I'm a 75 year old gay man who lost his partner of 40 years 3 years ago. I was wondering if you guys are thinking about discussing older gays and the problems they face. Thanks much. Enjoying all your social platforms!!
I think the topic of grief in the gay community is an important topic. My husband of 12 years died last April. There are not a lot of resources for support. I’m so sorry for your loss and can truly empathize. Wishing you the best in your grief journey. ☮️
As a millennial gay man, I really hope they cover that topic, hopefully they invite an older gay man on the pod. Sending you peace, love and healing 🌸💙✨
As a mental health professional I see quite a number of gay men of all ages who, because of the poor attitude of other gay men; primarily in relation to physical appearance and age, have decided that part of their life is not worth pursuing and they focus on the straight friendships they have, which they find more caring & non-judgemental. This is a very sad indictment on the so called 'gay community'. Community suggests a feeling of fellowship as a result of sharing commonalities, dignity & respect, but clearly it appears to be only an ideal rather than the reality.
I'm not gay or male but I wanted to let you know that your podcasts resonate with even a larger audience. I was hesitant to subscribe because I feared I wasn't the target audience, but the things you guys have discussed so far also resonate with me in some ways. I'm glad I decided to give it a try!
No hate here but a bit disappointed by this discussion, very focused on a fit guy's perspective, would have been nice to question the idea of having a good body and why it is correlated with self worth in the community, rather than just give advice on "improving" yourself.
I also feel like they are sitting there and talking about how much more attractive they are than other people while not validating people's experiences.
I was going to comment something similar. I agree that fitness and wellness is important. But fitness and wellness can be doing physical exercise and moving your body just a few times a week like going on walks, and stretching. Where is the peace for people who don’t or can’t exercise excessively, or are genetically predisposed to hold more weight? What if I am happy with my body because I exercise once a week and don’t get winded walking up stairs, even though I have a fat stomach (yes I can say it unashamedly unlike in the video, but the actual issue is I get told by everyone else that they’re not into me? I’m ok with myself. But hearing others perspective still hurts. And saying “I have been both fat and too thin due to an eating disorder” does not exempt him when he says “but I’m ok now because I’m working on my body and muscular” He didn’t fix the problem. He gave into it in a different way. Instead of starving himself it’s “improving himself”. It is ok to be fat. It is ok to not be ripped. The issue with body image is that You Should Not Judge Other People’s Value Based Off Of Their Body. Not that if you look good you’ll stop feeling bad. Because newsflash, everyone is going to not look hot eventually. An injury may make it impossible for you to go on 10 mile runs every day. Sickness may compromise your ability to burn fat. Or simply age may make you more tired and then here comes the beer gut. When that day comes for all of us we need to learn to be happy with how we look. My heart goes out to all of the gay men who feel that if they stop being attractive they won’t get to be happy
I feared that this is where the discussion was going so I stopped watching it fairly early on. You are not going to find real happiness by having muscle. There is a lot to be said for being fit (which does not mean looking like a Greek statue) and healthy but ultimately you will find happiness by not doing things for narcissistic reasons. I am not saying I have the answers or achieved this, but I do know enough tto know where the vlogger's and interviewee's suggestions will ultimately lead.
This podcast hit home for me because I struggled with an eating disorder as a teenager/young woman. I was constantly comparing myself to the models I saw in magazines (this was before Instagram) and thought I needed to be as thin as them in order to be attractive. This was unrealistic in my case because I'm a naturally curvy girl. I have t and a (to put it mildly 😆). I was starving myself and becoming weak and unhealthy trying to achieve an impossible ideal. Luckily I came to the realization that I needed to love myself for what God gave me. I threw away and stopped buying the magazines and started appreciating my body for what it is.
I'm 75 and I got back into working out for my mental health and have found that my body is looking good as a side benefit. Great to watch and hear two honest gay men talk about these issues. Thanks!
My partner said to me when he told me that our relationship was over, he said "your weight, prevents me doing what I want to do." He never mentioned 'us' or 'we'. My weight never stopped us doing anything, but I was conscious I wasn't as fit. His comments 2 years down the line has had a lasting effect on my confidence, body confidence, and general feeling not being good enough. It's had a huge impact on me meeting new people.
We're so sorry to hear you've been through this, that's awful what he said! We hope you can heal and get back to loving yourself ❤️ the only opinion about your body that matters is your own
What an ugly monster your ex was! I hope you have come to understand that if you don't love yourself then no one else will. It's difficult in the gay arena but not impossible. Your ex may have been saying that to hurt you in one of the worst ways possible in the gay arena. Learn to shine for yourself and others will begin to notice. Best wishes!
Thank you both for this podcast/filmcast. These are the conversations we should be having with each other. I live in the US and several years ago, a younger gay man wrote a blog in which he inferred that older gays need to stay out of the clubs, that we've had our time and now it's theirs. He did come under fire, but I have been told the same in the clubs. As an aside to this I think something that would be important is that the young and up-coming need to educate themselves with our tumultuous history. What many don't realize is that if it weren't for my generation and those before mine we would not have places to congregate or marriage/adoption. The respect just doesn't seem to be there. I wonder if this is something you would touch upon? I would love to know your thoughts on the subject. I already love you guys! You are both amazing!
I grew up very skinny, not because I had an eating disorder I just had a very high metabolism, and everyone thought I had an eating disorder until I hit my mid-twenties and then I started putting on the pounds and so now I have to have a balance. I think I eat pretty good, I love both healthy things and not healthy things. I just need to move more, which I hate doing. What is weird about me is that I don't think I have a certain type, I mean don't get me wrong I love a good body, but I love a good smile and kind eyes. Like Keegan and Joel are hot but what first draws me in are their smile and eyes. For my body I do have to love it more and for me looking at myself naked on a daily basis has helped. The more I see it, the more "normal" it becomes. I also think I have kind eyes and a good smile.
Once again excellent video. I’m a Latino male living in Massachusetts and I am comfortable with who I am. I work out regularly with a personal trainer and this is so much a part of my life; feeling and looking my best. Like Keegan said, it is not an obsession. Thank you for that. Being mentally and physically fit, for me, is just as important/necessary as eating a meal. Yes, unfortunately body image is important not only in our community but in the business world/workplace. Those who are "attractive" and present themselves well are noticed and generally have an advantage. As a Latino male I am not to everyone’s taste and I am absolutely fine with that. Thank you gentlemen for what you are doing. It contributes to my confidence.
There is so much to unpack on this topic. I lost 70+ pounds over 2 years by making changes that I knew I could maintain(and I have for more than 2 years). I feel better, move better and am pleased to have clothing choices that make me feel better too. But, I’m so frustrated by the pressure exerted by the superficiality and vanity of so much of the gay community in relation to muscle mass.
These podcasts have really helped me to see my body in a different light. It’s tough living in a community where your body and appearance is labeled. You’re either a twink, otter, bear etc. You’re also labeled based on your femininity, masculinity, alpha or beta personalities. Honestly it’s a lot to think about. I’m just me and that’s all I want to be, without any labels. The gay community can set such an unhealthy beauty standard and they attach identities to a body type. I really think we are more than just our bodies and it’s great to hear that other people feel the same way
I'm glad there's other people as well that find the whole labeling of "bears, otters, twinks, [etc]" uncomfortable. When I first heard of it I was almost upset, it feels very excluding rather inclusive, and objectifying
As a mom of four this even helped me , Im not gay but you guys have the best advice on just loving our bodies and to just try and improve our bodies!! ❤️❤️
I'm 69 years old and I was very thin most of my younger life. It took time to built muscle. Later in life and met the love of my life and years later he became ill with cancer. Unfortunately he passed away. I went into a long grieving mode. I lost all the muscle I gained and it's been a struggle to get it back. Now after 9 years I am back. I Eat healthy and exercise and I'm feeling good now so I think it's a great topic tgat many relate to. You may want to talk about grief in the gay world because it devastated me but felt I had to hide it from work and felt people didn't give it the same attention as straight relationships. Keep it going guys, I enjoy watching you both.
