Q&A: Gay Dating Advice, Making Gay Friends & Monogamous vs Open Relationships | S1 E11
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 ส.ค. 2024
- This week is a Q&A where we answer all your questions, whether they're questions about our relationship or yours!!
Welcome to Happy Healthy Homo! A brand new filmed podcast hosted by Keegan Hirst and Joel Wood. Please rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, it'd really help us out: podcasts.apple...
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My husband and I have been together 28 years and we have never cheated even once. We do find ourselves in the minority as a gay couple, but we are absolutely monogamous and it is easy for us.
Love to hear this! 31 years for us and also happily monogamous
@@tstieber Awesome to hear that!
Living 4 this
congratulations for that.
wow omg that is so cool!
How do you keep your sex life going?
Monogamous & married gay couple here and it works for us. We know many non-monogamous couples as well and it works for them. Whatever works for each individual is fine as long as both people are on the same page. Be open in honest in your communication for a successful relationship.
As a hetero female; I am pleased to see that this channel addresses issues that truly translate in ALL relationship communities. It's a nice way to bring to the forefront that we are all the same... but different. ...but the same☺
I’m in my 2nd gay monogamous relationship. 1st one was for 13 years. My 2nd has been 15 years and counting. This one is a keeper. I had 1 night stands when I was single, but have always looked for a long term relationship. I don’t judge people that have open relationships. Do what works for you, as long as you’re happy who cares what anyone thinks. All the best from Melbourne Australia.
Why did your 1 relationship ended and how did you come over it? How much time took it to come over your first relationship?
@@NeuroaScienl 1st relationship ended because it was toxic and he was abusive. I walked out with next to nothing. I didn’t date for about 3 years. I wanted time for me to grow as an individual and to live on my own terms. I woke up one day and decided to date again. I went on lots of dates, had 1 night stands etc…. But was looking for a relationship, monogamy and love. It took time, but I found the 1. Well he found me. 15 years later. We have our home, have travelled the world and I’ve never been happier. I’ve learnt, nothing and no one is perfect. Honesty, communication, commitment and shared goals, aspirations and laughter are key to a strong relationship. But your happiness is priceless.
@@shanedorival3177 Aww. I hope for what you have. I'm 26 and I want monogamy and love too. I had one sexual partner for years but never been in a defined committed relationship. Turned 25 and said it's time to find that person for me. Still searching and hopeful!
Sending love to you and yours!
@@okorochukwunonso2563 Time to expose masonry members:
th-cam.com/video/nqZD1_kzkGs/w-d-xo.html
th-cam.com/video/F47IlbxtH7Y/w-d-xo.html
Great comment because you’re happily doing your own thing and happy for others who choose a different path. So much judgemental posting on social media, people should take a leaf out of your book
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on these matters. I’m a 38 year old gay man from Arkansas, U. S. I came out when I was in the military at the age of 26. Being raised in a conservative family in the American south did not make it easy coming out. As the years go on it’s getting easier, but I still feel a sense of shame. Because of channels like this it is getting easier. I appreciate you both and am an avid listener. Keep up the good work.
Same. Came out to a few but still feel the shame.
Feel you bud. The small communities of gay men who are always on these dating apps usually are just looking for sex. I had a fit of depression, and anxiety hit me hard last night because of thinking about how small the queer community is where I am . Know how lonely, and isolating it can be in the south. Have met a good amount of men in my community. Knowing them makes me feel empty tbh, and it is because of the way they talk about other men, and people. A lot of them simply enjoy having a high body count, and most of them are far older. Then act like they are 18 again, and have no morals for themselves or others. Use excuses like I did not get to have this type of fun when I was younger which is a huge cop out to me. Big red flags, and no one close to my age. Im not perfect either, but fuck its annoying.
Reflecting on my own experiences, my husband and I have shared more than 26 years together, and the thought of living without him is unfathomable. Our connection was instantaneous, a click that echoed through the years. What binds us goes beyond shared values; it's our mutual Christian faith that intertwines our lives. We ignore the haters whether they are from certain churches or from the gay community.
For me, love and intimacy are inseparable. While I understand that others may view them differently, in our relationship, monogamy is the perfect fit. We acknowledge that no relationship is flawless, regardless of whether it's between a straight or gay couple. What matters most is having a life partner who is wholeheartedly committed.
