Bill Burr - no reason to hit a woman - how women argue (FULL) from You People are all the Same
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ม.ค. 2016
- The FULL segment about how women argue and why there's no reason to hit a woman from Bill Burr's show "You people are all the same"
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![[FULL EP.84] มึงแฉกูแฉ "โอ๊ต ปราโมทย์" จัดหนัก "ซานิ" ยับ! l ซานิเบาได้เบา l One Playground](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/_GQ1C8mtE08/mqdefault.jpg)
Real women don't hit men.
i just finished witcher 3. playing through ng+ worth my/your time?
@@crazy__cripple8704 Was that your first playthrough?
@@Geralt--of--Rivia yup... including the 2 expansions
@@crazy__cripple8704 Go for it, then. Witcher 3 has good replay value.
@@Geralt--of--Rivia You're a good bloke.
Rule #1: Don’t try to heckle a comedian. It’s like trying to punch an MMA fighter
Rule #2: Don't try to punch an MMA fighter. It's like pulling a gun on a President
@@rachekane Rule #3: Don't try to pull a gun on a President. It's like trying to slap the Undertaker
@@dsakurai Rule #4: Don't try to slap the Undertaker. It's like trying to hug a snake
@@fabio5286 Rule #5: Don't try to hug a snake. It's like trying to avoid an ambush from Jake Roberts.
@@lyrina3113 Rule #6: Don’t try avoiding an ambush from Jake Roberts. It’s like racing against Usain Bolt.
I love the woman who screamed 'Everyday!!!'
She made bill's joke so poignant
Maybe she did it because she knew there were cameras but luckily it added to his bit perfectly.
Let's all have a moment of silence for the poor sap that has to go home with that one
@@Ten_Thousand_Locusts Why? Can't she joke about it like we did?
@@lainarte was she joking though?
@@Ten_Thousand_LocustsThat's true we should find out
"You rub one out. It's the champagne of victory." Just an amazing piece of comedy. Punctuated with so many good lines.
@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?
He is JUST AMAZING!!!!!
it's weird seeing van gogh with two ears
Bro lol wut.
Hahahaha great
Bro wtf
ok
n m νελληη
"Rub one out... it's the champagne of victory." Greatest line ever!
Honestly lmao
Damn! It's so freaking true!
Remember that one time when you did that bullshit!
I can see it.
agreed
Still one of the greatest and most fearless comedy monologues of all time.
you wanna go to baskin robbins?
@@Piitaa_Painyou buying?
@@Piitaa_PainTUNA CASSEROLE? 😡👊👊💥
"How come you can't ask questions? If I got bit by a rattlesnake wouldn't you guys have some questions? How did it happen? Did ya not see it? Were ya fuckin with it?? Firemen put out a fire they don't just drive away afterwards they sift through the debris. How did it start? Here's an oily rag!"
Hmm. Now what situation? In the present-day? Hmm. What's happening rn? Hm...
Agree 100%. This was remarkable.
"Ladies can you at least admit that every ass kicking doesn't just fall out of the sky". I lost it man.
😅😅😅😅😂😂😂😂😂
oh god I laughed so fuckin hard
Ah yes, the classic “I’m gonna piss him off, then play victim when he gets mad” routine.
My mother does that to me and I am a woman.
EXACTLY
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Everytime
This doesn't get enough credit.
"There's a reason to hit everyone, JUST DONT DO IT. There's a reason to push an old man down a flight of stairs, JUST DON'T IT. Ain't nobody above an asswhopping." - Chris Rock
Juggalo972 is do all of them🤔 down south we don’t play that shit. Man woman child .... raise em right or they’re getting slapped
Nice 😊
@Mildly Amusing Channel Asshole behavior needs to be punished. If it doesn't that shit is just going to get worse. People only change through pain.
@Mildly Amusing Channel you can punish without violence, but sometimes a dude needs eat a elbow to know talking shit isn't acceptable
Mildly Amusing Channel there’s a difference between discipline from abuse. Learn it.
I genuinely love how he derives so much humor while simultaneously teaching real life lessons by simply calling out the sheer dumbassery that’s been accepted by mainstream society and logically breaking it down. The “no reason to hit a women” bit seems edgy but it’s simply calling out the sheer arrogance that women are somehow above reproach compared to men and men just have to accept that. It solves literally nothing about what led to that conflict in the first place and does nothing to prevent future conflicts.
Well said 👍
Because it's not designed to fix or prevent anything, it's designed for a gynocentric society
Women and men both hold women accountable for stuff....Remember the Johnny Depp trial? Women came out of the woodwork to support JD instead of AH. The truth is no one's holding men accountable like we should. Men are murdering and raping at at least 10 times the rate women do, and it's not talked about nearly enough because a lot of men want to stay in denial.
Also religion is very sexist towards women, but we don't talk about that much either because a lot of men get angry when they hear about sexism and we can't have that! Lots of male snowflakes out there can't handle hearing facts.
@Ararune we still live in pretty much male centric society
@1fromoutside in many ways we don't though. I think men just talk less in general. Complain less. Get listened to less.
Women get significantly less jail time for the same crimes as men.
God forbid a women wants to take the kids away from a man, she starts with the advantage.