The gay men's scene is pretty toxic, in my opinion. For me, the rejection I've experienced for being insufficiently handsome has stung a lot worse than any homophobia I've ever experienced from straight people. Personally, the whole idea of 'pride' and 'gay community'... Hm!
As someone that has struggled with body image and food I found this really interesting. Getting into astanga yoga was the 1st time I thoroughly enjoyed exercising, and the main reason behind it was not to stay slim. However the fact remains that being physically attractive is an asset in life that makes things easier, but then again so does being smart 🙂. I have been seriously out of shape yet fun, smart and kind and slim relatively fit stylish and fun, smart and kind; I have to say I've been treated very differently in these different stages of my life.
⭐⭐⭐⭐ One of many situations on this topic that I have encountered is, when someone asks you in a public scenario like an elevator, as they noticed your wedding band " Oh we are having a get together bring your wife, BTW what does she do for work?" I usually respond " real estate agent" and I don't give any further information. However, there times when in a meeting a new employee wants to be nice and tells me "I heard that you like bowling, we should get together with our wife's, and meet at the bowling alley around the corner some weekend" I usually say, "Sure" and leave it at that. The best one is when I get a call and the person states " Sir can I speak to the lady of the house" and in my deep voice I respond " Your speaking to her" and there's an awkward silence, I almost have to hold myself from LOL. People assume since one is wearing a wedding band, it is to a lady automatically.
I laughed so hard at the end. A telemarketer called, my male partner picked up the phone, and the telemarketer asked to speak with Mrs. [insert my last name], he responded: “This is She.” Dead silence. Lol!
I completely understand Joel’s anxiety about coming out to strangers. Sometimes you just want to live your life and not to be constantly assessing whether you’re going to get a homophobic reaction. I think that’s completely fine. I do the same as we can’t be on guard all the time
I totally agree. I think there’s a difference between accepting who you are , living your authentic life without shame and the need to announce your sexuality, as if that’s the only facet of your life that people should know you by.
You guys are down to earth, honest and up front with how you discuss topics. I like it. Keep up the good work. I been exercising and doing weights at home, I do what is suitable for me as I was almost a paraplegic 9 years ago. I am 75 with the usual aches and pains, but not bad for a 75 year old! Greetings from the old guy in Oz! 😀
This podcast just appeared on my recommendations and I love it! Haven't been out of the closet that long, so I'm not familiar with the ways of the community. I'm new here so it's a delight every time there's a chance to get to know the hosts (maybe not for longer fans haha)
Love the podcast and the topics thus far and the vulnerability you have demonstrated. Joel, you are enough, take that picture and show off what you are working so hard to achieve. Love you guys❤❤❤❤
Thank you both for doing these marvelous podcasts. Their info and sharp insights are desperately needed, especially in these dark times for freedom. I must admit when I first discovered you, Keegan, I was instantly enthralled for the shallowest of body image reasons but, as an American man of 70, I had no illusions. Imagine my delight to find you just as beautiful a thinker and speaker. It’s wonderful you and Joel are such a match who so generously share your reality with us all.
It was interesting to listen to your thoughts on the topic, but I found it confusing to be honest. I kinda think you’re just reframing the argument to sound less problematic but ultimately with the same goal?
I'm so happy I found you guys! I never thought these words will leave my mouth, but I finally feel represented. I'm those guys you talked about, I don't go partying, don't do drugs, don't watch drag, I've never applied make-up on either, etc. I've never felt like I fit into the community. About body image issues, unsure if this is a good solution, but I've decided to just give in. I've always been skinny fat, 26yo 180cm 62kg. I hired a personal trainer and started going to the gym. In 3 months, I've gained +5kg so far. My goal is to bulk up as much as I can this year and then reduce body fat next year. If my estimations are correct, I should have a good body by April 2024. Until then, I've deleted myself from all dating apps and stopped looking for anyone or anything. It kills me. You're right, this all stems from me wishing to be worthy of love... I can't wait to start looking for a relationship, I'm just counting back the months at this point. We shall see how far I'll go, but I've decided to keep going no matter how deep of a darkness I fall into on this path.
Living out of a suitcase for work and constantly traveling has played havoc to my body image. This video resonated well with me! Love the content Keegan and Joel have been putting forth- keep up the great work!
I have always struggled with feeling too skinny as a teen, to feeling fat as an older adult, with only a few years in between “liking” my body. Listening to this pod cast has really helped me understand my frustrations. Thank you.
Another great video with some refreshing and straight forward perspective. We don't talk enough about how the choices we make in terms of consumption just perpetuate and feed the cycle. And I love the focus on mobility and health vs the aesthetics. Mobility is so important to us as we age and is not given enough attention. Well done guys!
This podcast goes so much further than the gay community, I am female (just so happens that I’m queer too) and so much of what I’ve faced day to day is what you’ve discussed on your podcast so thank you for that!!!😊 I have always struggled with my weight, played loads of sport when I was younger and was doing really well with rugby, but was told I was too overweight but I never knew why because it didn’t add up, I was extremely active and didn’t eat badly, so getting bullied and judged at school made me feel so awful and even now I’m 20 years old and know some of the reasons I struggle with my weight (nothing I can do much about either) I still feel terrible about my looks. Why do looks dictate who you are as a human being to other people? People who know nothing about someone judge them directly on outward appearance, it drives me mental. I know now that I want to improve my lifestyle and health for myself and not to please anyone else (although that definitely does play a factor as I’m still deeply insecure)
I think it all comes down to loving what you have been given in life be grateful love your body It does not matter how good your body looks someone will always have something negative to say! be happy be you
Thank you both for the podcast. It is going me some food for thought on how I look, talk and think of myself. I am hoping the gay community feels seen and hear. I really enjoy the talks. Many Thanks!
You hit the nail on the head about this topic! Bravo! 👏👏👏 This is so true and has been for many years. Growing up, men rarely talked about their bodies. Now, that is all you see and hear about. And having 6 pack abs is not good enough...you have to have 8 pack abs! I really would like to hear more of this topic, discussing the comments or disagreements of what other gay men think as a follow up in one of your podcasts. But you guys are doing great and enjoying your podcast! Thank you for this!
Yeah it is a newer issue, I had a swimmers body through most of my youth, but that body now would be looked down on even though I was very fit. You are right about the shift from a few abs, to a solid six pack to an eight pack. Where does this end…
Aww, guys.. that was such a refreshingly open and honest video to watch! I'm glad the TH-cam algorithm helped me find you. I'm 41, been overweight my whole life and on a journey of self discovery this year (yay, mental health..), but your discussion on body image really resonated with me. You guys also have a great dynamic, so happy you have each other :)
Thank you so much for talking about this. I have always struggled with my weight similar to Joel where I have done the yo-yo. Getting into my 30s I’m having a struggle with loving the skin I’m in, but there’s a lot of shame that comes from being a plus size gay man. Appreciate your words! ❤
Keep up the great work, this topic is huge and so many facets to approach it from, maybe an ongoing series you come back to regularly, including guests/experts ?
