I Made a Board Game to Torture People
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 25 มิ.ย. 2022
- Oh, the Misery.
/ valefisk
Twitter: / valefisk
Twitch: www.twitch.com/valefisk
Company of Heroes
Total War: Warhammer II
Crusader Kings III
Crusader Kings II
Democracy 4
Hearts of Iron IV
Hoi4
#pain#gaming#valefisk - เกม
*The hardest quest in any video game "Go Outside And Touch Grass"*
truly impossible
What do you think about this 3:33
🎩
🪳
Look! Its The Spiffing Brit!
Sir! Today I had many glasses of yorkshire tea!
@@prodrom it do be me...
The only game where you have to memorize the Bible and several released CIA documents to stand a chance
Finally im actually useful
Remembering the bible wouldn't even help you in here.
The Bible isn't gonna help much with those questions.
don't forget about the most obscure paradox questions
the bible won't help you with deep catholic lore
This *desperately* needs a public release
Fr tho!
I’d love to play this with friends. It’d make me go crazy, but in a good way.
YES PLEASE
with some modifications, it would be really good.
No
Please
No
The clown board seems like a pleasant place to be, since you don't have to draw any pain cards.
For future versions of the game, make the clown board more painful.
Clown board is just the Matrix
evil incarnate
"everyone goes back to start" means that the more players there are the more impossible the game becomes
Boutta host a 25 player game
@@cryst4l_clear456 🎶This is the game that never ends. Yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started playing and not knowing what it was and they'll continue playing forever just becuase this is the game that never ends...🎶
@@syrusgrove8682 Even though i never watched that show, I understand that reference
@@nfortyeight what show is it
@@zixvirzjghamn737 search, the song that doesn’t end
i was really expecting "you 'win'" to just unveil an entire second board
Me simulater
to really win you have to not suffer, that's why it is called "you "win""
YES
I'ma make a copy of this board, and make more levels for this board.
Temple of Madness
‘Groog want egg”
“Courage is found in unlikely places”
“Richard?”
“Neigh neigh”
“Grooog”
It is indeed a fucking disaster
Yeah that's right Richard, care I do not CLICK CLOCK CLICK CLOCK
34:21
That ending killed me, you can't even flip the board to vent your frustration.
You are a monster for making this game. I love you.
E
@@darthvader8744 sports
@@ProfessionalBugLover ITS IN THE GAME
609thliker
that ending killed you like they killed my wife
Next video: "I invented an actual honest-to-god physical torture device and locked my friends in it", followed by "building a torture device in federal prison"
If anything he’ll get hired by the feds to be the new warden at Gitmo.
@Anna ♪ bad timing
edit: and ironic somewhat
@@johnsteampunk6408 What the hell is behind those links?
Isn't this what Michael Reeves used to make? Maybe Valefisk can get some inspiration from his videos.
@@theangrymilitant they're just spam bots
“The fear of loss is a path to the dark side.”
“They killed my wife.”
Best exchange, hands down.
"I'm afraid that in your anger you have killed her."
45:41
@@mxm23adregalusandmore62 goat
They sounded like bots on Reddit. It was great 😅
Actual real life copies when?
I wanted to play this with my friends the other day and the moment I saw it wasn't on the workshop CRUSHED me. I so wanted to introduce them to the chaos on display here
It's so sad that it has been retroactively added to the Geneva Convention in its fifth and final amendment
The [redacted] deck is probably the funniest thing I've seen in years. Every single card was pure gold. I would like a copy.
"I'm afraid it's the new deal, brought by FDR to the United States" fucking killed me
Brilliant
18:48
I know, haha. I've never laughed harder in my life watching a video. In the middle of the night, no less!
E
@@EEEEEEEEF
Considering that the "Win" in "You "Win"" was in quotations I thought if you land on it there was gonna be a card that said something like: "You realize that it's the journey, not the destination that matters. Go back to start".
Considering that the last game Vale made was unbeatable, I’m surprised that this one was beatable. He was so merciful.
instead of going back to start, it makes you go to a mirrored version of the board.
It should just reveal a whole second board even worse than the first
Technically, it wasn’t. Because he had to take a card out of circulation for them to ACTUALLY progress
@@RealCoolstriker64 oh God. Imagine if the card he removed is what the O.C was proposing...