That woman who yelled “everyday” had one of those moments like in any sport where you have that magical shot without realizing it. The stars aligned
“Have a rough day at the factory, come home ‘tuna casserole?!’ And just start swinging” 😂
Alec McCarthy i read this right as he said it wtfff
The way he says tuna casserole always kills me lmao
Hahaha I love Tuna Casserole
@@Maksymetzmj do you swing after earing or before?
F’n hilarious!
That shit about how his wife slapped him upside the head then said "were gonna discuss this later when you calm down" made me so mad and it didn't even happen to me lol
A year or so ago my wife thought I was mad at her for some reason. I wasn't, but she had it in her head that I was. So of course her reaction was to be a complete asshole to me for her own imagined reasons. In the matter of maybe 2 minutes she asks why I'm mad, I say I'm not, there's slight back and forth, and then she slams the bathroom door in my face. I completely lost it like I've never done before. I actually ended up punching a hole through the door and basically breaking it in two. I've had some anger issues in the past, but never like this (and never towards a person - usually dumb shit like technology). Women are absolute masters of pushing our buttons - and all because she THOUGHT I was angry at her for something. It's like they're so complicated within their own heads that they can't actually control it, and therefore they're all crazy.
Logan Bibb I got put through a cinder block wall once...needless to say I still won the fight. Once though, my ex-wife was neglecting me for like 2 weeks and tried to use boobs to manipulate me off what I was doing. When I told her I didn't have time for that, she got pissed and I didn't care. Tldr; She punched me in the back of the head so hard I saw stars....
I threw my chair across the house and calmly said "if I did that to you, one of us would be going to jail right now... I suggest you go somewhere else right now."
The thing is, if both were men (i.e. a friend or bro, repeatedly annoying you for attention) then you'd give him some 'attention' where it hurts, and afterwards both are still cool because they know it was deserved, the the whole issue is resolved.
Women just lack those "you brought it upon yourself"-neurons and will probably pass any lie-detector tests when they claim "I didn't do ANYTHING!"
Wow ... ya'll had bad experience
Jay the Climber there is a comedian that kind of talks about that. His case for why Christians hate Gays, and his answer is because they found a loop hole. They don’t have to ever deal with women, and they get all the sex they want. Haha!
“Talking about hitting women sweet heart” gets me every time!! 😂🤣😂🤣😂
Raises a red flag yeah
Could be the best live bit in comedy history when you take into consideration the material, the wording, the crowd interaction, and the overall execution. Bill executed his material like a seasoned vet and the woman who yelled, "EVERYDAY!!!" was a gift from the comedy gods because it fit so perfectly with his act. This is stand-up comedy at its finest.
I just want to know if the same people applauding this clip would have the same reaction if this was a female comedian saying similar things about hitting men. "But what did he do that led to it?" and all that.
Also even if they were meant to be jokes, it's easy to how they could have influence in a world where abuse of men by women isn't taken seriously enough.
@@ChildrensRightsFirst947yes, and I'd go on a limb that it would take much less finesse and comedic skill in order to pull that off like Bill here
Hitting men is always funny, by default, no context needed
Not saying I agree, just saying that's the way it is, men are the disposable sex, once they reach adulthood.
I've told my wife "Maybe we should talk about it later when you have calmed down".
I don't think I've ever seen her more visibly pissed off any other time for any other reason than after I said that.
Tried this about a week ago. We live together, she's losing her shit, I said "When you want to have an adult conversation we'll talk." 3 days of no zero talking later I finally had to give the olive branch. There's no win
That's because you surrendered. You started on the moral high ground and then relented, giving in to an emotionally manipulative tyrant.
LMFAO I love it
@@tmccann1876 why had you to give up? Fucking idiot
Bretton Ferguson damn dude I feel this in my soul
My wife was talking negative about my mother, each statement got worse and worse. When I defended my mother, and told her to stop talking smack about my mom, she asked me what good my mother ever taught me? I told her "She taught me to never hit a woman"! That shut her up!
😂
ooooooö my fucking God legend
@@StandYourGroundHomestead I'm very concerned for the amount of Freud I feel from your comment. Are you sure you only love your mom as a parent?
J Ron holy shit dude! You got serious issues
sounds like a threat, i dont approve jerami
After 22 years of marriage I discovered that winning an argument just makes your wife madder.
It doesn't even have to be an argument. It can just be a minor disagreement, and she'll be mad at you if you're right and she's wrong. It doesn't even need to be important.
"No, Burt Reynolds did not play Richard, Monica's boyfriend in Friends! That was Tom Selleck!"
She Googled it, and wouldn't talk to me for hours!
“You rub one out, that’s the champagne of victory” I definitely felt that 😂😭🏆🍾🥂
The funniest line in this whole joke is “it’s gonna fuckin rust”. Gets me every time.
His dog shaking off the morning cold 🥶😎
Mine is ‘were you fucking with it?’ 😂
I love the whole set. Watched for years now and I still laugh just as hard
@@classygary The dog thing is actually a reference to an older joke, where the dog feeds off his anger, so like mans best friend doesn't know why dads mad but he's on his side so he's mad too. That's why the dug was shaking like a psycho, bill was raging and the dog was amping up right next to him lol
@@adear2756 exactly. was thinking about forwarding this to a friend and he wouldn't understand the dog thing, since he doesn't know the special :D
“IM NOT EVEN IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER AND SHES NAGGING ME!” 🤣 bill ur the best!!!
