Back to Basics (2/4): WHY Do I Have a Problem With Food?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 ม.ค. 2024
- BACK TO BASICS (2/4): WHY DO I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH FOOD? LIFE AFTER DIETS PODCAST
Second in a four-part Back to Basics Series, this episode looks at the question of how we develop disordered eating, eating disorders, and body image issues. What causes it to get so...well, disordered... for some people and not for others?
The Minnesota Starvation Experiment
Social and Family influences
Growing up in the 80s, 90s and 2000s
Why do some people develop a disorder and not others?
Perfectionism and black and white thinkers
The role of Self esteem
Nature or nurture?
The role of trauma and the nervous system
The Primal Brain
Mental Restriction
Stef's Somatic Experiencing and Nervous System Regulation Course for beginners - starts January 29 2024: www.iamstefaniemichele.com/se...
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Website - www.thebingeeatingtherapist.com
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Sarah’s book I Can’t Stop Eating is available on Amazon
A perfect storm is the the perfect wording for this issue
I think that one of the reasons of some of us being more susceptible for developing eating disorder is lack of the safe environment, from the childhood and so need to find space, something that makes you in a way feel safe or something that numbs this feel of insecurity. And as you outlined perfectionism, that is a VERY big one. Totally agree
"The decision wasn't being made by my conscience mind and also wasn't being made by an evil side of me that's trying to get me" really hit me. Thank you for putting it so well.
2 quick things: I don't think "Diet Culture" was invented by the 80s and 90s....Growing up in the 50s and 60s (Twiggy!!!) by a mom who was super conscious of her (and my!) weight?? Nipped in waists, diets, smoking...it all was happening FOREVER. Or almost. :) And the magazines (even without People and US) showed slim women everywhere, often illustrated which is even easier (you can make a drawing of a person as skinny as you want!). Secondly, I would love to do a podcast with you two (I'm 68, with an eating disorder since the age of 18), but I'm not a success story. Still seesawing from restricting to binging to over-exercising. For over 30 years? Yikes. P.S. Love your perspectives and thank you for all the insights and support!
My mother born in the late 30’s was a very weight conscious person who also shamed her 3 daughters because we were not thin enough and she counted every calorie we ingested. She even rescheduled her oncology appointment because her medication ( to save her life) made her gain 6 lbs. ( she was 5’7” and weighed 128 lbs.) I was told I couldn’t be in my sisters wedding because I was too fat for the pictures. I had a baby 3 months prior and had an extra 20lbs to lose. My mother passed away and I am still struggling with binge eating at age 62. I tried therapy years ago and she made me feel worse. Your channel has been so extremely helpful. I hope that one day my brain can relax and stop my mother’s voice from tormenting me every time I eat something she would disapprove of.
I’m the same age and my mother and her sister were compulsive dieters. My problem started when I hit puberty. I started to develop breasts at 11 and hated the unwanted attention(I was, after all, a child). At the same time, I was only eating once a day because my mother had started work full time. She was gone by the time I left for school. Still, I was gaining weight and was being called fat. I started dieting(Atkins)when I was 15.
This was really helpful, especially the bit about feeling safe around food. This is two fold for me. I feel safe when I'm eating during episodes of disregulation, or dissociation. Eating seems to ground me, but I've also noticed that I feel safe when I diet too. In fact I think I feel safest when I diet, which is perplexing, because I can't maintain the diet for long these days! I'm in my late 50's now and have been trying to shrink my body to an 'acceptable' size for most of my life. Its all I've ever known. I also had trauma in my early years, and then bullying about my size in addition to that, so I understand how food became such a big issue for me. I'm not bingeing as much now, but the impulse to diet is very strong, and I think its because it helps me to feel safe. Honestly, I thought that was unique to me, but now that you have talked about it, I realise that it isn't, so wanted to thank you for discussing it.
As Steph said, my grandmothers both commented on appearance/body/ weight before anything else! One was always on slimfast back in the 90s and the other used to remind to be careful if i did an office job or i might put on weight. These messages in my early teens 😢 Oh and my sister was the 'pretty one' (she was very very slim!)
When you look back it’s almost shocking! This was just so normal
I was born in 1980, I was an avid book reader as a child and read sweet Valley high books on a loop. We were told in detail about their appearance and perfect figures- they were like my idols!!!
Oh! You mean their ‘perfect size 6 figures’ and blond hair? Fellow sweet valley fan over here! I was obsessed
Haha yes absolutely that's it!! Diet culture 'got us' even without actual images!!!
