How Gen Z Traded In The Girlboss For The Stay-At-Home Girlfriend
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 17 เม.ย. 2023
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In this video, Chelsea dives into the origins of the semi-depressing trend of the stay-at-home girlfriend, and what it means for women's autonomy.
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I am Nigerian, that is not what soft life is. Americans took the term and turned it into something else. It is a genderless phrase that Nigerians created to encourage ourselves to rest despite living in a corrupt third world country. It has nothing to do with escorting, hypergamy or femininity. It was a phrase a country of people invented to remind themselves that despite living hard lives in a shitty country, they should remember to rest and find time to enjoy life.
I was about to type this. I couldn't have said it better.
For Nigerians, is for all genders. It means enjoying yourself. Nothing more.
For example, your friend could be on her day off from work and is watching a movie, then you say 'Ah ahn soft life".
All this hypergamy and escorting talk is from people outside.
I was looking for this comment!!! Yes!!!!!
live-in prostitution, the russians call them apartment girls and they even cheat on the guy
Thank you . I needed this reminder to Calm down
South African 🙋🏿♀️ THANK YOU!!!! Soft life is genderless and is about prioritising yourself ❤️
I interned for a divorce attorney for the summer. The resounding message from everyone in that office: NEVER be financially dependent on a man.
So true! My mom was a social worker for 29 years, and the number of women who had to stay in bad relationships because they didn't have the means to leave a dangerous environment is too many.
nothing like working in family law to really open your eyes
Never never never never never never never never. To infinity.
THANK YOU!!!! I am astonished with the blind faith these girls have on their partners/ the fairytale life of perfection. I mean, yes love is blind and all that but use the logic reasoning in your brain also. Shit happens - sometimes its coz the guy is an arse and sometimes its coz he had different addictions or even if he just fell ill and couldn't work anymore.
well a lot of employers are men, thats the kicker here xD
These satay at home girlfriend influencers are making an income on their aspirational content tho. That's the most nefarious thing about this. They are making money convincing women to give up their agency and freedom. It's kinda the finance bros who are rich from selling courses on how to be rich.
Spot on. The ultimate hypocrites, with a sprinkle of misogyny for men-pleasing purposes on top 🤮
Absolutely!
My exact thoughts!! The sheer irony of it all!!
Totally agree!
This adds another layer, they are pushing something they don't even do themselves...
I don't think a lot of gen-z woman are actually becoming stay at home girlfriends. I think this is a uniquely social media thing. The funny thing is that these women who are posting their lives on social media do have a job. They are content creators. They are literally creating content with their lifestyles and earning money from doing that. A man may be bankrolling their day to day lives, but they are also earning an income for themselves.
I think so, too, but there do seem to be a lot of people being influenced by these videos. Even if they are unable to it seems to be a dream to some. It’s sad because the people I’ve known in real life living these lifestyles as wives or nowadays girlfriends were not always happy situations. Even when they seemed to be, in the moment, it was still always a risk. The people I see now doing this at least have some kind of work even if it’s part-time.
I don’t have a problem with the influencers for staying home, I just worry about those out there who don’t understand the situation. Who, as you said, don’t understand these creators have jobs. They’re influencers earning money from social media. Or again, the fact that living this lifestyle opens people up to being financially reliant, completely, on someone else and the danger of that scenario.
@@FullmoonPhantom-dn2sr Even if people desire to live that kind of lifestyle, it’s unrealistic in todays economy. You gotta find a rich boyfriend, and he’s also gotta be ok with bankrolling you. Most men are more worried about getting “used for money.” Yes gen z is very big on flex culture, but at the end of the day, it’s not reality. It’s just a more subtle version of fake flexing tbh.
THIS 🎯🎯🎯
Yep it’s not a real movement.
Some of them are also lying and have a regular job but see that this type of content is popular
I was forced to stay at home due to a disability. Nothing about it was empowering or glamorous. In fact, I felt powerless over my finances.
Same same! Plus there's dealing with how other people see you
A friend of mine felt this as well. She hated it and could not wait to go back to work. She felt trapped in her home.
Same. Though a rich romantic partner would have came in handy for when I became homeless because of it all.
Same. It's been years, and I am not able to work. Most people do not understand what it's like to have your life and career ripped away from you, and struggling each day to meet your basic daily needs. There is nothing glamorous or luxurious about my life these days! Yet, I still receive comments like "I wish I could sleep all day" and "must be nice to just stay at home and relax". When it's forced on you, not a choice, it is not nice at all
A rich boyfriend to help me with medical expenses would certainly be helpful!
This. I was forced to be jobless for a couple of years. I am lucky my family took care of me. But, I felt so helpless. I had to ask for money for even the smallest of things. I save like my life depends on it now, so that if by some mishap I have to go through that again, I can take care of myself.
I’m disabled and my dad pays my rent. A lot of people say I’m “lucky” for not having to work but they’re foolish. I guess I’m a “kept woman” because he supports me financially but lourds money over my head and keeps me in check if I think I could have any say in my life at all. I mean, I’m about to be 29 and still required to ask permission to go places or wear certain clothes. Working is so prevalent to saving our independence.
ever think about taking this time to learn a new skill that'll get you a remote job? like learning coding, administration etc?
@@Coffeetime1991 There are many different types of disability, not all limit your physical ability but your energy as a whole.
@@thehealingfairee correct.
Yeah, this is very relatable. It's a really disempowering and shameful feeling. It makes you feel like an overgrown kid or like a burden. As someone with Autism (low-to-moderate needs), even with therapy and 'help' in terms of family support, still I struggle to hold onto jobs or get a good strong hold career/finance-wise, and therefore can't yet live alone or move out by myself/with friends for more than a few months or a season. I hate it, every day I wish I were different, more like a neurotypical woman who can manage basic things like juggling responsibilities or socialising or a career track.
@@pendafen7405 I feel like a burden & overgrown kid too. My dad is the only family member that’s taking care of me. People say I need to be grateful, and to some extent I am. Yet when I’m dealing with abuse from him, “being grateful” is definitely not in the forefront of my mind. I completely relate to what you said about wishing things were different. Juggling things and keeping my emotions at bay is the hardest thing for me to do. I go into hyper panic mode and run to the nearest bathroom to hide. I know that’s not what “proper” adults would do, but it’s scary for me to go back n’ forth with different responsibilities. I don’t handle stress well.
I feel like what people forget to take into account is that while all these creators talk about being a stay at home girlfriend, they are almost ALL creators. Meaning making money from claiming they are Stay at home girlfriends when in fact they are simply working from home, earning more than enough.
I defined it exactly in the same way - working from home, pretending they do nothing.
How much do TikTok creators even make tho? TH-cam creators have a sustainable income but how much are these creators making from a few thousand views and a few paid promotions
Both my grandmothers were "kept women" who didn't have jobs. They both had all their teeth knocked out by my grandfathers before the age of 50. My now living grandmother would have loved to have a job. She begged my grandfather to let her work in the deli at a grocery store, no go. My now deceased grandma worked as a waitress when times were tough, and my grandfather was so embarrassed about it. Imagine a man being so insecure that you working a minimum wage job is a threat to his manhood. These were the "great" and "silent" gen women. Boomer women grew up in these households, which is why they fought for the ability to work and be financially dependent. As a Millennial I only hear stories of it. Gen Z is even further removed from what used to be, so its more and more romanticized.
Even if you're with a decent man, what if something happens to him or he loses his job. My dad made about 80% of the income, but as he got older could not keep up with the workload and got laid off, and we had to rely on my mom's income for 2-3 years, until my dad got a minimum wage job as a maintenance man because that was all he could get. Shit happens. When times are good, prepare for the bad. What if your man gets into an accident and can no longer work?
The thing is "kept wife" is a modern thing we have applied to the world as a forever thing. Wives/women have ALWAYS WORKED while maintaining a family. Go back to the Bibical days and women work whether it be selling garments, expensive dyes, spices, running vineyards etc women have always worked and rear the children. Women being financially independent or secure was essential back then so you don't end up a struggling widow when your husband dies in an army battle or simply defending your town with the other men because A rival empire is invading and torching your whole town
Having no legal rights to a man you aren't married to doesn't sound good to me. And being financially dependent with no legal rights is a nightmare.
Yes, they are with out any security, esp. if they don't have a college degree oder work experiences.
@@selfui7769 yea
it's a form of Victorian prostitution actually, hence the term living in sin
what they're bragging about is actually illegal becuase they are exchanging sexual favours for money
Yeah, they're truly being victimized living off another's labor
these trad wifes will get shot down by their husbands financially and emotionally.