In fairness the woman who shouted out actually said....
"It's her right".
@@seanscanlon9067 ahhh that makes sense. But kinda see how Bill cant hear her right its far from him. Still that made a wonderful impromptu joke from Bill!
"Talking about hitting women, sweetheart, AND I THINK YOU JUST ADDED ANOTHER REASON!" 😂😂😂
@@seanscanlon9067 No she didn't. She stressed the first word, which does not match the statement you wrote.
@@ihsahnakerfeldt9280 So what do you think was the first word there?
I dated a woman that had no idea what respect or decency was. We'd be out in public and she'd be one of those "get all loud and make a scene" types. I'd always tell her that she's gonna end up getting me arrested because some drunk guy is gonna hear her and think he needs to put his two sense in and get assaulted in the process. I'd just walk away from where ever we were no matter where and leave her there for a while. She stabbed me with a key. Eventually yea, she got hit.
Good. If she hit you first she had it coming.
Based
This is why you need to show you are the one with the leverage not them. Let them think if they fuck up they pay not you. It's not them leaving which is scary, it's you leaving. What woman, especially when they get older, is more valuable than the man? Think about it. Give attention to other girls.
@@_Cato_on a true story
@@kellym8287 oh yea, I got outta there years ago
100%. I had a buddy of mine actually got married last year. Didn't even last a fucking year because this.... Cretin he married, was as unstable as an out of balance scale. This woman destroyed him and he just took it all. When I was living with them, multiple times I thought to myself, "I wonder how she'd feel if I did the exact same to her?" About 3 months of that crap and I decided to move out. She kept needling me on why I was leaving, I told her she couldn't handle the truth, and low and behold, I was right. I didn't get a quarter of the way through my explanation and she loses her damn mind! It was ridiculous. Thankfully, my friend filed for divorce and is suing her for physical, mental and emotional damage. It's literally an open and shut case cuz I'm one of 5 witnesses
Glad you both got out - How did the court case go if you don't mind me asking?
@@jonathanjrgensen6774 Sadly he went back to her and dropped the divorce. He's no longer my friend but I did manage to get a settlement and she lost her job in the process of it all going down
@@midnightlupin1 You should try to tap that thing, bet it grabs back. Frankly it was the only thing that held us together. And I was right, so far every relationship after was not as good in the sack. Go for it, I'll bet she's up for a way to get back at her ex even if you're on her enemies list.
@@theultimatemoderate8165 I would much rather put my genitals through a wood chipper than touch the lecherous troglodyte.
@@theultimatemoderate8165 I would much rather slather my genitals in honey and insert them into a box with poisonous hornets than put them anywhere near that. She's hideous on both the outside and inside. Plus I'd rather not get gonoherpasyphillus 27.
Oh man, the shit he said about women losing arguments is so true.
Oh yea.. They will start bringing up past issues which have no relation to the current argument because they have nothing else on you. As he said, you've won then.
I LOVE IT!!!!
After I noticed that my mother does this with me, my sister, and my father, I lost a massive amount of respect for her. It makes her look childish, and it prolongs the issue that started the debate in the first place.
my mother did this ..and its exactly why my whole family hates her .
Hiếu Vương Ngọc healthy relationship
I was in a situation where I had no choice. It was my wife at the time. We got into an argument and she became very violent towards me in front of our kids. I didn't want my kids to see it so I tried to take them outside. My son was two years old at the time and she tried to snatch him away from me using a lot of force. She could have hurt him really bad.
My gut reaction was to go into protective mode. I backhanded her and she slid half way across the house. She called the police and we both went to jail because we both had signs of an altercation on us.
She took out a domestic violence order on me so to protect myself I took one out on her. When we finally went to court the judge looked at my ex and told her that I had the right and responsibility to protect my children from anyone including her. Dismissed my charge and asked me if I still wanted to press charges on her but I dropped them. If the situation were the same I would do it again but only to protect my children.
Jarrod Heglar I’m glad the judge sided with you there. I
You are a god good sir
That judge...is the good judge.
i wouldnt drop the charges if i were there tbh
That is rare. The father wins and deserved to. Awesome.
"I'm talking about hitting women, sweetheart, and I think you just added another reason!" 😆😂
Love how this bit has a woman positively heckle and another woman negatively heckle and they both just work great
Poor Johnny Depp. If only more people watched Bill Burr...
Then his case would’ve been worse. He should’ve never married the skank.
@@monicapyle id do more than that
James Bond James you’d fuck anything that isn’t nailed down
@@ComicWriter-ml3qt 😂😂😂
@Jolyne Cujoh that's what he's saying
The most important moment of male progress in the last 20 years.
Serious as a heart attack. How to argue saved my sanity and marriage
Your right about that
I H A T E Y O U
@TipsyBrothers only real beta males call other people on the internet who they don't know beta males.
@@boston_nsca ironic of you to say
Love it when he 'stirs the cauldron' with the mic stand at 10:23
I didn't catch that the first time. Hilarious.😂
I've listened to this bit dozens of times but it still never gets old
I am a girl, I totally agree.