Great podcast guys. Mental health definitely needs to come first, and then I agree, I think the best approach to exercise and good eating is for your health - “I want to be able to play with my grandkids, take that hike through Greece, etc.” That to me is more motivating, wanting to enjoy life, no matter how you physically look, because as you said, that part just comes along with it. Keep it up! 🙂
Thank you for this. I have has a very bad relationship with my body for my entire life. Its been a constant swing up and down and as I get older its getting worse and harder. As you said in the beginning it affects literally every decision in my daily life which is a horrible way to live. In fact I'm currently trying to recover from an unfortunate swing up and its never been more difficult to come back from and I don't exactly know why, but everything just hurts as I try to increase my activity and in a way its really made me realize through the experience what you were saying about thinking about your body as an instrument and not an accessory. I think I've always come from a place of what it looks it and in our community feeling like I have zero value because of it.. which unfortunately just feeds the issue.. this time the concern has shifted to one of concern for my mobility in general. I'm literally afraid that all of a sudden I can barely walk even short distances without its hurting my back, knees, joints, shins, etc. Its forcing me to just be patient and work my way back step by step.. and my hope is that focusing on just being able to DO and not having a look be the goal will help me succeed. Once I do its going to become incredibly important to never forget this and why I think that idea needs to get out more and people really need to take it in. I'll be thrilled if I look better in the end but this time thats not the goal.
There needs to be gyms that are not soo full on and have such an overwhelming atmosphere! I always felt i did'nt belong in a regular gym due to feeling so uncomfortable. You are not allowed to be over weight and fat skinning in the gay world!
Interesting. As you say it is all about health and feeling comfortable. In the 1990s I had the "body of a Greek god" (somebody else said that not me) but was also studying for a PhD. Fast forward 30 years and I was going 'oh but my abs aren't what they were" to which my inner voice went "You are in your 60s, you swim a couple of times a week, have a healthy diet And most people think you are about 45'". As they say in Fidler on the Roof "Be happy, be healthy, long life!"
Hey, some Greek gods looked older and didn’t have younger men’s bodies. We are about the same age given the PhD years overlap, and yeah I’m a happy, healthy homo.
Informative, genuine, and pleasant to watch you gentleman discuss real issues. Thank you for including diversity in your conversations. Keep up the good work!
I love watching these two! Its nice seeing gay couples that don't conform to expected stereotypes. I can definitely relate though. I've been with my husband for 15 years and it's so normal it drives me crazy at times. I wouldn't have it any other way though. ✌️+❤️ Guys!
Body image and getting older are both my enemies - I wish I've gotten some good advice - like yours - 10 years ago. Why did you wait so long to put out this podcast? On a serious note - thank you for sharing your personal stories from your past - not an easy thing for someone to do. I really need to start setting some realistic goals for myself. How will I get there - I'm not sure - but todays podcast is a start for me. I will watch it again - maybe a few more times. Have an amazing day.
Personal responsibility at the end. So true. You have to work with what you've got. I am short (under 5:8) but that has worked for me. I have the hair I have but I get it cut in a way that suits me. I sound posh but I'm not posh. I have a brain and I have used it.
Do you ever get rejection over sounding posh, I simply ask because I have usually preempted by the phrase “I didn’t think you would sound like that!” It used to drive me up the wall, I talk the way I talk, as with you I just use my brain.
Yes Joel! I also struggle with the barber. It is by far the most anxiety inducing social interaction for me. If I can find a female barber or gay barber I always go to them as I feel way more comfortable. Something about forcing small talk and being in such a vulnerable position while also not wanting them to fuck up your hair makes me extremely worried. I don't want to offend them in any way so I tend not to disclose my sexuality if I don't have good rapport with the barber.
I’ve got a great gay guy that shuts up the shop when me and my partner go so we can just have a gay laugh and a coffee at the same time. He gets a break and a rest and we get the haircut.
Okay I get what you say but you’re saying that body weight/image is a pervasive issue in the gay community but then you preach how your body is in your hands and you can change that? So what is it? Change the distorted paradigm of the queer hierarchy or go against the current bs paradigm. Anyways, just my two cents.
I feel like they could have been a little more clear on that as well. Saying you should be happy with yourself and be healthy for yourself and health's sake but then basically saying I want to be just like the rest of the "hot gays" and take shirtless pics because that would make me feel hot is a little confusing in my opinion.
@@briandugas144 yeah I am not going to hate on them but it was just annoying how this podcast was clearly not well thought out. Major eye roll. It was disappointing since they provided no new insight on the very obvious body image issue that is pervasive in the gay male community.
Great episode, my first one… crazy that we deal with the same thing here. I was talking to my ex and bestie and he had to put me in the right head space of im doing good. I think me training models for a decade also keep my somewhat hyper focus on my looks, as im not conceded by far… i just big on health and up keep of myself. I never want to look back at old pics like i use to look good lol
Both of you are so wonderful at what you do! You really show a healthy gay relationship between two loving people! I take my hat off to both of you! You always make it fun and entertaining to watch! Yes and I do learn quite a bit from watching both of your TH-cam channels! I wish you both all the happiness together! Yes I am a single older gay man in his mid50s. You are both lucky to have one another!❤️
I love this pod-c. A fav. Understand the hierarchy. From the bottom. I have two health conditions both of which have effects of weight gain. Unavoidable. Basically it's a fight. Get the balance and don't freak out. Be grateful etc. But forget body beaut. Health first. Says the doc. Be happy that we have the drugs. (With their side-effects - damn). Yes for PTIQ. Some though - like me- battle on other fronts too. Good for PTIQ - essential. Happy Hos rule.
This is an important topic for Gays. I was a chorus boy earlier, and have not gotten over my guilt for not looking like that as an old man. It is still a sort of goal to return to, even though the Performing and active Gay Bar life are long over. I know it has something to do with self-worth; and i appreciate you guys talking about it.
I have the exact same goal as you, Joel. Shred body fat, look good without a shirt and be able to take my shirt off around friends and take a shirtless pic. That’s not shallow at all in my opinion. I’ve never been confident enough. I’m almost there, lost 65 lbs since November. Struggled with weight my whole life, up and down.
Social pressure is horrible, at some point in my life I felt so bad that I came to think that if I don't have a muscular body, nobody will ever love me, rejection and social pressure arouse very ugly insecurities. It cost me a lot to get out of there, I have learned not to be impressed by someone's physique, is very cool but it is not what makes a good couple or a good person does, he can be very handsome but handsome does not take away from being a sucker or evil character or anything etc. Enough idolizing.
Really comprehensive and enjoyable podcast guys! Well done! On a personal note…I feel like I’m just trying to survive each day…..that’s what each day looks like for me….I have a job, eat fine, do exercise but things outside of that things are hard….and this has been life the last while….sorry for being depressing.
Please reach out for help, talk to someone, be it your GP a friend or a total stranger at Samaritans, or if you have one a crisis team. I can only say that in my darkest hours my GP and the crisis team they set up have been a lifeline for me more than once.
@Rai Iwa my GP doesn't care....tried contacting ting several times cant get an appointment ....why bother to be a Dr when u don't want to help people....if Dr's wanted money they should have gone into finance.
@@jamesmasters4255 That appalls me quite frankly, I actually thought the days of dinosaur doctors were over. My best suggestion to you is please change to a doctor that cares about you. Their are lots of them about I promise you, at the very least they should refer you on to be assessed. If you ever become deeply depressed then I will always suggest the Samaritans or taking yourself to A&E. I know that will be a long wait to see anyone but while you are there you are safe, and if you feel unsafe then stress that to the receptionist, especially if you have taken too much medication in which case I would tell you to ring 999 or in USA 911. You are never truly alone, I know it feels like that at times as I’ve been in that state myself. I’ve been rushed to hospital in an ambulance before, and both an outpatient and inpatient of psychiatric services. So I do know, and can truthfully say their are people to help you. Take care of yourself, and comment on this if you ever need a chat.
As a gay man, into his 50's , I am sad that gay men are so shallow still, we all want to look our best, but perfect body, and manscaping will not make you happy. I feel my generation , who dealt with AIDS wasted our time and energy to create these super self absorbed men. Almost makes me want to go straight.