That would just be cruel.
@@kaiseremotion854, It’s just Castlevania.
“Charles deGaul is right between General Grevieous and Patrick Bateman” laughed so hard at that
"Now, I am not a cruel man"
I love how he keeps repeating this line, knowing nobody will believe him
"She couldn't stay your little girl forever, Jim.
Beep beep."
My sides.
"Richard"
“They killed my wife”
COPE-LAND
COPE-LAND
COPE-LAND
ㅤㅤㅤ
That JUST happened in the video as I read the comment
I just thought of a way to make the "everyone go back" card less painful, yet more chaotic. Add an option in the shop to remove that card from the draw pile and put it in the discard pile. If the players don't want this card drawn, someone will have to pay for it every-time the draw pile is remade.
Which means, it becomes an interesting variant of the prisoner dilemma, wherein each player has the option of spending their precious money on this, or be greedy and hope someone else pay for it.
That's an amazing idea hahaha
even worse: add an option to pay to add it back into the draw pile
someone loosing horrendous can now bring everyone else down with them, sowing discord and chaos.
@@laniaki463 oh god, you are a mad man
@@laniaki463 R/Madlads
@@laniaki463 Even better if you make it cheap to put back. Like $1 dollar cheap.
the most torturous part of this game is that it's crossed beyond the barrier of the video and affects the viewer because we can't play the game for ourselves.
truly the most torturous part of the game
To be fair, if Vale DID play, imagine him trying to GM while being an Italian Shrek who can only quote Lord of the Rings. Yeah, it would be an actual nightmare.
Secret alternative pain deck: If a player is speaking in a French accent or imitating Charles De Gaulle when they land on Pain, they get a card from an alternative deck with bread-themed, mostly positive cards.
Okay this is funny
He *was* pretty lucky irl
pain card 1: go make toast
pain card 2: have a sandwich :)
if you're under the conditions for pain cards and not pain cards then you're. running out of bread
"your baguette crumbled. go back to the last pain tile and draw from the pain deck"
“If bread in french is pain, then I own a fucking bakery” -Literally pick anyone in this video
Very sad Vale cut out my defence of libertarianism in French when I was Charles De Gaulle
Convince him to give you the clip so that it can be shared
French is basically gibberish and we already heard the defence in gibberish.
I genuinely need a clip of this.
j’aime la pensée de la tête français pendant la Seconde Guerre mondiale défendant le libertarianisme
LOL
Lmao
the fact that at 51:24 we can see it landing on Palpatine instead of Gunray is just awesome
“For you see, Young Skywalker, I have 1 Gregor Samsa buck in my possession”
I’m framing this
They killed my wife
E
Copeland.
@@alexandersean4708 yea that's right Richard I don't care
35:52
I genuinely want to play this game with my friends but it would be absolutely fucking unplayable because of all the inside jokes and references that none of us would get
I feel like the distrubtion version of this game is one with "[insert in-joke here]" for the game master to fill in and the table top simulator tutorials valefisk used.
Gotta customize your own board for the friend group.
if it doesn't exist, make it yourself.
it's also mathematically impossible to win
make your own
I can't imagine the confusion somebody watching with the sound off would've experienced seeing "they killed my wife" keep popping up. This game seems like the best and worst time of someone's life simultaneously
Still waiting for Vale to release this on the workshop
The problem with the "everyone goes back to start" card was the number of players you had. Increasing the players rattled through the deck faster than in your testing, so there wasn't enough time between resets. It makes the winning strategy just enduring the pain and aiming to collect up enough cash to buy victory.
Ah capitalism
@@Udle101 not exactly
@@binguloid pay to win
So....what you are saying is that his toture method is unintentionally better then expected
@@binguloid actually, pretty much exactly capitalism. The only difference is this one was deliberately designed to be unnecessary torture, while the only reason Capitalism is like that is due to humans *really* hating actually fixing their systems when upgrades become available IRL. They're fine with pointlessly trying to find ways to persecute each other though, but that's neither here nor there, although it might be a good add on for Vale's next game.
"You have no money. Too bad. You remain as Star Wars Shrek making car noises."
I love this channel.