“Women who Girl Bossed a little too close to the sun” is the most hilarious and equally soul destroying video title I’ve ever heard and I am going to stare at my YT subscription page until it uploads. Thank you Chelsea, thank you!
Girl Boss Icarus 😂
I think they posted it already
@@zoilalulu3798 OMG IM DYING
This is hilarious
it's victorian prostitution, called apartment girls in russia
In the 90s, I watched my friends mothers who were stay at home moms in the 80s get divorced and end up in bad situations. They had no work history, no money of their own, often limited education or credentials, hadn’t paid into social security, and went from pretty nice lifestyles to pretty hard lifestyles. Some figured it out but some never did. The kicker was the struggles with kids who preferred to stay with dad cause his house was nicer or he could pay for more fu stuff. My independent nature was partly built by those stories and stories like that from books. The woman starting over genre was a fave of mine in my 20s.
Any good books you could recommend on that? :)
@@sophiagray3191 the Mulberry Tree is a favorite.
Yes! Well before anyone considered keeping house as an actual work requiring a huge sacrifice in every way you mentioned.
This happened to my mother…. My dad left her for another woman after 23 years of marriage and my mom went to living a very nice lifestyle to barely making it on what my dad was giving her in alimony and child support every month… she was well into her 40’s and she barely had any workforce skills. Then he tried to take my sister away from her because she was struggling and he needed money to impress his new wife…. Disgusting…..
@@Rosie82333 I’m so sorry. It’s such a sad state of affairs that this happens
This is nuts. These girls can get kicked out any time. They have nothing of their own. I bet many of them go through a lot of bs with these guys. I was a stay at home girlfriend when I was young. It sucked. He was awful, so controlling. I had to call my parents for money to get a plane ticket. He wanted me out and did not even offer to help pay for a plane ticket. Idc what anyone says, when you are dependent on a man it's only a matter of time when he will flex on you.
Its because you choose the wrong One. Other stay at home girlfriend are provided for. The problem Was the wrong guy..not the fact of being at home. Good Luck for the next❤
@MartinaLucy - Wow. Not even an acknowledgement about this persons negative experience..you just had to say its their fault. What this person is saying is sure -you can choose the right one all you want but the threat of this happening still looms. All they are saying is to eliminate the threat completely is to simply don't put yourself in that situation to begin with. Even in the best situation, a GOOD man could get sick, die or become unable to work or bring in as much income as he used to by virtue of his industry dying and he needs time to retool. This happened to a lot of our almost retired aged ❤LOVING❤, HARD WORKING💪 dads during the recession. Mom's, dad's and kids suffered behind this arrangement that essentially puts all eggs in one basket. When has that ever been a winning sttategy!?
I have been there, a full-time stay-at-home girlfriend with 12 months of savings, an 800 credit score and a fully paid-off education, which was unfulfilling. It lent itself to active addiction and a lack of boundaries with your provider/partner. Yes, this is a privilege, and yes, this is better than working and going into debt but also caused a crisis. You wrap your entire existence around a man, and you actually end up tolerating MUCH worse behaviour from a provider partner than a man that wants to split bills 50/50. Your opinion isn't asked for or considered when making life plans that directly affect YOU, and at the end of the day, it's ALL his. You will be left have a massive gap in your resume, a lack of hard skills, terrible habits, trauma and be out of touch with reality, which will socially isolate you.
Damn. Just wow. That shit hit hard. Thanks for sharing! Wish you the best of luck! I wish I can share this to some of my other Gen Z girlfriends who are also in this mindset but I know it'll come out wrong. At this point, it's just respecting their choice and hoping that things turn out okay.
To me it sounds like you maybe already had unprocessed trauma? That's where addictions come from, as does not being able to fully separate yourself as an individual from others, like a partner.
that is so valid.
Please create more content about your experience!
If you're with some piece of shit then yes. My partner treats me like a divine queen.
Couldn’t think of a bigger oxymoron than an influencer promoting stay-at-home-gf. The very person who promotes the dream of not working in fact has a job and is quite good at it, if measured by views and perhaps paycheque. The height of hypocrisy of social media.
So true!
They're counting on their viewers not doing a double-take and going "uh, wait a minute here..." and realizing where it's coming from. And like you said, considering how many repeated views they get, it works.
As a Zoomer, this idea is bad. If you want to be a stay at home wife, that makes more sense, but a stay at home girlfriend offers no protection. Maybe these women think all the horror stories don’t apply to them, but they’re even more vulnerable to it.
It’s understandable because I grew up in a household where both parents worked, but my mom did the majority of the childcare and house care. It’s so much of a burden. For me, it became part of the reason I chose to be childfree, so I can see this as another sort of reaction to the inequality
I would agree, but the legality of marriage may not save you either. Alimony is becoming harder to get and there are men who are getting primary custody.
@@reebri2622 yeah, but it’s definitely a step up from being unmarried with barely any legal or financial protections. Something that even came to mind for me is what you or your partners gets sick or disabled? Those situations are much tricky to navigate unmarried than married
@@mirandalovesfood I mean if you are hypergamous and are with your partner cause he brings in the money and then he gets disabled, well they ditch him and find the next rich guy. That’s the concept 😉🤢😢
There aren’t only those options you know. You could marry a guy and you know make him man up and help out 50/50 with the chores. Many men today are more than willing to do their share of the chores.
Agree, but it happens to wives, too. Imo, it’s better to earn at least some pocket money for yourself so you don’t open yourself up to being financially abused. You should have some independence to protect yourself. Too many out there will take advantage even when they seem okay. Don’t give them the chance.
I have no desire to be a kept woman, but I do think that hustle culture is toxic and I have zero interest in ladder climbing. Hustle culture means devoting your entire being to work, leaving no time for family or pleasure. To add to this, companies have no loyalty to you and will drop you without hesitation, so why should you have such extreme loyalty to them? I used to enjoy working, and I always thought I would be a terrible SAHM. I found maternity leave to be stressful, exhausting and extremely isolating and I was glad to be able to go back to work. Yet fast forward and 2 years ago my son was diagnosed with cancer. My whole world shifted. Suddenly all the usual workplace annoyances that every job has bothered me a lot more. My job didn't seem to matter anymore. And yet, we need the health insurance that it provides. So I use paid family leave for his appointments and I keep my head down and keep trucking, but my heart is no longer in it. I'm not sure if my heart would be in any job right now, but who knows? But until we get universal healthcare I'm stuck working until I hit 65. It's a rather depressing thought. All this to say that, while I don't buy the "divine femininity" BS, there is something to be said for wanting an alternative to the way that capitalism grinds you down.
My heart goes out to you and your little boy. I can’t imagine how it must feel to go through what you’re going through and to need to make hard decisions while pushing through a work day with all of the heaviness on your heart. Wishing you and your family all the best ❤
@@shadowyasylum Thank you. It's not always been easy. Things got a little better this past year when he hit maintenance, which meant he could go back to school. But he's still on treatment so there are still medications and appointments to manage and sometimes he's not feeling well and has to stay home. I've been lucky enough to be able to work from home and have paid family leave that is actually paid. And my employer has been very flexible. But work just matters less now in the grand scheme of things and if it had been an option I would have taken a leave of absence when he was diagnosed.
My heart goes out to you. It's completely understandable that your heart isn't in some job. Whose would be??? You nailed it right there. As Chelsea said, the system is just so so wrong and these are the kind of situations that make it even more obvious.
❤️❤️
A lot of this is very centered in North America. In Scandinavian countries not only do they have the highest amount of women going back to work after giving birth because of subsidised childcare (almost free for some families), but they also don't have the "hustle" culture where you are expected to work 12 hours a day with no vacations. In these countries, work-life balance is very protected.
Traditional, smothering gender roles but make them ✨aesthetic.✨ God, what a joke. "Superficially liberating" is a great descriptor, one that could also apply for the relatively recent yet already rancid trend of self-objectification in the name of sexual empowerment. This is all so fucking exhausting.
The reality is that most Girlbosses tend to come by their amazing careers via status, generational wealth, and privilege. Stay-at-home girlfriends just have to be young-ish and fairly attractive (to somebody). Men have no real barrier to entry. So, it looks easier and more appealing. If the relationships falter and they’ll be faced with re-entering the work force with no marketable skills, THEN they MIGHT reconsider their choices. Until then, they’re living it up. So, I can’t be mad at them for doing what works for them. 🤷♀️
However, I notice that they’re pushing the stay-at-home girlfriend trend instead of the stay-at-home mother lifestyle. Could this be because SAHMs are typically not as young and hot? Maybe seeing loud toddlers running around a messy house ruins the fantasy of an easy privileged life. 🤔 Social media never reveals reality- especially if it’s not aesthetically pleasing.