I think it’s easy to say it’s a “cop out” to say partner and not boyfriend, but as a clearly very strong buff, rugby player build if anyone attacks you as a result of you declaring your sexuality, you can defend yourself. We are not all built like that and we don’t all have safe spaces where we can always be out and proud in front of everyone.
Super discussion lads. Please keep it up. Fitness and health should be the core motivation to eat right and work out, but it really does veer off into some dark places when social media amplifies steroid culture.
One important pint to note is that when I was almost suicidal part of my recovery was diet and gym - I dreaded the latter as my gym is at the university. Over time I noticed a lot of the hot guys were gay and extremely open and friendly - I now feel part of a cool inclusive community - it’s totally non judgmental a sanctuary and it has and is a lifesaver
Lol so about the barber bit. I go to a barber and used to feel so uncomfortable about it because I make my homosexuality pretty apparent. I mean I’m not “in your face” about it but I get my nails done and sometimes will wear eyeliner or whatever and I always, ALWAYS get looks from the barbers and the other clients in there. But IDGAF. I love my barber and I deserve to be safe and present as my authentic self in any space I choose to be in. Periodt.
I am thrilled to have found your channel! I appreciate the goals of your TH-cam presence expressed in this video. Is it an overwhelming goal to try and fix the problems of the gay community? Maybe. But you gotta try. You can be the trailblazers!
Joel, I know that you have struggled with food & weight but going back to before you came out on your solo channel and with Lia, you have seemed pretty obsessed with treats/ decadent foods and be like “you got to treat yourself” but I was always surprised with how slim you were despite all this. Now you did speak of going to the gym a lot but still. Now you speak of Bulimia (which I didn’t remember previously speaking of). Also with Keegan on your channel, he is always seemingly eating decadent foods too. Now I know vlogs can’t show everything & there’s others out there showing the same types of stuff. Glad that you guys are discussing this now. Thank!
Thanks for talking about it. Living in a small community I feel like even making friends (or being deemed worthy of casual conversation) among gay men in queer spaces is based on "fuckability"
I have never been in a relationship or even a date and it really has been body image. I lost a lot of weight but never really felt like I did somehow because with the "community" there is such an emphasis on looking perfect. I've had some really horrible experiences before that where people really can be nasty about your appearance and after, I guess I just noticed too much hypocrisy of people saying "Love yourself", "It's all about confidence", only to turn around and only date based on looks or say extremely shallow, awful things when they're not consciously trying to sound nice. It gets to a point where even if someone liked you, you can't believe or it feels like they'd be disgusted if they saw you fully exposed or whatever so I kind of gave up. Now I have a spine injury on top of it which prevents me from heavy lifting so weight issues aside, gaining muscle feels like an impossible task now so. I don't know, it can feel like it's more stress and psychological torment than it's worth to even try. And seeing how many gay guys I know that are also single or just a revolving door if they're conventionally hot, passing each other around while none of them actually connect and just end up single too after aging out of the scene. It's depressing tbh.
I totally get the barber fear! I go to a barber shop with a wonderful group of Middle Eastern barbers (I’m in Cape Town) and last week after my cut and beard trim my barber says “now your wife will find you handsome again!” Hmmm, do I just say nothing? I say “I’m not married” “Then your girlfriend!” I ran the scissor in neck computation for 3 seconds and then just thought, of F it, if he wants to stab, well how wonderfully dramatic it will be! I said, “no girlfriend but I wish I had a boyfriend.” My barber gave me the coolest “you do you, you gorgeous bearded happy homo!” attitude back. It was a nice moment.
I definitely find a parallel with what Joel said about coming out to every person you meet. The wonderful Sir Ian McKellen speaks amazingly about how gay men come out every day. We make that choice every day. And coming out is tiring and exhausting. Its ok to choose those moments when it feels right or safe or appropriate. Do what is right for you.
Eating healthy in America is a big thing with the people in their 30's. Well, my son's partner has no choice, but to eat healthy cause my son is a healthy eater. Plus, he's the one who cooks 😅and he works out all the time. He does a lot of meal prep or he gets it from a health company that does it sometimes when he's busy.
I can honestly say that I’m a gay guy that I don’t really conform to social stereotypes, status and stuff like that. I enjoy a monogamous relationship, I like basic needs like enjoying conversations, someone who can make me laugh. I can say I talk to guys of all ages, some who are conventionally attractive. I look for people that just enjoy being around I don’t really care for open relationships. I enjoy your podcast
Awesome chat guys. Thank you for all you do. Want to talk with you guys. I'm gay and have body image issues. I have a physical challenge. Hard to be accepted by others in our community. Love you guys. Hugs.
Thank you for a great podcast. In my country we have a word for a partner translated it’s dearest and it is sex neutral. I never thought about how useful it can be it before. The other thing that stood out for me was I had a boyfriend who always, between the lines spoke about my weight and didn’t want me to get bigger. But some of the biggest arguments we had was about food and me thinking about what I eat and he found it completely ridiculous. Those people don’t know how double standard they are they don’t get it. The talk about looks and personality is a hard one I still haven’t figured that one out I know you say, what you see, is what you get. I know that’s not true because you can’t see personality not from a distance 😊
I absolutely love your channel guys and your videos are so needed in todays gay world. So sad to still see ⛔️fat, skinny, chubby etc. fair enough if you’re not into smokers but if someone’s not your type just say so in a private message. Gay men on Grindr are especially bad when it comes to being rude, disrespectful, shallow and judgemental - perhaps it’s the anonymity factor. On another note, as a nurse, Keegan I’m seriously concerned about your breathing - not sure if you’ve had your nose checked or if the mic is just too sensitive.
I used to loathe the term Partner, because why do straight couples get to be boyfriend/girlfriend, but lgbt couples are "Partners", it just doesn't seem equal, as if we aren't good enough as the straights. So I've never liked the term partner, it's always seemed demeaning to me. I’ve gotten more comfortable with the phrase, as long as an lgbt person is saying it. If a straight person says, this is their partner, it just rubs me the wrong way.
I'm a 75 year old gay man who lost his partner of 40 years 3 years ago. I was wondering if you guys are thinking about discussing older gays and the problems they face. Thanks much. Enjoying all your social platforms!!
Sorry for your loss 🙏
Thank you so very much
Sorry for your loss
I think the topic of grief in the gay community is an important topic. My husband of 12 years died last April. There are not a lot of resources for support. I’m so sorry for your loss and can truly empathize. Wishing you the best in your grief journey. ☮️
As a millennial gay man, I really hope they cover that topic, hopefully they invite an older gay man on the pod. Sending you peace, love and healing 🌸💙✨
As a mental health professional I see quite a number of gay men of all ages who, because of the poor attitude of other gay men; primarily in relation to physical appearance and age, have decided that part of their life is not worth pursuing and they focus on the straight friendships they have, which they find more caring & non-judgemental. This is a very sad indictment on the so called 'gay community'. Community suggests a feeling of fellowship as a result of sharing commonalities, dignity & respect, but clearly it appears to be only an ideal rather than the reality.
Hard to find supporting friends in the gay arena, especially if your new! It's sad to say but true.
We are too damaged to support each other.
I'm not gay or male but I wanted to let you know that your podcasts resonate with even a larger audience. I was hesitant to subscribe because I feared I wasn't the target audience, but the things you guys have discussed so far also resonate with me in some ways. I'm glad I decided to give it a try!
It actually applies to anyone, because basically it's about self-love.
I love Keegan's accent! It's so cute how he pronounces the word "community" as "commune-eh-eh"😂
No hate here but a bit disappointed by this discussion, very focused on a fit guy's perspective, would have been nice to question the idea of having a good body and why it is correlated with self worth in the community, rather than just give advice on "improving" yourself.
Agree!