E
I have a bad feeling about this VROOM KACHOW
@@actuallyIDontExist get out of my parking garage
@@ProfessionalBugLover no
That's the future capitalists want lmao
I love that, even though he is in agony, Vale still commits to the dumb trick questions on the Paradox Quiz Show.
This is like a Sadist being given the tools to create Calvin Ball and I am *all here for it*
I love how the guy who got Joe Biden just did a Senator Armstrong impression instead and everybody went with it.
Edit: Hey TH-cam, it would have been nice to know that editing my comment to correct a typo would have deleted the heart that Valefisk gave me before I did so.
But as for now, our protagonist Raiden with Biden
What are you talking about, thats clearly biden.
@@orangetabby7122 Joe Raiden.
That was closer to a macho man impression than Armstrong
@@breckhodges3177
What’s the difference?
I love how every so often we just get a sad "they killed my wife" for no apparent reason. Also, Gregor Samsa Bucks made me laugh way too hard
I didn't kill my wife.
What was worse was that there was 2 of them and not once in this video did the other say "I don't care" when the other said "I didn't kill my wife."
@@xyz3524 I knew it was Richard all along. He's the one who did it
This is my first and favorite Valefisk video. Whenever I feel sad, or sick, or bored, or need something as background noise, this is one of the videos I always come back to. Thank you, Valefisk, for bringing me joy through the torment of your friends. I only wish I could be this problematic while keeping my friends and sanity.
Truly, you are a role model I will look up to for years to come. XD
I love how it didn't matter who won at the end; everyone was just glad it had ended!
That's how you know it's a quality game! 😆
Its a feature shared by only the very best, and very worst games.
Next Valefisk video: "I Invented A New Torture Device To Torture My Friends"
sensing a pattern here yet?
I Put My Friends In An IRL Saw Trap For $10,000! (Not Clickbait)
"Myself included."
@@Valefisk make a crypt sequel that only changes the color with one more puzzle, and claim you completely overhauled the game for your next victims
Are they even friends at this point?
Here’s an idea for a pain card: Set a timer for an hour, and if the game hasn’t ended when it goes off, everybody goes back to start.
Given the number of back to start conditions, I think it might be unnecessary.
@@rafaelmarkos4489 Yes but with this one the pain isn't instant. You have to live with the existential dread that it doesn't matter how much progress you’re making, as unless you finish the game, everything you worked for is gonna be gone.
To make it a bit more fun, whenever you grab it again, the timer extends just a bit, so people would have to through the pain (lol) faster in order to have a chance at this
@@user-zw7zp3jg5f yea give them 1 extra minute each time they pick it up
@@vulkarma741 nah 1 whole hour
27:30 debut of "they killed my wife"
31:26
Chamber’s ping is 999.
I don’t care what you say, that’s impressive.
Valefisk at the start of the year: "I've decided I want to become a youtuber full time"
Valefisk in the middle of the year: "Scratch that, I want to become a torturer full time"
The perfect arc
Torture is like fun, except with fun more than one person is happy
Without context, "They killed my wife." is so out of left field and it's hilarious
E
@@EEEEEEEE E
@@lonelyincorporated1583 E
@@dewfeather8209 E
@@alexandersean4708 E
Actually the only way to win quickly is to draw the "dementia card" and claim you already won.
How to make it even better:
First to win wins, but the game is only beat once _all_ players reach win.
~Darkstalker
I love how seemingly half of the cards force players to speak in quotes, add random noises to sentences or just straight up gibberish. It's the tower of Babel all over again
Соя имба
@@duftx this goes hard
@@thesalad943 im cryin and shakin rn
@@duftx Вареная фасоль
*"I'm not a cruel man"* _Press X to doubt_
Finally a board game that can torture the boys 😂
as he said that the insane monopoly video popped up on the i button, comedic gold I tell you
Raylight
Oh, I heard I'm not a cool man....
I casually heard that line half a second after reading your comment.
*X files music.
Plus tortures the girls (Do 10 push-ups while suffering from a hangover).
"they killed my wife" gets me every time
The only person to make his friends choose to live in purgatory (the clown board) instead of exist in the agony that is Vales presence.