As the sands of time gently wear away the allure of youth, the significance of physical attraction diminishes. Yet, the assurance that the person you love will stand by you, unwavering, is a treasure that only grows with age. In the tapestry of life, monogamy weaves a thread of enduring commitment.
Embracing the imperfections, we find solace in the certainty that our partner will be there through thick and thin. While each person charts their own course in life, the key is to find happiness and inner peace. However one chooses to navigate the journey of love, let it be a source of joy and tranquility.
If you're sitting in front of a hot, home cooked meal, and you're scrolling through Uber eats, there's a problem. And that's all I'll say about open relationships.
Hmm. Wow!
@@okorochukwunonso2563 Being gay is a lie,
being lesbian is a lie,
being trans is a lie,
what else there to say?
We all been deceived on a major scale.
Whence the truth been known, it can stop a heart.
Truth can blow a mind, as the lies collapse.
The reality is opposite to what we been told.
Many live in delusions and proudly so.
Can a soul survive, while seeking truth?
Can a mind stay sane, as lies get exposed?
Can a heart stay beating, whence the old life collapsed?
What a wonderful testimonies from souls, as they found the truth.
What a heartbreaking tragedy from those who stayed in lies.
Be fruitful and multiply is a message for the matures.
One male one female, thats how you make a home.
But where`s the adults, the wise and the old? Who supposed to share the truth, where`s lies been told? Who would give out healthy advice as they say; “have some alone time. Think and analyse the life road you are on and where does it take you and why is it so?”.
Many complain about the evil, then why they bowing down?
Why they serve the master of many lies?
Many call themselves “educated”, yet fill their minds with lies.
Lies which been told by masons, again and again.
As time passes by, many seek not the truth,
they perish away and dying twice.
Enlapekaf news once told, actors are neither males nor females,
have we ever dared to ask, why is it so?
And where`s the worry about the children, that we expose them to perverts?
And telling a child, it is okay to be cut apart?
Many complain about the evil, so you`re telling we good?
Like the father of lies, who lie - steal and kill, the same we do,
lie - steal and kill.
Love is love, that`s what many say.
But what love once stand for, it`s long forgotten.
Give up your life, be willing to die, so that the one you “claim” you love, could remain alive.
And as long as it is known, CHRIST did so, HE give up HIS life, so that we could live.
Not of course here, in this insane world, but in the world soon to come. As like the heavens, the earth shall too be created anew.
He give us FREE WILL, so that we can chose,
between LOVE AND HATE and life and death.
Fine. But that’s not what an open/poly relationship is. That’s what a dishonest guy sneaking on Grindr when his partner is there is.
An open relationship is more like eating at a nice restaurant usually but occasionally wanting a Macdonalds. Whereas poly is more like having a few favourite restaurants.
Brilliant!
where my desert? oh well, i can order that. lol. jk
My husband and I will be celebrating 40 years of love next year. We had our civil union, then marriage the years they became law. Speaking ONLY for ourselves, we’ve found true love, so why would we look for anyone else to fill any voids. And I guess that’s it…if there’s a void somewhere in the relationship, then that might leave an opening for whatever. We don’t condemn anyone else who’s gay lifestyle might be different than ours. It’s just that we feel what we have is special AND it works for us. Good luck to you guys and everyone else.
The key is finding someone who wants the same type of relationship and goals. It doesn’t matter if its an open or closed relationship but what works for the both of you. It’s compatibility issue. I don’t think one is particularly better than the other. One is just more common.
It does matter though. Because if one wants it, and the other one does not. It's going to cause harder feelings to arise within one party. So it does matter whether or not it is open or closed, clear communication is the key. I don't think anyone said that one is better than the other either. Most gay men I have met want mono, but act and show that they are not ready for that. Which is fine, and use to bother me as a younger gay man. Cause I felt strongly about it, but it is not my cup of tea.
I’m watching and like thinking “Please be monogamous, please be monogamous!” I just want to find some content that is relatable to my experience as a gay man on TH-cam. Phew! Subbed, gonna watch more more more. Nothing wrong with what consenting adults want to do but personally I want to settle down with one partner.
Big same. Big same.
Joel, I believe the first video of yours that I watched was about you finding a new church to attend. Thank you for discussing your faith, we should never have to be ashamed of being Gay and Christian.