It's because being a SAHM without childcare or other home service providers is labor, not leisure.
@@eboni7083 THANK YOU.
I think the SAHG aligns more with the younger generation that uses tik tok. If you think about it women are becoming mothers later in life (30s/40s) and that's currently more of the millenial generation. Even getting married is happening later in life for the average couple.
So I think this SAHG is the sum impact and just a newly coined term. Seems pretty risky to me...but I guess, do what you want?? 🤷♀️
The problem is even for most young and attractive women this isn’t that accessible, unless they want to potentially be a mistress/side-piece. It’s just not realistic and I think it’s encouraging younger women to idolize these pretty uncommon lifestyles over more practical endeavors. Plus, everything on social media is glamorized, and even the influencers aren’t actually “stay at home girlfriends” because they have social media careers. It’s mostly smoke and mirrors, and not sustainable.
"Men have no real barrier to entry" 😆
I feel like these videos are like an escapist fantasy. It’s fun to imagine what you would do with all that time you’re not working.
I did stay at home a lot during covid times where they would demand I stay at home if I had even a light cold. You definitely do have more spare time if you arent heavily burdened by disease or handicap, and a lot may be lost if you have kids or many pets. But your focus can also decrease when spending that much time at home indoors and that affects what you get done. It was overall kinda relaxing but started feeling a bit boring and restricting after a while
I will tell you would you do, lol.
1. Polish yourself up to unachievable perfection (that would be 50 % of your time) because somewhere, behind the corner, there is already awaiting a younger version of you to replace you when your time comes. And I can make you sure, in the cases of those women, it will come.
2. The other 50% of your time you would be eating yourself what is he doing when he is not with you and when that moment of your replacement will come.
And I will even tell you what will happen next, lol.
The future former SAHGs become the feminists and aspirational girl bosses who will never want to experience any kind of dependence in a romantic relationship anymore.
Of course, I am talking about the real SAHGs, which those influencers - ARE NOT.
They are just working from home pretending they do nothing.
@@zakosist Like summer vacation as a kid. If you just had a "staycation" and couldn't go on trips or anything because the parents were working, then the first 2 weeks off were okay, by about week 3 you're bored, then a month in you're itching to go back to school.
The little bit I saw with the high-rise condo living or whatever would make me nuts. If I'm gonna stay home all the time, it's gonna be out in the garden or doing yardwork. Hanging around indoor places all day would drive me nuts.
Thank you for this video! My aunt is a stay at home wife/mother for like 25+ years (didn't enter the marriage that way) and it completely turns me off from the idea of ever being financially dependent on someone in a romantic relationship. I think for some men it's an ego thing. She used to talk about going back to college and that never happened. She used to volunteer at my cousins' school so much they offered her a position and her husband said no lmao. I think the girls are really understimating the reality of not being in control of your own finances because truthfully if you aren't in control of your own finances you aren't in control of your life. Then to see this ideology get twisted with "divine feminine energy" makes it even more harrowing/annoying
I'm not even sure what the definiton of "feminine" these days anymore. This SAHG trend seems to translate feminine energy to being constantly pampered. Which is unrealistic for most of us unless you're married into some generational wealth family
Yes the "feminine energy" scam. I have been told that I am not in line with my feminine energy because I am an engineer and working on building my own business... I had big dreams since I was a little girl no one taught me this... it's just who I always been. But no I am not feminine lol cause feminine can't be creative and can't have dreams all of this is masculine energy lol...the bullshitest crap ever!
The delusion is staggering. But it goes to reason that the youngest women are eating up this ideology because they are the only ones naive enough to believe that giving up your agency to play maid for a man is a good idea
Louder for the people in the back: "Abandoning financial independence altogether leaves women vulnerable to financial abuse!"
Sadly, not only financial abuse is the issue here. Their lives could depend on being able to generate income on their own.
And sexual abuse.
Women should absolutely work, so when they decide to break up their family to "find themselves", they can do so without having their ex husband finance it.
Leaves them vulnerable to all abuse, financial, emotional, physical, psychological.....
And to any abuse that's not financial, mind you. If you want to leave a narcissistic or abusive man and take the kids with you, good luck convincing the judge you can keep them without a job or qualifications.
Just remember the girls posting about the soft life/ stay at home girlfriend routines are making money off of you watching their content. They put effort and energy into filming and editing and getting brand deals… they are literally working.
It’s scary how much Gen Z women can glorify losing independence. They are far more removed than millennials from our grandmothers who were miserable and had to stay with men who had financial control. However, I’m not against Stay at Home Moms. I’ve seen great models of partnership in one-income households. However, I don’t think anyone should do that without the legal protections of marriage
Yes!!!
I hadn't noticed the grandmother thing and that is true in so many levels. Of course they think the elderly don't know about their struggles: Their grandparents are boomers. It also explains cottagecore and vintage bloggers. I love those two things lol but it is true that they are romanticizing eras that were harsh to most people because of the aesthetic and it probably has to do with not being able to relate with the very real people from those eras.
@@missnoneofyourbusiness Agreed. Shows and movies don’t portray enough the financial abuse many women faced and even the struggles once they left their marriages or were widowed. Nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom eventually, but women need plans if something happens
I would agree, but the legality of marriage may not save you either. Alimony is becoming harder to get and there are men who are getting primary custody.
I am a millennial and my mother was very religious. She got married and tried to be the good little stay-at-home wife that the other women at her church were, but my father's alcoholism got in the way. Eventually she had to divorce and work to support two kids. I dunno why people look around at the VERY HIGH likelyhood of their relationship failing and think "yeah this seems like a good time to be financially dependent on my partner". We've all see divorces and breakups, at least plan for what to do if things don't workout. Or what if the partner gets ill or dies? As a girlfriend you have ZERO rights to their property so you would be suddenly homeless and jobless.
I wish people would recognize that being a homemaker is a serious commitment and not at all an escape from capitalism. It just puts you into dependency on someone else's relationship with market forces and results in you doing a lot of critical labor that goes unpaid.
This 🙌🏽
I can’t imagine how anyone would find this lifestyle appealing unless they had parents who spoiled them. As a child my parents would hold the fact that they have money over me and I hated it so much. I would be furious having a man do that to me. I can’t imagine leaving yourself with no power like that.
I have the option to quit working and be a SAHM but after seeing that blow up in MANY women's faces (I'm 33) it's a no from me. Primary breadwinners can leave of course but oftentimes they also get sick, injured, or die. Plus being out of the workplace for too long is so punishing of women. Ironically it's sexism that prevents women from being able to become SAHM by choice
@mmps18- so your willing to short your children because your afraid. Grow a pair. That’s why you have life insurance, disability.
My mother didn't work until I was in my teens. She was forced at that time to work by the state for assistance. Some people may not realize that your social security is based on how much you pay. If you don't work, you won't get it. My mother is seeing this now as she had a limited career, about 25 years instead of 50 plus. She gets very little in social security and since my stepfather who made the money walked out, she doesn't have his income now, forcing her to live in government-funded housing. Though I know Millenials/Gen Z don't think we will have social security anyway, however, if we do wouldn't you want to get as much as possible? There is no guarantee that a man who supports you will stick around.
How long was she married to your stepfather? If it was more than ten years, she might qualify for retirement money as an auxiliary ex-spouse
Although your stepfather would need to be fully insured for benefits and a divorce would need to have taken place
But either way, I agree with the point of your comment!!
I think we'll have social security, but I do expect they will push back the age at which you can start collecting it. And yes, if you don't have an income, you aren't paying into it, and you won't be eligible for it.
This is why if you want to stay at home, don't leave the workforce until you've been married 10+ years. You'll get half the spouse's benefits even if you divorce.
Was your mom married for fewer than 10 years?
LOL great video! I hate this trend so much. The girls making the videos have a job: influencing. So silly!
Great comment. And a lot of the time if they weren't influencers they'd be able to live off their parents' money because lifestyle influencers like that often start of pretty wealthy already.
I mean good for them, but they have to know they're selling an unattainable lifestyle to young girls who may then be trapped with a man for better or worse and ruin their future, because older/less vulnerable women will be able to see what their grift is.