You are exactly right about the post war parents. Mine survived the Depressionas kids and then were fairly affluent later.. At our house it was eat everything you are served and have dessert every night mixed with you are getting heavy, better get on a diet before you can’t control it. Now I’m pushing 70 and weigh over 250. Started going to WW at age 13. Can’t count how many times I went back.
Thank you, thank you!
Also pre-war grandparents who endured the post WWI followed by the stock market collapse-depression late 1920s. Some grandparents did not want their children or their grandchildren to suffer the hunger and deprivation they went through as children and young people.
When I binged, I realise so strongly yday , that my body is in huge tension . So strong that I don’t even feel food being in my stomach, I just keep on eating as it there was a hole that I’m trying to fill up. And then, after no more food is there and I am histerical and same or even more tense I still don’t feel discomfort in my stomach. Only when emotions , tension ease I can sense that uncomfortable fullness of my stomach.
Thank you for your beautiful podcast. I just found it looking for more "life-giving" social media for 2024. You mentioned getting the perspective from an older person in regards to disordered eating and all the contributing factors. All of the above. Social acceptance, family systems (spiritual, physical, relational,...), being highly sensative, wanting to be "known" for something.....being a perfectionist for me, was groomed. I am a type "c"....slow and steady and "hippie", but needed to "perform" and "present" in order to be noticed and find a home.....all the while, being voiceless, and sufficated.....never was told an "ill word" from Dad or Mom, just a bunch of contributing factors to "groom me" to be ripe and ready to fall into the abyss of disordered eating. A "60 year old" perspective. All the BEST to you both. Blessings, Dottie
Hi Dottie, welcome and thank you for offering to be on the podcast. We've had a couple of volunteers and we're still figuring out how we want to do it. If you are serious about offering, could you drop us an email at hello@lifeafterdietspodcast.com please?
@lifeafterdietspodcast4229 Another yes to an-older person's perspective-podcast here!
I think hearing about someone else's journey can be really eye opening. For me personally, hearing the story of a lady in the nursing home in our locality was a real wake up call. This lady is taken quite far by her dementia, however, she still remembers to restrict her food as much as she can.. In her file is written how she has struggled with food all her life and she is described as anorexic. I felt+feel so deeply sad for her. As I'm sure she was so much more, yet, the eating disorder seems to have dominated much of her life.
This really made me see the (rather destructive) grip disordered eating can have on one's life, and will not just 'go away' if not dealt with. It made me realise I need to make changes now to make my future-story a better one.
Loved listening to this and yet I'm still no clearer to how my problem with food started. To give a snap shot I was born early 90's. One of four girls, three of which including myself developed eating disorders of some kind. Two pretty much recovered yet i limbo in between recovery and relapse every day and my twin never developed one. It took me a long time to realise I had an eating disorder and even longer to admit it. I've been under weight and was for several years, i then rapidly gained through binge eating. Yes i needed to but the mental and emotional side was hard. My metal health has deteriorated over the years and i still battle with food every day. And although I weigh weight isn't the issue. I could talk all day about my story but i just enjoyed listening to your discussion today. So thanks (note although i enjoy it when i discussed this with my mum and my story i could see the anger on her face 🥴)
So how do we reset the body and nervous system after we’ve restricted? I feel like there has to be way that doesn’t involve eating.
Yes of course - but regulated eating (eating enough, regularly, for a long enough period of time) is Step One. The nervous system can’t regulate if it’s hungry. After we are there, other tools can be used. It’s more complex than a simple list of tips, it’s really an investment in learning how this all works and how to talk to/listen to your NS. I am currently running an entire course on it. Self compassion, self talk, emotional feeling over thinking, movement, touch, etc. are some concepts to explore.
If this issue comes from parents making you eat everything on your plate, why doesn't the rest of my family members have disordered eating, why just me?
I think it’s one of those nature/nurture things…every sibling is different from each other, right? So for example, if my parents had me clean my plate, as the oldest child with a keen sensitivity, I might have gone the compliant route (and rebelled later) while my younger brother might have not really internalized it at all because he was taking in other information as important. So many factors combine to create different results.
I am in my 50s. I have lived in both worlds. not enough information and too much information. I have no idea what is the right way to go now, none whatsoever. diets don't work for me but neither does fuck it. feeling lost and sinking.
I would love to come talk with you as a 52 year old female born in ‘71. The way the women spoke in my family on top of being a middle child with an introverted dad who came to nothing growing up and never told me he loved me til I was an adult shot my confidence it seems. It’s just never sunk in as to what my food problems really are until this year and listening to you🫶🙌🏻