Thank you for your podcast, it's really a safe place! My take on open relationships is that obviously if boundaries are clear everyone should do what they feel right for themselves, but things have to be clear. People nowdays are emotionally immature ant they aren't clear on their intentions and pretend emotional - physical intimacy without commitment, which leads to toxic relationships and "situationships"... It's a bit disheartening that monogamy is labeled as heteronormative, everyone has their own sensibility and emotional needs, to my mind it doesn't have to do anything at all with sexual orientation, religion or patriarchy. Don't engage with people who use or breadcrumb you just because you feel lonely. The desire for a monogamous exclusive relationship is 100% valid and human (even if people tell you otherwise), always stick to your values and keep faith that you'll find people that have the same heart as you.
42 yo and finally met the man of my life! He’s everything I thought was impossible to find in a gay guy. Conservative, monogamous, totally hot af, believes in god, is successful, but also we get along extremely well! And he loves kids and has a good relationship with his family! Never thought I’d find someone who has all those qualities! Team monogamy here! No judgement if u aren’t though!
I really like this type of Q and a video, maybe you guys could do more of these every once in a while. I really like the mixture of questions about your relationship and your thoughts on certain topics and then also some where you give some advice as well. I think a lot of these topics and advice could apply to any kind of relationship. Especially because there is so much nuance to every situation, there isn’t just one way to do anything. 😁🏳️🌈🖤🤍💜❤️
You both are the type of gay men who’d think “I don’t look or act gay, I’d be ok.”
K&J, I loved the Q&A, you gave some great advice/ideas. Like you said it is not always black and white. Life is too short, do you and always lead with compassion. Enjoy your holiday ❤❤❤❤
You are going to Disney World….Definitely a plus. Disney needs our support more than ever now.
It seems to be an assumption of many gay men, particularly in urban areas, that a monogamous relationship is an impossibility. However, there is little acknowledgement of how difficult open relationships can be. You have to be able to communicate and negotiate about the rules and boundaries, each party has to be able to trust the other to observe them, when playing with others. You have to be able to live with a level of risk that your partner's heart could be snagged by one of his 'buddies', and you have to know that if that were to happen, you would be able to survive the loss. That requires a certain level of self-assurance and confidence that not everyone has, especially when they are younger. For anyone who is prone to jealousy, an open relationship is probably going to be a living hell, they will be in a constant state of soul-destroying doubt and anxiety, and the relationship will be blighted and wither away. Untamed jealousy is one of the most toxic and corrosive emotions that anyone can experience. In any relationship, what is the thing that is shared that is sacred to the relationship? For most heterosexual couples, that thing will be sex, and the intimacy that goes with it. Infidelity is a serious matter, and might signal the demise of a relationship. For gay men, if it is not sex that is protected as sacred and symbolic of the relationship, then what is? If you cannot say what it is that embodies your commitment, then what is holding you together? Why be in a relationship at all? It's not that open relationships are impossible, they are just harder than a lot of people expect. They can also suit one partner more than the other. They require honesty and open communication and trust. These things may take time to develop within a relationship. In relationships that are open from the beginning, how well do the parties really know each other? If you want to be with other guys from the beginning, how long are you going to want to be together at all? I think a period of monogamy is necessary to build the understsnding and trust that you will need if later on you decide to open it up.
To respond off of the monogamous relationship part: Use monogamous relationships have been around for forever but there are plenty of documented cultures where nonmonogamy has been documented and that has also worked for people throughout history. Also depending on when and where relationships worked differently. All of that to say open relationships are truly a new trend.
In the general context of monogamy, I’ve seen people say they are monogamous but I don’t normally hear or see how they say they make things work or the actual challenges of it, but that could be constrained to my experience. There’s nothing wrong with being monogamous or open/poly but I’ve seen where people who are monogamous act as though their relationships are better just because they choose to be monogamous.
Sorry to be a pedantic old homo, but I am 63, so cut me some slack here 🙂. I went through a schooling system where they taught this stuff.
Someone may have said this below, but, the "homo" in "homosexual" is the same as in "homogeneous" or "homoerotic" - it is a Classical Greek word for "same", just as "hetero" is the Classical Greek for "different". It is not the same word as the Latin word "homo" meaning "man", SO...