This!
I honestly think influencers are the most useless "jobs" in society, them and Billionaires.
you hate the idea of a soft life? u enjoy working/being out of touch with your cycle and being forced to be in your masculine 24/7 by being financially independent? lol ok
@@sarahbartholomew3442 it's not about hating a lifestyle of not hustling, it's the inherent danger of pursuing that in a capitalist society when people don't have the capital nor a sound strategy in place. The whole masculine feminine thing is just selling Victorian era sexist norms in a different package. All humans have so called feminine and masculine and both are aspects of self we would all be wise to develop and use where appropriate. It's not some essentialist thing nor is it tied to your sex nor gender identity.
In many cases its not even about money. It's about respect. Many people simply don't respect stay at home partners as much as they would working partners.
So true 🙌 I lost my job in 2020 and we also move to a new city. Finding a job that was paying me what I was making before has become almost impossible. I had a job that pay 18 dollars an hour, nothing close to what I was making before, but I needed to work. I end up making calculations and with the gas and other expenses I was basically just making like 4 dollars an hour. I quit, so I been just stay home wife and I honestly love it, but I’m so shame to tell my friends or other family members, because I always been so independent that this new me is out of norm. I’m constantly looking for a new job and hope I find something soon that pays some decent money or at lease something online that pays 10 to 15 an hour, but I can stay home. It’s hard out there if you don’t live in a big city.
That’s their problem. They clearly value money more than they value their partner then.
@@mastersnet18 it’s not about money, it’s about being responsible adults. If you don’t work you have no agency and you are completely dependent on another person. Essentially you are like a child, except you are not hence it’s hard to respect you. This is true about those who willingly choose to not work while they can, not if you lost your job and struggle finding a new one or if you have some kind of disability
yikesssss. u sound like u believe it yourself smh
@@sarahbartholomew3442 this is happening to me at the moment. I can't find a job right now and am actively looking for something. I am witnessing a certain shift in attitude from everyone. They are not belittling me because I don't make any money but more like, "hey what do you know of the real world? You just sit at home all day long"
Being a stay at home anything where you get to drink designer smoothies and lounge around in expensive PJs sounds great, who wouldn't want that?? But it's weird it's assumed only attractive young women who over perform femininity "deserve" to enjoy a nice lifestyle while the rest of us are shamed for "not working enough" while juggling 2 jobs and kids.
I have no problem with women staying at home looking after their house and families. But from experience observing my mother, a woman needs a back up plan to go to work and make money in case the boyfriend/husband dies or walks off. My mother had no degree or skills, and with three kids she was stuck in a miserable marriage all her life. Just be smart and secure yourself first.
I was a SAHM for over a decade. My volunteer work definitely helped fill out my resume when I had to transition out. Still was a struggle though.
Yes. In this way, I think the 70s and 80s, even, were easier. Society was used to and far more accepting of women coming and going from the workplace to take care of family. Now, SOMEHOW women are expected to care for children, work, AND care for the elderly all at the same time. This is the first year all my kids are in school and I was planning to return to work and then, wouldn't you know it? Both my parents have dementia. Guess who gets to take care of them?
Slightly different take, but as a straight dude these trends make me so sad. It low-key backs up a lot of incel/manosphere talking points, encourages #HustleCulture in boys/men, and enforces outdated gender roles all things that I thought we were moving away from.
Yeah it’s one of the things that upsets me and I appreciate guys see it that way too. This is feeding into a dangerous ideology and trying to claim it’s the best only and all encompassing way to live does things like infuriate already angry men that think women are using the and worthless (which I mean, they aren’t that wrong at that point), plus these girls/women are trusting that only the best kind of guy wants this relationship, when it actually attracts abusive and controlling people.
Right, I don’t see how the response to “women do 3x the house work and child caring and men need to do more” is “let’s make the gender divide even starker and make women do it all!”
Yeah I can't imagine being a dude and seeing this kind of content where men are treated like an ATM machine for women who want to stay at home journaling and lounging in luxury PJs. It's gross on so many levels.
@@DimaRakesah Nah, soft life fr. Men have become lazy.
At the same time those incel/manosphere guys are always like "WHAT DO YOU BRING TO THE TABLE?", but when their women has a career they'd call her 'masculine' or 'emasculating'
Great video! This trend is honestly frightening. It's clearly trying to lure women into believing that their place is in the domestic sphere by making it look appealing and aspirational, but in reality it's putting women into very vulnerable positions. This trend is opening these women up to financial and domestic abuse and I really hope this trend disappears sooner rather than later...
We're in the era of conservatism using social media to push good old fashion sexism and misogyny repackaged and people still won't see it. So many are vulnerable to this.
it was the most common form of prostitution in victorian times, hence 'living in sin'
@@seabreeze4559 uh . . . if you believe in religion
It's so scary to imagine doing this lifestyle and then getting dumped having wasted the best years of your life to invest, having no safety net, savings or retirement. Partners can be fickle.
The majority of BIPOC women have seen their mom’s, grandmothers and aunties work hard for years so being a “kept woman” might seem alluring but it’s a trap. My sister in law stayed home with their two kids for a year after the youngest was born. My very sweet brother became the guy who asked “what do you need $20 for?” When she asked for money to get shampoo or tampons but didn’t tell exactly what it was for. She’s not a over-spender or frivolous with money. Soooo my sis in law used that time to get a 2nd degree and is now a CPA. She said that year almost killed their marriage. They’ve been together and married for 25yrs.
She’s with a weak man if she had ask for 20
I wasn’t able to work for 3 years because of visa issues and I lived with my bf/now husband at the time. And although he is the most supportive person I could ask for - he bought me things, took me out, paid my rent - I still couldn’t wait to sort out my issues and get a job which now I do have. No matter how supportive your partner is - having your finances makes a huge difference.
What gets me is that they only make videos preparing smoothies/coffee as if most SAH women aren’t cleaning all day. 😂 It’s a scam.
Cooking from scratch, taking care of errands, you name it 😂
Whether you really have to clean all day depends on the standard you set for cleaning, and how much mess is created eg. from children or pets, or your own cooking. Its not my experience you have to clean all day when staying home and still keep a decently clean (not perfect) home. But I also dont have kids
Stay at home mother dont clean all day. Cleaning only takes 1-2 hours tops. Rest of the day relaxing.
@@zero1188 I wonder what kind of cleaning you're doing lmao
@zero rest of the day relaxing??? Sounds like you don't know any mother's/have never looked after a baby/children.
I've had the polar opposite content pushed on me which is of heterosexual couples where the men treat their partners like maids/mothers and the women leave the relationship. This has definitely motivated me to work harder so I'll never have the stress of having to depend on any man financially because the thought of that now is so scary. You never know how a relationship is going to turn out and your situation can go south in a blink. Better to protect yourself
I also wonder if these SAHGs don't usually come from wealthy families where they have the financial safety net of mommy and daddy if things go south with their boyfriends. I doubt many sensible women who grew up "entry-level" middle class have the chutzpah to take such a risk.
I think it across socioeconomics levels, basically how women respond to influence. I have seen women even from the middle class ( especially for the attractive middle class girl in college) get talked into being a SAHG or SAHW by either family members (especially mothers living vicariously through attractive daughters) or through men literally talking about giving these women ‘everything’. At the crutch of it is as long as the women is conventionally beautiful, then they may be talked into that lifestyle. To me it is not really any different then the girls going after athletes or celebrities because of the possibility and hope and pressure for their social group or family.
@@reebri2622yes. And that beauty will not protect you from all forms of abuse once you’ve moved in. It often makes you a target, even from those outside your home who resent that you are not working (i.e. the mother of the provider boyfriend who works outside the home, attacking the “pretty and privileged” SAHG)
Even if I could be a stay at home girlfriend I wouldn’t want to be. I have dreams and passions I am pursuing and I can do skincare, journaling and workout while I accomplish my goals as well. More power to them but it’s not for me.
OMG, this "aesthetic" and aspiration is soooooo repulsive to me. As you said Chelsea... when the provider guy is BORED by the girlfriend, then the girl needs to DESPERATELY find another guy to survive!! Unbelievable
I fail to see how that is not prostitution. As a Gen X, I threw up a little watching this video. Stupid stupid children!
Are you not in the exact same position when you lose your job?
