I have a narcissistic son 44 yrs old. He doesn't want nothing to do with me because I told him how I was on to his game and I wasn't going to live with it. We were attempting to be roommates but I had to ask him to move because I could not take the heavy vibes that he brought into my home. I simply told him if he wanted to remain this way, that's his choice but I was not going to subject myself with it by living with him. I was in a deep depression the last few months that he lived with me😢
A Narcissist's core and play book can be reduced to one word. "CONTROL" Whatever behaviour they need to execute to achieve that...they will. Stay away, stay wise and stay healthy. Blessings Dr C. 🙏
I never understood that. I mean how can one think they have the right to control others. I hated being accused of being a control freak. I told them, it isn't being a control freak when u r responsible for a household and this household has rules for everyone's own good. So, me having rules isn't a control thing, especially when umthey could go somewhere else. Am I right?
9 year old would not be as emotionally or mentally capable of explaining his feelings to authorities. I'm not concerned for me I can stay away from him I am concerned for my children.
What you describe as a lazy narcissist can be someone who is utterly traumatized and in freeze response. I reached that point and got judged by many people, yet I was a lifelong victim in total overload. I am pulling out of that now but to be judged by my reaction to the abuse was victim shaming.
Wow! The live comments when this went out live were so supportive and positive. Thank you everyone🙏 Even tho I'm a year and 2 months exited from a very toxic and destructive relationship, and the healing process has changed from hard and painful to joyous and peaceful, the comments from absolutely everyone were like rocket fuel to another level of appreciation and healing. Cheers everyone, your support crosses 1000's of miles in a heartbeat!👍❤️🙏
@@sage9836 Hi Sage and thanks! About 4 years ago a good friend said to me "you need an exit strategy " I had neither the knowledge nor the strength. Being here on TH gave me both and a lot more. When I finally realised I wasn't the crazy one I was no longer taken in by the craziness and lies. Healing has become a fulfilling / growing / building / joyous experience, and I'd like to encourage anyone suffering to have hope that life can be better!! Cheers Sage, and I hope things are ok with you🙏
@@djmandylandHi djmandyland. Thanks for your reply and I understand completely 🙏 It's all too easy to get roped back in, as you did. They are clever at hoovering!! Same for me, multiple times, even after the police had escorted my nex away on 2 occasions for smashing the home (and me) up. I wasn't good at self care and thought it was my job to 'fix' her When I learned about self care methods healing became possible. I wish you all the best in your healing journey. 🙏👍
How should I respond to my family lying, gossiping and smear campaigning me? I live 8 hrs away from them and am no contact with my entire biological family because of their toxicity. It seems they know they can’t get to me anymore so they’re trying to smear my character to everyone I grew up with.
This certainly doesn't begin to address all the issues and ways to address their abusive tactics, but some of my confusion and "invisible-ness" went away when I stopped spontaneously volunteering - my thoughts, my time, my professional assistance, my home, my affection - without being directly asked. I thought it would seem selfish or self-centered of me to wait until they asked for my help, but it has made a difference. The narcissists in my family of origin prefer to hint and fish for favors or assistance, and then play the victim when you inevitably fail to intuit exactly what they wanted. They put no value on what I volunteer, but if they're required to articulate a specific request (in writing is ideal), they're less likely to act as if it was the least I could do or that I owed or pushed myself on them. I know they have no respect or regard for me, as a person, but occasionally telling them I can't help and helping out when, and only as much as, I'm willing to has been working for me, since there are a few decent people in the family with whom I want to maintain relationships.
That's so true. The expectation that I'm a mind reader. However, in my case it's also the case they expect me to ask for their help and I only ever ands now if it's something it's absolutely cannot do without assistance, as they seem to get something out of any reliance on them
DrC, I was thinking “Eeyore” before you even mentioned it when speaking about the lazy vulnerable narcissist. This is exactly what I deal with. I’m also glad you mentioned how some professionals say covert and vulnerable are the same kind of narcissist but you don’t see it that way. What I deal with is he has never been “sneaky” or conniving” like a covert might be. But he is the most negative person I have ever met. When I was in planning mode to open the store, he told me a matter of twenty or so times working a thirty minute period that he didn’t want me to open the store because he was “afraid it would fail.” Not even exaggerating- twenty or more times… I put tick marks on a piece of paper I was using to take notes during our discussion and I finally stopped counting after he had said it the twentieth time. I asked him kindly to stop saying he thought I would fail. And his response was (in a sappy nice way,) “I don’t think YOU will fail. I know you will succeed. I’m just afraid the store will fail.” How’s that for twisting things?! I also want to mention, DrC, how I appreciate you sharing some of your personal details in one of your most recent videos. I really appreciate that personal touch.
Thanks, Kelly. My admin had suggested something along those lines, so I did it. And the crazy thing is there is so much more I could have added. As to the consummate negativity you received...aren't you glad you trusted your gut? Know one knows you quite like you do. I'm so encouraged that you're figuring it out and putting it into action!! You're an inspiration.
He allowed me to fail by refusing to do the most simple acts in one of the most meaningful goals of my life. I couldn't have that success. I will turn use that failure to recognize and resist. It isn't done as long as I have breathe, the words, a the pen and paper to write.
Hi KellyJean! It's fab to see you here! How's your Tea and Spice Store? NO WAY will you or it fail!! Don't listen to that clichéd childish nonsense! It's classic projection / jealousy / insecurity I hope and I bet you and the store are doing great🙏👍 I continue to survive and thrive!! I've been on and off TH, as I spend a lot of time driving over to Bath and spending days or weeks supporting my frail parents. I feel like I'm growing and glowing!!(your phrase, which I have not forgotten). A year and 2 months free and healing has morphed from hard and painful to joyous and peaceful!. I often take my folks to 'The Secret Garden Cafe' in Bath, the one with 30 or so exotic and unusual teas, and I always think about how you are doing!! All the best KellyJean, you are still a significant part of my healing and peaceful journey🙏👍
@@sturobertson6791 Hi Stu! I’m so glad to hear you’re doing well! And I am really glad to hear your parents are still able to make trips with you to the cafe!!! I’m sure that is so very heartwarming for them 💜! Every time you mention the cafe I get a dreamy vision of how it got be. It sounds wonderful! The store is going smashingly! I (we-the store) was recently awarded the Rising Star Award by the Chamber of Commerce! I’m still super duper shocked about it! I honestly didn’t think my little store had been noticed enough yet for something like that to happen. Plus I had thought a business had to have been developed at least a year before being nominated. I love my team so much and am so grateful they have helped make the store what I always dreamed it could be. Now, of course since the store is proving to be a success, you know who denies ever being against it and offers “to help” whenever he can. I think I had mention to you the book “Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing” by Dr George Simon (?). I won’t be falling for his fake kindness ever again. After the incident I mentioned in this original post happened, I looked him straight in the face with my genuine kindness and told him he can continue to fear the store’s failure but I choose no longer to take on the burden of his anxiety. That was that. My feet hurt all the time now, Stu, but my heart is happy and full haha! People who visit the store say the nicest things about it, the product, and my team. I am physically tired from working so hard but mentally and emotionally so very happy! Thank you so much for asking! You and your kindness are a large part of why TH is such a great group to be a part of!!!
And so what if the store did fail? Is that the worst possible thing that could happen to a person? Failure in the business world is nothing more than a very efficient teacher - maybe it was the wrong time or place for that idea, or maybe you're meant to actually run a different, related business that you wouldn't have even thought of before trying the first one. What failure is NOT is a character flaw, especially in business! Giving up when challenges come, or being too anxious to even try in the first place are issues for concern, but having the energy and creativity to come up with a business idea and the discipline to see it all the way to fruition is an accomplishment to be proud of, regardless of the ultimate outcome. The people in your life who try to "worry" you out of your goals aren't concerned for you at all. They're trying to get you to change your mind, drop your individuality, and stay small so they can be comfortable. Full stop. My narcissist, with whom I can't go full no contact, told me recently in her condescending voice, "Well, you always did whatever you wanted" as if I should be ashamed of myself for my failures and my accomplishments. I no longer share anything personal with her, not joys or challenges, because her opinion is no longer any of my business. Your narcissist belongs in the same bucket as mine - I engage only in constructive, courteous conversation about practical matters with her; her opinions, judgments, gossip, etc get only an "Oh" or "O.k." response, no emotion, no personal opinion, nothing. When I can tell she's losing patience with the gray rock, it's time to go.
My husband checks many of the boxes of the covert lazy narcissist. We are getting divorced after 25 years together. I am 67 and he is 73 and he has just gone off the deep end. Long story. One thing interesting about him is that he can talk and talk on the phone, but then clam up and hide away in person. What do you make of that. He also has so many other unique and very strange traits that I could tell you about. These TH-cam messages about narcissism have really helped me understand what has been going on all this time. Wished I had seen the light sooner. Thank you.
You and me both 30yrs..can't wait for the divorce to be final sadly I'm your age looking back I should have seen but did the for better worse etc...until the worse was him getting caught literly..
I wish you a happy and calm life; begin your journey, learn, and move forward......remember, behind all the clouds, the sun is still shining......keep looking forward to the good days to come......
Was his behavior isolating you? Did it make you more of an outsider and looked at with contempt? Was he fickle? Could you never make a perfect dish twice? Did you learn after years that there was a long standing reason why people didn't/couldn't get to close to him? When did you realize you were like those others?
I think everything in this video perfectly describes my vulnerable, covert narc husband. The simple yes or no questions are the ones he would not only not answer, but always asked me, "Why do you ask?"
Dr. C, is it a normal narcissistic behavior to be entitled to s**? He always brings up how I don’t do my “duty as a wife” by not doing it whenever he wants - despite if it’s my time of month or if I’m just not feeling it after a rage.
@@SurvivingNarcissism thank you Dr. C. I really appreciate you. I’m just trying to understand what I’m dealing with. He acts like a narc when he rages and says all sorts of insults, but wasn’t sure if the entitlement to s** is a narcissistic trait. I look forward to your explanation next week. Thank you again ❤️
Thank you Dr. C, I now realize why my narcissist spouse gets so jealous of my daughter and my siblings. He thinks that my time and energy should always be with him!!!!