Bill, The truthful savage.
Came 4 the Cookies XD lol
@@cameforthecookies6419 obliviously you don't get the humor but of well lol
Are you single?
That was clearly just a compliment for those who understand TH-cam. "The over thinking is very strong with this one" lol
*Noice* 😂 👌
He's not wrong, lol. I love my gf very much but sometimes when she is losing an argument, she will bring up things that dont even pertain to our conversation....just to get an edge and sometimes it's really hurtful shit.
Why I carry a Zippo 😉
Tots m'gots.
You might need counseling or break up, depending on how terrible the things she says are.
Respect goes both ways, just let her know you dont need that shit and it needs to stop. Better to be single and rub one out than be with a woman who doesn't respect you.
Icky Mclicky
Dump the bitch!
I come back to this just to hear that woman yell in the break of the joke "EVERYDAY" and I swear Bill Burr is one of the most real comedians left out there today. That symphony, unplanned, moment of the crowd participating in the joke is what makes comedy, comedy. He expected that but didnt expect that comment, and the crowd delivered.
@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?
“Worked like a charm. Worked like a charm!”
“Even hockey has two minutes for instigating.” An underrated hilarious line.
"Rub one out like a man, it's the champagne of victory" - GENIUS!
StonyRC
Yes
StonyRC
I gotta say... that’s brilliant
StonyRC Genius indeed
StonyRC
Dude that is beautiful, like artistic even.
This guy should be a marriage counselor.
He is.
HE IS! IM GETTING COUNSELING AS I WATCH!
I learned in my last marriage that marriage counseling is just paying someone to tell the husband how wrong he is, because they know damn well that they will never get anywhere with the wife.
@@TheWartHawg amen brother. Exactly what happened and continues to happen with my EX wife. They always work on the more reasonable one.
@@caitlinb.9596 Exactly why they work on the man. They've studied the experiences of others and have learned that a clam can't be reasoned with. Therefore the goal becomes perception manipulation and modification of the guy. If they can get the guy to live within the craziness of the woman, they have a win, and they know that's the only way they'll get it.
I have a shitty temper and my wife also has one, so we agreed not to scream at our faces or even go over each other's voice when in close quarters.
I appreciate a lot how much we both actually comply with it.
Practical strategy simply works amazing. Even though we never had a physical discussion one can tell with our crappy tempers the best is too be conscious about it and create all possible barriers.
Communication is key in a relationship? Who knew! Snarkiness aside, good to hear you are working out
Wear a party hat when discussing tense stuff.
“ we’re talking about hitting women sweetheart , and I think you just added another reason “ 😭💀
Guy: hits girl
People: omg he hit a girl
Girl: hits guy for no reason
People: ok...
@slight o hand wow so you're telling me girls can't use their nails and some girls can hurt boys
@slight o hand not all woman are the same you're comparing some to 1, girls can hurt boys
future jojo yeah Ronda rousey but u getting in a relationship with a girl as strong as her is so rare that they are all weak
@slight o hand a lot of girls are strong you can't say their weak if you haven't got hit by every female on earth. Also you make it seem like some girls don't know how to punch or hit hard
@slight o hand well i saw it happen a lot of times where girls would give guys bruises and scratches where you bleed
My uncle got beat up, violently, by his now ex-girlfriend. The police arrived, came inside, and arrested him. Even though she was clearly the one at the scene who beat him up, the cops still took my uncle away to a temporary cell. Luckily, he was only fined but still, that's just fucked up.
yikes
That's the shit going down now. The power women weild is outrageous. Your uncle, if arrested, is now part of a permanent database even if his records are "expunged" or "sealed".
+Jeffarry
Fined? Fined for what?
Chris V He was fined with “harassment” or some shit like that. They knew they couldn’t just fine him for straight up assault, because he didn’t do it. So they aimed lower and accused him of harassing her.
Your uncle should’ve gone to see a doctor recorded the injuries and sue the county for a miss handling of justice
This aged really well
The woman who said "EVERY DAY!" rescued the joke.
No it didn't
I’m a woman and I agree. I’ve seen (and heard) a lot of my male friends/colleagues get bullied by their partners. They took it because she’s a woman and these women had no empathy or respect especially when in public. Making fun of your man, demeaning him, yelling at him, slamming the door in their face wether in a room or car, whatever it is, it’s all disrespectful. There is a way to disagree. Don’t take advantage of this bias and abuse your position. Upsets me greatly because I was lucky enough to grow up in a household where both my mom and dad respected each other and argued like grown ups. Shameful what I’ve seen time and time again.
I've never been more irritated than when people pretend to know what Equality is. when most people claim "equality" when it suits their agenda, whatever it may be. Equality is equality, a man is equal to a woman and vice versa, and no other way.
@@ACertainGuy0 equallity is when you punch her just as hard as any other guy
im never letting sum chick ever disrespect me in public. if she wants to do in public everything can be handled right then and there
I think the issue is people see that most physical abuse in relationship is done by men and so they think abuse is one sided towards men. When you take into account verbal abuse and emotional manipulation it isn't that one sided anymore. Also, it's an outdated mindset to only chalk it up to the difference in physical strength, because if that were the case then people could just walk away from abusive relationships, but they can't because their a psychological aspect to it that boxes them in.