I also feel like they are sitting there and talking about how much more attractive they are than other people while not validating people's experiences.
I was going to comment something similar.
I agree that fitness and wellness is important. But fitness and wellness can be doing physical exercise and moving your body just a few times a week like going on walks, and stretching.
Where is the peace for people who don’t or can’t exercise excessively, or are genetically predisposed to hold more weight? What if I am happy with my body because I exercise once a week and don’t get winded walking up stairs, even though I have a fat stomach (yes I can say it unashamedly unlike in the video, but the actual issue is I get told by everyone else that they’re not into me? I’m ok with myself. But hearing others perspective still hurts.
And saying “I have been both fat and too thin due to an eating disorder” does not exempt him when he says “but I’m ok now because I’m working on my body and muscular”
He didn’t fix the problem. He gave into it in a different way. Instead of starving himself it’s “improving himself”.
It is ok to be fat. It is ok to not be ripped.
The issue with body image is that You Should Not Judge Other People’s Value Based Off Of Their Body. Not that if you look good you’ll stop feeling bad. Because newsflash, everyone is going to not look hot eventually. An injury may make it impossible for you to go on 10 mile runs every day. Sickness may compromise your ability to burn fat. Or simply age may make you more tired and then here comes the beer gut. When that day comes for all of us we need to learn to be happy with how we look.
My heart goes out to all of the gay men who feel that if they stop being attractive they won’t get to be happy
I feared that this is where the discussion was going so I stopped watching it fairly early on. You are not going to find real happiness by having muscle. There is a lot to be said for being fit (which does not mean looking like a Greek statue) and healthy but ultimately you will find happiness by not doing things for narcissistic reasons. I am not saying I have the answers or achieved this, but I do know enough tto know where the vlogger's and interviewee's suggestions will ultimately lead.
This podcast is helping me as a 42 year old woman. Thank you
This podcast hit home for me because I struggled with an eating disorder as a teenager/young woman. I was constantly comparing myself to the models I saw in magazines (this was before Instagram) and thought I needed to be as thin as them in order to be attractive. This was unrealistic in my case because I'm a naturally curvy girl. I have t and a (to put it mildly 😆). I was starving myself and becoming weak and unhealthy trying to achieve an impossible ideal. Luckily I came to the realization that I needed to love myself for what God gave me. I threw away and stopped buying the magazines and started appreciating my body for what it is.
I'm 75 and I got back into working out for my mental health and have found that my body is looking good as a side benefit. Great to watch and hear two honest gay men talk about these issues. Thanks!
My partner said to me when he told me that our relationship was over, he said "your weight, prevents me doing what I want to do." He never mentioned 'us' or 'we'. My weight never stopped us doing anything, but I was conscious I wasn't as fit. His comments 2 years down the line has had a lasting effect on my confidence, body confidence, and general feeling not being good enough. It's had a huge impact on me meeting new people.
We're so sorry to hear you've been through this, that's awful what he said! We hope you can heal and get back to loving yourself ❤️ the only opinion about your body that matters is your own
What an ugly monster your ex was! I hope you have come to understand that if you don't love yourself then no one else will. It's difficult in the gay arena but not impossible. Your ex may have been saying that to hurt you in one of the worst ways possible in the gay arena. Learn to shine for yourself and others will begin to notice. Best wishes!
He is your ex, your past now. Don't let someone take away your light and stop you from shining.
Thank you both for this podcast/filmcast. These are the conversations we should be having with each other. I live in the US and several years ago, a younger gay man wrote a blog in which he inferred that older gays need to stay out of the clubs, that we've had our time and now it's theirs. He did come under fire, but I have been told the same in the clubs. As an aside to this I think something that would be important is that the young and up-coming need to educate themselves with our tumultuous history. What many don't realize is that if it weren't for my generation and those before mine we would not have places to congregate or marriage/adoption. The respect just doesn't seem to be there. I wonder if this is something you would touch upon? I would love to know your thoughts on the subject. I already love you guys! You are both amazing!
Agree with you!
I grew up very skinny, not because I had an eating disorder I just had a very high metabolism, and everyone thought I had an eating disorder until I hit my mid-twenties and then I started putting on the pounds and so now I have to have a balance. I think I eat pretty good, I love both healthy things and not healthy things. I just need to move more, which I hate doing. What is weird about me is that I don't think I have a certain type, I mean don't get me wrong I love a good body, but I love a good smile and kind eyes. Like Keegan and Joel are hot but what first draws me in are their smile and eyes. For my body I do have to love it more and for me looking at myself naked on a daily basis has helped. The more I see it, the more "normal" it becomes. I also think I have kind eyes and a good smile.
@@aslscott78 Sadly no but I love to do other things lol
Once again excellent video. I’m a Latino male living in Massachusetts and I am comfortable with who I am. I work out regularly with a personal trainer and this is so much a part of my life; feeling and looking my best. Like Keegan said, it is not an obsession. Thank you for that. Being mentally and physically fit, for me, is just as important/necessary as eating a meal.
Yes, unfortunately body image is important not only in our community but in the business world/workplace. Those who are "attractive" and present themselves well are noticed and generally have an advantage. As a Latino male I am not to everyone’s taste and I am absolutely fine with that. Thank you gentlemen for what you are doing. It contributes to my confidence.
There is so much to unpack on this topic. I lost 70+ pounds over 2 years by making changes that I knew I could maintain(and I have for more than 2 years). I feel better, move better and am pleased to have clothing choices that make me feel better too. But, I’m so frustrated by the pressure exerted by the superficiality and vanity of so much of the gay community in relation to muscle mass.
Agree 100%
These podcasts have really helped me to see my body in a different light. It’s tough living in a community where your body and appearance is labeled. You’re either a twink, otter, bear etc. You’re also labeled based on your femininity, masculinity, alpha or beta personalities. Honestly it’s a lot to think about. I’m just me and that’s all I want to be, without any labels. The gay community can set such an unhealthy beauty standard and they attach identities to a body type. I really think we are more than just our bodies and it’s great to hear that other people feel the same way
I'm glad there's other people as well that find the whole labeling of "bears, otters, twinks, [etc]" uncomfortable. When I first heard of it I was almost upset, it feels very excluding rather inclusive, and objectifying
As a mom of four this even helped me , Im not gay but you guys have the best advice on just loving our bodies and to just try and improve our bodies!! ❤️❤️
Thank you Carol!
I'm 69 years old and I was very thin most of my younger life. It took time to built muscle. Later in life and met the love of my life and years later he became ill with cancer. Unfortunately he passed away. I went into a long grieving mode. I lost all the muscle I gained and it's been a struggle to get it back. Now after 9 years I am back. I Eat healthy and exercise and I'm feeling good now so I think it's a great topic tgat many relate to. You may want to talk about grief in the gay world because it devastated me but felt I had to hide it from work and felt people didn't give it the same attention as straight relationships. Keep it going guys, I enjoy watching you both.
Grief in the gay world can be very isolating, great idea for a topic.
Social media has ruined my body image, so I deleted the apps. I save so much time by not comparing myself to other people!
Good for you! I have done the same and feel so much better about myself.
so true
The gay men's scene is pretty toxic, in my opinion. For me, the rejection I've experienced for being insufficiently handsome has stung a lot worse than any homophobia I've ever experienced from straight people. Personally, the whole idea of 'pride' and 'gay community'... Hm!
As someone that has struggled with body image and food I found this really interesting. Getting into astanga yoga was the 1st time I thoroughly enjoyed exercising, and the main reason behind it was not to stay slim. However the fact remains that being physically attractive is an asset in life that makes things easier, but then again so does being smart 🙂. I have been seriously out of shape yet fun, smart and kind and slim relatively fit stylish and fun, smart and kind; I have to say I've been treated very differently in these different stages of my life.