@@evaphillips2102 When you lose your job you can apply to another using the skills and experience from your previous job. You can show how you’ll be able to do this next job because you’re either trained and familiar with what the work requires or have similar skills. When looking for a new boyfriend to support your stay at home aspirations, you can’t exactly use your previous relationship as an example as to why you’ll be good at the position. For people who lose their jobs, there are also programs in place to assist, like Unemployment, government assistance, severance from your previous job etc… You can’t claim any of those because you’re no longer able to be supported by your boyfriend.
Not to mention what happens if the guy is in a coma or dies! Girlfriends don’t get the house, the money, or the car. They can’t access bank accounts they aren’t on. The don’t get to make medical decisions or funeral arrangements. That goes to the next of kin, and spouses are at the top of that pecking order.
Or just get a job. No biggie
Thank you once again for our weekly shots of sanity! I kept seeing these videos and my thought was always: “Wait, these women aren’t financially taken care of, they’re content creators working and cashing in!” What’s so dangerous is that they are selling this false reality to women who don’t realize it’s an illusion until they are financially and psychologically trapped in abusive relationships.
Your femininity is never tied to your income or career. It is certainly not dependent on your subservience to a man. It is how you carry yourself through this world. Anyone trying to convince you otherwise is simply trying to SELL you something for their own benefit.
Someone needs to make a parody video (but play it straight and normal) where the "stay at home girlfriend" has been one for about a year minimum, turns on the camera and she looks like a straight out of the 1950s, June Cleaver-ish housewife with the dress, apron, high heels, pearls, and that damned plastic smile like a Stepford Wife.
I wonder how the viewership would respond to the image, especially when she ditches the smoothies and pulls out tons of cookware for a gargantuan multi-course dinner for "her hard working man" to come home to. (I foresee swipes off the vid or tablets being thrown to the side as the viewers shriek in terror).
Nigerian here. Interestingly enough, the soft life (as used in common parlance) often speaks to hustling early in life and optimising one's career for higher returns, to escape hardship and anxiety from poverty. If anything, it points to an overeagerness to live a life of wealth and comfort, as soon as possible.
I am a gen Z stay at home girlfriend due to my disabilities, including: chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia(chronic pain), depression and anxiety(also suspect that I have ADHD but still waiting to be seen by a psychiatrist). The fact that I don’t have an income makes me extremely anxious. A lot of times I feel like a failure in life, and my symptoms get even worse when I feel that way. After discovering this channel I have learned so much about personal finance and feels more confident and comfortable around the topic of money. I’ve decided to be a content creator which is a way to make money and achieve financial freedom. Thanks for all of your personal finance advice and information!💛
I was there. Except my pain was from stage4 endometriosis and PCOS. On the spectrum. No support from Narc family. I struggled to pay the bills in my own name when I got a random gig here or there. No access to funds or health insurance. Credit and Med debt from hospital stays. Eventually left after 16 years of abuse (every type). Never could have imagined, but I was a frog in a boiling pot. The toxicity was gradual and my self esteem slowly decreased to non-existent. It’s been a painful 3 years rebuilding.
My advice to you is to be smart about the money you earn. Don’t use it all towards your household out of shame and guilt for not being an equal earner. Save as much as you can. Take good care of your overall health (mental and emotional too) And hope for the best, but plan for the worst. Love and light to you. 💛✨
I know someone who teaches a very privileged all girls school. They've said this is a common mind set. There's a lot of "why would a trophy girlfriend need to know this?"
It's mostly jokes but since these girls come from so much money themselves they probably are going to be the trophy girlfriend influencers in a few years.
What I'm trying to say is a lot of these women on tik tok probably came from a lot of privilege already and if they break up with their boyfriend they'll have plenty to fall back on. They're just selling a dream. The "hypergogamy" or whatever influencers seem the most insidious. Are they selling webinar's and self help books? You too can have my lifestyle type stuff? How do you think that's going to work out for women who don't have anywhere to fall back to if it fails?
And even with all their privileged backgrounds, that'll work til they're about 35 and hubby trades them in for a newer model... and then their parents are gonna either just give them an allowance and keep them dependent, or shake their heads and go "get a job and a life, you bum."
Haleyybaylee being in the “stay-at-home-girlfriend” tiktoks is @ 1:21 is hilarious. William’s assistant would be proud.
I grew up in a single income home with a stay at home mom. We were very poor, my mother was the full time caregiver to my grandmother, and I know she felt a ton of guilt for not being able to contribute to our family financially. It was incredibly hard sometimes and not glamorous.
Actually she was, just because it's unpaid doean't mean it doesn't count. How much would your family be paying for house cleaning, meals, child care and senior care if your mom didn't do it?
I was in the work-questioning vortex of the pandemic, and while I was struggling to find a job after college I couldn't help fantasizing about a life where I had a high-earning partner (I'm a lesbian so no men for me thanks) and could work on my side-hustles full time from home. I think our generation craves meaningful, stable work that our economy just doesn't provide, and opting out of work entirely feels like an escape route. I've realized that it's not that I don't want to work, it's that I want to do work with tangible results and impact on other people. Sometimes the idea of quitting my job to support a hypothetical partner and take care of a home meets that criteria in my brain because of how that role has been positively presented online. Obviously reality is different, but the fantasy makes sense to me.
It is an escapist fantasy. Nobody wants to leave the comfy cocoon of childhood/adolescence when someone else took care of us in some capacity. I get that. It is scary to be responsible for yourself entirely, but ultimately it is what adulthood is all about. It is rewarding ultimately, I promise! You sleep way better at night knowing that you don’t have to stay with them if they get abusive or simply stop loving you. Also, men get bored very fast with women who are essentially maids in their (the man’s) home. The love and care are not mutual, but rather opportunistic on both parts. We’ve seen it all and it’s bad. Please younger generations, don’t fall for the false advertising of the 50s lifestyle
What about reality is different?
@@user-qp6lj6gu7s The 40-year career almost doesn't exist anymore, for one. Easier to have plans, goals, stability when you know your boss is gonna be there and have your back and you'd really have to screw up (or the company would) for you to lose your job. I grew up on the whole "find a good job and work there forever" thing. Then I graduated and that went out the window. Some interviewers look at you funny when you've been at a job more than 3 years. I used to think it was a good thing, that it meant I was dedicated and had loyalty. I asked others and they said it could be interpreted as I have no ambition and likely didn't learn new transferrable skills and tech because I was too comfortable.
When I think back on it, they were somewhat right, and I've been searching for other work opportunities for months while trying to fill those gaps in my skillset and working a job that gives me too little to live off of at the moment, but better than nothing while I search.
I was the primary breadwinner of my abusive relationship, and it was STILL incredibly hard to break free from. Would’ve been next to impossible if roles were reversed and he made the money that supported us
((virtual hugs)) I hope you’re in much better place by now
Besides the money aspect, there is also the sexual and the emotional. Because traditional gender roles also included those - the wife should provide sex and emotional support. I wonder... does this Stay At Home Girlfriends feel that they can deny sex, for instance, without feeling guilty? What if they go through a long run of low libido, is that ok for both partners? And what about the emotional support? What if the guy is going through a very stressfull moment in his career, and the girlfriend happens to be very depressed? Is she going to feel its ok to vent to her overworked boyfriend or is she going to feel her problems are smaller? What about the guy, is he going to be understanding in those scenarios? Theses issues can be tricky even when one partner doesn't pay (almost) everything. I really feel sad for those girls, they're buying a dangerous ilusion, imo. But I'm a foreign, and my country is much more poor, so my opinion is also biased by that.
it's literally a live-in prostitution arrangement, so no
high on sexual coercion at best
Also worked at a law firm! These women are going to be screwed if their bf’s ever dump them. This is more of a live in sugar baby lifestyle, and those usually end after a few years. The reason why these guys dont marry those women is so they cant take their money 😂
I always find it funny that there are women promoting this lifestyle on tiktok while being brand ambassadors since they are making money and that itself is a job. Then they sell women on not having a job and staying home like it's not even the same.
Such a great video. I have not been a fan of this content being targeted towards women. It’s so dangerous and it’s completely disregarding womens history.
I’m forced to stay home bc I’m sick but I’m able to freelance and I make more money now than I did working normal jobs. I love being able to contribute financially towards my family. Bc I’m disabled my partner helps a lot with the home. We are a team and I love that.
One thing I wish you would touch on is how these women are actually making money by pushing this content and releasing courses and stuff. It’s like the women’s pick up artist. Great video!
So true! They’re still earning their wealth independently through their social media platforms, but selling gender essentialist perspectives about dating “providers” at the same time. 😂
There is a divine femininity to alt right pipeline, that is true, but most of these movements start well meaning and then get co-opted.