Please speak to the various and sometimes subtle ways a narcissist devalues a person. Here are a few of my experiences: Years ago at a very hot crowded event, my (now ex) husband brought everyone a cold drink except me. I had to wade through the crowd with a baby on my hip to order my own drink. Recently, at an ice cream shop, my narc daughter passed out napkins to everyone but me. I had to get up and get my own. At holiday gatherings, my narc daughter takes posed smiling pictures of everyone in attendance except me. The photos of me are all candid and unflattering such as from behind when I’m bending over. She then posts them on social media. Other times, I’m completely excluded even if the event is in my home. It seems that narcs enjoy the pain of leaving you out or singling you out. Am I the only one this happens to?
No, you are not the only one it is happening to. I have experienced so many hurtful things regarding my narc daughter doing similar things to me. I wonder all the time what I did to her that was so horrible that I would be treated like I am, I realize now that her father, my ex, also a narc, taught her well.
I second the comment above. You are most definitely not the only one. Try not to take it personally, narcs hurt the healthy ones!! Focus on you instead of them. If I may, gently and politely suggest, research and learn about how we can sometimes 'attract' toxic people, and enable their hurtful and toxic ways.. Narcs have a radar for this, and when we get better and stronger at self care skills, ihey tend to move on to disrespecting someone else. All the best🙏
They play their games they think will work in letting you know whatever they want you to feel. I just wish all narcissists gave me the silent treatment. That would be great if they left me alone. I am talking about a family of narcissists who live down the street, but I also remember my ex playing those games with me. Her silent treatment used to bother me a little. I just couldn't understand why and had no idea what a narcissist was at the time, but now I'd love the silent treatment. People that do that, and even b4 I learned what a narcissist was i knew, are insecure people who make themselves feel better at your expense. I know it doesn't make sense, but for some reason it does to them. I know it must be awful to have your own child do that to u. It kinda makes u understand how some eat their young or throw them to a predator, because they can make another. Lol
On the subject of lying: my parents accused me of lying to police and child welfare about the abuse I suffered. I think that in their minds, what they did was not abuse but discipline. So they truly believed I was lying.
This community is such an ongoing education along with Dr C. The narc I was with was so antisocial This is my first holiday alone but funny I feel so much joy I cannot express. Funny how that happened. Funny how people (family) stop over now. I guess they feel more 🤗
🤔Assuming you don't stink like a 🦨 in regards to how you treat others...This sounds like classic projection from someone that DOES stink like a 🦨 from being narcissistic😉.
Dr. C The NPD in my life recently made a comment that really sparked my interest, they said "we don't want you to be an outsider". In that moment I completely realized this person actually can't let go of the fact they have no lordship over me. This is post discard after a brutal rage fit and some months of no contact. I had to mentally take a step back, I really looked into their eyes and made the connection that this individual views me as property.
I saw this in college.Narcistic students sometimes didn't do so well.When asked why ,they always said that as the professor said,you didn't read the book.These are great views and life experiences 👏 😂
I made it! Raining in New Mexico. ☔☔☔☔ Had a semi nightmare BUT I felt heart strong and was able to stand up to cult leaders. I felt so good in my heart.
Why would a covert narcissist crave having children, only to alienate them from others who love them? My relative freely admitted this obsession, and yet she alienated her children and grandchildren from their parents. Was it just to have a living doll to pamper and live through vicariously? If so, why reject and scapegoat her only daughter?
Dr.C., Thank you for helping educate us on this topic and leading us on to Freedom. I am a Senior citizen,married for 25 years now to someone who I now know is a Narcissist because of your program. I am also a minister and recently as I was getting into my sleep regimen and I was quietly praying next to my husband like I always have and suddenly he speaks out and tells me to stop it. He says he’s Tired of listening to me muttering every night. ……. I had courage to say “No!! And I don’t care if all you can do is listen to me mutter; I wasn’t talking to You anyway. 🤷♀️😉😂👍🙄😂
My narcissistic husband Hates it when I sing to The Lord or about Him and he Really Hates it when I hum!! I used to kowtow to him when I got bullied like that; not anymore!!😉Thank you Dr.C. I am learning Not to live in Fear!!! No more Wizard behind the curtain!!! 🎉
"Ultimate Eeyore" 😆 That's going in my list of potential band names Dr. C! Since Narcissist's want to be seen as persons of significance, they are actually paranoid that others will notice/expose their mediocrity. While I experience these people as "exceptional jerks" they are common and ordinary and most of them employ the identical tactics. No matter the subterfuge, I've learned to trust that the pattern I'm seeing is exactly what it is. It's like they are hard-wired to be the way they are, without exception.
@@caroleminke6116 I agree. I think that as Dr. C says, they are so lazy psychologically that they learn, what the bare minimum adult behaviour is required and that's as much as they do. They resent having to do more because after all, they've streamlined how to appear to care, when they really don't.
@@lockstar169you hit an important nail right on the head when you said they appear to care but really don't. Exactly! Phrases my nex used included... I've got a heart.... I'd do anything for anyone..... Look what I've done for him/her/them..... I'll do/pay that on Monday.....(it would never happen) And many other phrases to 'show they cared'
Exactly they're all just run-of-the-mill losers no matter how much they try to over exaggerate their talents/achievements...& yep it's the same lame playbook.It's like 🏈...Once you know the formations you'll 👀 it from a mile away as they try to set up each formation for their stupid schemes🙄🤗.
Every time I ask a question I never get a straight answer. So I rephrase the question one or two times. Then he explodes “why do you ask the same thing over and over again!!!” I said because I didn’t get an answer! Dr. Carter is right - this has to be deep seated trauma. His parents had an extremely dysfunctional relationship.
@@elcee7800 My ex-husband did that to me all the time! If he didn't want to answer a question, he just wouldn't. And if I asked again, he would get angry and tell me to "stop bothering him". The truth is, he didn't want to answer my questions because they required an honest answer, which he was not prepared (or wanted) to give. Also, I think it's a game they play just to get us upset, and then when we do get upset, they can point the finger and say WE are the one with the problem!
@@christinelamb1167: I guess so. Because the end result always has to be us behind the eight ball and they are one-up on you, as you said for the blame factor. Makes sense now. Yeesh, the way their minds operate! Thanks Christine 👍🏼
Hi Dr. Carter, Gus and the Team Healthy Community from California. I hope you have a season full of family, love and peace. The ones I know are as lazy as can be and thank God breathing is involuntary or they would die from lack of breathe. They love for anyone else to do the work. They are great actors to get what they want from you. Lips move, they lie. If anything gives you a cause to pause, trust your gut. Don't make excuses for them or overlook anything. What you see is exactly what you see and get. They never answer a yes or no question. My husband would get angry when I would ask what would you like for dinner. He told me his mother never asked that and I told him that she did not ask him but she would ask her husband and not her kid. They love the way they are and do not want to change so don't waste your time trying to change them and they only get worse as they get older. I speak from over 50 years in this nightmare.
.....there's a word in yiddish that describes a narcissist quite well: a friend of mine made me aware of it decades ago. (It's been an inciteful 47 years). Anyway, the word is........"shnorer". Sometimes spelled "schnorrer". "A person dining at someone else’s table, at someone else’s expense". "One who wheedles others into supplying his or her wants". And after living thru the years of "mess", I'm adding my own personal definition to the mix. 'Narcissists are like black holes found in space: they take and take.................................but they NEVER give back'. I love your videos Dr. Carter. Thank you for the lifeline and dragging me back up on the shore.......
My narcissistic x hates my daughter because she is gay. He’s been very cruel to her by writing letters to them as well as the family. He also has many, if not all, the narcissistic traits you have brought out. Oh I could write a book!!
What?! Why are these narcissists so weird? My ex was jealous of her own daughter. When I'd get my ex flowers, I'd buy one for my stepdaughter. I wanted her to know what a man does or is supposed to do, but my ex would get jealous. She had to criticize the shoes I bought her. When I found out she didn't have new shoes for the 1st day of school, I went to Wal mart at 2am and bought her some. Now my stepdaughter loved the shoes, but my ex had to say something. When she asked me why, I told her, because school is a fashion show and she will be ridiculed for the entire year if she shows up with the same old shoes from last year. I tried to explain to her how kids can be cruel, but it went over her head. Now I'm thinking she was one of the mean girls. I don't get that. I mean if someone did something for someone I loved, I take is them doing something for me, but to be jealous of your own daughter? Smh
I found Dr. C, trying to find a way to control my temper. I had no idea what a narcissist was and it was like I was walking around blind b4 and Dr. C gave me sight. The thing I hated the most about these narcissists was I noticed because of them, I was taking on narcissistic traits. Thank you Dr. C. You are a Godsend. I looked into other videos and they give bad advice, such as trying to piss off a narcissist and doing to them as they do and that just made stuff worse for me. Thank you, Dr. C
I know someone who does not seem to take his childhood pain (adult child of TWO alcoholic parents) out on other people in an overt way, but he shows signs of annoyance when he doesn't want to listen. He will huff if on the phone, or just starts talking about what he wants to talk about if he is with someone, changing the subject abruptly. He seems to like to display his knowledge (which is considerable), and once when it would be useful for a child to be given an opportunity to be proud of himself and show off a little, he hogged the stage, so to speak. He often defers to what others want to do or eat, but he seems to want to be in control of the conversation. The relationship contract appears to be "We will go where you want to go and do what you want to do, but we will only talk about what I want to talk about." And what he wants to talk about is primarily stuff "out there". If you touch on an emotional subject he doesn't want to deal with, his eyes may suddenly tear up, but he will shut the conversation down and say "I'm going to get a headache." He avoids doctors, even when it would be wise to consult one. I have pointed out numerous times that he doesn't have to blindly "trust" whatever a doctor says. He can solicit an opinion and make up his own mind how to proceed. Trust issues all the way around. When a romantic relationship fails or he can't get one started with someone he is interested in, he tends to blame the other person, when not being able to share who you really are, including all the disappointments and pain, does NOT make you good partnership material. No wonder his relationships "fizzle out". He doesn't open discussions with relatives or friends about how their their relationships are going. I can remember times when he has said that "I don't ask. If they wanted me to know, they would tell me." Sometimes he will even say "If I wanted their opinion I would TELL it to them!" Interestingly, he says he deplores women who have headaches to get out of sex, but HE has headaches to avoid important conversations. I can't tell you how many doses of headache medication he takes every day without even making a grimace. He always has pills at the ready, wherever he is. I know all this makes him sound like a nightmare. But he can be a very dependable, kind and reliable friend if you need a favor, and is generally fun to be with. He is certainly not given to the cruel behavior and remarks of the narcissist in my family, which I can no longer tolerate. But he is extremely stubborn, resists suggestions most of the time, has a defensive and negative bent about just about everything. He doesn't want to let people get too close for fear they will use it "against" him "sooner or later." He is extremely sensitive to any situation in which he feels he is being judged. Yet he is capable of love and devotion. He is a worthy person, and very talented, and often pleasant company, so he IS worth associating with. I have learned how to accept him where he is. I am concerned that, when his parents die, he may have a breakdown. I have seen this happen with other people who have suppressed their pain, and obvious hidden rage. What's your experience with this type of scenario? How can you help someone like this heal without pushing them into a conversation they don't want to trust you with? Any time therapy is offered as an option, his response is "I can handle my own problems."