Seems like the key is to nominate one person as the savior, and then get everyone else stuck on clown boards just going in loops so they can't land on pain spots and reset.
when are you coming back to dynamite max
The meta is forming...
Ah, Christianity
yeah because theres a pain card that send everyone back to start so you cant win if there are too many players they eat through the cards and send everyone back
alternative tactic is everyone conspires to spend all there money sending them back so they can stay near the money tiles near the start
kinda feels like the best strategy is to just endure the negative effects as much as possible and just quietly roll for money until you have $100 to pay to win the game.
Vale. My god Vale I know what must be done. What game allows for more gaslighting and bullshit than any other? Thats right, a TTRPG dungeon crawl. Build the single most hellish Dungeon imaginable and force them to fight through it. Even better, pitch different genres and styles of games to all your players so they each come with the most disjointed, out of place character possible.
YES
Yyyyyseeeeee
My personal favourite trap suggestion. You allow the players to observe a 31ft long corridor. At the end of this corridor is a corner turn leading to an indestructible, locked door. At the start of the corridor is a trap warning, crushing plates of instant death for anyone who steps into the corridor, but they only trigger 50% of the time. No tricks. No skills or ways out of it. Just a 50/50 chance of death every time you cross the corridor. But what about the locked door you ask? Well, scrawled in black chalk are nordic symbols which correctly translate to "the key is hidden behind the sign." The players are then forced to possibly cross back over just to get the key, then again to unlock the door. Which would then turn out to be a dead end
@@timeenoughatlast3368 And just a cherry, have the germanic runic alphabets be mixed up and all written as bindrunes, to make translation that much more difficult- but in reality the sign has a decorative border that is actually secret instructions in Ogham of how to find a series of buttons in the corridor you have to press in an order, only to do nothing
@@veszimardalath9739 genius inclusion!
27:00 here is where I completely lost it 🤣🤣
10:10 (*casually pulls out redacted CIA documents*)
It's crazy because if they actually worked together they would be finished by the 3 hour mark. But for some reason winning an arbitrary game was too appealing
I think part of the problem was that it took a few hours to figure out how they needed to work together. I wouldn't have thought that there was a way _to_ work together until after the "Everyone goes back to the start, lol" card was mentioned...
@@timothymclean to
I only thought if one player can give money to another, everyone just need to save $100 together
How can they work together?
@@coconoisette if they agree have one person go forward and everyone else always choose "return to start" it would minimize the chance of return to start appearing
I like how she says "I took a painkiller" after all these Pain cards. Also, this seems like an excellent game for a bunch of drunks friends to play.
I fear for the physical safety of your face or your computer and it's accessories
nay, I say, to the proposed statement
@@Rekkuza-eu6sp *WOLOLO*
@@Rekkuza-eu6sp somebody drew the Catholicism card
E
Except if you have a severely hungover friend and said person has to do ten push-ups or go back to the start
25:23
I died laughing, this is such an oddly specific question lol.
Everybody gangsta till valefisk whips out the pdfs
"Please let this be a normal game"
"With Valefisk? No way!"
Magic school's theme begins playing but its earrape.
C R U I S I N O N D O W N M A I N S T R E E T
Cruisin on down pain street
Cruisin' on down pain street
I am not a cru-el man
Next thing that you know, it's...
Everyone go back to start :)
@@DoritosAndMountainDew relaxed and feelin good
I'd unironically like to play this with my friends myself. Maybe with alcohol involved. And me running the game rather than playing.
And, probably even more alcohol.
Play the imposible game he mentions at the begining of the video to get a taste of it
Same
Drink every time you get went back to the start.
I’d say make it yourself so you can tailor the torture to your friends
satan has lost his job to you
What if instead of removing the "everyone back to start" card after some time, certain spaces were outlined and if you're in one of those you get to stay there?
perhaps the final loop could be fully protected, or maybe all but one, and in general they're sorta like chance checkpoints randomly scattered across the board
you get reset to these chechpoints instead of back to the start
but if that were to happen then i would get rid of that cards entire purpose sure people would go back to start but not everyone like the card says and we gotta follow the rules now trust me its better this way
I wish I had a friend group that would legitimately play this with me
11:03 The hell I actually would've know the answer to that question. Since I'm a Finn, my dad has told me about the Winter War between Finland and Russia in 1939. Afte the war, Finland agreed to pay war indemnities to Russia. For some reason, I would always remember quite precisely the details about the payment. This included over 100 ships and huge amounts of timber, forestry and metal industry products. Frying pans for example. All this would amount to over 300 million US dollars, which when converted to Russian rubles, will amount to roughly 17,5 billion rubles.