Would you like to go out on a coffee date someday?
I can't put it into words how happy I am that somebody finally said it. I've had ex's literally throw my own mother's death back into my face during an argument. If I ever even came close to saying something like that to a female people would burn my house down. If we truly want to be equals we need to address both sides of the curtain.
God that's so fucked up. Imagine throwing the death of a close one into someone's face just because you're angry with them. The problem with the feminist cult is that it wants to have it both ways: equality for the good stuff (rights and privileges) but inequality for the bad stuff and the responsibility (e.g. being fair game for a beat up). They always oscillate between these two positions according to the situation so that they always end up with the advantage.
You gotta get those bitche$ out, they are way too toxic to be involved with
I have this everytime i argue with my partner she can be very toxic......
@@ihsahnakerfeldt9280 It's not right for a woman to beat a man just like it's not right for a man to beat a woman. I see the double standard when it comes to women being violent towards men and it's disgusting, but just because women want equality shouldn't mean they are "fair game to for a beat up" because nobody should be beating anyone at all. Period. Nobody should be considered "fair game" because there shouldn't be a game in the first place. If you think that it's justifiable that people should be beaten for reasons other than protection, then you're siding with the women who get away with being violent towards men. I agree with your other statements, but I just wanted to put in my two cents on that one.
Bill has done a thing about equality like that too. Worth watching.
i always come back to this clip .....and it gets new everytime i watch it ....THIS IS GOLD
This is healing comedy at its best. Talking about things 90% of couples don't talk about, leading to 60% divorce rate and unhappy compromises of marriages of people too afraid to divorce.
My mother is a Hispanic. She was beat and abused by my father. She left him eventually. However she tells me this...
Don't ever hit a women. You're a man and you're much stronger. However if a girl thinks she can just hit you over and over again cause she is a girl and can get away with it or wants to fight you like a man then you fight her like a man. Don't let any female place their hands on you like that.
Why would she tell u the latter part? seems to have nothing to do with what she was going through
@@aasdfaafa7110 Or maybe, she was telling him he has the right to defend himself, and he's not a punching bag for women. if a woman hits me, I'm hitting her back. Equality and all that. More people need to tell there worthless daughters it's not ok to put their hands on others.
@@aasdfaafa7110 she told me that cause she is sensible and knows a man and women should defend themselves. She doesn't think a man should ever place their hands on a female but if a female hits a man then that man has a right to defend themselves
you have a good mother
Your mom is an idiot.
"Are you the idiot that walked in halfway through the special?" 😂
Imagine paying to watch a special and getting called out for your BS in front of the crowd.
Pretty sure tapings are free
@@denimchicken104 Nah everyone would come and ruin the show
The dude roasted a random person lol I would of left
@@denimchicken104 Narrator: "They aren't."
@@redrich7679 its a comedy set. gotta have atleast a little thick skin to not get offended every 12 seconds
I wish I had the chance of standing next to this guy just so that I can hear him talk, I love his sense of humor so much 😂
“Take a knee and run out the clock”
Best advice ever! 😂
The headphones story is absolutely relatable. That shit is insane. Poke the bear like 10 times and then when the bear snaps they go, "Why are you so mad?" That or a similar stupid response.
agreed! it shows a painful degree of immaturity. That's just as petty and immature as walking around blasting the music, maybe even more!
Gaslighting.
He pissed her off because he was being petty. She demanded to talk and he blew up.
@@ghost245353 she was petty first about the dog walking.
Unless someone hits you, you don't hit them, unless you are totally simple and incapable of a grown up response.
Lol I love the chick that screams “EVERYDAY”
I wish my girl would say that shit while sitting next to me. Look at the type of shit women can get away with!
Daij Shut yo sexy ass up
@@369pendulum
This escalated quickly..
I would like a friend like her
perfect timing.
“It’s gonna fuckin rust”. This is the funniest moment of this entire segment by far, and there are a lot in here. I find myself watching those few seconds on repeat quite often.
I would never do it.
Except. If she hits me first.
Especially if she’s a stranger.
If she hits me. She’s going down.
OMG, I died when the woman in the audience yelled, "EVERYDAY!!!!" 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣
Naimal - The feeling's mutual, hon.
Later that night, her husband beat her ass lol
NaimaLovesPizza that was classic
NaimaLovesPizza
And how they brought you back from the dead to comment this?
Cause of Bill Burr, I've started winning arguments.
He's right gents, Bob and Weave
@Charles Martel even tho you are right 99.999999999999999%, there is the VERY rare time that a man will win and that's why he's named Chuck Norris...
@Charles Martel Bob and Weave.
The moment she goes rogue, you win. Do the Colin Kaepernick and take a knee.
@Charles Martel A "draw" is a win sometimes. At least she stopped talking about it.
@@stonedjesus9887 Hey Adolph, you might like to hear how I stopped my ex-wife from calling me "The biggest asshole who was ever born." It's short and it worked.
This is my favorite bit. Not only did it get me hooked on burr, but it changed my life substantially in handling relationships. Love this guy
“EVERYDAAAAAYYY” had me dying
If I'm ever in the court for hitting a woman, I want bill burr as my lawyer.
