexy man, not married for thirty years because gay marriage wasn't legal when we met.
AWES0ME EP!
OK question- is it bad if the photos I use of myself on the apps are in great lighting or after a workout with a bit of a pump? Is it minor cat-fishing? How do I know if the photos I use truly represent myself?
I can’t wait to find my special someone! Great podcast!!
Wills
10:55 good point. thank you so much for this
I love Keegan accent 😀.
Such good advice! Enjoyed !
@13:00 first date for me is always happy hour drink so if I asked the person out and picked the bar, I don’t mind paying for the first round.
Sounds like a good plan!
I just think you need to be completely honest and wear your heart on your sleeve. I don't use apps and I don't know if I could really say I have dated. I never get to know someone gradually. It is always instantaneous when I meet them that I know and it takes my breath away. Then I have no pride about playing hard to get or anything like that. I don't play any games. I just tell them exactly how awesome I think they are and it goes quickly from there. All my relationships have started from the moment we met. Be open and honest and don't be proud.
Stephen
@@SteveK-k5y I can't tell what your reply means. If I make a good point or if I sound crazy. Hopefully the former 😁 You are super handsome by the way.
I have a red flag that has been proven every single time for me…when they have bad relationships with their family (and they tell you on the first date) and THEY are the one no longer wanting to talk to family. I understand everyone has their reasons, but it’s the way they’re so non-chalant about it that I find very concerning. It’s almost like they don’t want to be around people that know them for who they are. Because every single one of those people that entered in my life exploited my kindness and eventually their facade came down when I got ‘too close’. Stay clear of those people, they also tend to give hot and cold, lovebomb, traumadump….they don’t want to ‘burden’ their ‘real friends’ so they deliberately find kind souls that will take on their pain…and if you get attached to them…Oh boy…I learned my lesson for the final time.
What about horriblly homophobic parents?
@@johnindigo5477 Yeah in that case it of course does not apply, but every time I have experienced it , the parents are totally fine with their sexuality.
i agree with everything u said but not the family part i do not talk to my family cuz they were abusive. however i also dealt with the things u have with guys and alot of times their family has no idea they are doing these mean things to others. its some sort of power trip
I would disagree. As someone from a conservative overly religious and not progressive 3rd world country who was lucky to escape that situation, I HAD to move on from my family. AND I am honest about that on the FIRST date. Cos why not. It is part of my story and my background. It is me. Why should I hide that for months later?
Keep up the good job!!
Joel is most definitely counting down the days 😅
I'm really not
The entire gay dating scene is one big red flag. It’s just impossible. If you’re not 22, rich and out of a magazine then you’re invisible.
It's alot of big husky men who are now taking charge in the gay community now.
@@jayson1geek479good . I would enjoy a big husky, mature man.
Where are they? Any in Portland,OR?
@@pdxfun4888they also have red flags 😂 but theres diamonds in the rough
also...white
If its a first date, typically, the invitee pays but probably best to verbalize the going dutch and see if it’s an issue.
When someone invited me to dinner I already know he will pay cause he’s the one who invited me, I don’t see that as a red flag at all for me he is a gentleman, besides that I’m agree with the chitchat.