17.5 billion back then or now? That’s cool though.
@@robertdolcetti450 Back then I'm assuming.
Finland is such a neat country, not to mention the great legends who rose from that time. Simo Hayha, and Lauri Taurni. The White Death, and The Traveling Hero (that's what I call Lauri Taurni, considering his history.)
@@airplanemaniacgaming7877 I'm glad to see someone who is well informed on Finlands history
@@Zeppe2 I learned of both thanks to a certain Swedish metal band with historically themed lyrics.
That also just so happens to have gotten a holy artifact from the Church of Poland. Delivered by the Archbishop of said Church himself at a concert.
"Cocolate" is probably due to bad OCR when scanning a printed document directly to PDF. That is why many legal documents online have spelling errors, they're typically printed out in a serif font like Times New Roman where some of the details are hard to parse by the software.
Because I'm a huge nerd I actually looked up the document. The official one doesn't have the spelling error.
Also the actual recipes are about 1 page long. The rest is a lot of very specific anti-'there ain't no rule' legalese about the quality of the ingredients, the way they want it packaged, and the way they're going to inspect the final product.
Serif fonts would make things _easier_ to parse. Letters look more different from each other.
40:45 made me laugh way harder than it should've
At 38:17 I took so so so much effort to not explosively spit out the soda from my mouth in laughter
"I am not a cruel man"
- person who made an awful geoguesser tournament
That’s because cruel doesn’t begin to describe them
when the "make a defence for anarcho-primitivism" card came up, I was honestly expecting him to just pull up the Unabomber's Manifesto
Ooga booga grug think industrial revolution consequences been disaster to grugan race.
return to monke
Not much of a defense then
22:11 you had a chance to Rick roll everyone
You know it's a good game if everyone celebrates at the end even if they lose
This is keeps hitting harder and harder. I didn't think we were going to get Senator Armstrong from memory that late in the game.
"Nanomachines, son" - Joe Biden
"Tremendously based Joe Biden" is a phrase I never thought I would hear
edit: fixed the quote
I'm just impressed you have friends that would actually be willing to try to play such a game
Not anymore
Seriously, I'd love to i
give this a go, but my friends would 100% quit after like five minutes
"For you see young Skywalker, I have one Gregor samsa buck in my possession."
48:19 - Metal Gear Rising
At 18:00 - idea for a modification to the game: Make certain negative effects be contagious, so that if someone lands on the same space as another it can get passed to them too.
This would also make the Pain deck get progressively larger as copies of the cards get sent to the discard when removed or replaced, making the game more viable with larger player amounts without removing the "everyone return to start" card from play. Not a bad idea at all.
“Using shift with your thumb” just unlocked a core memory of mine about some fucking freak in a streamer discord I was in who was convinced that using your keyboard like that was was completely natural and normal, and the dude had like a 4 inch long thumb and thought everyone else was crazy.
Which Shift key?? Did he reach all the way from his mouse to RS, or from WASD to RS?
I have a friend who does that and it drives me up the fucking wall
Mumbo Jumbo?
i also thought mumbo jumbo lol
Thats how I used to use the shift key all the time, since using my pinky was rather uncomfortable
40:38 As a fellow german I approve of this message
24:36
Yeah, that sums up the video.
"In addition to only speaking in Star Wars quotes while Shrek, you need to end every sentence with a car noise."
As someone who still has 2048 installed on their phone from when that was popular, and still plays it regularly. That 2048 card is brutal, there are a few strategies for the game but an immense part of it is just luck of where the next number spawns, and all it takes is one bad spawn to end a run.