⭐⭐⭐⭐ One of many situations on this topic that I have encountered is, when someone asks you in a public scenario like an elevator, as they noticed your wedding band " Oh we are having a get together bring your wife, BTW what does she do for work?" I usually respond " real estate agent" and I don't give any further information. However, there times when in a meeting a new employee wants to be nice and tells me "I heard that you like bowling, we should get together with our wife's, and meet at the bowling alley around the corner some weekend" I usually say, "Sure" and leave it at that. The best one is when I get a call and the person states " Sir can I speak to the lady of the house" and in my deep voice I respond " Your speaking to her" and there's an awkward silence, I almost have to hold myself from LOL. People assume since one is wearing a wedding band, it is to a lady automatically.
I laughed so hard at the end. A telemarketer called, my male partner picked up the phone, and the telemarketer asked to speak with Mrs. [insert my last name], he responded: “This is She.” Dead silence. Lol!
Thank you for the laughs.
I completely understand Joel’s anxiety about coming out to strangers. Sometimes you just want to live your life and not to be constantly assessing whether you’re going to get a homophobic reaction. I think that’s completely fine. I do the same as we can’t be on guard all the time
I totally agree. I think there’s a difference between accepting who you are , living your authentic life without shame and the need to announce your sexuality, as if that’s the only facet of your life that people should know you by.
@@happy2759 I agree completely!
You guys are down to earth, honest and up front with how you discuss topics. I like it. Keep up the good work.
I been exercising and doing weights at home, I do what is suitable for me as I was almost a paraplegic 9 years ago. I am 75 with the usual aches and pains, but not bad for a 75 year old!
Greetings from the old guy in Oz! 😀
This podcast just appeared on my recommendations and I love it! Haven't been out of the closet that long, so I'm not familiar with the ways of the community. I'm new here so it's a delight every time there's a chance to get to know the hosts (maybe not for longer fans haha)
Love the podcast and the topics thus far and the vulnerability you have demonstrated.
Joel, you are enough, take that picture and show off what you are working so hard to achieve.
Love you guys❤❤❤❤
Thank you both for doing these marvelous podcasts. Their info and sharp insights are desperately needed, especially in these dark times for freedom. I must admit when I first discovered you, Keegan, I was instantly enthralled for the shallowest of body image reasons but, as an American man of 70, I had no illusions. Imagine my delight to find you just as beautiful a thinker and speaker. It’s wonderful you and Joel are such a match who so generously share your reality with us all.
It was interesting to listen to your thoughts on the topic, but I found it confusing to be honest. I kinda think you’re just reframing the argument to sound less problematic but ultimately with the same goal?
I'm so happy I found you guys! I never thought these words will leave my mouth, but I finally feel represented. I'm those guys you talked about, I don't go partying, don't do drugs, don't watch drag, I've never applied make-up on either, etc. I've never felt like I fit into the community.
About body image issues, unsure if this is a good solution, but I've decided to just give in. I've always been skinny fat, 26yo 180cm 62kg. I hired a personal trainer and started going to the gym. In 3 months, I've gained +5kg so far. My goal is to bulk up as much as I can this year and then reduce body fat next year. If my estimations are correct, I should have a good body by April 2024. Until then, I've deleted myself from all dating apps and stopped looking for anyone or anything. It kills me. You're right, this all stems from me wishing to be worthy of love... I can't wait to start looking for a relationship, I'm just counting back the months at this point. We shall see how far I'll go, but I've decided to keep going no matter how deep of a darkness I fall into on this path.
Good luck for however things turn out, just make sure to enjoy your gym time.
Every man is different so be true to who you are.
Living out of a suitcase for work and constantly traveling has played havoc to my body image. This video resonated well with me! Love the content Keegan and Joel have been putting forth- keep up the great work!
People should stop comparing and shine their own light. I like a fat original person or an old original man. It is so beautiful to see originality.
I have always struggled with feeling too skinny as a teen, to feeling fat as an older adult, with only a few years in between “liking” my body. Listening to this pod cast has really helped me understand my frustrations. Thank you.
Another great video with some refreshing and straight forward perspective. We don't talk enough about how the choices we make in terms of consumption just perpetuate and feed the cycle. And I love the focus on mobility and health vs the aesthetics. Mobility is so important to us as we age and is not given enough attention. Well done guys!
This podcast goes so much further than the gay community, I am female (just so happens that I’m queer too) and so much of what I’ve faced day to day is what you’ve discussed on your podcast so thank you for that!!!😊
I have always struggled with my weight, played loads of sport when I was younger and was doing really well with rugby, but was told I was too overweight but I never knew why because it didn’t add up, I was extremely active and didn’t eat badly, so getting bullied and judged at school made me feel so awful and even now I’m 20 years old and know some of the reasons I struggle with my weight (nothing I can do much about either) I still feel terrible about my looks.
Why do looks dictate who you are as a human being to other people? People who know nothing about someone judge them directly on outward appearance, it drives me mental.
I know now that I want to improve my lifestyle and health for myself and not to please anyone else (although that definitely does play a factor as I’m still deeply insecure)
I think it all comes down to loving what you have been given in life be grateful love your body It does not matter how good your body looks someone will always have something negative to say! be happy be you
Thank you both for the podcast. It is going me some food for thought on how I look, talk and think of myself. I am hoping the gay community feels seen and hear. I really enjoy the talks. Many Thanks!
You hit the nail on the head about this topic! Bravo! 👏👏👏 This is so true and has been for many years. Growing up, men rarely talked about their bodies. Now, that is all you see and hear about. And having 6 pack abs is not good enough...you have to have 8 pack abs! I really would like to hear more of this topic, discussing the comments or disagreements of what other gay men think as a follow up in one of your podcasts. But you guys are doing great and enjoying your podcast! Thank you for this!
Yeah it is a newer issue, I had a swimmers body through most of my youth, but that body now would be looked down on even though I was very fit.
You are right about the shift from a few abs, to a solid six pack to an eight pack. Where does this end…
Aww, guys.. that was such a refreshingly open and honest video to watch! I'm glad the TH-cam algorithm helped me find you.
I'm 41, been overweight my whole life and on a journey of self discovery this year (yay, mental health..), but your discussion on body image really resonated with me.
You guys also have a great dynamic, so happy you have each other :)
Thank you so much for talking about this. I have always struggled with my weight similar to Joel where I have done the yo-yo. Getting into my 30s I’m having a struggle with loving the skin I’m in, but there’s a lot of shame that comes from being a plus size gay man. Appreciate your words! ❤
Great episode guys👏🏽 I would like for you to discuss race and disability in the gay community in a future episode please🌈❤️
That's an excellent idea.
Disability is such a huge issue, definitely worth you guys chatting it through.
Thanks a lot for speaking up for the community. I do appreciate it. Every word you've said it's true
I like the concept of 'focus on being healthy not beautiful'. Thats a good message to consider.
I absolutely can relate with the male barber thing. That’s why now I have a female hair dresser. I just feel more comfortable opening u to females.
Keep up the great work, this topic is huge and so many facets to approach it from, maybe an ongoing series you come back to regularly, including guests/experts ?
I know this episode is aimed at gay males but it really does also apply in many ways to straight people as well. Enjoyed this one 🙂
we all want to be loved and accepted esp in the gay community until it comes 2 physical looks.
Great podcast guys. Mental health definitely needs to come first, and then I agree, I think the best approach to exercise and good eating is for your health - “I want to be able to play with my grandkids, take that hike through Greece, etc.” That to me is more motivating, wanting to enjoy life, no matter how you physically look, because as you said, that part just comes along with it. Keep it up! 🙂
Thank you for this. I have has a very bad relationship with my body for my entire life. Its been a constant swing up and down and as I get older its getting worse and harder. As you said in the beginning it affects literally every decision in my daily life which is a horrible way to live. In fact I'm currently trying to recover from an unfortunate swing up and its never been more difficult to come back from and I don't exactly know why, but everything just hurts as I try to increase my activity and in a way its really made me realize through the experience what you were saying about thinking about your body as an instrument and not an accessory.