Homo sapiens means "Thinking Man" and comes from Latin, and "homosexual" means "same sex attracted" and comes from Greek.
What that all adds up to is that the four letters in the podcast title can mean whatever you want them to! Happy Healthy Human Being, or Happy Healthy Exactly What You Meant It To Mean In The Beginning 🙂
PS watching you two interact warms the cockles of the heart. You are two kind, gentle human beings and the world is a better place because you are in it.
Thank you, my hubbie hates it when I point stuff like that out.
Sadly I was in the last year at my school to do classical studies and classical languages. I felt it was tragic at the time, and now so many people just don't know what words mean or how to pronounce things, it drives me up the wall.
@@ForgeMasterXXL Pleasure, nice to hear from you. Greetings from Australia!
Loving your podcasts very much. Enjoy Florida 🌴
Hey Homos, how's it going? I have seen several of your podcast videos, and recently subscribed. I have been single for 6 years now after ending a 23 year relationship due to cheating. We were supposed to be 100% monogamous, but it turned out that only one of us honored that commitment. I am still single after 6 years due to the extreme lack of other single monogamous guys that I am finding in my city. There are some other monogamous minded guys around, but they appear to be all matched up. I also am finding that monogamy is very much the minority here. Very much so! I refuse to compromise my beliefs, so I will continue to be alone. I do not judge people that only want to hook up, be in an open relationship, or have a poly relationship, but that is not for me. BTW, I am Catholic and my local church openly accepts me and even flies the pride flag during June.
Excellent video as so much was covered.
On dating I would say look for someone that is going to compliment you rather than look for someone who is your exact clone- you don't have to enjoy all of the same things.
Choose a partner that you can learn from. Also, once in a while, try to date someone that is not your normal type. You may learn something about yourself. Sparks don't have to fly right away.
I'm so thankful you spoke about Florida. Thought about letting you know how bad things have gotten there, but didn't want to cause you to always be looking over your shoulder so you can't have fun. Have been worrying for you both.
Feel much better that you know what you're facing there. Hope you can enjoy your trip.
I live in the USA but I missed Joel/Keegan remarks about Florida. I'm really interested
Religion for me, is one of the obstacles that prevent me from being in a relationship. Being raised in a conservative and religious family where every deed you do is based on fear of God. I'm 50 and I'm still struggling. I don't know if there's a way out at all but I stay optimistic.
My husband and I have been together 26 years and we have never been monogamous - We are not monogamous relaltionship people. We love each other and are very respectful with/toward each other. We work on our relationship and non-monogamy is only one issue - Communication is key ...
Another great podcast! I am so happy that we have a place online where we can hear very relatable talks about topics that we are influenced by and somehow we don't address them or work on them as a community, especially as individuals. I recently ended a relationship of almost 5 years. Found this podcast so safe and got so many answers to help me with the current state and also need to admit with the decision I made eventually. Thank you for that and I hope you will continue doing great work here! ❤
Oh goodness, I love the Q&A's. Really good mix of topics and great answers. Keep up the good work. Can't wait for next week and really looking forward to those episode ideas you mentioned for the seasons coming up. Especially the religion/gay ones. Will you put out something, somewhere to gather questions for each of these topics so viewers can ask in advance enough to help shape your episodes?
We collect questions from Instagram Q&As on the HHH account or you can email in
LOVE U BOTH!!!! and thank you for your great youtube queer chats........
Great podcast! Enjoy the rest of your holiday in hot and sunny Florida ☀️🌴🍹
My first listening and I'm impressed with how down to earth you two are. Excited for more Keegan and Joel conversations.
Joel, my mother always told me that biting your nails means you have worms!
Monogamy or having a open relationship are both fantastic! Enjoy be safe! and do what ever pleases you and your partner.
Great podcast. Looking forward to guests on next season. Welcome to Florida. Representation does matter.😊🌞
Sex in a relationship is a great question. You all hit the nail on the head, too. It depends on the two people in the relationship. If one of them is a sexual, then it may not be important.
I've met nonsexual friends through Grindr, not many but it is possible. Which was a big help for me as an introvert that doesn't like crowds.