In my case, he wanted me to be wonderful so people would think he must be great, but it was limited to within his parameters. If I was a good cook, that reflected well on him, but if I did something that wasn't in his service and made me look good, such as singing in church, he couldn't stand it.
I love your videos and your videos give me hope and freedom to keep hanging in there I’m a work in progress Thank you Dr. C your a blessing beyond words of gratitude 🤗❤️
Dr. Carter If you love your work , if you enjoy it ,you're already a success You are a very nice expert in your field Listening to you always always gave me peace Thank you
Thank you Dr. C for clearing up the difference between Covert & Vulnerable Narcissists. I look forward tp your Q & A because I always learn something new and it reminds me I'm not alone. TY🐶
Thank you dr C ! I'm going to re watch this video more times in the next hours. First time was without subtitles. I want to be sure not missing any word 😊
My favorite thing about dr. Carter is when I listen to his videos outside while I'm bbq'n, his videos are like narcissist-be-gone, cuz that collective family 4 houses down will leave me alone. It's like your videos are their kryptonite
@@SurvivingNarcissism right?! I'm a transitioning vegan, but have to cook for my brother and dad. I also put meat on the grill for the neighborhood cats. If I don't, they tend to fight with mine. But, yes it is therapeutic. I also find gardening helps me too. I just wanna say, you are an awesome person, Dr. Carter and I wanna thank you for the help your videos have been. Please, keep them coming. Also, give gus my best wishes. Sometimes, I wish I could live like them. Not knowing any of the wrong in the world.
They are, aren't they? I mean a lesson. Are we not all here trying to learn to deal with situations that we, before this, couldn't find an ideal way to handle?
I work with and technically for my only friend of 25 years. I have a wonderful state of Wisconsin job that I am blessed to have gotten through him and I am 56 years old. Never realized that he chose to get me into this job so he could just rip me apart inside. I didn't even know he had this affliction and I literally have to work with him face to face every day and add to this that 20 years ago I was his boss in his early years in the painting trades and was nothing but impressed with him
Dr. Les, I really enjoy your Wednesday sessions! I get home from work, and it's like having a smart brother or dad over to my house giving me good advice! Thank you, Dr Carter
👍🍀 keep up the best work dr carter ! You know everything about what I’ve lived with for the past 25 yrs never thought that someone could have understood so much about this type of poorly person! Thanks for the much appreciated lessons, it’s helped massively! Best of luck to you & your followers 💪
Thanks DRC. Thanks to your knowledge and wisdom, you have given me the answers and closure that my ex Narcissist refused to give me when he lied about everything,including his sir name for 8 years, then cruelly discarded me and disappeared to god only knows where . Say hi to Gus 🐕
I welcome the narcissist to call me a narcissist or toxic. My response to that is to say I'm incurable and its time to go no contact with me. That gives me a way to escape the narcissist.
I sure do appreciate you immensely Doc. In fact it felt like you were right inside my household with how spot on you are. Twice I burst into laughter it was so accurate knowing at the same time there is nothing funny about the situation. I sure hope you had a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving with your family.
I find it hard not to ruminate about conversations with my narcissistic mother, she tried yet again to convince me to ditch someone in my life this time my father her ex husband of 50 yrs! I was sternly quizzed on why I want to keep contact with him because he is such a bad person..I remember a lot of the toxicity between them and they both contributed to violence, he recently told me he’s ill and would like me know what he is leaving me in his will, this made me think it must be serious so mentioned it to my mother who said oh is that why you have him in your life to see what u can get from him! I was also told not to mention her name or anything about her in my interaction with him..I was very proud of myself not reacting not explaining but I still can’t stop thinking about the conversation
Human healthiness is universal so is unhealthy, hence narcissism becomes universal, narcissists from four corners of the world act almost the same way.
Hi Fred K. I agree completely!! 3 years ago when I started listening and learning here, I though my nex was 'uniquely difficult', It was a shock, both good and bad, to read others stories and see exact phrases and behaviours that my nex did. It was the start of me knowing I wasn't the crazy one. All the best Fred K. Are you in Australia? Take care. It's always great to see you on the TH chats🙏
My Narc FIL: He is text book with the exception of one characteristic that I have never heard spoken. Example: We went to dinner at a Chinese Restaurant. My husband his son, corrected him about another siblings child. He immediately started texting that grandchild (42). The waitress (inches from him) brought the bill with fortune cookies. He never looked up. We ate our cookies, laughed about our fortunes. He never looked up. My husband placed a credit card on the bill tray. The waitress took it. The waitress returned with the card and receipt. We pulled away from the table. FIL finally looks up and says “We haven’t paid the bill”. My husband response “We are dining and dashing”. He actually thought we had done that and was saying we could be arrested. Is this just him? Or a NARC trait? He does this fairly regularly.
They know they are lying, and they know they have to orchestrate their story or circumstances to try to justify their actions to everyone, and the person they do these tacts on, they are trying to make them look like the bad person, all the while the one doing all the lying and justifying their bad behavior (so subtle, by the way, that it's hard to articulate into words), they get to walk away like they are a good person.....
My sister is a perpetual victim of her ailments. Her whole identity and everything she talks about revolves back to her pain. Her lack of initiating contact, her giving up on a working career and living off of her husband, etc, etc. if you offer a solution, its simply excused away and if you dare challange her victim status, watch out! She will become aggressive and verbally abrasive.
Dear Dr. C, thank you for your great channel and the life-chaning information you offer to us. A few months ago, while we were having a heated discussion, I caught my narc (with whom I share 30 years of relationship) smiling with pleasure behind my back. Also a few months ago, a phrase slipped out of his mouth as I passed him: "I love to see people suffer". The phrase escaped him in a whisper and I don't think he was even aware that he had said it out loud. Is it possible that narcs lose a certain ability to hide or disguise their narcissism with age, or do they simply become more insolent or aggressive and don't feel any more the need to disguise their character? Thank you.
When someone tells you who they are, believe them. You might ask this person what they get out of seeing people suffer. Just remember to keep your boundaries in place and NEVER accept baggage that is not yours.
Another interesting thing I noticed about the truth telling aspect, when they act "self aware" and tell you they are "actually being truthful which is hard for them" they expect praise and a cookie for small good behaviors that are literally behaviors that should be the norm. My ex was very much like that and I remember my father screaming me into a corner as a child saying "at least I dont hit you! You should be grateful that I DONT hit you" they train you to be grateful that it COULD be worse but it "isn't" even though its still horrible but you become conditioned to be thankful that it isnt worse. Very manipulative.
Dr C, we are just dating so i feel i have no rights to get upset that he sees other women. But it just doesn't feel right. He tells me he loves me. We are intimate now. Then he disappears during the day and several evenings. Hes retired. Even a blind man can see what's probably going on. Yet i would look like the crazy one if he knew i was checking on him. I just want to know the truth. Im back to square one with him. My Intuition tells me he's got at least 3 or 4 others he's seeing. Do i have any right to feel duped? Should he have his freedom since we aren't committed. Im confused and i don't want to look crazy. Lol. I just re read this. I do look crazy! What should I do?
Dr.C. my ex-husband has recently told me that he believes an entity that has been attached to him since childhood had attached itself to me back 3 years ago after the birth of our son. He says that it had been trying to break us up and was the reason for my anger and resentment towards him. I will admit I was definitely angry/resentful. I also thought for years there was something wrong with because of my behavior with him. He is a drinker and refused to work for 5 of the 6 years we were together. It wasn't until al-anon that I began to understand some of what was happening. Is it normal to blame behavior on dark spirits or entities?
Dr C. These Q&A topics are important and extremely valuable. Thank you so for creating this space and all that you do for this community. I do have a question for your next session Dr. C. This has been racking my mind because I don’t know how to navigate this…. How do I respond to a female narcissist who immediately responds to any questions about her questionable behavior as it relates to the opposite sex, as my “insecurities?” I’ve noticed this defense response and immediate blame shift/gaslighting with any question asked, especially questions that force her to be accountable or to explain certain questionable behavior or actions. Would you be so kind to help me guide how to respond when she uses the “your insecurities” response as a way of ducking questions? These questions are asked in a clear, rational calm way, often written or communicated verbally. Thanks Dr. C.