2048 lore
If you know what you're doing you can get 2048 basically every time. 4096 too, 8192 is alot harder
@@hankglidden1463 yeah idk what this guy is talking about, i can get 2048 probably 80% consistently and when i dont its typically human error
@@suburbanshrub6675 same this was legit like the only 'challenge' i could do without ripping my hair out.... god forbid i get chess cause i don't know how to play my uncle tried teaching me a few times and that went horribly....
it is fairly luck based but as someone who's played it for maybe six years or so, as soon as i got my first 2048 it somehow instantly became easier to me. bad luck can kill a run or at least make it a lot more inconvenient but if you know how to adapt your strategy a little then it's not usually a big deal. imo the worst part about the 2048 card is just that it can take like a good 10 minutes to actually win a game but i guess with how much they were fucking about that isn't too long lmfao
The fact I sat here for about an hour watching “ they killed my wife “ is astonishing
18:04 the illusion of choice
Just based off the start, this reminds me of a board game some friends and I made. It was like the game of life but it was full of terrible things that could happen to your person. The starting portion is very similar.
You actually did it. You predicted the video
naming suggestion: the game of purgatory
anyway, please make this puplicly available in the workshop and if you do please add a feature that lets you add your own prompts. that would be so awesome
And if you follow the Pope on Twitter the game gets shorter ;)
@@FaustY2K If you successful run for president of the united states you get to move forward one space
or just: purgatory
"Go outside and touch grass"
Me who lives in a house where the front and back yards are concrete and bricks and the nearest park is a 30 minute walk away
bro what the hell thats just fucked up
Better get walking.
You need a planter that just has grass growing in it
Sounds like a prison
Get a corn cob and bring it outside. Corn is technically a grass.
Any true cereal grain will do, really.
I may genuinely have gotten an uncharacteristic unstoppable nosebleed every time I have watched this video...still want a physical copy of the game tho
This video is cursed, you will soon join the hive mind
I got unskippable youtube adds interupting me 4 times during this video. Cudos to them for making the viewers not only watch but experience the intense torture theme of the video xD
The easy solution is to make the "everyone goes back to start" card a single-use card
A single use card that is thrown in on the 2nd or 3rd pass of the cards, otherwise it loses its luster.
He should add another deck with single use cards that just have the most cruel punishments possible
I made a board game that was also hell for a middle school project. It was a mix of monopoly and the Oregon trail. It was based off of a book called “a long walk to water” so I appropriately named it “a long game to water”
Lord. Having read that book I can only imagine how bad that would be
I've read that book
What did you make with that?
i can only assume you've killed 3 men by now
I love going home and eating some MIL-C-4407C while sipping some MIL-J-35049E with the boys.
18:52 - I mean that's rather vague, you'll have to be more specific- oh it's a joke card of course, I should have known
At this point I'm fully convinced Vale is a direct descendant of Marquis de Sade
my money is on Phalaris of acragas
Truly this is just the board game adaptation of 120 days of Sodom
The real question is how in the hell you find such amazing military pdfs. I'm putting together my own game inspired by yours to torture my friends, and I can't find any for the life of me.
File a request under the FOIA from either the FBI or cia
r/warthunder
Wikileaks
That's the neat part, you don't!
Also, he made his own military pdfs. He wants to torture people like you, so he made his own.
I literally just keep coming back to this video constantly. I just love it. Props valefisk.
You see... Valefisk is not a cruel man
I have a bad feeling about this beep beep, neigh
32:34 "make a defence for libertarianism in gibberish" is perhaps the best thing I have ever heard
im sick af and i read that as librarian :(
E
I was crying laughing
@@EEEEEEEE E
I'm so curious who was dying laughing during that segment x)
"I'm not a cruel man" and other hilarious jokes you can tell to your friends
I'd suggest that the "Everyone goes back to start" card is instead put in a second extra deck that is only drawn from when a deck needs to be reshuffled which has semi-permanent effects.
Marking 14:38. One of my favorite soundbites from any video ever. Better than Bill Jensen.
This guy just took the “ruins friendship” aspect of every board game and made it into a board game
Next video is simply going to be “I tortured my friends” and it’s just Vale forcing his friends to go through SAS training
Serial Attached SCSI
ah, even more push ups
But it only ends when everyone is dead
Also they only get to drink alcohol
I need timestamps for every movie quote
so far I only have Cope-land Cope-land Cope-land 28:01
I would love a physical version of this
This feels like an AI generated this game and just had a stack overflow 2 seconds in