It got me thinking about something, bear with me I am a girl who doesn’t fall in love easily. So I’ve had boyfriends that do and that has been a big problem. Because when I really started to feel something for them their patience had run out and they broke up. But I can’t be the only one who really looks after my heart and don’t won’t to get hurt again🤷♀️ The story of my life
Love your podcast/videocast! I'm in a relationship but we find so much value in your conversations. Love seeing another couple feeling the same about certain topics ☺️
New subscriber from America (Seattle)...I really enjoy your content! look forward to following your journeys.
thanks for the part with that you souldn't be afraid to ask direct questions about where you stand in dating etc. Just helped me out with a situation, i havent gotten a reply yet, but i feel better about asking directly whats up with him lately, instead of trying to figure it out on my own by interpreting his behaviour
Being monogamous or not mostly depends on personality. Some people are "adventurous" by nature and they need new experiences all the time to feel alive. But others are happy to stick to routine and they do not feel the need to meet new people all the time and don't get bored being with the same person everyday. So like you said we need to do and look for what's best for ourselves. Also, just like you stated too, sex is not that important for some people and asexual people exist too.
I grew up with See's. To me, it's not Christmas without a box of See's chocolates.
Best Chocolate on the planet!
Good advice start to finish, and many thanks. Especially liked that you both stressed the importance of communication, whether in dating or in a long-term relationship. Open honest discussion is the key to any healthy interaction while silence kills relationships.
I have a few gay friends. Growing up they wanted to have “the most of their lives”. They used to compete in how many guys the’ll be with. Open was de default. Why settle down when you can have the novelty rush every day. Worked in their 20s. Now they’re almost 50 and nobody wants to get even close to them. Lonely, sad and only craving proximity. Saying I’m sad for them would be a lie. It’s a sort of natural selection, isn’t it?
I stumbled upon your video, I really appreciate this video and channel. Thanks, keep on keeping on
18:34 ok as a Florida resident…do not believe the headlines. We have many friends who are gay and they do not feel threatened. Not to make a political post, but it’s not as it maybe reported. ~Cara 😊
Hey Homos! This was a nice Q&A that only scratch the surface about queer themes and topics. The advice you gave about wondering if someone fancy’s you or not was the highlight for me.
Being direct then moving forward accordingly is my memo. It can be scary to make the first move but there’s too many fish in the sea to be stuck on trying to catch one clown fish 🤣 I believe in all of you and in myself that people will see our worths 🫶🏾 Good day‼️
I liked this episode, first time you guy's popped into my recomended thing..
Very refreshing, and more relatable for me..
Thanks guy's
I love what you guys said about traveling to unsafe/homophobic countries. Similarly, as an American, I support anyone not wanting to travel to Florida if they do not feel comfortable. On the other hand, as you mentioned, going there in protest is also great! (if you feel comfortable) can’t wait to see your vacation vlogs! 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
Hi guys really like you guys, I meet my husband in 1997 and when we first meet we started with an open relationship it lasted six months, and over the years we have grown closer and when we kiss its like when we first meet, take care of each other
Homo - sexual is Greek “same”, Homo - sapien is Latin “human”
I’m a 34 year old guy who has struggled to find a guy who wants a monogamous relationship. It gets so disheartening when after all this time it’s been such a struggle to find a connection with someone who shares those same ideals
Thanks Patti , you wrote exactly what I was about to write . So dido babes. And thanks podcast babes
Guys! You are the best!! I love that everything is discussable! Joel - I, too, am an operatic yawner and is drives my bf crazy because it wakes him when he’s trying to go to sleep. lol. And thanks for sharing your faith. Our beliefs and actions are very similar.
Hey, guys, a great episode as usual.😊 OMG. I’m glad Joe addressed Keegan is heavy breathing LOL. Being visually impaired, sound is important and I noticed Keegans heavy breathing. Although he has stop breathing so heavily as the episodes moved forward.😀🌈❤️
Joel's definition of agnostic at 24:04 is wrong. The definition of agnostic is "a person who believes that nothing is known or can be known of the existence or nature of God or of anything beyond material phenomena; a person who claims neither faith nor disbelief in God."
Clearly there is a need to get on the podcast the person well versed in theology that Joel mentioned at 22:28.
I'm so happy to hear not to compromise my value of wanting a monogamous relationship.
great concept for a podcast. good work gays we need more gay mentors to guide the community on healthy ways to live our lives
I've been single my whole life.