I think I've always come from a place of what it looks it and in our community feeling like I have zero value because of it.. which unfortunately just feeds the issue.. this time the concern has shifted to one of concern for my mobility in general. I'm literally afraid that all of a sudden I can barely walk even short distances without its hurting my back, knees, joints, shins, etc. Its forcing me to just be patient and work my way back step by step.. and my hope is that focusing on just being able to DO and not having a look be the goal will help me succeed. Once I do its going to become incredibly important to never forget this and why I think that idea needs to get out more and people really need to take it in. I'll be thrilled if I look better in the end but this time thats not the goal.
There needs to be gyms that are not soo full on and have such an overwhelming atmosphere! I always felt i did'nt belong in a regular gym due to feeling so uncomfortable. You are not allowed to be over weight and fat skinning in the gay world!
Interesting. As you say it is all about health and feeling comfortable. In the 1990s I had the "body of a Greek god" (somebody else said that not me) but was also studying for a PhD. Fast forward 30 years and I was going 'oh but my abs aren't what they were" to which my inner voice went "You are in your 60s, you swim a couple of times a week, have a healthy diet And most people think you are about 45'". As they say in Fidler on the Roof "Be happy, be healthy, long life!"
Hey, some Greek gods looked older and didn’t have younger men’s bodies. We are about the same age given the PhD years overlap, and yeah I’m a happy, healthy homo.
Informative, genuine, and pleasant to watch you gentleman discuss real issues. Thank you for including diversity in your conversations.
Keep up the good work!
I love watching these two! Its nice seeing gay couples that don't conform to expected stereotypes. I can definitely relate though. I've been with my husband for 15 years and it's so normal it drives me crazy at times. I wouldn't have it any other way though. ✌️+❤️ Guys!
Body image and getting older are both my enemies - I wish I've gotten some good advice - like yours - 10 years ago. Why did you wait so long to put out this podcast? On a serious note - thank you for sharing your personal stories from your past - not an easy thing for someone to do. I really need to start setting some realistic goals for myself. How will I get there - I'm not sure - but todays podcast is a start for me. I will watch it again - maybe a few more times. Have an amazing day.
Personal responsibility at the end. So true. You have to work with what you've got. I am short (under 5:8) but that has worked for me. I have the hair I have but I get it cut in a way that suits me. I sound posh but I'm not posh. I have a brain and I have used it.
Do you ever get rejection over sounding posh, I simply ask because I have usually preempted by the phrase “I didn’t think you would sound like that!” It used to drive me up the wall, I talk the way I talk, as with you I just use my brain.
Yes Joel! I also struggle with the barber. It is by far the most anxiety inducing social interaction for me. If I can find a female barber or gay barber I always go to them as I feel way more comfortable. Something about forcing small talk and being in such a vulnerable position while also not wanting them to fuck up your hair makes me extremely worried. I don't want to offend them in any way so I tend not to disclose my sexuality if I don't have good rapport with the barber.
I’ve got a great gay guy that shuts up the shop when me and my partner go so we can just have a gay laugh and a coffee at the same time. He gets a break and a rest and we get the haircut.
Okay I get what you say but you’re saying that body weight/image is a pervasive issue in the gay community but then you preach how your body is in your hands and you can change that? So what is it? Change the distorted paradigm of the queer hierarchy or go against the current bs paradigm. Anyways, just my two cents.
I feel like they could have been a little more clear on that as well. Saying you should be happy with yourself and be healthy for yourself and health's sake but then basically saying I want to be just like the rest of the "hot gays" and take shirtless pics because that would make me feel hot is a little confusing in my opinion.
@@briandugas144 yeah I am not going to hate on them but it was just annoying how this podcast was clearly not well thought out. Major eye roll. It was disappointing since they provided no new insight on the very obvious body image issue that is pervasive in the gay male community.
This has made me feel a bit more better about myself. Thankyou. 😊
Great episode, my first one… crazy that we deal with the same thing here. I was talking to my ex and bestie and he had to put me in the right head space of im doing good. I think me training models for a decade also keep my somewhat hyper focus on my looks, as im not conceded by far… i just big on health and up keep of myself. I never want to look back at old pics like i use to look good lol
Thank you very much for this episode.
Both of you are so wonderful at what you do! You really show a healthy gay relationship between two loving people! I take my hat off to both of you! You always make it fun and entertaining to watch! Yes and I do learn quite a bit from watching both of your TH-cam channels! I wish you both all the happiness together! Yes I am a single older gay man in his mid50s. You are both lucky to have one another!❤️
I love this pod-c. A fav. Understand the hierarchy. From the bottom. I have two health conditions both of which have effects of weight gain. Unavoidable. Basically it's a fight. Get the balance and don't freak out. Be grateful etc. But forget body beaut. Health first. Says the doc. Be happy that we have the drugs. (With their side-effects - damn).
Yes for PTIQ. Some though - like me- battle on other fronts too. Good for PTIQ - essential. Happy Hos rule.
This is an important topic for Gays. I was a chorus boy earlier, and have not gotten over my guilt for not looking like that as an old man. It is still a sort of goal to return to, even though the Performing and active Gay Bar life are long over. I know it has something to do with self-worth; and i appreciate you guys talking about it.
I have the exact same goal as you, Joel. Shred body fat, look good without a shirt and be able to take my shirt off around friends and take a shirtless pic. That’s not shallow at all in my opinion. I’ve never been confident enough. I’m almost there, lost 65 lbs since November. Struggled with weight my whole life, up and down.
Social pressure is horrible, at some point in my life I felt so bad that I came to think that if I don't have a muscular body, nobody will ever love me, rejection and social pressure arouse very ugly insecurities.
It cost me a lot to get out of there, I have learned not to be impressed by someone's physique, is very cool but it is not what makes a good couple or a good person does, he can be very handsome but handsome does not take away from being a sucker or evil character or anything etc. Enough idolizing.
Really comprehensive and enjoyable podcast guys! Well done! On a personal note…I feel like I’m just trying to survive each day…..that’s what each day looks like for me….I have a job, eat fine, do exercise but things outside of that things are hard….and this has been life the last while….sorry for being depressing.
I feel like I am just surviving too and I want to start thriving. One step and day at a time I guess
Please reach out for help, talk to someone, be it your GP a friend or a total stranger at Samaritans, or if you have one a crisis team. I can only say that in my darkest hours my GP and the crisis team they set up have been a lifeline for me more than once.
@Rai Iwa my GP doesn't care....tried contacting ting several times cant get an appointment ....why bother to be a Dr when u don't want to help people....if Dr's wanted money they should have gone into finance.
@@jamesmasters4255 That appalls me quite frankly, I actually thought the days of dinosaur doctors were over. My best suggestion to you is please change to a doctor that cares about you. Their are lots of them about I promise you, at the very least they should refer you on to be assessed.
If you ever become deeply depressed then I will always suggest the Samaritans or taking yourself to A&E. I know that will be a long wait to see anyone but while you are there you are safe, and if you feel unsafe then stress that to the receptionist, especially if you have taken too much medication in which case I would tell you to ring 999 or in USA 911.
You are never truly alone, I know it feels like that at times as I’ve been in that state myself. I’ve been rushed to hospital in an ambulance before, and both an outpatient and inpatient of psychiatric services. So I do know, and can truthfully say their are people to help you.
Take care of yourself, and comment on this if you ever need a chat.