Hi Robert. Great question. Don't be fooled or taken in or deflected by this. It's classic strategy to make YOU think that you are the crazy one. It's also fiendishly clever, and many, including me, fell for it dor years. Use as a guide, your own healthy values and principles, what you believe to be right, fair, honest, respectful, etc. If you are being treated in a way different to that, it could be time to grey rock, minimise contact, or just run! Trust your gut, nurture your healthy relationships, minimise the unhealthy. All the best 🙏
Great question, Maxwell, and I hope to get to it next week. The short answer is that sometimes you have to drop the illusion that you can say something that will really make a difference to the other person.
Do they know they lying? Do they believe their lies? -> They know. They also remember the lies they tell others to cover that previous lie. Don't underestimate covert narc's ridiculous long term memory.
Im being guilted that i dont want to spend xmas with the family. They dont understanding that my sister wont hold her rage against me for going no contact. Even though theyve seen her spoil special occasions again and again Im the one thats being unreasonable. Why do they need us to get along?
... It's likely so you can help uphold the family image,these family systems oftentimes operate like a cult.Another possible reason is because the others don't like having 🎯s on their backs due to you no longer being available to be the punching bag😬.Gotta 👀 out for those enablers & flying 🐒s too.
Dr Les - love you, this weekly check in and your courses. I do however hate in the “replay” the 6-7 commercial interruptions that appear mid-sentence. I find it disturbing. Some of us are working hard to stay on Team Healthy. I would find it more appropriate if there were a natural break … 30 seconds for commercials … rather than abrupt interruptions. Keep up being the great resource you already are. Mike
Can one be triangularwd with a pet? My music partner who I feel is definitely a narcissust,refused to put his large dog in another room when the subject of rehearsing at his place,came up. I immediately got a rehearsal room at a neutral place,but I know he enjoyed one upping me. He has done this also with a person, at a music gig,saying that he'd rather be doing his own gig even though we have worked together,for 10 years,as a duo,where I have booked all the gigs.i Stat working with him because people like the music,and he is one of the few one man band musicians in my area.
Good day Dr. C! First of all, thank you SO MUCH! For 5 years leading up to now I had zero idea why things were the way they were. My husband doesn’t fit the classic narc description but I’ve always felt there was something wrong with the guilt,the feeling of not being good enough, being inadequate, being incapable that I kept feeling all these years in our relationship. I’m absolutely ready to leave but the problem is I’m in a legal limbo at the moment waiting for my documents to be able to go back to my home country. I have to stay sane and decent for at least 3 months, with my husband who’s gone completely off his rocker since I stopped complying. How do I navigate this without aggravating the situation? Your advice will be so so appreciated
Hi MaRi. Your story will resonate with many. The feelings you describe are horrible, and sadly all too common. You gave yourself a good answer....stay sane and decent!! Re discover your own healthy values and ways. Trust your own gut, which is surely operating on principles of decency, respect ,civility (DRC), truth, fairness, respect, honesty. You are sensing something is wrong because you are not receiving these in return. Trust yourself. You're the decent one, and probably always have been All the best🙏
@@sturobertson6791 hello Stu! Thank you so much for your kindness. Not stooping to the same level gets quite challenging sometimes, but more than loneliness and isolation of my current situation I fear becoming the same as the narcissist. I honestly can’t wait to break free!
@MaRi-dz4fu hi MaRi I'm glad to read your really positive comment! One of the great things I've learned here is 'it's better to be on your own than with the wrong person' Power and kindness to you MaRi. Stay sane and decent!!🙏
@@MaRi-dz4fu Hello, Mari, I didn’t quite understand your current situation, but I’ve gone through break up and legal divorce, which was a horrible mess, all I can tell you revive yourself, try to treat yourself with little everyday things to get your strength together, but try not to show it or be explicit until the end, for him everything should be the old same way, he should be sure of his power until your time comes. Be strong.
@@hirondelle4036 hi Hirondelle, well basically we dated long distance for 4 years until we got married and I moved to his country, different language, no family or friends, and I felt the full extent of his selfishness and neglect. I guess my rose tinted glasses have finally cracked. I try really hard not to show him my determination to leave. And the weirdest thing is he’s recently started saying “you’ll never leave me because you’re mine forever” and it’s honestly a bit creepy. Thank you for the support 💜 team healthy is really the best
Our father was high on narcissistic spectrum. Our sister (57) most certainly also has characteristics, but much less than our father. She has had good spells for long periods on end. That is that trust and reciprocity was there. It is only not always steady and at times it turns and we get the accusations, the flip side, the conflicts that you can never 'win'. And that feel so unjust / unqual. Is a person is not full on the spectrum, but half for instance, how should you look upon that? Is a person narcissistic, but learnt how to not show it and learnt that you cannot receive trust, unless you also give some attention to the other person. It sometimes felt like a 'trade'. Our sister is very insulted that I went out of contact when ill and empathy fatigue. Can I take the risk of starting up a more distant relationship or is it better to leave it as it is. no contact. ? Thank you dr C !! For all your sharing! It has helped me a lot !!
🚩 I am concerned because I did get into it with someone about their behavior to others and in situations and it really made me sick to my stomach for days, even though it seemed I got through. I didn't understand why I felt so apprehensive about taking a necessary stand. I think I knew that I could expect the grumpy, foreboding attitude that was coming. It was heavy and it was a relief to start the new week. I'm not sure about the authenticity of the amended actions and reactions. I really wondered how we got to this point.
(Learning) Time and patience does reveal tendencies and reputations of a person. Q: Can the vulnerable narcissist because of their depressing mood and their wanting or needing to isolate themself from anothers point of view ever come around? Is it depression or their personality?
Hi Aaron. Just want to say to you that my healing (a year and 2 months now) has morphed from hard and painful to joyous and peaceful, and you are still a big part of it🙏 Cheers, and I hope you are ok
@@aaronkwolfeCheers Aaron. It's become part of my identity too, in many ways. When I meet people I recognise flags, both red and 'good' and I'm no longer the doormat I was. It feels so much more honest, Might meet up one day if I visit my sis in Boiling Springs Take care Aaron🙏
I was wondering drc, my husband is up on two sexual assault charges and to physical assault charges one of which my son was a witness to, if this is going to cause any change in him not that I would ever take him back I will not, but the court system here in Canada is so archaic they do not understand that if a husband and father is willing to beat and rape and to every type of abuse to the wife plus abuses to the children that are not as
![[Part 1] ทารกน้อยถูกทิ้ง👶 หญิงชราเก็บขวดขายเลี้ยงดูเขาจนโต #โลกการละคร](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/nPTDvFCExks/mqdefault.jpg)
I have a narcissistic son 44 yrs old.
He doesn't want nothing to do with me because I told him how I was on to his game and I wasn't going to live with it.
We were attempting to be roommates but I had to ask him to move because I could not take the heavy vibes that he brought into my home. I simply told him if he wanted to remain this way, that's his choice but I was not going to subject myself with it by living with him. I was in a deep depression the last few months that he lived with me😢
....enjoy your peace. I'm happy for you!.......
Fear rage envy revenge then denial 😢 rinse & repeat
Don't forget F.O.G ...Fear, obligation,& guilt.
Once upon a time there was a one sided story with a mostly untruthful narrative. And the narcissist lived unhappily ever after. The End. 😂
Don't stay for twelve years I lost the beautiful spiritual person I was and when I left I'm getting her back! Get the heck out! Now!
From JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA
Thanks again… TEAM HEALTH is doing well dear Gus, and dear Dr. C.
A Narcissist's core and play book can be reduced to one word. "CONTROL"
Whatever behaviour they need to execute to achieve that...they will. Stay away, stay wise and stay healthy. Blessings Dr C. 🙏
I never understood that. I mean how can one think they have the right to control others. I hated being accused of being a control freak. I told them, it isn't being a control freak when u r responsible for a household and this household has rules for everyone's own good. So, me having rules isn't a control thing, especially when umthey could go somewhere else. Am I right?
@@RobSlopezJr .....you're on point! You are right. Stick to who you are: rules are necessary to manage a home well, and people to feel secure.....
9 year old would not be as emotionally or mentally capable of explaining his feelings to authorities. I'm not concerned for me I can stay away from him I am concerned for my children.
Does a covert narcissist ever learn to tell the truth instead of the habit of lying?
I absolutely love I found you.
Thanks, Kimberly. The CN is all about what works in the moment. Truth is (shall we say) fluid.
Lol, this is true as I have been slowly seeing through my husband for almost a year now because truth has been elusive.
What you describe as a lazy narcissist can be someone who is utterly traumatized and in freeze response. I reached that point and got judged by many people, yet I was a lifelong victim in total overload. I am pulling out of that now but to be judged by my reaction to the abuse was victim shaming.
Wow! The live comments when this went out live were so supportive and positive. Thank you everyone🙏
Even tho I'm a year and 2 months exited from a very toxic and destructive relationship, and the healing process has changed from hard and painful to joyous and peaceful, the comments from absolutely everyone were like rocket fuel to another level of appreciation and healing.
Cheers everyone, your support crosses 1000's of miles in a heartbeat!👍❤️🙏
#TeamHealthy
It's encouraging to hear from people who got out and are healing. Congratulations.
Stay strong! I was 6 months out then he roped me back in and now I'm back at step one of healing. I'm glad this is such a supportive community 🙏
@@sage9836 Hi Sage and thanks! About 4 years ago a good friend said to me "you need an exit strategy "
I had neither the knowledge nor the strength.
Being here on TH gave me both and a lot more. When I finally realised I wasn't the crazy one I was no longer taken in by the craziness and lies. Healing has become a fulfilling / growing / building / joyous experience, and I'd like to encourage anyone suffering to have hope that life can be better!!
Cheers Sage, and I hope things are ok with you🙏
@@djmandylandHi djmandyland. Thanks for your reply and I understand completely 🙏
It's all too easy to get roped back in, as you did. They are clever at hoovering!!
Same for me, multiple times, even after the police had escorted my nex away on 2 occasions for smashing the home (and me) up. I wasn't good at self care and thought it was my job to 'fix' her
When I learned about self care methods healing became possible.