That’s quite the exaggeration. It’s a lifestyle choice out of a million lifestyle choices. Big deal, you don’t like it don’t live that way.
@@mastersnet18 life isn’t just about me. I want what’s best for women long term no matter what route they chose. They still deserve protection
@@toomuchpassion2361 I agree but that doesn’t make it better. Most people start off meaning well but have to start grifting
This video is just like a conclusion to an essay (my journey). Story time: My mom is that strong independent woman, the breadwinner for my family. It is very uncommon for my parent’s generation, especially considering Indian culture. She had to work 8 hrs all the while taking care of the household by herself.
Phase 1: I watched her growing up and her cousins who were all stay at home wives, who didn’t have any say in their houses, had to ask for their parents or husbands for money, they were confined to their homes; so I wanted to be just like my mom when I grew up, bcz in my eyes my mom was truly free and independent.
Phase 2: i was in my early adulthood and I saw how bad it is for working women in my culture. They work 8+4/5 hrs outside AND inside. While the man only works 8 hrs outside. Besides my femininity was blooming fully so I naturally tended to have a goal to be a housewife doing all the feminine cute things and take care of my family to the fullest. Also the trends coincided
Phase 3: now I’m 26, i was off social media for months. I was hearing all the teas from my mom’s friends who are housewives. They are in their late 40s still getting beaten up by their husbands, they’re living like maids, no financial freedom, no respect from anyone in the family (ofc the members may treat nice but they don’t respect these wives as much as they respect the husbands)
I am still feminine, I still am going to take care of my family as I’ve planned, but I’m not gonna leave my job for two reasons:
1: respect from people. Especially from the husband (it is human nature to take those who are dependent on us for granted)
2. Life’s unpredictable. It’s better to save/make money as much as possible while it is possible.
There are solutions for when u have children. Nannies, WFH or opening a small business. But ladies be independent. Always.
I am from a third world country where people think women should stay at home. I am 30 unmarried because all the men who proposed to me wanted me to stay home. I am an engineer in two different fields and aspiring to start my own business. I want to have the luxury of staying at home whenever I feel like it without the need to worry about my finances but under one condition having money that works for me. To all the women there in the first world you are so prievledged you have no idea how it is for women in here we are literally fighting our way through to study and work and have dreams...if you do that you get punished by not having a family for example!!! Don't waste what your grandmothers have fought for, it's not very bright on the other side I promise you.
The women over here are so spoiled and entitled because they are women. The things they say is so Sickening that men don't even wanna get involved with them. God bless you I hope you find what you are looking for. The good women suffer because of the entitlement of these narcissistic idiots that the media drives. The only fans movement is so sick and the way they make it sound ok is unbelievable.
As an aspiring engineer myself with a similar goal, you are an inspiration. Thank you for sharing your comment 🫶🏻
As a social worker who is very passionate about end of life that’s where my mind goes! If you are not married and something happens to your partner you get nothing…. You can’t make decisions for him, just nothing nothing nothing.
I just don't see how a stay at home GIRLFRIEND is even sustainable in the United States. In this country so many benefits are dependant on your marital status, so it's cool your sugar daddy BF pays for your rent, phone, credit card, but what about health insurance? Or is all the pilates, smoothies supposed to compensate for no healthcare? Or are the SAH GF supposed to be on their parent's insurance until 26, and then they get dumped by BF by 27?!?
I would assume sugar daddy pay for the health insurance as well. A lot of people have to get it through marketplaces anyway, so in this sense there is no difference in paying credit cards or health insurance
I believe it’s just the pendulum swinging as it always does. Every few decades it changes. Millennials had the girl boss era and now Gen Z has soft life and stay at home gf (which I believe both have rose due to some Gen Z rejecting having a career and being apart of the rat race).
this!!!
I am raising my daughter to be self sufficient. I hate what people are holding up as the new feminine ideal. It’s such a stereotype of being a woman.
Not to mention the ties to the manosphere that give this movement a sinister element.
I basically had a stay at home boyfriend (now husband) for 2021 and I loved it. He/we did all the things you suggested. We had two emergency funds saved in our own personal bank accounts, he continued to research and study and was active in academic reading groups, he continued to network within his industry so it was easy to reenter, we continued to build credit... I think with proper preparation and in a healthy relationship with communication and mutual agreement, it can work. But the influencers curate what they want us to see, wrapped in product placements and paid endorsements, so it's not a reliable source of info.
The concept of simply opting out of work is interesting bc whilst of course this happens, it’s also not nearly as easy as it used to be (like in the 90s) to get a job, any job. The competition today is real, can be intimidating and overwhelming. Adds allure to the stay home gf gig.
Ive been a stay at home wife for the past couple months after getting laid off. It's been mixed. On the one hand, I love the newfound time to read books, cook elaborate meals, work on coding projects, spend time with friends/partner, take courses on platforms like Coursera/Udemy, exercise, just have time to myself. When I worked, I only had 4 hours to do all of that per day, and that was depressing since I always had to choose and sacrifice some. Now I can do it all and have a near perfect life. However, it all comes with a degree of background anxiety. Not that I wasn't anxious in my job, but the current anxiety feels more omnipresent, like a part of life rather than a reaction to work events. I grew up with a grandma who instilled into me the importance of being independent from a man since she herself was abandoned many times. And even though I understand it's her emotional baggage and shouldn't affect me, I see how realistic and smart her perspective is. I trust my partner 100% (we've been in a relationship for over 10 years) , but things can still happen where I may no longer rely on him. Now I'm actively applying for jobs and also pursuing a degree in computer science. Still not having that stream of income feels unsafe. I am thinking about getting a part-time gig just to feel a little bit safer, but it's hard to accept anything under $20 an hour (I made $25 an hour in my previous job). I am also a recent immigrant, and in my country you get 4 weeks of PTO if you work part-time (I worked 20 hours a week and got 4 weeks of PTO - I was just paid for those days as if I was working 4 hours a day). So to me the American system feels exploitative, and I don't like feeling exploited. I also understand that those jobs won't add anything to my resume. It's better to spend that time working on coding projects and applying to internships rather than toiling for a measly pay and an even worse attitude at some fast food place. And since my husband makes 6 figures, my money would basically be beer money (which doesn't encourage me at all). I've been poor growing up, but now, thanks to my husband, I have the privelage to struggle less. It's funny though how my brain refuses to embrace that privelage and is tormenting me with anxiety (I guess growing up poor really shows you how unsafe the world is and that you must always rely on yourself).
I say this as encouragement. Even making something less than $20 an hour (and still have support from your husband), that money is yours and if you can work it out with your spouse, then I would just save the money and let it grow. In the meantime, while working part-time, you may want to continue to find a steadier work for your original pay. There are always work around and setbacks, but there are also options and opportunities.
I relate a lot to your story. Durring the pandemic I was forced out of work and the loss of income made me extremely anxious. But after working for a while again and leaving my job by my own choice I am able to enjoy the time I have with less fear. Being forced out of work due to a layoff or choosing to step down makes a big difference.
I can't help but find the concept of a trophy girlfriend hilarious...if she's such a catch, if she's so high value...why not marry her? All the repsonsibilities of being a wife woth none of the security? No thanks.
angering these guys is so easy and funny, their vulnerable narcissism is hilarious
he'll say "she's the perfect girlfriend, so good-" as if we're all meant to be jealous, meanwhile all the women are ACTUALLY thinking or saying "but not good enough to marry, eh?" they blow their top, it's so funny.
@@seabreeze4559 "Vulnerable narcissism" - smh -- 2023 and obligatory buzzwords
8:02 yes to the financially vulnerability. All it takes is an argument or a death for the sahg to end up homeless with no job skills and no legal rights to assets as a girlfriend.
And that's the best case scenario. In the worst case, their partner is abusive and uses the situation to financially abuse them. Good luck getting out of an abusive relationship with nothing to your name and no job/survival skills. It's legitimately scary to think about.
Not to mention that the relationship could end during a recession and the SAHG have to enter the job market with even more competition from experienced workers.
These boyfriends will be beating and cheating, and the sahg's will be crying.