And imagine if judge was woman there. 😂
He won't represent you if you hit a woman. That's the whole point.
@@MidoReigh his whole point is you shouldn’t just dismiss everything and focus on result. You have to actually look at what happened and lead to that point.
He even says it “you cut out the build up and you’re left with the result. It’s crazy”
Lol
He will need a real law license not one from community college.
Bill Burr is such a freak genius at wading into that gray area along the socially taboo and verboten and then just toying with that boundary in a hilarious way.
I mean, you're right, but why is talking about how to handle relationships properly taboo? I think that Bill Burr has a lot of good social commentary too.
My guy dives across the line and pulls it with him
yeah, he blew my mind 🖐👀
Burr, like Greg Giraldo are part of a very small group of comedians that can not only pull of pedophile jokes but, actually open with it....and nail it. Burr might not b the GOAT but....he might b.
@@trentjacobs3957 he definitely is the GOAT
"I'm starting to turn this franchise around" lol. Makes me bust out into laughter everytime!!
Bill Burr is funny ironic, truthful and wilfully self deprecating at the same time - that takes talent.
Q:"Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?"
A: "Being right makes me happy, darlin"
"Right or wrong, I'm right."
Her: Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?
Me: Are you threatening me, master jedi?
8:00 "Come home 'TUNA CASSEROLE!' and just start swingin.." 😂😂😂😂 I'm in tears
Can someone explain this to me ? I'm not a native english speaker. i wanna know what it means, i bet it's hilarious.
@@yaneyd93 it doesn't really mean anything in particular, primarily just a piece of dark humor out of how America's domestic abuse can literally stem from the simplest of things, e.g. "Tuna casserole for dinner"
Thank you, i have just googled Tuna casserole and now i get it :D
@@yaneyd93 dimwit
Molo Stone racist
This is his best set, by far my fav,
This is amazingly relevant now that the Depp vs. Heard case is ongoing.
As a woman I can fully agree that there are many reasons to hit a woman
Zoey Lolers as Female myself I agree. Especially those who are emotionally imbalanced, loud, lack of manners and couldn’t respond with reasons but emotions.
Thelondonbadger have some faith and you will encounter a few good ones in life
No 1. Reason: playing fortnite battle royale
@Daij I found one
@a wild baka good one. She just gave another reason why to want to hit a woman
Bill: "I just ghosted her"
Every other Man on the planet: "I gotta tell ya, worked like a charm"
gotta love the 420 likes. Lets hope it lasts
In fact, ghosting a woman solves all your life problems, I've tested if a few times myself. I'll take the champagne of victory over needless migraine
One of the absolute best...EVER!
that cauldron stirring at 10.25 killed me 🤣
“TUNA CASSEROLE!”
I don’t why but it’s always that line that got me busting out laughing 💀💀😭😭😂😂😂
08:00 😂😂😂
Hahaha, same. I came to watch just for that bit
@@stevendip5318 casserole is usually seen as leftovers and usually microwaved. it being tuna makes it even worse. not much to explain if you think about it for 2 seconds
Lmfao to this day might be the funniest 2 seconds of any stand-up comedy. Still the best overall segment of all time.
I'm Wheezing
“She’s not even in a relationship with me, and she’s nagging me!” 👍
*"I'm not even in a relationship with her, and she's fucking nagging me!"*
@@polymathtutoring1292 Pay attention meat head you saying the same shit he said...😐
I feel like that was just a misunderstanding
@@iBloodxHunter reference to 8 Mile lol
@@SonicTheHedgeRat I literally just got done watching the ending battles lol
recounted the monologue to a coworker and now everyone thinks I'm misogynistic what idiots
Your coworkers are soft af 😂
Why are people so stupid???????
This is a bad one to try and recapture cuz you’ll butcher it. Nobody does this like bill burr
@reminisce11
Thanks!!!. Keep getting the word out!!!
Bill Burr is the greatest, true but you probably told it well 🤗
You can't fix stupid 🙄🙄🙄
if it’s not a mutual decision, you shouldn’t throw hands
That woman who yelled "EVERYDAY" is my hero.
MikeCMC lol it's true
MikeCMC I may have married your hero....
So you slap your significant other everyday ? Does he/she get some slaps back every once in awhile ?
Oh I get it. You suffer from an abusive partner. My bad I misinterpreted your comment
I don't slap anyone, when I get mad I'm like get the fuck out of my face and leave me alone lol
Tuna Casserole and start swinging, That was hilarious.
This whole video is hilarious
that was the funniest bit of the entire clip. howling!
I just wanted to be your 500th like =)
Tariq Khan omg i have never seen thisbskit but damn he had me rolling bob and weeve you already won rub one out like a man its like champagne yo your victory.
I just started laughing and giggling so much I was crying 😂
This is definitely one of my favorites from him. He brings up a lot of good points about one sided stories, and never asking questions when they need to be asked…. . Smart, smart man.
Take a knee and run out the clock! Brilliant line, and I'm going to be dropping hints of this so many times for work crap, the general toxic person out there, teaching my kids how to deal with their problems gracefully, etc.