If i ever start a relationship, it has to be monogamous, although from time to time temptations may come around, i believe that relationships are circles, not triangles or squares.
I'd break up if my partner asks me to open the relationship.
Really love hearing this. I always thought I had to be open since everyone else is open
All Gay men must have their Gay men friends group and all the LGBT people must do the same. It is important to be with people like us, to be around other Gay men and create Gay friendships inside our Gay community between us; in the same way that straight men and women have their women or men friends group. Gay men together forever ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
Never allow that straight men and women divide us 💥💥💥💥💥 Gay men together forever ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
Im for monogamy! Cherishing intimate moments with someone special will always be the best experiences in life 😍😍😍👍👍
Thanks for the 'sex part ( is it important in a relationship)' - that was very important for me and very well answered! Damn you guys are good...
I've been in two open relationships that I didn't know about. The first one died of AIDS, the second one I threw out. I'm so damn lucky I didn't catch HIV.
Love this frank and honest type of conversation 💖💖💖
Keegan in reference to your “pun” the sardonic authoress Dorothy Parker stated, “You can lead a whore to culture, but you can’t make her think.” Joel, I have a similar spiritual relationship with my creator/spiritual energy force which I thank constantly and ask for help in manifesting goals I’m attempting to achieve. I really appreciate y’all’s efforts in recording this program. I’m eager for and am anticipating y’all’s second season of this series. Thanks again for taking us on your journey. Bless your efforts, your children, your relationship and your fidelity!
Yeah I don't like the whole anti-monogamy attitude. I want to be in a commited relationship where we build a life together and get married etc.
amen!
These episodes are just getting better and better, you guys are really “clicking” with each other right now, I love it! Although you have to dump Keegan, Joel - he doesn’t like Prosecco??? 😂 I do think that open relationship people often kid themselves, because jealousy and mistrust always seem to manifest at some point and then cause friction. And I also think that being scared to ask questions in a relationship can often be a self esteem issue - sometimes people don’t feel confident in starting over or being strong enough to leave or move on. Great topics guys, keep up the good work! ❤❤❤
So I want to hear that the other one proposed. LOL...Also saying I love you to your Dad is hard but the first time always is. You two appear to be very suited to each other. I wish you well.
Great to see a strong monogamous relationship between two cool happy guys. As a gay monogamous male, I do find myself flying the flag and trying to believe in monogamous love among homos… it’s hard out here sometimes.
Recently started dating a sound, handsome guy who shared the same values so fingers crossed it works out. And if not, he’s probably a murderer in a different timeline so no stress
The Only True Power Anyone Possesses is the Power of The Purse. If you want to actually effect change, you need to hit them in their pocketbooks. You either live by your principles or you don't. You either put your money where your mouth is or you don't. It's interesting that your principles are so "nuanced" that you'll rationalize going to vacation in a seriously hostile environment (FL) for Gays, POC, Pro-Choicers, Trans, etc. There are plenty of other places to vacation than FLorida.
While I tend to agree with you in most situations, they can be selective with where they spend their money in Florida. Their are lots of gay business and gay supporting businesses that need supporters.
I know the state gets a tiny bit, but that can't be helped. The gay individuals there have no choice and all we can do is support them.
Wow, Joel’s religious views are almost spot on with mine. It’s refreshing to hear someone else express such similar views.
Hi Joel and Keegan - can I please ask what your plans are to get your Happy Healthy Homo website up and running? and what progress have you made on this to date?
Surely enjoyed the discussion. 🎉
there are still monogamous needy persons - do what you need!
just don't have/avoid stereotypes like gays should be open relationship, monogamy is meant for straights.
all matters is you, are your 8 and 80 year old version of you - proud about you, and happy on how you lived your life - then go for it!
bisexual - am attracted to both sexes but i am still in monogamous with one. not the stereotype that i sleep around with many in both sexes.
I laid out what I needed and wanted in a relationship straight away. I asked if you could give me these points, and the answer was yes. Well, it turns out few were met, and we have been together for 30 years. I find often, someone will say what is needed to get what they want.
I was open for a long time, but I find that didnt work for me. Because theres always the threat of the "grass is greener" and then when it isnt, they want me back. Thanks but not anymore. You want me, great. I play second fiddle to no one. If you want open, great. Then we aren't meant to be.