I wish you all the best in your healing journey. 🙏👍
How should I respond to my family lying, gossiping and smear campaigning me? I live 8 hrs away from them and am no contact with my entire biological family because of their toxicity. It seems they know they can’t get to me anymore so they’re trying to smear my character to everyone I grew up with.
This certainly doesn't begin to address all the issues and ways to address their abusive tactics, but some of my confusion and "invisible-ness" went away when I stopped spontaneously volunteering - my thoughts, my time, my professional assistance, my home, my affection - without being directly asked. I thought it would seem selfish or self-centered of me to wait until they asked for my help, but it has made a difference. The narcissists in my family of origin prefer to hint and fish for favors or assistance, and then play the victim when you inevitably fail to intuit exactly what they wanted. They put no value on what I volunteer, but if they're required to articulate a specific request (in writing is ideal), they're less likely to act as if it was the least I could do or that I owed or pushed myself on them. I know they have no respect or regard for me, as a person, but occasionally telling them I can't help and helping out when, and only as much as, I'm willing to has been working for me, since there are a few decent people in the family with whom I want to maintain relationships.
That's so true. The expectation that I'm a mind reader. However, in my case it's also the case they expect me to ask for their help and I only ever ands now if it's something it's absolutely cannot do without assistance, as they seem to get something out of any reliance on them
DrC, I was thinking “Eeyore” before you even mentioned it when speaking about the lazy vulnerable narcissist. This is exactly what I deal with. I’m also glad you mentioned how some professionals say covert and vulnerable are the same kind of narcissist but you don’t see it that way. What I deal with is he has never been “sneaky” or conniving” like a covert might be. But he is the most negative person I have ever met. When I was in planning mode to open the store, he told me a matter of twenty or so times working a thirty minute period that he didn’t want me to open the store because he was “afraid it would fail.” Not even exaggerating- twenty or more times… I put tick marks on a piece of paper I was using to take notes during our discussion and I finally stopped counting after he had said it the twentieth time. I asked him kindly to stop saying he thought I would fail. And his response was (in a sappy nice way,) “I don’t think YOU will fail. I know you will succeed. I’m just afraid the store will fail.” How’s that for twisting things?!
I also want to mention, DrC, how I appreciate you sharing some of your personal details in one of your most recent videos. I really appreciate that personal touch.
Thanks, Kelly. My admin had suggested something along those lines, so I did it. And the crazy thing is there is so much more I could have added. As to the consummate negativity you received...aren't you glad you trusted your gut? Know one knows you quite like you do. I'm so encouraged that you're figuring it out and putting it into action!! You're an inspiration.
He allowed me to fail by refusing to do the most simple acts in one of the most meaningful goals of my life. I couldn't have that success. I will turn use that failure to recognize and resist. It isn't done as long as I have breathe, the words, a the pen and paper to write.
Hi KellyJean! It's fab to see you here! How's your Tea and Spice Store? NO WAY will you or it fail!! Don't listen to that clichéd childish nonsense! It's classic projection / jealousy / insecurity
I hope and I bet you and the store are doing great🙏👍
I continue to survive and thrive!! I've been on and off TH, as I spend a lot of time driving over to Bath and spending days or weeks supporting my frail parents.
I feel like I'm growing and glowing!!(your phrase, which I have not forgotten).
A year and 2 months free and healing has morphed from hard and painful to joyous and peaceful!.
I often take my folks to 'The Secret Garden Cafe' in Bath, the one with 30 or so exotic and unusual teas, and I always think about how you are doing!!
All the best KellyJean, you are still a significant part of my healing and peaceful journey🙏👍
@@sturobertson6791 Hi Stu! I’m so glad to hear you’re doing well! And I am really glad to hear your parents are still able to make trips with you to the cafe!!! I’m sure that is so very heartwarming for them 💜! Every time you mention the cafe I get a dreamy vision of how it got be. It sounds wonderful!
The store is going smashingly! I (we-the store) was recently awarded the Rising Star Award by the Chamber of Commerce! I’m still super duper shocked about it! I honestly didn’t think my little store had been noticed enough yet for something like that to happen. Plus I had thought a business had to have been developed at least a year before being nominated. I love my team so much and am so grateful they have helped make the store what I always dreamed it could be. Now, of course since the store is proving to be a success, you know who denies ever being against it and offers “to help” whenever he can. I think I had mention to you the book “Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing” by Dr George Simon (?). I won’t be falling for his fake kindness ever again. After the incident I mentioned in this original post happened, I looked him straight in the face with my genuine kindness and told him he can continue to fear the store’s failure but I choose no longer to take on the burden of his anxiety. That was that.
My feet hurt all the time now, Stu, but my heart is happy and full haha! People who visit the store say the nicest things about it, the product, and my team. I am physically tired from working so hard but mentally and emotionally so very happy! Thank you so much for asking! You and your kindness are a large part of why TH is such a great group to be a part of!!!
And so what if the store did fail? Is that the worst possible thing that could happen to a person? Failure in the business world is nothing more than a very efficient teacher - maybe it was the wrong time or place for that idea, or maybe you're meant to actually run a different, related business that you wouldn't have even thought of before trying the first one.
What failure is NOT is a character flaw, especially in business! Giving up when challenges come, or being too anxious to even try in the first place are issues for concern, but having the energy and creativity to come up with a business idea and the discipline to see it all the way to fruition is an accomplishment to be proud of, regardless of the ultimate outcome.
The people in your life who try to "worry" you out of your goals aren't concerned for you at all. They're trying to get you to change your mind, drop your individuality, and stay small so they can be comfortable. Full stop. My narcissist, with whom I can't go full no contact, told me recently in her condescending voice, "Well, you always did whatever you wanted" as if I should be ashamed of myself for my failures and my accomplishments.
I no longer share anything personal with her, not joys or challenges, because her opinion is no longer any of my business.
Your narcissist belongs in the same bucket as mine - I engage only in constructive, courteous conversation about practical matters with her; her opinions, judgments, gossip, etc get only an "Oh" or "O.k." response, no emotion, no personal opinion, nothing. When I can tell she's losing patience with the gray rock, it's time to go.
My husband checks many of the boxes of the covert lazy narcissist. We are getting divorced after 25 years together. I am 67 and he is 73 and he has just gone off the deep end. Long story. One thing interesting about him is that he can talk and talk on the phone, but then clam up and hide away in person. What do you make of that. He also has so many other unique and very strange traits that I could tell you about. These TH-cam messages about narcissism have really helped me understand what has been going on all this time. Wished I had seen the light sooner. Thank you.
You and me both 30yrs..can't wait for the divorce to be final sadly I'm your age looking back I should have seen but did the for better worse etc...until the worse was him getting caught literly..
I wish you a happy and calm life; begin your journey, learn, and move forward......remember, behind all the clouds, the sun is still shining......keep looking forward to the good days to come......
Was his behavior isolating you? Did it make you more of an outsider and looked at with contempt? Was he fickle? Could you never make a perfect dish twice? Did you learn after years that there was a long standing reason why people didn't/couldn't get to close to him? When did you realize you were like those others?
I think everything in this video perfectly describes my vulnerable, covert narc husband. The simple yes or no questions are the ones he would not only not answer, but always asked me, "Why do you ask?"
Gray rocking really works
Dr. C, is it a normal narcissistic behavior to be entitled to s**? He always brings up how I don’t do my “duty as a wife” by not doing it whenever he wants - despite if it’s my time of month or if I’m just not feeling it after a rage.
Ps thank you for your selfless work. You are changing lives everyday and I have the utmost respect for you. Thank you very much.
I'll definitely respond to this next week. The short answer is, no, that's not a healthy approach in the least.
This sexual abuse 😢 it’s not adult behavior but that of a toddler
A woman once confided in me that her (now ex) husband wouldn’t even let her go to the store until she had s** with him.
@@SurvivingNarcissism thank you Dr. C. I really appreciate you. I’m just trying to understand what I’m dealing with. He acts like a narc when he rages and says all sorts of insults, but wasn’t sure if the entitlement to s** is a narcissistic trait. I look forward to your explanation next week. Thank you again ❤️
Thank you Dr. C, I now realize why my narcissist spouse gets so jealous of my daughter and my siblings. He thinks that my time and energy should always be with him!!!!
Absolutely! I hope he doesn't or hasn't tried to turn them against you. They are very clever at doing that.
All the best 🙏
They are incredibly insecure
Please speak to the various and sometimes subtle ways a narcissist devalues a person. Here are a few of my experiences: Years ago at a very hot crowded event, my (now ex) husband brought everyone a cold drink except me. I had to wade through the crowd with a baby on my hip to order my own drink. Recently, at an ice cream shop, my narc daughter passed out napkins to everyone but me. I had to get up and get my own. At holiday gatherings, my narc daughter takes posed smiling pictures of everyone in attendance except me. The photos of me are all candid and unflattering such as from behind when I’m bending over. She then posts them on social media. Other times, I’m completely excluded even if the event is in my home. It seems that narcs enjoy the pain of leaving you out or singling you out. Am I the only one this happens to?
No, you are not the only one it is happening to. I have experienced so many hurtful things regarding my narc daughter doing similar things to me. I wonder all the time what I did to her that was so horrible that I would be treated like I am, I realize now that her father, my ex, also a narc, taught her well.
I second the comment above. You are most definitely not the only one. Try not to take it personally, narcs hurt the healthy ones!! Focus on you instead of them.
If I may, gently and politely suggest, research and learn about how we can sometimes 'attract' toxic people, and enable their hurtful and toxic ways..
Narcs have a radar for this, and when we get better and stronger at self care skills, ihey tend to move on to disrespecting someone else.
All the best🙏
They play their games they think will work in letting you know whatever they want you to feel. I just wish all narcissists gave me the silent treatment. That would be great if they left me alone. I am talking about a family of narcissists who live down the street, but I also remember my ex playing those games with me. Her silent treatment used to bother me a little. I just couldn't understand why and had no idea what a narcissist was at the time, but now I'd love the silent treatment. People that do that, and even b4 I learned what a narcissist was i knew, are insecure people who make themselves feel better at your expense. I know it doesn't make sense, but for some reason it does to them. I know it must be awful to have your own child do that to u. It kinda makes u understand how some eat their young or throw them to a predator, because they can make another. Lol
You're not the only one this happens to. So sorry.