Bill on stage: "women, how many times have you thought about slapping your man around the head this week?"
Bill in audience: "EVERYDAAAAAY"
Thats what i thought too lol
Plot twist, the girl that yelled it was his girlfriend LOL
I always wonder if that person was a plant in the crowd to make the joke.
@@deerwoodmedia Yes it is. Because the joke after the yell is always perfectly written for the answer being yelled.
@@Erazzzer Or, Bill is just an incredibly witty guy? Did you not pick that up from the slathering he gave the "answer him!" woman in the crowd? Lol.
One important point that is rarely talked about is: Men are quite often victims of domestic violence, too. And women are quite often the abuser.
In the 2 1/2 years I worked as a paramedic i saw 6 victims of domestic violence.
2 were women who were abused by men, one of them later died of her horrible injuries.
2 were a lesbian couple who had kicked the shit out of each other.
2 were men who were abused by women. One of these men had been draged straight out of a drug rehab facility by his girlfriend, forcefully filled up with vodka until he couldn't defend himself anymore and then repeatedly whiped with a powercord, burned and hit with a pressing iron and stabed in the leg with a screwdriver.
Guess who got made fun of for beeing pathetic weeklings. Guess who has next to no safehouses and help programs to escape from the violence.
This is just my personal observation and has no empirical value whatsoever! But I think any program about domestic violence, that concludes "Men shouldn't hit women" isn't addressing the whole problem.
are you sure that you didn't also see two who were gay men who beat each other?
@@phuck8627 Gay dudes beat each other every night
@@skepticmonkey6923 hahaha classic
So sad. No Matter what gender. Keep YO Hands to yourselves ladies! No matter how badly you feel betrayed! Keep It pushin or fall victim to what they say about US! 😎
We need to learn how to DEAL! Without D extra DRAMA!!! Life to short People!😉 Be true to YOU! #Dont Hit Unless U Want 2 B Hit BACK!!!
Exactly, because gender don't make assholes. You have assholes everywhere in every faces, and it's ridiculous to separate this kind of thing like that.
Bill is so right about the way women argue.
Damn.... this STILL stands as one of the best-executed bits. On the line of Eddie Murphy's cookout. Damn... nailed it.
When woman says she doesn't want to talk about it, she really does. When a MAN says he doesn't want to talk damnit he doesn't want to talk.
When a woman says “I don’t want to talk about it” I’ll ask if they’re sure. They still say “no”, well I’m out of there I’m not playing games. They’re only hurting themselves when they inevitably say some bullshit later about how nobody keeps in touch and makes sure they’re alright or anything.
I actually don't want to talk about it. Mom didn't teach me how to talk about stuff.
@@CIorox_BIeach dude I dont know if you see this or not but my mom is always like messing me up amd when I am going to do something that hurts her because I cant stand her like leave the house (I know that she doesn't want me to leave and one time I keep asking her if she wanted me to stay she was saying like YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT I DONT CARE but I was persistent and she finaly said I dont want you to leave ) another time I just left the house and she told my brother to tell me to come back wtf is wrong with women I love them but they are hurting my feelings so much ) thanks for everyone listening to this I just wanted to tell it !
Its a me Mario I’m a woman and i totally feel what you are saying!! We’re sorry ok lol
@@prettybabyface7313 it's not right, and it hurts :(
Bill Burr Sur, on behalf of all Men the world over, we salute you
Salute
Thank you for your service, Bill
Salut.
*Sir.
Salute
Can opener gonna fu*king rust 😂😂😂
"Answer him right" woman got owned. 😂😂😂
“Even hockey has 2 minutes for instigating” 😆
Bill wasn't lying. That's an actual penalty in hockey.
Jason Dyrkacz yes I know. It just amuses me greatly as an analogy
he's saying what we're thinking
Clone Squad I WAS THINKIN IT AND THEN YOU SAID IT
Tj Rizvi we’re all connected
+Art we are one. We are one. We are one.
djjazzyjeff123 now that’s hitting the head on the nail. Makes me want to be a comedian. What better way to vent. Lol
Clone Squad bill burr us secretly a geniuses
He brings in a good point, asking questions and understanding what led to it in the first place is the first step towards ending it
I think I’ve watched this 20+ times
the woman yelling ANSWER HIM was the best way i seen somebody turn awkward crowd input into what i assume was a standing ovation
i was so confused at that part whyd he roast her like that
@@BenAri18 Yeah, now that I'm watching it again I think she actually said that in support of Burr.
@@roelfkromhout yeh same i was like bruh im pretty sure she was w ur bill
@@BenAri18 because he was bombing and went after her
I honestly think she was a plant from Bill. The timing was fucking priceless.
"We're talking about hitting women sweetheart....and I think you just added another reason." Lol haha that was one of the best comebacks towards a heckler.
Tayeb Elshaikh You should see the blind hecler and how bill turned it up. It's amazing
lmao, I think she wasn't talking to him.
"Just take a knee and run out the clock". Priceless, Grammy worthy advice.
That heckler "answer him right" had me in stitches. @6:00
An ex of mine once stabbed me with a shard from an ash tray, the same heavy, glass ashtray she'd tried to crush my skull with.