As a gay man, into his 50's , I am sad that gay men are so shallow still, we all want to look our best, but perfect body, and manscaping will not make you happy. I feel my generation , who dealt with AIDS wasted our time and energy to create these super self absorbed men. Almost makes me want to go straight.
Late to the podcast but I absolutely love this episode!! I relate to it 100%! Please keep having discussions like this.
I think it’s easy to say it’s a “cop out” to say partner and not boyfriend, but as a clearly very strong buff, rugby player build if anyone attacks you as a result of you declaring your sexuality, you can defend yourself. We are not all built like that and we don’t all have safe spaces where we can always be out and proud in front of everyone.
Hi guys 75 and agree with Bob"s comment. p;ease address aging within our community
Thank you for you guys sharing your selves through this podcast, I really appreciate it. Keep on keeping on,
You two guys are stars ....both beautiful... Its not about your body ...its about you ....Stay Blessed guys ...love you 👏👏💓🙌
Super discussion lads. Please keep it up. Fitness and health should be the core motivation to eat right and work out, but it really does veer off into some dark places when social media amplifies steroid culture.
Thank you for talking about it ❤
I wouldn’t mind if y’all did longer episodes if you want to continue to discuss the topic 😊
One important pint to note is that when I was almost suicidal part of my recovery was diet and gym - I dreaded the latter as my gym is at the university. Over time I noticed a lot of the hot guys were gay and extremely open and friendly - I now feel part of a cool inclusive community - it’s totally non judgmental a sanctuary and it has and is a lifesaver
Lol so about the barber bit. I go to a barber and used to feel so uncomfortable about it because I make my homosexuality pretty apparent. I mean I’m not “in your face” about it but I get my nails done and sometimes will wear eyeliner or whatever and I always, ALWAYS get looks from the barbers and the other clients in there. But IDGAF. I love my barber and I deserve to be safe and present as my authentic self in any space I choose to be in. Periodt.
IDGAF, that’s the attitude mate, be yourself every time.
Great topic, very true we tend to be so hard on ourselves. I'm 46 a little chubby and okay 👍 with it. ❤
We need more representation like this. ❤
I am thrilled to have found your channel! I appreciate the goals of your TH-cam presence expressed in this video. Is it an overwhelming goal to try and fix the problems of the gay community? Maybe. But you gotta try. You can be the trailblazers!
Joel, I know that you have struggled with food & weight but going back to before you came out on your solo channel and with Lia, you have seemed pretty obsessed with treats/ decadent foods and be like “you got to treat yourself” but I was always surprised with how slim you were despite all this. Now you did speak of going to the gym a lot but still. Now you speak of Bulimia (which I didn’t remember previously speaking of). Also with Keegan on your channel, he is always seemingly eating decadent foods too. Now I know vlogs can’t show everything & there’s others out there showing the same types of stuff. Glad that you guys are discussing this now. Thank!
I made a video about it in 2020 on my channel! But yes you’re right you never know what someone’s going through!
Thanks for talking about it. Living in a small community I feel like even making friends (or being deemed worthy of casual conversation) among gay men in queer spaces is based on "fuckability"
This topic can do so deep. Thanks guys for touching on some of the main points.
I have never been in a relationship or even a date and it really has been body image. I lost a lot of weight but never really felt like I did somehow because with the "community" there is such an emphasis on looking perfect. I've had some really horrible experiences before that where people really can be nasty about your appearance and after, I guess I just noticed too much hypocrisy of people saying "Love yourself", "It's all about confidence", only to turn around and only date based on looks or say extremely shallow, awful things when they're not consciously trying to sound nice. It gets to a point where even if someone liked you, you can't believe or it feels like they'd be disgusted if they saw you fully exposed or whatever so I kind of gave up. Now I have a spine injury on top of it which prevents me from heavy lifting so weight issues aside, gaining muscle feels like an impossible task now so.
I don't know, it can feel like it's more stress and psychological torment than it's worth to even try. And seeing how many gay guys I know that are also single or just a revolving door if they're conventionally hot, passing each other around while none of them actually connect and just end up single too after aging out of the scene. It's depressing tbh.
Their are people that see people for people, the developing door types also have to make a lot more trips to the GUM clinic though.
Gay men together forever ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
I know this is a podcast for happy healthy homos but i am a married straight female who found this episode so relevant.
That makes us very happy!! Haha
Oh man this is hilarious at times. Like when Joel tries to say where he now lives 2:24
I totally get the barber fear! I go to a barber shop with a wonderful group of Middle Eastern barbers (I’m in Cape Town) and last week after my cut and beard trim my barber says “now your wife will find you handsome again!” Hmmm, do I just say nothing? I say “I’m not married” “Then your girlfriend!” I ran the scissor in neck computation for 3 seconds and then just thought, of F it, if he wants to stab, well how wonderfully dramatic it will be! I said, “no girlfriend but I wish I had a boyfriend.” My barber gave me the coolest “you do you, you gorgeous bearded happy homo!” attitude back. It was a nice moment.
I love the amount of women and straight men who have found your podcast so important.
It’s different for people that go to hairdressers- they don’t care !!😍
I definitely find a parallel with what Joel said about coming out to every person you meet. The wonderful Sir Ian McKellen speaks amazingly about how gay men come out every day. We make that choice every day. And coming out is tiring and exhausting. Its ok to choose those moments when it feels right or safe or appropriate. Do what is right for you.
Eating healthy in America is a big thing with the people in their 30's. Well, my son's partner has no choice, but to eat healthy cause my son is a healthy eater. Plus, he's the one who cooks 😅and he works out all the time. He does a lot of meal prep or he gets it from a health company that does it sometimes when he's busy.
Suggestion: I want to see discussions on LGBTQ+ legislation across the world.
I can honestly say that I’m a gay guy that I don’t really conform to social stereotypes, status and stuff like that. I enjoy a monogamous relationship, I like basic needs like enjoying conversations, someone who can make me laugh. I can say I talk to guys of all ages, some who are conventionally attractive. I look for people that just enjoy being around I don’t really care for open relationships. I enjoy your podcast
Awesome chat guys. Thank you for all you do. Want to talk with you guys. I'm gay and have body image issues. I have a physical challenge. Hard to be accepted by others in our community. Love you guys. Hugs.
Thank you for a great podcast. In my country we have a word for a partner translated it’s dearest and it is sex neutral. I never thought about how useful it can be it before. The other thing that stood out for me was I had a boyfriend who always, between the lines spoke about my weight and didn’t want me to get bigger. But some of the biggest arguments we had was about food and me thinking about what I eat and he found it completely ridiculous. Those people don’t know how double standard they are they don’t get it. The talk about looks and personality is a hard one I still haven’t figured that one out I know you say, what you see, is what you get. I know that’s not true because you can’t see personality not from a distance 😊
I love this Bravo mates.
I had no idea Joel had a podcast with his boo. I love this podcast so far
I absolutely love your channel guys and your videos are so needed in todays gay world. So sad to still see ⛔️fat, skinny, chubby etc. fair enough if you’re not into smokers but if someone’s not your type just say so in a private message. Gay men on Grindr are especially bad when it comes to being rude, disrespectful, shallow and judgemental - perhaps it’s the anonymity factor. On another note, as a nurse, Keegan I’m seriously concerned about your breathing - not sure if you’ve had your nose checked or if the mic is just too sensitive.
Super Helpful
I used to loathe the term Partner, because why do straight couples get to be boyfriend/girlfriend, but lgbt couples are "Partners", it just doesn't seem equal, as if we aren't good enough as the straights. So I've never liked the term partner, it's always seemed demeaning to me.
I’ve gotten more comfortable with the phrase, as long as an lgbt person is saying it. If a straight person says, this is their partner, it just rubs me the wrong way.
Says the two fit, conventionally attractive gay men 😂
I'm such a fan of your podcast and looking forward to more episodes in the future