That seems overt to me, not covert. My ex narc did stuff like that too.
On the subject of lying: my parents accused me of lying to police and child welfare about the abuse I suffered. I think that in their minds, what they did was not abuse but discipline. So they truly believed I was lying.
This community is such an ongoing education along with Dr C.
The narc I was with was so antisocial
This is my first holiday alone but funny I feel so much joy I cannot express. Funny how that happened.
Funny how people (family) stop over now. I guess they feel more 🤗
You are stronger than you realized and your joy was born from it.
I've been accused of being passive aggressive and wallowing in self pity.
🤔Assuming you don't stink like a 🦨 in regards to how you treat others...This sounds like classic projection from someone that DOES stink like a 🦨 from being narcissistic😉.
Dr. C The NPD in my life recently made a comment that really sparked my interest, they said "we don't want you to be an outsider". In that moment I completely realized this person actually can't let go of the fact they have no lordship over me. This is post discard after a brutal rage fit and some months of no contact. I had to mentally take a step back, I really looked into their eyes and made the connection that this individual views me as property.
I saw this in college.Narcistic students sometimes didn't do so well.When asked why ,they always said that as the professor said,you didn't read the book.These are great views and life experiences 👏 😂
I made it! Raining in New Mexico. ☔☔☔☔ Had a semi nightmare BUT I felt heart strong and was able to stand up to cult leaders. I felt so good in my heart.
Yay!! We're getting the rain in Texas that you just sent our way!
Why would a covert narcissist crave having children, only to alienate them from others who love them? My relative freely admitted this obsession, and yet she alienated her children and grandchildren from their parents.
Was it just to have a living doll to pamper and live through vicariously? If so, why reject and scapegoat her only daughter?
Dr.C., Thank you for helping educate us on this topic and leading us on to Freedom. I am a Senior citizen,married for 25 years now to someone who I now know is a Narcissist because of your program. I am also a minister and recently as I was getting into my sleep regimen and I was quietly praying next to my husband like I always have and suddenly he speaks out and tells me to stop it. He says he’s Tired of listening to me muttering every night. ……. I had courage to say “No!! And I don’t care if all you can do is listen to me mutter; I wasn’t talking to You anyway. 🤷♀️😉😂👍🙄😂
My narcissistic husband Hates it when I sing to The Lord or about Him and he Really Hates it when I hum!! I used to kowtow to him when I got bullied like that; not anymore!!😉Thank you Dr.C. I am learning Not to live in Fear!!! No more Wizard behind the curtain!!! 🎉
Acts: 5:29.
"Ultimate Eeyore" 😆 That's going in my list of potential band names Dr. C!
Since Narcissist's want to be seen as persons of significance, they are actually paranoid that others will notice/expose their mediocrity.
While I experience these people as "exceptional jerks" they are common and ordinary and most of them employ the identical tactics. No matter the subterfuge, I've learned to trust that the pattern I'm seeing is exactly what it is. It's like they are hard-wired to be the way they are, without exception.
Hardwired to remain toddlers 😂 they just get better than the rest of us grownups at manipulating others
@@caroleminke6116 I agree. I think that as Dr. C says, they are so lazy psychologically that they learn, what the bare minimum adult behaviour is required and that's as much as they do. They resent having to do more because after all, they've streamlined how to appear to care, when they really don't.
@@lockstar169you hit an important nail right on the head when you said they appear to care but really don't.
Exactly!
Phrases my nex used included...
I've got a heart....
I'd do anything for anyone.....
Look what I've done for him/her/them.....
I'll do/pay that on Monday.....(it would never happen)
And many other phrases to 'show they cared'
Exactly they're all just run-of-the-mill losers no matter how much they try to over exaggerate their talents/achievements...& yep it's the same lame playbook.It's like 🏈...Once you know the formations you'll 👀 it from a mile away as they try to set up each formation for their stupid schemes🙄🤗.
Every time I ask a question I never get a straight answer. So I rephrase the question one or two times. Then he explodes “why do you ask the same thing over and over again!!!” I said because I didn’t get an answer!
Dr. Carter is right - this has to be deep seated trauma. His parents had an extremely dysfunctional relationship.
He’s just playing you deliberately
@@caroleminke6116: Thanks, Carole. But playing me on what? What would he gain by not just answering the question?
@@elcee7800 My ex-husband did that to me all the time! If he didn't want to answer a question, he just wouldn't. And if I asked again, he would get angry and tell me to "stop bothering him". The truth is, he didn't want to answer my questions because they required an honest answer, which he was not prepared (or wanted) to give. Also, I think it's a game they play just to get us upset, and then when we do get upset, they can point the finger and say WE are the one with the problem!
@@christinelamb1167: I guess so. Because the end result always has to be us behind the eight ball and they are one-up on you, as you said for the blame factor. Makes sense now. Yeesh, the way their minds operate!
Thanks Christine 👍🏼
Hi Dr. Carter, Gus and the Team Healthy Community from California. I hope you have a season full of family, love and peace. The ones I know are as lazy as can be and thank God breathing is involuntary or they would die from lack of breathe. They love for anyone else to do the work. They are great actors to get what they want from you. Lips move, they lie. If anything gives you a cause to pause, trust your gut. Don't make excuses for them or overlook anything. What you see is exactly what you see and get. They never answer a yes or no question. My husband would get angry when I would ask what would you like for dinner. He told me his mother never asked that and I told him that she did not ask him but she would ask her husband and not her kid. They love the way they are and do not want to change so don't waste your time trying to change them and they only get worse as they get older. I speak from over 50 years in this nightmare.
Although they can be entitled and lazy, I have found that when they really want something they can be “driven” in a very sadistic way.
I think I am just beginning to get an understanding of the vulnerable narc. Lazy is a tricky word because it is a lack of doing.
.....there's a word in yiddish that describes a narcissist quite well: a friend of mine made me aware of it decades ago. (It's been an inciteful 47 years). Anyway, the word is........"shnorer". Sometimes spelled "schnorrer". "A person dining at someone else’s table, at someone else’s expense". "One who wheedles others into supplying his or her wants".
And after living thru the years of "mess", I'm adding my own personal definition to the mix.
'Narcissists are like black holes found in space: they take and take.................................but they NEVER give back'.
I love your videos Dr. Carter.
Thank you for the lifeline and dragging me back up on the shore.......
You so get it. Thanks for this perspective.
Yes we are a trophy because they want to look good on the outside that they have someone that loves them! They are special!
My narcissistic x hates my daughter because she is gay. He’s been very cruel to her by writing letters to them as well as the family. He also has many, if not all, the narcissistic traits you have brought out. Oh I could write a book!!
What?! Why are these narcissists so weird? My ex was jealous of her own daughter. When I'd get my ex flowers, I'd buy one for my stepdaughter. I wanted her to know what a man does or is supposed to do, but my ex would get jealous. She had to criticize the shoes I bought her. When I found out she didn't have new shoes for the 1st day of school, I went to Wal mart at 2am and bought her some. Now my stepdaughter loved the shoes, but my ex had to say something. When she asked me why, I told her, because school is a fashion show and she will be ridiculed for the entire year if she shows up with the same old shoes from last year. I tried to explain to her how kids can be cruel, but it went over her head. Now I'm thinking she was one of the mean girls. I don't get that. I mean if someone did something for someone I loved, I take is them doing something for me, but to be jealous of your own daughter? Smh
Why do narcissists have so many addictions, my husband had a porn, gambling and pot addictions and told me I am not going to quit and yelling at me.
I found Dr. C, trying to find a way to control my temper. I had no idea what a narcissist was and it was like I was walking around blind b4 and Dr. C gave me sight. The thing I hated the most about these narcissists was I noticed because of them, I was taking on narcissistic traits. Thank you Dr. C. You are a Godsend. I looked into other videos and they give bad advice, such as trying to piss off a narcissist and doing to them as they do and that just made stuff worse for me. Thank you, Dr. C
Thank you for your videos your very calming.God bless you🙏🤗🇬🇧
You are so welcome
I love our Wednesdays too. Hey, Team Healthy!
I know someone who does not seem to take his childhood pain (adult child of TWO alcoholic parents) out on other people in an overt way, but he shows signs of annoyance when he doesn't want to listen. He will huff if on the phone, or just starts talking about what he wants to talk about if he is with someone, changing the subject abruptly.
He seems to like to display his knowledge (which is considerable), and once when it would be useful for a child to be given an opportunity to be proud of himself and show off a little, he hogged the stage, so to speak.
He often defers to what others want to do or eat, but he seems to want to be in control of the conversation. The relationship contract appears to be "We will go where you want to go and do what you want to do, but we will only talk about what I want to talk about."
And what he wants to talk about is primarily stuff "out there". If you touch on an emotional subject he doesn't want to deal with, his eyes may suddenly tear up, but he will shut the conversation down and say "I'm going to get a headache."
He avoids doctors, even when it would be wise to consult one. I have pointed out numerous times that he doesn't have to blindly "trust" whatever a doctor says. He can solicit an opinion and make up his own mind how to proceed. Trust issues all the way around.
When a romantic relationship fails or he can't get one started with someone he is interested in, he tends to blame the other person, when not being able to share who you really are, including all the disappointments and pain, does NOT make you good partnership material. No wonder his relationships "fizzle out".
He doesn't open discussions with relatives or friends about how their their relationships are going. I can remember times when he has said that "I don't ask. If they wanted me to know, they would tell me." Sometimes he will even say "If I wanted their opinion I would TELL it to them!"
Interestingly, he says he deplores women who have headaches to get out of sex, but HE has headaches to avoid important conversations.
I can't tell you how many doses of headache medication he takes every day without even making a grimace. He always has pills at the ready, wherever he is.