I am in a 7 year relationship with a great man....Monogamously. Through thick AND thin. And there have been problems. But that comes with a relationship.
I think the more important question is "Why are 21st century relationships a throwaway item?"
It is EASY to ask the question "are you still into me' when PLENTY of people are expected to be into you. If you are someone that society does not value and getting into a relationship is not supported eg: you are not tall, hung, rich, camera ready handsome and popular then someone saying "I am not into you' can be brutally devastating, because it means ONE of the TWO people that might be available is out of the picture and demographics + personal history tells you may never meet the other one. That is just life. Most societies place value on some people and not others, and most people subscribe to this unconsciously. Often the 'unwanted' person has GOOD REASON to fear the no answer, it is a reasonable fear that circumstances are just not on their side. Nobody is promised love, those that society deems unlovely even less so. Cool show! Nice to see lovers doing this sort of thing!
love you guys!! good job
In my opinion open relations dont last. They may be fun in the short term but if you are with someone and you want it to last dont do it. Very few people can make it work over the long term.
It all depends on the reasons for wanting an open relationship. I know some that do work due to good reasons, lots that don't work because the reasons are not good, like still searching for someone better like keeping the door open...
I'M SINGLE FOR TEN YEARS. I ALWAYS PREFER A MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP LEADING TO A LIFETIME COMMITMENT
Love podcast say you and Keegan and the kids yesterday was going to say hi but I lost you in the crowd love you guys ❤❤
You two should give it a go. Would love to see Joel shared around.
Thank you guys.... I love your TH-cam channel...From South Africa.... keep up the good work!!! Much respect.....!!!
To each his own, I prefer a monogamous relationship/ marriage
Lindt Mint Dark Chocolate. ❤❤❤
Benefits of Monogamy = reduced statistical risk of STIs (but still wear condoms and PrEP nonetheless).
Emotional support and Trust, stability etc ❤️ 💙 💜
@ the very least the goal should be a REDUCTION* in # of partners. Look im openminded and if one person isnt your thing, fine. But lets all agree that hundreds of people a year aint healthy at all....
You’ll find Florida to be very homo friendly. The hoopla involves discussing sexuality in primary schools. Between Miami and Ft. Lauderdale FL has huge gay populations and I’ve never felt uncomfortable there nor do my gay friends who live in the state.
Yep 😄
Dating is discovering whether or not you want a relationship with this person. It's pre-relationship.
I've got a lot to say about some of this stuff, most specifically the monogamy vs. non-monogamy thing but I'll just leave one thought here. It's pretty demeaning to speculate that someone living a life that isn't how you're living is somehow a trauma response. So what is being said is that people who aren't monogamous experienced some sort of trauma in a monogamous relationship and that caused them to shift to non-monogamy? That's super dismissive and belittling.
On the topic of non monogamy, I have quite a few gay male friends who identify as non monogamous but out of all of them only two are genuinely non monogamous. Sometimes it feels like many of these guys truly don't want to be non monogamous and they're just forcing it, which just ends up causing them a lot of pain in the end.
Been in a gay monogamous relationship for nearly 9 years now and wouldn't have it any other way. To each their own, but certainly if you don't want to be in a non-monogamous relationship, definitely don't do it.
I'll go so far as to say that an open relationship is not a relationship. That's just being friends with benefits, or maybe roommates with benefits. If I were in a relationship and he asked for an open relationship, that means it's already over.
Ive been single for 9 years. Ill be 61 tomorrow. I know now ill probably never find a partner at this stage. Gay life is very sad and lonely.
Keegan, Dorothy Parker said 'You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think." As a former cynical gay teenager I devoured the "Portable Dorothy Parker. " This was another great episode!
That was lovely!
Couldn't help thinking "agony uncles".
But you do it so well, speaking clearly from experience and common sense (a little too much parlour psychology for my taste, but nothing really jars.)
I wonder how you would handle questions about the end of relationships, monogamous or not?
e.g. is there a 7-year itch for gay couples?
Saudi Arabia (Egypt Qatar, Irak etc.)
Gay persecution is often linked to religious constraint. Major world religions have Holy Scripture, Dogma, law, a duty to protect the Faith and spread it.