I watched that viral video of "a day in the life of a stay-at-home girlfriend" and it's literally seeing my mom's life, except she's 55 instead of 25, right down to doing pilates at midday. I get why it looks aspirational but though she has help with domestic tasks, even though my dad is an extremely generous man, has never controlled her with money or made her feel inferior, even though they're in a loving relationship, she is unequivocal that this is never what she would've wanted for herself and has always pushed my sister and me to be strong independent women who don't need to rely on a man. I've seen her frustration when we talk about meeting career goals and she can't relate, when she has to buy my dad a birthday present with his own money, or when she feels lonely cuz he's out working all day. I've also seen her friends who were not that lucky and had to endure infidelity or emotional abuse because they did not have financial indepence from their husbands. Doing laundry and cooking for your husband for 30 years gets old. Having seen it up close - don't fall into this trap ladies. It's not worth it.
I have my degrees in Psychology and Sexual Science with an emphasis in ADHD. I work as a Sex/ relationship coach and an ADHD Coach.
This kind of "lifestyle" is about control. This IS grooming behavior. There's no such thing as
"leaning" in your feminine, at all. Please understand that your mental, physical, emotional, and sexual health are ALL connected.
Always have your own money, and you don't have children with bare minimum people. You deserve better.
Russians call this type of 'arrangement' an apartment girl. It was common in the 1800s London as the most common type of prostitution and causes HUGE social dysfunctions. Trafficking charities mention the brainwashing used called The Game and basically it does infantilise them yes.
Yessss! Bringing kids into this will make it very messy
@Extra Stout Oh absolutely!
As a millenial who girl bossed and worked 50+ hours weekly in advertising, then got laid off with severance. I like the change of being a stay at home wife/cat mom. It's a nice change in pace and i'm not as stressed. However, I am bored so i'm looking for a new job and keeping myself busy.
I’ve been a stay home wife/ mother for 9 out of 10 years of our marriage.
I’m not sure how I feel about being a stay at home girlfriend. There’s not really a commitment being made without marriage. The moment the man decides he doesn’t want to be with his stay at home girlfriend, she’s stuck with no work history or means to survive. That’s too much on the line for just a boyfriend. She can’t even apply for alimony….. that being said being a stay at home wife is amazing. But it’s definitely not how social media depicts it. Cleaning and cooking isn’t going to do itself. Plus you have to manage a one income budget. Your not going to be out shopping and doing facials every day unless your married to incredibly successful man.
As someone who is in certain communities that you are talking about, I would like to add another angle to the discussion, as many seem to put everyone who follows the femininity/ hypergamy communities in the same box. What you are mentioning is what we call bubblegum femininity, where women care about resting in their feminine energy in an almost ludicrous way, as the energy model wasn't created to be 100% of one side. Bubblegum feminine women do end up financially dependent and that is what a smaller group of women in the nowadays vast universe of femininity and hypergamy communities is trying to fight and set the record straight. While you can be a SAHG or SAHW, it is a lot wiser to develop your own passive income streams - may it be a smaller business you run from home or investments in your name. Financial literacy is key, even when you marry up! And that is what some femininity and hypergamy coaches do teach!
Just wait till you start aging. It's all well and good when you're a hot 20-something but looks fade. If your BF is shallow he might ditch you once you reach your mid-thirties and you've just missed out on income, SS, work experience, etc. A career is a better safety net than a guy who thinks you're hot (now).
A now single (still for now stay at home mom). I don't think I could ever give up my financial independence again. It was scary to try to leave and not know what my situation would be like.
Thank you for posting this. I keep watching these divine femininity videos. And it worries me so much to see women who are intelligent put their faith in men, like you clearly have no idea what financial abuse and manipulation looks like. But it also worried me to see that the flipside is working your ass off to get a job that if a man were in the same position, he would get paid more for. There's no winning. The reason why girl bosses exist is because men in our lives have disappointed us and we had to step up. Highly doubt anybody actually 'wants' to work multiple jobs to prove they are 'empowered'. And now it's the stepping up that is used against us, with men exploring women for money on top of everything else. Can we get a movement where we address this absolute imbalance for a change? Hold both men and women accountable.
Just stop with this BS! That a man would earn more at the same job. He would not… unless he is working more hours or travelling more or got more credentials. Most companies pay equal to men and women ( all things being the same). Why are feminists constantly spreading these falsehoods?
After thinking in my twenties "maybe being a kept woman sounds pretty nice," I had the opportunity to try it out when I was unable to get a job during the pandemic years. I was MISERABLE. Despite my husband being an incredibly kind and supportive man who has my back every step of the way, I realised it wasn't enough for me to be the World's Best Housewife. I needed to be more things to more people. I needed a life outside of my home and my husband. When I got a new job, something as simple as my manager saying "great job" filled me with joy. I need to be more in this world than just my husband's wife. Sure, sometimes work sucks, but seeing my skills progress, my network and reputation grow and my income increase is SUCH a high. I'm honestly glad I experienced those lean years - it showed me how much I get out of being employed.
If you’re a stay at home doing all the cleaning/dishes/shopping etc than have him pay you. Yes I did this over a decade ago when my than steady boyfriend wanted me to be able to travel with him and my job was getting in the way. So I made a deal- I’ll do all your errands and the housework/laundry but I’m paid for it. We did NOT split the bills bc he still made a lot more. However When we separated I had a good chunk of money in the bank/invested and during the relationship I was not depended on him buying me what I wanted, I had my own cash.
Always live outside the box
Also we did not share bank accounts. If I ever get married I will have 2 accounts - mine and ours. Never share 1 bank account! Always have your own
Yes you were strategic. The issue is most women aren’t and are almost always floating off the delusional fumes of believing that all they have to do is find a “good guy” (whatever the hell that means) and it’ll be fine. Most of the impressionable young girls watching this content would never even think to ask for compensation for the labor they give their partners.
I’m with you though!
This video is helpful to my mind-boggled older Gen X self. All my friends got jobs, got married, had kids. A lot of us were first-generation college students and earned our degrees and kept those jobs while having a family. Among my age group I’m more of a rarity for being child-free than for having a graduate degree. We ALL work, still. The idea of not working and choosing to be financially dependent on a man you’re not married to seems utterly bizarre. Where is the safety net?
I never see anyone talk about how creatively fulfilling work can be. I work for a large public sector organisation, really not that glamorous or aspirational, but I’m really proud of the teams I’ve built and the projects I’ve delivered (and I’ve not done anything on the scale of building something like TFD). I feel like the discourse is all about “choose between the rat race and creative fulfilment, you can’t have both…” but that’s not my experience.
This is looked at from a systemic point of view, not an individual one. Some people will be able to do fulfilling work (or creatively so) and do well financially at the same time; that's unfortunately not the majority of people. It's simply not feasible under this system, hence the cited binary. There's always gray in between, but the shades are thin.
This. Self actualization - no one talks about how it’s important for women to also become self actualized not just men. And pretend as they may, most people will never become self actualized by cooking and cleaning
My parents had the opposite dynamic, my dad stayed at home. It was a huuuge problem when my mom became too sick to work.
Women tend to do so much even when unemployed, like plan family gathering, trading with neighbors and doing other valuable health & community stuff. I think men having no serious financial responsibility to support these things is not good for them either since men with purpose (generally indirectly supporting family through a career) tend to seem much more fulfilled.
It's a really disempowering and shameful feeling to be trapped at home, by illness, relative poverty or abuse. It makes you feel like an overgrown kid or like a burden. As someone with Autism (low-to-moderate needs), even with therapy and 'help' in terms of doctor & family support, still I struggle to hold onto jobs for long or get a strong foothold career/finance-wise. I hate it, every day I wish I were different, more like a neurotypical woman who can manage basic things like juggling responsibilities or socialising or a career track.
I have a former work colleague that embraces this lifestyle and while a part of me is jealous that she gets to be taken care of, another part of me wonders what will happen to her if her future husband decides to trade her in for a younger woman in 10 years, or if she finds out that he's cheating, or even if she just decides she doesn't like him anymore and wants to leave. What happens then?
I think the same, no matter how hot you are, if a man only values your youth and beauty, then you're easily replaceable.
I get your point but she's been married to him for 10 years presuming so she would be entitled to some form of compensation if they were to divorce...now these chicks my age who take that same risk without having the blood contract of a legal marriage leave me scratching me head!
@@shelbysycamore637 What's bad for her is that all the money is coming from the in-laws so if they divorce she would get nothing.
@@portalomus you have a point but you didn't mention that part in the story. Yeah I hope things turn out well for her though.
The online creators at the forefront of this fad are not as financially dependent on their boyfriends as others who attempt it will be. Even if the relationship ended if they have enough of an audience they could likely parlay into another form of content. The level of financial dependence on a partner will be much higher for the average Jane Doe if they are not turning it into paid content.