I know all this makes him sound like a nightmare. But he can be a very dependable, kind and reliable friend if you need a favor, and is generally fun to be with. He is certainly not given to the cruel behavior and remarks of the narcissist in my family, which I can no longer tolerate.
But he is extremely stubborn, resists suggestions most of the time, has a defensive and negative bent about just about everything. He doesn't want to let people get too close for fear they will use it "against" him "sooner or later." He is extremely sensitive to any situation in which he feels he is being judged.
Yet he is capable of love and devotion. He is a worthy person, and very talented, and often pleasant company, so he IS worth associating with. I have learned how to accept him where he is.
I am concerned that, when his parents die, he may have a breakdown. I have seen this happen with other people who have suppressed their pain, and obvious hidden rage.
What's your experience with this type of scenario? How can you help someone like this heal without pushing them into a conversation they don't want to trust you with? Any time therapy is offered as an option, his response is "I can handle my own problems."
Blessings to All. Thanks Dr C and Team Healthy. ❤
Thank you Dr Carter ✌💜
In Thanksgiving: { USA 🇺🇸} : btw: The Presentation: ( awareness-mental health- information ℹ️ fabulous) is outstanding: again: outstanding
In my case, he wanted me to be wonderful so people would think he must be great, but it was limited to within his parameters. If I was a good cook, that reflected well on him, but if I did something that wasn't in his service and made me look good, such as singing in church, he couldn't stand it.
Dr C, you have no idea how much you have helped me
I'm so pleased on your behalf. Thanks for including me on your journey!!
All vulnerable narcissists are covert, but not all covert narcissists are vulnerable.
Proper healthy guy dr c 😂🍀 💪 happy to have met you
#TeamHealthy
I love your videos and your videos give me hope and freedom to keep hanging in there I’m a work in progress Thank you Dr. C your a blessing beyond words of gratitude 🤗❤️
God bless u Dr. C!!!! I can't get tired of telling u how much I love and appreciate u and all ur hard work💗🙏🕊
I'll receive it! Thanks!
Dr. Carter
If you love your work , if you enjoy it ,you're already a success
You are a very nice expert in your field
Listening to you always always gave me peace
Thank you
Thanks so much, and yes, I enjoy what I do.
I’m pleased you’re pleased sweet dreams boss man 🙏
Thank you Dr. C for clearing up the difference between Covert & Vulnerable Narcissists.
I look forward tp your Q & A because I always learn something new and it reminds me I'm not alone. TY🐶
Glad it was helpful! I like the format b/c it gives us an idea of what we as #TeamHealthy are dealing with.
Thank you dr C ! I'm going to re watch this video more times in the next hours. First time was without subtitles.
I want to be sure not missing any word 😊
My favorite thing about dr. Carter is when I listen to his videos outside while I'm bbq'n, his videos are like narcissist-be-gone, cuz that collective family 4 houses down will leave me alone. It's like your videos are their kryptonite
Great to hear this from a fellow barbecue guy. I have both a gas grill and a pellet smoker and have been grilling for decades!! It's my comfort place!
@@SurvivingNarcissism right?! I'm a transitioning vegan, but have to cook for my brother and dad. I also put meat on the grill for the neighborhood cats. If I don't, they tend to fight with mine. But, yes it is therapeutic. I also find gardening helps me too. I just wanna say, you are an awesome person, Dr. Carter and I wanna thank you for the help your videos have been. Please, keep them coming. Also, give gus my best wishes. Sometimes, I wish I could live like them. Not knowing any of the wrong in the world.
So appreciate your taking the time and energy to do these ... almost feels like video classes for us, Doc -- I always learn so much 😊🎉
They are, aren't they? I mean a lesson. Are we not all here trying to learn to deal with situations that we, before this, couldn't find an ideal way to handle?
@@RobSlopezJr We really are
I work with and technically for my only friend of 25 years. I have a wonderful state of Wisconsin job that I am blessed to have gotten through him and I am 56 years old. Never realized that he chose to get me into this job so he could just rip me apart inside. I didn't even know he had this affliction and I literally have to work with him face to face every day and add to this that 20 years ago I was his boss in his early years in the painting trades and was nothing but impressed with him
Thank you for being here for Team Healthy, even during the holidays. 😊
Of course!
I am guessing the number one habit: LYING! Looking forward to catching up on this. Thanks, Dr. C. :)
“Lying” is not a habit, it’s a choice..
Dr. Les, I really enjoy your Wednesday sessions! I get home from work, and it's like having a smart brother or dad over to my house giving me good advice! Thank you, Dr Carter
It's so nice to be able to trust a man!
I trust you!
Thank you!
Such encouraging words. Thank you!
👍🍀 keep up the best work dr carter ! You know everything about what I’ve lived with for the past 25 yrs never thought that someone could have understood so much about this type of poorly person! Thanks for the much appreciated lessons, it’s helped massively! Best of luck to you & your followers 💪
So pleased for this feedback!
Thanks DRC. Thanks to your knowledge and wisdom, you have given me the answers and closure that my ex Narcissist refused to give me when he lied about everything,including his sir name for 8 years, then cruelly discarded me and disappeared to god only knows where . Say hi to Gus 🐕
I welcome the narcissist to call me a narcissist or toxic. My response to that is to say I'm incurable and its time to go no contact with me. That gives me a way to escape the narcissist.
I just tell them, anyone who knows me or you, even just a little bit, knows you're fulla s###! Lol
Same- I refuse to try defending against delusional projection any more
Thank you so much for your help! I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and have a blessed Christmas!!
Alt reality....its projection too. 🙃 Friends thought we were a perfect couple. My sister called us Hansel and Gretel. I felt very lonely.
More to life than drinking beer and Happy Hours
I wish I would of seen your videos back when I was younger and I wouldn’t have married my husband of 40 years now
Real interesting video for sure, but I am compelled to say that your shirt is gorgeous. Good taste as always.
Thank you.
I sure do appreciate you immensely Doc. In fact it felt like you were right inside my household with how spot on you are.
Twice I burst into laughter it was so accurate knowing at the same time there is nothing funny about the situation.
I sure hope you had a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving with your family.
Thanks, Vivienne. And, yes, we had a really good Thanksgiving weekend.
Love your videos Dr. C.
Thank you, Kerry.
I find it hard not to ruminate about conversations with my narcissistic mother, she tried yet again to convince me to ditch someone in my life this time my father her ex husband of 50 yrs! I was sternly quizzed on why I want to keep contact with him because he is such a bad person..I remember a lot of the toxicity between them and they both contributed to violence, he recently told me he’s ill and would like me know what he is leaving me in his will, this made me think it must be serious so mentioned it to my mother who said oh is that why you have him in your life to see what u can get from him! I was also told not to mention her name or anything about her in my interaction with him..I was very proud of myself not reacting not explaining but I still can’t stop thinking about the conversation
Thank you so much.
Thanks so much for your energy and putting this content out for folks. I appreciate it and have learned alot from you and continue to. Skén-nen/Peace
Human healthiness is universal so is unhealthy, hence narcissism becomes universal, narcissists from four corners of the world act almost the same way.
Hi Fred K. I agree completely!!
3 years ago when I started listening and learning here, I though my nex was 'uniquely difficult',
It was a shock, both good and bad, to read others stories and see exact phrases and behaviours that my nex did.
It was the start of me knowing I wasn't the crazy one.
All the best Fred K. Are you in Australia?
Take care. It's always great to see you on the TH chats🙏
@@sturobertson6791 likewise stu!🙏
Yes I’m residing in Australia/sydney.
My Narc FIL: He is text book with the exception of one characteristic that I have never heard spoken. Example: We went to dinner at a Chinese Restaurant. My husband his son, corrected him about another siblings child. He immediately started texting that grandchild (42). The waitress (inches from him) brought the bill with fortune cookies. He never looked up. We ate our cookies, laughed about our fortunes. He never looked up. My husband placed a credit card on the bill tray. The waitress took it. The waitress returned with the card and receipt. We pulled away from the table. FIL finally looks up and says “We haven’t paid the bill”. My husband response “We are dining and dashing”. He actually thought we had done that and was saying we could be arrested. Is this just him? Or a NARC trait? He does this fairly regularly.
They know they are lying, and they know they have to orchestrate their story or circumstances to try to justify their actions to everyone, and the person they do these tacts on, they are trying to make them look like the bad person, all the while the one doing all the lying and justifying their bad behavior (so subtle, by the way, that it's hard to articulate into words), they get to walk away like they are a good person.....
Thank you again Dr. C 👍
For the record- Wishing you, your family and Puppy 🐶 Gus { a Regular Dog} : btw: a nice 😊 afternoon and as well a pleasant evening ahead
Thank you dr Carter ❤
You're most welcome!
@@SurvivingNarcissism thank you so much dr Carter for all you do to help me. God bless you
Thank you
You're welcome
My sister is a perpetual victim of her ailments. Her whole identity and everything she talks about revolves back to her pain. Her lack of initiating contact, her giving up on a working career and living off of her husband, etc, etc. if you offer a solution, its simply excused away and if you dare challange her victim status, watch out! She will become aggressive and verbally abrasive.
Living with chronic pain is horrible. Try to use empathy with your sister. She didn't "give up" a career if she is now disabled.
Dear Dr. C, thank you for your great channel and the life-chaning information you offer to us.
A few months ago, while we were having a heated discussion, I caught my narc (with whom I share 30 years of relationship) smiling with pleasure behind my back. Also a few months ago, a phrase slipped out of his mouth as I passed him: "I love to see people suffer". The phrase escaped him in a whisper and I don't think he was even aware that he had said it out loud. Is it possible that narcs lose a certain ability to hide or disguise their narcissism with age, or do they simply become more insolent or aggressive and don't feel any more the need to disguise their character? Thank you.
When someone tells you who they are, believe them. You might ask this person what they get out of seeing people suffer. Just remember to keep your boundaries in place and NEVER accept baggage that is not yours.
Guard your heart and mind. Narcissism is evil. Sounds like this narc is moving farther down the spectrum with age (which sadly is typical).