I hit her once (more slap than punch to be fair) and knocked her out, it was snap hits not pre-meditated... I called the police and an ambulance. I went to jail, not her. When CCTV proved that she instigated and followed me all the way from town to home (That's a 3.5 mile walk) I was released but she wasn't prosecuted, nope. I'm still seen as the bad one for hitting her but you know what? I'd do it again but this time I'd do it earlier because then I wouldn't have to put up with the side effects of the injuries she inflicted!
who said ur seen as the bad one? the majority of society with these details of the story would not see u as the bad one. try moving. ive done it 20 or so times. get perspectives from all sorts of people. i enjoyed it atleast.
Martyn, if you can't dance with a bull, don't get in the ring. In other words, this is something you can learn from. And that is that you don't know how to deescalate, which is under your control as the stronger sex, if you choose.
@@jasonbenoit1888 are you a little fucked in the head, mate?
Just dealt with bullys all my life and know how to shut it down. I also know we often are speaking into a mirror most of the time we speak, @vonStalhein2. If you truly are interested, here is the late great George Thompson. Refute him if you can, but I already know that you can't honestly do that. th-cam.com/video/btBw70HAys4/w-d-xo.html
Sure they do, if you know how to use them right, either to flee (run), or tackle, etc. (I mean, what else would you use, thoughts?) The best muscle to use though is the most powerful one, the tongue. See the link I posted above for an introduction on how to deal with anyone.
I had an insanely stupid relationship where the girl was taking anger management counselling before she met me.. She'd lose it at the tiniest thing and hit/scratch me often multiple times, obviously every reason being my fault. I lost count of how many times I tried to explain there was no need to attack me, no need to get like that. I was even having to lie and invent reasons for face scratches to cover what she was doing (but people knew obviously). More to the point, SHE fully knew what she was like and was aware she had a major problem, with previous men as well (hence the counselling) - yet obviously when she was flipping out all that logic went out the window...
We split and stupidly I agreed to meet in a bar - a whiles in to the catch up we're talking about if we'd seen any other people and I said no can't be bothered.. I can see her building up..building up.. She grabs my phone off the table, runs out (bar staff, even doorman looking at her like she's a banshee) I'm chasing her across a car park saying please give it back and she gets in her car saying F you you'll get your phone back in pieces in a bag I'll post it to you asshole. The entire time I'm thinking how can someone be this much of a dick, how can she do this type of shit constantly... I'm begging her I need my phone for work, explaining she's stealing my property just please give it back and you'll never hear from me again, and she's like 'fuck you you're not having it' starts the car and puts it in gear - I snap finally, lose it open the door and drag her out, saying I just want my fucking phone...
All this is being caught on cctv. A few passers by call police as well. They literally come racing over, cuff me... I'm stood there calm she's in utter hysterics balling. The one thing I said was "are you happy now?" and said to the cop she's stolen my phone. Luckily for me she did still have it. In the police car the officers actually got all shitty and judgemental saying so you went for a drink, you are also potentially drink driving - I said "NO, I got the train over, SHE is drunk and its her car and SHE was going to drink drive with my $500 phone in her bag" .. (she always drunk drove much to the dismay of a lot of people..instant dismissal at work if caught but she did it anyways)
You could see them look at each other, penny dropping. I got a caution for dragging her out the car by her wrists. When I was sat in the cell waiting I could hear her wailing and balling from wherever she was in the station - the officers were even telling me after that they saw that type of crazy woman every week, same as they saw the male angry violent scumbag equivalent...
Also damn luckily for me I had some photos I'd taken of my face and torso when she'd ripped me to shreds on a camping holiday (all my fault) and I had no mirror (camping!) so took photos to see what she'd done until I got to a supermarket toilet.
I left the station with a load of crappy leaflets thrown at me about domestic violence and a police caution. One officer was saying "mate ffs erase her from your life"... With her I think they said a few things but tbh they were just glad to have her out the building. I didn't press charges, I just wanted to get home and feed my cat.
Some women are so caught up in their violence and anger. Some men are too, obviously. I thought I could 'help' her and yes, the sex was fantastic.. Idiot.
But man am I glad I got out of all that and into a much healthier relationship eventually!
Thanks for staying honest Bill!
The crazier they are, the better they are between the sheets. Went through it numerous times too.
This was a long read but well worth it. When you got someone like that. Nowhere to go but up.
Wow! That is awful and you did not deserve that!! ... As a feminist activist i say: "She should end up in jail, i don't care if she's mentally ill. She hurt a guy who doesn't deserve it. She has issues and she is dangerous to citizens." I am happy you are in a healthier relationship :D You deserve one!
After the first paragraph I realized you’re also crazy to continue with her.
No, wait, and get even.
My gf accused me of cheating we got into an intense argument she then proceed to slap the 🔥 out of me when I returned the favor she looked at me in disbelief as she got up off the floor
We've been married now for 8 years and she understands "Keep your hands to yourself" and respect is mutual...
“looked at me in disbelief” 🤣🤣🤣
@@ownbonetv5081 Yes my gf was a subscriber to the theory a woman should be able to attack a man and he should not defend himself she no longer believes that and after 8 years of marriage we are doing great...
You married her after that? 😢
tHANKS FOR YOUR WISDOM Geralt
Well