There is an older professional name for the stay at home gf...in 15th century Venice it was called being a courtesan. Courtesans sold their relationships for money not just sex. However they were the only women in the city who were educated and could read, write poetry, play an instrument and generally expand their inner horizons so to speak. The stay at home gf is just a modern incarnation of that.
The stay at home gf thing will probably be fine if you’re young, hot and childless and can easily hop from guy to guy. But if you aren’t all those things, all at once, seems like a disaster waiting to happen.
I feel like there needs to be a balance. Develop skills, network, get an education and work, but at the same time set boundaries to be able to do hobbies or rest. That's my goal, be able to save up money but have some time for myself.
This might not be applicable to the broad community that the SAHG influence is targeting, but this trend also boomed around the same time as Bridgerton. The tv show made Regency life seem super glamorous. Who doesn’t want the “easier” life where a someone’s “only” stressor is to marry off the children she raised and not gender/racial/financial/etc inequalities (which were truly present in the real Regency period but not meaningfully present in a romance tv show). Some days raising a brood of children while lounging in my expensive silk day dress sounds a lot better than my day job. But that imagery isn’t real and very few people lived the life of nobility. My hypothesis is that romanticizing the past was an easy transition to the romanticization of staying at home and caring for a man. (I adore a good historical romance, but sometimes, like with social media, you have to be aware of the fiction that you consume)
I believe in someone choosing to live their life the way they see fit. If one wants to opt for being a stay-at-home wife, it is not my business to judge. However, I cannot stress it enough to do the stay-at-home as a wife, not a girlfriend. There is no protection as a girlfriend and if there is some, there is more as a wife. I also suggest they keep involved in the community, volunteer, and join organizations and groups. They may want to work part-time and getting an education will work wonders for them. Be smart about their decision and the types of men they're choosing to partner with.
There are also entire sections of apps like TikTok and Instagram where there are women who put out contents on how to score a rich guy, how to get guys to pay for your vocation, how to get men to give you money, etc 🤮🤮🤮 it’s 2022 and there are still people like this
And their tips usually revolve around resting in femininity. Which is so vague bc every guy is different. Being yourself sounds clichè but it's better than doing random stuff like making your voice softer or wearing heels
@@aeoligarlic4024 Exactly. Letting go of your personality, ambitions and morals to please the rich guy who will give you money. If this was in a third world country where women literally have no rights then I would understand. But it’s these women in first world countries with all the opportunities to make a life for themselves yet they choose to resort to giving themselves away for men with money. It’s just super weird to me. I guess that there has always been this type of women out there, I am just becoming more and more aware of them because of social media.
I cannot harp enough at just how important to be able to support oneself financially. For people of any gender. As healthy as a relationship can be, stuff happens sometimes. Your partner could die, cheat, start hitting you, etc. You need to have a financial back up plan, a way out, just in case.
What about friends and family? Don't you count on them all to be there for you if a relationship with one person fails?
That man could dump his stay-at-home girlfriend at any moment, not owing her anything. People take these unsecured relationships for granted, and that scares me.
I am a 31 y/o woman and I am surprised because this never appeared on my tiktok feed. I was raised with my grandma (who also worked by the way, so did my mum) always saying that I need to have by own money.
Currently I am actually stay-at-home pregnant (but recieveing my full paycheck - yay for maternity benefits here) and honestly having a time of my life relaxing and enjoying the free time but I don't feel more feminine or any way different than when I do work. The enjoyment of it also comes from knowing it's a limited time and having job security.
Wow where do you work? I feel like there is no such thing as job security in the US, no matter what career you choose. And it’s all high stress. So while there’s no security being a stay at home there’s also very little security at a job.
@@ourgardenkitchen I'm from Serbia. Many things are not the great here, but thank God the pregnancy related healthcare and benefits are allowing women and children to have a good start at life. Our public health insurance also covered all the costs of IVF my partner and I needed in order to get pregnant.
My grandma was a single income earner. My mom was a stay-at-home wife and regretted it. Financial control/contribution is so important in a relationship it is foundational and my mom would NEVER let me be a trophy girlfriend/wife. Also my husband is very 50/50 about cost and expense sharing. He'd never let me freeload off him! Anyone (any human) who thinks they can rely on another person for 100% of their finances is straight up setting themselves up for abuse.
Doesn’t sound like a very nice husband😬. But only based on your comment.
I hope your husband is also 50/50 with chores and childcare
Excellent video, shared with my 21-y.o. daughter who is sometimes disillusioned by what she sees on SM.. thank you for taking time to make this kind of content
i’m 25 and active on tik tok, whenever i talk about how debilitating it is to depend on a random man (not legally protected) for your living, i’m attacked by a bunch of other young women. and they try to frame it like “ur brain washed by society to be a workdog” or “ur ugly and can’t get a guy to do this”…. and it always makes me sad. i can easily live off my partners salary but i would always feel that bit of insecurity. i also think there are a lot of ways to be fulfilled as a woman and smoothie making at home is very limiting. i do resent this wave of tik tok anti feminism. they’ve lost the plot.
You frame it as 'random men' or some sort of stranger when I would venture to guess these women are obviously in serious relationships with people they trust and benefit from.
Forget financial independence, what about mental stimulation? Staying at home and waiting for your rich bf sounds so boring.
I’m not even gonna watch this video cause the topic is so cringy but I came here to say thanks😂 I’m sending this to my sisters they are young and impressionable and all over tik tok.
Considering marriage rates are tumbling i find this very fascinating tbh.
women don't want to marry because men are quite mean sometimes
@@seabreeze4559 would be interested in knowing why men don’t want to marry ….🤦🏾♂️
@@David-ej1ps because they can’t avoid divorce while being mean to their wives anymore
Free live-in bang maid with no legal protection.
literal prozzies yes
I'm not on Tik Tok, so I've only seen clips from other channels I watch on YT, but the "trad wife"/stay-at-home girlfriend ones are HILARIOUS! I'm a stay-at-home parent who tends to the majority of household needs and child-minding, and it's not near as glamourous as these girls are making it out to be. I don't have time or money to buy fresh cut flowers and place them perfectly into a vase so my home is more inviting. And wearing a full-face of makeup? Not happening when there are so many other things my time can be better invested into. Nice clothes that make me look "cute"? All of my stuff has some remnants of a runny nose or food on it within a few hours of my son waking up. I work from home, too, like a lot of stay-at-home parents do, so this idea that you have a partner who is able to afford themselves AND you, and then kids on top of it is so out-of-touch with reality, especially if you're blowing through their money by trying to make everything pretty, including yourself. It's delusion at its finest.
I still think of this one person who was a part of my group therapy class who was a stay at home wife in another state. Her husband kicked her out of their house and kept the kids with him. She didn’t have a lot of money and had to move with only her car and struggled to start over because she had limited work experience. That’s something that saddens me to this day and I just hope she’s doing okay.
I have personal fears of having my safety net taken away and I’d be left with nothing and struggle to survive. I’m sure the lifestyle seems neat to others, but I can’t imagine going into that lifestyle these days.
yeah men want the woman's end of the bargain (fertility) but don't wish to provide their own (money)
Didn't she have any friends or family? How come he got custody, usually it takes a lot for the man to get sole custody of the children?
Omg I can't wait for your video on women who undermine other women by girl-bossing a little too close to the sun! This is something I have dealt with at several different jobs. As a feminist, I will never understand why women in power would choose to tear other women down rather than actively support them (or even just act neutral towards them?). Initially, I was excited to have female bosses after experiencing sexual harassment from male bosses - it felt safe. But I quickly realized that some women are even more cruel than men, and it hurts more coming from a woman because it feels like a betrayal whereas with men it's what I've just come to expect from them.
Sadly, many women have bought into patriarchal norms and operate the same in positions of power. Many times, for them to get up there, they have to adopt the values of the patriarchal system they're operating in. No wonder they'll throw other women under the bus. It does hurt more to be mistreated by a woman, because we tend to mistakenly think all of us are on each other's side. Wrong. Look at a woman's politics and behaviors before you trust her... In all kind of partnerships, not just business.
I’ve had many male bosses, some better than others but the only female boss I had was the worst.
Some women will always be catty including this lady doing the video. Do what works for you and your partner. Forget about all this noise
bosses are not friends.
There’s an expert who studies female rivalry in the workplace and it’s depressing. A lot of these girl bosses are mean girls who haven’t grown up.
One bully from an old job stands out and she was a woman. I’ve felt more comfortable working with men than women because of this.