The most liberal countries tend to have (un)official separation of religious and executive State powers. Some, however have a state religion (often liked to former rulers). Very few actually include laicity (secularism) in their constitutions. Notable exceptions are France (Europe) and Turkey !! (Middle East). Interesting to note that "In God we Trust" is an official USA motto and nearly every President has sworn on the Bible to be a good and faithful President.
Jews have the Ten Commandments (mainly practical rather than moral), Christians have the New testament with two new commandments (rather philosophical, but to do with how they should direct their spiritual and worldly lives), Muslims have the Koran (which actually has much in common with the Bible, but in Fundamentalist countries, is severely linked to the Law of Charia.
Knowing that Saudi Arabia never allowed a Christian Church to be built does not endear me to that country; also in my younger days alcohol was even forbidden to tourists or foreign residents, even in private. (Which brings up another memory. On a school trip to Norway, we were made aware that the authorities in this Protestant country did not approve even adult drinking. In small towns and villages, crink stores were hidden on hillsides or down by the steep fjord side.) If that has become a little more relaxed today, I note that
1. They chose not to enter the European Union.
2. They have very good social care (expensive), education system, hospitals etc.
3. Economically they're doing well, although oil ressources as is the case with Scotland will possibly dry up during your lifetimes! Otherwise it's back to tourism and fish.
Last years two week visit to Uzbekistan was an eye-opener.
A former Soviet State, but Muslim, they now sell Uranium to Russia and have modernised much that the Soviets had not. (The fine Subway system in Tashkent has been enlarged from the initial Soviet lines). Fast trains (like French TGV) from Tashkent to Samarcand and beyond.
The inhabitants we met - even students lol - were very kind, smiling, welcoming. They mostly wear modern occidental style dress and there is no law that imposes traditional veiling of all descriptions to women. There are many women students. There are however not any women in high-responsibility posts and, of course, women and men sit in different rooms of the Mosque to worship.
Will this situation last? (Cf your Florida remarks.
Final positive remark about Muslim countries: Morocco is also an Islamic state with a King who is also religious Leader."Commander of the Faithful". But, despite valid criticism from Europe, he has passed decrees giving women more power, dismantled corruption, had his measures confirmed by popular referendum. AND there's still a Catholic Church in every town of any size, dating back to French Colonial times and often kept open thanks to a local caretaker.
Which leads me to the questions
- What do you think about "When in Rome, do as the Romans do?"
- Conflicts between countries used to be resolved by bloody wars and occupying someone else's land. If this horrible process has not yet stopped, at least countries have learned that in confederation is strength and that diplomacy can also resolve difficulties (more and more over the last 1200 years). Today there is still a strong inclination for countries not to interfere with the politics of other nations.
The people of these nations of course have the right to protest and revolt in order to have the sort of life they want in their own country. Is it however for minorities from all over the world to go there and demonstate?
i wonder how Britisher s would feel if Icelanders came to tell us how to run the country...
Agnostic. I don't agree with Keegan's definition. From the Greek 'not knowing', an agnostic neither believes nor disbelieves in God. More complicatedly, an agnostic is someone who doesn't believe it's possible to know for sure that a god exists.
I really like the way you sometimes seem to say "that's not a problem unique to gays".
Last question: is there no danger that in separating a minority from the total social context and highlighting its problems is one way of taking a discriminatory path?
Sooo many men won’t be honest wish washy it’s really hard to find someone who comfortable with themselves
Glad to hear y’all are monogamous. Seems like 20 years ago one had to justify being open. Nowadays one has to justify being monogamous. Its not a rule. It’s just naturally how I am.
have the relationship you want , don,t let anyone else dictate¹ how you live your life
Agree. Nuanced. I think you should first prioritize safety when traveling. I have a gay male friend whose hotel reservation with his partner was canceled by the hotel in Dubai so as an ally Dubai is a big NO for me. Years ago I went to Warsaw Poland for work and I wanted to tour the country by train but the U.S. State Department had warnings about "Skinheads" so as a SBF I stayed in Warsaw. The NAACP recently issued a travel warning for Florida so will I visit my friend at his private residence next year? Probably. Would I go spend my money at Disney? Absolutely. Would I buy a property in the state of Florida or move my small business there? Absolutely not. In general, emotional safety and maturity includes loving on people and places who are loving on you. It is always a healthy choice to move in that direction.