Another interesting thing I noticed about the truth telling aspect, when they act "self aware" and tell you they are "actually being truthful which is hard for them" they expect praise and a cookie for small good behaviors that are literally behaviors that should be the norm. My ex was very much like that and I remember my father screaming me into a corner as a child saying "at least I dont hit you! You should be grateful that I DONT hit you" they train you to be grateful that it COULD be worse but it "isn't" even though its still horrible but you become conditioned to be thankful that it isnt worse. Very manipulative.
You're on it!
Dr C, we are just dating so i feel i have no rights to get upset that he sees other women. But it just doesn't feel right. He tells me he loves me. We are intimate now. Then he disappears during the day and several evenings. Hes retired. Even a blind man can see what's probably going on. Yet i would look like the crazy one if he knew i was checking on him. I just want to know the truth. Im back to square one with him. My Intuition tells me he's got at least 3 or 4 others he's seeing. Do i have any right to feel duped? Should he have his freedom since we aren't committed. Im confused and i don't want to look crazy. Lol. I just re read this. I do look crazy! What should I do?
Dr.C. my ex-husband has recently told me that he believes an entity that has been attached to him since childhood had attached itself to me back 3 years ago after the birth of our son. He says that it had been trying to break us up and was the reason for my anger and resentment towards him. I will admit I was definitely angry/resentful. I also thought for years there was something wrong with because of my behavior with him. He is a drinker and refused to work for 5 of the 6 years we were together. It wasn't until al-anon that I began to understand some of what was happening. Is it normal to blame behavior on dark spirits or entities?
Dump the bum and reject the mystifications
Our behaviour can not be far from duality and something in between on the spectrum.
Dr C. These Q&A topics are important and extremely valuable. Thank you so for creating this space and all that you do for this community.
I do have a question for your next session Dr. C. This has been racking my mind because I don’t know how to navigate this….
How do I respond to a female narcissist who immediately responds to any questions about her questionable behavior as it relates to the opposite sex, as my “insecurities?” I’ve noticed this defense response and immediate blame shift/gaslighting with any question asked, especially questions that force her to be accountable or to explain certain questionable behavior or actions. Would you be so kind to help me guide how to respond when she uses the “your insecurities” response as a way of ducking questions? These questions are asked in a clear, rational calm way, often written or communicated verbally.
Thanks Dr. C.
Hi Robert. Great question. Don't be fooled or taken in or deflected by this. It's classic strategy to make YOU think that you are the crazy one.
It's also fiendishly clever, and many, including me, fell for it dor years.
Use as a guide, your own healthy values and principles, what you believe to be right, fair, honest, respectful, etc. If you are being treated in a way different to that, it could be time to grey rock, minimise contact, or just run!
Trust your gut, nurture your healthy relationships, minimise the unhealthy.
All the best 🙏
Great question, Maxwell, and I hope to get to it next week. The short answer is that sometimes you have to drop the illusion that you can say something that will really make a difference to the other person.
@@SurvivingNarcissism I look forward to receiving your guidance on this and appreciate you taking the time to provide your insight. Gratitude.
You won't change her, therefore for your own mental health forget about trying to make her acountable for anything.
Do they know they lying? Do they believe their lies? -> They know. They also remember the lies they tell others to cover that previous lie. Don't underestimate covert narc's ridiculous long term memory.
Authentic is Merriam-Webster Webster’s word of the year.
I'm all over that!
Im being guilted that i dont want to spend xmas with the family. They dont understanding that my sister wont hold her rage against me for going no contact. Even though theyve seen her spoil special occasions again and again Im the one thats being unreasonable.
Why do they need us to get along?
... It's likely so you can help uphold the family image,these family systems oftentimes operate like a cult.Another possible reason is because the others don't like having 🎯s on their backs due to you no longer being available to be the punching bag😬.Gotta 👀 out for those enablers & flying 🐒s too.
Dr Les - love you, this weekly check in and your courses. I do however hate in the “replay” the 6-7 commercial interruptions that appear mid-sentence. I find it disturbing. Some of us are working hard to stay on Team Healthy. I would find it more appropriate if there were a natural break … 30 seconds for commercials … rather than abrupt interruptions.
Keep up being the great resource you already are.
Mike
Truth be told, I have zero say about how google does the advertising. When I watch a rerun, even I skip through them.
There may be a setting in how TH-cam admins Ads on videos. I def skip ‘em :))
Hey Dr.C
Hey there!
Can one be triangularwd with a pet? My music partner who I feel is definitely a narcissust,refused to put his large dog in another room when the subject of rehearsing at his place,came up. I immediately got a rehearsal room at a neutral place,but I know he enjoyed one upping me. He has done this also with a person, at a music gig,saying that he'd rather be doing his own gig even though we have worked together,for 10 years,as a duo,where I have booked all the gigs.i Stat working with him because people like the music,and he is one of the few one man band musicians in my area.
Good day Dr. C! First of all, thank you SO MUCH! For 5 years leading up to now I had zero idea why things were the way they were. My husband doesn’t fit the classic narc description but I’ve always felt there was something wrong with the guilt,the feeling of not being good enough, being inadequate, being incapable that I kept feeling all these years in our relationship. I’m absolutely ready to leave but the problem is I’m in a legal limbo at the moment waiting for my documents to be able to go back to my home country. I have to stay sane and decent for at least 3 months, with my husband who’s gone completely off his rocker since I stopped complying. How do I navigate this without aggravating the situation? Your advice will be so so appreciated
Hi MaRi. Your story will resonate with many. The feelings you describe are horrible, and sadly all too common.
You gave yourself a good answer....stay sane and decent!!
Re discover your own healthy values and ways. Trust your own gut, which is surely operating on principles of decency, respect ,civility (DRC), truth, fairness, respect, honesty.
You are sensing something is wrong because you are not receiving these in return.
Trust yourself. You're the decent one, and probably always have been
All the best🙏
@@sturobertson6791 hello Stu! Thank you so much for your kindness. Not stooping to the same level gets quite challenging sometimes, but more than loneliness and isolation of my current situation I fear becoming the same as the narcissist. I honestly can’t wait to break free!
@MaRi-dz4fu hi MaRi I'm glad to read your really positive comment! One of the great things I've learned here is 'it's better to be on your own than with the wrong person'
Power and kindness to you MaRi. Stay sane and decent!!🙏
@@MaRi-dz4fu Hello, Mari, I didn’t quite understand your current situation, but I’ve gone through break up and legal divorce, which was a horrible mess, all I can tell you revive yourself, try to treat yourself with little everyday things to get your strength together, but try not to show it or be explicit until the end, for him everything should be the old same way, he should be sure of his power until your time comes. Be strong.
@@hirondelle4036 hi Hirondelle, well basically we dated long distance for 4 years until we got married and I moved to his country, different language, no family or friends, and I felt the full extent of his selfishness and neglect. I guess my rose tinted glasses have finally cracked. I try really hard not to show him my determination to leave. And the weirdest thing is he’s recently started saying “you’ll never leave me because you’re mine forever” and it’s honestly a bit creepy. Thank you for the support 💜 team healthy is really the best
Narco psychopaths also got " Hearts ❤💞 " Of course more of physical biological nature.
Our father was high on narcissistic spectrum. Our sister (57) most certainly also has characteristics, but much less than our father. She has had good spells for long periods on end. That is that trust and reciprocity was there. It is only not always steady and at times it turns and we get the accusations, the flip side, the conflicts that you can never 'win'. And that feel so unjust / unqual.
Is a person is not full on the spectrum, but half for instance, how should you look upon that? Is a person narcissistic, but learnt how to not show it and learnt that you cannot receive trust, unless you also give some attention to the other person. It sometimes felt like a 'trade'. Our sister is very insulted that I went out of contact when ill and empathy fatigue.
Can I take the risk of starting up a more distant relationship or is it better to leave it as it is. no contact. ?
Thank you dr C !! For all your sharing! It has helped me a lot !!
In Thanksgiving: { USA 🇺🇸} : btw: The Presentation: ( awareness- mental health- information ℹ️ fabulous) : thank you 😊: again: thank you 😊
Thanks, Michelle.
🚩 I am concerned because I did get into it with someone about their behavior to others and in situations and it really made me sick to my stomach for days, even though it seemed I got through. I didn't understand why I felt so apprehensive about taking a necessary stand.
I think I knew that I could expect the grumpy, foreboding attitude that was coming. It was heavy and it was a relief to start the new week.
I'm not sure about the authenticity of the amended actions and reactions. I really wondered how we got to this point.
(Learning)
Time and patience does reveal tendencies and reputations of a person.
Q: Can the vulnerable narcissist because of their depressing mood and their wanting or needing to isolate themself from anothers point of view ever come around? Is it depression or their personality?
Once you've done divorcing the Narcissist....what would be a good book/resource to be able to move on from that kind of abuse?
Dr. C - you recently mentioned dark empath, I think in a guest stream, and I'm wondering how it differs from a covert or vulnerable narcissist.
P.S. Thanks for differentiating between the latter 2 in today's live stream.
Hi Aaron. Just want to say to you that my healing (a year and 2 months now) has morphed from hard and painful to joyous and peaceful, and you are still a big part of it🙏
Cheers, and I hope you are ok
@@sturobertson6791 Stu, I’m so glad you’re on this journey. I’m seeing this as part of my identity now. Grace to you.
@@aaronkwolfeCheers Aaron. It's become part of my identity too, in many ways. When I meet people I recognise flags, both red and 'good' and I'm no longer the doormat I was.
It feels so much more honest,
Might meet up one day if I visit my sis in Boiling Springs
Take care Aaron🙏
I was wondering drc, my husband is up on two sexual assault charges and to physical assault charges one of which my son was a witness to, if this is going to cause any change in him not that I would ever take him back I will not, but the court system here in Canada is so archaic they do not understand that if a husband and father is willing to beat and rape and to every type of abuse to the wife plus abuses to the children that are not as
Never go back